#okay i'll stop with the monolouging

[fanfictasia]

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14155945/13/Fading

https://www.wattpad.com/1294735247-fading-chapter-13-crisis

[canadianlucifer]

Yeah okay I'll finally make a post on my latest Takizawa headcanon bc ever since I made the connection I couldn't stop thinking about it.

In short, I think he probably has npd, or narcissistic personality disorder.

Now I wanna make it clear I'm not a professional, I'm not giving any diagnosis or anything here, this is just what I've observed through his behaviour and how I think it fits the criteria.

I'm going to be mostly focused on his human character, might bring up a point or two from :re, but it's just gonna be the good brown haired boy for the most part.

Going through the list in the DSM-V, first is: a grandiose sense of self-importance (exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)

We first see this when he criticises Juuzou for eating in the meeting room and not listening to him because he's older. He's not proven himself to be actually superior, but he believes he is.

And again later when he's jealous Juuzou gets to go on the Aogiri raid and he's left behind to do paperwork.

Second piece is preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love.

Now, we don't exactly ever see him like, just sitting there thinking about being promoted or whatever, but it is known that he desperately wants one.

Third is believing that they are "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)

I don't have any solid proof or screenshots for this one, but it stands to reason that this is likely why he joined the CCG in the first place. Investigators are strong and "special", and we never see him interact with people who aren't investigators outside of Hide, who he really only seems to vent to, someone he probably doesn't see as an "equal"

Fourth, requiring excessive admiration.

Again, no solid proof, but he often seems desperate for praise for his work and to be recognized.

Fifth is a sense of entitlement (unreasonable expectations of especially favourable treatment or automatic compliance with their expectations)

See point 1, he feels entitled to Juuzou's compliance and to go on the raid.

Now, point six, being interpersonally exploitative (taking advantage of others to achieve their own ends), I don't think I've seen. At least, not as a human. In :re I can totally see him using Aogiri to eventually regain the CCG's trust as an example though.

Seven, lacking empathy (unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others), is a hard one.

The way I see it is that he sort of has empathy, but only for the attention. In one of the screenshots I added earlier he says he wants to get promoted so he can help people, but if we look at that statement through another lens, it could become "I want to help people so they thank and congratulate me"

Eight though, often being envious of others or believing that others are envious of them, hoo boy is he a jealous guy.

Like, I don't even need to say anything here, do I?

He is jealous of anyone better than him in anything and everyone around him knows it.

And finally, nine, showing arrogant, haughty behaviours or attitudes.

Again, when he wanted to go on the Aogiri raid, but this is most clearly seen as a ghoul to be honest. Especially :re volume 3, he's destroying squads with little apparent effort, fights Haise while making snarky remarks, and that monolouge he gives to those two investigators reads so much like "I'm better than you for having figured this out"

A few other things outside of the diagnostic criteria I would like to add is how he clearly has a strong hierarchy, like he views any investigators his rank or lower as below him and any investigators ranked above him as great

Something else is that narcissistic people often don't have high self esteem

And though he may talk big, it's clear he's not very confident about facing the Owl

These are just a few of my thoughts, definitely not everything, and it's not like he perfectly fits the criteria, but I just saw more traits in him than I didn't.

Just another headcanon of mine to add to the list

[clean-bands-dirty-stories]

Shirtsleeves ~ Enoch O'Connor (Part 1)

Request: "Hello, what's up? 😊 I saw you write on Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children fandom, so... Can I ask for something for my poor boi Enoch? He deserves love ❤️😭❤️😭 (Sorry english is not my first language)" by anonymous ( @nektotersh ?)

A/n: there weren't specifics which means I done did take liberties. I hope you're okay with male!readers because I've been DYING to do something other than Jerome. I hope you enjoy it! If you'd like another with a female/gender nonspecific reader, just let me know. I love writing for Enoch... even though it's only his movie version cause I still havent read the books.

P.S: I STARTED WRITING THIS AND THEN DIDN'T STOP AND I GOT TO 4300 WORDS AND WAS ONLY HALFWAY THROUGH THE STORY CAUSE I MONOLOUGED TOO MUCH SO I'LL BE DOING A PART TWO LOL SORRY

Word Count: 4300+

Masterlist

When Jake came to Miss Peregrine's Loop, there was a lot of things it took him time to wrap his mind around. The powers of the other children, for one. Also the culture of people in an entirely different time than him. In a different world than him. The fact that his grandfather of all people had been apart of that same world at some point.

Maybe it would have been easier if it was more of a clean cut between this world and the world he'd known up until now. Maybe if his grandfather hadn't secretly been some part of it. Maybe if someone so similar to him wasn't sitting two chairs away from him, integrated well despite how different he was to everyone else.

Y/n was only ten years older than Jake, even though physically he was suspended in time like all the others and couldn't have been older than sixteen. No one would answer Jake's questions about why he was here or why he was so different... Jake was starting to get the feeling it was a really sore subject and that he should stop asking. So he did.

The two did become friends, though. They only had each other as reference to the world outside of the Loop. When Jake left only to go on a crazy run around to get back to the Loop after they defeated Barron and those who ran with him, Jake may have returned for Emma, but he brought with him a bunch of tshirts that he had snagged from different stores here and there for Y/n. The boy was low on clothes, preferring to change it up every once in a while instead of wearing the same thing every day like the others. The two ended up doing it together, even though every morning at the beginning of the Loop, the clothes they had worn the previous day were perfectly clean and folded up in drawers, unworn, they both liked the normalacy they got to hold onto by wearing different clothes.

Enoch liked it a lot.

Y/n and Enoch were... complicated. Jake never pushed about the two of them, but everyone could see how much they liked each other, even if neither seemed to be willing to actually act on any emotions.

Finally, Y/n started spilling some answers to Jake's many questions... but Jake wasn't sure he was excited to finally know, or guilty for asking at all once Y/n was done telling him.

"You know, there are all kinds of Loops. All through time. Obviously. But I mean, it's that way because Peculiars pop up all the time. I mean, look at you. Sometimes Peculiars survive in the normal world, able to blend in with everyone else. Sometimes the whatever it is that makes us just pop up randomly, when Peculiars have siblings that didn't manifest any powers continue on and have families." Y/n shook his head. "I'm rambling. My point is, I was part of a newer Loop. I guess I should be like..." he tilted his head back and forth. "Mid twenties? But I'm forever stuck at fifteen, like everyone else here." He smiled. "My Loop was really cool, actually. We all held onto our early 2000's culture, even if we weren't allowed to interact with the newer stuff. We used to do all that stupid stuff, and Ashley - her talent was singing, except that when she sang, you always heard the words different, usually in a message about something going to happen. Like, um, telling the future but just for the person hearing it. She had a beautiful voice and we'd all shout songs together to go over what she was saying when we didn't want predictions." Y/n giggled. "Sometimes it was funny just to hear her predict what we were having for lunch or what Evan would find in the dirt that afternoon to the tune of some Britney Spears song."

Jake laughed at that as well. "They all sound so fun."

Y/n's smile weakened. "They were." He cleared his throat. "Of course, my talent-" he smirked. "That's what Miss Tamera called them. Talents. Anyway, my talent was of course making myself not exist. Er, we never really found a name for it. I don't leave people's minds, if they really try to remember me. I've been told it's sort of like I'm some part of a dream."

Jake sputtered for a second. "I thought you could just walk through things."

Y/n shook his head, his smile completely gone now. "My power is a little like Millard's actually. But I don't just turn invisible, I erase myself, sort of. I've never used my full power here, just little things here and there. But when my old Loop was attacked..." He swallowed again, tears in his eyes. "I watched them all die. I didn't know where to go or what to do. Miss Tamera found me. I don't know how she did it. Perhaps it was by accident. Looking for other children and she happened to stumble upon me and because we're so close she could sort of make me out. Enough to tell me where the closest Loop was and how to get to it. She told me she couldn't go with me. That she needed to try to save the others. I... I ran." Y/n looked at his hands. "I made it here before time caught up with me, thankfully. It was easy to fade into the back. Turn fake and walk wherever I wanted. I could walk onto a plane and no one would stop me because I could pull my existence out of their mind completely. They could look at me and not really see me because their brains wouldn't process my being there at all. They didn’t know me or my power well enough to combat what I could do.”

"That's horrible." Jake looked a little sick.

"It's the only reason I survived," Y/n corrected... but he also nodded when Jake first spoke, and his voice was soft. Trying to appreciate a power, even if he so obviously hated having it. "The second I stop using my power or get far enough away, the effect fades of course. I'm sure that if anyone survived from the attack, they remember me. I use it sometimes when I want to be left alone. The others feel a sort of distance from the memory of me and their lives. No one's been able to resist it fully if I actually try. I slipped into Miss peregrine's Loop and hid from her, scared she would throw me out... though I can't remember why I thought that. I think I thought that she would be protective of her own children and that Loops didn't mix usually. The truth was that they just never had a reason to." Y/n shrugged. "She didn't notice me. It was actually, um, Enoch who found me."

Raising an eyebrow, Jake leaned forward a bit. "How did he find you?"

"His doll stumbled across me. Enoch was at the edge of the garden, testing his newest creations while giving Fiona her space. I noticed the little thing and was so stunned by it that I picked it up. When the doll didn't return Enoch went looking for it and found me. I could wipe my own existence from his mind, but he didn't forget the doll, so eventually he held onto the doll that I was holding, reminding himself again and again and again that the reason the doll was floating in mid air was because I was holding it. He struggled but he managed to hold onto me despite me trying my hardest to get him to forget me. I even put the doll down but he somehow held onto me long enough to bring me to Miss Peregrine. She pulled me aside, told me to stop using my power, and had me tell her my story. Then she welcomed me into her home, giving me space at first as I slowly acclimated. It's been about three years since then. The others were slow to open up to me as I was distant and had been hiding like a creep instead of just coming forward and announcing my presence. I don't think it helped that Enoch and I took to each other pretty fast. Neither of us liked people and he thought my power was cool. Or, so he said." Y/n scrunched his nose. "I think he just likes it because it's got the same feel as his does. Both of our talents are darker. Twisted often used to harm people. Change reality. Do unnatural things people hate us doing. No one likes being forced to forget someone exists, same as no one likes watching Enoch bring his creations to life."

Jake sat back. "Huh." Y/n let him process all that. Jake looked at Y/n for a second before asking, "About Enoch-"

"No," Y/n interrupted. "You spend loads of time with Emma- I know you think we like each other or whatever. She was the first to think so, and she ships us or whatever. Used to tell me every chance she got that I should go for it. I... used to have a crush on him." Y/n blushed and Jake tried not to smirk. "But he made it clear that he wasn't interested."

"How so?" Now Jake was annoyed. Why was Enoch always such an ass? Jake had seen how Enoch looked at Y/n. Emma had confirmed it had always been like this. Why would Enoch turn Y/n down?

Y/n sighed, leaning against the wall behind him. "One time I tried flirting with him. It was a weak attempt and I'm very awkward. I'm used to disappearing, not putting myself out there to someone. And Enoch is just as bad at things like that as I am. He's always been better with the dead and... I mean they're puppets not friends or lovers." Y/n snorted. Jake smiled as well, despite himself. "He told me to stop. He looked really uncomfortable and left the room. Didn't talk to me for a week and a half. It was really awkward trying to get back into our normal function. After, I decided that romance was dumb and that I didn't need drama anyway. I had a friend. A real friend, who liked me for me and liked my power too. Someone who didn't pity me or write me off but someone who saw me for strength and skill. Enoch and I plan the best pranks, and that's why he likes having me around. He can tell me anything- bounce ideas off of me, or rant when someone's annoyed him. Which is often." The boys chuckled to each other. "So I stopped liking him. I... I think he likes Olive anyway." He looked away and Jake got the very clear impression that this bothered Y/n a lot. "I'm not surprised he's straight. He comes from a time where that wasn't really a thing. Where people could lose their title or worth by being attracted to someone of the same gender. Could lose their life, even. I at least come from a time where it was talked about. Supported, even, if it was more or less hidden. It's kind of nice when you talk about how far the world's come even in the short time."

Jake smiled. "I had a friend when I was younger. A girl everyone thought I liked." He laughed. "She was only into girls, and when she got a girlfriend I thought they were awesome. Not long after that though we lost touch." The news made Y/n grin, so Jake kept talking about Kelly and then some other people he'd met through his life. The stories seemed to make Y/n forget about his lost Loop and his unrequited feelings for a boy who he was doomed to only be best friends with. He relaxed and eased. Jake was happy to see him so happy... even if it wasn't exactly what Y/n deserved. Living through stories. Imagining a world where he grows up with some man who he's in love with. Being able to be free and happy and perfectly himself.

At least he had this.

-

Y/n hated the dark. He'd had to shove himself in too many dark spaces and hide and hope for the best. The attacks on his Loops - the first one that had ripped him from his home, and the second one that had almost done the same with his new family - had both been in the dark. He hated not being able to see, feeling like there was something sinister inside it, just waiting to strike the second Y/n wasn't on his guard.

Since coming to Miss Peregrine's, his fear of the dark had eased a little. Miss Peregrine had a talent of drawing the truth out of Y/n so he had told her about his fear very early on and she had handled it as well as he could, leaving a little lamp on his dresser. It was fire powered of course, but if things got too out of hand then he could always wake up Olive. Miss Peregrine had told him if there were any problems he'd lose the lamp. She didn't have any better alternatives, though she did move him into a room where the moonlight always shone through his window in the small minutes he'd turn the lamp off and got to sleep. Usually it worked.

On nights like tonight, he couldn't get tired. He eventually turned off the lamp in favor of it not burning down completely in case the darkness got too much and turned his face to look at the moon. It still didn't help. He was completely awake and paralyzed by fear of the dark. His mind kept reeling with images from a past he could never escape the memories of. Not just those terrible monsters and the carnage they wrought, but also staying curled in the corner of the bottom of the ship, terrified to sleep as the dark closed on him from all sides. If he slept his power might fade and the crew might remember him. Him coming onto the ship and not having a ticket or being seen amongst the passengers since.

Of course it was never a problem. They never made note of Y/n so even though in some distant parts of their mind he existed again, they didn't think twice about the little boy they'd seen for maybe two seconds in passing. It didn't stop Y/n from fearing being found out though.

Finally Y/n couldn't take it anymore. He climbed out of bed and tiptoed as quietly as possible, activating his talent so that even if someone heard him moving around it would wipe from their mind and they could keep sleeping. He couldn't get rid of the noise he was making so he still had to be careful there. But he could wipe away the fact that it was footsteps making those noises. The others would probably dismiss it as creeks in the old house and turn over and go back to bed.

Y/n reached his destination pretty quickly. Even in the dark, Y/n had the path from his room to this one memorized. He opened the door slowly, peeking inside shyly. "Enoch?" He whispered softly.

There was a muffled, "Hm?" From inside.

Y/n debated on whether he should enter or not. "Uh... are you awake?" For a second there was silence and Y/n deactivated his power to try again. "Enoch?"

Nothing. Y/n frowned before moving out of the room, leaving the door cracked since it made a lot of noise when he closed it all the way. He moved outside, laying in an open, grassy space to close his eyes and take in the moonlight. It was cool to the touch. Bright behind his eyelids, but white instead of yellow as it would have been if the sun was up. He forced himself to breathe evenly. It wasn't exactly putting him to ease but it was lessening his anxiety a little bit. The air smelled different and the grass felt different underneath him. This wasn't a ship or a train or a truck or something. This was open space where he was perfectly safe.

"You're awake again." The voice didn't make Y/n afraid again. It was too familiar and muddled with sleep. He opened his eyes to see Enoch and he felt only guilt- not fear.

"I'm sorry I woke you up."

Enoch shrugged. He had his usual scowl, but it seemed to be more now because he was tired rather than him being grumpy. "I don't mind. But it is your fault so if we're laying out here then you get to be my pillow because its super uncomfortable."

Y/n scoffed in amusement, smiling. "That's fair." Y/n expected his stomach to become Enoch's headrest. That's not what happened. Enoch lay next to him first, then scooted really close until he lay his head on Y/n's shoulder, on his side as his stomach and chest pressed against Y/n's side. Y/n sucked in a quiet breath and tried to not make a scene. As much as he'd been trying - and failing - to convince everyone that he'd gotten over his feelings for Enoch, it just wasn't true. If anything, like had turned into love as Enoch's friendship with Y/n left him the only person that Y/n's powers couldn't really affect if Enoch really tried to remember Y/n. Even at full power, Enoch was capable of remembering Y/n existed and that he was at least in front of him. If Y/n was gone it got harder and he described it being more like a person from a dream. That was amazing considering Y/n could even get Jake and Miss Peregrine to forget him if he really tried.

Enoch always remembered Y/n.

But he didn't feel for Y/n like that, so Y/n had to just burry it all and pretend that moments like this didn't drive him crazy.

He fell asleep due to some miracle, considering his body was tingling like mad. Maybe it was the sound of Enoch's soft breathing or the warmth of his body being do close to Y/n's. Maybe it was the weight of him that seemed to ease all of Y/n's anxieties and anchor him to reality. Y/n usually went to Enoch when nights like this happened. After they found out that the other struggled to sleep sometimes, they started to go to each other for comfort when they needed it. Usually they just crawled into each other's bed though or talked about it a few minutes before falling asleep together. It was never like this.

They were cuddling.

And it was more amazing than Y/n had ever thought.

He was asleep in no time.

Enoch woke up first. He was wrapped around something warm and solid. His nose buried in the soft material under his cheek and he smelled something... really nice. Kind of like smoke, but lighter. Kind of like warm air from a fire and sea breeze.

Y/n.

The boy had come to Miss Peregrine's home smelling like the ocean. In most of his travels, he'd been on land, but the ferry to the island had stained Y/n with the smell of the ship and the water and it had never left Y/n. I guess that's what happens when a Loop keeps you frozen in time. Y/n was still in the same condition as when he first came to them. The smell only got stronger after defeating Barron, when they all got on the steam ship and sailed to the new Loop. No one else really smelled like it. Only Y/n seemed to capture that smell that so matched his power. Enoch had seen him step through mist once when they were on their way to the new Loop and the day had been really muggy. He'd seen the boy waver as the mist surrounded him and he got a weird euphoric feeling. It had stayed with him and he conjured it every time Y/n tried to make Enoch forget. Enoch held onto the image of Y/n, half there and half distorted. And for some reason it just stuck. The smell of ocean and smoke and disappearing.

He looked up to see Y/n fast asleep. He moved, only to feel Y/n's arm tighten around his back to keep him in place. He recalled last night and tried not to blush. He'd been mostly asleep when he'd heard Y/n's voice. He'd thought he'd told Y/n to come in but then he never felt the weight of his friend on the other side of the bed so Enoch had looked around, only to see his door cracked and Y/n nowhere to be seen. So he went looking for Y/n, knowing that the boy would be outside in the open space with the grass soft and comfortable underneath him.

Enoch never understood it. He liked his bed. But Y/n was there as he thought and Enoch had not liked the idea of sleeping on the ground so he just lay himself on the next most comfortable thing: Y/n.

He hadn't realized just how comfortable Y/n was though. He found himself understanding why some people hated getting out of bed in the morning. Yes it was comfortable, but Enoch had always found it easy to leave when it was time to get up. He had experiments to do and if he was awake he wasn't going to save time being still and quiet with nothing to do but think. Because then he'd think of Y/n and that's not what friends did.

Laying here though, Enoch did not want to move. He was incredibly comfortable, surrounded in the warmth of the sunshine and Y/n's body. At some point he'd wrapped his arms around Y/n in turn, one of his legs resting over one of Y/n's. Like Enoch was trapping Y/n almost underneath him, if not just as close as possible. Y/n in turn had responded by holding Enoch with the arm Enoch was by, Y/n's other arm underneath his own head like a pillow.

Despite the tug to get up and carry on with his day, Enoch just lay there. He closed his eyes and breathed in Y/n's scent again. He felt himself kind of drift back into an almost-sleep when he heard a soft, "Do you think we should wake them up?"

"You better not." This soft croaking was from Y/n. "If he's sleeping in then let him." Y/n shifted and Enoch felt his body react, his arm tightening to keep him close. Someone giggled. "Stop looking at us like that, Emma. We're just friends."

"Who cuddle in the moonlight so long they fall asleep together," a voice that had been clarified as Emma's now teased.

"Totally just friends." This was a younger, lighter voice. Bronwyn. She giggled and Y/n groaned, saying something to get the two girls to go away. Enoch ignored it. He was too busy wondering why Y/n saying the two of them were just friends bothered him so much.

He wasn't... he didn't... feel that way for Y/n. Of course they were just friends. Y/n had explained to Enoch that he was into guys of course. When they first became friends and were trying to scare each other away because they were both afraid of opening up to someone who might write them off. When things seemed rocky and then Enoch had wrapped his mind around it and Miss Peregrine had answered some questions about why it was okay for Y/n to be that way and seek happiness from men when he was a boy too. Miss Peregrine had put to rest a lot of bad things he'd been taught in his youth before coming to the Loop.

But that didn't change that Enoch didn't feel that way. He'd never really had feelings for anyone. He thought it was silly and a waste of time that he didn't have. Time that no one would invest in him, so why would he even try?

If that was the problem though, hadn't Y/n invested plenty of time into Enoch? Into their relationship? I mean he knew that they used to tease Y/n for liking him, but Y/n had always brushed it off and eventually the others had left the two boys alone. Jake had pushed Enoch for answers about it in the beginning before Enoch had nearly decked him to get him to shut up.

Did the two act like more than friends? What were more than friends like? How did one feel when it came to people who weren't just your friends? He hadn't even really had friends before, other than the few times he'd gotten along with the others and the little friendship he had going with Olive. The redhead had been around a lot less once Y/n started coming around, but she was there fairly often still- especially when Y/n needed alone time or Enoch missed meals because he was too caught up in work.

Enoch thought about how much he missed Y/n when he would leave. How happy he was when Y/n and him slept up in the same bed, inches apart so that Y/n was in sight when Enoch would wake up. How nice it had been to wake up like this, even though Enoch hated going outside and being in the sunshine and the heat of daytime and the itchy hardness of the grass everyone else seemed to love so much. Why had he loved it so much when in any other situation he would have hated it here?

The answer came far too easily: because he felt more feelings with Y/n. Feelings that were definitely past friends. Feelings that danced images of them waking up like this a lot. Feelings that ingrained this moment in his mind, scrambling to remember every single detail. More than friends feelings.

...Fuck.