#okay i think i'm done now
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can someone come and switch my brain off at 9pm each night because the "my fics are shit and i'm not saying anything worth saying with them" thoughts really do tend to fly at me with increasing fervour as the eve wears on
#i just. find it very difficult to feel proud of myself for very long#or happy with my work#because ultimately there's so so many fic writers out there who've been doing it for so much longer than me#so so much better than me#and like#that's okay#i never expected or wanted to be the best#and i still love writing fic sm#it's become my lifeline#but my brain is constantly going hmmm aren't u shit tho#like aren't there far more fascinating writers to be reading#okay i think i'm done now#personal#ineffabildaddy
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ch
charge of the light brigade
#the acolyte#is this anything#okay i think i'm done now#i swear these guys are as silly as the mandos :3
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And while I'm on the topic of glaring factual errors, I will also always remember the homily where the priest said that Jesus died of exsanguination and I could not pay attention to the rest of what he was saying because it was asphyxiation! That's how crucifixion works. You should know that!
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#i feel like venting and not a lot of people follow me here so i figured this is the best place to do it#i'm just so tired all the damn time#depression has been kicking my ass#and i've been trying for so long to get a handle on it#and nothing seems to work#going to possibly be starting a new med in a few weeks but idk#i just want to feel normal but i feel like i'll never get to that point#and then there's the fact that i don't really have any friends#the only person i do stuff with is my mom which is kinda sad#but idk how to meet people#ugh i'm just so done with everything#like work has also sucked recently#i had to leave after like half an hour on wednesday and took the rest of the week off#and my boss has been super understanding which is great but again i just want to feel normal and be able to do my work#i feel like such a failure in every aspect of my life#i'm 25 and what have i accomplished?#i know everyone goes at their own pace but god i feel like i'll never catch up#okay i think i'm done now#i doubt anyone read this but if you did uhhhh thank you and i hope you're doing well xo#jace talks#delete later?
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Yep, I'm changing Gamora's title from The Vanished to The Deserter. It makes more sense for lore reasons, and it makes me happy knowing she would be ABSOLUTELY FURIOUS that she was posthumously titled and remembered for her disappearance instead of her accomplishments and the legacy she worked so hard for is one of infamy
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When the band, choir and theater kids all get turned and come marching at you with rhythm on their lips, smooth moves with their hips, hunger in their eyes and OH GOD YOU JUST GOT BIT.
The seconds you spent mesmerized allowed them to encircle you from behind, and now you've joined them to help spread the groove to anything that moves.
Zombies shouldn't growl or snarl, they should babble a mixture of incomplete word sounds and whole words or sentence fragments. Every zombie should sound almost but not quite like it's trying to tell you something.
#the real contagion was the music we played along the way#it's impossible to keep it at bay!#okay I think I'm done now#thank you for this prev!#it gave me a good laugh#speaking of things that are contagious#no I shan't#anyway zombies are pack hunters#zombies
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Thinking about DP x DC Jason Todd being a revenant again. Here's my scenario. Jason gets called that by some ghost. He's like "what the fuck is that supposed to mean?" He's heard the term before but he doesn't know any actual lore. He googles it. He scrolls past the Leonardo DiCaprio bear movie. He opens the wiki. Sees the words "animated corpse" and gets a chill diwn his spine. He starts reading the first section.
He closes Wikipedia.
That night he has a nightmare that his family buried him, again, this time with precautions. He wakes up in his own grave, full of stones, too heavy to move, to scream.
#CANT STOP THINKING ABOUT THIS#like reading this section in the context of jason is SO HORRIFYING#the idea of someone knowing it was possible for him to come back. to wake up down there. and wanting to keep him there#stay dead. we want you dead. you're too troublesome alive. you're meant to be down there.#so anyways. jason internalizing all this shit and feeling uncomfortable in his own body because he's thinking of it as a corpse#and of himself as haunting a place he doesn't belong#and then meeting danny and danny says 'wow you're a revenant aren't you! The dead so restless they can't bear to stay in their graves'#and he smiles. 'You're amazing. Your will is so strong'#and the Ghost King tells Jason 'You're alive but that doesn't mean you aren't one of mine. I will come for you'#and batman says 'we will keep you safe from that entity and his threats. you don't belong to him'#and jason says 'he didn't mean i was his possession. he said i was his responsibility. he said he would help me if i ever needed him'#and bruce sees the faraway look in his son's eyes and doesn't know what to say#okay I'm done#for now#dp x dc#dpxdc#revenant jason todd#danny phantom#dc#batfam#jason todd#my rambles#my writing
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i'm ready to try
#This drawing is kind of personal to me#I recently graduated (CUM LAUDE WOOOO!!!!) and its like. not to get depressing#but when i was younger i was never sure whether i would make it to this point#When i was going through what i consider to still be like. the worst time of my entire life#This fictional character was there for me and she was something for me to latch onto and cope with#eGem helped me a lot with being able to process my emotions at the time but also helped me to reflect on myself#which i think is a big reason as to why I'm really happy with where i am with myself right now#I'm going off to uni next school year to study astronomy!!! which!!!#Im also doing because of eGem!!! She ignited this kind of childlike wonder for space for me#I love doing math and physics and whilst Im still a bit scared because. honestly i don't know whether this is what i want to do with my lif#I think i'll be okay either way#either way i wanted to draw egem again even if i haven't done so in a while because its like#i think i wouldnt be who i am without her. i think i'd be a lot worse off#so like. thank you empires smp thank you geminitay thank you egem This drawing is me expressing my gratitude#AND THANK YOU AUTISM!#empires smp#empires smp s1#empiresblr#esmp#geminitay#art#fanart#alice.art#mcyt#mcytblr#song is andromeda by weyes blood... obv.. you guys know me by now :oP
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Making Incorrect H:SR Quotes Until I Run Out of (hopefully) Original Ideas - Pt. 4 - Nuthin' but Boothill Edition
[Pt. 1] [Pt. 2] [Pt. 3] [Pt. 5] [Pt. 6]
#boothill#honkai star rail#hsr#hsr incorrect quotes#hsr memes#honkai star rail memes#hsr meme#honkai star rail meme#hsr textpost#hsr boothill#boothill hsr#hsr spoilers#hsr 2.2 spoilers#hmmm... don't think it's worth tagging the others in the 9th image. this ain't about them#still unsure abt how to do the alt text for these kinda posts properly but hopefully i'm improving#anyways. don't think i've ever seen heard and typed "cowboy' so many times in one day as i have while making this good lord#i did a bit of digging around and haven't Seen any of these done yet so. here's hoping that's the case!#i'm only ~3/4 of the way through the 2.2 main quest but the need to make these compelled me to put these out Now#i can already tell u that there Will be more of these for Boothill tho bc i'm crazy abt him. probably enough to make another dedicated post#but i'm gonna wait until i'm fully caught up on the plot (and will probably spoil myself for more of his character lore after that as well)#speaking of. i'm gonna go eat mac n' cheese and stay up too late playing through the rest of the main quest#i'm loving it so far. many thoughts head full abt it all but in a good way. hoping for more Boothill moments as we approach the end#he's def not the main character here but he is to Me okay. he is to me. i'm scarfing down every crumb he drops#i'm also suffering from Aventurine withdrawals out here. Argenti mentioning him was Interesting but i need More. Where Is He.#also. was Argenti intentionally not voiced or was it a game issue?? the hell was that. threw me off so hard when i couldn't hear him speak#anyways i'm getting off topic and wasting precious gaming time so i'll be takin' my leave now
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I made a few new wax seal stamps out of clay (like the ones I did for my worldbuilding stuff forever ago), this time just of random symbols that I thought might look good done in the style of painting over the raised part of the wax or etc. :0c Some of them aren't carved deep enough to really show up that well, but overall they worked okay for being clay lol
#wax seal#crafts#wax stamp#stationery#Window one is kind of stinky.. I was imagining like a swirly night sky sort of looking thing so it would be a surreal contrast of a night#sky with a window in the middle that shows a daytime sky - but the silver and purple wax kind of mixed too much together#with the black and it just looks very plain black and not all that starry or anything hjbhj.. Of course the eye is probably my favorite#since all I ever do is draw eyes and still like eye imagery for some reason. The four leaf clover is very lumpy and skrunkty but also it wa#the smallest in size out of all of them so was easier to do multiple stamps of just to try it out.#The heart with eyes wax is actually more swirly in person. I wanted it to be a mix of light pink and red and white. and the wax#did kind of all blend together but in person you can definitely see MORE of the intentional swirlyness. in this it just looks plain pink.#I was going to do one eye in the heart but it looked weird. but now two seems too plain. i could have done 3?? in a pattern.. hmm#alas. I wish I could make actual metal ones. With the clay i have to paint them in a thin layer of olive oil before stamping because#otherwise the wax just kind of gets stuck in the grooves of the clay and then you can't pull it up. Very wacky ''unprofessional'' looking#set up where I'm hot gluing circles of sculpey clay to short stumps of a wooden dowel that I sawed apart with a serrated bread knife#and then using an old paintbrush to put olive oil on them whilst holding a spoon over a yankee candle flame hjbjh#ANYWAY.. I think if I were middle class/rich/etc. this would be one of the main things in my crafting room is like.. SO many colors#of wax. and all different custom made stamps designed by me. which could be much more elaborate in actual metal.. muahaha.... >:)c#RHGghhh... I actually don't want to talk much about it since (this is probably just my Obsessed With My Own World Artist Delusions) I#think I have a really cool idea for a game that could genuinely be successful if i ever get to make it and I don't want to give#everything away and spoil the whole plot/concept in hopes that one day I can actually do it - BUT - a game that I'd like to make after the#visual novel I'm making now has partially to do with the main character working as a sort of writer/scribe/artist assistant in an elven#city (set in my world/with my worldbuilding species and versions of elves and etc) and I was thinking of maybe incorporating#somehow being able to collect little writing type items like these like.. you can get different wax seal patterns or pens or etc. when I do#stuff like this in Real Life it always makes me think of that like.. ouh... this is good research.. what it shall be like to be a littol#elf collecting wax seals and such.. indeed... GRR i need to be finished with my current game NOWWW... i MUST work on other#thingss... aughh... ANYWAY.. yay. accomplishment to do One Single Thing other than Sit In The Summer Heat And Rot#though also hilarious as this was the first cool-ish day that was below 80F in a while hgvh#waking up like 'wow.. i actually feel okay today?? like I could do things?? how mysterious.. I wonder why..?? :0'' Its The Weather You Fool#Tis Always The Weather
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the boy! inspired by @triforce-of-mischief:
very loosely based off of this panel from @/linkeduniverse:
and with text/textless versions:
#i am Done (my wrist has given up on me for tonight)#i feel like i could've done Really Cool shading but alas...#i don't think the expression really transferred the way i wanted it to#he looks more pissed off than i was going for#i have same EXPRESSION syndrome actually i've figured out#might come back and change things but for now i am Okay with it#tryna have a 'don't let perfect be the enemy of good' mindset#but also anxiety?? idk i'm just some guy it doesn't really matter in the scheme of things#anyway uhhhhh#ALSO I DID NOT FLIP THE CANVAS AND I DON'T EVEN CARE LIFE IS TOO SHORT!!
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Listen, I love OC x Canon as much as the next guy, maybe even MORE than the next guy ever could, but Stanley Pines would NOT date a person that looks like they're in their first year of College.
I'm sorry, but he wouldn't. MAKE YOUR OC MORE AGE APPROPRIATE RIGHT. NOW. 👇😠
#Realistically#I am never one to judge#but guys... be real#let your OCs be old 😢😔#everytime someone ships their OC that isn't even remotely wrinkly and saggy with my beloved Stan an angel loses it's wings#Don't you guys want your OCs to grow old with Stan? C'mon man you're yanking my chain#anyway I took a ton of benadryl earlier and I've been trying really hard to spell everything right and stay on topic#so i think I'll stop the rant there love you bye#cole's talking#gravity falls#grunkle stan#stanley pines#oc x canon#honestly I'm not really that bothered y'know do what'chya want#your oc your choice lol#i love oc x canon#i actually thrive because of oc x Canon#it keeps me going 🙏#okay now I'm done#ignore all the spelling mistakes 🙏😔
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ok so i'm still a bit shaky on it but i would loooooove for orion's character arc in the baby prime orion au to be actually about learning that he's not. inherently special. which i know it sounds backwards because this au makes him primus' specialest little guy but hear me out.
in this au when optimus is born he is his siblings' miracle child, their little blessing, the most precious gift they could've gotten.
they love him so much that even when they die and orion grows up and forgets them, he still knows what being treasured and loved beyond measure feels like.
and part of the reason he believes that the system is wrong to treat cogless bots as lesser is that he cannot accept that he is as worthless as the world wants him to believe when someone once loved him like that.
it's a very... self-centered point of view even if it does come from a place of genuine love. he was loved, he was worth something to someone once, so if the world tells him he's worthless then the world must simply be wrong.
and don't get me wrong he still genuinely does believe others also deserve the choice to decide for themselves what they want to be, that they also deserve to be treated with the same respect and dignity that cogged bots do, he still wants to make things better for everyone.
but a good part of it is because he thinks he deserves better. because he knows he was once loved enough for someone to want to give him the moon and stars if he'd asked for them. and he's still chasing that feeling, even though he has long forgotten where he got it from in the first place.
so when he finds out he's the lost little prime, as much of a shock as it is, it is also sort of vindicating. it's a little bit like "oh. so that's why i always felt especial different".
he thinks that him being a prime is the reason for why he always aspired to be more, for why he always believed he deserved better. he thinks being a prime is what makes him worth loving more than he'd been told.
except that... well, he's obviously wrong. him believing he deserved better, that he was worth more than the system wanted him to believe, had very little to do with him being a prime and everything to do with his siblings loving him so very much he could never forget it even as he forgot them.
the reason he always felt there was something utterly wrong with the way they were treated and had the courage to constantly speak up against it when everyone else around him didn't was not because he had some divinely given wisdom or that he was inherently better than them and could feel it.
it was simply that he, unlike the rest of the miners, had someone to instill in him how loved and valuable he truly was. he had someone to let him know he deserved to be treated with kindness and dignity. he had that privilege even if it was taken away from him.
so. the second half of his arc would be him realizing all of this and taking upon himself to be that someone to everyone else. to be to others what his siblings were to him. that gentle voice that says "you deserve to be cared for, you deserve kindness, you deserve better".
i don't know i'm still working on it akjshdjka
#i talk a lot <3#tfone#transformers one#optimus prime#baby prime orion au#this is heavily inspired by the song 'miracle child' btw. like. i was listening to it on a loop yesterday and it caused irreversible damage#to my brain so. this is what came out of it.#i don't think i'm doing a good enough job of explaining exactly what i mean with this but i'm Done i want this out of my drafts ajshdasfds#ANYWAY#i just think it'd be funny if op's character arc is him learning that he's Not That Especial.#and then the moment the lesson truly sinks in (preferably with half of his chest being blown off in the process)#primus swoops in like 'okay now time to be the most important guy in the planet good luck kiddo!'
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"All we get is a chance. We don't get a benison. He was chained to an anvil for seven years. He should get his chance, don't you think?"
#unseen academicals#discworld#terry pratchett#mr nutt#my art#''You asked why I am strong? When I lived in the dark of the forge I used to lift weights. The tongs at first#and then the little hammer and then the biggest hammer and then one day I could lift the anvil.#That was a good day. It was a little freedom.''#''Why was it so important to lift the anvil?''#''I was chained to the anvil.''#okay i think i'm done being emotional about nutt#he spent! his entire childhood! chained to an anvil!#and then the subsequent years being implicitly taught that the only way to be deserving was to become ''worthy'' through what you can do#for other people!!#and now he finally has people who just LIKE him and want him fed and safe#and want him to have fun and enjoy himself#without feeling like he has to DO anything to earn it#i just!! really love nutt's narrative! so much!
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Thinking about Prey again, and, more specifically (beware of massive spoilers from here on out) the choice to have Morgan Yu be a silent protagonist.
At first it seems like such an odd choice, because Morgan does have a voice - you're faced with it in old video and audio recordings, not to mention in the sentient memory copies that are January and December. When other characters encounter January, they comment on it speaking with Morgan's voice, despite Morgan themself never uttering a word. Other characters address Morgan as if expecting a response, and then keep on going seemingly without noticing they never got one. Part of me wondered why past-Morgan spoke but present-Morgan didn't, but, having previously played Half-Life and Portal, also featuring silent protagonists, my assumption was that hey, clearly this is a common video game mechanic. It doesn’t entirely make sense within the narrative since Morgan (unlike Freeman and Chell) is established to have a voice, but whatever, I'm capable of suspension of disbelief for the sake of the medium.
But with the ending reveal of Morgan not actually being Morgan but rather an alien typhon living through a simulation, it starts feeling much more narratively intentional. I went through the game saving as many people as possible because I'm a baby and I feel bad if I let the NPCs die. I never took into account wwmd - What Would Morgan Do - but in the little review at the end of the game when you find out you were an alien all along there’s this interesting line: "you're assuming it thinks like us." Every choice throughout the game becomes recontextualized. Did typhon-Morgan save people out of empathy, or because of some unknowable alien drive? Because you have no dialogue you can't really establish an underlying reasoning beforehand. I personally went from having projected my own reasoning onto Morgan to stopping and going wait... why would an alien do this? How does it think? What Would (Human) Morgan Do no longer matters; instead, the question is Why Did (Typhon) Morgan Do What They Did?
From a practical angle, it also makes sense. The typhon don’t speak, so of course typhon-Morgan also doesn't. The fact that it’s all a simulation means all the people they encounter can be programmed not to question this, thus never giving typhon-Morgan (or the player) a reason to question it either.
In the end, I simply find it fascinating and impressive how the game leveraged a common mechanic of the medium to become not only an integral part of the narrative, but also, through this leverage, tricks the player into not noticing it, only for it to change everything when you do.
#reminds me a bit of the original planned ending of portal 2 being one where she speaks (giving a voice command to stop wheatley)#thus similarly recontextualizing her entire percieved character#bc at once the silence is no longer a mechanic or a gag it’s an active choice from her side#and the player from that is urged to reconsider her as an actual charcter and not just as a blank slate to project on#not knocking the ending they settled on tho i think it's ultimately better set up and more satisfying game play and catharsis wise#but the planned ending had a more lowkey appeal of its own#and knowing about it definitely helped shape how i view chell as a character#okay I'm done now#prey 2017#nella talks
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Slight spoilers:
when Lou got that call from her Dad and said if he hurt Jackie she was gonna Tell everything, or when Jackie fucked up JJ cause he rearranged Beth's face after all that abuse. And Lou covered it up no questions asked! Boy I was LIVING. but also Jackie calling her younger sibling and being like 'don't ever fall in love okay' and then her mom telling her don't ever call back here (implied roles anyway) boy my chest! And tbh everyone talking about the muscles shots as a downside, yall not real gays! Cause every close up on Jackie's muscles bad me like *runs cold bath* *grabs the foam roller* *makes bed for good sleep* aka all the things for good recovery like do you NEED ANYTHING just say the WORD
Personally Love Lies Bleeding made me realize I need more films with lesbians and bisexuals that are a bit messed up, like love romcoms but the weirdness mixed with the realness and also the 'touch her and I'll kill you' loved it
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