#okay i promise i'm going to get off tumblr and actually get something decent done

[fictionadventurer]

*

[i-am-beckyu]

AKDNDKDKJFKSKDF IVE BARELY SENT ANYTHING HERE LATELY IM SO SORRY BECKY!!!!

How is you? :] I is tired, it’s night time, tho I don’t feel like sleeping yet-

Your birthday fic is coming along, I will probably have it done by your birthday, if I balance homework and life right… Let’s have a snippet!

…

The borrower heard an irritated sigh, and, sure enough, when he looked up there was his escort and best friend, ———.

…who, as he looked closer, seemed ready to murder him. ——— gulped, and tried to play it off casually.

…

I hope you’re excited! And I also have actually started, and have a decent idea for my 100 followers fic (THANK YOU 3D)

I maaay have taken some inspiration from your 100 followers fic, even most of its original, if you see somethings that seems like MMTS, then I hope you don’t mind :]

Also, randomly, I don’t think anyone’s seen this, but I’ve actually been going around becoming peoples evil, shadow clone counter part (I have way too many side blogs at this point) *cough* anybodywritingao3 *cough* Rose if you see this no you didn’t

So… On a completely unrelated note, what would your evil shadow self be? What would their pfp and username be? :D

also can I ask why everyone’s putting their pfp underwater and how do I join the trend I have no idea how to do that qwq

This ask is getting pretty long, uh, I hope you don’t mind….

I’d like to talk to you more, but I don’t want to bother you :]

(and in an earlier ask you said that I can just message hi in the family discord but that’s basically not possible for me cause I have something called being social anxious around people I find amazing and cool :P)

Okay okay I’ll stop the ask now-

Have a nice day/night if you’d like too!

Cookies? 🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪

-✨anon✨

HIIIIIIIIII ✨ANON✨

All good all good! I was pretty flat out as it was yesterday and on the weekend. Pretty much played power wash simulator irl cleaning lol.

And I'm good! I hope you slept well (because you should def be asleep right now as of posting this) I'm a bit tired just cause of all the work I did but otherwise feeling good. ❤️

S N I P P E T

*eats snippet and gets the happy chemicals* oOooOo am so EXCITED FOR THIS FIC!!! BORROWER FIC! BORROWER FIC! LETS GOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! Bu tbut but but as I know everyone is telling you, make sure to not over work yourself and take breaks. You don't have to force yourself to finish any of these fics on time if it means you get some extra sleep or finish the homework you have to do. Sleep being the most important of all things. Not saying you can't do things, just keep a healthy balance <3

and awwwwwww. My MMTS fic has inspired you're own 100 follower special? 🥹🥹🥹🥹 I don't mind at all!!! If anything it makes me extra excited cause it gives me a very vague idea of what the special fic could be centering on (putting bets on a monster meets found family times lol)

@nobodywritingao3 can you please drown @munchkin1156 next? They wanna be part of drowned squad :3

And this ask isn't long at all! You're more than welcome to come chat anytime and as long as you like. You're not bothering me at all <3 Also I get the discord feeling a bit daunting, but I promise everyone is really nice and we're all just a bunch of weird anxious beans that vibe lol.

You're more than welcome to just chat in private dms tho too. Whether it's on discord or tumblr dms, if you'd like to just chat rather than through asks, you're more than welcome to message me. I respond as quick as I can but life and lifing sometimes and can make response time slow lol.

Thank you for the kind wishes, I'm having a lovely morning so far and I hope you have a lovely day too.

Thanks for the cookies! Lollipops? :3 🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭

[drac-onion]

Back at it again. A year since I posted Beneath Her Mask. Same thing as last time. Fun facts or just looking back at something I done did write once upon a time exactly a year ago.

This is going to be very "stream of consciousness" and probably hard to read, but here goes.

First off, wow that title sucks. I came up with it like right before posting and then rolled with it. Nowadays I would put off uploading something for MONTHS if I couldn't figure out an original and interesting title. Oops.

Anyway, this one is a lot better than the last one. Promise. The whole thing is a little bit iffy still, but I was very new. The formatting is the main issue I have with. The concept is...fine, although I think I could have gone a little bit further with and then lead into where this one starts. Ya know, inform the reader as to the situation that lead to Makoto's desire to keep everything to herself? But I kinda made it ambiguous on purpose. Good thing I didn't have to follow up on this a few months later... Oh wait. The stakes were just: awkward. No gay panic (like the tags say, oops), no internalized anything, no worries over team cohesion with members of the PTs dating, none of that. If I would ever go back and rewrite this (don't fucking tempt me) I would definitely expand on things a lot more. But hey, I probably shouldn't try and go back and fix all my old stuff. I'd never get anything done otherwise.

Oh yeah, Makoto's "113 decibel alarm clock" is a real thing. I actually have one. I sleep through every other alarm clock out there. The thing is so good, it will actually scare you awake. Pretty nice. (If probably a little too loud for apartment living in Japan where the walls are very thin.)

Oh yeah, and the tense a few times. Annoying.

I dunno why I made it three chapters. It's just over 3.5k words. That would have been fine to keep as a single chapter one-shot, but I think I just had a hard time with having scenes switch mid-chapter. Chapters are a good way to signal a scene switch, but nowadays I'll just use a line break and go with it. I've just improved as a writer, I think, and so now my old mistakes bug the shit out of me.

If I named all the issues I had, I'd be here all day. So, what did I get right with this? I think the concept is alright. The dialogue is good at points. The scene in Leblanc is pretty good. Good guy Sojiro being cool with lesbians (very cool of him). And the text convos at the end are also pretty okay. The "out of your league" comment still gets me for some reason. It's kinda funny.

Also I made a custom dialogue option for Akira, referencing the very first thing he says at the beginning of the story. I think it turned out okay. (I'd like to do more art/edits relevant to my writing. I've thought about making cover/chapter art for my current project. I guess we'll see how I'm feeling. A little wattpad-y of me, but it'd be interesting.)

I'm just now realizing that I should've made the "third option" a little cheeky. Maybe something like "Come here often?" or whatever. Ah well. Next time.

So, overall? It's an improvement. It's not perfect, but it was the second thing I'd ever written. (Once again, I don't count the RE one. I should probably anon it tbh.)

Anyway, that was something. The next "retrospective" (I guess that's what these are now) will be on Beneath Their Masks.

That one is a doozy, and I think I'm going to have a decent amount to say about it. It's also really long, so that's also a thing I'm gonna have to worry about. I'll probably do that on 10/1 because that's when I posted the first chapter. Maybe I'll have enough time to write up mini retrospectives for each chapter? And then post those throughout October? That could be interesting. And tiring. But still, interesting. I could pull the original upload dates since I made a tumblr in between ACIFT and BHM. Although those are going to be VERY spaced out, especially near the end. So much for doing a month's worth of prompts WITHIN the month. But I'll save all my whining for when those go up.

Also, shoutouts again to my beta at the time, @makomaki5. I hope you're doing well.

Anyway, I think that's about it. See ya.

[livebloggingmydescentintomadness]

I've been depressed for as long as I can remember. I have a diagnosis for persistent depressive disorder. I don't remember much before middle school, but from my journals from back then I can tell that I've been depressed since I was at least 10. I'm 23 now and in college and I feel like my depression has only gotten worse as the years progress. I actually did things in high school—I read books, I studied languages, I played video games. (1/2)

(2/2) I've slowly stopped doing all those things and more and most days I barely have enough energy or will to scroll through tumblr. I just don't comprehend how I can exist without my depression. Without hating myself. That's all I've done for over half of my life. I feel like I would be a completely different person without it. Like I wouldn't be me. And that feels messed up... but it's how I feel. I just don't feel like I deserve to be happy or to like myself.

this is a really, really common way for people with depression to feel. and when you think about it, it makes sense to fear the unknown, to fear change, to fear becoming a person you don’t even recognize. that feeling makes sense.

but the important thing to remember is that depression lies. constantly. just because you feel this way doesn’t mean that it’s true.

who would you be without the depression? you would be not fucking miserable every day. you would be a version of yourself who does things, like you used to. you would be someone with hobbies, someone with the energy to accomplish things, someone who goes out with their friends and laughs without thinking about you secretly wish you were dead, or at least didn’t exist. 

without depression, you’re not automatically happy, but you’re capable of happiness. you’re able to pursue things that make you happy instead of lying motionless in bed feeling like everyone would be better off without you. without depression, you can get up and take a shower, do some laundry, tidy up your room, read a good book and feel content with yourself.

without depression, you can know that the people in your life love you and value you, that you aren’t a horrible person and it really is okay for you to have good things and experience happiness. 

i know it sounds unbelievable to someone who’s been depressed their whole life, but it literally isn’t normal to feel the way you feel right now. it’s not normal to feel hopeless, it’s not normal to want to die or not exist, it’s not normal to think others would be better off without you, it’s not normal to believe that you don’t deserve a decent existence. these are more of the lies that depression feeds you 24/7.

let me tell you something, hon. you don’t notice it leaving. you don’t suddenly feel empty, like you’ve lost yourself; you notice a glimmer of light through a cracked door, coming into the pitch-black room you’ve been sitting in for years. you don’t notice an absence, you notice a sudden presence of things you hadn’t even fully realized you’d lost over time. 

when the lights turn on, you don’t think “oh my god the dark is gone, where did all my dark go.” you think, “oh, that’s what i’ve been missing in the dark all this time. there it is again.”

yes, it might be scary to be a whole new person that you’ve never been before, but you know what? it might be exciting too. you probably can’t even imagine that in the state of mind you’re in today, but you can actually experience excitement again. you can look forward to being someone new, to creating yourself into someone you enjoy being. you can look forward to just being capable of being someone new.

i promise you, darling, you deserve to have a life worth living. your quality of life fucking matters. and there is no reason that you wouldn’t deserve it when you’re just a normal person with an illness that isn’t your fault. none of this is your fault. your brain is sick, and there’s nothing shameful about that. it just is, and you deserve treatment for this illness exactly as much as a cancer patient deserves chemotherapy. there is no difference.

i’m glad that you’ve gotten a diagnosis, but have you received treatment for your diagnosis? i know that taking antidepressants can be scary (i go over some of it here), but they can be absolutely fucking lifesaving. it might not be easy, but it’s important. if you haven’t tried a prescription, please talk to your doctor about getting started on one, and if you’ve tried one that didn’t help, please talk to your doctor about trying a different one. antidepressants aren’t one-size-fits-all, it often takes some shopping around to find the one that fits for your brain.

you deserve more than this, sweetheart, i promise. please don’t be afraid of losing this misery when you have so much to gain.

[bowditch]

do you have any tips for getting over the feeling of "everyone else in the community is a better or more popular writer than me and the themes and characterization that i'm exploring have already been handled so much better by other writers"

maybe!okay, here’s the thing. you’re always going to end up finding people who are better writers than you. the few people i’ve ever met that didn’t feel that way are usually (a) not very nice people and (b) not actually very good writers. there are times when i’m reading and i’m blown away by how good something is. depending on my mood, this either surfaces as just pure enjoyment or outright jealousy. i know! it’s ugly! it’s not pretty! i’m ready to punt my laptop out the window from sheer “i can’t believe they wrote that and i didn’t” spite.and when you’re in fandom, you’re surrounded. it’s free to publish, so people who wouldn’t finish original stuff or shop themselves to editors or only like writing shorts– they’re all there. and they’re generating a ton of content in bigger fandoms. you can’t throw a rock without hitting the same idea or premise five times before it lands on the floor.so, accept these things, first of all, as facts: 1. you are going to be surrounded by other genuinely good artists.2. most ideas aren’t new.they’re not criticisms of you as an artist. they’re just not. now, what to do about it.1. Find friends who love the same things you do and then write for them.This might sound like cliche advice, but write for yourself and your friends. Honestly. Other people might love what you write, they might hate it, they might be indifferent. But write what you want to write and read, without focusing on hit count or comment numbers. Those things are great if they happen, but write what you want first. Write for friends who will yell excitedly and accuse you of personally killing them. You need that support.2. Embrace fanon or deconstruct it. Pick one. Pick both at the same time!Listen, there are only so many plot structures. There are only so many tropes, and emotional pay-offs. If we all said that the one writer who did a flu hurt/comfort story was the only one who was allowed, and we had to all write original ideas after that, flu whump would have died in the 1970s with Star Trek fanfiction people mailed each other. But no. I will read any decently-written flu whump with my favorites because….I love that trope, I fricking love it. I will read a dozen stories about Bruce Wayne showing up for his kids in one day. So focus on writing well, include details that interest you, and don’t worry about what other people are writing. Maybe you’ll manage to say it in a way that sticks with one particular person and that’s awesome.3. Read.This is the advice I am bad at following. I get sucked into fandom. I do! I’m an obsessive person. But if you’re feeling like you’ve seen the same thing a hundred times, everything feels worn out and you’ll never write anything that causes a splash in the churning waters, then stop refreshing tumblr, stop reading about the same favorite characters, and read. Go find a comic from fifteen years ago you’ve never tried, go pick up a novel or some poetry or an essay. The best way to keep perspective that isn’t self-consuming and too repetitive is to introduce new thoughts and angles, then come back to your own writing with that lens. 4. Believe what you say matters, then believe it doesn’t matter.Okay. You want to write. SO WRITE. Just do it! It doesn’t have to be perfect, you have something to say or talk about or explore: GO DO IT. You matter as a person and an artist and you aren’t actually just writing the same thing everyone else has done unless you’re plagiarizing. If it feels that way, then maybe find a different idea to write. But something is holding you back. If it’s fear of looking like a copycat, ignore it. If it’s disinterest because you just started a story hoping for hit counts, then move on. And now? Believe it doesn’t matter if you say the same thing someone else has written, a hundred someone elses have written. So what? This is your story. It doesn’t matter what other people think as long as you’re writing something that has meaning and importance to you. Yeah, it helps to get good feedback, but that’s what friends are for. 5. Encourage others.Don’t let your bitterness or struggle make you compare yourself so much that you end up completely self-focused. When you find beauty, appreciate it. Praise it. Some of the best relationships I’ve found with other writers started with me loving their work and telling them so. Even if they seem more popular than you, I can almost promise most fanfic authors do not think of themselves that way. They’re still people who share the same struggles and fears about their craft, usually have somehow stumbled into the attention their work receives, and don’t know how to generate it or replicate it. And when you’re in the habit of building others up and encouraging them, you often foster an environment where they are willing to return the favor.I hope this helps!

[bosstoaster]

good to know i'm not the only one who needs the cute! well then, how about #32 for shunk instead?

(Wondering what this is?  This is the 800 Followers Special!  Find out more here.  Don’t wanna see these because there’s a lot of them coming over the next couple of weeks?  Blacklist ‘800 Followers Special’.  Hate reading on Tumblr?  These will be going on AO3 as ‘This Paradox Place’ a couple of days after posting.)

I think you are beautiful and I would like to kiss you.  I can think up some clever lines, if you’d prefer.  But I wanted to say that, first. (None of those lines seemed to be about you or me.)

“Lance,” Hunk muttered, eyes wide.  He was reading down the list that Lance had shoved into his hands, growing more alarmed with each one.  “I can’t use these.”

Crossing his arms, Lance leaned back in his chair.  “Why not?  These are gold, dude, I promise.”

Hunk stared over at him, mouth open.  “Are you serious?  Who says these?”  He looked down, picking one at random.  “‘Do you want to be my boyfrien?  I left off the d because you’ll get that later.’  Lance, I can barely read these without wincing, much less say them out loud.”

Snickering, Lance waggled his brows.  “You can’t say you don’t want to give him the D, dude.”

“That’s not the point!  And that’s not all of it, either.”  Hunk huffed, reading further.  “‘That shirt has to go, but you can stay.’  Ugh.”

“Actually, I insist you do that one.  Preferably at training, so I can see too.”  At Hunk’s bland look, Lance shrugged and grinned.

Sighing, Hunk put the list aside and grabbed Lance’s pillow, hiding his face in it.  This was the worst idea.  He had no idea what he’d been thinking, when he’d asked for help.

It was just...

Hunk was nervous.  Because the guy he wanted to approach was Shiro.  Who was gorgeous and smart and determined, and intimidating in a way that wasn’t purposeful.  So Hunk wanted this to go well.  He wanted to prep, to have the words ready that would tell Shiro how he felt and, maybe, if he was lucky, convince him to say he felt the same way.

So Hunk had gone to Lance, which is what he always did when he needed help being talked into something.

This time it may have been a mistake.

Hunk wasn’t sure if Lance wasn’t taking this very seriously - a possibility, considering he’d insisted several times already that Shiro was interested and this was a ton of effort for a surefire success - or if this was just his version of helping.

Maybe he should have gone to Keith.  At least he would tell Hunk flat out if this was doomed to failure.

“You wanna practice?” Lance offered, not bothering to hide his grin.  “You be you and I’ll be Shiro.”  He stood up, shoulders back and chest pushed out, and he brought up a hand to place a finger over the bridge of his nose.  “Hunk,” Lance half-barked out, voice much lower.  “I think you’re swell.  Let’s form love.”

Unable to help it, Hunk cracked up and threw the pillow at Lance.  It bounced off his head with enough force to make Lance drop the pose.  “Don’t!  I need to keep up a straight face when I’m doing this.”

“You sure? I feel like straight isn’t what you’re going for here.”

Covering his eyes with one hand, Hunk tried and failed to stop his chuckles.  “Okay, maybe not.”

Lance waited until Hunk had gotten control of himself.  “Fine, if that’s not gunna work, I’ll show you how it’s done.  You be Shiro and I’ll be you.”

“Oh, this is gunna end well.”

Fluttering his lashes, Lance brought up both his hands to his chest, the way Hunk always did when he was nervous.  “Shiro, do you like raisins?  How do you feel about a date?”

As Hunk burst into a new set of snickers, he decided he was wrong.

Lance had been the right call after all.

Okay, maybe not.  Because when Hunk actually had Shiro alone, all those lines they’d practiced suddenly ran away from his head.

“Everything okay?” Shiro asked, going from relaxed to worried.  No doubt he was reacting to Hunk’s increasing nerves.  Which didn’t help, because Shiro getting tense just made Hunk feel like he was screwing this up and hello, feedback loop.

Clearing his throat, Hunk nodded.  “Yeah.  I just wanted to say that, uh...”  He mentally scrambled, trying to think of at least one decent line, but totally blanked.  But Shiro was still staring, confused, so Hunk just blurted out what he wanted to say anyway.  “I just- you’re really beautiful and I want to kiss you.”

It came out louder than he’d meant, and the words echoed in the hall, making Hunk squirm.  Across from him, Shiro stared.  At least he’d lost that worried edge, but now he looked like Hunk had smacked him.

Which wasn’t making Hunk feel very good about this plan, right now.

Before he could backtrack though, Shiro’s shoulders slumped, and with that change of posture he didn’t look startled so much as awed.  “You think- me?”  He reached up, the movement looking completely instinctive, and touched the tips of his fingers to the scar across his face.

That was when it all finally clicked.  Hunk was still nervous, but this was more important now that just telling Shiro he liked him.  This was about making sure Shiro saw himself the way Hunk did.

“Yeah, I do,” Hunk replied, finally stepping closer.  “I really do.  I was going to try and come up with a cool line, but none of them worked.  And I forgot them anyway.”  Reaching up, he gently took the hand Shiro had raised in his own, threading their fingers together.  “I just wanted you to know that.”

Shiro swallowed hard.  “Thank you,” he replied softly.  “That means a lot, considering who it’s coming from.”

Pausing, Hunk’s brow furrowed.  “Considering what, exactly?”

Lips curling up, Shiro pressed their foreheads together, and Hunk’s heart sped up, thudding in hopeful pattern.  “Well, you are a Hunk.”

“Shiro, c’mon, that’s terrible-”

And then Shiro leaned in and kissed him, and Hunk forgot all about bad jokes.

Going to Lance for help had been a good call, but maybe Hunk should have just trusted himself to get it right.

Hunk would try to remember that.  But it was hard to remember anything right now, when Shiro’s fingers were grabbing onto Hunk’s shirt, and his lips were opening against his own.

He’d make a memo later.