#okay i gtg to sleep now i’m so sleepy

[froggtogs]

my recent squid sisters collection

[hiimkendy]

so, it all started with my sister

i was literally dying from some sort of stomach bug, right after i had the flu! so i couldn’t go to school, but my mother was concerned something bad would happen to me while no one was home. so what was the bright idea we came up with? i would go to work with kailan at the day care! so that’s where i went for half the day until i was sweating and almost crying from pain and she took me home. but while we were there, i decided to confide in her. i told her i was dating elliot, and that whatever happened between us was over and said and done. all was forgiven and he makes me happy. she told me to not tell my mother whatever happens between elliot and i because my mother hold grudges. naturally, with her being my older sister, i trust her. but maybe i shouldn’t have.

Friday, January 20

i’m still sick- getting over that bug. elliot barges in my house, per usual, and gives me a hug and a kiss after school. he has to leave, he has his friend zach over and idk they’re going to elliot’s house to do boy things. i briefly meet zach which was a little awkward since i was in my matching snowflake pajamas. elliot leaves in a flash and i hop my sick butt back into bed and try to enjoy being sick as much as possible. i got my dog, i got my snacks, i got New Girl playing on my tv, i’m good. about 2hours later i get a text from elliot, “i’m coming over.” so of course i’m confused and panicked! i’m sick! he shouldn’t come over! and where is zach! zach was with him! elliot knocks at my door and he and zach are there! i asked elliot why he was here and he replied, “i need to take care of my baby girl! and i wanted to be with you, but i couldn’t leave zach” okay, weird. i didn’t need him. but now he’s here! so i mosey up the stairs and i resume my episode of new girl while i have two new accompaniments in my bed. after a while everyone get’s sleepy and we make some sort of pile on each other? zach is base, elliot is on zach, i’m laying on elliot. we all almost fall asleep, sitting in the dark listening to music or some video elliot wanted to watch. it was peaceful, and it was rowdy. it was an inconvenience, but also really sweet and fun. it was uncomfortable, but also cozy. i had the best time while being sick, i can’t lie.

my mother finds out, because of my sister’s second nature to gossip! so of course now my mother is beyond hurt that i didn’t tell her, and we get into an argument. a big one. a really big one. within a matter of seconds she’s screaming, telling me i’m stupid, she’s protecting me, and that elliot just isn’t worth it. she’s angrier than i’ve ever seen her. she’s upset that i’ve trusted kailan instead of her. “you can never see him, as long as i have anything to do with it.” so now i’m yelling and she’s yelling and we’re both crying. we’re trying our hardest to hurt the other person. “you’re not my friend anymore!” “well you’re not my friend anymore!” 

somehow we get to the topic of my attempted suicide. i couldn’t even tell you the date. i know it was in the past year, in summer i believe. i took a bunch of pills, 18 melatonin to be exact, and a few regular pain killers. i’ve never had the chance to talk about it face to face with her. i was so angry at her for that and i didn’t even know it, because i don’t talk about things. i was infuriated with her for not noticing anything of course that’s not fair- i’ve been hiding all of my feelings all of my life. how was she supposed to know?

with talking about how upset i was with her for not noticing, she came to the conclusion that i resented her for pushing me to go with john 4.10.14. which i don’t 

all in all- it got really emotional and a lot of things came up. we argued for 3hours. 

i cried, and cried, and cried, and cried, and cried until my eyes were red and puffy. i didn’t think my eyes could ever get red because i’ve never cried that much.

needless to say, i didn’t sleep that night.

the next morning i woke up and sat on her bed while she got ready, per her request. it was silent. so silent. we just looked at each other, confused on how we could hurt each other so much. we barely spoke.

Saturday, January 21

i text elliot, which tears me up inside. why did i do that? i knew he was still with zach, he didn’t need to know what i was going through. he didn’t need to know, it was none of his concern. i don’t care if i was stabbed because i was dating him, i should suffer in silence and not worry him, but i know that’s the exact opposite way he thinks. so i guess maybe that’s why i texted him, i put my feelings of pride and stoicism aside and i opened up to him, because if he found out weeks later what i had went through it would crush him that i didn’t ask for help. of course he starts to worry, which immediately makes me want to distance myself because i feel like if i don’t talk to him at all it’ll make him worry less. i know my backwards logic and damaged emotions are wrong when it comes to situations involving people, so i continue. i tell him i don’t know where to start and that we should just talk later. i want him to enjoy his time with his buds. but of course he’s not having it. i didn’t know where to start, so i rambled and random things that upset me from the night before came out in no particular order. he tells me he doesn’t have a lot of time. i’m confused and scared because i spent my whole night crying, why am i still crying?! i repeatedly ask him how to get it to stop, but i get no answer. perhaps he doesn’t know either. he sends me a text that doesn’t surprise me in the least, everyone leaves. “i gtg i have to help a friend.” now what does surprise me is that as soon as i read that text, i hear my front door open and i hear his voice. (why is my front door always unlocked) he runs up the stairs, i quickly shut the door and try to wipe my face of any tears. i hear him at my bedroom door- “please let me in. i want to help, but i can’t help through this door.” i open the door. he sweeps me into the most lovely hug, and i felt safe. i sit down on my bed with him. i’m not even sure what i said, everything on my part is a blur, i only remember him. “my friends don’t need me” “you’re important to me” “i’ve got you, i’ll keep you safe i promise” “i couldn’t leave alone” “i want you to know that i will always be here” it was one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me- especially since i didn’t ask. i never o n c e hinted that i needed him or anything like that. he truly cares for me. i cried in front of him, and he was there. he didn’t leave me, he was there just like he always said he would always be. he wiped away my tears and told me i was strong.  

i’ve never felt so loved, and secure. there is no way i could ever possibly doubt his love for me ever again. he’s a keeper!

you would think it ends there- but it doesn’t.

he tells me to “get dressed, i’m coming to his house” he says that he can’t leave me alone, but his friends are still at his house. his friends show up at my house and we walk back to elliot’s. i see his mother, i give her a hug. evie is beyond happy to see me, i let her take over my phone and download musical.ly. i follow her and we watch her videos and i laugh. i finally meet lulu, and boy oh boy do we get along well, it was lovely meeting her. everyone that i was nervous about welcomed me with open arms and i was so happy. i watch elliot and zach play battlefront and some basketball game. every few seconds elliot glances over to check on me and kisses my cheek. oh yeah and they made me play knockout- i like the tiny ball, it fits in my hands better. there was some point where we ended up laying together on the floor- i couldn’t pay attention to anything else in the room but him. how happy and safe he made me feel consumed me, it was like we were the only ones in the room. which is saying something because his younger brother was screaming very loudly while playing video games. i was resting head on his shoulder/chest and our faces were pressed together as we layed in an almost sleep like rest while whispering cute things to each other and giving each other kisses on the cheek and smiling.

btw i tried to lie to my mother but apparently she knew i was with elliot the whole day lmao 

elliot walked me home

and i don’t know what changed my mothers mind but she called him back to the porch and made me go inside 

she finally forgave elliot and likes him again!

elliot goes home and tells his mother we’re dating again 

and everyone is okay? everyone is okay

i haven’t been this happy in so long

[wittynshitty-blog]

CH 5-REAL GOODBYE TEXTS part 2!

The good times flew so quickly’

It was all he could think of when he was packing his luggage. he was happy that they did meet and bid goodbyes to each other and finally he was going tomorrow. So he finished packing and went to his Facebook page and started downloading all of her pics, as creepy it may sound but he wanted to carry a small part of her with him suddenly his phone buzzed.

She -Hi

He –hi!

She-wassup ?

He-looking at Ur pics again again!

She -Again ? Aap ke pass kaam dhandha nahii hai kya ?

He- hai naa both are YOU! :*

She-Mein dhandha hu ? :PD

He-Yup mine! :p I know I sound crazy idk y i’m saying this!

She-Hehe :P, pagal Admi :P, Card padhe ? he realized yes the cards she had given him some hand made cards and he was not allowed to read it in front of her.

He-nahi,should i read them now? as previously i was not supposed to read them till i reach my destination?

She-No.you read them now and tell me how you feel,as i’m a girl i cant wait for that long.

He-Okay! i will read them in the order in which you have given it to me.

She- okay!

He-happy new year in advance to you! (it was a simple card but the main thing was it was hand made and that made it felt so unique and hard touching)

She- next? and Dekho handwriting ke bare mein kuch mat bolnaa.

He-okay its my birthday! thanks again!

She-you know three years passed and we never meet at your birthday?

He-Its okay! though we didn’t meet but you are always the 1st one to wish me! and plus we meet at your birthday so!

She-okay next?

He-okay its 14 Feb tab Kya hota hai?

She-IDK! Dekho heart paint karne liye mere pass brushes nahii tha So I did it with my fingers toh ussko kuch maat bolnaa

He-Hehe okay! :p I’m reading it my Valentine!

She-Next ? tum padho I just brb Ek sec mein

He-okay! and  best aadmi? sure? :p

She-I’m Back and yes best aadmi! and next thing will be holi! sorry i couldn’t help myself!

He-hehe! okay! let me read it!

She-hmm…!

He-okay I know d bet is valid pagal Will do it next year pakka! (he remembered his bet about kissing her at time of holi and havnt been able to do so)  n tshirt? kyu? (in this she was mentioning his abs, he knew it still pushing it…)

She- Yes!

And  Toh as i said I won’t go for holi Next year jaaungi as without you what will i do!

He- oh I love u so much! n holi se pehele toh its Ur birthday missy! :p happy birthday in advance wish u have every moment of happiness in Ur life for ever!

She-Happiness toh next year hogaa na

He-okay!

She-next

He-okay next one says SORRY n I have no idea y? should I open it? :l

She-YES

He-okay wait!

She-okayy!

He-I hate you! a lot :* pagal! mein darr gaya tha! :l (this one actually was April’s fool day card but that got reveled in the end only, as the start talked about her relationship with one of her friend which he had no idea about, it was a relief when he read the last line and came to know that it was a joke)

She- haha! but idea was good naa?

He- Yup! pagal aaurat I love u!

She-I love you too best admii

He-okay last one! Diwali!

She-0kaayy

He- u know u look like a princess in white! :* (in this she had elaborated their first Diwali together so well that it felt like he was there and was reliving that moment again those lights,that scent of crackers in the air,that face she use to make when there was a loud cracker burst, all that was so lively and enjoyable)

She-So happy ?

He-very! and thanks for all the effort you put in.

She-you know what?

He-what?

She-kal bhi maat jao!

I pinky swear! I won’t fight And I won’t irritate! and will let you poke

Sochlo aisa offer fir nahi milengaa

He-Jaan u know I want to stay but think Ur family Will not accept me if I’m not settelled in my life! :l I’m going for us Jaan for our future! :l n most importantly for YOU my love! please understand!

She-I do! please be back soon!

He-i will! you know what?

She-What?

He-I don’t know how should I thank u for everything u did for me for all these 3 years!

She-You don’t need to thank me  Bs jaldi jaake jaldii aao

NAhiiii wait

Der se jaake jaldi aao

He-okay!

She-Pagal! Go sleep It’s your soone ka time And you must be sleepy

And You watch big boss right ?

Guess who’s the winner ? Miss Khan!

He-I know that! okay I gtg! sorry Will talk to u later! too sleepy!

She-okay bbye good dreams sweet night! (that was her way of writing it she knew it was wrong but she always wanted to be unique!

He- bye! same to you! :*

She- :* have a great journey and do miss me!

He-I will!