#okay but imagine if stranger things was just muppets

[smoooothoperator]

Beautiful Stranger

11: Begin Again

Driver! Lando Norris x OC (Lily Barton)

Summer love, strangers to friends to lovers, Greece and Greek mythology references

Words: 3.3k

Masterlist

Official playlist

previous part | epilogue

a/n: so this is the end guys... But don't worry, you'll have a epilogue!!! The end was how you expected? Was something surprising? I read you!

Every type of feedback is very welcomed

13th of November

His birthday. He always liked to celebrate it. Since he was little his mom used to make him a birthday cake and invite some of his friends to his house, making a small party in the backyard of the house. They sang "Happy birthday" to him and then he blew the candles while they clapped.

But this year, even if it was the same and he could celebrate it with his family and friends, he didn't want to celebrate it. Because the person he loves is not here with him.

Last night he wrote another email. And she didn't reply, again.

He got out of the bed, leaving on it the blonde girl whose name he can't remember, and went to the kitchen. The sun is rising yet, it's too early.

How could he fell so low? At which moment did he decide that being with different girls could make him forget about her, if the only thing he does is compare them to her? And the worst part of it was that every time he did that, he ended up writing her an email in the middle of the night with the girl he took to his bed sleeping next to him

"How am I lying to?" He sighed, rubbing his face with a hand.

The truth is that he was losing hope. He was giving up slowly. And it scared him more than not having her forgiveness and living his whole life knowing that he let her go because of a mistake he made.

"Hey" the girl purred, walking out of the bedroom wearing his shirt. "Smells nice"

"Mhm" he nodded, taking a sip of the tea. "I think you should leave"

"Why? You didn't have fun?" she chuckled. 

"No" he said, looking away. "And I have to take a plane. So if you would leave soon, I would appreciate it"

"What an asshole" she groaned, turning around and going to his bedroom to get dressed with the clothes she came with.

He didn't see her walk out, but the front door being slammed after she left made him know she wasn't happy. Neither was he.

Sometimes he imagined how his life would be if he never lied to her. They could be calling all days, asking how their day was. Lando liked the idea of her watching his races on the TV at her house, or while she was working on her office at home. Ne would be sending her VIP paddock passes in case she wanted to come to a race and when she came he would always show her around and explain everything related to his work.

But those are only things he creates in his head. Lies he tells to himself trying to not think about what he did.

"Happy birthday, muppet" Carlos chuckled through the phone.

"Oh, hey… thanks, mate" he sighed. 

"Are you okay?" he sighed, making him bite his lip and smile weakly.

"Yeah, yeah… just a year older" he laughed sadly. "I'm okay"

"I'll see you later? Your father asked me if I was going to your birthday party at their house" Carlos said.

"Oh, sure" he smiled weakly. "Yeah…"

"Okay, tell me what's wrong, Lando" he sighed. "I can feel that you are not being yourself"

"You think so?" Lando asked, letting a sarcastic laugh get out of his chest. "I haven't been myself since I came back from Greece, Carlos. And you know why"

"You should forget her. This time for real. She won't answer you"

"I'm not ready for that" he sighed. "I just… she was the one, mate. I swear. In such a short time I loved her so much"

"But you decided to ruin it, Lando" he sighed. "You didn't make it work properly"

"Not you too, please…"

"No, Lando. Stop complaining and listen to me. I think I have every right to say what I'm going to say" Carlos sighed, making him nod even if he couldn't see that. "I told you from the start that what you did was stupid. You could have told her your name without creating a lie knowing that she didn't recognize you. But no, you decided to play the immature card and lie to her and to the whole town where you stayed. The second stupid thing you did was fall for her and not tell the truth explaining things with time, just how she did. She trusted you and the only thing you did was give her false trust"

"You think that I don't know that, Carlos?" he frowned, holding the phone tightly. "You don't think that I regret lying to her? I know I acted immature, you don't have to repeat it"

"Then act like the adult you are and mature" he frowned. "Settle down, find someone and marry her later"

"I already found her" he frowned. "And I won't give up on her"

He ended the call, disappointed because one of my best friends doesn't support him. 

He might be selfish, but the only one that knows when he found the love of his life it's him.

After finishing breakfast, he grabbed his backpack and got everything ready to leave, making the bed and making sure that everything was in order. 

How can he be happy the day of his birthday knowing that she won't be there?

"Fuck…" he sighed, chucking the email and watching that there's no reply, again.

The plane flight felt longer than it was. He wasn't excited to go back home, to meet family and friends and spend time with them. 

But maybe Carlos was right. Maybe… maybe he should forget her, find someone else and have a real start, without lies and always telling the truth. Maybe he should close that chapter of his life and start a new one, make himself a new man.

He kept his phone muted all day, not wanting to be disturbed and deleting all the notifications he had on his phone.

All the notifications, the new email with a reply included between them, sending it to the spam.

When the plane landed, he saw his friend there to welcome him, holding a big paper with the letters "Happy Birthday" on it. Lando smiled weakly and walked towards him, hugging him tightly.

"It has been a long time since you celebrated your birthday here" Max smiled him, hugging his shoulders and walking with him towards his car. "How are you feeling?'

"Like shit, mate… like an actual shit" he smiled weakly.

The way towards his family house wasn't long, letting him look out of the window and watch all the houses he remembers from his childhood, one of them being too special for him.

"Do you remember that house from the end of the street?" Lando asked his friend.

"The one of Miss Rose?" Max frowned looking at his side. "Yeah"

"I always wanted to buy it when I was little" he smiled weakly. "Thinking I could grow old on that house and have a family there"

"Mhm" his friend nodded. 

"I… should I give up?" he mumbled, playing with his fingers nervously. "Should I forget Lily and start a new chapter of my life? Why do I feel my heart being squeezed by the thought of that?"

"Because that, my friend, is how love works" Max smiled weakly. "I know you fucked up pretty bad. But love is love. I know some people tell you that you should move on and continue with your life. But I know you, mate… I know you too much to know that you are not like that. That when you fall for someone you fall so hard that you don't care about being hurt later"

"Then why are people telling me to give up?" he frowned. "Carlos called me this morning and told me to find someone else. I can't! I can't imagine my life without her"

"Can I ask you something?" he said, stopping the car at the traffic light. "Four months have passed since you left Greece, and you had a lot of free time while not having races. Why did you never  think about going there and talk with her instead of sending her emails?"

"I…"

"You say that you miss her and that you love her. But you never tried to go back to her" Max frowned. 

"Because I wanted to give her space" he mumbled, trying to convince himself that it was the right answer.

"Did you?" he asked. "Or was it that you were afraid of her reaction?"

Lando looked at his friend surprised. He never wanted to admit it. He had dreams, nightmares, about her saying that she hates him, that she doesn't love him anymore, that she regrets everything. He was afraid of facing her again.

"I don't know" Lando sighed.

"I think it's time to figure it out, mate" Max sighed. "Because sleeping around with girls after going to parties is not the right way of forgetting her or whatever you wanted to get with that"

When Max parked the car in front of his family house, Lando didn't know what to do. His friend is right, he should.go for what he actually wants.

"Come on, everyone is waiting for you"

He walked with Max inside of the house, smiling when he saw everyone there to surprise him, receiving all the hugs they wanted to give him.

"Hey" Carlos smiled weakly, walking towards him. "I'm sorry about this morning…"

"No, you were right" Lando interrupted him. "I have to settle down. And I'll do it,. you'll see"

Carlos smiled proud and hugged his friend, patting his back.

Everyone sat on the table, getting ready for lunch while talking.

Lando smiled looking around, watching his family and friends. He couldn't help but feel a stab on his chest not finding her face there, but he has his friends and loved ones near, and a plan working on his brain.

After his family sang to him, he closed his eyes and made a wish, making his smile grow a little.

"I wish she gives me a second chance and we could live on Miss Rose's house until the end of times"

He blew off the candles and smiled looking around, grabbing the knife and cutting it to share with his friends.

After eating, everyone went to the backyard. Some of them were playing football, others were sitting on chairs and drinking beers. 

He looked at his brother, how he played with his daughters Mila and Athena, making Lando smile. 

He wants the same Oliver has. He wants a family to love and build a future. He wants Lily to build a future with him.

He's decided. Once the season finishes, he will go to find her. He will go and talk with her like two adults. He will ask her to be his, to create something only they can know how to build.

26th of November

He felt a weight get out of his shoulders once he crossed the finish line.

His second half of the season was hard, finishing with points but not as high as he wanted. 

But he didn't care anymore.

He knows that once he gets out of the car he will be free for the rest of the year. He knows that once he takes off the racing suit he will be free of work responsibilities and he can do whatever he wants.

He took off his helmet and looked up at the night sky, taking a deep breath and smiling. 

He knows that once he leaves the hotel, he will take a plane that will land on Athens and then another plane that will land on Corfu. He knows it will be a long day, but for her he has enough energy.

"What are you going to do during the winter break?" Oscar asked him, walking towards the McLaren hospitality after their media duties.

"I'll go get my girl back" he smiled proudly.

Everything was perfect in his mind. Too perfect that he never thought about things that could go wrong. He didn't even reserve an apartment for him to stay, thinking that she could open her apartment for him.

The moment he landed in Greece, he was tired. His body was begging him to stop and rest, to recover energy. But his heart was beating too fast, he was too excited to be here and find the love of his life again. So he fought against the tiredness and catched the second plane and the ferry that could bring him near the town.

Once he got out of the taxi in front of Nora's restaurant, he smiled looking around. This place feels like home, only because of a person.

"Lando? What are you doing here?"

He turned around and smiled at the old woman, walking towards her with his suitcase next to him.

"I came for Lily"

"Lily…" she smiled sadly. "I told her you would come… but she didn't listen to me"

"Is she working? Or she's at the apartment?" Lando asked, looking around.

"Oh, lovely boy… she's no longer here"

"W-what?" he frowned. "What are you talking about?"

"She left a week ago, Lando" she smiled weakly, hugging him. 

"Why? I… I came to apologize. To talk with her" he frowned, confused. 

"I think you came too late, kid…"

Exactly. He came too late.

"Where is she?" he mumbled. "Nora, please… where is she?"

The old woman smiled weakly, grabbing his hand and walking him inside her restaurant, making sure he grabbed his suitcase. 

He let himself fall on a chair, not understanding what was happening. 

Lily, the Lily that loves Greece, left.

"Why did she leave?" he asked her, confused.

"Because she faced her own fears" Nora sighed. "And I see that you did the same"

"Yeah but… too late" he laughed sadly. "Too late… God, if I only came when Max told me"

"Why did you decide to come, Lando?" she asked, placing a cup of coffee in front of him.

"Because I wanted to see her. To apologize… to ask her to be mine" he mumbled. 

"Why did you stop writing? Why did you never answer her? That's why she left, kid. Because she felt that you moved on"

"What? Answer her? She never answered me!" he frowned. 

"She sent you an email for your birthday. You didn't read it?" she frowned confused.

Lando frowned, grabbing his phone and searching the email. He searched for dates, for her name. But it didn't show up.

"Oh…" he frowned when he opened the spam. "She replied…"

"Yes, she did" Nora smiled weakly. "She read all your emails, she wore your clothes all the time"

All this time he thought Lily didn't want him. Everything he wanted was to see her, to talk with her and hold her.

"God, I'm such an idiot" he groaned. 

"Here" she smiled, leaving a paper next to his cup, the same gesture she did when he left four months ago. "If you truly love this girl, please do things right. If you love her and feel ready to tell her the truth, go there"

December of 2023

The moment she left the town she was scared. She was scared of facing a new reality and starting again.

Four months ago she imagined leaving this town for a reason, for a person. She wanted to leave this town because he asked her to go live with him. Not because his lie made her open her eyes and realize that she needed to start again.

When she left Parga, the first thing she did was sell the engagement ring, making sure to have extra money. The next thing was to sell the old apartment she had in London, closing the open chapter she had of her past.

And now, in her new apartment in the middle of Firenze, she could start again. 

The boxes full of the furniture she had in London, suitcases with clothes and her art she brought from Greece and the new items she bought were on the floor of the flat, waiting to be placed on a perfect place for them.

She decided to start studying at an art academy where she can improve on her own art. She rented a small store where she can sell handmade things, with all the shells she found in Greece and creating her own brand.

Lily was proud of herself. Of how she got out of that lie she was living in. Of how she knew she could do everything alone, without a man next to her.

But sometimes she finds herself, laying on her bed, dressed with his hoodies. They stopped smelling like him, and even if she bought his perfume, it wasn't the same. It didn't smell like him anymore. And it broke her heart just a little, knowing that losing his smell meant losing him too.

She used to check his social media, to see how he was doing. She even started watching races while she was in Greece, supporting him in silence.

Somewhere deep inside her wished he answered her. She kept checking her email, but there wasn't anything from him.she wished he went to Parga, but it was just an stupid wish.

She spent her birthday alone, buying herself a cake and blowing the candles after making her wish.

"I wish he was here holding me at night"

Firenze was cold in winter, making her wear hoodies and jumpers and keep her favorite dresses at the highest shelf of the wardrobe. Everytime she sees herself in a mirror, her mind goes back to her life in England, and it makes her shiver thinking about that.

The past is in the past. She can't change it, she won't change it. But what she can change is the future and the present, and she only hopes all her wishes come true.

That day, 6th of December, after eating her own birthday cake, she decided to take a walk around the city with a notebook and pencils in her bag, leaving her phone on the living room table.

Something she likes about that city is that no one will look at you while you sit on the stairs and draw what you were looking at. No one will question what you were doing, who you are. They will know immediately that you are someone that came to admire their place and capture its beauty on a notebook page.

"Buona sera" the lady of the coffee shop greeted her with a smile. "The same as always?"

"Yeah, thank you" she smiled.

She stopped lying to herself, being someone she's not. She wants to be authentic, true to her own essence.

After grabbing the cup of tea she walked out of the store, deciding to sit on a bench nearby and draw what she had in front of her, getting lost on every detail if it, losing the sense of time.

When she looked at the clock of her wrist she gasped. It's late and the next day she has class in the morning. So she collected everything and put it back in her bag, standing up and walking towards her apartment, listening to her music.

Opening the front door of the building she called the elevator, getting jsnjde if it and pressing the button of her floor, humming happily while holding the bag with her dinner.

What she didn't expect was to find a person sitting on the stairs next to her door, with a backpack on his lap and a suitcase next to her door.

"What…" she gasped when she stepped out of the elevator.

"I called but I heard you left the phone inside…" he said looking at her with a smile.

"You came…" she mumbled surprised, feeling how her heart started to beat fast, wanting to escape from her chest and join his heart. 

"Happy birthday, my beautiful stranger" he smiled, standing up and looking at her, opening his arms for her.

taglist

@lestappenloverr @racinggirl @roni-midnights @livster8 @kakorrhaphiphobia @starkeyellow @celestialpierre @ophcelia @msliz @lorarri @ironmaiden1313 @imsorare @mycenterfold @im-an-overthinker @soosheee @karmabyfernando @landoyesrizz @sticksdoesart @beatricemiruna @nonameishere @flwr-stella @lordperceval-16 @arisainz

[player1064]

back again with more carraville brain rot 😃 already out and very whipped carraville dealing with open homophobia from their own fans for the first time since coming out knowing it would happen eventually but not being as prepared as they’d thought they were, whether it’s just one or both of them up to you, lots of comfort of course and defense from either people at sky/class of 92 and extended mates etc. :)))))

had a hard time trying to work out the Vibe for this one bc like tbh I can't imagine fans being that bad like surely SURELY in 2024 they've moved on from the classic football homophobia... but then I remembered that people LOVE to hate Gary so of course they would. And Gary doesn't care about people hating him but Jamie is fussy and protective so he's getting all angry on Gary's behalf meanwhile he's out too and everyone is still lovely to him kdsgfjhkdsds.....

---

Gary’s not exactly a stranger to getting abuse from the stands. It sort of comes with the job – his name has always been and will continue to be attached to his club, and for every football fan he meets that supports United he’s going to meet another five who hate his guts.

Besides, he was at one point the proud holder of the title ‘most hated footballer in England’. Any cruel chants people can come up with, he’s probably heard it before.

So the first time it happens, he doesn’t even notice.

He’s pitch-side for Monday Night Football, chatting about the upcoming game, when he sees a producer behind the camera shoot a worried look towards the stands before giving him the ‘cut’ gesture.

He’d thought he still had a couple of minutes, was only just getting into the swing of it, but he’s a professional so he winds it up quickly and lets them cut back to studio.

Once the light’s off on the camera, he takes his earpiece out and asks “what was’at about?”

The producer just stares at him for a second, astounded. She blinks, then says “the audio – the mics keep picking up noise from the stands, and obviously – we can’t air that sort of thing.”

With a while to go before kick-off, the stands are still only half-full, and for the first time all evening Gary takes a moment to actually listen to what the home supporters are chanting.

He’s not sure what he’s expecting, maybe to be called a cunt (which he’s always rather enjoyed), but this –

He turns to the producer but she’s on the phone, speaking in harsh whispers. After a minute or two, she strides over to Gary and holds the phone out, scowling.

“Carragher’s threatening to walk off set,” she tells him. “You try talk some sense into him.”

Gary takes the phone, walks a few steps away from the camera set-up and says “Carra, you muppet, what’s this I hear about you walking out mid-show?”

“Someone ‘as to do somethin’,” Jamie says, “Show the fans it’s not okay to –”

“Christ alive, ‘s hardly the first time in my life I’ve been called a fag, now, is it?” Gary says with a strained chuckle, though when he tries to think back he’s not entirely sure that’s true. Still, first time for everything. “An’ what’s you havin’ a hissy fit gonna achieve? It’s Leeds, Jamie, you know they like to try rile me up ‘ere. And you’re a five hour drive away, what exactly d’you think you can do right now, idiot?”

He hears Jamie’s breathing start to slow down. “’s not right, though.”

“Eh, maybe not. But I’ve had worse, and Sky’s not payin’ you a million a year to yell at rowdy fans, are they? So go park yer bum, apologise to David for your tantrum, and get on wit’ show. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

He hangs up, and hands the phone back to the producer with a nod.

“We’re good?” she asks, eyeing him carefully.

“We’re good.” There’s a dull ache starting to build at his temples. This, too, he’s pretty good at ignoring. He smiles. “About time to head up to commentary box, in’t it?”

*

Jamie wants to talk about it on the podcast the next day. Gary tells him to stop being so dramatic.

*

Except, turns out it wasn’t a one-time thing.

It’s funny, the fans mostly leave Jamie alone. It’s Gary they seem to have a problem with, like he, personally, is everything wrong with the world of football. It comes from both sides, too, the small minority who hate him for being gay and the so-called allies who criticise him for daring to come out when he should have known that it’d only aggravate the existing problems in football culture.

Again, Jamie gets none of this. Gary suspects this is because Liverpool is leading the league while United are still stuck mid-table.

He goes out to a pub with his friends one Saturday after Salford’s lost their latest fixture, and he leaves with a black eye.

That’s new.

*

“Put all the make-up on it you want,” Jamie complains while they’re getting set up for the next Stick to Football, “don’t hide the fact that yer eye looks half the size it’s meant to be.”

It’s really not that bad. Gary ignores him and lets the make-up lady continue to work her magic.

“Thoughtful of them to hit the side that’s faced away from camera, wouldn’t you say? ‘sides, it’s not even that bad.” He looks across the table and shrugs. “Is it, Roy?”

Roy’s glare is all the reply he needs.

“This doesn’t feel right, Gal,” says Wrighty, reaching out to touch Gary’s hand. “Are you sure you don’t want to – we’ve got a good audience, here, maybe talking about it would help.”

“This one weren’t even about the gay thing!” he argues. The other four around the table give him disbelieving looks. “It weren’t. It was just post-match frustrations, these things ‘appen.”

“But nobody ever tried to hit you before the fuckin’ gay thing, did they?” Roy says.

Gary sighs, exasperated. “I don’t want it to start a whole conversation, though, do I? Just want things to go back to normal.”

“I, uh,” Jill says, clearing her throat awkwardly. “I don’t think this one’s gonna just ‘go back to normal’, to be fair.”

Well, never let it be said that Gary can’t tell when he’s outnumbered.

“Fine,” he says, raising his hands in surrender. “Fine, we’ll talk about it. But I’m tellin’ you, it won’t change anythin’”

*

“No match commentary, for rest of season. Me as well. Studio only.”

“That’s a nonsense, Jamie, I can try talk them ‘round –”

“It were my idea.”

“James…”

Jamie’s looking at him, face set, stubborn as always. And he’s so stupid, sometimes, so naïve. Ready to go to war over something that Gary’s been treating like nothing more than a minor nuisance.

“You want things to go back to normal?” Jamie argues, voice steady. “Doesn’t get much more normal than me ‘n’ you in studio on a Monday night, does it? It’ll be like old times.”

God, but Gary loves this man.

“Thought they’ve been tryin’ to keep us apart, on screen,” he says lightly, trying for a smirk. His way of telling Jamie fine, you win this one. “Keep us from getting handsy, like.”

Jamie’s face breaks into a grin, his shoulders relaxing. “Speak for yerself, lad, I’m a professional. Think I can keep me hands to meself for an hour or two.”

“Professional my arse,” Gary says, taking a step towards Jamie. “I’d bet you couldn’t last ten minutes.”

Jamie, as if this somehow helps his case, places his hands on Gary’s hips and pulls him closer. Gary, who’s made no such promises of keeping his hands to himself, loops his arms around Jamie’s shoulders and uses one hand to gently bash the back of his head.

Jamie rolls his eyes with a fond smile and leans in to kiss him.

“Uh uh uh,” Gary says, leaning away from him. “Thought you were a professional, like, can’t go kissin’ your co-pundit where anyone might see.”

“You are such a bloody nightmare,” Jamie grumbles, and goes to kiss him again.

This time, Gary lets him.

[good-morning-tucson]

LITTLE BABY THING A WEEK 2 REVIEW

flickr - i think this song is super silly. it sounds very somber and serious but its just images. thank you mr. coulton.

resolutions - everything about this song fills me with dread. just completely unavoidable stress. the fear of a new year combined with the slowed background and robotic voice does something to my head. and the counting. its like. oughhh. i can’t properly describe this songs effects on my psyche but know it Has Them.

you could be her - THIS SONG IS SO FUCKING REAL. i can feel everything the song sets up the main character to feel. all of the awful monotony and stuff. this song just reminds me of winter in the most evil way. somewhere theres a hell that was meant for me and i think ive found it #justgirlythings

i will - the only correct way to listen to the beatles

dance, soterios johnson, dance - he didnt have to go THIS hard. this one also makes me think of my foul best friend/gay lover aspen. i could fuck this song UP at karaoke. literally the most song ever. a never ever skip for me no matter the circumstances

so far so good - this is one of what i call “songs i want to listen to while slowly drifting out to the sea, drink in hand.” fills me with joy and hope but at the same time the deepest, saddest pit you’ve ever felt

curl - i think curl goes crazy despite being full red white and blue blooded american and having no interest in curling or canadians. i love it more when its live with paul and storm

chiron beta prime - my (tied) favorite joco song EVER. my first favorite joco song. chiron beta prime is very straightforward and has little room for interpretation to me but sometimes you NEED a good goofy lil sci fi song. the best. concert. ever. version with joco’s muppet laugh and andy bates is the best thing imaginable its joyous

take care of me - this song makes me really upset. he writes songs so real sometimes. he played that accordion solo for real himself i think

a talk with george - this song absolutely grew on me after hearing it live. made me really really really fucking emotional. the way he introduced it too was. ouuuughh the white man and his emotion provoking tunes. it makes my heart hurt

don’t talk to strangers - i don’t listen to this song enough. thank you dad joco

stroller town - i don’t think this song is real. i think i hallucinated this song entirely. i mean it’s not bad. his voice makes my brain go weird

re: your brains: i have the re: your brains shirt. anyway my best friend/divorced gay lover aspen have had many a conversation about the homosexual legitimacy of crazy dave and dr. zomboss from plants vs. zombies because of this song

thing a week 2 might be my favorite thing a week? i haven’t heard the others in a while so i’ll get back to you. but it does go INSANE. it’s got a ton of just amazing songs and some like. pretty good to okay songs. overall i love thing a week 2 so sweetly

[rphelperblog]

Legacies Rp Meme

“I'm trying to rise above it so let me freaking rise. “

“I just have this feeling that everything is going to work out fine.”

“I don’t have things.”

“everyone has issues of their own that they’re dealing with. We’re all in this together. Every single person here, we look out for each other, so, yeah it’s worth it.”

“I cannot stop thinking about what it felt like to kiss you.”

“I hate that you always see me when I’m weak.”

“We’re not monsters.”

“Bad liars look away when they lie to their kids. Good liars look them straight in the eye.”

“She’d probably kill us if she heard you calling her my girlfriend.”

“I’m more of a dc kid.”

“And not a moment too soon. i’m pretty sure you were about to tell me how babies are made.”

“I never wanted to before because I would have to do it alone, but now I have you. And we makeup our own faction.”

“You have such a big heart. it’s okay to let other people see it.”

“We will win or lose this battle together, no matter what comes next.”

“what if the only difference is just who’s telling the story?”

“the boy I loved has moved on, and I have absolutely no idea what to do next.”

“I’m getting back to me. I am who I am.”

“Toxic masculinity mixed with outdated sports pranks?”

“Except that I can’t handle being around a bunch of strangers right now.”

“Yeah. Uh, don’t worry though. Everyone here is dead.”

“I’m sure it was amazing, but I’d rather not talk right now. Let’s just do anything.”

I’m in. For whatever crazy thing you were about to say.”

“He won’t die! You know sci fi stuff. Help me! How do I kill him?”

““Please keep these two from trying to kill or die for each other.”

“i thought you had something important to tell us.”

“because your drunk. I really need you to focus. this is a matter of life and death.”

“you’re great at riddles. We should probably add fight training to your coursework though.”

”Well, he walked away because he thinks I can’t handle him being human.”

“In a shocking turn of events, I ignored you.”

“You’re always telling me to connect more!”

“thanks so much for the villain monologue.”

“If I need someone to die a lot or be picked on, I know who to call. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. I didn’t mean that.”

“said the narcissist.”

“Ah, yes. I did a spell to alter your appearance to turn you into the most vile thing I could imagine.”

“There’s a shelf life on doing the right thing. If you wait too long, it’s just wrong.”

“Funny because I thought it should be the one of us with high level super powers.”

“It feeds on secrets, right? So let me have it.”

“Is it possible to die from a paper cut?”

 “I’m assuming you know this symbol.”

“You are literally the only person on the planet who knows that I exist.”

“You’re not seriously suggesting we kill a unicorn.”

“block with your hand.”

“I slept with the damn thing under my pillow.It’s kind of hard to miss.”

“I just have this feeling that everything is going to work out just fine.”

“We’re not in the prison yard, ass hat!”

“I’ll take the cute vampire, I guess.”

“Where do you stand on Ewoks?”

“This is why we don’t trust plans to Muppet babies.”

“I’m unique and special. And for some reason, I’m really emo about it. Wait here while I go sacrifice myself unnecessarily.”

“Nothing that you or I will be proud of so remember this and try to forget what I’m about to do next.”

“well in that case, screw personal growth.”

“I fancy sex with you. The jury’s out on all the rest.” 

“So you get to see all of these amazing alternate universes but then eventually everything just resets back to normal and the heroes don’t even remember any of it? Lame!”

“Epic former frenemy reunion is going to have to wait.”

“Ugh, this is a nerdgasm, not a plan.”

“Do I look pretty when I play quarterback?”

“Oh, I’m sorry. We can’t all be born with resting concerned pouty face.”

. I’m worried about what I’m going to wear to my victory rally.”

You’ve multiplied – like gremlins.”

“I’m reading the instructions!”

“I think you’ve got banging… self-esteem.”

“I don’t really drink like that.”

“I’m a terrible detective too, but not half bad at picking locks.”

“Yeah, but in a gentlemanly way.”

“Are we alive? did we win?”

“if that’s supposed to be an apology, it sucks.”

“that time i spent with you the other night was one of the happiest moments of my life.”

“i had the kitchen make these. your favorite: brownies.”

“You told me once- we’re faster, we’re stronger, we’re better. Deep down, they know that. so just be better.”

“I’m still a work in progress, but I’m definitely a better version.”

“do not make me unplug you.”

“My sister has terrible taste in women as it is, but there’s no way that I’m letting her near a cold-blooded killer”

“I am so good at cleaning up your messes and supporting you. It’s almost as if I was written to have no wants or needs of my own.”

“I do not like it when you try to be cool and impress me.”

“more like despair.”

“she who shall not be named.”

“on the plus side, we are happy your single.”

“Oh god, that was my inside voice.”

“go away evil one.”

“did she who shall not be named fat shame me?”

“you can count on my steel.”

“come on, your ruining a perfect moment here.”

[cowboycostume]

I posted 10,875 times in 2022

510 posts created (5%)

10,365 posts reblogged (95%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@cowboycostume

@goddessofmourning

@angelcakecas

@hauntedpearl

@bulletsgirl

I tagged 1,931 of my posts in 2022

#go to sleep miranda - 456 posts

#spn amv - 141 posts

#oh look an ask - 37 posts

#real - 36 posts

#lotr era - 25 posts

#anon tag - 20 posts

#it's his birthday!!! - 20 posts

#muppets - 15 posts

#chaka tag - 13 posts

#m+b mutualiversary - 13 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#i know what you did last summer because it's fucked up and you kind of get the backstory of the season as well as understand who these guys

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

his. okay look. dean's first resort was telling her to imagine the guy had boobs. but he says it like its a question - and the things is OBVIOUSLY his problem isn't that he doesn't know how to flirt with men. he just doesn't know how to tell someone who isn't attracted to men how to flirt with them. it IS a question - he literally doesn't know what to tell her and when that doesn't work his immediate next step isn't to like, give some pointers. no he just. does it for her.

338 notes - Posted January 21, 2022

#4

See the full post

423 notes - Posted March 9, 2022

#3

crying the young picture has a jensenacklestans.com watermark... this man googled himself and slapped it in an instagram collage

429 notes - Posted January 24, 2022

#2

with your help, we can ensure no one casts jared leto in a film again

894 notes - Posted June 5, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

dni if you: run a discord server, own printed fanfiction, are in a relationship, question your sexuality and/or gender, gave your dog a people name, call strangers babe or sweetheart, grew up in a shame-based christian religion, read fic for the plot, can recite whole monologues from lord of the rings, like music from artists with under 2k monthly listens, take your tea with cream and sugar, could eat chicken fingers five times a week, forget to eat breakfast, have bangs, drive stick, or don't understand international postage rates

1,792 notes - Posted March 13, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[woodsteingirl]

okay here’s the much awaited (at least for me) first chapter of my multi chapter fic, where we go from here! it will be below the cut but i’m also uploading it to ao3 here

It was supposed to be a run-of-the-mill ghoul hunt. They’d be back in a day at most. But it had been more than a day and Jack was getting worried. Normally he wouldn't be this on edge, but Sam was off the grid with Eileen and wouldn't be in range for a few days. Dean and Cas had gone to Tennessee three days ago to deal with a call from a concerned local authority who got their number after another hunter had stopped by the town to deal with a vampire nest. They’d promised Jack they would call him if they really needed him, but they hadn't been picking up his calls or listening to any of his voicemails. So he did the only thing someone with the innermost thoughts of a four-year-old would. He contacted the first person he could think of that Dean and Cas cared about, minus Sam.

Claire was doing the normal thing to be doing at one in the morning on a Tuesday. Sleeping. She was understandably alarmed when someone knocked on the door at that hour. She opened the door, marine-grade knife in hand (a birthday present from Dean), to a kid no older than herself.

“Who the fuck are you and what are you doing at my house at two in the morning,” she questioned.

“Hi! I’m Jack.” He raised his hand and did a little wave.

“Okay, Jack, still doesn’t explain why you’re here.”

“I’m sort of your little brother? Did Dean and Cas not tell you?”

Dean and Cas? Huh. They had mentioned a kid, but she had expected a toddler not a teenage boy. “The god kid?”

“Yeah!”

“Huh. Okay then, so why aren’t you with Dean and Cas right now? They kick you out or something?”

“No, they’ve been on a hunting trip. They haven’t been home or answered any of my calls in a few days,” he shifted his weight from one leg to the other, “I came here to see if you’d help me look for them.”

Claire could see how worried the kid was and if anything she was no stranger to absent parents and she’d stop anyone going through that if she could. Plus it’s not like she had anything better to do these days.

“Okay but you have to let me get the rest of my night’s sleep. I’ll pack a bag and we’ll hit the road tomorrow morning.”

Jack was pretty much beaming at her now, it was evident that he looked up to Claire from what Dean and Cas had told him about her. Kaia, who he regularly talked to, also told him a lot about Claire. She was like the sibling he never had!

Claire already had a bag packed. It was her ‘drop everything, something bad has happened and I need to haul ass’ bag, so far she hadn’t had to use it aside from one time she just didn’t feel like packing a real bag. She didn’t think she ever would have to, but here she was. The stakes of the whole ordeal hadn’t set in her mind until now. If they didn’t find them or get there in time, Dean and Cas could be dead. They could be dead right now. She put those thoughts out of her mind, in favor of the more optimistic outlook of Jack’s probably just paranoid. She still couldn’t sleep very well that night.

Jack was still sitting on the couch in the living room. Claire still lived with Jody and the other girls so he couldn’t do much else without waking someone up. He eventually fell asleep on the couch. He woke up when Claire came into the room.

“You ready to go or what?” She asked.

“Yeah yeah im ready,” he mumbled back, still half asleep.

“Do you want me to drive?” Claire asked.

“I don’t have a car,” Jack said, with a look like it was the most obvious thing in the world that he wouldn’t have a car.

“How the hell did you get here then?”

“I can teleport.”

“I guess I’m driving then.”

Claire put her bag in the back seat and Jack took the passenger seat of Claire’s old Subaru. And they were off.

“So where are we going”

“Dean said they were going to Tennessee for a ghoul hunt. Someone in a small town called them, I’m not sure what town though.”

“Well, we’ve got a lot of ground to cover, then.”

They did have a lot of ground to cover. The seventeen-hour drive from South Dakota to Tennessee was a lot in and of itself, but to try and find Dean and Cas without having a clue where to look was another story.

“Do you want to look in the news for somewhere to start?” Claire asked, not looking away from the road. “Maybe if you found something in our lane we could take care of that and see if they knew anything about Dean and Cas.”

“Good idea.” Jack seemed to be happy just being out of the bunker and having something to do. He pulled out his phone to look at any news, he looked at all the major cities first. There weren’t that many. Nothing in Nashville or Knoxville.

“Heres something! A public works director in Chattanooga ran over the city treasurer with a car.”

“That just sounds like regular murder. Probably for money or something, maybe they wanted the position.”

“Yeah but there have been an increasing number of murder cases there, way more than normal, all in the past two weeks. It’s worth a shot, isn’t it? If it’s not our thing then we can just move on.”

“Chattanooga here we come, I guess,” Claire said. It wasn’t exactly the place she had thought of when thinking of the trip, she’d imagined a lot more action and less investigating a murder in Tennessee. But hey, it’s not for her sake. If it gets Dean and Cas back safe it’s worth it in her eyes.

About another hour passed in relative silence. It was going to get awkward if they were like this for another 12 hours.

“So do you listen to music?” Claire asked, just to break the silence.

“Yeah, I do. Mostly whatever Dean listens to.”

“Well do you want to play something?”

“Sure!” He seemed oddly excited about something as ordinary as picking the music, but he mostly rode in the car with Dean which means other people seldom got their say in what they listened to. Claire’s car had an aux cable which was also more than one could say about Baby. Jack really didn’t listen to much, he would listen to Disney soundtracks on occasion, but those are a sort of ‘listen to it once then it gets annoying’ thing.

“What are your thoughts on lo-fi hip hop beats to chill/study/sleep to,” Jack asked in a way that didn’t really sound like a question.

“There is really nothing else you can think of. In your super powerful angel kid brain, all you can think of is lo-fi beats to chill/study/sleep to.”

“Do you have a better idea?”

Truth be told Claire would rather listen to anything but lo-fi beats at the moment, but when put on the spot like that it’s hard to come up with an idea.

“We could just take turns playing songs for a while.”

It was a flat stretch of land for a good amount of miles up ahead so Claire didn’t need to focus so much energy on watching the road.

They went back and forth, Jack played Rainbow Connection from the Muppets and Claire played Celebrity Skin by Hole, so on and so forth. They went on like this for a while, Jack really liked Abba apparently. They eventually agreed on one of the premade “road trip” playlists on spotify. It was mostly dad rock.

“You still need to eat and stuff, right?”

“Yes, I may be part angel but I still have human DNA and organs.”

“Do you want to stop soon? It might be nice to stay overnight somewhere and just get there in the afternoon.”

“Sure. Saint Lewis isn’t too far away from here.”

They stopped at a shitty fast food restaurant and then went to try and find a motel. Instead of stopping directly in Saint Lewis, they decided to go nearer to Mark Twain National Park, as they figured they would find better luck finding somewhere available without a reservation. And they did. A shabby-looking motel almost directly off the one-lane road. They headed inside and sure enough, there were more than enough rooms. It was by no means the most pleasant place either of them had stayed, but it would do for the night. They’d be out early tomorrow morning. They checked in, the woman working at the desk couldn’t have been more than in her early twenties, which wasn’t what you would think of when you walked in, but they’d seen more suspicious things. Claire dumped her bag at the end of the bed closest to the door.

[idjitlili]

You're dead lachance.

Spike btvs x reader

Summary: Being Giles niece, going to America with him, only to meet Spike. There is anonymous request in here, 'getting locked in a room with Spike.'

A/n: slightly in Sundale , but mostly based in Los Angeles, the reader is British, due to being related to Giles. Hey, that's good for me , I'm British too. There's a request from anon but I'm not going to say to keep it a surprise. Malteser is a chocolate ball. How come I can write this much now? But I've got assignment s at are only 2000k words.

Word count:5019 Longest imagine yet.

Warnings: Language, Twilight hate references,period, questioning if vampires eat that answer is no or unconfirmed.

Not even a week ago, you had came home , only for your parental figure to rush to the door to greet you. Not long after that you were packing your suitcase for America , apparently your uncle Rupert had invited you out there. It had quite literally been years seen you had seen him, but not long until you would again.

In fact , it hadn't been even twenty four hours , before you were stood in his magic store. You weren't even sure why Rupert had brought you here. The suitcase that held your belongings , stood at your feet as Rupert  had welcomed you in, unlike your uncle had expected , the shop was completely empty, people wise.

Forced to sit down, while Rupert  made you a tea,informing you that he would get you settled at his home once he finished closing up his shop. What it felt like hours to you ,waiting, deciding it was best to read the book you had brought with you, not that you could really concentrate you just wanted to get cleaned up , in honesty.

Fingers tapping against the pine table , trying to read Boromir's last moments in Lord of the rings, re reading the same paragraph over , and over. "I tried to take the Ring from Frodo ' , he glance strayed to his fallen enemies,20." Re reading those words same words, unable to comprehend them, like your brain was blocked by a tinfoil hat, that's bullshit. Three arrows he had been struck with, yet he was still able to kill twenty highly trained orcs , more than an average vampire could do.

You were no stranger to vampires , you hadn't encountered one to say, but you knew of Rupert  job as a watcher. Though you had watched Lord of the rings many times (or not it's just replace it) and yet you still couldn't pass it , didn't Rupert have workers to clean his shop? Repeating those words , still. "Hello ,love." You almost peed yourself , standing up abruptly launching your book at the thing that had pulled you out of your distracted book reading.

Bragging your lighter from your pocket, self defence lighter, holding in front of you. As the flame lit,lifting your head up at your 'attacker' , only to be met with a smirk and platinum leather wearing man, who had caught your book with ease. "Really a lighter?" British, you had not spoken to one American , since landing.

You had just continued to stare at him not quite certain what to say, until he did again. "So , Boromir ,hm?"  You hadn't notice him step forward , holding your book for you to take back, hesitating you took it from him slowly. "Uh, yes. Thank you,but ,um, who are you?"

"Spike, and you are?"Who names there son after a sharp object? Spike had smugly smiled , placing his in his trouser pockets, it was if he was proud. You didn't get a chance to respond to Spike, before Rupert had reappeared , standing between you and Spike.

"Spike , get away from my niece, I will not allow you to corrupt her." Spike had gasped dramatically, putting his had over his mouth ,"You're related to him? But Blimey he's all ARGH and you're not." Spikes face of disgust when he looked at your uncle, Rupert had removed his glasses and began cleaning his glasses.

"Was that supposed to be a compliment?" Picking up your bags , as Rupert ushered Spike out of the shop, with you behind to lock up, it now being dark.  "It was lovely to meet you , Giles attractive niece.." "Y/n." "Y/n.." Repeating your name back slowly smiling , only if you knew he was an evil defective vampire.

"Quit the flirting Spike, she's not going to be here long." That was the last you saw of Spike , for now anyways. It wasn't even another 24 hours later , your uncle had sent you off to Los Angeles , to Wesley at Wolfram & Hart.

Wesley...you had seen him in years , since he left England. You being younger than him by some years , but you had been friends with him , being connected to Giles and all. You were brought to America to work for an evil law firm not your ideal future.

That was a year ago , not as bad as you had originally thought, Angel the CEO was indeed broody but he was trying to make a difference. In fact , the job paid very well, and all you did really read up on demons and sometimes view bodies for symbols and such.

Perhaps,yes, it did get quite lonely, it  wasn't like you had you mum to make you meals or anything. All you could have was calls from her now and then. Wesley was your friend; but he was too busy flirting with Fred. The others well, you weren't close friends, just friends.

Today was not a great day for you, first you had gotten to work  without lunch, forgotten a jacket, and Angel scheduled a meeting but you had fallen down the stairs three times. Ten minutes late, a huge bruise on your head , ruffled hair and clothing not looking very bodacious.

Knocking on the door to Angel's office three times gently , before waiting for his response to allow you in. Everyone staring at you , your face flushed with embarrassment. "I-I'm so sorry, you won't believe today has been horrible, I wouldn't have been late if I hadn't of fallen down the same stairs three times."

Heavily breathing from all the rushing, head aching like you had just hit your head falling down the stairs, Angel and the others looking at you with slight sympathy. "I've got to get a look at this muppet." That voice, you knew that that voice, until Spike had appeared from the corner of the meeting room , as you and Angel were about to walk into the room.

Almost bumping into Spike as you and him both met the door at the same time. You two would've bumped right into each other, but he passed right though you. Turning back around to see if you imagined that or not, turns out you didn't Spike was stood in front you , looking at you , with gaped mouth which didn't last long until he was smiling.

"W-what?H-how did y-" "Nice to see you again , love. Well, not long after you left I saved the world, and died. No need to thank me , love," Angel had coughed , pulling your attention from Spike charming smile he was sending your way, to him gesturing you to sit.

Spike had not decided to sit down , but to stand behind Angel at an Angel, one to annoy Angel which you could already see in his face , two to be in eye range of you. Not that he liked you , he full loved Buffy, for now anyways.

Angel had officially began the meeting , head-aching still, probably why you couldn't concentrate, concussion. All you could think was , wow Casper the friendly ghost, well you didn't know he wasn't , and that he was a vampire.

So lost in thought ,well no just pain , you didn't hear the calling of your name or snapping of fingers in front of your open eyes.

"Y/n? Y/n?" Only when there is a touch of a small hand on your shoulder , you realise , looking up to see Fred. "Yes, sorry. Um , I hit my head a bit too hard."

"Angel , she needs to go to a doctor. Her head is literally bleeding out , ""Yeah you should've sent her straight away, she fell down the fucking stairs, for a vampire with a soul , you have no compassion." Spike had interrupted Wesley, to criticise Angel.

You had a couple of days off last week , to visit your family, hence you hadn't seen Spike there before that. You had fallen off your chair when you had felt a hand on your shoulder, moving to see if that was Angel or Lorne, but it wasn't.

"Already on your knees for me?" Spike, staring down at you , smirking what a shock. "I'm not even on my knees, I'm on my butt. Plus what you want me to do mime."

"Okay, okay, Hon, let's go take to a doctor." Lorne had helped you up, as Spike had smiled Wider, as you both left, with some calls of sympathy's.

You only had to have you bloody head , in your hairline glued back together. Not surprising when there was blood dripping down your face like a waterfall. Other than that you were back the next day, carrying on your week like you would normally would.

Each week that went by Spike would come visit your office, mostly at lunch, knowing you didn't leave your office to socialise, only to use the bathroom. It had started with him using the excuse that he wanted to see how you were doing , after falling down the stairs, which was quite hard to believe,as he didn't seem like the caring type.

Then it he came to your office to tell you stories  about him saving the world and just recently , almost being killed by another ghost.

You hadn't even seen that when he entered your office he used the door by turning the handle, instead of going through it. Not at least until he had spooked you again ,placing his hand your shoulder squeezing it slightly.  Falling again out of you chair, probably would've smacked the back of your head on your desk.

If you weren't grabbed by your forearms, and were lifted back onto your feet, by rough hands... Spike had scared you to death again, yet this time he had saved your fall.  Pulling a arm from his, looking into his eyes, as you brought your hand to his cheek, your finger tips against his cheek bone. His skin soft, not how you would've imagined.

Cold.

His skin, cold , but now he isn't a ghost? So why does he feel like the other side of the pillow on a summer night. Moments go by ,not many , before you pulled away again. "Fred , s-she figured out how to bring y-you back?" Still wondering why he felt like ice,  also to hide the embarrassment that you had touched his face without asking.

"No, someone sent me some post,"  The distance between you two was more than close, your legs pressed against your desk, Spike's face barely inches away, he must've closed in on you. "Oh lovely,um have you had anything to eat yet?" He had smiled at you , with lust in glittering in his eyes , but not for what you might think, but hunger.

"I have not." Don't turn Edward ,please, no one wants that ,'Oh I'm sorry Bella but you might die if we fuck, because of my huge Thanos sized dick.' "Oh , well I've got , um, some sandwiches, that's if you want to share." You had gently made your way passed Spike as he nodded slightly suggesting we would share, to get into your bag, reaching for your lunch bag.

Both sitting at the sofa in your handing Spike a sandwich, as you held yours, facing each other, sitting on your calves, well Spike couldn't do that , if you know what you mean. Not long after you had reached for your flask , pouring it into your cup. "Tea?" Spike had grabbed the cup from your hand, drinking a fair lot down, before handing it back to you, mixture of crumbs and tea around his mouth. "You know how to make good tea, not those bloody Americans , milk first , bloody bullshit."

Before anything was said, Lorne had burst into the room , panic washed over his face. "Angel needs you both , quick honeys! We don't have time to spare." To say the least you were confused , never less you all headed to Angel's office and soon enough you were all, Angel, Spike, Fred, Gunn, Wesley, and Lorne were driving to a safe house. 'A rescue mission.' Apparently, you didn't even know who you were supposed to rescue, all you knew was you was all supposed to stay here until they arrived.

Sounded fishy , and you were right to think so, not long after you all discovered it was a trap. Probably just about a hundred vampires, were lurking around the property, waiting...

The floors creaking as you all walked across the the pine wood hallway, not to mention you had barely any fighting stills, all you held was a stake. The others well that ways a mixture of axes , and stakes. Sorry not only vampires in this house, spirits too. Spike had paired off with you , whilst the others did the same , you both walked into a bedroom, which was thick with mould and dust.

Not even one step in the door had slammed shut, Spike had immediately tried the door body slamming against , but it was no use. As you made your way to the window, "Spike.." BANG still going at the door , "SPIKE." Whisper shouting to him, gesturing for him to come over , once he had heard you.

"Vampires..." pulling you away from the window, out of sight." We need to get out of here, now."

"Where? we can't get out of here." Looking around the room there was no options. You don't even get to take a breath ; before the window is smashed in as well of the door, you are both completely circled , 7 vampires.  Before you know it they are lunged for you , gripping your stake tightly , as you fight  a vampire off , with struggle , god damnit. Where's David from lost boys, instead you are stuck with one that's never brushed it's teeth.

Finally stabbing it in the heart. Proof another one bites the dust. Now there was even more dust in this house. The rest of the vampires were dead, you didn't realise that Spike had taken on the rest with no struggle, turning to face you after dusting the last one, his face,his face. He was one of them, he had been dead this whole time , even when he was brought back.

"Y-you're a vampire?" Shocked was to say the least what you were feeling , he had turned back laughing lightly.

"What were you expecting? The Easter bunny?Did you think I was human? This whole time, oh love." It wasn't that you felt like you trusted him less after finding out but still, you're an idiot, no you are not.  "I thought you were because you are my food; Plus I thought vampires were evil?"

"I wasn't going to refuse a sandwich. I have Soul, love. For your information, I got it the hard way, not like that brooding bugger."

"Sorry, Can we go now?" Thus Spike tried the door again, it had opened, both of you rushed out and down the stars , out the doors to find the others in the car waiting , like it was a robbery.

Your lunches with Spike continued even months after finding out he was a vampire; yet now you packed enough lunch for the two of you. Though he could just have his blood, but no he wanted your food. In honesty he was lucky that you actually shared your food with him.

You were sure that Spike must've preferred the company of Fred over you, and there was a day that he didn't have lunch with you. Apparently he had went to see Buffy , yet he was back the next day, why he hadn't stayed with the woman he loved , that was unknown to you. Thus there he was having lunch with you everyday you were at work.

You had even watched Lost boys with him one lunch. "You think I'm like that ponce?" Why the offices had TVs you had no idea. You had told Spike that he had reminded you of David. "W-what, It's not that hard to believe , first both of you have cool hair , two he is evil but the evil that you're like wow he's not that bad , he's cute and maybe he not what he seems. Like Loki, God of mischief." Spike had scoffed, laughing slightly.

"Did you just call me cute? I'm bad , I'm evil, mortals quiver under my wrath." He had made a toothy scrunched face , whilst bringing his hands up like he was a bear attacking, only to make you grin harder. "Okay, now you are a kinky Loki 'quiver under my wrath' seriously?"

"And how would you know what's kinky, love?" His words delivered with a smirk , that made your cheeks redden just by his gaze. "Uh,um, well I read a lot- I MEAN I do stuff all the time like last night.. he had a cane."

"Oh really, he had a cane?"

"Yep thats correct."

"Well that's a shame, love , because I've seen you face stuck in your books , blushing... and I can smell the innocence radiating off of you."

"Hey! Don't go smelling that, so you're telling me that when I have my period you can smell that too? You know what don't answer that, nor do I want to know if you've ever eaten that. Nor do I want to know why I thought of that.." Throwing a Malteser at him, would've hit him if he hadn't caught it in his mouth. 

"I cannot believe you just said that. Love, you have too much time over thinking."

"No doubt , that's why I was never popular , let's pretend I never said that thing and only that compared you to David and Loki, hm?"

"Of course, I wish you hadn't given me the idea,joking I swear."

"Uh, I don't know if you like men or not but when the male part is erected it's one of the most blood filled appendages plus I looked you up, William the bloody, maybe that's how you got your name.." Yes maybe you spent more than your lunch hour not doing work, sitting cross legged now facing Spike completely , who just had turned his upper body from the tv.

Angel though, you'd think he was just happy , happy that Spike wasn't in his office constantly annoying him. It wasn't easy for anyone to keep Spike entertained. "I do not suck cocks nor have I ever , love, I have nothing against those that do,but I assure you that my terrible poetry is the only reason for the name, "

"Nothing to do with you killing hundreds of people?"

"Oh yeah, that too." Nothing more was spoken, you both had went back watching until lunch was over, then you were back to work. By five you had left to go home , not even two hours later you had realised you had left your house keys in your office. You had went to the shops, for some general stuff , hence why you hadn't realised you had left your keys.

Making it back to Wolfram & Hart , around nine o'clock, deciding to get some food , for after you got your keys and got home finally. The security man, Dean, had let you , well no he had was turned doing something and you slipped in, the rest of the firm was dark , everyone had left, or that's what you had thought.

Opening your office door, with your key, why you had it separated from your house key , you don't know , but it was lucky you had one set otherwise someone could've went through your stuff. Well there wasn't much really interesting, ancient books and such. Rushing to your desk in the dark searching everywhere , under your desk, in the draws, the floor.

Finally finding them down the side of the sofa , which you were sat at with Spike, watching Lost boys. When the door swings open , you are quickly grabbed by the foreman's and are shoved against the wall."what are doing here?" The mans voice, aggressive, yet you know who it belonged to, Spike. No very difficult to figure out as you spent at least an hour with him , five times a week, for months.

"Uh, I just left my keys." Spikes grip had loosened on your arms slightly. " Y/n?" Pushing him off of you,"yes, yes it's me , thanks for attacking me, " It was pitch black in your office , only the light from the moon , now on your face , part of it anyways.

"Well, Bloody hell, love you shouldn't be in an evil law firm by your lonesome , especially at night."

"What you are going to eat me now?" Spike wasn't even a foot away; if he was a live you'd feel his breath on your face. Instead the cold air surrounded you, Spikes arm above your head closing you in, only being able to look at his face , an outline of it. "Oh, you'd just love that, wouldn't you,pet?" You had scoffed lightly at him.

"Shut up, my foods getting cold , and I don't like it in here." Ducking under Spikes arm, grabbing your food and key, before making your way out your office and the building. Spike following you ,but the security guard was gone and the door was locked , no way out.

"Well isn't that bloody brilliant."

"There's no way we are getting out of here , till morning ,"

"Can't we call someone?"

"I don't know , do you have anyone's number?" That was it , you both had headed back to your office , found some candle, since the electricity had been turned off, at on the floor with your food. You weren't sure why he decided to stay with you , maybe it was just that you had food.

Your back against the sofa , as you both ate , you were in no doubt that you were talking tomorrow off. You knew you or Spike was going to have to sleep on the sofa, ah yes perfect, back pains. "Why were you here so late anyways?" After finishing your mouthful of food, why Spike would want to lurk here at night , that was unknown.

"Just snooping through Angels stuff, then I heard you, so."

"Ah, of course." Smirking at you , leaning back his palms behind him, sideways on from you, uh , you're not Ryan Reynolds? Actual um, sorry but you're hotter. Your food all gone , except the small amount of drink left.

"Honestly this couldn't be a better day, my keys fell down the side of the sofa , and I didn't realise until I went home. Then this happened , and now we are stuck here, when I could be at home, sleeping."

"It's not so bad, you could've been stuck here with Angel, love."

" You really don't like Angel, I'm not surprised he makes small problems seem unsolvable. Yet within a couple of hours , all is fine. Actually that sounds a lot like me, over thinking everything. But yeah Angels is a bit of an arse."

Spike only smirking at you, in return.

Glancing at your watch , 12:03 , you were only lucky that Spike was able to pick the lock on the toilets. Otherwise you don't know what you would've done, ah yes, peeing yourself in front a rather good looking , dead man. Leaving your office to go pee again , before returning rubbing your eyes as you walked through the door.

"Are you going to get some sleep, love?" Spike had cleaned up all the rubbish, throwing it all away, you wouldn't expect that from dead guy, former mummy's boy. "Uh, if the sofa wasn't built like a rock, yes , but since that's the case no." Settling back onto the floor, careful not to catch on fire, as you crossed passed some of candles.

Instead of Spike replying yet , he had stood up and made his way to the sofa , plopping himself onto it, with poof. "You got to be joking love , you clearly never have lived in a crypt." W h at was it wish vampires living in crypts , or complaining that their huge cold dick will spilt a human in half. Turning to face the sofa, not being able to see Spike, letting out a dry laugh.

"Yeah that doesn't convince me, are you just so old that you don't remember that every day at lunch that I sit on that sofa with you?" Spike had sat up to look at you with a glare ,yet again scoffing. "Well then , Pet, how about you come lay on me, I'm very comfortable."

Without thought you had gotten up , and thrown yourself onto Spike, both groaning as your back slammed into Spikes chest. He was lucky really that your butt bone , not tail bone, the top of your leg one, didn't smash into his parts. Instead he had wrapped around you so you were stuck in place. "I see what you are doing."

"And what is that?"

"I body slammed you, now you're cuddling with me? Mental , you're an ice cube, yeahh sureeee so comfortable, I love being engulfed by Vanilla ice."  Not that he looked much like Vanilla ice but it's a little funny, not really but.

"Hey, I won't stand to be your cushion , with your bullying."

"Didn't you kill hundreds of people? And you get defensive when I call you Robert van Wrinkle?" Turning your head to look up to Spike who was looking down on you, shuffling so that you were laying next to the sofa back and on Spike with your hand on his chest.

"Love,I'll eat you, try sleep." This isn't a Loki imagine when he kidnaps you and it turns out he's a vampire , and he gets busy and drinks your blood for a fetish. Spikes arms around your shoulder , eventually falling asleep with your head on his chest.

Everything was fine, until Wesley and the rest of them had came looking for you. As you was supposed to be in a meeting with them in the morning , so was Spike but they were worried for you.

"Couldn't they do that at home?"

"Can I poke them with a stick?"

"Ah yes, poke the mass murdering vampire , very smart ,Gunn. "

No consideration of being quiet, you both had been woken, it wouldn't be that surprising if Spike was pretending to be asleep , to avoid talking to people he didn't like very much except Fred.

Waking up to see a bunch of people just smiling at you at , wasn't the best. "So, Spike what about Buffy?" Sitting up ,before standing up from Spike, must've hurt having a whole body on you all night , maybe it didn't effect him because he has super strength? Spike just turned to sit on the sofa , unimpressed facial expression, hunched.

"Buffy has her own life, I'm not apart of it."

"I-is this all you came her for? To wake us? And   taunt? I'm taking the day off ," No uncertainty that you wanted to get home, and shower and eat. You had looked back at Spike who had looked back , standing up. "I'll drive you."  Grabbing your bag, before bow in front of Angel for whatever reason. "Thank you so much for locking us in an evil law firm all night. Bye Fred, Wesley, Gunn , Lorne."

"Bye hon." Lorne was always a sweetheart , wishing that every guy was like him, kindest soul and very much cute. Spike and you had left after you had sent Lorne a smile. Walking out with bed hair and day old clothes , not that Spike had offered his arm but you were still holding onto to walk.

Walking past Harmony, she had sent daggers your way, why doesn't she just kidnap Orlando Bloom or something. Gripping onto Spikes arm tighter , walking down the stairs, not falling this time, thankfully. Before you made it to Angels' car park, and got into one of this favourite cars. "Uh, are we supposed to be taking Angels car?"

"What? It's mine, love, what are you going on about?" Opening the the car door at the same time , settling in the seats before slamming the door shut. The windows of the car , made from the same glass that wolfram & Hart was supplied with, since the cars were supplied by wolfram & Hart for Angel, a vampire. That also meant that Spike could drive in the sunlight protected.

"Okay, okay." Once you had made it into your building car park, Spike had walked with you up to your door. Being finally able to unlock your door, with your shopping ,lucky there wasn't any fridge nor freezer items. Turning back to Spike who just stood at your door, grinning slightly.

"T-thank you for staying with me yesterday, and for driving me home." A small blush upon your face, it wasn't unknown to you that you had developed a crush on Spike , how couldn't you? "That's alright ,love." Still stood in front of you, looking into your e/c eyes , you staring into his brightly lit blue ones. He was waiting for you to say or to do something.

Leaning to the side of his face, to press a peck onto his pale toned cheek. Instead of course , he had turned and you ended up pressing your lips , onto his briefly. Pulling away red cheeked , Spike now smirking at you again. "H-hey um, do you want to come and watch Lord of the rings with me?" You weren't sure what you was supposed to say after kissing someone accidentally.

"I would," thus that you held your door open wide, "I invite you into my home."

Therefore, you watched Lord of the rings with a dead man.

[someone-worth-racing-for]

Me after looking at carlos' shoes - he still keeps the mclaren part closer to him and he misses lando ahhhh and can someone write a carlando wedding fic where they're exchanging vows and they're remembering how it parallels alot with their helmet swapping

..because I just couldn’t resist by this one 😉 read the story below or on AO3

Also, can someone please tell me/prove me that the shoes he has worn by Ferrari yesterday are McLaren teamwear and not just some random shoes? I need to know for sure to rub it under my boyfriend’s nose 😉 thanks!

Muppets getting married

While Carlos stood there and waited, he had to think back about their long journey, about the story of their lives, about the way that had finally brought them to here. Here into this little church somewhere in Spain next to a coast of the endless ocean.

This time it wasn’t him, who had been a little late, but still he didn’t get nervous, while he waited for his fiancé, his future husband, to finally appear. With a smile and a chuckle Carlos imagined the younger one running through the room he got ready inside all desperately and hysterical, because his curls once again didn’t want the way he wanted.

Or maybe he was late, because he had to share these last moments of his freedom, like he used to call it to tease his becoming husband a little with it, with his Twitch fandom. Carlos rolled his eyes, just imagine his boyfriend being live, while his mother tried to pluck his suit into the right way and everyone around him being all nervous and stressed, because they were already late anyway and he was still streaming.

And then suddenly the doors opened and through the bright light coming from the beautiful summer afternoon outside the cool walls of the church stepped the young man of his dreams, who did owe his heart since already such a long time.

With his usual cheeky smile over both of his ears, his wild curls in the same cute mess like always, with those sexy suspenders, like Carlos had to admit, he was wearing and with one hand in his pocked Lando was walking down the way to the altar all cool and casual, even when at the same time his boyfriend exactly knew how excited he must be. Because the Spaniard was the same mess since hours as well.

But the second the younger one was finally right next to his side, where he did belong, all the tension and nervousness was gone. Instead they both began to shine because of pure happiness and anticipation.

“Sorry, I couldn’t find my bow.” Lando apologized instantly about his delay, but like always Carlos just couldn’t be mad at him, at least not for too long. It was okay, because in the end he finally still stood here next to him and usual it was the Spaniard himself, who was always late, so it was alright. He would actually wait for Lando forever.

When Carlos reached over then to bring his boyfriend’s black bow, which made him look even cuter than usual, into the right way, Lando looked up at him through his lashes in affection and admiration. Carlos eyes filled with tears instantly, when he looked down in awe at his soon husband.

“You look amazing, carino.” The Spaniard complemented him and even when the two of them were already together since such a long time, Lando still hadn’t got used to his sweet and at the same time also honest compliments, so his cheeks blushed lightly into that cute pink colour.

“You look pretty handsome as well.” Lando gave that compliment back to him with a wink, while he checked his fiancé out. “No, no. No tears, Carlos. You have promised me. At least not now. You know, I also have to join you when you cry. So please hold it back, at least for some longer.”

The younger one tried to prevent the older one to share the first tears already now. Carlos tried his best, swallowed down the knot in his throat and blinked a few times to finally see the sweet, young man in front of him all clear again.

Both breathed deep inside for one more time, not stopping their connection, while they looked right into each other’s souls. “Ready?” Carlos finally whispered and his heart jumped all overjoyed inside his chest, when Lando nodded wildly agreeing his head and answered determined “Ready.”

With the brightest smile he ever had, the Spaniard leaned down to kiss the younger one’s cheek for one last time being only boyfriends, engaged. The next time they will kiss, they will be finally married. “I have thought we aren’t allowed to kiss anymore.” Lando protested half-hearted, because they both knew how much he actually loved Carlos’ attention and affection, especially when he was lightly nervous.

The older one only shrugged his shoulders in unknown, before he whispered down to him “I don’t care if we are allowed to or not. I’m just the happiest man on this world at the moment.” Now also Lando had tears swimming in his eyes, because Carlos knew that he was feeling the exact same way.

When it was finally time for their vows, the older one had to admit, that he got a little nervous again. But once again that panic was gone, when he turned over to his soon husband, their eyes connected and it was only the two of them anymore. All those guests around them were kind of forgotten. Only Lando did matter anymore, when he began to speak

“Lando. My little muppet.” He spoke all softly and gently, but still a giggle escaped the younger one’s lips and also from all those people around them. “I still remember the first day I have seen you. You were so incredible shy and nervous. I still tell myself it was because of me and not about McLaren or about you becoming a Formula One driver. But since the very first second, you have wrapped me around your little finger so easily with your cheeky, cute way. Since that moment my life wasn’t the same anymore and if I’m serious, I don’t remember anymore how it has been without you. You are my everything, you exactly know that. You made me to a better version of myself, you made my life brighter with you just being you, you light up every single day of my life and I can’t thank you enough for it. And I know things weren’t always easy for us, especially when we turned into a long-distance relationship, but in the end it only brought us even closer and finally to here, right where we are standing at the moment. I promise, I will keep on taking care of you as best as I can and I also promise to make sure you won’t burn down the house while you try to cook once again, for the rest of my life. I try to be there for you whenever you need me. I will love you until the very end, mi amor. You will always stay the centre of my life, no matter what will happen. Soy lago.”

By those last two words, Lando had to chuckle once again, even when those tears waving in his eyes were very shortly before falling over the edge from his very touching speech. Everyone inside this little church knew what those two, simple and actual not-having-any-sense words did mean for the two of them. It was their way to say I love you.

From the corner of his eyes, Carlos could see some of their families and friends wiping the corner of their eyes as well. But not only the guests were pretty emotional, also Lando seemed to be on the edge of breaking down into tears, so the Spaniard quickly reached for his hand to squeeze it softly and remember him so about that he also had to keep his promise. Because if he will start to cry, Carlos will follow him instantly and they would both end up being a total mess then.

Lando bit down onto his lip, while at the same time he beamed up at his fiancé and tried to smile back at him. The older one then pictured his boyfriend sitting with crossed legs on the floor of his gaming room with a notepad and a pen in his hand, thinking about what he wanted to say in his vow. Just like back then, on their last day being team mates, when they swiped helmets and he sat there on the floor like the little, cute boy he was and thought all hard about what to write on his friend’s visor.

By that thought Carlos’ smirk only grew even bigger, because he didn’t know what he had ever done to deserve this lively, sweet man in front of him. After Lando had cleared his throat, had breathed deeply in, exhaled long and had taken Carlos’ hand even tighter into his, his eyes met his again and their connection didn’t stop for one second, while the younger one told him his heart.

“Carlos aka my Spanish muppet.” Once again everyone chuckled, including the mentioned Spaniard. “I knew you would mention our first day, because yes, I was scared and nervous like hell and if I’m serious you didn’t make it any easier for me that day, even when you were so nice to me like we weren’t two complete strangers to each other, but I will also remember this day forever. Because it has also changed my life completely from that moment on and if you would have told me back then, that we will both end up here right where we are, I wouldn’t have believed you. I still really can’t thank you enough for everything you have ever done for me. No matter if it’s in Formula One or helping me to develop and become the man I am today. I’m sure I wouldn’t have made it without you and your always present support and your none existing exhaustion to motivate me and cheer me up. I enjoyed just every moment we have shared together, every fun we ever had, also our little arguments from time to time, because I exactly know you can never be mad at me for too long and yes, maybe I also take advantage of it sometimes. But it’s still the best feeling ever to know that no matter what will happen, in the end of the day you still hold me in your arms all tightly and I know nothing will ever happen to me as long as I’m with you. And if I’m serious, I really can’t wait to find out what the future brings for us. And I also don’t want to promise too much, but I will try, I will really try my best to become at least a as half as good husband as you already are. I also promise to finally take some cooking lessons from you, to play a little less on my PC every day and I also promise to finally learn at least some words in Spanish. And one day I will also finally beat you in golf, you will see. Soy lago.”

This time it was Carlos, who giggled with tears in his eyes, because he knew those words came right from his boyfriend’s heart and like always he had made it to make him all blissfully happy. Soft laughers, but also sobs were audible coming from their guests as well, while the couple still only had eyes for each other.

When it was finally time for them to exchange rings, it once again felt like back then, when they were swapping helmets on their last day being together at McLaren. But this right here wasn’t their last day together, it actually almost felt like it was just the very first day. The beginning of something new, of something even better 🤍

[spidermanifested]

picture this: you are a buff lesbian pirate dinosaur alien. youre thousands of years old. the rest of your species consists of like 15 total losers who stay in their dumb castle and a few other ones who run around in the woods eating frogs or something, you dont know or care, youre living your best life sailing around on a giant turtle with the help of a clan of tiny bug elves who think youre amazing and badass (because lets face it you are). youve been their Patron Dinosaur for AGES and you give them fun presents and flirt with the bug elf ladies and generally have a grand old time.

now imagine you find out the Castle-Dwelling Nerds have gotten so scared of the concept of linear time that theyre murdering the bug elves for experiments or something, again you dont know OR care but Your bug elves need your help so youre like “okay yeah ill take you guys somewhere while this all blows over, dont worry, ive got your adorable little buggy backs” except before you can leave, some other bugs show up trying to convince your squad that they need to STAY HERE ACTUALLY with the rest of the bug people and get themselves killed ~together~ and youre like no thats dumb also this girl has been poisoned can we focus on that please. and these strangers go NO YOURE EVIL AND YOU CLEARLY DID IT, even though youre like, right there and also have a sword, so like. great sense of self-preservation there. but you arent in the mood to get in fights with muppets so you use your Pirate Detective skills to figure out whodunnit and save the lady and hurray, except one of the strangers just???? randomly tries to fucking stab you out of nowhere and hes got a spider on him so youre like “well clearly the spider was controlling him so ill excuse that for now” but they insist the spider is NOT a spider and wont tell you anything. so youre like “okay fine get off my boat thats also a turtle i need a drink”

then later youre getting all set to go with your Elf Pals, got everything all ready, everybodys there, yep, time to set sail. except you get like a couple miles out and. theres nobody behind you

and you check again and, yep still nobody. and it turns out YOUR bugs ended up flaking out on you because of those same strangers who came over acting all high and mighty and telling them how to run things, which is clearly your job, and they dont even HAVE a boat or a cool hat or a turtle or ANYTHING, and now your bugs are going to stay behind and die like a bunch of idiots and to top it all off you cant get anywhere without their navigators and stuff because despite having 4 arms youre still just one (very cool very buff and swashbuckling) dinosaur lady. so you turn around. youre like “okay. okay. i can salvage this. theres still SOMEBODY i can wrangle into helping me out”

so you go to your god damn ex wife/literal other halfs house like “knock knock im here for your stupid MAPS and ASTROLABES and whatnot” and guess what shes not home! but you know who IS home, and by that i mean in HER home??? those same asshats from before— one of which as it turns out has a bounty on their head, so you just go “okay if im not getting off this dumb shitty god damn no-sea-monster-having landmass i can at least get my estranged colleagues to respect me and maybe theyll let me do my own thing” and tell them youll let the rest of them leave in peace in exchange for the One Elf you need

and shes like “i’ll FIGHT YOU and if you win you can take me in” and youre like pfft sure while you were out camping with your stupid friends i was studying how to quadruple wield the blade. and the rest of them leave, and you fight, except she fucking RUNS!!! and they all get away!!!!!!! because she lied To Your Face and to top everything off???? to put the cherry on this sundae??? the girl you saved from being poisoned before is there and she chops off one of your actual hands

and later. you catch them Again. and youre like okay same deal give me the ONE bug i need and you can go. but they escape AGAIN and take your fucking turtle!!!! and now you have no boat and no navigators and no captives and no nothing, and then the dude helping you catch them who you thought was your buddy blamed everything on you, so not only that, you realize you have No Friends as well. now youre in full on Revenge mode and you do not care about anything beyond bringing the full force of your wrath down on these little shits who have ruined your entire life in less than a week. so you go to the main ones house, its in a swamp or something, and you set everything on fire and theyre throwing knives at you and its a Lot

but then somehow they get into your brain????? your ex wife lets them like, wriggle into your mindscape, and remind you of all the stuff you used to care about, you know, before it all got ripped away from you, by them. and while youre trying to evict them from your own personal nostalgia hell? one of the other bugs sneaks up behind you and stabs you. multiple times. and it doesnt hurt That bad but its still a lot of stabbing! and youre flailing around trying to get her off you

and then

they trap you inside a fucking tree. like they grow a tree AROUND you. one of them literally gives up all her life energy to make a big giant tree grow and trap you in it. and now you are trapped. in the tree.

and your ex-wife is there outside you can SENSE her smug face. and all the bugs too are probably there. and you cant do anything.

because youre stuck in a Fucking Tree.

and now you know the tale of skeksa the mariner, who might not be anywhere close to what the experts call a “Good Person” but ill be damned if i dont look at all the nonsense she experienced over the course of a relatively minuscule span of time and think “yeah id be pissed too what the fuck”

[lifesucksheres20bucks]

STRANGER THINGS SEASON 3 EP 7: THE BITE REVIEW (YA KNOW THE DRILL: SPOILERS)

-I wanna go to a fair:(

-omg is that the band robin is apart of

- This scene is just giving me MAJOR IT chapter 2 vibes

- Aww holly bb

- Are we going to see the shadow monster behind the fireworks or something

- Karen listen to your daughter look at the goddam trees

- Eleven? Still?? Call her el or hane not eleven

- Billy legit told el , now we know where you are or something like that and she didnt bother mentioning it to the others lol

- Lmao high steve/robin is the best

- Trying to make him surf 😂

- Boop!

- “Dad i dont do drugs” ugh chaotic dumbass

- The child has become the father

- “Its close” no shit will we can allllll hear it

- Are only jonathan and nancy armed?

- Yass el looking like a badassssss

- She sliced that thing open like it was bread

- I love when people scramble into a car and someone yells DRIVE! Like no maybe i want to take a lil nap befo-OF COURSE IM GONNA DRIVE

- Steve grabbing the popcorn from the garbage: peak steve

- HOPPER JOYCE FUCKING KNOWS WHEN HER KIDS ARE IN DANGER DONT STOP UNDERMINING HER JUDGEMENT

- Sexual feelings: yes

- Lmao hoppers face

- Also wow i love alexei (hes probs going to die anyways right bc we cant have nice things)

- a BoWL

- HES LOOKING FOR A BOWL IN THE CEREAL SECTION WOW

- BITCHIN

- Mike i love that ur trying to mend things with el BUT THERES A MONSTER ON THE LOSE DONT FKG IGNORE A RADIO

- Blank makes you crazy

- Girlfriends? No

- Boyfriend! *nodding*

- Steve trying to understand the plot of back to the future is also peak steve

- That fair looks epic, why didnthey stop doing them back home!!

- That cellphone thicc

- El doing her mind thing infront of the eggos hehehe

- Im just trying to imagine the scene like shes trying to decide where to sit, stops the eggos and is like this is perfect

- I really hate what they did to lucas this season

- Wtf was their goal with him?

- Im sorry lucas you deserve better

- I found someone better than nancy

- Omg that toilet slide ouff

- It shocked me to my core but i like you 😂

- YAS GAY RIGHTS

- THAT WAS SUCH A CUTE SCENE (trying to act like this wasnt one of the spoilers i saw lol)

- Steve singing lmao

- Muppet giving birth

- Ive noticed most of my commerns are just quotes at this point lol

- Kinda forgot billy was a thing

- Has he been wearing the same clothes since the first episode?

- That shit must smell

- Oh is alexei going to die at the fair

- HAND HOLDING YES JOPPER

- The scoop troop is the reason why they have bars on escalators now

- Alexei is so happy with his woody the woodpecker

- Aw man he aint dead yet but bye bye alexei

- Okay now he dead

- Hopper looked good af in that shot

- AH HAND HOLDING WHILE RUNING CUTECUTECUTE CUTE

- Is this like an IT/ ST crossover bc i would be v down

- Wow hopper , thats hot (paris hilton voice)

- Only one(1) russian is superior enough to try to kill hop

- YES JOYCE PUNCH HIMMMM

- AND KICK HIM IN THE BALLS

- Wow the russian was not superior enough that was actually sad

- Spoke too soon he is superior

- yas ellllll

- Aw dustin and el such an underrated friendship

- Does she have like eggs in her leg

- I STILL WANT TO BE ON THAT SHOW UGH MY LIFE GOALS

[realityhelixcreates]

Lasabrjotr Chapter 36: Land of Light

Chapters: 36/? Fandom: Thor (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe Rating: Teen And Up Warnings: None Relationships: Loki x Reader (Someday) Characters: Loki (Marvel), Reader, Additional Tags: Post-Endgame: Best Possible Ending (Canon-Divergent), What Do You Mean Aliens Look Alien, Tara Is 100% That Bitch And I Love Her, Still Building The Realms, I Think That’s The Last One Though Summary:   You and your best friend reconnect, an Loki teaches you about a very special realm

Now that you had a phone, you sure were taking a lot of pictures. Of Akureyri, on your way out. Of Acorn and Leynarodd. Of all the sights on the way back to Asgard. And of Loki. One picture especially, of you and him crammed close together, to get both of you in the frame, you set as your lockscreen, and sent to Tara, whom you had begun texting earlier that morning.

After you had both stopped shrieking at each other-which had unsettled Loki enough that he hovered around you like a concerned hornet-you had spilled all the beans about what had been going on all summer. Everything, up to and including punching Loki in the bathtub. Loki had whined in protest over that: a mistake, because Tara heard him. You put her on speaker so she could sass him, and so he could sass her back. You thought they were going to go on forever, until Tara unexpectedly turned on you.

“So why does Count Chocula there get the most beautiful horse in the world, while you get the goofiest one?”

“I'm sure once I discover the source of that reference, I shall be sufficiently offended.” Loki muttered.

“How dare you!” You mock-gasped. “Don't you smack talk Acorn! She's perfection.”

“His horse looks like she was carved from black marble by Michelangelo himself. Yours looks like a soggy muppet.”

“You get over here and say that to my face! I'll put my fist between your teeth, you see if I don't! Don't you pay attention to a single thing she says, Acorn. You are the actual best.”

Acorn snorted and meandered placidly along.

“You really gonna threaten me with a good time while your boy toy is sitting right next to you? Risky.”

“He is not-” You began.

“You punched him right in the snoot, and you're still alive. You know he liked it!”

“I don't know that at all!” You couldn't help but to glance over at Loki, who was slightly pink in the cheeks.

“Well...I didn't hate it.” He admitted. “You didn't hurt me, and you were naked at the time, so it certainly wasn't the worst thing that has ever happened to me...”

“Oh my god!” You wailed.

“Oh my god!” Tara squealed.

“We are not having this conversation. In fact, we never started this conversation. Never happened.” You stated firmly.

“Ohhoho, it happened all right!” Tara gloated. “I'm gonna bring this up everyday for the next three years, try and stop me.”

“Why must you torment me so?”

“Dude, you're starting to sound like MacBeth over there. Well, if you aren't dating him, I might. Hey War of the Roses, you wanna go on a date?”

“She's as bad as Stark...” Loki muttered.

“Oh my god, Tara! You can't just proposition my boss, you dork!”

Loki grimaced and stuck his nose in the air. “It is inappropriate to approach me in the way of a peasant. You are aware of my status, and I'll thank you to remember it, you impertinent tart.”

“Hey! You can't call me that!”

“Yeah! You can't call her that! But I can!” You cried gleefully. “That's your name now, it's going in my contacts!”

The two of you devolved into calling each other extremely rude nicknames, while Loki sighed and urged Leynarodd forward.

“I do not understand the intricacies of human friendship.” He said.

Afterwards, you begin describing you new home, its beauty and mystery. How the sun never set, and the unusual architecture and clothing of the Asgardians, Of the things you had learned about other planets. Tara, like you, always had great deal of curiosity about outer space and alien species; it was something you had played at as children, discussed and fantasized about as teenagers. She wanted every detail of what you had been taught about Vanaheim, Nidavellir, Svartalfheim, and all the Jotnar.

Loki interrupted every now and again, to amend a detail you had gotten wrong, or to praise you for what you remembered correctly. He even seemed slightly surprised when you listed the differences you had noticed between humans and Asgardians, as if he had never thought about it.

Eventually, your battery began to run low, and you were forced to bid Tara farewell for the day, with many promises of future calls.

You stopped in the small forest for lunch, peeking into the underbrush for elves and fairies again. Loki caught you at it while handing you half-frozen bilberries out of a bag, leaning in close to you and peering into the brush.

“What do you seek out there?” He asked. “Would you like one of those flowers? You could wear it in your hair-just so.” He twirled a strand around his finger. You swallowed, pretending your throat was just thick with berries.

“Er, no. It's kinda silly. This looks like the kind of place elves would live. But that's obviously not-”

“Well, there's only the one sun, but the length of the days in the summer is reminiscent of Alfheim, after a fashion.” Loki interrupted idly.

“I'm sorry, elves are real?”

He fixed you with an incredulous expression. “Yes, of course. You've already learned about Svartalfari-you know, the dark elves?”

“Well...yeah. But I thought they were just called that because they looked like elves, but they weren't ...real elves...” Now that you said it out loud, it didn't make much sense. If something 'looked like' an elf, what made it not an elf?

“What, do tell, are 'real elves' to you?” Loki asked. “I'm...actually too curious for sarcasm.”

“Okay, yes, that was silly of me and I don't really understand why I thought that way. I guess it's just that the elves from my childhood stories all live in forests, and they dance and sing, and are very noble, and magical, and kind. They live close to nature, and befriend animals. That kind of thing.”

“So...Ljosalfar.” Loki said, as if it were obvious. “The light elves of Alfheim.”

“So they're real too?”

“Very. Though they may not be quite what you had pictured. Alfheim is a place of endless sunlight, and life there has adapted to it. There is a system of three great stars, that are locked in an intricate dance near the heart of their galaxy. Shared between them is one planet, and seven moons. The system almost never experiences night. It is in many ways, the complete opposite of Svartalfheim.”

“So it's like this-” You gestured at the ever-present sun. “-All the time?”

“And often moreso. The sky is the palest blue- nearly white. The planet orbits the innermost and largest star, so there is nearly always at least one sun in the sky, and sometimes more. There are nearly always a handful of moons, even in the odd times when all of the suns have set. And even on the very rare occasions that all the suns and moons are out of the sky, the heavens of Alfheim are so packed with stars, that the world is merely dim, never dark.”

“That sounds like it would drive me nuts.” You said. “Like, it sounds incredibly beautiful, but I've already lost track of how long I've been here, and I've only got the one sun to mislead me. How do they even tell the time?”

“They don't.” Loki said with a shrug. “Alfar are effectively undying. They are beings of unparalleled magical aptitude, and it prolongs their lives. They live, until they decide not to. Some never make that decision. But they live as you say; dancing and singing whenever they feel like, living among the natural wonders of their worlds, and they are very friendly and very kind.”

He held his hands apart, and three huge suns appeared between them, spinning in a complex orbit. Around the innermost hung a large world, surrounded by many moons.

“As you can see, the foliage here is different than on Earth, or Asgard, or Vanaheim, for the suns are different, but it is even more lush and vibrant.”

Trees, bushes, and flowers sprouted from his hands, glowing in strange colors. The tallest trees were bright blue, their broad leaves riddled with natural holes and clear, membranous windows that filtered light down to the undercanopy, made up of mostly yellowish plants, that graduated down to orange at the lowest levels of growth. The flowers came in shapes and color combinations that you could never have imagined, visited by iridescent bird-like creatures, and metallic arthropods.

A creature emerged from the undergrowth, roughly humanoid, but oddly proportioned to your eyes. Its arms, torso, neck and face were long, making its legs seem short in comparison. Its skin was pearly white, and like a pearl, it shone with reflected light. Even its pale hair sparkled like it had been dusted with glitter, and its huge, sharply tilted eyes practically glowed, a row of pinpoint pupils crossing them diagonally. To the satisfaction of all your childhood fantasies, it also had long, pointed ears.

“They're very different, aren't they?” You asked. You found the little figure oddly beautiful, but also just unusual enough to be slightly unsettling.

“A little yes.” Loki agreed. “I've certainly seen stranger, but you've been stuck here all your life. Am I perhaps the first real extraterrestrial you ever laid hands on?”

“I think you mean eyes.”You said.

“I think I mean that the very first time we met, you grabbed me by the hand before you ever saw my face. So yes, you laid hands on me first.”

“...Okay, that's fair.” You admitted irritably. “I had no idea that was you, to begin with.”

“Clearly.” Loki said dryly. “No human had yet touched me with so little hostility. Obviously, you didn't know who I was at the time. You made up for it the second time we met, when you hit me in the nose and tried to drown yourself in river mud rather than be near me. That was much more par for the course.”

Oh, now you felt the guilt. Loki was probably used to being shunned by the people of Earth, but being used to it was not the same as being unaffected by it. You hunched your shoulders and looked away from the little figure.

“Now, now.” Loki said, cupping your chin in his slim hand, and turning your face to look at him. “Do not take it as an indictment. Your rather foolhardy bravery has served you well in my eyes, by bringing forward things I might not have realized in a timely enough manner. An Asgardian lets their deeds speak for them most of the time. And you did not hurt me. It was the emotions and causes behind your strikes that effected me, not the strikes themselves. You did not hurt me. You cannot hurt me.”

You just gazed fixedly into his eyes as he lied with such incredible expertise. You had called him a monster back then, and you had seen it hurt him.

But if he just meant physically...probably. It wasn't exactly an excuse for losing your temper, though.

He withdrew his hand abruptly, and scooted the floating images between the two of you.

“Now,” He continued, voice a little tight. “Unlike the Vanir or Svartalfari, who are rather homogeneous in appearance, Alfar are more like humans and Asgardians, in that they come in multiple 'colors'.”

So he was just going to continue on, as if he hadn't just interrupted the lesson to lay the guilt on you, and then absolved you in nearly the same breath? All right, you could keep up with him and his moods.

Several more figures emerged from the illusory plants, each distinctly Alfar in shape, some taller, some shorter, all willowy and delicate in appearance. Each different Alfar looked as if they had been dipped in a different color of chrome paint: Gold, copper, silver, bronze, even pale, steely blue, green, and lavender. Standing out among them was a completely black individual, an obsidian carving among gilded statues.

This individual possessed slightly different proportions than its fellows, much closer to humans and Asgardians, though its torso, neck, and face were still clearly Alfar.

“Ah, I see. All this shining precious metal before you, and yet, the mysterious Dokkalfar has enchanted you. You show uncommon taste sometimes, my dea-” He cleared his throat. “My little seidkona.”

“It's just so different from all the others, and I wonder why? Different environment?”

“Exactly so. Remember all those lovely moons that surround Alfheim? They are considered a part of Alfheim as well, as each one supports life, and each one is inhabited by Alfar. As well as Vanir, some Asgardians, and a few Jotnar. This is the place that Gerd calls home. Remember her? The silver-skinned giantess who so enchanted Freyr?”

“Um, yeah. Is that why she had all those mirror patches on her skin? Because the Alfar are metallic?”

“Hmm, well the reasons why she has them, and the reasons why the Alfar shine are the same reasons. Can you guess why they might have adapted that way? It's why I cannot take you to Alfheim unless I cover you from head to toe in clothes and wide-brimmed hats. Or else slather you thickly in your special lotions, with their high numbers of 'spiffs'.”

“I think you mean 'SPF'-oh, it's the suns! It's to protect them from sun damage!”

“Indeed! They simply reflect back whatever light they cannot absorb. Of course, this is not so easy for the Asgardian and Vanir colonists to do, but that is where the Dokkalfar come in.”

A pair of campers approached cautiously, staring at the illusions Loki produced. One asked something in Icelandic, which you had even less of a grasp on than Asgardian.

“No, miss. We will be leaving shortly.” Loki replied.

She asked something else, and you thought you hear the word 'Aesir' within the sentence. Loki smiled and nodded, dismissing the illusions before presumably bidding the campers farewell, as he began gathering up the remains of your lunch as soon as he stopped talking.

“They wanted to use the table, but were a little frightened of the magic. Christians, I believe. Not everyone turned to the old ways just because we returned, after all.”

“Oh. Right, Christianity would be your enemy, wouldn't it? Since you're a pagan god?” It would make sense for there to be a rivalry.

“Not necessarily.” He said, as you rode back through the forest. “I care nothing for the Christians of today. They are very different now that they were, because humans are different today than they were, though not by much. I had some hope that a thousand years might have allowed them to learn not to fear all things different than they. But since that's how their leaders gained power in the first place, it is unlikely that they will ever give it up. In other words, they may see me as a thing to fear, and even hate, but I do not see them that way. However, if you find yourself with the time and inclination, look up the history of conversion in Scandinavia, and perhaps you will understand why it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. It was one of several reasons I never came back after my Midgard training module ended.”

“Well, uh, let's keep talking Alfar then.” You suggested. There was old regret in his words, a mystery that was shrouded in the mist of generations past to you, but but that Loki remembered from physically being there...Maybe he hadn't always looked down on humans, but had been bitten sometime long ago.

How much history could he return to the world? First-hand accounts of what was going on in Northern Europe a thousand years ago? How come there wasn't an entire camp full of dedicated historians parked on Asgard's doorstep?

“You have something on your mind.” He stated.

“Oh, uh, we were talking about Dokkalfar?” Maybe you shouldn't bring it up further.

Loki raised an eyebrow. You weren't exactly lying, but you were sidestepping the truth, and he probably knew it. Apparently, he decided to let it go.

“A little history is probably important at this point. Alfheim was discovered by my grandfather, Bor, shortly after the Vanir campaign, and he was seeking a definitive 'win' after the humiliating draw he'd had to declare with the Vanir. He also had three new Aesir to deal with: Njord and the Twins, and had been forced to leave his two eldest children with their people. He was very frustrated, is the point I'm trying to make. Alfheim broke him.”

Loki sighed, but it seemed almost to be with satisfaction. “The Alfar would not fight, and could not be killed. Any that were captured to be pressed into slavery simply willed themselves to die. When Asgardians were friendly and kind, so too were the Alfar. When Asgardians were threatening and violent, the Alfar were nowhere to be found, but monstrous wildlife, mysterious accidents, and magical subterfuge were suddenly unavoidable. Add to that the punishing sunlight that Asgardians were not adapted to, and the thick, un-navigable forests that cover all but a very small portion of Alfheim or any of its moons, and the fact that most Alfar live in the trees, and you have a recipe for a disastrous military campaign. One that didn't even need to be waged, because the Alfar were perfectly willing to share their resources with us in the first place.

“My grandfather was forced to call another truce, rather than lose more of his soldiers while making no headway. Egalitarian colonies were established there instead. Like the Vanir, the Alfar became allies instead of conquests, making us all richer in the process. One of the better things he did, if you ask me. Honestly, every time Grandfather failed, it always seemed like it was for the better.”

It was really strange to think of such an ancient civilization as Asgard having only had four leaders in its entire lifespan, and that three of them had turned out to be such jerks.

“Why was he so bent of fighting in the first place?” You wondered. “You'd think it would be a relief to find people who wanted to share their stuff and be your friends.”

“Grandfather was very single minded.” Loki answered. “He was the kind of king that left most of the actual ruling to his council, and his remaining son, while he took responsibility for expanding Asgardian influence and power. And he was very good at it! Like I said, even when he failed, Asgard found benefit in it. It's just that some Aesir seem to get caught up in their godhead, and it can cause a consuming madness that is not easy to escape. Some do not try. It's likely that this happened to my sister, and she simply could not free herself from the madness.”

He sighed again, but this time there was no satisfaction.

“Did that happen to you?” You asked, realizing that you didn't actually know what exactly Loki was the god of. You had asked everyone except him.

“We were talking about the Dokkalfar.” He pointed out. So he was going to be Like That. You would have to ask again later.

“Yeah, I guess we were. So what about them?”

“They evolved on the most distant moon, where the forests are taller, but the trees thinner than the others. These trees are so tall that they block most of the light, so the Dokkalfar evolved black skin to absorb light, rather than reflect it. And these trees are too slender to build homes in, making these the only Alfar to live at ground level. That is why they look different than the others: Adaptive pressures. It turned out the way they live is perfect for teaching Asgardians and Vanir how to survive in they system, and there are still several colonies on the moons. Especially this one.”

He held up his hand, the fifth moon of Alfheim spinning there.

“My mother was born here.”

[fallling-skys-blog]

OMG IS THATS SOCK FROM WELCOMR TO HELL SHAKLCKSNANKWAN!!!! I already love this blog!!!!! Oh can I get an imagine what the band would do with a s/o who decided to donate her long hair and have it now really short?? like went from her under the ass long hair to a hair what is just right above her shoulders?

It sure is, that’s super cool that you noticed!!! Thank you so much!!! 

2D:

He will definitely touch your newly cut hair. It’ll probably become a habit so you’ll have to tell him to stop if you don’t like it or else he’s just going to get in a habit of unconsciously running his fingers through your hair.

Probably doesn’t notice at first honestly. As soon as he comes back he’ll narrow his eyes and try to figure out what’s different and is a little frustrated that he can’t figure it out at first. Especially because he KNOWS you look different than you originally did!

Two  hours later you hear him triumphantly yelling from the kitchen, “Tha’s it! You cut ya ‘air”

Fascinated with the charity part of things. “Fink tha’s real cool tha you donated to a charity an all but… what…exactly… are they supposed ta do with your ‘air?” You have to explain to him about the hair being made into wigs and he’s awestruck by the fact that just by cutting your hair can help someone.

You find him with scissors later that day trying to cut off a chunk of his hair, his heart’s in the right place but you have to explain to him that you have to have really long hair for them to even consider working with.

He resolves to grow his hair out so he can cut it.

The band would probably have to hold him down for haircuts from then on bc Murdoc can’t stand 2D looking “like that bloody creature from the muppets” or “a janitor’s mop that’s spent all day soaking in the unholy fluids of a hormonal teen’s den”

Russel:

Comes with you and holds your hands to ease any nerves you have about cutting off all of your hair and not being able to take it back even though you assure him that you’re not even the slightest bit nervous

If you let him, he helps advise you on what will look best on you and you two decide on hair slightly above your shoulders together since it’s not too much of a drastic change but it’s still short like you originally wanted

Knows the perfect person to give you a haircut, which slightly surprises you, but you suppose it makes sense considering he’s definitely the most hygenic member of the band next to Noodle (who definitely learned self care from Russ, let’s be honest.)

You go out to a little diner with him afterwards as a kind of quiet celebration for your new look and he tells you how great it looks and how he’s proud of you for doing something for a good cause

Noodle:

When she hears that you want to get your haircut short like hers, she’s over the moon

Offers to cut it for you since she does all of her own haircuts. You decline nicely telling her about your plan to donate your hair and she jumps right on that bandwagon, researching hair salons near you & coming up with the perfect one in what seems like an instant

Makes silly faces in the reflection of the mirror at you whenever she gets the chance so you don’t even have the chance to think about your fallen locks of hair and when you do she’ll show you pictures off her phone. “Look at this cute photo of Katsu I took earlier! He looks adorable, yes?”  

“Have you seen this meme yet? Murdoc sent it to me the other day from jail and I don’t know whether I’m more surprised he knows how to work an electronic or that this is what he decided was what he should send me. I think it definitely has a secret message but I’m not sure whether I should crack it or not for 2D and the band’s sake. Besides, I’m starting to really enjoy the company of Ace. It’s nice to see 2D have someone to talk about his passion for knives with.”

Suggests you get highlights or something out of the ordinary and if you do decide to agree with her insane hair choice, it ends up looking absolutely wonderful in the end

Instagram picture together once you finish with your hair & before you even get the chance to closely study your new look, she sweeps you off for a suprise she’s been planning since you told her that you wanted to cut your hair!

Murdoc:

Shocked when you come home with your hair chopped short

His first comment is probably that it looked better before. “What’d you do that for? You looked fine before”

But if he noticed that  you’re hurt by this comment. Oh boy, you better expect him complimenting you on your hair and everything in between for the next week. “I wasn’t even looking at you the first time you got your haircutt honestly! I was spaced out and I’ve been dealing with that blue headed imbecile all day…”

“You look really good today, definitely compliments that haircut you got the other day doesn’t it?” “You look rrrravishing today darling, something with your hair?” 

(He thinks he’s smooth but he’s definitely not)

He’ll joke around with you about your hair if you weren’t too hurt by his comment the first time but if not, he’ll never mention it again 

Literally after a week or so, he can’t imagine you with long hair anymore. “Remember when you had long hair? Weird to think about now, sunshine, isn’t it? Can’t really imagine you lookin’ like that anymore, I’ll tell you that!” Followed by Murdoc chuckling to himself.

Definitely has you both dress up so that you two can go around town and he can show you and your amazing haircut off. 

Has literal strangers guess what’s different about you and scoffs or rolls his eyes went they don’t immediately notice

Ace Copular:

Asks the lady who’s going to cut your hair if he can cut it off like he saw in a movie once. (It was definitely Mulan. 2D and Noodle forced him to watch it since it was one of her favorite movies as a kid and the only princess movie that she would sit still through. It was probably one of his first Disney movies since the GangGreen Gang didn’t really get to watch a lot of movies as kids unless they snuck into the cheesy drive-in movies that Townsville had around.)

The woman looks at you for some kind of approval for his suggestion and you just kind of, nod your head. You don’t exactly want a knife near the back of your head and this was more than you originally signed up for but you know he wouldn’t hurt you and he looks so giddy at the idea.

The lady shows him where to cut and he nearly gives you a heart attack when he pulls the knife towards himself. You yell at him until he holds up the bundle of hair he managed to get off with a crooked grin.

“…How sharp is that knife exactly?” “Sharp enough for whatever I needs toots” “Huh, remind me never to mess with you on a bad day, okay?” He lets out a slight laugh at that.

Once she finishes up your hair, you go visit the boys and Ace brags about how he cut your hair all by himself with only his knife and needless to say the boys are beyond impressed, especially Snake. 

You let him because you find it cute but correct him if he ever actually starts believing his own tale.

[kootenaygoon]

So,

Paisley needed a break.

We’d weaved our way on to the Fractal Forest dance floor around midnight, and we’d been half-dancing awkwardly for maybe two minutes, when she grabbed my hand and nodded her head towards the exit. There was a slight tinge of panic in her eyes. I followed her through wet surging bodies, trying to breathe through my mouth, shoving people out of the way with one hand. It smelled like cocaine farts and Axe body spray, like next-level B.O. and stinky skunk weed all mixed together. I was finding there were so many sensations coming at me I could only really focus on one at a time. I was trying to will myself into the moment, trying to share in this pseudo-religious party vibe. Each stage really did feel like a church, or a temple, or some pagan altar from thousands of years ago. You got the feeling that this place would be ideal for sacrificing live humans to the Sun Gods, to cut out still-beating hearts with ceremonial blades and display them dripping for the ravenous hordes.

“I’m sorry, Will, I just don’t like it. It’s too loud, it’s too much, it smells so bad. I don’t know, maybe I shouldn’t have come, maybe this was stupid,” Paisley said, once we’d reached a shadowy clearing just off the dance floor.

“I’m obviously not a Shambhala person.”

“Don’t say that. Listen, nobody’s judging you, okay? Everyone’s just trying to support everyone else in having a good time. It’s not an exclusive club.”

“You sound like you’re totally buying into it.”

“I’m trying to understand the culture, babe. I mean obviously this isn’t my scene, but when in Rome, right?”

She sighed. “I think I’ve gotta go to bed. I can’t do any more of this. Can you take me back to the RAV? I don’t think I can find it in the dark.”

I wasn’t surprised that Shambhala was lost on Paisley. She often compared herself to Piglet, as she shared his easily flustered personality. She liked her nest at home with Muppet and Buster, where she didn’t have to navigate too many personalities and things were fairly predictable. Because of her health issues she was fragile, and didn’t always sleep properly through the night. When she first suggested accompanying me I’d been reluctant to discourage her because I didn’t want her to feel like I’d rather go alone, and I figured she would ultimately flake out at the last minute. But in the weeks leading up to it she started to get excited, looking up outfits on Pinterest and endlessly researching on her iPad. She took us out to purchase spirit hoods, something she’d read about online, and now we were hiking across the Salmo River Ranch with bison and elk horns jutting from our skulls. I took her hand and led her through the vendor area, where hundreds of people were milling in line to purchase hot dogs, nachos, Thai food. We passed by the Pagoda Stage, transitioning from one audio soundscape to another, and then through a looming archway topped with Shambhala’s owl logo. 

Paisley and I walked by a psychedelic pirate ship with people hooting and dancing in the prow, down a long line of trailers and out into the wide open camping area. There were enough tents stretched out into the distance to sleep an invading army.  

“I’m worried about Muppet and Buster, do you think they’re okay?” 

“Of course they’re okay. They’re with Tamara.”

“I’m sorry I’m being such a wet blanket. I’m totally ruining the party.”

“You’re not ruining the party, duck.”

“Yes I am, I’m so pathetic. I can’t even have fun anymore.”

“You’re not pathetic, okay? Look at us, we’re having a nice time. This was a nice day, we saw a bunch of cool things, and now we’re going back to the RAV to sleep just as planned. There’s nothing to be upset about.”

“Are you sure?”

As we passed through an intersection another kilometre down the road, a volunteer in an orange vest motioned for us to stop. A giant truck rumbled by, rattling loudly, with water gushing out behind it. This was to keep the dust down, I’d learned earlier, because at times walking from one stage to the next was like being swept up in a sandstorm. While we waited for it to pass a small crowd gathered around us, including a guy who was only wearing a tube sock. Two bikini-clad girls in combat boots were standing beside him, looking surly. The music continued to chug through the trees like some nightmarish science fiction machine gone bonkers.

“Are we lost?”

“No, we’re not lost.”

“You know where we’re parked, right? We’re not going to get lost? There are like no lights anywhere.”

“It’s a ranch.”

“I know it’s a ranch, I’m just saying this feels a little sketchy.”

“It’s not sketchy.”

“What if some druggie freak like comes to rape me?”

“I’m here, and I’ll make sure nobody fucks with you, okay? We’re just spending the one night here and then we’re back to our little refuge with the dogs. Focus on that, okay?”

“This was a bad idea, coming here.”

“There’s no reason to be negative. It wasn’t a bad idea, it was just an experience and pretty soon the experience will be over and you’ll be fine, okay? You’re not going to feel like this tomorrow.”

She took a deep breath. “Okay, you’re right.”

Paisley got like this sometimes, with the hyper-anxiety, which was one of the reasons I was concerned about her cannabis use. We’d both proclaimed our intent to quit multiple times in the past six months, but we couldn’t seem to kick it. We were excellent at sabotaging each other, at justifying why we should be forgiven for just having a puff or two here and there. I was starting to feel like I’d permanently altered my personality, like I’d lost a piece of myself, but then I’d tell myself that was my religious upbringing talking. That was anti-cannabis propaganda. Weed wasn’t what they said it was, it wasn’t this soul-stealing sin like I’d been taught in church. It just calmed me, took care of me, carried me through experiences I didn’t feel like I could get through otherwise. I could never judge Paisley for her need, especially knowing how much pain she’d been through since I met her. 

She deserved her medicine. 

“You know what the craziest thing was?” Paisley asked, as we hiked diagonally down a row of campsites. A few of them were lit up, with people sprawled out in lawn chairs and blaring their music.

“From tonight, you mean?”

“That spider-woman, the one that was hanging upside down. I couldn’t even tell which of the legs were real and which were fake. You know how hard it would be to do that, like dance upside down in midair?”

“I could see you doing something like that, becoming a little festival dancer.”

“Fuck off.”

“I mean it, with your burlesque experience and everything, you could probably at least get one of the gigs where you play with a glow-in-the-dark hoop or whatever. Can you imagine what your Mom would say?”

She laughed, and it was a lovely sound. Being with Paisley meant learning how to successfully navigate her emotional transitions, and nobody could do that better than me. The woman had the most intense emotions I’d ever experienced in another human, and they could be overwhelming to encounter, but they always passed eventually. Then I was left with my adorable stoner girlfriend, the woman I’d literally crossed a continent for, my muse. She was my past, present and future.

Eventually we found the RAV, and we sat in the open back door to smoke a moonlit joint. I chugged two bottles of water, then got up to pace in the grass. Paisley was wrapped in a blanket, looking content. The music was fainter now, chugging and whirring, while multi-coloured lasers swooped through the clouds. I’d been told that the stages play music for 20 hours a day, so the party wouldn’t be shutting down any time soon. Paisley was ready for bed, but I was jacked up on Red Bull and ready to mingle with strangers. After crawling inside to tuck her in, I told her I was going to take a walk around the grounds. I wouldn’t be gone long, I said, I just wanted to tire myself out.

“And you’re not going to do anything crazy?”

“Of course not.”

The Kootenay Goon

[braindamageforbeginners]

Alternative Christmas Films

Full warnings in advance, I will probably be somewhat less coherent than normal, thanks to my terminal sleep deprivation getting tweeked by the holiday festivities. America has a long, proud tradition of basing the holiday season on what the media tells us it should be (in other countries, you’ll notice that Santa Claus looks much less like the classic character of Coca Cola ads). I’m not going to go full Sarah Palin and tell everyone that we shouldn’t get our celebration ideas from Madison Avenue and Hollywood, but we probably shouldn’t. We certainly shouldn’t get them from our super-creepy White House decorations (I’ll admit that we, as a culture, overdo holiday decorations, but there is a middle ground between “Puritanical hatred of Christmas” and “Santa binged on hallucinogens and threw up,” and it is not, “Krampus’s Winter Lodge”). At this time of year, if you’re American, you’re probably binging on both assorted chemicals, and that holiday staple, the Christmas movie. The problem is, there are very few of these around - there’s Bing Crosby’s Christmas Movie, the Grinch, The creepy clay-mation one (the other creepy claymation one)(the other other creepy claymation one if we include Robert Zemeckis’ “Polar Express”), A Christmas Story, and Home Alone. There are also two other Grinch movies, but no one cares. to quote the great R. Atkinson regarding the vast array of mediocre options, “The agony of choice.”

The good news is, since there is so little choice, Americans have started broadening the definition of “classic Christmas movie” to “Die Hard,” which takes place during an office Christmas party, and stars 1988 (some might say the star is Bruce Willis, but he’s completely overshadowed by the delightful excesses of stereotypical action films of the 80s). I’ll admit, it’s a tenuous connection, but when you have so few options, widening the net isn’t a bad thing, also, after seeing The Grinch 9000 times, I’ll happily nominate a different title. In a similar vein, here are my recommendations for everyone tired of seeing wealthy white people celebrate an idealized form of conspicuous consumption prior to global warming. And, just like I think there’s a firm middle ground when it comes to decorating, there’s a lot of films between “Nightmare Before Christmas” (or,  for a deep cut, “Silent Night Deadly Night”) and “It’s a Wonderful Life.” Like making a toxin-themed playlist for chemo, making this sort of list is surprisingly hard, both because every major director and actor in the entertainment business has some sort of Christmas movie or television episode (they gave Denis Leary a Christmas movie), and because there are shockingly few watchable ones. So, my primary criteria were, 1. This would be a film I would actually watch, and, 2. Requires a little creativity to directly connect it to the holidays. Of course, because it’s me, I cheat on those rules (I’ll note that where applicable).

L.A. Confidential - Like Die Hard, it takes place during Christmas (the first twenty minutes, anyway), and features almost-schlubby everyman Russell Crowe running around punching, shooting, and drinking heavily (this was in the 90s, before we learned that was just Russ’s daily schedule)/ The Thing - Trapped indoors while a subzero storm ravages the neighborhood, with strangers we barely know, as fatigue and paranoia about a potential alien invader take their toll, and death becomes slowly inevitable for everyone involved. If that doesn’t say “Christmas,” it definitely says, “Christmas 2018.” Side-note: This film takes place in Antarctica, and has become a huge part of the culture there (supposedly, after the very last flight leaves, the winter crew of the Antarctic research stations have a double-feature movie night featuring this and another classic on the list). Roadhouse - I’ll admit, I’m kind of grasping at straws with this one in order to add some cheer to this list, and what could be cheerier than Patrick Swayze in a mullet - at the height of his Swayze-ness - running around shirtless and punching people? Oh, wait, it features a guy being killed by a stuffed polar bear falling on him, that should count. The Shining - This is the other film shown in the Antarctic after the last flight out. Again, it features creeping madness, overwrought specters of Christmas Past, being indoors for extended periods, and murder. Which is both a very traditional way to celebrate, and also just an average Thursday for Jack Nicholson in 1978. 101 Reykjavik - I haven’t seen this one start to finish, but it features malaise and a really weird love triangle, which, as we now know, is far more traditional than we’d like to think. However, weird parental lesbian love-triangles were usually unavailable to the serfs unless it was Boxing Day. Okay, so it features Iceland (what could be more Christmas-y than a land literally named after ice?), emotionally unavailable people, and dysfunctional relationships. The Christmas Trifecta, if you will. Jingle All The Way - This is Arnold Schwarzenegger’s entry on this list, and, like “Christmas with the Nuge” was largely forgotten by everyone ten minutes after it was released to massive fanfare. It features a wealthy man slowly being driven insane by the pressures to be successful (and/or get that “Must Have” toy)(I am so glad that trend is gone from my life), and a blue-collar worker forced into petty criminality just to make ends meet during the holidays. It’s Christmas in America. Scrooged - Okay, so this is another one most readers will be familiar with, but it’s a modern day satire of the holiday excesses through the lens of Bill Murray in the only version of “A Christmas Carol” I’d still watch. Almost Any Shane Black Film - He’s actually admitted that he sets most of his films during Christmas as a cultural touchstone. And he’s written so many films, there’s probably one you can readily find to meet your tastes (maybe not “The Last Boyscout,” though). Three Days of the Condor - Again, it’s set during Christmas. And I’ve also seen it (and enjoyed it), and no one else will choose it. Also, CIA overreach and overreaction, while not exactly Yuletide themes, have probably shaped the holiday in more ways than we’d admit (that’s not exactly tin-foil hat conspiracy territory, Carter’s national security adviser  Zbigniew Brzezinski made a Christmas special with the Muppets (this is true, as far as I can tell, but it’s so out-there that I won’t vouch for its veracity), and if the CIA is willing to spend $20 million on telepathy research (that is absolutely true, and if anyone wants to know how America will pay for universal healthcare or university enrollment, we can probably get it by cancelling Pentagon programs that are based on urban legends), it’s hardly a stretch to imagine them tossing a little extra to producers to skew pro-’Merica in their Christmas specials). Santa Claus Conquers the Martians - This is another you’ve probably heard of. And, unlike some other entries on this list, I have both time and access to this title (sort of, I’d have to go rummaging through the DVDs), and still haven’t the stomach to sit through it. It is amazingly terrible (I’m using “terrible” to mean, “It’s so poorly-written and boring that you’ll get up to scrape the grout off your tiles).