#okay back in my cave

[zeldasgard]

Why I was frequently gone

As you might have noticed I am not as frequently active as I once was when starting posting my art online a while back. I have never stopped drawing though, just I never posted some things or posted them way later. The reason behind it was fear.

The thing is… despite claiming since forever that I don’t care anymore what people think of me and that it’s been a while I have grown past that… deep down, I do.

The truth is that it is my love for a fictional character that started my art journey. Yes guys, it is Vaati that made me pick up the pencil. I feel like this is shamed a lot, when truly anything is good to get you started on your own path. This is also why my « yumeship » or whichever you wish to call it (I am myself not fond of labels, I only find a use for them to find like minded people and even so a lot of luck is needed because of how misused some are) is so important to me and a part of who I am. This is also why I keep drawing Vaati over and over. It is what got me started but also what keeps me going. And it goes well beyond Vaati. The Minish Cap was my first Zelda game and what re-introduced my depressed self to the fantasy genre, which led to important choices in my real life.

I am still deeply scarred by some things I have been put through because of false assumptions about my character because of my love for him and reduced to a flat, one dimensional image of "if she is like xxx/, isn't comfortable with xxx then she must be yyy!!!". I have been bullied for it on social media a little while ago and deeply wounded. I am scared now that anyone getting too close to me would judge me or hurt me again for something that is… harmless. Many times I do want to show more of my person and interests but those bad experiences made me very anxious about social media and personal one on one online interactions. One big issue with social media, and not only for the topic of ��loving a fictional character” is that it is so easy to judge or assume who someone is based on their feed or one façade that they decide to show about themselves. We tend to forget that there are full complex living beings behind usernames, with way more going on in their lives than the breadcrumbs of it that they post on social media. No, I am not "delulu" about Vaati, yes I have a social life and I even have so many hobbies that it would be too long to list them all. I could yap all day about metal music, Tolkien's Legendarium, astrophysics... But this is not what most here follow me for.

There are some times when I want to rebrand, forget and leave everything behind. But that would be making choices motivated by fear and I do not want that for me anymore. Not everyone out there is an unstable bully after all.

This post already went far beyond what I originally intended it to. I originally wanted to share what I had learnt, what I am learning in order to make my artworks, my inspirations and all that, but clearly some things go way beyond art itself. Also to address my social media anxiety because of the experiences I mention here, and I fear that I couldn’t do that without giving all this larger context.

I now hope that with these small tickets that I plan on sharing (although this one isn’t but shhhh), I can slowly gain back some trust in social media and humankind in general and actually take pleasure again in sharing my art with you all. I actually like Tumblr as a platform and honestly I cannot wait to post all these artworks I have been holding back on.

Peace ☮️

[doctorsiren]

sorry for the lack of posting, I’ve been swamped with doing art for finals as well as just end of the semester stuff, but I replayed Portal 2 this week and drew up some thumbnails for fun

[themoonunderstoodmydadjokes]

✨ The depression is chronic but my ass is iconic ✨

[bloumiiss]

“The hands that cradled your face and tilted it upward to kiss your forehead are soaked in unfathomable quantities of blood.”

“But they cradled me, yes?”

I got really into the theory of the apple (from that one image from the beast yeast chapter 7/8 leaks) being the fruit of knowledge. And I thought, what if Pure Vanilla takes a bite out of it? (*^▽^)/★*☆♪

So here’s an artwork where Pure Vanilla is slowly going insane after taking a bite, and all Shadow Milk can do is hold him as he succumbs to the same insanity that claimed him so long ago. Fun stuff, am I right? ((o(^∇^)o))

[midnight-mourning]

DCA Promptober Day 9: Off-Limits

Had an idea in mind for this one, then @soupdweller pretty much solidified it for me with this piece of art. Hope you enjoy!

Word count: 1868

Content warning: non graphic depicitions of death, obsessive behavior if you squint really really hard, reader discresion is advised

🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃

You wish you were taller. Maybe not super tall, and certainly not eight or nine feet tall, but a couple inches you think would be nice. A couple inches could potentially make you feel a bit less, small, in this situation. 

The Daycare Attendant looms over you, that cartoonish grin and dead eyes certainly not helping your nerve. You swallow. You were not going to let him intimidate you, you were not going to let him intimidate you-

"Friend."

"Sun," Your voice is more squeaky than you'd ever like it to be, you clear your throat, "Can I get past you, please?"

His rays click sharply to one side, "I'm afraid not. This area is off-limits."

"I, understand that, but it's also my job as a guard to check that everything is in order-"

He moves suddenly, bending down so that your faces are now inches apart, he tilts his head, "Off. Limits."

You have it in you to get a little annoyed then. You don't really know the Attendant all that well, and from what you've heard from other staff he's usually pretty friendly and even a bit, oblivious. 

This was not that. 

From the moment you'd met he'd been off-putting, a little creepy, and in a way, hostile to you and everything you did. You almost wondered if it was a work hours vs after hours thing, but whenever anyone else was around he had that chipper persona. It was just with you that there was a problem. 

"What's in there that's such an issue?" You ask, trying to peer around him, ignoring the way his 'pupils' seem to shift and watch you, "Last I checked the Plex doesn't have any big secrets. Not any that I as a guard wouldn't know about at least."

It's hard to tell what's back there, mainly because of the near blinding light coming from the doorway to contrast with the darkened space you're currently standing in. And from what you remember, it was all just storage space. One of the bigger ones to your understanding. Actually, how'd the Attendant even get over here? You don't remember there being another entrance to this location. And furthermore, why is he-

"That," He puts a hand on your shoulder, "Is not," You're shoved backward, "Your concern."

Okay, now you're irritated, "For the last time, this is my job. Last I checked, you're the Daycare Attendant, and I'm the security guard. So, you can either move out of my way, or I make you move."

Sun stands upright again, clasping his hands in front of him, "You can try."

"Why do you even care? Why are you even over here?" You point your finger at him now, "You know, you've been honestly kind of a jerk to me since I started, and I'm kind of sick of it. I've never done anything to you!"

A click. You continue. 

"I have tried to be nothing but kind and considerate, I don't stay in your space too long, I wave when I see you, I compliment your art and yet you've been nothing but cold, impassive, and downright rude."

The Attendant is stock still and frankly, you don't care.

"What did I do to deserve this, huh? What made you decide I was going to be the target of your just, straight vitriol toward me?" You throw your hands up, then slap them against your legs. 

Your breathing is heavy now. But at least you've said your peace. 

It's then that the bot laughs, not the reaction you were expecting. For some reason, it sends a chill down your spine.

He takes a step closer, then another. It gives you an idea as he once more bends down to your level. 

"What you've done?" Several rapid clicks of his rays turning to the right, "You want to know what you've done-"

You quickly sidestep him, darting inside, "Maybe some other time! Let's say after my patrol, how's that?"

He makes a loud sound then, which you take as merely mild frustration. Something that in hindsight, was a mistake on your part. You snickered, served him right. You were just trying to do your job.

The storage room was a lot bigger than you were expecting. Grander. Many aisles of boxes piled to the high ceiling on either side of you, along the backwall, and is that a connecting room behind? Geez, why is this area not patrolled more often? Seems like there's a lot of stuff to grab, regardless of there seeming to just be the one entrance. 

You think you've lost Sun, for now anyway. If he catches up to you again it's not like he can do anything except complain. The thought instantly peeves you. 

You're nearing one of the back corners of this front room now, deciding to radio back to the main office, "Hey, working on the last bit of my route, there a reason we don't check this storage room more routinely?"

"We don't.... manpower.... -eople have... -ssing. Wasn't supposed... -your route. -ou should probably-.... -here." Is the response you receive.

You frown, speaking into the device again, "Hey, you're cutting out super bad, could you repeat that?"

All you get is more garbled static as a response. You shrug it off. Must be a dead zone near this room. Annoying, but that's life.

There's a smell in here, you're realizing. And it's not dust, even though there's quite a lot of that. It's decay. 

And the closer you get to that back corner, the stronger is gets. 

Now, a normal person would say fuck it, and call a custodian to deal with whatever poor animal had gotten in here and died. And maybe on a different night, you would have done that. But for some reason, that wasn't the decision you were going to make for tonight.

You round the corner and find-nothing. Just some more boxes. But god that smell is strong now. You're getting ready to turn around and high tail it out of there, when you notice that there's something sticking out from the corner, between where the boxes on either wall collide. 

You don't need to get a closer look to confirm what it is, but you do. 

You can only stare on in complete and utter disbelief. 

Yup. That is indeed a shoe. Attached to a foot, attached to a dead body-a dead security guard's body-which you're 99% sure is what you were smelling. 

The surprising part of all this was exactly how many dead bodies were stuffed into that corner. All in various states of decay. 

"I warned you."

You jump, whipping around to find Sun staring at you. Somehow, the blank look in his eyes is more unreadable than ever before. You swear there's like, a shimmer to optics. Kind of, purplish. But your eyes are probably playing tricks on you.

Your instant reaction is to pray, but you think it's a little late for that. Your second reaction is to beg. 

Your voice wavers as you speak, hands up defensively, "Pl-please don't, don't, hurt me..."

"Hurt you? Oh no no no, sweet thing. I'd never want to hurt you," Sun tuts, his words have a softness you've never witnessed before, "I'll admit I haven't done the best job of showing it, but I do care."

In your shock of it all, you can just stand there, fear dissipating just slightly while blinking a few times, "Excuse me?"

He goes off on his own little tangent, starting to pace as he speaks more to himself than to you, "Believe me, coming to terms with the idea that you of all people would catch my interest wasn't, easy, but I think I've been dealing with it to the best of my ability," He turns to you, hands together, "And now, you've made this entire process that much simpler!"

"...Simpler how?" You're still processing the dead people thing; you aren't even comprehending the idea that Sun likes you. 

"Well, now we can so spend time catching you up to speed," Sun tilts his head, tone eerily cheering as his eyes lift into crescents, "You didn't think you could leave now, did you?"

You bolt.

You try to remember how you got back here, which ways to turn to get back to the front. Given you're kind of freaking out right now, it's not easy.

Sun's behind you, somewhere. Sure you can hear him; those bells were loud on top of the mechanical clinks and whirls his limbs emit as he follows after you. The problem is that he's eight feet tall and you can only run so damn fast. 

You find the entrance. The door's shut.

"Shit. Shit, come on," You fumble for your keycard, shaking hands swiping it through the card reader. 

"Access denied. Access denied. Access denied."

You hear Sun a few aisles over, "Ah, ah, ah. Leaving so soon? After you worked so hard to get in here?"

You curse under your breath as he continues.

"And really, to not bother to listen after I told you to stay is really, quite, rude," From the sounds of it, he's now where you just were, and seemed to be expecting you to still be trying to get out, having the gull to be annoyed about it, "Well there goes that dramatic reveal."

You don't know where you're running but you realize you're going to need to find a destination soon, because you're going to eventually run out of stamina. And Sun will not. 

A hiding place. You need a hiding place. 

"I put in a lot of effort to keep this from you, Starshine," Sun says to the empty space, "Spare you from this thing, that I've become."

There is nowhere to hide in here. It's just the same repeating rows over and over again. Could you maybe circle back? Start climbing? Just something-

"It's not a willing participation, you know. If you understood how this f̴͉̲̲̳̐̑̈́̍̀eė̴̘̽̋l̴͍̣͎̙͎̉̃ṣ̶̪̀, maybe you'd be a bit more sympathetic. Though I suppose that's a big ask."

You need to quiet your breathing, collect yourself a bit. Find another option.

You swallow, trying to calm down as you rest back against the cardboard. It sort of works. 

Until you become acutely aware of the fact that Sun is now silent. 

You strain your ears, eyes flicking back and forth to either end of the aisle. You're closer to the one on your left than the right, but you wonder if it'd be worth the risk to dash to the other side. 

Unfortunately, you don't get the chance.

You take a step away from the makeshift wall, only able to react after the fact as Sun comes from around the corner, the surprise of seeing him making your trip backwards as you spin to face him. 

He catches you, and you notice that the ribbons which usually wrap around his wrists are missing. He tricked you.

"Caught you friend~" He chuckles lightly at the joke. 

You can only look up at him with fear. His pupils are purple, you're sure of it now. He leans in, rays spinning. 

"Maybe next time you'll listen when I say something is off-limits."

🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃

Since y'all liked reading the notes I write for Confused Spirit, here's the one I wrote for this lmao:

You can read the others here, sorry for being late with this! As you can see, she was a biggin'. Thanks for reading!

[companion-showdown]

Who had the worst time aboard the TARDIS?

TOURNAMENT MASTERPOST

[retr0fox]

A Mal0 for the New Year

[kisapmataaa151]

boom boom~

[temtamtom]

He is truly the character of all time

[turtleblogatlast]

Thinking about the Don Suave scene and what it means in terms of LGBTQ+ representation because my brain does nothing if not torment me with random topics to ramble about on the regular.

Anyway, I just wanted to ramble about why I like the scene but to get it out of the way - the scene can very easily be interpreted in so many different ways, and all of them are valid. I personally see it as Leo having at least some attraction to a man. And the following is an explanation of my own interpretation and thoughts on it and what it means especially for Leo’s portrayal in the grand scheme of things.

Long-winded interpretation under the cut!

Now, to start with, it’s important to me that in the scene Leo looks at Don Suave in the very beginning and then for the entirety of the rest of the time the man is on screen, Leo’s eyes are closed. Yet, in the end, he is still visibly enamored with Don Suave, happily cuddling up to him as he’s being carried away.

You can very easily interpret this as Leo being spellbound and that’s honestly super valid and I believe he likely was at least somewhat in the beginning, but considering how fast he looked away and how he never looked again, I personally think it makes more sense to read it as Leo just finding the man attractive, at least somewhat. (For the record, I personally headcanon Rise Leo as bisexual with a heavy preference for men, but I want to be blunt when I say that any interpretation is valid. Literally any. Ace, pan, gay, bi, none of the above or a mixture of something new literally all of it is more than okay and fair. Hell you could even interpret this entire scene as more romantic attraction than physical and it would still work. Anything goes!! Don’t bother people, guys, really.)

The main reason I take this scene to be at the very least LGBTQ+ adjacent isn’t just because of how it’s portrayed, but because of who Leonardo is. Not in terms of Rise of the TMNT, but in terms of the entire Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles™️ franchise.

Leo’s a character who, while changing with each iteration, has still at his core been around for decades upon decades as “the blue one”. One fourth of the team. He’s the one most are going to look at as the Leader, and oftentimes he is the one closest to having the title of Main Character. Not to say the others aren’t just as important, but Leo’s presence in the A plots of basically all TMNT media is often something very main character-esque.

And that’s very, very important to note. Here we have a Main Character of a prolific and decades long-running franchise distributed by a children’s television network. You can play around with his and his brothers’ characters all you like, but there is always going to be challenges to dodge around, especially since this was still in 2018-2019.

For example, you can play around with their designs so long as they’re color coded turtles, but their sexualities? Now that’s tricky.

“But what about Hypno and Warren?” Not main characters and also they’re Rise originals. They have a lot more room to play around with than a character like Leo does. But even talking about main characters in the franchise, you could arguably have an easier time playing around with Donnie or Mikey’s sexualities than Leo or even Raph, as (unfortunately) the former two tend to get more B plots, so they’d likely have had a little more leeway (still not a lot though.)

So, where does this leave us?

It leaves us in a place where outright stating and/or showing undeniable proof of Leo’s attraction to men is very, very difficult. So, workarounds!

Workarounds like the entire Don Suave situation.

To be honest, as left up to interpretation and lowkey and deniable as it is, this whole scene means a lot to me because of who Leo is as a character. It’s just nice when we get so see even the bare bones of representation with characters that have been such a large part of pop culture for decades, y’know? Even if more would be so much nicer, this is better than I thought we’d ever get for these boys.

And, again, literally nothing I’ve said is the only way to interpret it, I’m more than happy when people interpret media on their own honestly, it’s just something I’ve been thinking of lately and I was wondering if others felt the same way.

Whatever you think when you interpret this scene or Rise Leo as a whole, I just thought this would be interesting to think about, even if it was ramble-y, haha.

[im-so-done-with-myself]

Waiting for danger

[leyyvi]

Pwasoi Levi core

[rebornofstars]

nobody fucking touch me rn i went to see tf one in the cinema and im shaking. they actually made a good transformers movie. what the fuck

[shares-a-vest]

@steddielovemonth Day 14: Love is... Being late to work because you can't ever say goodbye in a reasonable amount of time (Prompt by @sharpbutsoft)

wc: 1,278 | Rated: M (just to be safe, this one is a little spicer and more explicit than usual) | cw: None

Tags: Steve Harrington Loves Eddie Munson, Getting Together, Robin Buckley, Platonic Stobin, Running Late, Family Video

Note: Gosh I hope this one is Steddie enough seeing as Eddie is only here in Steve's spicy morning after thoughts...

'The Mysterious Case of the Broken Doorknob'

Steve groans when he reaches the front glass doors of Family Video and realises his best friend has already opened up. His face burns, not just from the morning sun reflecting off the store’s front windows – his shades really do nothing – as he thinks about the reason he is late.

Eddie. Eddie. Eddie.

His friend-turned-date-turned-overnight-boyfriend’s teasing words and wicked grin play over in his head like a fucking slot machine. Meanwhile, inside, Robin’s head shoots up from where she was glued to the computer, likely startled by the sound of him practically slamming into the front doors in haste.

“Where have you been!” she yells, her voice only slightly muffled by the glass between them.

Eddie, he thinks.

Eddie and the way he says (or doesn’t) say, ‘goodbye’ the morning after.

Eddie with that wild morning bed hair flicking every which way as he moved to blanket himself over Steve. His naked warmth enveloping Steve in a comfort that lulled him back into a half-sleep, his eyes only fluttering back open again as Eddie began to move, his hands roaming and carding through his chest hair.

Scratching his skin... Sinfully pitching his nipple, giggling when Steve squirmed under his touch...

Eddie's mouth joining the teasing... That mouth moving down... All the way down until a tongue playfully licked the tip of his –

“S-Sorry!” he splutters, ripping off his sunglasses when he finally gets the stupidly sticky door open.

He waves (or more, flails) a hand in Robin’s direction, avoiding his best friend’s burning gaze as he makes a beeline for the back office.

If he can just get to his shitty broken locker without any prying, he might manage to conjure up a decent enough excuse with regards to his tardiness.

Only this isn’t the first time Steve hasn’t quite made it in a reasonable amount of time because of escapades from the night before trickling into the morning after. Hell, most of the time he runs late for work the next day.

Plus, Robin knows Steve went on his first date with Eddie last night.

She knew they were going to Benny’s and that Steve had lined up precisely six separate make-out spots they could head off to afterwards.

Only, they didn’t even get that far.

They were about halfway through dinner when he and Eddie both agreed that after all this time, a full eight months after Spring Break, they should just throw away the playbook entirely.

“Wine and dine me later, sweetheart,” Eddie had joked, hopping out of the diner’s back corner booth and offering his hand.

The thing is, it didn’t exactly feel like a first date anyway.

Not after all that time. After hospital stays and visits. Not after healing and the awkwardness of Steve setting things right with Nancy. Not after he and Eddie at least began acknowledging that nagging something between them... Not after all the pining and flirting thereafter...

Not to mention all the meddling from everyone around them...

But this was different, he quickly decided as he discarded his burger – something he’d never willingly given up before.

With Eddie it is different…

So they went back to Steve’s house – something he promised himself he’d stop doing with ‘first dates’. He hastily parked the car on the drive, flicked on the inside entryway light and all but bolted up the stairs, hands interlocked with Eddie’s.

By the time they got to the upstairs hall, Eddie was ripping off his leather jacket and Steve was unbuckling his belt, all before they made it to his bedroom.

It was hot and rushed to begin with, as they both stripped down to nothing, pressing kisses to any piece of bare flesh they could get to before they lowered onto Steve’s bed.

And for once, Eddie didn’t make a quip about the checked bedspread and matching curtains. It might have been something like that, Eddie’s self-preserving snark falling away along with Steve’s uncharacteristic nervousness that turned it all soft, gentle and tender.

As they touched, skin to skin... Taking and giving as their bodies moved together... Kissing and licking as a sweaty heat grew between them... Moaning with no inhibitions and gasping into each other’s starved mouths...

Holding onto each other for dear life until they collapsed in a sweet haze, barely cleaned up but entirely sated.

Steve startles, brought back to reality by Robin’s big and quizzical knowing eyes looking back at him as she now blocks the office door.

“Spill!” she demands, poking him hard in the chest.

“Ouch – Rob... Scram!” he retorts, elbowing her in hopes she’ll move.

But she doesn’t. Instead, Robin clamps her hand down hard on the office doorknob at the exact time he does and they scuffle, grumbling and pushing and bickering unintelligible nonsense at each other –

Until the doorknob breaks clean off, the other half of it dropping to the floor on the other side of the door.

“Shit,” Steve curses, scrubbing a hand over his face while Robin is left gawking at one-half of the broken doorknob still firmly in her grasp.

“Okay… Well, know you have to tell me what happened,” Robin quips, “Or at least enough to spare some time while I think of what to do about this.”

Steve shrugs and settles for dumping his backpack by the door.

“I’ll just go to the hardware store in my lunch break.”

“A lunchbreak you think you are still entitled to seeing as you are…” Robin sucks in a breath and looks at her watch, “Almost an hour late!”

“Fine!” he relents, turning on the spot so he can all but collapse against the broken door with a hard thud.

“S-P-I-double-hockey-sticks, Dingus!” Robin repeats, her voice a whole octave higher as she plants herself square in front of him.

She begins tossing the broken doorknob expertly from hand to hand, the motion doing nothing to stop Steve’s head from spinning about everything last night – and this morning...

“Eddie and I barely made it through our date before went back to my house and boned, okay!” he admits, a hot rush creeping up his neck again.

He screws his eyes shut, trying desperately not to think about the sensation of Eddie’s pale skin against his.

His warm and soft flesh... His calloused fingers switching between deftly working and greedily exploring... The ridges and puckering of the scars that now litter Eddie’s body... The ones on his sides that match Steve’s own...

Eddie’s flushed and very nice – smooth…

“Whoa,” Robin says.

He feels the warning creak of the door as she joins him shoulder-to-shoulder.

“Yeah…” he sighs, “And then this morning Eddie gave me the best blowjob I have ever had and I didn’t want to leave – Rob, my brain feels like jello.”

“Huh...” Robin hums, pausing for a long moment, “Never took Munson for a Casanova in the bedroom – wait, no... I don’t want to think about his – ” she shudders, “No offence! Anyway, I would have covered for you.”

She knocks into his shoulder.

“Could’a told me that a few hours ago, Robs,” he quips, storing away the offer for the (hopefully, inevitable) next time.

Now at an angle – because the slightest bump is sending him off his axis in his current horny jello-brained state – Steve reaches into his back jeans pocket only to find it empty.

Fuck.

“What is it?” his best friend asks and Steve can just sense that Robin is frowning too.

“I forgot my wallet,” he dry-sobs.

“Steve!” Robin yells into his already-sensitive ear, “How in the hell are we going to pay to fix this door!”

[lilacthebooklover]

sobbing why am i so susceptible to old man yaoi

[deoidesign]

Can you make a tutorial on how you world build and make ocs? I can't seem to make any people in my brain, but then when I try to come up with environments jobs, beliefs and little details to slowly come up with someone, I think: well I don't really know how people have influenced the world- it's a weird loop

To be honest, I don't think I can! Writing is an extremely personal process. The way I write is directly related to how I process things, what I find important in stories, years of my own analysis of my and other's writing, etc... The way you write will be unique to you, as well. But I can explain how I personally think of it.

The short answer:

Write. Write anything and everything, it's a tool to explore your ideas. Analyze your own writing, and write more. Then, as you discover which ideas you want to develop, write more to explore them more. You won't know what you want otherwise!

The long answer:

I think this kind of loop is common. It's easy to feel like everything needs to be done "at once," because our job as writers is to make elements logically fit with each other for our readers. But as you've discovered, developing multiple elements simultaneously isn't really possible, or at least is extremely difficult.

Personally, when I think of writing, I break it into three major elements; characters, world, and plot. As much as possible every scene explores one or more of these, and as much as possible these three things tie back into what I personally consider most important: theme.

Everything I do is in service of the themes I want to present. Without them my events feel aimless. It can take a while to discover them, but they're the core of my work. You will have to discover what you feel is the core of yours. Analyzing other media helps with this too.

Concepts in your brain exist in a state of infinite potential. But when you start writing you have to start making choices, which removes potential as you move forward... But you have to move forward anyways. If there's ideas you want to explore later, you can always explore them later.

What this ends up meaning, to answer your question, is that I don't think of my characters as "people in my brain" or my worlds as something people have influenced... Not at their core, at least. They are tools that I use to represent specific ideas. Obviously they're also my blorbos, but mostly they're serving a specific narrative purpose.

So above all else... Write. Write, and discover what you're writing about, and then start over and write with that in mind. Keep doing this. But you have to write!