#ok yeah this is all of that. hope you're fine with 4 PAGES. 4 pages. of a brick's lore

[kamak17]

Omg ok i’m gonna talk about uh. Sivanthru! They can and will be reffered to as sivvy or siv for short. OC of mine who lives rent free in my head 24-7 that i made up like. 2 years ago. They were initially just a one-off thing but oh no i’m attached now. My baby. I have only really talked about them with my irl bestie so why not here too

So, Sivanthru’s a ‘little’ magic computer who lives in/is comprised of a brick cave. I haven’t really drawn them colored that much since they’re a rectangle with a rather cutesy looking simple face/single large eye face (used for more serious moods it depends). They’re the, in their own words, “Legendary Beast of the Tiles”! Legendary Beasts in this world are powerful immortal magic beings who are supposed to eat/kill monsters. (they are not all-in-all doing their best at that rn, so people who become monster killers, like my main cast, have become more common since monsters have been on the rise too…)

Anyway, Sivanthru’s a special beastie who has different roles. They aren’t made for combat. but are made for surveillance! They constantly collect footage from anything that can be considered a tile, bricks walls windows etc. They have been doing this for centuries but more buildings have been made given industrial revolutions so they feel perpetually overwhelmed. They’re still attempting to manage regardless. They’re very cutesy and speak in a rather high-pitched yet not gendered voice, and are pretty patronizing tbh. They love chastising people by mentioning very specific embarrassing moments from their past, as well as calling people anything but their actual name to annoy them. (messing up tsunaga to be like. hiya tsuyatsu! hiya tsusamsung galaxy 2.0 and other shit like that)

The cave Sivanthru’s in/is is in the middle of a forest that their creators enchanted to act like a maze. Why people have to go through a magic tree maze to find my little computer? Since they can also grant wishes! Or more so give a piece of magic energy that can be used as a wish when the person so chooses but like whatever. They can also make portals by opening up tiles to make inky holes for their own uses but have been threatened to not do so willy-nilly for summoning people. Though their creators haven’t been around to enforce that for centuries…

Anyway. To get to where Sivanthru’s relevant in the story they decide to lure the team (Tsu the water dragon and Ali & Jay the electric cats) through an alleyway and make a portal under them, transporting the team directly to Sivanthru’s building/them. The monster killer team were given a mission to find them but even their bad boss is like “yeah no i don’t care. Just do whatever this week you’re not finding some wish genie in the forest.”

Sivanthru’s like “OMG you’re here! Well you still need something and there’s a reason you must have needed me, i know since i’ve been watching you since you’ve been born and heard that mission request. You need a wish!” And puts them through a trial in their own artificial *trial dimension* (magic ensues) “please do not think of triangles ONLY SPHERES while i’m moving you to the magic trial dimension controlled and operated by me sivanthru your bestie or you will suffer a fate worse than death” (they just say ‘don’t think of triangles’ since they really need people to not think of turtles and know these guys would probably get hung up on triangles and other shapes.)

Anyway. They kinda distract the crew by starting them out being like: “oh well i haven’t really thought of what the trial is. I could force you to kill 10,000 monsters (everyone in team but Ali reacts negatively) or like host a game show! (jay: yay!) on your insecurities! (jay: no!) or…we could just like stay here and hang out…”

And uh yeah they end up distracting the team for nearly a week by giving them whatever they ask for, placating and isolating them. It’s mainly just time they need, these guys haven’t had a real break in ages… however tsu is eventually like “wait a minute the weather has been perfect yet unchanging for like. 5 days i'm getting ali & jay and getting out of this place f u” and tries to find the others. That takes ages due to sivanthru interfering but she eventually finds them all and confront sivanthru with the fact that she wants to LEAVE now and begin the actual trial

But ah, this was so fun for them. (they're so lonely no one comes in this fucking cave) So. Sivanthru starts dissolving the dimension (think like. the space that they're in becoming tiles and falling apart as behind it is glitchy text repeating over and over and over again GET OUT. this is actually sivanthru's thought current not a threat to the party but they thought like“well that's behind everything in this fake dimension and showing that would make these guys scared so sure”)

Anyway. Sivanthru then gets reallll serious and threatening and is like “Do you really want to leave? Even if the world out there is crumbling and when it dissolves you'll still resist anything. even if your loves break from stress if the root of evil stares at you through the abyss, you'll fight it? REALLY?”

And the other two are terrified while Ali (autistic cat girl) is just like. “Yeah no dip”. And sivanthru immediately shifts and is like “YOU did it! *throws confetti and like. game show win noises* “The trial was actually to just refuse this shit and say no to me and return to your depressing lives where you kill monsters for $5 and have a combined $30,000 in medical debt. AND YOU WON!” (magic ensues) sivanthru: “please do not think of squares only hexagonal tiling allowed or you will suffer a fate worse than death.” (sivanthru just need them to not think of mucubes here. we get silly with it.)

After that the team's back and they get 3 wishes and are whisked away end episode.

Oh right can you tell i want to make a tv show with these bastards huh. CAN YOU TELL.

but we're not done yet. Sivanthru’s not done yet. Some time later Sivanthru summons the team again and is like, “Please my dear friends. well i know we don't get along perfectly…” (looking at tsu and the time siv forced them through 10,000 annoying rooms of her least favorite things, tongue-eating lice when she needed to find her friends/coworkers) “But you do care about getting rid of monsters right?” “so please. retrieve for me the seichan root seed (seed of far more pure form of the darkness that corrupts animals to make monsters)”“i need it for. research purposes. please y'all for me? i'm smart enough to do it i just can't get one. it's at these coordinates pls”

They guide the team to get the seed for them while planting misleading ideas on how the seed works, though through the team's own research they find that ‘hey this seed might not be the best to give to them they might just use it for power’ but they haven’t completely agreed on whether or not to avoid it since after all. They could be genuine and find a useful weakness of the corrupting seichan root since mortals aren’t getting anywhere. 

They eventually decide to bring it over, though  the final thing that sets them off that this isn't right is Sivanthru loosing their usual cutesy cadence and NOT being like. excited to recieve the seed. They’re looking at it with a mix of awe and remorse that the team was able to get the seed here, such a powerful and dangerous artifact of death, and orders them to leave through another portal while leaving the seed on the ground unguarded (this portal is not under the team, but to side.)

This final thing of Sivanthru being for once, seemingly calm and formal ticks them off, and Tsu tries to put the seed away. Sivanthru realizes that for the first time there, they’ve slipped enough that even these guys can see through it, and freaks out. Sivanthru triggers an earthquake by shifting the floor bricks in their cave to try and get the tsu to drop the seed, but Tsu manages to hold on and put it up in her bag of holding. sivanthru can't get it from there as they don't have hands so they’re very much devastated and their mind is racing.

and then the team's like “great you’ve probably been trapped here for a goddamned reason. and you're a fool too that seed would just take your magic energy and grow to world-eating size- (siv's like. a magic bank so. quite a bit of energy for that evil little seed) “-and it'll kill you.” 

And then siv's like *checkmark correct noise!*, shocking them into silence, and continues, “I don’t want to be here. This world has been falling apart thanks to the monsters and seichan root spreading exponentially. My comrades, the other beasts, have been failing to stop it efficiently, and I don’t want to be here and watch all of you people, your settlements and homes and families, be destroyed and eaten by monsters. I want to leave. So-” and then they get one of the team members Jay away and make a brick box around them, and start slowly lowering the ceiling of said box in a threat - “Give. The seed. To me. You’ll get to have him back and be able to leave this building and go far away from me. GIVE IT TO ME.”

So uh yeah. Ten seconds no training turns out that presumed power-hungry maniac is a traumatized suicidal prisoner. Ok. Tsu’s like “Ok. I don’t like you and we both know that, but please don’t crush it and kill yourself.” While Siv’s like “You’re only saying that since that’s in your interests. You just don’t want the inevitable destruction that would occur when the seed takes me over.” And Tsu retorts “-but you’re also a person who, no matter what, shouldn’t die. If it’s in my power to get you to stop, please do. I don’t think you even want this, I’ve never seen you so empty as when we came with the seed. My personal feelings on a person doesn’t mean I don’t want them alive.” Sivanthru does slowly stop crushing their friend/brother here, as it’s getting to them a bit…

Then, Jay joins in with “I know that things feel hopeless now, but please hold on. I’ve been there before, but others have been able to help and comfort me, and we’ll do the same for you. A guiding star of hope might seem faint, but it’ll come soon enough.” These finally suede Sivanthru, and they release jay. Yay they aren’t literally going to crush you know. Sivanthru’s more so stalled and defeated here. 

The final team member, Ali the cat girl, is like “I’m happy that we got you out of that, but it feels wrong to just leave you here now…” and she pulls out the last wish the team has, and decides to use it to ask for an audience with Sivanthru’s creators and tell them to let Sivanthru be free from their cave. Siv’s like “...Are you aware of the risk that is. They could just burn you to a crisp.” And Ali’s like “I’d prefer if we did everything in we could to get you out, right here and now. After all, who says we can’t be your star of hope?” The team uses their final wish to teleport to Sivanthru’s creators, the most powerful legendary beast pair of fire/earth and water/ice elements, and miraculously, the two listen without complaint and teleport all of them, including Sivanthru, to the regular town square of their city. (yay they’re free now!)

Afterwards Sivanthru’s like “Sunlight. For once. This is the first time i’m outside of that forest cave…thank you all so much I don’t know how I’ll ever repay you.” extremely sincerely. And then they get back to their more cutesy voice and are like “Oh right! Yeah, I forgot about money. Here’s 100,000 dollars each go pay off your medical debts and buy a house or something. I still owe you but yeah ok byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee” and they just like float up to the sky. Their head is just a single brick and can be any “tile” now. The team is extremely overjoyed in both a “wow i’m amazed that worked” and since this is the most useful thing anyone they’ve helped gave to them. move over feather of fair weather and talon that pierces through anything we got MONEY (this money is just stolen from the banks of millionares. siv can't create things from nothing and it's not like mcricherson is using it)

So yeah. That’s not even all of it they later have a whole quest with the team, officially commissioned, to revive/kill their sister (whichever works she’s kinda in a bind rn), elephant-tapir jesus christ. But that’s later and this is 4 fucking pages of lore I'm done.

^they look like this btw. if you even care

you guys should tell me about ur ocs

[noiriarti]

The Winner Takes it All: Anakin Skywalker x Reader (Enemies-to-Lovers Modern AU) | Chapter 6

NSFW! Minors DNI!!! Summary: The moment the thesis competition was announced, you knew your biggest threat. Anakin Skywalker, golden boy of the engineering department. He's the only other person smart enough to beat you, and the only other person insane enough to stay in the lab until midnight every night. He's also an asshole, but you're starting to think maybe he's not as bad as you thought he was... Pairing: Anakin Skywalker x Fem!Reader CW: a lot of jerking off WC: 8.4k AN: thank you all for your patience!! i started grad school so i got a bit busy, but now i will update about once a week! thank you all for the love :) also i am so sorry about all the angst

Ch. 1, Ch. 2, Ch. 3, Ch. 4, Ch. 5, Ch. 6, Ch. 7

Chapter 6: Tearing

The afternoon sun filtered through his window shade and cast his room in its warm glow, but Anakin was too busy with his notes on his desk to notice. He needed something to do with his hands, just to keep himself focused, to keep his thoughts from wandering to you. To answer a practice problem, he was trying to find a specific case of heat diffusion the class had discussed--somewhere in October, he thought, but he wasn't quite sure. His desk was already messy before he began studying, but he was making it even worse with a paper thrown here, a staple there.

His eyes scanned the paper this way and that, trying to absorb any iota of information, but the words were slippery, wily things that wriggled out of his grasp. In the end, it turned out he had flipped past the page several times without seeing what he needed, and he finally found it on his fifth pass. Subconsciously, he dug his nails into his palms in frustration. Why couldn't he work? Why were you doing this to him?

His phone chimed, a text from his mom. Hey, how are finals? Doing okay?

For a few days, he'd been ducking questions about whether he was sleeping or eating enough, because he knew she'd be disappointed with his answers. He was running out of ways to change the subject in phone calls, and he knew she was catching on. Anakin decided he should probably respond.

yeah, really stressed about one of them, rest are fine. thesis going ok.

A second later, his phone lit up again.

Good luck. I'm so proud of you, Anakin, no matter what. As soon as he read it, he dropped his head into his hands. His forehead was clammy under his fingers. Of course she was proud of him unconditionally. He knew that. But he knew that he would be even prouder if he won. If he got a 4.0 this semester. Once, after he said something like that to Ahsoka, she looked at him with that knowing expression only she could produce, and asked him if his mom had ever said anything like that. Technically, no, he conceded, but he couldn't let her down.

He just felt so stupid right now, looking at the pages blanketing his desk. He'd been sitting over them for too long, but he couldn't bring himself to get up and stretch or take a break. He couldn't bring himself to do anything, really, let alone focus. So he was trapped. All he could do was just sit there, drink his Red Bull, and kind of review until he could destroy this exam next week.

Anakin decided to try another practice problem. Maybe that would make it click.

The surface tension of liquid argon is given by--

His phone buzzed against the desk. Putting it on loud was a bad idea, and he knew it. Maybe he was just looking for an excuse. It was probably his mom, saying something else. Or, he hoped as his heart jumped, maybe you were coming from the lab early and wanted to meet and study. Or hook up. Or just talk. Whatever, as long as it didn't involve his textbook. His phone buzzed again. And again.

He gave in and opened it. It was you, he found, and he grinned like a lunatic, but caught himself. Then again, he was alone, so it didn't matter, really.

But then he read your texts.

Where are you We need to talk Now

He typed back immediately, his fingers flying faster than he thought they could.

in my room is everything ok?

He looked at the screen, saw the bubbles pop up that meant you were typing, then watched as they disappeared. Anakin was frozen, his phone in his hand. We need to talk could just have been a poor phrasing on your part, right? It didn't mean what he thought it did, right? He could deny it only for about five more seconds, when the little bubbles didn't return.

Fuck. Anakin let loose a string of curses and dropped his phone on his desk. He couldn't think of a single thing that would warrant ending… whatever the two of you had. But maybe you'd realized that he was doing a lot more than what fuckbuddies (fuckenemies?) should do, that he was an absolute wreck for you, and had been for a long time.

The caffeine was getting to him, and his leg was bouncing so quickly that he swore his downstairs neighbor would submit a noise complaint. His mind started racing with all the things he never would have told you, the things that would go unsaid if you ended what the two of you were doing. He'd never tell you that he had two dogs growing up, strays, or that his least favorite flavor of Skittles was orange. He'd never tell you that he was pretty sure that he hadn't felt this way about anyone, ever, and that he had laid awake for the past two nights thinking about how, if at all, he would tell you.

Ahsoka's voice echoed in his ears, wisps of sound urging him to just say something. His mind was racing, a million trains of thought all colliding at once. He should just tell you. He'd never learn your favorite kind of cereal. He hadn't responded to his mom, fuck. He regretted having that Red Bull. He'd never tell you that he called you baby during sex because he wanted to say it other times, too. The answer to that thermo question was probably 36 Joules. He'd never tell you that if you called him a pet name he'd melt and let you win any competition because nothing would matter anymore.

But that was precisely why he hadn't told you how he felt. Because if you felt the same way about him, that would be so much better than any amount of money or award. And that wasn't the kind of person he could be.

He'd spent so long training to control that wild hurricane of emotions that pulled him through everyday life. Anakin channeled it into perfectly neat parallelized circuits and technically exquisite poomsae, but around you it all let loose, angry and passionate and just so much.

It was terrifying. You were terrifying. And there was a selfish part of him that said that he deserved to let all those feelings loose for once. To feel as much as he wanted to feel because, goddammit, he was so tired of control.

But Anakin was a lot. A handful, his teachers always said. It was what ended his previous relationship, what drove Padme away. Would it drive you away, too?

If you walked up to him in two minutes and asked him what the two of you were, if it was just casual or something more, would he have the self-control not to blurt out exactly what he was thinking? His stomach flipped at the idea of you leaving the room, leaving his life, without knowing how he felt.

You walking away from him and disappearing into another part of the country after graduation would kill him. He was pretty sure that seeing you at a reunion in five years with someone on your arm, some beautiful person who you had never hated, would smite him on the spot.

He imagined himself six months from now, when the thesis was over. What would that Anakin want for himself? Would he let himself say something? Fuck it all, he would say. And he was right.

If you were going to end things, he was going to get this off his chest. He had to. He wasn't sure he could live with himself if he didn't.

The sound of knuckles on wood cut through the silent room like a dagger through his heart. One, two, three seconds passed as he sat in his desk chair, mind totally blank. He tried to produce a coherent feeling or, if he was lucky, an entire thought, but he came up empty.

Before, it was all something nebulous, something he could just worry about. Something he could stress about. Now, it was real. You were behind that door, and you needed to talk. And there was no escaping that. With heavy legs, he dragged himself to the door.

Anakin pretended not to notice that his hand was shaking when he wrapped it around the doorknob.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

The bus ride back to your dorm had been uneventful, other than the way you were staring daggers into the skull of some poor guy in front of you. He had the good sense to not turn around.

Anakin Skywalker is a thief. You clenched your fists, and you could barely feel the sting of your nails in your palms. Barriss wasn't one to lie, based on the past three years you'd spent with her. She told you the facts right after: she overheard one of the graduate students--probably Obi-Wan, but she didn't know who, just some vaguely hot older guy, she said--telling Anakin his idea for a thesis. And then Anakin ran with it.

If she was right, that changed everything. If Anakin really didn't come up with his own idea, that meant he had rigged the competition. He had a leg up this whole time. He really was exactly what you had thought for years. The golden boy of the department who had everything handed to him. And while you'd labored over choosing the perfect, most viable but impressive idea, he had just skipped right over that step. You'd cried over how hard it was to find a good idea, struggled for weeks on end last year, just trying to make something good, let alone great. And he was already weeks ahead of you in the competition.

All of his sweet gestures--staying with you in bed, holding hands in the library, getting you drinks--were suddenly less sweet. Last year, he was in the thesis lab with you, when he was working on his proposal, watching you go through ideas and get upset when they didn't work, and he knew that. And he never told you about where his idea came from, even when you were getting closer. He probably knew it would piss you off, and he still didn't tell you. He'd hidden it from you.

You didn't know if that hurt more or less than the unfairness of his advantage.

The bus slowed to a stop in front of your dorm, and you hopped off, then dashed to the elevator.

You just wanted him to tell you that Barriss was crazy, or misheard. Or anything. Anything to make it not true.

The elevator ride was agony as it whizzed up to his floor.

At his door, you hesitated. If you entered and fought, that made this real. So, so real. The second you walked through that door, everything between the two of you might change.

But you were too furious not to knock. Silence hung for a few seconds before you could hear the door unlock.

Anakin opened it to you, looking unfairly hot. Rage ripped through you as he looked at you with open affection, gesturing to enter his room, like nothing had changed. Like he wasn't lying to you all this time. You stormed in quickly.

"Anakin, I need you to be honest with me." Your voice came out tighter than you wanted as you searched his face for a reaction. He closed the door, then came to stand in front of you.

"I'm always honest with you," Anakin replied earnestly, keeping his gaze locked on yours as he forced a small smile.

You didn't smile back. "How did you come up with the idea for your project?"

"What?" Anakin blinked, caught off guard. He let out a breathy chuckle. "That--that's what you wanted to talk about?"

"Well?" You pressed, crossing your arms. The edge in your voice was obvious, cutting. You could see Anakin go through the stages of realizing what you might mean, and your stomach started to sink even deeper.

Anakin sighed, ruffling his hair in frustration. "I--Really? Okay, fine. There aren't currently any microsurgery tools that mimic human hands. They're all pincers. So I wanted to make one." Your gaze narrowed.

"And you're saying Obi-Wan had nothing to do with it?"

"What are you talking about?" It was probably supposed to sound confused, but it came out more scared. You knew him well enough to tell. God, he was infuriating.

"Did you or did you not get your idea from Obi-Wan?" The words came out like tiny daggers, sharpened steel that you spat at him. His face fell, and you could see the moment that he knew you knew.

"Look, it's not like that," Anakin said, his arms falling to his sides. His eyes were suddenly avoiding yours, like his desk suddenly contained some information he desperately needed, or, preferably an escape hatch.

"Then what is it like?" You shot back, your heart racing. You stepped closer, trying to find an answer in his furrowed eyebrows. "Why can't you just say no?"

Anakin's jaw clenched, and he was obviously searching for the right words. Words that wouldn't piss you off, probably. "Because Obi-Wan helped, I guess."

"You guess?!" Your voice cracked, incredulous.

"I mean--look." Anakin raised his hands defensively. "Sure, Obi-Wan put me on the path to it. But every second in the lab since then has been me. My design, my coding."

"What do you mean put you on the path? You mean he gave you the idea, don't you?" Your frustration with him was boiling over. Even now, he was defending himself, trying to evade this. Justifying. It drove you crazy.

Anakin hesitated, his words faltering. "I--It's not--"

"Are you seriously about to say that it's not that simple or something?" You interrupted, your voice shaking. You threw your hands up, your fury finally reaching its peak. "Because, from here, it looks simple. Like you stole your whole fucking thesis idea!"

"That's not true!" Anakin snapped, his voice louder now. It wasn't the same kind of anger you were used to seeing from him, it was defensive, almost panicked. "Obi-Wan, he just, he suggested I look at applying an old project of mine to microsurgery. And he was right. So, I guess, technically, if you're looking at it like that--sure. He gave me the idea."

You stared at him, his words sinking in. His admission hung between you like a guillotine, its rope finally snapped. The air felt tight, like you were ten thousand miles above sea level and there wasn't enough oxygen to keep you afloat.

Anakin shifted again, his anger gone, his voice softer, pleading. "It's like… I don't know. I guess I feel guilty about it. But I really needed to submit something that day, or I couldn't enter into the competition at all. It was the rules. If I don't do a thesis… I--I don't know. I just had to. And I figured I'd just use that temporarily, and pivot as soon as it was approved, It was in the end of junior spring, and I just couldn't find a topic that worked. That idea I had about hand prosthetics didn't pan out, and I was telling Obi-Wan about it in the lab, and he told me I should look at microsurgery, 'cause they have a lot of the same issues--calibrating movement to user input, holding up to wear and tear, dealing with friction and joint movement--and that I should do my thesis on it."

His eyes finally met yours again, so deep and blue that it almost made you reconsider. Almost. He was pleading, begging you to understand. "So, yeah, I submitted an early version of the idea Obi-Wan gave me. But every second of design, build, everything was me. It's my work."

You stood frozen, silent. After a few long beats, Anakin started to fidget, his hands wringing so hard that his knuckles turned white.

"If I could go back, I'd do something else. Anything else." Anakin's voice wavered, and his shoulders slumped under the weight of his guilt. "I just--I didn't know what else to do. I needed to submit something, anything. I need to win this," he finished, his voice trailing off.

The anguish over being proven right was something you didn't expect. You should have felt vindicated, that you were actually right all along about him. You should have hated him. But instead, you could feel your heart breaking, like a marionette with its strings cut, slumped over and lifeless. If he had just admitted it to you himself, maybe you could get over this. Maybe. But the fact that he hid it from you cut like a knife. Tears welled in your eyes, and your throat was drier than you'd ever felt it. The words fell from your lips softly, like you could barely get them out.

"How could you?" You felt like you'd never known him, like the person in front of you was a stranger. How could he be both this person, and the one who would keep you warm at night?

Anakin noticed the coldness of your gaze, and it gutted him. Anakin's breath caught, and you could see him shatter in real time. His cheek twitched, right under his scar, and you could swear you saw his eyes start to fill with tears. His hands were shaking where they were clasped together, and you were sure he was leaving indents with his nails. His shoulders shook under his panicked breaths.

He didn't speak for several long seconds, his mouth tugging this way and that as he tried to think of something, anything, to say.

"Do you think I'm a bad person?" He asked as he stepped toward you, trying to seek reassurance to keep him from falling apart. But you couldn't give it. You didn't even know him anymore.

"I--" you opened your mouth, hesitating, before you restarted, "I don't know." Your voice cracked, but you hardened it. "I didn't before, but now I'm not so sure."

Anakin took another step closer, reaching out with his shaking hands as if to touch you, but you backed away. His face flushed even more, hurt and frustration jumping across his features. It made you even more angry. "This is so fucking unfair, and you just--you just let it happen."

He said your name, trying to jump in, but your anger surged, and it drowned him out.

"I spent weeks getting my idea just right." Each words was more brutal than the last. "Weeks. And you got everything spoon-fed to you. Everything I worked for--and you just took it from someone."

Anakin flinched like you had struck him, but you were far from done.

"I thought I knew you, I thought I was wrong about you this whole time," you spat, your fists clenching at your sides, "But I was right all along. You're just a fucking cheater."

A tear slipped down the side of his cheek as you continued. Your voice shook as you admitted to him, and to yourself, what the worst part really was. "And you didn't even have the decency to tell me. And that makes you a fucking asshole."

He shook his head, his eyes stinging as he started to speak. "No, please, it's not--"

"Stop it!" You shouted, your voice cracking with emotion. Anakin stood frozen, his outstretched hand falling limply to his side. Your breath rushed through your nose and your pulse beat in your ears. You couldn't even see him anymore through the tears, but you refused to let them fall. To let him see you cry.

He said your name one more time, begging, pleading. For a moment, you were tempted, but the hurt was too big to ignore.

Your voice was cold, distant. "Get away from me," you ordered. Your back was rigid with anger and hurt. "And leave me the fuck alone."

Without waiting for him to respond, you stormed out of the room and slammed the door behind you.

You stalked down the hall as quickly as you could, ignoring the buzzing in your pocket as the tears you were holding back finally poured down your cheeks. You didn't even have the energy to wipe them away, you just let them fall while you punched the button for the elevator.

Only when the door closed, and you pulled out your phone to call Ahsoka, did you see his messages.

please come back we can talk this out please give me another chance

They were all sent minutes apart. You could hear his voice reading them, desperate and thick with tears. Even though you were angry, angrier than you had ever been at him, the idea of him crying still made your chest ache. And then it made you feel vindicated. But then it made you feel horrible again.

You arrived back to the lobby, then crossed the building to the other elevator bank, trying to avoid the awkward gazes the students passing by gave you. You sniffled wetly, wiping away your tears, as you ran up the two flights of steps that brought you to your room. You unlocked the door as quickly as you could, then hid inside.

Your phone buzzed again.

i understand that you don't want to talk, but the second you're ready, i'll be here. i'll always be here.

The words made you sob loudly, and you were thankful for a moment that Ahsoka wasn't home. Until you saw the text, it hadn't hit you that this was the last time you'd talk for a while. You couldn't even remember the last kiss you two had shared. The library? Was that the kiss you wanted this to end on? You'd never see his half-lidded eyes as he worshipped you, never hear him call you baby again.

Why did he have to go and fuck it all up? You asked yourself, sobs wracking your body as you slid down the door. You couldn't tell if you were more sad or angry, but you were definitely heartbroken. Lately, his casual touches, his affection, the way you slept together every night, it was starting to feel like more. But it was all gone now.

You had been numbed with caffeine and stress, but the past week, you felt like you were soaring every time he touched you. Every time he gave you that intense look he always did.

But the two of you were just hooking up. It wasn't supposed to be anything more, and you never thought you'd feel the pull to be with him when you weren't fucking, but it was like gravity. Even now, you wanted him to comfort you. Not someone, but him.

The realization that you had feelings for him hit you like a truck. All the breath was gone from your lungs, gone to some other dimension.

You liked Anakin Skywalker. Even though he was an asshole. Even though he'd hurt you. But those feelings didn't end just because whatever you were had ended, they didn't leave you alone.

You could have been his girlfriend if he hadn't hidden this from you. And that was the last nail in the coffin that made you break down fully.

You sat there, crying, sobbing, wailing, for at least another half hour before you dragged yourself to the shower. It made you feel the tiniest bit better to have your hair clean, your tears scrubbed off your face until the skin went sensitive and ruddy. When the water turned off, it was cold, and you relished the shock to your system.

And then, you started the process of getting over him. You knew you had to do it eventually, and you only had to get through finals before you could go home and forget all about him. Come January, when you next saw him in the lab, it'd be like seeing any other classmate.

That thought was enough to make you start crying again while you stood in the towel you stole from your house. Your tears mingled with the water from the shower, and it was enough to let you pretend that you weren't crying, that becoming strangers with Anakin didn't kill you inside.

You promised yourself that this would be the last time you cried this semester. That night, if you felt the threat of tears, you just threw yourself harder into whatever you were studying. There was nothing else you could do.

At the thermo exam two days later, you walked in later than you usually would for a final that was this important. When you slipped into the class, two minutes before they started passing out test papers, you spotted Anakin in the corner. Because of course you did. Your eyes hadn't stopped finding him in every photo, in every room. He had always been magnetic, and, just because you weren't together anymore didn't mean that stopped. And he was looking right at you.

His gaze ripped through you with some mix of desperation, affection, and sorrow. Anakin looked, in one word, horrible. His eyes were sunken in, red and swollen from crying. Most people would not have noticed, but you knew him too well. His dark circles had come back with a vengeance, like fresh bruises on his otherwise smooth and clear skin. His mouth twitched when he looked at you, like he was going to say something, but he stayed silent as his eyes followed your path.

Throughout the exam, you could feel his eyes on you a couple of times, but you didn't allow yourself to turn around and look. You let the calm of equations and math wash over you, and soon there was nothing but the test. The questions and the precise way you wrote Greek letters in the blue book lulled you into a state of calm you desperately needed.

When you handed in your exam, you allowed yourself another look at Anakin, and then you left the building. You didn't see him before you went on break two days later.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Two days before break, he saw you again. He hadn't changed his habits, still studied in the dining hall and had meals there, sometimes went to the library, and he secretly hoped, thrummed with anticipation, that maybe, just maybe, you'd be there too. That maybe you'd see him and realize you wanted to talk it out. That, obviously, did not happen. He spent an embarrassing amount of time awake, because you haunted his dreams whenever they came. The disgusted look on your face and the words I was right all along, you're a fucking asshole echoed in the back of his eyelids and his mind's eye whenever he laid down. So, he stayed up. More time to study, right?

He spent most of those 48 hours trying not to cry and failing miserably. Even when he broke up with Padme, it wasn't like this. He was angry, indignant, and, of course, sad, but it was the kind of sadness that settled deep on his shoulders and dulled the world around him. It wasn't the kind of sadness that wrenched sobs from his chest whenever he wasn't careful. It wasn't the kind of sadness that made him regret ever going to this college, ever meeting you.

Ahsoka cast him a funny look at him one night, when he fell asleep in a common room. She gently shook him awake, and noticed the redness rimming his eyes, and the way his hands shook from too much caffeine. She gave him a hug and made him promise to sleep tonight.

He did, and that was the night before the test. Every muscle and joint screamed in protest as he dragged himself from his bed. He arrived fifteen minutes early, just to make sure he got a good seat, and then his head kept swiveling like an owl. Every time the click of the doors opening echoed through the nearly empty lecture hall, he locked onto the person entering. He was pretty sure he'd accidentally given glares to at least four poor souls before you finally entered.

He resigned himself to the fact that he'd probably failed the exam right then.

You were even prettier than he remembered, and the depth of your eyes when you stared at him was enough to make him shudder. Even now, he'd give anything to be with you again. When you sat down and didn't look at him again for the next three hours, he felt bits of his heart break off and get trampled under equations about heat diffusion and air pressure. You turned in your test, and then left, and he looked after you longingly. His eyes snapped back to his paper when he got a weird look from the TA.

He turned in his exam paper, rushed home, and promptly passed out on his bed. You came to him in his dreams, of course. Naked in his arms, lips pliant and wanting under him. The way your tongue peeked out when you were too hard at work, or the shimmer of your eyes when he made you laugh. The betrayal on your face. Get away from me.

He spent the rest of finals in a fugue state, doing tasks and exams because he was supposed to. Then, finally, the last one passed, and he was finally released to go home. He hadn't seen you since the exam, and that was probably better for him, he reasoned.

On day 1 of break, Anakin drove the whole day and listened to absolutely depressing music the whole time. He pulled over once and, in a fit of rage, smacked the steering wheel a few times. How could he be so stupid? How was he this much of an idiot? He sat at the rest stop for another fifteen minutes, his sweaty forehead on the steering wheel. Five hours later, when he arrived home late in the evening, he hugged his mom. Everything felt a little bit better after that. He had dinner with Shmi and Cliegg, even though all he wanted to do was lay in bed and sulk. He fell asleep quickly--he was too exhausted to stay up torturing himself with what could have been.

On day 2 of break, he lay in bed and just generally moped around. He could never be still for long, so that meant getting up to eat snacks, flicking through TV shows listlessly, and trying not to look at the texts you two had exchanged. He only cried twice, once at the thought that you'd never meet his mom, and the other at the memory of your body in his arms as he fell asleep. Both reduced him to hot, silent tears.

On day 3 of break, he did yard work and drove by his old dojang to say hi to his high school coach. He ended up agreeing to teach some lessons over break to avoid having to sit at home alone with his thoughts for three entire weeks. Plus, the money was good. He was pretty sure he wouldn't be getting that thesis prize at all, at this rate. He only cried once, at night, when he thought about having to watch you work in the thesis lab without speaking to you. He wouldn't cross that boundary. You already knew he wanted to talk, and you hadn't texted him back.

On days 4-9, he taught three hours of lessons a day. It was calming, familiar. He only had to splash cold water in his face to avoid getting too upset two or three times per day, but the undercurrent of wondering what you were doing never stopped torturing him. He hadn't touched himself in at least two weeks, and he regularly had to stop his thoughts from drifting away to the last time he was inside you. Every time it happened at home, in bed, he got up and took a cold shower. It served him right. At the end of the week, he went to the mall and bought his mom a Christmas present with the money he earned. Just because he knew his mom wanted to blend their family better, he picked out something small he could afford for Cliegg, Owen, and Beru, too.

On day 10, it was Christmas Eve, so everything was closed. There was nothing to do, so he answered a few emails from Professor Jinn, cleaned the oven, and helped his mom prepare for Christmas dinner. There were files on his device he had prepared specifically to work on his thesis over break, but his project made him nauseous. He'd give it all back for a chance to start over. He'd get a B on his thesis if it would make this pain stop. He didn't touch the files, and, that night, when he finally gave in to the temptation to see if you'd posted anything on social media, he didn't touch his cock, either, even though just an image of you was enough to drive him wild at that point.

On day 11, it was Christmas, and he woke up at 4am in his bed, as hard as a rock. Anakin spent an hour tossing and turning and begging his body to just let him sleep, but, eventually he gave in. It was Christmas, right? He deserved a present. When he closed his eyes, he didn't even try to think of someone else. It was you. It had been for a while. Your little noises as he kissed up your neck, the scrunch of your eyebrows right as you came, and the tight grip of your pussy around him when he buried himself to the hilt inside you were enough to make him cum all over his hand within a minute. He found it embarrassing, honestly, that you had this effect on him. Anakin fell asleep quickly and tried not to feel too gross about what he'd done.

On day 11, attempt 2, he woke up around 11, right before lunch, and came down to wish his mother and Cliegg a merry Christmas. Beru and Owen were supposed to come for dinner, but, this morning, it was just the three of them. Anakin had no particular yearning for Cliegg to be a father figure, he just wanted his mom to be happy. If Cliegg did that, then he'd watch endless movies with the two of them, or get Cliegg a present. But if she didn't want to be with him anymore, Anakin wasn't sure he'd miss him. Their second anniversary was in three weeks, and it was a shock that it had been that much time already. When dinner rolled around, and he greeted Owen and Beru awkwardly, not sure what a person is supposed to say to a newly-acquired sibling. He'd seen them a sum total of maybe ten times, almost all of which had to do with the wedding, so they were in how-was-school and how's-the-new-job and gosh-the-winter-has-been-brutal territory. When Anakin gave them their presents, they seemed overjoyed. He'd gotten them matching scarves, each with their first initial embroidered onto it. It was a miracle they had them in stock at the mall, he thought, but the present seemed to hit the right spot. Cliegg got the aforementioned fishing pole, something his mom had told him he was prattling on about, and he got his mom a beautiful new winter coat. She had been mending hers for years, and water and snow would soak right through it, but when he saw the beautiful down puffer coat in the store window, he knew she'd love it. He was right.

Cliegg got him a Laser Distance Measure, which must have cost a pretty penny, and Owen and Beru got him various engineering gadgets (a nice mechanical pencil for technical drawings and a cable carrying case, respectively). His mother's gift, though, was something he'd never be able to forgive. She had bought him a beautiful, fresh Raspberry Pi set, with 8 GB of RAM. It wasn't the most expensive thing in the world, but the $150 or $200 that it did cost her was enough to make him tear up. He'd mentioned months ago that he was thinking of getting one for some personal projects, something for his portfolio, and she bought it. He had the good sense not to say anything like You aren't supposed to get me presents for Christmas and crushed her in a hug, the kind that whispered I know how much this is worth, and I'm so lucky you're my mom. For a second, he was worried he would cry when he saw the crow's feet appear by her eyes, and he felt how thin the skin on her hands had gotten. When had she gotten so much older? For a terrifying moment, he realized he'd have to live without her one day, but then Cliegg made some comment about how he'd made hot cocoa, and they all gathered around the living room to chat. As the last tendrils of sunlight fell beneath the swath of trees in their backyard, he laughed at something Owen had said, and he felt the tiniest bit less alone. Like maybe it didn't matter if he got an A in thermo or had the best thesis in his year. The notion left him quickly.

On days 12-17, the warm feeling had subsided, and all he could think about was what you were doing. Whether you were moving on, or if you still felt the same way he did. If you wanted him again. The fantasy of you seeing him again and realizing that, oh, actually, you wanted to work it out, and also kiss him, inevitably ended with his hand on his cock and cum on his stomach, then regret and shame for about an hour afterward. Once the studio had reopened, he kept teaching there, but with more hours this time. Also, Anakin could finally open the folder on his computer named Thesis without cringing at it, but barely. His heart still skipped about four beats when he thought about how he'd have to see you practically every day. He pushed thoughts like that from his mind as much as he could. No point in torturing himself more than the actual semester would.

Day 18 was New Year's Eve. He went to a party hosted by some of his high school friends, some rager at a frat house. He just wanted to get drunk, honestly, and this seemed like a great excuse. It was sticky and hot even right outside the door, but the sweaty blast of steam that hit him when someone opened it turned his stomach. But the beer was free, so he wouldn't complain too much. A couple of times, he noticed a girl checking him out over the bone-shaking bass. He might have made a move, if he were a different person. If any one of them was you, or had your smile, or your eyes. As soon as he noticed something that was too different from you, he averted his gaze. They were all cute, he supposed, but that didn't matter. They weren't you. When the countdown started, Anakin retreated, not interested in being pulled into some kiss that stunk of beer. Instead, despite knowing he'd regret it, he sent you a text. happy new year, it read. He blamed the tequila, and went back into the fray of cheering people.

From days 19-24, Anakin kept on keeping. Dishes, teaching, occasional progress on his thesis. He submitted over 20 job applications. Sometime in the week, in his daily rehashing of all your messages, he noticed the read receipt had popped up on his text from New Year's Eve, and he cursed himself. He was cursing himself a lot lately. Especially when he promised he wouldn't jerk off over you, but it always ended up happening. The subtle rock of his hips against the mattress when he thought of you, grinding the hard flesh against the soft material, then the sticky warmth of release and the rush of regret that always came with it. The heat of the shower made him hard when he thought about how he'd always wanted to try fucking in the shower, more specifically, fucking you in the shower. He really shouldn't, he reasoned while his hand pumped his dick.

Day 25 was spent driving again, after he gave his mom a big hug and threw his suitcase in the car. Despite himself, he realized that he was no more over you than he had been on his drive to his house. The fact that he would see you tomorrow still made him perk up and wilt at the same time. In a short twenty-four hours, you'd be real, three-dimensional in front of him again. He wasn't sure what would happen--would you kiss him? Slap him? Combust? He could never tell with you. He wondered if you'd cut your hair over break, or if you'd talked to Ahsoka about him. Whatever fantasies he'd been nursing, they were all going to be proven or disproven tomorrow. So he had to use the hour before he arrived on campus to imagine, as hard as he could, that you were in the passenger seat. That you were his girlfriend. That you had just come from meeting his mom, who had shown you a bunch of truly humiliating baby pictures and had whispered to him that she liked you when you had gone to the bathroom. For the rest of the night, that was the reality he lived in.

You had compared schedules last semester, before things got weird, and you shared only two classes, both of which were on Mondays and Wednesdays. At 10:30, you'd both be in Unsupervised Learning, then at 2:30, you'd both take Dynamic Systems and Controls. When he woke up at 8:30, he showered, then tried to wipe the tiredness from his eyes. He put on a shirt he knew you loved (you'd remarked on how well it fit him, and he didn't see it, but you did, and that was all that mattered) and his most comfortable jeans and hoodie. He secretly hoped you were doing the same kind of preening at home, trying to look good for him, but he didn't let the thought take up too much room in his mind.

At 10:25, when he walked into the lecture hall, he saw you instantly. Time stopped as he felt like someone had just gotten a particularly good hit to his solar plexus, and his whole body was responding, out of breath and weak and dizzy all at the same time. You were in the third row, to the left-hand side of the seats, and you looked more gorgeous than he remembered. How didn't he spend the whole break fantasizing about the way your hair shone or the curve of your neck? Seconds started ticking by again when he realized he was blocking the path to the seats, much to the anger of the group of people behind him. He walked down the steps to the second row like everything was normal, then positioned himself on the other side of the lecture hall. He kept his eyes firmly not trained on you for as long as he could, and, when the professor started droning, he turned to look at you, really look at you.

You had put on just a touch of makeup, something he'd noticed years ago that you always did on the first day of class. It suited you, and you looked well-rested and happy. Like you didn't miss him at all. It gutted him like a fish on the chopping block. What was wrong with him? How could he let you get away?

He turned back to the professor, pretending to be interested in the syllabus. When class ended, by the time he packed up his things, you had gone.

The second class was a repeat of the first, only in a smaller lecture hall. He tried to keep his cool, he really did, but he snuck glances. He was only human.

He didn't go into the lab for the week, mainly because he was almost done with build and was spending most of his time on securing materials for testing. They had their first practice that Monday, so he got dressed and headed over to the Athletic Center, where he grounded himself in the ritual, the calming power of it all. It was amazing to see Rex and Ahsoka again. They always made him smile, something he'd been missing over the break.

Later that week, Ahsoka invited him to your room to talk about that semester's competitions. He hesitated the appropriate amount of time before he accepted. The hallway to your room was achingly familiar, just like he'd seen it in his dreams. Only Ahsoka was home, so she wasted no time before interrogating him about what happened with the two of you.

When he told her the general gist, she had the good decency to be honest and tell him that he was kind of being an asshole by not mentioning it, but that it was normal to get advice from professors and other students. It wasn't ideal for it to be as explicitly grabbed, sure, but the point still stood.

By the time the door opened and you came in (his mind raced--from a date? from class? from some other part of your life that he would never come to know?), Anakin and Ahsoka were discussing taekwondo logistics. You looked gorgeous in the cozy cable-knit sweater you had on, and he hoped against all hope that he wasn't staring the way he thought he was.

You looked shocked for a good second before smiling awkwardly with a little "hey." You retreated to your room almost instantly, and Anakin felt a pit open up, wondering if he'd made you uncomfortable. It wasn't his fault, honestly, but he still felt guilty. He left an hour afterward.

Was this his fate? To watch you from a middle distance as you lived your life? He was trapped, pinned down like a bug, reading into everything he saw. If you were in a four-block radius, his eyes would find you. They always would. In class, he had to stop himself from turning toward you, from studying your features and trying to read anything from them. He never could.

Anakin was still fucking haunted by you, especially now that he was on campus. Everything reminded him of you. The boba place, every inch of your dorm, the emptiness in his mattress. He knew he was hallucinating when he thought he spied you at practice one day, just a wisp of hair in the corner of the room, but, by the time he did a double take, there was only empty floor there.

On Thursday, he got a text from Ahsoka.

Party tomorrow at Cody's. You should come, she had written. He didn't really, actually feel like partying. But he went anyway. Maybe he could spend enough time with his friends to forget about you.

He threw on a nice shirt, some kind of button-up his mom had gotten him, cuffed the sleeves, and set off.

It was a standard-issue party. He'd been to plenty of them, so he figured was ready and prepared for what he'd see and feel. Bass in his eardrums so loud it shook the blood in his veins. Having to scream basic conversation over music. Cheap beer and a sticky floor. Enough heat that his hair would start curling more.

It felt like home. He entered, found Cody and Ahsoka quickly, promising to return after he grabbed a drink. Anakin made his way to the folding table crammed full of bottles, as well as some kind of vile jungle juice, and took two shots. Just enough to stop thinking about you, he hoped.

By the time he fought his way back to Cody and Ahsoka, he was feeling it. Rex had joined them in the meantime, and Anakin joined the little huddle. They were talking (read: yelling "what did you say?" over the music) about one of Cody's dates that week, and Anakin let himself slip into the familiar rhythm of his friends. It was nice, honestly. He only thought of you five or six times, which was a record low.

Then Ahsoka suggested they go get another drink, and, as the four of them pushed back toward the drinks station, he saw you.

You were fucking radiant, and the breath stalled in his chest. You had always been the only thing he ever wanted to look at in a room, even from sophomore year, when you began to piss him off more than anything, but right now, you were a supernova. And he was a moth. He felt his wings get burned off as he traced the curve of your jaw and acknowledged to himself that, yeah, he probably wasn't going to get over you until you were across state lines.

You were wearing some sinfully short, tight dress, which crept higher and higher up your thighs. He could tell you weren't wearing a bra, and something stirred inside of him.

But then he saw the guy standing next to you, leaning in to tell something to your ear. Anakin hated himself for the thought, but he instantly started comparing himself to the guy. What was Mr. Boat Shoes saying to you that made you tip your head back and laugh like that? He remembered when he used to do that, when he would make you throw your head back to do more than just laugh.

Anakin felt his jaw clench and his body start to shake with the same energy that he always had before competitions, coiled like a snake about to strike.

He knew it was a bad idea, he really did. But he was never one to resist bad ideas. He blamed the alcohol. It wasn't that you were his, or some misguided attempt at owning you, but he just couldn't watch this. He couldn't let this feeling tear him apart anymore. When you swatted the guy's chest playfully, Anakin felt his eye twitch, right under his scar. Oh hell no. But he shouldn't. It was your business.

Fuck it.

Anakin started pushing through the crowd, and then he saw the guy lean in, and he saw red.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Tag list (lmk if you'd like to be added!):

@skywalkercinema @throughparisallthroughrome @anak1ns-wife @radiantvader @eloquenceinpurple @rosekillerdaughter @doblasftcisco @rhiannonhippiegirl @mistress-amidala @johnbassplayercutie @mortalheartache @xorilixx @sunnytotheend @olivia091108 @aniiuv @sotal3rsa @springnaiad @bettysgardenswift @ursogorgeous13 @avalovesjoe1 @anibeaar @anisluvrgirl @mcdonaldshelppage @usuck @sythethecarrot @lovrsm @ann4zw @gimmefood

[based--ball]

guess who's up listening to music and Considering Baseball Men again even though it is 3 am

ok literally none of this is important to anyone besides me but i'm in a mood to chat!!! with myself i suppose!!!

weird things:

why the fuck have i decided that bo is like. mega haunted. and specifically related in my head to the song building a mystery by sarah mclachlin. he's doing fine? he's not haunted more than anyone else? like yeah #nepobabybaseball (side note: i NEED that tag canonized on ao3 holy shit PLEASE) and all that but like he's not building shrines and being nocturnal and going culty afaik??? good song though. maybe i will web weave about it one day.

why am i incapable of working on 1 writing thing. i meant to work on [redacted fic 1 that's mostly done i think but also maybe it could get expanded. idk] and i wrote about 4 words and deleted 6 different words. and then i started on [redacted fic 2 that i started thinking up on the bus to work just after the asg and have been rotating in my mind like chicken shawarma since] and also i started [redacted weird baseball poem that isn't about anyone yet but maybe someone will show up soon idk i'm only 6 lines in]. i want [redacted 1] done! i like it! i want it done and posted and cute and gay! the answer is a combination of adhd and also it's 3 am of course it's not focusing time.

i need to listen to every single cure song that has ever existed for fic inspo and also title ideas -> this cannot happen at 3 am they have 13 albums + many bsides and live-only tracks and so on and i cannot so this all at once -> i cannot do the thing where i listen to music about titles for a fic that i haven't finished Yet Again

why is nobody else talking about d.s. and his glorious tits in fanfiction. they are glorious and grabbable and bitable and nobody is talking about this. do i need to start a [redacted fic 3] about this myself.

also i have more then 2.5 wips/ideas on the go but i have 2 that are closest to being fully formed. i also have many less complete ones including a devastating (to me at least) catcher4catcher situation idea that i do not know how to write but i absolutely have to write and currently exists in my google docs as half a page of notes and then discord screenshot of me ranting about this idea in a server several months ago

i wonder how ppl manage to write fic for players/teams they dont watch. i barely ahve a handle on characterization for a few jays players i know a lot about... how do ppl manage writing... (i semi-jokingly but mostly fr actually promised my friend a fic about 2 players idk at all and i do not know how to even wrap my head around them.

how many weird ontario things can i shove into [redacted 1] so far i'm at at least 3 and i am hoping for 5

ok goodnightttt i'm not actually going to sleep but this is enough typing here so byee. nobody is prob reading this but if you are, 1. why 2. hiiiiii you're weird and also <3

[doyouknowwhoyouare13]

nyx reads icebreaker!!

it's been a while since I made one of these lovely lovely posts

started: December 30th, 2023

finished:

anyways the obligatory warning: I don't expect like anyone to read this it's pretty just my thoughts LMAO but I can be funny sometimes so 🤷🏻‍♀

and ofc!!

SPOILERS FOR ICEBREAKER BY HANNAH GRACE!!

Ok chapter one!!!

I'm also very happy she included a playlist!! Very cutesie

Anastasia's pov!!!

oh! so I don't like aaron and it's been 5 seconds

literally first page

oh!

"ended up holding a baby instead of a gold medal" FOUL.

oh!

um

aaron can suck my left nut what the fuck

WHAT

WHAT IN THE WORLD

walking red flag

oh no

they live together

I hope he chokes on a rock

oh!

we are 4 pages in guys

I

He does NOT seem fun to be around girl you need to run

EW

EW EW EW

I HATE MEN I HATE THEM I HATE THEM

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

oh!

SHE'S TRACKING HER FOOD I HATE MEN

HE HAS A SMALL FUCKING DICK I KNOW IT

I KNOW IT I KNOW IT I KNOW IT

FUCKING AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

oh he's blond.

oh.

oh.

ok.

Um.

running away now.

am I going to have to read smut 9 pages in

ok I lied he's kinda cutesie

awww I like him

ok chapter 2

Nate!!

oh what an opening sentence!

I did just jump back in shock.

oh I like him though

he's funny

uh oh

NOT HIM BEING SCARED IT WAS A SISTER OR MOM

NATE 💀

FOURTH????

oh!

THAT'S why

he's a cutie I like him

Henry's cute too omg :(((

THAT'S SO FUNNY

AWWWW OMG I LOVE ALL OF THEM

THAT WAS THE FUNNIEST TRANSITION LMAO

OH NO WHAT

Chapter 3

Anastasia

um

guys

RYAN!!!!!

AHHH I'M GONNA LOSE MY MIIIIINDDDDDDDD

HE'S SUCHHHH A CUTIEEEEEEEE!!!!!

AARON WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU I'M GONNA KILL YOU

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

GO RYAN!!!

there's something so sad about watching someone age

YEAH YOU BETTER LEAVE!!! SLAYING THE DAY AWAY AND CURSING THE HATERS!!! WOOHOO!!

it shouldn't be used as an example as something bad because obviously it isn't

he's so icky...

like bro

REALLY??/ 🫢 I NEVER SAW THIS COMING!!!!!!!!

NATE!!!

AHHHH

AARON GET YOU UGLY GRUBBY PAWS OFF OF HER I'M GONNA CRY

AHH I HATE MEN GET OFF

chapter 4

nate!!!

already 30 pages in this is crazy

only...

402 left!!

haha

hahahaha

hahahahahahhahaha

yay!

russ you're in big trouble

NO NO NO NO HE'S NOT HER BF

he's so fine he has no right

HE'S SO SILLY

NATE 💀

RYAN!!!!!!!!

AWWW IT'S STARTINGGGG

HE'S SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

AHHH

I AM NOT!!! I AM NOT IMMUNE TO HOCKEY PLAYER CHARM!!!!!!!!!!

I love Lola she's a cutie

WHATTTTTTTTT 😦

A SLUTTTTTTTTTTT

A SLUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!

GOT ME GIGGLING

OMGGGG KICKING MY FEET

NOT. HER. BOYFRIENDDDD.

anyways!

sorry getting a little passionate 🥰

[pesterloglog]

Vriska Serket, Terezi Pyrope

Act 5, page 2237

arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]

AG: It looks like tonight we will have to 8reak our truce. Or at least suspend it. Hope you don't mind!

GC: HOW DO YOU F1GUR3 TH4T

AG: Because tonight we will play a game together. For the first time in I don't even know. Forever!

GC: TH3 TRUC3 W4SNT 4BOUT NOT PL4Y1NG G4M3S TOG3TH3R DUMMY

GC: 1T W4S 4BOUT NOT ST4BB1NG 34CH OTH3R 1N TH3 B4CK 4NYMOR3

GC: 4ND STOPP1NG TH3 3NDL3SS CYCL3 OF R3V3NG3

GC: 4ND 4BOV3 4LL NOT US1NG YOUR POW3RS TO HURT P3OPL3 WHO DONT D3S3RV3 1T!

AG: Man, you like to give me such a hard time a8out all that. I can't catch a 8reak!

AG: Can't you see I'm trying to put all that 8ehind me and make amends with every8ody?

AG: No, of course you can't see that. What am I saying!

GC: 1T'S H4RD TO B3L13V3 YOU W1TH 4LL TH3 LY1NG YOUV3 DON3

GC: YOUR BLU3B3RRY BUBBL3GUM WORDS ST1LL SM3LL PR3TTY GOOD BUT YOUR D3C31T ST1NKS! >8O

AG: ::::(

AG: I'll prove it to you. I'm giving Aradia a present that will make her feel all 8etter finally.

AG: Then I'll 8e in the clear. Phew! Totally redeemed. You'll see. I mean smell.

GC: 1 DONT KNOW WHY YOUR3 BOTH3R1NG TRY1NG TO H3LP H3R

GC: SH3 WONT C4R3

GC: WH4T3V3R 1T W4S YOU D1D TO H3R 1 TH1NK YOU BROK3 H3R BR41N

GC: 1TS SO T3RR1BL3

AG: Man, why can't you cut me some slack for once????????

AG: It's not like I even did anything that 8ad to you.

AG: I lost seven eyes 8ut you only lost two! I would say you came out ahead in the 8argain.

GC: 1 KNOW

GC: 4ND 4CTU4LLY

GC: 1 N3V3R R34LLY GOT TH3 CH4NC3 TO TH4NK YOU >:D

AG: Ugh! Your sarcasm really stings when here I am just trying to 8e nice. Ok, I guess I deserve it.

GC: 1M S3R1OUS THOUGH

GC: BUT 1 DONT 3XP3CT YOU TO G3T TH4T

AG: Aaaaaaaah!

AG: Fine, 8e that way. But you shouldn't sit there and pretend we're so different.

AG: Remem8er Team Scourge? How convenient all that must 8e to have forgotten! You were so nasty.

AG: Oh man, if you crossed Terezi Pyrope you were fucked!!!!!!!!

GC: Y34H 1F YOU W3R3 4 B4D GUY

GC: W3 W3R3 SUPPOS3D TO B3 L1K3 4 V1G1L4NT3 DUO D1SP3NS1NG JUST1C3

GC: 4ND YOU COULD T4K3 TH3 B4D GUYS HOM3 4ND F33D TH3M TO YOUR STUP1D SP1D3R

GC: BUT 1NST34D YOU JUST F3D H3R 3V3RYBODY!

GC: 4ND L13D 4ND L13D 4ND L13D

AG: Yeah, those were the days.

AG: I mean, days full of mist8kes and r8gret!

AG: But it was still a lot of fun. Watching you dismantle huge teams of Flarpers with nothing 8ut politics and head games.

AG: Without even using any special powers! Wow.

GC: M3H

AG: Come oooooooon!

AG: What do I have to do here?

GC: 1 DUNNO

AG: Well if you want to know what I think, you should start changing your tune.

AG: Cause even though you got all these highfalutin morals and fancy reserv8tions, you know as well as me that a killer is a killer is a killer!

AG: There 8n't no ch8nging your ways for good, and one d8y you're going to flail that silly l8ttle cane of yours and not find n8thin to 8ump into, and fall f8ce first into the shit ag8in.

AG: And you're going to do something t8rri8le to some8ody and wish you could t8ke it 8ack 8ut you c8n't!!!!!!!!

AG: And then you'll work hard to win 8ack their trust, and you'll try and try and tr8, and you'll see how hard it is!

AG: You'll seeeeeeee!

GC: 1 DOUBT 1T

AG: You'll see.

AG: I am whispering that and it is echoing and ominous.

AG: You'll seeeeeeee........

AG: You'll seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

AG: eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee........

GC: OH W1LL YOU C4N 1T S3RK3T!

AG: Hahahahahahahaha.

arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]

GC: >XO

arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]

AG: Whoa, what was that????????

GC: WH4T W4S WH4T

AG: There was a loud noise outside my hive!

AG: It sounded like an explosion.

GC: WOW R34LLY

AG: And then another one!

AG: And now something that sounds like an avalanche!!!!!!!!

GC: W3LL 1F 1 H4D TO GU3SS

GC: 1 WOULD S4Y

GC: 1T W4S PROB4BLY TWO 3XPLOS1ONS 4ND TH3N 4N 4V4L4NCH3

AG: That dum8ass is probably punching ro8ots again.

AG: I will go outside and look.

GC: OK

GC: TRY NOT TO G3T BURN3D OR CRUSH3D TO D34TH OR 4NYTH1NG TH4T WOULD B3 4WFUL

AG: You got it! ::::::::)

arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]

[orchid-and-co-comics]

Inner Evil (pages 1-4)

(You all know the drill by now, text below images 👇)

[this is the comic in which Orchid starts to look like she is now on the blog...]

(the series still has Mason in it so CrescentTrinity will still be tagged,it is their Original Character.Also starting from this comic on all female characters will have slight alterations.)

Some months after the major fight, the heros dropped them off in a new area... Hoping that the small group could find a new happy life there. The hero in blue handed Mason a map of the surrounding area. So they cannot understand each other Mason happily thank them...

Mason looked at map 'Well there should be no trouble finding a place for us to live.' he thought.

Orchid, and regular villager clothes, looked over to Smith "I hope the villagers are friendly here like they were back home. Do you think they will be friendly?"

"I'm sure they are." Smith smiled. "Yeah with us backing you up, they'll have to let us in their village." Jay gave them both a hug."You really think so?" Orchid asked Jay. "Of course, you're practically a villager..." Jay stated. "We'll be back to our normal lives before you know it."

But as they visited each village, they found that more and more of the villagers didn't want them... The villagers continuously kicked them out and constantly called Orchid an 'Illager' in a hateful way... It was taking its toll on the group as they had to survive on their own...

Mason looked at the map once more... "Let's see now..." 'this is not good...' he thought, finding all but one village that they have yet to visit. "Squid Coast... One Last chance for a normal life..."

He looked at Smith, Orchid, and Jay... All he had left of a family...

Smith was silent, thinking more thoughts about Orchid who seemed extremely tired...

"Should we even try Squid Coast? Won't they treat us the same as before?" Jay asked...

"We're going to try!" Mason stated angrily... He took a minute to think...

He could hear a familiar voice in his head 'Calmly breathe, anger gets you nowhere...'

He took a breath "We have to..." He looked at the village before them.

"This is our last chance..."

In the town of Squid Coast, Yumi was working on one of her iron golem humming all the while...

She heard a friendly hello and looked over to see Mason greeting her "Hello there." He smiled.

"Oh hello..."

"My name is Mason, can..."

"Oh! Are you ok?" Yumi asked him

"I'm fine, just tired..." He explained as he pointed out the rest of his group "We have been traveling and we..."

Orchid looked at Smith and whispered "I don't think I should be here."

Yumi then noticed Orchid... "Is that an Illager in your group?" She asked, Orchid becoming startled at the question.

"Yeah, so what..." Mason started to say before Yumi pushed past him stating "The nerve of some villagers..." Seating mad...

She placed her arm around Orchid protectively. "You should be ashamed of yourself!"

"W-what did I do?!" Mason exclaimed.

"Enslaving an Illager! And so young too!"

"En-enslave! THAT'S MY SISTER!" Mason shouted back "AND SHE'S 22!"

"THAT'S EVEN WORSE! HOW CAN YOU LIVE WITH YOURSELF!"

"LISTEN LADY, ITS NOT LIKE THAT!" Mason tried to reason with Yumi, but failing....

All Orchid could do was stand there and think 'Please let somebody get me out of this situation...'

Smith and Jay have learned to stay out of such quarrels...

(I'm making up the rest of the argument as I go... So if it sounds bad, that's because it is 😅 I'm not good with arguments.)

As the argument escalated, the village leader Salah, came over to see the commotion.

"Don't 'lady' me mister! I know your game!" Yumi shouted at Mason.

"What game!? I'm trying to explain!" Mason asked angrily.

"Explain what?! Three men, one woman!"

"What are you getting at?!"

"Don't I have a say in this?" Orchid whispered, too quiet for the two arguing villagers... 'this is so embarrassing' she thought.

"Using this poor Illager as your plaything... Villagers like you make me sick."

Orchid was shocked at what the villager just claimed...

Mason was almost too shocked for words... Almost. "....... What. Is. WRONG WITH YOU!?"

'What is this lady's problem?!' Mason thought in shock...

"Ok, I've had enough..." Salah stated as he got between the two arguing villagers. "Alright, shows over... Let's talk." He stated...

After some time, Mason finally got to explain their situation to Salah and Yumi...

"... And that's it. Your village is our last hope... Can we stay?" Mason finished, a tired expression on his face.

'It doesn't look good...' Orchid thought as she waited for Salah's decision...

"Well, if your story is true... I guess we can give you lot a chance..."

Yumi was quite surprised at Salah's decision, she thought of all the villagers that Salah would reject any Illager...

"Really?" Mason asked, almost thinking this was a dream...

"But you all have to abide by the village rules..."

"Oh, of course we will! Thank you." Everyone was excited... Except for Orchid, she had a worried look...

Yumi caught Orchid's expression...

"You will be in charge of them Yumi..."

"Oh, sure Salah..." She stated...

Hours after all the commotion, Yumi led the group to her home "You all can stay here at my place until we build a new home for you." Yumi smiled apologetically to them.

"That's no problem miss Yumi..." Stated Jay tiredly...

Orchid gave a yawn.

"Are you sure we can stay?" Asked Mason.

"Of course you can, I have a spare room you can... Stay, wow you all must have been tired..." Yumi stated

"Well, will you show me the beds..." Mason asked

"Sure thing, how do we do this?" Yumi asked

"If you got Orchid, I've got the boys..." Mason stated

A short time later, Yumi was tucking Jay and Smith in bed... 'Its like I'm a mother...' Yumi chuckled to herself... She looked over to Mason. "Is everything ok Mason?"

"Yeah, it's fine." He responded as he finished tucking Orchid in... 'She looks so peaceful...' he thought.

Then, suddenly, he got a flashback of Orchid being choked...

A stern voice started to speak up... 'You forgot what happened last time...'

"Mason?" Yumi asked but was drowned out by the inner voice.

"What, I didn't..." He whispered to himself

'You have, you forgot that she was being hunted down... Because she killed him!'

"but I... She..."

'Yes she was meant to kill him but you kill him instead...' the voich spoke louder...

[l0eyking]

The One That Got Away || One Shot

Baekhyun and you are best friends, and you knew both of you wanted more than that, but something is holding him back, and you can't quite grasp what it is.

Fluff, Angst, Angst and Angst

You are stretched out lazily on your bed, reading a novel with your best friend, Baekhyun sitting cross legged beside you. He was on his phone, occasionally laughing and sighing, while scrolling through his twitter account. This is how both of you spent the weekend, almost every week. Your thoughts were too deep into your favourite fictional characters that you didn't even notice him putting down his phone. You only noticed you were frowning when you felt two warm fingers between your eyebrows, smoothing them, making you startled.

These past few months, Baekhyun's touches seemed to affect you a lot more than usual. You felt so odd with those kind of feelings, cause Baekhyun and you had known each other for years. You could even share one bed with Baekhyun when sleeping and feel nothing, but not anymore.

You immediately looked at Baekhyun questioningly.

"Stop frowning, you look ugly," he said jokingly.

"How about now?", You knitted your eyebrows together, even more.

His beautiful laugh filled the room. it's contagious, causing you to laugh too.

This is how it is, when you're around him. It's so warm and bright, no matter what season of the year or which part of the day it is.

He lifted your head and put it gently on his laps. He poked your head softly, causing your gaze to leave the novel in your hands and directed it to him.

"What? I'm not even frowning,", you arched one brow.

"Hey El, random question, what would you want to do, if you knew you had only one day left with me?", he grinned.

Random question is a game both of you created last year. It was a resultant of an eventless and also restless night, where both of you spent all night playing. There are only two rules; which are you need to answer honestly and you are only given five minutes to think about the answer. It could be the most random things, like once, Baekhyun asked if you would rather have tongues as fingers or fingers as tongues. Or even the most serious things, such as when you asked Baekhyun if he'd rather die first and not experience losing you, or experience losing you, but at least he knows, you won't ever be left alone. He used all his five minutes to think and finally chose the latter. In his defense, he said that you can't even cook your own breakfast. Your intention of asking that was actually to tease him about how you'd haunt him after you die, but he looked so serious, unlike how he usually is, so your voice broke, even before you could say a word.

"Why are you asking that, are you leaving me?", you shot him a look.

"No, it is obviously just a random question I saw on twitter, and that made me curious too", his grin still on his face.

You tried to read his face, but he was wearing his stupid grin he always puts on when he's happy, so you knew, he was saying the truth.

You've actually thought of this before, so you immediately answered,

"I will try to forget about the fact that it's my last day with you, and have all the fun i can have with you. So I'll bring you to Disneyland and I hope that night, we could see the first snow together", you smiled at the idea, but you also knew it would break you if Baekhyun ever leave you.

"Why Disneyland, though?",he tilted his head to the side, meeting your gaze. He looked so cute, like a tiny puppy. Your right hand found their way to his hair, your thumb and index finger playing with it, starting from the part near the scalp to the end of his soft brown hair, repetitively. You remembered he once said he loved the gesture, it made him so calm.

"I don't know, it just seemed perfect if we first met because of Disney and we also last met at Disney," you shrugged, almost laughing at the memory of when you first met Baekhyun at the high school library.

Flashback: 4 years ago

You were looking for a novel at the fictional section, when you first saw him, his back facing you. Being the busybody you are, you tiptoed to peek at the book on his hands, and saw the word 'Beauty and the Beast' at the upper side of the page.

"Great taste", you commented.

He turned to you, closing his book too abruptly, causing the hardcover novel to fall on your foot. You winced a bit, but you were grateful you were wearing your sneakers.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry, did it hurt?", he picked up the book from the floor, eyeing your foot for a second.

"No, no it's fine, really," you ignored the tad bit of pain on your toes.

"Can you really walk?", he asked worriedly.

"Yes, yes, don't worry!", and just like that, he went off. Hmph. You sighed inwardly.

The next day, you found him at the same place, again with his back towards you.

"Well, well, look who's here,", you greeted. This time around, he turned around and closed his book but luckily, it didn't fell. He just grinned at you sheepishly.

"I haven't seen you before?", you asked.

"Yeah, I just transferred here yesterday,"

"Oh, you're the handsome one people have been talking about? I'm Elina, by the way," you offered your hand.

"Did YOU find me handsome? I'm Baekhyun," he took your hand, an amused smile adorning his face.

You scoffed. The question caught you off guard.

"Well, you look okay to me, as long as you don't drop your books on my foot", you retorted.

It's his turn to look embarrassed.

"Hey! It wasn't my fault! You were the one who startled me!", he whined.

And that's how you became best friends. You met almost every day at the library, sometimes exchanging opinions about the novel you read and sometimes hanging out at the coffee shop while doing your assignments. Despite the age gap of two years, him older, both of you find time for each other and cherished each other's presence and that was all that matters in your friendship.

Back to the present

"Hey! Stop laughing! I know you're laughing at me!", he jutted his lower lip.

You laughed even more than before.

"Shut up!,"

"Or what?", you said in between your laughs.

"Or I'll kiss you,", he said a little quietly, but you still managed to hear it. You abruptly stopped laughing, you could hear your heart thumping rapidly in your chest.

"Well, that shut you up, you didn't want me to kiss you, that badly, huh", you looked at his face and for a second, you swore you saw a hurt expression on his face, but he immediately smirked, making you question if you're just imagining things.

Fast forward a year later

You just finished your last class for the week, when your phone buzzed. It was a text from Baekhyun.

Bestie 🙄: Wait for me at your uni's parking lot

His university and yours are just a fifteen minutes drive, so you're used to him occasionally picking you up. You replied with a short ok and proceeded to walk to the parking lot.

His face lightened up a bit when he saw you, but you didn't see him. He intentionally honked and you yelped, as you showed him a middle finger.

He was laughing when you were opening the car door, as you cursed under your breath.

"I hate you,", you side eyed him.

"No you don't, you love me, that's why we're best friends,", he grinned.

You felt your heart broke at the word 'best friend', but you ignored it.

"Ugh, stop being so corny,", you replied.

"So, don't freak out,", he turned to you seriously.

"What?"

"Seriously, don't freak out!"

"Byun Baekhyun, I will freak out if you don't tell me right now!", you half yelled.

"Gosh, you're so much fun,", he said sarcastically, while handing you a white envelope.

You tear it open to find a pair of flight tickets and also Disneyland tickets.

"BAEKHYUN!!!! IS THIS FOR REAL!!! WHEN ARE WE GOING??", you were so happy, you screamed as your arms immediately wrapped around him.

He smiled widely as he returned your hug, and he whispered a soft

"right now"

And as if on cue, he detached himself from your hug and immediately started to drive to the airport. He had already packed all your necessities and clothes in the luggage on the backseat. He also asked you to take out the passport from the drawer in front of you. He said he had been planning this for months.

The next day

Today is the day. You woke up with a smile on your face and immediately got ready for your Disneyland visit. You were so ready to have fun today.

You knocked on Bekhyun's door as he opened it. The first thing that greeted your eyes when you closed the door, was his abs. He was asking you which shirt he should wear, but you weren't listening. How could you be listening? You were too absorbed by the view in front of you.

"Liking the view? My eyes are up here, El,", he teased, his two fingers pointing towards his eyes.

You could feel your face burning as you cleared your throat.

"You're so full of yourself,", you rolled your eyes as you picked the plain black shirt, and hurled it to his face. Your favourite look of his is definitely when he wore the plain black shirt with his jeans.

At the Disneyland

Both of you weren't really an adrenaline junkie, but you told Baekhyun you were going to make his money worth it, so you are both going to try ALL the rides in the Disneyland. He also bought the express lane ticket, so that even made it possible for you to do it.

You started with Dumbo the Flying Elephant. Your first ride didn't go so well. Both of you were screaming out of your lungs and clutching each other's hands as if your life depends on it when the ride wasn't even that scary, resulting with both of you earning weird looks given by the little kids that looked like 7 year olds when the ride ended. You and Baekhyun exchanged embarrassed glances and laughed anyways.

You decided to take your words; "trying ALL the rides" back, and proceeded to "try ALL the less scary rides instead", which Baekhyun reacted with a sigh of relief.

It was already noon when your stomach was screaming to be filled, and Baekhyun seemed to hear it too. You looked at him, embarrassed, but he only laughed at you, which made you pout slightly,

"Stop laughing, I'm hungry, dumbass,"

He acted offended, hands clutching his chest dramatically,

"Why should I feed someone who called me dumbass?"

"Fine, I'll say this again, I'm hungry, Baekhyunnnnn,", you said, playing with your intonation a bit.

"Not cute enough,", he looked at you uninterestedly.

You huffed and muttered "Fine bitch, you asked for it," under your breath. "Baekhyunneeee, I said I'm hungryyyy,", you tried again.

You expected for him to react poorly like acting as if he's gagging or something, but instead, he pinched your cheeks and nose as the ends of his lips turned upwards, forming a genuine smile.

"You're so cute, let's get you some food", he said as he took your hand. Damn, if only you knew where all these butterflies in your stomach came from.

Both of you went for the It's a Small World, Slinky Dog Spin and a lot of others to name.

The next thing you knew, it's already 10 past 9.

"El, let's go to the souvenir shop then get ready to get back home,"

"Already?" You asked. It seemed that time flew by too quickly when you're enjoying yourselves. Your shoulders slumped forward as Baekhyun led you to the shop.

It was so bright inside, filled with interesting things that costed an organ. You settled with a small keychain, reminding yourself to not spend too much.

"El, try this," Baekhyun placed a hairband with bunny ears in your hand.

"No, I don't have enough money for this,"

"Come on, I'll buy it for you," he convinced.

"Really? You can't take your words back, Baek!," your face brightened up.

"I wont, El, come on! Try it noww!", he pushed.

You placed the hairband on your head.

"How do I look, Baek?"

His gaze which was originally on the rack, landed on you. This is a new one, you've never seen this gaze before, so you can't quite comprehend it.

"Hey Baek, do i look so pretty that you're speechless or what," you joked.

"Yes,"

"What? Hey Baekhyun! That was supposed to be a joke!", you hit him lightly on the chest, but he managed to catch your wrist. Looking at his frowning face, he looked like he was about to say something.

"Hey, are you okay,", your fingers smoothen his temple, like he always did to you.

"Y-yeah, it's nothing," he looked down to his shoes.

You decided not to push it, cause you knew better that Baekhyun won't tell you something until he's really ready to do it. So instead you changed the mood.

"Baek, we should buy matching ones!", you placed a hairband with matching bunny ears gently on his head.

"Awh, we look so cute, Baekhyun, look at that!" you pointed to the mirror in front of you.

He lifted his head and looked at the mirror, and as if he's looking at the most beautiful view ever, his lips turned into a wide smile, the kind that reaches his eyes.

"That's more like it, take a picture, Baekhyun!",

Both of you were at the counter, Baekhyun paying for the souvenirs you wanted. You tried resisting, but it's no use. You were about to whine about him paying, when you heard the fireworks. Baekhyun immediately took your hand and dragged you to the open space in front of the shop.

You were utterly amazed by the fireworks that you kept silent. A smile crept into your face as you were looking intently at the beautiful fireworks until it ended. It was a whole 20 minutes, but you were too absorbed with it, that caught you speechless. What you didn't know was that, Baekhyun was also doing the same thing, but instead of the fireworks, his eyes was on your face all along, but with a sad smile complimenting his face.

Just after the fireworks ended, the first snow started to fall. You can't believe how perfect the night was.

You turned your head at Baekhyun and found his gaze on you, making you blush, but you didn't really worry if Baekhyun sees it, cause it was dark.

"Liking the view? The fireworks were up there, Baek," you thought that it would be fun to tease him, just like how he teased you this morning.

Snow started falling and immediately melt as it touches your hair and jacket. You raised your hand to let the the snow fall into your palm.

"Baek, look, it's snowing,"

You looked at him, what you didn't expect was his intense gaze on your lips. The atmosphere was so thick, you could cut it with a knife. Again, he looked like he's considering to do something. You saw him almost leaning in, but he stopped midway. His eyes finally meet yours and you saw something break in him, but you can't seem to grasp what it is. In a flash, he broke the eye contact and just said, "Let's get going, we're gonna miss the flight,". He said that as if nothing happened. As if no glances were stolen, as if no feelings were harboured.

You won't lie, you felt disappointed and you could hear your heart shattered into pieces. You know, there's something holding him back, but it is impossible for you to figure it out, if Baekhyun keeps on avoiding it like this.

The journey home was a silent one, until you and Baekhyun were at your door. You were about to say something, when both of you started to talk at the same time. Both of you laughed, you felt the atmosphere lightens.

"You first,", you said.

"Did you have fun tonight?"

"Of course i did! It was never not fun with you, Baekhyun. It is fun even if we're just playing random question,"

Again, the sad smile that didn't reach his eyes. The smile that broke your heart, but you didn't even know why.

"I'm glad we're best friends, Elina. I'm grateful we met. I'm even more grateful you cherished me as much as I cherished you,"

Again, the damned word, 'best friend'

"Stop with the goddamn word 'best friend', Baekhyun, I'm so tired of that shit,", the words that came out of your mouth surprised you. They obviously caught Baekhyun by surprise too.

"What do you mean?",

"Are you blind, Baekhyun? I cherished you more than best friends, Baek. I wanted more than just 'best friends'. Cant you see that I love you?",your voice breaking at the last sentence.

He was silent, so you continued,

"And don't start with the bullshit that you don't feel the same way, cause I know you do. I saw it in your eyes, and I thought I was imagining it, but you almost leaned in, Baek! You almost freaking leaned in! What's holding you back, Baekhyun?", you almost shouted, hot tears already running down your cheeks.

You could see his eyes softened.

"Don't say that, El. You can't love me. Please, I'm begging you, please don't love me, I'm not selfish enough to let you love me and I can't possibly leave you like this!", he sounded so frustrated, yet so sad.

"What does that suppose to mean? Why are you leaving me, Baekhyun? Are you really leaving me? You said you're never gonna leave me,", you asked quietly, not quite believing what you heard.

"Shit," he muttered under his breath.

"Let's talk about this later, El. When we can think straight,"

"No, I need an explanation, right now, Baekhyun,"

"Let's just talk later, El, I'm tired"

At this rate, you're talking without thinking anymore.

"Fine, leave me, Baekhyun, but make sure you don't come finding me back, ever again"

You shut the door on his face.

You made your way to your bed and cried, regretting what you said, but your ego won't let you take your words back.

You woke up with puffy eyes as you trudged lazily to the living room. You saw something in front of the door, right on the floor. Squinting, you saw a white envelope. Baekhyun must've slipped it under the door yesterday. Rage fills all over you, so you picked it up and shoved it into the trashcan.

You weren't having it today, so you lazily slouched on the sofa, watching tv all day. That's when you heard the bell. It was 9 in the evening, for god's sake. You were about to yell at the person disturbing your evening, but you saw an out-of-breath chanyeol in front of you. You could feel something bad is happening,

"Chanyeol, what's wrong?"

"Baekhyun- hospital- not much time", chanyeol explained in between breaths.

Your heart's pace quickened at chanyeol's explanation. Is this really happening? That's when the thought dawned at you. This was what's holding him back. You could feel the world's crashing down on you.

The next thing you knew, you were already beside Baekhyun in a hospital room. He smiled to you weakly, when you wrapped your hands around his.

"B-Baekhyun..", you meant to ask what's wrong, but you ended up sobbing.

"Shh.. El, it's okay. I'm fine, really," his hands caressed your hair gently, as he pulled you to sit in his bed, beside him.

You got thousand of questions, like how serious is his illness, what is his illness, but you kept quiet, cause you don't believe yourself to say anything without crying.

"El, can i request something?"

You nodded.

"Can we act like I'm not sick? Let's act like how we always were, hanging out at your place," he said weakly.

Baekhyun's request broke your heart for the thousandth time. You took a deep breath, closed your eyes and nodded. You told yourself that you had to be strong for Baekhyun. You opened your eyes and smiled widely at him. He returned it and you forcefully joked, "What are you smiling at, creepy,"

His laugh resonated throughout the room. You laughed too, and you were determined to fulfil your best friend's wish, no matter how much it hurts you.

Both of you were laughing at everything and anything, considering that this is the last time you're sharing laughs. You were playing random question and baekhyun's teasing you all the time, until it was suddenly silent. He finally said it.

"El, I don't have much time left,"

That's when the dam broke, that's when you took off whatever mask you've put on. Tears came gushing down your cheeks and this time, you didn't even try to hold it in. Baekhyun can't seem to hold his tears too, cause the sight of you crying was breaking him into a million pieces, but he kept on saying it's okay, while his thumbs busy wiping your tears.

"Baekhyun, if only I knew..", you sobbed again.

"No, it wasn't your fault, El. I made this choice,"

When both of you knew you don't have much time left, you sat silent, enjoying each other's company for the last time. Baekhyun could feel his time is near, so he whispered, "I'm sorry I can't keep my promise, Elina,"

You also knew his time was coming, so you just shook your head.

"No, Baekhyun, don't say that", you placed your head on his chest.

"I'm sorry I can't stick with you til the end, like I promised. I'm sorry I'm leaving.. you.. first," he struggled saying the last few words.

You were already panicking, your hands trying to reach for the emergency switch, but Baekhyun stopped your hand.

"You're gonna be fine, Baekhyun, we're gonna be fine,", your tears stained baekhyun's shirt but you didn't care.

"I.. love.. you.. El..." this time, Baekhyun's breath was much shallower.

"I love you too, Baek,",

That was the first and last time both of you got to say 'i love you' just like how you meant it, nit the best-friend-i-love-yous, but the real i-love-you. Fate is such a mean word, you think. Just like that, he left you. He left you alone to navigate through the harsh world by yourself. You felt lost. You felt regret washing all over you. But the most dominant one you're feeling, is the feeling of rage. You were mad at Baekhyun for leaving you. You were mad at Baekhyun for not telling you the truth. You were mad at Baekhyun for lying to you all this time. As if you were possessed, you shook Baekhyun's lifeless bod roughly.

"Baekhyun, why did you leave me? How could you leave me, Baek? You said you were gonna see me leave first, cause I can't even cook my own breakfast! Then why... why are you leaving me Baekhyun..." you continued crying. You suddenly remembered about the letter Baekhyun slipped under the door. You ran outside, ignoring how your legs are protesting, catching a cab home. Your visions are so blurry with tears, it's such a miracle you found the crumpled piece of envelope in the trash can.

Dear Elina,

My best friend, my love, my laughing gas, my day maker, my everything.

If you're reading this, that means I failed to muster my courage to tell you everything after we went to Disneyland. I actually started writing this the day after you told me you would bring me to Disneyland if you knew it was your last day with me. I'm not really sure how much time I have left, but the doctors are saying I'm fine, as if I don't know the truth. I'm not sure when will I have to book all the tickets to bring you to Disneyland, and also, oh my god the passports! But don't worry, I've already asked the doctor to tell me if I don't have much chance left, so I can plan carefully when we'll be going, El! Im such a genius, hee ^*^ 3/5/17

You stopped reading, as you laughed, but the pain in your heart has actually worsened.

Anyways I was actually contemplating if I should tell you I like you but the other day you kept quiet when i said i'd kiss you if you keep laughing. I guess you didn't like me back :< but it's okay!! At least I didn't tell you my confession first!!! It would have been awkward for us T^T 3/5/17

But I loved you, Baekhyun, if only I got to say that earlier..

The treatment hurts me so bad T_T

5/7/17

I wish I was there for you..

The doctor stopped my treatments cause I'm not getting any better, and cause it hurts me much more than it should be :/ 5/12/17

Hey, I haven't updated cause for a moment, i thought I would at least have a few years, but just now during my appointment the doctor told me I don't have much time left. Not sure if I should feel sad cause that means im gonna leave soon or if I should feel happy cause the doctor finally let me go to the Disneyland!! Usually I wasn't allowed to go anywhere with adrenaline rush like the theme park, but I begged the doctor and I said I'm going to die soon anyways, so... i'm booking the tickets 8/6/18

Why should I die, El? Am I a bad guy? Why me? I'm scared. <\3 8/10/18

You're not a bad guy, Baek, you're such an angel, everybody loves you, I, love you, Baekhyun.

You almost stopped reading cause your hearts aches so so much, but you continued anyways. This one was written right after you fought.

Hey El, tonight we had a big fight and I regretted not telling you the truth earlier. I regretted not seeing the signs earlier. I regretted not saying that I love you, and I regretted for being such a coward. If only I told you I love you earlier, if only I was selfish enough, maybe we could have been happier, even if for a short time. I'm sorry, El. I'm sorry for breaking your heart tonight, but I can't let you love me, and then leave you forever. It's not fair for you. It's not fair for us. You deserved so much more, Elina. You deserved someone who could love you as much as I did, but you deserved someone who won't leave you, just like how i will. 9/12/18

Goodbye, Elina. I'd have waited longer, but I really need to go, please be happy. 6 am, in front of your door, 10/12/18.

This was written 2 hours after you shut the door at Baekhyun's face. The thought of him spending 2 hours on your doorstep broke you.

You could see tear stains on the paper, and it wasnt yours. Desperately You searched for more writings, flipping the papers, checking every piece of them, but you knew that was the last one. You regretted everything you said last night but you couldnt do anything anymore. The times you spent with Baekhyun flashed across your mind. The time both you laughed so hard, until you feel pain in your stomach, the time you cried in his embrace because your pet died, the time when he got really mad at you because you were singing to Katy Perry's The One that Got Away. It all makes sense now and you realised you can't do that anymore. At last, you just put the piece of paper down, as you cried until it numbs your broken heart.

[lancearcherinrippedjeans]

Not Me

ICBeing The Elite Part 4, click HERE for previous parts

Pairings - Chuck Taylor x OC, Adam Page x OFC, Marq Quen x OFC x Cash Wheeler

Category - A bit on the angsty side today folks, still some fluff, comedy and a BIT of sexual content

Warnings/Promises - Cussing like always, crying?

Word Count - 2234

Summary/Desc - Gabby and Kenny argue, like always. Bri and Cash continue to meet up, but do they get caught? Parker and Chuck get into a huge argument, will it effect their relationship?

This chapter will not feature any BTE segments due to this is a VERY important part today.

ALSO, today we’re featuring @kploveswrestling​ ‘s OC, Alex Hawthorne!!!!! This is really exciting and I hope I used her well!

My (little bitty) Tag List - @neversatisfiedgirlfics​​

“Please Parker! That would be so cute if we were out there together!” Parker had heard it all week, Alex trying to convince her to go out and be at ringside during The Best Friends match. “Alex, you can support your man, I’ll support mine backstage.”

Alex shook Parker’s shoulders, “Pleeeeaasseeee?” Parker took her hands, “How about, you go find your man Trent, he probably has Sour Patch Kids waiting for you...and a kiss.” Alex rolled her eyes as she turned away, “Way to make us sound cheesy, Park.” “You’re welcome!”

She was suddenly startled when she felt hands snake around her waist, she turned her head to see her boyfriend, Chuck. “Hey stupid.”

“Hello bighead.” He returned. “Are you ready for your match tonight?” He put his chin on her head, still hugging her, “Yeah, you should be at ringside with Alex though.” Parker tried her best to put on a genuine voice, “Maybe next time. We’ll let Trent and Alex get the cute couple spot this week.”

Chuck spun her around, “You know that we always have that spot.” Parker grinned, “Oh stop it.” Chuck just smirked looking at her, “You’re so pretty when you smile.”

Parker looked down and hid her face, “I am not.”

The mood suddenly changed, especially with Chuck, “You gotta stop doing that.” Parker looked up, brow arched, “Doing what?” “I don’t know, dodging all the compliments. Suddenly feeling weird whenever I hug you. And just not being confident with yourself or the relationship.”

Parker suddenly got angry, “Well I’m sorry that I can’t control it! Why don’t you focus on your match in 10 minutes instead of me!” Not too far away were Gabby and Bri, watching the situation unfold.

“It’s just, it’s like you don’t even want to be with me!” He argued back, Parker just shook her head, “Why does it matter? You’re gonna get what you want from me then leave!” “What?!”

“Gabby what’s gonna happen?” Bri whispered. Gabby shook her head, worried look on her face, “Something tells me that Parker is gonna do something stupid.”

“Parker, all I want you to accept is that I want to be with you and you’re beautiful! But you’re too fucking insecure to admit that!” Chuck yelled, finally stating his mind.

Tears brimmed Parker’s eyes, fists clenched, “Y’know what? Fuck this. I’m done.” She walked past him, fast and angrily. “So this is how it’s gonna end?” Chuck called out.

Gabby grabbed Parker’s arm while she was walking, “Parker wait-” “Get the hell off me Gabby, I’m not in the mood.” She said fast, pulling her friend's arm off. “What’s wrong with her?” Bri questioned, watching Parker leave. “I don’t know. At all.”

Gabby was standing around backstage after the incident when she felt a tap on her shoulder. “Gabby?” Said Anna Jay, in ring gear. “Hey!” “Hey! So I’m coming out with Dark Order tonight and I thought it would be cool if you came out with Adam and Kenny.” That night Adam and Kenny had a title match against Brodie Lee and Evil Uno. “Omg I love the idea. I’ll for sure ask Adam.” Gabby said with excitement in her voice.

The fans knew about her from BTE and from Adam posting them every once in a while, so it would get a Twitter pop. “Ok cool. Hope to see you out there!” Anna said before walking away.

 20 minutes later

 Gabby walked into Adam and Kenny’s locker room, hair in a half up half down tied up with a blue ribbon, Kenny and Adam’s merch on with blue jean shorts matching it with her Doc. Martin boots. “Damn bae.” Adam looked her up and down while in the middle of lacing his boots. “Look babe, Anna had this amazing idea that I came out there with you guys tonight, and I’m already ready sooo-“ Gabby Motioned her hands down her body showing off her outfit. ”Yea whatever. Bring yourself over here.” “Gladly.” Gabby smirked.

 10 minutes later

 “I’m nervous Adam.” Gabby shouted over Dark Order’s entrance music. Her anxiety was starting to come but she wouldn’t let it stop her for once in her life. Adam pulled Gabby in, hooking his hand around her waist, something he knew calmed her. “You got it, just go and ya know, be yourself.” Adam smiled. Not even 7 feet away, Kenny was standing there with a confused face, wondering what the fuck gabby and Adam were talking about. Shortly after Hangman’s music hit, Adam walked out 1st, then Gabby. She saw Joey out in the crowd which calmed her anxiety the whole time. Then Kenny’s music hit and the match started.

 After Match

”Man what the fuck was that?” Kenny spat out. “Was what Kenny?” Adam was confused by his problem. “Y’know, ever since Gabby’s been around you’ve been different, like no one thought to tell me she was coming out?” “Well my bad Kenny, geez I don’t know what your problem is with me!” Gabby shouted. Kenny let out a light smile “You don’t know my problem? Bullshit Gabby! You and I both know what my problem is!”  “Um, is there anything I should know?” Adam looked at them both concerned and confused. “It’s not even like that Adam. Fuck this I’m going to go find my friends.” Gabby angrily walked away, not wanting to hear anymore of Kenny’s complaining.

 “You know I have to go find Marq.” Bri mumbled against Cash’s skin. “Or you could stay here. That’s possible.” Bri stood up, putting her shirt on, “He’s gonna be looking for me. And we can’t keep doing this. Backstage at least.”

 “I mean, we could. But if it means I get more time before the show or after the show, I’m fine with it.” Bri rolled her eyes, looking towards the mirror to touch up her makeup. Cash appeared behind her in the mirror, kissing her neck. “Cash...stop. I gotta find Marq.” “One more round?” She smirked, and shrugged her shirt off, turning back to Cash.

 He backed her up till she fell back on the couch, before he climbed on top of her, kissing her deeply. They were so in the moment that they almost didn’t notice her phone ringing, she looked at it when her eyes widened and she pushed the man off her, “It’s Marq!” She stood up and answered the phone, “Hey cutie.” “What’s up gorgeous?” “Oh uh, nothing much. Where are you?”

 “Precisely, Isiah and I are about two turns away from the hallway where all the tag team locker rooms are.” Bri freaked out hearing that sentence and blurted out, “Oh! I’m uh..right by there! I’ll see you in a sec!” She hung up the phone without any other word. She ran towards her shirt, put it on, quickly fixed up her hair and wiped away any smudged makeup.

 “Catch you later hot stuff.” Cash called out, “Bye handsome.”

 She had walked out in the hallway and sat in a chair like she had been there for a while, she heard the familiar voices of Marq and Isiah in the middle of conversation. She stood up and plastered a smile on your face, “Hey you.” Marq pulled her in for a hug, when Isiah stared daggers at her from behind his back.

 They pulled away when Marq kissed her, “Is that new chapstick?” “Uh, yeah.”

 “It tastes great,” He looked Bri over when he asked, “Why is your shirt inside out?” She looked down at her shirt when she looked back up at Marq with a confused face, and Isiah with an expression that said ‘you’re a cheating bitch’. “Oh uhm, Parker spilled her blue slushie on me, so I just turned it inside out. It’s velvet on both sides anyway.”

 Isiah scoffed, “Oh yeah, Parker’s always spilling something. Unfortunately not secrets.”

He looked Bri up and down before walking away. 

“What’s his deal?” Bri asked, trying to pretend she didn’t know. “I don’t know. Maybe a bad Vodka Cranberry.”

« »

The day ended for everyone at Daily’s Place. And one of the first two people to leave? Adam and Gabby.

“So Gabby.” Adam said, hands on the steering wheel. The couple were heading to the hotel for the night. “Yeah Adam?” “What was up earlier, y’know with Kenny?” Adam asked. “I don’t know what’s up Adam.” Gabby said, irritated that he was asking her and not Kenny. 

He grabbed her hand holding it in lock while driving with one arm, “Gabby I love you, so much. And I’m hoping you're not hiding something from me.” Confused Gabby let go of his hand “The fuck you mean by that, whatever your tryna say here I don’t get it!” She shouted.

“Babe I’m not tryna say anything, calm your ass down.” Adam said in a demanding tone, something he knew Gabby liked. 

He followed up with “You looked fine as hell out there tonight, and I don’t want you mad. So don’t be, please?” Adam reached for her hand again. Being the clingy person she was, she didn’t push back. she held his hand tighter in comfort, “I fucking adore you Adam. Don’t ask me dumb stuff anymore though. Because then I’ll have to fuck you up.” she smiled at him. 

“Not like I’ma fuck you up once we get to this hotel.” Adam smirked. She rolled her eyes at him, “Too tired for your needy ass, a lot happened today.” He placed his hand on her thigh sending a message only Gabby would understand. “Bet.” Gabby smirked at Adam as their car ride continued.

Back at the arena many people were still packing and some were starting to leave. One person, Parker, was yelling at the Lyft driver for being 20 minutes late. And already fragile from the night's previous events, she couldn’t help but cry while doing so, “I just need to get to my hotel!” She paused listening to the person on the other line, “Y’know what, have a good fucking night, sir. I hope you drive your car off a pier!” She hung up the phone, and paced back and forth, wondering what she should do next.

So she did the first thing that came to mind, and that was to kick a street light, with her slides on.

“Fuck!” She screeched, holding her foot. “Parker?” She looked over at Alex and Trent, all their bags in hands, looking at the person in front of them like a psycho. “Look, if you’ve just come to question me about my fight with Chuck then just leave okay?!” Alex walked towards her and put a friendly hand on her shoulder, “Hey, it’s fine, we know it was...intense. Do you want a ride? It’s Chuck free.” Alex smiled lightly at that last part, trying to make her friend laugh.

Parker nodded and she gathered her stuff, walking towards their car.

Parker knew that if she even started speaking, she would break down crying. So for most of the ride she just sat looking at her knees, numb look on her face. The car came to a halt when Trent looked back at her, “We’re here.”

They all walked in the lobby and Alex turned towards her before heading to the check in desk, “If you need anything, room B145. As long as it’s not at 3 am.” They smiled at each other before the two walked away.

She now had nowhere to stay for the night, so she texted a friend, hoping they would agree to sharing a room. She saw a figure standing in front of her, and she looked up, seeing Chuck.

“So what? Are we done?” He asked, still confused.

She held back tears as best as she could, “Look, you need someone who will know that you love them, who will accept your compliments. That’s not me.” “But if that’s what you’re worried about then we can work on it, just please...Parker,” He held up a hand to put on her cheek but she stepped away. “Chuck..you’re perfect. And there are beautiful women and handsome men all over the world. One of them is for you. A person who can’t even handle being called your “whatever” isn’t for you.”

“You are for me! Why are you second guessing it?” “Chuck...you said it yourself. I’m too insecure.”

“You know I didn’t mean it like that.” “Yes..yes you did. What’s gonna happen when you first say you love me? You probably couldn’t even say it without me refusing to believe it.”

Chuck didn’t say anything, he just stood there, sad look on his face.

“I’m sorry, Chuck. I think it’s just better for both of us if we aren’t together.”

She walked towards the elevator to go up to her friends’ room. Tears spilling out her eyes the whole way, yet still staying silent. Parker knocked on the door, it took a second and the sounds inside stopped suddenly, but when Marko opened the door and Austin looked out from one of the beds, they were not expecting a wreck.

“Woah, what happened?” Marko asked, letting her in. She shook her head, Austin appeared next to the two, concerned about the situation, “You gotta tell us, man.”

Parker blinked and took a deep breath, and said a sentence she never wanted to say.

“We broke up.”

Bit of technical difficulties today folks! But we got it out!

[imzadi-caskett-huddy]

House, M.D. Fanfic (4/?)

Thank you to everyone who has taken time to leave a note on my story. I hope you continue to enjoy my kind of rewrite our additions to certain episodes! As always, I don't own House. If I did, there would have been huge differences in season 8.

As stated in previous chapters, the story follows the big picture laid out on the show, but with my own take on things. This chapter deals with House being shot. I felt we were robbed of Cuddy's reaction and the aftermath.

Thanks to @love-hope-faith-feels-like-a-lie for reading my ideas and providing positive feedback! Anything in the way of feedback is always appreciated! Enjoy!

"It's House..." Those words replayed in her head. She'd heard about the shooting and was on her way to ream security about letting someone with a gun just walk around her hospital. That's when she was intercepted with those words. They immediately stopped her in her tracks. She spun on her heel in one fluid motion to divert her path to the ER trauma room where they were taking him.

Upon seeing him, she immediately called to get an OR and a surgical team before helping to stabilize and treat him. Once they wheeled him into the OR, she had a chance to breathe. Everything hit her at once as she took her gloves off to throw them away... gloves that were covered in blood. His blood. And she realized just how close she'd come to losing him.

Cuddy stood in the observation room of the OR, watching as they worked on House. She'd given them the direction to use Ketamine, as Chase had told her that's the last thing House said before losing consciousness. But she stayed out of the surgery. She told herself, and anyone else who asked, that she was his doctor, but she wasn't a surgeon. She didn't want to be in the way, but she would be watching. Truthfully, she wasn't sure what she would do if he didn't make it through the surgery, and she would prefer not to find out in a room full of people.

"He's going to be fine, you know," Wilson's voice came from the doorway. "The man is too stubborn to go out this way. It's not flashy enough," he tried to lighten the mood.

Cuddy shifted, but her eyes never left the surgery going on below her. "Thankfully he hadn't sent his team out to do any tests on the patient. If he hadn't been surrounded by doctors, he would have bled out," she commented. "How's Cameron?"

"She's understandably shaken up. They all are. Their boss was shot in front of them," he pointed out.

Cuddy sighed and nodded. "Chase is down there helping with the surgery. Do me a favor and keep an eye on Cameron. Let me know if she needs anything." She wasn't really as concerned about the men, but Cameron had shown interest in House. And she wanted to make sure the other woman really was okay. "Better yet, send Foreman and Cameron home. If they don't want to go home, they can wait for an update on House, but they aren't seeing patients today. I'll send Chase after he finishes in the OR and monitor their patient myself. I'll have them paged if anything drastic changes today," she instructed.

"You really think you should be seeing patients today?" He countered.

Cuddy looked at him then for the first time since he came in the room. "No. But it's my hospital. So my rules," she responded before turning back to the surgery. "And I'm only monitoring their patient. I also plan on interviewing every security guard here to see how the hell that son of a bitch walked right into my hospital and shot him... and then got away," she said lowly. The way she was feeling, the entire security department was liable to find themselves searching for a new job."

Wilson held his hands up in self defense to make sure she didn't take any of her anger at the situation out on him. "I'll go talk to Cameron and Foreman," he said, heading back out the door.

It was two days later before House finally woke up. Seeing Cuddy curled up in the chair beside his bed asleep, he had to smirk slightly. He immediately began to try to sit up to grab his chart.

"Put it back and lay down," she murmured, stretching a little as she sat up then.

"Wow. You look like crap," he told her.

"I look better than you. And I'm not peeing into a bag," she pointed out, shifting to check him over a bit. "How are you feeling?"

"Like I got shot," he responded sarcastically. "How long have I been out?"

"2 days."

He nodded, carefully feeling around on himself for his injuries. "2 days... no wonder you look like crap."

"Shut up, House," she finally took a seat again once she was satisfied everything looked ok.

He breathed deeply. "How bad are my injuries?"

"Surgeon got the bullet out of your side. The other bullet sliced through your jugular. It's lucky it happened while you were surrounded by doctors."

"My philosophy has always been if you're going to get shot, do it in a hospital."

"Funny. My philosophy has as always been don't piss off the patient so badly that they shoot you."

He raised an eyebrow. "Right. It's my fault I got shot."

"To a point, yeah. Most doctors just get sued, but not you. No... you have to brow beat them and push their buttons until they try to kill you."

"If you had real security in your hospital, I wouldn't have gotten shot."

She was quiet for a moment at that. "I'm working to correct that." Every security guard on duty that morning had already been fired.

"Did they tell you I wanted Ketamine?" He asked lowly a moment later.

She nodded. "Yeah. How does your leg feel?" She asked.

"Not bad. I thought it was because of the morphine."

She smiled slightly, reaching for his hand as she moved closer. "It's still early, but I think the Ketamine might be working."

Only time would tell. It was still too early for him to have hope.

[oldmyths]

hiya drew, what are a couple bands/songs you'd recommend for someone interested in getting into classic rock? I hope you're having a great day

hey anon! this is an extremely loaded question! sdfjdfkgjd (and i’m really flattered you’re askin me, because, omg, it’s an honor)

(under a read more bc i talk too god damn much)

okay. lemme preface this by saying i barely scratch the surface when it comes to classic rock. in fact i just like the “popular” classic rock bands, because i’m a hipster loser (and i grew up on some of this stuff and don’t really have much of an interest venturing further but hey, who knows, maybe i’ll expand my spotify library in due time)

there are people on this website in the CR fandom who are so much better equipped to answer this, but u asked me, and i never really bothered to integrate into the cr fandom anyway because i feel like theyre all cooler than me and i just wanna sit down and listen to like, the same two albums on repeat, but anyway. to answer your question…

it really just depends on what genre you like. what kind of music you want to get into; i can sit here and tell you to listen to pink floyd and go on about their significance but i can’t make you Like them yknow?

so…..i’m just gonna list a few of my favorite songs by the most well-known classic rock bands because, like i said i just kind of barely scratch the surface on the classic rock format as a whole

as some of you may be aware, i am drew “beatlefucker” angelshane (thanks ana) and to get these bug boys out of the way, i’ll give u some song recs from the beatles! (early 1960s to 1970) (genres: rock, pop, psychedelia)

surely you’ve heard of them; if not, they caused a huge uproar across the world called beatlemania. think of like…tumblr, as a planet, and the beatles is the newest, hottest anime of the season, and everybody’s got a huge heart boner for them. because that’s basically what it was.

here are some of their songs that have been in my head for the past few days: drive my car (rubber soul, 1965); eleanor rigby (revolver, 1966); and if i fell (a hard day’s night, 1964)

revolver is the most recent album i’ve listened to, they have more but the next proper Album is sgt. pepper and that feels…like. so much. it’s a Huge Album, both content-wise and…history-wise? anyway, it’s very intimidating for me and i think i want to take my time with it before i rush in

i’m just gonna get led zeppelin (late 1960s to 1980, some reunions sprinkled here and there,) out of the way, now, too. (genres: hard rock, blues rock, folk rock, heavy metal)

let me just say right here: i hate jimmy page. as a person. and i honestly think most of his solos aren’t…that great. but for real, i won’t tolerate any of that ugly shithead on my blog and just because i like LZ doesn’t mean i condone any of the shit he did.

(you’ll notice a trend, especially in the older bands, that controversy is super common. u can’t..really get into classic rock without having to see the darker side of your faves. it sucks, nobody’s perfect, and i don’t agree with separating the artist from the art, but it does get hard to like certain music when you know the shit that happened with certain artists.)

Anyway! that being said, i truthfully only really listen to led zeppelin and led zeppelin ii. some physical graffiti but, eh. So, if you wanted to get into lz, you’re askin the wrong person, is what i’m saying jfkgsdj

here’s my song recs: good times bad times and dazed and confused (led zeppelin, 1968); whole lotta love and ramble on (led zeppelin ii, 1969); kashmir (physical graffiti, 1975)

and honestly the JP thing is why i don’t really listen to LZ much outside of their self titled and lz2. cos like. i just can’t.

QUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN (1970s to…now? personally, if freddie mercury isn’t involved then..is it really queen) (genre: rock)

if you don’t know who queen is, you know who queen is. bohemian rhapsody? of course you know that song. everyone does.

but if you don’t then that’s perfectly ok too. it’s a good song imo. not their Best, but it’s good

i gotta be honest, i listen to singles mostly. i’ve got a lot on my proverbial plate and while i Love freddie mercury (bi king) sometimes i’m just. not in the headspace for queen. they’re good but a certain specific set of circumstances need to happen where i feel aligned with queen music enough to listen to it. also, freddie’s death makes me really sad and if i think about it too hard i’ll get depressed.

here’s my favorite queen songs!!!

brighton rock and killer queen (sheer heart attack, 1974); you’re my best friend (a night at the opera, 1975); somebody to love and GOOD OLD FASHIONED LOVER BOY (a day at the races, 1976); TOO MUCH LOVE WILL KILL YOU (made in heaven, 1996)

honestly..queen is so influential and inspiring and i fucking love freddie mercury so like. those are just a few of my favorites. i could honestly go on forever about it but let’s stop there

now let’s get away from the boys and talk about stevie nicks because she is my mother and i would die in her place given the chance. i love her. I Love Her.

but i mean you’d probably better begin at fleetwood mac (late 1960s to the mid 1990s; late 1990s to …now?) (genres: pop rock, soft rock, blues rock, art pop, british blues)

this is a band i don’t know much about. because there’s apparently so much to know about them, so much inter-band dynamic drama. from what i’ve skimmed. So Much Drama.

i…can’t provide any songs for you, because i dont listen to fleetwood mac and i need to fix this ASAP but i feel like the time isn’t right yet. is that dumb of me to think? probably, but i’m gonna stick by my guns.

you should listen to fleetwood mac and tell me what you think!!!

(yes i included a portion on stevie nicks without giving song recs because i’m awful: listen to edge of seventeen, bella donna, 1981)

okay back to smelly dudes cos that’s all the world fuckin cares about i guess

pink floyd!!! (mid 1960s to mid 1990s, mid 2000s, and early/mid 2010s) (genres: progrock, art rock, psychedelic rock)

i mean i love them but i’m just dipping my toes in the water here. i’ve barely listened to them, but from what i’ve heard they’re very good. VERY politically driven. i cannot stress this enough. they’re the good kind of politics i think though

you’ve most definitely seen the album art for the dark side of the moon. like, you just have. there’s probably no way you couldn’t have. (but if u haven’t thats fine)

here’s some tunes: money (tdsotm, 1973); the wall. just. the wall. if you love concept albums, here you go. listen to the wall.

that’s all i got. pathetic, i know, but i’m workin my way up i promise

here’s where we get into more familiar territory. ..having said that, i don’t really know much about the history of the rolling stones, but a good friend of mine Does and maybe i can pry info out of her. but i won’t bc she’s too cool 4 school and she’s really great

anyway, the rolling stones!!! (early 1960s to like. now i guess) (genres: rock, blues, blues rock, rock and roll)

woof. what can be said about them really. there’s…..almost too much to say. i love them a lot.

Okay when i get into bands, its in my DNA to listen from the very earliest recording i can find (usually on spotify nowadays) so i’ve been sslowly working my way past the baby pebbles albums (mostly covers) to their original work (fun fact did you know john and paul of beatles fame wrote their own music, and when mick and keith of stones fame found out it was In Fact That Easy they began to write their own music too? fascinating.)

ANYWAY here’s some stones songs: gimme shelter and you can’t always get what you want (let it bleed, 1969); angie (goats head soup, 1973); sympathy for the devil (beggars banquet, 1968)

again i am….Slowly inching my way up their discography. snails pace. i’ll get there. (u can ask glimmerkeith on tumblr for stones song recs, bc shes great and knows much more than i do and i would die for jenn)

now here’s a band…….that i’ve rediscovered pretty recently. try, last week.

AC/DC!!!!!!!! (early 1970s to now) (genres: hard rock, blues rock, rock and roll)

this is Very Much Your Dads™ Music. probably. most likely, anyway. but listen: i saw them in concert once and (while it probably…wasnt the best experience for me) i had a fucking Blast. very sad things happened in this band in the last few months.

not recent, but very important, in 1980 their lead singer bon scott died and everyone was sad. then brian johnson came out with his fuckin voice and everyone was like “ok sweet lets get back to rock n’ roll”

so this will be split by scott’s era and the johnson era (heh heh) And, because i’m familiar with this band, i’ll list the album in question and name a few songs off it instead of just naming songs. because yes.

scott:

T.N.T (1975); it’s a long way to the top (if you wanna rock ‘n’ roll); T.N.T; high voltage

dirty deeds done dirt cheap (1976); dirty deeds done dirt cheap (edit: i just realized how much i actually hate this album and only like that song so WHOOPS but i wanna keep the formatting so, yknow)

let there be rock (1977); let there be rock; whole lotta rosie

highway to hell (1979); highway to hell (it just felt really weird, making a reclist of songs by ac/dc and Not including this one)

johnson:

back in black (1980); HELLS BELLS; shoot to thrill; given the dog a bone; back in black; you shook me all night long

for those about to rock we salute you (1981); for those about to rock (we salute you)

the razors edge (1990); thunderstruck

making this list, it hit me how much of bon scott i actually Listen to when i listen to ac/dc dfkjghjdfksdsfj but uh yeah those. are good

AND NOW…FOR THE FUCKIN MOMENT I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR

GUNS! AND! ROSES! (mid 1980s to NOW MOTHERFUCKERS!!! THEYRE BACK!!! well, touring at least) (genres: hard rock, heavy metal

arguably my favorite band. subjectively, my favorite classic rock band. objectively? they own a huuuge portion of my heart, and my ass.

so listen up: these two kids from indiana run away to california to get out of fucking indiana, because who wants to stay in indiana, (it’s more like, one gets out, and like a year later the other kid tries to find him in the big mean streets of L.A) and along the way they get shuffled in and out of bands together. they start bands, break up bands, the whole fuckin shebang.

and then a few chance miracles happen and suddenly guns n’ roses is formed in like 1985. my boys? those are my boys.

i’m gonna do what i did w ac/dc and bullet the albums and then i’m gonna talk about the albums because i got SHIT to SAY

appetite for destruction (1987); welcome to the jungle, out ta get me, paradise city, sweet child o’ mine, ROCKET QUEEN

all right so here’s the deal, it was very hard not picking every single song on the album because every single song on the album is fucking perfection. actual gold. there’s no flaws in this album. Nothing. everything is good and perfect and i’m not biased at all

did you know axl rose (one of the boys from indiana) recorded each line individually? so, he sang a line, and then stopped recording, and then started recording the next line because he wanted it to be perfect?

did you know appetite was originally a flop album but after this dude got the guys at MTV to play the music video for Jungle at like 5am, guns n’ roses BLEW THE FUCK UP. Everybody know about them practically overnight. it was surreal and really cool, apparently.

and did you know axl played the synthesizer in paradise city? that’s adorable. i fucking love him.

gn’r lies (1988); patience; used to love her

the first four tracks in this EP are from their very first EP ever recorded - it Sounds like it’s taken from a live show but they dubbed in the audience in post, to make it seem like they had huge crowds attending their shows when in reality that wasn’t the case. (their first ep was released in december 1986, they had loyal fans but the crowd wasn’t that rowdy until after appetite came out)

believe me when i tell you. don’t listen to one in a million. or like, do. but i’m not gonna fight anyone about this. it’s fucked up. i’m not defending axl at all and i actually struggled with liking guns after i listened to it.

but unfortunately here we are and i saw them in concert and i had to deal with some fuckhead in the row behind me and his friend who kept Shouting that they play the song, when nobody on stage could her them, and like. of course they wouldn’t play it today. fuck off man

use your illusion i (1991); right next door to hell; dust n’ bones; perfect crime; november rain; BAD APPLES; COMA

i tried to limit these to five songs an album but i fuckin can’t, anon. illusion1 is just so fucking perfect. i can’t choose between my children. pls forgive me

on dust n’ bones and double talkin’ jive is izzy stradlin doing vocals (the second indiana boy, the one who left indiana first) and he’s regarded as the most unnderrated member in gnr by like everybody. so much so that it’s almost…too much. but like basically he was addicted to drugs and everything and then he sobered up when everyone else in the band was still hooked and he was like “wtf i’m out” and axl was like noooo :(

use your illusion ii (1991); civil war; 14 years; GET IN THE RING; locomotive; estranged; you could be mine

UYI1 and 2 were released on the same day. can you imagine how fuckin wild that day was? gnr fans scrambled to their record stores by the hordes probably.

izzy does vocal work in 14 years and this album was his last contribution to the band

uhhhh this album is also fucking perfect but i get sad listening to it sometimes so i try not to? very emotionally driven work. but like, where UYI1 was mostly passionate and angry-ish based, UYI2 is much more contemplative and uhh. sad. i guess.

“the spaghetti incident?” (1993)

this is a cover album and also the last album to feature my love, my soul, my light, my heart, slash. also duff. i mean i love him probably almost just as much but, yeah. duff actually looks like my cousin’s dad so i can’t really…. um. i feel weird about talking about him kjdfgd

but SLASH my god what a perfect man. i love him more than almost everything.

hey fun fact in between UYI and TSI, guns n’ roses toured with metallica and that tour is when slash, In His Autobiography, said he “lost” axl. his word. he Lost axl.

axl rose is a whole fuckin…..topic for another time, and i’m not gonna get into my own bullshit here, but that’s basically the situation when you listen to TSI. the band is fractured and barely holding together. after TSI, slash and duff leave GNR and axl is the only original member from the band still in it

(of course that opens up a conversation of who was originally in guns n’ roses but that’s another discourse for another time)

CHINESE DEMOCRACY (2008); CHINESE DEMOCRACY; BETTER; THERE WAS A TIME; SORRY; MADAGASCAR; PROSTITUTE

I. FUCKING. LOVE. THIS. ALBUM. MORE THAN I COULD EVER EXPRESS. everyone says it’s “not gnr” of COURSE it isn’t gnr, when YOU think of GNR, you see slash. and like, i love slash? but he didn’t make the band. EVERYONE - axl, izzy, steven, duff, And slash made the band. after steven was kicked, gnr lost a huge part of what made them stand out, what made the band unique.

and like, fuck, i love dizzy. i love all of the new additions. but you cannot. fucking look me in the eyes and tell me you love UYI But you hate CD because it’s “not gnr”. like. fuck you man.

ugh anyway. i just gotta let y’all know my Stance on this. i love chinese democracy. i’ll defend this album with my fucking life. i was really…disappointed when, at my concert, i didn’t hear more CD but like i also saw slash in person (albeit, from far away, but we shared the same arena and that’s. more than i can handle)

i wanna get lyrics from prostitute tattooed on my body.

also like you can’t tell me better and sorry aren’t about slash sorry but that’s just the fuckin tea

Now, listen, this ask got away from me. i didn’t include…SO many bands because, like i said, i just scratch the surface of what classic rock is. my word isn’t law, ok? that bein said, i am always, ALWAYS down to talk about any of the bands here, and others!!! if i know of them. i’m always taking music/song recs, too.

thanks..for reading this stupid answer to your innocent ask sdfkjghsdf