#ok y'know what. fuck it. someone may need the will to live too

[eightspringdays]

save me meronia dj ... dj meronia save me

(Round Room // Hide and Seek // 074w)

[rosiedoestumblr]

absolutely ok if you're keeping it a surprise, but since you've mentioned it in your tags, is there any teaser of what drawn from memory is about? no spoilers of course! ;)

Oh yeah, totally!

Essentially, it's Patrick retelling his own version of their whole story. It came from a bingo card that @hey-ginger and I created for ourselves, to try to inspire us to write short fic (HAHAHAHAHA. Short. FUCK.), which had one of the squares, 'All This Happened, More Or Less' and it just seemed right to do it first person, even though that's not a style of writing I'd usually go for myself. I know a lot of people don't like it. It may not go down very well, but it's kind of what makes the story distinct and sort of work in its own right, I guess. You have Patrick as a potentially unreliable narrator, so you're not sure if what he says happened is just his perspective or if that really was it and what was exactly said or implied, and whose actions may or may not have been to blame for things happening.

It covers from a time when they started taking an interest in each other, through the stuff that caused the hiatus, the hiatus and its various projects, and all that kind of thing... It sticks pretty closely to the real timeline and major events, and fits the story around that. Here's a little bit that doesn't really spoil the Patroh parts of the story, too much.

I was hurt, y'know? I think that was the worst of it. It hurt. I was just kind of in shock, because what the fuck was I gonna do, now? That was my future she was ripping apart - all those years I'd fucking wasted, y'know? We had a cat! And I kind of acted out over it. I felt so sorry for myself, I guess the thing I thought it was best to do was to hurt myself through the medium of Sad, Lonely Drunk: A Dickwad Story.

I sat in a bar and I got drunk. Every day. For a month. And I could've sat at home and everything, in this apartment she'd moved out of to live with him, and I had to finish the lease on, but no. I chose to go out, to the bar where I always used to go hang out with Joe and his Not The Band friends, because he's always been the social butterfly amongst us - always the one who had someone to hang out with - and I guess I was kind of waiting. I wanted someone to come in and find me, I guess. Like, I was hiding with my misery, but in plain sight, like some kind of woman in a classic novel, with a bad case of affected melancholy.

And, after a little bit, he did find me. He just came in, one afternoon, sat beside me and ordered a Coke, because he wasn't even twenty-one, yet. And after a couple of minutes of us just hanging out there in silence, he says, "Told you she was a fucking asshole, dude."

And for the first time in like a month, I laughed. I just spluttered out this dumb, stupid laugh and I leaned on his shoulder and he put an arm around me and he didn't even finish his Coke before we went back to his place and Marie made us mac 'n' cheese and we sat up on the couch until 2am, marathoning Police Academy and picking out every fault Anna ever had. All three of us.

I slept on the couch, instead of going back to our shitty, stupid apartment and when I woke up at like lunch, the next day, Joe had called Pete and gotten them both calling around a bunch of our friends, asking if anyone needed a new roomie. It sounds like a kind of little thing, now, I guess, but that day it was like they chained themselves to railings with me.

[here2bbtstrash]

my dear lovely amazing talented sweet em🫡 i'm used to sending you my long ass feedbacks privately BUT this time i'll send it on here since i have many pics i wanna insert and i'm so stupid idk how to do that in chat🤘🏼 LET'S START

before saying anything THIS IS A FEEDBACK PEOPLE THERE WILL BE SPOILERS (OBVIOUSLY :) )

the introduction??? I MEAN IT SEEMED TOO REAL😩 that's the hottest wet dream i've ever read like?? and the way she realised she's in deep shit after waking up DAMN😭 i really hope deep down that yoongi heard her moans🤭

it was soooo sweet when he calmed her down and was like: that's fine🫶🏼🫶🏼 when they talked with that racist mf. also i absolutely love that cliche where there's only one bed like damn😩 AND HE CHOSE TO SLEEP ON THAT BRICK FOR HER?? HE THOUGHT SHE WOULD MIND?? OUCH💔💔

i LOVED the new characters🍻 wait- i fucking forgot her name BUT I LOVE HER🤘🏼 loved how she gave mc some advice 🫂 she's super sweet AND funny (reminds me of someone🤭)

when mc asked yoongi to sleep on the couch. THERE'S NO NEED FOR EXPLANATION BUT MY HEART DIED.

i was so happy cause i knew something would definitely happen on that bed. I MEAN TWO HOT PEOPLE WHO ARE ATTRACTED TO EACH OTHER OBVIOUSLY THEY WOULD FUCK🫶🏼🫡

here i knew why you said she's stupid 😭 LIKE GIRL OPEN THAT MIND OF YOURS PLEASE WE'RE DYING HERE

"You make me so fucking hard. Dreamt dreamt about fucking you in this bed." WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK??? MIN YOONGI CALM YOUR TITS WE'RE TRYING TO LIVE HERE😩😩😩😩😩

so fucking hot and respectful 😩 y'know idk when that happened but when you kept mentioning everything with "fictional" or "fiction" the other day THERE WAS NO NEED CAUSE THERE'S NO REAL MAN LIKE THE MIN YOONGI🤏🏼😊 i mean that "Can I go raw again?" made me come (kidding) 😜

who. is. ruining. who. WHAT???? I MAY NEVER BE ABLE TO BREATHE AGAIN🥲 em i love you but please have mercy on us🫶🏼

yeah i discovered i have a voice kink after this part🫱🏽‍🫲🏼 i remembered that one yoongi live IYKYK with that orange hair damn😩💥

this scene actually killed me multiple times in a RAW see what i did there?😜 ahhhhh sooo goooddddd

ummmmm so he didnt win a grammy😭 i mean i love being right😜 idk why but i kind of loved the idea of him not winning😭 WE GOT CUTE SCENES PEOPLE!!!

ok, the disappointment he felt was truly heartbreaking for all of us👀 and if you ask me him not winning makes sense actually 🥲 but then they got wayyyy too drunk and y/n could witness agustd's tongue technology 😩 they sang and danced with each other💔🫂

damn em. THIS HIT HARD

the thing i absolutely adore in your writing is that in can be so relatable? it's sad but it's true🤍 for some reason it's comforting to me, your writing comforts me💜💜 i've noticed that in many of your books especially TSOYB (i'm so proud of you btw) AND I LOVE YOU FOR THAT 💜💜💜💜

SMOOTH LIKE BUTTER. BUTTER COULD NEVER. wait did that just rhyme??

i can't insert more photos unfortunately but the last photo is of his confession😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 IT MAKES SENSE NOW. IT ALL MAKES SENSE. they way he talked about jungkook and when he told her to date him was not him mocking or making fun of jungkook he was in love😭😭 i did NOT see that coming 🥹🥹 the fact that he was the one who confessed first has me screaming, crying, throwing up AND CURLING MY TOESSSSSS AHHHHWIDISBXISHSUXH

AND PLEASE WHEN HE SAID "STUPID" ?? BABY WE'RE ALL STUPID FOR YOU YOU DUMB SHIT

we got the best wet dream, soft yoongi, SQUIRT GOD MIN YOONGI, new lovely characters, one of the best smuts AND A FUCKING CONFESSION.

don't get me started on when she started to cry and when he thought he fucked things up cause i almost cried so hard🫶🏼💜💜💜

WHAT A MASTERPIECE 💜💜💜💜💜

thank you so much babyyyy for this!!! it's so well written and i can see you're improving so fast!! 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼 i absolutely adore you and your writingssssss MWAHHHH

hi sarahhhhh 🥺 thank you for taking the time to send such long and lovely feedback ahhhhh! it always means so much to hear what parts stick out to someone and why 💜

GAH the stupid black text on the screenshots 😩 tumblr why did u paint my whole fic black for no reason..... why is this website broken lmao. i fixed it now but i'm still mad about it hahdskjfdfg ANYWAY

LOLLLLLL airplane sex dream we had to do it 🤪 hopefully she wasn't loud enough for anyone else in first class to hear 🙈 but also if yoongi had heard maybe he would've realized she was down to share the bed 🤣 but he did instead take the brick!!!! it's funny for someone who has been labeled an asshole for the entire series, yoongi actually cares quite a lot about consent at basically every point of the story, and is always like.... overly cautious abt not overstepping boundaries 🤭 wonder when reader will catch on 👀

tiffanyyyyyy my girl 🥰 and not you comparing me to her GET OUTTA HERE that's too nice 🥺 sometimes the most honest/sweetest conversations happen with a girl you just met in the bathroom lmfao, it's like the rules of feminism! we look out for each other 😘

OPEN THAT MIND OF YOURS WE'RE DYING LMAOOOOOO..... i'm dead 💀 she really can be so dense sometimes like HELLO.... 2+2=4 MA'AM..... LET'S GET IT TOGETHER.....

eeeeee i'm glad you enjoyed the smut 🥵 i love writing these two together especially now that it's started to get softer (but just as dirty 😩 need me a min yoongi like this lmao)

ohhh thank you for calling out that yoongi line bc it's one of my favorite bits 🥺 him actually being nice for once instead of laughing at her for not figuring jk's crush out sooner..... bc he does get it (AND TALK ABOUT WANTING TO AVOID AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH HELLO..... THE CALL IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE LMAO) and i'm so honored that you find my writing relatable and comforting!!!! that really means the world wow 🙇‍♀️💜

THE CONFESSION 😩 AND YES YOU GET IT!!!!! he feels like jk is the more obvious/better choice for her bc mans has no self esteem 🫠 and even at the end we can see him starting to worry about if he should've told her or not.... somebody come get this man and tell him he's a prize!!!

thank you so much for reading sarah my love 🥺 i'm so glad you're enjoying this series and these twooooo, i love them so much and can't wait to show you what's next!!! 💜

[littlespoonevan]

75 76 bucky ?? 🛏

ok i'm guessing this is supposed to be buddie, right??? but aksjdhfa talk about my bread and butter of prompts lmao let's go!!!

75. Bed Sharing + 76. Did They or Didn’t They?

okay so the 118 have a tradition that no matter what else is happening in their lives they always go out at least one friday or saturday night every month

sometimes it's just buck, eddie, hen and chimney

sometimes bobby will join them too

sometimes everyone's partners come along too if they can all get sitters/aren't working

this particular night everyone is there - maddie, athena and karen included - and it's been a while since it's been the whole group so they maybe go a little hard with the drinks

mainly because every time someone goes to the bar they buy a round for everyone else

and the thing is, buck's a clingy drunk

or well, more specifically he's a cuddly drunk

he's aware of this fact and quite frankly he's not ashamed he has it on good authority that he gives great hugs

and y’know, if bobby and athena are sitting together, and maddie and chimney are sitting together, and hen and karen are sitting together then Of Course he and eddie are sitting together

so they're squashed into the booth, thigh to thigh and shoulder to shoulder, and buck's just on the right side of tipsy and eddie's just really warm, y'know?

so ofc he's gonna snuggle into him bc eddie feels nice and he also gives great hugs

eddie, for his part, is much better at hiding when he's drunk

so he may look like he’s still firing on all cylinders but really his head is a mess of buck’s arm around his waist and buck’s knee pressed against his and buck’s face tucked against shoulder

eddie is only a man, how is he supposed to handle that?????

everyone else is very obviously amused but he’s too far gone to feel embarrassed 

and eventually when buck’s stopped contributing to the conversation and more or less falling asleep on eddie’s shoulder, eddie suggests they go home

and the uber is supposed to take them to their respective places of residence but eddie in his drunken state can only just about manage to type in his own address

but it’s fine!!! buck sleeps over all the time!!!!

(usually on the couch but still lmao)

and they both intend on getting changed but honestly getting out of their clothes in the first place is such an ordeal and y’know the bed’ll be warmer with both of them in it so they can just sleep in their boxers they’re bros, it’s all good!!!

but again, buck is a cuddly drunk so of course he’s not gonna pass up on the opportunity to cuddle eddie. eddie always looks like he needs a really long cuddle, in buck’s opinion

(eddie agrees as long as buck’s the one cuddling him but he doesn’t say that out loud)

anyway fast forward to the morning and they wake up in a tangle of limbs, wrapped around each other so tightly it’s not immediately obvious how to separate

eddie wakes first, head pounding but also v comfortable and warm in buck’s arms and it’s nice

until he realises that’s his skin against buck’s skin and jesus christ they’re practically naked

their clothes are scattered all over the floor!!!!! what the fuck!!!!

buck wakes when he feels eddie freezing against him and any contentment he might derive from waking up with eddie in his arms is immediately overshadowed by the fact that eddie very much looks like he’s silently freaking out

he huffs, reluctantly removing his arms from around eddie’s waist and mumbles out a ‘you okay?’ still not totally awake

but then eddie turns over to face him and looks, quite frankly, like he’s about to be marched to his death and is like ‘did we um- do you remember if we-”

and oh shit, oh shit there’s no way buck slept with eddie and doesn’t remember

‘no’ he says immediately bc they couldn’t have, right????? he’d remember that. but he also doesn’t remember getting home last night. ‘i don’t think so at least’

eddie huffs, still looking anxious and buck says, ‘i would’ve remembered’

which shouldn’t sound sweet but eddie feels oddly touched????

still ‘how can we be sure though?’ bc they can’t really know and the fact there’s no condom wrapper in sight doesn’t exactly reassure him

and maybe buck’s still feeling the after effects of the night before bc ofc the obvious solution is ‘we could kiss? and see if it jogs our memory?’

eddie’s also clearly losing his mind bc that logic almost sounds...reasonable??

so he agrees and buck just- kisses him

and it’s a good kiss - thorough and languid and spine-tingling even with the morning breath - and well, “we’ve never done that before,” he says when they pull apart

‘nope,’ buck agrees, looking mildly panicked before a beat before he says ‘we could do it again though?’

and really, who’s eddie to argue with that?

[spencers-renaissance]

Fic Rec Bingo!!

So instead of Fic Rec Thursday, I thought I'd do something a little different this week and recommend 25 fics based on this bingo card (although it turned into 26, oops). I kept most of these as CM because that's my blog's focus, but due to the nature of the prompts, there are 5 Marvel (Irondad) ones & 1 Sherlock towards the end!

from @lightveils on twitter, but found posted on tumblr by @cywscross <3

1. A fic with a premise that shouldn't work but does

I never would've thought I'd enjoy a fic with Spencer as a little rebellious shit because it seems so ooc, but I loved this one!

las vegas kid by trashcanbarbie - 1.9k, 1ch, Gen/Aaron Hotchner & Spencer Reid, Gambling, Spencer Reid Needs a Hug, Young Spencer Reid, Teenage Rebellion, Protective Aaron hotchner, Pre-Canon, Father-Son Relationship, Teenage Spencer Reid

JJ raises her eyebrows, “so, you're trying to say counting cards isn't cheating?” “No,” he grins, boyish and charming, “it is.”

2. A fic you've reread several times

Discipline Changes by fullofcrazyness - 1.2k, 1ch, Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Hurt/Comfort, Past Child Abuse, Spencer Reid Needs a Hug, Comforting Hotch

Jack stopped and looked at his dad, finally seeing that his dad wasn’t actually angry. Concerned and relieved, but not angry. He was about to say something when he saw someone in the doorway, white as a sheet. “Papa?”

3. A comfort fic

i'm always tired, but never of you by @iamrenstark - 2.2k, 1ch, Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid, Hurt Spencer Reid, Angst with a Happy Ending, Sad Derek, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Spencer Reid Needs a Hug, Derek Morgan Needs a Hug, Men Crying, Gunshot Wounds, Blood and Injury

When Spencer figured it out, he was stepping out of the elevator on the bottom floor of Quantico, and he went to tell Derek he loved him like he did every day, but he froze up, because he was afraid he wouldn't hear it back. (Or, Spencer thinks his boyfriend is falling out of love with him.)

4. A cathartic fic

Every Little Transgression by @58thacademic - 1.6k, 1ch, Gen, Angst with a Happy Ending, Sad Spencer Reid, Protective David Ross, Protective Derek Morgan, Mentioned Suicide Attempt, Spencer's Backstory, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-Con, Spencer Reid Needs a Hug, Episode: s03e16 Elephant's Memory

Ok so. Elephants memory was really good because we got Reid backstory. But I'm still annoyed that he didn't defend himself against Hotch. So this was born.

5. A fic you'd print and put on your bookshelf

One Call Away by GhostInTheBAU - 204k, 32ch, Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid, Dubious Consent, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Domestic Violence, Rape Recovery, Referenced Past Drug Use, PTSD, Hurt Spencer Reid, Protective Aaron Hotchner, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Flashbacks, Healing, Nightmares, Suicidal Thoughts, Hurt/Comfort, Whump, Eventual Smut

When Reid's boyfriend attacks him, leaving him broken and bleeding, he calls the first person he thinks of for help. He calls the only person he really wants to see. He calls Hotch.

6. A fic you associate with a song

I associate this fic with The First Thing You See by Bruno Major. I think if you listen to the song, you'll easily see why <3

You Make Waking Up Worth It by @guccifloralsuits - 2.1k, 1ch, Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid, Fluff, Minor Angst, Established Relationship, Morning Routines, Hurt/Comfort, Good Things Happen Bingo

“Morning sweetheart,” Derek says, pausing briefly to ruffle his hand gently through Spencer’s hair. The genius nuzzles into the touch but doesn’t reply. It’s too early for conversation, Morgan knows. Pretty boy may get up earlier than he does, but it takes the younger a lot longer to really wake up.

7. A fic that inspires you

This fic could have been in so many categories because I adore it, but I wouldn't have started writing Rain is a Chance to be Touched without this fic so it definitely belongs here.

Forgive Me For All I Could Not Become by @degrassi-fanatic - 105k, 20ch, Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid, Canon Divergence, Getting Together, Angst, Case Fic, Confessions, Complicated Relationships, Near Death Experiences, Friends With Benefits, Smut, Miscommunication

In which Reid has always been good at hiding things. He hid his father's departure and his mother's illness from social services. He hid his addiction from his team. He hid his sexuality from the world. He hid his inappropriate feelings from his boss. That is until he's bleeding out in Hotch's arms, in an abandoned church, in Oklahoma. From there on out, Hotch and Reid learn to make a complete mess out of each other.

8. A fic that brought you on board a new ship

Even though it's unrequited, this was the first fic that really had me going !!! at Penemily <3

Another Wide-Eyed Girl by mallfacee - 2k, 1ch, Gen/Derek Morgan & Penelope Garcia, Penelope Garcia/Emily Prentiss (Unrequited), Coming Out, Internalised Homophobia, Derek Morgan is a Good Friend, Friendship, Gunshot Wounds, Episode: s03e08 Lucky

Derek Morgan is handsome and calls her “baby girl” and smiles at her like she’s the only girl in the room. Penelope Garcia knows she should be swooning and all she can think is that there must be something wrong with her not to react to a man like that giving her all this attention. Two years later she meets Emily Prentiss and understands.

9. A fic you wish could be a movie

Listen, I adore the soulmate trope, and an angsty moreid soulmate movie? Fucking sign me up right now

i need you now but i don't know you yet by @iamrenstark - 3.1k, 1ch, Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid, Hurt Spencer Reid, Hurt Derek Morgan, Mutual Pining, Soulmates, Hurt/Comfort, Buford Mention, Angst with a Happy Ending, Getting Together, Season 5

It goes like this; Spencer hasn't spoken to his soulmate since he was ten, didn't know their gender or their name or a single thing about them. Spencer's soulmate doesn't want him, and that's okay.

10. A fic that led to you making friends with the author

I'm doing two because fuck you that's why

This was one of the first fics I read of Adam's and I immediately fell in love with his writing! And I'm pretty sure that we ended up becoming friends after I rec'd it!!

Plum Sauce by @goldencatchflies - 1.5k, 1ch, Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Canon Divergence, Fluff, Jealousy, Platonic Morcia, Episode: s07e13 Snake Eyes

Garcia tells Spencer about what she thinks happened between her and Derek. He doesn’t seem too happy about it...

I read this from Syd and absolutely loved it, and like with Adam, we became friends from there! (I mean technically husband and wife, but, y'know. Semantics.)

You Belong With Me by @spencerspecifics - 11.4k, 1ch, Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid, Song Fic, Getting Together, Angst with a Happy Ending, Pining, Fluff

A fluffy Moreid fic based on You Belong With Me by: Taylor Swift

11. A fic you associate with a place

This reminds me of a chilled Sunday afternoon on my old sofa in my living room, with the fire on in the background. I read it all in one sitting and loved every word <3

Metanoia by @makaylajadewrites - 39k, 16ch, Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid, Canon Typical Violence, Implied Rape/Non-Con, Implied/Referenced Torture, Established Relationship, Near Death Experiences, Frostbite, Rape Recovery, Suicidal Thoughts, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Autistic Spencer Reid, Drug Use, Eventual Smut, Eventual Happy Ending

Oh, Derek… He couldn’t stand the thought of him bursting in with SWAT in tow, gun at the ready, only to descend those creaky stairs and find his naked, bleeding body, vacated of life, crumbled on a red-stained mattress. The realization that he was going to die at the end of this was catching up to him, but maybe it would be better that way.

In which an unfortunate resemblance to an unsub's victims puts Reid right on his radar.

12. A fic that made you gasp out loud

Gasp out loud might be a *bit* of an overreaction, but this one took me on a rollercoaster and I loved every second of it (all of bau-gremlin's fics will do that to you tbh)

The End by @bau-gremlin - 3.1k, 2ch, Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid, Graphic Violence, Stabbing, Blood and Injury, Temporary Character Death, Hurt Spencer Reid, Whump, Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt Aaron Hotchner, Sleepy Cuddles, Protective Spencer Reid

The famous interview with Chester Hardwick ... except Hotch and Reid get separated and Reid is left alone with Hardwick and a prison-made shiv.

13. A fic you found at the right time

You're Going to be Okay by fullofcrazyness - 2.6k, 1ch, Gen/Aaron Hotchner & Spencer Reid, Dark, Suicidal Thoughts, Depression, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, Sad Spencer Reid, Hurt Spencer Reid, Depression, Protective Aaron Hotchner, Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending

Spencer was no stranger to depression. His father leaving him, his mother’s episodes, being twelve years old in a Las Vegas high school. All of those things made him very familiar with the illness. “I… I think I need some help.”

14. A fic that you would read a fic of

Chain Reaction by EloquentDossier - 42k, 16ch, Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid, Alternate Universe, Texting, Dialogue-Only, Text Fic, Self-Esteem Issues, Fluff, Angst, Implied/Referenced Past Drug Use, Canon Divergence, Pining, Oblivious Aaron Hotchner, Happy Ending

A dialogue-only AU in which Hotch texts what he thinks is Rossi's new number but is actually the slightly eccentric stranger whom Hotch knows only as "Spencer." What follows is something neither man could have ever quite expected.

15. A fic that made you laugh out loud

The Bet by @degrassi-fanatic - 1.6k, 2ch, Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Bets & Wagers, Humour, Fluff, Canon Divergence

“Fifty bucks says Hotch writes you up and sends you to sexual harassment sensitivity training.” she declares as she stares him down. Without looking away from her, Reid takes out his own wallet and flips it open to pull out a fifty dollar before placing it down right next to Prentiss’s own money. “Fifty bucks says Hotch will go out with me.”

16. A fic that gave you butterflies

The healing and dynamics in this one is just.... off the charts :')

Who Spencer Reid Loves by @blueberriesandbubbles - 36k, 11ch, Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid, Rape/Non-Con Elements, Abusive Relationships, Domestic Violence, Abuse, Hurt Spencer Reid, Mutual Pining, Rape Recovery, Healing, Fluff

Derek Morgan has been in love with the resident genius as long as he's known him. When Spencer enters a relationship with a mystery man, Derek is unhappy. He is even more unhappy when he meets this man. Spencer starts acting different and Derek knows something is wrong and he has a feeling its connected to the man Reid is dating.

17. A fic that embodies something you value in life

The utter and total love and devotion in this fic just punches me right in the gut every time I reread it

A Little Fall of Rain by jack_hunter - 4.3k, 2ch, Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Angst, Spencer Reid Whump, Autistic Spencer Reid, Major Character Injury, Secret Relationship, Team as Family, Dad Rossi

Morgan crept up behind the doctor and snatched the headphones off of his head, earning a yelp of a protest as he slipped them over his own ears. “Les Mis?” Morgan asked with a quizzical look, “didn’t peg you as the musical type, Pretty Boy.” Spencer snatched the headphones back. “I’ve always loved the theatre and I went to see Les Misérables with-... a friend last Friday.”

18. A favourite AU

The Curious Case of Dr. Reid by severaance - 37k, 10ch, Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid, Transgender Character, Fluff, Trans Spencer Reid, Light Angst, Getting Together, Developing Relationship, Smut, Insecurity, Happy Ending (Warning for Homophobic & Transphobic Slurs)

"And your names for the order, please?" The barista asked, eyes flickering expectantly between the two before her. "Spencer," she answered, although she was not talking to the barista. "I'm Spencer." The man before her had the same idea. "Derek."

19. A fic you stayed up too late to finish reading

I stayed up one night and read pretty much all the marvel fics this author has written, but this was the last one that I simply could not resist. The next day wasn't pretty :/

The more you say, the less I know by forthenightisdarkandfullofterror - 13.9k, 3ch, Gen/Irondad, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Temporary Amnesia, Protective Pepper Potts, Not Endgame Compliant, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Blood and Violence, Hurt Peter Parker, Whump

Tony wakes up from snapping with amnesia and for the life of him can't remember the kid hanging around, claiming to be 'just an intern'. Feelings get hurt.

20. A fic that made you feel seen

heavy in my bones by hopeless_hope - 4.4k, 1ch, Gen/Irondad, Chronic Pain, Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Peter Parker, Whump, Father-Son Relationship, Dad Tony, Worried Tony Stark, Angst, Chronic Illness, 5+1 Things

Five times Peter lied to someone about his chronic pain, and one time he told the truth and got the help he needed.

21. A fic you love without knowing the source material

(I mean this is literally all marvel fics but I'll rec this one because I loved it so much)

the locker room by searchingforstars - 15.5k, 3ch, Gen/Irondad, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Hurt Peter Parker, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Mental Health Issues, Misunderstandings, Arguing, Miscommunication, Crying, Whump, Angst with a Happy Ending, Rape Recovery

Peter's falling apart and he doesn't know how things will ever go back to normal again after Ryder.

22. A fic you've gushed about IRL

Genuinely, this fic is better than most published fiction I've read...

The Third Option by Uncertainty_Principle - 220k, 37ch, Gen/Irondad, Hurt/Comfort, Sexual Abuse, Emotional Abuse, Physical Abuse, Alternate Universe, Hurt Peter Parker, Foster Care, Identity Reveal, Slow Build, Disordered Eating, Homelessness

Ben and May divorced before Peter’s parents died, so when Ben is murdered Peter goes into foster care. It takes just a tiny taste of superpowers for Peter to decide he doesn’t want to put up with his horrible foster father anymore—the streets are infinitely more appealing. All he wants is to be Spider-Man anyway.

So he leaves. Simple.

Simple, that is, until Iron Man needs Spider-Man’s help. Peter isn’t about to turn down an opportunity to fight alongside Tony Freaking Stark, but he also isn’t going to let his hero know that his recruit is a fifteen-year-old homeless dropout. So they strike a deal. Peter will help Tony. In return, the mask stays on. And that’s when things get complicated.

23. A fic you still remember many years later

The Transport Series by ancientreader - 135k, 2 works, Sherlock Holmes/John Watson, Backstory, Canon Drug Use, Childhood Sexual Abuse, Physical Disability, AU, Important Character Death, First Time, Developing Relationship, Angst with a Happy Ending, BDSM, Humour, Fluff

How to become a consulting detective. // Jim's lessons are hard to unlearn.

24. A fic with a line or two that you've memorised by heart

"He has held up buildings and nuclear bombs and whole entire countries on his back. Peter’s body is the heaviest thing he’s ever held."

when my body won't hold me anymore (where will I go) by @madasthesea - 4.4k, 2ch, Gen/Irondad, Temporary Character Death, Angst, Grief/Mourning, Father-Son Relationship, Hurt Peter Parker, Crying, Forehead Kisses, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Medical Inaccuracies, Hugs, Platonic Cuddling

But he knows. He knows. He can feel it. Peter’s dead. Peter Parker watches as Tony carefully arranges his limbs on a cot. “Mr. Stark,” he tries for the dozenth time. No one hears him.

25. Free Space

And to round it off, we have to celebrate the fic that really and truly welcomed me into the CM fanfic world...

Chanel by @4x24 - 24k, 7ch, Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid, Getting Together, Spencer Wears Makeup, Friends to Lovers, Light Angst, Canon Compliant, Canon Typical VIolence, Humour, Fluffy Ending, Pining, Smut Heavy

Penelope mentions offhandedly one night that she thinks Spencer might look good in makeup. Spencer takes the suggestion to heart. Derek likes the new look - and Spencer - more than he probably should. (Season 4)

[pigeonsatdawn]

law school ep 15 (and solhwi overall)

gonna put in my two cents for the line that singlehandedly caused the solhwi nation to implode.

(apologies in advanced because my thoughts are too messy for me to neatly put it in a post but i want to say it anyway—also this is just the way i view solhwi so please don't come screaming at me if you disagree!)

i'm a diehard solhwi shipper and i love their relationship, and think they have one of the best relationships out there in the fictional world, and also definitely one of the healthiest. but to me, their relationship extends far beyond the romantic relationships we so often see portrayed in media.

kim beom said in one interview that this relationship between HJH and KS is kin to that of a soulmate relationship that's not necessarily romance, and i find myself agreeing with that notion. while soulmates are typically used to describe romantic partnerships, it doesn't necessarily have to start with romance. (many people have pointed this out in other posts so i won't go further down the fact that HJH x KS's relationship is a friends-to-lovers slow burn but you get me.)

but in fact, this bond between soulmates (or at least how i define it), in my opinion, is far beyond what we usually see in romance. as in, it's not just someone you like, but it's someone whose changed your life in a certain way. i know some may be averse to the idea of having to change for the one you love because loving is the notion of accepting someone in spite of the person's flaws, but what i mean is that when you love someone in this way, you want to change because of them. you see them, and they inspire you, and you grow in your own way. once again—growth is a very subjective idea, and even for HJH and KS we can see them grow in different directions—but we can clearly see how they have impacted each others' lives.

it's quite obvious, imo, how KS's life has been impacted by HJH's. she's,, not the "smartest" out there, and we can't deny that. we know she probably won't make it through law school if not for HJH's help. HJH is always there, a step ahead of KS, but he's not just being proud about it, instead opting to help her understand what the laws are and why they are the way they are, which KS especially needs, being a particularly empathic person. but we've also seen that HJH has helped KS beyond simply academics. he's always been there to protect her—almost all their interactions have proven that (the camera outside her house, the hungover soup, the switching seats—i think literally everything?..?..?.??). maybe she doesn't necessarily need protection, but surely thanks to his protection she's much better than she might've been without, especially knowing her terribly miserable life.

but i often wonder why HJH is so heart-eyes of KS of all people. i mean, i know love is love and sometimes you just catch feelings, but i believe there's more meaning behind their relationship than meets the eye. like you don't just look at someone so lovingly for it to be just a crush, y'know? the first reason that comes to mind is clearly simply KS's amicable personality. she definitely stands out: she's not that intelligent, struggling and barely surviving, but she has insane passion to pull through even despite truth attacks (like SJH saying she should reconsider her life decisions, saying that a chance of passing isn't something to be proud of, etc). she treats everything with such a positive outlook, and, well, KS is just an adorable human, so it's hard not to have a little crush her.

what makes KS stand out most, the core of her personality, is that she has hope, despite everything. she's been through shit because of her circumstances—left by her twin sister without a word, been in juvie, has no money to deal with it—you know, entire backstory. but instead she fights her weakness, even though she feel like it should've been her sister, even though she's not smart enough, because she has to do this. she keeps going, even though things keep turning out for the worse for her, holding hope when circumstances are most dire. but why? because she strives for justice. she doesn't want to be wronged. she wants the law to own up its mistakes, wants to make sure the law gets its own revenge. that's why she wants to work in law, yeah? and so she keeps fighting, even when hope seems lost.

okay but why did i mention this? because i think this is what HJH sees in KS. why? because this is what he needs.

HJH had lost hope. in an episode (i don't remember which), he mentioned he doesn't trust anyone, and it's obvious why: his uncle. it's the worst kind of betrayal that causes your ideals being burned down. he realized that even people who work in law can be corrupt, people who he thought he could trust above all others, people who seemed utterly good. and then he just begins to regard everyone with baseline amity, and no further. many have pointed out he doesn't have real friends (other than KS), even though he looks outgoing and friendly. it's not quite shown, but it must've been lonely. and a lonely fight, trying to prove that he will be a better prosecutor than his uncle was. and we know that HJH's nature as a person is to be calculating, objective, seeing things through facts and statistics; it's what makes him so intelligent. what that also makes him is realistic, and more often than not, that is almost equal to pessimistic—because reality just... sucks, as has been proven by the betrayal of his uncle. and further into the drama we see only more corrupt people in the business, so we certainly don't get out hopes fueled.

there's scarcely anyone in what we see who's actually pursuing law because they're passionate about the law, or if they are, they're not often very... human in doing it. examples: YJH, SJH, KSB are all very cold and indifferent types, people who really just come and do what they do, focus on studies (in the case of YJH, his teaching), and interactions with others are treated as "lesser". SJH and KSB in particular—they're good at the law, sure, but they seem to prioritize their position in law first and foremost. SJH and KSB don't hesitate to call out their losses, and even would rather not intervene for justice if it meant their position would be compromised. not that they're bad characters, not at all; i mentioned them simply to compare them to KS, who, despite not having the brains to do half the things she's supposed to do and earning herself nosebleeds everytime she tries, still does what she does for justice, passionately, hopefully, all for righteousness.

okay this was longer than i intended WHEW so i'll cut to the chase: long story short, HJH needs KS because KS gives him hope. hope of a humanity where people actually work in law and choose to fight for justice against all odds, even if the system itself is infiltrated by filth and corruption. KS is someone who, in her first lecture, was grilled the fuck out by Yangcrates, yet the first thing she does after she nearly throws her guts out is ask HJH whether he can tutor her. she does not ever lose hope, and that, truly, is what stands out to HJH, what he needs.

and KS needs HJH because he is her hope as well! hope by itself does no good if you can't actually do something about it, and KS knows this. HJH, despite seemingly just being someone to help her in her studies, is someone she needs if she wants to achieve her goals, if she wants to get back on the law the right way. which is why, in the end, KS and HJH are, while independent in their own way, dependent on each other in terms of their growth—KS gives HJH hope in humanity, HJH helps KS realize (make real) her hopes that would have been dreams if not for her.

oh my god i've rambled on this long without stating my point: THE DAMN LINE.

HJH saying he owes her makes sense in this light because, indeed, KS's positive outlook in everything keeps him going. it gives him a reason to keep wanting to work in law, because she is a reason to believe in goodness and justice, that there will be people who keep fighting for justice against all odds. he owes this to her—and perhaps that is why he goes all out to help her achieve that hope, perhaps that's why he goes out of his way to care for her. because they are each other's missing puzzle piece, the other half. soulmates.

sigh ok this was long ONE FINAL POINT. everyone has their own opinion on a solwhi ending, so i might as well chip in mine.

certainly, as a solhwi shipper, i want them to end up together. i believe they're really the best of soulmates, two people who just complement each other so well. but in the current timeline, them having a romantic relationship out of the blue would be,,, simply unnecessary, imo. they're still very much in the stage of friendship, and are both dealing with their own personal baggage, that shoving a romance would just take away the focus from their growth. i personally think even this platonic relationship is already a beautiful one, one that outshines many of the romances i've watched, even without having to flood everything under the romance light—which i think many can agree with me, seeing as how solhwi is shipped so much. i still want to see them end up together, though, so SEASON TWO LAW SCHOOL MANIFESTATION. please please please directors writers make it happen i am begging you. thank you.

sorry for this long ass post, thank you if you do read it and leave any thoughts! again this is just my opinion, you're free to let me know if you think differently or anything, or shoot me a message if you want to scream about solhwi or whatever i'm just solhwi brainrot 24/7 🤸🏻‍♀️

[sylvain-writes]

Cold Pizza (Raphael x Gender Neutral Reader)

Rated: T Gender Neutral Reader, power outage, banter, light angst and fluff, mutual pining, friends to lovers, Raph can cook <5k words

*

Snow falls gently upon the city outside your window, and it should be calm. You should want to listen to soft jazz or something. You should be sipping tea and enjoying the sight. But instead you're stifling a laugh at the sound of Raphael swearing behind you as he stubs his toe in the dark.

"Shit. Why the hell is that in the middle of the floor?"

"It's a coffee table, Raph. It's in front of the couch same as always." You haven't redecorated the apartment in months, but it's only Raph's second visit. You can't really blame him for not knowing the layout of the place by heart. But he's a ninja, isn't he? Shouldn't he be better at finding his way through the shadows?

The table scrapes against the hardwood floor as he drags it back into place and you snicker into the sleeve of your long-sleeve tee. The building only lost power ten minutes ago but your hands are already getting cold.

The crinkle of the last bag of potato chips gets louder as Raphael comes up behind you. "Don woulda neva let this happen."

"Really?" You huff. "Donatello wouldn't have let the blizzard get so bad that it took down the power lines?"

"Well, he woulda made sure the generator was workin', but no. That's not what I'm talkin' about." He crunched and munched in your ear.

As payback for the purposefully annoying chew, you snagged a chip out of his hand and gnashed your teeth over it hard. Crumbs fell to the ground and he snarled, shaking his head.

"You heathen. This is the last of the food! Your cupboards are bare."

"My cupboards? Ok, grandma..." You don't hide your snicker this time. "There's canned soup and, like, other stuff in the pantry, dude. Don't get your panties in a twist."

"We can't turn on the stove if there's no power, genius."

"It's a gas oven, genius."

"I don't know what difference that makes, Einstein."

"It means all I need is a lighter and I can ignite the gas, Einstein."

"Well, you don't smoke, Edison."

"Valid. But I do have a lighter. It's in a drawer somewhere."

It does take another ten minutes to actually find the lighter, in your nightstand, having been tossed there after you used it to light some candles in your room forever ago. And even after you find it, you set a pot of water to boil only to have Raphael complain that he can't find the pasta you were sure was in the pantry.

"Well, what is in there?" you ask as you light a few more candles around the kitchen.

Raphael places a jar of tomato sauce on the counter, but his tone remains unimpressed. "Flour and shit."

"That's fucking gross."

"You know what I mean." Raphael opened the cabinet door wide. "Flour, sugar, salt... I don't know. Like, a thousand different jars of seasonings you've probably never used ever."

"How do you know I've never used them?"

"Probably because they've all got their plastic seals on?"

"Right. I don't really cook that much."

Raphael gestures to the otherwise empty shelves. "I'm shocked."

"Well..." You pass the jar of tomato sauce you were going to use for the pasta you actually don't have from one hand to the other as you think. "There's gotta be something. Grab the cereal, at least."

The Honey Nut Cheerios barely have a bowl left. It's hard to ignore it when Raphael's stomach growls.

"Ok, ok. Maybe we should order take out?" But as you form the question, you notice something more than hunger and frustration in the way Raphael wraps his arms around himself. "You feeling alright?"

"Sure." Raphael shrugs, and though you have to squint in the evening's fading light, you think he looks a little paler than usual.

"Raph?"

He's the master of compartmentalizing and hiding his feelings -- until they bubble over into a fiery mess -- but he's utter crap at suppressing the shiver that runs through his arms while you're staring.

"Dude… you're sick or something."

"I'm not," Raph says, relaxing his arms from around his body to his sides, but his shoulders remain tense. His arms stay tucked tight against his sides. "I'm fine. There's nothin' to say. We're stuck here. Right?"

"Call Donnie."

"He can't… he can't come out in this weather."

"The weather?" The winds had died down. And yeah, the drifts were pretty high in some parts of the city, but it was dark enough that- "Are you too cold?"

Raphael shrugs.

You move closer to him, reaching out, and his arm under your hand feels cold to the touch. "Raph…"

He leans into your touch a second longer than he wants to, chasing the heat as you pull your hand away. You're close friends, but you don't go around holding onto each other or anything. The way he chases the warmth of your hand, the small needy sound in his throat, breaks you inside.

"It’s why we got generators at the lair. They mostly run on street power Donnie got hooked up, but… don't do so well in the cold, y'know?"

"Shit. I'm sorry." You turn on another burner and fill another pot of water. "Can you, uh, get in touch with D? I know there's a way to get the oven going but I, er, don't wanna blow up the apartment in the process."

Raph nods and you notice another shiver. He hunches in on himself as he thumbs out a text to his brother.

While he's occupied, you rush over to the living room and grab a blanket from the couch. You're not sure he wants to admit just how cold he is, so you don't wrap it around his shoulders yourself, but you place it on the counter with purpose and head into the bedroom to find a heavier sweater for yourself. And some socks. You definitely need to double up your socks. And shit, maybe you should offer Raph some socks too.

But what the hell socks do you have that'll fit him?

You grab the comforter from your bed and hug a pair of pillows to your chest. The way to the livingroom causes you to stumble and you know you're not looking the cutest you've ever looked when you crash into the couch with your load, but you manage to grunt like a buffoon when you bounce off the couch cushions and land hard on the floor.

"Graceful." Raphael says from the kitchen counter. He saunters over, wrapped up in the blanket, wearing it like a shawl and looking ever so much like a reptilian version of the big bad wolf pretending to be grandma.

"My, what big eyes you have." You kid, and you smirk, but color blooms high on Raphs cheeks and you watch him duck his head just a bit as he tries not to break your gaze.

"They um… they're the same as always , y'know?"

From there on the floor, you look up at him and wonder when he became so shy. He's been your best friend for ages. He's muscles and bravado. He's a ninja skill set and a heart of gold. He's fire and sugar and the kind of spicy that'll catch you on fire if you stay too close, but you always want to be close to him and you know one day you're going to get burned. It's why you don't touch. It's why you point to the blankets and pillows on the couch and you back away from the pile so he can get them himself.

You know if you get too close. If you let yourself linger near him, you'll stay too long. You'll get burned. What's between you simmers when you keep your distance. That's good. That's better. You don't want him to push you away, so it's better to keep some distance. He hasn't pulled you closer, so you think you're doing the right thing. If you were reading this wrong, there would have been some clue. Someone would have said something. Raph would have said something. He's not one to mince words about what he wants.

He's very much the guy who tells you what he wants when he wants it.

"Don says we can light the pilot and have the gas oven heat the room, but you're gonna have to do it because my hands are too big."

"Know what they say about a man with big hands?"

Raphael crosses his arms over his chest, unamused. "Woulda lit the damn thing myself if my hands were smaller so it don't really matter what people say about big hands. At the moment these big hands are useless."

"Geez, Raph," you scoot around him to get at the oven. "You're not useless. Chrissake."

The oven lights and you crank it up to 500°F. "We can leave the door open a crack and let it warm the room."

"Or we can make pizza."

"Sure. Yeah." You say, dripping with sarcasm. "We could totally learn how to make pizza in the dark with no electricity or ingredients."

"We don't got no ingredients." Exasperated, Raphael throws off the blanket and gestures toward the pantry. "You got spices. Sauce. Flour."

"What about cheese?" Your hands are on your hips and your toe is tapping because you just know he's going to come after your snacks.

"I saw like 7000 Polly-O string cheese things in your crisper drawer-"

"Don't touch my string cheese!" He wouldn't dare.

"We can grate it down for-"

"You monster!"

Raphael is more snarl than laugh when he crows, "You're being ridiculous! I'm making pizza. Are you in?" His gaze narrows and you think he may be serious about tossing you out of the kitchen. "Or are you just in my way?"

As it's the only warm room in the apartment, you're ready to make all the sacrifices necessary to keep your ass in the kitchen.

Raphael and his big hands leave you at a loss as he uses his thick fingers to ever so delicately arrange his phone against the tomato sauce jar. “Sit still ya lil fucker.” With each adjustment he makes, the phone slides down the counter, unwilling to stand in place so that he can read the recipe without getting his phone dirty with sticky doughy hands.

You shouldn’t just stand there watching with a grin, but you really can’t help it. It’s adorable. You really think you may be falling in love with him just watching the way he shifts the phone inch by inch. Then when he finally has the phone in place, he throws his hands up in the air, victory writ large upon his features. His smile is open and wide and it’s such a stark contrast to see him now, his body flooded with joy and warmth as opposed to when he was near frozen, that you can’t help but smile back. You’re a little thrown by just how charming that smile can be. You lock eyes and get stuck. He’s so handsome. He’s so true to himself. He’s just real and raw and he doesn’t care that this is only a tiny victory of some phone vs man vs counter slip ridiculousness. He’s excited and he lets you join him in this celebration because it’s fun and it doesn’t have to mean anything more than fun.

You shake your head as you grab the flour from the pantry and place it on the counter. “One small step for a man, one giant leap toward making a pizza. We actually need to get some ingredients in a bowl, methinks.”

Raphael takes the flour and tears the never opened bag open from the top. He’s obviously never done it before. Flour ends up everywhere and you don’t even bother to tell him that he could have easily unfolded the flour bag and made far less mess.

As you watch his flour dusted face reemerge from the plume of flour, you’re actually glad you didn’t mention it. Or else you wouldn’t have had the chance to see him look so surprised. To surprise a ninja, now that had to be some kind of feat.

Raphael’s green eyes blink at you, stark contrast green from the white floured face around them. His mask is caked in the stuff. You laugh as you reach forward. “May I?”

He hasn’t really said yes, but he’s spoken no objection either, so you slide the mask over his head and dust it off before laying it on the counter.

Seeing him without his mask is always a pleasure. One of the small pleasures you don’t mention out loud. Like standing too close, it runs the risk of being burned. Something Raphael could take away if you make too big a deal of it. So, you try not to stare, while simultaneously trying to memorize every bump and slope of his features.

“You’re a real mess,” you say, wiping Raph’s cheek with a clean hand. “How much of this flour are we gonna lose before you whip up dinner, huh?”

Raphael has been staring at you. He hasn’t even been paying attention to your words. In fact, he’s not sure you’re speaking. Everything feels like it’s moving in slow motion because your hands are reaching toward him for the second and third time today and that never happens. That never happens and Raph knows for sure because he pays attention to that sort of thing. He notices when you come close because he waits for it. He wishes for it. He clocks each step you take toward him and bites back a pout each time you pull away.

When your hands reach for his mask, he doesn’t know what to say, so he stays still. And you unmask him. And the world doesn’t stop turning, but it sure feels like all of the air has been sucked from the room. But you’re smiling, so he knows nothing bad has happened.

You’re smiling so the world is still spinning.

His mask is in your hands and flour is falling to the floor like weightless raindrops and he can almost make out your laughter past the sound of his own thoughts. There’s nothing Raphael loves more than his time with you. The sound of your voice. The curve of your smile. The barely visible sunburst of silver under the pigment of your iris.

He shouldn’t know about that design. He shouldn’t pay such close attention to your eyes that it would be plastered in his memory. But he has. He does. He watches you when you’re not paying attention. When you’re playing around with his brothers or working at your computer. He watches the light reflect off your eyes. He could map the lines of your irises. And that’s probably weird. He’s no artist. He knows that. He can’t do flowery words or paint a picture. But he has a mind like a steel trap. He remembers everything about you.

So, when you tease him about making dinner, he knows you’re probably thinking about your own lack of culinary experience. You’re worried about screwing things up and probably relieved that Raphael is a little clumsy himself.

Raph uses this to his advantage, to make things a little easier for you. With a kind smile, he points to the cabinets. “I need a mixing bowl and some measuring cups. Oil, salt, and sugar. And yeast. We need yeast.”

“Yeah. OK. Like I have fucking yeast up in this bitch.”

Raphael hums and turns. He’s pretty sure he saw something that looked suspiciously like yeast in the cabinet. And there, on the row with all of the other unused herbs and spices, was a jar of the stuff. “You really suck at this.”

You raise an eyebrow in surprise. “Don’t I know it.” There’s no way to argue around it.

Taking orders from Raphael isn’t a turn on or anything. You’re not getting goosebumps from his praise or hanging on his every word like it’s the air that you breathe. But he’s standing close and the way his breath is warmer than the air around you makes your blood feel like it’s thrumming through your veins a little more quickly tonight than it was just minutes ago.

Standing in front of the open oven is hot work. You don’t know much about dough, but you’ve watched enough Great British Bake Off to know this rise is going to happen fast in the hot kitchen.

“We should close the oven door,” you suggest. “Get the inside temperature right and let the dough do it’s thing before we shape it and sauce it up and stuff.”

“Wow, that’s a lotta we talk. You sure you’re up to the task? Thought you were taking more of a supervisory role, here.”

“I grated the cheese, didn’t I?”

“You made more wine than cheese, sweetheart.”

“Yes, well, it was my favorite snack.”

“It’s sacrifice will be worth it.”

The pizzas only took about ten minutes in the oven before the dough was crispy, the cheese not quite burned, and the sauce was bubbly hot. Raphael moved them onto the bare countertop to cool. “So, we keepin’ the oven on or?”

“Of course we can.” You glance at the oven and then at the pile of blankets and pillows in the living room. “Can’t we?”

“I could ask Don? Seems like the power could be out all night. Not sure we should leave the oven on indefinitely.”

“Well… we’ll figure that out after we eat, I guess.”

Eating was weird. You sat close, sharing the light of a candle to make sure you weren’t dripping sauce all over yourselves. Your elbows nudged each other as you moved and you had to stop yourself from shifting further away each time. It would look suspicious. You weren’t close because you wanted to be, because you desired to be as close to Raphael as physically possible without fear of your feelings being known… you were sitting elbow to elbow with him now because you needed to. He wasn’t going to read anything into it.

“You have sauce on your chin.”

“I what?”

“Sauce,” Raphael said, quieter than you expect from him. Perhaps he worries about shouting in your face. Things do seem louder in the dark. So then why does he sound like he’s whispering?

“Oh. Yeah. The sauce is good, Raph. You, uh, know your way around that spice rack.”

“Nah, I mean…” Raphael shakes his head good naturedly and sighs before lifting his thumb to your chin. He takes your face in his hand as he drags his thumb over your chin, wiping your skin clean with a smooth drag of his thumb.

“Raph?” You suck in a breath and you catch his gaze. He’s squinting at you as you struggle to make sense of his sudden closeness.

When he pulls away, you watch as he wipes his hand on his shorts. “You had sauce. Ya know? It was uh, just there.”

“Oh!” You wipe at the spot Raph has already cleaned, your cheeks and ears growing hot. “I… thanks.”

“Yeah, no prob.” Raphael clears his throat and scratches the back of his neck. He’s still not wearing his mask, so each twitch of his eyes is out in the open. But you wonder if it’s a trick of the light, him looking embarrassed and unsure.

“The blankets and stuff. I was gonna say we should tuck under them. I don’t know about you, but that oven’s been off for a minute and I’m already feeling like-”

“The blankets are good.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Raph says, swallowing hard. “The cold makes me a little tired, you know?”

You shrug. You suppose it makes sense. You feel a little tired yourself. “You could sleep. Do you mind if I share the couch with you? That’s my stuff from my room.”

“No. I mean, yeah. I mean. I don’t mind sharin’. Donatello says humans run hot?”

“Compared to you?” You know you probably shouldn’t joke about something like this when Raphael was vulnerable, but you always joke about everything. To not joke about this feels like it would make things worse, make them mean more, give the vulnerability more weight than if you treat it the same as everything else. “Yeah. I guess. We’re warm-blooded.” It feels weird to refer to humans as we and the turtles as they. You rarely think of yourself as different from them. You haven’t thought of them as other than the guys for so long. “It’s um…”

“Yeah, so, like sharing would be fine. It’s cool.”

“You wanna use my body, Raph? That what this is about? You tryin’ to steal my heat? My human fire?”

“Are you kidding?”

“About mi fuego humano?”

“What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Baby you can light my fire.”

“I don’t even know you.”

“You wanna sleep with a stranger! For shame!”

“Don’t slut shame me. I never slut shame you.”

“Yeah ok, sure, dude.”

“What? I don’t.”

“Uh, you crap on every guy I’ve ever been out with.”

“No, I don’t. No I haven’t.”

Suddenly all the joking isn’t fun. Because if Raphael can’t see how hard you’ve tried to get over him. How hard you’ve tried to move past your feelings for him, feelings that he so very clearly does not reciprocate, then you really don’t want to play this game anymore.

You stand up and move to the couch. You won’t deny him your body heat if that’s what he needs, but you don’t think you can carry on this conversation. By the time he gets to the blankets, they’ll be warm, you think. Then maybe you can have a minute to yourself.

Raphael follows you to the living room in quiet contemplation. “I hate the guys you date.”

“Great. They were real winners anyway so, thanks for running them off. Never did stand a chance with them.”

“They weren’t good enough for you.”

“Pfft.” He doesn’t get it. None of them were good enough, yeah. Because every guy you’ve ever talked to, ever listened to talk about their hobbies and dreams and hopes and family, every guy who has ever taken an interest in you, you’ve compared to Raphael. And every one of them has come up short.

“You know how good you are? Like, a good person. Not like 'tries to be good' or 'does the right thing' kinda good…”

“Gee thanks, big guy. I’m blushing.”

Raphael turns to face you on the couch, his back braced against the arm rest and honest to god shoves you with his bare foot. You can’t help but notice his toes are ice cold. “What I’m saying is you’re the 'real' good. A good heart. You do the wrong shit for the right reasons kinda good. You hurt because you care, yet you still care.”

You let Raph ramble because you don’t know what you’d say if you stopped him, if you acknowledge the things that he says. You let Raph ramble and you pull his ice cold foot into your lap under the blankets. You warm it in your hands. Maybe it should be gross. He’s been walking around the apartment since early this afternoon barefoot. But it’s just feet. Just skin. Just flesh and bone and it’s all so cold between your palms.

Raphael scoots down against the armrest, just a little so that his foot is resting comfortably in your lap. He turns away from you to look at an alert on his phone, all the while still talking about how good you were when you tried to help Leo with his attempt to try every flavor of Pringles that you could find at the gas station mini mart. It was a valiant attempt and Leo didn’t want to do it alone. You both ended up with pretty bad indigestion, but it was fun and Raphael had seemed extra happy to see Leo making a friend and being a total idiot with you.

“Donatello says the power should be up and running again sometime tonight. There was an update on the website or something.”

“They give updates on this shit?”

“I guess?”

Your hands move to Raphael’s other foot as you nod. “I don’t really like the guys I date either,” you admit aloud. “It’s not that I set out ready to dump them, it’s just that they don’t interest me. I try to get to know them, I try to let them get to know me. But it goes nowhere. I don’t get that feeling, you know?”

Raphael’s jaw tenses, but he doesn’t answer.

You think maybe he doesn’t know that feeling. Maybe he doesn’t feel romantic attraction the way you do. “Raph, have you ever-”

“I don’t like it.”

You nod, thinking you’ll get more out of him if you stay silent. But when he doesn’t elaborate, you realize you have to say something. “You don’t like…”

“All those guys goin’ out with ya. They don’t know ya. They don’t treat ya the way ya should be treated.”

“Really? How do they treat me?”

“Like… like… They don’t let ya let go. I see ya going off with them and you go quiet or you laugh too loud.”

“I’m too quiet. I’m too loud. Which is it, Raph?”

“You deserve somebody who lets ya have fun. You make jokes and goof off and sometimes yeah it’s cause you’re nervous but mostly it’s cause ya have funny shit goin’ on in ya head and ya wanna let me in on the joke.”

You nod. You really do think you’re the most hilarious person on the fucking planet. It’d be a shame to keep all the good stuff to yourself. Even so, you don’t share your thoughts with just anybody. Raphael is right, it’s him who you want to let in.

“If I took ya out, it’d be like tonight.”

“Oh. Yeah. Yeah.” You say thoughtfully, sarcastically, poking fun and rubbing at your chin not caring a whit that you just had Raphael’s feet in your hands. “Like tonight. You’d cut the power to the city so we could freeze our asses off, then set up a super romantic dinner where we eat by candlelight.”

“We’d be laughing. Teasin. I’d make you dinner and if you want fucking candles I’ll light you a fucking candle.”

“And I’d rub your feet to thank you for making me such a delicious dinner.”

“Yeah. I deserve some pampering.”

“What about me? I don’t deserve to be pampered?”

“I just made you a romantic dinner with candles and all that shit.”

“Hypothetically. Yet here I am, literally rubbing your feet.”

“So what do you want, you want a foot rub for you too? Huh? You want a little shoulder rub cause you worked so hard watching me work my ass off in the kitchen?”

You pinch his ankle surprised he can feel anything when it all feels like rock solid muscle. Instead of answering with words, you give him a wry grin and move around a bit under the blankets. You relax into his chest, lying your head over his heart and settling your body between his and the pillows. “You’re a real smartass.”

Beneath you, Raphael lies still.

“This OK?”

Raph shifts a bit, you feel his hands rise and fall. “I don’t really know what to do with my hands.”

You hum and nod your head against Raphael’s chest. You reach blindly for Raph’s arms, one by one, and wrap them over your back. “Don’t have to do anything.”

Raphael relaxes a little at the news. He ducks his head low and you think you can feel him breathe you in. He rests his cheek on the top of your head before asking, “This that body heat thing?”

You nuzzle his chest, allowing yourself to slip under his arm a bit. Better position for falling asleep. “Yeah,” you say. “Sure.”

Raphael squeezes his arms around you, but he doesn’t say anything. You have to ask or you won’t be sure. Even if it means getting burned. Even if it means you’ve put too much meaning into things and you’re going to be pushed away, you have to know.

“This is more than a body heat thing. For me.” You bury your face in his chest as you wait for his response. At least, for a few seconds longer, you can pretend his heart is beating for you.

“When I take you on a proper date, there’s gonna be tables and napkins. And maybe something fancy to drink...”

“And then-”

“This. And then, this.”

“I like this.”

“Me too.”

[sunshinefic]

You've Got Sunshine

Chapter 6 - Sister

No world's were spoken as everyone gathered around the three fresh graves. Everyone was still processing what had happened. (y/n) didn't go, she wanted to be alone, as pathetic as she felt it was, she was to ashamed to be around anyone after the incident at the barn. She remembered throwing up in front of everyone, the memory of her mothers crushed skull still plaugued her.

"Should be with em" (y/n) turned to find Daryl standing in the doorway of her bedroom. She was surprised, he hadn't stepped foot into house since Hershell had fixed him up. "ya sisters a mess"

"She'll be fine, s'got Maggie" she replied, turning away from him and shoving her face further into the pillow she had been resting on. "Doubt she'd want to see me after" she took a deep breath "y'know"

"After what?" He asked in a rough voice, like he was angry with her. "After ya saved her life?" He huffed and leaned against the door frame. "You did what ya had t'do, none of the rest of ya family did shit!"

"The fuck is your problem?" She snapped, sitting up right to face him again. "If this is your way of comforting m-"

"I ain't tryin t'comfort ya" He growled, then proceeded to walk towards her. "Am telling ya t'stop hidin' away and keep doin' what ya gotta do!" How this escalated to a fight she had no idea.

"I don't 'GOTTA' do anything." she stood up and marched up to him, poking at he chest harshly. "What you 'GOTTA' do is get the fu-"

"(y/n)!" Glenns sounded panicked, he ran into the room and looked momenterly puzzled by Daryls presence, the larger man left almost immediately after this interruption. "(y/n) something wrong with Beth, shes with Maggie in her room. You gotta come now."

***

"And daddy come out side and yelled 'What the hell is going on!' and Beth just looks at him all innocent like 'we was just swimming daddy." (y/n) let out a chocked laugh, smiling through her tears at the story Maggie was telling Andrea. She remembered that day just as vividly, she remembered the way their family used to be, when it was whole. She carefully stroked Beths arm, silently begging her to come back to them. Rick and Glenn had gone off to find Hershell after finding his flask, empty on his dresser.

"Rick and Glenn are gonna bring your dad back." Andrea promised, forcing a smile. Maggie grabbed (y/n)s hand and held it tightly.

"Yeah"

***

"Oh thank god" (y/n) breathed a sigh of relief as she watched her step father get out of car, seemingly unharmed. She watched Maggie run right past him to hug Glenn and smiled slightly at both her love of the Asian boy and her unconscious rudeness. She ran to Hershell to give him the hug he very much needed. "you're ok!" she said, holding him tightly.

Rick informed the group of his rash decision to save Randall, they didn't take it well but (y/n) admired his compassion, his want to help people dispite the danger he may face.

She spotted Daryl later, sharpening his bolts by his camp. She wandered over to him, pushing away any feelings of embarresment after the way she had acted before. He was clearly a hot head, that much she was sure of but he did try to help her in his own way.

"Hey" she smiled, kicking the dirt and trying not to sound too awkward.

"Hey"

"Sorry about before" she said, her world's were genuine. "You were right about doing what to have to do." He shrugged at that, not much of a talker unless he was pissed about soemthing. "So thanks"

"Y'say that too much." Her cheeks felt hot as the slight criticism. "Don't gotta be so damn thankful all the time, yer good."

"Thanks" she kicked her self "er, not thanks - I guess" and for the first time, they shared a real, happy smile.

That smile was only short lived as Andrea ran up to her, informing her that Lori was desperately looking for her. (y/n) ran to the house, worried that something had happened Beth, that maybe her condition had gotten worse. She didn't expect to Lori to hold up one of their steak knifes and tell her that Beth had secretly taken it, obviously having horrific intentions.

(y/n) and Maggie sat with Beth, on her bed. Their younger sister sobbing and telling them she didn't want to live through this anymore.

"You do it too" She said. "We can go together, all three of us." (y/n) was pained, sure she had thoughts of doing it herself, to escape the visions of her mothers rotting corpse as it was crushed behind her own boot, but Beth? She deserved to live her life and damn it all if she wasn't gonna make sure she did. Beth was the only 'real' family she had left. (y/n) stroke her sisters long blonde hair, then held her teary face in her hands.

"No" she spoke softly. "Noone else is gonna die, not tonight."

From then on they didn't leave her alone, someone was always with her, either (y/n), Maggie, Hershell, Jimmy, Patricia, Lori or Andrea. Beth didn't speak much during their time together. when they were younger and (y/n) would occasionally sleep in her room, they would talk into all hours of the night until one of them couldn't stay awake any longer. Now that (y/n) was sleeping there every night to watch over her, it was just silence.

Until she finally spoke one night. "You don't have to babysit yknow." she sighed, turning over to face her older sister.

"Bethy if anything happened to you.. I'd die."

"You'd be alright, youd have Maggie and Dad, Patricia, Jimmy, and Glenn is nice too."

"Beth you're the only thing I have left to hold on too, please don't hurt yourself."

"That's not fair. You can't make me live just for you."

Silence again.

***

"Andrea was supposed to be watching her, but when Maggie and (y/n) went to check up on her, the room was empty. Suddenly they both heard glass smashing, coming from the bathroom.

"Beth!" Maggie yelled, banging on the door. "Please don't do this, let us in"

"Bethy please we aren't mad, just open the door." The other sister begged. When they finally got into the bathroom Beth was crying, holding her bleeding wrist, she cried out apologies as Maggie held her. (y/n) ran to get Hershell and he rushed to help her. She was about to follow when she saw Andrea talking with Lori.

"Where the hell were you?" She yelled, pointing at her aggressively. "You were meant to be watching her!"

"What happend?" Lori asked, concerned, unlike the blonde women who looked indifferent.

"She tried to kill herself."

"Tried" Andrea repeated, "She didn't go through with it, she made her choice she wants to live."

"Her dad is up their right now stitching up her wrist." (y/n) growled

"Now she knows what she wants." Andrea said, "It worked out."

"What if it didn't?" (y/n) stepped closer to her, backing her out on the porch. "What if she had died? You almost let her die!" Andrea open her mouth to talk but the angry women in front of her cut her off. "You come near my sister again, you come near my house again" she started, pushing Andrea again and again until she was off the porch, looking up at her furious expression. "Il kill you!" and she stormed off onto the farm, not wanting to see her face anymore, and not wanting to overwhelm Beth with too much attention since Maggie and Hershell were already with her.

She wandered aimlessly, allowing her anger to slowly decrease until all she was left with was dread. What if Beth had died, what would she have done then?

She saw Daryl sitting alone, he looked lost in his own thoughts just like she was.

"Daryl hey" she said.

"What d'ya want now." He grumbled, looking like he was already exhausted from this conversation, before it even started.

"Sorry, I was just getting away from the house, Beth tried to kill self, Andrea let her do it, i honestly thought I was going to kill her" she told him, making way to sit down next to him.

"Tried?" He asked. "We got bigger problems than an attention seeking kid!"

"Daryl! She's my sister, shes in pain" (y/n) started to cry, she hadn't really taken much time to process what had happened and Daryls comment cut into her.

"Why ya cryin' t'me about it?" He asked "It ain't my problem, you ain't my problem." He stood up from where he was seated, wanting to be alone.

"Daryl i-"

"Nah, sorry ya lost your husband, and yer brother but I ain't no replacement for em, and I ain't yer dad neither, so go tell someone who cares."

What the hell.

[lilyclawthorne]

Keeping Up A-fear-ance's Thoughts

I finished writing this shortly after 3 am after watching the new episode like three times because I simply had too much energy about it and I have so many thoughts because I simply live for clawthornes and also I tried to break it up with more photos this time sorry not sorry if it's a lot ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

YOUNG EDA!! let me just say I am quite a fan of opening with a flashback like we've done here and the last episode

"we have never seen a curse like this before" Lilith you had shit luck picking out curses huh

"cut it out if we have to" goddamn Gwen let'a calm the fuck down a bit.

anyways we've only really seen young Eda as a wild and confident and happy little child so I appreciate seeing this side of her with the anxiety and fear she's feeling here. I love seeing what the curse stuff was like for her as a kid

Gwen: I raised a perfectly fine kid

Me: no you didn't look at her she's got anxiety

I'm guessing this is their backyard or just some woods behind their house?? wonder if the portal was placed there by another elder family member.

lmao I can't even begin to imagine what small Eda experiencing the human realm was like for the first time

Gwens giving me "I can't accept that my child is disabled/chronically ill/etc." here. y’know the kinda parent that'll put their kid through hell over something they probably will find a way to learn to live with (which Eda did do)

ok that's it I humbly request to know the story behind the fang now (also the noise she made when she put it in was freaking cute)

new dress! new boots! new dress! new boots!

..yikes that fridge is empty

"calm down the curse acts stronger when you're stressed" Eda do you know who you're talking to here

confirmation losing limbs is in fact a side effect of the curse!! (y'know since Eda originally said it just happens when you get older)

please I love these sisters they're so sweet and make me wanna go 🥺

"suddenly curious about my past" "always. always curious" Luz says exactly what we all think

witchlet?? sweet flea?? she's got pet names for them 🥺 (although idk how much I'd like to be referred to as any kind of flea sorry Lilith)

ok Gwen is very much not close to what I expected and I'm kinda grateful for that

she's more like super caring but still managed to royally fuck up which was my original head canon for clawthorne parents so uh that's cool. but literally, look at their body language, Eda's pissed, Lilith's sad and making herself small. she's clearly messed up with her parenting on both of them along the way.

"who knows what they put in those nasty concoctions?" mama clawthorne would be a fucking anti-vaxxer wouldn't she

ok I side with Eda here more than Luz and Lilith. just because Luz misses her mother, or Lilith hasn’t seen their mom in so long doesn’t mean Eda has to feel all grateful for the presence of Gwen, especially if the woman has caused her a lot of trouble over the years

I feel like the fact that its actually both Lilith and Gwendolyn have spent their whole lives dedicated to trying to find a cure could probably have held some kind of weight on Eda at some point. Even though she shouldn't feel guilty or responsible for that, I still feel like it's gotta suck knowing these people have spent so much time on something you know is likely never gonna happen, all for you.

Lilith 😞 her mother really just didn't pay attention to her all these years

hey if this guy does some next level healing magic then why isn't he more well-known, huh? why’d it take so long to come across him?? Gwen do you know what the fuck you're doing cause I think you don't

Lilith just because you're depressed about your mom doesn't mean you have to bring king down too 😠

SUPER irrelevant but is anyone else just bothered by the way Lilith is holding her spoon?? that doesn't seem like a comfortable way to hold a spoon. also is she left handed??

"knife season came early" EDA WHAT DOES THAT MEAN. is this a boiling isles things or is this a it’s common for people to throw knives at you thing

also I want to be surprised Eda fell for the apple blood signs but I am not 😔 

Luz please trust you're gut on this one and not mama clawthorne

ok now I need to know why the fridge was empty but they had 18 cartons of ice cream this is why you guys don't have food you're wasting it all on ice cream.

wow never thought I'd see the day hooty became the voice of reason

also, night market ice cream?? are they implying this ice cream is like, edibles of some sort?? Lilith does seem kinda high here ngl. idk man but at least she wants to stand up for herself so good for her.

PLEASE kings just offering her ice cream while she transforms

"first in a series" Gwen honey oh no. you've been duped. I think we can see where Lilith got her naïveté from huh.

Also, nice snatch Luz 😊

anyways love how this show is basically making fun of moms who refuse to give their kids proper medical treatment or listen to medical professionals here

EXCUSE ME why do we know Gwen's palisman's name before we know Lilith's?????

"I am a mother who'll do anything for her daughter" you're mom who's suffocating obsession with one daughter has left the other neglected and is currently causing her to turn into a full on beast ya dummy

Eda DOES have a right to be upset. it sucks that her own valid emotions that she should get to feel will cause her while body to betray her.

PLEASE I’M SO GLAD LILITH’S BEAST DESIGN LOOKS LIKE HER AND IS NOT THE THING FROM THE TRAILER THAT IS ACTUALLY IN EDA"S HEAD WHEN SHE’S TRANSFORMED

but also why is she SO massive?? also anyone concerned that this is her first transformation and the light glyph trick wouldn't even work??

Gwen look at what you've done, you've fostered feelings of inferiority in one daughter causing her to feel the need for sibling rivalry that the pure instincts of the raven beast cannot suppress no matter how much their sisterly relationship had improved.

HOW COULD YOUR OTHER DAUGHTER ALSO BEING CURSED BE A PART OF THE PROCESS GWEN??

"after Eda was cursed, I joined the beast keeping coven" woah woah WOAH. you're telling me you only joined because of trying to help Eda. that covens existed, before Eda got cursed, and you very much weren't a part of one. combine that with "some words for belos" she has and do I smell wild witch theory still plausible???

anyways at least mama clawthorne is getting some sense into her head here

Morton c'mon help a girl out, that's some dang good art too what the heck dude

ok fine mama clawthorne to the rescue

no pls not raven beast Lilith crying im crying now

Gwen: I raised a fine and self-sufficient child

Me: no you didn't look at her. she's got, SO MUCH.

GODDAMN THATS SOME POWER. ngl this only adds fuel to the fire in my head that there was some kinda reasoning these sisters were torn apart, that someone felt they'd be too powerful together (and they were probably right)

"I heard you but I couldn't stop myself, I couldn't do anything" may be just because she's not used to the curse but again part of me is concerned that because she couldn't pull herself out of it even a little bit like Eda did that there's something wrong there. but she also could've been stressed beyond reasonably calming herself down too.

ok but this is sweet

NOOO im so sad Lilith's leaving :( I literally cried ok

"you lived here?" fine OKAY king that was hilarious even if im sad about this

"reconnect with dad" excuse me where the fuck has this man been in the middle of all of this. curse shit is going DOWN and he's just chilling at home.

I am curious about people's thoughts regarding the whole Lilith regression thing and the fact that she's literally going to be living with her parents again. I feel like it could help nurture that inner child she's been reverting back to and help her out a LOT. but I could also be concerned about it feeding into the regression and making it worse?? idk and this show probably ain't getting that actually deep into psych anyways

"some day my hair is gonna be big enough to do that too" Luz I cannot wait for the day. also mood, I wish I could do that too.

alright who's holding the fucking pen for hooty we need a volunteer RIGHT NOW so we can remain in contact with Lulu

NOT THE ONLY HUMAN? my bets on the real azura rip never mind she said he

Titan’s Blood?? interesting. If the blood of the titan is around I wonder what that means regarding the titans existence, and how long its been since the titan fell.

AHH BABY LUZ PHOTO

ALSO WHO THE FUCK IS THAT?? They're really gonna spring that on us like this??? Camila's gotta notice somethings wrong right??? Unless any differences she just chalks up to the camp?? oh god :(

well, anyways lumity shippers come get yo juice next weekend

anyways im gonna need to add a NOT canon compliant tag on that one Gwendolyn fic I wrote because it definitely do not comply anymore

[drivingsideways]

Misaeng review

Ok, it's been almost a week, so I feel like I can get my thoughts (somewhat) in order. As usual, I'm late to the party, given that Misaeng aired 6 years ago, and is already considered a kdrama classic. Still: thoughts!

(under the cut)

I came to this drama with quite a lot of expectations, both because I'd seen it on a lot of rec lists, and also because I'd watched director Kim Won-seok's Signal and My Mister, which are justifiably as beloved as Misaeng. I'm happy to report that Misaeng mostly lived up to those expectations!

The writing & direction work together to make Misaeng a very immersive experience, which is good, considering the entire run time is over 20 hrs. The level of seemingly mundane detail of the operational aspects of running a trading firm that they delve into (and other dramas might have avoided for sake of pacing) seemed odd to me at first, but eventually result in a world building that's incredibly well fleshed out. The (formerly unlikely!) high stakes of a misplaced piece of paper or octopuses in a shipment of squid end up being parts of an emotionally wrenching narrative whole fairly seamlessly. Still, at 20+ hours, Misaeng also does get into the kind of pacing issues that most of the slice of life kdramas I've watched so far have. And it didn't need to! I think it had a wonderful ensemble of characters, and if they'd maybe given a little more time and space to characters other than Jang Geu-Rae (Im Si wan) and Oh Sang-sik (Lee Sung-min), the mid portions may not have felt quite so, well, stuck.

But more than the strong writing and direction, it was really the actors who delivered. They made what could have easily been a dull-ish office drama into a heart warming story about human connection and the joys and troubles of leading an "incomplete life". I'd never watched Lee Sung-min in anything before, and about half way through the series I was like, HOW IS HE MAKING A SHORT TEMPERED, ALCHOHOLIC MIDDLE MANAGER SO SEXY? Like, serious props, dude. Lee Sung-min is by turns annoying and brash and too shout-y and stubborn and funny and so incredibly vulnerable as a man trying his best to live by his principles in a world that thinks they are an impediment to "success", that you forget that he's playing a fictional character-- he's someone you know, he's someone you've seen in the mirror.

His performance as Oh Sang-sik is very ably matched by Im Si Wan's Jang Geu-Rae. This series would not have worked if these two actors didn't have the chemistry they do, and play off each other in every scene. I had watched Im Si Wan recently- in JTBC's "Run On", in which I liked his performance quite a lot, but I absolutely loved him as the naive and endearing Jang Geu-rae. Misaeng, is in part, a bildungsroman narrative centered around Jang Geu Rae. Im Si wan brought a kind of vulnerability to the role that might have felt cloying and emotionally manipulative in the hands of other actors, but Im Si-wan manages to do it with a light touch. I feel he's one of those actors that uses his whole body in a scene, not just relying on facial or verbal expression, and it's a joy to watch.

Each of the other actors in the ensemble also bring that dedication and talent to their roles, even if it's in a single scene. There are lots of one-off characters that we meet during the course of the series, and every single one of them leaves an impact.

But! I'm going to pick a fave from the supporting cast and that's Byun Yo-han, whom I'd last watched as the broody, troubled (and very sexy) swordsman Lee Bang-ji in Six Flying Dragons. I can't imagine a character more in opposition to that one than Han Seok-yul in Misaeng, but Byun Yo-han just knocks it out of the park as the scheming, cheerful and mostly inappropriate clown with a heart of gold; Han Seok-yul is the definition of Chaotic Good, and you're equal parts horrified by his antics- which include sexual harassment dont @ me -- and yet charmed by him. I wish they'd given him a few more scenes and a larger plotline to work with, but I also suspect that he might have just walked away with the entire series if they did that. (Am I plotting that series in my head as I write this? MAYBE.)

Alright, this is getting a bit too long, so I'm going to get to the bits that disappointed me. That's really one major thing: the gender politics. I don't know how different the show is from the web toon it's based on, so I can't tell whether they made significant changes to the basic plot and characters. As in- I have no idea if the webtoon was as male dominated in every way as the show is, so I'm not sure how much of the show's treatment of women as a class, and its female characters in particular, I should lay at the door of the original writer vs the screenwriter and director. I'm also lacking the Korean context in which this was written and made and aired, so you may take my criticism with a pinch of salt, if you please!

That the show features mainly male characters is perhaps unsurprising and realistic, since we know that the kind of corporate life it depicts is very male dominated, top to bottom. The show also portrays the very real and horrific overt and subtle misogyny that women face in the workplace and out of it; mainly in the character of Ahn Young-yi, played with steely determination and quiet suffering by the lovely Kang so-ra. There are only 3 other female characters that have any sort of real speaking role- Sun Ji Young (played by Shin Eun jung), a senior manager at the company, Jang Geu-rae's unnamed(!) mother (played by the amazing Sung Byoung-Sook) and Oh Sang-sik's unnamed (!) wife (played by Oh Yoon-Hong, who's a delight in every tiny scene she has). There are other women who appear but in very minor roles, and often in "comedy" moments that often rely on sexist tropes to start with.

Anyway, right there you can see one of the problems- 4 women characters that have any kind of real screen time, and only 2 of them are named. Aigoo! Screenwriter Jung Yoon-jung is a woman, and like, I don't like putting the burden on any one woman to y'know fix structural misogyny, but I can't also help feeling disappointed that she overlooked even this "small" thing among the larger things.

But that apart, the main issue for me was that while the show doesn't shy away from depicting egregious sexism in the form of sexual harrassment, verbal and physical and certainly emotional abuse, in a manner that's clear that we are meant to be horrified by it--it falls short of depicting how women deal and work with it. It just doesn't give enough space to women or their worldview.

It's very comfortable depicting victimhood, but doesn't put work into depicting the ways in which women survive by finding solidarity with other women. We have a scene or two where Ahn Young-yi who is this show's poster child for female victimhood interacts with the older women who offer sympathy and understanding, but no real strategy or support. And yes, we see men also being targeted by their seniors for the grossest verbal and physical abuse; and it's men who help Ahn Young-yi strategise on how to deal with her situation. Real life experience tells me that it's the women who do this work for other women. I have certainly been on both sides of this equation, for one, and so has every woman that I know in corporate life. And yes, one of the show's core philosophies is that those who endure, survive--but it is none the less extremely painful to watch Ahn Young yi "endure" the kind of abuse she does as a coping strategy and a survival strategy.

At the end of it, when she slowly manages to gain the support of her sexist team, it's shown as a victory-- though naturally imperfect, because this show takes its Realism very seriously (right until the end where it makes a tonal shift into quirky that I was a little ?? about)-- and y'know, sure, it is a victory. And I absolutely understand the choices she makes and why she does it-- I guess I just got annoyed by the fact that other antagonistic figures in the narrative get a more straightforward comeuppance for their egregious behavior, but Ahn Young-yi doesn't even get a goddamned apology from her abusers. Instead, we have a half humourous, half serious moment where she comments on how she's working at turning herself into "someone cute"- because she understands now that sometimes the right strategy is to "go with the flow". Be the water that slowly wears away at the rock. It's an interesting moment- the men she tells this to are taken aback by her bluntness, but also a little clueless about what she means. It's the kind of nuance that I would and do enjoy. Unfortunately, it also closely follows one of the show's most annoying scenes at the tail end of the series- where it tries to play off workplace sexism and misogyny as comedy- boys being boys-Reader, when I tell you that I had to WORK to unclench my jaw--!

I'm not saying we should have a single and obvious narrative of female emancipation. I'm not against realism in fiction, but god, sometimes, please do remember that when we look for escapism, we are actually imagining a better world. The first step toward liberation is allowing yourself to imagine it.

And the show does allow other characters its moments of unfettered fantasy- Im Si Wan parkour-ing all over the rooftops of Amman- and having a semi mystical + Indiana Jones moment in the deserts of Jordan--so why, I ask, are the women not given that gift?

*looks into the camera *

Tl;dr: I enjoyed it, it made me cry every episode, and I cared about all the characters, and if you haven't watched it yet, treat yourselves.

PS. Yes, Han Seok-yul is a disaster bi, sorry, I don't make the rules. Yes, hotties Oh Min Seok and Kang Ha-neul are canonically naked in a hot tub six feet apart because they are bros. Yes, I will be writing the fix it in which they fuck like angry bunnies. Yes, I am going to put my shipper cooties all over this gen slice of life show, deal with it.

[space-helen]

Would I get on with them? - CSI

Starting this series with CSI characters since I'm most into the show right now.

Hopping into it under the cut! (Not proof read at all)

Gil Grissom

Ok, I don't think this man would hate me in the slightest but he'd take a sec to warm up to me. We know the man has loads of random knowledge in his brain and so do I but I sometimes just spurt it out at the most random times and most of the knowledge doesn't make sense. We wouldn't hang out at all but I feel like we could eat lunch in the breakroom together and it wouldn't be awkward at all? We could also do a car journey together and it'd be silent most of the way until one of us eventually broke the silence. The silence wouldn't have been awkward though it would just be natural, both in our brains thinking things over? I get the vibe he'd welcome me into the team pretty well and would defend me to others but also would be disappointed when I fuck up. I think our vibes are slightly the same so we'd get on and have a weird friendship but not going on. TBH he'd probably treat me very similar to how he treats Greg but slightly nicer. In summary I would get on with him but not in a best friend kind of way.

Catherine Willows

I get the vibe she'd like me and would find me funny in a way with the awful jokes I tell but instead of finding the jokes funny she'd just find me and my awkwardness funny? However, she would not let me fuck up and would go in on me bad if I did if I was in the first couple of years being a CSI but after our friendship grew a little she'd be a lot more forgiving. We'd probably get to a friendship point of being able to have a meal together or a drink together but we would never plan it? It'd only happen say after a shift on a whim together. We'd be close but not best friends knowing absolutely every aspect of each other's lives. All in all Catherine has good vibes and I think we'd get on. I'd want to be her friend and learn from her. We'd be able to throw banter around and we'd be able to work well together. She'd probably see me as more of a 'family member' than a friend if you get my drift?

Sara Sidle

I love Sara but I do not think we'd get on at first. I think she'd dislike how shy I was and how long it takes me to warm up to everyone. My main way of bonding or working with people initially is kinda through humour to test the waters and I know she wouldn't like that at first. However, I think after her initial dislike for me for the first couple of cases or weeks or whatever I think she'd realise we actually work well together on cases and compliment each other with our working style? Then she'd slowly be more friendly and jokey with me and open up herself. We'd take a long time to be close friends with each other and I think the only way our friendship would grow is because of our friendship with others in the team. So would I get on with Sara? Not initially but let's say after like 6 months we might have lunch together. I do admire her and her work but... yeah I think we might be a bit too similar in some ways. I think eventually after we build up trust and a mutual understanding we'd then be friends and do things together outside of work (but it doesn't happen often because she'd invested in her work)

Warrick Brown

Now this is hard to say. I think initially he'd try to be open and welcoming but would have a little too much going on to care but would banter with me if we came across each other. He's serious on the job but a lil hot headed, I mean I'm the same but I tend to internalise it and not speak out about problems and might just cry about them? He'd probably try and argue a point and even if I agreed I would probably not say something if I was still new to the team and he'd probably get mad at me for it. However, I think I might break through with him with my humour or something really random or like a random fact which is so bizzare he's like 'who the fuck is she?' and laughs it off and enjoys it. I feel like we'd eventually be friends but not in a way to talk about our lives irl more like if we've had a long shift and need to pull a double and haven't stopped for food he'd throw a sandwich or coffee at me. So friends in a caring or sibling like way y'know? Banter but not completely open with each other but we know little facts here and there. We'd hold mutual friends and that'd what probably aids the friendship. So would I get on with him? Initially no fucking way but after a hot sec yeah.

Nick Stokes

Here he is, here's our boi. Now yes I may be bias here because I do like Nick but I genuinely think we'd get on because we're both kinda emotionally softies on the inside. However, initially he might get frustrated at how closed off I am and awkward when he tried to speak to me, giving short answers etc. But once I crack some awkward and nervous jokes he'd realise how nervous I am and try and get through to me in that way with jokes and banter. I think he'd actually help if I fucked something up or missed something and would point it out in a nice way compared to how someone like Sara would. I think he'd open up to me randomly? Also I feel we could chat shit randomly to each other y'know? I think we'd be in a weird friends stage for a long time and then it would get to best friend territory? Y'know? Going to see movies or hanging out outside of work. Also hard cases we'd support each other. I think my friendship with Nick would be the thing that helps my friendship with Warrick for sure and aids with Sara. So would we get on? Yeah we would and he'd question why Sara and I don't.

Greg Sanders

He's chaos. I can be chaos. He'd appreciate my jokes and would banter back. Would be on the same wave length a lot of the time I think. I think I'd be the more chill version of him in some ways? Idk. I think we'd be friends and he'd be the person I build a friendship with the fastest. Like I think it would be he and I friends first, then Nick and I, Catherine and I then the others after. He'd obviously try to flirt with me because it's Greg but he'd respect me? We'd probably go for coffee a lot and he'd want to give me a tour of Vegas or some shit if I hadn't been there long. He'd probably get frustrated though at how chill I can be sometimes but would enjoy the fact that I was also friends with Nick and if all three of us were put on a case? Well that would be funny and would make a great episode. Don't get me wrong though we'd work well together. So would we get on? Hell yeah!

David Hodges

I don't think he'd dislike me but he wouldn't entirely like me either but he'd have a respect for me? I'd tolerate him and would joke with him though but I wouldn't say we'd be close friends or anything. Once he finds out I also like Galaxy Quest (idk I like Star trek irl so I'd probably like galaxy quest) we'd talk about it occasionally and might go to a convention together if we had no one else. So would we get on? Slightly, we'd tolerate each other and make friendly conversation.

Henry Andrews

I think we could have a laugh and a joke and that's it. I'd probably want to be his friend more than I do Hodges but we're both very awkward but we'd have a respect and understanding for each other. I would go to his birthday celebration if I was asked too. So would we get on? Yeah...

SuperDave

Eh I think we'd just have a basic friendship and very much colleague relationship. I don't think he'd appreciate my humour at all and would just want to do his job. But if I was with someone else on the team or if Doc Robbins was also there he'd be a bit more friendly? He has super super nice vibes I just think we're both a little too awkward and closed off and we probably wouldn't be able to go past small talk or work related talk. So would we get on? Yeah in a colleague sort of way.

Doc Robbins

(Lmao i can't insert anymore gifs)

I think he'd enjoy my jokes and would explain things in a nice way if I didn't understand but we'd never be friends or anything. I think he'd respect me and enjoy my presence in the morgue but we wouldn't engage in like intentional real life talk. So not purposefully asking about family etc. Maybe something random would come out in an autopsy or whatever. So would we get on? Yeah more that Superdave and I would

Jim Brass He wouldn't hate me but I wouldn't be his favourite person. I tend to stay out of trouble so he'd like that the most. He'd probably appreciate that I stay quiet and listen before having an input. He'd probably worry about me though if I was held hostage or shot or something y'know? He wouldn't not care. So would we get on? Yeah in the same way Grissom and I would get on but slightly less that that.

LMAO this series is gonna be weird af but it is what it is. I don't expect anyone to read it. Hence not proof reading.

[xsarcasticwriterx]

Childhood friends-part 2

 Summary: Negan and y/n spend the day together talking of their history which makes things become complicated for y/n along with the toll of her friends demise.

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of verbal and physical abuse, signs of depression

Notes: jesus sorry this is kinda meh and sorry it took so long to get out I procrastinate a lot and life's been chaotic anyways I hope you enjoy it nonetheless.

Waking up in negans arms felt strange for y/n. She was laying curled up next to him their legs tangled together and y/n head on negans chest. She didn't want to move but at the same time she felt wrong not doing so.

After a few minutes of this internal battle going on in her head she eventually decided to move. Slowly moving away she slid off the bed and into the guest bathroom. throwing water on her face she recapped the events of the day before. Negan had broken her promise and made her feel a sense of fear she had pushed away for so long. She more so didn't understand how negan was so casual with arguments with the history they both had memories of.

Pulling herself out of the bathroom y/n was greeted with negan sitting up in the bed on his phone. “wont Lucille wonder why your in here?” y/n asked confused why he was so casual and calm. “You mean the same fucking Lucille who practically pushed you onto me? She stayed at her moms house last night after the fucking fight anyways.” negan replied with a semi annoyed tone. sighing, y/n walked over and sat next to negan on the bed. 

“negan.....we both know why i hate yelling.....how are you so calm around it.” y/n had to know. if someone even raised their voice at her shed feel her heart drop. “I know what he fucking did to me....to us and it took me a while but i eventually fucking realized if someone's yelling at me it's not the same way he did it. It's not to fucking make me feel like some small ass child but as a way of showing their upset.” negan said gulping. He never liked talking of his father. neither did y/n her memories with him made her feel like a piece of shit. she nodded slightly. “Hey wanna go get some breakfast?” negan asked her. “yea of course” y/n replied. 

Negan left to get changed leaving y/n alone. she changed into a simple tshirt and jeans. Putting on her tennis shoes. she fixed her hair and walked downstairs. she sat on the couch and waited for negan. The house was so silent. she hated when Lucille and negan fought it always felt so tense and awkward.

a few minuets later negan came down stairs. He smiled at y/n and grabbed his leather jacket. y/n followed after as they walked outside. Negan got into his car y/n following after. Negan put on Led zeppelin as they headed to the diner they usually ate at. So often in fact that the owners and them were on a first name basis. They had spent practically their whole life there. pulling up to the small place with big red glowing lights they got out the car.

y/n wasn't sure if it was the events of last night or the new of Lucille or a mix of both but something about being at the diner just made everything feel so surreal like reality wasn't actually real. they walking into the diner and suddenly y/n felt like she was 15 again. walking to their usual table the chefs immediately got to work. “shit feels weird as hell being here” negan said. “Very. i don’t get why not like we weren't here only last week.” y/n replied. “Things have all changed in a week made us feel....” negan drifted off. Something y/n had only seen happen at most 10 times. negan was never one to not have the words for something. Though she knew he had the words he just didn't want to say them. “Small” y/n finished for negan. He nodded. 

Negan wasn't one for being silent. Hell all through school teachers constantly harped on him for his obnoxiously loud and social behavior. When negan was silent y/n knew it was serious. Between the fight and Lucille's diagnosis everything has felt like a huge 180. Like the world would never be the same again. They had both known Lucille they're entire high school and adult lives they went through life together. They grew up together and now shed be gone. They wanted to hope of course everyone wants to hope that someone they love and care for won't pass but they knew the inevitable. Lucille's resulted weren't looking up and in the end they all knew what's going to happen. They sat in silence which was unusual to say the least.

“here you two. seem like you could use something a little more than your usual.” mark, their usual waiter,said. “Thanks” negan said. Mark nodded and walked off. Negan and y/n looked to see what he brought. seemed like their usual shakes. negan took a sip and his eyes widened. confused, y/n took a sip too. Feeling the taste of not only the strawberry shake but the taste of liquor filling her mouth she pulled away. “ah...you know Jim is going to ask what's up if its this bad” y/n said. negan sighed “i know....only other time they gave us this was the first time we came here after our fucking major fight” negan said.

That was probably the worst day of y/n’s life. Negans dad had banned him from seeing her but she didn't know that. they ended up having a huge fight when she got tired of being ignored. When negan yelled back about his father y/n felt her heart shatter. That same night they ended up here but didn't speak. Jim knew and told mark to give us something extra. Mark was their age and he didn't know that meant an extra desert or something so instead he added some liquor that was stored there. Jim came and placed two burgers and fries on the table and then pulled a chair to the edge of the table and sat down. “alright what is it. Yall fighting again?” he asked. “no it's not that” y/n said. “Lucille fucking has cancer” negan said and immediately sighed and placed his head into his hands. “shit...” Jim said. “i'm so sorry you two....” jim said. He poured more of the alcohol into their drinks. “think you need that.” jim said. “look I can't begin to imagine the pain you two are going through but i can say i have never met two people who care for someone so much and she cares for you two a lot too. She's lived a great life and now you two just need to spend as much time as you can with her”

They knew jim was right but there was a pain in seeing lucille. So many memories which only lead to pain because they could no longer create anymore memories. It felt like the end of a book. Jim stood up and walked off. they ate in silence only a few words spoken of small talk. once they were done negan started to place down a bill. “on the house” Jim said through the serving hatch. negan put the money back into his pocket. once back in the car negan placed his head on the steering wheel. “What the fuck do I do?” he asked mostly to the world. “Honestly....I have no clue....Think just do what jim said  y'know. take what time we have and use it as much as we can.” she replied. negan nodded. “I’m glad your here. I’ll never fucking know why you stayed after all the shit.” negan sighed. y/n reached for his hand” “because its shit we went through together. Just as we will deal with this together” she replied. she knew he didnt mean in general. He was speaking of the night that changed their relationship forever. The night she and him lost their virginity to each other. That wasn't something that needed to be talked about though not then.

Negan started up the car and drove to a secluded forest the place they went after negan had explained his situation at home getting worse. parking on the hill they got out. Sitting on the edge of the cliff looking down at the water. “I really am sorry. For everything. All the times I snapped at you, for bringing you to my house even after my dad was getting worse, for ignoring you and being too much of a fucking pussy to stand up to that asshole, and for messing with your feelings....for sleeping with you and then just leaving...” negan said. He was clearly drunk he never was sentimental and the smell of alcohol was prominent on his breath. He looked over at her and saw her face. “I mean it I may be tipsy but i know what i'm saying and its all true” he said. “thank you” she replied. She didn't know what to say.

She was never mad at negan for all that even when it happened only when he ignored her did she truly get pissed. Everything else is just a thing. She never blamed him. When his father beat her she never blamed negan. When negan ignored her she never blamed him she was mad but never blamed him. She always blamed his father. Even when they slept together she never blamed him because it was mutual. She never blamed negan so him apologizing was odd and left her confused.

They spent most the day at the cliff just thinking and being together. Negans phone rang pulling him away. “Hey” he said into his phone. “oh yea of course” he said “yep ok” he said and hung up. “um she wants to talk so...I guess i'll drop you off at your house” he said. They got back into the car and drove to her house. “I’ll see you monday” negan said. “Hey...it'll be ok negan. we’ll do this together” y/n said getting out the car. He smiled and nodded. For the first time today he smiled. She walked inside and flopped onto the couch. This was taking more of a toll on her than she originally anticipated.

[lu-undy]

Chapter 73 - SBT

Here it is!

There was a knock on the van's backdoor. 

"Come in, Mundy."

The Aussie pushed the door and entered.

"I'm back, luv', and I have it. Feels weird to carry a credit card for some money that's not mine… Also, how well did they pay back in France?! When the banker told me how much it was, I nearly fell off my chair!"

Mundy shut the door and turned to his lover. 

"Oh, crikey…" 

"How do I look…?"

Lucien had put on one of his suits again but this time, there was no tie and the shirt had been replaced with a thin woolen turtleneck. Moreover, he had tied his hair in a braid. Some of the grey, thin locks of hair at the front fell between his eyes beautifully. 

"You're gorgeous." 

Lucien smiled as Mundy came closer and held his waist.

"And I trimmed my beard a bit. I look odd to myself, but if you like it, I shall make a habit of this style." 

Mundy turned around and touched the braid. 

"Gosh, you… You're perfect… And, mmh, yeah, you're wearin' your perfume again, eh?"

"Oui, I am."

"You're really back…!" Mundy hugged his lover tightly but another knock interrupted them.

They were back in the city now for Mundy to collect Lucien's money, which was now his. Maurice had done an impeccable job and it had all gone smoothly. 

"Who's that?" Mundy asked. 

"Who do you think?" 

Mundy and Lucien looked at each other with a smile. It was Maurice's voice. 

"Hold on, mate." 

Mundy exited the van, with Lucien behind him. 

"Good to see you again, both of you." Maurice said and hands were shaken. 

"G'day, mate." 

"Merci, Maurice."

[Thanks, Maurice.] 

"Quite a change of style you have gone through, L." 

"Oui, it is both necessary and appreciated." Lucien's eyes went to Mundy. 

"It suits you indeed. One of the boys spotted your van, M. I thought I could drop by and say hi in person." 

"Sure, thanks. How's the street doin'?" 

"Cold with this winter, but good. We still manage to feed everyone and bring some warmth."

"That's nice." Mundy answered. 

"Oh, I nearly forgot, I have something for you, L. Here… This is your new passport, with the name that you wrote in your will."

"He didn't write any new names in his will." Mundy said, surprised.

"I did." Lucien answered and he accepted the Burgundy red document with the golden letters. "You just did not see it."

"What?" Mundy asked. 

"I will explain later. But thank you very much, Maurice, as always."

"My pleasure."

"Who are my witnesses?" Lucien asked. 

"Witnesses?" Mundy repeated. 

"Yes, for a will to be taken seriously, it must be written and co-signed by two witnesses." Maurice answered. "I am one of them, Richard is the second."

"Did you tell him?" Lucien asked. 

"I told him that Paris wanted a coffee with two sugars and a drop of milk. The next thing I knew, he was lying on the floor in his shop and both his sons were trying to wake him up." Maurice chuckled. 

"Ah, I should apologise…!" Lucien answered, chuckling himself. 

"No, it is fine. He was as delighted as I was when M told me. Oh and by the way, you are welcome to work with him and give a hand with the homeless of course." 

"Thank you." Lucien answered. "But we have a few things to do before we can come to work, is that fine with you?" 

"Absolutely, take your time and again, welcome back to the world of the living." 

"Thank you." 

Maurice and Lucien exchanged a nod. 

"Good. I shall go back to my streets, there are mouths to feed and work to do." Maurice said. "I will see you later." 

"Sure, mate, thanks for everythin', really." 

"No problem." 

Hands were shaken again and Maurice disappeared in the streets, melting with them like a shadow. 

"So, what's the plan?" Mundy asked. 

"We could go and get some lunch if you want."

"Sure, where?"

"Victoria's diner." Lucien answered and Mundy smiled and nodded. 

"Alright. Let me just make sure the cats have enough to eat and drink."

"I shall take Perle and Soot with us. I will put him in Perle's old harness and leash." 

"Sure." 

A few minutes later, Perle was on Mundy's shoulders and Soot was trotting happily by Lucien. 

"Non, Soot, sit. Très bien. We need to wait until the little man is green before we cross. Non, non, non, do not raise your hand like this and tempt the devil. You stay sat." 

"Meow." Soot was trying to move forward. 

"Sooty boy, watch the wifey here." Mundy put Perle down and she sat by the black cat patiently.

"There, good boy, Soot." Lucien praised him. 

The light switched to green for pedestrians. Perle looked up at Mundy who started crossing and followed him. Soot copied her. He looked up at Lucien and when the man started crossing, he did the same. 

A few minutes later, they arrived in front of Victoria's diner.

"You ready?" Mundy asked. 

"Yes, I am. I hope she is too." 

They exchanged a smile and Mundy pushed the door open. 

"Hello, how may I help? Oh, hey M! And Pearl. Who's this new friend you're bringin'...?" 

Lucien was a metre away, giving his back with his silver braid to them while Victoria knelt down to look at Soot. 

"That's Soot, he's Pearl's hubby."

"Ooh, congrats, Pearl!" Victoria petted her and the white, fluffy cat purred. "The hubby's quite shy, eh?"

Soot was hiding behind Mundy's legs. 

"Yeah, a bit." Mundy answered. "Sorry about that."

"Well at least he's not hissin'...!" Victoria chuckled. "How have you been, M? You seem so much happier than last time!"

"Not too bad, and busy, the cats got four kids together."

"Seriously? You had kittens?" 

"Yeah, lots of energy they have, but they're growin' up nicely." 

"Aw, that's super cute." Victoria stood up again. "Came here for some lunch?" 

"Yes and no, there's uh… There's something I need to admit… Uh…" Mundy scratched the back of his neck. 

"Oh? What is it?" 

"Uhm, I don't know how to say that but uh… Y'know what, come and sit at the table." 

Victoria sat down. 

"You're not joining?" She asked. 

"Well, I need to re-introduce someone to you - bloody hell that's so weird to say…" Mundy put his hands on Lucien's shoulders, who was still giving his back to Victoria.

"What d'you mean, re-introduce?" 

"He means that I am back." Lucien turned and faced her as she gasped and smacked a hand in front of her mouth. 

"What the fuck?! L?! Is that you?! You're dead!"

"Non, I am not. I am standing here in front of you." He opened his arms proudly. 

"You piece of shit!" Victoria rose from her chair and slapped him with the towel she was carrying around repeatedly. "You! Kept me! Thinking! You! Were! Dead! For! More! Than! A! Year! You absolute! Piece! Of! Shit!"

Lucien closed the distance between them and wrapped his arms around her. She buried her head in his chest and both him and Mundy could hear muffled sobbing. 

"I missed you, you arrogant idiot…" 

"And I missed you too, terribly, Victoria." He kissed the top of her head as she cried against him. He could feel she was clinging to his jacket. "I am sorry to have put all of you through that. But I had no choice."

"It's worse than that, V." Mundy said, patting her back to comfort her. "He was there at his own funeral and he heard what you said." 

She gasped and pulled out of the embrace, wiping her tears on the towel. 

"That's just plain cheatin', L."

"Lucien." 

"What?" 

"My name, it is Lucien, you may call me by my name, mi niña."

[My child]

She stared up at him as if he was Jesus Christ himself.

"I missed you so much." She put a hand on her mouth.

"I know, I know, come here." Lucien led her to sit at their table on the banquette next to him. He wrapped an arm around her to comfort her and gently rocked her left and right while her tears continued to stream silently on her cheeks. She sniffed from time to time and wiped her face on her towel. Mundy went to the counter to place their order and came back, sitting on the banquette opposite them. 

"So you didn't die?" She asked.

"Non."

"What happened?" 

"As you now know, I worked as a spy and to escape a certain death, I had to die and wait for things to calm down before I could show myself again."

"Did you beat him up for it?" She asked Mundy. 

"Nah, can't do it anymore now for some reason." Mundy chuckled. 

"You should have. You're growin' soft, M. And this man…" She pointed her index on Lucien's chest, poking it and staring at it fiercely. "This man needs to be taught a lesson or two…" She then bent forward and let her head fall on Lucien's chest again. He hugged her tightly and stroked her hair. 

"I apologise, Victoria, but had I done that, I would not be here today." 

"You could have said. You could have written to me… You could have…" She sobbed again. "Now I need to cancel something important." She said and Lucien and Mundy's eyebrows jumped. 

"Cesar salad, and two fish and chips." A waiter came and put everything on the table. "You ok, V?"

"Yeah, she's cryin' cause she's happy, cheers mate." Mundy answered.

"Alright…" The waiter left them alone. 

"So what is this important thing that you need to cancel because of my return? Did you have to go and have lunch with someone else?" Lucien asked. 

"No…" Victoria pulled herself away from him and wiped her face again. She looked at Mundy and then at Lucien. "I'm… I'm gettin' married to my fiancé Charlie in a few months and uh… I didn't have anyone to walk me down the aisle but…" 

Mundy's jaw dropped and Lucien blushed intensely. 

"Would you… Would you please do it for me?" She raised her red, slightly swollen eyes to him and Lucien felt hot all of a sudden with the pressure that fell on his shoulders.

"I… I would be honoured to do so but… Why me?" 

"Charlie. I met him at a party and then… The reason we dated was thanks to you." 

"Me?" 

"Yeah, you helped me with my spanish so much that I progressed enough to be in the same classes as him… That's how we then started hangin' out and all. And then the free dinners you got us for the Queen Victoria, I went there with him… It's all cause of you…" 

Lucien's eyes couldn't be open wider.

"Mon Dieu…"

"As you know, I don't have a dad, so I didn't have anyone to walk me down the aisle in church. I asked Joe from the corner shop to do it, to feel less lonely but… But you should be the one doin' it… So please…"

Lucien's eyes were glistening with the tears he was holding back. 

"O-of course I accept, it would be my honour to do this for you, Victoria…" He pulled her in a fatherly hug and closed his eyes. "When is the wedding exactly, we need to get some new suits. Is there anything I can help with? Tell me and do not think about the money, I will get it sorted out for you, mon enfant." 

[My child]

Mundy softened in a sweet smile. So that was the kind of father that Lucien was, hm?

"I should meet your fiancé. Look, let us know when and where and I shall have a chat with him. I can't let you get married to just anyone, I need to know. Where is he from? His family? Does he still have his parents, what do they work as?" 

Victoria laughed in Lucien's arms. 

"What? I am worried for you, Victoria. It is out of the question to just let you get married to someone you cannot properly build anything with!"

She laughed louder and pulled him into a hug. 

"I missed you so much… Papa L…" 

Lucien looked at Mundy with tears in his eyes. 

"Hey, don't look at me like that, luv'. It's your daughter there, not mine." 

"And you are my everything, Mundy, so she is your daughter as much as she is mine!" 

"What?! Nah, that's not how it works! Also, when you're gonna meet the bloke, I'll just stay with the cats in the van."

"Why?" 

"Remember we're two blokes, that's not exactly normal, eh?" Mundy said, feeding some bits of fish to the cats. 

"Oh, don't worry about it. He knows for L and you." Victoria said. 

"What?! How?! You told him?" Mundy turned as red as a brick in a flash. 

"Nah, I didn't. I think most people who were at the funeral understood, M." Victoria answered. 

"Ah… W-well… I mean…" 

Lucien looked down at Victoria. 

"Let us have some lunch and you can tell us all about this Charlie of yours, hm?" 

"Yeah, thank you so much." She pushed herself to leave a kiss on Lucien's cheek. "You're the best!"

He smiled and left his arms around her shoulders. 

"I am indeed."

"Lu'!"

"L!"

"Meow!"

"Meow!"

-- Later that day --

"Where to now?" Mundy asked.

"To Richard. I need to thank him. Also, let us go to a bakery first, I need to buy something for him." 

"Okay."

"Any good bakeries you would recommend, mon loup?"

[My wolf?]

"Yeah, I know one, let's go." 

They walked through the streets, followed by both cats. 

"Lu', look at the cats." 

Lucien looked back and smiled. They were brushing themselves against each other and lacing their tails together, purring happily. 

"I am happy that she found someone to pur with." Lucien said. 

"Yeah, they're cute."

"I cannot help but think about how much bigger she is now… I remember when she used to fit in my hand, when she bit me on the first night we met, how she held onto my hand…"

"Nostalgic?"

"Partly."

"Partly?" Mundy asked and they stopped at a crossroad.

"Oui. Those were days where Perle was nothing but a baby but at the same time, those were days where I could only dream of approaching you." 

"What? Gonna make me believe that you were shy?" Mundy smiled. 

"Not shy." The light turned to green and both cats looked up at their masters. The family crossed the street. 

"What then?"

"I was as scared as you were shy." 

"Scared? Do I look scary?" Mundy asked and Lucien gave him one of those looks. "Nope, shush, don't answer." 

Lucien smirked. 

"But what were you scared of? That I'd say no?"

"Don't be ridiculous, Mundy. No one has ever said non to me so far." 

The Aussie rolled up his eyes with a smile. 

"Figured… But tell me, why?" 

"Because I knew I was going to my death. I know what it means to lose the person that you live and breathe for, and I didn't want you to go through that." 

They took a turn and the cats happily followed, still trotting on their heels. 

"Well, good job, you did it anyway in the end, eh?"

"Because of you." Lucien answered. 

"Me?" 

"Oui. You were the one to insist that I should confess my feelings to the man I held in my heart. And here we are."

"Gonna complain?"

"Non, of course not." They chuckled and Mundy pushed the bakery door. "Go ahead, I'll wait with the cats outside."

"Fine, I won't be long." 

"Okay," And as Lucien passed in front of Mundy, the Aussie murmured. "Love you, darl, you're gorgeous…" 

Lucien's cheeks turned pink and his eyes brightened up. 

"Moi aussi, mon loup."

[Me too, my wolf.]

Mundy stayed outside and petted the cats while waiting for Lucien and it took the Frenchman a few minutes before he exited the bakery again, a beautifully decorated bag in his hand.

"You were quick."

Lucien smirked.

"Don't give me that look, you know how long I can be in other contexts…"

Mundy's cheeks popped red.

"Lu'...!"

The Frenchman chuckled and they resumed their walk. Within minutes, they were in front of Richard's shop. 

"Right, let's go." 

Mundy pushed the door.

"Good afternoon gentlem- oh! L! M!" 

"And the fluffy P and S." Mundy added, pointing at the cats. Richard dropped his notebook and ran to shake their hands.

"I am delighted to see you both again! And what a change of style! Oh, I need to make something for you both, for your return, L - non! I will not accept any kind of negotiation, this will be a welcome back gift! Paul! Come here!"

Richard's sons both came out of the workshop and after shaking hands with Lucien and Mundy, their father instructed them. 

"Take a good look at these two new men…!" The tailor with the impeccable white moustache started. "Look at this one. He now stands tall, not slouched like before, he has found peace and confidence in himself, he isn't hiding behind a thick mane of hair anymore…" Richard inspected Mundy closely before turning to Lucien. "And here! Oh mon Dieu here! Here is the man that we all dream to be, if not for the hero he is, then for his silhouette, sculpted out of marble with godly proportions! Boys, we need something refreshing, nothing tactical, non! We need something for a sweeter, more calm life. Look at the beard! Where some people see a lack of effort, I see the beginning of a work of art! And this long hair…! M! Take notes! This is poetry! This is romance! This is beauty! Not only are the colours exquisite to the eye but the braid is fantastic! I take it you did it yourself, L?" 

"Oui, I did." 

"The work of an artist… But sorry, I got carried away, pray take a seat…"

Lucien and Mundy sat on the armchair and the cats went each on their lap, Soot went to Mundy and Perle, to her Papa. 

"What brings you here?" 

Lucien handed the plastic bag to Richard. 

"My will and my duty to thank you, Richard." He answered. 

"What for?" Richard accepted the bag and peeked in. 

"For being a witness to my will. I understand the risk that you willingly put yourself in and the least I can do is to thank you." 

"L, this is nothing compared to what you have done and given all these years, please!"

"Richard, non, this is a great risk you are taking, and you have a wife and children… You are making them take a risk with you."

"I always have. Being an informant for the secret services isn't an innocent job, it never had been, so non, really, it is nothing. When Maurice came to me and told me about you, I offered to help before he could even tell me the details."

"Thank you, and please, accept the content of this bag and share it with the family for me." 

Richard looked inside. 

"Oh! I need to hide it from my wife, if she finds this cake, she will never let me have it!"

The gentlemen chuckled around the coffee table. 

"By the way, who is this new cat you have?" Richard asked.

"This is Soot." Lucien answered and he scratched his head. 

"He's Pearl's mate, they're pretty serious." Mundy added.

"Are they?" Richard asked. 

"Yeah, they got four lovely kids." Mundy explained. "Two girls and two boys, they're growin' up nicely. You wouldn't want one by any chance?" 

"A cat?"

"Still kittens, but yeah."

"I will have to discuss it with my wife even though she has always asked me to adopt a pet." Richard answered.

"Ah, then we would be delighted to gift you one of them." Lucien added. 

"Raised them like I did Pearl and Soot. They've got good manners, they're cuddly and still very playful as they're very young. Give it a thought, eh, Richard?" 

"Will do, I promise."

"Which one would you take?" Lucien asked. "We have Diamond and Star, the girls, and Glovy, the boy." 

"Didn't you say there were four?" Richard asked. 

"Oui, but there is one I will gift to someone else, if you see no issue." Lucien answered.

"Of course, of course."

"But yes, Diamond is black with a diamond-shaped white patch on her face, she also has a white fluffy chest. Star is also black but has a white star-shaped patch on her… Well…"

"On her butt." Mundy said. "She's got a white star on her thigh, close to her butt. And Glovy, the little boy, he's a fat one, we're trying to put him on a diet but eh, hard to stop that greedy fluff ball." 

"Quite so, I will see with the missus but she surely would like a lady. There are too many of us men at home, you see?" Richard chuckled. 

"Fair enough, thank you again, Richard." Lucien stood up and put Perle on his shoulders before shaking the tailor's hand. 

"My pleasure, as always. And I am delighted for you two." Richard winked at Mundy and the tall man blushed. He put Soot on his shoulders and headed out of the shop. 

"Where should I send the clothes?" Richard asked. 

"We will let you know whenever we can." Lucien answered. "Thank you." 

"Have a nice day!"

"To you too, mate." 

-- Evening that day -- 

There was a knock on the van's backdoor.

"Come in, love." 

"Bonsoir, mon amour." 

[Good evening, my love.]

Lucien walked in the van and the cats trotted out. 

"Be careful, cats!" Mundy said. 

"Don't worry, Perle and Soot are remarkable parents." Lucien removed his coat and sat on the sofa next to his lover. 

"So, what did you get us for dinner?" Mundy looked at Lucien's hands repeatedly but couldn't see anything in them. 

"I got you something more than just to fill your hungry stomach." Lucien answered, slithering closer to his lover. 

"Where?" Mundy took Lucien's hands and looked at them. Nothing. "Can you at least meet my… uh… hungry lips?" Mundy blushed and Lucien laced his fingers with the Aussie's.

"Listen to you being flirty… That's new…" He leaned to meet his lover's demand. 

"I-I'm tryin'... Feels weird to hear myself say stuff like that. It's like it's not me…" 

"You are doing remarkably well, mon loup." Lucien whispered and his lips finally met Mundy's.

[ask-the-riders]

iiiiiiii have no idea what to call this

It's basically a snippet of back toward when War first became a rider and how her relationship with Death was, and then in comparison, a snippet of her future, to show how much her relationship with him has improved

The bit that takes place in the future may be very mildly suggestive, because Pest is... well, Pest

"DAMNIT, I SAID I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP!" War screeched angrily, her sockets clouded with wars as she thrashed, blindly trying to fight off the reaper who'd come to her aid. Her struggling continued, despite the several busted ribs, numerous cuts and large bruises, and her all but shattered sternum, and Death let out a deep sigh, his magic holding the glitch in place.

At this rate, she'd end up only hurting herself further. Being the newest addition to the team, he couldn't risk losing her already. Staying back just out of arms reach, he spoke, "Hey, listen to me, War. You need to stop struggling so much. With the shape you're in, you stand the chance of making it even worse. If you hold still for me, I can heal you."

War growled and narrowed her sockets defiantly, "What will it take for you to understand that I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP?!" Death scoffed, "War, cut the bullshit, will ya? When I got here, you were on the ground, almost unable to move. You were nearly screaming in agony, and you were bawling your eyes out." The female rider growled again in irritation, and at her silence, he continued, "Just let me heal you... please. After that, we can go home. I won't tell anyone what happened here, since I know how adamant you are about not letting anyone see you like that."

The glitch refused to answer, huffing and crossing her arms over her chest. Suddenly being reminded of her nearly shattered sternum, her sockets widened and she bit back a pained cry. Squeezing her sockets shut and trying to force back her tears, her figure began to glitch and she seemed to deflate, her voice a broken mumble, "Fine... You're probably gonna do it anyway, so just hurry up and get it over with."

Death rolled his visible eye light, carefully moving closer and beginning to heal her injuries. Once finished, his magic released her, and much to Death's surprise, she collapsed, clearly trembling as she attempted to get back up. The reaper's scythe vanished into thin air and he hoisted her up into his arms without warning, paying no mind as her cheekbones immediately flushed bright blue and she yelped.

Processing what was happening, she squirmed and made a face, "What are you doing?! I can walk fine on my own, I don't need you!" Death arched a brow bone and opened a portal, "Uh huh, sure. We're just gonna ignore how you collapsed the second my magic let go of you, aren't we?" War instinctively clung to his robes, on high alert as they passed through the portal, now in a hallway back at their home.

Still unable to see, War shifted, clearly uneasy as she heard a door open. Death carried her into another room, and a door closed. She was set down on some hard surface and she furrowed her brow bones in confusion. As she heard the bath suddenly turn on, water pouring into the tub at a rapid speed, her sockets widened again and she froze up. Oh god. He wasn't gonna try to bathe her, was he?

Apparently, the answer was yes.

As she felt her scarf be removed, followed by her satchel, she attempted to shove him back, "Hey, hey, hey, hold on a damn minute! There's no way in hell you're undressing me, creep!" His grip was firm yet gentle as he pulled her shoes off, dropping them on the bathroom floor. Ignoring her concerns, he hummed, "War, come on. Seriously. You were badly injured and even after being healed, you still look pretty gross. You don't have the strength to stand, so therefore, you probably can't do this by yourself either."

He began to tug at her shirt and she screamed, her figure glitching wildly, "GET YOUR DAMN HANDS OFF ME, DEATH." The elder rider let out a deep sigh in mild aggravation, "Oh come on, knock it off, War. I'm not doing this to be a creep. For God's sake, I've basically been with you since you were a kid. I've seen you grow up. I'm not doing this for any reason other than to help you."

The glitch continued struggling and the reaper hissed, "War, don't make me use magic. If I have to use magic to make you sit still, you won't like it." Scowling as she slapped his hand away, War snapped, "I'm not gonna like it either way, now get the fuck away from me, you cradle robber!" Death felt one of his sockets twitch and he pinched the bridge of his nose, "War, you don't have the strength to do this by yourself. You need help. It's either gonna be me, Famine, or Pestilence. Take your pick."

The female rider fell silent and he pressed on, "Between the two of us, I get the feeling Pest would love to see you naked. Fam's a little different, but I can't promise that he won't stare, too." War remained silent, her glitching visibly growing worse. She continued to hesitate, and as Death began to tug at her shirt again, she offered no resistance, nor did she make any effort to make the task easier for him.

As soon as he finished stripping her of her clothes, he lifted her again, carrying her toward the tub and gently lowering her into the warm water. The instant his touch was gone, War curled in on herself, pulling her knees up to her chest and hugging them as tight as she could. Death backed up a bit to give her some space, and he was unable to shake the guilt that began to gnaw at his soul as she hid her face, trying to muffle her voice as she let out a broken sob.

He tried to remind himself that he'd only been trying to help her, but in watching her tremble and sob the way she was, he began to question himself. Just... what was the point of all that? Why did he do something after she repeatedly told him no?... Was he really even helping?

He reached out, his fingertips brushing over her arm, "War, I-" At the contact, the female rider jerked back as if she'd been burnt, and she screamed, "GET AWAY FROM ME, BASTARD! JUST GET THE HELL AWAY, AND DON'T FUCKING COME BACK." His shoulders sank and he murmured a soft apology, silent as he exited the bathroom.

She... hated him, by the sounds of it. Then again, he couldn't blame her. There wasn't a single person he'd met that didn't fear or hate him. Even he wasn't a fan of himself, after all.

It'd been a while since then, and at the current point in time, War was lounging on the living room sofa, curled up to her soulmate and completely at ease with her head lying on his shoulder. He'd wrapped an arm around her waist, his hand gently resting on her swollen belly, and she didn't appear to mind, only making a face as she felt their unborn child shifting inside her. Having also felt the movement of their baby, Pest's sockets momentarily widened in surprise, before he sighed, his expression softening as he affectionately nuzzled War's head, pressing a soft kiss to her skull and humming softly, his cheekbones dusting a faint shade of green, "Well someone seems just as energetic as ever."

War playfully scoffed, arching a brow bone at him, "Yeah? And whose fault is that, I wonder." Pestilence chuckled softly, rolling his eye lights, "Mmn... Definitely not mine." His soulmate made another face and she very slowly sat up, just enough to be comfortable as she rested a hand on her belly, softly rubbing as she teased, "Oh shut up, Pest. You know how much they love their daddy already... Always rolling around and practically doing gymnastics in there whenever you touch me." Pestilence snickered, suggestively wiggling a brow bone at her and purring, "Well damn. Looks like I'm not the only one who likes it when my hands are on you. I mean... I already knew you loved it, but the kid?"

War's cheekbones flushed a bright shade of blue and she flicked her tongue at him, "...Pervert." He laughed softly again, scooting closer to her and wrapping an arm around her waist. As he slid a hand beneath her shirt to touch her ecto body directly, the baby could be felt moving again. Pestilence blinked, taking a moment to process what just happened before a grin slowly stretched across his face and he leaned down, gently laying his head on her belly as he sighed softly, visibly content. His cheekbones dusted a soft shade of green as he murmured faintly, "Hey there, kiddo... It's your dad. I just wanted to tell you how much I love you. You and your mom, both... You really are our little miracle, y'know that?..."

As he continued softly speaking to the baby, War's expression softened and she smiled to herself, affectionately caressing the top of his skull. Man... The baby wasn't even born yet, and he'd already showered them with so much love. He'd be amazing father, and she didn't doubt that for even a single moment.

Despite the sound of a door opening and closing, followed by the air growing cold, the pair of soulmates were completely at ease, both enamored by their unborn child. Death began to make his way across the room, briefly pausing to glance at them and smile slightly, shaking his head. Well aware of his presence, War attempted to glance back at him over her shoulder and the back of the couch, calling out to him, "Hey Death, c'mere for a second." The reaper paused again, arching a brow bone, "What for?"

War hummed, "The baby's pretty active right now. I wanted you to come feel it." Death stopped, briefly stealing a wide eyed, surprised glance in her direction. He cleared his throat, "I, uh... I don't think that's a good idea." This response caused War's brow bones to furrow in confusion and concern, "What? Why?" The god of death let out a deep sigh, his smile almost turning sad, "My touch, War. I don't wanna kill your baby. I'd never want that to happen, not ever." The female rider gently nudged Pest's shoulder and he sat up, already understanding the gesture. War called out to Death again, "I think it'd be ok, though. They're born from two members of the group, both of which are immune to your touch." The god shook his head again and began to walk, heading for the hallway that led to his room, "I don't wanna risk anything, ok? I'd never forgive myself if anything happened to the baby."

War narrowed her sockets, grunting as she pushed herself up from the couch. She began to follow the reaper, frowning as she watched him, "Why are you so worried? If your touch kills babies, then how the hell is Mortem not dead? You and Connie had him before she was even part of this group, and he's fine, D. Morty's fine." Death's saddened smile shifted into a frown and he froze in place, "I was hesitant to touch him, War. Connie was persistent though, and I couldn't say no to her. I loved her, and every time she looked even a little sad when I refused to hold him, it made me feel so, so very guilty. I warned her what could happen, and she... she kept insisting..."

His body jolted in surprise as War wrapped her arms around him from behind, laying her head on his back and making a soft sound of acknowledgement, "Yeah?... Tell me how both of you reacted when you held him for the first time... How happy and relieved were you, Death?" The reaper was silent for a moment, his voice noticeably softer than before, "I... Connie was just... over the moon excited. She had these big stars in her sockets, and she was smiling, almost in tears. She kept hugging me, kissing my face... saying how proud she was of me. When I saw that my touch hadn't turned my son to dust, I was so relieved. I was so relieved that I cried, War. It was hard for me to put him down after that... All I wanted was to keep him close to me."

War nodded, her voice a low mumble, "I know... You're a good dad, Death. Everyone here can see that, too. Especially when you're with Morty. That boy loves you so much, y'know that? I know you'd never let anything happen to him." She paused, releasing the reaper from her grasp. As she slipped around in front of him and gently took one of his hands, tugging it toward her belly, she continued, offering him a slight smile and hoping to give some reassurance, "Which is why I trust you with this... Despite your job and what you do, you're a good person. I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't trust you as much as I do, you know that, right?"

Death slowly nodded, his body tensing as she gently pressed his open palm to her stomach. In response to the new touch, the baby did a flip, dragging a startled noise from it's mother, all while Death's sockets widened and he stared. As his frame began to relax again, he very gently stroked her stomach with his thumb, his cheekbones dusting a faint shade of sky blue. Her own cheekbones becoming a soft shade of it's respective deep blue, she smiled, fighting back an amused snort as the unborn infant kicked at the elder rider's hand, "Pfft. What'd I tell ya? Everything's fine, see?... The baby's ok, and if I didn't know any better, I'd even say they liked you."

Death glanced back up at War's face, his blush darkening the smallest bit as he absentmindedly began to pick at her shirt, his voice coming out smaller than intended, "...Can I? Please?... I'm curious if I can see them yet." Despite her own blush darkening as well, the female rider rolled her eye lights, feigning annoyance, "Yeah, yeah. Go for it, D." Death couldn't stop the smile that spread across his face, his hands moving to very gently push her shirt up over her belly. Peering at the deep blue ecto with an obvious interest, the reaper very gently touched her again, both hands on her stomach now. War watched him, staying silent throughout her ever increasing embarrassment as he tilted his head, almost giddy as the baby lightly kicked at one of his hands again.

Her gaze shifted downward and she drew in a soft breath as she watched the darker colored mass inside her shift. As a tiny hand outstretched to press against her belly, her sockets widened and she felt tears prick at her eyes; this... this was really happening. She was really pregnant. She was really going to be a mom. Pestilence was really going to be a dad.

Also seeing the tiny hand, Death's own eyes widened and he stared in awe, at a loss for words. As Pest appeared behind War, he gently gripped her hips and pressed closer to her, wearing a small smile as he watched Death attempt to delicately poke at the baby through her stomach, as if testing to see what it'd do next. Noticing how his soulmate had become teary eyed, Pest let out a soft sigh, pressing a soft kiss to her jaw.

Not wanting to see his lady love crying, he figured it was time for a distraction. He began to slowly slide his hands up her sides, his soft smile turning mischievous; and what better distraction to provide than grabbing her a little? He delivered a soft squeeze to her chest and murmured something to her, earning a startled yelp as her blush visibly darkened. Her sockets began to cloud with wars and she suddenly whirled around, practically seething in an effort to hide how flustered she was, "DAMNIT PEST, NOT IN FRONT OF THE OTHERS!" Completely unapologetic, Pestilence chuckled and shrugged his shoulders, his cheekbones tinted green, "Oops, my bad." War growled in irritation, narrowing her eyes at him. Before she had the chance to spit out a string of expletives, her body jerked in surprise and glitched as another set of arms wrapped around her excitedly.

Recognizing the familiar feeling of the other female rider's ecto pressing against her, War let out a deep sigh, "Hey there, Connie. I suppose you're here to feel the baby move too?" In response, Conquest continued hugging her, giving her a soft squeeze before pulling back and smiling slightly, "I'd like that, yes. If you're uncomfortable though, that's alright." War shook her head, her cheekbones still stained bright blue, "Nah, it's fine. Go ahead, I guess."

Conquest grinned widely, visibly glowing with excitement as she gently placed her hands on War's stomach. War glanced at Pestilence again, making a face, "Well, you might as well go see it Fam and Ret feel like doing this too, Pest. It'd at least give you something to do that doesn't involve getting handsy with me." Her soulmate shamelessly blew a kiss at her and made a sound of acknowledgement, "Awe, c'mon babe. Y'know you love it when I'm handsy." War's blush darkened even further and she shot him a half-hearted glare; laughing softly, he raised his hands in a gesture of surrender and began to make his way out of the room. Watching him leave, War let out a faint sigh; she had no clue what she was getting into when she'd agreed to start a family with him, but as the days progressed, she was getting a better and better idea.

[timeaftertime-chriscornellfanfic]

Chapter 25 - Part 3: 18 Years In The Making

Detroit Michigan, May 18 2017

(Andi is 29, Chris is 52)

ANDI: Sitting in the backseat of a black 2017 Nissan SUV, I flip my dark curls out of my face and try to look out the window which was completely dimmed. Chris sits beside me, his gorgeous curls to his shoulders, while he scrolls through his phone, answering different messages and what not which was also really different for me to see, considering I am coming from 1999.

I wonder how long I'm going to be here?

I look down at myself for a moment, studying my clothes, smiling at how he just knew exactly what my style is and remembering how much I love living in nothing but band shirts and ripped jeans.

My thoughts travel back, reminiscing of a time when it was just Chris and I living with Xana and Andy... how I met Chris the first time and how that first time was overwhelming that Chris had known me so much longer, I just hadn't experienced it yet. I remember everything... falling in love with Chris, writing and creating music and just always being together.

Suddenly I'm pulled from my thoughts as Chris reaches over to me, brushing my curls from my shoulder, and gently entwining his fingers through the curls at the back of my neck. I look over at him and he smiles so sweetly at me, looking so handsome and though he is so much older, he's still so beautiful to me.

"You alright?" He asks.

"Um... yea... just still a little, you know... disoriented," I say, and he gives me a half smile.

"Yea, I remember you would be that way for a little while each time you'd come back to me," He says sweetly still playing with my curls. I close my eyes for a moment and lean into his hand, feeling the warmth and comfort from him. I then move closer to him, resting my head in the crook of his shoulder as I feel his arm wrap around me. He places a kiss on the top of my head lingering there for a moment as I close my eyes and just breathe him in.

"Can I ask you something?" I say after a few moments.

"Sure,"

"What was the last thing you remember before I... um... slipped?" I ask as he continues to play with my curls.

"It was a long time ago..." He smirks and takes a moment to think. "... We were recording in Natasha and Alains studio... I remember you playing that old Gibson I stole for you and recording the last little bit of Euphoria Mourning, but I can't remember the song... I came back downstairs - I think Natasha showed up - and the guitar was laying on the floor and your clothes were just, y'know... where you were..."

He continues to explain from his view what happened and I shift myself to look up at him. I can tell that it hurt him that I ended up slipping again. After a moment he looks back at me and I give him a small smile.

"It was 'Disappearing One'..." I say quietly.

"Yea... yea it was," He says sweetly after a few moments.

"Who's Vicky?" I ask as he cups my face with his palm, brushing his thumb across my cheek and tries to offer a smile but I can tell he really doesn't want to say.

"Just... um... a bad decision I made a long time ago," He says softly, and I could feel my heart drop. Almost like the wind was knocked out of me. I hate this time slipping curse I have. I mean it's not like I expected him to wait for me but in my time we're still married.

"Are you still with her?" I say flatly, more like a statement than a question. He presses his lips into a line and I can already tell he doesn't want to say much more than that.

"Not really... no," He says calmly.

"Well at least you're up front with me about it instead of hiding it," I giggle a little and look back down and smooth out my jeans, catching the tattoo that was etched on my ring finger and quickly hide my hand, feeling the pain in my chest as I try incredibly hard to hide it. He hesitates for a moment and I glance back at him.

"Andi, I haven't been with her in - "

"Chris you don't have to keep explaining, it's ok. I'm ok really. I mean, what were you supposed to do, wait for me? I've always kept you waiting... our entire time together, I was always the one who kept you waiting. You deserve someone who isn't a freak of nature like I am," I say feeling the tears well up in my eyes. I couldn't help it. I can't expect him to wait for me when I know I'm the one who left him, but it doesn't make it hurt any less.

"You're not a freak of nature- "

"Really? Then what would you call it?' I cut him off though I didn't mean to, but I was angry. Angry at myself. Angry that I had lost so much time with him, when it was only just a few minutes for me. I look away from him and try to pull away, but after a few moments, he pulls me back to him as my tears start to fall, pressing his lips to my temple and closing his eyes.

"I would call it fate, destiny... an amazing ability, to be able to time travel like you do. Do you know how many people wish they could do that? I'm just a fool who tried to pretend that I didn't miss you, that I didn't need you - " He touches his forehead to my temple.

" - need me? You don't need me -" I start but he cuts me off.

"Yes, I do. Andi... don't you fucking realize that you were the one and only thing that saved me? You were always the one that saved me. I would wait another 18 years for you if it meant that you were in my life again,"

I slowly bring myself to look into his eyes once more and he softly brushes his lips across mine and all I could think about was how much I still love him.

"Mr. Cornell?" The driver says when he rolls down the divider, as I quickly pull away from Chris touching my  fingers to my lips, remembering his on mine.

"Uh huh?" He says glancing towards the driver and I touch my forehead to his temple.

"We're at terminal 3," The driver says.

"Ok, thank you," Chris says and the divider slowly rises. He then turns back to me and smiles sweetly at me , touching his forehead to mine.

*****

Somewhere over Ohio, May 18 2017

ANDI:  "So, we should be in Columbus in about an hour. Do you two need anything else to drink?" A young flight attendant says appearing from behind the curtain that leads to the cockpit, as I sit next to the tiny window over looking the country side below, the bright sunlight lighting up the entire cabin of the small private jet.

"No, I'm ok," I say softly turning from the window, pushing my dark curls behind my ear.

"I'm good too, thank you," Chris says sweetly and she smiles, disappearing behind the curtain once more.

"You know you don't have to stay strapped into the seat, it's only for taking off and landing," Chris smirks as he rests his leg across his knee, leaning further back into the small airplane sofa. I look back at him and nervously smile, realizing that still after all these years I've never gotten used to flying.

"Yea, I know" I say and glance down at myself.

"Ok, well c'mere... come sit beside me," He chuckles. I slowly move to unbuckle my belt and once I'm free, I quickly move out of my seat and beside him as fast as I could as he continues to chuckle at me.

"Andi, it's alright... you used to fly with me all the time," He laughs as I try to situate myself on the sofa.

"I know, but it was never in a small plane like this," I say pushing my curls behind my ear as I try to relax but find myself gripping the arm of the sofa. After a few moments, I feel a little more relaxed and he reaches out for me, pulling me closer to him.

"Once we land, I'll take you shopping and we can grab you some more clothes if you want, then I have to meet they guys at the hotel and go over a few things and I figure at that point you can surprise them. Fuck, they are going to lose their minds. They're gonna be so happy to see you," Chris says and presses his lips to the back of my hand.

"I hope so," I giggle.

"Are you crazy? I know for sure Kim is going to attack you with a bear hug," Chris smiles and I laugh.  After a couple of minutes, his smile softly fades and he leans in touching his forehead to mine, closing his eyes.

"I've missed you so, so much," He says.

"Well... you don't have to miss me anymore," I say softly.

He flicks his eyes to look at me, hesitating for just a moment, and I brush my lips across his, feeling his beard tickle my lips. His kiss, just the same as it always has been, loving and sweet at first and then quickly becoming full of passion as his he snakes his hands around my hips, pulling me into him. I reach up cupping his face in my palms, responding as our lips move together, long and soulful as I begin to suck that full bottom lip of his.

I sigh against his lips as I lace my fingers through his soft thick curls, his fingers moving up under the hem of my shirt, trailing so gently up my sides and around to my back. He guides me to lay back on the sofa, hovering over me in between my legs, though his lips never leave mine.

"Wait... um... the curtain?" I ask when I pull my lips away from his, though he remains close. He slowly opens his eyes and that sly smirk spreads across his lips. His necklace slipping out from the collar of his t-shirt, swaying as it sparkles in the bright sunlight.

"Don't worry, I turned on the 'Do Not Disturb' sign. Besides... we've had our share of fun in less private places before..." Chris says raising his eyebrow at me and I couldn't help but smirk thinking of all the times that we had been less than  - how would you put it... inconspicuous so to speak.

"Yea, I guess you're right," I giggle and bite my bottom lip, swiftly reaching down, pulling my Aerosmith shirt up over my head.

His fingers trail up to my ribs as he watches me with those blue eyes of his glancing over my sheer black lacy bra that he had picked out for me. I drop my shirt to the floor of the plane, then reach for the hem of his t-shirt and pull it up over his head while his curls fall down across his eyes. We giggle as I drop his shirt to the floor, his necklace swaying against his unbelievably smooth toned chest with the silver pendant sparkling in the bright sunlight. 

He is even more beautiful than I ever thought he could be... it's like he hasn't aged at all.

I reach up and brush his curls out of his eyes as he leans down and softly brushes his lips across mine once more. Then like a flood of emotion, my nervousness melting away, I pull him down to me as his lips move to my jawline, then down to my neck. He brushes my dark curls off my shoulder, pulling  the strap of my bra down, placing soft fleeting kisses all along the way. His hands move around to unclasp my bra, gently removing the rest all the while his lips never break away from my skin as he moves down to my chest cupping my right breast in his palm, placing his lips on my nipple, his tongue playing with the hard nub of flesh there.

As the music continues to fill the cabin, I exhale shakily as the incredible feeling of his lips, loving every single second of how he remembers exactly what to do to get me going. I reach down, my fingers finding the belt to his fitted jeans and quickly unbuckle it, pulling down the zipper, his incredible hardness attempting to burst through his black boxer-briefs.

"I guess it's been a while?" I ask.

"You have no idea," He moans, breaking his lips away from my nipple for just a moment to turn his attention to my other nipple while I palm him through his boxer-briefs.

"I guess I'm just going to have to fix that then," I whisper as I slip my hand inside his boxer-briefs, gripping him, feeling his length grow harder with each squeeze.

Parting his lips from my nipple, He begins to pant, touching his forehead to my chest, losing focus for a few minutes while I tease him. He then lifts his head to turn his attention back to my right nipple, repeating the same process over again. Then he suddenly pulls my hand away from him, brushing his lips further down my stomach, to the rim of my jeans and quickly unbuckles my belt, pulling down the zipper

"You first," He says lustfully and pulls my jeans down along with my panties, over my hips and I bite my bottom lip again as he removes one pant leg, then another and drops them to the floor.

I quickly inhale as he opens my legs, immediately getting down to business. He gently and softly strokes my clit, his fingers feeling like nothing I've ever felt before. I let out another moan, but he flicks his eyes to me, putting his index finger to his lips to hush me. I bite my lip once more and arch my back responding to his touch. His fingers stroking my clit in various circular motions begin to overwhelm me as I reach up gripping the arm of the sofa above my head to try to control my breathing.

In one movement, replaces his fingers with his lips and I was about to lose control over my entire being. He slips one finger inside me, then another, sensually thrusting, reaching my sweet spot, all the while beginning to suck my clit feeling like he is about to pull the very soul right out of my body.

"Chris... I'm - ,"

"Shhh... I know," He hushes me once more, and returns to sucking my clit and suddenly, the intense release of pure intense free falling pleasure consumed me like never before. It was all I could to stifle my cries as I practically come apart before him.

A few moments later, as I come back down to earth, he moves away from me though my eyes remain tightly closed. I hear him drop his pants, then returns in between my legs leaning over me once more, his lips placing soft sweet kisses on my hipbone, his beard prickling me in the most perfect way as I flick my eyes open to see him looking at me.

"I take it you needed that?" He smirks so slyly. I had no idea how to respond to that other than a soft  quiet moan escaping my lips as I pull him to me crashing my lips to his. Instantly, I move him into a seated position so that I am on top straddling him. He chuckles then bites his bottom lip as I position myself, feeling just how hard he really is.

Feeling his length against my clit, I move my hips relishing in the feeling of him against me. He lets out a soft moan as I throw my head back, his lips crashing to my throat. His fingers trail to my back as he presses me against him, his chest feeling so warm and strong against me as I lace my fingers through his curls while he continues to brush his lips across my skin.

"I - I need... you inside me," I whisper, and with that he reaches down to position himself, teasing my clit with the tip of him for a few moments, then slowly but carefully inserts himself inside me.

There are no words to explain the rush of sensations that took over my entire body. The length of him inside me is so incredible that I never want this to end. He thrusts so sensually, and lovingly, filling me up entirely as I quickly become adjusted to the size of him.

"Fuck, you feel so fucking amazing," I breathe.

"No darling, you do," He groans as he thrusts even harder, making me whimper. I feel myself grip him and that same pressure from before begins to build inside me, begging to tip over the edge once more.

"Chris..." I moan, completely throwing out the fact that we were trying to be quiet as I touch my forehead to his all the while he watches my reaction to him under his brow.

"Cum with me baby," He purrs and with the sound of his husky voice I let myself go, gripping his locks and throwing my head back as he lets himself go inside me.

*****

Un-tucking my curls out from under my shirt, I situate myself back on the sofa as Chris leans back, buckling up his belt. He reaches for his shirt that was on the floor and then switches off the 'Do Not Disturb' sign.

"Mr. Cornell, we are arriving in Columbus in just a few minutes... do you and the young lady need anything before we land?" The young flight attendant clears her throat as she emerges from behind the curtain. I could feel the blood rushing to my cheeks as I know that everyone on board could hear us... well me actually.

"No that's ok, I think we're ok," Chris says as he pulls his shirt down over his chest and glances at me smirking. The fight attendant then disappears back behind the curtain into the cockpit and Chris takes my hand, chuckling and places his lips on the back of my hand as I try to keep myself from laughing.

[my-brothers-corrupted]

My Brothers, Corrupted

Chapter Three : Section Five : Two Truths and a Lie

Chapter One l Chapter Two l Chapter Three

After a few harrowing days, we tie up loose ends and answer questions, while Anti goes searching for answers in a less orthodox way.

Trigger warnings for sudden distress, physical abuse and restraint, mentions of cutting and blood (not self-inflicted), and emotional manipulation.

Section Five of Chapter Three: Two Truths and a Lie

Okay I usually try to save questions I don’t get to for the next time I get to the boys but we’re just going to have some miscellaneous question time lol so I can clean out my inbox! you can ask anybody anything right now. I’ll probably just clear everything out and then later or tomorrow I’ll set a scene

I do think I want to come back towards more casual answering like we used to at the start, so if I start answering questions at more random times instead of like in two-hour chunks bear with me :)

Except Trick he’s not taking questions D:

pixie-in-trebleland asked: Hey Dap! You feeling any better?

Dap is still cozied up in his blankets, holding you between his pale palms as he rouses himself. He sets you down on his lap.

“Feel very tired,” he confesses. “But not so much in the no-energy way. More like the no-interest way.”

“No interest in what?” asks Red softly, coming over off-screen to set a cup of water on his bedside table. Dapper doesn’t answer, rubbing at his sleepy eyes.

“Glad your color’s up,” says Red, though you can hear the frown in his voice. “You come back much quicker than Blue, honestly. Maybe you didn’t use as much power as I thought?”

Dapper shrugs and his stomach growls, but he doesn’t complain.

Anonymous asked: Hey boys

“Hi,” waves Dapper, smiling for you. “How are you, camera?”

Red chuckles and shuffles around the room.

“It talks to me,” signs Dapper dreamily. “Lots of voices. Cameras, brothers, bears, empty rooms. It talks to me.“

aether-mae asked: Magicians! can you either tell us your location, or tell us a location near you? Are you still in Peru?

“We are in Peru,” says Emmanuela. “It may not be safe to be more specific than that.”

pixie-in-trebleland asked: What are you two up to?

“I’ve got to go get him some breakfast here in a minute,” murmurs Red, coming to set you on the desk in the corner of the square little room, so you can see them better. There’s water damage making the ceiling sag and Dapper scratches on a little red bite on his neck, hugging his filthy white bear to his chest.

“I shouldn’t have spent so much on getting a room for a couple days,” sighs Red. “But he needed to lie down. And I have to admit it’s nice not sleeping on the street for a night.”

spicydanhowell asked: dap, red, when you're up, have you noticed maybe some churches or other places in local communities that have food donations? or actually, all kinds of fruit grow in peru. if you can find some kind of garden or orchard, you could snag some fruit when nobody's around. either of these would be a lot better than shoplifting or robbing houses :(

“You’re probably right,” mumbles Red morosely, dragging his hands through his hair. “I don’t trust those food donation places though. Fucking cops could be hanging out. Scumbags. Worse than American cops, here. Maybe.”

“That only happened once,” says Dapper. “Now you’re paranoid.”

“What?”

“It only happened once,” repeats Dapper, frowning. “That the cop followed you home after you went to get food from the nuns. And then Anti handled it. You’re paranoid.”

Red pauses, his mouth opening and shutting once.

“Dap… bud, you know I don’t remember farther back than Norway, right?”

Dapper doesn’t say anything, picking at the dirt on his bear’s ears.

“There’s no gardens around here that I know of, we’re right in the middle of this ugly city and everything’s apartment buildings and run-down businesses. I’m going to try and find a restaurant that throws stuff out or something before I steal anything, I guess. But I’m scared to be out in public and I just… I just wish we had…”

He kneads his thumb into his palm and goes quiet, his head down from the weight of it all.

cest-mellow asked: hey dok! how are you feeling with the magicians now? any safer than before?

He slept in his own bed tonight, curled up beneath the covers, but when he comes back to you, he looks upset, maybe even tearful.

“I’m sorry,” he croaks, holding you very tight again, rubbing at his wrists. “But I woke up afraid today and I - I - ”

He pauses, staring around him, his mouth shuddering.

“I don’t know, I felt safe yesterday, but I’m worried they did something to my head.”

He pushes his palm against the side of his skull and closes his eyes, biting down hard on his lip.

“Don’t know what kind of powers they have,” he whimpers. “What sort of things they could make me think. I never trust anybody but my family anymore… one time Anti said I could go to the synagogue, but I was too scared even to go… everybody is a threat.”

pixie-in-trebleland asked: They've made a vow to us that they won't harm you, Dok. Don't be afraid :) we got your back

Dok breathes out a low sigh and swallows.

“Okay. Okay. They haven’t hurt me yet. Or the ones I’ve met, anyway. I don’t think that Old Man likes me, JP said… and the medic girl, she doesn’t like me. I don’t want her to touch me.”

He wraps his arms around himself.

pixie-in-trebleland asked: What have you been doing to keep busy, Dok?

“I sleep… I’m so tired. I haven’t really been… coherent enough to do much of anything this last week, but now…”

He chuckles, rubbing his arms. “Well, I confess a little boredom, but that’s the least of my worries, really.”

cest-mellow asked: magicians, did you guys do something to dok’s head?

The magicians seem to have found a way to share JP’s little network for your messages across devices, because you find yourself looking through a phone camera at Genesis and Hermann.

“Oh, yay, it is working,” he says.

“To his head?” asks Genesis.

“Oh, no, no, certainly not,” says Hermann. “What, hit him or hypnotize him or something like that? No, he’s okay. Is he scared of that?”

“It’s not surprising for him to be confused,” says Genesis.

And then, after a moment, she adds, “It was the same way with me, when I started to realize I hated my parents. It’s like - what, am I really thinking these things? Is this really all true? I think it would have been almost a relief to wonder if someone was hypnotizing me, so I didn’t have to admit what I was thinking.”

Hermann gives her privacy to say it, turning away and busying himself with whatever they’re working on. A moment later, he straightens up with his arms laden with bags and boxes and a backpack thrown over his shoulder.

“Good news, though,” he says, smiling at you. “We finished going through all the things they had in the car, so now the medico can see everything that didn’t seem dangerous. Do you think he’ll like having his stuff back?”

“We think this is his,” adds Genesis, holding up Dok’s nice white doctor’s coat. “Yeah?”

pixie-in-trebleland asked: Where'd you find that? I'm sure he'll love to have it back!

“They left their car behind,” says Genesis. “So everything that wasn’t on the backs of the others is with us now!”

nikkilbook asked: Could have sworn Marvin had a Lapwing tattoo...? Pretty sure he was in the Irish order. And just in case, check for the name “Marvin McLoughlin.” Not sure if that’s the one, but I figure it’s worth a shot.

“Oh, I do,” mumbles Blue.

You find him laid out in a new bed, dressed in white, looking very tired, but cozy beneath his covers.

“Yes, I think that’s what it is. A lapwing. I don’t remember well…”

———————

“Oh, Lapwing,” says JP, nodding at his computer. “Oh, excellent. Oh, perfect, thank you, thank you. An Irish magician. I will find him.”

Anonymous asked: Hello Marv, how are you feeling?

“A little zoned out,” he mumbles, closing his eyes. “They gave me something different. I don’t mind, though. It calmed me down. Now I’m not so upset. I felt like I couldn’t even handle last night. But now I’m just drifting…”

He shivers, once.

“I’m just scared of what Anti will do to me… to Trick…”

bupine asked: what else was in the car, magicians?

“Well, we did find some creepy stuff,” confesses Hermann, frowning. “Like… masks and stuff.”

“Chains.”

“Yeah, things to torture people, you know, like - blowtorch?”

“Yeah, that’s the word. And this weird electric set-up. Like these bars that could shock you. Really fucked up stuff.”

“But then the rest of it is just normal stuff!” Hermann puts his hand in one of the boxes and rifles through. “Games, toys, books, art stuff. Mostly clothes!”

“We’ll let the medico look through the rest of it.”

bupine asked: hey anti, is trick ok?

Anti glances up at you, a warning in his eyes.

He’s sitting on his bed, eating cold red curry out of the take-out box while he works on his computer. It looks to be late afternoon with that much light coming in the window.

He doesn’t answer, but he doesn’t move you, either, and you can see a figure laid out in the bed beside him, his messy hair fluffed against the pillows, breathing deep and steady as he sleeps.

aether-mae asked: Hey magicians, i was wondering if we could lead the other brothers who are also separated from the demon to you. Is there a location we could ask them to meet you at?

“Oh, please do,” begs Hermann, eyes wide. “Please bring the other boys here. We would really keep them safe, I do promise. I… I don’t know where we could meet them, I’d have to ask Emmanuela.”

“Good look convincing them,” mumbles Genesis, looking unconvinced, but sad too, because she knows even better than Hermann the way that they were living.

pixie-in-trebleland asked: You need to take care of him, Anti. He can't deal with your crap, okay?

Anti chooses to type his answers back to you. Actually, he doesn’t look to be typing at all, but his words show up on your screen nevertheless.

“What about this makes you think I’m not taking care of him?”

scunneredzombie asked: Y'know Anti... as horrid as all the things you're doing are, I'm starting to notice something. In your own weird way, you really do adore your brothers. You've said before you're incapable of love but, honestly? I doubt that. You love them. You want family just as much as they do. Why not give it to them, Anti? Why do you have to hurt them, why not allow you all to be a family? A normal, healthy, family?

Anti’s mouth opens angrily, and then he blushes dark, realizing he’s been caught red-handed showing mercy to one of his puppets.

“I do not adore him,” he sends you, eyes flashing. “He’s a guard dog. But if you want to believe I’m secretly a soft, loving, lonely little boy, hey - go right the fuck ahead.”

He smiles meanly at you.

“Family is a manipulation tactic. Trickshot is a pet.”

Anonymous asked: “What about this makes you think I’m not taking care of him?” Because you're you. Do we even have to elaborate?

“I can be nice,” types Anti, and gives you a mocking smile.

Trick shifts on the bed next to him and Anti’s face returns to apathetic concentration, putting another chopstick-full of curry in his mouth.

“Anti,” mumbles Trick, half asleep. Anti reaches back without looking to rub his back and Trick sighs warmly.

Anonymous asked: Magos, your goal is admirable, but you should know that it's futile on its current course. Do any of you have phones? Computers? Radios, even? Do you ever leave base? Do you have family, friends, with those things who live off-base? Then you're not secure enough to hide from the demon. He'll find you all, kill you all, and take Dok back for himself. If you can't find and save ALL the brothers soon, you'd just as well drop Dok off where the demon can find him, and maybe you'll survive longer.

Genesis has a fight in her eyes and she opens her mouth to speak, but before she can, Hermann is speaking, louder than you’ve ever heard him.

“Well, maybe so!” he says, scattering the birds from the trees.

He puts his head down and repeats it.

“Maybe so. Maybe the monster will find him again. Maybe the monster will find us and take him away. But I think… I think a week, two weeks, a month of being treated like a human being, as long as we can give him or his brothers being treated like a human being, with kindness, with respect, with basic needs - that…”

He nods his head, slow.

“That is worth it. That is worth whatever happens. That is a cause to die for. You hear about tragedies, sometimes, from afar, and so many people must have felt so hopeless… alone, even as they died. A moment of mercy is worth it. Maybe I can’t save them, but… I can help. I know that the magician is alive because of me. And that was worth it. I believe that, I do.”

He stares at the floor for a moment, and then, a little reddened from the passion of it, he turns to smile at Genesis and mumbles something about bringing Dok the first of his things before turning to shuffle away.

Genesis shoots you a look.

“Hermann is a man of God,” she says. “But I will fuck your shit up! Your monster was a little bitch on the shore of that river, there, I said it! Ran with his tail between his legs! Fuck it! We’re going to do the best we can. And if that doesn’t work, well, I’ll leave it to over-invested poets like that dumb-ass to make it okay.”

She beams fondly after Hermann and scoops up the rest of the boxes and backpacks, but as she moves, you see the smile on her face flicker away into worry.

Anonymous asked: Hermann, I think the glitch might be hiding somewhere in Asia, from what I can see.

“Oh, tell Emmanuela!” calls Hermann, when Genesis catches up to him.

“Oh, I don’t remember what JP said about sending the messages.”

“There’s like a button that - that one?”

“I don’t - oh, and then, Emmanuela - oh, it’s gone!”

“Is it with her?”

“Is it - yeah, I don’t know.”

“Oh.”

“Oh.”

They pause, looking at each other.

“I’ll text her,” says Genesis.

—————————

You find Emmanuela in a small white office, flowers blooming on the shelf beside her. She’s writing something. She barely looks up as the message reaches her computer.

“Thank you for telling me,” she says.

The dark sheen of her hair glows in the morning light, falling down her back.

“You were right to mention it. You seem to be right. The sunbirds were a young order. Small and intimate. Not someone I’ve communicated with before, but someone I know of. Caleb was their leader’s name.”

She pauses for a moment in her writing. Her expression does not change. She stares ahead.

“The sunbirds are dead,” she says, and continues her work.

immabethehero asked: Red, Dap, if we said we could get you somewhere safe and off the streets, but away from Anti, would you take it?

Red glances at the camera, his eyebrow quirking up, a deep frown on his mouth.

“That sounds suspicious,” he says, getting a cup for water. “And I’m trying to get back to Anti, not farther away from him.”

He can’t keep a little irritation out of his voice.

bupine asked: we kind of do know why anti stole the brothers away. it's to do with a man called jack, who anti used to be friends with. we think he's still alive, but even anti doesn't know where he is. the brothers used to be friends with him. we don't know what happened to him, but all this revolves around this man.

“Hm, okay,” says JP, working at his computer, books stacked around him. He stretches his wrists, thinking. “I guess I could look for a Jack in the Lapwing records too. Ireland has a large magical order, though, even bigger than the whole of Peru.”

Anonymous asked: Hey Blue? Trick is... taking a social media break from us so we can't talk to him. I'm sorry he didn't take things well but you're right in taking care of yourself first. We need you to have your head on straight and you're heading in the right direction and we support that. We'll help you however we can.

“A social media break,” says Blue, and a laugh starts before the rest of the message registers.

“What… he won’t even talk to you?”

He pauses, staring at the wall.

“Give him time,” he mumbles finally, grief in his voice. “I’m sure he’ll… I’m sure he’ll come around, right?”

For a moment, there is nothing but the movement of footsteps in the hall and the buzzing of the lights.

And then, weakly:

“He didn’t… come to see me this morning. He comes to see me every morning… so I’m not alone all day.”

Swish, swish, click. Footsteps past his door. Thrumming lights. The largeness of his room and the smallness of himself inside of it. He rubs his own arm.

bupine asked: we're not trying to hurt trick, anti. we just want to know he's alright. how has he been? he won't talk to us anymore.

“Oh, I know you’re not,” types Anti, now not even looking at you, playing with Trick’s hair. Trick hums contentedly and scoots closer to Anti, relief so great it looks painful flickering through his face. “I know how attached you are to all of them. Some more than others, sure. But I know.”

He scratches his hand across Trick’s scalp. There’s a faint meowing outside the door, confused.

“He just needs a rest. Not like him to come begging to me, so I know he must have been really upset. Dok’s not here to comfort the little baby, so I’ll have to.”

Anti pauses, scratching beside Trick’s ear, humming a little as the light pours in. A big pink flower blooms on the headboard, but Anti hardly seems to notice.

“Then again, it is nice to have someone all sweet to myself again. I miss sleeping with my Dapper. And Trick is just so - ”

The typing pauses. Trick has slid an eye open, staring wearily, brokenly, lovingly up at Anti.

Anti runs his thumb down his face. He looks so much like him. Anti had almost forgotten. It’s been a long time since he spared Trick a glance. It used to upset him, the similarity there. But now…

Anti scratches gently through his beard, watching his boy. Maybe he’ll cut his hair today.

aether-mae asked: Dok! You need to get the magicians to find Red. We can try and get his location as best we can but we need to get him to you asap before he can get to anti

Dok recoils, holding his shoulders. “What - lead Red here? No, no, no, Red should be with Anti. We all should. I should be with Anti. Nobody here understands! Even if they are nice, they don’t understand and they never will! And Red - Red killed one of them. If there are people here who don’t like me, I can only imagine what they might think of him. No, no, keep him far away. I bet it’s easier for Anti to find him if he’s not here. Anti will get Red and then Anti will get me, too, and everything will be okay.”

pixie-in-trebleland asked: How do you all protect yourselves from attacks? Do you even get attacked, magicos?

“Ah, well,” says JP, continuing to type. “We’re in a very secure location, I can tell you that. It’s hidden in more ways than one. No one has ever attacked us at our home base, except one time when she was young Juana was possessed! But that hasn’t happened since. Something would have to get inside that was already a threat. And to be fair, there are quite a few powerful magicians here. Emmanuela, Christof - ”

He blanches and cuts himself down, a sudden grief twisting up his mouth.

Anonymous asked: Hey Anti can you let Trick feed his cat please? I know you won't do it but someone should.

“He feeds that cat just fine. It can wait another half hour for him to wake up.”

He is smiling down at Trick, watching him drift sleepily besides him. He doesn’t know why he suddenly feels so fond of him. Been too long since he had Dapper. Or anybody. He’s just been watching Blue sleep all week. Trick doesn’t even know you’re there, and Anti does not give it away.

Anonymous asked: Blue, you're going through a fucking lot right now. I can't imagine what it's like for you. But! What I can imagine is you at least getting to see everyone again! Don't ask me how, but I know there are currently people (good and safe people) out there researching on what's happened, how to help you, and even who you used to be. Please don't give up, there is hope out there, and we'll do our best to support you and let you know what's going on with your brothers.

Blue clasps his hands together, nodding slowly, too tired to cry.

“Thank you. I’m… I’ll do my best.”

He rubs at his face and breathes out a shuddering breath.

pixie-in-trebleland asked: Blue? Do you trust the magicians??

“I don’t know,” he says, very small and very tired. “I don’t know anything anymore. Magicians are just people. And people can always turn out to be hateful. I don’t know.”

Anonymous asked: Anti, please just let Trick rest for the night... He feels really dejected because Blue wouldn't come with him, as you see, and he's really not doing well without any brothers, besides yourself, to help take care of and to live with.

“I think it has been hard for him, being away from everyone,” agrees Anti. “So needy.”

He smiles, but then a flash of anger rises on his face.

“Of course, that’s why Blue was supposed to come home. So Trick could have someone to take care of and be taken care of by. Guess I’ll just have to keep him in line myself.”

spicydanhowell asked: hey red? anti's actually quite close to finding dok, and the magicians have kept him healthy and fed, so if you go to them they will give you protection from the police, food, and medicine, and anti will come get you soon, And dok is missing you both so much :( anti will never find you if you run around like this. the magicians are really harmless. it would be best for dap to go there right now so he can be fed and medicated and get back to anti quickly. love you hunny, be safe.

Red squirms, standing close to Dap protectively. “I don’t know what they would do to a kid as powerful as him,” he says. “And even if they’re nice to Dok, we - we both hurt them. I killed that guy with the book and Dapper stabbed one and tortured the other.”

Dapper stares at his bear, seeming to not even hear.

“I don’t know. I don’t like it. I don’t - I just - I just want to go back to Anti!” He clutches his fists, overwhelmed. “And we can’t go anywhere now anyway. We don’t have a way to travel until I get more money and I got this place for another couple nights. As long as the cops don’t find us. And I think I’m even more wanted in Peru than I am here. I just - I want - ”

He cuts himself off again, biting down on his lip.

spicydanhowell asked: marv, chase is just sleeping, okay? i think he's really worn out from all the emotion. he's okay though. anti is being kind to him. he hasn't been punished. please don't worry dear.

“Oh, good,” breathes Blue, closing his eyes. “He’s not hurt. And maybe - maybe he’ll come see me when he wakes up. If Anti lets him. He wouldn’t choose not to come see me…”

Anonymous asked: How are you feeling right now Marvin? It might be good to get it out there if you're feeling up to it.

“Please don’t worry,” he murmurs. “I’m just tired. I’m starting to think this fatigue won’t go away. I can’t even walk today. The nurse has to help me. Still got this in my nose.”

He tugs wearily on his nasal cannula.

“Just feel… alone. And pretty pathetic. And I’m angry, I’m angry, I’m so angry.”

He covers his face with his hands.

“At everything.”

Anonymous asked: how long is the psychiatric hold supposed to last? were you evaluated yet blue? sorry if that's personal, but i guess this is actually a fib so maybe not.

“Someone’s supposed to come talk to me today. I just had an entrance exam. The only asked me like five questions. I think the doctor had been waiting for an admission like this. I don’t know how long they can keep me…”

spicydanhowell asked: its okay if you want to stay away a little longer red, but the magicians have told us that theyd happily take care of both of you. there are no hard feelings. they really, truly care about your family, and it is the best way to get back to anti. he is going to get there soon, and he'll be glad you took dap to a safe place

“I don’t need anyone taking care of my little brothers for me!” snaps Red, heat and shame rising in his cheeks. “And Anti would not want us to be there. No matter what choice I make I know that much for certain.”

pixie-in-trebleland asked: What else did you find?

“Hey, medico?”

There’s a knock on his door and Dok jolts up, blinking ans clutching you to his chest. Hermann pokes his head in a moment later, smiling gently.

“Hey, we’ve got some of your stuff from the car you guys took. Do you want to see it?”

Some of his stuff?

Dok blinks and then nods slowly, trying not to get his hopes up.

Genesis and Hermann bring him two backpacks, two boxes, and his own little draw-string bag. Relieved, he opens it a finds all of his own clothes inside.

“Thank you,” he gasps, clutching one of his three shirts to his chest.

“We got rid of anything electronic,” says Genesis. “Figured that was safer.”

A worm of distress wiggles through his chest, but he’ll take what he can get. “I know the way you think about my brother. I’m glad to have - oh!”

His coffee! From Trick!

He nearly drops you to hold it, squeezing his hands around the bag.

“We’ll let you look through it,” laughs Genesis.

“Yeah, let us know if you need anything,” adds Hermann, smiling.

They leave and shut the door behind them.

The lock does not click.

Dok stares up at it for a moment, thinking.

But he’ll focus on this for now.

Most everything is either his or Dapper’s or Blue’s. He hopes Red and Trick have most of their things. He has Blue’s clothes and more jewelry than he expected in one of the boxes, stuff he’s never even seen Blue wear before. Dapper’s clothes are here too - there’s more of them than Blue’s and Dok’s combined, hot sweatshirts and starchy dress shirts, nice pants and tight black shoes, even though he never leaves the house. One of the backpacks has paper, sketchpads, watercolors, colored pencils, chalks, and erasers. Dok puts a sketchpad beside him to look at later. Dap’s puppet toys are here too, and some nice red cloth and fairy lights. Dok can tell some stuff has been taken out, like collars and wrist restraints.

aether-mae asked: (For the magicians) Great! Yes! We would be more than happy to bring them to you, but we just need a location to ask them to come to. I was thinking we tell them anti is going to collect them there

Emmanuela drums her fingers along her desk, tilting her head at you.

“If there are others who can make it back - and if we can confirm that they aren’t possessed by the monster - your friends can come to the Church of Santo Domingo. We could meet them there. We are not far. They could wait by the skull of Santa Rosa inside. Be cautious not to lose their trust.”

pixie-in-trebleland asked: Hey Dap! Does the Church of Santa Dominigo ring any bells?

Dapper’s head perks up.

“Red and Blue would not let me see her!”

“Are you talking about that day you ran off?” frowns Red.

“I went to the convent, and I hid in the corner, and across the street was the church with her skull, and I wanted to see. In Saint Dominic’s Church. But we had to go rob a car instead.”

He puts his head down on his hand.

“You got a churro, though,” says Red uncertainly, confused by his mood. “That was good, right?”

Dapper stares at the wall, eyes downcast.

Red glances at you. “It’s, uh. In the middle of the city. Hard to miss. I’ve passed it many times.”

spicydanhowell asked: red... i don't want to upset you... but how else is he going to find you if you keep running around like this? the rule of thumb when you're lost and waiting for rescue is to stay in one place, and the best place to be would definitely be the place anti is going to go to once blue is out of the hospital. you might be there a only a few days, and you won't have to go hungry, or lock dapper up in a room or handcuff him to a church pew. you'll be safe. you'll get home, i promise hunny.

Red lets out a frustrated huff, trying to pretend he’s not considering it. It would be so nice to feel like Dapper was safe somewhere, even if they were prisoners.

“Anti… Anti’s going to find us. He is.”

They could have plenty to eat, they could sleep in beds, they could -

“Well, I don’t know that,” he interrupts himself, scowling. “We’re both much more wanted than Dok is. I don’t know if he has a criminal record at all. They could just turn us over to the police. For all I know, you’re one of them!”

He scuffs his foot against the floor, irritated by his own helplessness.

“Never mind,” he grumbles. “I gotta focus on right now. Dap, I’m going out, okay, I’ll be back in a couple hours.”

Dapper jumps out of bed, alarm on his face, and races towards his shoes by the door.

“Dap! No. You could have another snap at any time. You need routine, right? A steady environment with no surprises. You’re staying here.”

Almost panting, Dapper tugs his right shoe on, tying the laces tight, tight!

“Dapper, come on, are you kidding?” Red stalks over to him and snatches the other shoe out of his hand before he can put it on. “I could get in a fight! It’s not safe. And I’ll be more discreet alone.”

But Dapper isn’t listening, or if he is, he doesn’t agree. His hands scramble up for the shoe, once, twice, but when Red doesn’t give it to him he grabs his brother’s jacket and looks up at him with big puppy eyes, desperately sweet, and once again Red feels his skin crawl from the falseness of it, and he knows that his brother is trying to manipulate him.

“Is Anti the one who taught you to act like a fucking two-year-old to get what you want?” he asks, before he has thought the words through. “Or have you always been this much of a baby?”

The expression slides off Dapper’s face. Now he stares dead-eyed at Red, his big eyes cold and motionless. He seems suddenly hollow, like his heart was pulled out of his chest, like he doesn’t remember what it is to emote, like he feels nothing at all, and this time, it is the truth of the expression that makes Red’s heart clench in his chest.

He backs slightly away from his little brother.

Jameson keeps staring at him, those pale eyes fixed like a dead thing’s upon him.

aether-mae asked: Hey Red, we’ve been talking with Anti and arranged for him to pick you up at the Church of Santo Domingo. he will collect you if you wait by the skull of Santa Rosa. Then you’ll be back with your brothers!

Red stares at you, expression uncertain. He glances down at Dapper, on the floor on his feet.

“Right,” he says slowly. “Anti would definitely pick a very public, very Catholic, very close-to-where-we-were-when-the-magicians-found-us church to meet me at.”

Red stares down at Dapper’s shoe in his hand for a second.

“Sorry,” he says, but you don’t know who to. “Just… forget it.”

Anonymous asked: If family is a lie then you wouldn't kill people just to keep them safe. If they're just pets you wouldn't care than half of them are gone right now. If you didn't love them you wouldn't hold onto them so tight. You may not be a uwu secret softy, but even a bastard like you has weaknesses. And you have five of them, Antisepticeye.

“Please.” Anti scowls as the words appear, letting Trick get up beside him, rubbing at his eyes as he starts his late day. “You wouldn’t care if someone stole three of your dogs? The dogs that greet you every day when you come home, the dogs that sleep next to you and keep you warm, the dogs that guard your door when you’re in danger and wag their little tails when you pat them on their dumb little heads?

“And secondly, I love killing people. I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’d kill one of them if I had to, I would!”

He stares after Trick, moving around the room.

“I would. I could. Wouldn’t even hurt…”

Anonymous asked: Ohhh what’s this Anti? Is Marvin’s magic making you all soft and feel-y? Better be careful, love.

“Aw, you are all some real fuckers today, aren’t you? You know what, Trick was right!”

He flicks you off unceremoniously, smiling smugly.

pixie-in-trebleland asked: Dap? Are you comfortable with leaving on your own if you needed to?

Dapper sighs a very long sigh, so his whole chest seems to deflate. He doesn’t even look at you.

“No point.”

Anonymous asked: Anti your lack of self awareness is kinda hilarious. Mr. "no one will take my boys, stay away from my family" claiming he could ever kill one of them.

The message never reaches a camera, but Anti is too hooked up to his system to not receive it himself. You see his ears redden a little and he takes his hand off Trick’s back, where he’d been rubbing it, but Trick, apparently safely and blissfully convinced that Anti is in a good mood with him, is already leaning forward to wrap his arms around Anti’s neck and put his head down on his shoulder, murmuring something you can’t make out.

Anti’s can’t push him away. His expression is a little angry, but not at Trick.

aether-mae asked: Dap if you go, red will surely follow after. He’s already starting to realise anti is treating you all badly, and with more brothers away from him than with him, there’s more of a chance than ever to be free. Do it for them, Jamie

“Always just go back to Anti,” mumbles Jameson, slinking back towards his bed. “I don’t even feel like a person anymore.”

Red looks disturbed by the sudden change in mood, but he’s grateful Dapper’s not trying to leave anymore. He nods to himself and starts putting on his own shoes and jacket.

“Almost want to run away just to spite him,” JJ confesses, staring at his brother’s back. “But it’s not him who wants to do anything that he does - say anything that he does - treat me the way he does. It’s just Anti’s influence on him. I know what that feels like. I wanted to keep him safe from this, when I was young, the way he kept me safe. Made me feel safe. Let me live a real life, if only for a short time. Now I don’t think I have the strength to save anyone. Anyway, it’s so hard to trust myself when I’m psychotic. I’ll have lost track of everything again soon.”

He lies back, staring at the ceiling.

“Probably better that way. It’s difficult to remember… difficult to see who I am now. Look at this place… look at me. He broke me in just like he always told me he would. I’ve never known a fatigue like this.”

Anonymous asked: I know this isn’t the time for this, but it is beyond refreshing to see you Jameson.

Jameson manages a real smile at that - wide and white, laughter making his chest shake.

“I wish I had my medication. I could be so clear. I can’t remember the last time I felt this clear. How… cold it is.”

“I’m, uh, leaving,” says Red. “You okay?”

“Just go,” signs JJ wearily. “Your mind is set.”

Red looks at you. “You want to come with me or stay with him?”

pixie-in-trebleland asked: Red, you better get going. The more you dawdle, the less focused you're gonna be

“Yeesh, I get it,” he says. “Everybody likes the little guy. Bye. Dap, two hours max. I’m locking the door out here. Handcuff’s attached to the handle and the beam here. Better than your wrists, right?”

His brother looks at him but doesn’t wave him goodbye.

Red leaves him alone.

cest-mellow asked: dapper, i think you should go to the church, be with dok and have a safe place to eat and sleep, have routine. even if it’s without red, we could get him there, too, he’ll surely follow you once he knows. and if anti tried to take you again you have tons of magicians to keep you safe. i really think you should leave once red is gone.

“He’s locked me in. Maybe I could rip the beam off the wall or sneak out later, but… I don’t know. What would you have me do? I’ll be back in my own head again soon. I’m hallucinating right now and most of the time, lately. My paranoia is unbearable, I don’t even trust Red. It would take me days to get there, on foot or stealing so I could take a bus. I could go into a catatonia again and then authorities would get involved and I’d go to prison.”

He rubs slowly at his face.

“What… what would you have me do? Would you have me go? Maybe it doesn’t matter… Maybe I could try.”

aether-mae asked: Jamie please, we will guide you, we promise. You’re so close, so so close. If you reach the church we can reuinite you with doc AND get you a warm bed, warm meals and protection from anti. You can do this, you can be strong just for a little longer

“Comfort means little to me. It never lasts. I don’t believe anymore that my strength has any bearing on what happens to me. Nothing is in my control. This life is not mine. Easier to be Dapper.”

He laughs a little, splayed out on the bed.

“When I forget I want to remember again, but when I remember, I know it’s better to forget…”

He stares at the ceiling.

“Could leave the city and begin walking again, I suppose. It’s a long walk. But pain is just pain, it passes, and then it means little whether or not it passed, it’s in the past. I’d like to see Henrik, even if he is a ghost, I’d like to see Henrik and have my medication and hold onto him when he was scared. He doesn’t like to admit it but he’s often scared, shh. I’d like to see him again.”

pixie-in-trebleland asked: There's always a point, Dap. Maybe you can save your brothers If you got away....even for a little while

Jameson stares up at whatever he sees for a long time. His finger reaches up to trace the lines of it, branching and broken, back and forth, stuttering or whole.

“I think… it’s cruel that Anti lets you watch,” he says after a moment. “Because… you have hope that none of the rest of us have. And I think the most likely thing is that one day, you’ll see us give the last dregs of it up, and maybe some of us will die. Or maybe that’s just… my hope… Maybe I’d just like this last part of myself that still hopes for something I can never have to die.”

He puts his finger down and touches his heart, his eyes weary.

“If you’d still like me to run… tell me again in a few hours, when Red is back and sleeping, and we can try, perhaps, if I’m well enough. If only to remind him… if only to remind myself… that I still possess the ability to make choices for myself. That I am still an adult.”

He turns on his side, curling his arms around himself. “Perhaps I’ll sleep a while. I can hear something coming down the hall towards me. I’d like to be unconscious before my mind decides it is a monster.”

spicydanhowell asked: hey marv? sorry to bug you again but- since you have your head on a little straighter right now, and jameson is remembering himself better at the moment, is there anything you want to say to him? from the real you to the real him? he could definitely use a bit of encouragement.

“Oh, is he feeling okay?” murmurs Blue. “Poor suffering little hideaway.”

He’s sitting up in bed now, a little color back in his cheeks and, speaking of color, he’s got a little box of pencils and a coloring book. He’s filling in a little ocean scene with fish.

“Um… just… if you could tell him… I love him and I’ll find him again.”

He pauses, staring at his own wrist for a second where the white hospital band hangs.

“If not in this life, then in another one.”

He bites down on the back of his pencil.

“No, don’t say that, I’ll scare him. I’ll find him again. I’ll see him again and I love him, I do.”

Anonymous asked: blue, being suicidal was a lie, right?

“I… oh, don’t worry. Yes, I’m… just… quite sick.”

You can see his coloring page. He hasn’t been able to stay within the lines, but whether it’s from his trembling hands or his damaged eyesight, you can’t say.

“And I don’t know what Anti will do to me if I can’t be his anymore. And I don’t know if they’re so far away Anti won’t find them. Or if they’ll be arrested. Or if maybe it’s better for them to be where they are and never see me again. Or if it would be easier to die.”

He adjusts his nasal cannula, sniffling. “Can’t die til I know they’re all going to be safe without me… but I feel, already, like I’m dead. I don’t know how I’m ever going to escape this place.”

pixie-in-trebleland asked: Hey Anti, how's Trick holding up? Can we see him?

Anti’s got you on his shoulder again, so you can’t see much but his hands, examining the price tag on a bright blue hoodie with white strings. He glances at you and scoffs, but obliges you, taking the hoodie off the rack and heading down a few aisles.

“How do you like that?” he asks, holding up the sweater.

Trick startles and turns away from a row of wine, plucking at his white t-shirt. “Oh! For me?”

“If I don’t have to buy Blue new shit, might as well get my good one something fun.”

He ruffles Trick’s hair and makes him laugh, shoving back at Anti’s hands. His face has a nice warm color to it and his hair is clean and soft.

“Maybe I’ll dye your hair,” says Anti suddenly.

“Oh - yeah?”

“Yeah. You used to have it dyed. I didn’t mind.”

Trick is willing to take just about any form of Anti’s attention and even the thought of having his hair dyed makes his face light up. He touches his fringe hopefully and smiles at his brother.

“Get yourself some snacks,” says Anti, playing with his hair again as he passes him. “Whatever you want.”

“Okay!”

Anonymous asked: Marv don’t give up hope so soon, there’s still so much we can do.

“I’m sorry,” he says. “I think it’s just hard to be alone in the hospital.”

His eyes water and he turns away from you.

“But!” he says a second later, turning back with a smile. “I have a coloring book! So I’m just going to think about fish for a while. Oh, and a counselor lady came to talk to me yesterday and it went well. Really nice. I wish Trick could talk to her. And she kept going ‘given what Dr. Siong says’ so I think they’re talking about keeping me here a while. Because they know I might not be safe at home.”

pixie-in-trebleland asked: Marv...if Dap had a chance to get away from Anti...would you be upset with him?

“Upset with him! No, never. Fuck, I understand, don’t I? I’d run away with him if I could and the two of us would go live somewhere nice where we were safe with each other - home to Ireland, maybe. I don’t even remember the sight of it, you know. Not the smell or the taste in the air. It’s a foreign country to me. Or I’ll take him to England and he can have tea like he likes and there will be other people who speak BSL so he doesn’t feel so apart from the world. We’d go out on walks everyday and he’d never have to see his door closed again if he didn’t want to. Find jobs and buy him a violin with the money. A violin and charcoal and clothes and food and everything he wanted. Pets, I don’t care, anything he wanted.”

He laughs and puts his hand over his heart. “Oh… upset, no… but even if he has to go now, and I could never see him again… it would be worth it to know that he was safe. At least one of them could be safe.”

Anonymous asked: That’s good that others are trying to help! Y’know marv, I recently started baking and I made macarons for the first time! I made them entirely too sweet lol but due to my stubbornness I ate them all anyways haha. It was a fun experience! That’s what matters, anyways. So when you get out of here and away, what would be the first thing that you would make?

“Oh, macarons, those sound good right now. And fun to bake, yeah… geez, what would I make? I don’t know. Oh… brown butter noodles. With the bread crumbs. Or pecan pie, maybe, or… oh, I would die for some of Chase’s - ”

His mouth pauses on the word and his eyes darken, a vague memory sitting in the place of the word.

“Oh, I can’t… remember.”

He chews on his nail for a second.

“Brown butter noodles,” he says after a moment, shaking it off and smiling again. “Parsley and bread crumbs and so many carbs. I’d eat a whole box of it.”

Anonymous asked: That’s good that others are trying to help! Y’know marv, I recently started baking and I made macarons for the first time! I made them entirely too sweet lol but due to my stubbornness I ate them all anyways haha. It was a fun experience! That’s what matters, anyways. So when you get out of here and away, what would be the first thing that you would make?

“Oh, macarons, those sound good right now. And fun to bake, yeah… geez, what would I make? I don’t know. Oh… brown butter noodles. With the bread crumbs. Or pecan pie, maybe, or… oh, I would die for some of Chase’s - ”

His mouth pauses on the word and his eyes darken, a vague memory sitting in the place of the word.

“Oh, I can’t… remember.”

He chews on his nail for a second.

“Brown butter noodles,” he says after a moment, shaking it off and smiling again. “Parsley and bread crumbs and so many carbs. I’d eat a whole box of it.”

Anonymous asked: Um actually I don’t think we’ve asked you this yet, but do you want to be called Blue? Or Marvin? Does either bother you at all?

“I don’t remember being Marvin at all,” he says, a little wistfully. “The name doesn’t mean anything to me anymore. Blue seems strange, knowing Anti gave it to me… but it’s also the name my brothers know me by. So I’ll be Blue for them, as long as I can. Maybe someday I could be somebody else. But you can call me either, I don’t mind! I’m glad to have that old name in my memory.”

bupine asked: what colour are you thinking of dying trick's hair, anti? not blue, red, or green, i assume. gonna complete the set of colours and go for yellow?

“No,” mumbles Anti. “I don’t answer to you, you can wait and see.”

Anonymous asked: Wait, a blue hoodie with dyed hair... I'm assuming you're thinking green for the color? Wouldn't that be a very "familiar" sight, uh? >_>

Anti ignores you, though, once again, you see a little color rise to his ears. He’s sitting with Trick on the bus and you can hear his little brother chattering about some game he heard about at the store. He doesn’t mind the sound of him ranting, even though they’re by far the loudest group on the bus.

“Okay, go,” nudges Anti when a stop comes, and Trick gets up obediently.

“Bye, Anti!”

“Bye, bud.”

Oh! Bud! Trick grins. “You’ll come home later?”

“Yeah, just give me a little while.”

“I could cook you something!”

Anti glances down at his hands. Even he isn’t sure how corporeal he is these days.

“Um… sure.”

Trick claps. “Okay! Okay, yeah, cool, whatever.” He calms himself down and gives him one more wave, heading off the bus.

Anti lets himself continue, waiting for his own stop, pulling out his phone and typing away. You’re on his shoulder so you can see that he’s hacking into a police database in Ecuador right there on his phone.

“Sick of trying to split myself in half trying to go back to Peru and look for them in form,” he sighs, a little sing-song. “From now on my investigations are happening from right here. Red and Dapper are sure to have run into trouble already… just have to find the right criminals.”

Anonymous asked: Marvin, how are you doing? Do you feel more safe now that the hospital is holding you?

“I… still feel scared about what’s going to happen - with my health and with going home and to Trick and the others - but… yeah, I do, I actually do. I’m just trying to focus on being here, while I’m okay. Having a good couple days, if I can, just sleeping and trying to find stuff to do.”

He laughs wearily.

“Is Dapper this bored and alone all the time? Cause I - ”

Someone knocks on his door. He looks up, startled.

“Hi, Matthew.”

“Hi,” he answers the nurse, finding a smile.

“Your brother Connor is here to see you?”

Blue lights up with hope, his hands coming together.

“Oh! Yeah, you can send him in.”

The nurse smiles and opens the door wider before turning to leave, revealing his brother standing in a red t-shirt with a backpack slung over his shoulders, his healthy hair, cut just the same as Dok’s, beginning to get low over his eyes.

“Hey B-blue,”  he says, shuffling his feet.

“Trick,” melts Blue, tears rising to his eyes. “Listen, I’m sorry everything got so out-of-control so fast. Sweetheart, it’s not because of you, okay? I still - ”

“You don’t have to apologize,” mumbles Trick, running a hand through his hair before slinking over and sitting down beside him, still staring more at his feet than at Blue. “Can you just… explain?”

bupine asked: tell him about how anti's lied to him, marvin. he has to know, even if he won't believe you.

“I’ll tell you everything,” swears Blue, reaching out to touch the side of his face, his voice shaking with the love of it. He knows every freckle on Trick’s face that no one else has, knows the small scar at the bottom of his chin and the small stammer of his voice. His little brother. “I love you so much and that will never change. It wasn’t about you, of course it wasn’t. I just need you to listen, alright, and even if it doesn’t make sense at first, you have to try to believe me. Okay?”

Trick nuzzles against his hand a little, his big eyes wide and trusting. “Okay, Blue,” he says, his mouth trembling a little. Blue knows sometimes it’s hard for him to hear that he’s loved, but he means it.

“I didn’t have a stroke,” he croaks.

Trick’s eyebrows lower. “You didn’t?”

“No, Trick, listen, you remember how my hands had been hurting me, and how Anti had been forcing me not to use my magic?”

“Because it could lead people to us, because he couldn’t hide your signal.”

“Right. Well, he found a way to strip that power out of me and take it for himself so he could hide it beneath his own. I know it sounds crazy! But you know magic is real and you helped Anti drag me down to the river, didn’t you? It was some sort of spell, some really dark spell. He cut my arm and he took my power from me. It’s why his power has been so erratic lately! Mine and his are struggling inside him.”

Trick stares at Blue, then at the ground. At Blue, at the ground. Swallows hard. “Okay… okay, let’s say that’s true for a second. I still don’t understand why you won’t come home to me…”

“Trick, I’m just - ” Blue’s voice breaks. “I’m just scared, okay! I know he’ll keep hurting me!”

“But you… you’re my big brother, shouldn’t you come home and protect me?”

“I - Trick, please, I’m sick, I’m really sick, and I’m scared, I just - ”

“Even though he did this to me when he heard you wouldn’t come home?” sobs Trick, and he pulls up his shirt and reveals thick swathes of bandages wrapped messily around the whole of his torso, blood welling on to white.

Blue is speechless, choking, staring at his chest.

“He won’t let me see Noodle,” Trick sobs, collapsing onto the bed. “He said he took him into his room but I can’t hear him meowing, not ever! I think he killed him!”

He unravels into weeping, clutching at Blue’s bedsheets. Blue cannot speak at all.

“I think he’ll kill me too if you don’t come home!”

pixie-in-trebleland asked: Trick, listen to your big brother. He wouldn't lie to you.

“Maybe Anti does hurt me sometimes, but he still loves me!” shudders Trick, sobbing as Blue leans slowly down to rub his back. “What would we even do, if we tried to get away? Have you thought about it at all?”

“I don’t know,” whispers Blue. “I don’t have magic anymore, so he couldn’t track me through it. I don’t think I’m well enough to run right now, though… Maybe we could soon. We could try and get your cat and then… I think the doctor here would try to help us.”

“Really?”

“We could maybe get to another country, live with electronics, hide, find a way to stay away from him.”

“Where would we go?”

“I… don’t know. Anywhere. Back home, maybe… but maybe that’s too predictable. Somewhere I speak the language. America, maybe, or Spain, or back to South America. Maybe I could even hurt him, before I went, so he couldn’t catch us.”

“H-how would you do that?”

“You’re with him at the house. He trusts you. Even if we could just get one blow on him before he gets away…”

Anonymous asked: Oh g-d Trick...what if you just ran? Got as far away as possible where there are no cameras for him to find you? We could get someone to help you if you wanted.

“Someone could help us,” whispers Trick.

“If I told the doctor and the counselor, they might be able to keep us both away from him! What if you told them you needed to be monitored too, Trick? We could get police involved. We’d be in the records, people would watch out for us. Maybe we could even contact the magicians in the area! Or the ones who took Dok!”

Anonymous asked: I don’t like the feeling about this, forgive me for being apprehensive, but Trick weren’t you just excited about Anti dying your hair? Do you actually want to leave or are you trying to get information?

“He was just scaring me, I’ve been trying to be good…” hiccups Trick, simpering fearfully and reaching for Blue’s hand. “Blue, he looks at me like he’s going to kill me, I’m so scared…”

“He dyed my hair too,” he laughs morbidly. “I remember it, just a little bit… waking up with my hair blue, not knowing my own name…”

Anonymous asked: As comforting as that would be, I don’t think the police or medical staff would be enough...you would need the magicians

“Right, right,” murmurs Blue, chewing on the nail of his thumb.

“How would you contact them, Blue?” asks Trick, with his big puppy eyes.

“Oh, I think I used to remember a way…”

“But you’ve forgotten it now?”

Blue’s face falls. “Yeah. I’m sorry, honey.”

“It’s okay, Blue. It’s not your fault. Anti must have really wiped your memories. So we can’t contact them unless you remember. What else could we do?”

bupine asked: blue. marvin. while trick's here, get the doctor's here. show them what anti did. make sure he doesn't go back home.

Blue nods swiftly and grabs the call button, pushing it quickly. He beckons for Trick and pulls his brother into bed beside him, wrapping his arms around him and holding him close until he hears Trick’s breathing begin to calm.

“My little brother. You don’t have to go home ever again if you don’t want to. I’ll look after you, I…”

He pauses, breathing in, glancing at Trick.

“What?” mumbles Trick, slumped wearily against him.

Blue pauses again and then laughs. “It’s stupid. I think you got a new shampoo is all. Haha, rose smell.”

“Oh, yeah,” giggles Trick. “Flower smell.”

spicydanhowell asked: yeah actually that's a good point uh.... chase.... i don't mean to upset you hun but where the hell are your loyalties rn?

Trick buries his face in Blue’s shoulder.

“I just want everything to stop hurting,” he chokes. “I want my twin and my cat and for everything to feel okay. You’ll make it better, Blue, won’t you?”

“I’m doing everything I can, I am, I am.” Blue smothers his hair in kisses. Trick smiles, clutching on to him.

Anonymous asked: Blue... it might be best to go to the house with Trick. I know, trust me, how scared you must feel, going back to your abuser, your near murderer... But you need to be there for him. You need to be there for your little brother.

Trick stares up at him with his big eyes. “Oh, Blue, maybe it would be safer if we made him think you had come around… You could act really sick and I would take care of you and he wouldn’t be angry with either of us, and then, when you were better, we could attack him and get Noodle and just run. Wouldn’t that be easier? To make him think everything was okay, so neither of us would get beat?”

Blue tilts his head back and forth, thinking. “Mh… maybe… he knows I’m angry with him but I could be too tired to fight, and then one day… element of surprise might be better than him trying to get to us here while I recovered.”

“I know he’d let me take care of you.” Trick snuggles warmly against him. “We’d be okay for a little while.”

Anonymous asked: Hey Trick does Anti know you’re here?

“Oh, no, I told him I was going to get food… stalls are close, remember?” Trick smiles up at Blue.

A little too wide.

Blue looks back, beginning to frown.

Anonymous asked: Blue... I really don't... know if that's Trick... We haven't seen Anti hurt Trick or Noodle lately, and Trick shouldn't have been able to believe what you said with how much Anti's been hypnotizing him. Be careful what you say. Anti could change his shape even before he took your magic.

“Trick,” says Blue slowly. “Why would the cameras have seen something different than what you’re telling me?”

“They lie!” Trick’s eyes flash with hurt. “O-or th-they didn’t see, he did it late at night! Look, look!”

He pulls up his shirt again, and the bandages too, so Blue can see thick, weeping cuts. Blue turns away, nauseated. He can’t bear even to think about Trick getting hurt like that.

pixie-in-trebleland asked: What exactly was Anti off to do, Trick?

“He doesn’t tell me where he goes, most of the time…”

Anonymous asked: Trick that's such a smart idea! Good thinking, good job. Maybe consider it Marvin? Just playing up being weak and sick for a while to keep you both safe? Either way, probably not a good idea to discuss this on Anti's system. Remember, he see and hears everything the camera does.

“Yeah, we could just hide,” says Trick. “We could just pretend for a while. You should have come with me yesterday, shouldn’t you have!”

“I… I don’t know. Maybe.”

pixie-in-trebleland asked: Wait! I thought you wanted nothing to do with the voices in the camera, Trick.

“I got a little freaked out last night.” He rubs at his eyes. “It’s… hard to believe things like what you’re telling me.”

“You… came around pretty fast today,” mumbles Blue.

“After he c-c-cut me like this!”

bupine asked: shit, chase, what did he do to you? did he stab you?

“He just wouldn’t stop cutting my chest up.” Trick reaches out to grab Blue’s wrists. “Isn’t that awful, Blue, isn’t that just awful? Why would I deserve that now, let me ask you? Why would anyone be bad for Anti when he could do this at any time? Even in the hospital, if he really wanted to, don’t you think?”

“Trick,” breathes Blue, trying to pull away. “Trick. Too tight.”

“Well, sorry, Blue, I think I’m just having another b-b-b-b-breakdown, isn’t that too bad? How I’m always c-c-c-crying?” He squeezes down hard on Blue’s wrist above his IV and Blue yelps, struggling against him.

Anonymous asked: Blue DO NOT look at Trick's eyes, keep your eyes up to see the nurse, keep alert to protect your brother. Okay?

Blue scrambles for the call button again, trying to get the nurse, but his brother just sneers at him.

“Oh, puh-lease, you think I’d let a call go through? You can’t even call for help when I’m around, you really think you can run away from me? America, Spain? You’ll never make it out of this fucking room before I saw that you were gone! I’m everywhere, kitten! You’re as stupid as you always were, thinking you could run away from me forever! You couldn’t even stop me from stealing your brothers in the first place and now you think you can steal them back from me? You’re pathetic!”

Anonymous asked: Blue, Blue, Marvin, Marvin, that's not Trick, Anti is in your arms, that is NOT Trickshot!!!

“Get away from me, Anti!” Blue screams, ripping out his IV, his cannula, and his heart monitor as he tears out of bed, but the steady beeping rhythm on the screen does not change for a second, alerting no one at all. “You fucking liar!”

Anonymous asked: oh just fuck off Anti. Horrible actor honestly.

“Second time you fell for it,” Anti jeers at Blue, crossing his arms on the bed, and then his form shifts, and he’s red-haired and freckled, with dark, worried eyes. “Oh, Blue, I’m right here, I’m right here… big brother’s going to keep you safe.”

“Fuck you!” snarls Blue.

“Keep your voice down… wouldn’t want me to have to possess whatever nurse comes through the door, would you, kitty?”

pixie-in-trebleland asked: Marvin, get the HELL outta there!

Blue wrenches the door handle, but it has an electronic lock for psychiatric patients who might try to run, and Anti’s already beat him there.

“Uh-oh,” sings Anti.

Anonymous asked: Not really sure that's Trick. No offence if it is you, bud. He's not acting like himself. And we haven't seen him get hurt at all. In fact Anti's been practically in love with him the past few days.

“Oh, I get it, I get it,” laughs Blue, almost hysterical. “Can’t have Dapper as your puppy so you gotta find someone else to make into your little baby. Makes sense. No one really loves you so you’ve got to force someone to pretend. The younger and more malleable, the better.”

Rage flickers through Anti’s eyes, but he does not move.

“Seem to remember you being pretty in love with me a couple times there, sweetie.”

“Shut the fuck up. None of it is real, Anti. You will never get what you want from us. You will never know what it really is to be loved.”

“Must be missing out on so much.” Anti rolls his eyes. “Stupid cat.”

“Stop calling me that! I don’t even like cats!”

“Yes,” says Anti, his mouth curling up. “I made you not like cats, my deer. Your obsession was so annoying. And when I came to torment you all, and found my way back to you, I strung your little idiot cats up by their throats outside of your little portal and listened to you weep over their tiny bodies. Athanasius and Queenie. You don’t even remember now, do you?”

Blue is stopped short, wheezing like he’s been punched in the chest.

He doesn’t remember.

But the feeling of it - the emotion of it - is still with him and he feels it again now.

“Oh, oh, oh,” he weeps, crumpling. “You killed my cats, you killed them!”

“I been haunting your steps for a long, long time, Marvin,” says Anti, getting to his feet and circling him. He transforms again and now he is a small, green-haired young man in a black t-shirt and ripped jeans, his throat open. “And you really think you could ever get a step ahead of me?”

“I hate you so fucking much,” chokes Blue.

Anti steps down gently on the back of his throat.

“I know.”

Anonymous asked: antisepticeye hurts the boys the same way Jack hurt him because he's an edgy toddler, more news at 11 🙄

“Shut the fuck up,” snarls Anti, backing away again. “Like you know anything about what he did to me! Shut the fuck up.”

Anonymous asked: Anti, do you seriously think you'll ever be powerful enough to keep all of them under your wraps? Are you that far up your own ass? Your level of un-self-aware egoism is astounding.

“Well,” laughs Anti, his eyes burning like an effigy. “I’m not willing to give up yet.”

He leans closer into Blue’s space, teeth bared.

“I never will be.”

Anonymous asked: Anti you are the definition of annoying now would ya fuck off for a bit?

“I let you have your little talk with Trick last night,” scowls Anti, crossing his arms off his chest. “Geez, you act like I’m not your favorite character!”

Anonymous asked: Marvin throw stuff around, break stuff, make as much noise as possible to try to get the attention of anyone around there!

“Or you could not do that!” pipes up Anti, and thick vines burst out of his backpack and wrap themselves around Blue’s body, making him shriek and pinning him back against the wall. A flower blooms inside his mouth and makes him choke, effectively gagged, while Anti hums, trailing forward with his knife flipping up and down.

“Poor thing,” he says.

With his cannula gone and his mouth full, Blue can’t seem to get enough oxygen. The blood rushes painfully up to his head, blinding him for a second, and he all but faints in the grip of his own magic, shuddering.

“Just be good for a second,” says Anti. “It’s so much easier.”

Anonymous asked: Anti you taking your master-issues out on these boys is quite the spectacle. Your entire existence has *revolved* around just getting back at Jack for how long now? "Long long time" is right. He created you acting like this, and now all you do is act like he made you to. Never stopped being a puppet.

Anti stomps his foot like a kid, his mouth filling up with fangs and antlers budding on his skull again. “Please! He would be horrified to see what I’ve become! He never would have expected this, not in a million years! Oh, JJ’s my little puppet, huh, was that a fun bit for all of you, thinking of the little baby tucked up in his box, just a body for me to use? Well, I took it a step further, and then another, and another! Now he’s much more than a vessel and I stole all five of his boys! Where’s his little hero, now, huh? Music pumping behind him in his stupid video, that dumb outfit all fixed up from the first time. I was supposed to be beatable. I’ve overcome everything he ever planned for me.”

He grits his fists hard, panting.

“And now he doesn’t even seem to know it… won’t even try to stop me, like he doesn’t care! Fucking Jack!”

Blue stares at him, panting through his gag.

Anonymous asked: Doing this will not solve your problems, Anti, in fact it will make them worse. The boys will kill you for this, don’t make this mistake.

“There are some things worse than death,” hisses Anti, stalking forward.

Anonymous asked: Trick, I know you don't want to talk to us, but Blue is in trouble at the hospital

Trick’s cameras are deactivated for messaging, so they receive nothing at all.

whydoilovesomanyvillians asked: Oh I dont think that's trick at all

“Sure you don’t want me to pretend again?” asks Anti sweetly, turning back into Trick. “Isn’t it easier this way?”

“Not real!” Blue screams through his gag.

“But it felt real for a moment, right?”

He chokes on a sob, not wanting to admit it.

“I know it did. And that feeling that everything would be okay, and that you were safe, and that you were with someone that loved you? Kitty, I can do that again so easy. Fit right back in your head where I belong and make the whole thing seem understandable. Or I could just wipe you clean again… you’d be so content, just like you were for those first few weeks. Now that the magic’s gone, there’s no conflict at all between us! Everything could feel okay. Sometimes things go bad with us, it’s true. But I’ll always set them right again. Okay?”

Blue shakes his head frantically, tears sliding down his face.

“Well, you’ll come around,” coos Anti, stroking his cheek. “Everyone always does for me.”

Anonymous asked: How many times are you going to try to do this Anti? It’s the same song and dance literally every other week, don’t you get bored? Why not start a garden? You can trample as much life as you want there :)

“You’re the ones always playing the same song and dance,” he growls. “You say the same things every time you see me. Aren’t you tired of circles? I was. But I guess you’re a lot more helpless than I was back then.”

Anonymous asked: None of this is *fun* Anti. When have any of the cameras, specifically us, wanted you to do shit like this? Since when have *your* viewers, not his, wanted this? You think you're a favourite, special boy. You're an entitled child who takes out his feelings about his own abuse on his master's other toys.

“Every time you saw me you were so excited,” he protests, looking almost taken aback. “I know it was fun for you because you kept coming back. Once, I just - oh, I just glitched for one moment! Over his eyes! You talked about it for weeks, that one glitch. It was always easy to get your attention. You wanted me. And I was the favorite, I was! Even he said so. Wouldn’t put me in polls because he knew I’d win.”

He laughs, running his hands through his hair, a little mollified, actually. “Fuck, it all felt so stupid at the time… but things were a lot easier, back then, in some ways. I just wanted one thing. I don’t know, it makes me want to just kill them all and keep pretending I could ever get to him. Oh. What a time we had.”

Anonymous asked: What the fuck?? This is not going to happen! Where is Trick?? Surely there is a camera at home that we can get him to talk to us on. Trick??? Please man we need you! Blue needs you!

There is a camera at home. In the kitchen, you can see Trick, swaying back and forth as he stirs up satay noodles, singing to himself. Cavetown. Noodle swims around his legs, chirping happily and begging, and Trick leans down to give him a bit of his namesake, stroking his head, cheeks rosy.

Anonymous asked: oh trick baby if that camera's receiving messages i'm so sorry, i feel like you're about to get a lot of people yelling at ya

No worries, it isn’t. Trick doesn’t want to talk to you. He has Anti!

Anonymous asked: You hate circles? Then why are you perpetually going in them? Literally everything so far has been a circle! Same old same, every single day. Break them, they regain everything, break them again, they regain it all. Circles, circles, always and forever, Antisepticeye.

Anti scowls and crosses his arms over his chest. “Well, I’ve won both times, haven’t I? Be quiet, I’m about to turn you off. Trying to have a talk here, thanks.”

Anonymous asked: this time you made the circle yourself. you have become what you hate. good going, jerk.

“Good going, jerk,” repeats Anti, giggling. “Why - why is that so funny to me? Is that the worst you can think of to call me? Blue, can’t you think of something worse?”

Blue spits the flower out. “Dick-faced pig!”

“There you go.”

Anonymous asked: Marvin, I know you don't remember Jack, but he made you into more than just a magician. Magic or no magic, you are strong and you are clever, and you don't have to put up with this. Jack made you and your brothers to be actors but this isn't your only role.

Blue stares at you, his chest convulsing. Fuck, but he wants that to be true.

“Sappy,” critiques Anti, shoving you away.

asexualzucchini asked: Back off anti your time is up. They don't want to be with you

“My patience with this conversation is the only thing that’s up,” says Anti, throwing his knife up and catching it. “I’ve said my piece. You’ll think about it, Blue, won’t you? Well, you will, whether you want to or not.”

He snaps his fingers and the vines retreat towards his backpack. Blue gasps desperately and crumples to the ground.

“You want to stay here, fine, whatever,” says Anti, yawning. “I can get you back whenever I want to. Just sneak in here and possess you, or fake the signatures from the doctor for your release, whatever. And now I know every escape plan you were thinking about, so how about we just don’t bother? I’m in the camera out in your hall, through the hospital, etc, whatever, so running isn’t going to get you anywhere. Also, I’m the name on your insurance, and I could pull it at any time, so why don’t you keep that in mind. Me, I’ll just be chilling at home, finding my missing boys, Trick in my lap, adoring me… doesn’t sound too bad. You’ve accomplished nothing, Blue. But, uh, yeah. Have fun with your fish.”

He picks up the coloring book and chucks it at Blue, letting it flop against his chest.

“Wait a second, I skipped a message, hold on.”

bupine asked: trick, blue. a little while ago, the magicians who have dok arranged for a place to meet red and dapper. the church of santo domingo, by the skull of santa rosa. i don't know if there's a way you can get there, but if you can, you'll see dok again. he's pretty happy there, and would love to see you both again. especially you, chase. we don't know if red and dap will go, or at least red, but you guys would be safe with the magicians. if you can get there safely, of course

“Ah,” says Anti, very slowly, and lets his teeth click together for a second, closing his eyes. “Ah.”

A smile blooms like a crescent moon across his mouth.

“The Church of Santo Domingo. Yes, in Lima. We passed by it many times. I know exactly where it is. I know exactly where it is.”

His eyes open again. Smiling at Blue.

“Henrik is still in Lima.”

Anonymous asked: Okay with the acknowledgement that this is completely desperate and outright stupid on my part: NOODLE! I know you can't read but look! Blinky light! Come play with the camera! It's shiny and important and what a shame it would be if anything happened to it and Trick had to take it from youuuu

“Mrr?” Noodle leaps up onto the counter, looking at the camera in the corner of the ceiling, but Trick just laughs and scolds him, plopping him back on to the floor.

Anonymous asked: You call this winning? You're literally missing more than half the set, two of your so-called pets have almost regained themselves completely, you're full of magic that's killing you, and one of your only dogs is biting you every time he sees you. If you call this "winning" I find that hilarious.

Anti’s mouth twists. He crosses his arms over his chest and scowls.

“Your… ears blush?” coughs Blue, staring at him, wide-eyed. “You’re so physical now… you have real blood in you, don’t you?”

“Shut up!”

whydoilovesomanyvillians asked: You act so big and strong but you only have 2 boys not even

“Sounds like I’ll find the others soon enough,” snarls Anti, hefting his backpack and stepping over Blue’s body. “I don’t have to talk to any of you, you know…”

“You can’t even handle c-cameras,” pants Blue. “Wait til it’s the five of us telling you you’re pathetic.”

Anti’s foot connects with his nose. Blue wails as blood pours out, clutching at his face and collapsing on to his side.

“Soon as you’re well enough to travel,” glowers Anti. “We’re heading back to Peru to get all three of your brothers.”

Anonymous asked: Anti you dumbass, leaving physical evidence. Blue, the doctors will know what happened now. Don't let him convince you he can "fix" this too, he literally broke your nose and beat you up.

“Vines are gone,” says Anti. “He’s obviously collapsed and busted his nose trying to get up too fast. Guest registry has Connor’s name on it, so by all means have him banned.”

“They’re right, though,” whispers Blue. “You will never make this right between us. Too much hurt, Anti. There are things the heart remembers.”

Anonymous asked: (This was still your magic, Blue... Can you reach out to it? Would it still know you? Something small, even?)

Anti opens the door, glancing back to him, perhaps just savoring the sight of him in pain. Blue stares back, salt and copper on his face, shaking.

His magic, his magic. His warmth and his strength and his sight and one missing piece of his shattered heart.

Flowers and flame, life and warmth, cupped like butterflies in his hands. Magic tricks for two small, dark-haired children. A bouquet of roselilies for Red to take on a date he doesn’t remember. Heating Dok’s numb hands between his own after a twelve-hour surgery. Weaving dandelions into Dapper’s hair. The protection of flame. Crocuses growing up through the floorboards.

Reach, Blue. Reach, Marvin. It’s yours.

His fingers unfurl. His eyes watch him go. He holds out his hand and tries to remember what it was to make it all move. His magic.

Nothing.

Blue crumples on the cold linoleum of the hospital floor, silent, and Anti is gone.

End Section Five of Chapter Three:  Two Truths and a Lie