#ok we’re getting ridiculously personal on main but fuck it I’m at my wits end here

[ghoulwings]

I’m gonna be honest guys I don’t know how much longer i can keep on going. I’m already dealing with a shit ton of mental health issues (as I have been for a long time) and now with Gaza being bombed into oblivion, seeing people constantly suffering and now the la fires it feels like the world is ending and I don’t want to be there to see it. I know it’s selfish but I’ve been playing ignorance is bliss for too long now and I can’t escape it anymore. I knew this would happen eventually, really, ever since I was rotting in shit back in 2021. I think I’m reverting back to that same place now. There are very few things that are keeping me tethered to life and I don’t know if have the strength to keep holding on to them. Right now a knife to an artery sounds so ridiculously good

[evonymus]

Deadly Premonition 2

Everything I write here is just my opinion. I don't try to represent someone else's  thoughts and feelings. I fully understand that tastes differ and things I dislike may be enjoyed by others and vice versa. By writing this I don't try to attack anyone who has different opinion about the game. This text will have spoilers, so don’t read it if you haven’t beaten the game yet. It’s a lot of rambling that is not really structurized or anything, just a big collection of thoughts. Strong language is used.

Gameplay-wise the game seemed pretty meh. I fully realize it may feel very different if you actually play it instead of watching, the feeling of completion, getting stuff done and all that sorta thing. Still, the majority of game seems like a shit-ton of donkey work. Side missions are a very mixed bag. Sometimes they feel like the ones in the 1st game when you need to talk to someone or get an item for them, those ones are ok. However, there's a lot of grinding which you'd expect from an mmorpg, nor a murder mystery. As for the main missions, this is where one of my biggest problems with the game comes in. The first game was all about investigation. Go to the case-related place and investigate it, examine the corpse, talk to witnesses, follow your new lead and so on. It felt like a real investigation. Sure, York did rely on supernatural to solve it, but it was like twice in the entire game (fishing the docs from the waterfall thanks to the cup and going to Harry because the newspaper told him to. I don't count FK in the coffee since it's not much of a clue, just foreshadowing). He only used it because with Nick getting arrested he had no other clues what to do next. It sure felt a bit weird but...understandable? In the 2nd game, however, there's no real investigation going on. All York does is just blindly following oracles and hope that something good will come out of it and there will be progress. And there is because MAGIC! We used to be a competent FBI agent, now it turns out we're only successful because MAGIC! Zach even blatantly admits he has left FBI because he doesn’t get MAGIC HINTS anymore. For me it's a massive let-down. Also, since there's little logical reasoning behind many main missions, they feel super-meh as well. Oh, hey, it's an important person, can't wait to meet and question them! Waaaait-wait-wait-wait, you've got a collectathon in front of you that makes no sense in general but still will move your investigation forward because MAGIC! (Yes, I'm stil bitter and angry as fuck at those stupid drums that do nothing). The thing is, I totally understand why the developers felt it was perfectly normal to make the game this way. The reason behind it is called LOL WACKY. DP gained fame as being a bizarre and wacky game, which to my mind is pretty unfair. It had its moments, sure, but that's what's made it special - just the right balance of "sane" and "insane". Unfortunately, due to its reputation the developers got the wrong message and stopped bothering to make things coherent. "Who cares if something doesn't make sense, it's WACKY and that's exactly what fans want!" Big fat nope. I don't mind a bit of silliness in games, however this game goes far beyond "a bit". The same goes for the characters. Sorry, LOL ZANY characters, another DP1 (not really) staple. DP2 doesn't have as many really quirky people as the 1st game does but man they felt forced and annoying, from their overall shticks to speech patterns. There are characters from DP1 I dislike, but I dislike them for being dicks in general. DP2 characters though I hate from the bottom of my heart for how goddamn irritating they are. I'm sorry, maybe I got old or something, but I really don't think that a concept of a guy refusing to wear clothes is funny. He feels forced as fuck. Just as the guy who has adopted several personas just for lulz (I might be wrong on David, perhaps it is stated in the game that he really has split personality. It won't change anything much though). People in DP1 felt like real people, someone you could meet in real life. Sure, you can meet a guy wearing nothing but his boots, briefs and a hat irl as well, but somehow I doubt it'll be a pleasant acquaintance or, at least, won’t make you question his mental state. Also, don't even get me started on Simon. I literally hated every second of him on the screen. Cartoonish characters were my biggest concern after D4 and boy I was right to worry about that. Also, you don't get to really know people, especially the important ones, so when stuff happens, it barely has any effect on you. Remember how DP1 made you stick with all the main cast for pretty much the entirety of the game, so they felt like family and the end-game literally torn your soul apart? DP2 doesn't even try to get close to that, except for Patricia, but the emotional impact of the ending is nowhere near. The way people talk in the game is atrocious. It often feels like an amateur play written by someone overestimating their writing abilities way too often (talk with Lena in the bar is a good example of what I mean here). Which is a darn shame since there's nothing like that in the 1st game where pretty much all the dialogues were coherent. When thoughts like "That sounds dumb", "That makes no sense" and “That’s not how people talk” are swirling in your mind almost non-stop, that's not a good sign. The directing also seemed to degrade a bit. While there were some scenes in the original, that raised eyebrows and concerns, this game feels more like something of Spy Fiction era. Someone please inform Swery that making someone to look at the rotating screen for too long doesn't make them think "Oh, that's neat!", it makes them wanna puke. There are two little parts that I remember really well: 1) the shot of Patti's mouth when she's tempted to touch a red tree that goes for like 15 seconds while she's making strange noises; 2) That moment when Zach is dreaming about Kaysen, specifically, when he starts screaming and shooting. That frame starts with Zach already screaming and honestly it made me giggle with how silly it looks. Certainly that was not the intended player's reaction. This whole part might seem like nit-picking, but it really rubbed me the wrong way.

As for the plot, Le Carre part felt so-so and rushed with main missions mostly being a flop and major characters dropping like flies. Rest in peace, *character_name, we hardly knew ye. (Also, what the fucking FUCK was that part with an alligator tearing off Danny's hand? If that was a red herring, that was the dumbest fucking red herring I've seen in my entire goddamn life).  Also, as a side-note, let me make a little confession here: I'm fucking dumb. I'm dumb as a rock. I can never guess anything, being oblivious to obvious things. Still, I suspected Avery from the very beginning due to his heights and as soon as Lena said the drug changes people's physical properties I was convinced he had been involved. Welp, guess what. Sadly, solving this little riddle has brought me no joy. The ending though... Honestly, I don't even want to give any sort of analysis to it. Just thinking about it makes me mad. All I can say is that it was one of the dumbest, most melodramatic, crappy anime-esque endings I've ever seen. And trust me, I've seen some shit, I've beaten MGS4. I could never expect that someone who has wrote DP1 could write something as ridiculous as that. It was so dumb it wasn’t even funny. "Everything was very bad but then FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC happened and everyone lived happily ever after BECAUSE MAGIC!" That's how fanfiction is written. That’s some AU shit a desperate fan could cobble together. I am fully aware there's a lot of people who are really into this exact sort of stuff. As for me, it makes my skin crawl so fucking much it has probably reached Spain by now.  All in all, DP2 is a terrible disappointment. The only real up-side of it is that it has reminded me how good the first game was.

[normal-thoughts-official]

HEY SO u didn’t wanna go on a trans!magnus tangent in ur sexuality post but *I* want you to go on a trans!magnus tangent! Tell me more about him coming to terms w/ his identity & how it’s influenced his life and all that. Essentially just give me all the trans!magnus content in ur brain. Love u ❤️❤️❤️ ~cursedlightwood

here’s my hot take: magnus’ gender is Tired. and yes, i will elaborate, because Ive spent the last 2-3 weeks doing research for this ask, so this is probably the most well-informed theory you’ll see on this subject. yeah, we’re doomed

EDIT: i was gonna say this from the get-go but i forgot, so: english is not my first language and i’m unsure about the usage of some terms that i found during research, particularly those referring to traditional javanese religions and customs; so, if you spot anything that is problematic, racist or colonialist please let me know and i’ll change it. 

ok, so i want to start this off by saying that, although javanese society had a binary gender system, they had pretty egalitarian views on gender, and from what i’ve seen the division of labor wasn’t really set in stone - although they were less common than male ones, there were female warriors, for instance. both men and women could be the sovereign and were equally respected, both could ask for a divorce, etc. the most important part of their gender views, to me, seems to be that they believed women were better for diplomatic roles and trading, because they believed men were too emotional and not as good as debating and making compromises as women were (same source)

so i’m just gonna say this, here and now: AFAB!Magnus makes a lot of sense because Magnus is the most diplomatic person you’ll ever fucking see, and in this context, if he were AFAB, he would have been socialized to be for a very young age. and i dont mean hes diplomatic just on the sense that he’s literally keeping most of the characters together and preventing fights (remember when he had to stop a Raphael VS Simon catfight? ugh), but also in the sense that out of everyone hes the one who best handles the seelie queen, for example. he’s good at Wit Battles, negotiating, building bridges and dealing with power relations when its needed.

and i mean, this would also be a pretty good start on why he’d be like “no thanks” when it comes to this whole Womanhood thing, because yeah, Magnus is good at that, he has to be, but does he like it? to me it’s pretty clear that he doesn’t, that he’s absolutely uninterested in anything involving power and negotiations and this whole ridiculous dance it involves. also he’s constantly giving himself the short end of the stick so y’know. honestly, at heart, magnus is an inventor, an explorer; he likes to create things, he likes to learn, he likes to explore the world around him, meet people, help them, build relationships - but on equal grounds, not this whole give-some-take-some thing diplomacy entails. and as a Woman™ in pre-colonial java society, it’s pretty much that, be a farmer, or a concubine - we’re gonna get to that a little bit later on.

so i think in this context little magnus would be like “no thanks” and wanting to go around and, i don’t know, look at plants and learn their properties and figure out why apples fall, or something. it’s not exactly a Man’s Role™ either, although to be fair i found it a little hard to figure out what exactly were men’s roles in javanese society because gender studies usually just focus on women and treat men as the standard and don’t really explore how manhood is construed. but anyway. i know that they were warriors more frequently than women (same source), but women could be warriors as well. like i said, gender roles in javanese society weren’t really set in stone. [alec voice] they’re not rules, they’re suggestions.

add to that the fact that magnus lived in a port city - he had to, since in the early 1600s the dutch were only settling in important ports and trading centers - and the ports in java were very important trading centers that had been attracting people from all over Asia and Europe for centuries, and had a quite good share of migrants and immigrants living there, including quite a good share of Buginese, aka the people who had a 5-gender division. jakarta, which is in java, has like the 10th biggest buginese population in the world, not to mention the countless other societies that had their own views on gender relations; and you have a pretty good and accepting environment when it comes to differences. the javanese were flexible, they were well aware that culture isn’t set in stone, and they were very prone to syncretism. the kingdom allowed people to have any religion they wanted, even if its “official” religion at the time was buddhism. so really: the javanese were actually not very into the whole “imposing cultural constructs” thing, especially the coastal javanese. so magnus would have likely had the freedom to explore and to not really want to conform to any gender stereotypes without that being a HUGE deal, in my opinion.

and then there’s the fact that the concept of womanhood was a pretty disputed one at the time; yes, the javanese had their own views, but it’s important to note that by the 1600s most of the coastal javanese population had converted to Islam, which led to a few differences as well; when compared to other southeast asian communities, for example, the rate of women in trade was a little different - while it was a steady 50% in almost all countries and cultures, in indonesia it was around 30%, because muslim communities had more of a “women stay at home” view. however, when compared to other asian societies such as the chinese society, where the rate was of 1-5%, you can see that the javanese’s egalitarian views on gender stood a fair amount of ground. also, in indonesia, precisely due to their more open views, Islam mostly syncretised with local religions and customs, including the gender views; in Bugis, for instance, the 5-gender system was kept, as were traditional customs such as “ritual transvestism” and homosexuality. so, yes, it was disputed, and people had many views on what people could or couldn’t do, but that mostly ended up becoming a kind of “live and let live” thing. which is the perfect environment for 1- AFAB!Magnus be Very Tired of this whole womanhood thing that no one can even decide what it is anyway; 2- Magnus to say “fuck this” and live as a masc-leaning genderless entity that just wanted to make some goddamn potions.

but then there’s the colonial relations, right? how do the dutch come into this already very complicated and delicately balanced equation? that was honestly the main point of my research, trying to figure out just how much influence the dutch had at such an early stage of colonisation, and also what it would be like to live in a mixed-culture household such as magnus’. here’s what i have:

during the first century of dutch colonisation (aka the part we’re talking about) the dutch and the europeans didn’t really have a big influence in javanese cultural and political relations. the javanese were pretty well organised and had a powerful and strong society so the europeans didn’t really manage to invade them successfully - even the portuguese, the most powerful european nation at the time, tried and failed to invade them for the whole 16th century (get rekt lmao). so what the dutch did was, they simply established themselves as one of the many companies that settled in jakarta to trade, and slowly built their power and influence from there. don’t get me wrong, the dutch were very violent colonisers and in other parts of indonesia they were doing the european thing of mass genocide as much as any other country. they weren’t a “softer” version of colonisers, they just didn’t have the power to subjugate the javanese, so they had to try a slower approach. during the early 1600s, the only dutch people in java were the VOC workers (VOC is the dutch east india company - the acronym is in dutch. basically the company that was there to get some nice spices to sell to the rest of europe so they could shove it all up their assholes or smth since up to this day their food is bland as shit), and they weren’t permanent settlers; they could only stay in java for the duration of their contract with the VOC and they couldn’t bring their wives and children with them, and they couldn’t bring any wives or mixed children they had while in java back to europe, either (same source).

this weird relationship meant that magnus’ “stepfather” and his mother probably had a relationship of concubinage (told you we’d get back to that), which was not uncommon in java neither before nor after the arrival of the dutch. in short, his mother was supposed to take care of his house, make him food and all that jazz, and also have a sexual relationship with him, in exchange for money (same source). it was not prostitution and it worked pretty much as a marriage, except it was temporary and contractual. BUT it meant that magnus’ mother would have to have converted to christianism (same source) and due to the fact that she was in a temporary contract, she couldn’t divorce him, and in their home he would treat her as, well, europeans treated their wives - with the particular western brand of sexism that they so kindly forced unto the rest of us. so that makes the whole thing even more disputed and complicated.

but as a VOC worker, magnus’ stepfather wouldn’t even be home for most of the day, and he couldn’t really keep magnus or his mom from, like, leaving the house and doing their things. i think he wouldn’t even try because that would prolly be very looked down upon in java; spousal abuse in southeast asia as a whole was pretty rare, since anyone could divorce whenever they wanted and women were politically and financially independent, so i think if he tried to pull something like that he would be in trouble - again, the dutch were the minority, and for the most part, they lived as the javanese did, in their villages, in their homes, eating their food and mostly adapting to their customs (same source). they even mostly spoke indonesian in their homes, since most indonesians didn’t speak dutch, and indonesia was kind of the universal language at the time, since there were many languages spoken both in and outside of java (this also explains why magnus speaks indonesian instead of javanese; that would have been the language spoken at his home. you have no idea how relieved having an explanation for this makes me). also there’s the pressing question of, would he even give a shit what magnus does or doesn’t do? magnus wasn’t his biological son, and most of these guys didn’t care about any biological children they might have had with these women, since they were women of color and they would leave them eventually anyway. honestly this is all the more reason for him to treat magnus like shit - he was javanese, he was brown, and he wasn’t even related to him by blood. this was also probably grounds for him to treat magnus’ mom even worse, since in his christian eyes the fact that she had a child outside of marriage made her even lesser than other indonesians.

so honestly, what i’m picturing is something like - most of the time it was pretty okay, there were certain expectations and a certain kind of female socialization but it was okay that he didn’t really fit in there, and then with his stepfather the whole thing was just shit. 

also, the fact that his mom was probably a concubine means there was a fair chance that his stepfather would have other concubines, and listen, yes i may be flexing, but you can’t stop me from imagining that maybe magnus was raised in a multicultural home with lots of other southeast asian women and children and maybe even buginese because again you can’t fucking STOP ME.

but either way, even if his home wasn’t like that, his city was - we don’t know which city he lived in, but it doesn’t matter, really; all cities with dutch settlers were port cities and therefore followed pretty much the same pattern of being a cultural tapestry with all sorts of influences coexisting in peace.

so really, little magnus lived in a pretty rich environment when it came to exploring his identity. he and his mom lived in a pretty egalitarian society gender-wise, he had the space and the opportunity to explore the world and figure out what he liked and didn’t like. am i going crazy imagining a tiny magnus with his mom, running around in other farms and listening, enraptured, stories of people from all over the world, about their cultures and lives, and learning there is so much to see and wanting to just go wherever he could, getting himself a passion for travelling that would later fuel his want to invent a quick way to go anywhere he wanted to, going to the port and seeing all the stuff they had available, from plants with healing properties to spices, and just loving to figure out their properties and how they could be mixed together to create new things, loving this world full of wonder and possibilities? maybe. god.

but anyway, what i’m trying to get at here is that it’s really impossible to think of a cis magnus in this context, no matter if you think AMAB or AFAB trans magnus - i know ive been focused on AFAB magnus here but really that’s mostly because 1- Projection; 2- thinking about AFAB magnus brings in new layers of complexity that need further exploration in my opinion; but really this applies to any magnus. what would being “cis” even mean, in a context where the very concepts of manhood and womanhood were so disputed and complex? and that’s not even going into the fact that after so many centuries, complying to gender roles of that time looked nothing like complying to our modern gender roles. really, it’s a lost cause. magnus kind of has a culturally-specific gender that…. no one but other warlocks born in similar situations could, really? there’s no word for it. there’s no explaining it with words. it is [REDACTED GOOD OMENS REFERENCE]

the closest we have is masc-leaning enby, since somewhere along the way he seems to have decided to use male pronouns and have a mostly masc-presenting body, even if paired with a more fem-presenting appearance fashion and mannerisms-wise. but again it’s too unique, there are way too many influences here.

and honestly that’s kind of beautiful! i love imagining small magnus having contact with people with all kinds of views on gender and society throughout his childhood, exploring, trying on their clothes, learning about their religions and customs, having elderly friends from different backgrounds and also young friends who were raised in very different ways, and sharing all of that, and learning about who he is amidst all of that, and being able to explore that and talk about that to his mom and friends and close people because they are used to these differences. even if when at home he was probably met with some kind of transphobic rhetoric and violence because of his stepfather and the imposed christianity that came with it - and that unlike other religions, didn’t syncretize at all.

which brings us to a second, very important point on the whole trans magnus ordeal, which is how deeply tied to racism the transphobia he’s suffered and the general understanding of his gender was. of course, this applies to every single of-color and non-western born person, but magnus has lived that through history. from a very young age, the blunt of the violence he was met with came from a racist standpoint that believed his very identity and existence made him lesser and in need to be corrected - because that’s what, after all, the colonizers were doing. their whole rhetoric was that the colonized were barbaric and needed them to learn the right ways through violence. it is worth noticing that the javanese have been referred to as “the most inhuman of all people” by dutch colonizers, and amongst the reasons for that was the fact that their views on gender were so different from the european’s (same source).

so really we’re mixing in the fact that he was a “bastard” child in his stepfather’s eyes, a warlock, and trans… and yeah, oof. there’s no way he was treated with anything other than violence from way before his mom’s suicide and the subsequent drowning attempt. in his stepfather’s eyes, everything about magnus’ existence was demonic, impure, and all the more reason why he and his mom were dirty and needed to be corrected.

it’s also worth noting that sorcery was a very big part of javanese culture that was also syncretized with pretty much every religion. the javanese believed in sorcery, believed everyone could do magic, and the dutch, of course, despised that. the source above is a pretty interesting article that argues that the european’s so-called “skepticism” on magic and “rational-based” culture was actually part of a construction of whiteness that hoped precisely to differentiate them from the “savage” others. i mean, the guys were burning women at the stake because they were “witches”, but every other culture’s religions, rituals and magic were just bullshit and couldn’t be trusted because the europeans were too rational and knew better? okay buddy. it also features an amazing story about a dutch colonizer who got hexxed because of his racism that is, quite frankly, heartwarming. but i digress.

so yeah listen i know i already talked about this on the other ask but there’s really no way the reason his mother killed herself was because she found out magnus was a warlock or a demon’s son or whatever. magic was part of their culture. it was what they believed in. it was a part of nature to them. it’s way more likely that the reason she killed herself was the constant violence she was met with in daily life that she couldn’t get away from, and his stepfather simply blamed magnus because, to him, he represented everything that was wrong with their culture - and that makes even more sense if we think about trans!magnus, because that makes him an even deeper abomination. it’s very likely that most of the violence and belittling his mother had to face was related to magnus as well - look what you created, what you do, your culture is an abomination, this is unacceptable. but magnus was way too small at that time, and he believed what his stepfather told him, because i mean, what else would he believe in?

i also think that asmodeus kind of messed with his perception of how the whole thing went down, telling him that he “murdered” him when really it was clearly self defense, erasing the violence his stepfather directed towards magnus and focusing on the end to convince magnus that he was evil, unredeemable, that no one would accept him but asmodeus, that he had no other choice. so that’s super fun! but yeah i do believe that asmodeus spent enough time gaslighting magnus and rewriting this whole story for this to be considered magnus’ worst memory, seen by him as a reminder of his “ugly side” that doesn’t really even exist. asmodeus weaponized this, which served the double purpose of convincing magnus he had no choice but to follow asmodeus, and teaching him that violence is normal and there’s nothing wrong with it, and that retaliating makes him bad. 

this is all i have to say about the asmodeus years, really, because like i said before i don’t think he gives a shit about gender, he’s way older than it and who cares. but the trauma that the whole thing put magnus through is easily weaponizable. @thesorrowoflizards also wrote this amazing fic that features the headcanon that asmodeus used magnus’ transness to manipulate him as well, using spells that made him more masculine and stuff but only if magnus obeyed him. fun! especially considering that he was with asmodeus through his puberty (or at least that’s likely) when his body would have begun to change, so for him to have such a masc-presenting body…. yeah. this is very plausible. i love pain.

and then we get to england, where again, everyone is an asshole, about everything, all the time. like holy shit, he thought the europeans cared too much when he was in java, but that is nothing compared to the brits and their casual sentencing people to death for being gender non conforming. also, to the europeans, asian men were seen as emasculate and their gender relations as a whole was unnatural, and listen, i know that in 18th-19th century england men also wore makeup and stuff, but i mean, magnus was probably seen as exotic in his “effeminate” mannerisms and non-compliance to gender roles, even if people didn’t know he was AFAB or just trans in general. he was probably objectified in that sense, kinda like a human-zoo sorta thing. fascinating, these emasculated asians with weird bodies and customs. ugh.

so yeah gender got particularly exhausting at that time, too. thankfully there were the warlocks, who were old enough to know all of this was bullshit and who had people from all kinds of cultural backgrounds, thousands of people with culturally-specific genders, as well as other people who were raised in similar environments as him. so in there he finds a home of sorts, a place where this doesn’t matter and where he can be himself and nobody cares, and also has access to different cultures and views and knowledge, and really it’s like the good parts of his childhood again. he learns more about magic and potion-making, about other cultures and places, travels the world, learns about science and the workings behind his magic. creates new potions, new spells, continues his education, learns and remembers how much he loves this, the cultural effervency, the chances to learn and explore and create. really the warlock community is so amazing and it’s like, golden era.

but he’s also living amongst mundanes and to some extent he likes them - not to mention, he likes travelling and learning about different places and cultures. and they seem to care more and more about differentiating genders as time goes by, and to be getting more and more violent in their never-ending quest to force people to fit into these roles, and it’s. tiring. exhausting. who cares. it makes less and less sense to him, and this alienation from the whole thing only solidifies his non-conformance and general inability to fit. sometimes he feels old, and alone, even if he has other people who are Like Him now - the shadow world can get tiring, sometimes, and there’s also the shadowhunters racism thing going on that’s also inevitably trying to subjugate their spaces and looks down on their culture - so it also has the downsides of his childhood. sometimes it’s like there’s no word for who he is, no one that can understand it, no place where he can be fully himself and loved for it. and this only intensifies by the middle of the 19th century, when suddenly makeup and colorful clothing is not for men anymore, and he’s even less conforming than before - he was a pretty respectable Man™ to their standarts up to that point, but from then on that is lost. it doesn’t matter too much, because even if he is masc-leaning, he still doesn’t really see himself as a man in the sense that he seems to be expected to. but that furthers the alienation, and the feeling of loneliness and of being old and unfit for this world.

that is also when he meets camille! and that’s canon because there was that one picture of him with camille and ragnor and the clothes they are wearing are very much from the 1840s (i talked about this here), which is precisely when the whole men’s fashion differentiating from women’s fashion thing was starting. so in the context of his gender this makes it even easier for camille to manipulate him into thinking that she’s the only one who will ever understand and accept him, and that he’s naive, and that he doesn’t fit into the world and doesn’t understand what’s best for him, and really he should trust her judgement better because he is a man out of his time, but she can help him, and- yeah. that good olde cis-girl-abuses-trans-person routine, with even more elements than usual. ggghhhghh

and it’s not until the 1960s and 70s that these notions start to actually be challenged. of course, trans people have always existed and were building their own communities and helping each other as well as they could, and magnus certainly was a part of that, because, well, that’s who he is. he doesn’t leave people in need and he knows how painful it is to go through all of this alone, so he does his best to help and adopts pretty much everyone he can. but for the most part, they are a diaspora, and the cissexist society that alienates and tries to kill them goes on unchallenged.

that gives him all the more reason to get so involved with stonewall and the subsequent building of the queer neighborhoods and communities, that feeling that maybe he can belong after all, that things might change and his life doesn’t have to be an infinite cycle of violence, isolation, abuse, and repeat. seeing these events unfold, helping keep people safe, meeting Sylvia Rivera and all the other trans people of color who were part of this, who had stories so similar to his, who were also bisexual (!!), who knew what it was like. that was healing, and that was important to him, and gjfdkafaskfa yeah.

and of course not everything is a sea of roses, because then the community starts to divide and trans and bi ppl, particularly of color, particularly those who are like him, start to be looked down on. Sylvia is arrested and even booed at Pride, suddenly he’s drawing the short end of the stick again. and then there’s the AIDS crisis, and he sees so many people die, and for a while, it feels like there’s no way out after all. and he even loses a lot of his warlock friends, the people who really understand him in his entirety, because sometime around that there’s the Circle massacre, as well. it’s a dark time for him, and honestly it’s a good thing he’s sworn off romance after the whole camille ordeal to clear his head, because after losing so many people he’s never felt this alienated, this alone, and to fall into the arms of another camille or asmodeus would have been just too easy.

but god, he heals. it’s crazy, but he has raphael, he has cat, ragnor, dot, elias, and he somehow builds himself up and relearns to trust and starts to believe that he has the love he’s always believed himself unworthy of having, that he believed impossible to him. and he starts to open up, and to feel more confident in his own skin, right in time to meet alec.

and look, trans!Magnus just makes malec all the more powerful. not only is this shadowhunter showing up and fully trusting a downworlder, giving him his strength, caring about him, cleaning his home (!) and taking care of him, something he hasn’t allowed himself to have for so long, something he didn’t believe he could have and that alec does so easily even when they’ve barely met. he shows magnus so much care and respect from day one and magnus doesn’t get that from anyone, let alone a shadowhunter, let alone a shadowhunter that’s there with jocelyn’s entitled daughter who treats him as a tool - and look, i know he loves clary, but she is entitled and magnus unfortunately enables her and other entitled shadowhunters to treat him as such, because even he treats himself as such most of the time, and it’s something he needs to work on, and probably has been at least since he broke up with camille.

but he’s also a white, gay man, and magnus has seen firsthand that these people can be nasty to people like him. yes he tried to help alec come to terms with his sexuality, and yes he’s surprised him before, but it’s also not like alec didn’t fuck up and wasn’t entirely… well, shadowhunter-y and had a lot of trouble believing that things didn’t have to be the shadowhunter, bigoted way for a while. but alec doesn’t give a shit if magnus is trans, it doesn’t lessen his attraction or love to him in any way, and it’s just. ugh. beautiful.

and yeah this has gotten too long and it already took me like 3 weeks to answer it because of the amount of research ive done and general tiredness so im gonna end this here, and on a positive note for a change! magnus is happy and learning to take care of himself and accepts himself and trans rights. hell yeah.

[perfectackeracy]

“When the story stops sucking...”

Ok so you’ve probably noticed my lack of reviews and activity in general. Even the anime didn’t make me raise my voice more than usual lately. 

I’m gonna make it short: my lack of activity on meta and theories is mostly due to a lack of passion and interest regarding the manga events. It’s been since April that I haven’t written anything globally consistent, and it was mostly because the chapters were devoid of an interesting topic to elaborate upon. Everything I wanted to say was scattered in my asks and I had no motivation to sum everything up.

When I first started this blog, I mostly held theories about what was going outside the walls, what were the enemy’s true motivations and how the story could end. Even after the dull battle that was RtS, there was still something to elaborate upon: who was Zeke? What’s going to happen to Reiner and Bertolt from now on? What’s located inside the basement? What is the truth behind the world? Back in the day, I was more passionate on character analysis and what lies behind their motives.

The first major ragequit I’ve experienced was two years ago: two of my favorite characters died for some cheap, unnecessary drama (that wasn’t that unnecessary when you analyze Isayama’s words). At that time, when the basement’s secrets were revealed, I was more interested in how things can turn dark on Paradis than attachment to what’s left of the characters, since my favorites were on the other side of the ocean, dead or dead inside. Still, the prospect of a dark Eren following the wrong path because he can ws interesting enough to keep me interested.

Then we’ve got the Marley arc. An arc I was more than happy to follow, with an exclusive point of view from the fighters located on the other side, a team which has my favorite and a bunch of kids I came to appreciate. Naturally I would deliver as I’ve always delivered up until a certain point. You had Reiner dealing with the pain and the guilt accumulated through these years, the interactions between the group of warriors, an empire on decline, Zeke’s questionable motives, Eren’s presence that will ultimately cast doom, not only on Marley but also on the rest of the world, including Paradis. 

Then the SC came and things weren’t as interesting anymore…

It’s almost as if the SC’s reintroduction brought anything I didn’t want out of the series: we’ve got the same dull fights since RtS, the same plot-armored cast, the same sob comedy we had an arc ago and Zeke’s character who currently looks like an expy of Light Yagami and his 456138D chess consisting in anticipating everybody to accomplish his goals. The entirety of Vol. 26 was more a deception than a satisfactory volume.

We’ve transitioned from a geopolitical festival to a full-fledged battle with a twist at the end, as well as some flashbacks, and the whole thing was either dull or laughable. Let’s review this point by point to show you how disappointing this whole mess was.

The action sequence

To summarize the whole battle: Eren transforms into the Attack Titan, the Warhammer had him cornered, Mikasa saves him at the last minute, Jean and co. barge in and defeat the Marleyan troops, Warhammer has more resources but Eren can put two and two, Porco comes to Sister Tybur’s rescue but overestimated Paradis, Porco was saved by Pieck, Zeke comes in, Zeke has to act, Armin nukes the harbor, Porco gets distracted and fucks up, which leads to Zeke being captured and Pieck fucking up, as Pieck was about to be finished, Falco and Magath interfere, the kids hide Pieck, Porco fights against Eren but panics in front of the zeppelin, screw up and allowed Eren to use him as a nutcracker, Porco almost dies but is rescued by a suicidal Reiner, everybody boards up safely and fuck off from Liberio with Zeke, another titan power, and the last remaining cadets, one of them successfully killing a soldier who had death flags on her for a long time.

To be frank, I’m not sure how people can think it’s a good battle overall. On one hand, you have a bunch of soldiers in gear with titanium plot armor and on the other hand you have a team of warriors who need to be ridiculed through and through and pass for incompetents as Eren does his job without suffering any consequences during the battle. The most active, Pieck and Porco went from careful to suddenly disoriented, being put down by their enemies just like that, not making this fight even equal. It’s not even close to RtS’ sense of battle, where the SC was backed against the wall before returning the situation with crappy tactics. Here, we’re witnessing an emergency plan working rather well. Too well even. 6 deaths in total? Really? On the other hands, you’ve got Marley depleted from two more titan powers, Pieck’s panzer unit and a couple of soldiers.

Concerning titan fights, Porco and Lady Tybur held their own against Eren but were wrecked not so long after they gave their best. Porco in particular is a huge contradiction, who went from prideful (vs. Levi) to careful (to Pieck) to outright rushing everything (seeing the Colossus and seeing the blimp). It was a bit embarrassing on his behalf.

The battle also recycles some common elements that are quite tiresome to watch: Mikasa saving Eren when he’s getting backed in a corner, Armin’s basic plans -that nobody could ever guess-, always working while everybody acts like a clueless moron around him, Jean being contradictory… For an arc supposed to illustrate the divergence of the main trio, there wasn’t much to show except both Mikasa and Armin being disappointed in Eren’s actions.

Even the major deaths of this arc were neither shocking nor impactful. The most shocking deaths I can recall were Udo and Zofia’s because they were kids, but they weren’t painted as prominent characters in the cadet batch unlike Falco and Gabi. Next we had Willy Tybur, whose death was expected in the same chapter he died in, his sister, who had a fair chance to only serve as a placeholder to be eaten, and Sasha, who not only had red flags being painted all over her (killing the guards in front of Gabi, being the only one not wearing a breast plate), but was the subject of Isayama’s planned death (from Oita’s Q&A, March 2018). Sasha was already a non-character at this point, and him spending a whole funeral (when no other character got this privilege) was just plain obnoxious.

The characters

I’m still amazed -and not in a good way- by how bland the main staff became. Supposing it was remotely entertaining to make me root for them, my thoughts would’ve been something other than “Jesus fucking christ when will someone die already Gabi please shoot these fuckers”.

In simpler terms, Eren is by far the most entertaining character of the SC so far. While I understand the need to oppose Eren to his comrades in terms of ideology, his opponents are either uncaptivating or uninteresting to watch.

Armin is, of course and by far, the biggest offender. From the victim of Eren’s actions, he’s the one who opposes Eren’s individualistic views, but his character -or rather, his lack of- makes it hard to sympathize with. Simply speaking, a simpleton like him would’ve been better if he didn’t enjoy himself like an idiot after not only inheriting the CT, but also living at the price of Erwin. His unexplainable mastery of the CT at the same level than a natural like Bertolt, as well as a poor copypaste of the sad giant who never wanted this feels at the same time forced, redundant and bent over for the character’s convenience. The way a gary-stu would. To add more on the injury, Hange, the commander, passes as a complete buffoon in front of him, going as far as to praise his basic plans and compare him to Erwin. When you combine Isayama’s interviews and his position in the story, the way he comes off as a special snowflake feels unwanted. Even more when he got to live at the expense of two -potentially- more interesting and more popular characters.

In the end, we’ve got an amalgamate trying to narrate the story to Annie, who wasn’t seen for six years, but who was used as a confidence pillow. Considering Armin is a grown man who, in the end, chose to go with Eren and used gary stu nukes against Marley, am I supposed to sympathize with this? You know, it’s a good thing Armin tanked in popularity. His character was borderline insufferable in the former arc, and in this one, you just wish someone would mercy crunch him.

Fortunately Armin is by far the worst, but other members have their characters suffering post-timeskip. Special mentions to Hange and Levi. Hange either switched between the eccentric clown and the serious commander. While I’m ok with them being less competent than Erwin due to the pressure, they’re also a vet losing all their team members and yet displaying the personality they always did before timeskip. It’s no longer the squad leader specializing in research, but the commander, sometimes incapable to maintain a serious side, like when Yelena introduced the anti-Marley soldiers. While there’s a certain pressure coming from Zeke’s directives but also Eren’s decisions, their whole character is somewhat lackluster. Going from almost leaving the strategies to Armin to outright try and be friendly with Eren while he’s, once again, jailed, right after scolding him.

Moving on to Levi, while he held his promise for later I’m under the impression he became a meme without convictions more than anything. All he does in these chapters is threatening Zeke, which can be fun the first time but quickly becomes annoying, since we’re getting back in the old ways where Levi lacked development and was simply the clean freak, who also happened to be Paradis’ strongest soldier. He doesn’t have much usefulness in the story except being the sharp razor cutter of the group. Considering what Isayama said in the character directory it had to be expected, but it’s still annoying.

The character I’m feeling sad for so far are Historia and Reiner: Historia because she still doesn’t know what she really wants and bends again to someone else’s demands, even giving her body to fill the conditions of a potential savior, all at the expense of her freedom, pride and happiness. I’m surprised she agreed with Kiyomi’s conditions so quickly, however. Meanwhile Reiner was feeling suicidal up to the point of letting himself die. Had it not been for Gabi and Falco calling him, Porco would be dead. Still disappointed the volume didn’t end on his point of view. Besides, I was expecting him thinking about Bertolt during his coma, since Eren picking him up was similar to how Bertolt picked him up as they were kids. Yet another blueballing moment for Bertolt’s closure… Oh well.

Jean is more or less okay. His character is consistent, but he feels to much like an underdog in comparison of other characters who have been put in front. He’s still the same guy who acts tough but still has a moment of hesitation. I still don’t get why he’s used for convenient survivals, especially when he decided to not toss Gabi and Falco away from the blimp. Gabi, a trained soldier, killed Sasha, who was one of your besties for a long time? Ok let’s not throw them out and blame Eren on this whole fiasco!

I’ve said my mind about Floch, but him becoming a fanboy of Eren was unexpected and I’m curious to see what role he’s going to play in the future. Connie’s reactions to him teaming up with the man who was responsible for his village being devastated is too lackluster. Still, him describing Sasha’s loss as a part of him dying was touching.

Sasha was practically a non-character whose death would’ve been more impactful if it was set on for earlier. Isayama let her not only for the sidelines for way too long, but she ended up being the only “major” death on Paradis, with a couple of death flags on her. The result was not only predictable, but quite obnoxious with the over-extended funeral. Her character never got past the food jokes and Isayama is adding another layer of grief and mourning. Layer that could be shortened and used for something else. If there was another one I’d say ok, but this extra mourning is just really unnecessary. No character, not even Erwin, had this treatment before. Is it happening because Sasha doesn’t require much plot significance like Marco?

Gabi deserves my appreciation however. Her motivations to become a warrior were touching and understandable if you’re a member of a minority who strives to be accepted among other folks who sees you and your upbringing as inferior.

Zeke is a complete enigma. His actions are the ones impacting the plot the most and I really don’t know what to make of this. His movies are clear and at the same time they aren’t. Clear in the sense that he plays everybody like a fiddle to reach some goal. Unclear in the sense we don’t understand precisely what this goal is and what pushes Zeke to do this. Whether it’s for the common good or his own safety. The keikaku master exposition is becoming old if we keep exploring yet again what’s happening on Paradis on the third year. It’s cool Zeke is at the origin of both solutions and conflicts, but nothing is really explained.

The current plot

Or more accurately, monkey shenanigans 2.0. They’re not really the most compelling but they’re interesting enough to follow the series monthly. Despite that, we’re getting more questions than answers with all these chapters. If Zeke sides with neither camp, what is he fighting for exactly?

Since vol. 26 was mostly battles, not much questions have been answered to, and in the end, we’re spending more time with Paradis’ cast, getting more and more unlikeable with each chapter, falling into their own ways, rather than finishing with Marley, a cast we’re accustomed to since vol. 23. It would’ve been much better to end the battle of Liberio on Marley’s point of view first, then explain the flashbacks after. Engaging on an exposition dump was a clumsy move, and ending the battle to see a bunch of soldiers attacking another nation like terrorists acting like a bunch of clowns feels off compared to the settled tone.

Plus, so many scenes could’ve been shortened or skipped to insert other character moments instead. Sasha’s funeral comes to mind. You could’ve cut it half and have Historia thinking about Ymir when Kiyomi made her a proposition. The food jokes are outdated anyway and they make the story feel more embarrassing to read than comical. Same thing as Levi threatening to make a sopa de macaco. Still a tier better than food jokes, but still annoying.

The sudden transition to Paradis really makes me wonder, overall, why I should care about these fucks while the Marley arc started with another perspective? You just can’t let things unfinished and have an exposition dump in the meantime.

[marshmallowkingbea]

A homophobic ad in 2018? You’re kidding me, right? Lmao

Look, if any of yall are Jehovah’s witnesses or follow their practices, I have nothing against you personally. I’m also aware that many of you might not agree with this commercial either, or homophobia in general. But it’s this type of shit that just makes me beyond frustrated, to the point where I can’t even tell if it’s a joke or if it’s being serious.

God, where do I even begin. First of all, can we talk about the PRODUCTION QUALITY of this shit? It looks like it was ripped straight from a pixar film, which is NOT a good thing. It just shows how big these organisations have become, how they can afford to have their anti-gay PSA’s looking like it could be an animated movie.

It’s even worse when you consider the fact that they’re aiming this at - that’s right- CHILDREN. Now instead of watching finding Nemo and the Incredibles, the children of these religious groups get to watch “Lesson 22, One man, one woman”. What kind of sick parents do you have to be to essentially deprive these children of their childhoods and force them to watch something like this? It’s organised brainwashing, you’re preying on the ones that can’t think for themselves.

Again, I’m not against the religion or its values or anyone in particular, not even the fucktards who made this video. But I’m disgusted and mortified by the fact that this video is aimed at children.

I even had some people question me saying that it wasn’t aimed at children in particular, just Jehovah’s witnesses in general. Um, I’m sorry but if you watched the video, I question your judgement if you really think that this video was anything but a message to kids.

It just so happens to be a well-made animation film, the genre of videos children tend to like. There’s a lot of colors and warmth and easy to understand analogies - perfect for catching the attention of children. The main character that we learn through in this video? A child. Even the gross, condenscending tone they use in the video is the type of voice you would hear kindergarten teachers use, like, it’s not that deep people.

Legit, some of the things they say in this video is just fucking ridiculous. They literally said that following Jehovah’s “standards” (aka not being gay) in order to get to “paradise”, is the “same thing” as going through airport security and making sure you didn’t bring anything that “wasn’t allowed” on the plane. Seriously? Oh right, so when I die, I just need to make sure that I put my homosexuality away to the side before I travel through security, then I could go to paradise! They make it sound like it’s something you can easily change or discard even, when it’s honestly anything but that. I can’t imagine being a child or a teen that’s gay and go on with life knowing that I won’t be able to go to this “paradise” just because of the gender I like.

Also, I know this is basically how religion works and all, but they really be acting like Jehovah and Jesus’s saying are absolute truth. Like the way the mother immediately went off about Jehovah’s standards and sayings once she heard how “Carrie drew two mommies” as opposed to one dad and one mom, (oof, two women, married? wHaT blAspHEmy). I don’t know, it kinda rubs me the wrong way. Especially the part where she says “and Jesus said the SAME thing!” as if it was a revelation, and like its absolute PROOF that Jenovah’s words are final. They just keep having the same people validate each other’s statements, which kinda just reduces their followers to sheep.

Their video is also very problematic cause they try to pretend they’re not actually against gay marriage. Never do they say ‘oh, being gay is wrong’, it’s always super cryptic and tries to act non-discriminatory. Especially in the end when the mom asks what the daughter should say to carrie, and she says something along the line of “I’ll tell her about the paradise, the animals, and the resurrection!”. It just screams positivity and enlightenment, when in reality she basically just told carrie that her parents are going to hell. Their tone doesn’t match their implications.

A child who is only a few years old, deserves to play around and watch cartoons and read books, not listen to gospel that teaches them that being gay is a sin. A child should have the right to be able to think for themselves and not have to be told whats right or wrong based on someone elses standards. A child who is gay or anything but the norm shouldn’t have to feel that they have to hide or change a huge aspect of themselves just to follow “Jehovah’s standards”.

Just to make it clear because I know some of ya’ll might will take this all wrong, I AM NOT AGAINST THE JEHOVAH’S WITNESSES, CHRISTIANITY, OR THEIR VALUES. Even though I disagree with some of their principles, people are allowed to believe in whatever they want as long as they don’t shove it in my face. What I can’t tolerate though is the fact that they’re attempting to target children and teach them that discrimination and changing who you are for someone else is ok.

I just hope that the people who made this video would take some time to reflect on the fact that they’re taking advantage of children’s impressionable minds and stop making these so-called “lessons”. We’re in 2018 already, stop paraphrasing books written 4000 years ago.

I’m done ranting. It seems like youtube has taken the video down, or maybe the channel who posted it took it down, which is a good start. Hopefully they stop using the video altogether, but I sincerely doubt that.