#ok so the way this is gonna work for the sake of my current mental state

[mugeesworld]

Shanks with a chubby partner head cannons!

Female y/n

!!NSFW!! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

Masters list-

ahhhh shanks...... Shanks shanks shanks..... This mf...... How do I put this.... Sigh

He is one horny ass bastard.

I said it! And it's true! Look at him?!?? He always has that sly ass look on his face that makes you want to both punch and sit on. (I want to at least..)

And I have to say I don't think he would settle down with someone. He looks like a pimp. Hoping island to island. Unlimited hoes you feel me.

BUT

That was before he met you of course;)

Cause when his eyes landed on you. He didn't just want you oh no no no! He needed you... He desired you. He would not have it any other way.

Cause when he sets his eye on something. Especially a glorious treasure like you? Oh then he has to have it! Never in his life had he ever seen such a treasure like you!

No amount of jewels, gold, silver, or berries could ever be more desirable then you. Cause you we're the true treasure to him. Just the thing he has been searching for.

THE ONE PIECE! (sorry sorry. I'm joking!)

But you are certainly close to it! Just kidding you're better then it;)

Shanks is the type of guy to think he has the most rizziest of rizz then hit you with a yo mama joke. It would work on me but obviously it's not everyones type of flirting!

Ok so I started this like 3 days ago. Did a story and didn't like it. So I'm restarting a whole new small story. Cause I like adding a small little story on my head cannons! I do it on every single one! So yeah.....

It's no secret shanks and his crew love to drink! And like every other island he comes across he has to check out the bar at the one you just so happen to live and work at with your friend! So as usual him and his crew go to bar.

Beep beep.... Beep beep..... You rub your eyes and turn over to turn off your alarm. Seeing the time you jump to your feet. "Holy shit! I'm late for work!" you quickly throw on some clean clothes and start dragging yourself to the bar. Meanwhile your friend Ren is taking care of shanks crew by herself.

"Where the hell are you y/n??!" she grumbles carrying yet another barrel of booze for the thirsty pirates! She puts down the barrel when suddenly another group of pirates walk in.

"Oh fuck this! I can't do two crews by myself!" she says throwing her hands up in the air and sitting down on one of the stools at the bar. The captain from the other crew looks around the bar. His eyes landing on shanks. "Oh don't worry miss. We'll be quick... We're not here for a drink anyways." he mumbles.

Ren quickly stands up from her chair at hearing that. "If your not gonna buy anything then you can't stay buddy! This is a bar not a hotel!" she explains, walking towards the man while pointing at the door. The man scoffs and pushes past her. Ignoring her protests.

He makes his way over to shanks table slamming his hands down to get his attention. "So you're shanks huh? You don't look threatening at all! How the hell is your bounty so high?" he chuckles.

"Well I didn't come here to chit chat. So let's get on with it. Let's fight!" he yells throwing the table shanks was using. Shanks ignores the man. People like this are new to him. He sighs taking another sip of his sake. "Can't you see me and my crew are just trying to have a good time? Take a chill pill!" he groans.

Ren backs up against the bar. Usually you we're here to help settle bar fights like this but she was all alone left to panic. The man clenches his teeth. "How dare you disrespect me like that! Fight me! Or I'll tear this place apart till you do!" he yells, once again throwing another table.

The man continues to throw tables and chairs. Shanks hated that the guy was doing this to the bar. But it seemed a guy like this would pop up every time him and his crew go for a drink. He was tired of it. After a few minutes of him having a tantrum shanks finally stands up having had enough of his bull shit.

When suddenly you barge in out of breath nearly falling over at the sudden stop. "I'm so sorry I'm late ren- HOLY SHIT!"

You gather yourself, standing up straight to look around st the mess he made. "Who the hell do you think you are messing up my bar like this?!" you scream walking over towards the man.

The captain turns around to look at you. "Just stay out of this Missy. You don't want to get hurt do ya?" he sneers crossing his arms. You roll your eyes looking around for ren. Spotting her behind the bar. "Ren what the hell happened?!" you ask throwing your hand in the air

She pops her head out from behind the bar. "This guy wants to fight that guy over there but he refused so- Hey wait! I should be the one asking you that! Why the hell are you late y/n?! I could of died!" she yells.

You awkwardly smile at her and look at the ground. "I may have slept in.... But we will talk about that later! As I was saying! Ahem* WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!" you yell pushing your finger into the man's chest.

"You can't just come in here and act like you own the place! You're gonna pay every penny of damage whether it's with berries or your life! I don't have time for your bullshit!" you scream grabbing the man by his shirt.

The pirate clenches his teeth and pushes your hands off him before turning back to shanks. Not paying you any mind. "Well I don't have time to deal with some foolish lady. I came here for one thing and one thing only." he says glaring at shanks.

You clench your fist, you've had enough. With everything that's happened today leading up to this you wanted to snap. You've dealed with pirates before. Either throwing them out or beating them if they refuse to pay. He wasn't gonna disrespect you like that. You're not the strongest but you can tell when you can win a fight against someone. He wasn't the biggest and certainly not the smartest.

You charge at the man, lifting up your fist and swinging. Nailing him right in the head. The man falls on his knee grabbing his head. "Don't you ignore me you bastard! I work to hard for this bar for it to be made a fool of by some damn pirate. If you wanna be a pirate so bad then maybe you at least have a bounty. Why don't I turn your ass in and fix up my bar huh?" you exclaim, pushing his head into the ground with one hand and holding his hands behind his back with the other.

Shanks and his crew watch with interest as you handle the pirate. Screwing his head harder and harder into the ground. "But seeing as you can't even take a punch from a foolish lady, your bounty won't even cover the costs of a single glass. You're not worth the walk to the police station.....You have balls coming in here like you own the place when you are weaker then a mere bar tender. Ton down your damn ego and get the hell out of my bar jackass!" you yell while bragging him to the door and throwing him out.

Breathing heavily you turn around to face the man's crew. "Get the hell out of my bar before I knock you all on your asses." you grumble, not in the mood to deal with them.

The crew rush out of the bar not saying a word. You stand still for a second trying to catch your breath before signing. "The audacity some people have is insane...." you whisper just loud enough to be heard. Walking towards the bar you see ren poke her head out from behind the bar.

"It's just my luck a snot nosed pirate trys to cause a ruckus on the exact day you sleep in..." she sighs rubbing her hand over her face. "I'm sorry ren it won't happen again! I'll clean up the mess he made since I was late." you say walking towards the table he flipped.

You flip the tables and chairs back over. Only a few being damaged. Fixing shanks table you see that the chair he was using is broke. "Damn! Sorry about that I'll get you a new chair." you say picking it up. Shanks shakes his head. "That's alright I can sit at the bar. You don't need any more work then you're already doing anyways!" he smiles.

"No it's alright I don't mind!" you say quickly walking away to grab him a new chair before he can protest. He sighs, still feeling bad about the mess he somewhat caused. You put down two chairs in front of him. "Their we are! I only seen one by the table so I brought another in case someone else was sitting here with ya!" you explain.

Shanks nods with a small smile. "Thank you! I was sitting alone actually! Sorry for the mess that guy caused. That stuff seems to happen in every bar I go to. It's a real party pooper. Would you maybe like to join me for a drink?" he asks sitting down in one of the chairs and patting the other.

You think for a moment "hell! Why not!" You sit down and he pours you both some sake. "I have to admit. I didn't think you would be so friendly after seeing you take down that guy. It was pretty scary!" he chuckles.

You laugh and shake your head. "I could of probably handled that differently but I wasn't in the mood to deal with someone like that today." he passes you your drink. "Their isn't many ways to deal with people like that. I think you handled it pretty well!"

You and shanks talk and laugh till you have to get back to work. For the remaining time he was on the island he was at your bar or sleeping. On the last day he asked you to join his crew. How could you say no?

I don't know how I feel about the little story but I don't have the energy to start over. Plus it ended up being way longer then anticipated!

Shanks is a childish person. It's his personality! He is just like luffy. Childish and bold. He might not be as bad as luffy since he is older but for the most part he is!

Let me give you a few examples! Shanks is very easy to please and distract. You never realized how easy it really was until you were naked in front of him for the first time

He was beyond excited! Cause if you are scared to show your body to him. He would praise and just beg you till you did. He didn't understand why you didn't want to!

Imagine shanks coming back from dinner on the ship, heading to yalls room. You and him still haven't had sex yet. And you decided fuck it! You strip naked and sit on the bed waiting for him. As a surprise!

And boy. It was certainly a surprise for him! Right when he walked in he was speechless. He stood there at the door way for a solid minute. Eyes wide and mouth open until you yelled at him to close the door.

He quickly turns around to close the door. Before turning back around he does a little dance cause he is so excited. He turns around towards you with a huge smile and just jumps on top of you.

As you lay flat on your back shanks straddles your legs, staring down at you. You start to get embarrassed with his piercing gave never leaving your body and try and cover up with your hands.

Shanks quickly pushes them away. "Oh No you don't! You covered up this treasure from me long enough! You're never covering it again! Such beauty shouldn't be kept from the eye." he says.

You feel your face heat up. You can't help but feel flustered every time he speaks like that. Shanks cups your face. Running his hand down to your neck. Then your chest. Then your breasts.

Small boobs or big boobs? He don't care. He finds them funny. Like a stress ball.

He squeezes and pokes your boobs. Even though it feels good you can't help but laugh at his reaction. The way he is looking at them is like a kid spaced out after getting a new toy.

He wasn't even trying to pleasure you at that moment. He was to busy playing with your tits to care. Shanks quickly stops hearing you laugh at him. "What are you laughing at huh? Can't a man appreciate his woman's body properly!" he says a little embarrassed.

He is very touchy. Like I mean he can't keep his hands off you. It's not always in a sexual way either. He just needs to have his hands on you in some way. It's comforting. When y'all are sitting down he will have his arm around you or his hand on your leg. Pulling you in closer by you waist. Their will be no space for air.

When standing he doesn't hold hands no. He holds your love handles. If he's walking beside you his arms wrapped around you and squeezing them or if he's standing behind you he's wrapping his arms around you and swaying with his head on your shoulder. You get no personal space.

Sometimes he just needs to hold you for a second. No reason at all. He just wants to. He will stop mid convo. Find you and get your attention even if you're talking to someone. He doesn't care. And wrap his arms around you and sway a bit. That's all. No words exchanged. Then he just walks away.

You will never truly understand that man.

If you don't want to he will just groan or whine till you let him. He has no shame. He's a actual baby😐💀.

Doesn't matter how you're standing or what's around you. He will find a way to satisfy his need to touch you. Doesn't care how embarrassing it is or who's around. His crew has seen everything by now.

He just can't get enough of your body and will take every chance he gets to savor it. Bro would walk up and just put his face on your chest and groan in relief. While you stand their embarrassed. He's actually a leach.

Who wouldn't want this man's large hands on them tho? Exactly.

Since he's so grabby he will grab your stomach too if you're comfortable with that. He will grab e v e r y t h i n g.

Their are no limits for him unless they are past your limits.

He loves laying on your stomach after a long day of God knows what. Listening to your heart beat. And feeling your warmth. Moments like that heals him. It suddenly makes everything better. He loves nothing more then just holding you against him. Knowing your safe and can't go anywhere.

You are truly the one treause he will never sell or loose. He cherishes you. He is actually obsessed with you. Like genuinely. His crew was shocked when seeing him settle down so suddenly with you after seeing him go woman to woman for year's. He was the last person they would expect to do something like that.

He would let you wear his cape. Or buy you one so y'all can match. He would put some shit on it tho like "Ms shanks/ Ms. Red /red haired shanks wife" even if y'all ain't married💀 and sure enough when the government sees that on the back that' your name on the bounty poster 😭

Shanks laughs his ass off about that. Finds it absolutely hilarious. The crew will start calling you Ms. Red. It's got a nice ring to it tho! Can't say I don't like it!

You may be thinking. "His love language can't only be touch!" oh he tries his best to do other stuff! He will buy you anything if you ask! He might try to say something romantic but end up saying the most random thing ever. "You're so beautiful y/n! Your eyes are as brown as a swaying tree branch...." he tries his best...he really does. You gotta give him some credit.

He does give you small praises though. Like "You're so soft/warm. I can't believe I'm dating you. I'm one lucky son of a bitch" random ass things.

Oh but when he's drinking...... You better not get embarrassed easily cause he will spout the most dirty stuff. He doesn't care when he's drunk. The bit of dignity he has before drinking vanishes with the first sip. He his groping and rubbing up on you. Saying all this stuff in front of his crew. You usually end up taking him to yalls room cause you can't handle the embarrassment. He can handle his booze we'll but when it comes to his words he's out of it. He can do everything else fine!

Bro is always horny. He would probably say that out loud too. The little amount of care he has is insane. It's actually scary.

That being said he will tease you until you are red as a damn tomato. He loves riling you up. Especially if you're the shy type. He loves seeing your reaction. In public or in private.

He doesn't play hard to get with you but after teasing you he will act like he didn't do anything. Like nothing happened. He loves seeing you squirm in your seat.

[thrileikur]

the fubblegum tag reaching active users again years after the show ended is a recession indicator

ok now that i have your attention ive been thinking about what their post-canon relationship and individual characteristics would be like (because they literally stopped having those after the finale lol), a bit of a corollary of trying to source out stuff that i want to use for my project about them i mentioned in my last needlessly big fubblepost

i anticipated reading the s11 comics before managed to i find them someplace. the verdict, coming off of someone who only sought out one dynamic and two characters who actually feel like they contribute to the plot… its basically what i want to still see out of canon and im sad that i cant come up with original ideas. issue 6 starts with a conversation consisting of only them, dealing with the central arcs problem. its a lost cause to hope the show had continued even with a meeting as insightful as that, because its a great reinforcement of their m.o. and has played out quite well before those events, all while their emotional insights of each other had other plans. i try to write them like that in everything i do no matter how depressing or sickly sweet* the fic is.

i just think the crews working with vastly different ideas if theyre gonna keep casting their vas for new episodes of the shows continuations, and not give us information about how involved they are in their lives in the current timeline. pb is as good as retired from the kingdom without anything being clear on it (+ no way peps is old enough to take it on like what together again showed) and finn has hit a new mental low that he never even went through as a teen. like, i swear i am saying this without wearing any hokey shipping lens, their current lives are just so goddamn unfulfilling as i see it. nothing wrong with not always feeling tasked to save the world or whatever, but the build of which couldve been seen by us and these characters would go through for them to come to that conclusion is nonexistent. i really dont like that because of the circumstances with hbo the showrunners have, everything has been airing non-linearly to the storyline i know they intend to tell. id hope they stopped shooting themselves in the foot if if they werent already letting off how important bonnie and finn are to each other, stacked up with how hard it is to define their dynamic anymore.

that said, ive kinda already kept score for them and done the act of putting them in a boxy room to try to see how they interact for the sake of writing. whereas with a lot of other interpretations that have finn keeping up his facade of acting as a hero when he cant really apply it to himself (and thus put people like simon of all people near deaths door), i sense it wouldve been a lot harder to compose himself with bonnie around. we do learn in a s7 episode that finn negatively compares himself to his father in his mind, and in another older one that did wonders to their relationship, she helps him process those much of those untold, vindictive feelings of returned assholery to martin. i dont think it takes rocket science to conclude that finn lost the handle while jake died and let go of himself that way because he had once determined that he didnt have anything to lose.

but coming back to it in the presence of pb? an invaluable friend in his life who he had always been trustworthy to? someone who he had pushed his luck for, and has been proven several times the opposite? was it really worth all that breaking if she were to encounter it at any point before the current moment?

what about bonnies perspective? shes gone through so much loss in her life that it fucking WEIGHS on her to see her loved ones kick the bucket. was it right to say she never said enough to him? was finn always like this and never had the sense of self he held up? was he as dishonest about his inner thoughts as she had always been? what if anything that she couldve done pushed him the wrong way and theyre back at square one as a collective?

what would loosen this up more would be the reveal that neither are associated with the candy kingdom anymore… since that information barely feels obstructed. they cant fall back on being “work partners” anymore. they have so much doubt to share with each other and the care that they both own isnt comparable to the uncertainty of life in their hands. without it… theres such a rift between them theyre not confident to express.

*earlier this week i wanted to start work on a v-day themed piece and thats why im feeling so much for them in this post, i just cannot write fluff for the life of me. writing a few hundred words where they arent suffering just isnt how i operate.

[byuntrash101]

Just saw ur post about depressed at work and went like, "mood". Is your job hurting you or is it something else...?

first of all thank you just for reacting to this i was just kinda just screaming into the void with this post like idk i didnt even know actual people would see it so thx for just checking on me this means the literal world <3

i try to keep my blog as much "good vibes only" as possible so if anybody reading this post dont want to be bummed out (which i understand) dont read under the cut

to put it simply yes. yes it's my job.

like i've been knowing this job was the problem for a rather long time because i was super stressed all the time and all it wasnt fun but like i only truly understood when i went on vacay some weeks ago it was the FIRST TIME that i enjoyed my days off without stressing about work and/or just ended up actually working FOR FREE because i was stressed that too much work would be waiting for me when i get back. that time i was literally stranded in the ocean and i didnt have a choice to just let go and not worry about work it felt AMAZING. i've been having non stop headaches and panic attacks and i didnt have ANY while i was on vacay. i remember so clearly thinking at some point wow that is what life is about...

and yeah so im gonna quit. like freal. yesterday they anounced us something again and i know this new thing will result in more work and im sick of the pressure they constantly put on us because they treat the clients like literal infants and we have to find every way possible to make them satisfied. so that was the last sign i needed from the universe to get the fuck out.

sure im well paid and can afford to travel and go to kpop concerts and buy the things that i want but honestly at what cost? no amount of money is worth the mental and physical torment... because at this point my stress level is constant and so bad that im noticing physical repercussions.... and yeah not worth it.

so im going to quit. ill look for an other job i know grass is not always greener on the other side but there MUST be a side where the color of the grass suits me! coporate life is a bitch honestly and clients are the worst i love my team so much ive been holding on for so long for their sake because my colleagues are the greatest but honestly none of them deserve to go through what they put us through. they should all quit.

i dont wanna settle. i can find better. (honestly none of us should ever settle for less. lets know our worth. we are bad bitches <3)

so yeah ill make an anouncement soon about an incoming writing hiatus (i will still be reading and reblogging and lurking like the cave troll that i am) because i'll be looking for a job and that takes a lot of time and i still have my current job i have to go to (unfortunately).

sorry for the unsolicited rant... but yeah BUT because im a person that focusses on the bright side... other than my shit job! everything is good! im okay if it wanst' for that my life would be perfect! dont worry too much about me <3

also i've seen your recent post your job also sounds complicated. i hope you're ok too <3 dont hesitate to rant to me lets both talk shit about our company together. lets bond over hatred <3

[themoonmunchkin]

Don't look!

Pairing : Bakugo katsuki x gn!reader, Midoriya Izuku x gn!reader, Todoroki Shoto x gn!reader.

Genre : fluff

Warnings : insecure reader, cussing, savage deku?, kinda angsty but overall super fluffy ^3^

Synopsis : you're insecure about your side profile but they're having none of it.

Not gonna lie, he probably wouldn't even have known that this was an insecurity that people had.

So when you first start dating he wouldn't think much of it when you cover your nose while laughing or when you contour your jawline extra hard.

Until one day you start letting your thoughts get to you again, you think about how everyone around you have such a beautiful side profile.

You start wondering why Katsuki even bothers to be with someone as "ugly" as yourself, I mean has he seen his face.

But anyways you start distancing yourself from the world again, start hiding your face with your hair, have mental break downs in the night, refuse to take pictures and completely shut him out while thinking you're being subtle.

But no, no, no- my mans noticed...and he's currently having a full blown panic attack on the inside.

He's really worried at this point and starts thinking about what he's done wrong, he tries to talk to you but you're always making excuses and running away from him.

Now, he's had enough and so he quite literally barges into your dorm room and demands an explanation as he keeps shouting at you until....

.....he takes in your tear stained face with fresh tears forming at the corner of your eyes.

You were seated on the floor with a hand mirror clutched to your chest, the same one that you use to point out all your insecurities in, your phone is on the ground next to you with a picture of a model, her perfect side profile on display...the same one that you always compare yourself to.

Cue in a confused, angry and sad boom boom boy 😔.

Who the fuck had the audacity to make his baby cry hmm 🤬.

But then his anger vanishes just as it comes and before you knew it, he's shut the door behind him, quickly walks upto you, swoops you into his arms and cradles you in his lap.

"Ssshhh....its ok baby, I'm right here". Bakugo softly coos in your ear while running his fingers through your hair and letting his other hand rub your back. "Talk to me honey, what's wrong?"

You pull back a little and look up at him into his pain filled eyes that still hold so much love for you and that's when you tell him everything.

You tell him about how you've always hated your nose, how you've always wished you'd had a more chiseled jawline, how you've been bullied about your side profile by your peers and how you've never felt good enough.

He still doesn't get it because you're genuinely the most stunning person he's ever laid his eyes on, but understands how this is something that seriously bothers you and so he's gonna do everything in his powers to yeet those insecurities out.

Now Bakugo isn't one to lie or sugarcoat something, but he's also not someone who'll let you sit and hurt yourself like that.

He takes a deep breath, cups your cheeks in his hands and looks at you with the most earnest look on his face.

"Listen here baby, you're right maybe you don't have the most chiseled jawline or the sharpest nose out there-"

You winced at that a little but he was quick to speak again.

"I'm not done yet-" he closes his eyes and thinks for a second, words have never been his thing as he's someone who prefers actions instead but right now you needed more than just a kiss or a hug, you needed security and reassurance, so he takes in another deep breath and opens his eyes to look at you again.

"-just because you don't have those doesn't mean you're any less beautiful." He said with a smile as you curiously looked at him. You looked so damn cute to him all he wanted to do was pounce on you right then and there, but he held himself back for your sake and the next things he said made you fall in love with him even more.

"What you have suits your gorgeous fucking face, you don't have to change for any stupid extra and no one's opinion, not even yours is going to make me view you any differently or make me love you any less." He leaned in and gave you a chaste kiss on your lips that pretty much took your breath away and then he pulled back with a cute blush on his face.

"So from now on only listen to me okay and no matter what-" he kisses you again and pulls back a second time "-I will make you look at yourself the way I and so many other people look at you".

Now he's had his fair share of insecurities and he's had a lot of people call him "plain looking" (which I still don't understand how when he's got some of the rarest and most beautiful features) even then those words about his looks have never really got to him.

But when it comes to you, he immediately knows something's up with all those self-deprecating jokes you apparently find to be funny.

Doesn't question you cause he doesn't want to scare you away, also because he trusts you to come to him if something is wrong.

But alas you and your stubborn ass refused to seek help from anyone and instead you chose to cope with yourself by putting yourself down in the form of those awful "jokes".

You've always tried to get yourself to stop this, but it soon became more than a coping mechanism, it was the only way you could hold yourself up without wanting breaking into peices.

That was dangerous.

But it's ok! It's still all fine and dandy until one day everything changes and you realise that all that self-deprecation didn't do shit.

Its Sunday today and you and your boyfriend Izuku have been walking around the shopping plaza for a while now.

The two of you were on a date, but you were also on a hunt for the new all might merch that your boyfriend has been fangirling about since forever. So far there was no luck on your end but y'all weren't about to give up just yet.

"OMG! I think I see it in there!" Izuku squeals cutely while pointing at what looks like a moderately big comic store that had an emo cyber punk looking aesthetic to it.

*Gasp*..."OMG! I think I see it too!! Let's go!!" and with that you grabbed his hand and were dragging your blushy stuttering mess of a boyfriend towards the store. It was adorable how easily he got flustered even after how the two of you were almost half a year into dating.

The two of you finally reached the store and stepped in, there it was the brand new neon tinted holographic Allmight figuring with working layers. Izuku's eyes sparkled as he ran towards it and immediately snatched it off the shelf.

"Yay we finally got it!" You cheered as you walked over to him and gave him a high five. The two of you had bright smiles on your faces as you talked about the figuring and walked towards the counter to pay for it.

You looked towards the counter where a young girl who looked about your age was working as a cashier, she had this bored expression on her face until she saw your boyfriend and it immediately changed into something you could only call as a flirty expression.

"Hey there handsome~ what can I help you with today~" she said in a sultry tone and gave him a wink. You and izuku were both puzzled at the fact that she not only just openly flirted with your boyfriend but also completely ignored your existence.

"U-um....er....we just need this figuring please". Izuku placed the box covered figuring on the counter and was about to pull his hands back when she quickly grabbed them and cupped them with her own hands.

"You sure, how about I give you my number and we ditch this place to go get coffee."

"Um -uh no thank you, I have a s/o!"

"Hmm...I don't see them."

"Well I'm right here and maybe you'd have seen me if you'd stop flirting with your customers and did your job properly." You said and at this point you were seething because even though she knew you were right there, she hadn't spared you a glance and pretend like you were completely invisible.

"Oh, so that's who you are....I was wondering why such an ugly person would be hanging out with someone like him-" she pauses and looks into Izuku's eyes with a bored expression "-you need to raise your standards, I mean have you looked at how hideous their nose is or how ugly their face is."

The two of you froze. Sure You've always made fun of yourself before but this was the exact reason why. You've always told yourself that if you'd make fun of yourself, you'd be desensitized to what others say to you but it's only now you realize that no amount of preparation would ever be enough to handle the real thing.

Shame. Humiliation. Pain. Fear.....This is what you felt at the momen-

"How. Dare. You." You turned towards Izuku and for the first time ever you were met with the most terrifying expression on his face. His eyes were dark and he looked...mad....like really really mad and you froze, the cashier looked like she was about to cry with the look he was giving her.

"I don't know who you think you are but you had no need to say whatever you just said and you are wrong because they have the most gorgeous facial features ever." at this he turned to you and softened his eyes a bit, he reached for your hand and gave you a gentle squeeze.

"I promise you sweetheart, you will always be the most beautiful person in my life and no one can tell you otherwise-" he looked at the slack jawed cashier with disgust and pointed towards her "-not stupid people like her-" he looked back into your eyes like you were the only two people in the store and pointed towards himself "-not me and lastly never will you ever tell yourself those kinds of words again even as a joke, got it."

Always openly staring at you in the most respectful way ✨.

Even before y'all started dating he would always stare at you in secret, but hey! it's not his fault you were so irresistibly attractive all the time.

Uhm...so moving on, he is observant as heck especially when it comes to you but unfortunately he's just as oblivious T_T.

He's always noticed how you'd get shy and walk away whenever he'd stare at you for too long and genuinely thinks it's adorable at how bashful you get.

But truthfully.....you're mortified, paranoid even at how much he stares at you.

I mean yeah it's adorable to see him so whipped for you but you're always wondering if he's secretly bashing your side profile in his head and the thought makes you wince ever single time.

But you always tell yourself to not let your insecurities define Shoto or effect your relationship and besides Shoto isn't a cruel person, he'd never think of you that way.....right...?

Oh God, he's doing it again, he's staring at you and this time it truly is terrible because he is seated right beside you. The two of you are seated wooden chairs, side by side in the U.A. library.

Your textbooks and notebooks are spread out on the table in front of you. You're in a more secluded part of the library opting to study in a more private area and boy oh boy did Shoto take advantage of that.

"Shoto, could you please stop staring at me like that". You held your textbook upto your face and looked the other way.

"But I want to look at you". Shoto pouted slightly and furrowed his brows at your actions, he reached for your wrists and tried to pull them down and to much to your inconvenience, he succeeded.

You see, while you still had a bunch of work left to do, Shoto had finished about 15 minutes ago. You told him to go back to the dorms but instead of listening to you, he denied your offer and has been staring at you with the most unreadable expression on his face.

"Why can't I admire the one that I love the most". He slightly tilted his head towards the side and flashed you the most genuine smile. Damn him for being so adorable but that's not enough for your insecurities to go away.

"Because I'm ugly". You finally said softly with your head hung low and tears threatening to fall. You wanted to shrivel up in a corner and fade away for sounding so vulnerable but at the same time it felt so good to let your thoughts out.

"You're....what..." His eyes were wide and his jaw was set a slack. Now this took him by surprise, he had expected a lot of things but never once had he expected....that. He gently grabbed your chin and tilted your face to meet his. "Love, you're the most beautiful person I've ever met, why would you ever say that."

"Because I'm not beautiful, everyone has such a gorgeous face especially from their side. I don't and you don't have to lie to me to make feel better about myself. I know I'm ugly and I'll always be that....just let me accept that and be Shoto." You said with your voice slightly raised and shaky from the lump in your throat.

Shoto's eyes darkened a little and his grip on you tightened a little but not enough to hurt you. To even think that someone as precious as yourself could ever have such awful thoughts about yourself- how long have you been silently suffering like this all by yourself.

He cupped your cheeks with his hands and met your eyes with the most determined look on his face. "Darling, I don't know who said that to you or even if that's an inside voice but, I will absolutely never let you accept yourself this way."

"Everything about you is perfect, from those gorgeous eyes that i always get lost in," he kisses your eyes.

"-to that perfect nose that helps you breath so you could live by my side another," he kisses your nose.

"-to those delicate beckoning lips that I wish to kiss forever." he finally captures your lips in a breath taking kiss just to slowly release them and look at you.

"And besides, you know better than to call me a liar baby, you know that I would never lie when it comes to you so let's pack up for today and let me show you how much I love you and how utterly enticing you are."

[lunaastoir]

Heyhey! May I request a childe x reader where the reader simps for him but he doesn’t know? Like what if she was online best friends with the tsaritsa but the reader doesn’t know the tsaritsa is the tsaritsa so she constantly simps for childe to her. Like “OMG HE’S SO CUTE.” AND STUFF LIKE THAT. So since she’s like besties with the tsaritsa the cry archon decides to set her up? Thank you :>>>>

AAAAA NONNIE holds your hands gently this is so cute i love it :,) 

genshin doesn’t have internet/technology but for the sake of this ask shhhhhh we’re gonna pretend they do

i hope i interpreted your ask correctly, if i didn’t just lmk <3 

crack, fluFF- LOTS OF IT???

the tsaritsa’s meddling

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all you wanted were groceries. that was all you wanted. you were standing in line behind the stall as you counted the items you needed to get. salt, milk, sugar, fowl, what else? you were lost in thought as you prayed that you had enough mora to buy everything - god knows how hard eating is as an adventurer. which was why, when you dropped your precious mora, your mind immediately went into panic mode. not now, not now, please don’t let the line move, you begged internally. in hindsight maybe if your mora hadn’t dropped, maybe if you weren’t at your wits end as a broke adventurer, maybe if you had just bought those damn ingredients sooner, you wouldn’t be in this position. as you breathed a sigh of relief after collecting your money and returned your gaze back to the stall, the only thing you could do was stare. where...did everyone go? instead of simply turning around and fleeing which should’ve been your first instinct considering how deserted the place was, you stood there trying to process the information. that was, until you saw a head of auburn hair peak up out of the stall. startled, you almost dropped your mora again. as the tuft of hair gave way to a very tall, handsome, blue eyed man, your brain short circuited. 

oh god how you wished you had run when you had the chance. you imagined you must have looked quite comical; mouth hanging slightly open, the list of ingredients fisted in your hands while mora was hanging precariously from your fingers. after what seemed like an eternity, the man seemed to finally notice you. 

“oh hey, you must not have noticed but this stall is sold out for the fatui” 

the sentence accompanied with his signature smile practically brought you to your knees. that smile? aimed at you? you would be surprised if you weren’t drooling. 

determined to not look like an absolute idiot you flashed him a smile of your own before saying, “sorry my bad, i must not have been paying attention” while doing what little you can to get some semblance of balance. tuck the mora here, try to balance your list more gracefully, move that piece of hair from your face. 

his eyes surveyed your undoubtedly disheveled appearance, before making a quick decision. 

“what items do you want, i’m sure i can spare a few ingredients for someone as pretty as you” 

one blink. another blink. did he just call you pretty? oh my- 

“oh no, it’s really ok, i can just get these later - it’s not that important anyway” you lied through your teeth. you needed those ingredients or you were most likely going to starve on the road but he didn’t need to know that. 

“don’t worry about it, as a harbinger i’m sure my subordinates can overlook a few missing ingredients” he smoothly said before gesturing you towards him. 

“i’m childe by the way, if you didn’t know” his eyes flicked up to meet yours.

“y/n” you offered while handing him the list. 

as he looked over what you needed, you tried your best to keep your breathing steady while your mind raced. if you didn’t know? of course you knew who he was, who didn’t? you would know better than most considering how often you thirsted about him to your mutual. if anything, you should’ve been the one saying that line to him. as an adventurer, you tend to not spend much time in liyue harbor, chasing down ruin guards and running errands was how you would rather keep yourself busy. however, ever since you saw childe in liyue, sharing a pot of tea with zhongli of all people, you started swinging by the harbor more often. fascination was what kept you seeking him out wherever you went. you had heard about the infamous eleventh harbinger, supposedly the youngest of them, all while being quite easy on the eyes. you had brushed off all the talk you had heard to just that - talk. international affairs wasn’t something you cared for and if anything, seeing the fatui made you wary. however, your curiosity grew after seeing him whenever you were in town. you chalked up your eyes subconsciously seeking out his figure to the fact that he was just an interesting guy. nothing wrong with wondering about a peculiar fellow, right?  you went through excuses upon excuses until finally, you had concluded that perhaps, maybe, you had a little crush on him. tiny, you assured yourself. just a tiny crush on a very attractive man. 

that crush then trickled over to your time spent talking to your mutual. it started off with little hints of “oh there’s this guy i saw and i thought he was kinda cute” to full blown hysteria of “PLS SEND HELP HE LOOKED SO GOOD TODAY.” @cryogoddess definitely had a lot of patience putting up with your thirsts over a man she didn’t even have the name of. you felt horrible sometimes since more than half of your conversation was about the newest detail you had noticed about childe - however your protests on boring her were met with reassurances about how no, you weren’t boring her, and yes, this is the most lighthearted talk she’s had her entire day so please keep going. you weren’t exactly sure what this woman did, or even how old she was. all you knew was she was someone who was constantly stressed (maybe a fellow adventurer?) and she was quite honest (which you happened to appreciate). despite how busy she was, she seemed to always make time for your texts which made you feel like you could trust her with anything.

“is that all? do you need anything else?” childe’s voice interrupted your mental tirade as you owlishly looked at him. 

“oh! yes that’s fine thank you” you smiled before taking the bag from him. grabbing the mora, you rushed to hand out the correct amount before he stopped you. 

“don’t worry about it, it’s on the house” he laughed slightly before waving your mora away. 

it’s on the- excuse me? did he just give you all this for free? is this what fatui hospitality is like?  

rushing to close your mouth, you quickly recovered while slurring out a quick “thank you so much” before shouldering your bag. your brain was currently running on fumes and you were very sure that if you stayed there any longer you might just combust. 

“well, i’ll be off then, thank you again” you shot him another smile before quickly scurrying away. 

without turning back to look at his expression, you moved as fast as humanly possible while trying not to seem like you were about to jump out of your skin. you didn’t know what was more embarrassing, your thumping heart or the dopey smile on your face. there was no way you were ever going to get over this, not with the way he looked at you the entire time. sighing, you put your bag down near a bench and pulled out your phone. at least you had an update for your friend that consisted of something other than just mindless thirsts. 

your mind was still reeling over from what happened as you texted her with shaking hands. the reply was immediate: “wow, you finally got up the courage to talk to him huh.” you rolled your eyes playfully at her blunt message. “bY ACCIDENT- IT HAPPENED BY ACCIDENT,,, guess he couldn’t keep himself away from this sexiness 😩” another blunt reply: “right.” smiling softly, you responded: “thanks for hyping me up bestie i really appreciate it <3 ok but maybe childe and i belong together??? is this a sign from the archons???” you stared waiting for her reply, however you were met with a read 8:45 pm. you’re lucky i love you bestie, leaving me on read during my crisis you whispered to yourself as you shouldered your bag once again to head home. at least you won’t be starving tomorrow on your commissions. 

as soon as you entered your house, your phone lit up. “wait. as in childe, eleventh of the fatui harbingers, also known as tartaglia, feared by many on the battle field, currently stationed in liyue, major pain in the ass, and is currently ignoring some of his paperwork???” - @cryogoddess. your eyebrows furrowed as you read her message, “yes that’s him but why do you sound so freaked out and how do you know sm abt him?” another notification: “i can’t believe you’ve been thirsting to me abt CHILDE.” you: “KDJKSFJ YOU DIDNT ANSWER MY QUESTION - also??? i thought i told you his name did i not??? 😀” her: “no??? wow this definitely is...interesting” you: “BESTIE ANSWER MY QUESTION DO YOU KNOW HIM???” her: “i’ve gotta go, work is calling.” 

you sighed in frustration as you tossed your phone on your bed. why was she so freaked out? you weren’t dumb, you knew there was something she wasn’t telling you but you trusted her enough to know she’ll let you know if it was important. you wondered as you pulled the covers over your head, if you’ll meet childe in your dreams and if you do, hopefully, in a less embarrassing scenario. 

the next morning, you awoke to a barrage of texts from none other than @cryogoddess. they were all along the lines of you should go to bubu pharmacy and stock up on medication this evening (i heard they’re having a sale). you responded back with a maybe, if you had time today after your commissions and if xiangling didn’t stop by with some food. however, your mutual made you promise you would visit in the evening, even if it’s just for a few minutes. you gave in because a) you never could say no and b) she made it sound like it was urgent so maybe she was obsessed with medicine? hmmm you would have to figure out where she lived so you could send some to her. 

you walked toward bubu pharmacy while tiredly sheathing your weapon, loosely taking in your surroundings. kids playing near the pond, teenagers chatting at the steps, adults keeping a watchful eye over their kids while laughing about the day’s events. your eyes studied the sign outside of bubu pharmacy. sale? what sale? there doesn’t seem to be anything regarding a sale?

“y/n?” a mildly familiar voice called your name. you whipped around looking for whoever uttered those words before your eyes fell on none other than one blue eyed harbinger. he was holding a few silk flowers in his hand as he stared at you with a sheepish smile. 

“hi” you stuttered out. your mind was blank, what was happening? 

“oh sorry, these are for you. i don’t mean to make you uncomfortable but i heard that you might be interested in me? you caught my eye at the stall yesterday, so i was wondering if you would want to grab lunch from the third-round knockout and then go watch the sunset at mt. tianheng? there’s this really cool trick i can do with my hydro vision where i can make the sunlight dance across the waypoint.” 

you stared at him as you wordlessly took the silk flowers from his hands. the golden light of the setting sun cast his face in a beautiful sheen, softly showing off the gentle blush on his cheeks and the brilliant blue of his eyes. his auburn hair seemed to grow alive at the touch of the fiery light and all you could do was stare. 

childe’s confidence seemed to wane with every passing second that you gazed at him, open mouthed, so he decided to save himself the embarrassment before hesitantly opening his own mouth. 

“yes, i would love to” you quickly said. you smiled gently up at him. 

“i would love to watch the sunset with you” 

you felt your cheeks burning up as you looked at him with soft eyes. when he returned your expression with a dazzling smile of your own, you could feel yourself relax. yes, your heart rate was off the chart right now, but you were content. the sunset, childe, and the silk flowers was something you never knew you needed, but were glad you got. you had enough time later to worry about the oncoming mortification of how he found out you liked him. 

a single notification appeared in your phone as the two of you walked laughing towards the mountain. 

“you’re welcome <3″

BONUS: 

“i know i’m too sexy for you to not fall in love with me” childe sighed dramatically as he leaned against you for support as the two of you went up the stairs. 

you promptly rolled your eyes and pushed him down the steps as you walked ahead with his protests falling on deaf ears. 

[orsull]

im not gonna pick individually cause id risk reading the questions. do all the ones that have pictures of food next to them

Wow you really reblog these things blind? Damb. Anyways, thank you for asking, I really appreciate it a lot! I'm answering on the computer, so I can't use emojis, I hope that's ok.

Strawberry cake: Strawberry or vanilla?

Tough to say. I think I usally tend to go with vanilla, because I feel like it's slightly sweeter, but I doubt there's a difference in sweetness. But if I'd have to pick one I think I'd go with vanilla.

Birthday cake: If you had 3 wishes, what would they be?

If I'm perfectly honest, one of my wishes would be to meet a cute girl. I don't think I would be able to justify straight up wishing for a girlfriend, but it is something I would want to work towards. Maybe I should spend the wish on fixing some of my mental barricades, though I don't think it'd be smart to mess with that stuff.

Outside of that, I can't think of many wishes for myself I'd like to have granted, but I have a couple of transgender friends. From what I've gathered, transitioning is the way to go but it takes a lot of time, effort and bureaucracy, which sucks. For the sake of my friends I'd like to spend one wish making it way easier to transition.

And uh... I think I can spare a wish making a certain someone a vampire.

Cookie: Cookie dough or cookies?

Eating dough is great but cookies usually taste better than the dough. I'm gonna go with cookies.

Lollipop: How tall are you?

It's been way too long since I've last measured that, but it was around 1.85 m last time. Just under 6'1'' in D&D units apparently.

Ice cream: What scented candle is your favorite?

What's scent? Uhh something sweet I guess? My nose is blocked 24/7 so I don't really notice smells ever.

Donut: Current mood?

Happy to be answering another ask, enjoying a slow start to the day.

Strawberry: One secret about yourself

I don't feel like I'm a very secretive person, I genuinely cannot think of something I haven't told anyone. Something that would be a surprise to most people that know me is that I'm a sucker for hugs. I'm a very cuddly person, but it takes me a looong time before I'm comfortable enough around someone to hug them.

Once again, thank you very much for asking! Hope you have a nice day!

[sxnnimoon]

Hellooo!! So this came to mind as an idea for something else but I found it perfect by itself. Enjoy this Sam Winchester smut and keep an eye out for more smut! As always if you have a request feel free to message me!

************************************************

The day Sam Winchester came into your life was the day you realized you actually could experience love. Something you hadn’t felt in years. Something you would shield away from you. But yet you never had the guts to tell him, hell he definitely only saw you as one of the guys. All that aside, here you both currently were. Captured by Chuck, you wouldn’t doubt Dean was losing his mind. But you were more frustrated at Sammy dropping his guard.

“You know you really done it this time Sammy.” you said rolling your eyes.

“You think I don’t realize that Y/n?!” he said frantically.

“For the sake of us both Dean better be working fast.” you said leaning on a wall. 

“Will you two stop arguing?” Chuck said, startling you both.

Sammy moves you behind him. 

“What do you want?” he says.

“Easy,” he said, hands raised. “I just wanna talk.” 

“Well we don’t.” you said annoyed. 

“My dear Y/n, always my favorite.” he smiled. “No need for that.”

You mentally rolled your eyes. Being in his presence made you uneasy, you hated him. You’d love nothing more than to just off him if you had the power.

“Now, as my favorites. I would love your alliance in all of this that is happening.” he smiled, arms stretched out for a hug.

“For being God, you really are dumb.” you spoke.

Sam gave you a look as a warning to stop. 

“You’ve done nothing but try and hurt those we care for what mak-” Sammy cut you off.

“Y/n...I don’t think this is a good idea.” he whispered.

Chuck held a hand up.

“It’s alright Sam.” his attention was now on you. “I’d watch it missy. Wouldn’t want Sam to find out your secret now would we?” 

You went wide eyed. Now was not the time for him to find out. You looked at Chuck then up aat Sammy, then Chuck again. 

“What's he talking about Y/n?” Sammy said, worry in his voice.

You stayed quiet, Chuck did not like that at all.

“Go on, tell Sammy.” he smirked. “Tell him all about being in love with him.”

You wanted to attack him for being outed but you kept your cool. 

“Y/n…” Sammy began. 

“Don’t.” you held your hand up stepping away.

“You know, I truly love the atmosphere right now.” Chuck said. “Why not amp it up more.”

You were confused. 

“This door will not unlock,” he began. “Unless something happens between the both of you. Do with that information as you like.”

And with that he vanished.

You kicked the chair that was in front of you.

“Y/n...can we talk about this. Please?” he said breaking the silence.

You looked at him. He looked back at you concerned. 

“Ok.” you said quietly.

“It’s ok, you don’t need to be shy now.” he gave a small smile.

“It’s hard not too.” you said brushing a piece of hair behind your ear.

“I know but...um,” he cleared his throat. “It’s alright.. The way you feel I mean.”

You just stood there.

“I’m flattered even and,” you decided to cut him off.

“I’m not seeing a point here, just say you don’t feel the same.” you ranted. “I’m hurt enough already, just say it. SAY IT!” you yelled the last part startling him.

He walked toward you. You wanted to move away but you were trapped, your lower back hit the table in the room.

“That’s it.” he started. “I do feel the same. I love you even. Always have.”

He grabbed your face, looking in your eyes then to your lips. He pulled you in kissing you a bit rough. Your lips moved in sync, breaking only for a second. He lifted you onto the table. Breaking the kiss he stepped back looking at you.

“Are you sure we should go further?” he questioned.

“I’ve never been more serious.” a sudden boost of confidence settling in.

You stood up, removing your top, then everything else. Leaving you just in a bra and panties. Earning a grunt/growl from Sammy, you walked to him. Unbuckling his pants. Staring as they dropped to his ankles you stared. You were amazed at the size of him. You dropped down to your knees, pumping him a few times before taking him in your mouth. 

“Y/n.” he moaned out.

Satisfied with his reaction, you released him with a pop. Getting on the table you spread your legs, motioning for him to come with a finger. He obeyed. He went to bend down but you stopped him.

“Maybe another time.” you said. “I need to feel you.” 

Without hesitation he moved your panties to the side, lined himself up and entered you without warning. You gasped loudly. Not giving you time to adjust he set a rough pace. You wrapped your legs around him. He knew exactly what he was doing. You were coming undone with each thrust. 

“Sammy.” you whined out.

“You’re taking it so well.” he cooed.

You moaned at that. 

“You like that? Moan for me baby.” he grunted. “Be a good girl.” 

The things he was saying made you weak. 

He flipped you over, bending you over the table. Pounding into you making you cry out. You felt the tightness form in your stomach. You were close and he knew it.

“Hold out for me ok?” he picked up pace.”I’m almost there too.” 

You were a mess, you needed to release.

“Cum for me.” he panted.

You screamed out as you were coming down from your high. He finished shortly after you. You were lost in eachother not realizing your names being called and the door being open

“Umm..” Dean stopped as he entered the room.

Sammy covered you putting himself away. 

“This wasn’t what I imagined walking into, I am going to just wait out here.” he said, eyes closed. 

Once Dean closed the door you hid your face. 

“No need to be embarrassed.” he smiled. 

You giggled.

“We’re never gonna hear the end of this.” you face palmed.

“Pretty much.” he agreed, helping you off the table. “At least he knows?”

“Oh he knew I liked you.” you said getting dressed. 

“Of course he did.” he rubbed his neck.

Once fully dressed you went to open the door when Sam pulled you in for a kiss. The kiss was heated. Round two would have happened if Dean hadn’t banged on the door.

“Will you love birds hurry up!” he yelled.

You both laughed before opening the door.

“Took you long enough.” he sassed.

“We’ll finish this later.” Sam whispered to you.

You blushed.

“I’ll be waiting.” you smirked.

Dean turned in disgust.

“I know you both finally confessed to each other but please for the love of us all keep the PDA to a minimum.” he said, trying to sound like a parent.

You looked at him and smirked, 

“Oh come on Dean we’re not 14.” Sammy said.

“It’s ok Deany, we all know you are a teddy bear no need for dominance.” you sassed walking away from the two.

The brothers looked at each other in shock.

“I am not soft! Come back here!” he ran after you.

“ARE TOO!” you yelled back still running.

Sammy laughed running after his brother and the love of his life.

[meowscarada]

posting this here bc i feel like i'd get crucified on twitter on both sides but honestly like....guys, you have to stop clinging onto a 14-year-old image of gorillaz. gorillaz isnt what it used to be and i guarantee a lot of the people clinging onto it rn werent even fully aware of gorillaz's nature and the extent of the project when phase 2 was happening (myself included). i'm not saying we cant critique gorillaz. in fact, i think people who are constantly shutting down criticisms because "isnt it enough to just enjoy the music?" isn't a good response. those people who get mad at criticisms often do so because they've attached their interests so deeply to their identities that an "attack" on gorillaz is an attack on them. that isnt healthy. if you really love something, you should be willing to observe it at all angles and critique it to make it better. ultimately, critics give opinions because theyre invested in the wellbeing and improvement of the project. at the end of the day, this project was made specifically to encourage criticicism of the music industry. and now that they're in the music industry, it only makes sense to extend that criticism to them. so yes, please critique and question gorillaz's choices! it's really important to do so!

my gripe comes, though, when people are like "gorillaz isn't gorillaz anymore, now theyre irredeemable :((" because at the end of the day, every second gorillaz is active will always be the most gorillaz they've ever been. the same way that youre currently the most you you've ever been. because thats how time works lol. it's not unfair to critique gorillaz by comparing it to what it once was. but what is unfair is upholding what it once was as the only definitive version of gorillaz.

i get it. you wanna lament what's no longer there and you wanna mourn the loss of what the project once was. that's understandable, and its unfortunate because that kind of change in direction happens with a lot of projects, especially long-lasting ones. your disappointment in this case isn't your fault. however, you can lament without expecting for modern gorillaz to suddenly turn back into phase 2 and then get disappointed that it didnt happen. at that point, your disappointment is your fault because youre putting expectations in a place that gorillaz has proven they will not reach since at least 2010.

you can't get mad at a penguin for not flying even if it evolved from something that once could. instead, place your expectations in its swimming capabilities since that's the new direction it evolved into. gorillaz has evolved in a different direction now. you have to accept that at some point. you have to accept that gorillaz is a different project now, and thusly mold your critiques around the project that it currently is rather than critiquing it under the context of a project it's not. if you're not molding your critiques to the project it currently is, then your criticisms lose a lot of relevance. depending on how disconnected they are, they cease to be criticisms at all. they just become complaints.

this is the part where i say obviously everyone is entitled to their own opinion and everyone is allowed to like or dislike content however they want. everyone is entitled to complain now and again. and at the end of the day, i can choose to mute people if i dont wanna hear endless complaints against gorillaz or endless defensiveness against critics (which i already have muted ppl on both sides). but im not necessarily saying this for my own sake. ive already got myself covered, ive already muted who i wanted to and will likely unmute once everything is less divisive. im saying this for the sake of those who are so distraught by the path gorillaz has taken and distraught by those with valid criticisms against gorillaz. you guys are making your lives a lot harder and youre exerting a lot of your mental and emotional energy investing in either A) a project that no longer exists and will never exist again; or B) valid critiques on said project that hurt your feelings because you've attached your identity to this thing.

all im saying is, if youre not having fun, you can go home. if it causes you so much anguish to see gorillaz or to see people talk about gorillaz, take a break from gorillaz. thats what i did, and it personally helped me gain a new perspective when coming back into it. i still prefer the older way that gorillaz handled things, and probably always will. but the new doesn't taint my experiences of the old anymore because i took a break from the tunnel vision i (and others) have been getting. it really affected my enjoyment of the media i once loved. this maybe wont work for you, but it's a suggestion. because i guarantee you, youre never gonna get what you want being in denial about the state of things. like it or not, accept it and move on with your life.

(in case anyone is wondering bc im not here to start drama, this is NOT against anyone or any group of people specifically. i may have referenced a few people's complaints here, but only bc it's what i saw on twitter. this is not a #vaguepost or #callout or whatever. this is a blanket statement for the entire fanbase. so i better not see anyone commenting "its ok op, you can just say [insert twitter handle here]")

[sparklingpax]

A Different Side (1/2)

Summary: Optimus comes back from an unsuccessful mission and seems to be out of sorts...but there’s more to that story. 

///

A/N: 

-This is a rather silly fic, so do not worry I promise there is nothing inappropriate or heavy in this one at all! It’s,,,a dumb idea I had in History the other day,,,I wrote most of it between/during class periods, and edited the rest when I was supposed to be doing homework at home! :’) 

-Please excuse any typos, grammar mistakes, ooc-ness, weird phrasings, punctuation errors, or really just anything that looks weird or isn’t right; I’m an amateur and I do this stuff for fun! So I’m naturally not the best at it....keep that in mind pls...

-WHAT IS THIS TITLE IM SO SORRY--

-Ok but this story is honestly kinda dumb goumen I’ll write better things soon

-Set in the TFP universe! 

-This only has two parts, so this be the first and the next update is the end of it.... 😹😹 ^^’’

Enjoy! :D 

///

“Eat my dust, Jack!”

“Not if I pass you first!!”

“No, you won’t!!!”

“Says who?!”

               Two cars raced around the base, one just barely passing the other.

               Miko and Jack had gone head-to-head, racing one last tournament before they had to go home—after the tie last round, they just had to know who, really, was the victor of the day. The two of them shouted competitively as they jammed the controls in one direction or another. Excited, Raf looked on. He, too, was curious of the outcome.

               At present, only Ratchet had remained at base.

               The others had gone out to investigate an abandoned energon mine somewhere in Maine. Optimus had visited the location once before but was not able to reach the source of the readings he’d gotten.

               Therefore, since there had been no Decepticon activity in the past week or so, he took his team to search the caverns.

               They were due to return in about 10 minutes, according to Ratchet. When they did, each guardian was then going to take their human companion home.

               It was a normal day at the Autobot base.

              “NO WAY—”

              “TAKE THAT!!!!”

              Jack threw his fist in the air triumphantly while Miko crumpled to the floor in defeat. Raf burst into laughter as she actually went and laid flat on her back.

             “The horror! I’ve let Jack win!!” She overdramatically wailed. Then, after a moment, sat up and giggled along with Raf and Jack. As the two went to retrieve their cars, Raf scampered up to Ratchet.

             “Hey, Ratchet. What are you doing?”

             The medic sighed, continuing to tinker with what looked like some kind of tool. “Fixing one of Bulkhead’s….accidents,” He muttered. With a sigh, he remembered the large mech smashing it while trying to reenact a fight he had, showing off to Miko. Naturally, the girl had been amazed, but it was short-lived as Ratchet, too, had witnessed that retelling.

              Raf fixed his glasses. “I’m sure it was just an accident, Ratchet.”

              With an eyeroll, Ratchet responded, “It was, but that doesn’t make it any less of an inconvenience, Rafael. It was quite immature of him, too.” He held it up to the light to observe a small detail of the frame.

              “Oh…I see.”

              “Thank the Allspark it’s not one of my more important tools,” he murmured, mostly to himself. Ratchet put it down for a moment to check on the progress of the rest of the team’s expedition.

              He pushed the comm button. “Optimus, come in. Have you found anything? Is everyone okay?”

             “Negative, Ratchet. There is nothing left in these caves,” he reported, a faint note of disappointment in his tone. “Though, everyone is fine. We require a bridge.”

              “Understood.”

              Ratchet tapped a few more buttons to lock onto their coordinates and pulled the lever, activating the groundbridge.  Miko and Jack broke off their conversation and joined Raf to stand by Ratchet, waiting for their guardians’ returns.

               Sure enough, after a moment, the team came through the portal with a swishing noise, Optimus the last one through. While the three kids gravitated to their partners, Optimus merely stood at the bridge. He remained for a moment, passing his gaze over his team.

              Then, without a word, he turned and headed down the halls—to his room.

              “Did you really think….” Arcee trailed off her snide remark at Jack as she heard Optimus’s heavy footsteps go past everyone and down the hall. She and Jack exchanged looks as everyone else, also, noticed this.

               After a short spell of silence, Miko finally spoke up.

               “Is he mad or something? Cuz I mean, geez—he didn’t even say hello.” She folded her arms.

               “No, Miko,” Ratchet responded, sounding a little exasperated. “What could he be angry over, if he were?” More silence followed his words. It was not often Optimus actually showed what he was feeling like this.

               Everyone was therefore concerned.

               “Do you think…he might be, like, really disappointed about not finding anything in the caves, then?” Jack asked, drifting from Arcee to the groundbridge area. “I mean, from what he’s been saying, you guys really needed that energon…”

               “He could just be tired, too,” Raf chimed in. The bots thought for a moment.

               Bumblebee shifted from one foot to the other, clearly uncomfortable. ‘I just hope he’s okay…’

               Ratchet set his tools aside and headed for the hall. “I’ll go talk to him,” he said. The humans and bots exchanged glances, then nodded.

///

               “So!” Ratchet huffed frustratedly, emerging from the halls. “He won’t open the door, and will not talk to me, either!” He threw his hands in the air with a noise of exasperation, trudging back to his station.

               Rafael nudged Miko, who had her headphones in. Jack stood up and began down the stairs.

               “I guess something is wrong,” Arcee murmured, folding her arms. She caught sight of Jack, regarding her companion with an inquisitive gaze.

               “Jack?”

               “I’ll talk to him.” He heard his own determined voice, then touched the back of his head with an awkward laugh. “I’ll—I’ll try, I mean…”

               “Good luck,” Ratchet muttered bitterly, not taking his eyes off his current repair project. “If he even has the courtesy to acknowledge you at all.”  Jack flashed a thumbs up.

He uneasily began to wonder what could have put Optimus so out of sorts that he wouldn’t even speak to Ratchet. It was also rare for Optimus to do this kind of thing, apparently.

Something told Jack it wasn’t just about the energon…but he still wanted to find out for himself.

               “Later, Jack!” Raf called, scampering down the steps. Miko followed, slinging her backpack onto her shoulders. She waved.

               “Yeah, we’re gonna go home now, but you better text us later, kay?” Bulkhead and Bumblebee then transformed, and the two kids hopped in. Ratchet, remembering he had to bridge them out, audibly sighed, slumping over.

               “For the love of Primus, am I able to get any work done around here without constantly being interrupted?!”

               That’s my cue to leave, Jack thought. He quickly hurried down the halls, not wanting to be the next victim of Ratchet’s frustration. He knew the medic only meant well, and that his work was important to him.

               Still, he internally wished Ratchet had more patience. Even if he didn’t scare Jack, it was still unpleasant to be around the old bot when he was not in a good mood.

               Speaking of which….

               Jack came upon Optimus’s berth room, which was closed. He sucked in a breath, raising his arm to knock. Hesitation pulled his arm back after a second.

               What if he is just resting? I’d be pretty ticked if someone interrupted my long nap…

               A memory of Miko pushing him off the couch as a prank resurfaced. He remembered feeling frustrated more than anything else. Of course, she’d apologized, but that wasn’t really going to give him back those precious minutes of sleep.

               He rolled his eyes. “What can you expect when you’re friends with Miko Nakadai, right?” He murmured, raising his arm again. But for the sake of satisfying my own curiosities, at least—

               “Hey, Optimus?” Jack called, knocking lightly. When he received no response for a few minutes, he sighed and knocked again—this time, a bit louder. “Optimus!! Are you okay in there?”

               There was a rustling noise from behind the door, but still no response. Jack decided to stop knocking. He put his back against the metal and slid to the floor. Maybe simply talking it out would help.

               “You know, everyone’s kinda worried about you…” He sighed again, laughing a little. “Oh, and Ratchet’s kinda mad you didn’t even acknowledge him. So…you’re probably gonna have to apologize for that later…”

               The boy bowed his head a little. It was possible Optimus wanted to be left alone right now. Coming to bother him might have been a mistake. Jack began to think up other ways he and the others could figure out—

               “Jack.”

               Optimus spoke at last, his voice sounding calm—completely level, actually. Instantly, the teen sprang to his feet and answered.

               “Optimus! Ok, good. You’re alive, then,” he joked. When the Prime didn’t respond to his jest—naturally—Jack shook his head and chuckled quietly. “It’s ok, I was joking. Anyway—do you….wanna talk? Is everything ok? You seemed kind of sad when you came through the bridge…and you didn’t even tell us how it went…”

               Didn’t tell us anything, actually, but I’ll leave that part out. I’m sure Optimus doesn’t want to be guilted for stuff at the moment.

               There was another noise—it sounded a little more desperate before it abruptly came to a stop. Then, the Autobot leader’s hefty footsteps began to approach the door. Jack backed away, glad that his efforts seemed to have paid off. The large metal sheet slid upwards, revealing Optimus’ huge figure.

               His face was completely expressionless, but he mustered a somewhat warm look when he gazed at Jack.

               Well, at least Optimus said something and…opened his door, Jack consoled himself mentally. Even though I still don’t know what’s bothering him. Guess we’ll just have to wait for him to tell us…

               “I will go apologize to Ratchet. It was not my intention to offend him…” He started out the door and down the hall. Then, he paused to face Jack for a moment as he added, “And my apologies also to you, I did not mean to worry anyone. Thank you for coming to get me.”

               “Oh—no, don’t worry about that, Optimus. It’s fine.”

               The Prime nodded briefly, saying nothing more. Jack watched him go. Now, he was even more confused than before.

               So why were you acting weird when you got back to base?

               By coincidence, his gaze happened to wander to Optimus’ open berth room. Jack had the sudden realization that he’d never seen Optimus’s berthroom before. Actually, he hadn’t seen any of the bots’ rooms since he’d known about their base.

               He left the door open, it wouldn’t hurt to go take a look…I think?

               Quietly, he padded inside. Taking a moment to look around, Jack noted that it was quite a huge space—way bigger than he’d expected from the size of the door.

It was also very….bare.

               No posters, furnishings, or anything other than the walls, his berth, and a small shelf. On that shelf, there was nothing except for some mystery object shoved in the corner, covered by an old blue cloth.

               “Exactly what you’d expect from a guy like Optimus,” Jack remarked to himself. He sighed and began to walk away, when suddenly a noise snapped his attention back around.

               Back to the shelf.

               Back to the blue cloth.

               A noise that had come from….

               “What is that thing?” Jack murmured to himself as he drew close to it again.

               He jumped back as it vibrated and briefly glowed a bright blue. It seemed to come back to life as a steady humming filled the air of the room. The teen came to a halt right in front of the shelf, placing his hands on his hips as he stared at it, curious and confused.

               Was he trying to hide this? Jack wanted even more to know what it did—what it was.

               And while he stared at it, the object beneath the cloth made another noise.

               “Roadwork ahead?? Uh, YEAH, I sure hope it does!”

               For a moment, Jack stood immobile. Then, he burst into laughter.  

               Optimus was watching vines….he was watching vines….Optimus Prime was watching vines.

               He suddenly remembered what had happened to his mom when she watched vine for the first time. For at least two long, painful weeks, the only things she said were vine quotes—in a failed attempt to be funny. 

               Optimus was watching….vines….oh no.

               Jack turned on his heel and sprinted down the halls.

....

I’ll edit and fix stuff later; I’m in class rn lolol :’D

Thx for reading!! Feedback is always appreciated~

<3

[lumilasi]

I'm just curious what your thoughts on Shigaraki are. Im praying he gets control back. I would be so sad if the body take over is dragged out. It looks like they are going the save Tomura route which is great but my thought is that means we won't get him back till the end.. I swear if they have Eri rewind him 😤 I hope it's OK to ask you this, if not please ignore and accept my apologies and have a good day. ☀️🌞

Ha ha it’s alright! I don’t mind talking about my favorite character, and musing out my thoughts about what might happen. Of course, keep in mind this is just my thoughts/viewpoint, and I would never say anything I muse out about this is a fact; I’m not the writer after all.  I’m just going over the story bits we already know and considering what could possibly be the story-direction we’re going towards! 

(Also warning, this is probs gonna get a little long-winded because I have a lot of thoughts about this, and Tomura and Izuku’s stories are pretty tightly tied to the larger one at hand about the world they live in.)

To give you a short summary: I think Tomura might indeed stay possessed for a while, and perhaps Izuku could team up with his friends to help save him from this possession. I also don’t think Eri should be using her powers a whole lot right now in the story, given her trauma and age. She needs to heal herself first to avoid unintentionally causing more damage to her mental state. Trauma recovery takes time, often more than what we’ve seen so far in the manga. 

And now for the long-winded explanation (under the cut so this post isn’t ridiculously long:)

So, considering the overall narration and themes Horikoshi has used in the manga, it feels reasonable to say that one of the end goals in all likeness is to “save” those the current society would not bother saving, including Tomura, and especially Tomura, considering his character and story kind of symbolizes the overall failures and problems of this society. His BG touches on so many bad things and problems wrong with the way their world runs currently.

(Apathy from people being over-reliant on heroes, lack of proper help for mental health, hero idol worship that makes people neglect their families over their duty as a hero, abusive parental figures, dehumanization, etc.)

Izuku’s main goal, the goal of his story after all, is to become the greatest hero as the beginning narration expressed. The most reasonable way to do that given the things we’ve been shown about this world, is to do something none of the current heroes would; save those deemed “unfit” to be saved. It’s not only something personally fitting to Izuku’s character, but holds larger symbolic meaning for the overall narrative. I actually saw somebody discuss this particular topic in a post a while back, that put it better than I ever could. 

(click the link if you’re curious to read it, it’s a pretty interesting one)

Now, what that saving means in practice is likely going to be more complicated, since the people in question have done bad things that deserve consequences, and I won’t deny that. 

However, one of the biggest issues is, that the way this society functions seems to kind of be the very source of these villains doing bad things. If only somebody would’ve bothered to pick up this scared kid walking on the street before AFO got to him, none of what is happening now would have happened. (or at least, it would’ve been someone else in worst case scenario)

So, to go back on what you actually asked about; I do think that in order to reach the goal Izuku was set, he does need to free Tomura from that possession, that’s probably the least he can and should do. 

In that sense, it would honestly make sense it would happen close to the end of the story as the best way to symbolize Izuku becoming the greatest hero - saving even the person who everybody else likely deemed unworthy of saving. 

Not to mention, I recall Horikoshi mentioning that he planned the ending to be something where heroes and villains have to team up to reach an end goal of sorts. Izuku teaming up with Tomura’s friends to save Tomura could fit into this concept. 

As for Eri...her rewind powers are bit of a...yeah. I also have lot of thoughts about that so bear with me.

They’re pretty difficult from narrative perspective, because they come off very “deus ex machina” or “magical fix all” that removes any stakes, and I’ve seen from the fandom people wishing Eri to just magically fix everything each time somebody is horribly injured, which...that’s a tad disturbing to me? Asking this little traumatized girl who’s seen lot of horrid injuries and gore to view MORE of it potentially, to heal your favorites? Even if she’d want to do it willingly (which she probably would out of gratitude) she’s, what, six? 

(yes I know this is fiction and I might be taking this a bit too seriously, but I am also looking at this from the narration point of view, and her doing these magic fixes would also actually be bad for the story narration IMO, I’ll explain below)

She’s just a child, she probably can’t really grasp yet what she can and can’t handle, when it comes to her trauma, and what is and isn’t good for her.  Eri “magically fixing everything” is an absolute no from me, both for her own sake and from narration perspective. 

Like I get it, anybody would be sad when their fave gets hurt, I am too, but Eri’s a traumatized child, and tbh having her magically fix everything at her current state would in my eyes go against the point the narrative is trying to make, about the need for change and doing things better from the previous generation. Her rewinding these “changes” in the story, as a traumatized kid, is basically holding up the status quo that is harmful. Using somebody’s remarkable power out of duty to do good while potentially ignoring the impact it can have on the individuals own well-being, which basically will hindrance their ability to do said good in the future.

I can let fixing Mirio’s quirk pass, because he wasn’t horrifically injured in a manner that could potentially trigger Eri’s traumas. It was still a tad risky in my eyes to make this kid do it, because even if she did train for it, what if things went horribly wrong and she made Mirio disappear? That would’ve just caused her unnecessary mental anguish. They basically got lucky there that Hori was kind enough to make it work. 

I would not mind so much, if the person having this power wasn’t a traumatized kid basically, in a story that is about a flawed system and the harmful effects it has on the individuals living in it with the way it currently runs. 

So personally, I don’t want to see Eri use her powers at this point in that manner. She’s still recovering herself and probably not mentally ready to handle these things. Once she’s in a mentally better place, older and more capable of understanding what is or isn’t good for her, then she can go ahead and rewind people’s lost limbs left and right and use her quirk as the next generation superhero healer. But not right now, not when she’s still just a kid with horrible trauma.

 Plus, I feel her point in the story was less about her power, and more about her parallels with Tomura; she could’ve become like him if she hadn’t been saved, and in turn, Tenko could’ve been like her if he had been saved. 

So, from narrative point of view, It feels likely (though I could be wrong of course) that Tomura will remain possessed for a while, and Izuku’s end goal (or one of them) is to save him from the possession, and perhaps they’ll work together to defeat AFO. This last part I’m not that sure about though, given we still don’t have all the puzzle pieces. There’s probably a lot more to be learned about AFO himself, that will have an impact on how the story goes. We’ll see.

So yeah. Sorry this is kind of long, but sometimes you need lot of text to properly convey your thoughts xD Plus I’m just kinda used to writing long pieces of text. 

[thewriterowl]

Do you have a standard writing process? Particularly with long fics? I start out plotting everything to some degree and then start writing but then usually what happens is I get too excited to share it so I start posting before I finish and then my mental health just kinda goes "and we're not finishing that"

Hello! Well I try to sort of do the same--that’s how I did it with Stars. But yeah, getting all the details out can burn you out quicker than what’s fair :/

So what I’ve sort of learned to do (especially coming out from What the Stars Let in, since that thing was nearly 500 pages in like three months) was the following:

1) I had major focus points already confirmed in my head: I knew Din and Luke would have an arranged marriage, I knew I wanted Luke to share his story to the Mandalorians, I wanted Luke to fight Dark Troopers, I wanted Din to have a moment or two of jealousy, I wanted there to be a “betrayal’ from Din, I wanted Luke to sacrifice himself by stopping and moving a cruiser, i wanted them to be separated, I wanted Din to have a moment facing darkness, and then I want them together. Besides a bare skeletal structor of a story (din and luke fall in love in an arranged marriage) i focused on story-points I wanted to see happen and made it a goal to get to one....and then get to another and it made me more excited for the plot point coming next rather than trying to rush to that ending.

2) For the scenes I was really excited about I wrote a rough draft instantly. I pretty much had a draft of Luke stopping the cruiser and then “dying” since chapter two because I knew I wanted that to happen. Same with the Dark Trooper chapter. Of course a lot of details were added or changed as the story progressed but i was able to really plan things because not only did I know I wanted those scenes, I had them written out so I could figure out how to foreshadow things in regards to them easier.

3) Although I am influenced by my readers and I try to keep things “Realistic” in the story (aka, why I didn’t turn Din dark though it was a temptation) I write what I want to read. This, of course, can hinder the writing process cause you’re putting a lot of extra love into it because, being honest, i want it to inspire others to write things like it so I can read something next so if it is not well received then it can be a bad sucker-punch...but I was just like, i gotta get these moments out there regardless of the response.

4) This isn’t the best advice...but I wrote when i wanted to...basically I am mostly working from home and in a job I loathe who has drained me of most all my happiness for the past three years and has used me something bad, but I’m shackled to them cause money. Well...I write on their time now (not on my work computer lol) so I sort of had this momentum of MASSIVE writer’s spite. “Oh, you’re gonna call me in to work on my day off AGAIN????? well, ok then...tomorrow from 8 till 5, I’m writing this space-dad fic and only answering some emails”. Maybe not risk your job for a fic...but i would recommend see if you can find some sort of spite to influence you case man, that stuff works maaagiiiic. 

5) Push through the block but not necessarily in a way that burns you out. If you can’t write out the chapter you are currently on, then don’t. Skip five or more scenes ahead and just start there and then go back later and tie things in. You do not have to write your fic in chronological order, so don’t shackle yourself to it. You on a scene with Din and Luke talking about the Force, it’s needed and important, but eh, you’re not feeling it? Go on and write their love confession scene. Or their fight scene. Or something you actually DO wanna write. Go read fics, maybe go and talk to artists and writers about general things and chat. Talking to others about things, not necessarily in detail, can be huge.

6) Bringing in the things I’ve said before; this is not something you need to write chronological--so don’t. The writing can be a fun puzzle. Write the parts you want first (aka the corners as many start with as they do a puzzle) and then start connecting things. I found it a lot easier and a bit more fun to do that way.

7) If possible, and this can be hard, try to be a chapter a head of your updates. With a good chunk of Stars, I was like seven chapters ahead of myself. Not so much with this new one (and for sure not with Little Bird) but it sort of releases some worry and pressure off of you. If you have an idea for a fic, try to see if you can upload it once you have two or there chapters written (not edited, that can come as you get read to upload) and it makes you have a deadline but one that isn’t looming.

8) I also gave myself a deadline. I wanted to update at least once a week. This may not work for everyone, so it’s just about figuring out what works for you...but I think I would recommend you set up a realistic goal on how often you update.

9) Just focus on one chapter at a time as you upload. A multi-chap fic can be so easy to get lost in (I may not update some of my Avengers fic) and that’s fine. It’s disappointing and sad, for yourself, but it happens and it should not be a burden on you. You’re writing these things for fun and if it doesn’t work out, well sucks...but there was no harm or waste to it. Some free content just won’t get finished. Happens every day and it’s all good. You just take up the next wave of inspiration and try to get it finished.

10) Ensure you have fun and keep other fun projects available. That mental stuff loves to take away fun, passionate projects. it’s a miserable monster that just wants to suck you dry from it. Take yourself from the project on occasion and write a one shot (these things are miserably hard for me) and use it as an exercise. It challenges you in a different way, gets you to do something new, and can give you and your mental-monster some whiplash so that it can’t instantly take it away from you.

11) If you lose your hyper fixation/love for a pairing, don’t grip on to it for the sake of a fic. I love DinLuke now and I don’t see that changing anytime soon...but when/if it does, I’ll need to just step back and let it go and wait for it to hit in another wave later. Just enjoy the fandom as a fan and you should have a lot more joy and ease in taking part of projects that way.

Those are my little tidbits that’s helped me with stuff so far at least!

[yuvon-writes-letters]

Yu and Jake,

Good luck on the confrontation. If I may add on, in my own very personal opinion, I feel as though you should tell them. If you don’t, it’s obviously not going to solve their suspicions, and it’ll only boil up to a worse situation than right now. You might as well calm tensions now before they blow.

Besides Jake, Yu’s right, if literally everything that happened is proof, then everyone in the group is trustworthy enough to know. Sure they’ll be, incredibly confused and might not believe you at first, but a few pics should solve that problem. Take a selfie of you two near the gaming place or something idk.

Um, if you want good news, I’ve officially quite done of my jobs, and now I have a little bit more time to sleep. I managed to get a promotion as a Stage Technician for a really big theater, things should get easier now.

Bad news, Skie knows I’m hiding something.

I knew I shouldn’t have hidden shit from her, she’s part of the fucking military, for gods sakes.

She made it really obvious, confronted me at the dinner table and said I shouldn’t get myself into trouble with the wrong people if I [the rest of the sentence is blacked out]

Also, Yu, don’t do that now, don’t do that thing where you blame yourself, don’t do it, I’ll be disappointed >:(

Also, don’t live in delusion Yu, it’s better to fix an obvious problem then to say “it’ll be ok.” Trust me, I know from personal experience.

Rai

P.S, I wanted to test something. I put a crayon in the envelope as well as the letter, tell me if you receive it. :)

(The paper smells faintly of earth.)

Rai,

Thanks for the luck, I'll need it. It took them most of the day to even decide for sure who was going to confront me, even though it'd looked like it would be Jessy at first. They've now compromised by saying everyone's gonna interrogate me, yay me.

And, exactly. Glad we agree. I'm trying this whole honesty thing out, and I gotta say, it's working out better than the "I'm going to worry everyone more by telling them not to worry and nothing else" shtick.

Yes! Go Rai!! Congrats on the promotion, NOW GET SOME SLEEP.

Oh jeez Skie is military? Oh joy. Yeah. Uh. That's bad. Honestly, I have no clue how you kept these letters from her as long as you did.

It's sorta funny she thinks people like Lis and I are the "wrong people", though XD The Jakes I can see, but given who all of us are to each other...

Hey, it is possible Skie was talking about the Crow Crew and not necessarily these letters? Or maybe both. That might help somewhat if so. You should probably at least tell her a half-truth at some point, either way, if not the full truth.

As for not blaming myself... I guess I'll try, if it's making you all this upset, but it's not exactly that easy. You're basically trying to dam up a waterfall, here. Even if it works, it's just gonna spill out around the edges in some other form.

...I know. I know denial doesn't help. But what else do I have at this point? Empty promises? The support of my currently pissed off Jake? An entity that tortured us both only a little over a week ago? The support of my family who have all forgotten I exist? The mood meds I don't actually have with me? Cheap distractions that make the hole in my arm ache every time I need to move it? Irregular letters where I hear about my friends FUCKING BEING TORTURED AND DYING?

What the fuck do I have, Rai? At least denial WORKS, for a bit.

Back. Shredded a tree. Feeling a little better now.

Yes, I got the crayon XD Not sure how you found a crayon that's white, green, and brown, but, uh, nice find. Did you mean for the name to be a joke or something?

I'm not going to give Jake the chance to look at my response to this letter, I think.

—Yuvon

Hello, Rai.

...I concede your point. Reluctantly. But I am not telling them I am in this place as well, and I am MOST CERTAINLY not going to be filmed in any capacity. That will lead only to disaster, as Jessica's timeline suggests strongly.

I am glad you were promoted, and that you will be able to rest now. You deserve the time. This news about Skie is troubling, however. She will of course not understand if you tell her the full truth, and may believe you have been influenced to believe the contents of the letters somehow. A half-truth may be prudent, though I am admittedly too compromised to come up with one myself for the moment.

Yuvon was blaming herself again? Damn it. She's starting to worry me. I am the last person to ask about mental health or about what is normal, but even I am fairly sure her behavior is unhealthy. And what is this about self-delusions? I think I need to look at that status report letter she told me she sent.

I do not know if the crayon you mentioned came with or not, but I highly suspect Yuvon will have answered that one way or another.

Goodbye for now,

Jake

(The letter tucks itself into the paper clip with the others.)

[waynedunlaptheorgandonor]

ok, if i don’t write this im gonna lose my mind -cue dmx ‘party up’-

here is a ridiculously detailed analysis of why i am bordering on near certainty of caryl endgame, and how everything that’s been set up from the start of s9 (yes, even c@rzekiel and d@nnie) has been leading up to this

spoilers and long-winded analysis under the cut

let’s take this step-by-step, okay? starting with:

The Titles:

i have said this about a million times now, but the very first indication of caryl came from the new opening credits, where mmb’s name was very strategically placed above the graphic of daryl’s crossbow, what’s meant to symbolize henry’s pike, and a bunch of cherokee roses. it was foreshadowing, not only of henry’s death, but also how her relationship with daryl was going to unfold, and, bear with me here, the downfall of c@rzekiel. speaking of which, let’s go there

C@rzekiel:

i have also rambled about this, too, but the way that kang designed this relationship between zeke and carol was so brilliant, because it was never supposed to be real, but you weren’t able to fully see how until the whole story was laid out before us. (which goes with my belief that kang tells stories over long, connected archs, and not just “you know what would be fun to toss in here rn for some drama?” 

carol

1. denied zeke’s proposal

2. never once told him she loved him

3. explicitly told those saviors she could have done without her ring (a line that had absolutely no need to be in there)

4. continuously rejected the title of queen

5. regularly visited daryl in the woods

6. said herself that all it was, was a fairytale. something i’ll delve into more when i talk about carol’s ptsd

but let me touch on how daryl plays into this. we know she regularly went out into the woods to be with daryl, and she did it because he was her tether back to reality. she was living a fantasy life, and knew deep down that it wasn’t real, but had to do it, for henry’s sake, and for the sake of her mental health, because at the time of the relationship, she had not remotely begun to deal with any of her grief

the first scene we get with her and zeke is directly after daryl saves zeke’s life, which is telling. and the first time we hear her talk about her feelings about zeke’s proposal she turned down it’s with daryl, and let us not forget that the script notes stated that daryl was experiencing jealousy about it. he never asked her not to, though, because he thought she was happy, and that was more important to him than her being with him. he was willing to give her up if it meant she was happy, like what kind of angst trope suffering is that?? -chefs kiss-

and we can’t forget that zeke canonically views daryl as a threat to his marriage (i mean, rightfully so). he literally tells daryl to back off his wife so that he can fix their marriage, because he knows carol is starting to go back to him

next!

flowers:

flowers have been being used as symbolism between these two across the past two seasons a bunch. flowers are in mmb’s title card. the first scene of carol/daryl in the time jump shows them seeing flowers. daryl brings carol a flower on the dinner tray. one of the upcoming episodes is “look at the flowers”. obviously the cherokee rose scene is iconic between them, and flowers to carol represent this weird dichotomy. on the one hand, they represent daryl comforting her and giving her hope, and on the other hand, they represent her downfall mentally from the grove. interesting that one of the threads throughout this current season is carol grappling between trying to stay grounded with daryl, and her losing herself to her grief

speaking of grief!

Carol’s PTSD:

people have bitched that kang is just telling carol’s same storyline all over again, to which i’m like, tf show are you watching?? here’s what kang has done. gimple dealt with carol by literally just locking her away in a house to mull over how terrible she is a person, while never once actually dealing with her grief, and then handed that over to kang as a boiling slop of diarrhea, and somehow kang managed to take that, perform alchemy, and turn it into delicious loving carol juice.

she had henry killed off to parallel sophia, yes, that’s true, but the /reason/ she did that is because she’s righting the wrongs that were done to carol by essentially rewriting her storyline the way it should have gone. carol has lost So Much. more than most, i think, and kang is like, “that would fuck someone up pretty fucking bad, i think, so let’s see her actually have to grapple with that.” kang stays true to the carol gimple created, in that her instinct is to run away (think boat), but she’s using daryl as a means of forcing her to confront her demons. the two of them, at any given time, are running away from their struggles, but daryl is finally at a place of stability, and so he’s taking carol by the hand and saying, “no. i’m not letting you do this again. you have to stay,” and carol does, because she loves him, but consequently she’s having to actually feel it (something she explicitly stated she “can’t let herself do”), and is now experiencing the consequences of it, and poor daryl is stuck trying to handle it. his entire plotline this season has revolved around trying to help carol heal her wounds so that they can finally be together the way they should have been ten years ago.

they should be together, and daryl shouldn’t be with anyone else? glad you asked, because that brings us to:

D@nnie:

i actually think that kang never meant to make daryl/connie a ship, bc nothing in season 9 really indicated anything more than a mutual respect, and part of me truly believes that she saw the reaction to the two of them, and was like, “you know what? i can work with this.”

carol is pushing daryl towards connie because she wants to take alpha down and knows she might go down with her and she needs to know daryl won’t be alone. that’s it. period. end of sentence.

but okay, let’s extrapolate. she asks him if he’s interested in connie, and daryl very, very bluntly says no. you can’t tell me that his answer was meant to be evasive. he delivered that line like straight up “no.” no room for debate about his feelings. if they wanted to leave room for doubt they would have had norman redo his delivery, because it is too obvious. he is shutting it down completely. and carol is like, “why not?” and /that’s/ when daryl gets evasive. very “don’t worry about it, why are you worrying about it, i’m not in love with you, shut up.” 

fucking kills me, guys.

now the current spoilers about carol telling daryl to get angry at her for (supposedly/probably) killing connie furthers this belief that she wants daryl to pull away from her. because he’s her tether, she loves him, and as long as he still wants her around she can’t leave. she wants him to hate her, and daryl refuses. he’s pissed as all get out about what she did, sure, but he doesn’t hate her. also, the idea that daryl going back to try and save connie and magna means he’s in love with connie is absolutely baffling. have you met daryl? his instinct is to save people at all costs. he wouldn’t leave his friends stuck in a fucking cave, are you serious? just because connie is a woman doesn’t mean daryl wants to fuck her. he’s allowed to care about his friends.

but anyway, the point here is that every “d@nnie” spoiler has been music to my ears, bc not once has it been actually shippy. that first episode with the asl book and them together? it was supposed to juxtapose zeke and carol, and how carol and daryl immediately forgot about connie and zeke in order to be with each other. every other thing with connie has either been very cute and platonic, or has been carol trying to push her on daryl. -chefs kiss- my dudes, you’re worrying about nothing

Misc bc I’m Late for Work:

here are just a handful of other indicators that caryl is on the horizon

-the dream where she dreams she’s MARRIED TO DARYL, and the scenes where she wakes up in bed and looks over and he’s not there. why set that up if the end result isn’t going to be them together in bed?

-the bracelet/the acorns and what they symbolize 

-the use of “we” (”we don’t sleep” “it was like that for us before all of this” “since when have we never been enough?” etc)

-their parallels to alpha/beta (see my other long-winded text post on that one)

-ten years worth of history between them!!! that kang understands and references (carol’s claustrophobic, look at the flowers, etc)

so anyway, i don’t have time to tie this up with a nice bow bc i really have to get to work, but this is all to say that i am very very confident about the caryl endgame. i think it’s being drawn out bc kang needs to right the wrongs done by gimple first, but that caryl is where she’s eventually headed. every spoiler has been 100% caryl positive to me. i am zen af, and i think you should be too.

i’ll add to this if i think of anything i missed, but here you go. caryl is endgame and they gon fuck

the end,

-diz   

[fuckyeahscienceparty]

*quietly steps in* writing prompt........ one of them gets badly injured in a scenario where respawn is down. :) *quietly steps out*

ok this definitely isn't what you were expecting and i actually broke 2k w this one but. hoo boy. this was a beast to write. i hope it's worth a read :'>

-

Play Doctor

It's the final wave and everyone's just about ready to keel over, including and especially Medic. 

...Whoops?

-

After weeks upon months of battling the infernal things, the last wave of Grey Mann's robots had finally come. Miss Pauling had called in the night before, warning them that this was going to be the biggest one of all, but even then, none of them were quite ready for the sheer amount of metal men coming after their asses that day.

From the current trajectory, Engie could tell there were going to be almost, if not, a thousand of them, having stayed most of the wave on top of the building directly in front of where the robots came through with his Wrangler in hand and shotgun at the ready.

"Hey, Engie, you holdin' up aight?" Scout asked as he sprinted his way up the stairs and directly for the dispenser to pick up refill of bullets.

"Just about holdin' down the fort. How about y'all?"

"We're managin', I think! Doc's not lookin' too hot though."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, we're tryin' to make it easier for him since he's literally like the only thing other than your dispenser keepin' us alive right now ever since respawn went kaput, but compared to him there's lots of us and even more robots so it's kinda hard to keep together 'n' stuff."

It was then that Soldier had let out a rather annoyed sounding "BIG ROBOT!" at the sight of a giant Heavy approaching, both Engie and Scout looking over when they'd heard him.

"And I think that's my cue! Thanks for the bullets, Hardhat!" Scout nodded at him, reloading his Scattergun before hopping down the stairs two at a time and running back in for a rumble.

Engie, meanwhile, looked out over the sea of crumpled dollars and miscellaneous robot parts, scanning the field before his eyes locked on Medic. Even though he was a little ways away from him, he could see what Scout meant, frowning slightly as he let go of the Wrangler's joystick so his sentry could pick off any robo Scouts that happened to make themselves a nuisance.

Medic looked both mentally and physically exhausted, but he was still running after everyone else at top speed, deploying his shield and uber as often as he could while making sure that anyone who died, no matter how far away, got revived as soon as he realized they were no longer breathing.

It was excruciating work and Medic had been doing it almost every day for at least the past 2 months, having been practically forced to sharpen and hone his skills when the respawn machine had finally decided to kick the bucket when they were in the middle of repairs.

As the rest of their teammates focused on getting the giant to its knees (Scout in particular going around and bullying the two robo Medics it'd been sent in with), Medic had deployed his shield and stood directly in front of the robo Heavy, slowly backing up as it made its way forward with the bomb on it's back with various teammates standing a ways behind him.

In his concentration to not fall over or let anyone get riddled with bullets, however, he didn't notice the Spybot that had crept up behind him, Engie's eyes widened as he yelled out a startled "MEDIC!" in an attempt to get his attention.

However, Medic could only barely hear him over the explosion of the giant, turning around only to get stabbed right in the back of his left shoulder and letting out a scream that made Engie's blood run cold.

Without even thinking, he activated his sentry's shield and grabbed his shotgun before flying down the stairs to his left and running directly to where Medic had fallen over, shooting the Spybot to death before turning his attention to his healer boyfriend.

"Hey sweetheart, you still with me?" Engie asked as he carefully picked up Medic and all his gear, only getting a pitiful gurgle in response as Medic coughed up some blood onto his sleeve.

"...Ok, on second though, just don't talk," He grimaced as he hurried his way back up the stairs, carefully laying Medic on his side in front of his dispenser and unclipping the Medipack to reduce the stress on his body.

In the meantime, there seemed to be a reprieve in the number of robots coming, most likely so that Grey Mann could get ready to send out whatever final punishing attack he had stored up his sleeve. The rest of the team made quick work on the stragglers before making their way back to resupply one final time as Engie reached for some of the supplies he kept in the dispenser, pulling out a towel, a vial of healing gel, bandages, and medical tape.

"Alright, I'm gonna take this little number out of your back now so you can actually heal up properly so uh. Sorry, in advance," Engie mumbled as consolingly as he could, Medic barely mustering enough strength to gurgle back before he was screaming in pain again.

"I know honey, I know, I'm sorry," Engie winced as Medic coughed and wheezed for breath, throwing the knife over the edge before applying pressure to the stab wound to lessen the blood flow while letting the dispenser do it's work in actually healing it.

When he started wheezing less, Engie let go and wiped his hands with the towel he took out so he could actually hold things. He then took the vial of healing gel, popped off the cap, ripped through a bit of Medic's clothing, and used the towel to soak up some of the excess blood before slathering gel on his still rather awful looking wound and covering it in bandages and medical tape.

He then readjusted Medic so that his head was in his lap, carefully pushing his hair out of his face and pushing his cracked glasses further up his nose so they wouldn't fall off.

"That a little better?"

Medic coughed a few times but nodded, attempting to sit up and reach for his gear only to collapse back into Engie's lap.

"Fuck. No, no, no, not now," Medic whined softly, Engie grimacing slightly.

"Sorry starry eyes, I don't think you'll be getting back up any time soon."

"I don't have a choice. They- they're going to get destroyed out there without me," Medic hissed, making another attempt to get up before Engie stopped him.

"Honey, you're exhausted. I was honestly surprised you were still standing before you got stabbed in the back but I think that was the tipping point that told your body to give up."

Medic didn't say anything for a few moments but Engie could see the deeply panicked look in his tired eyes as he tried to think of something he could do.

"I. I can't. They need a healer, what.. What am I going to do?"

Engie thought about it before taking a deep breath.

"I'll do it."

"...What??"

"I'll do it. II'll take your place until the wave is over."

"Engie... Are you sure? Do you really think you can keep up with them all?"

"Honey, I have no idea, but I know if you go in there again, you're going to die. Full stop. And if you die, everyone else is gonna follow after. Besides, I've worked on the Medigun enough to know how it works, and a rusty healer is better than no healer."

Medic seemed to mull it over before sighing, still obviously unhappy about the situation but a little less... reluctant."

"Ok. Alright. Fine."

"Yeah?"

"But... What am I going to do, then? I can't just sit here and watch you all suffer," Medic frowned.

An idea then came to Engie's head as he reached for the Wrangler (that he may or may not had carelessly thrown to the side before he'd gone to get Medic), offering it to him.

"Think you can still aim?"

Medic looked at both him and it warily.

"It won't fire at the team or nothin' if you accidentally point the beam at one of us. Safety's still on. And you could always just let go and let it autoaim if there ain't anythin' you need to focus."

He hesitated once more before sighing.

"...Alright. At least help me up so I can see them, though."

Engie nodded, handing it to him and guiding his hands to where they should hold it before moving him up so he was sitting up and leaning against the dispenser, legs dangling over the ledge of the building.

"That good?"

"Mm."

"Ok. I think they're gonna start back up soon so..."

Engie hurriedly went over to the small pile of Medic's gear he'd put down, removing his wrench from his pocket (but keeping his pistol), clipping the Medipack onto his overalls, and inspecting the Medigun's various apparatuses.

"This one's for uber, this one's for shield. This dial ups the intensity and this one activates crits," Medic said, leaning over a bit and pointing to indicate what he was talking about.

"I know that, I helped you upgrade it for Christ's sake."

"And I'm reminding you. You've never done this before and I'm worried," Medic insisted. Engie merely moved over to push his hair back again, giving him a kiss of the forehead.

"It'll be fine, Sunshine. I promise. Stop worryin' your pretty little head off."

Medic's expression softened.

"Well you've never given me a reason to doubt you so. Good luck, mein Lieber. And if we uh..."

"Yeah?"

"...If we. Fail. Or if one of us doesn't make it, I just want you to know that I love you. I really do. Please never forget that."

"I love you too, baby, more than you could ever know. And we're going to make it. I know we will."

Medic smiled weakly, managing to bap his head against Engie's softly.

"You should head over. The robots are coming any minute now, I know they're expecting me. Well. You, now, I suppose."

"Roger that, boss," Engie grinned playfully, bapping him back before standing up and making his way down the stairs and over to where the other 7 mercenaries were huddled in a group, trying to plan out their final attacks.

"...and I think there's gonna be another 4 tanks this time so we gotta- oh hey Tex!" Demo smiled, waving at him.

"Howdy, y'all."

"Engineer! Is good to see you but. Where is Medic?" Heavy squinted.

"Sorry big guy, but uh. Medic's out of commission for now."

"So then who's gonna..." Scout trailed off before realizing that he was holding the medigun.

"No way."

"Yeah way."

"You- you're gonna be Medic now?"

"It's either me or you die. Pick your choice."

"Well-"

Scout paused.

"Ok, that's fair actually."

"What's Medic doing then?"

Engie turned back to wave at Medic from where he was sitting on top of the building, fiddling with the Wrangler, the rest of the team turning to see him wave back.

"Huh. So you guys are switchin' places today?"

"In a way."

Before anyone else could say something, they were all silenced by the slight rumbling beneath there feet, looking over to the large carrier over the horizon.

"Well, enough chitter chatter. See you on the other side, everyone. I looked forward to our victory," Spy hummed before clicking his watch, disappearing in a cloud of smoke.

Sniper nodded to everyone before heading to his usual sniping area, the others forming a sort of spaced out wall across the battlefield with Engie front and center.

"Everybody ready?" He called out as he pushed the handle of the medigun down and hovered his finger over the shield switch, getting various affirmations and war cries in response.

However, they were once again cut off by the feeling of the ground rumbling, the last of the hordes came into view. First up was dozens and dozens of robo Scouts and Demos led by a rather large Pyrobot, everyone getting a proper grip on their weapons in anticipation.

Engie let out a nervous sigh before cracking his neck on both sides, flipping the shield on, and mumbling softly to himself.

"Alright, Dell. It's time for you to play doctor."

[confessionsofabiguy]

LONG POST: So, I recently got engaged to my gf of 3 years about a month ago. I’m 36 and she’s 25. Everything is good “on paper”...she’s a great person, she had a good spirit, very intelligent, comes from a great family, nurturing, etc. She’s the first woman I’ve dated in over 10 years. My most recent ex was with a guy that lasted 4.5yrs. We’re still good friends til this day. However, something is missing is my current relationship and I don’t know how to process it.

Earlier this year, I was diagnosed with moderate anxiety and depression and I began medication to help treat it. I’d dealt with this in the past but never had been prescribed meds for it. I used to pride myself on my ability to always be “even keeled” mentally but with the pandemic and other drastic changes to my life, it became too overwhelming for me. I’m grateful for the meds bc I now feel a lot better. I also recently began therapy but the results are still pending since it’s so new.

With the meds I’m taking, it has seriously drained my libido which has, in turn, affected my sex life. I have absolutely no desire to have sex whatsoever. As a recovering sex addict, it’s been one of the best changes of my life. However, my fiancée is on the opposite end of the spectrum. She wants it ALL THE TIME. We’ve had numerous conversations about this with her explaining to me how she feels it’s not fair for her to not be able to express herself sexually like she wants. I actually agree with her. It’s not fair and I don’t know how to remedy this. I’ve explained to her about my past addiction and my current issues with my libido to no avail. She also suffers with anxiety and depression but refused to get back on meds or even begin to do the work with therapy. Again, I feel like I’m doing the work and working on changing and she’s not.

She was very sheltered growing up and hasn’t had much life experience whereas I’ve had a very full life up to this point which includes of course sexual experiences. She doesn’t like masturbating (she says it doesn’t feel right) so the only way she has orgasms is if I give them to her. She doesn’t want to use toys. I like all of that stuff and have very extensive sexual interest. None of which she’s interested in.

Another thing is...she hasn’t grown or changed one bit since we’ve been together and I’ve grown/changed quite a bit. She has no hobbies. She doesn’t know what she likes. She doesn’t really have any friends. She’s self-described as “very low maintenance”. Getting her to try new things is like pulling teeth. I once offered to pay for her to get her hair and nails done and I was given excuse after excuse why she didn’t want to do it. When it comes to the women I’m attracted to, I like certain things. I like a woman who takes some care in her appearance. Not necessarily a face full of make up or anything like that. Just switching up hairstyles or dressing up every now and then. I’m pretty thorough with my style and would like to see her match my fly sometimes. She’s only done this once where she had her hair braided for about 12 hrs and then took them down. I spent $100+ for her to do this and was so excited and turned on with the change. She looked so good! However, I felt extremely let down when she took them out. She only wears jeggings and t-shirts and wears her hair in a ponytail or bun. I understand the need to be comfortable but I just expect to only see her like this for the rest of our lives. This, in turn, feeds into my lack of desire for sex. I’m bored with it. It doesn’t turn me on. I have nothing to motivate me to even be turned on enough to be horny for sex. She just expects me to just be horny from being around her and I’ve explained that that’s just not how it works for me. When we do have sex, I feel like I’m just doing it for her. I feel like a character from Westworld where I’m only using my body for her sake. I feel like a robot just going through the motions. I feel pressured and I hate it so much. Not to make light of it or anything, but I feel like I’m somewhat being r*ped when I’m being put in a predicament where I have to have sex just to please her when I don’t want to.

Which leads me to this. This morning, one of the first things she said to me when I got up is requesting that I ask my doctor to change my prescription to another med that supposedly doesn’t have the side effect of altering my libido so we can have more sex. I immediately felt so bothered, offended, and quite frankly, disgusted by this which triggered my anxiety and depression. I feel like how dare she ask me to change yet another thing just for her pleasure. I’ve changed the way I smoke 420 (she hates it but tolerates it bc it was something I did before being with her). 420 is important to me bc it helps with my anxiety. I’ve started wearing more colors in my wardrobe (I mainly wore a lot of black and other neutral/earth tone colors) because she asked. I would grow my hair out at times bc she likes when it’s longer and curly. I just feel like asking me to change my meds so she can have more sex is crossing the line.

It’s really making me question if I want to spend my life with her. This isn’t something that’s just going to go away. I’m probably gonna be dealing with anxiety/depression for the rest of my life. I don’t want her to have to alter her needs/wants for my sake and vice versa. It’s not fair to either of us. Like I said, everything on paper is good. But things are off. I love her and her daughter. We’re financially in a great place and I love the life we’ve built together but sometimes I just want to be alone. I’m at my happiest and most at peace when she’s not home. I could handle all the financial responsibilities by myself but the same is not true for her. I sometimes imagine what life could be like without her living here and I hate to say it but I’m ok with it. I really do love her as a person but these other things that are off are slowly chipping away at my mental and spiritual peace. I don’t know what to do.

[i-loves-my-lemurs]

Fanfic writer's director's commentary! Thanks to @candycoloredwolf for the ask! I chose to talk about my first panchulien oneshot 'Wanna Dance?'. I wrote it in a single night on impulse so there's a few grammar mistakes and other stuff I noticed upon revisiting it.

I probably went way overboard on my commentary (oops) but it was so much fun going through it all. I hope this is entertaining.

.............

*the crocodile ambassador gave him an unusually soft smile.*

After everything that's happened in the show, I feel like the croc ambassador would have warmed up to Julien quite a bit and come to respect him as a leader. Also he's trying to butter Julien up before complaining about one of his subjects.

*provided they were on their best behaviour. It had said on the invitation that it was a 'sophisticated' event, so Maurice had managed to wrangle all of the lemurs into formal wear, and everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves, dancing in pairs to the soft music*

Man, I just love it when characters dress up in fancy outfits and go dancing together (like in the prom episode). One of my favourite tropes in fact, so I just had to throw it in there!

*but still all this fancy partnered dancing wasn't entirely to the ringtail's taste.*

As much as I like the formal dancing stuff, it wouldn't be something Julien would enjoy, so he's already looking for an excuse to bounce and throw his own afterparty. He's only stayed so far to try and be polite and improve relations between their kingdoms or something else that Maurice told him to do.

*Clover, Sage and the rest of the mountain lemur kingdom was there, and the king and queen were happily sharing a waltz. Maurice was dancing with his sister while Prince Brodney was teaching their children the steps*

This takes place after the show's finale, but without the inclusion of the zoosters, so sort of like a parallel universe? Where Julien and Clover are monarchs together, which I think is neat. Also People tend to forget that Maurice has a sister, myself included really, and I kinda wish they'd had more cute bonding moments, so I gave then a brother/sister dance.

*even Pancho was leaning against a tree*

Aside from the main squad (excluding Mort of course) Pancho is the only minor lemur that Julien really mentions here. Almost like he was looking for him specifically. Hmmm....

*He caught Julien's eye and winked. Julien chuckled fondly.*

Casual flirt.

*"I do have a minor issue with the behaviour of one of your, ahem, subjects*

That little cough just feels like something the croc ambassador would do when he's embarrassed, or to sound authoritative, so he did.

*Julien tore his eyes away from Pancho*

"Tore his eyes away" almost like he didnt want to look away. Hmmm...

*The anxious lemur was currently giggling as he twirled his new boyfriend around*

Ah, I just want Willie to be happy and have a good time with his bf. He deserves to laugh more. New boyfriend infers that they're in the early stages of their relationship, so they're just messing around being silly and cute and having fun together.

*but Horst and Mary Ann weren't doing much better.*

Horst and Mary Ann deserve a nice romantic dance. It would be pretty awkward because she's twice his size and can only really walk on all fours, but they don't even care. They just cut their own path through the dance floor and ignore everyone else, no matter how annoyed the other dancers are because they keep getting in the way.

*"Well, they're both males!" He said. "It's completely unnatural, wouldn't you agree?"*

Oof, the croc ambassador wants that snooty monarch solidarity with Julien since he's the most popular king in Madagascar, but that ain't happening any time soon. Not with that attitude!

*Julien was lost for words. He had known ever since he was young that he liked boys. Every male in the kingdom liked boys! In fact, it was considered a little unusual if you WEREN'T interested in the same gender.*

I like the idea that homosexuality is just the norm in the party kingdom, kinda like She-Ra. People are just gay and nobody thinks anything of it and coming out is celebrated. Julien doesn't care if you're gay or straight though, he just cares for his peeps and wants them to love who they love.

*whatever their genders were*

A subtle difference between Julien and the croc ambassador, Julien says 'genders' while croc ambassador says 'sexes' because Julien is more open to the idea of gender not being confined to biology.

*Julien took a few deep breaths and tried desperately to not get angry.

"What's the problem man, they're just dancing." He remarked in what he hoped was a neutral tone.*

Julien tries to keep his cool here, a bit of his character development showing. He now knows that everything doesnt have to be a scene, so keeps his temper. It's also kind of to protect Willie and his partner though. He knows they're having a good time and he doesn't want to bring to their attention that their host doesn't like what they're doing, because he knows they'll be upset.

 *"rather not have it ruined by such atrocities being committed!"*

And this was the point where I started to hate the croc ambassador too while writing.

*"Oh, hey Julio." Pancho smiled at him. "I was just gonna-"*

Pancho was just gonna say that he was bored with the party and wanted to leave. He would have asked if Julien wanted to come with (he could tell Julio was getting bored and he couldn't have THAT), which would have been a different fanfiction entirely.

*"Wanna dance?" Julien said.*

I honestly can't remember if I thought of the title or this line first.

*He considered sticking his tongue out at the reptile's back, but ultimately decided that such a juvenile display wasn't the best way to get his point across.*

Again, character development. Julien has matured (a little) and realised that there are better, more fulfilling ways of getting revenge.

*"OK." Pancho said with a shrug, and slid his paw over to Julien's waist,*

Once Pancho can mentally catch up with what's going on, he rolls with it. In fact, he sorta likes the idea of dancing with Julien, and had been trying to gather the courage to ask him for most of the night. I wonder why...

*As they danced though, he began to feel his attention drawn to a different place: how smooth Pancho was on the dance floor,*

We all know Julien's attention span is not great, so there's no way he's going to be able to stay angry when he's too busy being distracted by Pancho's smoothness.

*He raised an eyebrow. "You just couldn't resist?"*

Not entirely subtle flirt.

*"But you know, you're not a bad pick." He patted Pancho on the arm.*

Not entirely subtle either flirt.

*"Abner over there's been missing steps and stumbling all night!" He glanced over at Abner and his wife with a small frown.*

Poor Abner, he's the one getting picked on tonight. Bit of a running gag here.

*Pancho's eyes widened and he instinctively pulled Julien closer, whether it was to shield him or to further prove the point, Julien couldn't tell, but the ringtail wasn't complaining.*

Pancho does pull Julien closer on instinct to protect him, he knows how badly homophobia would hurt Julien's feelings. Julien is just loving it though. He was more angry for Willie's sake than hurt anyways.

*"But us lemurs dance with guys all the time!" Pancho exclaimed. "I've seen you kiss four different guys at a party once! What's his problem?"

"That's what I'm saying, wait I did what?"*

Even if they weren't a couple, dancing together is just something the males would do. They're that casual. And of course Julien would go around kissing everybody at his parties when he gets drunk enough. Poor Julien doesnt remember half of what he does at parties though.

*"Oh no, I don't mind." Pancho remarked, then cleared his throat awkwardly, looking away.*

Awkward silence much? Internally Pancho is just screaming *why did you say that?!" because he doesn't know how to handle his feelings right now, especially not with Julien so close.

(For any other ballroom dance enthusiasts, what they're dancing would be a mix between a waltz and a slow dance. Like a casual, less fancy waltz that's quite easy for them to get the hang of, but still quite romantic and personal).

*"You know Julio, I don't think he's gonna notice." Pancho remarked.*

But eventually Pancho plucks up the courage. They're already dancing, he tells himself. And Julien just wants to make the crocodile ambassador mad. Julien kisses people platonically all the time so he won't question it. If he doesnt like it, say you were doing it to piss off the crocodiles. And if he does like it... well...

*"Well, I had an idea." Pancho was avoiding his gaze again."*

He's still nervous of course, but he's made up his mind. It's all or nothing, baby!

*"Lay it on me." Julien said.*

And he does! Literally!

*And holy Sky Gods.*

I was tempted to have this line be 'holy crap' or 'holy sh*t' because that's what I would say idk but holy sky gods just works better for the show's lore, and allows the story to keep a G rating.

*All thoughts of spiting the crocodile ambassador had been fully driven from his mind*

Julien just gets so caught up in the moment, he's all "what crocodile ambassador?" he just wants to keep kissing.

*Julien stroked his paw through Pancho's soft fur and deepened their kiss.*

I imagine Pancho's fur would be very soft, he's always playing around with explosives so he's bound to get his fur burnt off every now and then, and it grows back softer.

This was the first time I wrote the lemurs kissing, so it's not the most explicit thing in the world. I probably couldn't write an explicit kiss scene to save my life though.

*"Hoo-ah." Pancho sighed softly.*

Hoo-ah" is exactly what Pancho would say after having his mind blown by a kiss like that. Just no thoughts, head Julien.

*"Yeah, crocodile ambassador certainly thinks so." Pancho said, a wild grin overcoming his face*

Heh heh, Pancho's happy because he just got to kiss his crush (and he liked it!) But also because he can see the croc ambassador is pissed and he loves the opportunity to mess.

*some looking angry, some looking intrigued*

Some of the crocs are intrigued because they've never been able to be open about who they are or experiment because of compulsory heterosexuality in their kingdom. Seeing two guys just being so open about their attraction to each other would definitely help them rethink things. They've never seen gay love expressed like this and it's new and exciting.

*Julien's face broke out into an ecstatic grin.

"Yeah that's right!" He called wildly. "I kissed a guy! At your party! Boom, I like kissing guys! Ha, suck on that loser! Woohoo!"*

Oh the sweet triumph of proving a point. This rant was a joy to write, it just feels very Julien.

*He grabbed Pancho's hand and held it up.*

Grab your boyfriend's hand, hold it aloft like a prize.

*"I'm like ninety percent sure Ted likes kissing guys!"*

Haha, poor Teddy needs to be extracted from the closet, pronto. Julien just has an excellent gaydar.

* and tucked a protective arm around his daughter's shoulders, turning her away from Julien.*

I imagine princess Amy would have some questions after this, questions which her father would definitley struggle to answer. If she really wants to find out what Pancho and Julien were doing, I imagine she'd visit the party kingdom alone, and the lemurs would be happy to answer her questions. Pancho and Julien may have ushered in a new era for the crocodile kingdom and their relationship with LGBT+.

*There came a cheer from the crowd of lemurs and they all began to head off the dance floor*

Of course the other lemurs go with Julien immediately, he's their king after all and the moment he suggests that someone might not be cool with their sexualities, they're ready to bounce.

*Clover and Sage at the front hand in hand,*

Clover and Sage would definitley be behind Julien 100%. The moment he declares that they're out of there, they just drop everything to leave with him.

*some mountain lemur ladies holding hands too.*

Mountain lemur lesbians? Anyone? I just think it's neat.

*"You read my mind, Julio."

Julien pulled Pancho towards him and tried to ignore how it felt like there was a little party going on in his stomach when Pancho called him that.*

Julien really likes that name! I see it as an affectionate nickname Pancho gave him that eventually just evolves into a pet name that makes Julien a little warm and fuzzy inside every time he hears it.

*Julien's heart leapt with joy to see Willie clutching his boyfriend's hands as they danced.*

Daaaww, Julien might pick on Willie but at the end of the day he likes to see him happy. He's glad they don't have to stay at a party where their dancing is scrutinised.

*Pancho rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly as they stood face to face. "I'm sorry about kissing you, I just-"*

Now that there's some distance between them, Pancho has had time to think and wonder "oh sheesh, what if I messed it up, what if he only felt like it was platonic" and he's now all embarrassed, poor leem. He's just a guy in love.

*He nodded, then cleared his throat in an attempt to get a grip on his emotions. "You know, um, while we were dancing*

And now we see Julien trying to hold it together, these two are just so precious and I can totally see them stumbling over their feelings like that.

*kissed Pancho on the forehead, giggling slightly at the other lemur's squeak of surprise.*

Pancho is the perfect height for affectionate forehead kisses, let's not forget it!

*Pancho and Julien headed onto the dancefloor together and moved their bodies to the beat.*

They would have spent the night together just dancing and vibing (and making out probably).

*Nobody there who gave them the stink-eye or who told them that they were wrong. They danced and had fun and kissed without a care in the world. Julien felt so happy that his kingdom was a place where he could kiss Pancho all he liked.*

Ah I really went to town on the "love is love" concept here, didn't I? Well, a theme is a theme.

Julien's just really happy at the place he's created. He's glad they can dance and kiss and all that jazz, and he did that, he created a kingdom free of prejudice. It's exactly how I can see the kingdom's relationship with LGBT+ going down, a place where they're all just happy to vibe and be themselves.

.........

And that's the end. I hope you enjoyed this premium insight into my writings, and if you want commentary on another of my stories, or just have random questions, then my inbox is always open :)