#ok now that we are so cozy and cheerful in these tags i'm gonna go to bed to spend another shitty day at uni tomorrow goodnight | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

scentofpines · 2 months ago

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in class today i felt so incredibly out of place again, why does it have to be so hard for me? and, i like this girl, but every single time we have class she mentions her "autism" while happily chatting with 3+ ppl at a time, completely effortless, while im sitting there, staring and trying to focus enough to even understand the conversation bc there is so much noise around me that i feel like i'm about to either explode or shut down completely and i feel like an alien trying my best to somehow socialize and understand what is going on and really to just get through this.

#i feel awful i was so close to just breaking into tears at one point #we had the introduction to greek archaeology course for the first time today and... i hate it #it is so fucking boring #the lecturer is italian and while her english vocabulary is great her accent already makes it hard to understand her but what is worse is #that she completely mispronounces a ton of english words so you constantly have to sorta interpret what she is saying #i genuinely didnt understand at least a third of what she was saying today #and its all “look this painting on this and that vase” and its basically art history and i hate art history i really dont give a shit #and then i felt like i picked the wrong study program and i should just drop out which ofc is complete bullshit bc the courses i have monda #are really interesting as they are about prehistory which i am actually interested in and its ok to not care about certain eras of arch.#we were even told that by one lectures who also didnt give a shit about christian archaeology and was only interested in prehistory #so i know its ok rationally but everything was so awful today that my brain went into doom mode #and earlier my father yapped about the election to my mom while i hid in the bathroom lol and then he said in his horrible condescending #voice how “kamala is so stupid you cant sit her in front of a camera (for an interview)” and how she is “just as dumb as baerbock”#baerbock is a german politician - and obviously a woman #there r a million politicians he could choose from but he went with 2 women #i hate him so fucking much #i am not prone to violent phantasies at all but with him its different #i wish he would just die #ok now that we are so cozy and cheerful in these tags i'm gonna go to bed to spend another shitty day at uni tomorrow goodnight #personal

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