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wideeyedsmile · 2 years ago

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The Notes You Left pt. 2

Part One Is Here | Explanation Post is Here

Author's Note: Thank you for the feedback! Someone in the comments showed me that someone managed to get a rough estimate of how much Batman weighs and his height by using a picture of him standing next to Bruce after an attack on Wayne Manor. And DANG I knew Bruce was tall and bulky but DAMN. Batman is 6"4 and 250lbs of straight muscle. For anyone who isn't aware, according to most sources Bruce is anywhere between 5"11 and 6 foot, and is almost always quoted as being 190lbs. Like Bruce is also pure muscle but holy shit he must be TINY compared to Batman. ALSO: some people who are new to the fandom are just now discovering the "Abel Bates" name! The fandom came up with it! I can't honestly remember what Abel means, but I remember that Bates is an Old English word for Bat. On the nose lol I know. Anyway, here's chapter 2!

Chapter 2:

"Glider wings require a heavier, more durable fabric. They are fine if you are in clear skies, but if this is gonna be a product for tactical use or an everyday transportation method for those in cities or in heavily wooded areas, a fabric change is necessary. Given that most people don't live in the suburbs, I would highly recommend graphene fabric. I understand it is a newer technology but its great at getting the job done. There is a place in Metropolis that makes it if your ok with outsourcing. If not, I'm sure Wayne Tech is smart enough to figure it out. Other than that, my only note is that landing with this thing is horrible. It can be done but not as easily as you'd hope. Perhaps its an aerodynamics problem, or its not designed for Gotham weather, but perhaps different models for different climates and weather patterns. Gotham is gonna need one that lands easily on windy days, otherwise someone could get seriously hurt. Thank you for your understanding, and as always, the other prototypes were left unharmed.

- B"

Bruce saw it on the news before anyone even reported it missing. The Batman using a Wayne Tech prototype glider while fighting Riddler. People were starting to assume Bruce was just giving this stuff to him. In many ways, he essentially was.

Monday was the press meetings. Damage control. "We are doing everything in our power to stop these thefts. As of now, we have no leads, and no idea where the prototypes could be going."

Tuesday was the police. "Seriously? Again Mr. Wayne? Don't you guys have security?"

Today was Wednesday. Get into work early, plant the note in the science department, erase footage from cameras. Easy peasy.

Bruce finished up transcribing the latest letter. The Batman had left this, along side various tests he had run. Bruce had no idea what the hell "graphene fabric" is but he's sure either the science department or the textiles department will know.

"Alfred, you know a lot of tailors, right?" Bruce asked. Alfred Pennyworth, the man who was just suppose to be his butler. It was a big media storm when Alfred announced he was adopting Bruce after the Waynes were murdered. Social services nearly stopped him, but something happened and the adoption went through. They've been each other's family since.

"A select few. I knew more when you were a teenager. I had to get your clothes mended and adjusted at least twice a month when you were that age. I'd blink and you'd grow an inch, it was a constant problem. Now that your an adult? Not nearly as many. Why?" Alfred asked him.

"Do you think any of them would know what graphene fabric is?"

"Graphene what? I've never even heard of it."

"It's a type of fabric, it's meant to be very durable."

"Master Bruce, I have been washing, drying, and ironing your clothing since you were a baby. Almost all of your clothes are made from long lasting, durable fabrics. I can tell you right now that the suit you have on right now is made of pure silk. I have done enough laundry and looked at enough of the tags on your clothes to know that whatever that is is not in anyway a common fabric. At least not for clothing."

Bruce thought about this for a moment before speaking. "Alright then. Hey, just so you know, typewriter is gonna need more ink", he said, before finishing his coffee and leaving for work.

-----------------------------

Bruce arrived early. 5:30 am, to be exact. Nobody is working until 7 at the earliest. Gives him plenty of time to plant the note, erase any footage of him in the building, and then go get a non-caffeinated breakfast.

After successfully planting the note in the science department, he goes to erase the footage, only to find the cameras are already off.

"Why are you helping me?" A deep voice behind him asks. Bruce feels a chill run down his spine as he turns around.

There he is. In the flesh. The Batman. Something about being this close to him is horrifying. The suit definitely adds some of the bulk, but this guy is Big.

"Am I not suppose to help?"

"First note was a mistake. I was bleeding, in a hurry, and pen and paper were the only thing I could find. The second was to see if you'd cover for me again. And you did cover for me again. And again. And again. So once again Bruce, why are you helping me?" He asked him. Bruce understood how he could be so intimidating. But at the same time, there was this feeling of... familiarity to it. He wondered how far he could push it.

"Well, you see Bats, those notes you leave us are gaining me more than I'm losing. Those products release with almost no bugs left. Even this latest theft of yours is gonna be beneficial for me. I don't even know what graphene fabric is, let alone how useful it could be in this and in other products. I am a business man. This is a profit." Bruce explained. That wasn't the real reason. That was the reason he told himself so he didn't think about it too much.

"That explains why you didn't turn the notes in. Not why you've been transcribing them."

Bruce was taken aback by this. He shouldn't know that part.

"How do you-"

"I hack into your cameras regularly to turn them off. You think I don't do the same thing to watch whats happening? How do you think I know what to take? So once again, why are you transcribing the notes for me?"

"Your handwriting is shit"

"And yet you can read it"

The tension in the room was... heavy. Bruce couldn't entirely tell what it was other than intimidating and scary, but there was something else in the air that he couldn't place.

"I don't want you getting caught". Bruce explained. "I'm afraid someone will turn it in, or that they'll recognize the handwriting and turn you in."

"I appreciate that. Now why do you care?"

"I'm sorry?"

"Most wealthy people in Gotham wish I were dead. The police force hates me. And for every 10 citizens to whom I bring peace, there is 1 who I scare to the bone. So why do you want to protect me?" He asked. Bruce couldn't see his eyes under the mask, but he could feel them. He could tell that there was eye contact that had gone unbroken since the second this conversation began. It shook him to his core.

"Something about the way you write those notes is familiar. Something about you in general is familiar. Even talking to you right now feels familiar. Seriously, do I know you under that mask? You don't have to tell me who you are, just a yes or no"

Bruce felt, in that moment, that he was being studied. The eyes under the mask seemed to have left his own, and instead took a moment to ponder his body language. He suddenly felt that everything he was doing was wrong. The way he stood, the way his hands rested, the look on his face, it was suddenly all being tested and put under review. It made it hard to think.

"Will you continue to help if I tell you?" The man in the mask asked him.

"Of course."

"Yes. You know me. Hurry up and get out of here, it's almost 6:30, you should be gone by now. Do yourself a favor, pretend to sleep in and show up late."

"What about the footage?" Bruce asked.

"Bruce, no offense, you are shit at actually erasing the footage. I do this for you everytime. I'm amazed you didn't get caught the first time. Now go."

Without another word, Bruce left.

ACTUAL Author's Note: Ya know how sometimes when Bruce and Batman have to be somewhere at the same time (for example when Bruce sorta just KNOWS a banquet he's holding is gonna be attacked) that Bruce will have Clark be Batman for the night, that way people don't think they are the same person? Yeah that's where those "Batman measurements" ACTUALLY come from. It's just Clark compared to Bruce lol.

Btw feel free to share this and reblog it, this is such a niche fic and I doubt anyone is gonna see it otherwise

Tag list: @fuckingshittykawa and whoever else wants to be added to the tag list

#the notes you left #batman fic #bruce wayne x batman #batfamily #gotham citizen au #bruce wayne #the dark knight #dick grayson #tim drake

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iwannaban0nym0us · 2 years ago

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I posted 4,940 times in 2022

95 posts created (2%)

4,845 posts reblogged (98%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@chaserofstarsandtheabyss

@coonazz74

@the-qalankhais-sweetheart

@tocautiouslygo

@the-starlight-papers

I tagged 998 of my posts in 2022

#me - 121 posts

#personal - 27 posts

#snw spoilers - 25 posts

#ex - 21 posts

#ex-grayfriend - 20 posts

#vent - 20 posts

#star trek - 17 posts

#trans - 17 posts

#queer - 16 posts

#picard spoilers - 16 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#the fool is a distorted reflection of the witch – he is as intelligent as her but while she chooses seclusion he functions close to power. s

My Top Posts in 2022:

** SNW episode 10 spoilers ahead!!**

First of all ADMIRAL PIKE!?!?! I love how they kept the uniform from the movies but added the little touch of the SNW texture

Ok now we gotta talk about Captain Kirk what did they do to him, that’s not my Captain Kirk. That is not what he looks like and he’s not nearly brash enough.

Anyway, putting aside my Kirk complaints, holy shit that episode was great. Being the massive Trekkie that I am I went and rewatched the episode that it was referencing as soon as I finished that episode. The amount of lines that the kept the same at the beginning of the episode is incredible, even some of the way Kirk moves around the bridge in tos is very similar to how Pike moves around the bridge in snw. Like y’all SNW clearly did it’s research and that makes my Trekkie heart very happy.

18 notes - Posted July 7, 2022

The Black Ring

Black ring Right middle finger A fuck you to Fucking anyone

It’s a physical reminder Something to rub When I feel Like an other Like I’m missing out That I’m too queer Or not queer enough It grounds me Reminds me I’m not alone

It’s a signal A way to let others know “Hey, you’re not alone” It’s subtle But powerful It’s simple But meaningful

It’s a piece of me I almost never take it off It represents a part of me That can’t otherwise Be seen and understood Even with the ring Only some people care To see and understand But I do and some do And that’s enough for me

Black ring Right middle finger A reminder A Symbol A part of me How I say “I’m Proud, Proud to be Ace.”

27 notes - Posted February 6, 2022

Queer as in Myself

Queer As in finally Myself Queer as in Confident and relieved Queer as in Free

I found My true self Within my queerness No more Seeing another person When I look In a mirror No more wondering If something is Wrong with me No more Endless confusion Queerness allowed me To finally be Me

I found A new sense of Confidence In my queerness A relief from Confining pressures Allowed me to be BOLD To show confidence In who I am Without fear Queerness showed me Strength I didn’t know I had In me

I found Escape In queerness A world Where I could Just be Queerness lifted me From unnecessary requirements And allowed me To Live My Life

Queerness has given me A home And a space to discover Who I am And for that I am Profoundly Grateful

33 notes - Posted August 2, 2022

staff start banning terfs challenge

51 notes - Posted June 2, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Queer Poetry Collection

Trans Hate

Being trans comes with many joys, finally discovering yourself, finding people who understand you the euphoria of looking like yourself for the first time the pride in breaking the chains of the gender binary It also comes with some unavoidable pain not feeling like your body is your own living some of your life as someone you’re not your voice not sounding like you clothes never fitting quite right and some easily avoidable suffering like societal oppression being abused and made fun of just for living as our true selves being referred to by terms that aren’t your own

Greg Abbott, Ken Paxton Ron DeSantis, Joe Harding Ted Cruz, Donald Trump theses men do nothing to help instead they encourage the torment and through their positions of power they spread their harmful ideas transphobia snakes its way through the republican party spreading it’s tendrils through the darkest corners

Greg Abbott Ken Paxton and their long pointy nails ripping trans children from their parents drawing blood where lives could be spared blocking the pathways to happy healthier lives trans kids in Texas directly under fire trans kids everywhere can feel their pain

Ron DeSantis Joe Harding and their massive obnoxious mouths talking over anyone who’s different or odd running their mouths as if they’re better than the rest of us stopping children from sharing their stories or even learning that they are not alone other people feel that way it’s not wrong to be queer queerness should be celerbrated not erased from our vocabulary

Ted Cruz and his two sided hair cut viewed from one side he is a protector from the other side he is a transphobe one perspective buys into his tale of biological supremacy among children, kids who just want to play the other view point sees the evil forcing kids to hide their true self or leave the game that they love

Donald Trump and his blaring orange skin the bright color acts as a beacon calling similar minded people to his side gathering support for causes that deserve no recognition preventing people from serving their country because their gender doesn’t align with your expectations preventing brave men women and people from serving simply because of what’s in their pants

Six fallen saviors leaders turned corrupt they were supposed to empower the people they serve instead they terrorize them powerful people, political leaders they are supposed to guide the way to a better future not turn us around and send us back to bigotry oppression and hatred

It Hurts

“Women’s reproductive rights” “After a woman gives birth” “Her” “He or she” “Girls” “Ladies and gentleman” [Women’s room] [Men’s room] “Girl’s team” “Boy’s team” “Son or daughter” “Mom and dad” “Brother or sister”

Everyone pretends I don’t exist Everyone tries to deny my existence Everyone implies I’m not there Everything is structured to ignore my existence Every tradition pretends I’m not real

It hurts I try to hide it I shrug it off I ignore it I say it’s ok

But it isn’t Every Little Stab Hurts

I. Exist. Too. Just because I don’t fit Into your neat little boxes Doesn’t mean I’m not real Doesn’t mean you can just ignore me I have a uterus too I play on this team too I’m listening to your speeches too I exist in this world too

How about “Reproductive rights” “After a person gives birth” “Their” “They” “United” “Folks” [Bathroom] “Coach A’s team” “Coach B’s team” “Child” “Parents” “Sibling”

Just change a few words It’s not very hard And it can make a world of a difference It can make me feel seen and heard It can make me feel real It can make me feel like I have a place in this world Because I do Weather or not you care to acknowledge me I am here and I am queer

Transitional Years

Alone Scared What am I supposed to do What is gender How do I stay safe How do I explain these feelings What is going on inside me What is going on around me

I am so glad that time is over The fear The questioning The confusion No more hiding who I am just because I don’t understand it And I’m afraid the world won’t either No more hiding inside Afraid of the plague that’s taken over the world

I can be free now I can be myself I can be unapologetically myself I can be a normal kid

I’m never getting those years back Those 2 years spent hiding in the darkness of my room Or all the years before spent believing in a lie I lost my transitional years To a plague And to a different kind of transition

I went in one person And came out a totally new version of myself

New name New pronouns New perspective on the world

I’m not alone in my struggles, I wish younger me knew that Other people feel the way you do And everyone is there for you You don’t have to question alone It’s ok to let others know you’re confused and scared

I’m happy for my friends Who aren’t going through that alone I’m glad I can be there to support them To show them that they aren’t alone To show them the light at the end of the tunnel To be an example of a happy ending

I just wish younger me was that brave Younger me was too afraid of the unknown To admit to anyone else that I didn’t know Didn’t know who I was Instead of letting others help me to find myself I hid myself from everyone I hid myself from myself I denied who I am Because I thought I had to know To pick To tell everyone I thought I had to know who I was Before I could tell people who I’m not I thought I had to pick between Being truly myself And being a part of my team I thought if I told someone I would have to tell everyone So I chose hiding I chose the past I chose my team

Sure, it made me who I am But couldn’t have there been An easier path to this point? We’ll never know At least for now, I’m just happy to have made it here I hid away for 2 years And in the process I found myself I pulled back the coat of lies That I had been building up my whole life I eased out of it And I burned it The freedom I found Was well worth the pain That the path here caused I am myself And I am never turning back

The Queer Fight

Gay marriage was legalized In the united states Within my lifetime And I’m still in highschool

See the full post

58 notes - Posted June 1, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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adventuresinwonderlust · 4 years ago

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Title: Caution to the Wind: PART 3

For Part 1 Click Here and For Part 2 Click Here

Pairing: yoongi x reader ft. Namjoon (brief)

Warnings: smut, fluff, angst, a lot of first times, Solo (m), Oral (m) (f) receiving, hand job, triggering themes (anxiety attack),

Rating: 18 and over

Permanent Tag: @mochilicious-yoongi @heyimtavia @loveyoongles

AUTHORS NOTE: THIS PART IS SOLELY FROM YOONGI’S PERSPECTIVE. HOPE YOU ENJOY!!

Yoongi:

Yoongi sat there, outside of the music room, his leg shaking frantically, waiting to be called so he could submit his entry exam. He had been working on this beat for months and it was finally perfect. It was a requirement for this music program to pass an entry exam in order to use their studios during the semester. To say Yoongi was nervous was an understatement. He cleared his throat for what felt like the hundredth time. He scratched at his neck, yanked on his ear, and picked at his calloused hand. “Come on.” He groaned under his breath. He had already been waiting an hour, an hour he could've spent with Y/N. He took a deep breath, closing his eyes and thinking back to last night. How sexy she sounded when she moaned his name, her glistening core, and her gorgeous body under the flowing shower. “Calm down Yoongi.” He whispers to himself when he feels his cock twitch.

He looks at the music room door, wondering what was taking so long with the student before him. He picked at his hand again, grumbling to himself, flashes of Y/N's pert nipples dancing in his head. He groaned, angry with himself that he was unable to shake her from his mind. He closed his eyes again, thinking back to the shower, her body on full display. She didn’t bother to hide herself the way he did, ashamed that he was once again hard after having just cum. Would she blame me though? Watching her wash her body was probably the second hottest thing he’s ever seen. He was sure to stand sideways, hiding himself as much as possible. “Aren’t you gonna wash up?” She giggled. “Yeah, you just take up so much space.” He teased, hoping she didn’t notice how much she affected him.

“Alright then, I’ll give you your space.” She smirks, rinsing off and ducking out of the shower. Yoongi was sure to peek from behind the curtain to be sure she was fully gone from the restroom before he began to stroke his aching cock. “Fuck.” He whispered, moving his hand quickly over his thick shaft. He couldn’t believe what just happened in that bedroom, couldn’t believe he had just showered with Y/N. Watching her play with herself was probably the highlight of his life. He was sure she would tell him no to his proposition. She was gorgeous, such a catch and he was... well.... him. They had been best friends for years, since they were kids, but that friendship had blossomed into so much more for him. She was his rock, his everything. The literal highlight of his day. How would she react if she found out that he had a growing crush on her? Maybe she felt the same way or maybe he was just fooling himself, either way he was honored she let him see her so intimately.

“Fuck Y/N, you’re so gorgeous. I want you so bad. Sss- So fucking hot.” Yoongi whispers under his breath, tugging at his balls. He bites his lip, feeling his body tense, that delicious tug in his scrotum. He moans as silently as he can, his hand working his tip furiously. His mouth falls open when that familiar feeling raptures his body, his balls jumping up right before he turns his cock up to unload his seed onto his stomach. He’s a panting mess, still slowly working his length, moving forward into the water to rinse off.

“Min? Is your name Min?” Another student calls from across Yoongi, snapping him out of his fantasy. Yoongi’s eyes widen, and he looks over to the student confused. “Are you Min Yoongi?” The kid asks again. Yoongi nods. “Okay then, you're up. The professor stuck his head out to call you.” Yoongi nods again, his cheeks reddening, the feel of his erection against his thigh keeping him from moving from his seat. Suddenly the professor sticks his head out from the music room, “I don't have all day! Is Min here or do I need to move on?” Yoongi throws his hand in the air, grabbing his backpack from the floor and using it to cover his lap as he walks into the music room.

“Major?” The professor asks blandly. “Music Production.” Yoongi grumbles, feeling his face heat. The professor nods, taking a seat and nodding towards the open laptop. Yoongi looks over blankly. “Should I play my track?” He asks. “Well, I surely don’t want you to rap Mr. Min.” Yoongi clears his throat, moving towards the laptop and sticking his thumb drive in. He scrolls through the files, locating his track and playing it for the professor. He begins to nod his head to the beat, calming a bit when he sees the professor do the same. “Should I explain my method?” Yoongi asks. “Assuming I don’t understand music theory?” The professor counters. “No, I didn’t mean....” “You can turn it off.” He snaps, sitting up and scribbling on his notepad. Yoongi swallows hard, turning the track off. He feels his heart racing, waiting for the professor to give him his grade. “I like your work Min. Your mouth not so much. B+. You can expect an email with details on where to pick up a studio scan card on the day of move in. Have a good one.”

“With all due respect sir. I feel like the track is worth more than a B+.” Yoongi scoffs, nervously. The professor nods, leaning back in his seat, “Play it again.” Yoongi moves to play the track again. The professor nods to the beat, leaning forward to scribble down more notes. “Turn it off.” He demands. Yoongi stops the track, staring at the professor. “B-.” The Professor declares. “What! Are you insane? Do you know how long I worked on this? I could sell this right now and make millions.” Yoongi word vomits. The professor smirks. “Like I said Mr. Min. I like your work but your mouth not so much. I like the beat, but it isn't perfect. If it were, you wouldn’t be here trying to get your degree would you. You’d be out there making said millions. Now can I assume that you still want that B+ or are we settling for a B-.”

“What an asshole!!” Y/N shouts when you meet up with her and describe what transpired. “It’s fine. I took the B+. At least I passed the entry exam.” “That’s fucked up Yoon. You should report him.” Yoongi sighs deeply, holding open the door to the burger joint you both decided to eat at. “It’s fine really. I met a cool kid after. We exchanged numbers.” “Oh?” She stops suddenly. “Yeah.” “A girl or....” Her voice trails off and Yoongi’s eyes pop open at the realization of her assumption. “No! A guy,” Yoongi laughs nervously, “Namjoon. He’s taking Music as well. Passed the entry exam also, so we talked about possibly working together in the studio. I got good vibes from him.” “Well look at you making college friends already.” She teased, walking to the line to order. Yoongi shook his head, digging his hands into his pocket for his card to pay for the meal.

“You think I should go home tonight? Talk to my parents.” He asks, the pangs of guilt gripping him. “Finally ready to say sorry. Do you want me to come with?” “I didn’t say all that. I was just thinking maybe I’d try again to get them to see things differently.” “I feel like that’s a great idea Yoongi. If it feels right, then you should go for it.” Yoongi smiles watching Y/N order for the both of them. She was so supportive and knowing he could count on her made him feel confident. So confident, he moved towards her, waiting for just the right moment to plant a soft kiss on her lips. She giggles when he pulls away. “What’s that for?” She asks. “Being amazing.” He shrugs, moving forward to give his card to the cashier. “Sorry sir your card has been declined.” “Excuse me? That’s a mistake, can you please try again.” Yoongi swallows hard, shoving the card back at her. She swipes again and the machine beeps. She looks up at him and shakes her head. “It’s ok. I got it. Maybe the machine is messed up.” Y/N offers, pulling out cash.

You both take a seat and wait for your number to be called. “Hey, you ok?” Y/N asks but you are too busy reading and re-reading the text from your mother. ‘Yoongi, until further notice, you have been CUT OFF.’ “Yoongi! Hey!” Yoongi finally looks up at Y/N, swallowing hard and turning his phone to her. “They cut me off. Its why my card didn’t work.” He mumbles, staring down at his feet. “Holy shit! What the hell?!? How could they!!” “I knew they were pissed but.... it's fine. It doesn’t matter, it doesn’t change anything. I’ll just get a job and work nights to pay for myself this semester and then apply for a scholarship next year. I can do this! I’m fine. It’s fine.” Yoongi assures her, even though it's really himself he’s trying to assure. His heart begins beating rapidly, the throws of anxiety slamming his entire body. “Can we walk?” He blurts out suddenly, a cold sweat hitting him. “Yeah of course.” Y/N jumps up just as they call your number. Yoongi runs out the restaurant, Y/N running to catch up with the bag of food in her hand.

“Talk to me Yoons, you look sick.” “I can't breathe.” Yoongi confesses, his lungs feeling heavy with every breath he takes. “I just need to sit.” He says suddenly, plopping down on the side of the street, gasping for air. Y/N begins to wipe away the sweaty hair his forehead, but it only annoys him. “Please don’t touch me ok.” Yoongi shouts. “I’m sorry. Of course. Yoongi, please, take a deep breath. I think you're having a panic attack.” Yoongi feels sick, his stomach turning and heart racing. He drops his head between his knees, gasping for air. “I’m ok. This is ok. I can do this.” He whispers to himself. “Yoongi, you need to go talk to them.” Y/N whispers and with that Yoongi yells out to the universe. Everything inside him boiling over, tears flowing in succession with his struggled breathing. “I knew they were mad but fuck!” He throws himself into Y/N’s lap, who immediately rubs his back, rocking him back and forth. “It’s ok Yoongi. I’ll help you through this semester and we can come up with a game plan for next year. I promise you're not alone. This is a minor hiccup in what is going to be the best four years of your life.” Yoongi hears everything she’s saying but all he wanted to do right now was feel sorry for himself, he had no use for logic, logic he can use tomorrow. Today, right now, he wanted to hate them and himself.

“You ready for this?” Y/N asked, the both of you standing outside of your parents' home. Yoongi only nods. “Let’s get this over with.” Yoongi puts his key in the door and attempts to turn it, but it doesn't move. “They changed the fucking locks!” He shouts. “Calm down. Remember what we talked about. You get more bees with honey than vinegar.” “Sure. Honey.” Yoongi responds, slamming his fist on the door. “Jesus Yoongi!” “Fuck them!” He snaps, slamming his fist on the door again. They don’t get nice, not after the stunt they pulled. “Hey! Open up. It's your son! The one you disowned but an hour ago!” The door swings open and Yoongi’s father is standing before you both. “Son.” “Father.” “We have much to discuss, perhaps better without Y/N here.” “She stays or I go.” Yoongi was not up for negotiating. “Fine. Come in.” Yoongi nods to Y/N to follow him in. “You can have these back.” Yoongi declares, giving his father the old keys. “Yoongi, please understand that we wish it didn’t come to this. You still have time to change things. A simple major switch.” “I don’t want to switch majors.” “Maybe study Medicine and minor in music. Compromise.” “I don’t want to be a doctor.”

“Son. We want what's best for you.” “By cutting me off and leaving me to sleep in the streets?” Yoongi shouts. “You’re always at Y/N’s house!” Yoongi’s mother shouts from the kitchen. “You never make it, so I want to be here! Always pressuring me to be someone I am not! Why can't you just love me as I am?” Yoongi shouts at her. “We do love you as you are son, but music is not a future.” Yoongi’s father inserts. “I’m good at it. You just need to believe in me.” Yoongi all but pleads. Yoongi’s father sighs and Yoongi can see the ice chipping away. He drops to his knees before his father. “Appa, Jebal.” Yoongi feels his father's hand on the back of his head. “NO,” his mother screams, “You have one week to get out! You can go stay with Y/N until you move to the dorms. No compromise.” “Mrs. Min, please. He’s your son.” “Yes Y/N he is, and he has brought me no greater dishonor than this. Now, no more talk. Please leave.” Yoongi feels his heart break into a million pieces, and he makes his last plea to his father. “I’m so sorry Yoongi. Here, take this.” He digs in his pocket, handing Yoongi cash, and kissing him on the forehead. “You must go. Your mother will have it no other way.” Yoongi nods, standing up, tears burning to unleash. “May I gather some things?” He asks his father. “Of course.” His father replies. Yoongi bows and quickly moves towards his room.

“Help me grab some of this stuff.” He tells Y/N. “Yoongi, wait a minute ok. Maybe we can talk to them some more.” Yoongi gives a pained chuckle, knowing she means well. “It’s over Y/N, I can give your mom this cash for letting me stay with you guys for a bit or maybe I can ask for an early move in date with the school, but this isn't an option anymore. So, please, grab the keyboard and the laptop. Let me get a bag.” Yoongi packs as much of his equipment as he can along with clothing and he and Y/N make their leave. “Son!” Yoongi hears from behind him. “Wait!” His father runs up to him. “Please, here, I like to put away extra cash just in case. You know we love you, but we have bigger dreams for you than you may have for yourself. If things get to be too much trouble, call me. I love you.” Yoongi’s father hugs him and hands him a rolled-up wad of cash, running off back into the house. “Let’s get a cab. This is too much to lug around on a bus.” Y/N offers. Yoongi doesn’t respond, instead looks back at his home, hoping to see someone in the window. I’ll prove them wrong; He thinks. I’ll make them proud of my decision. “I’m sorry Yoongi.” Y/N cuts into his train of thought. “Don't be. Just, thanks for being here with me.” He isn't sure if he could've been as strong if she weren't with him. “I’m always here with you Yoons. Let’s get to my place. We can eat and talk to my mom.”

“Okay, so turns out my mom is pulling an all nighter at the law firm working on this huge case so she won't be home tonight, but we can talk to her tomorrow.” Y/N explains, tossing her phone on her side table. “No problem. Thanks for calling her, maybe it's better to just talk tomorrow. We can sleep on everything that happened today. I’ve been looking up information on emergency housing and early move in dates for the school ever since we got here.” “Why?” Y/N snaps. “Well maybe because I'm currently homeless.” “Yeah, but not really. My mom isn't going to say no to taking you in Yoongi.” Yoongi can't help but laugh. “It’s one thing to spend a couple of nights but not to live. Besides what happens when you get a boyfriend, or I get a girlfriend. I don’t think either will be happy with us sharing a bed.” Yoongi scoffs. The idea sounding stupid as it leaves his lips but still something he should bring up. Their arraignment was just temporary, and knowing this, he felt the need to remind himself often to keep his feelings at bay. “Yeah, well we don’t have either of those things right now so who cares about that,” She rolls her eyes, unabashedly changing into her pajamas in front of Yoongi, while continuing her rant, “For right now let's talk about you staying here at least until we move into the dorms. Now, I’m going to crash because it has been an eventful day. Try to get some sleep at some point.” Yoongi nods, watching her crawl into bed, ass on display in her red thong, his mouth open. “I'm just going to work on some music and then I'll come crash.” He assures her, wondering if this was the new normal. Seeing each other nude, changing in front of each other, soft kisses just because. He cleared his throat, trying to shake the idea from his head to focus on music.

Two hours later, Yoongi rubs his eyes, shifting uncomfortably in just his boxer briefs. He really should get some sleep, he thought, seeing it was already 2am. He stretches his body, looking over to the bed at Y/N fast asleep, cuddling a pillow, her lips slightly parted. Why is she so pretty? He groaned, sliding his hand over his face. He released a sigh, opening a private window on his laptop. He looks over at Y/N again, still fast asleep. He clears his throat gently, typing in his favorite porn site. His cheeks heat with slight embarrassment. He shouldn’t feel as dirty as he does. After all the things they’ve done together, he should feel confident enough to wake her up and tell her he’s feeling needy, that after the day he’s had, he just wanted to cum. Unfortunately, he isn't, he’s still so shy, not to mention the fact that her taking control and talking dirty to him was such a turn on he thinks he may have a kink for her dominating him. He groans again at the thought, his cock slowing coming to life. He clicks on the sites search bar, typing in blow jobs. He looks over at his sleeping friend again. Coast is still clear. He begins scrolling through the recommendations, trying to find the perfect video. He needed someone who looked just like his sleeping Y/N.

He scrolled and scrolled, the anticipation building inside him, until finally he found a video that was close to perfect. He clicks it immediately, no longer able to contain himself. He bites his lip watching the girl on the screen bob up and down with ease, never losing eye contact with the camera. Yoongi felt his body heat, his cock fully hard now and peeking out the thigh of his underwear. He leans forward, covering his mouth to keep from moaning at the sight of this woman work. She soon removes herself from her boyfriend's cock, stroking it gently. “You like that baby?” She asks and Yoongi can’t help but nod in response. “God.” Yoongi whispers when the girl quickly bobs on her boyfriend's cock again, faster than before. He has never had a blow job in his life but just imagining what it felt like had Yoongi’s blood on fire. “Ready to swallow my cum baby?” Her boyfriend asks. “Shit.” Yoongi whispers, palming at his warm erection against his thigh. The feeling so amazing he could swear he feels it riding up the back of his head. He moans a bit, rocking his hips, his headphones sliding forward. “Shit.” He whispers, going to grab them when he realizes, they aren't falling off but being removed from his head by Y/N.

His mouth drops open and he scrambles to close his laptop. “I.... uh.... I'm sorry.” He panics. “Why?” She asks, lowering herself down to her knees. Yoongi’s eyes slowly widen. “I.... uh.... because.... wha- what are you doing Y/N?” He asks a little whinier than he’d have liked. “Trying something new.” She whispers, leaning forward to lick at the precum that has collected onto his thigh. Yoongi can't help but jump a bit, taken back by her actions. She’s so confident and forward. He wonders if she knows how much it turns him on. “Y/N, you're so sexy.” He whispers, moaning when she wraps her lips around his drooling tip. She suckles a bit before letting go the feeling jolting through Yoongi’s entire body. “Take off your underwear.” She instructs. He jumps up quickly, tugging down his underwear, his cock spring out. “Such a gorgeous cock.” She teases, licking her lips. “Ohhh, fuck.” Yoongi mewls, desperate for her. She smirks, moving forward, wrapping a hand around his length, stroking gently. “Oh God! Just like that.” He pants, his head rolling back. “Ask me.” She whispers with a flick of her wrist. “Wh-what?” “Ask me to suck your cock.” Yoongi’s breath hitches in his throat and he whines a bit at her command. “Please.” “Please what Yoongi?” “Please Y/N, suck my cock.” He begs, his cock twitching in her hand, lust flooding his vision. She smirks up at him, positioning herself between his thighs. She once again wraps her mouth around his sensitive tip, suckling on it softly. “Ah, fuck. That’s so fucking good.” He pants.

Yoongi grips the arms of the chair, trying to keep from losing his shit further. This was real and fuck it felt so good. He couldn’t help but stare at her work. How focused her movements were, how her hand held the base of his cock steady while her wet mouth worked his length, drool dribbling down to his pelvis. He was so happy her mother wasn’t home to hear the desperate, needy moans that fell from his lips. The same moans that seemingly fueled her to bob up and down on his length, taking more of him into her warm mouth. She was so fucking wet, hollowing out her cheeks and then relaxing her jaw as she worked his manhood. Yoongi moaned as softly as he could, gripping the chair, sure he would rip them off at this rate. He desperately wanted to hitch his hips upwards, the feel of her uncontrollable drool pooling under his balls had him wanting to grab her hair and guide her further down but he didn’t want to push things. She soon removes her mouth from around him, a soft whine escaping his throat when the cool air touches his hot cock. “Do you like this? Am I doing it well?” She asks. “Yes. It’s so good. So fucking good.” She smiles at his response, licking a long stripe from the base of his cock up to his tip. The blatant teasing driving him wild, he just can't help but hitch his hips forward when she licks another stripe up his reddened member. She chuckles softly, looking up at him with lust in her eyes. “Can I touch you here?” Her free hand tucking under his scrotum, massaging at his balls. Yoongi’s head falls back, this was something he loved to do to himself but to have her do it to him was something that he never imagined happening.

She wasted no time waiting for his response, instead, gobbling his cock up again, bobbing quickly up and down all the while massaging his balls. “Fuck! Y/N, this feels so fucking good. You’re amazing! Tug on them. It feels good when you tug on them.” He instructs, so overcome and no longer worried of what she will think of his neediness. His body felt so warm, and his cock was harder than it had ever been. She gently tugs at his sack, and he cries out, not caring how loud he is. Something flips in her and she relaxes her throat a bit, allowing for more of Yoongi’s dick to slide into her throat. His legs falling apart a bit to aid her. Was she really trying to deep throat him? The thought sending him into overdrive, feeling a tug deep in his balls. “Fuck, Y/N, if you keep this up, I won't last.” He groans, sucking a breath in through his teeth. She comes up for air, unable to take all of him. She shakes it off, not taking much of a break, bobbing again on as much of him as she can, using her hand to stroke the parts of him she can't reach. Yoongi gasps, the feeling so overpowering, he can't help but thrust up into her working mouth. “Just like that, ohhhh fuck! I’m really not going to last. Ohhh God. Fuck. Y/N, please. I need to cum.” He grips at the arms till his knuckles are white. She shakes her head at him, and his eyes widen at the realization that she's EDGING HIM!!?!

He drops his head back with a long-drawn-out groan, trying to think of anything but the burning need to cum. His mind goes to water and how much he hates getting wet. That one time in middle school when he came home early and his parents where fucking on the couch. He grimaces at the image. His need to blow his load slowly dissipating. He looks down at Y/N diligently working and the need to cum comes back with full force when she locks eyes with him, sucking and stroking like her life depended on it. “Ohhhh, no no! Water, ice cold water.” He groans, closing his eyes tightly. She stops what she's doing, drawing Yoongi’s attention back to her. She removes her sleep shirt, her perfect tits on display. Yoongi can't help but reach down and touch them, rolling her perky nipples between his fingers. “You’re so sexy Yoongi. So good for me. You wanna cum baby? You can cum now, just let me know when you're going to cum ok.” She instructs. He nods, panting like a dog in heat. She takes his length in her mouth again, bobbing and stroking so fast, it doesn’t take long for Yoongi’s orgasm to build up. He moans her name over and over, his abdomen tensing, his balls tightening. “Now, now baby. I’m gonna fucking cum right now.”

She takes a moment to just suckle on his tip, sending surges of electricity throughout his body. “Shit baby, I can't hold on.” He pleads. She moves away, stroking his cock with one hand, and lifting her tits up with the other. “Cum on my tits. I want you to so bad baby.” She pants. “Fuuuuuck!” He exclaims, placing his hand over hers to stroke his cock, aiming at her gorgeous breasts. He growls at the amazing feeling that surges through him when his prostate begins to pump, that first spurt shooting out of his tip and onto her waiting bosom. She gasps when his warm seed hits her chest. Yoongi pants desperately, moving his cock around to fully cover her in his climax. They both stop moving their hands and she leans in to suckle at the final beads of cum that accumulate at the tip of his cock. Yoongi sucks in a deep breath through his teeth, overstimulation stinging. “Ah it's too much.” He moans. She unlatches and begins to rub his cum into her mounds. Yoongi is so turned on by her display that he reaches down, lifting her off the ground and carrying her over to the bed.

Yoongi lies her back on the bed, panting hard as he pulls her red thong off her body. “Yoongi.” She moans out when he drops between her thighs. He’s never done this before, but he’s never wanted to do something more in his life. In this moment, as he buried his nose in Y/N’s sex, if he had to choose between music and tasting her, he would pick tasting her hands down. “Yoongi, please, make me cum.” She begged causing Yoongi to take a deep inhale of her delicious intoxicating scent before his tongue darts out of his mouth, collecting her nectar on his tongue. He moans into her cunt, her taste a swirl of tangy and sweet. “So fucking good.” He breaths against her, resting his body flush against the bed, gripping the flesh of her thighs. She hungrily spreads her legs for him, gripping his locks, and pulling him close to her dripping folds. “Eat my pussy!” She growls, yanking at his hair. “Yes baby, anything for you.” He coos, diving into her wetness. He licks at her gorgeous folds first, swallowing back her juices with deep hungry moans. His mind begins to race. Am I doing this right? Is she enjoying this? Should I use my hands like in porn? “Lick here,” She pants, yanking him away by his hair to point at her swollen bud, “my clit.” He nods, licking her juices from his lips.

He lowers his head between her thighs, gliding his tongue over her clit. A sharp gasp escaping her lips, her back arching. Yoongi’s skin gooses at her response and a surge of excitement courses through him. He begins to roll his tongue in quick flicks over her sensitive bud, the sweet sounds she’s making his reward. “Oh Yoongi. This is so good. Faster. G-go faster.” She gasps, thrusting her hips into his face. He groans into her sex, the feeling of her gyrating against him causing his cock to come back to life. He starts swinging his tongue side to side as fast as he possibly can, his appendage soon growing tired. “Can I use my fingers?” He pops his head up to ask. She’s completely out of breath but nods. “Just don’t put them inside me. I’m not ready for that yet.” INSIDE!! Yoongi’s brain screams. “I... No.... I won't.” He stutters, lowering back down. He brings a hand up, wrapping his mouth around her clit and slurping. “SHIT! Yoongi, oh fuck!” She cries out, bucking forward. Yoongi places his first two fingers on either side of her hardened nub and begins to slide them up and down quickly. The combination of his saliva and her juices aiding his moving fingers. She pants frantically, tugging at his now sensitive scalp, bucking into his face. Yoongi switches between suckling and rolling his tongue against her clit, moving his fingers in succession with his greedy appendage. “Yoongi! Fuck! Oh, Fuck! I’m going to cum.” She cries out, her walls beginning to quake causing her entrance to pulse against Yoongi’s chin.

He hums in approval at the feeling of her fresh juices leaking out on his face, her body tensing with one final tug on his scalp before relaxing. Yoongi finally pulls away when he feels her body relax, lifting off the bed, his massive erection on display. “Come here. Kiss me.” She gasps, arms outstretched. He gently falls into her arms, latching onto her soft lips and swirling his tongue around hers. He moans into her mouth when she grabs onto his cock, quickly stroking it against her abdomen. He tries to pull away, tell her she doesn’t have to, but she wraps her free hand around his neck to keep him latched to her lips. Her hand moves with ease, he’s so turned on, his cock is freely spilling pre-cum. He mewls and moans desperately into her commanding mouth. Her wrist twisting, hand twirling over his tip just how he likes it. He whines now, the only wat he knows how to warn her of his impending climax. His body tenses and his core tightens like it never has before. Before long, he’s grunting against her lips, his cock shooting the best climax he’s ever experienced between their bodies.

She finally releases his swollen pout, kissing him once more softly. “You didn’t have to.” He whispers against her lips. “I know. I really really wanted to though.” She smiles wide, leaning in to kiss him again. “Y/N?” “Yeah?” Yoongi doesn’t want to play games anymore. He just wants to be with her. He smiles softly, fighting against his shyness, the words on the tip of his tongue when he swears, he hears her door close. They both look up frantically at the door. “Shit! Was that your mom?” He whispers. “I don’t know. Shh. Let me listen.” She whispers, arm still wrapped around Yoongi’s neck. “I should get dressed. We both should.” “It’s ok. Don’t freak out. I’m sure she’s not home. She said she wouldn’t be home till the morning.” “Technically its morning.” Yoongi snaps, his heart thumping against his chest. “Just relax.” “Fuck. If she finds out about us. She’s going to freak.” Yoongi groans. “There is no us Yoongi. Just two friends hugging. Even if she walked in, she can't be sure what she saw.” Yoongi scoffs, swallowing back the lump in his throat. “No, yeah, you’re right.” “Exactly. So, what did you want to say before?” “Uh, nothing. I’m gonna shower.” “Ok.” She says, leaning forward to kiss Yoongi again. He closes his eyes even though he shouldn’t. His heart betraying him with a flutter when he knows this is just temporary. He gets up and moves towards the bathroom. “Hey!” She calls his attention. He looks over to her and she winks at him, throwing herself back into the plush bedding.

#yoongi smut #yoongi fluff #suga x you #bts smut #suga x reader

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hergan416 · 2 years ago

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Ok. So my Albert propaganda is going to be less canonical than my Louis propaganda for glasses swag was because I just can't ignore the way my headcanons make this man a PILE OF ANGST.

CW: Suicide/suicidal ideation, alcoholism, and untreated mental health problems

Like, you do have the canonical suicidal ideation/near suicide attempt when he's like what? 12? 13? Young. And all that is mentioned above. He's certainly got PLENTY of canonical reasons to be the saddest boy.

But.

In the same chapter where we get Albert deciding that instead of the world being wrong he is wrong and needs to remove himself from the world (then becomes too spineless to pull the trigger of his father's gun, and then he starts beating himself up about that ... like seriously. Albert. God. You are precious, stop), we also get some evidence of Albert's other mental health problems.

There is a reason that OCD/OCPD Albert is a common tag on Albert fics on AO3.

Because we learn that a) order and things being "right" is innately pleasing to him, and b) that the world has been rotting at the edges at any hint of disorder for longer than he's truly known about the problems of the world. And he tries very hard to do charity and help stop the world's rot... but the world doesn't work that way and his charity isn't always helpful in the ways he wants it to be.

He tries to recreate the scene in Les Mis where the Bishop gives away silverware caught being stolen, and the thief is able to make a better life on that one act of charity/forgiveness. And it doesn't work. The man pawns the silverware for weapons and tries to rob a bank, kills several people and dies himself.

The world isn't a novel. Albert doesn't have the power to change the world, and the world doesn't even seem to want to be changed.

Even panels where nothing bad is happening (like when Albert receives orders from Mycroft) have subtle darkening at the edges. Albert's world is constantly distorted by the imperfection of the world. This doesn't go away for anything except maybe William.

Now, add in the alcoholism.

Albert doesn't live in a time where OCD/OCPD (or whatever else his problem might be, I'm not a therapist) are recognized as problems. A good psychologist during this era might lock you in a psych ward and experiment on you to see what makes you worse and better (think Jack Seward - Dracula, or Sigmund Freud). There aren't psychiatric medications. There's basically no way to treat this.

And then you get Albert's canon alcoholism, where he consumes large amounts of wine so frequently that he can win any drinking contest because he requires it to function. Now that's... my interpretation of it, based on literally watching someone with diagnosed OCD do the same thing with beer. But I stand by this for Albert with my whole fucking chest. Because it seems extremely likely.

So you have that, and then you have fan treatment of the character.

Do you know how many Sherliam/Mycal fics I read where Albert romantically loves William and William only sees Albert as a brother and that is their relationship at the beginning of the story before they find their endgame partners? Because fandom goes the fuck out of their way to make Albert even more sad before giving him Mycroft Holmes. Like Albert angst is the best angst BUT HE'S ALREADY SO MUCH ANGST.

William also has tons of angst, but people always push him towards healing pretty quickly. Albert has to go through more to get his happy ending.

Hell, even in my Alwill verse where he is getting what he wants, I'm making him suppressing his thoughts and feelings re: William being forced to announce that he wants Albert to live on after their Plan is over but William still wants to die and like. Holy shit. To like, know that you and your partner have been planning essentially a suicide pact and then one wants to break it and leave you behind and goddamn alive?? There just isn't a happy version of Albert for the entirety of a story.

So that's why I think he deserves this award for saddest boy, because he is, in fact, the fucking saddest. He needs to be held..

Round One

Propaganda

Moriarty: do you ever hate the class system and have no power to do anything about it and you're suicidal but too afraid to actually kill yourself. and then you see this random orphan kid saying he wants to kill evil nobility and you're like "oh that is a great idea. i Have to adopt him and his brother into my family." and then about a year later the three of you kill the rest of your family because honestly they fucking suck. cut to about 13 years later. you and your adopted brothers have killed a LOT of awful nobility. and people are starting to notice. one of your brothers (william) gets revealed to be the lord of crime. will goes to have his "final showdown" with his VERY gay-coded nemesis/friend. the plan is for will to die publicly so people KNOW the lord of crime is gone. he jumps off a bridge into a river and is presumed dead. albert decides that the best course of action is not to. yknow. stay with his remaining brother, but instead to volunteer himself to go to prison! and that's where he stays, wallowing in his own guilt, convincing himself that everything was his fault and he killed his brother. and that's how he stays! for three whole years.

Miles: dad died when he was 9, and he believed he was the one who did it until he was 24, causing him to be a very big sad boy. he starts recovering when he finds out it wasnt him, but his personality remains mostly the same, just not as closed off

#albert james moriarty #suicide #suicidal ideation #alcoholism #moriarty the patriot #poll propaganda #poll #vote albert #alwill

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hasquetzorkukudoneanythingwrong · 3 years ago

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Xiuhcoatl

Quetzalcoatl's primary Noble Phantasm was known as Xiuhcoatl, translating from Nahuatl to mean, "flame serpent" it originates from when she burnt down her own temple to prevent her rival Tezcalipoca from stealing away her own treasures while she was banished.

When she released the true name of this Noble phantasm, powerful divine flames are unleashed which not only burn her opponent but also prevent the releasing of their own Noble phantasm's true name. While in general the NP manifests as burning flames, after she got addicted to Lucha Libre, she transformed it into a powerful pile-driver! Or alternatively, a godly kick from on high!

Rex had finally obtained the fifth and final copy of Quetz's spirit origin needed to unleash the full strength of her Noble phantasm!!! It took many attempts at the summoning circle, but it was well worth it!

Quetz: you did it mi amor! You got the final piece!

Rex: yeah! Took... a few more pulls from the summoning circle then I'm proud to admit, but still I finally got it!

Quetz: hehehe, si... that silly Fate system doesn't seem to be very cooperative, unfortunately....

Rex: well still! Now that we have it, let's test out your new potential!!!

Quetz: si! Did you have anything particular in mind?

Rex: well....

In the Simulator room, Rex has requested the recreation of the fight against Ivan the Terrible, while in his huge mammoths form!

Quetz: are you sure about this Mi amor?

Rex: of course mi corazon! I'm certain that with your Noble Phantasm at full charge, you can one shot Ivan, even in his Mammoth form!

Quetz: ok then! Do you have any idea how to charge my noble phantasm all the way?

Rex: well.... I'm not.... entirely sure if it'll be able to... go all the way, but... hopefully it can still help!

Quetz: and what would that be?

Then suddenly, Rex grabbed Quetz and gave her a big kiss!!!!

*Muuuuuuah!!!*

Then once Rex had released Quetz from the kiss, she was a bit taken a back.

Quetz: wow! Mi amor that was muy increible!

Then suddenly Quetz was bursting with burning energy!!!!

Her eyes turned from Jade green, to Solar red! Flames surrounded her body, her hair burst forth like a roaring inferno! Even her very skin seemed to be crackling with the solar energy from her fully charged Noble phantasm!

Rex: holy shit! Looks like it worked!

Quetz: SI! NOW I'M CERTAIN I CAN DEFEAT THAT BEAST!!!

Even her very voice Boomed with the intense power overflowing within her!

Rex: hell yeah!

Quetz flew into the air from the snowy hillside cliff they were on, now fully engulfed with the heavenly fire and even with huge wings of flames erupting from her body!

The huge Mammoth roared in response to her rising into the air, as if to challenge the goddess!!!

Quetz: I AM THE SERPENT! I AM THE FLAME!!!

Quetzalcoatl launched herself forwards towards the titanic enemy, ready to finish him off!

XIUHCOATL CHARREADA!!!

After making impact with the mighty Tsar, a gigantic explosion erupts forth, comparable to that of a Nuclear weapon!

Once the flames finally clear up, there's no trace left of the gigantic adversary. But Quetz was there, still somewhat burning with energy, tho not nearly as much as before.

Rex: mi corazon! Mi corazon!

Rex yelled as he ran to meet up with her! Once he finally caught back up with her, most of the flames had subsided.

Quetz: hey mi amor, how did you like it?

Rex: that was incredible! I didn't think it'd be that powerful!

Quetz: si... I was surprised too.... but it felt amazing! Almost like back when I had full divine power!

Rex: seriously?!

Quetz: si, si! But let's not use it too much, could be dangerous...

Rex: good point, we'll save that power for the more major threats!

Quetz: si! That sounds good!

Rex: well either way, I'm happy we won't need to summon your spirit origin again anymore!

Quetz: si! The randomness of the summoning system is so chaotic, I'm thankful we won't need to worry about that anymore!

Meanwhile, in the control room.

Holmes: so... when do you plan on telling them that you plan to expand how strong a servant can get in the near future? And that it'll likely require more copies of their spirit origins?

Da Vinci: shh! Let them have this for the time... besides, it'll be a good while until that's ready. Until then, they won't have to worry about it.

A/N: so there we have it! Finally wrote a story to celebrate NP5 Quetz! Along with drawing some art too! If you couldn't tell, the power she unleashed was based on her huge attack from the Babylonia anime. NP5 Xiuhcoatl may not be that powerful in game, but in-story we can do what we want! Hope you all enjoyed it!

Tags

@hasspartacusdoneanythingwrong @hasishtardoneanythingwrong @havetheavengersdoneanythingwrong @hasbbdoneanythingwrong @hasereshdoneanythingwrong @haskamadoneanythingwrong @exmeowstic @chaldeamage-neo @witch-of-chaldea @grievouslyxorvia @littleminxthings @writer-and-artist27 @zantyreloaded

#fate grand order #quetzalcoatl #wife #mastersona #rex #rexcoatl #leonardo da vinci #sherlock holmes #ivan the terrible #doodle

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wefoundloveunderthelight · 4 years ago

Photo

The Love Cruise - by GleefullyCaptainSwan

Or on FF

Tagging: @teamhook @kmomof4 @stahlop @lfh1226-linda

Chapter 7: A Sky Full of Stars

Emma’s eyes squeezed shut as the door creaked closed behind her, letting the latch click quietly in place. She quickly toed off her shoes, setting them down softly in her closet, grabbing a pair of pajamas and tossing them over her head in the darkness of her room. She tiptoed toward her bed, pulling back the covers just as the table light clicked on.

“You did not think you could disappear all night and then try and sneak into bed without an explanation, did you?”

Emma’s shoulders sagged forward with a groan. “I’m not sneaking, I just didn’t want to disturb you.”

She turned to see Ruby sitting up in bed with her arms crossed in front of her.

“We waited for hours for you to show up tonight. Where were you?”

“I’m not a child, I just didn’t feel like dancing.” She sat down on her bed.

“So, you were just out, walking until…” She looked over at the clock. “Oh my God, Emma it’s 4am.” She leaned toward her. “Is that a hickey?”

Emma’s hand instinctively went to her neck. “What? No, of course not.”

“Emma, I know a hickey when I see one, and that one is right above your breast.” Emma looked down, seeing the reddened bruise above her breast line, she blushed, remembering Killian’s mouth sucking on her flesh earlier this evening. “You’re blushing. Oh my God, Emma, who is he? Have I met him? Holy shit, did you have sex?”

“Ruby my God, would you stop with all the questions.”

“Well, I know it wasn’t Graham, cuz he was with me all night asking questions about you. And I thought you didn’t like this Walsh guy?”

“Eww no.” She answered in disgust.

“Ok, so it’s not Graham and it’s not Walsh.”

“I’m not talking about this.” She grinned, lying down on her pillow, and pulling the blankets up over her neck.

“I can’t believe out of all of us, you’re the first one to get laid out here.”

“Good night, Ruby.” Emma protested.

“Emma you have to tell me something, anything.”

“I suppose I should thank you.” Emma laughed.

“Me? What did I do?”

“If it hadn’t been for those condom’s you gave me, tonight would have never happened.” She turned over toward the wall, a smile growing on her face. “Though I’m out now, so I’m going to have to get more from you.”

“Emma, oh my God, I gave you a packet of five.”

“Night Ruby.” She heard her friend mumble and turn off the light. She was sure she would face a barrage of questions tomorrow, but tonight she needed to sleep, her body exhausted, her skin still on fire from the memory of his mouth, the touch of his hands, and the warmth of his body.

~*~

Killian managed to get to the bridge an hour later than he normal would have. “Evening Captain.” His first officer greeted him as he reached the bridge at 4 am.

“Evening, Smee. I apologize for my lateness, I was…” He paused. “Delayed.”

“No problem, sir, it has been quiet tonight.”

“Get some sleep sir, I have the helm.” He dismissed his first mate, taking a seat in the Captain’s chair and staring out at the moonlit water. He was still hours from sunrise, his favorite time of the morning. He should be tired, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep even if he tried. His mind was still on Emma, he had only just left her, but he longed to still be holding her, snuggling into her blonde locks, breathing her in as she nestled into his embrace.

He needed to do something, show her that the night had meant something to him. Beyond the carnal activities she had provided, he enjoyed spending time with the woman, talking to her, getting to know her.

Was that what he was doing with Emma?

Did he intend to get to know her, did he want to continue to know her past these next 8 days?

“Excuse me, Quartermaster?” The man turned toward him. “You are younger than me, you must have experience with members of the opposite sex.”

The man looked at him questioningly. “Yes, sir. I suppose I do.”

“Excellent, if you wanted to tell a woman that you had a pleasant evening with her, without also scaring her off, what would you do?”

“Flowers are always nice, Sir.”

“Flowers, why the bloody hell didn’t I think of that? Thank you, Mate.”

Killian scribbled down directions with a note to Emma and sent it with the Deck Cadet to place the order with the florist. He may not have intended to “hook up” with anyone on board, but he’d be damned if he was going to be anything but a gentleman, now that he had.

~*~

“Can you get your manager or something because I need this taken care of?” Emma stood firmly at the desk, holding the large painting in her hands.

“Yes Ma’am, one moment please.” The woman disappeared behind a door and returned with the man who had approached Killian the night they first met.

“How can I help you Ma’am?”

“As I was explaining to her, this painting was delivered to my room and I need to return it to the owner.”

“I’m sorry, was it delivered to your room by accident?”

“Well, no, it was gifted to me by another guest, but I don’t want the gift.”

“Can’t you just return it to the person who gave it to you?”

Emma exhaled, “I would love to, but seeing as I don’t know his last name, nor do I want to interact with him again, I would prefer you do it.”

“Alright, so you don’t exactly know who the guest is, but you want me to find the guest and give them back this painting?”

“I know who the guest is…well I know his first name.” She paused. “Look, I don’t want this damn thing, do you? Cuz I’d be happy to just give it to you.”

“Is there a problem here?”

Emma squeezed her eyes shut when she heard his voice behind her, spinning around she smiled up at him. “No problem, I just need to get rid of this damned painting, and as I was telling these two, I only know his first name, but I need this to get back to him.” She shoved the note that Walsh had left with the painting into Killian’s hands.

“And as I was just telling the lady, if we don’t know the guests full name then we…” Robin was explaining.

Killian crumpled the note in his hands. “We will take care of it.” he added quickly.

“Exactly. Wait, what?” Robin turned toward him incredulously.

“Please take the information she has, and we will make sure to find the mysterious suitor to return the artwork. If you’ll both excuse me, I have a tour to attend.” Killian nodded to Robin, and then met her gaze, passing the crumpled note back to her before winking and walking toward the atrium.

Emma pushed the painting across the desk, smoothing out the note to lay on top of it, “As you can see by the note, his name is Walsh. I have to go.” She turned and ran off in the direction Killian was headed, ignoring Robin’s protests behind her.

She caught up to him as she turned the corner opening into the large atrium. “Killian.” He turned toward her.

“Emma.” He said with a grin. “Sleep well?”

She bit her lip, “Very.” They began walking through the atrium. “Thank you for assisting back there, I just can’t have that painting in my room anymore.”

“Well at least he didn’t lie in his note to you. You are very beautiful.”

She blushed, “That was not the point.”

“Of course not.” He paused his steps, coming to a halt. “I apologize for needing to leave, but I really do have a tour.”

“I know, I thought I would try and warn you first, I’m in the tour, with my friends.”

“Oh, I see.” He stammered out nervously.

“And my brother.” She added.

“Oh my, and do they…”

“Know that I spent the evening being ravished by the Captain? No.”

He smirked, “Ravished, you say?”

She felt her cheeks heat up before she ran off ahead of him to join her group who were getting an introduction from the ships Cruise Director, Regina, who was leading their tour.

Her friends were waiting for her at the tour start location. “There you are, I wasn’t sure if you were going to skip out on us again.” Will whined as she approached him and wrapped an arm around her shoulder.

“And miss seeing you, never.” She saw Belle standing next to him and smiled.

“I convinced him to take a scuba lesson with me tomorrow.”

Emma peered at Will. “Oh really? I am impressed, you told me you would never do something that required you to breathe under water.”

“Oi, don’t rub it in, I’m still not happy about it.” Emma winked at Belle as he continued to complain.

“Good morning ladies and gentlemen, I am your Captain, Killian Jones and I’ll be joining your tour today, Ms. Mills does an excellent tour and I try and join when I can to answer any of your questions.” His eyes were directed at her, his smile spreading across his face before he quickly looked away. “How many of you have been on a cruise before?” When there were not many hands raised, he laughed. “Seems we are all newbies.” He paused.

“Oi, you mean you’ve never Captain’d a ship before?”

“Not a cruise ship, no, my last job was just a small skip, but before that I was sailing battleships, I can assure you, I am quite experienced and it’s much easier to sail a cruise ship when there are no enemies lurking around the corner.”

“Like pirates?” Will responded and Killian chuckled.

“I haven’t seen any pirates on the waters since we set sail, I’ll be sure to alert you if I see any.”

Emma jabbed her elbow into Will’s side, “Stop harassing him.”

“If we have no more questions, I’ll let Regina lead the way.” She followed him down the hallway, Regina pointing out different parts of the ship, Killian stopping to answer all the questions they had. Regina was a very experienced tour guide, but she preferred her private tour with Killian better.

When they got to the bridge, Emma wandered through the area, stopping to remember the kiss she shared with the Captain at the helm.

“I bet you get all the ladies being a Captain.” Will continued to barrage Killian at every step.

She watched as his head dipped, a blush darkening his cheeks as Regina spoke. “Generally, the Captain is much too busy with the duties of the ship to chase women.”

“Is it against the rules for a Captain to date his passengers?” Ruby flirted in the Captain’s direction.

“It is definitely frowned upon and a rule the Captain employs with all of his crew.” Regina answered once again.

“Too bad, he’s hot as hell.” Her friend whispered into her ear.

“Shh.” Emma looked up to see Killian grinning at her before showing Will how to steer the ship. She could feel her ears burning, pulling her hair over them to hide the blush.

The tour continued to the back of the theater, Regina providing her background as an entertainer on her previous ship while everyone watched the crew building a large staircase for the show that evening. Emma saw Killian standing at the back of the group and quietly made her way beside him.

“A Captain who doesn’t follow his own rules? Interesting.” She said softly.

“It is quite scandalous.” He said, staring straight ahead. “In fact, I broke many rules just sneaking you down to my quarters.”

Her head shot up to meet his eyes, a smirk deviously planted on his face. “You are a bad boy.”

“I am behaving quite terribly indeed. Perhaps we should end this at once?” He sang softly in her direction.

“Considering you have already broken so many rules, it’s not like obeying them now will change anything.”

“Are you suggesting I continue with this disreputable behavior?”

“That depends?”

“On what, love?”

She started to walk back toward her friends before glancing in his direction, “Whether or not your balcony is involved.” He licked his lips and Emma’s heart rate increased as she joined her group, trying to ignore the pounding in her chest. She was playing a very dangerous game.

What was it about this man that made her feel so bold?

“You said you sailed a battleship before, were you in the Navy?” Emma tuned back into the conversation as her brother approached Killian.

“Aye, I was discharged a little more than two years ago.”

“Must be crazy going from a ship like that to a luxury liner. Sailing in the line of duty is much different than doing so for pleasure I would assume.”

“Aye, but there is still much to be done. In the Navy we fight for each other, we sail to survive. Out here, I carry precious cargo that needs to be tended to. Either way, my job is to ensure the safety for all onboard.”

“My brother is a cop, so you are speaking his language.” She joked, inserting herself into the conversation.

“A very commendable profession indeed.” Killian added with a nod.

“Our friend, Graham over there is a Sheriff. Been trying to set my sister up with him all week. She needs a little law and order in her life.”

Emma paled and choked out a laugh. “Ok, enough information David, I’m sure Kil…the Captain is not interested in my love life.” Killian’s devious grin had her nervously shifting on her feet, her arousal making her uncomfortable.

“Good luck in your endeavors for your sister, David.” Killian nodded in her direction and went back to the larger group.

As soon as he was out of range, Emma slapped her brother on the arm. “Oh my God, don’t tell everyone you meet that you are trying to hook me up with random men.” Emma scolded her brother.

“Come on Emma, live a little. Graham would be very suitable for you.”

“That sounds like a code word for boring and not at all interesting to me.”

“Not everyone can be a criminal whisking you off your feet into a life of danger and intrigue.”

She narrowed her eyes, “I made one mistake, that doesn’t mean I need you to control my life going forward.”

He stepped back, “You’re right. I’m just trying to find you a nice man.”

“I can do that on my own.”

“You have a type, Emma. And it’s not usually good for you.”

“I appreciate that you care about me David, I do. And I love you, but please let me handle my own love life.”

“What love life? You avoid men like the plague, I’ve yet to see you interact with anyone on board this ship. I worry about you being alone and Henry not having a father as he grows up.”

“Woah, look, I’m here to have fun, which by the way, I am, thank you for asking, but I’m not here looking for a dad for my kid.” She knew her brother meant well, but he tended to go overboard when he was playing the father figure role. “David, you’re supposed to be here for fun too, not babysit me. You don’t have to take care of me.”

“I know, you’re right. I just want to see you happy. You deserve that. You do so much for Henry, I want you to have something for Emma too.”

“I appreciate that. And I have been talking to people on this trip. You aren’t with me 24/7.”

“Oh really, and who would you be talking to, is it this Walsh guy I keep hearing about?”

“God no, not him. But maybe I’ve been enjoying time with someone, but we are most definitely not going to talk about it.” She winked at him and then grabbed him by the hand, dragging him back to the group.

~*~

Killian managed to get through the rest of the tour unscathed, doing his best to avoid any additional awkwardness with Emma. When the tour ended, he parted ways with the passengers, reluctantly leaving Emma with her friends, joining Regina in the atrium.

“Very well done, you give a great tour.”

“Thank you, I’ve trained hard for this job, it’s nice to hear someone appreciate it.” He laughed lightly, walking toward the Purser desk to check in on Robin. “However, maybe next time you should work on not making eyes with the passengers.”

“I beg your pardon. I was not making eyes at anyone.”

She scoffed. “Whatever you say, Captain.”

“There you are.” Robin announced, popping up at the desk. “How the bloody hell am I supposed to find a passenger with no last name.” he looked up and saw Regina standing next to him. “Hello, love.”

“Good afternoon, Robin. Please tell me what reason we have for trying to find a passenger with no last name?”

“No need, I can find him, I’ve seen him around.” Killian interrupted.

“How do you know who he is based off his first name, there has to be more than one Walsh on board, how can you be certain it is the man who gave this woman a very nice painting?”

“Let me worry about it.” He picked up the painting from behind the desk.

“Do I want to know what any of this is about?” Regina asked.

“I’m not sure I want to know what this is about.” Robin complained.

“For once it’s not you that’s acting shady, Rob.” Regina smiled in Robin’s direction, which caused Killian’s eyebrow to rise in surprise.

“I can if you want me too.” Robin flirted leaning into the counter as Regina tapped her fingers on the desk.

“Maybe after a few drinks.” She turned toward him, ignoring his questioning gaze, and walked away.

“Um, suddenly she’s calling you Rob?” Killian inquired.

“Why do you know who Walsh is? And does this have anything to do with you not attending the crew party last night, or that blonde woman I keep finding you with?”

Killian tapped his ear, realizing it was better for him to retreat than continue his discussion. “Fortunately, I have Captain duties to perform, so I will see you later, Mate.” He shouted over his shoulder, carrying the painting with him as he whistled a tune.

~*~

“Ruby says that you’re a bouncer at the bar you guys work at?” Emma looked up as Graham spoke. She was sitting nervously alone with the man at the bar. Everyone conveniently coming up with plans they had as soon as the two of them sat down at the table.

“Um, yeah, I know it’s not as cool as being a Sheriff or a cop, but I like it.”

“I have never really thought of my job as cool. Frightening at times, but never cool.” He paused. “It doesn’t really give me a lot of time to do things on my own, like date or have a life.”

“Yes, trust me I understand that. I’m not sure if everyone told you, but I have a son at home, he’s six.”

“I think I heard David mention him in passing. That must be difficult to handle on your own.”

“He’s a great kid, and everyone helps out, honestly I don’t know what I would do without my friends. Ruby and her mom babysit all the time. David is always helping out with yardwork and repairs, August gives me time off for parent teacher conferences, soccer games, and Will…” She chuckled thinking about all the times that Will had stepped in to be the father figure Henry needed when he didn’t have one. “Will has been the best friend anyone could ever ask for.”

She smiled at him, he was very attractive, friendly, and she could tell he was an honest and good man. But Emma wasn’t interested in him no matter how much she tried to seek an attraction like her brother and Ruby kept pushing for. Maybe it was because he was too settled, too secure in what he wanted and had in his life. Emma knew that wasn’t fair, she should want that in a man.

“It’s nice to get help from those around you. Perhaps you would have room for others who would be interested in participating in your life.”

“I’m gonna stop you right there, Graham. You seem like a really nice guy…”

“But…” He laughed.

“I’m not really looking for a relationship, I’m not in that place in my head. And you seem like the kind of guy that would want that, and that’s great, any girl would be lucky to get that from you, but that’s just not me.”

“Ah. The kiss of death, you’re giving me the it’s-me-not-you-speech.”

“I’m sorry, that sounds awful. I’m really not an awful person.”

“No, you’re not. Just very honest, which I appreciate.”

“Have I told you how great Ruby is?” She laughed. “Because I have stories for days about why she is deserving of a nice guy like you.”

“Your friend is very nice, honestly the only reason I came over to talk to your group in the first place was because of her, but then she kept talking about you the whole time that I got the impression she wasn’t interested.”

“That sounds like Ruby. She’s always willing to push the good guy to me, despite her own interests.” He looked around the bar awkwardly. “She usually goes to the pool for a late swim on the lido deck about this time.”

“Oh, did I make it that obvious?”

“No need to apologize, please, you won’t offend me if you suddenly feel the need for a swim.”

He excused himself politely with an eager look on his face and Emma headed back to her room, exhaustion finally hitting her from lack of sleep from the previous evening. Turning the corner to her room she spotted Will and Belle exiting his room. When they passed her in the hall, Will’s face was red from embarrassment. “Enjoy your evening you two.” She teased.

“Goodnight Emma.” Belle adjusted her hair, tucking her blouse back together.

She clicked her card at her door and opened it into her room. The first thing she spotted was the giant bouquet of flowers and she groaned as she shut the door behind her. She was going to find out where this Walsh guy was staying and give him a piece of her mind.

She sniffed the flowers, yanking the card from the plastic stem. They were beautiful. Sliding the card from the envelope she peered down, bracing for the next creepy thing Walsh would say to her, only to be surprised by the sender.

“A sky full of stars, and he was staring at her.”

Until we meet again, CJ

Emma stared at the flowers, her heart racing. She lay back on her bed, staring at the card in her hand, a smile on her face reserved only for Captain Jones.

#TLC #The love cruise #killian jones #emma swan #stacy's fics #captain swan #captain swan au #captain swan fics #captain swan modern au

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almost-jack · 4 years ago

Text

It’s official. I’m a filthy, Jack-simping fuck monster. Chapter 15 is out and it is a smut bucket.

I just posted the smuttiest chapter that I’ve ever written for public consumption. It doesn’t even really require context (other than basic Borderlands 2 knowledge) to read because it is pure FILTH. I’m pretty proud.

Please enjoy and either leave me a comment here or on AO3 (guest comments and kudos welcome) or wash your eyeballs, depending on how you feel about it.

This chapter on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27921886/chapters/69799560

Or read below:

Chapter 15 : More Than He Bargained For

Summary: Axton willingly puts himself in Jack’s way and gets fucked. Hard. Oof.

Notes:

Forgive me lord, for I have sinned, but so help me god, I'll fucking do it again. And again. And again...

Thinkin' about changing the fic's title to "The Lion's Den". What do you guys think?

*Warning: Uhhhh....Axton might take a bit of a beating with some mild non-con mixed in there. He likes some it, though. *shrug*

The tower was just a short walk from the bar and the pair was entering the massive living room of the VIP suite within minutes. Rei retrieved a bottle of Jack’s fancy champagne and poured three glasses, setting one down on an end table to wait for Jack, then she sat down on an ornate couch with gold upholstery and patted the seat next to her. Axton joined her, staring around at the lavish, ostentatious suite.

“Wow, this place is uh…”

“Excessive? Yeah, I know. Jack’s aesthetic is something along the lines of, “You can’t afford this,” and, “Is there enough black leather in here?”” she said, laughing.

“Well, you can never have enough black leather, darlin’,” said Axton, reaching out and stroking her cheek.

He leaned in and caught her lips with his own, kissing her firmly, yet gently. Without breaking the kiss, he threw a knee up onto the couch and began crawling forward, crowding her back against the armrest until he was straddling her. Rei ran her hands up his chest, feeling something cold and metallic hanging from his neck. She pulled away to look at the rectangular tags in her hand. Dog tags, and for some reason, a wedding ring. Rei knew better than to ask why.

“A soldier, eh? Your battalion isn’t going to be happy about you fraternizing with Handsome Jack and friends, you know.”

“Don’t have a battalion anymore, I was discharged a while back. I’m a mercenary now, honey. A vault hunter, in fact.”

“You’re a…what?” she said, taken aback.

“He’s a vault hunter. Well, he was a vault hunter. For me,” growled a voice from across the room.

Jack was leaning in the doorway of the suite, arms crossed, brows furrowed in a thunderous scowl. He strode over behind the couch, gripping the edge of the headrest with white knuckles, looming over the pair. Then he sighed, screwing his eyes shut and rubbing his temple.

“Kitten…why? Why do you do this shit to me? It’s like you’re trying to get us both killed.”

“Jack…I don’t understand…”

“I hired this joker as a vault hunter and then tried to kill him. Did you forget that part, Axie? The part where I wanted you dead?”

“Nope, I remember. Crazy bus explosion. Lotta fun,” said Axton, sitting up. Rei slid out from under him and began backing away from the couch, feeling the weight of the grave error she had made.

“So why the hell are you here? Do you need to get fucked by Handsome Jack so badly that you’re willing to risk your life for it? I can’t blame you, but…pretty stupid move, kiddo,” snarled Jack.

“What if that’s exactly why I’m here? Is that so hard to believe?” asked Axton, pouting up at him playfully.

Jack grabbed the burly man by the hair and bent his head back at a painful angle. Axton grimaced but remained still. Jack leaned down so his face was mere inches away, staring at the man in his grasp with fire in his eyes. Rei had seen that expression before, and, although she knew this was about to take an unfortunate turn for Axton, she couldn’t help but feel excited for what was to come. When Jack was at his worst, he always fucked her the best.

Rei sauntered over to the armrest next to Jack and sat, looking quizzically down at Axton.

“I don’t think we believe him, do we, J?” she drawled lazily.

“No, I don’t believe we do. So why don’t you tell us why you’re really here, cupcake?” hissed Jack through clenched teeth.

“Fine, fine, I might have been paid to keep an eye on you two. Uh, do you mind?” he grunted, trying to jerk his head out of Jack’s grip. Jack released him, drawing his pistol and pointing it at Axton’s head instead.

“Well that’s not much better…” mumbled the soldier.

“Who are you working for? I want answers, now,” snarled Jack.

“No can do, big guy. I gave you as much of an answer as you’re gonna get. The rest is classified.”

“Maybe you should fuck it out of him, J.” said Rei, examining her shimmery, black nails disinterestedly.

“Kitten, you always have the best ideas!” crowed Jack, his scowl morphing into a wolfish grin. He tossed her his gun. “Watch him for a minute.” He turned and left the room.

“That was pretty dirty trick, soldier boy,” she said in a low, ominous voice, cocking the gun and aiming between Axton’s eyes.

“I wasn’t trying to trick anyone, just saw an opportunity for some fun on the job and I took it,” he said, shrugging out of his jacket and throwing it over the back of the couch.

“Jack is almost certainly going to kill you once he’s done. Why would you risk that?”

“Ah, darlin’, you underestimate me. I wasn’t a commando for all those years because I’m bad surviving dangerous situations. Jack doesn’t scare me. Also… I wanted to spend a little time with Jack’s girl. See what makes you tick. See if you’re a threat. See…what you have on under that dress,” he said with an impish grin, eyes twinkling up at her.

“Well, you might just get some of what you wanted…and a whole lot you didn’t,” she said, smiling sweetly back.

“Ok kiddos, time for some fun!” announced Jack gleefully, returning to the couch and slipping his gun back into its holster. He held a jumble of straps and chains. Jack separated the tangled items in his hands and flipped a black leather gag over to Rei. “You get his mouth, I’ll get his wrists,” he said, giving Axton a hard shove to the back, forcing him face down on the couch.

Jack yanked Axton’s arms behind him, clinking a pair of thick metal handcuffs around his wrists so quickly that the soldier barely had time to react. Rei snickered at them as she undid the buckle on the gag.

“Yeah, I don’t know about the gag, darli-nghhh!” protested Axton as she stuffed the leather strap in his mouth and fastened it around his head.

“You wanted to see what I have on under my dress, right? Be a good boy and I’ll show you.”

“Oh he said that, did he? Cheeky little bastard,” chuckled Jack, unbuckling his belt. “Kitten, why don’t you come over here and get this party started, hmm? You’re in for a real treat, Axie. Getting to watch my kitten blow me is a real privilege.”

Jack pulled Axton upright by the back of his shirt and plopped down next to him, throwing an arm over his shoulders. He hooked a finger under the chain of the soldier’s dog tags and toyed with it gently, giving him a devilish grin. Rei knelt between Jack’s legs a shoved his pants down, mouthing at the exposed skin of his upper thighs.

“Hmm, I think I have another good idea,” she said softly, pulling a small baggie of purple powder out of her bra.

“Oh you just keep that Eridium concentrate stashed on you at all times, eh, kitten?”

“This stuff is close to my heart. Literally,” she giggled.

She poured a trail of powder down Jack’s thigh and snorted it in one fluid motion. She then tapped a line onto the back of her hand, holding it out to Jack, who sniffed it up appreciatively. He threw back his head and sighed happily, then turned to Axton, positively beaming, and clapped him on the back.

“Holy hell, kiddo. Looks like I’m gonna be fucking you all night long,” he purred in Axton’s ear, pulling himself out of his pants and giving his near instant erection a few assisting strokes.

Rei licked the tip of his cock and Jack’s hand dropped to his side, letting her take over. She sank down on his member, almost to the hilt, making him groan loudly at the hot silkiness of her mouth and her tongue ring gliding over his shaft. She lazily dragged her tongue back up to his cockhead and sucked gently, stroking his slit with the tip of her tongue. Then she picked up her pace and began bobbing her head while pumping his length with a firm grip, getting faster and sloppier with every passing minute. Jack let out another low moan and dug his fingers into Axton’s shoulder with the hand that was still dangling carelessly over it.

“Oh, fuck, kitten. Take it easy, our friend is still waiting for a turn on my dick.”

“I think it’s only fair that I get first dibs, I found him after all. And since I won, shouldn’t I be calling the shots?” she said, sitting back on her heels and wiping her mouth.

Jack raised his eyebrows at her. “Oh yeah, doll? Hey, if that’s what you want…” He shrugged. “That ok with you, buddy?” he said, hooking his arm around Axton’s neck and pulling his head into his chest.

“Mmmph,” came his unintelligible reply. The look on his face was something akin to curiosity with a hint of apprehension, probably at the prospect of being subjected to whatever insane things these two cartoonish villains could think up.

Jack laughed derisively. “Like it even matters what you want at this point, kiddo.”

“Bedroom. Let’s go,” said Rei, snapping her fingers at the two of them.

“You heard that hot little piece of ass, up you get,” said Jack, dragging Axton to his feet and pushing him down the hall.

They followed Rei into the bedroom, Jack hauling Axton onto the bed with him while she waited at the foot, arms crossed. Jack threw an arm over Axton’s shoulders once again, watching her intently. Once she had their full attention, Rei slowly, almost teasingly, unzipped her dress. She let it slide off her body and pool at her feet, revealing black, lacey lingerie with yellow stitching. She bent to remove her silver pumps, but Jack cleared his throat insistently. She stopped and put her hands on her hips, cocking them to one side.

“What?” she said sharply.

“Do me a favor kitten…uhh, boss-kitten…. Leave ‘em on? Please? For daddy?” he pleaded, sticking out his lower lip.

Rei rolled her eyes but couldn’t suppress a crooked smile. “Fine,” she said climbing up onto the bed and crawling towards them, catlike. She knelt between Axton’s legs and reached behind his head to unfasten the gag.

“The hell are you doing that for? I don’t wanna hear this guy complain all night,” whined Jack.

“He’ll be too busy putting that mouth to work to complain, don’t you worry. Isn’t that right, soldier boy?” she purred, grabbing Axton’s chin and stroking his lower lip with her thumb.

“Mmhmm, whatever you want, darlin’, as long as I get to touch you,” he murmured, his eyes raking over her body hungrily.

Rei smacked his cheek lightly, but firmly. “You don’t get to make demands. The cuffs stay on. Trade places with me.”

Axton awkwardly shifted onto his knees and shuffled out of Rei’s way as she took his spot next to Jack.

“Sit right there, lover boy,” she snapped her fingers at him and pointed between her legs.

He quickly obeyed, keeping his head low to avoid letting the pair see his pleased grin. Rei hooked a leg over his shoulder, pressing into his back with the sharp stiletto of her shoe.

“Down.”

He bent slowly and began kissing a trail up her thigh, nipping at her thong when he reached her pubic bone. He looked up at her and raised an eyebrow questioningly. She gave him a nod and he pulled the garment down with his teeth, tenuously inching it down her legs.

“Lemme help you with that, kiddo,” said Jack lazily, shrugging out of his jacket. He fished around in his pants pocket and produced a switchblade, flipped it open, and hooked it under the waistband of Rei’s panties. Before she could protest, Jack had severed both sides with a flick of his wrist.

“Jack! I liked those!” she hissed in irritation.

“So I’ll buy you another pair,” he murmured, pocketing the knife and kissing his way up her neck before enveloping her mouth. Their lips moved against each other languidly, tongues intertwining, hands tangled in each other’s hair.

Suddenly Rei broke away, moaning wantonly with her eyes screwed shut as she felt Axton’s mouth descend upon the heat between her legs. He lapped at her folds eagerly, dragging his tongue up to swirl around her clit, then back down to dip into her now dripping entrance, kissing and sucking every part of her along the way. After short while, Rei felt the weight of the bed abruptly shift, then heard the creak of a drawer opening. The weight shifted back and Axton cried out, jerking his head up. Rei whined at the loss of contact and sat up on her elbows to see what was the matter.

“Hey, man, are you serious?! You can’t put that on me!” complained Axton, trying to shake off Jack’s grip around his neck.

In the hand that wasn’t clenched around the back of Axton’s neck, Jack held a black leather collar (a plainer version of the one he had given Rei) connected to a chain-link leash. Rei laughed. Jack definitely had an aesthetic, and that was black leather absolutely everywhere. She sat up and folded her legs under her, reaching down to grab Axton’s face and still him.

“Cooperate, or the gag goes back on,” said Rei silkily.

She clenched his jaw in her palm while simultaneously stroking his cheek with her thumb, as though making both a threat and a titillating promise. He huffed in annoyance but slumped down, dropping his head into her lap and allowing Jack to collar him.

“Good boy,” she praised, stroking his hair.

“Thanks, kitten. So can I have a go at him now, or what? Don’t leave me hanging, here,” said Jack impatiently, gesturing towards his ever present, Eridium enhanced erection, still bobbing out of his open fly.

“Aww, you feeling neglected, J? Sure, have at him,” she cooed, crawling over to where Jack knelt behind Axton and sitting up on her knees to nuzzle and nip at his neck.

Jack wound the leash around his hand, curling it into a fist, and when it was short enough, gave it an experimental yank. Axton jerked backward and sputtered, almost losing his balance and toppling back into Jack’s lap. Jack smirked maliciously, the fire still glinting in his eyes.

“Ok, pumpkin. Let’s see what you’re made of,” he said, his voice low and dangerous.

“I, uh… I mean, it’s not my first time at the rodeo, but uh... Don’t go too hard on me, ok?” said Axton, nervously eyeing Jack’s impressively sized cock.

“We’ll see.”

“That means there’s no fuckin’ chance” Rei whispered in Axton’s ear, undoing his belt and pulling down his fly.

She giggled and smacked his ass, urging him up onto his knees while she pulled his pants and boxer briefs down, before unbuttoning his shirt and sliding it down to his elbows. Jack was busily pulling off Axton’s shoes and kicking off his own, then yanking off his vest and shirt without undoing all the buttons. He reached over to the already open drawer beside the bed and pulled out a bottle of lube, slicking up his throbbing erection, and hungrily descending on Axton, forcing his chest down into the bed with a thud. He pressed a hand to his back and held him there while he adjusted Axton’s hips and slid his pants the rest of the way off. Jack began to teasingly press his achingly hard cock between Axton’s cheeks.

“Aw, hey, come on Jack, at least give him a few fingers first,” said Rei sympathetically, although a wicked grin remained fixed across her face.

“Kitten, I don’t think I can wait much longer. I can’t tell if I want to kill something or fuck something, but if one of those two things doesn’t happen soon, I’m definitely going with kill,” Jack said in a strained tone.

“Oh, fuck, come on man…” mumbled Axton into the sheets. He raised his head to glance over his shoulder at Jack, a pleading look in his eyes. “If I survive this night, don’t you want me to at least tell people you’re a good lay? You know they’re gonna ask what Handsome Jack is like in bed …”

Jack shot him one of his signature “if looks could kill” faces and made an exasperated growl deep in his throat in response.

It was clearly taking every ounce of willpower he had to restrain himself from plunging balls deep into the command splayed out before him, but he begrudgingly lubed up a few fingers and got to work. Axton groaned as Jack pumped one large finger into his tight hole, and after a few pumps, another, far too soon for comfort. Jack worked him open quickly, drawing mostly grunts of pain from Axton as he carelessly fucked his fingers into the cuffed man.

“Think you can fucking take me now, cupcake? Or am I still too big for you?” hissed Jack, still pumping his fingers in and out.

“Shut up and do it already, douchebag,” retorted Axton. Jack abruptly yanked his fingers out, making him shudder in pain.

“You reaaally need to remember your manners, or I’m not going to be able to help you, Ax,” Rei said, her voice soft and sickly sweet. She was hovering next to Jack, her arm draped over one of his broad shoulders, her head resting on top of it.

“Oh, sweetheart, nothing can help him now,” growled Jack, lining his cock up with Axton’s quivering hole.

“Maybe he just needs a good dicking. Go on, J, fuck the shit out of him,” urged Rei, her tone absolutely poisonous.

Jack sank into Axton far too quickly, making the commando yelp and writhe underneath him as Jack pressed the weight of his powerful chest into his back. He fell still as Jack gave him a moment to adjust, his breath coming in heavy pants.

“Thaaaaat’s it, deep breaths. Relax, pumpkin, this is nothing. Things haven’t even begun to get bad for you, yet,” crooned Jack as he started to move his hips.

Jack groaned in relief as he slowly thrust his throbbing cock into Axton, the friction easing his frustration. Axton, on the other hand, was struggling not to whimper as the older man began pounding into him, his rhythm going from gentle and controlled to full on jack-hammering in less than a minute.

“So tell me, Axie, did you really think I’d fuck you nicely? That I’d suddenly change my mind about wanting most of you annoying fuckin’ vault hunters dead? You willingly entered the lions’ den, expecting not to get torn to pieces. What the fuck is wrong with you, kiddo?” Jack laughed and punctuated his sentence with a particularly hard thrust, eliciting a satisfying yelp from the man beneath him.

“Guess I’m just a glutton for punishment,” grunted Axton, a hint of amusement in his voice. It seemed as though he was beginning to enjoy himself, and Jack, while pleased that the commando was getting off on being manhandled and tormented by him, wasn’t about to let him enjoy it without consequence.

“Hey, kitten, why don’t you show our friend that little stunt you pulled on Pandora? The one that nearly broke my face?” said Jack, roughly yanking the leash towards himself, forcing Axton to sit up and lean back into his chest. Jack hooked a few fingers under the collar and slowed his thrusts to keep him anchored in place.

Rei, who had been running her nails down Jack’s back and murmuring words of encouragement in his ear, giggled. She reached into Jack’s thigh holster, still bunched around his thighs with his pants, slid out his gun, and turned it on Axton.

“Woah, woah, hold up, at least make it a fair fight if you’re going to try and kill me,” he rasped against the pressure of Jack’s pull on the collar.

“Don’t worry, hun, safety’s on. Doesn’t make it much safer for you, though,” she said with an amused grin, drawing back her arm. She swung the gun down on him, even harder than she had on Jack, decking him across the face, and causing the commando to cry out in pain and surprise. Both Rei and Jack cackled as Axton spat blood onto the bed.

“That all you got, babe?” he said dazedly, giving her a bloodstained grin.

Jack gave the collar a sharp tug.

“We can go harder if you want, kiddo. Just keep running that mouth of yours, see what happens,” he growled. He shoved Axton back down on the mattress and returned to his punishing pace, pumping in and out of him. Axton let out a low moan, his cuffed hands balling into fists behind his back.

Rei watched Jack begin to pant, the muscles in his back tensing. She moved to his side and leaned over Axton to pull Jack into a heated kiss, burying her hands in his hair and digging her nails roughly into his scalp, drawing a soft moan out of the man. All he needed was a little more pain to push him over the edge. She let her lips glide from his mouth, to his jaw, and then down his chest. Rei dragged her tongue over the firm muscles, stopping to lave over his nipple. Suddenly she bit down hard on the tender bud, sending shudders through his body.

“Ah, fuck, kitten, you’re gonna make me cum…” he groaned desperately. “You hear that, Axie? I’m gonna fill your tight little hole and make a huge mess for ya. Let’s see how well you march after being fucked senseless and filled with cum, soldier boy,” he hissed in Axton’s ear.

“Hey, hey, not in-“

Axton tried to protest, but it was too late. Jack was already hunched over his back, one hand buried in Rei’s hair as she continued sinking her teeth into his pectoral, the other between Axton’s shoulders, crushing him into the mattress with all his weight. Jack threw back his head, eyes screwed shut, and gave a final, brutal thrust, sinking his cock all the way to the hilt and letting go. He groaned loudly as he spilled into the man beneath him, his cock twitching and spurting for what felt like ages, pain and pleasure rippling through his body. Finally, he sank forward to lean on his hands, torso still hunched over Axton’s back, head hung low in exhaustion.

“God…damn…that was good. Really fucking good,” he panted, slowly pulling himself out of the commando. A thick stream of cum trickled out of Axton’s abused hole and dribbled down his thighs.

“Fuck you. What the hell,” grumbled Axton, displeased at the wet, tacky feeling of Jack’s cum dripping between his legs.

“HAH! Nope, pretty sure you’re the one who just got fucked here, princess,” said Jack, descending into peels of laughter. “I’ll tell you what, since you got me off so good, I’m gonna let you fuck kitten and get her off that good, too. If she wants. You want that, kitten?”

“About damn time,” she purred, stroking the hair on his chest.

“Well if I’m going to be doing any actual fucking, these cuffs gotta go…”

“Hmm…I do kind of want to see what you’re capable of… Should we trust him, J?”

“Hell, why not. Kid’s earned it. But just to be safe…” Jack pulled his pants back up to his hips, tucking himself away, but leaving the fly open. He removed his gun from its holster and clicked off the safety. “No funny business, ok, kiddo? One wrong move and I’ll blow brains out. And- trust me- it won’t even ruin the mood.”

Jack reached into his pocket and pulled out a key, then went about unlocking the cuffs. Rei slid up the bed to rest her back against the headboard, waiting in eager anticipation.

“Can I go get cleaned up, at least?” asked Axton, sitting up and rubbing his wrists.

“Here,” said Rei, leaning forward and pulling his shirt, still bunched around his elbows, the rest of the way off. She tossed it at him with a derisive laugh.

Axton grumbled but took the shirt and wiped down his legs and ass. He then turned to Rei and slid close enough to nudge her legs apart with his knee, a hand planted on either side of her hips. A devious smile began to play across his lips. He glanced over his shoulder at Jack, checking to see where the gun and leash were in proximity to himself. Jack had given him some slack on the leash to move around, but still had the gun pointed threateningly at his head. The older man moved to kneel beside Axton, also dropping down to lean on his hands, and pressing the gun into his back.

“That good dicking I just gave ya made you a little hard, huh, Axie? You fuckin’ love the abuse, don’t you?” he said, dipping his head to mutter huskily in his ear. Jack licked a hot stripe up Axton’s neck, sending shivers of pleasure down his spine.

Rei reached for Axton’s semi stiff cock and began giving it slow, languid strokes, pleased when he let out a low moan as he hardened beneath her fingers. He leaned in and kissed her, more aggressively and sloppier than he had earlier, and pulled her down underneath him so their hips were flush. He began to grind his now erect length against her pubic bone, enjoying the way her breasts pressed against his chest. He ran a hand down her leg, then suddenly threw it over his shoulder, ignoring the sting as her stiletto dug into his skin. The commando reached between them and began to rub her clit in small circles, making her arch her back as she squirmed underneath him in pleasure.

“Fuck me, soldier boy,” moaned Rei, rolling her hips up to meet his.

“Go on kid, give it to her,” growled Jack, watching the pair lustfully.

Axton positioned himself at Rei’s entrance and sank into her slowly while sucking kisses onto her ankle. He drew himself out almost entirely, just his cockhead teasing her lips, then slowly slid back into her warm, wet heat and repeated the motion.

“Come on soldier, I know you want it rougher than that. We just beat the crap out of you, aren’t you gonna give it right back to us? “ Jack hissed in his ear, as if he was the devil on Axton’s shoulder.

Axton ignored him, opting instead to lean down and suck Rei’s nipple. She moaned and dragged her fingers through his short cropped hair.

“Let’s go kid, if you don’t fuck her proper then I will,” snarled Jack, hooking a finger under his collar and giving it a sharp, warning tug. He was already hard again, waiting, wanting, and aching.

Axton wheezed and glared over at him, but slightly picked up his pace. Rei responded with a pleased little mewl, bringing her hips up to meet his in synchronized rhythm. Axton groaned hotly into her ear, surprised at how close to finishing he already was. He loved danger, and apparently his cock loved it, too.

Suddenly Jack was wrenching him back, sending him toppling to the side.

“Sorry, kid. You had your chance and I’m fuckin’ tired of waiting,” Jack said, shoving his pants off the rest of the way.

Jack pounced upon Rei with a feverish hunger, pulling her legs around his waist and roughly thrusting into her, making her gasp.

“Hang on tight, kitten,” he murmured in her ear, before dropping to his elbows and begging to slam his cock into her at a brutal pace. She gripped his back, her nails digging in deep enough to cause tiny pinpricks of blood to form on the surface of his skin.

Rei was moaning desperately at full volume, unable to control the sounds that Jack was wrenching out of her as he pounded away. Jack himself wasn’t much better, groaning huskily in her ear between heavy breaths, lost in a haze of chemically enhanced arousal.

Rei alternated between moans and whines and whispering filthy things in his ear, egging him on. She dragged her teeth down his neck, biting down hard when she reached the juncture of his neck and shoulder. Jack shuddered in pain and pleasure, feeling a familiar heat pooling in his groin.

“Jack, oh fuck, I’m so close,” she whispered breathily in his ear, eliciting a low, sinful groan from the man.

“Scream my name, baby. You know how I like it. Scream my name while you cum for me, kitten,” he growled.

And in moments, Rei was writhing underneath him, her hips bucking up into his, howling his name in a breathy, high pitched whine. Jack sucked in his breath as her pussy clenched around him, milking his cock, dragging him to the edge. He gave a few more uneven, hitching thrusts and came, slamming his cock into her and spilling inside her with a roar. He continued to press himself as deeply as he could, giving little thrusts, while he rode out the throbbing, twitching spurts of his orgasm, nuzzling her neck and groaning in ecstasy.

After several minutes, Jack raised himself up on his hands, shoulders hunched and panting hard.

“Well,” he said, sounding winded, “that’s how ya do it, kiddo.”

He looked over at Axton, who was leaning against the headboard next to them, one arm behind his head and the other being used to leisurely stroke his very hard cock.

“So, uh… You gonna get out of the way or what?” asked Axton gruffly, his eyes dark with lust.

Jack raised his eyebrows skeptically at him, then sat up and gently maneuvered Rei’s legs to the side. He turned to face Axton.

“Come ‘ere, kid,” Jack ordered, curling a finger at the other man.

Axton shuffled forward obediently, thoughts only focused on getting the relief he so desperately needed.

“Yeah, I’m done sharing,” Jack breathed huskily, “but I’ll tell ya what…” He licked his palm and reached down between them to grab Axton’s cock. The commando grunted and bucked his hips at the contact.

“Ooh, are you gonna help him out, J?” giggled Rei, coming up behind Axton and draping herself over his shoulders.

“I sure am, kitten. I’m just a real nice guy, what can I say?” said Jack cheerfully, beginning to stroke Axton’s leaking cock. He reached up and curled the other hand around Axton’s jaw, holding it firmly.

“Look at me,” he ordered.

Axton kept his eyes shut, not wanting to ruin the sensations coursing through his groin by being eye to eye with the man who once tried to kill him.

“I said look at me,” Jack hissed dangerously.

Axton grudgingly opened his eyes and was met with the manic, fiery glare of one blue eye, one green. Jack’s stare chilled him to the core.

“Don’t forget who’s jerking you off right now, kid. When you’re beating it to this later in whatever shitty, filthy part of the galaxy you came from, just remember that it was Handsome Jack making you cum all over your stupid, pathetic self. Remember that I can kill you just as easily as I can get you off because you’re weak, Axton. You could try to stop me, if you wanted to. But you don’t want to. You’re like putty in my hands. Now cum for me, soldier boy,” said Jack in an unnervingly calm and measured tone, as if he wasn’t jerking off a man he’d just tortured for hours.

Axton screwed his eyes shut again, trying to ignore Jack’s order, willing himself not to give in… But it was all too much. The fast, rough friction of Jack’s hand, Rei’s tongue gliding up his neck and over his jaw, her nails scraping across his chest, and Jack’s words, combined with his dominating presence, his face mere inches from Axton’s own, were all too much. Before he could stop himself, Axton was shooting rope after rope of warm, sticky finish all over his own stomach. He jerked and moaned in Jack’s hand, finally slumping forward, his head hanging low, breath coming in pants. Jack wiped his hand on Axton’s shoulder, grinning maliciously, then went to retrieve his pants and slip them on.

“So now that we’re all squared away here, let’s get down to business. What do we do with you, hmm, Axie? Does he live, or does he die? That’s the million-dollar question, isn’t it?” mused Jack, pulling his gun from its holster and spinning it around his finger.

“Maybe he’s ready to tell us who sent him. That might improve his odds, don’t you think?” said Rei sweetly.

“How about it, kid? You ready to talk, or would you rather take your chances?”

“I’m a gambling man. Love that adrenaline rush. So, in other words… you’re not getting shit out of me, old man,” laughed Axton, tauntingly.

Jack stopped spinning his gun, face suddenly contorted with rage.

“Oooh. Ok. Uh-oh. You just-” Rei began.

Jack drew back his fist and slugged Axton squarely in the gut with all his might, knocking the wind of him. The commando bent double, clutching his stomach and gasping for breath.

“-made things worse for yourself.” she said with a sigh.

“Good…arm..." wheezed Axton.

"Yeah. The age thing is kind of a sore spot for Jack."

"Not as sore as he's about to be," muttered Jack under his breath, quietly fuming.

“Ok, ok. Missteps aside, what are we going to do with him?”

“Well, first of all…”

Jack snatched the abandoned handcuffs from the foot of the bed, and, taking advantage of the soldier’s momentary vulnerability after getting punched by what felt like a wrecking ball, wrenched Axton’s arms behind him and slapped the cuffs back on without much of a struggle.

“And now obviously I’m going to beat the ever-loving shit out of him until he gives me useful information, or he dies. We can do this the easy way, or we can do this the blah-blah-blah, too late, tough shit, you already chose, pal,” sneered Jack.

A sudden chiming came from Axton’s discarded pants on the floor. Jack cocked an eyebrow and slid off the bed to retrieve them, pulling the commando’s Echo from his pocket.

“Well I’ll be damned…” he breathed.

“Don’t answer tha-“ Axton began.

“Lilith! To what do I owe the pleasure? Have a nice nap?” said Jack cheerfully, picking up the call.

“Oh what the hell, why do you have Axton’s Echo, you prick?” said Lilith’s scowling hologram.

“I don’t know; why don’t you ask him? Axie, baby, say hello.” Jack turned the Echo’s camera towards him, still naked, collared, and cuffed on the bed.

“AXTON! NOT. AGAIN,” yelled Lilith in frustration. She pressed her finger tips between her eyes, squeezing them shut momentarily.

He hung his head sheepishly, avoiding the hologram’s fierce glare.

“Sorry, Lil.”

“You had one job. ONE. Kill them. Not fuck them. KILL THEM. You couldn’t even stop them from drugging me and Roland! Is it too much to ask that you keep it in your pants for just one night? JESUS!”

“I mean, come on Lil, we both knew this would probably wind up just being a scouting mission, unless an opportunity presented itself. And it did!”

“And you still fucked it up,” she hissed.

“Woah, woah, woah, can we go back to the part about this little shit stain trying to kill us? You hired sweet cheeks here to be your assassin?” asked Jack incredulously.

“Yeah, what of it, Jack?” grumbled Lilith.

He was silent a moment, staring at the hologram in surprise. Suddenly he burst out laughing, cackling so hard that he bent double and clutched his sides.

“Nice work, cupcake! You really know how to pick ‘em,” he said, wiping a tear of mirth away from his eye. Then his voice dropped about two octaves, the laughter abruptly disappearing from his face. “I think we’ll keep him,” he said, his voice quiet and deadly.

“What? No! You can’t-“

“Eye for an eye, sweetheart. You try to fuck us, we try to fuck you… And then we all just end up fucking poor Axton. Well, mostly just me, actually.”

“No, Jack, wait, we’re willing to negotiate.”

“You got a vault key, princess?”

“No…”

“Well then you’ve got nothing I want. And I suggest you don’t come anywhere near the VIP floor unless you want to tango with fifty Badass Loader Bots, ten turrets, and my main man, Wilhelm. He’s around here somewhere. Who knows, maybe he’s even on his way down to you already! Cia!”

“Wait! What about-“

Jack hung up the call.

“So much for that truce, huh? What a cunt,” he said, turning to Rei.

She had pulled a pack of cigarettes from the bedside table and had one dangling from her mouth, and was now sitting with her back against the headboard, arms crossed, glowering. She pulled a lighter from the pack and lit her cigarette, inhaling deeply, then exhaled a slow, steady stream of swirling smoke.

“That bitch. I made sure you didn’t kill her, or even harm her, just so she could send an assassin after us? Un-fucking-believable.”

“That’s what people do, kiddo. They’ll smile to your face while stabbing you in the back. Although… this guy wasn’t much of an assassin, now, was he?” he said, ruffling Axton’s hair.

“You two gonna kill me, or what?” grunted Axton.

“Honestly? Haven’t decided yet. Make yourself useful, and who knows, maybe there’s a job for you at the Rhysie Pole. You definitely won’t be a free man ever again, though, that’s for sure. Now, as much as I want to stay and play, we should probably put some distance between us and the fire-bitch. Get dressed, kitten.”

“Back to Helios?” she asked, flicking her cigarette.

“Yep. Looks like we’ve got some work to do,” he said, cracking the leash over Axton’s back like a whip and cackling as the commando howled in pain.

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soviet-history-detective · 5 years ago

Text

What is the cost of not respecting boundaries?

(For those who haven’t seen, Part 1 and Part 2) A quick rundown for the people who are wondering what’s going on: Hello, folks. I am one of the leading Chernobyl/Legasov researchers who runs this youtube channel. I found the audio fragments of Legasov tapes which became quite a hit and received praise from Craig Mazin. Legasov tapes, which the migty HBO couldn’t find with their Russian-speaking consultants and millions of dollars of budget. I found rare photos and pre-Chernobyl videos of Legasov, translated a substantial amount of documentary material on Soviet near history topics, a good chunk of that being on Legasov and Chernobyl. I am a live and let live kind of person and I was willing to look the other way with the Valoris shipping business cause “they were shipping the tv show characters and fangirling about the actors” so I ignored it and posted historical information, answered questions, unearthed and translated documentary videos and text material. Then I abruptly stopped and went quiet cause the shipper gang went too far and started writing gross shit, rape fantasies and dragging real people who weren’t even in the tv show into their godawful fics -one of them being someone I highly admire, respect and look up as an inspiration and role model notwithstanding.

They didn’t stick to Valoris, they had to involve the people who were not in the script at all. People whose names they learned from me. They had the audacity to discuss their fucked up fantasies (which they call headcanons) right under my nose, they couldn’t control themselves since they are completely driven by base animal instincts and some of them are downright sociopaths with no boundaries: Rabid and depraved, driven only by the primitive sexual instincts, with a two digit IQ, no understanding of boundaries, ethics, morals, completely bereft of common respect and decency. It’s creepy as hell -run for the hills kind of creepy. (When I say no ethics and morals I don’t mean only sexual perversions. One of them is notorious for plagiarizing other people’s content in multiple social media platforms and acting indifferent when called out.) So I got creeped out, grossed out, infuriated, disillusioned and went quiet. Blocked everyone who was associated with Valoris to avoid their gross thirst talks. Blocked the tag too. Stopped posting new finds after the last Legasov video compilation. Stopped translating videos and text material for a long while.

They are way past normal shipping. This is some seriously fucked up shit. Here are a couple of examples (Warning: Gross content, rape fantasies, scroll past the images and continue reading below if you can’t stomach or are a minor)

Here is more rape:

Their biggest argument is “We are writing fics about the fictionalized tv show characters” which is total and utter bullshit, because:

Nikolai Ryzhkov was not in the tv show at all.

Neither was Vladimir Gubarev. Why are they in those fics?

This isn’t all, there are public posts here where they were bouncing ideas and coming up with the most abhorrent fantasies about a real person who was NOT in the tv show. I don’t have the time to search them, plus they are really gross, you are better off not seeing it. (A paranthesis here: I’m totally indifferent about explicit fics if they involve only fictional characters and not promote rape culture. Just to make things clear.)

If you are using the names of real people, you are shipping real people. Period. I can write a fic using the shipper gang’s names in an alternate reality setting where they are an evil gang of cannibalistic cunts who raid maternity wards and butcher all the babies then burn puppies ad kittens alive for fun. Or I can write a fic where they all get sodomized with saguaro cacti dipped in ghost pepper sauce by sadistic rogue KGB agents. It’s fictionalized versions of them in an alternate universe after all, so it’s totally ok. Right? Well, there really is no point arguing these things, and that is not even the point of this post. I’m just saying it’s fucked up, creepy and wrong in every way.

Not to mention they bully and gaslight people who speak up against them. Grown ass women bullying a 15 year old and adding a transphobic comment after learning they are trans is NOT COOL. @ihatefandomsfuckyouall can testify as the target of their bullying. That’s wrong and creepy as hell.

HOWEVER. Like I said in the previous post, this won’t be about a holy jihad against shipping or some big anti-shipper crusade. Nope, nope and nope with nope sauce.

Ship away, ship all you want, ship till you drop, ship till you turn Fedex green with envy. I am not here to lecture sociopaths driven solely by primitive sexual instincts and bereft of any kind of boundaries, morals, common respect and decency. There is nothing I or anyone can do about it. Like i said, I have no intention of trying to talk sense into anyone or giving sermons. So rest assured that I am well aware it’s pointless and stupid to wage a war against shipping, however gross and vile it is. I can’t stop you from sexualizing anything that walks (or has been long dead) and spewing sick ass fantasies. I will repeat for those with two digit IQ: I know there is nothing I or anyone can do to stop you from doing what you are doing, absolutely nothing. So I will do NOTHING. Got it? Whoever claims otherwise is full of shit, I will do absolutely NOTHING, you got my word 100%.

Seriously I won’t hate on you, I won’t call for holy wars and witch hunts. So, rest assured, I will not make any move against any of you, nope. Besides I don’t have the time for that, I have a busy life and better things to do. No war, no hate, no screaming, no drama, nothing. Is that clear? Capiche? Comprende? Понятно?

Well, now let’s get to the heart of the matter:

I have been quiet but not idle. I’ve been contacting people, sending queries, making phone calls, digging state archive repositories. I have been finding material and boy did I find material! I happen to be one of the very few people who are blessed with an extraordinary ability to find things no one else can find. You have seen what I can find by utilizing search engines and going through links. Even Craig Mazin himself was mighty impressed with my finds, the proof is out there in public view, I won’t bother digging it up now.

Anyway. It turns out I can find hell of a lot more than that by contacting people, sending queries, making phone calls and digging through state archive repositories. Some of it costs pretty penny but no matter, I don’t mind paying for never-before-published video footage that is not on the internet. Some of it is not even digitized so you gotta pay extra fee for digitization and it can be quite high depending on the video length and media.

We are talking about HD videos here. There is excellent AI video processing software out there which can turn even the most primitive 19th century videos to crystal clear 60 fps HD so we are good. (Example: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5HbElEqm1TQ) I have photos that can’t be found by searching the internet. You’d drop dead if you saw some of them. I’m working on getting the full footage of Legasov’s IAEA presentation. It’s hella difficult, you have to personally go to Vienna and go through the seven hells and seven lower hells to obtain access. Also you need to be a research scientist with a reference letter. (All this info and list of requirements can be found on IAEA official site.) I won’t get into the details but I have it all sorted out, scientist and all. It wasn’t easy and it took a damn lot of time, effort, pulling family connections etc. Now the only remaining roadblock is this accursed coronavirus. As soon as the pandemic subsides a trip to Vienna shall be in order. The long Q&A session following Legasov’s report is unfortunately not available, but Legasov’s report certainly is (after fulfilling a laundry list of requirements.)

This is not all. There are photos (in addition to the publicly available ones I posted before) and video footage of Ryzhkov visiting Chernobyl, Legasov’s meetings, partial video of one Polituro meeting. There is this one precious footage where Legasov is laughing and drinking vodka. I won’t even say how many hours of work it took to find that. (Plot twist: I’m not the one who found it!) I have a pile of videos of Ryzhkov when he was the chairman of the council of ministers of the USSR, which are historical records of tremendous importance and not on Youtube. Buddies who have seen them had insta-man crush on him without even hearing my translation. Some of you would KILL for those, I know for a fact. For the Legasov drinking-partying video you would sell your soul to the devil (who wouldn’t?)

I have an IAEA report with an extremely rare photo you can’t find by searching. I won’t tell you who is in it cause I don’t want to supply anything you could use for your gross fics. Suffices to say one of them is someone you are drooling about and the other one is a big shot name that’s not on your radar and will unleash all kinds of fic ideas once you hear it. So nope. I ain’t giving you another Ryzhkov, I learned my lesson. I have video footage of that same man giving high praise to Legasov, talking with a tone of fondness, defending him against accusations. Such a sweet video. It put tears in my eyes. I can see you gang drooling a lake over that one so hell fucking no.

Did I mention I started translating Legasov documentaries? Every single one on youtube. Including the entire Звезда Полынь. Also planning to convert some Legasov footage to HD using the aforementioned software tools.

I have actually been posting videos and text material translations left and right, just out of your sight (nice rhyme, isn’t it?) 90% the material I listed above is either in the pipeline or in my hard disk. @tryingtobealwaystrying can verify. She helped out a great deal with the IAEA business and I owe her one for that. We are both individually damn good at finding stuff but it turned out we can work wonders as a team. As a result, we have a treasure trove of the highest order in hand and in the works.

And, here is the deal: YOU WILL SEE NONE OF IT.

N.O.N.E.

Not a shred. Not a pixel. Nothing. Ничего. Совсем нет.

Get it now? “You didn’t see it cause it’s not there!”

You won’t see it cause it won’t be there!

So, this is it. I can’t do anything about your shipping scumbaggery but I can cut off your supply and deprive you of material and information. You will NEVER be able to find any of it on your own (let alone afford the fees for.)

I will deprive you of the fruits of my labor.

Indefinitely.

Of course that doesn’t mean I’ll keep it all to myself. I will share them but not in public. In fact I have translated and posted some videos you wanted real bad, one of them got 1000 views overnight but they are not public, for my work is not for the eyes of the wicked and unclean miscreants. I post them in shipper-free foreign forums you can’t find and send links privately to decent, wholesome people who are interested in Chernobyl and Soviet history for the passion to learn and admiration for the historical figures, not for spinning depraved fantasies and writing horrendous, projectile-vomit-inducing sex fics. And -as those of you who possess three digit IQ’s might have figured out!- I am not alone in that. (Plot twist FTW!) Congrats, folks. You managed to alienate and drive away the top Chernobyl-Legasov researchers and translators with your hideous debauchery, extreme scumbaggery and abominable attitude. So, this is your punishment: NOTHING. This is the consequence you will deal with. This is the cost of your choices.

A big nothing is all you will ever get from now on.

See, told ya, there is absolutely nothing I can do about your gross shipping and scumbaggery so I will do NOTHING.

Got the joke? LOL. I have awesome humor don’t I :)

No more videos. No more photos. No more answers. No more translations. No more information.

You royally fucked up, people. You don’t get to eat the cake and the icing, especially not when you offend and insult the cooks, take a dump in the middle of the restaurant and masturbate while rolling in it. You could have kept it out of sight. You could have exercised some goddamn tact. But no, you had to behave like animals in heat.

Well, you can continue obsessing over the TV show scripts until you get sick of it. I will be posting translations of different parts of Soviet history like the WW2 era. You can ship Hitler and Stalin all you want. Get those headcanons rolling! I will even give you a prompt: Stalin cheats on Hitler with Mussolini. LMAO.

You know what, I take back the not a pixel thing. We may post screenshots from the videos and low-res crops from the photos from time to time just to rub it in your face.

Here is one where they are grilling Velikhov shortly after Legasov’s suicide. Oh boy you gotta see his face when they start bombarding him about Legasov’s death....

Here is the shot from a long video where the legendary Premier Ryzhkov is sporting the legendary 80′s Soviet glasses in all his superlative handsome glory. He is giving an interview about important historical turning points in this video and this isn’t even the best shot. You have to pay to get a copy but before that you need a superpower-like ability to find where it is in the first place. I scaled it up to 1440×1080 but not gonna put the high resolution version cause I’m such a darling.

Here is Ryzhkov in the famous white work attire of the Soviet era. Looks familiar, yes? Do I need to tell WHERE he is and what he is doing? (Hint: The year is 1986.)

Oh man, oh man. How worried he looks, so heart-wrenching. The footage is only about 3 minutes but absolutely solid gold. I won’t say whether there is Legasov or Scherbina or BOTH of them appearing in this footage cause I’m such a sweetheart.

Unfortunately I am not at liberty to post any Legasov shots cause I am not the finder of the Legasov videos we currently have at hand. Too bad, so sad. There you go. Enjoy your cold dish of nothing. Bon appetite. Adios amigas! WHAT IS THE COST OF NOT RESPECTING BOUNDARIES? @tryingtobealwaystrying @the--arch @ihatefandomsfuckyouall @rarravai @weronikaisback @live-long-and-time-warp @tryingtobealwaystrying @chernobylgal86

#chernobyl #valery legasov #legasov #boris scherbina #valoris #chernobyl nuclear disaster #Soviet History #soviet union #ussr #shippers take all the fun out of life #like cockroaches in the picnic #this is why we cant have nice things #ACCESS DENIED #NO SOUP FOR YOU

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feralrosie · 4 years ago

Text

Under the Mistletoe

Happy holidays @bambinamio ♥

The Wayhaven Chronicles Mason/F!Detective (Ziofra Shepard) Words: 4,413 Rating: General Audiences Tags: Holidays, fluff, soft!Mason Read on AO3

The holiday season affects everyone: makes Felix hyped, Ziofra build and decorate a huge tree, Adam to smile... And even makes Mason soft(er).

The sound of incessant shooting echoed through the Warehouse, sprinkled with shouting and cursing. What sounded like a war zone, however, was no more than a friendly competition. In the living room, Felix had convinced the Detective to play with him only a couple rounds of some new video game he bought, but what should have taken only thirty minutes was lasting for over an hour.

"You're cheating!" Ziofra accused, almost throwing the controller away from her on the couch where she sat, "There's no way you're this good."

By her side, the vampire laughed out loud, using his elbow to push her body playfully, a warm grin on his face, "C'mon Detective, don't be such a bad loser. Just believe that it's my incredible eye-hand coordination and years of Agency training."

The woman rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest, frowning, “You don’t even use guns in the Agency, how would this be part of your training?” He had won almost every single match of the colourful battle royale game so far, with few exceptions when her victory was guaranteed by special items and a lot of luck. There was no doubt Ziofra was very skilled at it and, in normal circumstances, she would have easily won, but the vampire’s reflexes were too fast for her.

“Then maybe I’m just awesome.” Felix grinned, provoking her even further.

“Fuck you,” she rolled her eyes and chuckled, pretending to be much more offended than she actually was, “But it is still not fair. I will consider myself the winner just because I’m not cheating like you are.”

His laugh was cheery and loud, contrasting with the chilly afternoon outside of the Warehouse. It was a clear day, but the faint sunlight wasn’t enough to melt the thin sheet of ice forming on top of the grass, creating a beautiful glittering winter scene. The living room was much cosier, shining in warm light from the fireplace, cream coloured fur rugs and spare blankets on the couch. Whatever the reason Nate decided to rearrange the space, she was sure that Mason’s almost nonexistent resistance to cold had something to do with it.

Not only, for the last week Felix had been gathering materials and decorations for their home, after finally getting permission to host a small holiday party for the team. The living room was packed with colourful fairy lights hanging everywhere, garlands on every door, star ornaments and even tiny figures of reindeers, nutcrackers and one unicorn were scattered around—surely he watched a few classic holiday movies for inspiration. By the fireplace, there were five stockings, each one with their names embroidered by hand, and her own right in the middle between Nate’s and Mason’s. The entire Warehouse was looking like a fantasy Winterland paradise.

But it was the sight of a huge box of a plastic tree sitting by the window that got Felix an idea, “Say, Ziofra… Why don’t we set this once and for all with a bet?''

Frowning, the detective raised an eyebrow as her eyes studied him, looking for any signs of malice in his voice, but the piercing amber eyes and bright smile gave nothing out. He was truly just having a lot of fun.

“What do you have in mind?” She finally asked.

“Let’s play one more time. If you win, I will consider that all my points are invalid and you’ll be the winner of it all. This game will surpass all others.”

“And if I lose?” The detective explored his terms as if dealing with the mafia, which in that case wasn’t too far from the truth. She knew too well that Felix could be very persuasive.

“If you lose, you help me set up the holiday decorations.”

“What, as if you needed more?” Ziofra scoffed, opening her arms to draw his attention to all the scandalous scenarios around her.

“Of course! I still haven’t set up the holiday tree,” he pointed at the partially open box in the corner, “Nate didn’t let me get a real one because of, quote and quote, ‘fire hazard’, so I had to wait for this to arrive by mail.”

“A wise man.”

“I guess,” he shrugged, still smiling. It was obvious that nothing could ever bother the youngest member of the team, hyped to be spending his first holiday season in a home of his own with the people he most cared about. “So, do we have a bet?”

“Ok, fine! Whatever.”

“Nice!” Felix shouted, shifting on his spot on the couch to get more comfortable while setting up the next match. Ziofra mimicked him and crossed her legs on her seat, resting her arms on her thighs as she held the controller, ready for the next battle.

… It didn’t take too long for her to lose again.

Though she had an advantage of finding better weapons as soon as the game started and managed to hit a great deal of other online players, the moment she found Felix on the map she knew she had no chance. His aim was impeccable, and it was like he could detect each of her character’s movements, knowing exactly what she was going to do beforehand. He knew all along what he was doing, and of course he did it on purpose to win the bet.

“You’re insufferable!” angry, the detective shouted but couldn’t hide a smile. Despite the unfair balance between them, the game was still fun and Felix’s laughter was enough to light up any mood.

“And amazing, don’t forget it,” he teased, standing up from his seat to turn off the console, “I guess now we have a tree to build, right?”

Throwing her arms up in the air in annoyance, Ziofra agreed and followed him. The tree’s box was huge and a mess, Felix had clearly tried to set it up before, but when realised the amount of work it would require, he gave up and shoved all the pieces and parts back inside. If all of this gaming afternoon was just a plot to get her to help, she couldn’t know for sure, but the suspicion wouldn’t leave her for another entire year.

“Holy shit, Felix, how big is this thing?” she asked while taking all the fake green branches out of the box and spreading it over the floor.

“Hm, two Nates tall? One and a half, maybe.”

Her jaw dropped and her shoulders sagged at the information as she glared at him. The tree could tower her own size by a lot and it would take a fucking eternity to set it all up, especially having only the two shortest members of the team working on it. “Are you fucking kidding m—”

The inevitable outburst of rage was fortunately interrupted by another figure joining them at the living room. Nate knocked on the door frame, a comforting smile set on his lips. For a moment, she thought they could at least have some help from Mr. Long Legs, “Hey, Felix, and hello Ziofra,” he greeted, as lovable as always, but soon directed his attention to the youngest, “Felix, can you drive me to the city? Adam is at the facility and Mason said he would rather eat his own cigarettes. You’re the only one available.”

“Right now? Sure!” the bright smile on his lips denounced how glad he was to be leaving the previous task to the detective. Not only she wouldn’t have any help from Nate, Felix was now also abandoning the ship.

“It’s going to be quick, I just need to go buy some things. Are you too busy?”

“Not at all!” Felix jumped over the plastic tree branches on the floor and reached Nate by the door, grabbing his bright coloured coat and dressing up, “You can take the lead here, right Ziofra?”

She was holding a branch like a knife, pointing at him, “I am going to fucking murder you later, you tiny bastar—”

“Great! You’re the best! See you later!” And in a blur of movement, Felix disappeared, pulling Nate with him, though the joy in his laughter echoed for a few seconds in the hallway.

Even if she wasn’t happy with the situation, Ziofra still tried to build the holiday tree. If anything, she could still regain her honour by making it the best piece of decoration. How hard could it be, anyway?

All the plastic leaves were piercing into her skin and there were way too many of them. Despite its size, the tree was relatively easy to put together, and after an hour of work sorting out pieces and ignoring the instructions, the detective was halfway through it. The problem now, however, was to figure out how she would reach the highest parts of the structure.

Ziofra was an expert on climbing actual trees, and this one shouldn’t be too different. She pushed an armchair closer and hopped on top of its seat, but still it wasn’t enough. Cursing under her breath, she risked stepping on the armrest, balancing her tiny body and stretching her arms towards the tree. Gathering all of her focus on trying to hook a motherfucking piece in its place, she barely noticed when the armchair shook under her feet. Pushing her luck, she rested one foot over a branch of the tree, holding herself to its trunk to finally, finally, attach that one piece in its place.

“Oh, hell yes!”

The celebration didn’t last for long, for as soon as she pointed her finger guns at the structure, the chair underneath betrayed her and slipped back on the wooden floor. It happened too fast for her to have any defensive strategy, so all she could do was to cling herself to the tree trunk and close her eyes.

In a loud bang, she crashed on the floor, followed by the heavy tree that fell over her, parts of it getting loose and scattering all around. “Fuck!” she shouted, trying to free herself from the humiliating place. It was about to get worse, however, when she heard the rushed footsteps of someone coming for her aid, and there was only one other person in the Warehouse with her.

“Ziofra?!” Mason blurted as soon as he arrived at the living room, a worried frown set between his stormy grey eyes that scanned the room, looking for her. When his gaze finally met hers, an amused smirk formed on his lips. “What did you do?”

“In my defense, I was left unsupervised,” she pursed her lips and avoided his eyes. It was bad enough to embarrass herself like that, but to have him be the one to find her was a bit of too fucking much.

“I can see that,” he scoffed, resting his side against the door frame and crossing his arms over his chest, watching as she tried to lift the tree on top of her. Not an easy task, given by the enormous size of the structure, and even Mason could see how hard it could be for a tiny human like her. In any case, it was too good to not enjoy the show for a couple minutes. “Need help there, sweetheart?”

She grunted loudly at the offering, letting her arms fall on the floor in defeat, “ Please. ”

The rumbling sound of the vampire’s chuckling followed as he approached the detective, careful to not step on her but having no regards for the plastic branches on the floor. Mason bent over and lifted the tree to its proper place with ease while offering to aid the woman. Ziofra didn’t think too much before holding his hand for support and stumbling to her feet, landing too close to him.

His thumb caressed her knuckles idly, and he felt a few cuts and bruises marking her skin in irregular shapes. For a moment his gaze shifted to her hands, taking note of the results of her work with the holiday decoration before focusing his attention back to her face. A small piece of plastic was stuck on her cheek, along with a few strands of hair that got loose from her ponytail. Mason reached for it, brushing off everything with the back of his long fingers, slowly enough to feel like the time had frozen between them.

“Are you alright?” his husky voice sounded like a whisper right before his hand dropped to his side while the other still held hers. The stormy eyes searched her features for more bruises, but the steady sound of her heartbeat soothed his worries.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” she mumbled, absorbed by the handsome lines of his freckled features, so close to her, from the curves of his lips to the depth of his eyes. She wanted to lean in, feel his taste and touch, and just stay closer , but an instinct on the back of her mind pulled her away, letting go of his hand and clearing her throat. “It’s just this stupid tree that is too fucking tall.”

Her harsh movements away from him seemed to have the same effect on Mason, who stepped back biting his lips. Crossing his arms again, he poked a piece of the tree by his side with the tip of his boots, studying the environment surrounding him.

“What even is all of that shit?”

“Felix won a bet. Now I have to build a fucking holiday tree.”

Mason rolled his eyes, “Of course he is the one responsible for this monstrosity.” Inhaling deeply at the mess, the vampire turned his back, heading back to the door.

"What are you doing?" Ziofra prompted, making him stop in a halt and look over his shoulder at her outraged countenance.

"Hn, leaving?"

"Aren't you going to help me?"

"Why would I?" turning on his heels to face her again and raising an eyebrow, he inquired in genuine confusion.

"Because I'm asking pretty please."

"Your point?"

The detective grunted, leaning her head back to gather patience. Talking to Mason sometimes was like trying to maintain a conversation with a door. "Come on, I bet you're not even doing anything important right now."

"I can think of a lot of important stuff we could do instead of building this thing." Despite his complaints, the vampire walked towards her, leaning down to her ear as he passed by and whispering in a velvety tone, "Much better things."

The suggestion sent chills down her spine, but she could only hope they would have another opportunity to be alone in that huge Warehouse. Mason was already collecting the plastic branches all over the floor, studying each for a few seconds and hooking them in place. He seemed comfortable, beautifully so, wearing his usual long-sleeved shirt that matched the colour of his hair. There was something in the atmosphere between them that was different, so calm and familiar.

On his face, there was almost a smile. Maybe it was the silence, the warmth of the room, or maybe he just enjoyed using his hands to craft something, but the peace emanating from him was alluring. Ziofra didn’t even think of the possibility of her being the reason behind it. Of their company being why both felt so at ease, so at home.

“Are you enjoying the view, sweetheart?” his voice broke through her thoughts, soft, but their eyes didn’t meet. He was too busy attaching a tree branch, a little past the height of his head, and drawing her attention to the slim lines of his torso.

“Excuse me?”

“You going to help or not?” Mason turned his head to her, the light from the fireplace slipping down his nose like a feather and inviting her closer. Something really odd was in the air, but none of them would question it. Not right now.

“Shut up,” was all that she could mumble before joining him.

Felix’s holiday party was much more like a simple gathering than anything else. They all preferred it that way, only the five of them, a few drinks for the sake of it and… a pile of gifts that Nate insisted on buying. Turns out that the quick trip to the city required two entire days.

Adam was by the window, sipping on red wine and listening to Nate ramble about some recent book he bought, and even Mason was having a drink, perching on a table next to them, but clearly not paying any attention to the conversation.

The holiday tree was looking gorgeous in greens, reds, and golden glittering decoration. Ziofra had taken all the credit for it after Mason refused to acknowledge his participation, but a bit of pampering from Felix was always welcome.

“How did you manage to reach the top of this thing?” he asked, shifting his gaze from the top of her head to the height of the tree. “Don’t get me wrong, I only doubted you twice, but this is really surprising.”

Raising an eyebrow at the subtle mockery, the detective pushed Felix with the side of her body, “I used my hair as a rope and climbed there,” she scoffed, “As one does.”

The vampire laughed out loud, wrapping an arm around her shoulders, “Of course you did, that explains a lot.”

She couldn’t hold back a chuckle, leaning her head towards him for just a second before Felix pulled away completely.

“Hey, I have something for you!” he jumped closer to the tree, searching for a colourful box wrapped in rainbow paper, “Nate help me choose it, so if you don’t like it you can blame it on him. If you love it, the credit is all mine.”

“What?!” she jabbered, holding the rather large package with both hands. In front of her, Felix was smiling brightly, eager to see her reaction. “I don’t know what to say. Thank you, Felix!”

“What, you thought I wouldn’t get you anything? You’re part of this team… and a great friend. You deserve it. Come on, open it!”

Ripping off the paper, Ziofra opened the box at once, diving her hands into it to grab a beautifully hand crafted leather jacket, coloured in a deep black with silver beads and zippers. It was obviously very expensive and well made, and the sight of it made her jaw drop a little.

“Are you kidding me?” she bursted, holding the piece by its shoulders and examining it all around.

“Did you like it?” Felix was vibrating by her side, giggling like a child, “Try it on!”

The fit was perfect for her, as if it was custom made for her size. The leather was cold and smooth, but the fabric inside the jacket was warm and comfortable, like being hugged by a dear friend. She looked at her reflection on the window’s panels and smiled, pleased with the surprise. The endless source of joy leaking through Felix was enough to have her hugging him tightly, thanking him again.

Caught in a hype, Felix soon stepped away from her to continue his task of giving gifts to the other members of the team. Adam and Nate were also exchanging presents, and Ziofra could see an amused smile forming on the Commanding Agent’s lips as he, too, hugged his best friend for a quick moment.

An interruption stepped up in front of her, cutting her view of the surprisingly tender scene between the two oldest vampires on the other side of the room.

“Looking great, sweetheart.” His gaze ran across all of her body, taking his time on her curves rather than clothing. “If you weren’t so small, I would even steal this jacket from you.”

“You can surely try it out. Show some skin, you know?” Not hiding the flirtatious tone in her voice, she rested her back against the door frame and crossed her arms in front of her chest. Held his gaze in a teasing challenge, inviting him to join her there.

“You know I have no problem doing that,” the rumbling sound in his chest vibrated towards her as he chuckled, completely at ease, “Especially for you.”

“I should have bought you those ugly holiday sweaters, the ones with reindeers fucking on it.” Ziofra rolled her eyes, but followed his movements as he stepped closer to rest his right forearm on the wall behind her, caging her. “It would suit you very well,” she provoked further, a sly smile on her lips.

Mason took note of her mouth, the way one corner lifted higher than the other, and how eager he was to kiss it. Tried to bury the feeling in his chest, pretend it was nothing but a physical thing, and yet… There she was, right in front of him, gorgeous and comfortable. Her heartbeat surpassed every other sound, from the cheerful laughter of his companions to the crackling of the fire.

There was no denying how beautiful she was, but also he couldn’t help but to acknowledge that it wasn’t everything he thought of her. Everyday he felt more drawn to her as if she had a magnetic field, as if he needed to stay closer. It was good to stay closer. The world around him seemed to hush, allowing him to feel things that otherwise would be hidden. No more being overwhelmed by sensations everywhere, only a single one that grew roots in his chest and bloomed to his throat.

“Mason?” She whispered, calling him from his thoughts, but not meaning to move away.

His frown twitched when her heartbeat raced in anticipation, realising his own matched the rhythm. Mason leaned down, the stormy eyes switching from the violet of her irises to the rosy of her lips, slowly, until the shrieking sound of Felix’s voice pulled him away from her.

“Hey, love doves,” he called from behind, walking towards the door with the rest of the team, “We’re going to the game room. You guys coming?”

Mason grunted, shooting a piercing stare at the youngest, who raised both of his hands in self defense. Ziofra blinked a few times, as if only catching up with the situation moments later.

“We will be there in a bit,” she exhaled, and a chuckle followed as the team passed by them to the corridor.

“Take your time,” Nate placed a hand on Mason’s shoulder, smiling warmly but, surprisingly enough, with hints of mischief. His brown eyes guided Mason’s up to the door frame above them, but he didn’t stay long enough to watch the other’s reaction.

When they were left alone, the vampire directed his attention back to the woman, biting his lips to conceal a smile.

“We’ve been here for a while,” he began, leaning his head back and looking up, “I believe that means I get more than just one kiss, no?”

“What do you mean?” the detective’s eyes followed his gaze. On the frame, glued with adhesive tape, a mistletoe—or was it a holly?—was hanging on top of them. “Oh.”

“So,” he prompted, encouraging her to answer his previous tease, “A kiss and what else?”

“I don’t think that’s a timed activity, smartass,” her chuckle filled his ears and surrounded his senses like a blanket, pulling out a smile on the corner of his lips. Ziofra placed her tiny hands on his chest, caressing him over his shirt and studying the lines of his neck, “But maybe later you’ll get more than a kiss.”

The tip of her fingers, colder than her palms, caressed his skin up to his jawline, only to trace back the path down and hold him by his collar. She pulled him closer, eyes fixed on his lips, and parting her own open just slightly. Her gaze full of desire met his, but there was something else to it. The faint blue of his eyes were darkened with the stormy grey, and he wasn’t leaning in to her. He seemed nervous, a bit annoyed. If she could listen to his heart as well as he could hear hers, she would have known how fast it was drumming, trying to rip off his chest.

“I have something for you,” he mumbled between clenched teeth, almost not moving his lips to speak. Reaching for the pocket of his jeans, Mason pulled a small box, clearly of jewelry, made of the darkest velvet. There were no wrappings around it, no laces or bows, just the box in its fancy simplicity.

Ziofra’s mind tried her best to quickly assess the situation, thousands of thoughts fussed all over with the rush of adrenaline in her bloodstream. Tried to conceal a shaky hand before accepting it in silence and holding the gift in both hands, feeling Mason’s gaze fixed on her. Inside the box, lined with the same dark velvet, stood a necklace made of such shiny silver that contrasted with its surroundings. The pendant was a simple linework of the silhouettes of two wolves, one slightly larger than the other, howling together.

“Mason…” she gasped, carefully pulling the necklace out of its display to examine it closer.

“Happy holidays,” he interrupted, almost growling, as if the words would sting him. Aside from minor things out of necessity for his team members, he couldn’t remember the last time he had bought something for anyone, especially a gift like that. A gift that got him as nervous as her, and as rewarding as watching the detective trying on the accessory with a shy smile on her face. Not a single snarky remark from her when the pendant touched her chest, cold on her skin.

When their eyes met again, and none of them waited for it, for there was nothing else to be said. Lips crashed into each other, yearning to be pressed together like gasping for air after a deep dive. Ziofra stretched her body on the tip of her toes, hugging the man by his shoulders and wrapping both arms around his neck, fingers tangling in his ebony locks, while he held her closer by her waist. His long fingers traced a careful path along her spine and landed on the back of her neck, feeling the heat and the shivers on her skin.

They could feel each other entirely, wrap themselves in their warmth and explore the bodies as if it was the first time, new and exciting, and when they deepened the kiss, there was nowhere else they would rather be, and nothing they would rather do.

There were only the two of them, and nothing else mattered.

#the Wayhaven Chronicles #twc #twc fanfic #Mason x F!Detective #Ziofra Shepard #bambinamio #my writing #hope you like it dear ♥

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revelaare · 4 years ago

Text

Shit said in the Crimson Discord & VC, taken out of context part 2, (the sequel)

Big NSFW warning, probably

his meat slid off and then slid right back on

[PRONOUN] can punch me in my uterus and make a hammock out of my ovaries

it’s one of the worst fucking things i’ve ever heard, and i’ve heard someone literally shit their pants

they tagged me and my ass clenched

this man just said “I want to eat ur ass and then kiss you” ok buddy

a man with a plan

my grandpa is texting his hoes from his flip phone

god my lawyer was a hit but idk if she will be the chosen one or not

hello give me your toenails

i'll touch you in a non-weird way

he was in that movie with the people, he was the human.

i want her to brush my hair

If we have dick glasses they have to be of the highest quality for the best experience

i don't wanna watch that white nonsense

i would throat him like a fine wine

these millenials can't live without ac? back in my day we lived on the sun

yall better put those goats on a wheel, tell them to start running

he looks like a bitch

yes or no, u wud punch the light bulb out of thomas edisons wrinkly pruned hand and asked him if he believed in god

still has skin and a working body

i needed to wait until my voice changes

you thought i was snacking on joe biden’s savory meat stick

barack guckin oglizzy, oguckma, barack osugma, Joe choden, OglchnnngggHHHYynnUUUnnghhma

why did i have a dream that i was taking the lid off my car

false gods require wine, real gods require coochiefice

fettucine wet ass pussy

that was all you sent me. the picture of a raccoon and then nothing

it isn’t hate, it is ‘continuously let down by’.

i never went to school who science

i’m gunna go peer pressure my mum into a shot

thank you for furthering my career at hot topic

i will suck the ingrown hair off of him

it has huge jackman in it

i chomped on this eggshell, got my calcium in for the day

i will take you to touch the mango

i want to see all the big things

[PRONOUN] has collar bones so deep you could hook a clothing hanger into it

no asscheeks in fucking family chat you animals

he will eat you alive and suck out your intestines like its a spaghetti noodle

[NAMES]’s Tiggle Biddie’s

dropped acid, cried the whole night.

my stomach is hooping and hollering, i’m about to eat some sleep

you want my throatsac ??

please dont know me as the toenail eater

you have to keep the skin on one side while you eat the other, thats basic mango physics

i mean he is some good sasuage

calm down dick Hannibal

respectfully, what the fuck is this

tbf i only eat my steaks where they need tampons

you committed acts of culinary terrorism

does your refrigerator whimper and cower in the corner when you approach it. that's your fridge trying to use echo location to locate a safe space

thundercuck

i almost met Jesus, I almost got an autograph. Almost got a greatest hits signed album.

respectfully, are you smoking fucking crack?

my left testicle could play better than you

i’ll eat him with ketchup

son of a biscuit eating bulldog!

now it’s back to me sucking, all is right in the world.

holy fuck weasels.

holy fuck, weasels!

why does the bad guy look like the Statue of Liberty?

this is a man that sometimes willingly dresses like a lumberjack

and me, being an emotional cripple, must make jokes about this.

hey my name is [NAME] i'm **definitely** who i say i am

[NAME OR PRONOUN] offered a back massage by calling it the “tickle thing”

i love a man who puts his parents in a nursing home.

my brain is going to take a hot shower

wait have u seen steve harvey's coochie

if it were me i would simply not be pregnant

look im not about to be out here saying i love [NAME OR PRONOUN] feet, but i am about to be out here saying that their feet are some of the nicest feet i've seen in a long time

i named my cloyster renesmee

[NAME] was texting me from the bathtub

you’re pregnant? That’s unfortunate.

do I say dumb shit? Perhaps. Do I take ownership? Perhaps.

i pay for things in blissful ignorance

i am an emotional vagrant

i am an emotional fragrance

to make a long motherfucking story short...

this enchilada tastes like asshole and sadness

you are not an ugly bitch, you’re just a bitch

that’s not a nut shot, buddy.

i’m sad because i sucked the meat off of this pumpkin spice latte

i want to make a blanket out of his eyebrows

what are you disgracing my Christian eyes for?

he be looking at that dick like why does it go so much to the left?

I want her to record an audio book for me so I can fall asleep listening to her voice.

Can I lick you like an ice cream cone? Asking for science.

like you're out to lunch with your bromie and you're eating some rubens or something and you wistfully look over the rim of your sunglasses and just: You ever buss 2 fast

my accent is flaccid

timotay chalamaymay’s sweet ass

on the bright side mcallister’s gave me 3 pickle spears. Almost enough to make a whole pickle.

you think they came from the same mommy pickle?

HIS DOODLE IS OUT

i thot that meant [NAME] wanted to...doodle his noodle

i don’t use commas, i don't respect u enough, fuck ur reading comprehension.

does australia have seasons

i want someone to embalm my body with mcdonalds sprite

his hermione grangina

purrrr my last email

its lore locked beneath 30 layers. u can only understand it if uve had a near death experience

LET'S GET FUCKY

i wanna have the heart of a stoner

his man titties look like little tattooed pillows

SWIGGITY SWOOTY COMIN FOR THAT BOOTY

there were no cheeks to shake. nothing to clap. no noise to be had from her literal slices of wonderbread

u ever just fuck around and ur tits fart

put a lil mint leaf on it for authenticity

alright brother god bless may u be fertile

i feel like im being advocated for something i shouldnt be advocating for

and i am adam with my fat pendulous balls lol

i’m making whuppie with whoopie godberg

theodore tits fart rex

yeah man do u also have the third toe on ur shoulder

the green spaghetti monster is coming for me and i can't blame him

today i learned starfish do not poop

that was nothing compared to some other things I saw

listen I'd willingly watch [NAME/PRONOUN] in a cell for 24 hours. Imagine that sounded less creepy

i'd lick a dirty flip flop off her abs

i’m tempted to show you all the gravity defining boobs, maybe tomorrow

my brain is on vacation

good morning! i ate breakfast and im ready to go to bed

tape the titty in

ive unironically had nightmares with [NAME] in them

the peanut in the auditory canal

so far this feel all comfortable, does this all make sense?

i know it's kind of a schlep to get through

nail polish or no nail polish for the shower?

and then he saw those big tt honkerz... and it all went down hill from there

can y’all stop chanting curses in the chat my furniture is stuck on the ceiling

EH?! CIAO? HELLO??

in Russia this is not ok

i can’t buy pants here on Sunday either

IT'S LIKE TWELVE THOUSAND DOLLARS TO EAT ON A SOGGY PANCAKE

imagine me going up to [NAME/PRONOUN] and being like i love the way ur flesh smells

in a supermarket. The sickly blue light where humans congregate. Animal human masses. Nameless faces. Whole lives boiled into generalized categories like "asshole who definitely does need 4 boxes of cheerios". Yout hink and realize while stabding in line u didnt grab the bag of frozen peas...but its 2 late

its truly the only picture that gives me pure joy

are weasels real

my work mum just messaged me the phrase "use your booty call wisely" with no context

"let's bring u to the mustache chair"

If you’re not doing coke under the coke sign what is the point?

#⋆ ˚｡⋆˚ meme day #HERE U GO U SINNERS.#THE SEQUEL.

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makeroomforthejolyghost · 4 years ago

Text

ok well i originally drafted this while thinking about this post, but it’s relevant to what i wanted to say about (my tags on) this one too so i’ll just post it now, how ‘bout that.

i mean, Getting Used to It (and thus expanding your definition of “i’m fine”) isn’t always as dramatic as your brain completely turning off its pain response to an event, so that you don’t realize you’ve injured yourself until some other clue tips you off. that’s certainly happened to me? (and w/ smaller injuries it happens to healthy people too, as when you cut yourself on paper without noticing, and it doesn’t start to hurt until you see it bleed.) but the more everyday/pedestrian forms of this phenomenon are, like. that the level of pain i rated as an 8 in 2016 now reads to me as, like, 5. and that when you’re depressed (or at least when i am), pain goes up but interest in that pain goes down, because of depression’s tendency to normalize negative stimuli.

i think these are two manifestations of the same thing: your brain removes fear from the equation, and since fear makes pain more intense, most pain experienced in fear’s absence seems like no big deal. and that goes double for painful stimuli you once associated with fear but no longer do? in a sorta feedback-loopy way. or at least it does for me. less fear-->less pain-->even less fear the next time something similar happens.

if i sit in nearly any given position too long, one or more of the joints in my legs will sometimes... well, i think subluxate is technically the right word?* but it’s not like a sudden pop: it’s like, as the muscles around them relax my joints slowly slide out of place. as you can imagine (given the low bar required to achieve it), this happens A Lot; i don’t keep track, but probably once a day on average? i know it’s not every day, but also that some days it happens many times, and that both these latter and the days when it doesn’t happen at all often strike me as a change from the norm. so, yeah, probably a mean of once per day. but until sometime in 2019, it used to freak me out—a lot—every time.

it’s often one of those above-mentioned doesn’t hurt until you notice for other reasons scenarios, too, like the paper cut. so i’d be like innocently sitting there, then look down or attempt to adjust position and suddenly OH GOD MY LEG(S). and every time it happened i’d think, “oh god, is this the time i really and truly get stuck and have to be scooped out of this position on a stretcher. fuck, please, no, that would be so humiliating, there’s no way the paramedics would believe me, strangers must not see me like this,” &c., and the more determined i got to prove to myself that i could move, that i wasn’t stuck, that i could get myself out of this, the more horrifically painful these attempts became—partly because fear of pain leads to greater pain, and partly because when you’re panicky you don’t tend to move with much patience or care.

but, of course, every time i would eventually get out of it. it’s hard to say how long it took, because, again, i never timed it, and also because time does weird shit when you’re freaking out. (plus i have adhd, so my estimates of how long things take aren’t the greatest to begin with.) i want to say though that the longest i ever took unpretzeling myself in this way was an hour and a half—and i usually took way less time than that. (it’s hard also to estimate because these days exceeding ten minutes marks an especially long battle of this kind.) iirc, the ~90-minute incident was like, my right hip already felt not quite right, and someone on the internet recommended W-sitting as a way to reduce a subluxed hip, and i tried it because i either didn’t know at that time or had forgotten that when i W-sit for more than a few seconds i often misplace several toes, up to two joints per knee, maybe an ankle, and/or at least one hip. some of these will reduce themselves automatically as soon as i move; others i can only move passively until after i’ve reduced them. so like, that endeavor was a fucking jigsaw puzzle, and good luck figuring those out when a. every wrong move doubles the pain and panic you’re in, but b. leaving the puzzle unfinished is also agonizing. most of the time it was not that bad.

…what was my point? oh yeah: this sat-wrong-now-my-leg’s-stuck business still happens a lot, and it’s n o t like sitting on a pen, where your brain eventually gives up on signaling your discomfort.** nor like when you’re running on adrenaline and your brain doesn’t bother to tell you you’re hungry. nor like what tumblr user bibliosphere described, where her brain evidently just… prioritized other tasks over the “hey please fix this leg” alarm that pain would have signified. but incidents like this do, literally, hurt less the tenth time they happen than they do the first time, and it’s not because your body Toughens Up or whatever either (that only works w/ exercise-related muscle pain); it’s because your brain learns that this event does not pose imminent danger. a subluxation you know how to reduce will hurt less than one you don’t.

that’s what the “i’m always subluxing” version of the hulk meme means. most chronically ill people describe this whole phenomenon as more like the argument from “shot in the knee theory.” as like, you stop screaming because you learn screaming doesn’t help. and i mean… yeah? but ime it’s more that you stop screaming*** when you learn what does help. the OP in that post asks rhetorically,

Are you going to scream and cry the entire time, or are you going to come to grips with reality and accept the fact that freaking out isn’t going to make the ambulance come any faster?

and jesus christ, OP, are you kidding? in real life? definitely the first one! if you literally got shot in the knee, you wouldn’t just scream because it hurt—you would scream also because holy shit, am i gonna die of blood loss? why did they shoot me? are they going to shoot me again??? and pain you’ve had for years, or an injury you’ve sustained many times before, is nothing like that. if it scares you at all, the content of your fear is more like, oh, crap. what’s this gonna feel like tomorrow. will i have to cancel my plans again?

*n.b. i’ve never had this confirmed by a doctor. i just assume that’s what’s happening because 1. the sensations’ non-pain components are very similar to what the subluxations i have had confirmed feel like; 2. if it’s a joint i can see from my position (e.g., the ankle pressed against the floor when criss-cross-applesauced), it usually looks a little fucked up; and 3. it behaves quite differently from regular stiffness, joints in this scenario feeling not so much too tight to move properly as like i keep aiming for and missing the lever that moves them. (and each failed attempt HURTS like my soft tissues are pumpkin guts and my bones are knives trying to scoop them out.)

**i’ve never actually tried this experiment, though, and i’ve heard it doesn’t work on some autistic people. hopefully this goes without saying lmao but my sensory perceptions are Weird in General, so, any hypotheses i build upon them should be salted liberally

***well, whimpering, anyway. for me at least, if i literally scream at an injury it’s not from the pain, it’s from the surprise. i’m more likely to scream when i stub my toe than when i try to bite and my jaw crunches sideways, because the latter is a possibility i sign up for every time i put food in my mouth, whereas like. ob…viously you wouldn’t have stubbed your toe if you’d already known the object you accidentally kicked was there. (except i guess in movies when people kick objects to express rage, forgetting that this will hurt them. in that case i suppose they scream partly from surprise and partly because negative stimuli encountered in “fight” mode reinforce preexisting anger. wow i digress lmao sorry.) but reactions like whimpering, clenching your teeth, &c. only partly come from surprise; they’re also stims, i think, tho clearly not ones unique to ND people. the woman who pierced my ears when i was a kid told me to focus on tapping first one foot and then the other, so i wouldn’t shrink away. i think it’s kinda like that: it releases nervous energy, gives you a competing stimulus to focus on.

#existential fart chart #screalth tag #icee straw kazoo

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nbapprentice · 6 years ago

Photo

there’s so, so, SO much nonsense surrounding this game that i’m gonna do my best to separate it into digestible bits, with its own categories. even then this is... wow. it’s big.

Warning tags will be added at the start of every section, but the general gist is: incest, pedophilia mentions, fetishization of rape and abuse, fetishization of mlm, fetishization of people of color, racism, ableism, nb erasure and transphobia. aside of the warnings, this post will also touch upon Scummy Business Practices

let’s get going

Dana Rune’s and Elle’s lack of moral fiber: #incest #pedophilia#rape and abuse fetishization #homophobia

tl;dr: dana loves incest porn, elle loves guy on guy rape, and the both of them are friends with at least one pedophile

dana rune has run, is still running an incest zine (please visit my faq on what i think about “thats not really incest” and “it’s just fictional!”). The Arcana, as a dev team, clearly does not care, as shown in their e-mail responses.

dana also very much doesn’t care and has reacted to any criticism on this by dismissing people and blocking actual incest victims who tried to contact her about it claiming it was for her “mental health”

in some tweets she claims she “interprets” the characters as not siblings, but she never really cared enough to cover her ass when it all began (she happily admits she’d “cross the incest line”)

dana has commissioned artists who also ship incest, draw near-pedophilic art that’s supposed to pass as acceptable because the character involved is supposedly not a minor despite looking like a child down to wearing pigtails (the character is also wearing a racist-ass belly dancer outfit), AND even made white-washed fanart of The Arcana.

dana follows twitter user kapymui who also produces incestuous Fire Emblem art

dana has retweeted omocat long after it came out that omocat is, at the very least, consuming pedophilic content (on “omocat didn’t know what shota meant!”: yes they did)

moving on, elle has a long, long, LONG history of fetishizing mlm and the rape and abuse that comes with yaoi and had a rich, RICH “yaoi” tag before they deleted their tumblr

they curiously deleted their tumblr right after i made this reblog

shortly after that, tumblr user thalassiq remade and started attacking and insulting any blogs criticizing them - even people providing support in IMs. Since this doesn’t match Dana and Elle’s normal pity parties I’m personally willing to believe they were just a person wanting to start shit - but it’s so telling how Elle used this chance to dismiss everyone who disagrees with them by calling them “children” and did not even bother to offer a kind word to people who were harassed and even had their trauma mocked by this person. It costs 0 dollars to say “that was not me but I’m sorry about people who were hurt.”

Dana and Elle are close with Ava’s Demon creator Michelle Czajkowski aka that one person who endorses child porn of her characters, and even had her draw a promo image for the game. Michelle has been creating highly sexualized content of her minor characters for a while now.

ok so elle and dana are gross freaks, how is that related to the game?

oh it’s very very related

Dana Rune’s and Elle’s lack of moral fiber that’s Actually Inside The Game or The Game’s Blog: now with more #racism #fetishization of poc and mlm #whitewashing #fat hate #pedophilia #nb erasure #transphobia

tl;dr: the arcana is filled to the brim with racism! so much of it! haha holy shit! and that’s not even where it ends!!!

their game is rated PG-13 but includes incredibly sexual situations such as Julian making this fucking face while getting off on pain. This isn’t the only time Dana and Elle use their videogame aimed at young teens to showcase their kinks and fetishes. I have no issue with NSFW or titillating content, as long as it’s rated accordingly. This content is NOT and it’s a blatant disregard for their audience just to have a larger, more pliable demographic and have more money sent their way.

if you start your argument with “well, teenagers look at porn” 1. shut up 2. theres a HUGE difference between teenagers going after adult content aimed at adults, and adults creating content they know will be seen by kids barely starting puberty

as pointed above, dana has 0 qualms literally commissioning people who make whitewashed fanart of her own fucking game that’s supposed to be all about the inclusivity and safe spaces

thearcanagame blog has a pattern of reblogging whitewashed fanart (before you come in swinging with the good ole “ITS THE LIGHTING”: 1. no it isnt 2. the artist should’ve picked better lightning then 3. i draw and post shit online too so dont come telling me i just dont understaaaand),

fanart of their fat characters showed skinnier than they are in their sprites (although to be real for a moment - Portia is curvy at most and them behaving she’s fat rep is HILARIOUS).

going back to NSFW content: nadia and asra are overwhemlingly sexualized in the game, and were the first to have sexualized CGs and sprites introduced.

CGs: Asra’s here, here aND HERE, Nadia’s here with a NSFW warning because she’s just got her whole fucking ass out. Sprites: Asra’s thank god for whoever compiled it all in one image, Nadia’s and once again, NSFW warning lmfao!

Julian’s sprites on the other hand are noticeably tamer, including the one where he’s fucking strapped in leather. His only sexual (NSFW warning because its literally softcore tentacle porn WHICH, ONCE AGAIN, SHOULDN’T BE PUT IN A GAME AIMED AT 13YOS) CGs were also included months after Nadia and Asra received any of theirs.

Through all of the updates, people have constantly requested that Asra and Nadia’s sexualization be toned down, and time after time The Arcana just churned out fetishistic, hypersexualized content at an absurd rate, especially when compared to the one white love interest.

Oh, speaking of the one white love interest: Julian is based off of Jeff Goldblum (this is not spectulation - they p much bring it up at any given time) but like. If Jeff Goldblum was white. They base their favorite love interest off their supposed favorite man in the world but casually leave his skin tone behind. Lmao.

they also play favorites very obviously - in the prologue, Nadia and Asra have a romance paid scene each. Julian has a scene... that requires no coins. Julian was also the first LI to receive three CGs, two of them requiring no coins, while both Asra’s and Nadia’s first CGs were behind a paywall

Dana and Elle have been notoriously skittish about confirming or denying their characters’ ethnicities. After hyping for weeks on thearcanagame that they would confirm the character’s races they basically made a post that amounted to “well they’re not white lol!”

they only relented after the perfectly understandable outrage... and posted a thread about it on Elle’s twitter. Nothing on the actual thearcanagame blog. Anyway, here’s the thread. Note how there’s mention of Julian being Jeff Goldblum... but nothing about him and Portia being Jewish (or “fantasy Jewish” as it were).

The one time they did confirm their jewishness dana then backpedaled and said she shouldn’t have done that lol.

another fun tidbit of how well The Arcana handles race and how much it cares about feedback from fans: an ask was sent about an anon begging for Nadia to step on them. The blog, with the finesse of a bunch of horny dumbasses, didn’t just publish the ask, but approved of it (even though the fans of color had long, long, LONG been telling everyone not to fetishize Nadia into a “step on me kween” wet dream). People were outraged, of course, and the blog ~apologized~ and said they were still learning.... then a new chapter included a scene of Nadia stepping on the Apprentice. 🙃

not to mention elle, on their twitter, made a passive aggressive “women can be doms?” tweet, trying to twist it into a “yr oppressing women” angle (when the issue is that women of color are always constantly portrayed as aggressive and domineering)

Now for a wombo combo of racism and Elle’s fetishization of mlm:

the devs have spoken at length of how Julian’s and Asra’s relationship was quite unhealthy. In a paid scene in Asra’s route, they’re depicted as Asra being disgusted w Julian touching him+Julian following Asra to his shop when Asra refused his offer to go with him (aka julian... stalked him lmfao).

.......... this scene is promptly followed by a highly sexual scenario where Julian’s pain fetish is played up. Remember how this game is rated PG-13? Me neither. Asra’s previous disgust with Julian is also forgotten, for some reason (and by some reason i mean Elle wants to make them fuck w/o buildup or logic).

Then Asra’s route has yet another paid scene dedicated to Asrian, even though he’s supposed to not even like Julian! And be head over heels with the Apprentice! But Elle just has to make these two be entangled despite insisting their relationship was not good for either of them!

Now here’s the kicker: Julian doesn’t have any paid scenes related to his romance with Asra. Note how it’s one of the brown LIs whose route is highjacked by the white LI, but not vice versa. Hmmmmm.

Now, on the topic of Asra: thearcanagame has said repeatedly that he’s nb and uses he/him pronouns, and promised (since last year) that there would be dialogue where he speaks about his gender

as of the making of this post such dialogue still does not exist

so basically asra is the nb to dumbledore’s gay: anyone who just plays the game w/o keeping up with the official blog has no idea of what asra’s gender is supposed to be.

aka he’s not nb. he’s just a cis guy. the arcana just doesn’t want to put its money where its mouth is, i dont care if elle is nb themself. the team made a promise which has not been fulfilled yet and i suspect will not be.

instead, our introduction to canon nb characters is... these two.

By “these two” i mean neither vulgora nor valdemar are even fucking human, and stick out like sore thumbs with their monstruousness.

so our nb rep is... non-human villains. a few books later one of Nadia’s sisters with they/them pronouns shows up, but that’s too little too late on top of the fact that we should’ve known Asra was nb from the first to begin with. It’s a fucking embarrassment and an insult.

at least two villains are visibly disabled (Lucio’s missing arm and Volta’s blind eye+intentionally asymmetrical face). Julian’s eye doesn’t count because, spoilers, he’s not lacking an eye and even if he was it’d still be hidden behind a dashing eyepatch instead of grotesquely displayed as a sign of his lacking morality.

BUT WAIT! IT DOESN’T EVEN END THERE!

The Arcana Exploits The App Business Model To Price Their Full Game at $500, $1000 if the three extra routes make it out, and they never delivered their Kickstarter rewards:

tl;dr: you heard me

the original price per route was planned on being $1.99

they took that “subject to change” really seriously, it seems, because now each route, once the game is fully out, is estimated to cost around $170 each.

both those screenshots are taken from this post which explains in detail just how truly scummy all of The Arcana’s business model and decisions are: https://mysticmicrotransactions.tumblr.com/post/174308723344/dishonesty-from-the-arcana

the tl;dr is basically what’s listed in the beginning of this section, but other highlights from that post are: the use of addictive gambling mechanics such the Wheel of Fortune, and the dazzling calls to action in the new mini-game.

something that The Arcana supporters forget (or choose to ignore) is the fact that for a long, long time the game did not have the mini-game or the log-in rewards for coins. Players depended only on the gambling of the WoF or paying absurd amounts of money for the new chapters.

the devs went from playing the victims who were unable of controlling prices to (as spoken of in the link from mysticmicrotransactions) saying the making of the game (a pathetic little app game backed by a studio and a kickstarter) justifies the prices

they also gave people false hope about maybe changing the prices in the future, all while bleeding money from loyal players in “micro” transactions

the arcana literally added a $99.99 coins option on their latest update

in case it hasn’t sunk in yet: you can pay a hundred dollars upfront to the arcana, and you still will not have access to the whole game

there is no defense to this

none

“it’s free stop whining” let me explain:

“spend months on end accumulating fake currency or pay hundreds of dollars up-front to be able to play” is a scummy business model no matter how you look at it

if i can spend $60 upfront to play an AAA game there’s no excuse to demand more than that for a game with much smaller and, honestly, inferior content

the combination of there being already far and few games featuring lgbt characters and characters of color AND the little cult of personality set up by Dana and Elle makes people feel that spending money to support them is an acceptable expense.

it’s not

manipulating people into spending ridiculous amounts of money and then claiming “it’s their choice” is just scummy business, baby, and thats all the arcana does

the devs are brats who instead of admitting $500 is absurd for a game instead write petty little caricatures into their game - like, lbr: dana, elle, if i could afford diamonds in my hair i wouldn’t have even bothered with your shitstain of a game

despite bragging that ppl would get the full story w/o needing to pay, the paid scenes are pretty much required - the first few books of julian’s route have no romance without accessing any of the paid options. you dont even get so much as a kiss in without handing coins over. many, many people were baffled when julian had a teary break-up scene when from their perspective they hadn’t even started building a relationship.

wow that’s more than i ever thought it’d be

and i’ve been aware of their bullshit for near a whole year now!

i don’t have much of a note to end this on, other than: the arcana just isn’t even that good. it suffers from weak writing, pathetic character development and above all actually harmful content. do not try to argue with me on any of these points unless you’ve read all of that, because whatever you have to say i’ve likely mentioned before. if you still are that determined to yell at a me on the internet, please preface your argument with the phrase “I’m a pee pee poo poo man” so I know you’ve read everything in here. thank you!

#the arcana #the arcana game #julian devorak #count lucio #asra #HAHA HOO BOY

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shamelesslymkp · 5 years ago

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Hello & Welcome to Today’s Episode of MKP Recs Useful Shit!!

OK, so I recently started using some userscripts designed specifically for use on the ao3, and they have been life-changing, which sounds overly dramatic I know and probably is overly dramatic, but honestly they’ve made my fic-reading experience so much better and easier since I started using them!

So. First of all:

In order to use any of these, you need to have a browser extension like Tampermonkey installed. Once you have a user scripts manager running in the background, you can easily install these userscripts from GreasyFork!

(MKP, I hear you saying. MKP, I know what a userscript is. I know how to install them. Get to the damn point already. SO! Without further ado.)

MKP’s Non-Comprehensive List of Awesome AO3 Userscripts

SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY

AO3 Pinboard Button & Pinboard Button Options

OK, so this is only essential if you actually have a Pinboard account, but! if you DO! ABSOLUTELY ESSENTIAL, HOLY SHIT, I think I’ve posted about this one before - this userscript takes Flamebyrd’s amazing amazing bookmark-AO3-fics-on-Pinboard-the-SMART-way bookmarklet and turns it into a button right on the site itself:

Like the bookmarklet, it requires some setup to use effectively - luckily, most users will be able to do their setup entirely through the provided GUI! I’m a bit of a ... special case, when it comes to bookmarking shit, so I ended up doing a lot of manual fucking with a) the javascript of the browser bookmarklet and b) the userscript configs in order to get the results I wanted. (Still haven’t figured out how to get the userscript to grab the fandom and author names and include them in the bookmark title along with the fic title, which works fine with the bookmarklet version, but that’s a minor complaint, really.)

AO3: Highlight Tags

I did not know I needed this but now that I have it I’m never going back, I have seen the light and it is glorious and color-coded!!

This script essentially will scan all tags visible on the loaded page and will highlight tags matching pre-defined terms with a pre-defined color. As far as I can tell there isn’t a limit on the number of tag keywords you can set up, and it lets you use wildcards, which is fantastic!

This one’s pretty tricky to get set up with anything beyond the most simplest of configs, ngl, but so. fucking. worth it.

See it in action here!

AO3: Kudosed & Seen History

OK, so if you’re like me and you a) read truly impressive and awe-inspiring amounts of fic on a regular basis and b) have the memory of a squirrel, you may find this fic incredibly useful! Allows you to quickly identify fics you’ve already read/enjoyed, either so you can avoid them and read something new, or so you can find comfortable re-reads that you already know you’ll like! This is a super powerful script, with a lot of options. Don’t be intimidated, though! The script author actually provided as part of the script a GUI method of modifying the configs! After installing the script, refresh your AO3 page and take a look at the top menu bar, where you’ll see a new tab entitled ‘Seen Works’. That drop-down menu will let you customize to your heart’s content!

Depending on how you configure this script, you can:

highlight visually works you’ve already left kudos on

hide works you’ve already left kudos on

highlight visually works you’ve already bookmarked*

hide works you’ve already bookmarked

mark works as ‘seen’**

highlight visually works you’ve already marked as seen

hide works you’ve already marked as seen

*The ‘bookmarked’ indicator is independent of the ‘kudosed’ indicator and the two indicators are visually distinct from each other, making it easy to tell if you’ve both kudosed and bookmarked a work, or only done one of the two.

**This can be done manually on an individual basis at the fic level, manually en masse at a page level (marks all fics on the page as seen), and/or automatically when a fic is opened, if that option is selected.

See it in action here!

DEAD USEFUL, THAT

AO3 Download Buttons

Adds download buttons to each work blurb on AO3's works index pages, letting you download fics on the go without needing to click into each one!

AO3 Clone Subscribe Button

Literally just duplicates the “Subscribe” button down at the very end of the fic, which tbh seems like a more logical place for it to be than at the top, but that’s why userscripts exist, right?

AO3 Tag Hider

Collapses the taglist of fics that are tagged with more than a pre-defined maximum number of tags. This can be a godsend when browsing, especially when browsing on mobile! Personally, I found the default cutoff far too extreme - I was missing out on a lot of the genre/mood/trope tags - but modifying the max is easy enough.

CLICK HERE TO SEE IT IN ACTION!

AO3 Series Collapser

Collapses the listing of any fic marked as part of a series except if listed as the first in the series. Useful for those who like reading things in order and/or really hate sp0ilers.

AO3 Crossover Savior

Allows one to hide fics that are tagged with more than a pre-defined maximum number of distinct fandoms. This is different from the AO3 native ‘Exclude Crossovers’ option and can be used to filter out fics that are being used as a collection of miscellaneous ficlets across a wide variety of fandoms while still allowing actual crossovers to appear in the search results.

CLICK HERE TO SEE IT IN ACTION!

AO3 Relationship Savior

Allows one to hide fics that are tagged with more than a pre-defined maximum number of relationships. This can be used to filter out fics that are being used as a collection of miscellaneous ficlets across a wide variety of fandoms and fics that are over-tagged with background and secondary relationship tags. The lower the maximum, the more likely it is that you’ll be missing out on fics featuring your preferred pairing.

AO3: Links to Last Chapter and Entire Works

This userscript affects work index pages, adding links to both the entire work and the most recent chapter directly following the fic’s title. By default, the links will show up as “E” for entire work and “L” for latest chapter, but that can be easily changed by editing the userscript.

AO3: Links to First and Last Chapter

This userscript, on the other hand, affects the pages of individual works. When reading a chaptered fic, it adds links to the first chapter and to the most recent chapter in addition to the already existing previous and next buttons.

AO3: Links for Entire Works

If, like me, you default to always opening the entire work instead of screwing around with chapter buttons and indices, you may find this userscript helpful! When you view a chaptered fic in the Entire Work view, you still see the chapter headings showing up/interrupting the text at the beginning of each next chapter; clicking that chapter heading will redirect you to the page for that specific chapter and pull you out of the Entire Work view. This userscript adds little up/down arrow links following each chapter heading, allowing you to jump up to the beginning of the last chapter, or down to the beginning of the next one.

WITH GREAT POWER COMES GREAT LATENCY

AO3 Saved Filters

Gives one the ability to set pre-defined persistent filters on all search/index pages - filters can be saved as global or as fandom-specific. This obviously is awesome for excluding tags you’re always manually filtering out, but also has the perhaps-not-quite-as-obvious capability to set defaults for language and completion status. In order to default to always only seeing results in English, for example, you just need to add the filter words “language_id:1″ to the global filters field.

Obviously a very useful and powerful tool! It does, however, at least in my experience, take a little longer to load than the page itself does, meaning the page will refresh again shortly after having fully loaded, which may or may not bother you. I found it was too jarring personally for me to use it on an everyday basis, but it really does work and it really is awesome.

(I’m afraid I don’t know the other language IDs off the top of my head, but the AO3: Display Tag ID userscript is a good tool for finding out - does just what it says on the tin, and displays the numerical string used in the backend to denotate the tag in question. Note that this only works on tags considered ‘canonical’!)

BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE!

Additional AO3 userscripts can be found on GreasyFork.

Bonus: Additional Scripts for Pinboard Users

AKA When I Play Pin-the-Fic-on-Pinboard I Always Play to Win

Murklins’s userscripts are archived here on the static copy of the now defunct Userscripts.org. I especially recommend the following, with the caveat that these scripts have not been updated in years and I have not recently tested their functionality:

Pinboard - Sort Visible Links

Pinboard - Organize Taglist in Posting Page

Pinboard - Taglist Highlighting in Posting Page

Pinboard - URL Cleaner

Additional Pinboard userscripts can be found on GreasyFork.

#ain't no other mkp #potentially useful things!#ArchiveOfOurOwn #AO3 #Archive of Our Own #I intend to reblog this post with actual screenshots of the various scripts in action #but that might take me forever and I wanted to finally actually post this monster #fandom is a tool-using animal

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purplesurveys · 5 years ago

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638

What website is it easy to spend too much time on? Reddit. I used to spend hours on end on Reddit back when I had just discovered it and saw how many subreddits I can check out, but I’ve toned down these days. I mostly use scroll through the popular tag to help me fall asleep, but I still spend a lot of time on it nonetheless. What's been bothering you lately? One of my classes is a subject I never really wanted to venture into because it will demand me to be insanely extroverted, but I didn’t have a choice but to take it and now I’m worried for my sanity for the next four months. Do you ever get cravings for cheese? Yeah but I’m not as crazy for cheese as most girls around me seem to be lolol. Cheese is ayts. I mostly like it as a dip for Korean barbecue, and I don’t really like the more challenging/funky cheeses. Do you ever crave affection? Yep, sometimes I act needy towards my girlfriend. Would you name your baby after someone or give him/her his or her own name? Their main name would be their own, but I wouldn’t be opposed to having their second name be a tribute to somebody important to me. For instance, if I have a son I’ve always thought of giving him Owen as a second name as an homage to Owen Hart.

Do you think boys can wear pink and girls can wear blue? It’s 2020. We’re way past pink vs. blue now lmfao. But yes, of course. Which hair curlers have you had the best luck with? I don’t use those. What is the best way to curl your hair? In like the four times I’ve had my hair curled, the stylists always used a flat iron. Don't you hate it when people act like idiots just to make you mad? That’s a different level of assholery, but yep I imagine that would piss me off. If you were thrown into a lion's den, would you trust God to save you? Nope, I’ll be saying goodbye to all my loved ones in my head. Do you wish you could call the police on the police? Not in this country, because most police are abusive and dicks. Do you write in cursive or print more? Print. My penmanship is nicer that way, because my writing usually comes out in messy scribbles when I try to write in script. But I always regularly practice my high school’s unique cursive anyway so that I never forget it/get rusty at it. Were you alive before the Internet came out? No, I think the Internet was already kind of a thing by 1998. Do you like that trends from the 90's are coming back in style? Yeah tbh I’m a fan. I love the simple t-shirt/mom jeans combo because it looks so effortless, and because it’s pieces I already have in my closet lmao. ....or would you rather have the trends stay the same as the last decade? Not really, I’m pretty good with all the 90s stuff coming back. Some kids ruined it by wearing chunky sneakers too much, but I like all the other trends that came with it, like bucket hats and belts. What was a horrible trend when you were in high school? I honestly didn’t know much about the trends when I was in high school because 1) we wore our school uniforms every single day, so imagine having one outfit 5/7 days a week, and 2) being from a Catholic school, we had a very strict dress code so it’s not like we could wear whatever the trends were. I do remember never being impressed with Roshes though. What is a horrible trend now? Hype/street clothes like DBTK. What would you do differently if you were God? Not make people suffer. Have you ever met anyone who claimed to be God? No. If I did, I’d run far far away from them. If you had to leave the US and never come back, where would you move? First of all, I have to live in the US before I can leave the US. Would you buy a castle if you could afford one? Sure, whatever. What is something you aren't ok with? My default answer would be homophobia. Do you know anyone who isn't fake? Sure. I know more not-fake people than those who are. Name five people you know who aren't fake. Laurice, Aya, Tina, Danika, Amanda. Do you fully trust anyone? Yes. How many true Christians do you know? Do you know any? What does being a ‘true’ Christian even mean? Do you think someone's value is based on how much money they have or make? No. Would you rather be an aborted baby or a victim of child abuse? Wow THIS IS THE WORST QUESTION EVER. What's one trend you're behind the times on? Tiktok. I do nooooooot understand it for the life of me and do not wish to. Do idiots act like know-it-alls a lot around you? I think know-it-alls act like know-it-alls regardless of who they’re with. Do you think it's ok to call an idiot an idiot? Not to their face, but yes I’ve used that word occasionally.

If you had a child with down's syndrome, would you keep him/her? I’m honestly not sure, and I don’t really like stressing about that kind of stuff this early. Don't you wish people who weren't qualified would stop getting handed leadership positions? Obviously. But there’s little we can do, with the key word there being ‘handed.’ Who is the worst plagiarizer you know? People in high school would copy-paste whole paragraphs from websites or textbooks onto group papers and I hate those people to this day. If someone tried to murder your child, do you think it would be wrong to expose them publicly and talk about it on social media? It wouldn’t be the best and smartest way to go, especially if it was the first thing I planned on doing. ...Why do you think people think this is wrong? Because I would be putting vulnerable people under limelight they never asked for, and because I’d be talking about confidential stuff, especially if the whole ordeal is currently going through a legal process, which is stupid. Is there a toxic person that you miss? You know, despite how close I was with Athenna, I’ve never missed her. Are you still contemplating going back to someone you shouldn't? Nope. What do you need right now? I’m gonna need a higher inner morale for my business reporting class, which is the class I’m really scared about. When was the last time you had a new crush? December 2013. Do you know any "Christians" who are rude and judgmental? Almost all the Christians I know are rude and judgmental. What would you do if your Bible was falling apart? I dunno. Leave it wherever it’s always been. Do you have coffee with Jesus every morning? Groan. Do you pretend to be someone you're not on facebook? Why or why not? No because I have no reason to do that. Do you know anyone who pretends to be a Christian to get attention? Ooooh interesting haha, but no. I’m sure in this time and place they’d get called out almost immediately. Do you want Jesus to come back soon? I’m gonna paraphrase a quote from Friends and say “I know you’re asking me a lot of Jesus questions, but all I hear is blahhhhhblahhhhhhhhhblahhhhhhhhhh.” Do you believe that Jesus is going to come back in your lifetime? Holy shit. Would you rather wear blue jeans or jeggings? Blue jeans. I’ve never owned jeggings. What is the most comfortable type of pants ever? Anything but skinny jeans. What is something you can't wear because of your body type? I can’t wear dresses that are loose around the chest area. Stuff like those are loose because the boobs are meant to hold them up and give someone a flattering figure, but if I tried to wear those, the dress would drop down all the way to my stomach lmao. If you have curves, do you like them? I have some curves, but I’m generally skinny. I do like the ones I have though. What is the curviest part of your body? Butt. Have you ever been punished for doing the right thing? I don’t think so. How often do you cry? One or two times a week would be a good guess. How many Christians do you know who actually care? This is very vague. Is Tumblr all that it's hyped up to be? But it’s not hyped at all these days... Tumblr definitely already peaked a few years ago, and I don’t know what people are saying about it now. At what age do you think someone is old enough to give advice? I don’t think there’s an age requirement for advice. Have you ever worn matching pajamas with someone? No. What helps you fall asleep? When I’m alone, I need it to be quiet or at the very most have white noise around, like the buzz of an aircon or the whir of the electric fan. When I’m sleeping with my girlfriend I have to be cuddled and I have to fall asleep first, or else I’ll keep waking up and twist and turn through the night. I’m a difficult person to fall asleep with huhuh sorry Gab :’( Do you have a nighttime routine? No. I just scroll through social media until my eyes get tired enough to fall asleep within seconds. What was the last mountain you climbed? Not sure, but it was in Sagada. Who is the fakest Christian you know? One of my titas, although I love her to death, is a very devout Christian but had a meltdown/breakdown when her daughter (my cousin) revealed she was dating a black guy. I was stunned when my mom told me all about the ‘drama’ and it took every cell in my body not to explode and give a sermon to everyone else in my family who was upset about it. Just for context, Filipinos are among the MOST RACIST PEOPLE ON THE PLANET so stuff like this WILL be a big deal, especially among our traditional Gen X/Boomer population. Who are the fakest friends you've had? Athenna and Fern. Who's the most narcissistic person you know? I don’t know anyone like this, fortunately. Maybe me because I like taking these surveys??? Jk :((( Who gives the best hugs? Laurice!!! Who was the last person you hugged? My girlfriend.

#survey #surveys

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