#ok now i need to stop procrastinating and drive some more. peace

[crimeronan]

biggest takeaway from those picrew images is just that lately i've been giving everyone brown eyes except in very rare circumstances. did you guys know devin's eyes were originally green in like.... 2019. terrifying.

[suupernovalight]

Addictive Drug

Ushijima W. x Reader

Masterlist || Previous || Next

05) Newly Found Info 

You felt a hand on your shoulder. You quickly turned around to see no other than the man that raised you. The same man who would later abandon you. This time seeing him however, he had no face. Only a smirk that stayed on his stupid face.

If you tried to touch him ever so slightly, your hand would just go through him like he was nothing but air. If you tried talking, you would feel like your suffocating. You couldn’t even move.

“I'm leaving now.” Hayashi said putting his hand off of your shoulder and leaving you alone without another word.

You tried screaming for him but you felt your neck tighten up. You were suffocating. How did this happen? What got you here? Is this even real?

***

You woke up with your heart rate over the roof and a bead of sweat trickling down your forehead. When you calmed down, you looked around to see where you were.

It was an apartment room. Near you was a clock that read 2:40. You could barely remember anything. That changed when you felt the soreness everywhere on your body. Your cheek and back felt the worse. Your legs came after.

“Fucking dreams. Fucking Hayashi...” You said slowly getting up from the couch you were laying on. “Where the fuck am I?”

As soon as you got up, your whole body collapse onto the ground. Maybe it was out of tiredness. Who actually knows. You ignored your soreness though and fully got up with the help of the walls around you.

You looked around the apartment to find a single room with the door slightly open. Curiosity got to you and you were soon going to that room. Upon further expectation, you saw someone laying down on a bed sleeping so peacefully.

When you looked closer, you saw the familiar stoic guy. His hair was messy but not to messy. His chest rose up and down with the little breaths he took. He looked so peaceful. At first you were admiring him, so this is where you were. At his apartment. When returning back to the couch Ushijima probably set you on, you felt a surge of revenge course through your body.

It was like electricity. It was like the soreness in your body was fully gone for that moment. You looked at the time and scoffed, first you grabbed your bag which was near you, you made sure it had everything in it such as your keys and stash of lollipops. You then walked out of the whole apartment room and looked around. 

“hm. It seems like this whole agency has built in apartment rooms” You mumbled to yourself.

While looking around, you heard some footsteps walking towards your way. You also heard voices. You looked around to find where to hide, when you found a place, you jumped over and hid until the people passed by.

“So it seems like Ushijima and Tendo got that car dealer huh?” One of the guys said.

The other one chuckled. “Yeah, he’s in a cell at that prison center not to far from here. He’s under the bosses supervision”

There was your answer to finding Yosho. After the two men passed by, you made your move. You ran towards the elevator and went to where your bike should be. When you got there, you fished out your keys and ran to your bike which was oddly parked in a new space.

“Yosho... im coming for you” You mumbled driving away and to the prison center”

~~~

When you got to the prison center, you parked your bike and looked at it. Obviously visiting hours were long done so you looked very suspicious. When walking towards the prision, a guard happened to see you and try to take you down.

“What’s your business here?” The guard asked while pinning you to the ground. His heavy weight almost crushed you.

“Im apart of the Japan’s Defense Force... where is my boss?” You asked trying to breathe.

“Let me see your id” The guard said getting off of you and waiting.

“no need.” A voice from the distance said. 

The guard turned around with their eyes wide when they saw who it was. They quickly stood up and backed away from you. You slowly got up yourself and dusted yourself off. At first you thought it was the boss but then you saw who it was.

“Everdeen Aiko...” You said backing away. “You’re in charge of this place?”

“Sure thing. I’ve heard from your boss that he hired you.” She said putting out her hand for you to shake. You quickly took it then waited for what was going to happen next.

“Where is Yosho Ayashi. I need to have a chat with him.” You said cracking your knuckles.

Everdeen slightly laughed and started walking away. “Right this way, your boss should be there, he’s actually keeping an eye on him.”

You just nodded and followed after her. The guard that tackled you before just awkwardly stood there and watched kind of confused.

~~~

You looked at the cell. There was a metal door with tiny metal bars to act like a window you assumed.

“I guess your boss left early?” Everdeen said. “I’m also guessing that you want your private time with him. Two of the guards will be outside the door just in case anything happens.”

“Ok, thank you ma’am” You said while watching her unlock the cell. You walked in and looked at a passed out Yosho chained to the ground. The door behind you shut and you were now alone with him.

“I know you’re fucking awake. How bout you show it” You said kicking his face.

Yosho quickly opened his eyes and stared right at you. His netural face turned into a cocky one. “Well if it isn’t my 2nd favorite sadist, what you just did to me right now reminded me of Hayashi”

You scoffed and grabbed a nearby chair. You set it in front of him, just away enough for him not to touch you. You then sat down.

“You’re trapped with nothing but your past regrets” You said rubbing your cheek. There was a bruise that was slowly forming. It made Yosho feel superior. “Now tell me Yosho... what do you know about Hayashi.”

In The Morning

“I know you snuck off y/n” Ushijima said to you.

You looked more tired than usual. You had eyebags under your eyes and your hair was slightly unkept. 

“Nah you’re bluffing” You yawned while trying to walk to the bosses office. “Why did you even put me in your apartment room... are you like some kind of perv or something?”

Ushijima’s eyes widened in disgust. He denied that claim and ignored your laughing. “where did you even go?”

You stayed quiet for a bit. You then sighed and opened the door to the bosses office. “I went to go meet with Yosho...”

“Why would you do that?” Ushijima said grabbing your wrist to make you stop what you were doing.

“why do you care? It isn’t your business” You said trying to jerk your hand away. Ushijima’s grip tightened making you almost yelp in pain. After he saw your face, he quickly let go and watched as you quickly went into the bosses room.

After everyone was in the office, the door shut closed and it was now time for the meeting to start. The boss turned around to face you and the boys in his chair. Right next to him was no other than Everdeen.

“Welcome to this short but important meeting” Everdeen said. “It’s come to my attention that we may have some info about the big man and what his current goal is”

Everdeen then looked at you.

“Thanks to the help of Y/n...”

Ushijima and Tendo looked at you. Tendo had a confused look while Ushijima looked more annoyed and mad for some reason.

“...We figured out from Yosho that there are many trucks going around Japan in secret to deliver these awful drugs” 

The boss then continued. “You three will be on another mission to locate one of the trucks and track it down to it’s source.”

You yawned and rubbed your eyes. “and what if we fail? Isn’t that a possibility?”

The boss looked at you. His eyes were like an eagle’s eyes. How they could pierce through a soul without saying sorry. “If you guys fail, everyone will be replaced”

Tendo and Ushijima tensed up while you just yawned again and nodded. Everdeen chuckled at your actions then stood up.

“This can take up to a day or a week. You guys decided” She said. “You guys are now dismissed. Start the mission as soon as possible please, don’t procrastinate”

Just like that, you and the boys were out of the bosses room and heading to nowhere. Just when you were about to walk away, Ushijima stopped you. You groaned in annoyance as you already knew what he was going to ask.

“Why did you go to see Yosho?” He asked, his tone demanded an answer. “You know I can’t let you out of my sight.”

“You’re like a possesive boyfriend, get off my case” You said while rolling your eyes. “I just wanted to get the info out of his damn mouth... the boss said he used to associate with the big man right?’��

Ushijima nodded. 

“Yeah that’s why. I wanted more info about this huge druggie” You said with a mocking tone. 

The Night Before (flashback)

“I won’t tell you shit.” Yosho said moving slightly in pain.

You had just kicked him again. It made you feel better but a part of you still felt empty. “Fucking tell me or else I’ll slit your throat” you said.

“You really are like Hayashi...” Yosho laughed while leaning against the wall of his cell. “I was right.”

“Wrong. I’m doing it for justice, he’s doing it for whatever the fuck he wants!” You said over exaggerating your hand movements.

Yosho coughed. “So what? Are you like the good guy now?” He then clinked his chains. “Don’t act like you don’t remember your past. You were just as bad-“

“He framed me... and you know it” you said walking up to him. “Him and Tadashi.”

Yosho stayed quiet. He then looked to his side and layed down. “So I guess we are kind of alike”

“I’m never going to be like you.” You spat.

“Stop denying it and listen” Yosho cut in. His voice loud and clear. “You and me... were both abandoned by the person we cared about the most...”

“Shut up” you said trying to kick him again but this time, he caught your food and pushed you back. This made you fall on the cold hard ground. The pain from your sore limbs came back.

Suddenly, you heard the door open behind you followed by a gun being cocked. You looked to see your boss. He avoided his eye contact with you and kept it on Yosho.

“Y/n... I’ll tell you everything I know... in return, you and I make a promise” he said sitting up and looking at you.

You looked back at Yosho and looked at how serious he looked.

Flashback End

“He gave me the info about the trucks and how they roam.” You said to Ushijima.

After a long moment of silence, you sighed.

“Now I’m going back to the boss to ask for my own apartment room.” You said while walking passed him. “See you later.”

As you walked back into the bosses office, Tendō tapped Ushijima’s shoulder making him tense up a bit.

“Are you always going to keep an eye on her 24/7?” Tendō asked while smirking.

Ushijima looked away from his friend and at the bosses door. The door you opened to go through.

“Yes.”

Taglist

@toaster-stick @ashydoesdumbstuff

[wispandwhispers]

Welcome to Monochromia!

Words: 2048

Previous | Next

Tw(s) : Cursing, Implied torture, getting disturbing commissions, talked about murder (Tell me if there is any to add)

Pairing(s) : Eventually Logicality, Dukeceit, Eventually Prinxiety.

Notes : I’ve had this idea on the back burner for so long and its finally here

"Zynx, how do you plan to secure the vote in the Fumi sector?"

"No comment."

"Zynx, how are you planning to make a comeback after Foster destroyed your chances of getting the majority ?"

"No comment."

"Zynx, is the rumours of you and Crownford sleeping together true?"

"I'm sorry but I'm not sure what you're talking about."

A limousine pulled up in front of the city hall and the chauffeur rolled down the window. A simple eye signal and he knew it was time to go.

"No more questions."

"Zynx a moment of your t-"

The chauffeur slammed the door of the limousine and started the planned safety-checked drive back to his boss' residence.

He looked in the mirror at his employer which a cheeky grin.

"I have a good feeling your sick of this question but how in fuck's name are you going to win this election? "

The passenger glared at his employee, clearly pissed.

"Do not test my patience Remy."

"Holy shit, you didn't say my full name, who are you and what have you done with Logan Zynx?"

"Just pass my yarn bag, I'm so fucking stressed."

Remy opened the compartment and chucked the medium sized light- blue pouch to the back.

"I don't understand why you don't you just go around firing people, snort crack, hate sex or whatever rich people do the wind down."

"I don't really know, this brings me peace for some reason."

The conversation died down and Logan got to work on stress knitting a new scarf/sock/ thing while Remy took the back route to his estate in the Prime sector with the sound of the radio in the background.

The usual daily announcements, the signal time, the weather update, the tired host annoying the news-

-Roman Crownford made headlines tonight when he was caught carrying election candidate, Logan Zynx in the bridal position . Rumours have emerged that the two are in a relationship and-

The driver's neck snapped back to stare at the person in the back seat.

"Spill."

"I don't speak slang."

"Fine, explain."

"I decided to go out for a drink, someone decided to spike it, woke up in my bed with this guy staring at me. That's what I can remember at least."

"Sounds like the start to some shitty rom-com."

-Footage can be seen of the actor carefully helping the politician get to his car to supposedly drive him home.

"Please turn that down, If I listen to that anymore I'll get a headache from the bullshit they are spewing. And I already have one from the debate so please."

Remy turn the dial anti-clockwise.

"Anyway, you need to be focusing on which is the best assassin in the area, I personally recommend Remus-"

In the mirror, the driver could see his employer's eyes sharpen in annoyance.

"I plan to win the election without murdering someone and even if I was to kill Patton, I would probably get caught anyway."

The limousine came to a halt.

"You better get inside, three minutes 'til the signal goes live."

Logan let himself out of the vehicle and faced the other

"I'm aware. That's why I wear a watch if you weren't aware."

Remy just shook his head.

"You're still the fucking antisocial nerd you were as a teen."

"And you were the same shade of black and white since you were twelve but I don't comment about it." Logan retorted as he started to walk to his door.

"Don't come for my kneecaps bitch, I'm being a queen in the colours I can see and I'm fucking proud of my basic bitch style."

"God you're so egotistical. Why am I friend with you again?"

"Your bad life decisions, not mine."

Logan heard the limousine drive off into the distance. He would assume the Remy would just listen to the signal in the car. And then promptly go and get a coffee to fuel his caffeine addiction that can never satisfied.

Logan walked into his house and sat down on his armchair. Cathrine climbed onto his lap but he's shooed her away. She always seemed to meow louder during the signal.

Your daily broadcast is about to begin, remember you can always t̙̰̖̲͔͈͚̱̞͙̐̇͋́̅̊̀̅̕͝ų̺̺̟͇͈͎̝̫̱̳̝͈̬͔̩̠̞̙͑̍͒̌̅͗̔͑̿̋̔͘̕̕̚̕͠͠͠r̡̧̧̛̟̺͍̘̘͉̞͔͇̭͍̮̒̋͆́̎̿̀̉́̏̊͘͘͜͠͡n̡̢̛̥̺̱̫͖̹̩̲̝̪͊̊̊͂̔̇͆̓̄̋̓̓ͅ i̢̱͕̮͎̺͓͂̒̊͂͒̏̍t̨̨̥̦̙̭̦̀̄̾̂̽̄͘ o̧̥̗͚̮͇̬̠̥̼̮̫͕̞̪̭̝̼̍͒̇̀̐̌̊͆́̐͂͒̀̋͌̌͐̕̚͜f̡̢̨̢̥̬̳͓̺̖͍͐͒̍̄̋̂̏͂̍̊̏̅͜f̛̹̱̜̥͇̜̥̙͇̻͍̙͈̱̈́̎͋̏̑̑͊́̌̓̓͗́́͟ ȧ̢̧̢̞̙̦͉̪͇̇̾̄̑̽̓̈́̾̓̌͟͜͝ͅẗ̜͎̖̰͖͉͇̦̥́̍̑̄̚͘͞͡͞ ä̡̫̰̪̰̖͕̲͙̲̝̘̤͎́̂̏̇̓̃̍̽̐́̚͘͢͞͡͡ǹ̢͇̙͇̙̯͎̬̟͖̪̥̹͔̙̿́̓̍̽̊͆̈̓̍̎̀̏͌͌͜͞ͅy͓̪̟̲̩̙͚̗̫͚̰̘̫͈͌̍̊̃̎̓͒̄̔͑͆̈̄͠ -

It cackled unholy sound, like the type static made but way worse and the device proceeded to go radio silent (no pun intended). Logan walked over to see if Cathrine had chewed through the wires again but she was curled up in a ball on the heater.

"I got this fixed not even a week ago, It can't be broken already.."

The box suddenly flickered back to life akin to a car engine. Logan sighed in relief, returning to his chair waiting for the-

Good evening lucky citizen, I am proud to interrupt your daily brainwashing in the hopes that you will heed my warning. Stop listening to the fucking signal or broadcast or wave or whatever you call it in your sector.This is probably the most idiotic thing that you have ever heard. I am fully aware. But also was that story our caregivers told us so we wouldn't cover our ears. So you listened through the hidden circle of hell that was the sound you heard. But you don't remember the pain and only the calm when it ended, don't you? In the very likely case you are currently at your mobile trying to report me., let me save you the hassle of trying to find a name. Call me-

Logan promptly ripped the radio cord out of the socket.

Pacing around his study slowly, trying to mentally recall a fact, he pulled out his phone and checked the time. The broadcast had ended the second he had pulled out the plug. He couldn't dwell on that. He typed in a number and let the waiting sound become his background noise until someone picked up.

"Patton, can I stay at yours for the night?"

*****

" Q.Quill. A twenty year old woman who grew up in godforsaken dump that is Fumi, clawed her way to the top and started to biggest drug empire in the city, who always has four weapons on her person at all times, the person whose body has never gotten more than a scratch before the person who dared to hurt her died was killed by her own hands and you killed her sneaking an acid bomb into her Big Mac. I'm surprised Duke. It's less creative than how you usually murder your target."

"You wound me Pip, when I joined this company I swore to myself that every single job I do , I would pour my hearty and soul into. There is no was in-"

"Let me guess, the acid is more than acid."

'Duke' gave a slick grin. "Wanna know what was in it?"

"Nah, I'm still traumatised from the hat job."

She passed a bag to the assassin.

"You know where to pick up your pay check from. Get the fuck out of my office..

Grabbing the sack, moonwalking on his hellys that Pip was convinced he was not wearing before, 'Duke' went to collect his earnings.

He rolled to the Shed, pick up the cash, stuffed a red hot poker into the eye of a guy who tried to mug him and continued on with his daily rout-

"Thomas!" Duke ran up to the named person and lifted him into the air. Then he slapped his face.

"Ow, what the fuck was that Re...," A frantic head shake for 'not the right time. "Duke .."

Thomas narrowed his eyebrows and pulled the Duke to the nearby alleyway. Thomas was going to speak but the other beat him to it.

"I slapped you, partially because I wanted to and because it's not safe to be around me at the moment because I kinda killed someone off duty so the Shed is probably after me and your dad will kill me if I get blood on your shirt and Janus is terrifying when pissed."

Thomas just stood back, taking a good moment to process the information.

"How did you get chosen to be an assassin?"

"Do you think I know?"

Duke perked his ears up. Footsteps. Very light and carefully planned ones as well.

"Ok Thomas, I'm got to play with people's intestines now, say hi to Janus for me and rennet that's nothing is illegal if you don't get caught!"Duke took out a sewing needle out of his pocket than had green thread.

Thomas felt sorry for the victims ,already starting to back out of the future crime scene.

"Sure!"

*********

Virgil stepped back from from his computer, questioning why he even decided to take commissions in the first place. And seeming from the email, this wasn't someone trying to fuck with him.

Time to get some moral support.

i'llburnifigointothesun: What would you do if a guy offered you one fucking million for a piece of fanart of them living out their romantic fantasies

FosterDawg: You don't need to do nsfw pieces. You're not a broke college student

i'llburnifigointothesun:Yeah, I've upgraded to a broke adult.

FosterDawg : So...Why are you nervous about this? You've drawn kisses before albeit it wasn't normally the most light hearted work but this isn't one of your triggers.

i'llburnifigointothesun: the condition is I have to hand paint this and they want it 'hyper-realistic'. i kinda don't want my hands to die.

FosterDawg : Kiddo, at the end of the day, it's your call if you want to do this or not.

i'llburnifigointothesun: it was such a dad thing to end that with an exclamation mark.

Virgil put down his phone, listened to the broadcast ,stared long and hard at his paintbrushes. After about half an hour he got out a canvas and pulled up reference images.

He gritted his teeth. "If they're lying, I'm about to going to sue."

*******

"Dad, I'm home!"

Thomas flung his backpack onto the floor, walking to the kitchen to partially look for his dad and partially to get the leftover pizza.

"Okay, he's still at work which means time for-"

"Thomas you can't watch Steven Universe re-runs until five in the morning again, you have your revision that you'll procrastinate and then panic a month before you the exam date in guilt of not studying."

The father had seemed to just manifest out of thin air, standing behind his son and the other couldn't tell if he had been there for an hour or two minutes.He rarely wore his emotions on his sleeve.

"Dad, I didn't ask you to peer into my soul.Also Remus says hi." He fiddled with the remote control, deciding what cartoon to binge watch .

The parent rushed to his son ,checking his face to see if was hurt. "Shit, you didn't see him kill or hurt anyone, right?"

"Yep!"

Janus let out a breath he wasn't aware he was holding. "Thank fuck, you can't be used as a witness."

Thomas walked over to the front door to retrieve his discarded backpack and took out his music theory notes. He scanned through the notes and then lowered his head in frustration."Why did I pick this class?"

"It seemed like a good decision at the time, for you and you just started your Hamilton phase." Janus saw his son staring over what he assumed was the homework. The due date was in a weeks time. He had an internal debate with himself and came to a decision.

"You know what, fuck that!," He chucked Thomas homework to the side. "Do what makes you happy tonight, you seem stressed and you should take time for yourself."

Thomas started at his dad for a few seconds and gave him a big hug. " Thanks, I kinda needed that.. This maybe a bad time but I kinda threw my tie-dye pride flag with your yellow dress shirts.

Janus stared at the other with a glare that could be sarcasm or could be anger. "Well, everything could be gayer."

The dad finally put down his hat on the coat stand and started to walk upstairs. "Remember to keep it down, I'll be live."

"Kay.."Thomas started his self care routine by microwaving the leftover pizza.

Taglist( Ask me if you want to be added):

@katlikethesword, @crinklesnuff

[noexit-ff]

12.

It’s been a week since we have been married, I still wake up thinking it is all a dream when it’s not, it’s real. I am married, I am Robyn Brown. The name my team have built, the Fenty name is gone and I don’t know how to say it but I can still use it, I know what my team would have wanted, they would have wanted Fenty-Brown but no, I am Mrs Brown and I am so happy. Looking to the side of me smiling at Chris asleep, he is so at peace. His light snores, god I love him. We have just been at home constantly, actually not at home. We are still in this rented place but Chris lives with me here so I am not complaining, we both need to move but it is just finding a home. I swear I am more happy being in this bubble with Chris, I know the outside world is asking where I am but I am here, just not where they want me to be. I have been ignoring the hell out of Jay Brown, my team can go. I just hope nobody clocks my name change, if a crazy fan clocks it then it won’t be good. Chris needs to stop playing and plan how to tell the family too, we are procrastinating with everything. I mean we did look at homes but Chris and his cars, he is not happy because what about his cars. I don’t want to a big ass house but I think we may just because of his cars, we found one in Beverly Hills but I don’t want to go there either.

Mel is currently back in Barbados, she wanted to leave the home to us. I never said for her to go. I miss her any ways, turning the heat down on the Bacon. Making breakfast for my baby, I have been doing this every morning for him now. I love being a housewife, I don’t want to go to work at all now. I have never been at my happiest since now, I just adore Chris so much. I just see a change in him, he is so husband like now. I am in love even more, hearing the buzzer go off. Frowning a little, I don’t think I was expecting any visitors today. Switching off the gas on the cooker and making my way to the door, I have actually messaged the guy about the home again. I really want this home from him, Chris is right. It’s actually perfect. It’s a perfect size, it’s secluded. Enough space for his cars too, looking at the security cameras “Oh fuck” I spat, he knows I am home because of the cars. Oh god, the cars. I mean they are the cars I bought Chris and nobody knows but he knows I am here, why is he here now.

Pulling open the door “Jay” I said with a smile “Rihanna” Jay Brown said my name but he is not impressed, I don’t want him to come in. Chris is upstairs, my neck is full of hickeys and I smell like Chris “uh, yeah. Can I come in?” he asked, he has never asked to come in before because I was always so open to everyone, but not any more “yeah sure, I do need to be somewhere though” I hope Chris does not come down, opening the door wider for him to come in. I know for a fact he is about to drive me crazy, sighing out as I closed the door “you have been quiet” he said walking ahead of me, dragging my feet behind him “you have company” he asked, turning the corner and seeing the two plates “uhhh just uhm, eating for two” I lied, how stupid, why can I never lie “joking, no. I am home alone” seeing Chris behind Jay Brown, my eyes widened but Chris turned around. He can’t be seen like this, his bulge all on show. He came down in his boxers, just how I like it “lot of food for one person but not my issue, hope you don’t walk out of the house like that with your neck” nodding my head “not really your issue but yeah, what is up?” sitting down on the bar stool.

My breakfast is getting cold thanks to him, Jay Brown’ eyes dragged down to my hand. Looking down at the same thing he is looking at and it is my ring “it’s a big rock” he doesn’t believe anything I be saying “yeah, well sometimes a girl got to spoil herself” I am a mess right now “right, ok. So why have you been ignoring my calls? As a manger I manage you and want the best for you but you seem to be doing everything opposite, why? I don’t know what’s worst, when you ran away in Australia, still don’t know what happened there” running away isn’t working out for me “you found me though, I am here” he snorted laughing “after chasing you, I called your mom because I thought you was in Barbados and just needing some time away but no, you’re here just doing nothing” I shrugged “I can afford to do nothing Jay, I just need me time and not your time. I am done being the public’s puppet” Jay gawked at me “now!? After bringing out your album and then clothing line? Now!?” I wonder who he is shouting at, putting my hand up at him “listen here, first of all you!” I pointing at him “you pushed for the album to come out, I said no but you didn’t accept that. You forced that shit, just because Roc Nation are on your ass because they ain’t getting their money back from me making the album they paid for, I think you’re worried. If you come here to shout at me then get out, I do what I want” Jay Brown is so angry “you know who is going to come here next!?” he said in annoyance “my dad? Because sure enough he might stumble his ass here for something” Jay Brown took in a deep breath “Jay Z, you are fucking with money, money people put into you! Puma expects clothes not just someone hiding in this house, I don’t know what is wrong with you but you have changed. I come here to speak to you but I am leaving this on them now, they want a tour from you. I won’t lie, but this hidden Rihanna is creating some kind of hype but trust me, we will get a tour from you” he stormed off in annoyance.

Playing with the food on my plate, I am not in the mood for this at all. Pushing the plate back “why are you not eating? Is it because of him?” Chris asked, sitting back on the chair “he is not wrong, next will be me in New York at my record label. They are not used to this, they are used to me obeying them but I don’t care, I don’t think any type of money will amount to the fact I am someone’s wife” Chris cooed out “if shit was that easy, could have told me before. Joke, but you don’t need to stop everything” he paused putting his fork down “I was listening to him and I can hear the worry in his voice, they will fire his ass because they think he is not doing his job. So think about it this way, the ball in in your court. They want you to tour, Jay Brown is a dickhead but he is good at what he do. He made you good money, I am just saying you can tour. I want you too and I will support you and see you, but you can demand things. Like you don’t want a world tour, America and Europe. Spilt it up, wait three months and then go Europe, I promise you now they will say yes” pulling a face “I didn’t want to spend my first year of marriage working though, I wanted to support you instead. I know you don’t have a manager any more and I wanted to help you, we have so much to do” I don’t really want to do this “but you don’t need to tour straight away, you need to do your clothing line too. That shit is so dope I love it, continue it. I need to my own clothing line, we can do it together?” I don’t even want to work “but I just want to make babies Chris” I mumbled “I am thirty Chris with no baby, I always expected to be a mother when I was at least twenty five, I wanted to be a young mom. I don’t care, we don’t have a home and then we need to tell the family, I don’t want to hide any more” Chris didn’t say a word and remained silent, I guess he doesn’t know what to say.

Chris and I remained ever so silent “so I think we are ready to tell the world, I was actually doing something well working it out in my mind. To tell our family and friends that don’t know, remember I said about having a party? Well I still want the party, but send out invitations to them. A picture of us on the wedding day on there, if they come then they do. We don’t answer any calls and we will see them on the day as husband and wife, the ones that don’t come then cut them off. On the same day we can post it to the world, what you think?” nodding my head “least we can do it together, it takes a lot of pressure off us to tell now. What about a home? This place, we can buy him out” Chris shook his head “I don’t want people like him walking in, I want a fresh home. I need to stop being picky about shit but we will do it” I love this Chris so much, he is so supportive of me “ok but I really want to go to the movies and see the new Beauty and Beast movie today” Chris groaned out “Robyn, do you really want too?” nodding my head “it looks so cute, and we need to do some food shopping. Being indoors we have eaten a lot, we can’t hide forever so let’s just start now” I know Chris is not happy about seeing this movie “also, do you know any tattooist that can come now?” Chris crossed his arms across his chest “uhhh yeah, I can get a guy but it does depend on what you want, why?” I really want to get this done now “on my finger, my ring finger. I want to put your initials under the ring” Chris stared at me in shock “huh?” he said in confusion “I just want it there, something small and cute. If I ever need to take it off because I would never want to lose the ring then your initials are still there” Chris cooed out “that is quick, that can be done today. Are you sure?” he asked, nodding my head “you gone all full wifey mode” he doesn’t understand how much I just want to cater to him.

The pain of this will never amount to the pain I went through when I had my whole hand done, this is nothing “remember nigga, you can’t say anything. You keep your mouth shut” Chris scolded this poor man again “I got you, I said I did. Just shocked me. You crazy niggas got married? Like a whole ass marriage?” this tattooist reaction is probably everyone’s reaction to this “it’s cute, you crazy over this dumbass. If you need this to be lasered off come to me” Chris held the blunt out to me “put it in my mouth” I said to him “not the first time I have heard you say that to me” he looked down at me with the biggest smirk, busting out laughing “whatever” he placed the blunt between my lips “do mine next, I’ll have R B. Seeing as you are Robyn Brown” he pulled the blunt away from my lips “you don’t have too” I said before blowing the smoke out “I want too, you right. At times we may need to take it off, least you are always there” I didn’t expect him to do it at all, that has really made me smile.

When the wife wants to see Beauty and the beast and I have to obey, I wish she just came out of the home now. I am sat in the car waiting, I can’t drive the Lamborghini because she said she wants to do food shopping, where we putting the bags so that stopped me. Now I know why she bought me this Roll Royce, the family car she keeps on calling it. Getting my phone out from my pocket, why tell me to wait in the car and still not come out, why is she like this. It’s already late. Tapping on my Instagram, not been on this thing for a while. Mel’ picture popped up the first, she looks happier in Barbados, wait a minute that is not Barbados. I think this is a picture from St Lucia, leaving a comment ‘This isn’t Barbados?’ pressing send, St Lucia was nice as fuck but we didn’t stay there as long. Pressing the camera and flipping the camera to my face, taking the picture as I side eyed seeing Robyn walking out finally, captioning the picture ‘When she wants to watch some baby ass movie, whipped’ pressing send “Sorry, I felt my make up didn’t look good” pulling a face “you was downstairs when you said go out, I am coming. Thirty minutes later I am still waiting, what was wrong?” I didn’t see the issue “I changed my hair too, my forehead looked too big” blinking at Robyn several times “hiding a forehead that is already huge, that must have made you work up a sweat” she hit my arm “you look beautiful, I don’t know why you had to change anything” placing my phone in the side panel, we get to leave now.

I hope we can just go to the movies in peace, I mean if we get caught so what I guess “it’s been so long since we have been out, it’s weird” Robyn said looking out of the car window “oh yeah, also the estate agent called. I have some good news but it’s in Beverly Hills, I didn’t want it to be there but he said there is a perfect homes for us there. We are going to move just this once so I want it right, it has an underground car park he said. It’s like a showroom, he has seen it himself and it will fit your cars. It has no neighbours around, nobody can come close to the home, it is overlooking California, he said he wants us to see that one but the price tag is pushing on thirty million” blowing out air “that is a lot, thirty million. I ain’t pay that for my home now and that shit is beautiful and I got land, going near my net worth now” she is crazy “shut up, don’t say that, we are together in this now. If he saying it is as good as it is, we should see it first before saying no. Its five bedrooms so we need to fill every room, so four kids” staring ahead at the road “anything else?” Robyn is not playing “and we are seeing it tomorrow, I said to him” nodding my head “of course you did, thirty million?” looking over at Robyn “we have the money, this is our home and I want it to be the best. Private too, so we can raise our kids in peace” I would move back to my old crib but that won’t happen.

Putting the car in park “are you ready for this?” turning the car engine off “yes but I don’t want you sad with me Chris, why wouldn’t you want a home that much?” she asked, I shrugged “we can afford it Chris, we are together in this. Fifteen million me and then you” shaking my head “the fuck you think I am letting my wife pay for the home, if we like it then I will be paying. Shit don’t work like that Robyn” she frowned at me “why are you so hard headed, seriously. No reason to be like this, we will talk about this tomorrow if we do like it ok?” nodding my head “if you want to be like that then I will just give you my money” I don’t even want to hear that “I better get my ass working again” opening the car door, I be sat at home like I can quit working “Chris, I don’t want that” closing the car door, this car park is dead but once we turn that corner it will be packed full of people. I have no idea why I would come to the Hollywood Cinema, I also don’t want to be parking my car in a weird ass place that broke niggas be “are you angry at me?” shaking my head, I didn’t even notice Robyn was in front of me “I am not angry, I am just thinking. I want my wife living good, I am not going to ask you to pay for a home that me as a man should be providing you with. I don’t want to hear it now, it’s done ok? Let’s just enjoy this time out” I want to end the conversation now.

Robyn stood in front of me, we are waiting to get tickets “I thought you said you booked them online?” Robyn turned to me “I also thought I did but I was on Instagram” wrapping my arms around Robyn, pulling her closer to me “you know I love you, I am not angry. Just thinking that is all, it’s nothing bad” pressing a kiss to her nose “I don’t want to stress you out, we will be moving just this once and that is it baby” pressing a kiss to her lips “it’s cool babe” my head shot up hearing someone say next, I guess that is us. Robyn turned around to walk ahead of me, I couldn’t help myself and placed my hand on her booty. Robyn giggled hitting my hand away but then held my hand, the guy gawked at us. He didn’t know what to say “would be nice if you didn’t make a scene” I said “uhm” he swallowed hard “two tickets for Beauty and the Beast” I don’t have time for him to be staring at me like that.

Robyn and I sat in the corner at the back, this place is full of kids but Robyn is one big old child. Sitting down on the seat, some of the popcorn fell on the floor “great, I wanted that” sitting back in the seat “thank you for coming with me though, I know you didn’t want to come but you did” looking to the side of me smiling at my baby “it’s ok baby, anything for you” placing my arm around Robyn “anything for you” pressing a kiss to her head “oh Chris, if we have a daughter. You will need to bring us both here and look after us both” sighing out “well luckily it will be a boy, I don’t think my heart can take a mini Rihanna” just imagine that “not in a bad way, but that will be my baby girl. I ain’t going to let anyone touch her” Robyn smiled at me so wide “you have never spoken like this about kids, I love this change in you” I didn’t even know I did change.

Pushing the shopping cart behind Robyn “you really feeing everything” she is taking so much time on picking out vegetables “cucumber or zucchini? I think the zucchini is shaped more like your dick, actually no, the cucumber, it’s more thin” trying to contain my laughter “deep throat it and then I will let you know, nasty ass! If you don’t hurry your ass up” Robyn giggled placing them back down “sorry, just trying to cook fresh for my man. Remember your stomach is jiggly as hell” pushing the cart around Robyn “forget you, I am getting snacks” she always trying to bully me about my stomach “noooo!! Stop it, I love your stomach but you have gained” rolling my eyes “whatever, maybe I like being like this. Anyways, I just wanted to say. We will get the home, just let’s buy it. Looking at the pictures it looks beautiful, we need to move into it so we can use the home for a party, house warming at Mr and Mrs Brown home” Robyn beamed smiling at me “I like that idea, so you like the pictures? Imagine the home in person, am I forgiven though? I will stop being annoying but please, one more thing. Let me pay for the home too?” shaking my head walking off “not doing it” she thinks I will allow that, I just need to make more money.

Loading the trunk up with the bags “this has been so good, we went food shopping as a married couple” Robyn gets easily pleased “we didn’t get caught, I mean people saw us but nobody took pictures well I hope not.” Grabbing the bag full off booze “you bought a lot of booze here, do we drink this much? I thought you was on a cleanse now?” placing the bag down “I am, just thought stock up. We have ran out of a lot you know” I don’t notice this shit at all “you know your friends staying at your home, don’t they ask why you are not home” shaking my head, closing the trunk “they believe anything I say, you know Robyn. You think I am doing ok with this husband thing?” I asked “yeah why?” pushing the cart away, I can’t be bothered to put that away “I don’t know, I never had a stable home to know what a husband does” Robyn tilted her head smiling at me “and you think I did? All I know is that you have been the best with me, I couldn’t have asked for a better husband. You get annoyed but that is because I can be annoying but you have changed so much, I have changed for you too. We only got each other for now” I hope I am doing good by Robyn.

Following behind the estate agent in my car “I didn’t know this was going to be a gated community? That kind of sells it to me, don’t one of the Kardashian’s live here, Kendall?” I am sure she does “I think she does, I remember coming to a party here” turning off onto another road “you know more than me, do you like it around here though?” Robyn asked, nodding my head “yeah, it’s nice. I just want to have sex though, I really enjoyed that morning sex babe. Where did all that come from?” smiling at Robyn, she is giggling mad hard “because I was like, I have to wake him early but let’s wake him up with some sex, it worked. You seem less stressed today, I don’t want you stressed or working yourself up because of this. Can we just please talk about this like husband and wife” I know this subject “I am listening” I mumbled “ok so, this is going to be our home to raise our family. Now that we are married what is mine is yours, you think Jay and Bey have this issue? It’s stupid, it’s like saying you keep your money and I just spend all yours? Why should I? Why should I be doing that, I want us to split this. This is our home, please Chris” seeing the home, looks crazy beautiful, his car turned off into down the side of the home and stopped, stopping behind the agent’ car “this looks amazing” I am impressed already, if I see what I want I will just say yes.

The door rose up, this is like some batman cave shit. My eyes all wide as I drove slowly into this big garage parking space, lit up with lights and black marble flooring, the space here is amazing. Stopping the car and switching the engine off, getting out of my car “this looks like some car showroom but it’s under the home!” I spat, he pressed this button as the garage door went down “you said car space, well here we are Chris. Every single one of your cars right under your home, imagine every space here filled. We have a section here where you can get a cleaner to come to clean your car, without making a mess on the marble. Drive the car to that section and there you have it” no wonder this shit is thirty million “brand new home, not ever lived in. You will be the first owner’s, you have a elevator here, to take you to the top. Shall we?” this is sold “look, we can just buy it now. I love this already, the space is perfect already” the elevator doors opened “let’s see what you make of the inside” he gestured Robyn and I to get in the elevator first.

Seeing the all black door, everything seems all marble or something “this door doesn’t have key’s or pass code’s, the security is high on the whole home. So we came in from the garage but there is a gate there, this is where guests can enter, so this door only opens if you scan your finger, like now” watching him scan his finger “this will all be erased, when you move in. We will have the security team behind this to show you and take all your details and finger prints” the place where the guy just did his finger print just turned into a door handle so he pushed it open “ok this is dope Robyn, I think we should just get it” Robyn held my hand “I am glad you like it” walking behind the agent “so I have already set this up for how I like it, or shall I say for viewing purposes, this does not happen. You can disable it” the doors started automatically sliding open “this home senses you, knows you. As you are walking, here is the stairs but we are walking by this for now and going by the dining table and turning this corner, and here we have the kitchen” nodding my head looking at Robyn “this is huge! Wow! I love the marble” she touched the kitchen counter “and if you feel like want too, the windows come sliding down so you can go outside just like that, all these windows can be switched to privacy mode but why would you need too? Nobody can see you from here” I have so many ideas “so I can have sex in front of the window and nobody will see” the agent laughed “why not” smirking at Robyn, she side eyed me.

“The main bedroom, or shall I say your bedroom. As you can see from here right in your bed, you can see the walk in shower room but that can be changed. They can change it and the window will change to a misted look so nobody can see” jumping on the bed laying down “move to the side please” I said to the agent to move “Robyn!” I half shouted, she turned around “I want this home, it’s sold. Done, we want it!” I can imagine waking up to Robyn every morning, just seeing her having a shower “you’re so easily pleased Chris!” Robyn said “think about Robyn” getting up from the bed “seeing me in the shower and yourself, the sweet, sweet sex we about to have. This home is so dope! It has two walk in closets, for me and you and then the bar area, the parties we can have. Family only but it’s dope, privacy, great for a family and the space” I think I have found a perfect home “imagine the party, house warming being married party and the people coming here” now she is doubting shit, she was all for it “ok but I want to change some things but we won’t need to do it, not until we have a baby but fine, you look too happy about this” I am so excited, I was in doubt but this whole place is a dream and I am living it with Robyn.

[sunnydawn444]

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Numerology Report - Be Inspired – The Gift of September’s 9 Vibration

Be Inspired – The Gift of September’s 9 Vibration

August invited you to stand in your power (you might have had to take your power back first though!) and look at your relationship with money (especially your thoughts, emotions and beliefs about money). This month, September is inviting you to ignite inspiration in your life, your work, your creative essence, and your spiritual connection.

Yes, September is a 9 vibration month. And the 9 is often about endings and completion. We spent all of 2016 steeped in the often challenging “letting go energy” of the 9 vibration. Yet the 9 vibration is so much more than that. And since we are in a 1 vibration year for all of 2017, the 9 may be showing up in a very different capacity for you this month.

That’s because the 1 vibration for this year is asking you to claim your individuality. Be self-aware. Own your unique gifts and personality quirks. Let your freak flag fly. If you’ve been playing along with this energy instead of fighting or resisting it, the 1 is helping you decide who you are at this point in time and what it is you really want … now and going forward.

The 1 vibration is blasting through “business as usual” and the status quo. “Climb out of your rut already. Be you. Be true to you. Follow your heart and higher wisdom.” These are the battle cries for this powerful year ripe with possibilities.

Two-thirds of the year has already flown by. Now the multi-faceted essence of the 9 vibration steps in to lend a hand in helping you shed what isn’t working for you anymore. To let go and release what you thought you were supposed to be and do so that you can discover or reconnect with the truth of who you are and what you desire.

So yes, the classic elements of the 9 vibration (endings, completion, and letting go) are certainly in play. But other aspects of the 9 vibration are taking center stage this month, thanks to the nudges of the 1 vibration of 2017 and the transitional energies rampant on our beautiful planet (like the recent eclipses!). It’s time for you to shine. To do this you might need to release some old habits, beliefs, attachments and obsolete programs that unconsciously run your life.

To do this, the 9 vibration is asking you: What would inspire you? What would ignite your curiosity? What encouragement would help you now? What would excite you enough to get you to shift from neutral into drive, and move forward towards what you truly want in your life? What do you want to create? What’s stopping you?

September’s 9 vibration working in combination with 2017’s 1 vibration wants to innovate, reinvent, reinvigorate, and inspire you to reclaim your true self. The 9 vibration seeks the truth and stands in integrity.

Here are some questions to explore to help you maximize the energy this month … You might want to journal about the ones that resonate with you. If you get an emotional “ping” while reading over the questions, there is something there for you to explore!

Inspiration

What inspires you? Why?

Who inspires you? Why”

What makes you feel inspired?

Do you feel inspired? If not, why?

What would it take for you to feel inspired?

What do you need to let go of to allow yourself to feel inspired again? (This might be a perspective, a person, a thought, a belief, an attachment, a habit, a fear, an emotion.)

What does inspiration feel like or look like to you?

What color is inspiration? (There’s no right or wrong answer, this is about your unique view of the world!)

How and where can you bring more of that color in your life?

Where could inspiration help you in your life right now?

What inspired actions are you being asked to take? (Inspired actions often come from your intuitive guidance instead of your logical mind.)

What gets in the way of you taking inspired actions?

What do you need to do or stop doing, let go of, or change in order to take inspired actions?

Who could you inspire today? How?

Call on Archangel Jophiel if you need some help in this area!

Enthusiasm

Are you bored with your project, work or life … or any aspect of life? If so, what would it take to reignite excitement for you?

What do you feel enthusiastic about? Why?

What excites you (in a positive way!)? Why?

How can you bring more excitement (NOT drama) into your life?

What would be fun for you?

What are you curious about?

What would it take to get you to shift from feeling stuck to feeling alive, hopeful and encouraged to move forward … even one teeny tiny baby step at a time?

Does the thought of having what you truly want in your life excite or scare you? Why?

What encouragement do you need right now? Can you give it to yourself?

  If you are interested in exploring the positive qualities of the 9 vibration, they include:

Wisdom, Truth, Integrity, Honesty, Justice

Inspiration, Creative, Talented, Passionate, Artistic

Curious, Intuitive, Seeking, Futuristic, Adventurous

Forgiveness, Compassion, Empathy, Understanding, Sensitivity

Intelligence, Leadership, Sophistication, Experience, Knowledge

Caring, Emotional, Loving, Generous, Giving, Sincere

Spirituality, Metaphysics, Humanitarian, Philosophical, Peaceful

Initiation, Self-reliance, Self-awareness, Perceptive

Fulfillment, Completion, Endings, Releasing, Letting Go

Which of these qualities would you like to embody this month? Pick 2 or 3 and see what impact they may have on your life as you work with being them.

Another way to play with these qualities is to pick a project, situation or issue in your life. Then pick one of these qualities as a potential solution … how could this quality help shift whatever the issue is? Each of these has the ability to change your perspective on whatever the issue or situation is if you apply it.

For instance, how could forgiving yourself or someone else shift the situation? Or how could being honest or standing in integrity shift the situation? Or how could letting go of your expectations or attachment to it being a specific way change the dynamic of your issue? I think you get the idea! Give it a try.

The Shadow Side

And yeah, in our world of duality and polarity there is another side of the 9 vibration. Some people call them the negative aspects, but I like to think of it as a shadow side that is helping you learn something about yourself.

The 9 calls out anything that you’ve repressed, buried away, or are trying your best to ignore.  The purpose is to bring them to the surface so you can acknowledge them, deal with them, and release them. Lighten your load. Help you move on.

If you fight this natural shifting of energy and emotions, you may feel overwhelmed, overemotional, depressed, or a need to withdraw, be a hermit. That’s the shadow. Step into the light and face the feelings.

It you are avoiding the truth of a situation, the shadow of the 9 may increase your state of delusion, denial, and disconnectedness. Allow the light to illuminate the truth.

Call on Archangel Uriel or Archangel Michael to reveal the truth and give you the strength to accept it and deal with it.

Other Shadow Aspects of the 9 vibration are:

going in circles, chasing your tail, procrastinating, stuck

being judgmental, obstinate, lack of self-awareness

loneliness, isolation, rejection, self-pity

wasteful, unconcerned, undisciplined, oblivious

Just be aware when you find yourself in any of these areas. Ask your Angels and Guides for help in shifting you out of the Shadows and back into the light. You can also pick any of the positive aspects of the 9 vibration to be your touchstone through whatever you are dealing with. Wisdom, truth, compassion and forgiveness are my usual go-tos here.

We begin the month In a Mercury Retrograde that began on August 12th. Mercury will go direct again on September 5th, but I think it is wise to let the shadow pass before launching into anything new. So pretend you are still in a Mercury Retrograde until September 12th or 15th.  The shadow of a retrograde usually lasts 7 – 10 days before and after the retrograde.

This month, BE Inspired! And be kind to yourself in the process. Life is messy. It’s OK.

Much love and blessings, Karen

Spiritual Teacher, Intuitive Numerologist, Past Life Therapist, Speaker, Writer Karen works “guided by Spirit” — blending intuition, wisdom and metaphysical and spiritual teachings with practical guidance, compassion and a wickedly playful sense of humor. She empowers healers, holistic practitioners, creatives and heart-centered professionals to get unstuck, take back their power, own their gifts and learn to love and accept themselves… exactly how they are… right here, right now. She is available for private sessions. Connect with Karen at www.TheLifeCraftingGuide.com and https://www.facebook.com/karen.m.winkelman.lifecrafting

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12 Hard Things You Need to Hear About Your Attitude

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12 Hard Things You Need to Hear About Your Attitude

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, the mind is your ultimate battleground.  It’s the space where the greatest and fiercest conflict resides.  It’s where half of the things you thought were going to happen, never actually happened.  It’s where your inner resistance buries you with negativity.  And, when you allow these thoughts to dwell in your mind, they gradually succeed in robbing you of peace, joy, and ultimately your life.  You think yourself right into nervous breakdowns and bouts of depression, time and again.

I know because I’ve been there.

Honestly, we’ve all been there at times.

But, what can we learn from our trials?  A whole lot!

There’s so much about our lives—and our fate—we can’t control, it makes absolutely no sense to focus all our energy on these things and then neglect everything we CAN control.  We can decide how we spend our time right now, what we choose to focus on, and whom we share our energy with.  We can choose our words and the tone of voice in which we speak to ourselves and others.  We can decide what we will engage in, read and study next.  We can choose how we’re going to respond to challenging life situations when they arise, and whether we will see them as curses or opportunities for growth…

And most importantly, we can choose our attitude, which influences pretty much everything else.

Of course, none of us are immune to occasional mood swings.  But that doesn’t mean we have to succumb to them.  Whether your negative attitude is a common occurrence or just a sporadic phenomenon, it’s critical for your long-term happiness and success that you choose to recognize when your mind is in the gutter, and then consciously make adjustments.

Here are some hard things you need to hear and learn about your attitude (these are the most common attitude issues we’ve seen plaguing our newest course students over the years) and some tips to get you thinking straight again:

Your attitude often reflects a certain level of self-centered self-victimization. – We all have the tendency to put ourselves at the center, and see everything—every event, conversation, circumstance, etc.—from the viewpoint of how it relates to us and only us.  And this can have all kinds of adverse effects, from feeling hurt when other people are rude, to feeling sorry for ourselves when things don’t go as planned, to doubting ourselves when we aren’t perfect.  Obviously, we are not really at the center of everything.  That’s not how the universe works.  It just sometimes seems that way to us.  So, be sure to shift your focus when it makes sense.  When you catch yourself feeling like a singled-out victim, think about other people you might help.  Finding little ways to help others can snap you out of your self-centeredness, and then you’re not wallowing in self-pity anymore—you’re starting to think beyond yourself, for your own good.

Your attitude is still greatly affected by old stories. – In the present moment, we all have some kind of pain: anger, sadness, frustration, disappointment, regret, etc.  Notice this pain within yourself, watch it closely and see that it’s caused by whatever story you have in your head about what happened in the past (either in the recent past or in the distant past).  Your mind might insist that the pain you feel is caused by what happened (not by the story in your head about it), but what happened in the past is NOT happening right now.  It’s over.  It has passed.  The pain, however, is still happening right now because of the story you’ve been subconsciously telling yourself about that past incident.  It’s simply a process of your thinking.  Do your best to see it for what it is.

Your attitude often reflects your inner resistance to reality. – Most people make themselves unhappy simply by finding it impossible to accept life as it is presenting itself right now.  Do your best to catch yourself.  Be mindful.  When you accept the reality of the moment, regardless of how painful, you allow yourself to grow and heal.  Ultimately, happiness is not the absence of problems, but the ability to deal with them.  Imagine all the wondrous things your mind might embrace if it weren’t wrapped so tightly around your struggles.  Always look at what you have, instead of what you have lost.  Because it’s not what the world takes away from you that counts, it’s what you do with what you have left.

Your attitude gets caught up in fearing and hiding from change. – Sometimes, no matter how hard it is to admit, there are things in your life that aren’t meant to stay.  Change may not be what you want, but it’s always exactly what’s happening.  Earth does not stop spinning.  And sometimes saying goodbye is the hardest thing you will ever have to do.  Or, saying hello will make you more vulnerable and uncomfortable than you ever imagined possible.  At any given moment, change can seem almost too much to bear.  But, over the long run, change is ultimately the only thing that allows you to learn and grow and succeed and smile again.  So, remind yourself that life gradually changes in each and every moment, and so can YOU, for the better.

Your attitude is affected by your passivity and procrastination. – So many of us waste so much of our time and energy waiting for the ideal path to appear.  But it never does.  Because we forget that paths are made by walking, not waiting.  We forget that we shouldn’t feel more confident before we take the next step—that taking the next step is what builds our confidence.  And so, we hesitate, procrastinate, and ultimately succumb to the same old routines that have been driving us nuts for far too long.  Truth be told, there are thousands of people who live their entire lives on the default settings, never realizing they can customize everything.  Don’t be one of them!  Don’t settle for the default settings in life.  Find your loves, your talents, your passions, and embrace them.  Don’t hide behind other people’s decisions.  Don’t let others tell you what you want.  Design YOUR journey every step of the way!  The life you create from doing something that moves you is far better than the attitude you get from sitting around wishing you were doing it.

Your attitude reflects your aversion to discomfort. – Many of us don’t want to be uncomfortable, so we run from discomfort constantly.  The problem with this is that, by running from discomfort, we are constrained to partake in only the activities and opportunities within our comfort zones.  And since our comfort zones are relativity small, we miss out on most of life’s greatest and healthiest experiences, and we get stuck in a debilitating cycle.  Let’s use diet and exercise as an example…  First, you become unhealthy because eating healthy food and exercising feels uncomfortable, so you opt for comfort food and mindless TV watching instead.  But then, being unhealthy is also uncomfortable, so you seek to distract yourself from the reality of your unhealthy body by eating more unhealthy food and watching more unhealthy entertainment and going to the mall to shop for things you don’t really want or need.  And your discomfort and attitude both get worse.

Your attitude is often rooted in unrealistic ideals. – You aren’t perfect.  It’s OK.  Despite what you keep hearing inside your head, you can disappoint people and still be good enough.  You can fail and still be smart, capable and talented.  You can let people down and still be worthwhile and deserving of love and admiration.  Everyone has disappointed someone they care about at some point.  Everyone messes up, lets people down, and makes mistakes.  Not because we’re all inadequate or incompetent, but because we’re all imperfect and human.  Expecting anything different is setting yourself up for confusion and discontent.

Your attitude easily defaults to self-contempt. – Next time you catch yourself wallowing in self-contempt, remind yourself that you were not born feeling this way.  That at some point in the past some person or experience sent you the message that something is wrong with you, and you internalized this lie and accepted it as your truth.  But that lie isn’t yours to carry, and those judgments aren’t about you.  And in the same way you learned to think negatively of yourself, you can learn to think new, positive and self-loving thoughts.  You can learn to challenge those false beliefs, strip away their power, and reclaim your self-respect.  It won’t be easy, and it won’t transpire overnight, but it is possible.  And it begins the moment you decide there has to be a better way to live, and that you deserve to discover it.  Make that decision for yourself!

Your attitude gets hung up on longstanding self-limiting beliefs. – Think about a self-limiting belief you have—an area of your life where you believe you are destined to remain stuck.  It can be about any part of your life you hope to change—your weight, your career, your relationships—anything at all.  What’s one thing you’ve essentially decided is a fact about your position on Earth?  And then I want you to shift gears and think about ONE time, one fleeting moment, in which the opposite of that “fact” was true for you.  I don’t care how tiny of a victory it was, or even if it was a partial victory.  What’s one moment in time you can look back on and say, “Hey, that was totally unlike ‘me,’ but I did it!”?  Once you identify the cracks in the wall of a self-limiting belief, you can start attacking it.  You can start taking steps forward every day that go against it—positive daily rituals that create more tiny victories, more confidence, gradual momentum, bigger victories, even more confidence, and so on.  (Note: Angel and I build positive daily rituals with our students in the “Goals and Growth” module of the Getting Back to Happy course.)

Your attitude often reflects a lack of presence and self-awareness. – One of the hardest challenges we face in life is to simply live in our own skin.  To just be right here, right now, regardless of where we are.  Too often we use compulsive work, compulsive exercise, compulsive love affairs, and the like, to escape from ourselves and the realities of living.  In fact, many of us will go to great lengths to avoid the feeling of being alone in an undistracted environment.  Thus, we succumb to hanging-out with just about anyone to avoid the feeling of solitude.  For being alone means dealing with our true feelings.  Acknowledging this fact is the first step to healing it.  Begin right now by just noticing with curiosity, and without judgment, all of the ways in which you avoid being in your own skin, right here, right now, in this present moment we call life.

Your attitude has been bruised by inconsiderate people. – At some point, we’ve all been walked on, used and forgotten.  We’ve let people take advantage of us, and we’ve accepted way less than we deserve.  But we shouldn’t regret one moment of it, because in those moments we’ve learned a lot from our bad choices.  We’ve learned who we can trust and who we can’t.  We’ve learned the meaning of friendship.  We’ve learned how to tell when people are lying and when they’re sincere.  We’ve learned how to be ourselves, and appreciate the truly great people and things in our lives as they arrive.  And even though there are some things we can never recover and people who will never be sorry, we now know better for next time.  Remember this.  None of the injustice you’ve experienced is evidence of some fundamental flaw on your part.  None of it makes you unworthy.  It all just means that some people aren’t very good at looking beyond their own egocentric bubble.  But the fact that you are—that despite the darkness you feel, you have the ability to share your love and light with others—is an incredible strength.

Your attitude is often submissive and waits for validation from others. – You won’t always be a priority to others, and that’s why you have to be a priority to yourself.  Learn to respect yourself, take care of yourself, and become your own support system.  Your needs matter.  Start meeting them.  Make your own happiness a priority.  Don’t wait on others to choose you.  Choose yourself, right now!  Breathe in.  You are enough.  You have enough.  You do enough.  Breathe out… let go, and just live right now in the moment with a self-validating, self-loving attitude.  (Note: Angel and I guide our readers though the process of self-validation in the Self-Love chapter of our brand new book.)

Closing Exercise — Attitude Reflection

If you’re feeling up to it, I’d love for you to openly reflect on your attitude:

Which attitude issue mentioned above often gets the best of you?

Who would you be, and what else might you see, if you shifted your attitude in that area of your life?

In other words, think carefully about that specific area of your life and what’s been troubling your mind, and then visualize how your life would be different if you made a positive shift in your attitude:

How would it change your outlook on your present life situation?

Would you treat yourself and others differently?

How would you feel?

How would you behave?

What else might you be able to accomplish?

Leave a comment below and share your thoughts.

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