#ok nevermind im not filtering these w the mature label tumblr just fucking nukes it out of existance

[northern-passage]

"What are you thinking about?"

The question startles you - lost in your own head, you push off the railing, blinking down at the ocean waves as they roll beneath the icy dock.

Merry leans her hip against the railing at your side, crossing her arms as she waits for your answer.

"I don't know," you admit, avoiding her gaze. "Thinking about… something I can't quite remember," you say slowly, staring down at your hands.

That gets a noncommittal sound out of her. She turns to look out over the water, too, folding her hands in front of her, her elbows pressed against the railing.

"The sea does that to you," she says then, and you both lapse into silence, the docks swaying beneath you, the sky darkening overhead as the sun sets over the horizon.

Merry slides closer to you after a while, leaning against you, and you glance over at her to see her fidgeting with the ring hanging from her neck. She catches your eye, quickly tucking the ring back beneath her shirt and turning away.

"What are you thinking about?" you prompt, and it just gets you an annoyed look.

"Come on. It's getting late," she snaps, ignoring your question, and you sigh, pushing off the railing and following after her as she leads you from the docks and back into the city proper.

You move through back streets and dark alleys, keeping your head down as Merry guides you back to the shoddy inn you're staying in. You haven't run into any soldiers just yet, but you're not willing to push your luck. It's bad enough as it is.

Back at the inn, the others are already turned in for the evening, though you do check in briefly with Lea before making your way to your own room. There's not much else to do - you're meant to be laying low, hiding out in this shitty port city and avoiding the parade of soldiers passing up along the coast. But you're getting rather restless - and so is everyone else, for that matter.

You let out a long sigh, reluctantly preparing for bed, and it's a few more hours still until you are able to fall asleep, tossing and turning in your bed, listening to the distant ocean waves outside.

You don't get to sleep for long, though. A pounding on your door wakes you up, and you intend to ignore it, burying your face in your pillow - but minutes pass, and it doesn't stop.

"What the fuck," you hiss, throwing off your blankets and stomping across the room.

You rip the door open, scowling out into the hallway to see Merry.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" you snap, but she just shoves her way through the door, shouldering past you and stopping short in front of your fireplace.

For a despairing moment you think she might be drunk - but when she looks back over at you she is very clearly not, her eye sharp as she glares at you.

"What's wrong with me? What's wrong with you!" she jabs a finger at you, and you just raise your hands, bewildered at her anger.

There's a sudden uncertainty that flickers across her face then, and she drops her hand, blinking over at you, taking a step back and shaking her head. You wait for her to say something - but she doesn't, instead turning back around to stare into the fire.

"What do you want, Merry?" you prompt, a little gentler this time, though your agitation is still apparent - you can't help it. When she still doesn't say anything, you begin to feel a little less forgiving.

"Merry." You take a step towards her, your voice hard. "Gods, you always do this," you scoff then, and that gets her to at least look at you again.

"How are you going to come in here like this and still stonewall me?"

"What were you thinking about earlier? At the docks?" she says after a long moment.

You blink, stunned into silence at the absurdity of it.

"What - Merry, I told you," you shake your head, running your hand over your face. "Is that what this is about? Have you just been stewing about that all night? I wasn't thinking about anything."

"I was thinking about you," she says softly, and you're stunned back into silence again, but only for a moment, before your anger returns.

"Yeah? Not Ronan?"

You think she's going to hit you for that, and maybe you'd deserve it.

"No. Ronan…" she starts, seems to consider her words for a moment - and then she does lunge at you, grabbing the front of your shirt, both of you staggering across the room until you bump into the corner table. But she stops short of anything else, just staring at her hands, at the straining fabric bundled in her fists.

"Ronan," she starts again, her voice tight, "I'm not ready to talk about Ronan yet."

That's the most she's ever even said about it - you still don't even know who Ronan is. Or was. Important enough to get their name tattooed on her neck, though. For her to still wear a ring around her neck. Merry drops her gaze then, and you reach up to put a hand over one of hers, her grip loosening on your shirt.

"I was thinking about you. What's going to happen when all of this is over," she says slowly, and then she lets go of you, pulling her hands back, your own hand dropping back to your side.

You realize then that she's leaving, reaching for the door, and you quickly step after her, grabbing her wrist without thinking.

"Merry, wait-" you barely say her name before she's spinning around, grabbing your shirt again, only this time she pulls you toward her instead of pushing you away, your bodies colliding and pressing together, one of her hands moving to grasp at the back of your neck and urge you even closer. You search her face, watching as she licks her lips, your breaths intermingling before you close the remaining space between you.

The kiss is rough, Merry's hand tightening as your own hands grasp at her hips, both of you tripping over each other as you move towards your bed. Her lips are soft, warm and wet against yours, and she teases you with her tongue, tasting you before she pulls back, dropping down onto the bed and dragging you after her.

You barely manage to catch yourself, hands on either side of her head as she reaches down to pull at your trousers. Your breath hitches as her knuckles brush against your bare stomach, her eye watching your face, your reaction, flicking to your lips as you lean closer.

She lets go of your trousers as you kiss her again, instead slipping her hands beneath your shirt, reaching up and dragging her nails down your back, the sharp pain getting a hiss of pleasure out of you. Merry's lips move against yours, and she swallows the sound with her own, moaning low in the back of her throat as you shift on top of her, your bodies pressed flush together, her heart beating loudly against yours.

She says your name then, turning her head slightly, and you pull back, breathless as you look down at her, her hands still trailing up and down your back, tracing the muscle there, her touch lighter as she skims over old scars. She presses a kiss to the corner of your mouth, one more against the jagged scar along your jaw, and then she takes a deep breath, retracting her hands from beneath your shirt and rolling out from under you, moving to sit on the edge of the bed.

You don't move, your breath caught in your throat, and you expect her to get up and leave then - as abrupt as she had arrived. You're burning under your clothes, her touch still lingering on your back, the prick of her nails no doubt leaving long red lines carved into your skin.

"Merry?" you say softly, sitting back on the bed, and she turns back to look at you over her shoulder, though the look she gives you indecipherable. Her breathing is still a little ragged, and she leans forward for a moment, as if to stand - but instead she lays back on the bed, reaching over to give you a very uncharacteristic kiss, your eyes fluttering closed as she cradles your face in her hands. She pushes you down against the pillows then, straddles your lap, pinning you beneath her with her hand moving to your throat.

You reach up to grab her arm, stroking the soft skin of her inner wrist with your thumb, feeling her pulse jump at the touch. And then the moment passes - whatever weird feeling constricting in your chest is replaced with the very familiar feeling of want as she pushes her weight down on you, her hand tightening around your throat, licking her lips as she leans in close and resumes the earlier urgency between you as if nothing had happened at all.

You can't ignore it later, though, when she thinks you're asleep, extracting herself from your arms and moving to sit on the edge of the bed again. You feel the mattress shift as she stands, hear her move around the room, collecting her clothes you both had enthusiastically discarded earlier. She gets dressed, pulls her boots back on, and then you hear her put a few logs on the fire - before the door opens and closes, leaving you all alone.