#ok in That Verse. but wilderness somewhere around 102

[itchose]

@manslaught said, "i'm not mad. i don't know what i am."

❝  scared?  ❞   she asks quietly,   like she’s not allowed to say it,  and she’s been trying to avoid it with everyone else—    but she and mikayla have already proven to understand each other on a different level than she can say for most people,   and they’ve already been vulnerable with each other in ways at least shauna knows she can’t be with anyone else,   so it feels like she’s not overstepping when it comes to admitting it with her.   ❝  i don’t really know what i am, either.  ❞     she finally looks at mikayla now,   and it’s then that she realizes she’s been avoiding this all year—  ever looking her in the eye,  ever letting her gaze linger on her too long,  as if everyone would immediately know what they did if they caught her. 

she tries to shake off the thought, allowing herself to do something she hasn't been able to do not only just for the last few months, but ever, really: talk to mikayla.   ❝  you know what’s really stupid?  i didn’t even fucking care that we made it to nationals,  ❞    she admits under her breath,  her eyes rolling.  when they won,  she was thrilled because she got to celebrate her best friend,  and they got to share that excitement—  but there was a big part of her that was hoping that would be the last game she ever played. ❝  i just wanted it to be over.   soccer.  ❞   she looks down, letting out a scoff.   ❝  i guess it is now,  ❞   she adds quietly.