#ok imma go bc my energy is draining gnight everyone

[amadeyus]

hushpiper replied to your post

“hi h i hi an update for y’all[[MOR] i think most of the mania has...”

IT IS OKAY AND YOU WILL BE OKAY srs dun even worry about it. you are doing fine. this will pass and you will be normal again and it will be chill.

thank you hush <3 <3 <3 looking back i thought it was okay™ and right now i am okay™™ and that’s all that matters to me tbh

*TL;DR: cue more oversharing about my experiences*

yeah so today has been a major rollercoaster ride but i think the painkiller is completely (or almost/mostly) faded out by now and i feel like i can think so much clearer after all that. some stuffs happened:

firstly omg my hand tremors are a constant thing today (and my hands are still trembling a bit rn tbh) and it’s ridiculously shaky; so much body pain today tbh

so since the past two days were like a constant high mania feeling, today was the day where i basically crashed and tried not to burn too much

today was the day where the like bad stuff™ that comes with mania came and hoooo boi it was interesting and very rollercoaster-like

on the one hand i was ecstatic™ and there were so many moments where i was gushing with happy, love, empathy, appreciation, excitement, enthusiasm, and all the positive emotions (i did this whenever i saw/experienced something i like and thought of ideas/explanations/realized epiphanies); also multitasking/diverted attention was very much a thing during this phase

most important part of today tbh: i went to an art talk which i didn’t plan but when we got there i was so engaged (bc it was like a digital drawing class and i like drawing/art in general sooo). AND LIKE OMG. i don’t wanna spam y’all with details but i just realized/remembered how much i love drawing and the thrill of drawing and how therapeutic it feels (so! i will be drawing more often for offline portfolio stuffs but i will one day try my hand at fandom art. *wink wink nudge nudge*) you have no idea there were so many times i was close to crying because i was so happy and relieved i found my love for drawing again

on the other hand as soon as all the high feelings were over, i could literally feel all the energy being sapped out of me and in the morning i felt intense panic bc i still had a lot of energy and i was just tired and salty that my plan to reset my schedule didn’t work and i was so tired and there were so many tears today (both from sads and happs)

BUT after showering i felt so much better and after that i just felt like i can think so much clearer and my mind is so much at peace. i have no idea whether i’ll be able to sleep tonight but i have a good gut feeling about this

lastly: i will be sleeping soon and i kno im behind on all my replies (dw i have some drafted already) but i think i will be back to normal soon! (and also being able to experience this 3 day mania episode made me really empathize with y’all who are struggling with mania/bpd. but, it also made me respect AND APPRECIATE what y’all are doing EVEN MOREEEEE and i see you guys making self-love efforts and [insert YOU’RE DOING AAMAZING SWEETIE GIF HERE]) <3333

edit: basically today i was bursting with empathy, appreciation, and relief omg

thank you everyone (for putting up with these posts haha) and especially those of you who were kind and brave enough to share your experiences/advices bc i feel much better (literally like a changed person no joke) and i will actively work on being proactive with my love <333