#ok i've only written 25 which makes sense but it felt like more | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

martsonmars · 2 years ago

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ok, here's some more that sound particularly up my street: 23 - crucible, 49 - sensory overload, 34 - i wanna be your slave

Yay thanks for asking!

WIP 23 — crucible

I talked about it here, so I'm going to direct you there because I'm too lazy to copy everything (I just did it for another post but this one has IMAGES too so a link will have to do 🤣)

WIP 49 — sensory overload

This one is a very personal fic I started writing to deal with sensory overload–adjacent moments I have sometimes. It doesn't happen often, but when I started this WIP it was happening almost daily and I was feeling really overwhelmed. I guess I haven't continued/finished this because it hasn't happened again in a while. (Which is good! But I also want to finish this 😂)

Anyway, it's Baz dealing with vampire senses-induced sensory overload, which is something I've always wanted to explore. I have Thoughts about it.

Here's a snippet of Simon being a good boyfriend:

Baz brings his knees up to his chest and wraps his arms around his legs. He looks so lost, and young, and I want to envelop him in me and keep him safe. But I'm not sure—

“Can I—Can I touch you?”

He hesitates, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. Then he nods, not opening his eyes, and shuffles forwards on the bed so that there's room for me to slot behind him. I do, spreading my legs at his sides and tentatively touching his arm.

“Is this okay?”

He mmms, and my wings unfurl, forming a barrier between us and the rest of the room, not too close to us to make him feel crowded but close enough, I hope, to make him feel safe.

WIP 34 — i wanna be your slave

Damn, this one is also good. I had this idea for EGF, but then life and death happened and I abandoned all my WIPs but one (Cumdrop Buttons, but only because I had already written it in December).

This one is inspired by the Måneskin song, and it's supposed to be pure porn. Lots of BDSM, really kinky sex (all safe and consensual!!).

In a world were no creatures are discriminated, Baz is an immortal vampire who runs a House Of Pleasure (how he calls it). He loves his job, which is very dignified in this universe, but he hasn't felt like having sex with any clients in more than a century. Sex feels old; he's seen it all, so he leaves clients to his colleagues, and it's okay.

Until, one day, a man walks in. He looks young—but so does Baz, after all—but something about him feels timeless. Suddenly, Baz is very interested in having a client again.

(Spoiler: it's Simon!) (More spoilers: he's an immortal dragon who wake up from his mountain for the first time in centuries, and he wants to experience the world again. Baz will gladly help.)

I barely started writing this. I basically have a couple of paragraphs and a long list of kinks.

Snippet!

But no client was him.

He looks pretty young – 25? 30? – but he has an air to himself that Basil learnt to recognise in the newly built Galerie de Glaces at Versailles. He carries himself like his steps have already crossed every inch of the planet countless times, something deep and unfocused in his gaze that only belongs to those who have seen more than it’s possible to see in a lifetime.

And yet there’s more wonder in his boring blue eyes than Basil remembers ever seeing in his own.

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radicalposture · 4 years ago

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Hey, so were you diagnosed with autism/adhd as an adult? If you don't mind me asking, was that difficult to achieve? I'm 25, and I've often thought I might have adhd, but I've held off on looking into it because I hear it's extremely difficult and expensive to get it tested and diagnosed as an adult.

yes I only got diagnosed last october, I was 25 then too! it was kind of a weird journey for me, all of my siblings and my dad got diagnosed with autism or adhd one after the other and I was still saying “but I can’t really be autistic/adhd” right up until I actually got diagnosed lol. but since then my whole life suddenly makes sense for the first time and I really think things are gonna be ok! this applies to autism/adhd/other neurodiverse stuff but autism and adhd is what I know, but I hope it applies broadly as well

so unfortunately yes, it can be pretty expensive to get through the whole process. depends on where you live of course, I live in Ireland so even though we do have public healthcare I would probably have been on a waiting list for upwards of two years to see a terrible psychologist who didn’t know anything about adhd/autism so I went to a private psychologist. I already knew her pretty well bc my siblings had been to her and I knew she knew what she was talking about and I felt comfortable with her. seeing her cost me around €900 which is definitely a lot, different psychologists have different rates but the price can go up depending on what tests u get done. the more tests you do the more expensive it will be as a general rule (at the same time I saw a different psychologist who had a lower flat rate so idk what the “rules” are about this tbh) I got a standard assessment as well as autism and adhd tests which is why it was so expensive. it used up pretty much all my savings lmao but after getting a diagnosis I was able to apply for disability allowance (which was a hellish process) and I got rejected and had to appeal the decision but I got it in the end, which is fortunate bc I quit my job lol.

recently I wanted to look into medication so I had to go to a psychiatrist because you can’t get a prescription for stimulant medication from a gp in most countries I think? BUT he’d only see me if I got rediagnosed by his psychologist, so that was another €300 for each of them. I did get prescribed ritalin in the end but I’ll have to get the prescription refilled a few times a year bc it’s a restricted medication, which will mean paying €100 ish for each time I do. fortunately I don’t actually have to pay for the medication itself bc I have a medical card.

so yes, it can be expensive! all told it’s cost me almost €2000 to get it all sorted and will keep costing me maybe €300 a year from now on, so it’s definitely something you have to budget for. especially depending on where you live, I imagine things are v different from country to country. also I’m very fortunate bc I still live with my family so I’m free of some financial pressure and I’d been saving for it for a while but I know how hard it is to countenance paying out that kind of money, and wondering whether it’s worth it.

as to whether it’s difficult to achieve I think you’ve got to break it down because official diagnosis is only part of it. so if you think you do have ADHD I’d look at it from a couple of different angles:

1. self acceptance/understanding is absolutely the most important thing. I know people who’ve never been to a psych who know they’re autistic/adhd and really flourish, I also know people who have official diagnoses but who won’t accept it themselves and reject help/support and they’re making things so hard for themselves. so the most important thing is to educate yourself about what adhd means and, more importantly, what it means for you. everyone’s brain is different and understanding exactly how your brain works and why you think/behave the way you do is the most important thing you can do. there are a lot of resources out there, especially online, - I’ll put a link to a google drive of books and things I have at the bottom - and it can be good to connect with others online as well. having people who Get It and can help you is really paramount, I know often our irl families/friends can sometimes let us down so sometimes the only support you can get is from following ppl on twitter or something. the adhd subreddit is weirdly helpful and supportive, it’s great to be able to throw out a question like “I think like this am I insane y/n” and have other people go “nah ur fine” it’s very validating (also validation/external perspectives is super important for adhd bc we can be extremely bad at self assessment). so yes, the most important thing is firstly to know thyself by 1) educating yourself and 2) listening/connecting with others like u.

2. is it important to have an “official” diagnosis? no and yes. obviously you don’t need a diagnosis from a doctor to know what you are, and 70% of the things needed to help you flourish are going to come from your own research and the support systems you make. and if you cant afford or access a psychologist or psychiatrist it doesn’t make it any less real or bar you from educating yourself/accessing resources etc. HOWEVER. if you can get a good diagnosis then I really would go for it, bc: 1) it opens a LOT of doors to official resources, whether that’s access to welfare, supports and accommodations at school or college, medication, etc etc. a lot of the time the supports we need are behind this diagnostic paywall, which sucks but it is what it is :/ so that’s one consideration. 2) it can be really validating and help set your mind at ease about whether you “really” have adhd or if you’re “faking”. like I said I didn’t believe that I was “allowed” to be autistic before I got diagnosed. I also didn’t consider that I might have adhd, I went in thinking I’d just get the autism diagnosis so it wasn’t something I would have found out on my own probably. so it can be good to get an outside opinion, especially as, like I said, we can be really bad at self assessment. 3) it feels good to know you have a piece of paper to throw at rude family members/teachers/doctors who don’t believe it’s real 4) if you can find a good psychiatrist/psychologist it can be such a good thing to have that support and to get genuinely good advice from a professional you trust. doesn’t always happen but if u can find one it’s a godsend

wow this got long. to summarise, if you think you have adhd or anything else I would

research and educate yourself. for adhd probably the best thing to do is read driven to distraction and delivered from distraction, written by two psychiatrists who are adhd themselves. they’re both in this google drive along with loads of other resources I’ve collected, there’s also books about autism as well. as a disclaimer not everything/everyone here has my 100% endorsement some of it is there for academic/historical interest or only parts are helpful but by and large it’s useful. also watch this video and feel Seen

look for a good psychologist/psychiatrist if you’re going for a diagnosis. see if there’s an adhd organisation in your country/area and if they can recommend anyone. a lot of the time you’re better going to a child/educational psychologist who’ll see adult clients as they tend to Get It more. do look for someone who is clear about having experience in adult adhd bc unfortunately even qualified psychologists get a LOT wrong so make sure you get someone who knows what they’re doing before you give them your money

yes it can be really expensive. but if you’re needing to access things like medication or welfare I think it’s well worth the trouble and the money. my sister got diagnosed in her second year of college and was able to save her degree bc of extensions on projects and things like that (I didn’t get diagnosed until after college and spent four years torturing myself I WISH I had known) and it can be something that’s better done sooner rather than later. So if it’s something you can do without putting yourself in financial danger I think it’s good to bite the bullet and go for it. like I used up basically all my savings BUT I now can access disability payments and medication so it was worth it for me. it’ll be different for everyone so use your judgement obviously

anyway hope this helped! let me know if you need anything else! and good luck on your journey

#brain tag

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ais-n · 4 years ago

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Same anon as before x) I've started to reread the DC version book 1. I also stopped to compare the changes from the original website version. Was there a reasoning behind why you decided to cut out a lot of Hsin's interaction with the bar owner Jessica? Like his mutual physical interest in her and the kiss ect? Was it influenced in any way by fan opinions?

Hi again! <3 + :D

This is where I was like “Oh I bet I misunderstood that other question” lol Sorry again about that if I did, or sorry again if I didn’t and thought I did XD

Ok so for the purposes of lessening confusion (and yes, I am aware I am the sole reason it became so confusing haha) I’m going to take “original website version” to reference what we currently call “Original Evenfall” aka the pdf/ebook you can download for free at aisylum.com/project/icos. That is in comparison to the “edited” version aka Director’s Cut aka DC. So when I say original/DC that’s what I’m referencing. Hope that helps/isn’t confusing and makes sense.

With the whole DC edit, full disclosure: the whole reason that came about was 1) we felt like there were parts of the first book especially that definitely needed a lot of editing to flow better and make sense, but also 2) we had been discussing how it would be cool to eventually get them printed in book format somehow for physical copies.

We agreed on this; what we had different views on was how to go about it. Me being wordy ass me, I thought we should just edit/add/whatever as made sense for the story, and pay zero attention to the word count itself. “Sonny” specifically went into it wanting us to cut a percentage of the word count in order to make it more of a “normal” sized book, which should help with physical publishing and maybe getting new readers, etc. I forget what ‘his’ goal was - I think the goal was to cut 33% of the word count out or something? 25%? I just remember I thought it was way too large a percentage because I’m wordy af lol

Anyway we split the book in half more or less and each of us was responsible for trying to cut things down as much as possible while maintaining the story etc. I ended up having most of Monterrey because I wanted to update Jorge and all that. But because of the way the story is written, things changed in the early part of the book would affect the way things were done in the later half of the book.

From what I recall, we both felt the Jessica parts were a bit over-dramatic at times and maybe detracted from the story. Or maybe it’s more accurate to say that when we had the book in context of the rest of DC editing, the way Jessica was handled stood out too much if it remained the Original Evenfall way in the midst of the DC editing. So that ended up getting changed a decent amount. I honestly can’t remember who changed it but it doesn’t really matter since ultimately no matter what one person changed, the other had to agree it was okay or they were okay enough with that change before we published it.

I think at the time we were trying to make things flow better, which meant lessening some of the drama which also affected a bit how Hsin interacted with people and how Boyd responded to those interactions. It’s possible that was the right choice, I don’t know.

But in retrospect, I’m not sure that the change did any favors for Boyd. His story always was very specifically built piece by piece to show why he reacts how he does at different points in the story. He was hella insecure and full of self-doubt and jealous and just emotional in general over the whole Jessica thing because of the way that was first written, and that built into why he does or doesn’t do certain things not only in the rest of Evenfall, but also into Afterimage and even Interludes.

We were initially thinking that after we did Evenfall DC we would DC the rest of the books, so the thinking was we could smooth out some of those things in later books. But since those DC versions never happened, it just ends up making Boyd seem particularly melodramatic at times in later scenes, if a person hasn’t read the original and only read DC. Which then I think led into the way some readers viewed everything going on especially in Afterimage and Interludes. By the time Fade rolls around, it ends up mostly evening out and being pretty consistent across the board in how readers view things, but I think some of those changes in DC ended up being detrimental to the flow of the story in the context of only having one DC book instead of all 4 DC books flowing together using the same points of reference and building off those.

So, generally - we probably changed Jessica thinking that it made more sense at that time in context of the way the rest of the scenes were written, but that wasn’t thinking in terms of being in context of the way everything was written in later books. So now some things Hsin does or thinks later, or Boyd does or thinks later, or even other people do/think later, seem more melodramatic or odd than they need to be. I think we thought we were doing a good job of keeping the key points needed, and generally we did in terms of plot - like, Jessica As A Possible Rival is still a thing, but it’s less imminent of a feeling because Hsin’s reactions aren’t as intense or whatever as they had been the first time, which is like a little ripple going down the line affecting other things we didn’t realize.

In the end, I’m still glad we made the DC version - it’s super fun having a physical copy, and there are some parts of that version I like a lot, that didn’t show in the original version. New scenes we wrote, or characters we got to expand on. But because “Sonny” had gone into it specifically wanting a specific amount of words cut, we did also cut some scenes out in order to more meet that goal, or adjust the way some scenes were written. And then on top of that, just editing anything will affect the way other stuff is written in that book. Since Boyd especially as a narrator/person is so much built on cause and effect, action and consequence, I tried to keep the spirit of that intact in the DC version but I think I failed in some parts and didn’t realize it at the time or just was so tired of editing I was like “Fuck it; let’s just go with this... It will never be perfect, so this can be good enough.”

By the way, I’m not blaming “Sonny” for this or anything - I’m just mentioning the whole word count thing because it was a thing we didn’t really agree on, but it ended up becoming the shared goal because it was the easiest way to move forward, and because I thought maybe there was enough repetition in the narration it would end up being a moot point. I was all for editing and cutting out unnecessary stuff, I just got hung up on the idea of having to meet a quota for it. I just didn’t want that to be part of the goal; I just wanted the goal to be improving the story as a whole.

But on the other hand, because we had that specific goal, we may have gone about editing a bit differently, like writing new scenes that combined plot points from other disparate scenes. And I like some of those new scenes a lot. So it probably works out in the end, it just means there’s a lot of give and take when comparing the two versions.

Ultimately, it probably makes sense for someone who likes the series to read both versions, if they are up to it, to really get an idea of everything that was written as happening in canon, even though that canon at times is a bit opposed to each other between versions.

Which is probably a super confusing way of going about things and no doubt is a super confusing answer - but hopefully it made sense in some form ^^;

#Anonymous #ask ais #icosbooks #icos #in the company of shadows #longpost

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captainkirkk · 7 years ago

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ok so. so so so. this will be a long message, because frick on a stick there is so much i want to tell you and thank you for. so brace yoself: i read history has its eyes on you only yesterday, but i've been desparately rereading it ever since, almost non-stop, because holy macaroni if this fic ain't one of the most perfect stories these tired eyes have ever seen. i love SO MANY THINGS i'm not sure where to even start, gosh. okay. okay. let's start at the beginning. (1/?)

WEEPS. You sent me A DOZEN messages, bless you? And thank you!!!

This ask and my response got long, so I’m putting it under the cut. There’s a bunch of headcanons about the ‘see it all in bloom’ universe in here, so if you’re interested, keep reading.

your headcanons regarding class 3-a’s rise to fame/the july attacks/deku’s leap in the limelight as future number one, i adore it all. it makes sense, it’s exciting even if we don’t get to see it on the page word-for-word/in real time, and it’s inspiring too! but most of all, it fits them all so well – they deserve to be written as great heroes and i’m beyond happy you gave that to them in your story – to ALL of them, including shinsou. cookies for you. (2/?)

secondly, the rankings you picked for them – deku as no.1 of course, and katsuki ACTUALLY BEING CONTENT WITH SECOND PLACE, EFF YEAH! and shouto at no.4, holding neither all might’s nor his father’s former ranks, i appreciate the heck out of this. just… all the kids becoming awesome heroes and having wonderful, fulfilling careers just like they’ve always wanted, i’m here for this and i’m here to STAY. (3/?)

thirdly, katsuki’s character. i will be the first person in this fandom to admit my intense dislike of him, but you’ve written him in exactly the way i’ve always wanted him to turn out – significantly less jaded, noticeably more humble (and sane…), actively working to correct the mistakes of his past by becoming an advocate for quirkless kids and participating in anti-bullying campaigns (as an ex bully-victim, reading this made me want to kiss you) with deku, that felt sweet on the soul (4/?)

and also being married to kirishima, of course. DUH. speaking of which, the ships! THE SHIPS! ALL. MY. FAVOURITE. SHIPS. they were all there, they all got attention, and i love you all the more for it. tododeku especially. i just love how tenderly yet comfortably they were written. in my mind, they’ve always felt like the couple that will get the happily-ever-after kind of romance, like two souls mated in a fairy tale come to life. and they, above all others, deserve that everlasting joy (5/?)

and the parts with toshinoti, how he’s dealing with his new(-ish?) lifestyle and the world is spinning on without him, but also taking care of him, because he’s more than earned it – how all his former friends and students have become family to him and are so eager to remain an active part of his life, how he helps bakugou with teaching (for dummies ;P) and is so painfully proud of deku, it was all so deeply touching and heartwarming, i loved every single one of his scenes to bits! (6/?)

the writing was wonderful forma purely technical point as well: there were some typos but nothing serious, and it all flowed quickly yet smoothly – you stylde felt simple and dynamic, but also somehow profound, perhaps precisely because of its simplicity. i still can’t put my finger on it. i just know i loved it. your ocs were a great addition too! their personalities felt distinct and they left good impressions without overstaying their welcome in a class 3-a-centred story, top job! (7/?)

the whole domestic feel of the fic was wonderful as well! it felt like a true slice-of-life piece, even though the lives in question are filled with action and danger. you captured the nature of the balance between working your (adventurous and stardom-speckled) dream job and living your private life/spending quality off-time with friends very accurately. the final excerpt (the description of the photo) left a sweetly nostalgic sense buzzing in my chest. just… thank you for this story. (8/?)

and now that i’m done singing your praises, time for the payback! i adore this verse, and therefore i naturally have questions. first and most importantly, the tododeku relationship development. could you tell me when and how they got together in this verse, how that whole tidbit with suing endeavour went, and when and how exactly they got engaged? i assume it’s in the 5 months leading up to the reunion, but details please? future wedding details too? give me ALL THE DETAILS. (9/?)

then, ranking details! we know deku’s no.1, bakugou’s no.2, and shouto’s no.4, but the fic mentions the class currently has 6 members in the top 10. who are the rest, and who’s the number 3 hero? please tell me it’s momo. PLEASE. also, have their ranks changed since the time they graduated, or have they remained the same for the last 7 years (i.e. deku’s always been no.1 ever since he entered the ranklist, shouto’s always been no.4, etc.)? and what’s shinsou’s rank? (10/?)

what about teaching details? where’s nedzu if aizawa’s principle? is shinsou a part-time teacher or a guest lecturer? does bakugou now do teaching full time, or does he only do homeroom for one class and keeps hero-ing in the meantime? will he even remain in the ranklist if he stops fighting villains? will he even care? and on a less-related note, are bakushima the only married couple? and when did they get married? was deku best man? my shameless curiosity demands to know everything (11/?)

finally, in case i haven’t tormented you enough, i wanted to ask, how do you envision our heroes’ futures? we know they’re only 25 in the story, and tododeku are about to soon get married. and bakushima are married already, bakugou’s switching careers, yada yada. but if you had to plot a course for the rest of class 3-a’s lives, what would it look like? all might mentioned grandchildren, but would tododeku want that? and where even was/is kouda in this entire fic? xDDD thank you!!! (12/12)

Again: thanks for the comments! I’m so glad you enjoyed this.

The next ‘in bloom’ instalment will focus on Bakugou becoming involved in anti-bullying campaigns. I’m with you, Bakugou makes me very uncomfortable in canon, but occasionally we get these glimpses of character development (esp in the manga), and I just needed to bring that out and expand on it.

And there will always be typos in my work, unfortunately. I don’t have a beta, and I’m a dumb-ass who always misses my errors. I do my best, but I am only human.

I won’t give you all the details (partly because I don’t have this universe entirely mapped out yet), but you can have some answers:

TodoDeku have a long engagement. They were engaged before we see them in ‘history…’ actually. They’re in no rush, and are very busy with their work lives, and are enjoying the blissfully engaged lifestyle. They’ve been engaged for about a year, and they have some vague plans, but nothing concrete. At the moment, they’re debating the merits of getting married somewhere private in the city vs. getting married on Toshinori’s estate. I’m not sure which one will win out.

Their rankings have changed A LOT! When he officially entered the rankings when he was 19, Deku only ended up no. 20, because it had been over a year since the July Attacks, and he hasn’t actually done much since then, being busy with exams/graduating/entering a hero agency. A lot of people were upset by this, but it didn’t bother Deku. He was ecstatic to scrap into the Top 20 as it was.

Sorry, no. 3 belongs to Inasa (from the manga). The top 10 has changed a lot, too. There’s actually seven 1a heroes in the top 10 - Uravity was No. 11 but got a jump in popularity recently. In order: Deku, Detonation, Gale (Inasa), Polarise, unnamed number 5, Creati, Red Riot, Ingenium, an unnamed number 9, and Uravity.

Shinsou is rankless. He’s an underground hero, and I headcanon that those types of heroes are not typically assigned ranks.

Shinsou has his own role at UA. He does a bunch of stuff: watches the entrance exams, works with some of the Gen. Ed kids, oversees possible transfers between courses, and does guest lectures. Aizawa gives him a lot of independent power.

Bakugou co-teaches Class 1-B. He occasionally guest lecturers other classes (like how Thirteen worked one-off with 1-A during the USJ attack). He has enough time to do hero work too, but he has a less intense work-load now that he’s also teaching.

Kirishima and Bakugou are the only married couple at the moment. They got married when they were 23, before TodoDeku had gotten engaged. They were the first couple to start dating in high school, too. They just … clicked, and never looked back.

Do you mean Kouda or Kouta? Kouda is probably off running a rescue animal shelter while doing minor hero work, too. Kouta is doing amateur film work and arguing with classmates when they don’t believe that he knows pro heroes irl.

I almost wrote Jirou and Momo announcing their engagement at the reunion, but at that point, I had been writing the fic for months, and I needed to upload it before I combusted. So. Yeah. They get engaged around the end of the fic.

I haven’t thought too hard about kids but … I can’t get the image of Kiri/Baku adopting an orphaned girl when they’re in their 30s, and Bakugou ringing up Midoriya to ask him to be the godfather, and Midoriya CRYING FOR HOURS. HOURS. He catches the train over at like 11pm, still in his pjs, still crying, and all over twitter there’s pics of Deku crying into a phone, sparking all kinds of terrible rumours, until he uploads a photo of him cradling his goddaughter in his arms a few hours later.

I also have more headcanons in my history verse tag, if you’re curious. Thanks again!

#history verse #ask #curiousbluepencil

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