#ok i am fucking delusional and a hypocrite and a fool i know yes
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FFXIV
#🌙.rambles#NO im FINE#i'll be like my wol!#ok i am fucking delusional and a hypocrite and a fool i know yes#i'll be like my wol !#i don't fucking know what i'll be doing but. cries in 'ill just do what i can'#it'll never be enough! yeah. so i'll just. i'll just. survive. do what i must#along the way hopefully i'll really find my answers again. i just. i just want to be happy but i'm so uncertain of the future#n it hurts when i think of the contrast i imagine of a future i want vs what i think i.... deserve? should get?#i'm gna fucking lose my mind but i shld just. be normal as i always am. yes#i feel so empty but that's normal for me! i'll just fake it till i make it. shut the fuck up too while i'm at it#i'll just fake it till i make it. shut the fuck up too while i'm at it#force myself to be better. yes yes. but. but that#no fuck bcs what i want to be is#i want to at least stay authentic n real. even if it hurts. but i don't see the point rn n it hurts. but i don't want to lose myself#but how do i go forward. any other way. with all this pain? tell me how. fucking tell me#it hurts thinking of better moments . they once were real right?#now that i'm growing older though#i'm not sure of anything anymore. i'm so tired. i'm so sorry. i just want to stop thinking#no i'm fine! i'll do little steps#i don't fucking know what i'm doing n it hurts so much but i need to do. whatever. whatever at all#n tomorrow when the day comes. i'll force myself to be happy. i'll force it. i'll fucking force it if i must#my head aches but i cried n feel a bit better. still very unsure. but fuck it all i'll just do wtvr. i'm sorry#i just want to be happy. to not be lonely. to. hold unto my youth. to be at peace. to remember. to achieve great things#i want to help others too n. everything. just. yeah. my dreams n goals n ambitions n wishes. it's so hard. n i'm so afraid#lonely ephemeral world. how do i stay true to myself? how do i find my peace? how do i achieve it all when i'm so so lonely and afraid?#i know i can do so much better. n i'm better than my pain. i'll rise above it but. right now it just feels so cold. so lonely.#right now is one of those moments where i really don't know what to do. bcs time's creeping up on me. growing up too fast....#it's so hard. it's so fucking hard. i'll still try but. i'm sorry i'm sorry it hurts so much n i wish i cld just rest. for time to stop#please don't let me burden you. i'm crying i hate this so much why can't i just be better. be enough. do it. everything. everything
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