#ok but honestly i'm just mentioning this to make myself feel better bc at least!! that part of my day genuinely made me feel so happy (to an

[latejulys]

someone just commented on my physical appearance UNPROMPTED????

[daz4i]

ok now i'm at home in bed and can make a proper post with all my thoughts. gushing abt personal stuff and possibly getting into sensitive territory here and there under the cut

today was really nice 🥹

i love our group i'm so glad i got to meet them i'm so glad they are a part of my life

everything went well. i'm honestly. extremely proud of myself for making it through this entire process, and not giving up like i at times wanted to. the last few weeks where my role was tweaked a little were super fun and today was the highlight, like seeing and hearing the audience clap even when i did just the littlest things was so. satisfying

after the show lots of people, including complete strangers, came up to me and told me i was great and that i was both funny and touching and they loved my part, i got so many hugs ahdjkflg 😭😭😭 beyond the clapping and laughter i got during the show which were already nice 🥹

the show itself was received better than i expected, and i started liking it more in recent weeks too hehe. we leaned into the campiness of it even more and it made it so much more fun to experience

it reminded me how much i love theater and how much i love being on a stage and not to sound spiritual or w/e but i truly was meant for this like this is what i'm supposed to be doing. i hope i can some day do it for money lol enough to make a living at least :P

. my whole body hurts (fr this show was so much exercise for my lazy ass 😩) but it's a good kind of hurt? bc it comes with satisfaction. hope i don't regret saying this tomorrow :P

in addition to playing in the show i was also somewhat of an assistant director lol. both our director and someone from the management team who was involved in the process mentioned it to my mom separately, like our director praised me for this and said my insight was always helpful and that i had great ideas omg 😭 this entire time i was worried that i'm like. taking over too much or smth bc i always had shit to say abt everything fr :P but ig it was received well 🙏 here and there i gave comments to other actors too to remind them stuff or correcr certain movements or lines and i was always worried it annoyed them but. they never got mad at any point. so maybe i can accept that i'm allowed to take space and offer my insight and not only will nothing bad happen, but good things will happen even hehe.

so this is where i get into the sensitive stuff i mentioned. bc if you follow me then you probably know my mental state is Not Great to say the least. and while i did have a lot of anxiety today (even got 2 pieces of somewhat bad news during the day which ofc were both huge bummers) i didn't think abt wanting to die even once. at some point my mean brain tried to bring it up and i managed to shut it down immediately which practically never happens (even when i'm having fun with friends it usually takes a bit more time for me to shake the thought away). which is kind of amazing and also another confirmation that i should be doing this more probably. i think

and. i mentioned being proud of myself. that's also smth that never happens but my aforementioned mean brain can't argue this time bc i absolutely objectively DO have the right to be proud of myself for everything i've done

less than one year ago i barely went out, maybe twice a week at most. the only people i met regularly were my parents (bc. i live with them lol) and my close friends. now i go out 4 times a week at the minimum and i interact not only with my fellow actors but other people in the art program as well, i use public transport which i basically never did since i was like. in high school. and talk to strangers even though I'm still terrified

i didn't just go on a stage but allowed myself to be filmed and managed to look at pictures of myself from the dress rehearsal despite having Issues™️ with this sort of thing. being seen wasn't bad. it was good even. i didn't feel as self conscious about the whole thing as i usually do basically

it's kind of amazing to see how much i've changed tbh. achieved. i didn't think smth like this could happen, let alone so quickly (and during. a literal war. that obviously didn't help anyone's mental state)

like. i mentioned being proud of myself. and this is a part of it, doing things that are so huge for someone like me and compared to who i usually am. but i think even compared to a normal person, i did a pretty damn good job that most people don't normally do, and i absolutely earned the right to feel good for the work i put in

^even thinking this is like chewing glass for me so this is ALSO an achievement actually. me feeling good about myself i mean. feeling pride. acknowledging my own success. makes me look back at other things i do/did that others are proud of me for and go "huh. i guess they're right" even tho i denied it before

idk. maybe i'll get a major adrenaline crash and forget these feelings tomorrow. maybe they'll last for a few days. maybe they'd even make a long term mark! who knows! i guess we can only hope (realistically speaking, the way i know myself, it won't stick :P but who knows. maybe just like i am currently building myself and my life little by little, i'll keep accumulating successes like this little by little too, solidify my self esteem a bit more at a time lol

idk how to finish this post. uh. if you read this i'm kissing you on the mouth. i'd say i hope i don't sound too conceited but nah i earned the right to be so anyway 🧐 no one gets to tell me otherwise

[tadpolesonalgae]

hey! it's been a while, tbh. i still read your works and check your profile pretty regularly, but i don't think i've sent an ask in a while. i think you complimented my writing style last time(that it was fun to read, i think?) so thanks for that. i've been rereading cbmthy once again, at least the starting parts, and it seems i'd forgotten how much of an asshole az'd been in the beginning.

anyway, you've heard about this from multiple people, me included so i won't rehash it, but like before i think i'm particularly interested to see how he mends that relationship, and how justified reader is in being ok with it. anyway i do find myself wondering what their relationship would look like in the future, if you've already decided on it? if you're fine with talking about it, ofc. i understand if you don't wish to spoil it or take away from how surprising it might be.

anyway i think it would be interesting to explore what feelings az would feel once everything actually sinks in, and that he needs to actually apologize. admittedly i think it would be fun it it came about because of him being jealous or something, but i know it's more realistic for it to be bc of the confrontation(perhaps during the one you've been talking about for a while?).

i think of all i'm most interested to see how everything az said in the beginning affects reader once they have a cordial relationship and/or a romantic one, where i think it's most likely that az just doesn't make up for the words he says because he's sure that r knows they're false and that he'd only said them in the heat of the moment and because he'd already vaguely apologized before and then having to deal with the fact that r's internalized it, at least somewhat. (admittedly this might be me projecting what i think i would do in the situation. praise kink go brr?).

oh! i'm also curious how you'll mend the comparisons to elain part tbh. quite a thing that's usually make or break in a relationship where i think i would be quite concerned if someone stayed in a relationship after that tbh. unsure how one would come back from that, but perhaps it is a personal thing.

feel free to talk about this stuff if you want!

(if you're fine with it, i would like to be * anon?)

Hello hello!!!

‘i've been rereading cbmthy once again, at least the starting parts, and it seems i'd forgotten how much of an asshole az'd been in the beginning.’

Honestly same, I’ve been recapping since I’m working on part 13 and i’m looking back and realising he has to be on perfect behaviour from now on or reader’s going to turn her head the other way 🫡

‘but like before i think i'm particularly interested to see how he mends that relationship, and how justified reader is in being ok with it.’

So, someone has definitely mentioned the fact that if he starts acting better around reader only once her mental state begins improving, there’s the concern of “you only love me at my best” scenario, which is definitely not what we want! Anyhow, we’re getting closer to the main turning point in the story which I hope will be a relief to hear, so there’s going to be a lot of reconsideration on past decisions and adapting to new developments that arise as the story goes on, which in turn, will allow Az and reader’s relationship to evolve to something better and healthier :)

‘anyway i do find myself wondering what their relationship would look like in the future, if you've already decided on it?’

Honestly it’s not going to change dramatically, I don’t think? She’s still going to be nervous when entering new territory with him, because I feel that’s a quintessential part of who she is 😭 what will change is likely how she manages the nerves and how Az interacts with her worry, learning how to work around and with one another and sync up their habits so they can coincide :)

‘if you're fine with talking about it, ofc. i understand if you don't wish to spoil it or take away from how surprising it might be.’

Thank you for including this 🧡💛

I think for the most part, it’s only the points of interest outside their relationship I’d like to keep quiet on, since those are more plot related and i’m honestly kind of excited/anxious to learn what people think when those Events happen! Also some of it, reader will also be learning on her own, so I’d like your experience to be as close to hers as possible, which includes for the most part not knowing if her life is changing for the worse or for the better :)

‘anyway i think it would be interesting to explore what feelings az would feel once everything actually sinks in, and that he needs to actually apologize.’

This part I haven’t yet gotten around to fully thinking through. It’ll probably be something like getting some segments from his perspective where we see him connecting reader’s actions to things that have happened in the past and understanding some of the things that need to change or be addressed to progress?

‘(perhaps during the one you've been talking about for a while?).’

I’m think the actual scene might have to be in a longer chapter, just because I would like to keep people immersed, and with how long it sometimes takes me to update cbmthy, I don’t want people having to wait to see what happens until it’s passed 😭

‘cordial’

Such a tangent but I love this word so much 🤌

‘…and because he'd already vaguely apologized before and then having to deal with the fact that r's internalized it, at least somewhat.’

I think this whole issue might be addressed over the course of a few discussions? Again, I haven’t fully figured out how it’s going to unfold so it’s certainly subject to change, but I think because self-doubt is an integral part of reader’s thinking process, it’s not something that would be remedied in one talk. Either way, I’ll do some more thinking about it and see if anything comes to mind :)

‘oh! i'm also curious how you'll mend the comparisons to elain part tbh….’

This will most likely also be included in those discussions, since it’s not just Elain but also Mor reader compares herself to. I think with Elain, that’ll probably be a topic that comes up with Az? I think? 🤷 Then with reader’s subconscious comparisons with Mor, I think that might just be a relationship she needs to fix on her own? Seeing Mor as her own person rather than someone Azriel loved is likely going to be something she has to unlearn and overcome :)

‘(admittedly this might be me projecting what i think i would do in the situation. praise kink go brr?).’

😳🫣👀🤝

‘feel free to talk about this stuff if you want!’

I love getting to talk about it, thank you so much for being interested ☹️

I really hope the story continues to be enjoyable despite how long the chapters take to write and how it sometimes takes a while for things to happen :)

[noisyballofvoidmuffin]

I just finished the second season of Good Omens and that was the most heartbreaking thing I've ever watched. That said, I must go on a rant. (/pos)

Ok, unlike the first season, I've had a couple moments where I was feeling second hand stress and had to pause before resuming my watch. Which just means it was very well written, directed, and acted out (!!!), but man 😭

Ok so spoilers ahead from now on. This rant is vaguely structured but mostly chaos bc I'm writing my thoughts as I think them. This is your last warning to avoid spoilers.

Won't check if anyone's still reading bc I'm mostly writing this for myself, so. I'm kind of like Agnes that way. I publish my thoughts just for the free copy of the book.

Anyhow, yes.

The way Aziraphale's behaviour so dramatically changes the moment he's no longer bound by heaven's rules, already seen on the bench scene at the end of season 1 is so??? Goodness, like, it becomes so obvious that Aziraphale had to control himself so many times so as to not get in trouble with heaven.

He lies, doesn't just avoid answering questions like Gabriel did. He tempts people, or perhaps it may be better said that he manages to persuade them very well, but he managed to get everyone to come to the meeting he planned. He bribes some of them, too.

I honestly don't believe any angels are going to fall. Or at least there's no plan for them to be up until now (end of s2). There's no word (in the series) of any Angels falling since the original war. So far at least. Don't think heaven wants any of their angels falling. Aziraphale would've likely fallen twice over if that were the case.

I absolutely dislike Metatron btw. Don't get me wrong, he is doing his job just fine in the narrative, more than such. But somehow during the series I had the feeling that Heaven was a greater evil/threat than Hell ever was and Metatron is just the icing on the cake.

The moment his facial expression dropped before following Aziraphale out of the bookshop just oooooh [seething, subdued adoration for how brilliant that tip off was].

Another thing I immediately had to glare at was when Aziraphale got into the elevator with him and his shoulders dropped. As if he wasn't sure Azi (getting tired of writing out his entire name :')) would get in with him. As if he was unsure.

Also, what's up with all the angels talking about the Great plan? It's not the ineffable plan, they won't call it that, their behaviour sure points towards that. The angels under Gabriel didn't seem to know the answer to Aziraphale's question about whether the two were the same thing. Metatron was much more secure in his wording. I suspect he's not actually acting out on God's will. At least not just that.

Metatron also didn't seem at all surprised at Crowley not taking up the offer to become an Angel again. He didn't react on it at all actually. And again, he said he met him. He said he remembers him and his questions. I presume he's at fault for Crowley's fall.

The angels seem to be so blindly obedient to the Metatron. So trusting.

Yes, a second Prince of Heaven falling would point out the issue in heaven. Even more so than, idk, the fact that an unknown but probably huge amount of Angels fell in the first place.

Talking of which, there was an actively decreasing amount of warrior demons. Where/Why/How was that happening? What were they dying to? If not dying, what were they doing?

Heaven is also rather empty from what it seems. Could be on purpose of course. But, egh. Logistics.

Also, Aziraphale. You lovable DUMBASS. Crowley is the one demon who likely knows best why neither Heaven nor Hell are good sides to be on.

Why did you get on that damned elevator after hearing there would be a second attempt at Armageddon???

Didn't you literally fight to stop the first one??? Okay sure, perhaps it was bc you think you can make a change but come. On.

Onto the acting, because I am not over it. Not at all.

The way the expressions and tones of voice, and the inflection, and just qjfkgkkbmamfvn

If you can't tell that kiss killed me inside. Both before and after.

Perhaps I am heavily biased towards the theories I've read before watching the series but come. ONNNN!!

Back to the series, i have seen someone point out how it seems to be from the pov of Aziraphale, as shown by the diary/journal entries we seen. I won't get too into that, but I do hope we get some of Crowley's perspective of some stuff next season.

Kind of funny how both heaven and hell seem to demand unquestioned obedience from their people. And that neither of their highest in command (God/Satan) are the ones to actually run things.

I've ran out of juice, might continue this rant another time but.. Idk

Feel free to add onto anything I might've mentioned on this. Do keep in mind to keep spoilers under a read more if you do please.

[psychewritesbs]

gege akutami is a menace to society actually

in case you haven't read, I'm talking about 215, so you can ignore me when you're ready

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he saw us have a little hope last week and had to send us tumbling again 😢

it's going to be a tough ride for sure ~

I honestly don't know how they'll be able to handle sukuna at full form bc even with the limitations, he was still countering. It'd be even worse if he's willing to work with kenjaku too. For some reason (denial), I have a feeling megumi's going to overcome this. I won't comment more on that because i feel like i'll spiral (cannot believe maki said its weird seeing megumi's face on someone being strong 😭) On another note, sukuna and co's eventual defeat will be worthwhile for how much suffering they've caused and will cause. Sukuna's choice to leave yuji alive will definitely come back to bite him, but it's interesting that his joy comes from seeing yuji suffer and look pathetic than giving him death. He despises everything about yuji and I see him praising others and he calls yuji boring (he's not but I'll let you live today sukuna). I don't like theorizing too too much for fear of raising expectations, but I'm really curious about sukuna's life during the heian period.

When sukuna and uraume laughed at yuji, I felt like I was laughed at too. I guess we'll be seeing his bath scene next.

Anyway, thanks for reading !! Have a good day/night.

(Will I ever go off anon? We'll see one day !!)

HOLA! Happy JJK-Sunday!!!!

Ok. hang I'm just going to go ahead and...

gege akutami is a menace to society actually

There... I felt like it needed to be said louder for the people in the back who may still be on the fence about getting into JJK.

Ok brainrot about chapter 215 under the cut!

Ah yes, no worries about chapter leaks lol. My weekly routine involves checking leaks first thing Wednesday and Friday mornings and nerding out with the moots about it 😂.

Like I am for real worried about JJK ending because what am I going to obsess over when it ends?!!!!!

WHAT KIND OF NORMAL EXISTENCE WILL I BE FORCED TO ENDURE?!!!!!!

But anyways, I did hold off on posting my reply to you until today (Sunday) for those who follow this hellhole of a blog of mine and don't actually read leaks.

he saw us have a little hope last week and had to send us tumbling again 😢

it's going to be a tough ride for sure ~

Yesssss I was hoping we'd get to see Megumi inside the inner domain wrecking Sukuna or at least inflicting some sort of damage 🥲🤧. SOMETHING! ANYTHING!

Regardless, Megumi fighting Sukuna from within whenever his friends are in danger is so... this boy is so beautiful and he doesn't even get it.

To your point about this being a though ride, Frenchie is my voice of reason when it comes to my fatalist fear of Megumi's death. @justafrenchlondoner recently said some good stuff about how Gege is probably trying to get us to feel like all hope is lost before something good happens.

After all, it isn't uncommon to see events continue to escalate in a sort of "it's going to get much much worse before it gets better" kind of way.

For some reason (denial), I have a feeling megumi's going to overcome this. I won't comment more on that because i feel like i'll spiral

Riiiiight so I'm still rather unwilling to let myself hope Megumi is surviving for the mere fact that I don't want to be hurt. That's just my nature tho.

If I break my heart now then I won't be heartbroken later on if it turns out that Megumi is not surviving.

Sound logic as you can see lol. I have a tendency to come up with worst case scenarios.

Despite that, I think the idea of Megumi surviving this ordeal to carry on and change the Jujutsu scheme of things makes a lot of sense. Not to mention having to carry the burden of responsibility for the memory of the people he cared about but lost along the way, quite possibly because of his own miscalculations.

Ugh... depressing.

It's so "Watanabe-ending" in its execution but far, far more depressing, brutal and cruel.

gege akutami is a menace to society actually

On another note, sukuna and co's eventual defeat will be worthwhile for how much suffering they've caused and will cause. Sukuna's choice to leave yuji alive will definitely come back to bite him, but it's interesting that his joy comes from seeing yuji suffer and look pathetic than giving him death.

Yeeeeeeessss. I really like the idea that Sukuna's continued underestimating of Yuji will come back to bite him in the ass. I personally will not be surprised if Yuji takes Sukuna back into himself and then kills himself in a self-sacrificial fashion.

Very Pisces of him. Very dying on the cross for our sins symbolism.

I was also thinking about the idea that Sukuna feeds off of other's suffering too. This whole idea around him being a hedonist with no regards for others takes on a whole new dimension when you consider he might go out of his way to cause suffering because it brings him joy.

It feels like an exploration of a demonic being which made me realize that I think that I've taken for granted that JJK is a horror story and that Gege may be using horror tropes.

This only become clear to me as of late when Sukuna possessed Megumi's body. It was a total execution of demonic possession where the person who gets possessed has to be mentally weakened in order for the demon to take over.

Also, from my understanding of demonic entities, they are said to feed off of negative emotions and actually orchestrate situations that cause suffering precisely so that they can feed off of these emotions.

When sukuna and uraume laughed at yuji, I felt like I was laughed at too.

I couldn't have said it better...

I have to admit that this is one of my favorite panels ever because, as you say, it's SO DESPICABLE of them to laugh at Yuji when he's so utterly broken after having miserably failed at saving Megumi.

I have personally been fascinated with the reactions this panel has gotten because it speaks to something very real.

Whether it is the experience of being bullied or our unwillingness and complete rejection of the very same evil that exists within, I feel like Gege struck a deep cord with the execution.

gege akutami is a menace to society actually

And this is one of the things that have been on my mind about Gege lately--his execution of events as of late has been far more brutal and cruel than before.

Idk how to explain but the events in Shibuya were bad and shocking... but #things right now just feel hopeless and it feels like Gege is unleashing his self-loathing onto his characters--and his self-loathing is cruel and brutal.

With mangaka like him I always have to wonder about their psyche. i.e. CLAMP's Nanase Okawa has an uncanny ability to take you into deep pits of relatable grief and meaningless despair right along with her characters.

All of the above said, I also agree with Frenchie about how I both hate and love Gege for the execution of this moment.

The fact that Gege was able to depict a deep experience of despair through Yuji and then elicit hate from the audience, it speaks to his ability as a story-teller and how the story he's telling resonates deeply with the audience in a cathartic fashion.

Also, not sure if you've seen this post by littleholmes but it includes a photo of what might be the Harima statue in question.

And like... the despair this child statue seems to be experiencing and expressing is so palpable, and I love Gege for making a reference to it because it speaks to Yuji's inner child's grief and helplessness and suffering for not being able to impose his will upon his environment.

Not sure if Spooky will write about it in more detail but I also love what @linkspooky said about the idea that Yuji trying to "Shonen protagonist" his way through things usually doesn't work out.

It's a nice twist on how Shonen mcs just barrel their way through #things with their typical Shonen mc single-minded determination, and everything works out because of the power of friendship or something like that.

Not to sound like a broken record, but this is why I don't understand the idea that JJK is cliché Shonen. There's so much happening underneath the surface that is so rich in commentary on common shonen tropes.

Anyway, thanks for reading !! Have a good day/night.

(Will I ever go off anon? We'll see one day !!)

Thanks for stopping by and sharing all the #thoughts once again!

If you ever come off anon I am looking forward to it. If you don't... well, I'll be looking forward to hearing from you again regardless.

Have a happy JJK Sunday!

[caitie-likes-talking]

Part 4 Rewrite Concepts

Ok I've officially decided in my head that I'm going to at least plan out a part 4 rewrite, which is why now im going to give u all an extremely messy and poorly organized list of ideas I have just to like..help myself think them through more!

Ok so I'm having trouble deciding how I want to start the story off. Mainly because I don't want to include the Anjelo arc. I've always thought of part 4 being messily divided into 3 parts (Anjelo, Akira, Kira), which is something I know I want to change and have the whole plot just focus on Kira. I was thinking maybe just have it start in a slice of life style like some of the filler eps but the main problem is that I need to figure out what exactly sparks the whole 'we need to catch the killer' thing. Maybe Josuke and Koichi find Reimi instead of Koichi and Rohan? Idk!

And yknow mentioning Akira, I think this is the hardest arc to write out of the story. I don't want to include it very much, but it was really important for Okuyasu's character arc imo. I also just need to reread part 4 i literally own all of the p4 manga why haven't I done that yet..

I'm thinking of changing stuff w Reimi. I kind of want to make her be born a bit later, therefore killed later. Mainly so that she could be connected to Josukes past and this would better set up the framing of Jotaro that I want, as it would make him 17~ when Kira first kills her (I’d also make kira 5 yrs younger ofc)

For josukes past I’m still a little iffy. I think I might have Reimi just be there w the boy to help pull Tomokos car out of the pothole but idk. Is that cheesy? Just bc I still want Josuke to have his hair and everything..

I want to give Keicho Surface. Ik he alr has a stand, and I love Bad Company, but I wanna make Surface plot relevant and give it to someone who I also want to be plot relevant soo..yeah. In my rewrite I imagine Keicho teams up w Kira bc Kira promises to find a way to kill Keicho’s father.

Also yeah I want to have Jotaro be framed for all of the murders bc again that’s fun idk. And this way there can be a subplot abt clearing his name. Also I want to add holly and possibly baby Jolyne (is that too self indulgent?)

I’m still going to keep the plot w Cinderella (as in kira changing his face) bc I love hayato and shinobu. Plus that whole arc is when we got into p4 being rlly good

For yukako I’m thinking of making her josukes cousin, mainly so that they can have a pre established relationship since yukako probably isn’t getting her stand in this (bc she got it from the arrow right? I don’t want to include that arc. It drove me crazy how everyone kept getting a stand)

I’m thinking Joseph gets introduced after Jotaro is arrested and Jotaro is all like “u need ur dad to help solve this!!”

I wanna focus on the conflicts between Josuke and Joseph. I especially think this could be fun bc ryohei would still be alive, so it’s like a case of “u might be my biological dad, but my REAL dad is right here.”

I also want to let Tomoko actually do something but I haven’t decided what yet.

I’m keeping mikitaka in somehow bc believe it or not I do enjoy fun and whimsy

I’m probably cutting out Rohan entirely tho. He was honestly a good antagonist and I love his stand so I might use that somewhere but I just can’t stand him. (lmfao stand)

Also like at the end of the day this is my au and I do what I want!!

I think I might make one of yukakos parents be a police officer. Bc 1. whether I make her and Josuke related or not, they’re still connected by their relatives on the force and 2. I feel like this could possibly help set her up to help in the kira investigation? Like maybe she’s planning to become a cop or detective in the future so she alr has some skills. Or maybe she could help find files or something. No matter what, I want her to get to actually help w the plot instead of just kidnapping koichi then being sidelined like in canon

For okuyasu I’m thinking his arc is going to be changed a wee bit. Like his brother works w kira, but he befriends Josuke and realizes that what his brothers doing is wrong and like..learns to stand up for the right thing regardless of what his brother says. And a bump in this road could be keichos death. Like imagine ur finally branching off from ur brother and then he DIES? I’d be crawling back to his grave too lmfao

I’m going to work on stand profiles and giving them actual limits and rules. Bc a LOT of them just don’t have that.

I think some stands I’ll still include just bc I like them. Like highway star (even tho that arc was so boring the stand is cool).

Also I still want to focus on the affects of Dio for part of it. I think I might mainly do this w Jotaro and his ptsd tho..

Overall I’m excited and I hope I can flesh this out more !!!

[just-some-random-blogger]

good morning, meow meow!! it must around 8:30 a.m. in your timezone and i've just finished all the tasks i needed to do *star eyes* 'i forgot to answer your ask this morning' good. i already thought i said smth wrong, shouldn't had linked those songs or idk TT glad to hear from you anytime, though! 'if you dont want to' no but i literally don't know if i even have an opportunity to do so... actually, the whole death thing is... you know, burning? it's really important to talk about it. it's hard to describe but the death is just not the thing that stops me. omg i haven't watched comebacks for.. a lifetime... srry. but it's really been a long time. 'WHO IS YOUR BIAS MINE IS JOHN' giirl give you 3 seconds to guess yourself... yeah mine too. also doyoung seems too much like me so i just LoOk and relate. 'thats so random' I FORGOT THE WORD COACH!!! hghfjjd. awful. like irl i always say every word i know while trying to cheer up smn so my friends joke about me being one of those buisness-motivation coaches. 'interesting to know you like music like that' ig it's more about hyperfixation and nostalgia. it's published in 2012 and it feels. but it's the best part for me. actually, i like 'my sea' better. but i did fell in love with noize and all his songs yeah... 'i didnt really like the song' it's ok. i was just excited to unit my two fav thins at this moment: your fics an this artist. 'i like the chorus part' AHAAH it's funny that i'm opposite TT 'i never actually imagined the first scene to be a childbirth scene' LOLL ok maybe it's me and my bad memory but it mentioned a child and a wound on her stomach so i though... 'fuck your trauma, she could die and you wont be there?' SAME!! i was a little taken aback when i've read he wasn't present during rhaenyra's labour and didn't support her after due to his trauma and was like?? you claim to love her, fuck she beared your child and you couldn't like don't pay attention to the thing that happened how much time ago? 6 years? literally dont remember even if she died, you wouldn't be there to say her goodbyes like with laena?? i'm angry now(( 'i love how were planning the ending already but i havent even made p3' lol well you asked for this and triggered my imagination, so just enjoy. i'm glad you at least like it. *proud of myself* you may or may not include it, it's just a thought, maybe i'll even have the other ones after another part(s?) i trust you to do your big brained thing. 'i started writing it' YAY good luck catmom, meow meow!! sending you all my best love and big brained thoughts through a lot of kisses!! 'wow i love it when language does that' i'm glad you love it TT i was really nervous about sending russian songs. 'i will say im not feeling making smth fluffy' ig i'm falling ill so my fluffy side craves more sacrifice so... what's going on with the lifetime... 'honestly im a sucker for plots like this' GIIRL were again the same!! i always think what if daemon had a wise present wife instead of rhae (sorry babe you were perfect) who would've made him attend all the council meetings so viserys would've thought about naming daemon his heir... thinking... thinking so much... she'd be besties with corlys and rhaenys and they'd spill some tea every now and then.... ok now i'm crying bc it sounds good for me. (winking but not really. you decide. but one day maybe...) What about dimash!! this song is in russian. a lot of artists from post-soviet countries sing in russian. it's easier to promote like this ig. dimash is not really popular in russia as i know? he's been famous for being popular in asian countries as i remember from my most active time in kpop. but he is indeed talented. his voice is amazing. i'm happy to hear he inspires you so much. he's soso good i think he should be more popular and appreciated. hope you've done good with your midterms last semester! love you!! have a nice day/evening!!! take care!! <3

GOOD MORNING LOVIE

me going through your love letter HAHHAAAH

it must around 8:30 a.m. in your timezone and i've just finished all the tasks i needed to do *star eyes*

well im readinf this at 10:13 am, i googled russian time and the general consensus is that is morning, good morning <3 HAHAH

'i forgot to answer your ask this morning' good. i already thought i said smth wrong, shouldn't had linked those songs or idk TT glad to hear from you anytime, though!

T_T plssssss T_T i will always reply to you i promise T_T i literally just forgot i hadnt done it yet you can tell me anything, link any song, i will read and listen to it all. i will reply as soon as I can always <3

'if you dont want to' no but i literally don't know if i even have an opportunity to do so... actually, the whole death thing is... you know, burning? it's really important to talk about it. it's hard to describe but the death is just not the thing that stops me.

that's fine if you cant watch it. i agree the whole death thing should be talked about, as well as other things that are quite hard to process as a human being.

omg i haven't watched comebacks for.. a lifetime... srry. but it's really been a long time.

that's fineee T_T its all fine T_T

'WHO IS YOUR BIAS MINE IS JOHN' giirl give you 3 seconds to guess yourself... yeah mine too. also doyoung seems too much like me so i just LoOk and relate.

OMG JOHNNY GIRL!!!!!!! I LOVE THAT FOR US :AS:ASH:FAHS:FSAAFAFJFAJF:JASFJASF SLAYY SOULMATES <3 AND DOYOUNG LIKING YOU TOO MUCH AHHAHAHHAH RELATABLE

'thats so random' I FORGOT THE WORD COACH!!! hghfjjd. awful. like irl i always say every word i know while trying to cheer up smn so my friends joke about me being one of those buisness-motivation coaches.

like a motivational speaker? AHAHAH it's ok i get what you mean but LOL ??? THE EARN YOUR FIRST BILLION WAS SO RANDOM HAHAHH

'interesting to know you like music like that' ig it's more about hyperfixation and nostalgia. it's published in 2012 and it feels. but it's the best part for me.

i completely understand what you mean. i have a lot of song i hated as a kid that i love now only because its a song i knew when i was younger. not that im saying you hated this song or whatever

actually, i like 'my sea' better. but i did fell in love with noize and all his songs yeah... 'i didnt really like the song' it's ok. i was just excited to unit my two fav thins at this moment: your fics an this artist. 'i like the chorus part' AHAAH it's funny that i'm opposite TT

yeah i like the 2nd song better too. interesting to know you like noize haha. i cant believe my fics are one of your two fav things T_T and HAHAHHAH it so funny we're opposite about the chorus HAHAH

'i never actually imagined the first scene to be a childbirth scene' LOLL ok maybe it's me and my bad memory but it mentioned a child and a wound on her stomach so i though...

NAH YOURE SO RIGHT THOUGH. i didnt give too much details on the first part because what was important to me was to show she was DEAD HAHAH and i thought she was like, idk, stabbed in the gut by someone mid wartime thus why Daemon managed to find a sorcerer cos he and yn were situated someone like idk the woods yeah. also in my head she was not that pregnant like full on big belly pregnant ya know. but its 100000% fine that you thought it was kind of a pregnancy death scene T_T albeit the fact again idk if i would ever write smth like that.

'fuck your trauma, she could die and you wont be there?' SAME!! i was a little taken aback when i've read he wasn't present during rhaenyra's labour and didn't support her after due to his trauma and was like?? you claim to love her, fuck she beared your child and you couldn't like don't pay attention to the thing that happened how much time ago? 6 years? literally dont remember even if she died, you wouldn't be there to say her goodbyes like with laena?? i'm angry now

ReAL 🤬🤬🤬🤬 men (derogatory)

i understand that you got trauma boy, but being pregnant/giving birth IS SUPER FUCKING TRAUMATIZING AND DEADLY HELLO??????????????????????????? men (derogatory)

(( 'i love how were planning the ending already but i havent even made p3' lol well you asked for this and triggered my imagination, so just enjoy. i'm glad you at least like it. *proud of myself* you may or may not include it, it's just a thought, maybe i'll even have the other ones after another part(s?) i trust you to do your big brained thing.

[chanting] trust in the big brain. i love all your ideas. im happy i trigger your imagination. [pats head] i'll do my best to make everything coherent and add as many ideas as you told me into the story

'i started writing it' YAY good luck catmom, meow meow!! sending you all my best love and big brained thoughts through a lot of kisses!!

'wow i love it when language does that' i'm glad you love it TT i was really nervous about sending russian songs.

you can send me alien songs id still listen to it

'i will say im not feeling making smth fluffy' ig i'm falling ill so my fluffy side craves more sacrifice so... what's going on with the lifetime...

[chanting] SACRIFICE SACRIFICE i will say tho i have some fluffy fics lines up so HAHAH but idk if p3 of waiting for a lifetime will be fluffy

'honestly im a sucker for plots like this' GIIRL were again the same!! i always think what if daemon had a wise present wife instead of rhae (sorry babe you were perfect) who would've made him attend all the council meetings so viserys would've thought about naming daemon his heir... thinking... thinking so much... she'd be besties with corlys and rhaenys and they'd spill some tea every now and then.... ok now i'm crying bc it sounds good for me. (winking but not really. you decide. but one day maybe...)

the 'sorry babe you were perfect' AHHAHH 💀💀💀💀i love the chaos. DAMN sometimes i wish i could just watch these ideas instead of writing them T_T or someone else could write it so i could fucking read T_T asflashfasfafhafash [dramatic wailing noises]

What about dimash!! this song is in russian. a lot of artists from post-soviet countries sing in russian. it's easier to promote like this ig. dimash is not really popular in russia as i know? he's been famous for being popular in asian countries as i remember from my most active time in kpop. but he is indeed talented. his voice is amazing. i'm happy to hear he inspires you so much. he's soso good i think he should be more popular and appreciated.

he is he is such an amazing artist. im glad it was in russian i totally knew that AHHAHAH lololol jk. interesting fact to know about post-soviet countries. he is more popular in asian countries i think. i hope he finds more success too <3

hope you've done good with your midterms last semester!

yeah my midterms was fine. my partner made her part too high and un-singable for herself though 💀💀💀and i couldn't save her with autotune. idk why she did that i made the key not so high and she still messed it up a/lshflas T_T RIP

love you!! have a nice day/evening!!! take care!! <3

i love you <3 i hope you have a nice day as well. i fell like i have to say i finished writing at 10:45am so idk you know what time im sending this from <3

take care my lovie. i have assignments to do now

xxx

[yinyinggie]

hello ying !! you mentioned working out in your recent posts so i'm here to ask any advice or basic workouts you could give to a total newbie? feels kinda daunting, my only movement is walking around the house and playing w the dogs kshdsjjsbsj

hi lovely!!!! howre u doing hehehe

i think its great that you’re taking the first step!! yes it definitely is daunting, but yk — starting it is half the battle won ❤️ personally i found that doing workouts that i actually love are really good for me!! here’s some youtube videos i use, for example /

— a broadway workout tailored for HIIT / tabata (emkfit)

— a hamilton 20 min dance workout (kyra pro)

— a medley of songs for dancing (youtube!!)

— happy cardio 12 mins (pamela reif)

honestly youtube is FILLED with beginner stuffs and it def can be overwhelming so i recommend sticking to one video for a while (at least thats what helped me!!), i remember starting regular workouts and all i did was pamela reif’s happy cardio for 12 mins 😭 it was familiar enough that i wasn’t scared to try an entirely new routine, but still heart pumping enough to give a good sweat after :,)

another thing that i really recommend is setting your goals, bc the stronger your motivation is, the more likely you are to accomplish it (yes i know, you’ve heard this so many times. BUT ITS TRUE!!!) eg. a very vague goal would be “i want to lose weight” and thats just…….. how… huh. its not bad, but sometimes its just too vague to be properly motivating :( perhaps something more tailored for yourself would be “i want to lose weight so that i can feel more comfortable in my own skin, and i’d feel better about myself because i know i’m becoming a healthier version of me.” then we further pin it down by exploring ways you can reach point B. maybe it’s something like “i want to lose weight so that i can feel more comfortable in my own skin, and i’d feel better about myself because i know i’m becoming a healthier version of me. some steps i can take is making an exercise plan for myself, and i’ll make time to exercise twice a week, for XX minutes each session.” something like that!! it sounds SUPER overused and oversaid by a lot of people but i really promise, it works 😭😭 also an accountability buddy is rly useful (irl or online!!)

one last thing is that i honestly recommend to just stop whatever you’re doing (if you’re at home and not doing anything impt) if the motivation to exercise comes around. yes it will hit you like a truck. maybe it comes when you’re watching netflix. but please use the stupid timing of the motivation to work out bc trust me its worth it!!! but also take care of yourself, don’t exercise on an empty stomach and always take regular breaks to drink water and stretch ❤️

ok i think ive rambled enough & im by no means a professional so pls take everything i said w a grain of salt 😭😭😭 but all the best mari!!! we got this mwamwa heres to a healthier version of us in 2022 ❤️🥂

[transsexualhamlet]

sherlock holmes reactions part 4 (?) ive lost count already but unsurprisingly ive grown even more attached to him

using this as the cover image because i made him a playlist. cause im awful

no legit this is gonna need a read more because it's SO LONG SHIHEWIESHEFSHIEWHF

Had three mental breakdowns this week and realized i do in fact kin sherlock motherfucking holmes. this does not bode well for anything in my life mentally I've diagnosed him with so many things

Oh boy lol you want the list I think hes autistic (undisputed honestly) plus also adhd but on top of that there's the manic depression and uhhh the bpd lmao I dont even think that's it those are just. the obvious ones

But yeah man's a fucking mess and a shit person but in the same way as me so 👍

Some highlights I thought were very funny:

watson: we are in fact going to be waltzing into a place where people are Shooting People you do not have your gun. this is a problem

sherlock: don't worry watson I have my trusty stick!

watson: visible pain

This clearly happens like every day or so with them

but yeah there were some really honestly sweet scenes with them at the apartment and why am i getting soft over the crusty man being gay

have you considered tho. have you considered them

have you considered sherlock, who usually only plays absolute garbage on his violin serenading watson to sleep when he was tired and in pain and watson being so fucking in love with the man and waxing poetic about falling asleep to his music and waking up to see him fallen asleep on the couch next to him and oh my god them

They're just really sweet together for such a completely dysfunctional couple so much of the time lol I just. Sherlock being like.

Sherlock half of the time: watson you're fucking stupid. no i won't take care of my personal needs stfu. watson get a goddamn life. watson shut up. watson no one cares about your goddamn opinion. no i need to disturb you in the middle of the night it's for science. hey watson mind if i manipulate mansplain malewife

Sherlock the other half of the time: HELLO SIR YOU ARE MY FAVORITE MAN TO EVER MAN HELLO MAY I SPEND THE REST OF MY DAYS WITH YOU HELLO I WILL DO ANYTHING FOR YOU WE ARE PERFECT MATCHES I LOVE YOU AND I NEED YOU YOURE SO MUCH BETTER THAN ME PLEASE MARRY ME

They're... they certainly are.

ALSO OH MY GOD.

THIS ONE TIME WHEN SHERLOCK WAS JUST PACING AROUND THE ROOM AT 3 AM GOING "IT DOESNT MAKE SENSE >:(((" AND HUDSON LIKE BARGED IN TO COMPLAIN AND THEN WATSON WAS LIKE DUDE YOU GOTTA STOP DOING THIS AND PROCEEDS TO SAY THE LINE "YOU ARE KNOCKING YOURSELF UP, OLD MAN"

BAHGHSFHGRHEWHEWHIFEW

BRB SOBBING

CALLING HIM AN OLD MAN???? KNOCKING HIMSELF UP?? I DONT KNOW WHATS FUNNIER

The main highlight of this part was I have now gotten to see him have a great time watching his homo homie get married

Its so fucking funny.......

I was prepared for a funny reaction by yuumori sherlock's face when he said it lol but. Damn i was really not prepared tbh

watson: I'm engaged!

sherlock: *pained groaning*

watson: do you... not like her?

sherlock: no she's fine she's great you'll be wonderful together bUT I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE ARE HETEROSEXUAL WATSON DO I HAVE TO MARRY MYSELF THEN WATSON? ARE YOU GOING TO MAKE ME MARRY MYSELF.

watson: yeah... yeah... fair, I feel really bad because you did this whole case and I got a girlfriend out of it and all you got was me leaving you alone fuck man im sorry what are you gonna do without me

sherlock, highly sarcastic: dont worry watson I've always got my handy cocaine! *pulls it out and gets high in front of watson just as he's about to leave*

watson: *in fucking agony*

sherlock: good for you!

I DONT EVEN- THIS SCENE KILLED ME MULTIPLE TIMES OVER WHAT

ITS SO GODDAMN NONCHELANT ABOUT IT SHERLOCK IS JUST LIKE YEAH I WILL IN FACT NOT BE MENTALLY HEALTHY IF YOU ARE NOT WITH ME 24/7 BUT WHATEVER YOU DO YOU /S

I'd like to apologize to watson on sherlock's behalf lmao. man is being a bit too codependent on main

The last thing about sign of four I do need to address is yeah, there's the Horrific Amounts Of Racism in that one and the whiplash hearing it is just ridiculous because they seem to be so knowledgeable in all other areas and fairly... politically correct, taking sherlock's original misogyny as a purposeful character flaw, but then they just mention someone indigenous once and suddenly its all parrotting racist propaganda and just... really awful shit. There's no way I'm gonna speak for the group that just got absolutely hate crimed here but anyone can tell the author just has no clue what he's fucking talking about and it's physically painful.

And I don't know, it's just so bad it seems out of character? Doyle's making these motherfuckers say shit that honestly, Sherlock would know better about. And especially Watson. Come on, you cannot tell me watson is mentally capable of being prejudiced against someone. Please do not make him that way.

I'm not sure how to handle it specifically, or what's the proper way I should handle something like that in a media I otherwise like. Is it ok to say Doyle was clearly a piece of shit on the matter and separate those characters from his bias or is that insensitive?

I don't know, I was Not a fan of it and I'm glad to see they've at least finally shut up about the guy

But anyway yeah, uhhhh onto the short stories because I'm trying to read those before I get to the final problem

Scandal in Bohemia was a fucking ride, first of all, before we even get to Sherlock's girlboss arc we have to discuss how gay the whole situation was and how Doyle's attempt at making them less gay failed spectacularly

Like he's all "ah yes I need to marry off watson and uhhh make sherlock ummmm interact with a woman so they dont look gay" but he does it SO BADLY that it makes them look EVEN GAYER

cause i mean, even the conversation they had about watson getting married back in sign of four was gay af, but how Doyle handled things afterward was in no way straighter.

Cause you know, the man kind of wrote himself into a corner with the fact of Watson narrating these stories. So Watson has to be around to witness them, and to witness Sherlock's own thought process rather privately, so he has to be around sherlock at night, a lot. But trying to come up with a reason for that happening just... it didn't occur to Doyle. He just went. Ah yes this makes sense. And it's Watson just like Sleeping Over At Sherlock's like every other goddamn day and every time his wife leaves town and having them basically still live that cute domestic home life but they have absolutely no excuses for doing it anymore. It's quite funny

Like it was gay already the way they interacted when they officially lived together but it was like, a necessity for them. Now it's not, Watson just comes over because he goddamn wants to, and it's hilarious to me.

LIKE IDK I THINK THEY KIND OF BROKE UP FOR A YEAR OR SO BC OF WATSON GETTING MARRIED AND THEY LIKE DONT HAVE CONTACT WITH ONE ANOTHER BUT ONE DAY WATSON JUST INEXPLICABLY HAS THE URGE TO COME VISIT SHERLOCK ON NO NOTICE AND THEN SUDDENLY THEY ARE TOGETHER NEAR 24/7 AGAIN LIKE BARELY ANYTHING CHANGED AHIEHOEWH

SIT DOWN AND TRY TO TELL ME THOSE ARE NOT HOMOSEXUALS

Watson walks in on no fucking notice after a full year and Sherlock is just. In the middle of some experiment obviously but hes like

Sherlock, carrying around unidenfiable chemical mixtures: W A T S O N you look good you look good! i see you've gained seven pounds!!

watson: uh. thanks??? Hey lol *awkwardly waves* Uh um Wanted to Uhm sEe you

Sherlock: ABOUT gODDAMN TIME AND YES WONDERFUL LOOK LOOK SIT DOWN I HAVE THINGS TO INFODUMP ABOUT

watson: :) ok :) *turns to camera* and we were back to the old days

sherlock: makes a deduction

watson: wowwwwwwwwwwww !! so true bestie !!

sherlock: !!!!!!!!! :))) !!!!! :))) uh fuck im supposed to be smooth Its Elementary Lol

watson: *turns to camera* when i stroke his ego like this and compliment him he blushes like a girl like i just complimented his dress so i do it more because he likes it. this is a homie trait

watson: well i should probably get going! my wife will notice that i am gone my dear buddy bro homie!

sherlock: NO DONT LEAVE IM LOST WITHOUT YOU (pretty much a direct quote lol) your. wife doesn't. get back home until monday. I know this because I am smart and definitely have not been stalking you.

watson: alright :)))))

AND THEN HE FUCKING SLEEPS OVER LMAO FUCKING HOMOS

So yeah they're right back where they were before pretty much and there's a case bc of course there is

And honestly I think this short story specifically was so insane mostly just because of how absolutely fast it all went. Yuumori kind of made me believe the original Irene Adler was more of an important character than she really is? And I think that's. Honestly so funny. Motherfucker shows up for ten pages, girlbosses her way around town, and changes sherlock's entire opinion of the female gender while still keeping him gay?

LIKE NO LOL SHES NOT IN ANY WAY A LOVE INTEREST AND WATSON GOES OUT OF HIS WAY TO SPECIFY THE FACT THAT IN NO WORLD WOULD THEY HAVE BEEN ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED BECAUSE. SHERLOCK. DIDN'T DATE WOMEN.

HE WAS JUST??? SO IMPRESSED AND SHELL SHOCKED BY HER EXISTENCE HE DECIDED IT WAS TIME FOR GIRLBOSS APPRECIATION DAY TODAY AND ALL DAYS HENCEFORTH???

AND THEY HAVE LIKE O N E INTERACTION?? God, the power this woman(?) has. Watson looks at her once like. damb shawty 😳 and she's like "no<3" and he's like FUCK

Like yeah it's pretty much just the king walking up like "help girl the whore is blackmailing me" and sherlock being like "ok lol this will be easy" and then it proceeded to not in fact be easy or even possible

sherlock like... posed as a dead body and tried to get her to give up the location of the photo but she out-acted him and skipped the town the next day after doing the 'good night mr. sherlock holmes' thing with sherlock completely tricked

and she just. sends a letter like "dear sherlock holmes. you're a fucking idiot and i think it's funny that you lost. nice job tho mad respect" and sherlock just SHORT CIRCUITS

the king comes back a bit later like "hey Dude where's my Photo" and sherlock's like oh yeah uhhhhhhhhhhh about that and the king is like HOW COULD IT POSSIBLY HAVE BEEN THAT GODDAMN HARD i would have dated someone more noble if she wasn't so pretty i swear im on a whole different level from her

and then. GIRLBOSSIFIED SHERLOCK HOLMES RESPONDS "from what I have seen of the lady, she seems indeed to be on a very different level from your majesty" ABSEHHESHEFHHFES ROASTED

and the dude just LEAVES

After that I read a few more of the short stories and well the highlights I got from that pretty much were these conversations

Watson: sherlock. honey. have you. eaten anything today

Sherlock: IT DIDNT OCCUR TO ME DEAR WATSON

Watson: ITS FIVE PM

and:

Sherlock: *having one of his Moment Moments at three in the goddamn mornig* GRRRR CRIME ISNT WHAT IT USED TO BE

Watson: MY DEAR SHERCOCK WHAT IS CRIME S U P P O S E D TO BE LIKE ACCORDING TO YOU

Sherlock: no one's original anymore fucking copycats

Watson: so you want the criminals to make things harder for you specifically.

Sherlock, exasperated: yes!

I love them your honor.

[jaeminlore]

maybe one day i'll build up the courage to dm you directly, but i'm not at that point yet. but i still want to thank you. i'm so thankful for all your posts talking about you exploring your aromanticism, and the asks you answered (i sent in some of them.) last year, i was really at a point where i was confused & i felt "broken" because i realised i'd never felt romantic attraction, only basic physical attraction. but, coming across your blog, reading your posts, and your answers really helped me figure stuff out. it wasn't all you, of course, i don't want to place the entire weight of my romantic orientation on one person, but you were the first person to say "not everyone feels romantic attraction and that's ok." just you saying that made me feel more comfortable exploring the spectrum bc i think all i needed at that time was the go ahead since i already had an inkling i was arospec. thank you for your posts :)

also, your friend tag is lovely to read. your friendship with dj is so wholesome, and i wish you the best with him & everything else in the future!!

p.s. as soon as i have the funds, i'll buy your poetry books! i feel like that's the least i could do.

this is crazy because i honestly think i’m talking to a brick wall when i post about my life and experiences like. i can’t believe someone actually read them and felt anything. wow, i really don’t even know what to say. firstly, i’m SO proud of you for taking that first step and allowing yourself to look into arospec identities. it’s so scary (at least is was/is for me) to even admit that to yourself, so i’m just very happy for you and glad you were able to do so!!

you can definitely dm me or just keep talking thru anon if it’s easier!! i’m still figuring myself out as well, so i’m open time talking abt it any time!

it’s so sweet that u mention dj!! he is such a kind soul in my life and he really makes it easy to love. i have a lot of fear bc i want to love him romantically but i just am not there. idk, it’s a weird place to be. but loving him platonically is such a gift and i’m so glad i get to share some of his kindness with all of you. he makes me a better person.

if you do buy my book, there are a lot of poems about unconventional love and aromanticism!! i describe my feelings a lot more eloquently in there, so maybe some of those feelings will help you feel less alone and more seen. i’d hope so anyway :D

rooting for u!! remember love is important as it is, no matter the type. you are capable of so so much and i hope you get to experience great things with good people by your side <3!!

[uygmoeb]

jdjsjdjsj yeppers, sadly am sick. curse this cold. what sucks is my dad is mad at me for getting sick so that's a bit fun *sigh* for tea i just use regular 'ole lipton tea xD nothing fancy. oohh i hope you get along well with the coworkers, praying that no fish slapping will be needed! it can be weird like that but i feel like that is the charm of getting to know people in general

oof i wish i could lay for ps but considering how strict my parents can be (that and how pricey it can be like why!?) yeah i figure i am not going to try and am sticking with photopea for the time being lol. oh gosh creating gifs is alot fjsjdjsj like i always had respect for creators but having to actually MAKE my own is like a whole new ball game and i bow down to those that make gifs constantly and frequently.

oh for sure! sadly with how tumblr is nowadays, it is mainly cc that are helping keep tumblr aflaot and it is sad to see so many iconic have left the site. some leave naturally but others leave due to how there is so many issue from the reblogs to likes ratio and of course, people taking their content =/ also that's very sweet!! yes to the positive vibes! we need more people like that on here!

jdjajdjs teach me your ways on how to not overthink i beg xD but oof welp at least you're not alone. you got this lazy panda with ya *thumbs up* and oohh tbh i am the same with music so i just listen to the same thing over and over. currently am on a exid and kai binge (specifically the songs nothing on me and i love you respectfully) but some of my fav artist that i recommend music wise is leebada an indie kartist and lights (yes her legal name is lights) and she is a canadian singer aka also know as my queen. both have wonderful music i can never get bored of! ~moa Santa

mad.. at u.. for getting sick...... make it make sense.. its not like u went and got sick on purpose ?? but oh oh okay i was just curious <3 and we've all gotten along well so far i think? idk i think they like me and i know i'm okay with them, bc honestly cant tell if i like them or am just indifferent to them lmao all the managers had a dinner thing and that was. lowkey miserable for me atleast.. i dont like to eat in front of people for one and then u stick me with ppl im intimidated by, i wanted to sink into the floor for most of it :/ i also will be overthinking everything i said for at least a week

it can be pricey and thats why i'm hesitant tbh... but like idk i want to get better and improve with what i love doing and i dont see much more growth happening with what i have yknow? but sticking with the program u have is ok too, whatever can make u happy right? even if it is maybe the lesser program who cares really, ur still making something and thats enough to be proud of! im like.. afraid of the ppl who make gifs of content that hasn't been out for more than an hour and their gifs look amazing like.. that feels like some sort of magic or some shit

i miss how tumblr used to be in some ways, which cc have always carried such a big part of tumblr on their backs and they always will, but it just used to be different.. when i came back this year i was like wow everybody i knew left and have been gone for at least a year or more :( but good god, yeah the reblog to like ratio is a special kind of hell for so many i myself also hate it jskfjl its just.. a little ridiculous

pls i dont even know how my overthinking got better sjhfkd if i did i would totally share with u but yeah no, im not completely alone anymore so i'll take it hskfj and thank u for that <3 but oooooo ok ok it was another day of listening to the same stuff for me but i am going to listen to the ones u mentioned sometime soon!! probably tomorrow, so i'll let u know if u want !

[homunculusalphonse]

Out of curiosity, why do you think Samurai Jack was full of wasted potential? I've heard it's very good from most people, so I'm curious for your take on it if that's OK

It’s okay! I’ve been meaning to write about this for some timenow, anyway

When I began watching season5, I thought it was marvelous - the animation, the heavier themes (e.g. the abuse Ashi suffered,Jack slowly losing his sanity and even considering seppuku aka suicide), thewriting… everything was done amazingly well - at least… in the beginning,tbh.

I believe the first six/sevenepisodes were awesome (the first three ones then were, like, nearly flawless),but then I felt like the quality dropped significantly once we reached theend… for instance, they had to push the Jashi thing… I don’t particularly hateJashi, but honestly, it’s pretty hard to settle and developa romance between Jack and a woman that fucking despised him and was trainedher entire life to kill him in like. 8 episodes. The eighth episode was kinda funny,but… ugh, I just felt it was too rushed.

In fact, many things wererushed and left out for the sake of finishing the story - firstly and mostimportantly, how is Jack immortal? How does time travelling affect his aging?As far as I remember, there isn’t a well thought explanation to this, unless I’mwrong… Secondly, how the hell did Demongo get back? He was literally crushedby Aku! Thirdly, why didn’t Ashi immediately disappear after Aku died?? Maybeher powers allowed her to live more? But they don’t even make that clear! Andlastly, let’s not forget that Jack’s parents were supposed to be FREAKING OLDwhen he got back in the last episode, so I don’t get why they looked like theiryounger selves from when Jack was a CHILD.

And speaking of rushed, Ithink the ending was the worst part of the season- it was SO anti-climatic. Thefight between Aku and Jack was utterly disappointing; their last fightin the entire series lasted LESS THAN A MINUTE. And that was it! Aku was dead!Yay!

Not to mention that Ashiactually had more development than Jack himself; I won’t get into too manydetails in this because someone else on Tumblr already analysed this - and verywell -, but still- it doesn’t feel like Jack has learnt anything at all in theend bc everyone he knew in the future timeline was gone and all the shit hewent through was just. gone?? Jack’s insanity then just. disappears after hegets his sword back, which I felt it was kinda unrealistic (at least it’s how Isee it, people probably don’t think the same)… It’s actually sad that a newcharacter was written better than the freaking protagonist of the series (andbefore anyone asks, I love Ashi, but god…)

I truly appreciate GenndyTartakovsky for wanting to give an ending to Samurai Jack, but honestly,perhaps there should have been more episodes so the writing could have beenbetter. I don’t think it’s completely terrible, no. I just think it could havebeen a lot greater. There was so much potential there, but the desire to finishJack’s story was so strong that the storytelling was not done very well -which, I believe, was what made original Samurai Jack so freaking great. Season5 started out well, but it just started throwing ideas in a fast speed that Icouldn’t really find myself enjoying it that much.

Again, this is all just myopinion, so not everyone might agree with me and that’s fine, really.

[survivorreelsmagicwithin]

Episode 2 - “Y'all. Vote me out fr cause I'm inactive as fronk” - Joshua (through Autumn)

I hate flag-making challenges. I will not be helpful at all, and I hope that someone else can take the reigns and lead us to victory. I honestly feel safe going into a tribal council, but I do not want to test that theory.

Next morning

With Chips and Jules working on the crest designs, I feel confident that we will do well in the challenge. Maybe not the best, but definitely not the worst. I still have the same anxious feeling that my tribe is not active enough for my taste, but I will just have to live with it for now. Besides, at least this is not immunity because that we increase my anxiety by so much. But, I keep forgetting to search the idol hunt which is my bad, but it is just so hard and long that I do not really feel like searching all the time lol

ART CHALLENGE <333 i love these challenges. Jess made my picture 110% better and its super cute. The note that she wrote with it is also hella cute and I love the whole HP aesthetics bc i never got to go to real hogwarts ;-; but i'm sure most of yall can related. The boys weren't too helpful but nick was better than jacob who is sick. Nick was way more active aka jacob said 3 sentences the entire challenge sooooo…. if we lose idk I might just save jacob anyways bc pregame relations.

Won reward, but now we have to win immunity again. I really hope that this reward helps us continue to survive. I don't want to have to vote anyone out. We've been getting first, but I really just want to survive this challenge, its known to be hard.

I think I have been stuck with the second most challenge inept tribe in the history of my ORG career. I literally said so many answers in my version of the story and Jules just fucked it up. And then they got the girl's name wrong. And then they started mixing up characters. I know I did well, but fuck these people. God. Now we need a tribe to get 0 which is very unlikely. I will just resign myself to tribal. I hope and pray that these people have some common sense and do not want to vote me out

Listen. Listen. Listen. I dang knew this story was going to be Harry Potter based. I knew in my brain and in my heart that I shouldn’t have been the one to start that thing. What do I do? Start the dang thing. Oh well. We did alright. I would be shocked if we won tho but if we don’t I’ll be relieved. I def don’t feel confident enough but I really had a lot of fun with my tribe. I really miss this and really hope that my time isn’t cut short! I feel really good about my tribe mates sincerely. And that’s kind of scary! I would hate to see any of us to go and how it’s going to affect the bond we have if we vote someone out. In this moment with Max sitting out, it may be him who goes if we go to tribal. I hope that isn’t the case. I’ve got my fingers crossed for us. Huff Puff strong!

Honestly Jules dropped the ball sis!! But it’s okay, I love her. She’s really nice and I know she tried her best. Plus she’s in an alliance with me and Owen, so we should have the numbers against Joanna or Miguel if we go to tribal. Personally, I’d prefer Joanna to go. She’s kinda domineering, but she’s also an asset in challenges thus far. She is organized and direct. I’ve also talked to her a bit more than Miguel, so I guess I don’t really care who goes.

I’m happy I didn’t fuck up the reward comp and the shit that I drew got us a win!

I really hope I don't bomb that challenge, I answered everything that Kevin talked to me about.... I think!  The rest of them tried very hard but I am SOOO glad that I asked to do my part at the end because my memory of repeating things is horrendous but I'm usually pretty good at bullshitting test answers... too bad I got some of the multiple choice stuff wrong.

I think that if we do lose I am still in a good spot on this tribe and hopefully I won't be in danger.  I feel like I'm on everyone's good side and Max kind of just disappeared so maybe we could just vote him out this round? Idk.

Hopefully we don't have to worry about it.  I smell a swap coming up pretty soon and I just hope I'm either with Owen or with some of the people from my tribe.  I have no idea if they know anyone or are close with anyone in the other houses.

I'm still feeling the closest to Lily and Kevin but I have been talking to Landen a good bit too these days so hopefully we'll be safe or we can all just agree on Max.

16 minutes later

OOOOOH IS LANDEN PAVING THE WAY FOR A MOVE TO SEND MAX PACKING???

He just told me that me, lily and kevin are precious angels that must be protected and that he likes Max when he's around too so that sounds like something... HMMM...

I can't get cocky, I always go home when I get cocky. But I like this.

my host chat saw this first (shout-out to Drewie and Dennis): Y’all I’m an idiot. I thought I only knew 2 people in this game (Owen and chips). Then I remembered I also know Jess, Autumn, and dan. Literally love and respect each of you my brain just don’t got the strongest memory no more. I’m so sorry!!!! I literally just told landen I only know 2 ppl. I’m just gonna try to not remember it happened.

Ugh.....I need to get it together.

I love my tribe talking to each other now that we have to!! Everyday I'm like damn either I'm on the bottom or I'm not the only one with piss poor social game. Ok so... the moment the hosts said we got 1 point, I started getting ready for tribal lmaaaooo. No sense crying over it either because all the tribes basically just had to show up in order to beat that

Like how could we not go to tribal with a score of ONE? That shit's embarrassing hahaha. That's like when your teacher passes the test back to everyone sitting around you but not you so you KNOW it's bad. But you know what? It's all good cause I'd rather us take the L now and get it out the way and we can all laugh about it cause losing won't be funny after long. The real question is: will Gryffindor do this the easy way or the hard way caaauusse we all know who the weakest link is. I just wanna see if someone puts two and two together without my prodding. Chips already said we voting together right and I'm like yes sir. There's no better place than being on the same page

WE WON OMG!! Jules basically gave me nothing, which is fine, i understand, but i'm so impressed that we pulled that off. Absolutely killing these reward challenges really helps!

"Y'all. Vote me out fr cause I'm inactive as fronk."

Tonight we learned Joshua is a feminist selfless man that I stan because he's volunteering to go home without me having to put his name out, which I was going to do. Like imagine if every guy had that kind of self-awareness, to recognize why he should be the vote and then embrace it instead of wreaking havoc. And wanting to see others succeed more than yourself? King shit! He knew when to hang it up and did just that. Like the number of times I've seen a vote get complicated for no fucking reason because everyone wants a fight to the death. Enough- I'm old, tired, and cannot exert too much energy at once. We got a long game ahead of us, not to mention quarantine. So from the bottom of my heart, thank you Joshua. We need more players like you and I appreciate your service

im back back BACK AGAIN with another confessional! not much has changed but a few updates for the sake of these being required :) 1. max has become even more inactive, he's not reached out to me personally since the first day and any time i messaged him after that he's sent me nothing back that i can build a convo off of, so we just have stopped speaking. Luckily this challenge only required four people and everyone else SHOWED UP!! or at least spoke about their availability, while he did not. However in his defense he said he was having some issues at home and i feel for him but his inability to connect has been an issue before he spoke about anything in our tribe chat with us. I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt but this point my relationships with the other 3 are leaps and bounds ahead of where I am at with Max. Maybe he can pick up some speed if we continue winning challenges but, it's not looking too hot. SPEAKING OF CHALLENGES, well first we lost reward AGAIN, but we won immunity.. AGAIN! thank goodness for not being first or second boot, i always love being able to avoid these early tribals and if i can get to a swap without seeing one that would be ideal, but also if we do go and maybe vote out max? wouldn't be the worst thing. Moral of the story we won and thats exciting! however.. if we didn't.. the first big push of strategic talk came up with landen when he hinted at being frustrated with max's lack of presence which I also share. I do believe if we lost me and landen could have most definitely picked up ruthie and lily to form a four against him, if he even came to tribal. That would be my ideal situation and if we continue on this tribes hopefully it gives me a nice cushion to fall on if we do lose so i dont have to entirely blow up my social game within the first few rounds by voting out someone i've built a connection with. If max can go and the remaining four hufflepuffs can make a swap I would feel good about that, and maybe in the right circumstances we could work together on the swapped tribes because i genuinely like all of these people (yes max too but in this specific scenario he wouldn't be included bc... well..) anyways to close this off i still absolutely ADORE lily, she is fun and our conversations are really good, and same goes for ruthie, hopefully i dont have to see either of them or myself go home before we can really start playing because i think we could do some damage. :) ok anyways this was longer than i thought it would be goodbye

I'm still not over the fact that I was able to answer 7 of those questions right. I have the memory of a plastic fork.  I also love that we are SAFE!

I do kind of hope things get spicy and we swap this round and become two tribes of 9. That'd be cute. I don't want VI to get bored and crack on me. BUT ALSO I think I have solid enough relationships with almost everyone on this tribe... so who knows?!

Also... these hoes really out here trying to search for an idol in PUBLIC. IN PUBLIC. WHAT ON EARTH IS GOING ON HERE?

Dear diary, seems like we keep winning challenges, which is great but tbh i feel like every time i give a disadvantage to my team because english is not my first Language, and so far its been a vocabulary test and a listening and speaking test. I mean I knew I signed up for school but damn. Give me some macarena  or drinking tequila challenge and I'll crush it

bippity boppity boo im back again with almost no content kdfasjhdskjfh

Ravenclaw working smarter and we keep winning, period!!! Thankful that y'all put Dan and I together....bc truly we will be unstoppable in these competitions. I kind of want to lose soon though to see how things would shake out, but I don't really have bad blood with anyone. Joanna seems passionate enough in the tribe chat and the challenges, even if she's dry in PMs. Miguel still won't give me anything other than a "how are you," but I hope the best for him in life lol

Still love Jules and Dan, and we made a three person alliance, but I haven't talked with either of them much one on one since it happened.... I really need to step the social game up eventually, but right now, I'm coasting, and maybe that's what I need before I find the time and resources in this game to strike!!

The idol hunt is hard but Dan seems onto something. Honestly he's gonna be a big threat sooner or later so he's sticking around as long as I can keep him! The last two games I've been in I've seen "goats" get dragged to the end and locked in final 3 positions, and then these perceived goats have ended up winning. so I want the big players in this game to rise to the top and fight it out in the end!

let’s say i am como we dice.. fed up with a lot :flushed: a lot meaning joshua starting to get on my nerves a bit! he’s genuinely sweet n all but.. the way he complained about us losing by putting down others work HHH pissed me off. which is why i will be voting him out hehe.. but so far my misting has worked because no one wants to vote me out! mwah

Slytherin killed the memory challenge. We thought we were all gonna flop bc all of us thought we sucked at memory stuff. um well we knocked it out of the park? Ravenclaw got 4 and huff/gryff got 1. We got 7 so oops. I do hope things turn out well for Gryffindor but no one I really know/care about is in that house so I'm not too worried. I hope they continue to lose or even hufflepuff since ravenclaw has 2 of my friends in it.

I have been TERRIBLE with confessionals but only because there's really not been much going on? I have an alliance with Dan and Owen, and even though I wrote off Joanna I was DEFINITELY wrong in doing that. Miguel is sort of the outlier. Our team is kinda iconic though? We've done so well on all the challenges. I might be the weakest link? More to come.

it's pretty sad but the whole tribe has agreed to vote max if we lose, basically he's just never around because of what's going on at home and like thats sad but... we gotta do what we gotta do *shrug*. I'm really feeling good about Hufflepuff moving forward, i've never bonded this much this easily with EVERYONE on a tribe and i just feel like if we keep winning or even if we lose and have to vote out max, we could be a great group for the future. especially i feel great about working with kevin, we dominated eve's game after eve came between us in 2020 that dastardly witch... :P (juuust kiddin. love ya!) but now we could totally do well in this game too i think.....

lily and ruthie are just so sweet and we really bond talking about pretty much anything,, especially lily is a great conversationalist and i just find it so natural to talk to them both. i'd love to work with any combination of people from hufflepuff in the future, hopefully i start sucking a little less at all these challenges. i think i did pretty great on memory :D

So here is the summary of what has happened since last time

We had a reward challenge that was drawing. Mine sucked. Apparently 3/4 so no reward.

We played Telephone. My team didnt realize that details are the most important parts of that and didnt share then with Autumn so Autumn didnt share them with me. Then I didnt know them when asked about them.

We scored 1 point and lost. Since I still have no alliance I'm scared that it could be me. So I kind of got an idea how everyone was feeling.

Juls let me know she wanted to vote Joshua and- it's not me so that's fine!

Then I was talking to Autumn about it and - OOP! Josh asked to be voted out. So unless he plays an idol I'm supposing he is leaving after asking to go.

woo my tribe won immunity!! we are safe! i’m glad bc i’m forming good relationships with ppl on my tribe. i think we all get along rly well so i hope we keep winning. the challenge was fun and i slayed bc i’m skinny mwah

Ya know what’s refreshing? Being on a tribe that actually wins!!! The last three games I’ve played I’ve been on flop ass starting tribes.

Now we’ll lose every challenge

10 minutes later

This sickening bitch just found a hidden immunity idol!!!! Good until f6 L A D I E S!!!!!!

HI BARBS SO I WAS GROUNDED SO I MISSED THE CHALLENGE BUT MY HUFFLEPUFF BABS SLAYED SM SO IM LIVING

CONFESSIONAL 2.1 —

Not much strategy has happened this episode, just simply tribal bonding! We are SlytherWINNING, getting reward and immunity this time! How wonderful.

Regarding my tribe mates, I love all three. I pray, pray, pray we make swap, i do Noh want to be a dirty bad guy and have to vote one out.. yet. Haha.

I was drunk during immunity, one full glass of rum & coke, so I am shocked that we won immunity. Honestly, I feel silly admitting I was drunk to my tribe because... if I can do that when drunk, imagine if I was sober. Competition Beast, duh.

I also gave up my run this round for the tribe to use. Was partially social, partially I just do not understand how to do the Hunt, so I might as well help the greater good. Either way, it comes off positively.

Hoping for a smooth journey for a little longer!

x nick

Joshue has basically quit at this point so I have no fear going into tribal

[survivoremathia]

Ep. 14 - "I'm a Huge Mess and Honestly? It's Fun!" - Owen

JD

I will say I'm not a fan of seeing my name. No fucking way. But I'm here and I'm a little sad that Ryan isn't. I can't wait to see what Ali finds out about the vote because if Ryan really was on our side, and Lydia hasn't turned him like we thought then me and Ali bother agree that we're gonna feel bad for voting him out. Sadly, Lydia still has the idol, so next vote it going to be tricky... Or split. Probably a split vote actually 

OWEN

I'm probably a horrible person now but like... Ryan went home. Holy shit. I successfully got out a target and it was nice. Literally though, it's not like I did it for no reason. Yeah, it was a way to assert myself to Trevor and Lydia. They wanted to plan the Duncan vote without me at f9. They then TOLD ME Duncan was going at f8. And this round, they were about to vote me out. And the problem is they don't communicate....anything to me. Lydia called me and we had a long talk about a lot of the communication problems I thought were there. She and Trevor never told me that JD was coming after me. She and Trevor never told me their plans with Ryan. She doesn't talk to me in this game and she says I don't either, but I tried. And like... I understand she is busy and that's the problem we talked about. I didn't only message her about game, I tried to message her about personal stuff first because she's my friend???? But she didn't respond to that. She says Ryan was in her pocket. Yeah, he was, but you didn't talk to me...no doubt I wanted him out???? And then today he told Trevor what I said to him RIGHT AFTER I said it. Clearly he was up Trevor and Lydia's butts. And they were going to vote me out tonight WITHOUT TELLING ME. They only told me because I FOUND OUT about it. Like??? Why can't they understand that they didn't treat me like an ally??? I'm not going to sit around and be told what to do and who to vote for and only be spoken to about game when it's convenient. And I did talk to Trevor about game at times...but the plan for him always changed. He always told me it was Ryan next, and then wanted to do another thing. Well too bad. I get a say. This was best for my game. They can't be mad at me for that because they literally...didn't include me in so much. Like this was a very good move for me - and it also wasn't a move that directly took out Trevor or Lydia. I could have voted Lydia out. I wanted to, because she never felt the need to talk to me even tho she still talked to Trevor and Ryan. That's not an ally. Idk. I stand behind my choice. I made a move. It paid off. But now they're mad at me, and I don't know. I want Trevor to do well and to win for once. But I want to do well too. I haven't won in a long long time. It's hard. Because if I somehow win this, Trevor will hate me I guess. And I don't want that. But I'm not a sheep or a goat. This wasn't a good idea. But if I were him, would I want to win a game knowing it was handed to me by two people??? Not really. That's not a win. He's done a great job so far but the one thing he hasn't done is made me feel safe or been discrete about taking me out. Hooooly wow. Idk what happens next. JD and Ali have got to go, but I feel like Lydia and Trev might target me. At least now if they do I've given them a reason to. I can't be mad at them if they do.

-

me, after tribal: oh wow look mom and dad I did a thing I did it right this blindside wow I'm so proud!!!! me, four hours later: cannot stop crying in the single stall bathroom on the ground floor of my dorm :D

OWEN

I should have won that maze. I literally...if I hadn't had problems with the program I was using to do it, I would've won. What a dumbass I am. Like the very first time I started I was going the right way and then I guess I thought I'd hit a dead end??? Idk. This makes tribal....difficult. Ideally, JD/Ali would've gone but Ali has immunity and an idol to play on JD. Which means I really really really need to either let them vote me out and make sure Logan sticks with Lydia/Trevor, or I need to convince Ali to idol me and not JD. If I can get him to do that, then potentially here's what I could do: Lydia and Trevor could vote for Logan, Logan and I could vote for JD, and Ali and JD would vote for either Lydia/Trevor, and I'd make sure that Lydia/Trevor idol whoever is getting votes from JD and Ali. Or, even better, we split the votes like Logan and JD vote for Lydia, Owen and Ali vote for Trevor, which would really make it 2-2-1-1. And if Ali has an extra vote and played it, it'd still only be 2-2-2-1. The only problem would be Ali and JD completely lying and putting three votes on the opposite of the person Lydia and Trevor use the idol on, which would send one of them home 3-2-2 and which would supremely suck. And that's all only dependent on if I can get Ali to idol me. Back in the auction, I got a vote revealer that I told Ali about. So maybe I could lie and tell him that it lets me see who someone is GOING to vote for as soon as they vote and until the votes are read if they change it. That way I can be like hey, I'm using this on Lydia to see who she's voting for - oh, she's voting for me. I don't know if he'll buy it but!!!! It's what I've got. If all else fails, Lydia, Trevor, and myself can just all three vote Logan, Logan votes for whoever, and then Ali and JD throw two or three votes on Lydia/Trevor and are either cancelled by an idol or made into a tie, but if it tied like 3-3-1 and then there was a revote...well, idk what would happen on a revote. Because at that point, Logan couldn't vote and neither could Lydia or Trevor, Ali and JD would be safe and wouldn't mind forcing rocks to get either me or the other of Lydia/Trevor out yikes. So maybe I can convince Logan to play his herbs on Ali to make sure an extra vote isn't played, but then JD and Ali are both safe and idk. I don't know! What to do! Yikes! This was the one downside to voting out Ryan, and unfortunately it happened because nobody could do a damn puzzle. This is bad news.

TREVOR

Emathia has been dark all day.  The clouds black as coal.  It is dying.   The gods that once reigned now offer only small glances and short sentences to each other. A once prosperous future is fading.  Oizys has claimed this land.

ALI

WHEW. I WON MY SECOND IMMUNITY!! I'm so happy! 6 minutes seems quite quick, so I'm VERY proud! :)

LOGAN

So this vote tonight is gonna be ripped. Trevor or Lydia is going home. We KNOW that. We're gonna split the votes 2-2 trevor lydia and hopefully nobody's dumbass flips and worst case scenario it ties but we still have freakin majority. I'd lay it all out but I'm shaking and captain is sick and sleeping on my homework (http://imgur.com/a/l0jZ6) so yeah.

ALI

Whew. My idol play tonight is gonna be the 'Least Shocking Idol Play that anyone has EVER seen'. Whew. Darn Owen, loose lips sink ships! :) Game-wise, I'm feeling great. I've made F5 and have begun solidifying  my dream F3 of JD,Logan and Moi. Lydia is convinced I've messed up, but I'm not so sure that I have? Like, in the words of Sandra, 'I don't know about that!'. If I can manage to get the next 3 boots to be Trydia and Owen, I stand a REAL shot at this. The logic for voting Ryan, is if we hadn't, he'd have become a real swing vote at F6 and could've just rode the middle to the end. Now, there are two clearly divided sides, and I can scoot along the middle! I'm a bit upset rn, as this endgame has taken a kinda dark turn :( Trowen are fighting, and Trydia are giving Owen a hard time :( I want everyone to be positive, we've all done so well! :)

OWEN

I'VE GONE ROGUE AND I DON'T GIVE A FUCK WHO CATCHES ME TELLING WHAT LIE :))))))))) I faked to Ali all about how I was sorry I told Lydia about the idol and that I felt pressured into it (which I did a little bit but I had been planning to tell them to cover my own ass too)....and then like idk I told him it was better that they knew bc now they won't vote for JD and will hopefully vote for someone else. Then I told him all about my fake vote revealer :) and now I've made the receipts!!!! [3:52:11 PM] Owen (Island of Shade Host): I want to use my vote thing from the auction [3:52:36 PM] Owen (Island of Shade Host): on trevor pls [3:55:37 PM] Camilla: yes okay, one second [3:55:42 PM] Camilla: Trevor has not cast his vote yet. You will be notified as soon as he does so. [3:57:31 PM] Owen (Island of Shade Host): SUS ok thank you queen They're fake as hell!!!! So when Trevor gets home from work and I can discuss with him a little more then I guess I can make another fake receipt saying that he's voted for me...? And then we'll see if Ali says he's going to play the idol on me. He's been sus about it today tho saying perhaps he'd use it on someone that they're voting for but idk. That's only one piece of the puzzle though because they also think we're splitting the votes, Owen/Ali voting Lydia and Logan/JD voting for Trevor. I need to somehow convince Logan that voting for JD is the best option for us, but idk how to make it seem like a decision him and I are both making together...and I don't want Logan to get sus'd out and tell JD i'm tryna vote her out bc that's not a good look either???? If I can convince Logan to fully turn on JD and Ali then I could hopefully do something like I mentioned last night - Logan and I vote JD, Trevor and Lydia vote Logan, Ali votes Lydia and JD votes Trevor... But like. If Ali idols JD then Logan goes 2-1-1. If Ali idols me then it ties Logan and JD, and Trevor, Lydia, and I vote out JD. Logan would have to use the herbs to cancel out any extra votes that Ali has, though, which is...rough. And ALSO! If JD and Ali are lying about the way they wanna split votes, idk what happens then? Hopefully Lydia idols Trevor in that situation. But I don't know. The worst case scenario is Ali or JD use an extra vote and lie about how they're splitting and they put three votes on Lydia and with all this split vote stuff Lydia goes but....idk. We'll see! I'm a huge mess and honestly? It's fun!

JD

Tonight is going to be a mess. We're splitting the votes, but... I don't like that ether, and I was the one that suggested it. I reallllly dont like that Ali isn't playing his idol on me, he has immunity after all. I think I've put it in my head to never feel safe ether but after I stopped replying to Lydia I don't think that she was very happy so I think she might change the vote, I don't know what's going on and I hate it but I mean... Here we go right 

-

(mobile confession, sorry for the spelling and grammar) Lydia man, okay so stuff that the hosts cants see. Is that Lydia told me why she wanted to vote me out and it was basically that i leaked info (bullshit),  that i had turned on then for Ryan and I'm sorry Ryan but he was just a number in this game. And when i though he was no longer loyal to me, we let him go. (I'm sorry) apparently they were going to vote Owen originally because it's what i wanted but the only time that i ever rrreeallly wanted Owen was for the split vote. And technically he wasn't the actual target... The split vote didn't actually happen then btw. Apparently me and Ali told Owen it was him, even though there was no reason for us too and that didn't happen. The the icing on the cake was that me and Ali didn't wanna play with her anymore. Non of that happened and because she believed it, it fucked up her game. And I'm guessing she can thank Trevor for that. But I think it's going to me me or Trevor tonight. 

OWEN

Tonight was another hard decision. I could've gotten JD out....but I didn't want to risk it. I feel really bad for playing the newbies and Logan like this, but I know it was for the best because now I'm in the middle of two pairs who pretty much need me as a third. They wouldn't go to final four with each other and guarantee a tiebreaker. Which most likely means, I guess, one of two things... First, JD/Ali has to go now. One of them will. Probably Ali, unless he wins immunity. In which case!!!! If it's me/Lydia/Trevor in the f4 with Ali, then Ali goes hands down granted he doesn't win immunity. If he does win it, I go. If it's JD instead and like... Trevor or Lydia win immunity then idk what they'd do, but it would definitely be me or JD going. At this point, Lydia and Trevor will most likely be in the f3, and I don't mind that. idk fskajhfsjd i'm just....I controlled three of the last four votes! And it's cute.