#ok back to writing my fanfic fr bc it's healing me

[ldpdluvr]

it was lowkey crazy to me that when i was making a playlist for ldpdl and one for myself at the same time, i kept adding in all of the same songs, like back then i didn't realise just how similar we were...idk maybe i'm projecting too much on him but his character is just sooooo relatable to me and some of my experiences and just his general feelings/vibe too

[theworld-accordingtocasey]

no no noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo nono no no n0n OnO nㅇ NoN0 nO n0 NO nㅇ Ńㅇ nö Ńō n0o N0ㅇ!!

Gahhh I was definitely ready to rock Renjun’s shit for the first few interactions we had, I was on my way to get him like this right here

Me when I got to a certain line and thought 🎨👨🏻‍🎨💐💚👫 was gonna happen bc i love, love

Me when …the thing… happens 😨😰😥😢😞

Real me in the end bc technically “I” am happy even though EYE feel bamboozled 💀

＿ﾉ乙(､ﾝ､)_

friends share with friends so even tho I am tired, since my friend handed this (metaphorically) to me today I now hand it off to y’all [gestures vaguely] 🤠

tmimc (to moots it may concern), yes I know I generally “don’t rb things that aren’t racially inclusive” to you out of principle but my plug gave me a heads up before i started reading, so even though it was hard-ish, I tried my best to ignore the red stuff I saw cus the storyline was too good to stop lol but do be advised that color blushing is mentioned several times so don’t say I led u astray bc I’m telling u now before u read!

because I had you | huang renjun

Pairing: RENJUN x reader Wordcount: 11k Genre: angst, fluff, rebound girl, cheating???? Warnings: Language, emotional manipulation (if that’s what you call it), cheating, drinking, mentions of other members, I really suck at giving warnings lol, not proofread

Summary: Coming from a fresh break-up, Renjun found himself unable to move on from his ex-girlfriend. You, on the other hand, had the biggest crush on him for quite some time now and when the opportunity to finally be his girlfriend presented itself, you grabbed it with both of your eyes closed… even though you know you’re just a rebound.

Taglist: @chenlewifey @chichhihaa @jenyongcas @kuncitizen @jaeyongii @arrasuh @thejeongjaehyun @kimga @jenosbliss @linohues @legbouk @cuteejeno @bethm5 @chocojae @grapesuns

I think it's time that I be honest Should've told you not to go Thought I knew just what I wanted I didn't know myself at all

“Are we drinking every weekend night now?” Yangyang chuckled before drinking his glass of iced scotch.

Renjun shook his head and stared at his drink. “I just need to get that out of my mind.”

“Then you shouldn’t have told her to go. If you weren’t too prideful then probably you’re not drowning us with liquor now.”

“She said she’s not sure of us anymore. Do you honestly think I would stay in a relationship like that? No. I deserve better.” He said and drank the alcohol in one go.

“Is it really that or your ego is hurt? We both know you hate it when people hurt your pride.” Yangyang looked him dead in the eyes.

Renjun smirked, “Aren’t we all?”

“No. Not when it comes to someone you love.” Yangyang said in all seriousness.

Renjun was silent for a minute, soaking in his friend’s words. Maybe he’s right, maybe he’s not. He may be miserable right now, but he for sure cannot stay in a relationship that is no longer certain.

“Love.” He laughed. “What do you know? You’re single and have been cheated on.” He realized the gravity of what he said when his friend did not reply back. “I’m sorry man. That’s wrong to say.”

“I guess we’re both in deep shit.” Yangyang fake laughed, “But maybe you can still turn yours around. I know someone that I can set you up on a blind date with.”

“Who the hell still goes on a blind date?” Renjun scoffed.

“You and her. Just say yes and I’ll plan everything for the two of you. She’s nice, smart and fun. Totally your type.” Yangyang assured him as he poured liquor in Renjun’s glass.

Renjun chuckled. Maybe it’s the alcohol or maybe he really wanted to try dating again- but he said yes without any convincing. He raised his glass and offered Yangyang a toast, “To a new beginning.”

Yangyang looked at him with disgust at his friend’s choice of words, but raised his own glass nevertheless. “To a new beginning.”

~

You checked your dress one more time and combed your hair with your fingers as you nervously waited for your date. It has been an incredibly long time since the last time you went on a date, let alone a blind date.

Receiving a phone call from your cousin in the middle of the night is something you would normally ignore, but that specific night felt like you had to answer it. If you’re going to be honest, you’re not really too excited about dating, but when he said he’s setting you up on a date with your greatest crush, you jolted up from your bed and called Yangyang names just to make him admit he’s joking. But he wasn’t.

Your date is half an hour late, but your excitement is still over the moon. It’s a rare opportunity to get on a date with someone you liked for a long time.

You took your phone out and sent your cousin a text.

You: Hey just letting you know that your friend is 30 minutes late. He’s going to show up right?

You look around the place as you keep your phone in between your hands. Yangyang chose a decent restaurant, not cheap but not too expensive.

A little later, your phone vibrated and you checked it. It’s from Yangyang.

Yang: I hope. He was pretty drunk when I told him about the blind date, so… I'm not that sure if he remembers. Lemme check on him.

You rolled your eyes at his response.

You: Are you for real? Are you really this dumb?! I’m probably waiting for nothing!! Thanks a fucking lot.

You sighed and hastily gathered your stuff from the table and looked through your bag to find your wallet and pay for the two glasses of iced tea you ordered when the chair in front of you was pulled out by someone. The birthmark on his hand is very familiar, you looked up to see Renjun seated himself down.

“Sorry, I’m late.” He said and gave you his ever so beautiful smile. You were dumbfounded for a second, starstruck even. You couldn’t find the words to say and were thankful when his phone rang, “One second, I have to take this.” He said and you just nodded, still staring at him. God, is he really this breathtaking? “Yes. I’m already here. No, I didn’t forget, it’s just that the traffic was really bad.” He looked at you and smiled again. “Listen, let’s talk later. Mkay, bye.”

“I’m sorry, I kind of sent Yangyang an angry text that you were late and I thought you weren’t coming.” You said in a very apologetic tone.

Renjun chuckled, “No. That’s okay. I should be sorry I didn’t handle my time very well. Please let me make it up to you and order anything you like, on me.” He raised his hand to call out for the server.

You remained quiet but there was a friendly smile on your face. The server gave both of you a menu.

“So, what do you think you’ll be getting?” Renjun asked you as he kept his eyes on the menu in front of him.

You looked down on the menu and read it. You kept reminding yourself to stop looking at him as you might creep him out, but you still find yourself staring at him for each minute that passes.

“I don’t know yet. I haven’t been here before, do you have any recommendations?” You asked and cannot help looking up on him.

He switched his glance to you and smiled again when he caught your eye. You felt your cheeks reddened by it.

“Do you eat chicken, pork or beef?” He asked. You looked down on the menu. You were actually eyeing the baked lobster but since he offered to pay and he didn’t mention seafood, it might be too expensive to get.

“I eat them all, but I kind of want a lobster. Can I get that?” You asked back.

“Yeah definitely! Anything you want. Why’d you have to ask?” He chuckled, finding your question ridiculous.

“You didn’t mention seafood, so I thought that’s not in my options.” You explained with a shy smile.

His shoulders dropped down and his eyes suddenly lost their light. “Sorry. It’s because my ex-girlfriend doesn’t eat seafood. I just got used to it.”

You felt your chest tighten at his confession but shrugged it off and forced yourself to smile. “I guess I’ll be getting beef instead.”

Renjun looked up to you and you saw in his eyes that he was thanking you for your sympathy. “Do you mind if I order for you?” You shook your head and he immediately called the server back.

“We would like to get a slow-cooked beef roast please, but instead of mashed potatoes can we get a gravy on the side?” He asked and gave back the menu.

You chuckled, “Wow. That’s a pretty precise order.” You said teasingly.

“Yeah. This is where my ex-girlfriend and I went on our first date and she always gets the slow-cooked beef roast here. It’s very delicious you’ll see.” He said with a smile on his face as if what he said didn’t disrespect your existence.

“Oh, I see.” You smiled and faked a laugh.

A little later the food came and Renjun was right, the food was phenomenal. He ordered a bottle of red wine and it was amazing. The place has a good ambience for a first date, the servers are extremely nice and the tables are far apart so everyone would get their own privacy when conversing.

Everything is perfect, just like how you imagined it would be. From the food to the setting and to the man you’re out on a date with. The only problem is, Renjun cannot seem to stop himself from talking about his ex-girlfriend.

From the moment the food came, to the first sip of his drink until the last drop of wine from the bottle. An hour later, Renjun finished the whole bottle of wine by himself, now half-drunk, he never ceased to talk about the girl he used to date. He didn’t even notice how much you prepared for this date.

It was almost perfect. It’s just he made you his diary, he’s like he’s just talking to a friend, not a date. If he was with someone else, it would be very disrespectful, but you find it fascinating how much he adored that girl for him to disregard your feelings at all.

You took the glass of wine and put it near your lips, “You sure do talk a lot about this girl in front of your date.” You said it jokingly, but it was a slap on Renjun’s face.

He suddenly realized what he was doing and was butchering his date with you, “Oh god. I am so sorry.” He said and sat up straight. “I am such an asshole.” He apologized.

Your eyes widened and gulped the wine in your mouth, “No! Don’t be! Yangyang gave me a heads up so I know your situation. I understand it’s hard to move on from someone that made a huge impact in your life, but it’s good that you’re trying to get over her.” You smiled.

He looked at your face as he tried to find sarcasm in your voice, but all he could hear was honesty. He gave you a tight-lipped smile. “I am.” He agreed. “You know… Trying to move on. I hope you don’t feel like I am using you because that’s not the case at all.”

You chuckled, “Why not?”

“Why not what?” He asked, totally confused.

“Use me to get over your ex.” You suggested and stared directly into his eyes.

You’re with somebody I can’t be, Yeah But I can tell that you’re happy

“Why would you tell him that?!” Yangyang laughed at your face as you frowned even more.

“I had wine okay?! And he looks like he seriously needed help to get over his ex.” The volume of your voice lowered as you progressed through your sentence.

“Based on your story, Renjun is more likely to be the drunk one so don’t you dare blame the wine! The wine’s innocent! And no matter how much of a savage Renjun could be, he’s still not the type of person that would use someone for his own gain.”

You groaned and slumped yourself deeper into your cousin’s couch, guilt is eating you alive. “I know. I mean, I should have known that.” You buried your face on the pillow and fake sobbed. “I ruined my chances with Renjun. I am so stupid.”

Yangyang did not reply his usual ‘yeah you are stupid’ so you raised your head to look at him. He’s on his phone and his brows are knitted.

“I am having a breakdown here. Could you sympathize with me for once?!” You yelled but he raised his finger at you to shut you up. A smile slowly creeps into his face as his eyes remained on his phone. “What the hell is wrong with you?” You whispered, genuinely scared of his reaction.

He was still unbothered for a minute or two before he threw his head back and laughed out loud. “Oh my goodness, this is gold.” He said catching his breath. “Forget all the nice things I’ve told you about Renjun. Looks like your dumb plan worked and he’s going to use somebody for his own gain after all.”

You sat up straight, your heart is beating so loudly. “What do you mean?”

“His ex-girlfriend is now dating somebody and he wanted to know your number so he could invite you to our friend’s birthday party.” He said and laughed maniacally.

You don’t know if you should get hurt or glad. Hurt because that’s how he remembered you or glad that at least he remembers you.

~

“Why do you keep on bothering me when he’s late? I’m not his mother Y/N and you have his number. Text him!” Yangyang said and dropped the phone right after.

You were standing outside of your apartment waiting for Renjun to pick you up. You felt too shy to text him but you know your cousin’s right. You composed a text and were about to send it when a white car in front of you stopped. The windows are tinted so you cannot see through but when the driver lowered the window, you saw that it was Renjun.

“Sorry, I’m late again. Hop in!” He smiled and opened the door for you from the driver’s seat.

“I’m starting to think you’re doing it on purpose.” You joked. He chuckled and shook his head.

“No, I swear it’s not on purpose. I was just busy making phone calls for you.” He said and gave you a quick glance that made you blush instantly.

“What do you mean?” You asked, looking the opposite way just so you could hide your tomato red cheeks.

He only chuckled. “You’ll see.”

“Seat here my love and we’ll start right away.” A lady guided you to a salon chair and put a gown around your neck. Another lady sat down beside you and took your hand, preparing to manicure your nails. There’s another at the end of the room steaming a beautiful white dress. You were so taken aback by everything happening around you. Everyone was like a swarm of flies the moment you came in.

You desperately looked at Renjun through the mirror as the people in the salon worked their magic on you. “Renjun, what’s all this for?”

Renjun only smiled but his eyes were fixed on his phone, “We’re going to my friend’s birthday party remember?” You were going to say something but he waved his hand at you and was going to step out of the salon, “Take good care of her for me, okay?” He told everyone and he winked at you, “I’m going to get ready too. I’ll pick you up in a couple of hours.”

Hours?! Couple of hours?! Why do you need to stay here for a couple of hours? You were frowning and deep in your thoughts when one of the people around you spoke.

“You were very lucky. Are you his sister? Renjun’s girlfriend, Hera, is our regular. She always gets her hair done here and your brother requested your hair to get styled like hers! Sweet boy.”

You smiled bitterly.

Of course. Why aren’t you surprised? There’s nothing wrong with the way you do your hair, but you guessed that he liked how Hera does hers. “I am not his sister, I’m his date.” You informed them with a tight-lipped smile.

The ladies looked horrified and they all apologized. The noise and any kind of conversation died down after you told them you don’t mind. Everybody worked on you in silence, only the upbeat music of the salon was echoing the space.

Two hours and a half later, you’re standing in front of the mirror, staring at yourself. Your hair is turned into bronze and styled with large curls, you have very smokey eyes and the tight white dress brings out your contour, you also have long white bedazzled nails that make your movements very awkward. You look very beautiful, but you don’t feel any connection with the person reflecting in the mirror.

That’s not you.

But didn’t you offer yourself to become a rebound? Didn’t you want to help him get over his ex? You wanted this and you’re aware of whatever he’s doing right now so you don't get to be offended or hurt because you brought this onto yourself.

There was a knock on the other side of the door that brought you out of your thoughts. “Y/N? Are you ready? We have to go.” Renjun’s voice never fails to make your heart panic.

You sighed and fake a smile in the mirror before opening the door and giving him your almost-perfect practiced smile. He’s very breathtaking in his very light pink suit and pants.

He looked at you, mouth agape. “Wow, you’re beautiful.”

‘I look beautiful or they did a good job of turning me into a clone of your ex-girlfriend?’ You thought to yourself.

“Thank you.” You said. He offered his arm to you and you gladly clung your hands around it.

The party was just as classy as you expected it would be. Jazz is playing live in the background of the quiet chatterings of the guests. Even the soft sound of cutleries hitting the white plates sounded so sophisticated. The guests are wearing their best dresses and their shiniest jewelry.

“Happy birthday, Mark. It’s nice to see what you did to the place.” Renjun greeted a very refined-looking man in front of both of you.

Mark smiled brightly, “Thank you, man. But you know this kind of party isn’t really my type, I just had to make my mom happy.” He pulled Renjun in one of that classic bro hug. His gaze switched to you, he gave you a smile and offered his hand, “You are?”

You reached for his hand and were going to speak when Renjun interrupted, “Y/N. She is Yangyang’s cousin.” Your heart cracked a little at his introduction. Well, he’s not wrong, you really are Yangyang's cousin, but aren’t you also his date for tonight?

Mark gently squeezed the grip on your hand, “Very nice to finally meet you, Y/N. I’ve heard a lot of good things about you from Yangyang.”

“You did?” You asked, a little taken aback. He nodded and smiled even more, his hand still holding yours.

“…and my beautiful date.” Renjun continued his introduction of you in an unusually loud voice. You only then realize a beautiful lady walking towards you, wearing a tight red dress with long brown curled hair. Instantly, you recognize who she is, that must be her, Hera, Renjun’s ex-girlfriend.

You loosened your hand from Mark’s grip and tried to make yourself invisible in her presence. She’s so beautiful, her aura is so powerful and elegant. The way she carries herself is amazing. No wonder Renjun can’t get over her.

“Happiest birthday, Markie.” She said and gave Mark a kiss on his cheek. She only looked at you then at Renjun. “Nice to see you again, Renjun.” She smiled.

“You look beautiful, Hera.” He said and took her hand to kiss the back of it. “Are you alone tonight?” Renjun asked, totally forgetting your existence beside him.

“My boyfriend is running a little late tonight.” She said.

Renjun scoffed, “That’s disappointing. I never made you wait when we were together.”

So this is your role here. Not a date, but someone he could showcase. Someone who would stand beside him just so Renjun would not look pathetic when Hera brought his boyfriend. You glanced at your date only to see him staring at her like a love-sick puppy. You felt so out of place. You sighed and looked down at your feet. A gentle hand was placed on your back, you looked beside you and saw Mark, “Be confident, you are gorgeous tonight.” He whispered and smiled at you before walking away to attend to his other guests.

Maybe you did something really terrible in your past life to be seated with Hera, her boyfriend who just arrived, and Renjun that is currently drinking the whole bottle of wine to himself.

Renjun hates it. Seeing Hera with her new boyfriend is driving him nuts. How could she move on from him that fast? How could she find a replacement for him in a span of weeks while he still drowns himself in alcohol whenever he thinks of her. Did she not love him at all?

He was just glaring at Hera and the other guy the whole night, making everyone uncomfortable in his vicinity. Clearly, everyone in that table knew that he hasn't gotten over his ex yet and you’re just this pathetic date he brought with him to save face. You remembered feeling starving while getting ready, but you can’t seem to find the appetite to eat now.

Renjun stood up from his seat, a little tipsy. You immediately stood up and held him on his arm, helping him to stand up steady. “Where are you going? Let me help you.” You said in a hushed tone, but Renjun took his arm back.

“I can manage, thank you Y/N.” He said and faced everyone at the table. “Everyone, we’re heading home because I can’t stand to be at this table any longer.”

Yangyang, who was also seated at that table, tried making a joke, but everyone knew what Renjun was talking about.

“You drive right? I mean I spent a lot of money getting your look done, the least you can do is drive us home.” Renjun laughed at his joke, but for everyone, that’s an insult and uncalled for.

You only stared at his reddened face. You should be angry but why do you feel so sorry for him?

You heard Yangyang standing from his seat, your cousin smiled at everyone as he made his way to you and whispered into your ear. “Let that dick go home alone. I’ll give you a ride. This situation is so stupid, you are stupid and Renjun is a jerk. Let’s go.”

You kept your gaze at Renjun who is now walking towards the exit. You smiled at your cousin, “I have to go. See you Yang and thank you very much, but he needs me.” You said and bid Mark a happy birthday before going after Renjun.

You tried your best to run after him outside Mark’s house, “Renjun just a second!”

Renjun stopped walking and turned around to look at you with tears running down his cheeks, “What Y/N? I know I’m pathetic, I know I’m an asshole for treating you like shit and I’m sorry. But can you get mad at me some other time? Just not today. Please.”

Your chest tightened at the sight of him losing himself because of a girl. Without a word, you walked up to him with open arms and pulled him into a hug. Though he is taller than you, he managed to make himself smaller in your arms. You let him cry on your shoulders and drove down to your place after he calmed down, and let him stay for the night at your apartment.

It’s time for me to finally meet somebody new Take her to all the places I took us too And she might help me forget, But loving her is something I could never do Because I had Because I had you

You were cooking breakfast and Renjun is sitting quietly in the kitchen watching you hum as you flip the pancakes. Renjun took his time appreciating your features. You have very rosy cheeks and cherry lips. Your eyes are very expressive and he loves how both ends of your lips perk up when doing something you like.

He remembered how caring and thoughtful you are. He remembered how you forgave him for treating you poorly last night and how you put his feelings first before yours. You are a catch, and he realized that.

“Let’s go out on a date.” He bluntly said out of nowhere.

You snapped your head towards his direction and accidentally nudged the pan from the stove making it drop on the floor, creating a huge mess.

“Careful!” Renjun yelled and jolted up from his seat.

“Ah shit.” You mumbled. You bent down to try cleaning up your mess and without a second later, Renjun is now helping you clean up the pancake batter that was splattered everywhere.

“I didn’t know I could affect you this much.” Renjun teased you and you only chuckled, not denying his accusation. “Did you know that I received a very angry text message from your cousin this morning?” He smiled sadly. “He didn’t like that I am using you to get my girlfrie- I mean… ex-girlfriend’s attention. And honestly? That’s not like me and I didn’t like what I did one bit.” You were silent and were just staring at him. “I am sorry for bringing you into this mess. You are a very nice woman, thoughtful and selfless. You deserve someone who would want to be with you entirely.”

You looked down on your fingers, still crouching down, trying to hide your disappointment. He’s rejecting you already even before you confess your feelings for him.

“I understand that-” You stood up and were about to tell him that you were happy for the short time you spent with him when he cut you.

“That’s why I want to take you on a date. A real one. A day just for the two of us.” He also stood up and looked you in the eyes. “Obviously, I haven’t moved on yet, but I like you and I want to give this a shot. You said you’d help me… and I am willing to cooperate. Just say yes.” He persuaded you.

Maybe this situation he’s offering you is not so much different than being a rebound, but you felt the sincerity in his words and you just couldn’t reject him. You gave him a smile and nodded. “Okay. Take me out on a date, Renjun.”

For the past week, Renjun was trying his best to come up with an idea on what to do on your date with him. He did a lot of research and asked everyone’s suggestions- he even forgot that Yangyang was still mad at him and still called him to ask for his opinion.

He wanted this to be memorable not only to you but also to him. This date marks his first step to moving on and he was very excited that he’s making this progress with you. He planned everything from his looks to the places he’s going to take you.

Renjun is now parked in front of your place, half an hour early. He is wearing a dress shirt and a slack, partnered with his very shiny wristwatch. Renjun looks expensive, he did his best to look good just for you. He is nervously tapping his fingers on the steering wheel and looking at his watch every minute, debating whether he should knock on your door early or knock at exactly 6 o’clock.

A soft knock on his passenger window made Renjun jump from his seat. You cannot help but laugh at him and your wide smile made him grin. He unlocked the doors so he could go down the car and open the door for you, but you did it yourself as soon as the doors were unlocked.

“I’m so sorry. I was going to do that for you.” He sighed apologetically.

“What? No, that’s fine! Nothing to apologize for. I have two hands and two feet, I’m pretty sure I can manage.” You winked at him. He was taken aback by your boldness and managed to compose himself again. “So where are we going? I’m excited!” You shrieked.

You thought the first and last time you’re going to listen to live jazz would be at Mark’s birthday party, but Renjun brought you to a very fancy restaurant that could feed a whole street in a third-world country with the price of their cheesecake. Your jeans and sweater getup certainly did not fit in the place. Heck, the female servers are wearing better attires than you.

Renjun nervously cleared his throat. “I’m sorry. I should have told you where I was taking you.” He genuinely felt bad that you might be feeling a little out of place with your clothes.

You laughed wholeheartedly, “No, don’t be! It’s embarrassing at first but this is hilarious. The servers are more decent looking than me.”

He couldn’t help but laugh as well, it is funny. “Y/N, why on earth did you wear jeans when you know you’re going on a date?”

You shrugged and took a bite of your very expensive fries. “This is my date outfit. I heard you called Yangyang when preparing for this day. That's why I thought we’re going to see movies or something.”

Renjun fell quiet. He did call Yangyang for his opinion of the places that he chose, but he never asked what kind of date you would enjoy.

“I didn’t think of asking him about your preferences, I’m sorry. I should have definitely done that, but I think I was so excited planning this that I forgot to consider your liking.”

You waved your hand vigorously and gulped water before talking, “Oh no! I would love to see your taste and I might say that you have a very fancy gut.” You winked at him, trying to make the situation a little less awkward.

He was even more guilty of what he did. He smiled sadly, eyes on his plate. “If I am going to be honest, everything I planned for today is based on what Hera enjoyed back when we were still together. We dated for three years and it feels like everything I know in dating is everything I learned while I’m with her.” He laughed sarcastically and lazily dropped his fork on his plate before letting out a deep sigh. “I am sorry. I wanted to plan a perfect date for you but it’s almost like I am being sucked by this black hole. Everything is always about her. You should know that you don’t deserve this kind of treatment, not from me or anybody. I just… I’m sorry, I tried. I really did and I would understand if you’d stop seeing me again because honestly? I would stop seeing myself too if I were you.” He rambled, eyes still glued at the table.

You did get the gist of where he got the idea of going to this place and yes, you were disappointed about it, maybe even hurt, but not disappointed enough to not see him again.

You chuckled and carefully put your cutlery down and sat up straight. “You know what? Maybe next time I’ll take you out on a date instead.” Renjun raised his head quickly and stared at you. “What?” You asked, half laughing.

“You’ll take me on a date?” He asked, a smile slowly forming on his lips.

You shrugged. “Yes, why not? I mean by the looks of it, you look like you’ve only been on dinner dates not on a date date.” A smirk is visible on your lips as you sip from your glass of wine.

Renjun genuinely smiled at you, thankful for the patience that you’re giving him. “Well, I am excited.”

Hey, remember when I told you That you and I, we'd go down in history together, yeah And does your sister ask about me? You and I, what we had, is it gone forever?

Renjun did something he doesn’t usually do: letting other people take control. His pride and his ego were always the cause of his arguments with his ex-girlfriend. He likes to be in control of everything and when things start to go out of his way, he will leave. But with you, he’s different. He trusts and looks up to you so much that he lets you take over this dating phase. He’s even excited that for once, he’s clueless about the things that will happen.

You asked him to drop by your apartment early. He asked you what he will wear but you told him to wear whatever he wears to sleep. Renjun was skeptical but showed up to your doorstep wearing gray jogger pants and a sweatshirt, you looked down to his feet and saw that he was wearing socks that do not go together and flip-flop that he probably owned for a while now. He looked like he just woke up and it made you smile how his eyes are still swollen. At least he combed his hair though.

“Good morning.” You greeted him. He smiled when he noticed you were wearing similar-looking clothes to him.

“Good morning, beautiful.” He greets back, not failing to make you blush. “Do you happen to have breakfast? I’m starving.” He asked, peeking through your door, trying to get a glimpse of your kitchen.

You softly pushed him out as you got out and locked your apartment door. “We’re eating out.” You said.

His eyes grew big, “Looking like this?! I haven’t even brushed my teeth yet!”

You laughed out loud as you made your way to his car, “I told you to come wearing whatever you wear to sleep, I never told you to come here straight from bed. If your breath stinks, that’s on you.”

Renjun grinned so wide after hearing what you said. You’re right. He stared at your back with adoration before jogging after you and putting his arms around your shoulder.

Renjun expected something different from the fancy restaurants he went to with his ex-girlfriend before. He’s preparing himself for fast food chains like McDonald’s and Burger King, but to his surprise, you parked his car in front of an old-looking place.

You noticed how his eyes silently judged the place by its look. “This is the best diner in town. You know that you don’t have to pay so much money to taste good food right? Sometimes you just have to support the local businesses.” You smiled at him before going out of the driver’s seat leaving him in awe once again.

And you’re right again. He ordered a simple waffle, but it tasted different from the expensive places he went to. It’s better. The noise in the diner felt very cozy. He loved how he could smell the food being cooked a few feet away from their table, he loved how he could hear the laughter of the children eating with their families and he loved how you made everything comfortable for him the whole meal.

He was smiling from ear to ear in the car, your eyes are on the road but you can feel his stare at you. “Stop staring.” You said, making him change his gaze and laugh.

“I had fun on our date. Thank you.” You felt how genuine his words are but the way he said it sounded like your date has ended already. He thought that’s everything you planned for today and you couldn’t help but to snort. “What? I’m being sincere here, jerk.” He said with a smile on his face.

“No, I’m not laughing at you.” You tried reasoning out.

“I am not laughing with you so you’re definitely laughing at me.” He said playfully and looked at you laughing your heart out.

“No, it’s not that! It’s just funny that you think we’re driving home now. We literally just ate breakfast, our date hasn’t even started yet.” You explained.

“Wait. That’s not it?” He asked with a surprised look. You quickly glanced at him to see his reaction and it made your heart flutter but also sad. Flutter because of his innocent reaction and sad because the dates he’s been on are just one meal together and that’s it.

“Nope. We’re going to the mall. We’re going to dress up.”

Renjun’s type of clothes is a suit and coat. He knows it would be different from what he’s used to and he’s willing to explore other ways to dress up, but he didn’t expect you to bring him to a department store.

“Are these even clean?” He asked, not wanting to touch the clothes on display.

“They’re clean, don’t worry!.” You said and pulled him to the aisle where the casual clothes are located.

“You’re going to make me wear these?” He asked with a hint of disgust in his voice. He walked to the rack where button-up shirts were hanging. “Can I at least wear this?” He took a denim button-up.

You hummed and put your hand on your chin, “That looks good with…” You scanned the casual clothes and saw a gray sweatshirt, “this!”

His brows are knitted and a frown is visible on his face, “How am I going to wear them together? I can just get this shirt and pair it with a good coat. That’ll look nice on me, don’t you think?” He asked.

“You’re right that it’s going to look nice on you, but we’re going to try something new right? So try to wear clothes your age! This is the new trend now. Wear that denim shirt underneath and wear this sweatshirt on top of it. It’s warm and stylish.”

You thought it was going to be a long debate with him, but he just sighed and took the sweatshirt from your hand, “And for the pants?” he asked, making you smile.

You excitedly clap your hands and ran to the aisle where the pants are and looked for the perfect one.

Renjun is staring at himself in the mirror, rotating his body every now and then, checking what he looks like. The clothes are a little loose than what he’s used to but it’s undeniably comfortable. Not only is it thick enough to keep him warm, but it also made him feel youthful.

“Not bad.” He praised. You know he liked his new get-up but is just too stubborn to admit.

He turned around to you and was about to say something but he found himself out of words after seeing the clothes you’ve chosen for yourself. You’re wearing a very cute pink and brown turtleneck sweater and faded boyfriend jeans. He cannot explain how he was so attracted to someone covering all of their skin.

“So? How do I look?” You asked, spinning around for him to get a good look at your outfit.

“Beautiful as always.” He said in all seriousness. You really are so beautiful that it almost made him jealous when other men looked your way.

You brought him to the fair. It is the very cliche ‘cute date’ ever told in the history of mankind but you’re also aware that other than a dinner date, everything is new to Renjun. You wanted to make him experience things you’re sure he never experienced before. You wanted to see how his eyes light up when he wins a stuffed animal after hitting the target using three bullets. You wanted to see how much he would scream in a roller coaster ride and how he would ask you to ride it again. How he would react to his first corn dog and how much he’ll love to ride the Ferris wheel. To your satisfaction, you saw everything you expected to see. His reaction to everything made you see the genuine joy of the fair for the first time without cringing.

Renjun figured out a lot of things about himself in just one date with you. He found out that he liked spicy foods better than the regular ones, that he has a high pitched voice when he’s scared, that wearing loose clothes is more comfortable than wearing tight slacks, that he’s not as brave as he thought he was when he entered the haunted house with you. And when you accidentally hugged him for the first time when someone jumped at you, was also the first time in his life Renjun felt his heart beat faster.

He did not only see himself better, but he also started seeing you in a different light. Not just someone who’s helping him, not just his friend, but also more than that.

You’re with somebody I can’t be But I can tell that you’re happy

It has been half a year since your first date with Renjun and it amazes you how much Renjun has changed over the months you’ve spent together. He never mentioned his ex ever again and you’re happy for him.

You had planned dates for him every week of all sorts from the most common ones to the most adventurous ones. You went out to movies, picnics, hot air balloon festivals, pilates, hiking, hot springs and many more.

You never fail to surprise Renjun every time he goes out with you, the dates you have planned are always fun and refreshing and he’s starting to get excited about planning dates too. He took you to a glass bridge once, both of you were stuck right from the beginning, in the end, the two of you decided to just give up and watch other people walk on the bridge instead.

To Renjun, meeting you is one of the greatest things that has happened to him. He never realized how much he didn’t know about himself until he met you. He not only found out his likes, dislikes and things he’d never thought he’d enjoy, but he also figured out his feelings for you. He likes you and it did not surprise him one bit, in fact, he is glad to finally admit it.

Perfect. Whatever is going on between the two of you is perfect. You love him more for each day that passes and all you’re waiting for is Renjun to say the same.

And that is going to be today.

Renjun felt like it was time to level up his relationship with you. He doesn’t see any reasons not to make your relationship official, and he’s so excited to finally ask you to be his girlfriend.

“You’re sure about it?” Yangyang asked his best friend who is now smiling from ear to ear. “Well if I’m going to be the judge, I can say that you are definitely in love with my cousin now.”

Renjun knitted his brows and laughed, “Is it that obvious?”

“You just took me out for a milkshake, the Renjun I know gets drunk any hour of any day!” Yangyang exclaimed.

Renjun laughed, “She’s the best thing that ever happened to me, Yang. I am glad that she is patient enough to wait for me for this long. She deserves the best and more.” He sincerely said.

Yangyang smiled and tapped Renjun’s shoulder, “I couldn’t be any happier for you and Y/N. You both deserve the best and more- you deserve each other.”

Renjun pulled his best friend into a hug, “Thank you.”

Renjun invited you to go to one of his favourite activities- painting. He booked a painting class for the two of you and you were so excited that you’re going to see Renjun do something he loves dearly.

“Am I going to be your muse this time?” You asked Renjun through your phone as you fixed your hair in the mirror.

Renjun smiled widely on the other line. “Sure, if that’s what you want. Actually, you know what? You’ll always be my muse from today on.” He dropped a hint.

A hint that you didn’t miss to pick up. Your heart could almost jump out of your chest. He’s finally going to ask you to be his girlfriend and you couldn’t calm your heart down.

“Then I should probably get ready, make myself beautiful if I’m going to be your muse.” You teased him.

Renjun knew you already caught up with it, but he played along. “You could wear whatever you wear to your sleep and you’d still be the most beautiful to me.” Your cheeks blushed so much, remembering your first official date with Renjun, that you couldn’t find the words to speak.

~

It’s been over two hours. You have been waiting at your painting class but Renjun is nowhere to be seen and hasn’t been answering any of your calls.

“Miss?” A staff member walked up to you with a sympathetic look. “Mr. Huang only booked the store for an hour, we tried giving you another hour and we’re very sorry that he didn’t show up but we’re going to open to the public soon.”

You looked around and saw people coming in. You smiled sadly and nodded, “I’ll leave, thank you.”

“Oh no, you don’t have to leave, you can stay here a little longer. We’re just letting you know that other people will be here as well.”

“It’s okay. I’ll just go home. Thank you very much.” You said. You stood up, hooked your bag on your shoulder and fixed your beautiful red dress before walking out of the building.

Maybe he’s just stuck in traffic, you’re sure he has a reason why he ditched you and you wish that he’s somewhere safe.

You are so tempted to text your cousin and ask for Renjun’s whereabouts, you’re sure that he knows his best friend’s plans, but you fought against it- instead, you sent Renjun another text message.

Hey, Renjun. I’m just letting you know that I’m heading straight home. I hope you’re somewhere safe. Please text me when you read this, I am worried about you.

Renjun stared at your text message for what seemed like forever, he then set his phone on the bedside table of someone’s room that he hasn’t been in for half a year. He looked at the woman lying beside him who was resting comfortably on his chest, wrapped around in his arms. He’s with Hera.

This is what he wanted. This is what he wished would happen for so long.

He was on his way to you with a bouquet of flowers and a well-made mind when he received an unexpected call from someone he thought he already moved on from.

Hera Calling…

His fingers hovered on the red button. One hand on the wheel, the other on his phone, contemplating whether or not to answer the call. After six months' worth of work for him to get over his ex, one phone call is all it took for all of his efforts to go down the drain.

He could’ve just ended the call and met you, but he went after familiarity. Out of false instinct, he came back running to her feet.

Renjun shut his eyes tight. He chose this, he wanted this but why is his heart breaking slowly?

His phone rang, Yangyang was calling, probably worried for him as well. The sound of his phone vibrating against the wooden table made Hera shift in her sleep, Renjun found a chance to leave the room and take the call.

“Hello?” Renjun’s voice lost all of its confidence. His guilt is eating him alive. He did not only hurt you but also his best friend.

“Where are you? We are so worried about you! Y/N said you didn’t show up at your painting class? What about your plan? And she said you weren’t answering any of her calls and texts. Did something happen? Are you okay?”

“Yangyang, I’m sorry... I was on my way to the class but someone called me. She's crying and she said her boyfriend cheated on her and I- I was the only one she has and-” Renjun rambled but did not get to finish what he was saying when Yangyang cut him off.

“Wait, hold up. Please tell me you’re not talking about Hera. Did you ditch Y/N for your Ex?” Yangyang asked, his voice filled with venom as if Renjun could taste the bitterness of his words.

“I’m sorry…” Renjun’s voice became smaller but that was the confirmation that Yangyang was looking for.

“And you chose to tell me first before facing her? You are such an asshole! A coward! I don’t fucking even know who you are!” Renjun closed his eyes tight.

“Why? What happened, Yangyang? Is that Renjun? Did he finally answer? Can I talk to him?” The sound of your worried voice in the background made Renjun’s heart fall to the ground. He was so embarrassed that he panicked into dropping the call.

A series of angry texts from Yangyang and worried phone calls from you filled his night. Yes, he likes you, but he’s still in love with Hera- or so he believes. He just feels bad that he didn’t tell you first but Renjun thinks that the universe is finally in his favour, though a tiny voice in his head tells him he’s going to regret what he’s done.

When Renjun never called you back or texted you the whole night and the next day, Yangyang took courage to tell you what happened to Renjun. Part of him hoped that his best friend would at least tell you himself that he got back with his ex, but Renjun couldn’t find the face to do it so he just disappeared.

“Oh.” You said disappointingly. Your knees lost their strength, your stomach felt like it was snatched empty, your heart felt like it wasn’t there and the empty space is creating this painful pinch in your chest. You sat down on your couch and laughed sarcastically. “I see.”

Yangyang felt sorry, he sat down beside you and pulled you into a hug. “I’m sorry Y/N. Renjun is an asshole, I didn’t know he could do this to you.” He tried consoling you, but you only felt more sorry for yourself.

Yes, you were a rebound. You know the situation you went into, but wasn’t the six months he spent with you special or was it just special for you? Didn’t those memories he made with you mean anything to him? Because to you, they meant everything good in this world. You felt complete with him and you assumed that he was the same with you. But in the end, you were just a fool who fell in love with a guy that will never love you back.

There’s nothin’, oh There’s nothin’ left to lose Because I had you, babe There’s nothin’ Nothing that I could do I wish I had you

If there is one thing that Renjun forgot, it is the fact that he’s a changed man. His interests are now different from Hera who only knows expensive food platings. But he didn’t lose hope in the four months he’s been back with Her, he was once like her and all she needs is to experience something else.

Renjun excitedly took her to the places you introduced them to him. Ordered the same foods that you suggested to him and told him all the jokes you told him.

Hera couldn’t understand why he was doing this, “Or we could just go to Chops? Their burgers are good there too and we don’t have to squeeze ourselves in this place.” She mumbled as she played with her ‘cheap fries’ in the middle of a crowded restaurant.

Renjun’s smile faded, “And what? Eat at an overpriced restaurant?”

“Babe, if you can’t pay, I will pay for the two of us! I have money so don’t worry! We don’t have to eat at this cheap place!” She explained in a hushed tone, afraid to offend anybody who could hear.

Renjun wiped his mouth with a napkin and sat back on his chair, “It’s not about the money, Hera.” He stated but was too tired to explain to her that he just wanted her to experience the fun he had with you. “We’ll go to a different place next time.”

Hera dropped her fry on the plate and wiped her fingers, “Thank you. Was that so hard?” She asked and Renjun almost said yes.

And when he said ‘different place’ doesn’t exactly mean the kind of restaurant Hera was expecting. Renjun brought her out to do some activities and went on Kayaking. She wasn’t really happy about it and kept complaining about getting wet and that genuinely ruined Renjun’s mood completely.

“Look, I just want you to experience something new, Hera. Something fun.” Renjun said exasperated.

She raised her eyebrows at him, “What the hell is that supposed to mean? We had fun before! That is why I don’t understand why we have to do this when we’re okay with what we had!”

Renjun sarcastically laughed, “No! I experienced fun and the shit we do before is not fun! Why can’t you be just like-“

“Like who? Huh? Like who, Renjun? Like that pathetic rebound, you tried dating just to get over me?”

Renjun could feel his face turn red and how furious he feels right now, “Don’t talk about her like that! She’s not pathetic and she is not a rebound!”

Hera scoffed, “Not a rebound my ass. You think I didn’t know what you pulled at Mark’s birthday dinner? You were so desperate to get over me you even used your best friend’s cousin just so you could forget me. But look at you now! Who do you think you’re with?! You’re with me! Still with me! You came running back to me! She was your rebound and not a very good one!”

She’s right. He knows she’s right. You were his rebound and there is no sense in denying that, but he stopped seeing you that long ago. You’re not just a rebound to him anymore, you’re more than that. You’re Y/N. His friend, the person who knows him well, the woman who brought a side of him he didn’t even know he had. You are someone he wished to be with again. Someone he wished he didn’t hurt. Someone he wished he didn’t leave.

Renjun got tired of arguing and just went back to their same old routine. Dinner dates, dull conversations, quiet meals, shopping on weekends. He gave up trying and just accepted that this is what he’s chosen. He loves Hera right? And letting someone you love do what they like should be satisfying right? Then why does he feel so forced?

In the end, Renjun ended everything with Hera.

Why? Maybe because he constantly thinks of you. He looks for you in everything he does. All the places he went to reminded him of you. Maybe because the love he thought he had for Hera was just a figment of his imagination, maybe because after being with Hera, he realizes the difference between familiarity and being in love. He’s familiar with Hera, but he loves you. Only you.

It’s wrong. Wrong to leave you just like that. Wrong that he didn’t think. Wrong that he thought he figured everything out when he chose Hera over you. But isn’t it too late now? What can he do? It has been almost a year since the last time he’s spoken to you. He had you blocked in all of his social media accounts so he wouldn’t have to be reminded of the awful thing he did to you, he knows Yangyang will never answer him and the only way to contact you is through your phone number.

He’s unhappy. Way unhappier when he broke up with Hera the first time. He felt like he was out of place like he shouldn’t be here and he shouldn’t be doing this.

The sun is setting and Renjun is driving home from work when he finds himself driving on a different road. He smiled as soon as he saw the building and parked his car in front of a familiar local diner. This is where you brought him to breakfast on your first actual date.

To be back at the place that holds a very special memory of you is enough to make him feel alive. The smell of the barbecue ribs can be smelled from the outside. God, even the smell of the restaurant reminds him of you.

He pushed the door open with his body and walked inside to find a place to sit. Like a habit, he walked further to the back of the diner where you and he always sit but he saw a familiar figure on his way there. He quickly hid behind a wall divider and peaked.

“Y/N?” He mumbled to himself.

You’re wearing your favourite sweater, your hair is tied in a bun. You’re happily conversing with someone in front of you. Renjun took a step closer to see better, the guy you’re with is awfully familiar. Like someone he knows for a very long time.

Renjun realized who it was when your date turned around to call a waitress nearby. Mark. What are you doing with Mark? How long have you two known each other? This diner is his special place with you, why did you bring him here? Are you dating him? Are you happy with him? Do you love him?

His heart broke at his last question. What if you do? What will happen to him? The thought of you falling in love with someone else pinched his heart.

He couldn’t handle seeing you laugh at Mark’s dry jokes anymore. Renjun stepped back and was about to take off when he bumped into Yangyang going back to their table.

Yangyang was startled to see his best friend after a long time. He’s still definitely mad at him for hurting you and running away from everyone, but he couldn’t hide his concerns seeing Renjun lost a lot of weight and looking like he aged 10 years from the last time he’s seen him.

“Renjun, what are you doing here?” He asked, no grudges in his tone, just genuinely asking.

“I-uh. I was going to have my dinner. I don’t mean trouble, I didn’t know you guys were here. I’ll just leave.” Renjun wanted to apologize and tell his best friend that he misses him, but he couldn’t risk another minute of getting caught by you. He quickly walked away when Yangyang stopped him.

“Do you want to grab a drink at Joe’s? For old time’s sake.” He offered and gave Renjun a smile.

The two of them are seated in a booth and we’re quietly drinking their liquor.

“How are you?“ Yangyang broke the silence.

Renjun smiled sadly, wanting to confess that he was not okay. “I’m sorry Yangyang, I really am.”

Yangyang gave him a smile and a soft tap on his shoulder, “All is good. She is doing well now. It’s been what? Almost a year? But before, good god, we couldn’t even get her out of her bed. She was devastated when you left her out of nowhere and blocked her on everything. She stayed at her apartment most of the time. She’s stopped having fun and stopped doing the things she used to do. But I guess everything happens for a reason, right?” He smiled and sipped his drink.

Renjun could feel his guilt suffocating him, his heart self-destructing. “And now you said she’s doing good?” He asked. “Right?”

Yangyang looked him in the eyes with sympathy, “Yeah. She’s doing good.”

He nodded and sighed in relief. He’s glad that you’re not beating yourself up anymore. An asshole like him doesn’t deserve your tears and he’s just happy that you’re no longer hurting, but… “Is she and Mark…” He asked hesitantly.

“Yes. Just a month ago.” Yangyang quickly answered. “They met a few months after you happened. Mark remembered her from his birthday party and was pretty much head over heels with her since then. It wasn’t easy for Mark, but he’s very patient and persistent. Just like how she was with you.” He explained. Yangyang saw the pain in his friend’s eyes and saw how much Renjun still loves you. “I’m sorry. I’m not telling you all this just to hurt you. I’m just letting you know that she’s okay now. Better actually.”

A tear fell on his cheek and he quickly wiped it away, “No, don’t be. It’s my fault. I am so stupid Yangyang and honestly, I can’t even remember if I ever did think my decision through. I have no reason and I don’t want to make any excuses. I’m just stupid for not choosing Y/N.” Renjun cried. His tears were flowing down his face. “I love her and I wish I admitted that to myself sooner.” He confessed.

“The shit you’re telling him, man.” A voice said. Renjun turned around to see Mark smiling creepily, Yangyang suddenly started laughing and then he saw you just staring blankly at him. Mark walked around to sit in the booth while you just remained standing behind him.

Renjun stared back at you, memorizing your face. He’s never seen your face this close for almost a year and he could swear that you’re still the most beautiful person he’s ever seen.

“What are you guys doing here?” Renjun asked. He wanted to pull you into a hug. He’s never seen you for so long and having you near him takes his breath away.

Yangyang laughed. “I knew you don’t love that Hera anymore and Y/N right here haven’t moved on yet so I thought you guys could talk. Oh, and by the way, Mark and Y/N aren't dating. We just bumped into Mark today and brought him with us to dinner.” Renjun smiled hopefully. Does that mean you’re still in love with him? His eyes shifted from your cousin to you, and he saw how your face turns red and how your eyes gather tears around them.

“This isn’t funny, Yangyang. I am not your fucking puppet! You cannot fucking force me to talk to him!” You said and quickly turned around and ran away.

The three men were stunned at your reaction. Renjun hastily pulled himself out of the booth and ran after you.

“Y/N! Wait, please!” He yelled and gently grabbed your arm to stop you from running. “Please, let’s talk.” He begged.

You turned around, tears running down your face. It’s funny how this situation is so familiar to you, how you ran after him at Mark’s birthday dinner and how he cries for his ex. Why is someone always running away?

“What do you want, Renjun? We have nothing to talk about!” You pushed his hand away and attempted to walk away when he pulled your arm once again.

“No! We have something to talk about! Please Y/N. Just listen.” Renjun felt how powerless his words are as if no matter how much he cries and begs nothing will make you listen.

“Don’t fucking touch me!” You harshly took your arm back from his grip. Tears are helplessly wetting your cheeks. “Renjun, may I remind you that you threw me away like trash? Who do you think you are to ask me to listen to you when you didn’t even think I deserve an explanation when you left me for your ex?!” You wiped your tears away and sighed, “Damn it. Damn these tears! Damn this heart for loving you all this time!”

Renjun sobbed, “I-I’m sorry.”

You scoffed “Do you know what I realized when you left me? That you wouldn’t even notice me if I didn’t offer myself to be your rebound, that you wouldn’t even see me for who I am if you weren’t so desperate to get over your ex, and that you will never love me the way that I love you because your heart has always been hers. So, no. I don’t want to talk to you and let you hurt me more. I am making progress, Renjun. I am moving on without hurting anybody, something you didn’t do. Let’s leave it at that.”

Renjun cried harder, people are now looking at the two of you but none of you care. “You may be right about everything you just said but you’re wrong about one thing. I loved you before, I loved you during and I still love you after Hera. I love you so much that I couldn’t breathe when I thought of you. Every day I carry this weight in my chest because I know deep down that I should be with you. That for everything I do, I remember you! Because everything that I enjoy now is because of you, because you helped me know myself better, you showed me who I am. Don’t you understand? With you, I felt what happiness actually feels like. You’re wrong that I will never love you the way you love me because I do, maybe even more.” He stepped closer to you.

Your tears are gushing down your face harder. “No. Y-you’re lying. You don’t hurt the people you love. Stay back.” You said as you put your hand out to stop him from getting closer to you, but all of your strength is gone.

Renjun, who is also crying as hard, gently pulled you to his chest. “I am sorry I hurt you. I will not try to explain myself because I am wrong, I know you’re mad at me and I understand that, I am mad at myself too. The day I didn’t show up at our painting class, I knew I made a mistake but I didn’t realize that I was making THE mistake of my life. And the day that I broke up with Hera, I really wanted to drive to you and beg for your forgiveness right after but I never had the courage, Y/N.”

You shook your head resting on his chest, “Don’t lie. Please, Renjun.” You begged.

He cupped your face with both of his hands and gently wiped the tears from it. “I am not lying.” He said between his sobs. “I am sorry and I love you.”

“Don’t say things like that.” You hid your face back to his chest. “Tell me the truth even if it hurts me. Just never lie to me.” You cried.

He hugged you tightly as if he was going to lose you, “That’s the truth. I love you. I really do. I am sorry for leaving you, I know it would take a lot of time to get your trust back, but all I need to hear from you is if you still love me, and I will promise you that I will do everything I can to fix us.”

“You promise?” You asked, your breathing is slowing down. Renjun caressed your head down to your back.

He kissed the top of your head and pulled you away, enough just to see your face. “I promise.”

You looked into his eyes, maybe you’re going to regret this or maybe not, but you listened to your heart once again, “I never stopped loving you and I never considered trying to stop loving you.” You confessed.

Renjun smiled, “Can I please kiss you?” He asked

You chuckled, but tears are still pooling around your eyes. You nodded and he slowly closed the gap between the two of you and lightly pecked your lips with a kiss. He looked back into your eyes to check if you were still giving consent and kissed you again, longer and passionately. You felt everything Renjun cannot express in words in one kiss.

“I love you. I would never get tired of saying that. I really love you.” Renjun repeated himself.

“Do you know that I used to wish for you to kiss me?” You confessed, making him laugh.

“I already did.” He whispered as he softly put locks of your hair behind your ear and kissed the tip of your nose. “And do you know that I wish I had you?”

You stood on your toes and quickly kissed the tip of his nose, mimicking what he did earlier. “You’ve always had me.” You whispered back and held back the happy tears that were threatening to fall.

Both of you hope that this time no one will have to run after the other, and by the looks of it, fate is taking your side.

I think it's time I finally found somebody new And tell myself that she's the one to get me through And she might help me forget but loving her is something I just couldn't do Because I had you

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