#ohmypolitics

[thedailydroll]

The 'Profitable' Pursuit of Deportation: Who Knew It Was Such a Lucrative Business?

Read this first - https://theintercept.com/2024/12/04/trump-mass-deportation-private-equity-prisons/

Ah, private equity firms. Those mysterious entities that glide through the murky financial waters like sharks in tuxedos, quietly acquiring and profiting from companies without ever having to explain their actions to the public. And now, thanks to Donald Trump's masterful and entirely predictable deportation plans, they've found a new and ever-so-profitable playground in immigration detention.

Who knew that when Trump promised to "Make America Great Again," he also meant "Make Private Equity Firms Richer Than Ever"? According to a recent report, these firms — the same ones who brought us the glorious world of overpriced healthcare and desperate corporate restructuring — are now cashing in on the misery of immigrants in detention. If only they could market it as a luxury experience, they’d probably charge even more for the "premium" deportation package.

Let's begin with the sheer ingenuity of private equity’s involvement. While publicly traded companies have faced public scrutiny and pressure to disengage from the detention business, private equity firms are swooping in, all but saying, "Here, let us take care of the messy parts, like human suffering, declining health standards, and overpriced phone calls." And what's the result? Well, the report shows that 63% of federally designated immigration detention facilities are now contracting with private equity-backed companies. Because why trust a publicly traded company when you could have a shadowy firm that's allergic to transparency?

Oh, and the cherry on top? Wellpath, one of the private equity-owned healthcare providers, has been involved in over 1,000 lawsuits — with a spectacular 70 alleging wrongful death. It's almost like these firms found a way to combine "capitalism" with "healthcare" in a uniquely disastrous cocktail. When asked, the companies involved didn't bother to comment. Why would they? They're too busy laughing all the way to the bank.

And the hits keep coming! Phone calls, once a simple means of communication, have now been transformed into yet another profit center. Thanks to two private equity firms, American Securities and Platinum Equity, detainees can now pay exorbitant rates for the privilege of hearing their loved ones' voices. Who needs family connection when you can charge them an arm and a leg for a 15-minute chat? If you’re not using the family phone call to maximize profits, are you even doing business?

But wait, there's more! G4S, the security firm that’s in the pocket of private equity giant Warburg Pincus, is raking in over $1 billion in contracts with Customs and Border Protection and Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE). These firms aren't just facilitating deportations — they're making sure the deportation process is as profitable as possible. Forget about human dignity, they’re in it for the big money.

It’s all very, shall we say, efficient. After all, why should the government handle the messy bits when private equity can step in and create an even more profitable system of deportation, surveillance, and detention? Who cares about transparency or public scrutiny when the returns are so lovely? Pension funds, too, are apparently in on the action, meaning that your grandmother's retirement savings could very well be fueling the next round of mass deportations. You’re welcome, Grandma.

And in case you thought private equity firms might be dabbling in something less sinister, think again: They're knee-deep in AI, too. That's right, artificial intelligence may soon help the deportation process run even more smoothly. Imagine a world where deportation decisions are made with the cold, unemotional precision of a machine. What could go wrong?

Ultimately, this rise of private equity in the world of deportation is an example of capitalism in its purest form: finding ways to profit off suffering, all while flying under the radar, unburdened by pesky public oversight. The true horror here is not just the moral bankruptcy of profiting from human misery — it's the fact that these firms are doing it while managing to stay deliciously opaque. One can only hope the public takes notice of this troubling trend. But then again, if private equity firms can profit from people being locked up, what's to stop them from finding even more creative ways to profit from... well, anything?

In a way, we’re all implicated in this. But don't worry, it's not like we have much of a say in the matter — these firms are already working their magic in the background. All we can do is sit back, wonder why our pensions are so poorly managed, and shake our heads as private equity firms continue to turn human misery into a money-making machine. Truly, it’s the American Dream in its most terrifying form.