#ohhhh god curtis brothers i love you so so much
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never getting over the fact that at the start of "the outsiders" when ponyboy is getting jumped, while the rest of the gang goes after the socs who attacked him, darry is the only one who goes straight to ponyboy to make sure that he's okay, he doesn't even think to go after the socs, his only priority is going to his baby brother and making sure his baby is okay
#and based off of ponyboy's thoughts#it would have made more sense for soda to be the first to check on him#because through pony's eyes soda's the one who really cares#but it's not soda it's darry#ohhhh god curtis brothers i love you so so much#the outsiders#darry curtis#ponyboy curtis
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WWEm - The Chairening
((25-6 Sep))
!WAR NOONRETFA YADNOM si siht ,secnerefer s'relggiZ hploD naht ytrap eht ot retaL
niaga yaw gnorw eht epat eht dedaol ev'uoy ,leinad lleh gnickuf
tuo ti tros
--------------------
ahem
technical difficulties aside, let's watch some wrestling
it's monday because fuck off, i don't do schedule
this is the go-home show from no mercy, so presumably something will happen
even if it's just cesaro getting new teeth
and miz is already here
wait, shit, apparently this is actually ontario, california
now i need to retract that whole rant from last time, on the grounds that this is apparently a real place
anyway, slideshow of jj gettng fucked on by the miz to resounding cheers
everyone loves miz cos they're still in SoCal
even if he is wearing a janky-ass check suit
oh, and he's here to interview roman
great
now people love miz even more by comparison
miz kicks off by mentioning taker so people remember how much they hate roman
throws roman a softball question about how it feels to take over from cena, he stares into the middle distance for an uncomfortably long time
and then canned monologue about how he now respects cena
and he doesn't see why he should be spending time in a room with miz
who's like well i'm the one here with a belt so nyahhhhhh
takes the opportunity to throw shade at jj, roman stands up for him and says miz couldn't beat him one on one
asks the miztourage for a beer
miz is like no my talk show has standards
and like hey yeah it's such a bad thing to have two guys helping you out oh waaaaaait
floats the idea of the miztourage vs the shield, the crowd goes nuts
roman laughs, is like yeah fuck that, crowd hate him
and then talks about his path to the universal championship, manages to mess up brock's name
miz commences to a+ ranting about how he's the most important champ on the show
certainly the most hardworking
roman's like fuck it, okay, let's fight
miz desperately backpedals
is like nope sorry can't wrestle in this suit and also my wife is pregnant
so relevant
makes his farewells, leaves, but OH WAIT here's kurt
to be like yeah cool let's do this shit
roman/miz later on, mizoturage v matt hardy and jj now
because jeff's shoulder's fucked AGEEN
but first let's have this advert for hiac
although why you'd need to advertise it is a mystery to me when you could just read kevin's outstanding twitter feed
back in the room, and here are the hardyz
jeff's here to watch
and rock out to their music
slowmo replay of the tower of doom spot that fucked his shoulder, doesn't look pleasant
and here's jj, met with overwhelming ambivalence
matt's got his green trousers on so at least they're coordinated
bell rings, jason commences to dismantle the other team by himself
finally tags matt in, crowd start paying attention
matt brings his usual brand, laughing like a goat and shambling curtis axel to death
ad break, so the miztourage get some offence in
because we all know heels are allergic to being filmed
apparently they did it by stepping to jeff and making jj defend him
you'd think that'd be a job for his actual brother, but then you clearly don't know the hardyz
corey talks about his time in the ring with bo for some serious oldschool nxt nostalgia
jj throws curtis out of the ring, double hot tag, cue matt mashing bo's face
side effect, curtis breaks the pin, jj spears both of them into the corner, twist of fate on bo for the pin
cole manages to mix matt and jason up
i guess they are both basically the same colour
positioned on the thin line between actual poc and tan as fuck
up next, we talk about the universal championship match
yay, more brock on my tv
after this ad for smackdown
and total bellas
featuring nikki and john arguing about power of attorney
thrilling
corey claims the universal title match was like a sci-fi movie, offers precisely no information to back this up
well, i guess it was less interesting and well-executed than the premise would suggest, so i guess there's that similarity
yeah, that's me throwing shade at disappointing adaptations of hugo award-winning books
(all of them)
come at me
in any case, here's elias
wearing his chicago tour shirt
(which i now own)
ontario have mixed opinions on walking with elias
apparently we're having a rematch of him and apollo tonight
this diss track is primarily about apollo, because nobody has anything interesting to say about ontario, CA
anyway, here's apollo
and titus
fight starts immediately as the bell rings, ref has to sneak in to pick up elias' scarf
booker talks about titus' political ambitions, corey reprimands him that "we don't do politics"
if only everyone in the company took that view
(wow, there's shade for everyone today)
the crowd are vocally behind apollo, which is novel
elias punches titus in the leg to distract apollo, superkick and drift away for the pin
after which titus runs in to fight elias
and everyone's like ohhhh yeah he's a wrestler
very short scrap before elias runs away
up next, finn does a thing
and we need to stop hyping the whole 'Man vs Man' thing
how was nobody on creative like welp that's a fucking stupid tagline, let's just do some more coke instead
cancer kids ad, and now charly interviews finn in a room made of curtains
i wouldn't put it past finn to have an interview in twin peaks
finn thanks bray for pushing him to succeed, restates his universal title ambitions, leaves
well that was short
meanwhile, here's curt hawkins and his 118-match losing streak
and here's braun
this'll go well
curt's like waaaaaaait a second this was a bad idea
and runs away
into the crowd
braun doesn't give a shit, leaps the barricade to chase him throw the crowd
and chokeslams him through a table
guys, that table was presumably there for a reason
now where will the tech guys keep their snacks
picks him up, takes him up to the stage and powerslams him through the led boards
god bless you, curt
bumping like a champ
braun goes back to the ring, gets a mic
like fuck that guy who wants to come and give me a real fight
and it's dean, because ill-considered decisions are totally his thing
walks over to examine curt's corpse, shrugs, heads to the ring
dean is, as ever the living embodiment of eh, fuck it
he's here with the scars of having the best match on the last night's show
but all his teeth, so could be worse
so braun's just focusing on working his bad shoulder
which is weirdly technical for him
you'd think just pounding the shit out of him would work just as well whether he's got a bad shoulder or not
dean tries the princess bride-style sleeper, gets smashed into some turnbuckles for it
keeps trying punching braun and getting headbutted to death
collapses, braun tries the foot pin
doesn't take
this match is like 90% just dean ragdolling around the arena, but it's actually p good
he gets a bit of offence courtesy of an eye poke
dean tips braun over the ropes, braun's like whatevs dude i'm tall and just stands on the floor
booker makes reference to braun having a "cloak of invincibility" [sic] despite the fact that he lost the night before
and dean gets powerslammed into oblivion
where's seth anyway
not here for his best bro
corey's commentary on the highlights package from that suggests he may not in fact know what a ddt is
backstage, kurt tells a ref to be extra careful in the miz match
and now here's enzo
who we gave a belt for some godforsaaken reason
he proposes a 'celebratory brouhaha'
kurt's like dude that was the shadiest win do you actually deserve it
enzo makes more noises, kurt caves
offers some advice from a longtime champ, enzo's like nah dude you're good and leaves
up next, alexa exists
after this archive footage of stone cold driving a beer truck into the arena eighteen years ago
presented by snickers for no particular reason
but now here's dean in the trainer's room
seth's brought him ice, asks him to be less ludicrously self-destructive now they're working together
like dude maybe at least let me know next time
dean calls him predictable, seth tries to prove he's not
so he's going to ask for a match with braun next week
dean's like yeah, fair, i did not expect that
perhaps not a great idea though
ah well
in the ring, here's alexa
in a sleeveless silver jacket that i would so totally wear
now maryse isn't on the show, i'll just have to steal alexa's wardrobe ideas
alexa thinks of all of us as her personal friends, and she's very disappointed in us
for not appreciating her victory
and looking forward to asuka too much
and here's...mickie?
god, this division is so arbitrary with who the next contender's going to be
apparently alexa said some uncomplimentary things about her on raw talk
i was busy not watching it
in my defence, it had 100% more lawler than i need in my day
alexa is just doubling down on the sarcastic praise of mickie
can't really narrate it, because we all know how sarcasm works in text
damn this restrictive medium
alexa's like hey i would fight you, but i don't want you to break a hip
mickie comes back by making fun of alexa's boobs
class
she wants alexa to repeat what she said on raw talk or fuck off
oh, apparently it was calling her an old lady
alexa repeats, gets kicked out of the ring
yet more hype for roman/miz
i am resolutely unhypened
but up next, seth/sheamus
after this asuka advert
still with the sun tzu quote for whatever reason
here comes seth, still burning it down
i love the person in the crowd with a giant milk carton sign with MISSING above a picture of cesaro sans teeth
sheamus is in full kkb gear, cesaro's just in a grey suit and aviators, which mostly has the effect of making him look like pitbull
cue slideshow of the match at no mercy
including the spot that should totally have been the finish
ooh, apparently cesaro's teeth were pushed up into his gums rather than out
ouch
not that i ever really trust wwe's descriptions of injuries, tbh
seth suicide dives sheamus, takes a moment to mock cesaro, eats an irish curse for his trouble
sheamus gets seth up in a stretch muffler, which is a move that seems to have undergone something of a resurgence just recently
and then into a cloverleaf
eventual rope break, but that did not look fun
speaking of moves that are coming back, seth gets a punt to the face
sheamus and cesaro take a moment to grandstand, giving seth time to dodge the eventual brogue
sheamus goes to the top rope, seth meets him downstairs with a gut kick, kingslayer for the pin
which apparently they're calling the ripcord knee now?
well w/e
up next, talking about cena
yaaaay
after more ads for our other shows
and now finn's backstage
runs into goldust, who's got his mojo back
goldust takes issue with finn positioning him as a victim and someone who needs help
a view you might recognise from previous editions of this blog
hi, dustin
finn apologises, goldust accepts but then punches him in the face a bunch
quotes godfather 2 at him, breathes in his face, leaves
but now it's time to talk about cena/reigns
have this slideshow in which we try and make it look way more dynamic than it atually was
and the clip from raw talk with cena being magnanimous
which i did watch, thanks to the miracle of...THE INTERNET
*internet theme plays*
(answers on a postcard what you think that would be)
video package ends, we move on
really thought we were gonna get something more than just replays of last night
but hey
nexg up, roman/miz
after this advert for story time and title card about how wwe's the best at twitter
here's roman, nobody cares
case in point: i spent his entire entrance staring blankly at my facebook feed before realising i should probably say something
a+ journalism
as i type that, enter the miz in a delightful silver lamé sheath
and also his minions in human clothes
bell rings, miz kicks off by trying to talk his way out of this match
makes the point that nobody really has anything to gain from this entirely meaningless match, and he's not wrong
roman accepts the handshake, then punches him a lot
such mixed messages
miz gets out of the ring and hides behind his dudes to rant, roman stands there and laughs douchily because his current gimmick is 'You know that smug fucker who's in your friend group for no reason you can really establish and whom you could quite happily punch in his big grinning twat face? Yeah, him."
miztourage are continually interfering whenever they're more than about five degrees from the ref's eyelines
wwe refs are like the shitty starting enemies in any stealth game
roman's selling an injured back, corey waxes lyrical about sciatica
as you do
and then takes the chance while roman's getting kicked in the face to say 'xiphoid process'
superman punches to all three heels, giving miz time to get away
that last line spoken in the voice of sandra bullock
(yeah, esoteric references)
miz eats a driveby, hits a big ddt for a nearfall
roman counters a finale into a spear, pin, #romanwinslol
the miztourage immediately come in to kick the shit out of roman
they'll be a long time at it
he is so full of shit
fights them off, superman punches miz again, stops to taunt him
sets up to powerbomb him, curtis and bo hit him with chairs
oh yeah, we're setting up for the furniture PPV
makes sense i guess
miz hits a finale, gloats
end thing]
or not
miz decides he didn't get to take part in ç, runs back to the ring to give roman some
and then another finale onto a chair
hits him with another chair, then the three of them do the shield fists over him
good moment
speaking of things that are not that, enzo's brouhaha is coming later
but next, finn/goldust
after this ad for 2k18
and nxt
back in the room, goldust is here and i've only just realised how much his music reminds me of music from freespace 2
*does the arms*
wait, does this mean we're having enzo's dick party as the main event?
well, i guess that means something eventful will happen
and it'll presumably be in the form of everything going wrong for him
this match just went really quickly into both of them being really vicious
finn's like i'll be helpful and magnanimous and shit, but if you cross me i will fucking end you
seems reasonable
goldust is floored by a pele kick to the air a couple inches above his shoulder
followed by a really sloppy sling blade
who do i blame for this
and then, despite selling hurt ribs, hits a coup de grace for the win
i know when i've hurt my ribs, i like to concertina my body onto another human from a significant height
wyatt cut, house lights go out, creepy child singing
wyatt cut again, end thing
huh
apparently later we have sasha/bayley v nia/emma
and here's bayley and sasha backstage
tension abounds
they both try and passive-aggressively semi-apologise for fighting over the belt last night
and bayley tells a sad story about her shoulder trauma and physiotherapy
they bond, end thing
and now here's kurt backstage
enzo accosts him, kurt has the facial expression any of us would have when accosted in a corridor by enzo amore
enzo wants a stipulation for his party
anyone touches him, they lose any shot at the belt
kurt's like fine whatever please go away
"Oh, and one more thing: you're annoying as hell. Annoying. As. Hell."
kurt angle, speaking for all of us
time for the women's match now
here's noa
or indeed nia
Pro Wrestling NOAH Jax
have a hispanic heritage month thing for julio cesar chavez
just under the bar before we run out of month
back in the room, emma's here, as is her excruciating new music
what are cfo$ even on atm
and now sasha in her matador jacket
and bayley in a cancer charity tshirt, because if one wrestler was going to wear one, it'd be her
did we really need that slowmo footage of bayley's shoulder shitting the bed?
this match presented by novartis, because we at dubby dubby wee are 100% cure there could be no problem with emphasising the link between wrestlers and pharmaceuticals
nia leg drops bayley's bad arm, which is a move that would look nasty as hell on an uninjured arm
bayley throws emma into nia, ensuing tension gives her time for a hot tag
sasha and bayley both outside doing some strong team work, bayley runs nia into the post
emma almost gets a rollup, eats a bayley to belly off a blind tag for the pin
that was...functional?
as long as the intended function is continuing the shittening of emma, i guess
backstage, enzo rants at strangers like a homeless methhead
guess what we've got next
after this ad for raw in denver with rollins/strowman and roman/miz for the belt (why?)
enzo arrives, corey commences to rage against them taking the belt away from the best thing in the division and giving it to "essentially a Muppet"
and now he's trying to convince booker to cover for him while he sneaks off
wait, can i do that?
daniel?
...
daniel is gone
touché
enzo's doing a speech
and he's personifying the belt as a woman again
essay question: Are there objects or status symbols that Enzo Amore *doesn't* want to put his dick in?
[30 marks]
mocks cass for getting injured, rails at the fans
compares himself to cena, batista and the rock
unveils his baseball jersey which he's had framed
mocks 205 live
...is he still a face?
i have no idea
cue the 205 theme music
and the entire fucking cruiserweight roster pouring out onto the stage
he starts talking again, they all stand on the stage looking just beyond done with him
mocks rich for dancing and cedric for having no charisma, they're both just like dude have you seen yourself
calls gran metalik fat
"I call it how I see it, right?"
the clarion call of the douchebag everywhere
mocks jack, drew and noam for...unclear reasons, is interrupted by neville's entrance
uses the phrase 'real man', i reach through time and the television to slap him in the face
makes fun of neville's ears
this is some incisive material right here
neville gets on the mic, so i'm happy
calls enzo out for being a toxic shitbag who's alienated everyone he's ever met
fair
spins us a tale of how enzo was dumped on the division's doorstep and the rest of the division convinced him to keep him
and does a superlative rant at him for making the division into a joke
and announces he's here to kill enzo on behalf of the whole division
enzo pulls out his piece of totally legally binding paper
which may in fact be a post-it note?
talks shit at him some more, continues to mock everyone in the division
tells him to fuck off
neville thinks fuck it, i have principles, kicks him in the stomach
and throws him into his framed douchebag jersey
and also everything else
enzo tries to run, the entire roster walks up the ramp to block him in
this is some heartwarming shit right here
neville catches him again, resumes the murder
feeds him his piece of paper, kicks him in the head to raucous applause
this is the greatest double turn ever
red arrows him so hard he does a full handspring out of it
and we fade on a fallen douchebag with a mouth full of paper as a conquering king breathes heavily on him
as all great works of literature do
right, since daniel's not here i guess i need to do the technical bits
which lever is it that switches tapes to smackdown
gonna try this one
----------------------------------------
Well, let's all just accept that that was not the correct lever to pull and try and move on
daniel got back just in time to get my leg out of the tape deck
also he brought sushi, so is forgiven for being slightly late for the second show
with all that said, let's get on with some THURSDAY AFTERNOON SMACKDOWN!
(okay, daniel was *very* late)
i'm only a week and a bit behind, i've done worse
although hiac is on sunday, and i'm going out tomorrow and saturday
this could be fun
need to watch a week and a bit of wrestling in like a day an a half
woooooo
anyway, the show's starting with a recap of vincegate
and shane talking about how great the mcmahons are
and somehow being a face, despite the fact that the mcmahons are just objectively the worst
and everything kevin has done is totally proportional
speaking of, here he comes in the present
(the present time, that is)
(kevin owens has not been giftwrapped)
just had that smackdown moment of remembering how good the announce panel is
or at least it should be, if tom could remember how to speak english
we're like two minutes into the show and he's cocked up three times
kevin gets in, calls shane out
and also everybody who called him a coward
like sure, i wasn't here last week, but now i am and shane's nowhere to be seen hmmmmmmm
calls shane a very smart man
[citation needed]
kevin claims to personally like vince, so that should get some heel heat
and he's like look what i did to someone i respect and like, so how much will i fuck you up, you twat
on a related note, here comes sami
looking serious
steps in and just straight asks kevin what is wrong with him
like dude, we hav our problems but you are seriously off the rails here
apparently this feud is going to destroy kevin's career and also his life and family
kevin's like yeah w/e you're just jealous
sami is despondent
some people just can't be helped
no kevin, don't draw our attention to the fact that shane mcmahon is going to be headlining hiac
kevin argues sami has never done anything as important as him headbutting vince
sami comes back like yeah, while this is all technically true, you're a cheating fucker
sami will have his day and it will be beautiful and wholesome
(when all of current creative have died)
calls kevin trash, both drop their mics and square up
here comes bryan to interfere
confirms that shane is not here, and might not turn up tonight
a+ commissioning there
proposes kevin/sami tonight
well that'll be original
oh, who cares
i mock, but every one of their 84736395 matches has been great
end thing
later we have a pride of bulgaria celebration
apparently
and also dillinger/corbin next
after this ad for new day/usos at hiac
which is so going to be the best match again
and the first of many plugs for the hiac theme
by a band i've actually heard of for once
and here's baron
i think they've tweaked his music again?
i don't remember this many vocals on it
but it's possible i just stopped paying attention when baron came on screen
roll recap vt of the ongoing feud
tbf, i don't mind this new music of baron's
it's kind of shitty nu metal, but he's a shitty nu metal kind of person
and here's tye
i miss his alien waistcoat
(five words i have never said before)
and also here's aj for some reason
possibly just to show up both of their themes by being so much better
tye throws baron over the ropes while he's looking at aj
cue ad break
during which the heel has had a bunch of offence
funny how that works
the internet confirms that baron's music is new as of this ep
good to know i'm not completely unreliable
meanwhile, tye is wrestling a good match and baron is being baron
and aj is on announce
baron gets chased outside, ends up face to face with aj and throws his bottle of water over him
and then throws tye at him
and tye loses to a weirdly fast countout
so that happened and wasn't bullshit at all
aj runs into the ring, baron fucks off like a shitty nu metal motorbike wolf guy type
oh, he's sticking around
gets up to the stage, decides to get a mic and head back down to taunt aj
claims aj can only win with help, because he apparently hasn't been watching wrestling in the last decade
challenges him for the belt at hiac
end thing
another ad for the pride of bulgaria celebration
during which rusev will apparently receive the key to the city of plovdiv
which sounds like the shit i'd make up, but it's actually what they said
anyway, next it's jinder being just the worst
after an ad for total bellas
and a recap of all the shit that just happened with aj and baron
and confirmation of their hiac match, if we needed it
but now here's the indian contingent
flanking jinder
(sick burn)
this week jinder is apparently here to compliment shinsuke
oh, no, he's going to laugh at his face some more
who wrote this angle
and who didn't fire them
ha
as they were laughing at one picture, he started moving
THE FEED IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE BUILDING
shinsuke announces his presence, cue the best entrance
jinder freaks out, the singhs rush him and get beaten up
allowing jinder to come from behind and slam shinsuke into things
like he does so...
well, like he does
shinsuke fights back, beats up all three and kinshasas jinder
end segment, hire new writers
apparently tonight will be the first owens/zayn match on smackdown live
this is the only reason they rebranded, so they could make that matchup fresh again
up next, hype bros/usos
and here come the new day, who are notably neither of those teams
they've brought popcorn and snacks
presumably to lurk and be hilarious for this match
after this cancer ad
i'm not convinced by the SUPER DELUXE FURNITURE KALEIDOSCOPE graphics for tlc
better or worse than HANDS AND SKUUUUUUUULLS
hard to say
but i think the designer of both needs to calm the fuck down a bit
back from ads, the bros are already in but the usos get an entrance
new day are in the front row of the crowd
but e still has binocualrs
bell rings, the usos immediately kick a significant percentage of the shit out of mojo
new day start a mojo chant, giving him enough of his namesake back to get a hot tag
looked away to answer the phone, came back thirty seconds later to see the usos get the pin
why is this such a ppv setup show when there's another week to go
usos get mics, go over to call the new day out
e produces a mic from his box of popcorn, because of course he fucking does
new day clap back, xavier challenges them to a cell match
that match will be every flavour of bonkers, and i am very excited for it
corey's like well we have to wait and see whether it gets made official
because apparently he doesn't know how wrestling challenges work
but up next, plovdiv pride
wait, i'm being told that that may not mean what i think
after this ad for raw
and here's aiden?
in a lovely suit
he's emceeing the party
what a cravat
(actual cravat for once)
and he has the mayor of plovdiv with him
huge if true
aiden does a big hype piece for rusev, he comes to the ring as aiden sings the national anthem
crowd boo and do usa chants, because dicks
okay, imma have to look up the bulgarian national anthem and see if this is actually it
if it is, props to aiden
well, at least half the crowd held the boos until after the national anthem
okay, one research break later i can confirm that someone in dubby dubby wee actually did their homework this time
the mayor is reading from a scroll kindly held by aiden
in bulgarian, obv
boos resound
i caught some of it, because it's quite similar to russian
repeats the speech in english for the cheap seats
and apparently september 26th is now rusev day
add that to your calendars
i didn't mention it, but rusev is wearing a natty waistcoat and on a bulgarian flag podium throughout
rusev thanks the mayor, replays the vt of his nine-second win over randy
plovdiv has the cheapest-ass key to the city i've ever seen
and believe me, i've seen the keys to many cities
rusev repeats his claim to have ripped out randy's fangs
p sure i'd remember that
it's apparently his jungle now
which is handy, because nobody had said anything about a jungle before now
aiden has a rusev day song he wrote for us
randy appears out of the crowd to rko aiden mid-flow
and then i thought for a minute he rko'd the mayor as well
but rusev had pushed him out of the way and gallantly taken the fall for him
there's way more nationalism on this episode than i'm comfortable with, ftr
but now, sami gets called into bryans office/curtain corridor/upholstery and poster shop
apparently shane is on his way
sami wants him to hold off so he can beat on kevin himself
bryan will see what he can do
but up next, charlotte/carmella
after this ad for 2k18
and yet another total bellas plug
and now randy's in a corridor
accosts renee, rather than the other way round for once
gives her a challenge for rusev at hiac if she sees him
wishes her a happy rusev day, leaves
and now we're back in the room
with charlotte
but still no peacock robe
booo
really long recap vt of charlotte/nattie
when it could be summed up with 'she's a hart, she's a flair, not gonna go well'
carmella arrives with her briefcase and her boo on his leash
which she then fastens to the turnbuckle
i have no clue what they're trying to go for with this, but i'm enjoying it
tom's like corey, you're down with the alternative kids, the fuck is this about
carmella distracts the ref with deviously detachabale jewellery, letting ellsworth push her off the turnbuckle
which was kind of charlotte's own fault for going up the turnbuckle her enemy's minion was chained to, tbh
carmella hits her with a dodgy-ass crossbody
charlotte kind of had to jump into it to take the bump
and after a functional few minutes, carmella eats a superkick for the pin
this remains such a ppv setup show
what will we do next week
now here’s nattie in new gear
even more transparent than usual
she's like hey char good to know your dad's ok he can watch me kick you to death at hiac lollllll
grin, end thing
this episode, snickers brings us the debut of cena for some unstated reason
but more importantly, fashion files returns next week
and by next week, i do of course mean two days ago
time, eh?
and...
undertaker bongs?
whaaaaaa
oh wait, it'll be dolph
the announce team are all buying into it because of course they are
oh hey, corey's got his number
just like really dolph the fuck is wrong with you
while this is true, the big hat kind of suits him
the crowd twigs, they hate him
he's like come on guys, did you really think you'd see taker twice in one year
which is fair
i need a gif of him going "Ahhhhh, the 90s" there
halfway through his usual rant about how anyone can gimmick, here's a walking gimmick to...prove his point?
anyway, it's bobby roode
i could cheerfully slap both men in this feud
bobby gets into the ring, calls dolph out for being a hypocrite
someone had to
are they trying to angle him as a kind of face-of-the-people babyface here?
cos that's just weird after his nxt run
challenges dolph for hiac
crowd chant for it, dolph's like i don't give a shit guys, shut up
dolph accepts, tries to do the rest in peeeeeeacehmgrlfrgn, bobby shuts him up so he can say glorious some more
but now, main event time
all the matches in this episode have been functional at best, so hopefully this'll pick it up
after this ad for 205 and a recap of all the shit that went down with enzo
and here's a sami
specifically zayn
although i do kind of want him to ride a eindeer to the ring
and here's kevin, no bullshit
bell rings, mutual pummelling begins
these guys are fighting like they're very aware that another segment overran and they don't have a lot of time
so they're just having the same match, but sped up like 20%
sudden cut to another feed, shane is in the building
back in the ring
kevin dodges a crossbody into a beautiful superkick
clip from the ad break of sami hitting a brainbuster on kevin on the apron
okay, yeah, these guys are elevating it
sami jumps over a popup attempt, counters into a blue thunder bomb
kevin dodges a helluva kick, so sami hits an absolutely brutal tope on him instead
and by 'on him' i do of course mean 'largely on his own ankles'
goes for a torpedo ddt, kevin blocks with another superkick
lovely timing there
and hits the apron powerbomb
at which point the ref calls for the bell
because apparently that move was worse than sami's apron brainbuster?
enter some medics to do helpful yet unspecified medical stuff
sami tries to fight them off while being functionally dead in his usual 'dead fish who will fucking have you' style
kevin sits on the announce table watching all this, then decides he sitll has more rage to vent, and bodychecks through sami and all the medics
and now he has a chair
KEVIN OWENS OF EARTH.
YOU HAVE GREAT RAGE IN YOUR HEART.
puts the chair around sami's neck, sets him up to throw him into the post, and HERE COMES THE MONEEEEEEEY
shane mcmahon, a man of deep principles who will only intervene when one of his employees is inches from death
kevin throws sami at him, hitting him in the face with his chair necklace, and runs away
another average day in the life of kevin 'maladjusted preteen' owens
everything focuses on shane and kevin staring at each other between the ring and the top of the stalls, and corey's like ummmm should someone maybe check on sami?
and we fade with that question still hanging in the air
but hey, sami'll be fine
we all know those two are like those irritating paired bosses in every rpg where you have to kill them at the same time or they'll just keep bringing each other back
nothing short of a complete detonation of canada will stop them
and on that bombshell, good night!
(i hate myself)
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why "the outsiders" is one of the best shows i've ever seen
i loved every second of this show, so here's all my favorite parts!!
ALSO Trevor Wayne (u/s Ponyboy) was on for my show, and it was his Broadway debut, so that mixed with this only being their fourth official show after debuting on Broadway this past Thursday (they've been in previews for a few weeks) made for SUCH a good show atmosphere, the vibes were immaculate, and Trevor was a phenomenal Ponyboy.
Also, I got to stagedoor, and the cast was SO incredibly kind!!! I love stagedoors when the cast is just made up of the nicest group of people ever
(i'd love to discuss specific things from the show, so if you're curious, send me an ask!!)
***spoilers for the broadway show if anyone cares***
Act 1
the COSTUMES OHHH MY GOD
and the set is so cool???
the fight choreo is something i could talk about forever and ever
in general, the music has a very folk/country vibe to it, which fits SO well since it takes place in oklahoma!!
"grease got a hold" was so fun, i loved the idea that you become an official greaser after getting through your first fight with the socs
the show in general is such a good balance of quotes directly from the book and original lines!
i love that they made Dally another big brother figure to Ponyboy, because it just adds so much to the tension between Darry and Ponyboy
additionally, making Dally the leader of the gang while Darry's trying to stay away from that world... such a good change
Johnny and Pony are the best friends ever omg
Ace my beloved 😭😭 i'm usually hesitant about new characters being added but i love her so much
i was afraid they'd make her like an Anybodys copy, but she was SUCH a good fit within the group, and her relationships and interactions with them all felt so natural
btw she and Steve are siblings that is my hc they're brother and sister your honor!!!
and Two-Bit!!! Beloved!!! Daryl Tofa you are THE Two-Bit ever!!!
Two-Bit and Ace are best friends btw
"Great Expectations" had the stage completely blacked out except for spotlights on each of the outsiders gang when i tell you i was emotional
MY THEORY IS CONFIRMED OF THE CURTIS PARENTS DYING WHILE GETTING STUFF FOR DARRY'S BIRTHDAY I'M HAPPY BUT IN PAIN
Having Johnny present for the scene when Darry slaps Ponyboy is such a smart decision, especially since he's the one who grabs Ponyboy and gets them out of the house
Johnny and Pony duet 😭😭 they're platonic soulmates fr
Having the silhouettes of Soda and Darry during Johnny and Pony's duet, and Darry just sitting so defeated on the floor hurt me ngl
There were effects when Ponyboy was being drowned where it was like we were underwater as well, and everyone else was just moving silently. SO well done
the scene where Johnny stabs Bob was insane- there were blackouts, and people were moving in slow motion, and it was so perfectly overwhelming
God, the entire ending sequence was incredibly with the set pieces!! and in general, the effects were so good
also Dally is such an overprotective brother to BOTH Johnny and Pony
Act 2
The harmonies in this show. This is such a strong ensemble cast, and they're so powerful during the group numbers
"Death's at my Door" made me fucking sob????? Johnny and Pony being each other's reason to live??? Them staying alive just to make sure the other is safe???
Have I mentioned how much I love that Dally sees Pony and Johnny as his little brothers?? Because I love it so so much
Darry and Dally's arguments, and Dally making good points on why he's close with Ponyboy hurt SO much because Darry's trying his best
Ohhhh Darry is speaking to my soul he really is the parentified older sibling ever
But also "Throwing in the Towel" being similar to "Death's at my Door", with Sodapop begging Darry not to give up, because he loves him, and recognizes what he does for them??? And Ponyboy joining in at the end from the church??
Dally immediately hugging Ponyboy and Johnny when they reunite at the church 😭
"Soda's Letter" made me cry violently but that's nothing new
"Hoods turned Heroes" was actually so cute, the greasers were so excited and proud of Pony and Johnny
but the tonal shift at the end when Dally carried Johnny in all bandaged up??
a little miffed we didn't see the Curtis brothers reuniting ngl, but that's the only thing i wish they added in
THE FUCKING RUMBLE WAS SO GOOD HOLY SHIT
Darry asking Ponyboy if he can fight for him 😭😭😭 he loves his brother so much
THE CHOREO AND THE RAIN ON STAGE OH MY GOD
And Ponyboy fights until Johnny comes on stage and stands in front of him, and everything just freezes 😭
I do love how all the greasers were present for JOhnny's death, because it just solidifies how they're a family
Joshua Boone as Dally destroyed me. He perfectly showed how Johnny was Dally's entire world
and GOD them changing Dally's death to suicide by straight up stepping onto the train tracks and getting hit by a train was...
Just how empty and lost Ponyboy was after everyone died, and how desperate Soda and Darry were to get him to at least eat something, they portrayed that grief and trauma so well
"Stay Gold" 😭😭😭😭😭
Literally could not stop sobbing during that song, everyone around me was crying
There was such a perfect balance between Pony's narration and the show itself, and there were moments where he broke the fourth wall, mainly by looking at Soda and Johnny during their letters, and it just made for such an emotional impact
Darry asking to read Pony's story 😭😭 showing his support, and Pony being absolutely shocked but so happy 😭😭
also when Darry and Pony tell each other they love each other 😭😭 sobbing violently i love familial reconciliation
I was just an emotional wreck the entire finale, it was so beautiful
and the implication that instead of writing an essay, Ponyboy wrote "The Outsiders" in-universe 😭😭
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