#ohh i am gonna scream.into my pillow why the FUCKAJCIWJDIS
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HEEEYYY WHAT THE FUUUUUUUCL :)
#my lessons to Shut up and i am Trying !!! im soeaking to two girls (my coworkers) bc theyre Witnessing This Shit in Real Time#mt god i am. fucked. like truly fucked.#ohh i am gonna scream.into my pillow why the FUCKAJCIWJDIS#trying nor to get too excited bc that is Nothinf but also. yes pls ill take this weird alowburn.#im just worried ;; it means Nothing and . all im doing is hurting myself.#even rho . i am trying to keep boubdaries (my imternal ones therws no xonversations rlly being had) and likw . my heart kinda#keot in a cage. the door iabt loxked anymore. i can leave wjen i want to and i will when it feelz safe too#but rn im . too suspicious of it (my fear of getting burned is majorly . my bloxk n ill keep that)#bc i can technically remove that at anytime. im at (well sorta) a point where i dont . care.#like if this is gonna fail ill just . yea ill be a lil sad and heartbroken but . i know what it mwans ay leaast yknow#im just. rlly trying not to set myswlf up fkr failyre or for . falling from the fucking pedestal ivw out myswlf on#anyway whatever i hate all of this but i dont. i just hate uncertainty and the fact that i sont actually know anyrhing rn#im.juat going along w my gut n teeheeing it upnas shit happens rlly fuck it whatever !
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