#oh-look-its-julie-andrews

[miryum]

"The Stakeout"

Summary: Detective!Jason Todd x detective!Reader based on Jake and Amy's relationship

Series Warnings: Swearing, descriptions of violence (but nothing descriptive), guns and other police stuff

Series Masterlist

“Did you leave the precinct last night?” Jason set a mug of coffee next to Y/n’s desk. 

“The internet’s out at my apartment. The neighbour I’m leeching off turned it off for a couple days to teach their kids a lesson and this is the only place I can watch Bluey.”

“The kids show?” Jason raised a brow. 

Tim gasped and raced to Y/n’s computer. “I love Bluey!”

“Of course,” Jason rolled his eyes.

“Don’t you dare scoff at the majesty that is Bluey!” Y/n pressed a dramatic hand to her chest. “Clearly, you haven’t seen its brilliance. Sit down, baby Jay. You’re gonna love this.”

Both Tim and Jason crowded around the screen. Y/n pressed the keyboard and the iconic intro music played. Tim hummed along and Jason stared longingly at his book.

He hardly registered when the unicorn came on screen. “Children,” Tim and Y/n murmured with the unicorn.

The unicorn was spoiling a book about a princess and shoes. Jason wasn’t really paying attention. He could be reviewing files or reading books or bothering Damian. All valuable uses of his time.

“Wait, did you quote John Mulaney?” Jason realised. 

“Baby Jay? Yeah.” Y/n shushed him, “now watch this cinematic masterpiece.” 

“It’s a goddamn kid show. Any adult that watches this voluntarily needs therapy.”

“Yeah, I thought that was obvious,” Tim peered at him. “You’ve known us for more than four years. You hadn’t deduced that already?” 

“Touche.” 

“She calls herself The Queen of Crime,” Dick announced to the briefing room. “Or more well-known as Harley Quinn. She and her wife have broken into, set fire, exploded, and murdered more people and places than I can count.”

Y/n gasped. “Oh my gosh, gay crime queens? Do you think they would adopt me?”

“L/n, you would be an accomplice.” Tim frowned at his friend. 

“I would go to jail for my criminal moms.” 

“Anyway,” Dick rolled his eyes, a smile creeping at his mouth. “L/n and Todd will be staking out a place we’ve seen Quinn and Isley frequent. Cain will be their contact. Drake and Brown, I have another assignment for you that involves a murder.” 

“A murder?” Y/n whined. “No fair! How come I’m stuck with Todd and Steph gets a murder?” 

“I’m just better than you,” Stephanie shrugged. Y/n glowered at her. 

“I’m sure you’ll make the stakeout incredibly frustrating and boring,” Jason patted Y/n’s arm from his seat next to her. 

“Frustrating and boring: Title of your sex tape,” Y/n muttered, crossing her arms. “Dickie, you can’t expect me to live with Todd for three days! He won’t even do anything! He’ll just read and… I don’t know, what other nerdy things do you do?”

“Nerdy?” Jason shot back, “Says the person who references every TV show known to man!”

“Just so everyone knows,” Y/n raised a finger up. “The obsession this week is the Barbie movie.”

“Amen,” Steph clapped Y/n’s hand in a high-five. 

Cass fistbumped her. “Margot Robbie is a goddess amongst men.”

“Speaking of goddesses: Julie Andrews.” Y/n said. Steph hummed in agreement. “Princess Diaries marathon this weekend?”

“Y/n,” Dick interrupted. “You’ll be on a stakeout with Jason.”

“You think that will stop me?”

“No,” Dick admitted. “But... we‘re done. Everybody just go back to work.”

“You remind me of the Hulk.”

“I’m sorry, what?” Jason looked away from the camera that was perched in the windowsill.

“You remind me of the Hulk,” Y/n repeated from her seat on a beanbag chair. She grabbed some goldfish and popped them in her mouth. The apartment where the stakeout was taking place was small and decrepit. When Y/n had first seen it, she’d said, “I’m sorry, but I don’t wanna get tetanus.” Jason had locked the door before she could escape. (“If you wanted me alone, Jay, you could’ve just asked.”)

“How so?” Jason fought the urge to roll his eyes before turning back to stare out the grime-covered window.

“Well, first off, you’re fricking huge, but also a nerd.”

“Yeah, but I’m not a destructive green monster.” 

“I don’t know what you do outside of work.” Y/n shrugged. “But seriously, my dude. You need to stop working out. You’re making the rest of us look bad.” She reached over and poked Jason in the bicep.

“Are you flirting with me?” Jason smirked.

Y/n huffed and said, “you wish, Todd.” Thankfully, the walkie talkie crackled to life. “Talk to me, Goose,” Y/n snickered into the walkie talkie. 

Cass replied, “Maverick, we’re getting intel that Quinn and Isley are headed your way.”

“Thanks, man. Iceman’s keeping a watchout.”

“Iceman?!” Jason scoffed. “What makes me Iceman?!”

“Because you’re all stoic and impassive and eventually, you fall in love with me,” Y/n explained.

“I don’t remember Iceman and Maverick’s romance,” Cass’s voice was staticy and Jason was surprised she was still listening. 

“Come on,” Y/n’s eyebrows rose incredulously. “We could all feel the tension.” Cass hummed in acquiescence.

“L/n,” Jason shushed. “They’re here.” Y/n immediately quieted and turned off the walkie talkie. She went to sit next to Jason, making sure the camera was effectively hidden behind a screen. Outside, the pair could see a large truck pull up to the warehouse across the street. Out jumped Harley Quinn, her pigtails bouncing as she whistled. She skipped around the semi-truck and opened the door for her wife, Pamela Isley. Isley gave Quinn a kiss on the cheek and Y/n let out an ‘aw!’ Jason rolled his eyes and said, “just because they’re lesbians doesn’t mean they’re cute. They’ve committed many crimes.” 

“Being lesbians automatically makes them adorable and exempts them from all their crimes.”

Jason shushed her again and started taking pictures, the camera softly clicking away. Quinn opened the back of the semi and Isley pulled open the doors of the warehouse. Cheerfully, Quinn stacked boxes for Isley to roll away on a dolly. 

“What’s in the boxes?” Y/n wondered. 

“Do you think we’d be here if I knew?” Y/n glared at Jason’s response. 

Minutes passed, silent only for the snaps of the camera. Quinn and Isley continued to unload the truck and by the way they were piling them in the front of the warehouse, Y/n guessed that they were either moving the boxes soon or the warehouse was already filled. It wasn’t long before Isley slammed the truck door shut and blew a kiss to her wife. Quinn waved dramatically as Isley started the truck, leaving Quinn behind to man the warehouse. 

“Are we good?” Y/n asked. “Did we get all the pictures? Can we return to civilization and its cleaning supplies?”

“The apartment isn't that bad,” Jason said. “And no, we have to wait to see what Quinn’s doing.” Y/n groaned loudly and flopped over on her beanbag. “I figured this would happen,” Jason began to dig around his bag. “So I came prepared.” He pulled out some paper and pens and threw them at Y/n. “Draw me a picture or write me a story.” 

Y/n frowned at him. “What do you think I am? Five?” Jason shot her a knowing look and she muttered, “yeah, okay. That’s a pretty good idea.” Y/n sat down on the ground, mumbling about blastomycosis and mold poisoning. Jason silently wondered how she knew so much about diseases. Sitting back on her beanbag, Y/n uncapped a pen and started drawing. Or writing. Jason wasn’t really sure. He was more preoccupied with the case. 

After fifteen minutes, (Jason had hoped it would distract her for longer,) Y/n proudly showed Jason her drawing. “I even wrote a story to go with it!” She presented another piece of paper, filled with her scribbly handwriting. 

“What’s it about?” Jason asked, eyes slowly turning away from the camera and towards Y/n. 

“It’s a tragic love story between a marshmallow and a cup of hot chocolate who can never be together because the hot chocolate would melt the marshmallow, but the marshmallow stayed with the hot chocolate, even though it was slowly dying, because it loved the hot chocolate.” Y/n taped her picture and story up on the wall.

“Shakespeare would be put to shame,” Jason said after a moment of processing. Y/n nodded along. “Romeo and Juliet, who?” 

Y/n gasped softly. “Oh my gosh, I think I love you.”

“I thought that was already established,” Cass’s voice came through the walkie talkie. 

Y/n quickly pressed the button. “You’re still there?” 

“L/n, this is an open police line.” Cass was rubbing her temples. “We need to be in constant contact with you.”

Jason snagged the walkie talkie away from Y/n and updated Cass. “Quinn’s still at the warehouse. L/n and I request to prolong our stay to keep tabs on her.” 

“Wait, we could still leave?!” 

“I’ll ask Wayne,” Cass said. “Stay sharp.” The line crackled and went silent. 

“Todd, why are we staying later than needed?” Y/n whined. “We could be back at the precinct right now.”

“Because this would be a big bust for us. If we shut down the Crime Queen’s operation, and maybe even catch one, that’d be a major operation off of the street.” He looked back at the detective. “Come on, Y/n. Think about it.” 

Y/n grumbled, but relented. “Fine.” She went back to scribbling on the paper, angrily huffing out profanities every now and then and asking Jason how to spell certain words. (“How the hell do you not know how to spell equipment?” “It’s a hard word!”)

“Cass, I’m transferring some pictures to you,” Jason spoke into the walkie talkie, sometime around ten fifteen at night. “I’m not seeing any activity right now, but I’ll keep you updated.”

“We’ll keep you updated,” Y/n corrected. “We’re a team, remember, Todd?” 

“You’re right,” Jason looked back at her. “I’m sorry. We’ll keep you updated.” He flipped off the walkie talkie and said, “if we’re a team, then do you want to take a turn at the camera?”

Y/n scrunched her nose. “Nah. I’ll just wait until you pass out from exhaustion to take my shift.”

“Thanks,” he said dryly. “Really helpful.” 

“I know.”

It was late the next morning and Y/n was sitting dutifully by the window, letting Jason snore on the beanbag. She had the movie Deadpool on in the background, occasionally quoting things alongside Wade Wilson. “A fourth wall break inside a fourth wall break! That’s like… sixteen walls,” she mumbled, wrapped in a fuzzy blanket she had stolen off of Jason. A loud honking lifted her from the edges of sleep and Y/n bolted upright, cursing. A sleek, black limo pulled in front of the warehouse and Y/n immediately radioed in to Cass. “Hey, Goose, we have a situation.” 

“What is it, Maverick?” Cass yawned, still following along with Y/n references.

“A black limo, licence plate…” Y/n took dozens of pictures. “PNGIN, just pulled into the lot. Sending evidence now.” She opened the precinct laptop Jason had packed and uploaded the photos. “I might need backup if an exchange is going down.” 

“Copy that,” Cass said. 

From the limo stepped a pudgy man in a three-piece suit with a large tophat. Y/n had to refrain herself from commenting on his appearance. “Jay, get up! Get up!” She kicked the beanbag chair and Jason awoke with a start, mumbling things about interrupting his sleep. “Oh my god, is that…” Y/n squinted through the camera lens, pressing the ‘talk’ button on the walkie talkie. “Cass! It’s Cobblepot! Cobblepot’s meeting up with Quinn!”

“-at?” It sounded like Cass said ‘what?’ but only clicked her button during the last half, surprise evident in her voice. “Lemme get Dick. And Wayne.” She added the Captain as if on second thought. 

After a tense minute where Y/n had to kick Jason again, Dick came on the radio. “L/n, report,” he commanded.

“Cobblepot’s meeting up with Quinn. I’ve sent the photos. I’m requesting a soft backup. Let me see what’s going on, but I want officers on hand. We could stop something big here, Sarge.”

“Copy that. You’ll get your officers. Where do you want them?”

“A half a block away,” she said. “And Dick? I need ‘em now. I don’t know what’s going on, but Quinn’s coming out to meet Cobblepot.”

Cass’s voice returned. “Y/n, Dick’s going to lead the officers himself. His ETA should be about ten minutes. Sit tight.”

“Will do, as soon as Todd WAKES UP!” Y/n kicked Jason in the shin, earning a loud “ow!”

“I’m up!” Jason shot up, rubbing sleep from his eyes. “What?”

“Fucking Cobblepot! You’re about to sleep through our bust! Bitch,” she clicked her tongue, ”wake up!”

“Cobblepot?” Jason said blearily. He raced the window, squinting down at the scene below. “Holy…”

“I know!” Y/n punched Jason on the shoulder excitedly. He flinched away from her, acting as if it had hurt. 

Y/n snapped pictures as Jason took over the computer, typing a report. Finally, after what seemed like ages, Cass said, “Backup’s here, just in case.”

“Thanks, Cain,” Jason said, eyebrows furrowed in concentration.

“Quinn’s taking Cobblepot into the warehouse,” Y/n reported. “But I can’t see… do we have any footage of the interior?” 

“Would we be here if we had access inside?” Jason groaned. 

“Now I see why people avoid you in the morning,” Y/n grumbled back, shooting Jason a warning glare. She shoved a cereal box towards the man and Jason angrily shoved some food into his mouth. “Now you won’t be so fucking cranky,” she muttered.

“Stop fighting!” Cass demanded, “what do you see?”

“Nothing! Other than Cobblepot’s men standing ominously by his limo.” Y/n asked, “how come we don’t have limos? That would be so much cooler.”

Cobblepot stepped out of the warehouse, Quinn trailing behind him. He gestured to his men and a couple of them started loading boxes into the trunk of the limo. “We’ve got movement!” Y/n shouted into the walkie talkie. “If we’re going to arrest them, it’s gotta be now! We won’t get Isley, and she’ll probably break Quinn out of prison, but at least we’ll get Cobblepot.” 

“You’re just soft for your crime moms,” Jason exhaled sharply. 

Dick’s voice was hardly understandable through the radio, but Y/n and Jason watched from the window as Dick and his team surrounded Quinn and Cobblepot and his men. “I feel like we should help,” Jason mumbled.

“Do you have a zipline?” Y/n asked out of the blue.

“No… why?” Jason seemed hesitant to answer, concerned about the answer. 

“Dang it,” Y/n shook her head. “It would’ve been easy for us to join the fight if we could just zipline down there. It’d look so cool, too!” She mimed shooting down a zipline and fighting all the bad guys off. Jason chuckled. 

Dick eventually managed to apprehend Cobblepot and Quinn, the latter who threw a wink right to the window where Y/n and Jason sat. Y/n gasped and threw open the window, sticking her head out. “Hi!” she shouted down to the apprehended criminals. “Oh my gosh, you’re Harley Quinn! I’m a huge fan!”

“Hey!” Harley Quinn waved back before Dick handcuffed her. “Aren’t you just a sweetie pie?! Were you the one spying on us since Tuesday?” Her thick Brooklyn accent shouted up to the detectives.

“Yeah! That was me!” Y/n grinned. “I love you and your wife! Can you adopt me?”

“Oh, honey, we would love to!” Harley called. “But unfortunately, I may be going to jail.” She pouted sadly and then grinned hopefully. “Think you can do anything about that, sugar?”

Y/n frowned and said, “unfortunately, no I can’t, adopted mom. But, I can promise to turn the other cheek when my other adopted mom breaks you out.”

“Deal!” Harley winked again and said, “send me the adoption papers and I’ll sign anything.”

“I love you!” Y/n shouted as Dick shoved Quinn into the back of his police car, rolling his eyes. 

“You just can’t help yourself, can you?” Jason joined Y/n leaning on the windowsill, gazing over at her. 

“Nope.”

[chaosheadspace]

second chance dreamling 👀

Okay, so @beholdme infected me with the idea of Dreamling and a second chance relationship after having spectacularly fucked up their first try (maybe even their marriage, who knows). I really like thinking about it. The hurt. The care. What could have happened? What would both of them need to say "yeah okay, I wanna try this again? I also blame "Someday out of the blue" by Elton John.

Snip:

Hob is standing in the staff kitchen with his back to the door when he hears his colleague Julie chirp up, “Oh hello, I haven't seen you here before.”

Hob smiles. Julie is a good friend, and very competent in Spanish lit, but she's hopelessly clumsy in all things romantic (or even just flirty). And, sure enough—”I could stand to see you more often, though. Mind if I give you my number?”

Hob easily hides his snort with the sound of the coffee machine hacking up its probably last batch. It's been here as long as he has, and even back then it had been old. He'll miss it.

Hob sighs. He's been approaching fifty on paper, which is the furthest he can stretch his eternally set face. He's been putting grey in his hair and beard, and starts his day with a subtle makeup routine. One more year. He's already arranged to go to Australia for his next life, see a bit of the world. He needs some distance. Has needed some distance for the past twenty years, really, but back then he found he couldn't just pack it all up and chuck it away. Maybe he's been grieving. But it was time.

He's shaken out of his thoughts rather violently by the reply of the mystery person though.

“Julia Andrews, it would probably be advisable that you turn your misguided attention to the tea running over your wrist rather than myself.”

The deep rumble shakes Hob to his core, and he turns, hastily. He didn't think he'd hear this voice in the next three thousand years, at least. He faintly registers that Julie yelps, and then swears.

And sure enough, there, in the door of the kitchen he stands, like a photocopy out of Hob's memory, like a mirage, like a fever dream.

They haven't seen each other in twenty years. Twenty years since Hob has burned the brightest he's ever had, so sure he'd be consumed but instead of burning down they'd filled galaxies with new stars. Until, at last, it went to shit.

Hob looks, because he can't not, looks and looks at alabaster skin, at blue eyes, at feathery hair that he knows for a fact is as soft as a cloud, at a buttoned up coat that he's taken off of him countless times, at thin, pink lips he's kissed even more times. No. *NO*.

“Hello,” he says, carefully avoiding a name or any descriptor of their relationship. “I hope you're well.”

“Robert,” Dream says, curt and cold. Only *Robert*, not his supposed last name for this century, so Hob could mistake it for the courtesy of keeping his cover. Not Hob, as a friend would call him. *Robert*. The most distance Dream can put between them with outsiders present.

“There is something that slipped my mind, yet is of utmost importance,” he continues with the regality of a king, cold, so cold. Hob knows for a fact that there's warmth in him, and softness, deep down. But not for him, not anymore. “At the disagreement before our last recent one, I left something. It is vital that it is returned to me.”

Hob's stomach swoops. Dream's hat and gloves, left in haste and fury in 1889. The only tangible things Hob has ever had from Dream, still shiny and new as they had been then, still smelling of rosewater and rain and salt. Hob swallows.

“Of course,” he says, swallowing down a “my lord”, because Dream would definitely take it as mockery. “Of course.”

Hob takes a deep breath, fortifying himself. “As I'm sure you're aware, I'm not carrying them around, so you would have to come back later tonight. I'm home at about half past five, today.”

There's the little crease on his forehead, the displeased slant of his mouth. “I thought it possible that I might—”

“That you can just go into my flat and take them? No.” Hob interrupts. He's been working on this. With multiple therapists. *Boundaries*. He needs more boundaries. And even after twenty years of work, he's tempted into flinging it all out the window for him. Bugger. “I'm afraid you will have to wait.”

Dream sighs, put-upon and haughty. “Very well. I shall be at your door at half past five.” He turns and walks away without any kind of goodbye. Hob exhales through gritted teeth. He's fine. He's *fine*. He's lived with this kind of longing for literal centuries. Why can't he just let it go?

*Because you've had it, once,* his mind whispers, *because you're not sure that you're really done. Not sure you've really let go. Because you're not able—*

“Woof,” Julie comments, making Hob startle. “Bad past? Hey, I'm sorry for—”

“Don't worry,” Hob interrupts her, pushing his glasses up his nose. “It's long past and gone. Don't really know why he's turned up now.”

“Well, if you ask me, there's regret pouring out of every perfect pore of him,” she retorts. “Not that I'm—um—”

Hob laughs, self-deprecating, hurt twisting through his guts. “Can't be. Believe me. Not him.”

Julie shrugs and takes her mug. “Have it your way. I'm gonna go and bash some Spanish into the minds of twenty seven unwilling undergrads.”

“Good luck,” Hob calls after her, his mind spinning with the same questions—why now? And why at all?

[cocoabubbelle]

Hi again! :) I just started to watch Scooby Doo and Guess Who today, and I love the concept of introducing celebs. I love it because its not new, it's a callback to the og episodes with sonny and Cher, and batman!

If the show hadn't been cancelled, who would you want to guest star? (I watched a clip of the gang meeting their voice actors and it made my day, I was feeling down. I only thought they would meet frank welker too so it was a really nice surprise!)

Hi!

This will be divided between real people and fictional characters.

Real (both living and deceased)

Brendan Fraser

Ke Huy Quan

Rob Paulsen

Dwayne Johnson

Zachary Levi

John Wayne

Pentatonix

Gal Gadot

Henry Cavill

BTS

BLACKPINK

Tom Selleck

Jackie Chan

Chris Tucker (preferably working with Jackie)

Mister Rogers (you can’t convince me that the persona he put for his show wasn’t his real self)

The Kratt Brothers

Steve Irwin

Sandra Bullock

Micheal Jordon

Charlize Theron

Ben Affleck

Anne Hathaway

Margot Robbie

Cate Blanchett

Judi Dench

Julie Andrews

Octavia Spencer

Zendaya

Jessica Alba

Blake Lively

Ryan Reynolds

Lupita Nyong'o

Sandra Oh

Bette Milder

Catherine Zeta Jones

Micheal Peña

Diego Luna

Rita Moreno

Eugenio Derbez

Priyanka Chopra

Aishwarya Rai Bachchan

Jet Li

Bruce Lee

Pat Morita

Duck Dynasty

ZZ Top

Spice Girls

ABBA

Liam Neeson

Chuck Norris

Tim Curry

Jon Heder

Honestly the list could go on but I don’t know if tumblr has a word count limit so moving on…

Fictional (individual + cast/duo) (apologies if some of these seem REALLY random; look, if they can meet the Addams Family and Batman, who’s to say what’s impossible?)

Wizard of Oz cast (either original book or MGM’s iconic film)

Willy Wonka/Charlie Bucket

Walker, Texas Ranger

Superman

^ + Bruce Timm’s Justice League

Blue + Steve from Blue’s Clues

Hercules and/or Xena

The Shazamily

The Animaniacs

Freakazoid

TEENAGED MUTANT NINJA TURTLES!!!

Five Nights at Freddy’s

Napoleon Dynamite

[theawkwardterrier]

I posted 17,825 times in 2022

That's 6,060 more posts than 2021!

141 posts created (1%)

17,684 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@wedonttradelives

@nightlocktime

@beradan

@madfatandhungry

I tagged 1,212 of my posts in 2022

#derry girls - 65 posts

#derry girls spoilers - 64 posts

#stranger things - 38 posts

#bridgerton spoilers - 36 posts

#bridgerton - 36 posts

#stranger things spoilers - 35 posts

#ms. marvel - 27 posts

#wednesday100 - 23 posts

#ms. marvel spoilers - 22 posts

#outlander - 21 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#''oh they're going to make a good train/public transit for the poors? better pretend i'm making a super train so they cancel theirs'' 🙄😑

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Wednesday 100: Family History

Sometimes on rainy days, Bree explores the study while her father examines the ledgers.

Today she finds a box, opening it quickly before Da sees. The spoons are familiar. She keeps hers, St. John, hidden away from her cousins. Willie, born near harvest, has St. Peter.

Counting, she frowns, asks before she can think better, "Da, where's St. Andrew's spoon?"

Da sets down his quill gently. He leans back in his seat and closes his eyes. When he opens them, he starts softly, "When yer mam and I were in Paris…"

She thinks she sees him crying, just a little.

83 notes - Posted August 31, 2022

#4

Wednesday 100: Telling Tales

They're happy to have all the grandchildren staying over at the Big House, although it means Jamie covering Claire's noises, the two of them hushing their laughter.

Once recovered, they get up to listen for the children, hearing Germaine's voice down the hall.

"—and they brought in a lady, wearing only her shift, looking very scared but also brave, and it was—"

"Grannie," Jem says excitedly. Joan sighs, "I love this part."

Claire leans into Jamie. "Seems that someone's inherited a certain talent of yours."

"Well, they've heard this one often enough." He smiles, and takes her back to bed.

88 notes - Posted November 9, 2022

#3

I think one of the reasons that the fakeout in The Long Goodbye Job works so well is also one of the reasons I love Leverage as a show. Yes, we’re so deeply invested in these characters that the idea of them coming to harm is heartbreaking, but it feels believable because we’ve been conditioned, by media, but also by our own lived reality, that no one can always win. Maybe you make a mistake, forget or overlook something, maybe you’re outsmarted, maybe your luck simply runs out, but at some point you will come to the end of the line. (”Give all of us...the strength to remember that life is so very fragile. We are all vulnerable. And we will all, at some point in our lives... fall. We will all fall,” says Coach Taylor.)

And amid the competence porn, the show doesn’t shy away from that very human aspect of it all, gives us Hardison buried alive, Parker’s childhood and its lasting effects on her, Eliot’s violent past, Sophie’s uncertainty about herself. The show gives us Nate, troubled and gray and full of hubris and flawed all to hell - couldn’t save his father, couldn’t save his son. But it also gives us this, ends with this: the hammer never drops. The villains do not win in the end, do not come close to winning. This unlikely, outcast group, this family, wins, they keep winning, and sometimes, in shows like this, we’re allowed to have faith in that.

225 notes - Posted January 9, 2022

#2

Back again with another Outlander fic! For those of y'all who are interested, I'll be posting on alternating Sundays over the next few months and will reblog this again when the fic is complete. For everyone else, enjoy your regularly scheduled programming!

Muscle Memory, chapter 1

292 notes - Posted July 10, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

See the full post

432 notes - Posted August 1, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[ramseyesscom]

One Hundred and Forty-Nine

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Two things happened this week that have led to this somewhat unexpected choice for a SPT: yesterday was Dick Van Dyke's 97th birthday. From his role as Rob Petrie on the (still charming and funny) Dick Van Dyke Show to this album of covers that is great for parties, Van Dyke is a treasure. The second thing was that my wife and I finally got COVID which meant we were stuck on the couch for much of the last few days, streaming an awful lot of television. For reasons I can't articulate, my illness-raddled body wanted to watch Mary Poppins. A delight. Just a movie of fun. Every single one of the Sherman Brothers' songs are fantastic (except for the one about banking that you probably forgot existed. It's funny, but not a toe-tapper.) Julie Andrews is fantastic, a beautiful singer, and very, very dry. Dick Van Dyke's accent is derided, but it's perfectly cartoony and his physical performance is unparalleled. Glynis Johns and David Tomlinson as Mr. and Mrs. Banks are ever so British. There are some special effects in here where you'll say, "Oh, that looks good for 1964!" and some where you'll say, "I have no idea how they did that one." I know you've probably seen this movie. But whether it's the Mary/Bert subtext or the detail of the fox being hunted being Irish, I bet there are some details you've missed. Poppins is not a Christmas movie (if anything its about the end of winter into spring) but whether it's the message of family or love over money, there's something that makes this movie feel right for this time of year. Plus, the bridge of "Feed the Birds" has this part that will never fail to give me chills.  -- I would like to know what your favorite piece of media to come out of 2022 was. Movie? TV Show? Book? Song? Food? Whatever! I plan on sharing a list of our readers' favorite things at the start of 2023, and this is your chance to be a part of it! Just fill out this super short form and you're a part of the official SPT 2022 Going Away Celebration! --

We love a word game here at SPT HQ. Tumbleword is a new fun one that gives a few different tools to try and create the largest number of words using the fewest number of moves. It's deceptively simple, but surprisingly tough. Sorry/enjoy!

Tumbleword!

[lesbian-trash-panda]

✨Q Rated - Victor/Victoria

✨Q Rating: A✨Q - Amazing and Queer :)

Summary: Paris, 1934. Down-and-out soprano Victoria is 5 minutes away from selling her body for a meatball when she meets Carroll “Toddy” Todd, an equally success-less aging gay performer who just got fired. Believing Victoria’s only problem getting work is her lack of a gimmick, Toddy hatches a plot to rebrand Victoria as Victor, Toddy’s new boyfriend and “the world’s greatest female impersonator.” Victor has a lot of success on the cabaret stage, eventually attracting the attention of King, an American mob boss who gay panics HARD and spends most of the movie being in denial and trying to reveal that “Victor” is actually a woman

Starring Julie Andrews (The Sound of Music, The Princess Diaries, my childhood) and Robert Preston (The Music Man), Victor/Victoria a fun, saucy musical that recreates 1930s cabaret aesthetic and antics in 1980s cult classic charm.

Why You Should Watch It: It is a musical and has Julie Andrews in a suit? That’s really all it took to sell me on this.

Victor/Victroria is, essentially, a queer historical piece twice over. It is a loving homage to the style, look, and verve of cabaret, specifically “The Pansy Craze” of 1930s Paris, the birth place of the drag star (though of course drag the art existed prior). The movie is from 1982, fully 42 years ago, which seems not that long ago but is actually WHOLE GENERATIONS of queer kids ago! Some of those kids aren’t even kids anymore! And I bet most have not heard of this film. It’s Pride season, kits! Respect our elders and check it out!

Also, it’s just a lot of fun. It’s fun to follow along on this wild, outrageous romp - there’s singing, dancing, costumes, stunts, jokes, slapstick, and antics that keep getting more ridiculous as it goes on. In contrast to, say, Cabaret, Victor/Victoria showcases the fun, zaniness, and charm of the nightlife scene of that era.

I love old Hollywood actors getting to do classic stage vaudeville schtick and if you do too, this is a great choice. Julie Andrews EATS as Victor, particularly in the Shady Dame from Seville. Robert Preston also eats in the finale in a different but spectacular way. And though you don’t see a lot of screwball comedies anymore, sometimes, all you really want is a scene where four miscreants are sneaking into different rooms in the same apartment just seconds apart and then oops someone else walks in unexpectedly oh no now that guys is stuck on a balcony how will he ever get out of this??? Great stuff

The story is inherently genderfuck in that classic Shakespearean way - the main character is a cis woman playing a cis man playing a cis woman, essentially “an incognito drag king pretending to be a outcognito drag queen.” But despite the jokey premise, it has nuance regarding its subject matter. My read is that it’s not intended as a trans narrative outright, but the idea is there, the same questions are being asked and the same norms challenged, and there is a great scene between Victor and King where V calls out K for being small-minded and hypocritical for being attracted to Victor “as a woman” and then getting angry and blaming Victor for that attraction later. The queer politics of this film are not cut and dry; Toddy essentially commodifies queerness, which is also kinda what the film is doing - it’s straight people playing gay “for the straights.”

But even so, as a genderqueer raccoon who grew up with this flick and saw some of myself in Victoria & Victor’s experiences, I appreciate that the story is not interested in giving clear answers or being overly didactic. It’s a romp. It successfully romps.

Recommended for: Fans of musicals, screwball comedy, slapstick, vaudeville, gags, silliness, schtick, people interested in pre-Pride queer history, anyone who is into the gif below

Content Warnings (Spoilers): The main love interest is a classic macho-boi asshole and he sucks for a lot of the story, including being homophobic, transphobic, and spying on Victoria while she showers. He is challenged on a lot of his opinions and he changes for the better, which is what dynamic characters do, but, you know - prep for some scenes about a real jerk. Also, as an older movie about a historically queerphobic era, there may be some outdated terminology/attitudes, but imo it’s more progressive and nuanced than some stuff you see today, so - your call! Enjoy responsibly!

[gaykarstaagforever]

One of my top 3 favorite musicals of all time is free on YouTube.

Like legit. No "slime tutorial" from an old VHS tape here.

...I mean this was from TV in 1965 so it still looks like it may have come from a tape in some weird guy's basement, but HE WAS PAID FOR IT.

Oh and the original 1957 TV performance is here too. Not legit, but I don't even want to guess who owns the rights to a copy of a live musical performance from television in 1957.

This was written specifically for TV so in its pre-Broadway format it is only an hour and a half long. Watch both in the time it takes you to watch a stage show!

The original one has 22 year old Julie Andrews in it so be still my heart and other things. But. The '65 one looks like part of a Star Trek episode where they were trapped on a King Arthur planet. And I think the orchestration and pacing is a lot sharper in that one.

Disney+ has the version with Whitney Houston and Brandy, which is the one that did interracial casting in 1997 and awful white people got mad about it. It is also a great version, with tons of added Disney pizzazz (i.e., they spent lots of money on ball gowns).

[sincerepositivethings]

Issue One Hundred and Forty-Eight

Subscribe over here!

Two things happened this week that have led to this somewhat unexpected choice for a SPT: yesterday was Dick Van Dyke's 97th birthday. From his role as Rob Petrie on the (still charming and funny) Dick Van Dyke Show to this album of covers that is great for parties, Van Dyke is a treasure. The second thing was that my wife and I finally got COVID which meant we were stuck on the couch for much of the last few days, streaming an awful lot of television. For reasons I can't articulate, my illness-raddled body wanted to watch Mary Poppins. A delight. Just a movie of fun. Every single one of the Sherman Brothers' songs are fantastic (except for the one about banking that you probably forgot existed. It's funny, but not a toe-tapper.) Julie Andrews is fantastic, a beautiful singer, and very, very dry. Dick Van Dyke's accent is derided, but it's perfectly cartoony and his physical performance is unparalleled. Glynis Johns and David Tomlinson as Mr. and Mrs. Banks are ever so British. There are some special effects in here where you'll say, "Oh, that looks good for 1964!" and some where you'll say, "I have no idea how they did that one." I know you've probably seen this movie. But whether it's the Mary/Bert subtext or the detail of the fox being hunted being Irish, I bet there are some details you've missed. Poppins is not a Christmas movie (if anything its about the end of winter into spring) but whether it's the message of family or love over money, there's something that makes this movie feel right for this time of year. Plus, the bridge of "Feed the Birds" has this part that will never fail to give me chills.  -- I would like to know what your favorite piece of media to come out of 2022 was. Movie? TV Show? Book? Song? Food? Whatever! I plan on sharing a list of our readers' favorite things at the start of 2023, and this is your chance to be a part of it! Just fill out this super short form and you're a part of the official SPT 2022 Going Away Celebration! --

We love a word game here at SPT HQ. Tumbleword is a new fun one that gives a few different tools to try and create the largest number of words using the fewest number of moves. It's deceptively simple, but surprisingly tough. Sorry/enjoy!

Tumbleword!

[saisew]

My Rankings of Cinderella’s Ballgowns in Film

1. Cinderella (2015)

Lily James’ Cinderella dress is my favorite because it is the quintessential Cinderella dress. She brought the fantasy, she brought the drama, she brought the beauty! I also love the Victorian influences the dress has.

2.  Rodgers & Hammerstein’s Cinderella (1957)

I meeeaaaannnn, it’s Julie Andrews. This dress is so pretty, it brought the elegance. I like the influences from the time period it’s set in, when this adaption was made, and the white and gold color scheme. 

3. Cinderella (1950)

She classic, this dress is very nostalgic. The sleeve shape and hip puffs are very unique and make the dress instantly recognizable. My favorite thing about the dress is the silvery shade that makes it so magical, I wish more adaptions chose silver over blue.

4. Cinderella (1997)

I like the silhouette and sparkle of this dress, she brought the magic. I do wish the background characters wore colors that made Cinderella’s dress stand out more.

5. Ever After (1998)

I like this dress, but the styling gives me early 2000′s rave instead of Cinderella. Look at my Ever After post for more in depth thoughts on the dress.

6.  Rodgers & Hammerstein’s Cinderella (1965)

People always leave this adaption out of their rankings, but I'm bias because i had this movie on VHS and loved it when I was little. I think the bottom of the dress and the crown are beautiful. The costumes and the sets of this movie flow together really well.

7. Ella Enchanted (2004)

My favorite thing about Ella’s dress is the way the iridescent fabric looks in different lighting, its really magical, but it can look plasticy and makes it look cheaper compared to the other dresses on the list. Shoutout to the mini dress she wears at the end of the movie, I fucking love this early 2000′s does medieval moment.

8.  The Glass Slipper (1955)  

cupcake. oh she went for it. I can appreciate how unabashedly girly it is. 

9. Three Wishes for Cinderella (1973)

I think her silver and white dress is so beautiful and would’ve been a better choice for her ball gown. 

10. The Slipper and The Rose (1976)

big. pink. thing. I think the dress looks the prettiest with her natural hair. The wig is period accurate but it doesn’t help it all feel too much for me.

11. A Cinderella Story (2000)

I know its a wedding dress but its a weird choice. I initially thought the middle section was a little too long for Hilary Duff but it looks that way on the model too. 

12. Into the Woods (2014)

I would like this dress for something else it doesn't read Cinderella to me at all.

I would love to know which dress is your favorite!

[young-dumb-and-vaccinated]

A Deafened Bard (Stephen Strange x Female!Reader)

I can explain. 

Please don't come at me for starting a new project before finishing Cult Girl Doctorate. I hit a wall and needed to take a break. I am trying not to let this one take up too much time.

Y/n is a sorceress-in-training who’s known for being hard to teach. Sensing her potential, Doctor Strange takes her on as an apprentice. 

You firmly believed that shattering the urn of Fei-Amie was the best thing that ever happened to you. 

It happened a year ago, but it still replayed in your head over and over again. You made a conscious effort to remember it vividly. 

Sure, it was terrifying, Stephen Strange's initial look of anger when he heard the ceramic shatter. It softened when he saw that the culprit was just a clumsy sorceress-in-training who looked on the verge of tears with remorse. Still, it was a face you never wanted to see again: his teeth bared, his already sharp features accentuated under the constraints of anger. 

It diluted into silent, simmering frustration that revealed itself to you in short sarcastic jabs and body language. 

"Just, stop." He cut you off after a string of profuse sorries. With no disarming smile in sight, you could tell he was tense. "Artifacts get broken all the time. Don't cry. It was an accident." 

His tone indicated that he was trying to convince himself more than he was you. You were a closed-off person and could hardly stand the idea that anyone out there didn't like you. The idea of the Sorcerer Supreme being mad at you, personally, made you briefly consider ritual suicide. You lowered your head. "Yes, Master Strange."

"Hey, butterfingers." He called out after you as you tried to make a painless exit. You looked back at him and he gestured to the pile of broken ceramic pieces. "You gonna fix what you broke?"

It hadn't dawned on you that an ancient relic could be fixed. Especially one that once contained the ashes of the ancient necromancer Fei-Amie. You were embarrassed to say that your knowledge of manipulating time was surface-level at best, and couldn't think of any other solution. 

You wordlessly gathered the pieces up in your skirt and carried them off, striking out any plans to go into town that evening. Instead, you poured through book after book for any instruction whatsoever on repairing broken artifacts. You ran out of desk space, so books were just floating in the air, suspended on pages that briefly mentioned relic breakage. 

You started to believe you were given an impossible task. Or perhaps all the resources you needed, he was withholding. Even so, you didn't want to go back to him empty-handed. You changed into your street clothes and opened a portal to the local craft store.

You returned with two types of extra-strong superglue and got to work. First, you made all the pieces come together and had them hover over the desk. Unconsciously, you began to sing as you pieced the urn back together. 

Cream colored ponies and crisp apple strudels

Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles

Brown paper packages tied up with strings

These are a few of my favorite things

"Haven't heard that song in years." 

You dropped the tube of glue and the few remaining pieces fell back to the desk. "Master Strange!" 

"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you." He said, though his apology was undercut by his smug tone. "Carry on." 

You picked up a piece and began to line the edges with glue. 

"Aren't you going to finish the song?" 

You looked up to see that he hadn't been just passing by. He was leaning against the threshold, watching you. 

"I don't usually sing for an audience." You laughed, uncomfortably. "Just me." 

"A man and his sentient cape should not count as an audience," he scoffed. "But, if you insist, I guess I'll have to just listen to Julie Andrews instead." 

"What's wrong with her?" You raised your eyebrows in surprise. 

"Oh, nothing. She's a treasure." He put his hands up. "But everyone gets to hear her sing. And I take it that only a very select few get to hear your rendition of my favorite things. I just have to be one of them." 

You blushed, suddenly forgetting all the words to my favorite things. 

"Girls in white dresses..." he offered, an impatient edge to it.

You swallowed. "Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes. Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes-"

"Hey, butterfingers." He interrupted again. Before you could object, he pointed to the way that the pieces floated gracefully overhead at the sound of your voice. 

"I'd like to see Julie Andrews do that." He said with a wink.

"Looks alright," Master Strange said, running his finger along the tight seams that showed where cracks once were. 

"Will it still work?" You asked. That was really all you were worried about. 

"Beats the hell out of me." He shrugged. "I didn't know how to use it to begin with." 

"What?!" You spat back. "Are you kidding?" 

"I'm afraid not." He said, taking the urn and placing it back on its pedestal. "Don't worry, you did a good job. I'm not mad at you anymore." 

That was really all you needed to hear. "Thank you, sir." 

"You're an apprentice, right?" He asked. 

"I'm..." Your voice trailed off in embarrassment. "Between masters right now."

He raised an eyebrow. "If I were to ask around, would I receive glowing reviews from your last masters?" 

You admitted it point-blank. "No." 

"Let me guess," he folded his arms. "Something didn't make sense to you and instead of giving you the space to question it, they insisted you follow blindly." 

You wanted to throw your head back and shout in relief; finally, someone understood! 

"Bingo, bullseye." You put your hands up in surrender after being read so easily. "Right on the money."

"I see." He said, tucking that thought away for later. "Could I trouble you for one more odd job before you go?" 

"That depends." You folded your arms. "What is it?" 

He looked over his shoulder at his cape. "How are you with sewing?"

‘Sewing' was not the verb you would use to describe repairing the tears in the Cloak of Levitation. It was taller and stronger than you and it did not want to be repaired. It was closer to performing surgery on a fully grown mountain lion that could rip your head off at any minute. 

"Like putting eyeshadow on a cat," Master Strange said. It flicked its edge contemptuously, while still clinging to his shoulders for dear life. "I'm a licensed surgeon and it won't let me within 20 feet of it with a needle." 

"Thanks for the vote of confidence." You said, thoroughly discouraged. All he'd given you to work with was a spool of thread and a pack of needles. 

He tried with sincere force to remove the cloak, but it wouldn't budge. "Of course, now it knows you're coming at it with the sewing kit and it won't leave my shoulders." 

"Maybe I can work with that?" You shrugged. You threaded the needle and hid it in your hand. 

You approached the cloak, only for it to shove Master Strange in your way like a human shield. 

"Listen, you naughty little blanket." He scolded, turning around to face it as if it were a puppy that had just wrecked the living room. "If you don't let her fix you, you're going in the washing machine. Extra spin." 

It shuddered, and, for a moment, you thought it was going to comply. You slowly took a step forward, only for it to dart as soon as your foot hit the ground. It made its escape with a large crash through the heavy wooden doors of the library. 

"Hey!" You shouted, chasing after it. "Get back here!" 

You caught a glimpse of it headed towards the relic room, so, without thinking, you opened a portal to make it there first. You reached it only seconds before the cloak breached the threshold, with only enough time to grab it by the edge. 

"Come here!" You exclaimed, giving it a full force tug. It tugged back, overpowering you to the tenth degree. It dragged you across the room and into the foyer. You yanked on it, only for it to escape from your grip and send you flying back into the wall. You wondered for a second how such a sturdy piece of fabric could possibly be in need of maintenance. 

"Bastard." You mumbled, rubbing the spot where your head collided with the wall. The pain didn't stop you, though. You were on your feet within seconds, pursuing the naughty blanket all over again. 

You heard the words of one of your many, many masters ringing in your ears; "never outrun what you can outsmart". Or maybe that was from a Garfield comic. Either way, whether or not you could outsmart the cloak was still unknown, but you had to at least try. 

You took a second to catch your breath and tried to remember where you saw it heading next. Downstairs, you thought. To the laundry room. The one place you would never look. 

You slowly but deliberately descended the stairs to the basement where the laundry was. You turned the light on and saw overturned baskets of towels, clothes, and sheets everywhere. And then a washing machine door slammed shut. You turned your head and saw a twinge of dark red hiding in the washing machine. 

You removed your shoes and socks to minimize noise, then picked up a fitted sheet that had been thrown on the ground. You mounted the washing machine and affixed the sheet to the front. The cloak would have to come shooting out the door, and you would ambush it. 

You forced the door open with your heel, holding the sheet like a giant net. As predicted, the cloak shot out like a bullet from a gun, getting caught in the sheet. It thrashed around aimlessly, trying to escape, but you had a tight grip and it wasn't going anywhere. 

"It's curtains for you!" You said, then laughed at your own joke. "Stop struggling!" 

It flailed and fought, but eventually ran out of energy and sunk to the ground. Not trusting it quite yet, you pinned it down with your whole body weight before releasing it from the sheet. As expected, it tried to fly away, but couldn't get anywhere.

"The less you fight, the faster this will go." You said, examining the fabric for any visible tears. The rip presented itself right away. About as long as your hand, right in the center. 

"What did Strange do to you?" You asked, pulling the threaded needle from your pocket. "Hold still, I'm going to fix it." 

Once the needle hit fabric, the cloak stopped trying to fly away and instead writhed about on the floor like it was about to die. You fixed the tear with as many stitches as you could make, then pulled it shut. Once you knew the thread was secure, you rolled off the cloak and let it fly free. 

It shot up, but froze, noticing something was different. It swished itself around, unaccustomed to the feeling of air not blowing right through its center. 

"You're welcome." You said with a shrug. "It's not like I had to chase you all around the sanctum to make it happen." 

Without any warning, the cloak scooped you up and squeezed you. Your initial reaction was that this was its revenge and you were taking your final breaths, but you could tell it was gratitude by the way it gently set you down on the ground. 

"Happy to help." You gasped for air. "Just remember this feeling if I ever have to do this again." 

"Not bad, butterfingers." Master Strange told you, though the tone of his voice conveyed he was impressed beyond a simple 'not bad'. 

"Not bad?" You protested. "I absolutely crushed it." 

He ran his finger down the uneven but sturdy stitching. When his face met yours again, he was smiling with genuine enthusiasm that managed to eek through his dry, sarcastic exterior. It came out as an admittedly very handsome sideways smirk as his eyes scanned you up and down. 

“If you don’t need anything else, I’ll get out of your hair now.” You said, heading towards the open doors. 

“Wait.” The doors slammed shut before you could reach them. You turned around to see Master Strange still examining the stitching. "You wouldn't leave without tea, would you?"

A pot of chai tea sat between you, filling the air with an aroma of spicy vanilla. You held the teacup in both hands, determined to never give him a reason to reinforce the "butterfingers" nickname he'd become so fond of. 

"Chai is my favorite." You said, letting the scent waft into your nose. "Yerba mate used to be my favorite, but if I drink more than two pots of it I get sick." 

"Yeah, definitely don't do that." He chuckled, bobbing his teabag up and down in the cup. "Out of curiosity, are you wondering at all why I invited you to tea?" 

"Oh, definitely." You nodded. "I was just wondering about that." 

"Would you believe it's just because I find you interesting?" He raised an eyebrow. "Good company, perhaps?" 

"Interesting? Absolutely." You agreed. "Good company is debatable." 

"I can't believe I never thought to trap the cloak in the washing machine." He rested his chin in his hand. "It seems so obvious now." 

"If it makes you feel any better," you shrugged. "It was mostly dumb luck and reckless disregard for my own life, considering it almost threw me off the balcony.” 

He glared at the cloak. “What did I tell you about trying to kill our guests?” 

It lowered its collar shamefully in his direction. 

“Don’t apologize to me!” He scolded. “Apologize to her.” 

It turned to face you and repeated the somber motion. 

“It’s okay.” You shrugged. “My family adopted a retired army German Shepherd growing up. I’m used to high-strung creatures that could end my life at any second.” 

“Well, rest assured, butterfingers,” He said, leaning back in his chair. “This will never happen again.”

“I, uh-” You opened your mouth before you could even really pick up on the implication he was putting down. “Wasn’t aware that there would be a chance for it to happen again?” 

“I suppose we should get down to brass tax, then.” He folded his hands in his lap. “How would you like to stay here?”

“Well-” You said, not wanting to come off as too enthusiastic, which you certainly were. “Not if it’s going to kill me-”

“If I could promise you that your life won’t be in constant danger, I would.” He cut you off. “But if you wanted safety, you wouldn’t have started studying the Mystic Arts.”

“Got me there.” You conceded, your made-up objection withering away. “What’s the catch?”

“No catch.” He shook his head. “I’ll help you train and in return, you help me preserve the integrity of the sanctum.” 

“So an apprenticeship?” Your eyes widened. "Are you saying you want to take me on as an apprentice?" 

“I know you’ve got bad associations with that title, but yes.” He answered. “If it brings back memories of your previous masters treating you like garbage, we can call it a ‘partnership’, if you’d like.” 

Partners with the Sorcerer Supreme? You thought, butterflies materializing in your stomach. 

"That sounds great, but-" You broke eye contact and fidgeted with your fingers. "I feel like I should disclose that it wasn't really all that one-sided. I am… notoriously hard to teach."

"And who told you that?" He tilted his head. "The ones who refused to teach you?" 

You hadn't thought about it that way. "I guess."

"The way I see it, you've repaid your debt and are free to leave," he began. "But seeing how dutifully you reassembled that urn, wrangled my favorite piece of defiant outerwear, and how desperately this place is in need of some life, it might be a good idea to keep you around." 

You put your hand over your chest to still your heart. "It would be an honor." 

"Excellent." He nodded. "That saves me the trouble of having to convince you."

He brought you to a small but comfortable room with a bed and connected bathroom. 

"There's plenty of closet space for all your clothes." He said, gesturing to an antique looking bureau set. 

You dumped your duffel bag out on the bed, revealing the extent of your possessions. "Thanks, but this is all I've got." 

"Travel light, huh?" He asked.

"Yeah, I moved around a lot growing up." You admitted. "Got no real roots and all that jazz." 

"That changes now." He told you. "This is your home now so I want it to feel like it. Make the space your own."

“I don’t know how I can thank you for this.” You lowered your head, still feeling undeserving. 

“Don’t thank me yet, butterfingers.” He chuckled. “I’ve been told I tend to be a little on the egotistical side. That I don’t work well with others.”

"It's actually [F/N], if you were curious." You said, sitting on the bed and folding your hands in your lap. 

"Okay, [F/N]." he smiled. "You've been in and out of enough apprenticeships to know the drill. Early mornings, late nights. And I've got a laundry list of odd jobs for you that I'm too important to do." 

"Naturally." You nodded. His dry self-awareness inspired a little confidence that he wouldn't be a complete tyrant. 

"You did a good job today." He said, bluntly. "Thank you for your help. Keep it up and you'll make an invaluable addition to the sanctum."

You smiled downwards. "Thank you." 

"Do you often sing when you're trying to focus?" He posited. "Just, as an aside." 

You could tell the gears in his neurosurgeon's head were turning, undoubtedly trying to pin some kind of diagnosis on you as doctors were known to do. 

“I guess it’s just a force of habit.” You admitted. “I used to play piano, so when I’m working with my hands, it just kind of happens. My last master was not happy about that.” 

"Oh, screw him." He waved his hand dismissively. "He pissed away an opportunity to nurture a sorceress with a special gift for the sake of tradition. That's a mistake I won't make."

Special gift? You thought. Nobody who practiced the Mystic Arts had ever referred to anything you'd ever done as a 'gift'. Annoyance? sure. A symptom of ADHD? All the time. But 'gift'? That made it sound useful.

[notmanagingmymischief]

𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐲 𝐏𝐨𝐩𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐬 | 𝐢𝐧𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞, 𝐟𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐦𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐩𝐨𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐧

oh wow ok so Emily Blunt’s Mary Poppins is hot. alright i wasn’t expecting that.

so while Julie Andrews’ version will always have my whole heart, Emily has a section of it and that section is surprisingly large.

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title source: "et" by katy perry

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warnings: none

word count: 879

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tag list: @pearplate, @sapphicsarahpaulson, @rainbow-hedgehog, @lostlastsforever756, @waverlysdump, @angelxsarahp, @mildolynwaltzedintomyheart, @sarahp-stan, @kais-rose-garden, @ninaahs, @lilypadscoven, @loverofallthingssarah, @goodeday2u, @mellowalieneggsknight, @cordys-babe, @its-soph-xx, @msvenablezcane, @thebijesus, @cordeliaswhore, @peggycarter-steverogers, @paulsonpills, @sassicaismysupreme, @paulawand, @fand0m-obsess3d-g33k, @satxnsupreme, @sythaerin, @sarahspeach, @consciouschunkofmoss, @winters-witch-bitch

if you want to be added to the taglist, just message/ask me and I'll be sure to do so! :)

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enjoy xx

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I love this gif so much, she's so offended gdbhafsjkz I'm cackling

None of this was your fault, honestly. Or at least that’s what you’d say if she asked. The children planned it and you just...went along with them. You caught Mary Poppins’ eye as you scurried after the little siblings, and you swore you saw a glimpse of amusement dancing in the ocean blues. But maybe you were imagining it, since she conveniently looked away a second later. So you races up the stairs after them, turning around corridors and hissing “Slow down, I’m old!” in Annabel’s ear. She just giggled.

Still you snuck down the corridor, and you were just about to place your hand on the door of the chairman's office when..."Excuse me Miss, hat in the world are you doing?" Your eyes went wide and you spin to face the desk of "Miss Farthing. Ah, I was just...I thought I saw...someone go in here. That I know. Yes, that's it." It wasn't a total lie. You did know Wilkins and his goons, but you definitely weren't...on the best terms with them, so to speak. Miss Farthing narrowed her eyes and slowly her hand crept towards the phone. Your own eyes went even wider, somehow, and you spun on your heel, hissing "Run, children!" just as she picked up the phone and said "It's Miss l/n. She was trying to sneak into your office." You were gone before she finished her sentence.

Once again back to sprinting down the hall, you nearly fell down the stairs in your rush to leave. Not caring about propriety, you yelled out "Mary! Run!" the second your foot hit the landing of the steps, clutching Georgie's hand and pulling him along with you. "Stop them!" you heard behind you and only hoped Mary Poppins was following you as you flung yourself out the door of the bank and ran down the street. You didn't know exactly where you were going so you could only hope that you were going the right way.

-

The five of you practically sprint down Cherry Tree Lane, dashing towards number seventeen as fast as you can. Mary Poppins runs shockingly fast in her dark blue heels, keeping up with the fast pace the children have set. When you finally all arrive at the house, you throw yourself at the door, tumbling inside clumsily, but manage to not fall over one another. Once you straighten up, the kids go off running further into the house, leaving you and Mary alone. Your heart is racing and you’re breathing heavily, so you spin to face the other woman. You don’t get a word out as all sounds escape you at the sight of her, unusually disheveled and breathing heavier than normal. And you find yourself thinking that she’s never looked more beautiful.

Adrenaline still coursing through your veins from the run, you don’t even speak before you’re throwing yourself at Mary. Your entire body weight hits the woman, pulling a muffled “oh!” from her lips. Why is it muffled, you ask? Well, it can’t be heard clearly seeing as your lips are now firmly attached to hers. The action actually catches her off guard and she ends up stumbling back a few steps until you’ve got her pressed against the mahogany door. But quick as a whip, she’s caught herself and is in action again; her hands fly to your hips and pull them roughly against hers, tilting her head a bit in order to deepen the kiss. Your lips move rapidly against each other and you faintly hope that the children don’t come back anytime soon, for your hands have now begun hastily unbuttoning Mary’s crimson blazer, shoving it to the floor so you can press your fingers to her thin shirt, feeling the warmth of her skin beneath them.

You moan lowly against the woman’s lips as her tongue slips into your mouth, more skilled than you would have imagined. Though, she’s Mary Poppins. She’s skilled at everything she does. You nibble lightly on her bottom lip once her tongue retreats and she pulls away, opening her mouth to admonish you, but only gets out a breathy little “oh” as you quickly attach your lips to her neck, desperate to feel her skin under your lips after waiting for so long. Mary’s lips remain parted slightly and she tips her head back against the door, closing her eyes and allowing your exploration of her neck to continue with a quiet sigh. But she only allows it for so long before she’s pushing you off her gently and mumbling “The children will be here any second, pull yourself together.” You’re much more out of sorts than her, her perfume clouding your senses and making you dizzy and frankly desperate.

But you obey her wishes and back off, allowing Mary to gently wipe the corner of your mouth with her thumb, which came back stained with her lipstick. It makes you giggle nervously and Mary smile fondly. And, sure enough, the second her hand returns to her side, the children burst into the room, chattering excitedly and dragging you off into the living room. You throw Mary an apologetic look but she just smiles gently and waves you off, heading silently up to her room with a mouthed "later" to you and a wink.

Oh.

[discoveringsandra]

Characters I project my transness on: Shrek's Fiona

GENERAL SPOILER ALERT FOR THE SHREK MOVIE FRANCHISE

A subversion af the damsel in distress trope, Fiona isn't an ordinary princess. She burps, kicks ass and is generally disappointed by actual princes.

In the first movie, she transformed into an ogre by night. She saw this as a curse until she learned to love both another ogre and this side of herself. Even if she hasn't always looked like an ogre, she ends up renouncing to normative beauty and living as one.

Then, she spends the second film trying to convince her parents to love both her husband and her identity, while his father tries to get her to fit into the fairy tale princess role she was meant to have. It turns out her father was just preventing her from risking his own position as human-looking king, since marrying her with a prince was part of the deal he made with a fairy when he was a toad (I can't blame him for wanting to make Julie Andrews his queen, though).

This film has many queer experience parallels, with both Fiona's parents and Far Far Away's elitist society being outraged by her life choices, as well as the father projecting his own anxieties about fitting in this society on to his daughter. I would say that there are a couple of kind of queerphobic jokes, one about the Big Bad Wolf being gender-confused (which is more or less okay since it comes from the main villain) and a really weird one on pinocchio wearing women's underwear (which is not okay since he is a child and they are mockingly confronting him on this to use his elongated nose).

Going back to our favourite ogre princess, the plot of the third movie has her staying back home while Shrek goes to find a heir for the kingdom's throne and overcome his parenthood anxiety. However, the Charming Prince she was supposed to marry on the second movie comes back and takes the kingdom during her baby shower. We get to see her starting a princesses' escape and fight evil goons while being pregnant, but I think se was kind of separated from the main plot so Shrek could come to her rescue again at the end, which is why this is the least interesting movie in the franchise.

The fourth movie does the "Its a Wonderful Life" thing where an unsatisfied Shrek goes to an alternate reality in which he has never been born. The version of Fiona we see there is a warrior, the leader of the ogre resistance to Rumpelstilskin tyrannical rule. She rescued herself from the tower she was locked in in the first film and it's implied she still becomes human by day and does some reconnaisance, but she is fully accepted among the ogres. Although she's got her own revolution going on, her whole arc is learning to trust Shrek so he can learn to not give her for granted once he comes back to his reality, which kind of undermines the whole revolutionary leader thing.

Still, drawing my own transgender parallel, the difference between this two realities in how ogres are treated can be seen as the difference in how real world countries treat the LGBTQ+ community. Main timeline Shrek and Fiona are more or less respected because they had a chance to fight for their rights as well as the privilege given to Fiona for being a princess. Resistance leader Fiona never had a chance to convince her powerful parents to respect her identity as an ogre because they lost their kingdom to Rumpelstilskin, who then started hunting down ogres, forcing them into hiding away from the rest of society. That's the present many queer people around the world have to live, the past those who live free can't forget and the possible future we'll never stop fearing.

This took a pretty dark turn so let's ask ourselves "what if Fiona was actually trans?" Well, if Fiona was a transgender male ogre, the plot would be essentially the same except the pregnancy in the third movie would be replaced by an adoption waiting list and the transformation in the second movie would be a metaphor for detransitioning out of family pressure. Also, male ogre Fiona (Finn?) would wear lumberjack shirts and his alternate reality version would cosplay Braveheart.

If Fiona was a transgender female ogre, though, the plot would be radically different. I think she would still dress as a princess when she was in human male form and there would be jokes similars to those on the Ugly Stepsister (oh, I forgot about her and her deep voice, she's "ugly" because she's got masculine traits, so funny 😒) but with some sort of catharsis once she becomes permanently an ogress. I guess Farquad would be extra rude to her but she would still think she had to marry him to break the curse, then Shrek confesses her love, enter the dragon and I'm a believer. I guess Prince Charming would still try to marry a remasculinized Fiona in the second film (come on, he's a queer coded villain) and, for sure, the king would still try to fool her to do it. The third and fourth movie wouldn't change much, as Fiona's past human form is irrelevant in the third and she never appears in human form in the fourth. Maybe her daylight human male form would be a more obvious parallel of how trans women have to go on boymode to survive.

To finish this already too long tirade, I just want to add that the idea of Fiona's true form seems to be fluid. Had the hero of the story been a human peasant, she would probably still stay a pretty normative princess, even if he accepted her as an ogre, like a gender reversed Beauty and the Beast. I love that they didn't go for that ending.

[feathers-fallen-on-riverdale]

Season 1, Episode 1: Chapter 1 - The River's Edge These Aren't The People From My Polycule! (They Said What?)

[Ep. Statues: Already Watched/First Time Watching + Remember/Vaguely/Don't Remeber]

First off. It sort of slipped my mind that Jughead narrates the opening of each episode. Doesn't he become like a God type writer in the new season? Very Jensen coded of The CW to only know how to do one (1) thing.

Oh god that nasty "Welcome to Riverdale!" board.

Also I will probably be saying this a lot but what are these outfits? Cheryl and Jason are going for thier stupid little boat ride (really? A boat ride? In the morning? On July 4th?) dress all in white expect for Cheryl's bright red stilettos. Like no wonder first time watcher me though Cheryl killed her brother. All the white, the creepiness of the scene and the "are you scared Jason?" just convinced me Cheryl had ritualisticlly killed her brother in a fucked up horror movie girl kinda way. Instant way to make me stan her. Kinda disappointed she didn't (would now would also be a good time to mention that I completely forgot who actually killed Jason? Oops?). Anyway where is that AU? Where is that show?

"In those last moments I hope he suffered. May Jason Blossom burn in hell" ? Miss girl. Are we sure Betty's mom isn't the real family psychopath?

Also can we talk about Jughead in season 1. With his lil beanie and his camera. I'm like 90% he was written to be a movie nerd/buff then it was retconed to books and they never talk about it again? That was weird.

Lol okay so I forgot how privileged the Lodges are made out to be. But honestly, Veronica's mom? Kind of a MILF. Now that I think about it, aren't they like, the Riverdale Kardashians?

Girl naurrr the gay-bestfriend-ification of Kevin 😭💀. My mortal enemy. I will make Kevin a full fleshed character if it kills me. Kevin walked no-crawled so that Will from Stranger Things could stumble over to Mike only to be called a slur.

Also how old are these bitches supposed to be? 15 year olds do not look like that. What is in the water in Riverdale? Pfffff what am I talking about Archie is Just Like That TM.

Also something about the way the actors deliver thier lines. I can't explain it but it's hilarious. Maybe just cause it's the pilot and everything's a little stilted still.

Also I think Kevin wants to hit that (Archie). #LetKevinHitThat2022 #LetKevinBeArchiesGayAwakening2022

Oh Archie's music passion my beloved. I forgot that one too. Season 1 may not be as batshit as its descendants but it has it's gems.

Betty and Archie: having their disgusting little heterosexual talk

Me looked in the background: omg Pop Tate 😍😍😍

I used to laugh at the sketches of Riverdale on tiktok because the facial expressions were so greatly exaggerated. But nope, it's actually Just Like TM.

Omg Veronica's slow-mo entrance my beloved. Some would say it's over the top but honestly she's an icon, she's a legend and she is the moment. She deserves this.

Also I know I should be focused on the Archie and Veronica's meet-cute but there's this one shot of Betty's face that is absolutely sending me.

Betty said gay rights because I'm going to be homophobic towards a straight couple.

ALSO FRED ANDREWS. I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU. ARCHIE STOP BITCHING AT YOUR FATHER.

Forgot just how... Karen-like Betty's mom was in season 1. I know it's out of worry but I can't wait for her character to flesh out (as much as it can on a CW show). Also I did not know Betty has ADHD?

Archie, honey, what is your handwriting. Okay, if Betty has ADHD then I want Archie to be dyslexic. They bond over being neurodivergent and mistake that comradery for love.

Nasty ass early season Chad Reggie 🤮🤮🤮. Where is my is my mafia bimbo meow meow. Give him to me now.

What. What was this moment. ONLY The CW. I would only accept this moment if Veronica was wearing a little bi or pan flag. Hold on.

Guys she sewed them on herself! (her mother taught her!) (I know it looks like shit alright I'm horrible at editing)

JOSIE! AND THE PUSSY CATS. Okay but genuinely they sound really good.

JUSTIN GINGERLAKE ??! Oh she's savage I love her. Also Josie and her girlies all use she/they pronouns because I said so.

Also the way Veronica talks. How does Camilla Mendes pull it off. What ever they're paying her, double it.

"Are you two dating?"

"No we're just friends."

"No he's straight.'

I stand by my earlier statment, #LetKevinHitThat2022

Oh god. The one plot line I wish I could desperately forget is the one where Archie fucks his music teachers. How is nobody noticing these 2 eyes fuck infront of the entire gymnasium.

Oh Fred and Hermione 😔

"Is cheerleading still a thing?"

"Is being the gay best friend still a thing?"

Shots fired. I am loving the mlm wlw hostility. At least The CW got gay on gay violence right.

Cheryl? Body shaming! What year is this?

They're trying to make me like or feel sympathy for Grundy and it's not working. I'm just waiting for her to leave.

Okay no actually I need her to DIE. A student is asking for help because he's feeling guilty and scared of something he's witnessed but your saying no because you fucked him? 🔪🔪🔪

Beronica kiss hello? Young sapphic me blocked this out because they could not deal with the emotions and revelations this brought her. Also this is beginnings/foundation of the Riverdale polycule. Also that kiss was.... a little longer than necessary 😏.

Cheryl is not impressed tho and honestly good for her. But that baiting scene. Sheesh I'm not one to judge be get a better coping mechanism honey. Betty's half moon scars I remember vividly. I wonder if they ever resolved that plotline.

Also. VERONICA ACTUALLY POPPED OFF NOT CLICKBAIT!???!!!???

WE COME AS A MATCHING SET? I AM THAT RECKONING? SORRY CHERYL BOMBSHELL MY SPECIALITY IS ICE?

I am losing it. Is this Riverdale's version of "Freedom is a lenght of rope and God wants you to hang yourself"?

Nope, now I've lost it. That scene! Where Veronica is zipping up Betty's cheerleading outfit and the sweet music is playing and they're all smiles and giggles and she turns around and Veronica compliments her and Betty just touches her in the same way Veronica did her even though Veronica was already set! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GOODBYE! The entire show could end right here and I wouldn't care. Also, I see you Veronica's black nail polish.

Oh Betty and Veronica's little chat after that felt very very real. Oh no this Supernatural all over again. Shit show, good moments that keep u coming back.

Okay Betty's mom is giving my mom vibes and that is not okay.

Fred's words to Archie about his future are ringing really true and are a really fresh and good twist on the parents dont support the kids passion trope.

Maybe this first season is actually good? Skdjkskdjd nah.

Omg our favourite trouple doing their entrance!

"What does your heart say?"

Archie: *looks over at Grundy*

Me: Come on, Grundy?!

Archie: *demands lessons*

Me: Oh he chose music!

Oh god.... I keep pausing the fantasy couple scene because I just can't.

Veronica and Kevin, mouthing: ask him about the polycule!

Betty, who can't read lips for shit: power couple? 🤔

The absolute silence on Archie's side. WHY did he look at Grunkle what's her face.

Let's see who's riding the ginger stallion tonight? WHO IS WRITING THESE SCRIPTS?

"Who are you asking for, you or Betty?"

Me: SAY BOTH

Veronica: *doesn't say both*

Me:

Me watching Archie and Veronica kiss even tho the polycule is in shambles before even fully forming:

Veronica and Hermione's relationship. God I wish I had something like that.

"Archie went looking for the girl next door. Instead he found me." Okayyyy, it's giving Jarchie.

Archie and Jughead's scene. First of all Jughead's dark humor. Love it. The talk to her. It'd go a long way. It'd have went a long way with me. Ooof. But also what did happen? Omg gay coming out went wrong!

Me watching the "I can't give you the answer you want" scene trying to focus on literally anything else but the forced monogamy in front of me: huh the way they shot this reminds me of the "I was there where were you scene".

Okay but let's put a pause on the polycule and talk about Barchie. Archie says something along the lines of "You are always perfect, I could never be good enough for you" and earlier on Betty said she's sick of being perfect, the perfect x,y,z for everyone else. I don't know if she's realised this but that may include being the perfect love interest for Archie. And Archie perceives her as Perfect when Betty just wants to be perceived. So if they were ever to get together, polycule or not they'd need to work past that.

Oh Moose. Didn't he just fade into the background as the show moved on or did I just forget him?

Oh Jason? Neat ig. Was he shot and his body dumped after the lake was searched? I can't even remember.

Unhinged rating: 3/10. There were some moments (mostly from Cheryl) mostly from the dialog and things I'd forgotten but this episode is really tame reconsidering my expectations for later seasons.

Tag list (you can ask to be added [or removed] though I doubt anyone will ask: @youre-only-gay-once

[penny-nichols]

You know what, screw it. First chapter of Turnabout Wedding Belles because I’m in an emotional slump and need good comments

July 22

Global Studios

Studio One Entrance

A few early guests had already begun to trickle into the studio. Maya and Penny weren't in their dresses yet, as they had a few last minute things to take care of. Penny had already seen Maya in her dress, but it was nice to keep the charade of traditionality up, as traditional as things could be when one of the brides was going to walk down the aisle to a wedding arrangement of the Steel Samurai theme.

"Everything ready?" Penny asked Maya, as they stood behind a curtain they had set up in front of the studio's archway.

"Ummm… I think so? Wait, no, we haven't cut the actual cakes." 

"Right, right. Can the caterer take care of that?"

"Nini, the caterer is for the food, the baker is for the cake. He just came to give us the cakes, then he had to leave."

"That's right. You're the first… person I've married. I don't really know this stuff. Not like you would either, obviously, but, you know… Can Adrian-"

"Adrian's busy with the guests. We'll have to do this ourselves."

"Alright," Penny nodded. "It'll give us good practice for the actual thing, anyways."

They strolled over to studio one, where they had everything that needed to be kept out of sight until later: their dresses, the fake cake, and the real cakes. Penny picked up a knife lying on the table. 

"My hands are always so shaky when I do this," Penny said. Gently, Maya grabbed Penny's hand and guided it down, the large knife making its first incision into the cake. Penny turned around and kissed Maya, like a celebration of the small victory they had achieved. Vaguely, they heard a door open and close, but nothing really registered. It was just them.

They looked back down at the large cakes in front of them and laughed a little. "We can't kiss for every slice, we'd be here forever," Maya giggled.

"Fair enough." Penny began to put the slice on a plate, but suddenly, she dropped it and screamed, cowering into Maya's shoulder.  

"What's wrong, Nini, was there a spider or something?" Instead of speaking, Penny just pointed at the slice of cake on the ground. 

Inside of it was a freshly-severed human finger.

Phoenix Wright was one of the first people at the wedding. He was Maya's best man, along with Iris and Regina Berry as bridesmaids. The other two hadn't arrived yet, but he scanned the small crowd.

Will Powers was there as Penny's best man, and Cody Hackins was the ring bearer. Pearl was the flower girl. A couple of people that Phoenix didn't really know were Penny's "bridesmaids" (if the two burly dudes there could be called bridesmaids, anyway). Trucy was by his side. Adrian Andrews was surveying the scene as well; she had been the wedding planner. In the corner, near the gifts, he saw a familiar head of gray hair.

"Oh no," he muttered to himself, hoping he wouldn't have to interact with the now even older Oldbag. 

"Daddy, who's that?" asked Trucy syruptitiously. She gestured in the direction of the gift table.

"That," Phoenix sighed, "is someone I hoped I'd never see again."

"What did you say about me, whippersnapper?" Slowly, Oldbag turned around, and in a flash she was standing in front of the father-daughter duo. 

"I'm not a whippersnapper!" the lawyer protested. "I'm in my mid thirties!" 

"Ah, how the time flies. It feels like just the other day you were investigating poor Hammer's death." 

*It… doesn't," he replied. "Whatever floats your boat though. So, what brings you here?"

"I was invited, sonny!"

"Which side, the bride's or the… erm, bride's."

"Nichols' side! Although I suppose she's taking the Fey name, so I can't say that for much longer now, can I?" 

"She is?"

"Oh, honestly, don't you perceive anything? She's doodled hearts with 'Mrs. Penny Fey' on everything, even in the guest book." 

"Plus, Auntie Maya's family name is an important part of her heritage!" Trucy chirped. "I don't think she would become Maya Nichols."

"That's one smart kiddo you've got."

Phoenix nodded. "Trucy is my pride and joy." 

"Dad-dy!"

"You are, Truce!"

"Aw, that's sweet, real sweet."

I'm a whippersnapper but Trucy's not? "So, how have you been, Oldbag? It's been… over a decade." He felt older, much older, but not necessarily wiser since his last encounter with her.

"Oh, well, you know. I settled down. I have grandkids now, you know."

"You WHAT?!"

"They're on Tina's side, so I'm their step-Grandma technically, but they're so cute."

"Tina…" That's a girl's name, Phoenix realized. "Ah!!! You like women?!" 

"You could put it that way, yes."

"Bu- but Hammer?! And Juan Corrida?!"

"I'm what they call bi-sexual, sonny!"

"Oh hey!" Trucy exclaimed. "Daddy's bisexual too!" 

Before Phoenix could tell Trucy not to tell that to Oldbag, Penny and Maya came out from behind the curtain. They were running (holding each other's hands so tightly it was as if they were going to fall off, Phoenix noted) and screaming.

"Maya?!" Phoenix asked, instantly concerned. "What's wrong?!"

"Out with it, girls!" Oldbag prompted.

"Someone call the police," Penny said, voice shaking with fright. "There's been a murder." Part 2

[thedeathdeelers]

“Luke, honey, you’re not going to get a date ever if you don’t at least attempt to be nice to girls.”

“I’m nice!” Luke said as he turned from his mom, rummaging through his closet for the box of guitar picks he kept when he’d chewed his latest one beyond its ability to play. The silence from his mom should’ve made him feel indignant but instead he sighed as he grabbed the box hidden behind the leather jacket Reggie forgot in his room ages ago. “I’m nice enough, mom. Besides I don’t date, I’ve got the boys and the band and -“

“I’m just saying, Cassie’s mom has been hinting to be heavily during our weekly cooking lessons that Cassie wants to ask you to the Sadie Hawkins dance. I think it could be good for you,” Emily shrugged attempting to seem nonchalant which was hilarious to Luke because his bouncy energy definitely didn’t come from his dad. “It’s girls’ choice, you should feel honored she wants to ask you.”

Luke tried not to make a face. Cassie Singh was nice. He remembered them sharing a piece of pie in elementary school once. She was also really pretty, he knew, long straight black hair and curved nose that had a diamond nose piercing in it. She was just…not his type. Cassie listened to Phil Collins and Tim McGraw which fine they were good lyricists but where was the adventure in that? She thought The Cranberries sounded creepy for God’s sake! And when he’d mentioned Soundgarden she’d just looked confused. Besides he hadn’t even talked to Cassie, like full on had an in-depth conversation, in years just locker talk that lasted maybe twenty/thirty seconds.

“Just promise me you’ll think about it?” Emily cut in, “smile and be polite.”

“Mhmm,” Luke kept rummaging around his room desperate to think of a way out of this conversation, “ok but what if I want to yknow go against the status quo. What if I want to ask a girl?” No, why had he said that? Now she was never going to let this go. He tried to think of someone he could lie about liking and found himself coming up blank. Fuck.

“Oh?” And there it was, the dreaded sound of intrigue only a mother could make. “And who is this mystery girl I’ve never heard of before?”

“Uh,” Luke found himself looking down at his guitar case on his bed when he figured he should stick as close to the truth as possible. “You don’t know her.” Well that wasn’t a lie, he didn’t know her too.

“She doesn’t go to your school?” He could feel her eyes on him so he dropped to look under his bed moving shoes around as if he were searching for something.

“No,” that wasn’t a lie either.

“How did you meet her?”

For fuck’s sake. “At Bobby’s garage. She heard us playing and wanted to see what the noise was all about.” Okay that sounded possible, he had to give it to himself he was rocking this bullshit so well.

“And? What’s her name? What does she look like? How old is she?” So much for sticking close to the truth, he kept throwing his shoes around when he heard the clattering of a VHS getting hit. He grabbed at it hoping it wasn’t anything too important when lo and behold The Sound of Music drifted into view.

“Julie,” he hadn’t been thinking when he said the name. He was just beginning to read the description about Julie Andrews when he’d pronounced the word out loud to his waiting mother’s ears.

“That’s a nice name, what else can you tell me about her?” Oh about the imaginary girl I’ve made up as an excuse not to go to some dance with a girl who doesn’t like good music and probably doesn’t even know who Tom Waits is? Sure mom let me just pull some other shit out of my ass.

“Uh,” he kept staring at the VHS cover wondering what he could say when he remembered his dream about the girl with brown eyes. “She’s got curly hair like really curly and it puffs out and coils back and bounces,” technically that wasn’t a lie the girl in his dreams really did have aerodynamic hair. “And she’s got brown eyes.” Please please let that be enough.

“Hmm,” and with that Luke slouched onto the floor. Fuck. He knew he was going to be there a while. - 🌙 (I saw your response to one of the anons and got this idea in my head oops sorry!)

OH MY GOD

this IS SO GOOD I kept cackling the whole way through WHY ARE YOU STILL ON ANON AAAH

the julie part? GENUIS

UGH I LOVE THIS SO MUCH

also the way you included the dream bit? from my lil stargazing series? 🥺 ily

again

stop apologising this is literal gold just sat in my inbox

everyone go read this

[medea10]

My Review of Trapp Ikka Monogatari

Chances are you are quite familiar with the story of the Trapp family of Austria. Whether you read the memoirs of Maria von Trapp or if you watched any version of The Sound of Music…

More than likely, it’s the latter. Yes, The Sound of Music is one of those musicals just about anybody has seen. Even me! Whether on stage, the Julie Andrews & Christopher Plummer smash hit movie, or that abomination live for TV with Carrie Underwood, you more than likely have seen something along the lines.

But did you know that Japan had its own take on the story? In 1991, Japan’s World Masterpiece Theater released “Trapp Ikka Monogatari” or The Trapp Family Story. World Masterpiece Theater had several animated stories loosely based on books like Anne of Green Gables, The Swiss Family Robinson, and in later years Les Miserables.

Maria Kutschera arrives in a little Austrian town to become a nun and asks to be put in the strictest abbey there is. At Nonnberg Abbey, Maria was a bit of an odd-duck there (and that’s putting it lightly). Maria’s a bit of a wild child and is constantly getting in trouble with the head sisters of the abbey. And worst of all, she whistled! Gasp! How do you solve a problem like Maria? Well, the sisters decide to have Maria stay with a family for nine months to a family with seven kids. Maria is to be a governess to one of the children but she eventually hits it off with all seven kids. That’s right, Rupert, Hedwig, Werner, Maria, Johanna, Martina, and Agathe.

Oh, I’m sorry! Do those names sound foreign to you? Well unlike The Sound of Music, this adaptation found it necessary to use the REAL names of the von Trapp children.

BETWEEN THE SUB AND THE DUB: As it turns out, only a few animes part of Japan’s World Masterpiece Theater has been dubbed and released in North America. And this was not one of them. On top of which, this anime is not available for streaming purposes. Not even on Retro Crush. Sigh. Someday, dammit! The sub cast, holy shit I am familiar with literally the entire cast. Yes, it’s because most of them were from Pokemon or Sailor Moon. I know many seiyuus are able to sing, but there were several people I was blown away with, especially Masako Katsuki. Here’s what you might recognize these folks from.

*Maria is played by Masako Katsuki (known for Cassidy on Pokemon, Michiru/Neptune on Sailor Moon, Tsunade on Naruto, Cecile on Kyou Kara Maou, and Sheffield on Familiar of Zero)

*Georg is played by Katsunosuke Hori (known for Fu on FMA: Brotherhood, Fersen on Rose of Versailles, and Tsuneyoshi on Tokyo Ghoul)

*Rupert is played by Shinobu Adachi (known for Aunt Daryl on Little Witch Academia)

*Hedwig is played by Maria Kawamura (known for Dr. Fennel on Pokemon BW, Eudial on Sailor Moon S, Mamiya on Revolutionary Girl Utena, Naga on Slayers, and Asuka’s mother on Evangelion)

*Werner is played by Yuuko Matsuoka (known for Bertha on Pokemon DP, Madame Christmas on FMA: Brotherhood, Queen Metalia on Sailor Moon: Crystal, and Alvida on One Piece)

*Maria (von Trapp) is played by Yuri Shiratori (known for Roxanne on Pokemon AG, Charlotte on Berserk, Yukina on Yu Yu Hakusho, Noriko on Golden Boy, Sayo on Negima, Tsubame on Rurouni Kenshin, and Mei on Love Hina)

*Johanna is played by Hiromi Shikawa (known for Bugsy on Pokemon)

*Martina is played by Saori Sugimoto (known for Sanae on Green Green)

*Agathe is played by Naoko Watanabe (known for Chi Chi & Pu’ar on DBZ)

DISLIKED CHARACTER: Well folks, at the beginning of the series I had quite a few characters that left a bitter taste in my mouth! I let Hedwig go early on. I can’t blame her for her disgust and distrust of new adults.

Then we go to Matilda! I’m on a half and half with her as she wants the children to be safe, but she’s often looking out for her own best interest than what’s best for the children. She does mean well. Except for a few times! One is when she’s telling the children what’s best and whenever Maria intervenes, Matilda constantly brings up that Maria is nothing more than a governess and to butt out. She brings it up at every opportunity. And then there was this sucking up to Lady Yvonne (who we’ll get to in a second) to a point where she’s literally forcing the children to do this and that for this woman.

And now let’s talk about Lady Yvonne. The atypical soon-to-be step-mother to children who put their birth mother on a pedestal! Rightfully so! No matter how much Yvonne looks like the von Trapp children’s dead mother (because they are blood cousins), no way in hell could she ever replace her. Yvonne has no interest in being tied down by Georg’s seven children. I’ll betcha anything she has no intention of having any of the children live with her if the marriage is to go through. Probably ship them off to a boarding school knowing her! Several episodes down the line and I was right. Believe it or not, there’s something worse than Hedwig on the rag, Matilda on her high-horse, and Lady Yvonne. That answer is…

The Nazis! Worst characters in damn-near every show, book, anime, or what-have-you!

SHIPPING: Much like the real life account of Maria Kutschera, they’re definitely going to cover her eventually marrying the patriarch of the Von Trapp family, Georg.

But before that, we’ve gotta get through this engagement between Georg and Lady Yvonne. Because Georg isn’t after her vast wealth, her father approves of this marriage. The deal-breaker was unfortunately the seven children. Yvonne has no interest in being a mother and even gives the children extravagant gifts to win them over. She really wants a nanny to take care of all the children or send them to a boarding school and just have an empty house with Georg. But kudos to Georg for sticking with having all 7 children decide for themselves and not be sent off against their will.

Another strike against this match came when Yvonne tried to get on the youngest Von Trapp child (Agathe) good side. That went as horrible as you would expect. Yvonne even tried to show Maria that the children think nothing of her. That went even worse! All of the children love Maria. And as for Yvonne, they never really warmed up to her and she finally noticed it. Finally, Yvonne confronted Georg on what we started noticing after episode 20. Does Georg love Maria? Come on dude, she’s like 20 years younger than you, she’s barely an adult, she’s like four years older than your eldest son! But yeah, he admits it! Surprisingly, Yvonne accepted it. The engagement was called off and she ends up with some random wank.

Okay, we’re finally going to get Georg x Maria happen, right?! Throughout these nine months together in the house, they really didn’t have as many ship-worthy moments as one would think. After all, Georg was engaged throughout that time. But they both had some blush-worthy moments that make you think, oh yeah, they’re gonna hook up. After Yvonne and Georg called off their engagement, it was around the time Maria was supposed to head back to the abbey as her nine months at the Von Trapp household were going to end. But the kids were all in an agreement that they don’t want Maria to leave and that they love her. Georg felt the same way and he ends up asking for Maria’s hand in marriage. But did Maria really love Georg? It sort of felt exactly like what the real Maria wrote in her memoir. She stated that she loved the children the most and she learned to love Georg later on. But I didn’t see Maria upset or angry during the wedding ceremony. Whatever!

HEY! IT’S A MUSICAL: Don’t expect to hear the songs from Sound of Music or anyone to have the voice of Julie Andrews. But what we’re given isn’t half bad! Maybe it’s the over two decades I spent watching anime that I’m fine with any Japanese songs. When I say that it’s a musical, I don't mean the characters suddenly bust out singing like in the Sound of Music. Usually, all the singing was just Maria and the children bonding and later it became something bigger.

Now, here’s something you might not know. When Japan was first broadcasting this series, there was an opening sequence featuring Do Re Mi. You remember Julie Andrews teaching those kids Do Re Mi? Unfortunately, I’ve been unable to locate an actual video of the opening and just the audio. In later broadcasts and releases to the anime featured the song “Hohoemi no Mahou”. But Do Re Mi still ends up on the CD release. I do believe that’s the only song that is similar to the musical.

ACCURATE OR NOT?: Here we are again! The crappiest spot in the world where we nitpick people’s works and compare it to the original sources.

*The children’s names! If you’re a big Sound of Music fan and watch this, you might be thrown off by the names of the children. That’s because all of the children have the correct names of the real von Trapp children. Again, they are Rupert, Hedwig, Maria, Werner, Johanna, Martina, and Agathe.

*The children’s names might be all correct in this version, but the ages and positions are changed a bit. Hedwig and Agathe are kinda switched around. Agathe, the baby of the family is really the eldest Von Trapp daughter. And Hedwig was actually the fifth child (just ahead of Johanna and Martina).

*The dates are severely different from what they were in real life. I wasn’t entirely sure of what year the anime was in with this retelling until episode 36. That’s when we were all certain that this is 1938 with the annexation of Austria and Hitler’s takeover. Now if the anime stayed true, all the kids would be much, much older. Because originally, Maria came to the house in 1926, was married in 1928, and had her first child with Georg in 1929. The children might be a year or so older than when the anime began by the time we reach March 1938, but that’s it.

*Lady Yvonne exists! In the anime, it was clear that Georg was procrastinating or putting off meeting with her. In real life, it was the other way around. But everything else was pretty accurate about her as she was indeed a cousin of Georg’s late wife Agatha. I’m not sure if the anime said anything about her status in the world. In Maria’s memoirs, she referred to her as a princess. I just think she was a socialite of some sort.

*This is more of a swipe at the musical, but Georg was not a hard-ass on his children who hated merriment, fun, and singing. Yes, he does have some PTSD of losing his first wife and seeing things that brought her joy give him misery, but that’s just normal. Surprisingly, the only time Georg snapped in the anime was when Maria found his wife’s old sewing machine. It was more of the Baroness of the house that put restrictions on the children, telling them they must be quiet, not make a ruckus outside, and do what they are told. Despite Georg having status in the world, he doesn’t act like it because he was not born into that status, he was given the status after serving in the military. So he still believes the children should be children to an extent.

*Maria actually had three children with Georg. In the series finale, we see a baby. Now I’m not sure which one it is as the series doesn’t say. Every place I looked online says the baby was Johannes. And that does make sense as it is 1939 at the end of the series and that’s when the real Johannes was born. If that’s the case, Johannes is actually the youngest child of Maria and Georg. But in real life, they actually had two daughters before Johannes. Eleonore and Rosmarie were not featured in the anime. It would make sense due to the dates lining up as the Von Trapps escaped Germany in 1938 and Johannes was born in 1939. Then again, the anime doesn’t really follow year protocols until the 1938 incidents.

ENDING: The Von Trapp family experienced some hardship shortly after Georg and Maria got married. The bank Georg’s money was in went bankrupt and he had absolutely no money. They decided to turn their huge home into a boarding house. Mostly students and men of the cloth were the ones stopping by. But it wasn’t until the visit of famous opera singer Lotte Lehmann came to stay and noticed Georg’s children singing and suggested they enter a choir contest [true story btw]. This was kind of a domino effect for the family as they kept getting gigs. Georg was highly against doing this for money and that singing as a family is a thing they liked doing but wasn’t going to make a career out of it. But we all know how that’s going to go! Things started looking up for the family and then March of 1938 happened!

Austria had been taken over by the Nazi’s. Georg was loyal to Austria and hoped that one day Austria would break from Hitler’s grip. Everyone was frightened at what was happening. And everyone had to assimilate to their new overlords or risk being imprisoned or sentenced to death. Seriously, it was illegal to sing Austria’s national anthem. And the kids had the worst time back in school. All of their teachers were replaced with Nazis who are teaching the children that they must salute “Heil Hitler” every morning. I do find it funny that Werner had the rest of his siblings say “Tail Hitler” when they’re forced to do the salute.

But yeah, the Von Trapp family was uneasy about everything happening around them. Georg’s anger was visible to all the children involving this situation. And to make matters worse, there is a traitor in the household. Georg’s head butler Hans is a flippin’ Nazi! He was downright giddy when Hitler took over Austria. Things were getting harder for Georg and his family. Certain liberties they’ve taken for granted were suddenly taken away by secret police. Especially when Maria gets ill and the doctor they’ve relied on for so many years was taken away by the secret police. Because he was Jewish! Add to that, the secret police came to Georg’s home several times. Once because he didn’t hang the Nazi flag outside his home, another time to give him a special request from the German army to man a special submarine, and finally to have the Von Trapp children sing for Hitler’s birthday.

On the plus side Maria’s pregnant. There is no plus side. There’s never a plus side when Nazis are involved. Georg, get your family the fuck outta Austria!

Georg had to be careful planning as Hans couldn’t be trusted anymore and he could have spies. That also means leaving Franz the farmhand and Rosy the cook behind. Those two were very nice characters and you just wish they could have been saved too. So the story goes, they tell Hans that the family is going to go hiking in the mountains. Not too suspicious as that’s something they normally do. The family packed their things, gave their goodbyes to Franz and Rosy and head off to the bus station. Trouble did arise when meeting up with Rupert (who’s been away at a medical school) as he missed the connecting train. But everyone was able to meet up again near the Swiss border. The family stayed with Mimi (a former maid for the Von Trapp’s) and her husband.

Their escape was a nail-biting experience to watch. Mimi’s husband borrowed a funeral hearse to transport the family across the German border into neutral territory. And wouldn’t you know it, the secret police came searching and asking questions. Good on Georg to speak in Italian as he was in real life an Italian citizen at one point in his naval career. Good on you, anime! I was scared they were going to open the casket as a lot of the kids were hidden. Thankfully, they eventually made it to neutral territories and eventually the United States before war broke out all over Europe. During one of the singing competitions, they made a connection with a gentleman from New York. And that was their destination. Their escape was successful and in 1939 Maria gave birth to…I’m pretty sure it’s Johannes. The end.

Love it. Love everything about the story (minus the animation). Hey, Japan’s World Masterpiece Theater is great and all, but the character design isn’t the best. That was one of my criticisms of Les Mis and even then that was still in the top tier category for best adaptation. Now do I like it more than the Julie Andrews musical?

*groaning*

I can’t bad-mouth the musical. Julie Andrews is a bleeping goddess. Her voice brings the sunshine in every room. Music wise, it’ll hands down go to Sound of Music. You just can’t beat Julie Andrews and Christopher Plummer. In terms of the story itself, I do like this adaptation a smidge more than the musical. A three hour musical vs. a 40 episode anime series! Let’s just say, I really liked how Maria was able to connect to ALL of the kids on a deep level. In the musical, yes Maria did connect with the children, but I felt there was more of a connection between Maria and Lisel than any of the other kids. Not only that, but there were several episodes where we delved into Maria’s past.

The anime however had a lot of episodes so that Maria was able to learn more about the seven children individually. Originally, she was there to only be a teacher to Maria Von Trapp, but she also became a teacher to Johanna. Despite being only a Governess, she was able to help a lot of the children with their problems. Yes, these episodes are technically fillers, but some were worth it. In one episode, Maria helped Rupert decide what he’s going to do in the future and ends up wanting to become a doctor. Perfect choice as the real Rupert Von Trapp really became a doctor. In another episode, she’s stuck trying to help Agathe through a rebellious phase which connected to the arrival of Lady Yvonne’s surprise visit. Those episodes showed us who the children love and trust and who was trying too hard to become their new mother. And we even get an edgy episode where Hedwig gets her first period.

Oh yeah, this anime went there!

If you are able to find and/or download this anime, I say take a chance and watch it.

Okay, now we go back to my list of unlicensed gems…which is filled with unwatchable hentais! Be kind to me, Randomizer-kun!

Oh, thank you God! It’s another story from World Masterpiece Theater. Although, it’s a story I know absolutely nothing about. Wish me luck!