#oh this was so fun 2 conceptionalize actually.

[waraningyo]

The bitter taste of defeat, Megumi remembered that. A belly full of blood and guilt. A heart which wanted to tear itself apart upon seeing Yuuji die with a hollow chest cavity, Megumi remembered every detail. What he could not recall however, was carrying the limp and macabre body of their fallen friend to their driver nor the gruesome drive back to Tokyo's Jujutsu Technical campus . . nor the couple of days proceeding the death — a mess of regrets and mourning which could not take full shape. Was Nobara as broken up about it as he? Megumi suffered on three levels having lost Orochi, Shiro, and, most grievous, failing to protect Yuuji.

With gloom clinging into every pore of his body, the onyx haired teenager emerged from the hermit-like dormancy of his room and attempted to move through the shared living area as stealthily as a shadow. Reclusive plans were shattered the instant eye contact was accidentally initiated from across the room. He didn't know how to feel, he didn't know how to react; he always guarded his feelings from the outside world and even from his own self. Gaze dropped to the wooden floor, and the teenager shuffled his feet with uncomfortable energy. ❛ How are . . you . . Kugisaki? ❜

just how long had it been since she allowed herself to feel so utterly saddened by something well out of her control? only twice: this was one time, a bygone happening in her past ... when saori's parents saw it fit to move her out of the village and away from nobara because of all the harrassment received due to them not being from there, them being gossipped about, them sticking out as much as she in their little non-jujutsushi way. them being outsiders.

she had been age seven then and at age seven, saori and her family were gone.

at an age that young, being the jujutsushi child that she was, emotional regulation was something that she was taught with a more refined finesse. it'd had spell disastrous if she ended up cursing the villagers for their act of transgession against her childhood friend, so she did what all children did when their hearts were broken and she cried in front of saori's abandoned home instead, hand holding fumi's.

the seat she reserved for saori became empty, vacant, and the pain twisting her heart like a knife stab turned into resolve over the years. sure, fumi was still seated at her table but it wasn't the same. it wasn't like saori died or anything, and she promised to meet up with both her and fumi when she got to tōkyō, but still — —

it's been near a week or so following itadori's demise and sleep doesn't find nobara any easier than it did a few days ago. put out early in their mission, she had to learn of its aftermath through a visit from fushiguro while recovering in the hospital from injuries sustained on their mission in eishu.

just how long had it been since she allowed herself to feel so utterly saddened by something well out of her control? only twice: this was the one other time. only more recent and the stakes raised were higher, the probability of meeting again lesser because death was always hot on your heels.

itadori had died and left their group down to just them two, only her and fushiguro. but the seat itadori dragged to her table of his own volition was one decidedly bolted to the floor by none other than nobara herself. she puts up a good front, attends classes with as straight a face she could manage, but at night instead of scrolling social media she'd sometimes find herself poring over the text thread in the groupchat she shared with fushiguro and itadori.

instead of reading messages over and over that equally made you cry or laugh, any sane person would have just left, however nobara is crazy and honestly? it'd feel a little wrong leaving. kinda like an unspoken betrayal, so no: she wouldn't. still groggy with sleep and emerged from her room, palms knead her eyes in an attempt to further wake herself up. a pick-me-up was so needed and she moves, a young woman with purpose, only to pause when:

she sees that familiar dark haired mop of spikes. fushiguro, he'd been there when itadori had ... they both felt his loss, were kindred in that. isn't it tragicomic how history repeats itself? fushiguro's more visibly shaken up about it than she is and she doesn't blame him. after all, he witnessed the ordeal and it'd been the first time he'd lost a classmate in the way he did. the way they both did.

“ i'm ... okay, but jeez, you look like you haven't slept a wink. wanna go get coffee with me? it'll be my treat just this one time. ”

[saccharinerose]

Final thoughts on ACOMAF

This book felt like it was actively fighting against my trying to finish it. It was a SLOG to get through, like wading through tar on a treadmill. At some point I started just skimming through pages and even that took an eternity.

I would give SJM kudos for the whole "I just fell in love with the first guy who showed me kindness and security" thing... if Feyre's endgame wasn't Rhysand, the literal second guy who showed her kindness and security. The message just falls kinda flat...

I was suprised the book started out relatively tame with Tamlin's descend into the token hatesink but the descend did happen eventually. I honestly would prefer if he just vanished from the story bc there’s nothing I hate reading about more than a hatesink. If I had cared about his character  in the first book more than I care about stale bread, I might have been annoyed. But I don’t, so I wasn’t.

I find it funny that this book invented a whole new Being That Knows Things for Feyre to ask questions lmao I guess the Suriel was busy in the first half of the book.

The funniest scene was actually with said Being That Knows Things (the Bone Carver) when Rhysand says something and the sound of his voice was described as "velvet over the sharpest steel" (aka the most laughed-at euphemism for dick) or something and I went "Ah, he sounded penis-y"

My favourite part was the awkward dinner with Feyre's sisters because imo it is the only scene that accomplished what it set out to do. It was meant to be an uncomfortable, awkward situation and it felt uncomfortable and awkward. No other scene in the book made me feel the intended feeling.

Well, I guess the ending was somewhat enjoyable too... but maybe that was just the beckoning of sweet release

I still hate Rhys, despite this book trying its damnest to be a wholeass PR campaign for him. It's almost laughably transparent. Everytime he said "Feyre darling" made cringe for the first couple time then gag. Everytime he purred I wanted to spray him with a spray bottle.

Rhysand's Inner Circle is absolutely obnoxious and completely fell flat at an attempt to show a close-knit friend group. They act like 20-somethings who peaked as jocks/mean girls in high school, not 500+ year old immortal beings. 

I also did not buy Feyre's friendship with any of them for a second.

Amren could have been fun. Definitely conceptionally interesting. But the execution was absolutely lackluster. Her smug superiority does not feel functionally different from any other character's. I was also actively disappointed when she just turned out to drink blood instead of something actually horrifying.

Mor does not deserve to be called The Morrigan. I actually got angry at that. The Morrigan had fuck all to do with truth. She was a goddess associated with war, battle and death. Mor can be called Morrigan but not The Morrigan.

An even bigger fuck you was Cerridwen the maid though.

Velaris is unsettling. It's basically faerie Ba Sing Se, but if Ba Sing Se wasn't known to the general public. Everytime the book bust a nut about how super amazing and wonderful Velaris is, I could only think "uhh this place is super weird..."

The world itself is almost hilariously black-and-white. I can not name one good aspect of either the Court of Nightmares, Hybern or the Illyrians

If someone is intended to be evil, everything about them will be EVIL EVIL. Even the architecture!

The Mortal Queens don't bow down to Rhysand, the best thing since sliced bread according to SJM, and enthusiastically hand over an ancient powerful magic artifact? Oh, they’re definitely irredeemably evil. Especially the ugly and old ones, the only beautiful one gets to die horribly after she outlived her usefullness for the protagonists.

SPEAKING OFF, during the first description of the Mortal Queens, I could immidiately predict which one of them was going 1) important, 2) nice and then 3) die horribly. It happened exactly as I expected.

This book also started to really lean into the Humans Bad and Fae Good And Beautiful. The book started with Feyre being "an immortal with a mortal heart" and by the end of it, she had happily drunk the fae superiority koolaid.

I also find it funny how the book and Feyre pat themselves on the back for caring so much about ~*~Lesser Fae~*~ and their oppression but the only Lesser Fae who ever get to be major character are the 3 Hot Wing Warrior Men. The only other named Lesser Fae characters... are maids

Also the male characters have some of the worst drip in book history imo. Literally always just one sentence descriptions of black tunics or jackets. Boring.

I still violently and with an intense, burning fury hate SJM's fae and the use of male and female as nouns. And now we have the Invasion of the Australians with "mate" being said at least 20 times every chapter.

Every scene describing “fae” culture using male (noun) and female (noun) was fun to read in a David Attenborough voice though (”The female offers her mate food to show she has accepted the bond” feels like it would be right at home in some fantasy nature documentary)

Sex scenes were... meh.

At the very least, this book is an effective advertisment for couple's counseling and therapy. Someone should really invent that for Prythian. Might prevent a war next time

I need a much longer break if I ever want to actually torture myself with the third book...