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officialgrapply · 1 month ago

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Covid AEW - All Out 2020

2020 was a fucked up year.

My relationship with wrestling went from being a robotic little obsessive spreadsheet updater at the start of the year; trying to keep track of every match I'd watched, to feeling completely done with this shit by the end of the year. Pandemic wrestling was kinda funny and intriguing until it began to sicken me to my core. WWE's thunderdome gave me chills (derogatory, sorry FadeAwayMedia) and I can't even communicate why. My favourite promotion of 2017-19; GCW was still running events with fans even though they were getting aggressively shitter with every show that they put on. Do you fucking people ever think about anything else? We all need a break from this. We all need to alter our outlook. I did not wanna hear a single update, slice of discourse, recommendable match I would've previously loved. Nothing. FUCK OFF. I was, surely not coincidentally, going through some substantial personality changes - an ego death is how I'd actually describe it without elaborating too much. I tend to obsess over my different hobbies in phases anyway, and I felt that was me done with wrestling.

Very little between mid-2020 to mid-2023 was able to penetrate my deliberately grapply-proofed barrier I'd surrounded myself with, except for many of the gawp-worthy dramas of All Elite Wrestling.

When AEW formed, I was naturally intrigued by it - a viable and rich #2 US promotion...after all these years. It's weird that a billionaire likes this stuff. Imagine having over one billion dollars and being like "oh fuck yeah, dude... Jimmy FUCKING Havoc!!", then proceeding to sing the words to 'I Hope You Suffer' by AFI (TONY KHAN 100% DID THIS!!).

Anyway, despite my intrigue, I was not particularly impressed. To say I was jaded by The Elite's antics in 2018 is putting it lightly. My tastes have slightly changed since then, so I wouldn't rule out being more open to their wrestling if I ever revisited it, but I'm pretty sure I'd still think their web show's humour sucks, and I'm very sure that I think calling yourself the "best bout machine" is proper lame. So even though I had intrigue for this new AEW project, there was no optimism, because why are these fucking chucklefucks at the forefront of it?!? Why is the guy who's the director of football at Fulham FC signing Kip Sabian? I was really confused by the whole thing, and in that initial 12 months that I followed their development as it happened, I liked very little. There was Darby Allin, a psychopath I was plenty familiar with from skimming EVOLVE (the true tell-tale sign of the mentally unwell footage trawler of 2016-18). Weirdly, there was also Cody Rhodes, who hadn't remotely impressed me as a freelancer, but was connecting well after that pretty astounding match with his legendary brother, bleeding plenty, taking a chairshot to the head and momentarily making Shawn Spears look vaguely interesting in the process. Not much else connected on a major level; some fondness for guys like Mox, PAC, and it was novel to see Jack Evans on an actual television show, but it was still safe to say it just wasn't for me.

So there was very little I felt I'd miss in that promotion by cold-turkeying the wrestling. Then I heard CM Punk signed. In 2021, I wasn't ready to return to a hobby that had jaded me in such an unprecedented and bitter way, but that was pretty fucking interesting. I wasn't even a HUGE fan, but his jaded bitterness in the mid-2010s towards the business put mine to shame! The fuck's he gonna do? He'd felt so done with it all - I had a recurring joke tweet for two or three years in that 2017-19 period on Royal Rumble days where I would post "What If Cm Ponk Come Back" - the joke is that he wouldn't LOL! I recall being a bit more willing to watch little clips online and such at that point. I even checked out the PPV with Punk/Darby, and the following episode of television on one of the watchwrestling sites. The habit didn't stick again at that point, but I felt relatively happy to see it at the time. Then I would go back prioritising other things at a busy time in my life, and this whole supposed glory era unfolded while I was pretty much oblivious to it. Then Punk ate a muffin really angrily in public, and then him and his old mate Ace Steel smacked those cunts about. Oh fuck yeah man...pro fuckin' wrestling!! Don't get me wrong; I still didn't really wanna WATCH any, but I watched the fuck out of that press conference and listened to like half a dozen podcasts about it on YouTube.

There isn't really an interesting story to me getting back into wrestling in mid 2023. I just realised I could get it on the apps on my smart TV in my room, a habit formed again and eventually became a love again. WWE was kinda interesting me for a bit, until I saw how they blew off their Bloodline soap operas with egregious walking-pace matches, so I wasn't tuning into that for long. Too fucking earnest, no reward. It was that messy bitch AEW that drew me in for longer - still a lot that had me shaking my head in disapproval, but a MUCH richer roster than the 2019/20 days, and there's something I find really intriguing about the unmistakable sense of weary trauma they had then and still have to this day. Then they announced a new TV show, and on it will be the return of... CM Punk :oD (that was Tony Khan's face when he announced it), and the reaction to this announcement was a 50/50 mix of visceral boos and cheers I can't really compare to anything else - it wasn't Cena-esque, you know what the game is when you go to see Big Match John; kid chants Cena, Dad chants Cena sucks, Dad buys kid a milkshake - these cunts were MAD at each other for being on the other team!! There are TEAMS here!! I don't exactly have a pretentious sense of humour, so all the dumb tribalism stuff online really amuses me, and I had been unaware of just how much it had all ballooned post All Out '22. Elite loyalists, Punk fans, WWE freaks. It's so sick that there's a twitter troll called TAPPED IN: GANGSTABOB who calls Tony Khan a fucking clown in the replies to all his tweets. If you hate tribalist fans, you fundamentally don't understand pro-wrestling and I suggest you start again from the beginning.

So yeah, AEW ey? Even though I'm back to skipping more and more of it, and I do have earnest ideas as to how it could be legitimately good in the long-term, cos it SHOULD be good - just look at that fucking roster. But realistically, I write this after an episode of Collision in which Chris Daniels murked Hangman Page, there was a Cope-Jericho tag match, and Mox is doing bondage to the Rock N Roll Express for some reason; it's a fucking mess, it'll stay a mess, and maybe that's what's most appropriate after all. Coming to terms with this has made me want to revisit the period that will probably forever be spoken about with misty eyes as its peak. Punk is there and he's everyone's mate. He wants to help this promising future generation. The crowds are packed out every week and fucking loud for everything. Guys you never thought would be facing each other stand in the ring and receive "holy shit" chant for 45 minutes prior to locking up. Coup signing after coup signing arrives. All that momentum that's so tantalizing to AEW fans today. My hunch is that there was actually a similar ratio of good/bad stuff then as there is now - I feel like I know Tony's mind too fucking well at this point; he drops potentially intriguing stories at the drop of a hat and persists with ones that need to be put out of their misery. He loves switching wrestler's face/heel allegiance without actually booking an angle to accompany it. He can't book a big man to save his life. He doesn't know how to structure a match between a main eventer and a lower-midcarder or even curtain jerker. I don't buy that these problems that were present in 2019 and are still present to this day were suddenly absent in 2021. But what's the worth of a hunch if I don't experience it for myself?

So I thought, maybe I'll watch All Out 2021 again, and go from there. But you fucking know what? How am I supposed to measure any potential upturn in quality if I don't check out some of the stuff I missed before he came in? Just the very thought of half-arsing a project like this deeply hurt whichever strain of neurodivergence I happen to live with. I would rather not finish this project (likely), than begin at the wrong starting point.

So that's enough intro, let's get on with this shit. At the end, I will include a list of twisty (recommended) matches and matches that can SUK MY NOB!! (they're bad). I will also do a top ten wrestlers/personalities of the block list.

The last pandemic AEW show I watched was Double Or Nothing 2020. Here's what I remember about it: MJF & Jungle Boy did some shitty sequences, I really enjoyed Moxley v Brodie, and the main event was some goofy ass cinema/Hardyverse stuff that has a 9.20 on cagematch for some reason. Damn, das inmates were coping.

I don't particularly wanna rewatch that show so my entry point will be whichever episodes of TV have an interesting (positively or negatively) match between then and the next PPV; All Out. I forgot how few PPVs they did back then, so there was a lot of episodes to dig through the cards of, but I found surprisingly little of interest. The current calendar definitely works better for them since they excel far more at PPV than they do television, even if they lose a little IRT anticipation for the big shows.

AEW Dynamite #40 - Fyter Fest Night 2 (08/07/2020)

So there's a definite adjustment to watching covid wrestling again, but it's easier than I expected, honestly. While WWE ended up traumatizing me with their thunderdome bullshit, AEW settled on a fairly good solution at Daily's Place with the wrestler crowd. It's about as good as it can be. The best thing I can say about it is that I was able to forget about it most of the time and focus on the wrestling. Honestly, I've probably seen episodes of Collision/Rampage with only a marginally improved atmosphere over these shows.

AEW World Tag Team Championships Adam Page & Kenny Omega (c) vs. Private Party (w/ Matt Hardy)

Since the start of AEW, few have switched my opinion on them as dramatically as Adam Page. I've grown to respect him for what he can bring in his in-ring peaks, and how fun he's made the Hangman character in the last couple of years. This reminded me of why I wasn't arsed about him for so long, though. He did still have some highs prior to AEW, but too much of the time, he just felt like "their mate". I don't get why Matt Hardy was with Private Party. It could be as simple as: Matt Hardy comes up with a lot of ideas, and Tony says yes to a lot of ideas. Missable match. Load of jumping about and that.

Lance Archer (w/ Jake Roberts) vs. Joey Janela (w/ Sonny Kiss)

Seeing Janela in this company is even more fucked up now than it was then. And it was pretty fucking weird back then. People I know who have kept watching GCW have seemingly all grown to hate Joey. I don't really care, since I haven't seen him in so long and he wasn't addicted to 40-minute matches at this time. He was a true doofus, but one that could bump well and that usually gets a pass from me. This match works in the sense that Archer can just throw Joey around but is extremely peculiar in every other way. The pairing of Janela & Kiss is not something I was aware of, and I doubt I'll ever comprehend it. Also, I'm not dissing Jake Roberts as a manager, since I am pretty much always happy to see him given these strange roles, but he is particularly awkward as fuck here. The way he's moving around the ring here, he looks like such a doddery old cunt. It's hard to believe this is him after a glow-up.

Darby Allin does a Coffin Drop from legitimately like 100 feet in the air into some foam.

God, he's so fucking sick. I promise not to be a hand-wringing wanker when you inevitably die for my entertainment.

FTR & The Young Bucks vs. The Lucha Bros & Butcher y Blade

Functions as a "there's dissention between FTR & the Bucks" match, but failed to capture my heart.

Big Swole is informed that she is banned from the arena, at the request of Dr. Britt Baker

Seriously, though. This might be my first time seeing Big Swole do anything, and jesus christ she is a bad talker. Astonishingly so.

Nyla Rose vs. Kenzie Paige & KiLynn King

Squashy. The jobbers did a pretty good job of looking scared. "KiLynn" is some brutal fucking NXT sounding name.

Colt Cabana, Brodie Lee & Stu Grayson (w/ jabronis) vs. SCU

Colt Cabana has a weird bruise, but he trusts Brodie Lee, who's really mysterious. That's the crux of this one. It's really regrettable that Brodie was so fuckin' good, left WWE for some long overdue focus, but this storyline stuff just did not hit at all. I guess they were going for him having a similar cult leader-esque aura to him as Bray, but where it falls dramatically wide of the mark is these ultimate jabronis he surrounded himself with. The Dark Order were a joke before he got there, and unsurprisingly he wasn't the magical fix to that. I also really don't like Brodie's AEW gear. Maybe I got too used to the dirty vest n jeans, but this black doesn't suit him at all. SCU certainly existed. Can't be arsed with that at all.

Chris Jericho (w/ Ortiz y Santana) vs. Orange Cassidy

This was actually the match that made me decide to download the episode, because I was interested in the Orange aspect of it specifically. Back then, or very shortly before this point, he was seen almost exclusively as a gimmicky comedy wrestler, albeit one with numerous spectacularly athletic tricks up his sleeve, now hardly anyone sees him as that, but I never really saw the gradual process of that. The match is pretty nice. They've done a really good job with Orange to turn him into a guy who can go toe-to-toe with anybody and not look out of place. I'm sure he has more eye-popping 'breakout' matches than this one, but this is a nice and simple elevation in defeat. I'll get further into this feud on later episodes, but for now, not bad at all.

episode verdict

Strong enough main, but this seems like not a generally good product at all.

AEW Dynamite #41 - Fight For The Fallen (15/07/2020)

AEW TNT Championship Cody (w/ Arn) (c) vs. Sonny Kiss

Oh, that's a charming booking. I wasn't able to form an in-depth opinion on Sonny Kiss' wrestling in their time in AEW. But cool, I guess. Good on 'em. (I RETRACT THIS STATEMENT IF SONNY WAS ONE OF THE CANCELLINGS I MISSED!! DOWN WITH CANCELLED PEOPLE!!). Jim Ross has clearly been guided to use male and female pronouns for Sonny within the same sentence. It's about as natural to him as feeding a cheeseburger to an otter, but it's cute I suppose. I start to imagine what a fun five minute match this could be - enough time to give Sonny some shine while respecting the differing hierarchy of the wrestlers involved. "He doesn't know how to structure a match between a main eventer and a lower-midcarder or even curtain jerker." - me, about nine paragraphs ago. AH FUCK!!! TONY!!!!!!! The novelty of this oddball pairing wears off quick, when it's clear that the formula is just a 50/50 workratey match. The match is ten minutes but feels much longer, in no small part due to the sheer amount of gratuitous nearfalls they put in. I'M NOT BITING!! I DON'T THINK SONNY IS GOING TO WIN!!! HE IS NOT "ELEVATED" IN MY MIND BY HAVING AN EVEN MATCH!! My eyes begin to form an eggy glaze. I'm no longer analysing a match. I'm just looking at moving objects. There are lights. There are colours. But there are no twistys.

FTR vs. Lucha Bros

Right, great fucking start. Cheers for that. Maybe FTR vs. Lucha Bros will give me more joy? Sure, kinda. Okay, so I got the idea to write this blog post a week or so after watching this episode so bear with me skimping on the info here. I wish Penta was just a scuzzy fuck who bonked people with a rail spike, and I never liked Fenix. They have had matches I've enjoyed as a team, but never that enthusiastically. They actually don't have good chemistry at all, I feel. They do a double team move in this involving a wheelbarrow-type set-up that looked really shitty. I think it was kind of a botch, but the set-up looked overly convoluted anyway. FTR were FTR - totally fine, not one of those matches that they'll really sink their teeth into to try and give you a modern classic, but fine. Dax has a fine stubble on his face instead of the dumb 'stache and he looks way better. The finish is cool; Dax swiftly whips off the mask of Fenix who is cradled into a pin as he tries to protect his identity. Something is occurring with The Butcher & The Blade, and the keys to a truck. Right, okay. The Elite come down and Kenny wants to give FTR a beer, but FTR pour their beers on Kenny. I find that to be rude.

Hi, guys!

One of my weirdest and sometimes regrettable quirks as a wrestling fan is who I'll be an apologist for sometimes. I can watch Chris Jericho from the peak of his acclaim and be like "ah shut up, motherfucker.". But for some reason, Jericho's frankly disdainful and understandably criticized gimmick change of 2024 kinda hit for me for a little bit at least. That, and I liked all the FTW title matches with Hook & Shibata. They were pretty much WWF hardcore title matches with a few other goofy elements that mostly worked for me, and I found them really over-hated. I totally get what people find egregious about the guy, don't get me wrong. I saw his fucking band performing at All In and just scoffed while filming it for twitter bants, but my spouse could scarcely stand to look at him. This saggy fuck who thinks he's a rock star and is addicted to relevancy is the perfect subject for the most ridiculous mockumentary in history. But it still kinda bothered me that it felt like a rite of passage to shit on Jericho that year, so I stood firm. Until I didn't. I think my timeline is correct when I say that after the Hook stuff was wrapped up, he started a mini-feud with Orange Cassidy that called back to what he was doing on this episode. It was shit. I'd like to think that all those "the list" segments I liked in 2016/17 weren't as shit as this, but this had me wondering. Certainly, the tone of his promos where he tries to sound funny and overreacts a lot is seriously tired by this point. At this time, he's "the demo-god". I'm probably good on tongue-in-cheek Jericho for the rest of my life now. I felt like with the Learning Tree, it was like "at least he knows people think he's been shit and is reacting very directly to the critiques", but 2020 Jericho insists he is AEW's fucking moneyyy heel and also insists on being the beloved comedy relief. He's got to be the funniest guy in the room - people laugh at this man's pocket antics? I'll show them what comedy is. They really did a complete rewind of this in 2024. Orange got juice on da jacket - Jericho and his cronies aren't happy! Ortiz is slipping and sliding around in the juice for ages. The covid crowd give this slapstick the airy reception it deserves. This could've been wrapped up in 30 seconds. Shit fucking segment.

The Elite vs. Jurassic Express

I promise I will never write that much about Chris Jericho again in my life. Just had a lot to get off my chest. Anyway, this is the match I selected this episode for. Basically, purely because Marko Stunt's in it. Marko's someone I don't think I've seen since the pre-pandemic days. I've always been fond of the guys who are willing to just be fucking hurled about like there's no tomorrow, and Marko was no exception. I haven't got a shitload to say about this match, because it was just a fun spotfest. Pure chewing gum for the eyes. No point writing out any moves, but there was one high-spot in particular that made me go

The Nightmare Sisters (w/ Dustin Rhodes) v Kenzie Paige & MJ Jenkins

OK. I'm not advanced enough to form an opinion on this yet. This is like expert level Tony-ism that my intermediate brain can not comprehend at this time.

In my TEW save, I made a new company, gifted them one billion dollars and brought almost every recognisable free agent available. Right now, in my circa 2001 save, I've set Bobby Heenan to manage Tank Abbott. So I can't judge too harshly on my similarly moneyed brethren Tony Khan deciding to give Vickie Guerrero a shot in 2020, and in a totally inscrutable pairing at that. When Nyla came out in preparation to introduce Vickie as her surprise new manager, they played a fragment of what I later realised was Vickie's theme. I thought it sounded unusual. I'm sure she will become a manager for the ages in All Elite Wrestling. Nyla seems weirdly underutilized in today's division. While she never seemed like she'd be as good as say, Awesome Kong, she was totally decent and nobody else is bringing a real power game to the women's division right now. Contrast rules!

AEW World Championship Jon Moxley (c) v Brian Cage (w/ Taz)

Speaking of TEW, hey Taz...

I do actually like this role for Taz, though. It's probably not worth the absence of his jovial and loveable commentary, but he taps back into that mean role really well I feel. Brian Cage is definitely a guy who is usually pretty fun, but definitely not as sick as he should be. It's been difficult to come to terms with, but you could probably make a similar argument about Moxley too. With 2025 brain, it's difficult to process that this would've been a kinda big deal at the time, but yeah I guess it was. Cage feels like a *prospect* rather than, y'know, whatever he is doing now, probably in ROH. Obviously, the fact he was fresh to the company helps, but I feel a lot of it is Taz. It's a good combo.

I'd say I had moderate expectations for this match. My expectations were about right. You can tell Mox is already Barnett-pilled by this point since a huge portion of his offense is grapple-fucky arm work. It's a fine enough way to take down the guy who looks like a monster. A lot of the time, when bookers try to "keep talent strong" by having them not tap to the winning submission it falls totally flat, but I would say Taz throwing in the towel here on Cage's behalf made sense and had the desired effect. Mox wasn't necessarily an ideal opponent for Cage to shine against, since I guess he's too much of an important asset to AEW for him to be chucked around by him a whole lot. I would book this as a plunder match or just run Cage vs. Marko Stunt for like ten consecutive weeks. Strange booking decision for this match to get announced, then Taz gifts Cage the FTW title the week prior. Perhaps just settling him into a run with that thing in some hopefully chaotic matches would've been the preferable move.

episode verdict

Still generally not good, but definitely an improvement over the prior week. You get a snippet of what it feels like the original vision for AEW was during The Elite vs. Jurassic Express - bringing some distinctly un-WWE like matches onto mainstream television. It's fun and it works. It honestly feels like that is just gone now. Elsewhere, the scatterbrain ideas like Vickie managing Nyla and Taz managing Brian Cage have mixed results, but I find them quite charming.

AEW Dynamite #42 (16/07/2020)

AEW TNT Championship; No DQ Cody (w/ Arn) (c) vs. Eddie Kingston

Okay, now we're fuckin' talking. Eddie instantly gets me out of that probably-watching-too-much-wrestling-in-a-short-space-of-time malaise with a really eyebrow raising promo. Loved Eddie putting Cody's 'hard work' firmly into context. Such an instant hook, that can connect whether you were familiar with Eddie or not. Loved him threatening the shit out of Arn Anderson. Beautiful set-up to a terrific match. I love Eddie's selling where he's like UHU-U-U-U-U-U. Hard to type it out - you know what I mean. I feel like I've only heard it from him and in matches from like 1973. Cody taking the bomb into the tacks is very dope. Eddie felt instantly 'up there' despite defeat. This was a totally triumphant debut.

MJF (w/ Wardlow) vs. Griff Garrison

Good times don't last. Death to "mic guys". I love a great promo, but in every way an Eddie Kingston manages to captivate and create anticipation for his matches, MJF is so fucking overbearing and put me in arm-folding mode before they even begin. A lot of Jericho about him, actually, where he wants to be the epic main event heel and the comic relief at the same time, but way worse. This is one of those matches where he barely puts "da stick" down. He keeps grabbing it to show how dominant he is, and if he's lucky maybe his promo will get an entry on cagematch.net. He is unbeaten but lost a tag match at some point. Griff Garrison points this out (majorly butchering the line in the process) so MJF murks him whilst also explaining to us over the sound system that he is murking him. Griff's one bit of offense is a relatively effective roll-up nearfall, I guess. Match sucks though. I've only ever previously seen Griff in that random ass match he had with Copeland. What the fuck is his deal?

Falls Count Anywhere The Young Bucks vs. The Butcher y The Blade

This is really fun. They do the reverse of what you'd expect in a falls count anywhere match, starting out in the backstage kitchen area and working their way out to the ring. Lots of creative fun with their surroundings, very satisfying. My favourite bit is when The Blade channels his namesake RIC Blade and misjudges the direction of his dive for a table spot, clipping his face on the edge of it on the way down. Lovely. Bonus factoid: this was the last match I ever watched in 2024.

Lance Archer murks a bunch of job boys backstage, lifting one guy up so his head bursts through the ceiling.

This was awesome. What a pity they can't present him like this consistently.

Ivelisse vs. Diamante

Now the first match I watched in 2025 (no, I wasn't watching this at midnight on NYE, I just took numerous breaks). I don't know much about either woman. It seemed like a match that could've had potential if AEW could present any women's stuff well under the title matches. I intended to analyse further but then I got a really bad toothache, so I didn't.

Adam Page vs. "Five"

SHIT!! The guy literally has a number as a name - that means he is objectively unimportant IN KAYFABE. SQUASH HIM!!! NO OFFENSE FOR YOU JOB BOY!!!! Fucking hell man. They really want me to know that "Five" can execute many athletic manoeuvres (ones 90% of the roster also can do). There's honestly not much in wrestling that pisses me off more than this kind of match that goes so long despite the wrestlers being SO far away from each other in the pecking order, because it's just time wasting and intelligence insulting in equal measures. It honestly doesn't get much worse imo.

Jungle Boy & Luchasaurus (w/ Marko Stunt) vs. Chris Jericho & Jake Hager (w/ Ortiz & Santana)

Very much stretched out artificially to TV main event length. Way too long for the amount of payoff you get from it, but there is some weirdly fun physicality between 'Saurus and Hager, in which both end up with minor amounts of blood on their faces. Weird psychology with repeated identical Marko interferences. Marko's clearly the most interesting member of the team, so I like him getting involved, but it felt pretty lazy to do it unprompted multiple times, especially when Jericho also had his cronies out there who could have justified his involvement and made it look less heelish.

episode verdict

Some real high highs, but for the cherry-pickers out there; just stop watching after Lance Archer kills everyone.

AEW Dynamite #43 (29/07/2020)

Jurassic Express & Best Friends vs. The Inner Circle

I had no memory of Orange Cassidy's theme at this time that made him sound like he wrestled exclusively on WWF Jakked. Tony dipping into his pocket for the copyrighted music can't come soon enough. Some really classic surly JR commentary in this one: He barks out "He is NOT in the match!" after a Marko Stunt cameo. He then uses the same tone when he answers his own question going "Was there a memo about this being a ten-man TORNADO tag?! I don't think so!!". I largely find post-WWE JR tough to listen to when he's earnestly pretending to care about things, but when the mask slips - that's the good shit. This match isn't devoid of charm, but it's nothing special. A bit structurally odd for it to go pretty balls out pretty quickly, before settling into a very average pace. Luchasaurus really struggles keeping his mask intact throughout. Very much an anti-crescendo for it to just end with Matt Hardy's music hitting and him pushing Guevara off the top rope. Matt appears from the crowd, seemingly. It's kind of funny to think of that sort of interference as normally this exhilarating thing, since the fans will see the wrestler before the cameras do and will yell out about this, but here he's just brushing past colleagues who are presumably just like "Oh, hi Matt."

AEW TNT Championship Cody (w/ Arn) (c) vs. Warhorse

Whilst they must always be rationed with extreme caution in order to combat burnout and/or just becoming a bit of a negative prick, I'm still not above a bit of a hate-watch. I was instantly sceptical in 2019/20 about wrestlers who I would know about more for being funny-tweet-men than I did anything they ever did in the ring. I'd say there were three main ones at that time; RJ City, who I have still never seen in a match, but has since won me over with his Hey EW YouTube series - he's really found a good role in AEW for himself. Secondly, we had Danhausen, who has absolutely not won me over, but is for some reason contracted and a top 5 merch seller? - I guess he just legitimately works for people who like the exact opposite of what I like, and the saving grace is the fact that Tony seemingly wants to use him as little as possible. Then there was Warhorse. At the time I found him profoundly annoying and particularly resented him doing like serious post-Speaking Out type tweets in his meme caps. I guess he was afforded a chance on the same stage as the other two and could still be contracted if it had paid off. But it didn't! LOL! And I am not above the schadenfreude of that sort of situation from time to time. Y'know - this was all a long time ago, so I don't actually wish him any ills in life, but I just don't wanna turn on the telly and have to explain him to whoever else is in the room with me. I guess whatever it was he was doing with the all caps and the "rules ass" has run its course, because now he seems to be dressing like Marty Scurll and calling himself a nihilist? Anyway, Warhorse's thing outside of twitter was I guess being a sort of shrunken down Ultimate Warrior who likes thrash metal? It's really hard to place, actually, because he seems conscious of the fact that he's about 5'4". Like I don't think he's SHYING AWAY from that ("he weighs 4,000lbs of raw, heavy metal"). But it doesn't really come off as tongue-in-cheek either. Like, he's not Gillberg, because I think you're supposed to feel that he's a badass little guy AND really funny. I would say it fundamentally does not work when you take him outside of the realm of the clapping seal indies and twitter.

So, he comes out, anyway, and he has synchronised fiery pyro that will never be needed again. He headbangs near Griff Garrison & Pillman Jr. in the crowd as Taz says "this young man, in my professional view, is in way over his head right now.". Aww. Justin Roberts goes Justin Roberts mode for his ring introduction, and Taz immediately says "li'l heavy...". Taz really does feel like he's just shitting on this guy in a way that feels beyond being a colour commentator, especially since Cody is a babyface anyway.

I'd heard this match had happened and was assured that Warhorse "bombed", but I didn't know if it was shtick heavy or what. It's a serious match, and one that feels like an earnest attempt from Cody to make Warhorse look like a good and interesting wrestler. Warhorse does his heavy metal taunts after big moves, but that's about as far as the shtick goes. I would have to assume there would be a lot more shtick in his indie matches, though I have nothing to really compare it to, since I maybe saw this guy once under the name "Jake Parnell" before the gimmick, and I don't retain much memory of that either. Warhorse looks like a sound enough wrestler in some respects, with definite holes in his game. It's not an offensive match in isolation, but his wrestling is not enough on its own, and the gimmick stuff does not help him out, because it's just this distraction that doesn't connect on this stage. I ended up feeling a bit sorry for him, really, because he's not an Eddie Kingston who can stroll onto Dynamite and immediately fit in. You can tell undeniably from the tone of JR and particularly Taz on commentary, that this is very much a try-out match, and he's a guy whose try-out match should be taking place on Dark instead of here. Like, you know that bit in Beyond The Mat where Mike Modest, an indie star by 1998 standards, is having a try-out match on Heat? (in a dark match, no less - just checked) Well, what about if he had to open Raw in a competitive 50/50 match against a star the size of Mick Foley or Triple H instead? People would be absolutely shitting on the guy. That's more or less what Warhorse has been tasked with here. When JR says "if Warhorse is ever going to be great, then now is the time to be great", but since that has not occurred instantaneously, I'm left thinking "what does he possibly have the capacity to do at this stage to drastically change the tide and make a mainstream audience 'get it'?". It's a massive ask really, so I just felt a bit bad for him.

Warhorse ends up tapping to a figure-four. For a match that I'd isolated as a bit of a potential hate-watch, my overriding thought upon watching it is kinda just "why did they do that to him?". On paper it's a great opportunity that he 100% had to take, but it's probably safe to say now that it was too big a task for him, and I mainly blame the people who should've known that. Even for someone much better like Mance Warner, who apparently also "shat the bed" in one try-out vs. Moxley, it's a strange move to put someone in a try-out match opposite one of the absolute top stars in the company. It worked for Kingston, because he's a legendary 20 year pro and they were able to give the match an instant hook because of that, but sheesh, there's gotta be a better way to do this for the vast, vast majority of wrestlers who are nowhere near as good as Eddie Kingston. So, yeah - FAIL, but I blame the booking more than anything. Maybe this guy would be fucking fine against John Silver. Probably not, but who cares?

After the match, The Dark Order come out and attack both guys. Matt Cardona runs in for the save. I practically dislocate both of my shoulders shrugging at this development.

Inner Circle promo even though we already saw them five minutes ago

Chris Jericho's jacket, guys. It's a big deal. He's gonna rehash Mitch the Potted Plant in a minute. Sammy Guevara has such a fucking shit face. It's really crazy when comedy is attempted in this setting, and seemingly Tony hasn't paid the wrestler crowd enough to laugh out loud at it.

FTR in a boardroom with Arn going over some legal mumbo-jumbo.

Wasn't really sure what was going on here, mainly confused by the connection to Arn. Adam Page comes in and pours everyone whiskeys, but his is the biggest! So Dax is in between "my moustache is my personality" phases, but Page is right in the middle of his "whiskey is my personality" phase. Interesting.

AEW World Tag Team Championships Adam Page & Kenny Omega (c) vs. Evil Uno & Stu Grayson

Grayson & Uno are definitely showing out here, and they have some decent stuff, but it feels so long. Nothing inherently bad or egregious really, it's just more trying to make Dark Order work at the expense of making the actually viable stars look dominant. I guess you can make the argument that Page/Omega are like a team of singles stars whereas Uno & Grayson the more cohesive unit, and maybe that's the story they're actively telling here, but I can't ignore how overlong it felt as a whole.

Diamante vs. Hikaru Shida

This gets a wee video package to set it up as a proving ground match for Diamante. It was a total nothing sandwich. I really dislike Shida's wrestling - I find her absolutely lethargic, and Diamante didn't remotely impress me here either.

MJF segment

He takes ages to come out, during a commentary-free section too - just absolute dead air. His tron says "we deserve better", and watching this shit episode of Dynamite made me agree with this statement. MJF is parodying a political campaign to call out Jon Moxley. It's far from his worst material, but it's MJF, so it's still heavy-handed, overdone and filled with countless eyeroll worthy 'zingers'.

Tornado Tag Brian Cage & Ricky Starks vs. Darby Allin & Jon Moxley

Really loving Taz as a manager here. He gets really overexcited while describing how jacked Cage is, and it's super endearing - "HE'S GOT BICEPS!!!! ...AND THEY'RE SO BIG! THEY'RE LIKE SLEDGEHAMMERS!!". He also loves saying "shit"; he says it every week, which is badass.

I miss Jon Moxley's hair. Yeah, he was losing it, so fucking what? Why is it the case that everybody who's experiencing any hair loss is deemed by the consensus to have to get rid of every last bit of it? Some people pull off hair loss better than others, as well as pulling off the receding look better than they do Bald. Down with "just let it go brah" culture. Mox was someone who was able to pull off only having a bit of hair well. It never felt 'tragic' or 'desperate' and he should start growing it again immediately.

Anyway, this match is cool, and I really needed it after how this episode has gone. It's four guys I like plenty and both teams seem to have good chemistry together. I don't know whether my copy of this show was from a Fite stream or what, it continues showing the wrestling at full screen size while the commentary stops speaking. It's a very odd viewing in this environment because spot calling all of a sudden becomes 100x more obvious to me, somebody who's usually oblivious to most spot calling. And then there's the fact that Brian Cage does a sick strength spot where he catches Darby's 'rana attempt no-handed while holding Mox, before slamming them both down, but the wrestler crowd in the airy environment can't make the noise that it deserved.

The finish here is Darby winning with a stomp assisted by his tacks covered skateboard, and it looks brutal. Great Tony Khan autism moment post-match as Tony Schiavone exclusively reveals that next week, Moxley will defend the title against the #5 contender Darby Allin. Yes, the number five contender. I have no strong feelings on the ranking system but that's a fucking wacky sentence to hear.

episode verdict

Mostly shite! Let's move on.

AEW Dynamite #44 (05/08/2020)

The Elite & FTR vs. The Dark Order

Excess is an element in wrestling that can often work for me. So just having 12 bodies out there doing stuff certainly made it more watchable, despite not being anything special and me really not giving a shit about the storyline. There's a presumably worked injury to Dax, which leads to Cash and Hangman going back with him, leading to a 6 on 3 for a while. Hangman eventually comes back with a nice hot tag, but with the numbers advantage still on the side of Dark Order, Brodie gets the win with a nice discus lariat. The Dark Order's still lacking in terms of people I can take seriously being in it, but it's getting easier to tolerate them in matches, at least.

Best Friends vs. Ortiz & Santana

Very, very, very okay.

MJF segment where he abuses the campaign employees he has for some reason.

More heavy-handed material from the most badass but also epic and funny heel out there. I'm gonna start +10ing these segments from now on, probably.

Matt Hardy & Sammy Guevara brawl

Matt Hardy cuts a promo about how he wants to give back in AEW and show the many personas of Matt Hardy. It's weird, as it usually is to see Matt past a certain point, when he has that sort of half-asleep look going on. Then the brawl ensues, and it is pretty okay. There's a sense of recklessness to it that I like. Matt appears to get hardway'd by either the ring-post or a flying chair, and then Sammy does a good corkscrew stage dive onto him through a table. This bodes well for the PPV match...!

Santana & Ortiz smash Sue's van

Tony Schiavone's concerned commentary for this sounds as if it was done for an advert or a video game storyline. The match didn't feel as though it had the bad blood to justify this. The Best Friends' later retort is done semi-ironically, with a nice fire in their delivery but also lines like "you will personally apologize to my Mom, over speaker phone!". Fair enough.

Cody & Matt Cardona vs. Alex Reynolds & John Silver

I have no real opinion on the post-WWE career of Matt Cardona because I've seen very little of it. It's concerning, though, that the best way Jim Ross can think of to put him over is to be like 'oh man, this guy collects so many action figures'.

I quite like John Silver, to an extent, but seeing Cody doing FIP stuff against him looks SO FUCKING STUPID. This is yet another example of Cody/Dark Order stuff that fundamentally misunderstands/outright ignores wrestling hierarchy to an egregious degree. And then Cardona's hot tag is not remotely worth the wait. Sucks.

Sammy Guevara comes back out, for some fucking reason, with cue cards

I think it's a trope they've returned to less as their roster has grown, but I don't like the thing AEW does sometimes where somebody has a match or segment, and the assumption is that their contribution to this episode is finished, but then they come back out 15 minutes later to do something else.

Sammy Guevara is a generally bad wrestler who is not without his positive points. We saw some of those in the earlier brawl but this fucking dreck accentuates everything wrong with him. I assume the cue cards shtick came about because he sucks on the mic, which is true, but this is not a remotely good fix because you have to look at his stupid fucking face. It's not even an "I would like to boo this man" face, it's an "I swear I'm gonna fucking uninstall VLC media player right now" face. He has a message for Orange Cassidy that plays during picture-in-picture, and my eyes kept being drawn to the adverts for solace.

Jericho/Orange debate, moderated by... Eric Bischoff

I was not expecting fucking Bischoff to turn up in this project. He apparently has his 83 Weeks podcast, but presumably hasn't joined the anti-AEW grift train yet.

It's not the worst material ever, really. The kind of transitional stuff that Orange needed to get to where he is now. Putting across that Orange can talk, but only when he wants to. This does make the segment Jericho heavy, but there's much worse segments out there.

Reba vs. Big Swole

What in the Nemmity is this??

Reba is apparently Britt Baker's lackey, and Britt surprised her by handpicking her to face Swole when she wasn't ready to do so. Looking at cagematch, I may have seen Reba in 2015 TNA, but since then she's apparently forgotten what to do in a wrestling ring, according to her character work. This is a short and unremarkable thing. Inoffensive. Tony may have released Big Swole because her wrestling wasn't good enough, but from this small glimpse; at least it's better than her promo stuff.

PREACH!!!

AEW World Championship Jon Moxley (c) vs. Darby Allin

Certainly the most engaging thing on the show since Eddie Kingston turned up. Darby, who came to the rescue of Mox during a beatdown by Starks & Cage a few weeks ago, immediately showing disrespect by wearing the cut-out of Mox's face. Mox here and in a prior promo, faultless at conveying the fondness he has for Darby while not shying away from the fact he's gonna beat the fuck out of him.

I would put their 2024 contest marginally above this, where Moxley is full-blown heel, able to be meaner, and most crucially of all; there's no MJF run-in. But this is still a magnificent match. Darby can have a lot of people's best ever match in his sleep seemingly, but this is just a case of incredible pro-wrestling chemistry. It's just fucked up that this is the BUILD to an MJF main event, but oh well.

episode verdict

Pretty unremarkable stuff until a main that makes it all worthwhile.

AEW Dynamite #48 (02/09/2020)

Right, let's skip over to the go-home show now. Weirdly, a lot of the most intriguing stuff between DoN and All Out came from that consecutive block in July, so I guess this is worth checking to fully let the PPV take shape. There are officially Some Fans, spaced apart of course, in the big airy arena, but I can't say I'd have noticed if they weren't shown on camera, since it didn't make much of an audible difference to the atmosphere.

Best Friends vs. Ortiz & Santana

Comfortably better than the last time I saw these two teams against each other. More urgency, a motivated seeming Trent, which seems noteworthy. Maybe juuust loses a bit of steam at the wrong time to make my Twisty Listy, but pretty good!

The Young Bucks & Jurassic Express (w/ Marko Stunt) vs. Private Party & SCU

I don't think I ever explicitly thought this at the time, but I really just want Jungle Jack to get the fuck out of the way in this team. I don't actively dislike him, but I think he's a very average wrestler, which is now close to being a complimentary statement given how he's viewed by many today. 'Saurus & Stunt would be such a better team, since they feel the need to have all these Stunt interferences anyway. Sadly, it looks like we won't get any of it here since Marko has his ankle in a boot after a match with Jake Hager on Dark (something I did not see when scanning cagematch for intriguing AEW matches, since it was not long enough for an entry in das matchguide, so maybe next time I need to be more considerate of the weirdo shit Dark brought forth. I will now proceed to watch the match and review it entirely within this bracket; it's a pretty fun squashy though I anticipated more gruesome bumps - weirdly, the spot where Hager lifts Stunt out of a headlock causing him to drop about 8ft feet first didn't cause the ankle injury, rather it was from a fairly standard back bump instead). Jim Ross says "who booked that!?!?".

I've only skipped a couple of weeks of TV, but I'm a bit lost. The Bucks are now at least quasi-heel, maybe fully heel, yet tagging with Jurassic Express. And I guess there's a similar dynamic with SCU & Private Party going on? There's a long FIP sesh with Perry and I really don't know what they're going for. There's a fun Luchasaurus hot tag and just about enough cool stuff to save it from the "Suk My Nob" list, but yeah, definitely an odd one.

Omega, Hangman & FTR blabbin about stuff

I guess it's partially my fault for skipping a couple of episodes, but I officially feel lost with this feud now. Beers, milkshakes, whiskey. I don't give a shit!

Chris Jericho (w/ Jake Hager) vs. Joey Janela

Again, I don't know if I'm on the Fite feed or what, but it's fucking strange. Janela comes out with weird pigtails and stalls forever before Jericho comes out. JR says that Janela should be a heel, which feels like a "we're not on TV right now" comment, and also an "I legit think this guy sucks" comment.

I'm still insisting that we are in a better era of Chris Jericho than this was. I forgot how shit it was when the fans would sing 'Judas' and then cheer themselves for doing so. An "I!! AM THE LEARNING TREE!! :D" would hit right now.

It's not a good squash. Jericho's strikes look flimsy as fuck, why bother? Jericho beats up Joey some more and sends him into an exposed turnbuckle while Orange just sits and watches at ringside. Not a particularly good look. Jericho wipes Joey's blood on an Orange shirt and throws it at OC, which gets him to go and fight. Hager gives Jericho the numbers advantage. Sonny Kiss runs in for the save, gets murked by Hager but Orange gets the upper hand anyway. That hurt to write.

Sammy with the cue cards again

Fuck off!! I really don't like this company. +10ing.

Segment with Team Taz + Jake Roberts & Archer gets out of control!!

Feels like some charm is back in the episode. Roberts says "you're just like a squirrel trying to get a nut, but you won't bust a nut when we're in the ring!" as Archer tries not to laugh. Then Eddie Kingston comes out and interrupts with The Lucha Bros and Butcher y Blade?? Great to see Eddie back, but what is that grouping about? Then Shawn Spears just saunters out with Tully????? What the fuck is going on, AEW? Everyone starts brawling. Billy Gunn comes out and decks Penta for some reason. Darby comes out and goes straight for Starks. Okay, so this is a "there will be a battle royal soon" type of segment. It made no fucking sense whatsoever, but I liked the short period in which it did. And then this segment plays during picture-in-picture, so it lasts an ungodly amount of time. More +10ing cos life is too short. Back to "fuck this shit" mode.

Serena Deeb vs. Thunder Rosa

Two pretty good wrestlers it's tough to get excited about. In an exhibition type setting seemingly (no pre-existing storyline or much of a face-heel dynamic AFAIK since it's Deeb's debut). And yeah, it's pretty good albeit not something I got excited about, funnily enough. Some nice mat-work early on, both showing off the above average fundamentals (JR, meanwhile, struggling to put this fact over without essentially saying "usually the ladies here are shit!"). Loses a little steam when it goes to picture-in-picture, then I got distracted by them showing the Dark results at the bottom of the screen. Kip Sabian defeated Shawn Dean; can you believe it? It's some fine filler. I could maybe be more positive about it if it was on a better episode.

Big Swole gets pizza rubbed in her face by Da Dentist

They really love wasting food & drink at this time on Dynamite. It's quite weird.

I'll tell you what it made me think...

Jon Moxley vs. Mark Sterling

That's definitely an interesting choice to book as the main event to a go-home episode of television. I AM intrigued!

This came about because Moxley snuck into a contract a clause where MJF only gets his title match if Sterling faces Mox in a match. Sterling, in excessively padded full-body red & blue gear, is flung down the ramp forcibly by Wardlow as JR gets in the obligatory "bowling shoe ugly" line.

I've appreciated Sterling's stooging before, most notably in a Tony Nese vs. Ethan Page match from Final Battle 2023 that was way better than it had any right to be. This is a strange one, though. Mox doesn't just go to wreck him straight away, instead letting Sterling chucklefuck his way around the ring; allowing him to grab a free hold and then dodging at the last moment to send Mark absolutely flying. It almost feels more suited to DEAN AMBROSE than it does Jon Moxley. Ambrose is the antics merchant, Moxley should just obliterate him. I don't feel strongly enough about it to put it on my "suk my nob" list, just an observation.

Moxley finishes him with the paradigm shift, which is apparently banned at the PPV. Wardlow quickly gets some blows in on Mox and then MJF picks up the scraps while shouting a lot.

episode verdict

One of the worst Dynamites I have ever seen! So pumped for PPV!!

AEW ALL OUT (05/09/2020)

THE BUY-IN:

Lots of promos before matches begin. I saw MJF's face in the YouTube preview and skipped past it, then I decided to skip past Chris Daniels too. Not much in there; short promos for the battle royal, video packages I can see later. There's no excuse for these YouTube pre-shows to not have chapters! Let's just skip to the matches which I am sure will be OF GREAT SUBSTANCE AND QUALITY!!

Joey Janela (w/ Sonny Kiss) vs. Serpentico (w/ Luther)

It's nice to see Luther make funny faces - I'm glad he's somehow still employed. I began to zone out for the rest of it. Nothing to get mad at, just very much a pre-show match.

Private Party vs. Alex Reynolds & John Silver

Weirdly enough, it was during this match that I had my biggest "fucking hell, covid wrestling!" moment of the project - it was when Excalibur spoke about it being great to have fans being back and social distancing. Just the words "social distancing" just brought me right back there and gave me a bit of a chill. The actual match is fine enough; John Silver has some stuff here that reminds me why I dig him a decent amount. I don't want to boo him, though, and there's still those moments where somebody is doing FIP stuff opposite him, which should just not happen ever, but is far less egregious than when it was Cody doing it.

MAIN SHOW:

PPV time. This is a particularly interesting one because I know it was by far their most critically panned PPV up to that point, and seemingly their joint least beloved ever along with Worlds End 2023. A banter show, essentially. That is usually good news for me when it comes to getting material out of a show.

Some of these matches could be good on paper, but here's a fun exercise that I may keep up with in future; how many matches has the TV got me more excited for than I would be just reading the card sans context? NONE!!! ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOTHING!!! The Elite/FTR stuff has been really meandering. MJF is a sure-fire way to not make me care about a main event. Jericho's been poor. Darby & Kingston are in a battle royal. Categorical fail.

Tooth And Nail Match Dr. Britt Baker DMD (w/ Reba) vs. Big Swole

I've definitely thought on multiple prior occasions that AEW's choice of PPV openers is often bizarre, but this might take the gold medal for obtuse openers in any promotion ever! Sure, it's the COVID year and all bets are off IRT structure, but eh, c'mon; you've been running normal enough wrestling TV shows and it's been, well, not good, but that's not COVID-19's fault. You don't still need to do this shit. It just really feels a bit much to be going cinema mode at this point, but as an opener? I feel personally punished.

The tone of this is so fucked. They go outside and the optimistic side of me thinks "oh maybe it'll just be like a hardcore title match now?" but they don't stop screaming one-liners at each other. Back inside there's a couple of meaty forearms but Britt goes "you're in my house! And I'm a dentist!!". Right! Okay!!? Britt tries to murk Swole with a drill and then accidentally puts a syringe of novocaine into her own leg, seemingly legitimately (the syringe, not the novocaine), but Reba comes in with a banana skin on her head from being thrown in a bin and goes "YOU STABBED HERRRRRRRR!!!". I just have no idea what the fuck they want from me, emotionally. It's been a while since I watched any of this cinematic wrestling stuff, so maybe that was a problem with a lot or most of it, but it's a seriously fucking weird experience for me right now. It must also be pointed out that Schiavone and JR seem to point blank refuse to give this any gravitas, I don't blame them, but it makes it even more of a bizarre experience. Some of the most inscrutably bad vibes I've ever experienced in a match, and surely one of the worst choices of opener I have ever seen. I'm actually going to the dentist two days after writing this; I dropped £1009 to get my whole top right side sorted, and then I'll probably drop a similar sum to sort the bottom left - I'm dreading it, but I can take solace in the fact it can't be much worse than watching this.

The Young Bucks vs. Jurassic Express (w/ Marko Stunt)

Ahh, wrestling ring, how I've missed you. I do my best to embrace The Average Young Bucks Match, but it is still The Average Young Bucks Match. My median verdict on their stuff is higher than it used to be, but there's nothing to make this stand out from the pack. Marko taking a bump in his ankle boot got a kick out of me. Elsewhere, lots of running around from trademark spot to trademark spot. Have you seen a Young Bucks match before? Oh, you have? I guess I can stop talking about it then.

21 Man Casino Battle Royal

I think they've rejigged the format of these in recent years, and definitely for the better, I would say. This one starts off with energy levels akin to as if the match had been going on for 20 minutes. The second round of entrants ("the diamonds") is guys from their acceptable but largely unexciting tag division. Surprisingly, they've planned very little to do in between the entrances, so it's when Darby Allin comes out as part of "the hearts" that I am reminded there's something resembling a crowd in attendance here. He comes out with the skateboard and brings excitement, but later fades into the background noise. Eddie Kingston is the marquee entrant of the "spades" as you immediately get confirmation that he's connected with the live crowd in such a short space of time.

Now it's picked up because we have funny elimination combos such as Sonny Kiss eliminating Jake Hager, Matt Sydal almost fucking DYING botching a shooting star press (link to GIF in text), fireworks from a nearby baseball stadium start going off and Taz says it's from catering, Darby re-does the tacks in the body-bag spot and either I forgot how insane these were, or this might be the best iteration of it - Cage just fucking DUMPS him onto the ramp from the ring and it is absolutely unbelievable. Spot of the night, and it takes the refs a long time to get him away from the hard-cam side so he could be out cold, who knows with Darby?

Archer wins I guess by last eliminating Eddie Kingston. I thought that another guy was gonna come out solo? The joker card or whatever? Did I misremember that aspect of these AEW battle royals from this era?

Broken Rules; if Hardy loses, he leaves AEW Matt Hardy vs. Sammy Guevara

Although I rarely agree with the consensus there, it's a habit of mine that I'll usually have a gander at the average ratings for matches on cagematch before I'll watch them. It probably tampers expectations slightly and is a bad habit, but whatever. You can essentially null and void the rating with this one though, since I know that this is the match where Matt Hardy splats his head on concrete before stumbling about like a pisshead and the match not getting immediately called off for some reason. I am not the type of wrestling fan to watch something retrospectively, knowing exactly what occurs, and then get angry about it. There's too fucking much of that in wrestling criticism. I will instead reserve my anger for what deserves it the most; Sammy Guevara's face, and just analyse the rest of the match on its own merits.

"There's no escaping from my red rage. You will be deleted!!". That immediately sets the tone, and rather shits on that one decent brawling segment they had. I had my chuckles at that 2016 TNA stuff back in the day too, but that shtick at this point is painful. The fateful CTE moment happens probably just over a minute into the match, so I guess that puts an end to my thoughts of having anything significant prior to analyse.

Not to go back on my "don't get mad at retrospective wrestling when you knew exactly what happened going into it" policy, but what else is there to say other than that it's astounding they didn't just call the match right then and there? JR certainly seems to be advocating for that, trying to keep kayfabe best he can but it's very transparent.

Matt stumbles about and falls repeatedly, Aubrey throws up the X, the bell rings. It's a late call, but it's a call. I start to wonder if I misremembered how long they went on for. They cut to a shot of commentary, all of them backing up that it was the right call to make. There are shots of bummed out looking fans on their phones, it's desolate out there. THEN THEY START FIGHTING AGAIN!!! They start climbing part way up the support beam thing. It's the least surprising thing ever when Matt loses his footing slightly. A couple of punches and Sammy falls underwhelmingly into an extremely gimmicked area of the stage and is down for a ten count.

So, there's two possible reasons they agreed to let splatter-brained Matt finish this match. The stipulation that he would leave AEW if he left. Or that they spent money prepping for that finishing spot. If it's the former; it's pro-wrestling, he can just come back. It's fucking fine. If it's the latter; it was a waste of money regardless because that was a shit spot.

Anyway, I'm not willing to fall into the retrospective rage trap any further. It was very bad and I'll leave it at that.

AEW Women's World Championship Hikaru Shida (c) vs. Thunder Rosa

I feel NOTHING!!

The Dark Order (Colt Cabana, Evil Uno, Stu Grayson & Mr. Brodie Lee) (w/ John Silver) vs. Matt Cardona, Scorpio Sky & The Natural Nightmares (w/ Allie & Brandi Rhodes)

"There's something, in my view, that Matt Cardona is missing. I can't put my finger on what it is, but one day we'll all see it and say that's what it was" - JR.

And that something......was BROSKI JIMMY!!!

I kind of appreciate the weird vibes of this babyface grouping. There have been worse Dark Order tags for sure, but this is very, very Dynamitey. Brodie v Dustin booked for the future, that's probably good.

AEW World Tag Team Championships Adam Page & Kenny Omega (c) vs. FTR (w/ Tully Blanchard)

This video package finally explains what the actual deal with this feud was. FTR, a proper tag team, adamant that they will be a better unit than the individualist Page & Kenny. Why that got so convoluted on the TV with whiskey and milkshakes, I could not tell you. The Bucks appear accompanied by sad piano plinks and say that it was supposed to be Hangman & Kenny vs. The Bucks - the greatest tag team match of all time. Man, I bet that would've been fucking terrible. I'm sure I'll probably see it down the line.

Part of FTR's contract............THE TAG ROPES!! Alright, guys. Upon returning to wrestling, it took me a while to figure out why FTR get so much shit despite being generally great wrestlers, but I totally get it now. The story of the match itself is simple enough, there is dissention and miscommunication teased between Hangman & Kenny, while it's business as usual for FTR as they operate like a well-oiled machine. FTR do the spot where they hold hands in the corner for added leverage. Popping a boner over the tag ropes is corny, but I'll give them this one - I love that spot! Such easy time filling heat in tag matches that is vanishing from wrestling.

Yeah, I really liked this. As much as the FTR thing of being like "modern guys do this whereas we do THIS!" can feel heavy-handed at times, they are often really great at it when that bell rings, and perhaps most crucially; they provide a great contrast with the usual AEW style, which keeps me on their side throughout.

I could do without the post-match Acting amongst The Elite members, but oh well.

Mimosa Mayhem Match Orange Cassidy vs. Chris Jericho

Man, I can just imagine the meetings in which Chris Jericho took the Orange Cassidy name way too literally. "SO THIS ORANGE CASSIDY GUY, HUH!? WHAT IF WE HAD A MATCH WHERE THE LOSER IS THROWN INTO A BIG VAT OF ORANGE JUICE!? I BET I WOULD GET THAT OVER!". It's annoying that it's one of the feuds that did genuinely start to position OC as a legitimate contender, because all I can picture for this one is smug twat Jericho coming up with bird-brained ideas.

There are some teaser moments with the vat that are worth appreciating. I'm trying to figure out what it sort of reminds me of, maybe a much less good version of that one DDT match where the aim was to not break the light tube? Orange does a running PK that whiffs, but Schiavone says "I love it, man! That connected!!". Ultimately, it was fine enough to avoid the "suk my nob" list - pinfalls & submissions counting kept me guessing, I thought maybe Orange would take a pin but Jericho goes into the vat anyway, but thankfully Jericho just loses straightforwardly. I must reiterate how weird AEW's obsession with sloshing food and drink all over the ring at this time - there's far too many examples of it in this short snapshot of time.

AEW World Championship; if Moxley uses the paradigm shift he loses the title Jon Moxley (c) vs. MJF

Simple story. Mox wants to make it more of a brawl, MJF desperately wants to avoid that. I think they could've done more with Mox's desire to descend the match into chaos; there's a span of like 2.5 seconds on the outside in which Mox sends MJF into the post, "busting MJF open" in the most blatant packet blood I've seen in wrestling - obviously the inferior way to do it, not just cos like "That's not hardcore!" (although, yeah, that too), but it's really distracting to notice it and then analyse the ways in which it would differ from a real cut. It's really counterproductive like that, you might as well not bother. He goes from full immediate crimson mask to having sweated it all off within minutes. I didn't think I was THAT bothered by the concept of packet blood - I've genuinely never particularly noticed it before, but what the fuck is the point of it then? Get the fuckin' gig out or go home.

There's a bit in which MJF spits on Mox, and Mox is like GRRR! I DO PARADIGM SHIFT NOW! But Remsberg starts dramatic acting: "THINK ABOUT WHAT THIS MEANS!". I had forgotten about that stipulation until this point. I don't think I like it, there's probably good versions of this sort of stipulation but it doesn't feel like it adds anything here. I definitely didn't like this spot because somebody spitting in your face should make you want to punch their lights out, not hit your signature DDT variation.

Strike exchange in which Mox shows good outward charisma, but a strike exchange kinda communicate the idea that these are evenly matched guys with similar skillsets and striking abilities, and that really undermines the original story of the match for me. I think one of the headbutts might have actually busted MJF open for real this time, though, which is funny. The crimson mask magically reappears again, and look at the consistency of those drips! That's good old real blood, alright.

Wardlow throws in MJF's epic ring, but this distracts Bryce and Moxley hits the paradigm shift behind his back. I get that Mox was a shades-of-grey type of face, but I didn't like that he apparently has no other answer to put MJF away.

So after all that, I thought it was reasonable to hope for a solid Moxley carry job in this main. But nope, didn't like it.

In other words, I was...

PPV verdict:

An appalling effort, COVID or no COVID. Even being sort of familiar with the reputation of this one, I thought the normal AEW deal where the PPVs are better than the TV could apply here, but nah - total misfire. They ran largely standard wrestling matches on TV but go for multiple wacky pandemic gimmicks that had run their course around May here - none of them excelled and two of them are so bad I'll never forget them.

The standard wrestling matches did not move me, for the most part, since they either featured some of my least favourite AEW wrestlers such as MJF & Shida, or they felt like Dynamitey filler. The one exception is FTR v Hangman & Kenny - a good effort, a little long but forgivably so. The solace is that this PPV is considered a low point by the canon, hopefully I agree with that and am not this underwhelmed/baffled/haunted for 3 hours, 48 minutes and 42 seconds again.

twisty matches (recommendable; caps = especially recommended):

Chris Jericho vs Orange Cassidy, 08/07

The Elite vs. Jurassic Express, 15/07

CODY VS. EDDIE KINGSTON, 22/07

The Young Bucks vs. The Butcher/The Blade, 22/07

Darby Allin/Jon Moxley vs. Brian Cage/Ricky Starks, 29/07

JON MOXLEY VS. DARBY ALLIN, 05/08

Adam Page/Kenny Omega vs. FTR, 05/09

total: 7

matches that can suk my nob:

Colt Cabana/Brodie Lee/Stu Grayson vs. SCU, 08/07

Cody vs. Sonny Kiss, 15/07

MJF vs. Griff Garrison, 22/07

Adam Page vs. Five, 22/07

Cody vs. Warhorse, 29/07

Diamante vs. Hikaru Shida, 29/07

Cody/Matt Cardona vs. Alex Reynolds/John Silver, 05/08

Chris Jericho vs. Joey Janela, 02/09

Big Swole vs. Britt Baker, 05/09

Matt Hardy vs. Sammy Guevara, 05/09

Hikaru Shida vs. Thunder Rosa, 05/09

Jon Moxley vs. MJF, 05/09

total: 12

top ten people from what I watched (matches + segments all considered):

10. Jim Ross

It's slim pickings, so I'm putting Jim Ross in. While I'd hardly call him good, he does often get a chuckle out of me with his tone at certain points, and a chuckle is better than a frown. He's never not felt like such a mismatch for this promotion, but to the extent that I can get a kick out of it, especially if I'm not enjoying something he's very clearly also not enjoying.

9. The Young Bucks

I didn't give a fuck about any of the story stuff with them, but two matches that I liked and appreciated much more than the average Bucks matches shouldn't go ignored. They make good use of an up-for-anything Marko Stunt as well as the falls count anywhere rules against The Butcher & The Blade.

8. Cody

Not the best snapshot of him, really - you see some of what made him work, but various moments where he's in something very bird-brained or ill-advised. When it works, though, he instantly catapults to feeling like the most important guy in the promotion at the time.

7. Marko Stunt

Shame about that injury as I'd have liked to have seen more from him. It was a joy to see him again, a good reminder of when following GCW and its collection of outlaw weirdos was an actual blast.

6. Eddie Kingston

I skipped the episode in which he must've come back after that initial great Cody match, so he didn't do THAT much of substance here. Literally just a brawl and the battle royal. But he's Eddie fucking Kingston, so just being that and little else is enough to get him to #6 in THIS project.

5. Jon Moxley

I may not have liked his MJF match, but from this look at him I'd say that he was a good quality champion. A safe bet in unusual times. I certainly loved that Darby Allin match a lot more than I disliked the MJF match, so it more than evens out and he deserves his placement.

4. Orange Cassidy

The Jericho feud contains numerous unideal moments, but it's objectively an important period of his career too. There's enough fascination IRT his development that juuust about counteracts the heavy-handed material from "The Demogod"

3. Lance Archer & Jake Roberts

The first entry where I have no caveat about bad moments or a bit-part role. A quirky but endearing pairing. There are better managers than Jake Roberts but none that make me go "Oh hell yeah, it's Jake Roberts. Haha.", and that is something that I value greatly. Archer just owns; a terrific big man who I wish could've meant more as time went on.

2. Team Taz

Taz was a great manager! I love his promos as well as his presence on commentary. I think he's aced everything put in front of him in AEW. Cage & Starks are wrestlers I like quite a lot. No complaints.

1. Darby Allin

Probably already the best wrestler in the world. Even with these pandemic crowds, there's an unmistakable sense of "shit just got real" when Darby enters the picture. Just as is the case today, I enter every episode of AEW hoping I'll see Darby do something cool, and I leave every Darby match wanting more. The thought of picking anybody else at #1 here is MENTAL!!

Verdict on this project so far:

I was worried that this would be a tough watch 'cos it's pandemic wrestling, but that wasn't really a factor. To AEW's credit, they had about as good of a fix as there was out there at the time. Just a shame about the wrestling, for the most part. It's been challenging, as evidenced by listing almost as many outright bad matches as I did outright good, and that doesn't even factor in the countless mediocre matches! And please don't forget the vast amount of god-fucking-awful segments!! I am generally quite positive about a good portion of the wrestling I watch, so this ratio of like/dislike is far from the norm for me.

I did expect this to be a tale of high highs and very low lows and that was proven true. Part of me feels like I can't be too mad about this since I would say this feeling is the essence of mainstream wrestling that tries to cast a wide net of appeal. Another part of me feels taken off guard by how brutal this stuff is to watch when it's bad. I am trying not to exaggerate here or be guilty of recency bias, but I think bad early AEW is some of the shittiest wrestling I have ever seen. There isn't much I wouldn't take over it. But then there'll be the odd thing that's cathartic and great, which only makes the shit stuff even more frustrating. This feeling is still present in current AEW to a degree, but I have so much more good will for them now because they have raised their floor by A LOT! I didn't realise how significant that was until I started this, but wow.

Was kommt als nächstes?

I still intend to press forward with this project since I am still so curious how I will perceive the company's development as fans come back fully, Punk and other marquee signings flood in, surely it can only get easier, but can it really go from THIS to glory era in just a year? For the time being, though, I think I definitely need a break for now, and to start a "treat" project before I continue on any further with this one - if nothing else, just to prove that I'm not this much of a miserable twat about everything. After some thought, I think that treat should be something I've wanted to do for ages - the entire CZW vs. ROH feud of 2006. ARRRRRRE UUUUUUUU READAAAAYYYY!!!???

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