#oh shit i just realised that means we’re halfway done! (in theory) | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

george-mackay-macfine · 5 years ago

Text

Dear Diary Prt. 11

A/N I’m so so incredibly sorry it took me so long to get this out there, but now i’m back in Grace’s head space I should have better luck when it comes to the next parts.

If you have any theories please send them my way! I love hearing your thoughts around the story.

Word Count: 3,000

November 27th, 2011

“Tonight’s the big night,” Harry beamed slapping his hands on Dean’s shoulders as he sat at our kitchen bench. “Excited? Nervous?”

“Shut up Harry,” He groaned his head dropping into his hands. “I can’t do this.”

“What?” Harry and I looked at each other across Dean’s body.

“I don’t date girls,” Dean cried, “I have sex with them, and then that’s it.” He stood up. “I have a fucking roster of woman, I don’t date,”

“Dean. You need to calm down,” I rolled my eyes as he began pacing. “It’s not a date, we’re going to be there... remember,” I motioned between Harry and me,

“Yeah,” Harry smirked picking up his coffee cup, “We’ll make sure it's super unromantic,” He brought his cup to his lips, stopping an inch away. “Any stray candles near us, we’ll blow them out.” He looked over his cup at me, a cheeky grin spreading on his face, “Right Y/N?” I nodded my head,

“Of course, we’ll blow them right out,”

“Fucking hell,” Dean groaned throwing his head back dramatically. “We need the boys to come, we need them to come and make it so unromantic Lottie, is not going to want to ever be alone with me,”

“Lottie?” Harry’s brow raised, teasing smirk still present on her face,

“Since when do we call Charlotte, Lottie?” I hopped up on the counter, crossing my legs watching him quizzically cupping my tea in my hand,

“Since I realised if the two of us ever get intimate, and you now things happen, tongues slip…. And I don’t…”

“You don’t?” I leant closer to him,

“Fucks sake,” He groaned.

“Dean?” I urged him,

“I don’t want to fucking moan Harry’s name while I’m having sex with a woman,” He burst, Harry and I shared a look with one and other, our cheeks bursting with unreleased laughter, “Fuck,” Dean uttered as we both burst into a round of laugher.

“Oh fuck, Harry,” Harry moaned, his impersonation of Dean causing me to spill my tea over my crossed legs.

“Oh fuck, fuck,” I whined through the laugher. “Harry stop,” I cried unable to control myself.

“Yeah lap it up you two assholes,” Dean called storming into his room, his door slamming behind him.

“Oh come on Dean,” Harry called after him, “We were just kidding around,” Harry turned back to me, his cheeks flushed red his lips still parted in a smile, “Whoopsie,” He chuckled walking over to me. He pulled himself up onto the bench and looked at me, “Never have I ever done a handstand with one hand.”

“What?”

“We’re playing a sober game of never have I ever, now.” He cleared his throat. “Never have I ever done a handstand with one hand,”

“Well, I haven’t… I don’t know how to handstand.” I brought my cup to my lips stopping a centimetre away. “Wait, does this mean I drink?”

“I’m not sure…” He frowned, “I think so,”

“You’ve never played ‘Never have I ever’ before?”

“I have, but I’ve generally been wasted, not sitting in my kitchen, in my PJ’s at eight o’clock in the morning,”

“Good point, Now what do I ask you,” I hm’d before a smirk came to my face, “Never have I ever experimented to see my sexual orientation.” Harry glared at me.

“Cheap shot Y/L/N,”

“Well, I’ve seen the way you look at Dean one two many times,”

“Y/N,”

“I’m just saying,” I shrugged my shoulders, “I’d back it,” Harry hopped off the bench and stood in front of me, “The two of you, roommates to lovers,” I smirked at him, “I can see the made for TV movie now,”

“You better stop with that talk Y/N,”

“Or what? You’ll tell Dean on me, and then you’ll both be mad at me?” Harry smirked and took one step closer to me, his hands going to my legs uncrossing them so he could stand between them,

“No,” He shook his head, his hand going to push the hair off my shoulder, “I’ll just have to show you exactly what a beautiful woman does to me,”

If he continues to call me beautiful, I may begin to believe it.

“Harry,” I whimpered as his hand ran up my thigh, closer to the hem of my bed shorts. He leant in closer, lips brushing my cheek.

“If you want me to stop.” He whispered, lips brushing underneath my ear this time. “Tell me now.” I couldn’t speak, and even if I could, did I want it to stop? “Or now,” He kissed my jawline gently. “Tell me, Y/N -,” No I really fucking didn't want it to stop.

“Alright,” Dean burst out as he walked through his door, Harry quickly stepped back from me, and I fidgeted straightening my hair and body. “I know what I’m wearing, problem solved, I’ve messaged the other lads telling them they’re coming tonight, and Lottie is still good to go,” He finally looked up from his phone, “You two alright?”

“Peachy, I’m just going to go see George,” I pushed myself off the counter and propelled out the door. It slammed behind me with a heavy thump, “Holy shit,” I whispered pushing my hair back, fingers dropping to my neck the feel of Harry’s lips burnt into the skin,

“Y/N?” I looked down the hall Jordan was walking towards me, grey t-shirt stained with sweat, “What are you doing?” He neared me, “You get locked out?”

“What?” I realised how dumb it must look, me standing outside of my apartment with the tiniest of bed shorts on. “Oh, No, I was coming down to see you guys,”

“Oh,” He stopped nodding his head, “Well come on then I’ll let you in,”

“How was your run?” I asked as I rushed up beside him, sock covered feet sliding on the carpeted floor.

“Great, really nice way to start the morning, you know.” I nodded my head ‘yes’ stopping when I realised I didn’t know,

“Actually no, I’m not the best runner, I want to start but I don’t want to look stupid and die… and be found months later frozen and gross looking,” Jordan snorted out a laugh as he pushed his key into the door.

“You can run with me?”

“Are you sure? I’ll probably slow you down,” He turned, pushing the door open,

“I don’t mind, the company would be nice,”

“Okay then, next semester?” I held my hand out to him, “Running partners.”

“Running partners,” He nodded pushing the door open as he shook my hand.

“Y/N?” Henry called from the kitchen bench, a spoon halfway to his lips, “What are you doing?”

“I just want to talk to George,”

“He’s in bed,”

“Alone?”

“Yes,” Henry nodded his head, a stupid smirk on his lips, “Go in, wake him up.” I smiled at Henry and Jordan as I crossed the space of their living room into George’s bedroom, “Good luck,”

“Shut up Henry,” I stuck my tongue out at him as I pushed the door open, “George,” I called softly as I stepped into the room shutting the door behind him. “George?”

“Y/N?” His voice called back from the shrouded darkness, “That you, or am I dreaming?”

“It’s me,” I called back walking blindly into the room. “Can I come in?”

“Course,” I felt his hands grab my waist and pull me down onto his bed, “This is a nice wakeup, pretty girl in my bed,” He sighed contently as his hands pulled me so I was lying beside him.

“George,”

“Shh, sleep time.”

“George, I came to ask you something,”

“If I answer can we sleep after?”

“Sure,” Who would I be to pass up the opportunity to sleep beside George?

“What can I help you with then Y/N?”

“How are you getting home for Christmas,”

“I’m driving,”

“Oh,”

“How are you getting home?”

“The train, I think,”

“Want to carpool with me instead?”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, Jordan is going to be with us half the way, but I don’t see why he’d care if you came,”

“I’ll pay for some petrol,”

“It’s fine Y/N, you know I like spending time with you, so think of it as a Christmas gift from you to me,”

“How do you do that?”

“What?” He whispered his hands pulling me tighter against his body,

“Say all the right things?”

“It’s easy when it comes to you,” He muttered lips laying a kiss flat against my hair, “Now, go the fuck to sleep,” He chuckled,

“Yes sir,” I muttered and before I knew it was off in dreamland, surrounded by George’s arms.

Now let me tell you diary, something about falling asleep in George’s arms that sat so right with me, it could be the fact I’ve never actually, technically speaking fallen asleep in a man’s arms, or it could be that I was surrounded by George, his scent, his arms everything… Either way, I’m in a rush to make this a permanent thing.

“Love bird,” A voice whispered into my ear, “It’s time to wake up, love bird,”

“Shh,” I groaned reaching out blindly to hit whatever was waking me up. “Go away,”

“Time to get up, its midday.”

“What,” I sat upright, ripping myself from George’s embrace, “Did you say midday?” I looked over to Henry who was smirking at me, his eyes flicking between George and me, “Oh shut it.” I jumped out of his bed. “It’s midday,”

“Half-past, actually.”

“Fuck,” I groaned. “Henry I had so much studying to do today,”

“Y/N, calm down.”

“Calm down?” I cried. “Exam’s start in under a month, I have so much to revise. I have so much to do,”

“Babe,” He grabbed my shoulders, “Calm down, I’ll come over now and we can study before dinner tonight,”

“Study, yeah okay study,” I nodded letting out a deep breath. “Okay,”

“You right?”

“Yeah,” I nodded feeling the bubble of stress and anxiety building in my chest, trying to force itself out. “I’m fine,”

“C’mon, we’ll head over to yours now.” Henry stood behind me, his hands on my shoulders leading me out of George’s room. “He’ll be out for hours still,” He stopped me at the table, picking up his books, “What’d you guy’s talk about?”

“Oh, we just planned to go home for Christmas together,”

“Oh, la la,”

“As friends. Friends helping friends.”

“Wanna say friends once more, maybe that time I’ll believe it.”

“Friends,” I turned to Henry who pursed his lips, his head shaking,

“No,” He chuckled, “Still don’t believe it.”

“Oh haha,” I groaned walking to his door. “I hate sleeping in late, I feel hunger over.” Henry and I walked out into the corridor and made the quick walk to my flat.

“I dunno, you looked pretty cosy when I woke you up,” He smirked, “Wrapped in his arms.”

“Shut up Henry,” I glared as I pushed the door open.

“Y/N!” Dean barreled towards me, “There you are.” He gripped my shoulders and pulled me into the living room, where Jordan and Harry lounged on the couch, feet on the coffee table, a movie playing in the background. “These fuckers aren’t helping me, I need girls help.” He pushed me down so I feel onto Harry’s lap. “What looks better?” He held up two shirts,

“Dean,”

“Please.” He cried. “I need to look good,”

“The right,” I pushed myself up awkwardly from Harry’s lap, “Henry and I are going to study, what time are we leaving for the pub?”

“Five-thirty,” Dean muttered swapping the shirt against three pairs of pants. I looked at Henry and shrugged.

“Four hours of study is better than none,” He walked over to my bedroom I turned to the others,

“You know where we are if you need us.”

Now Diary, I could go through the details of Henry and I study, but I know Y/N I am Y/N, and I know Y/N remembers how boring studying was, even when Henry tries to make it fun, so instead, I need to make Y/N remember how incredibly uncomfortable dinner was.

Let’s replay, shall we?

November 27th, 5:30 pm, - forever known as the most uncomfortable dinner of my life.

“Have you been here before?” I whispered to Henry as we walked into the pub. “George and I came here once,”

“Good food?”

“Pub food,”

“If it isn’t the two best-friends, plus some.” I looked away from Henry as a voice came from inside the pub, “You’re back,” It was Tom the guy who’d served George and me when we came here.

“Yeah,” George smiled stepped to the front of our group, “Y/N and I told the guy’s about this place, had to try it.” Tom’s eyes moved from George to me,

“That was nice of you,” I shrugged,

“It’s nothing, it’s nice here.”

“Appreciate that,” He smiled warmly, “Now let’s get you guys to a table.” He turned walking into the pub,

“He’s cute,” Henry whispered in my ear.

“I have enough guys to keep me busy with their changing emotions,” I hissed as we walked to a large table.

“Y/N,” George pulled me down beside him as Harry sat on the other side.

Fucking perfect, absolutely fucking perfect.

“You okay?” Harry asked as my body turned rigid.

“Peachy,” I looked down at the menu that was on my plate so I didn’t have to make eye contact with either of the men sitting beside me. “Henry, have you been here?”

“Once or twice.” He called back,

“I heard it’s really good,” Harry’s arm wrapped around the back my chair as he slumped lazily in his. The sound of his voice made my whole body tingle, my heart was begging for me to look up at him, take a chance and look into his beautiful eyes.

“It reminds me of one of the ones back home,” Now it was George’s turn to make my body tingle as his hand fell onto my knee, “You know the one near the football field,”

“Uh… Yeah.” I nodded unable to process anything more than George’s hand on my knee and Harry’s on my shoulder.

“Charlotte,” My voice cracked as I spoke, I cleared it, cheeks flushing. “Have you been here before?”

“Yeah, the classic English roast is good,”

“Settled then,” Dean shut his menu, “I’ll give it a good.”

“Good idea Mate,” Jordan agreed, “The first one I’d have since starting uni.”

“We could all have one, make it a tradition?” Henry suggested, “Y/N?”

“Yeah,” I nodded looking across at him.

“George, Harry, you two interested?”

“Yeah,” Harry voiced,

“Sounds great,” George added. “I guess we’re all decided then, for drinks some pints?”

“You want a glass of wine?” Harry’s voice whispered in my ear, “I can get you one?”

“I can help,” I smiled pushing my chair out. “Harry and I are going to grab the drinks, Lottie, a glass of wine?”

“Please,” She turned her head from Dean and into my general direction.

“Pints for the boys?”

“I’ll have a glass of wine too, actually Y/N,” Henry called as I passed him. I stopped and rubbed his shoulder.

“Good choice,” I giggled leaning down to kiss his cheek, an unrecognisable force of affection washing over me.

“Hey now, don’t give the boys the wrong impression,” He chuckled pushing me away. “I’m a man looking,” I looked to Jordan who was listening to the conversation. His eyes widened slightly.

“You’re gay?”

“As Y/N is a virgin,”

“Hey!”

“Wow,” Jordan blew out a breath. Everyone’s attention turned to the pair,

This was the make it or break it for Jordan.

“Problem?”

“No,” Jordan shook his head, “Not at all. It’s kind of great… One of the guys' in my classes is gay as well, and he thinks you’re hot… I’ve been telling him your not but he didn’t believe me,”

A full pass with flying colours.

“Drinks,” I turned to Harry unable to keep the smile off my face. We walked to the bar together, I kept stealing glances back at Henry and Jordan who was now deep in a conversation.

“You look happy,” Harry whispered in my ear,

“I am.”

“It’s nice to see you happy Y/N,” He cleared his throat running a hand through his hair, “About this morning, in the kitchen.”

“It’s fine,” I smiled up at him, “Don’t worry about it.”

“It’s not fine Y/N, I know you’re into MacKay and I shouldn’t have fucked with you like that, I shouldn’t have done that at all.”

“Thank you for apologising Harry,”

“Of course,” He smiled tapping his fingers on the bar. “Now, do you see any stray candles, I believe we made Dean a promise.”

“None yet captain,” I giggled,

“What can I get you two?” We turned away from each other to see Tom standing in front of us,

“Bartender as well as a host?” I lent onto the bar,

“Man of many talents,”

“I can see that,” I smiled as Harry cleared his throat quietly from beside me, “Oh right, can we have four pints of Guinness and a bottle of rosé with three glasses,” I smiled, “Please,” I added loudly on the end,

“Anything for a pretty girl,” He winked going about pouring the pints and grabbing the wine. When Harry and I were loaded up and ready to go I Harry held his card out towards him, He stepped back and shook his head. “On the house,” He smiled at Harry before winking at me, My cheeks heated up quicker than a hut made of kindling would have gone up in flames as I turned and walked back to the table,

“How much do we owe you?” Jordan asked taking the glass of Harry,

“Nothing, it was on the house.”

“What?” Henry took the bottle from me, pouring the glasses,

“Seems the bartender has the hots for Y/N,” Harry answered, “Gave them to us for free.”

“This is amazing.” Dean cheered, “Y/N you are never leaving my side,”

“Hey!” Charlotte protested,

“Or Lotties,” He added wrapping an arm around her.

“Don’t look but,” George smirked as I sat beside him, “He’s looking over here, and well that explains why he’s over there starring at you.” Every head at the table turned to the bar, all eyes focusing in on Tom who was pouring another pint. “I said don’t look!” He called shaking his head in disappointment,

“He is cute isn’t he?” Charlotte giggled. I raised an eyebrow at her but she was already nodding her head. “Someone tells me if he’s cute, he sounds cute,”

“He’s hot,” Henry replied sipping his wine, he looked at me “Why don’t you go talk to him.”

“Oh I dunno,” I sunk in my seat. “He was probably just being nice,”

“He gave you at least a hundred quid worth of alcohol,” Jordan quickly held his hands up counting, “More so actually,”

“Yeah what harm could come from it, Y/N?” George laughed happily, “You go on a date, He takes you to the movies… Free popcorn right?”

“Go on Y/N, you’ve got this,” Charlotte said slinging an arm around Dean’s neck. “We believe in you.”

“Y/N this could be the best decision of your life.” Dean smiled subtly looking from me to a George. I took a deep breath and pushed myself out of my chair, walking up to the bar where Tom was cleaning glasses, his back to me. I cleared my throat as I neared the table, waiting for him to notice my approach. I got closer to him causing him to look up, He smiled widely as soon as he saw me causing me to smile softly to a blush coming to my cheeks.

“Hi again,” I waved awkwardly,

“Back for another round already?”

“Oh, no. I wanted to talk to you…” I began to fiddle with my hands, “Thank you for the drinks, you didn’t have to do that,”

“It’s no problem,”

“Are you sure? I don’t want you to get in trouble,”

“Worst the owners will do to me is give me a grounding, but I’m sure once I tell them it was for a pretty girl, they’ll forgive me.”

“I’m Y/N,” I smiled holding my hand out, fighting the urge to hide my burning cheeks beneath my hair.

“Nice to meet you Y/N, I’m Tom.” I smiled brightly.

“I remember,” It was his turn to smile and nod his head.

“Are you having a good time?” I nodded my head interlocking my hands with one and other as they hung in front of me,

“I am, my two friends are one a date, but they’re nervous and Dean made us all come, so we’re all here,” I said as I turned to look at the table where I was sitting only moments ago, everyone except Harry was still watching intently he was fiddling on his phone. “Sorry, they’re a little…”

“Over involved?” He offered. I giggled and nodded my head smiling at Tom. He looked down at his watch. “I’m sorry to do this, I have to get back to work but…” He smiled pulling a pen out of his pocket. “Maybe you can give me your number?”

“Yeah,” I nodded my head taking the pen from him, I grabbed a nearby napkin and scribbled down my number, handing it back to him.

“I’ll be expecting a message from you Y/N.” He smiled at me, another heart piking wink before he walked down the end of the bar. I watched him as served another couple before I turned to walk back to the table sitting down wordlessly.

“Did you get his number.” Charlotte cried, “Someone tell me, is she smiling, what’s happened?”

“Y/N?” Henry smirked from across the table. I nodded my head causing the table to let out a loud holler, “That’s my girl!”

“He seemed nice.” Jordan beamed at me.

“He seemed a bit full of himself if you ask me,” Harry mumbled playing with his cutlery.

“Let’s just order dinner, I’m sure he won’t even message me… He was probably being polite,”

#george mackay #georgemackay #george mackay fanfic #george mackay imagine #Harry Styles #Harry Styles x Reader #HarryStyles #Harry Styles Imagine #Harry Styles Fanfic

35 notes · View notes

shijiujun · 6 years ago

Text

history3 ep10 summary - POOR SHAO FEI AND TANG YI BB, this is what heartbreak looks like

I JUST ABOUT DIED. I DID. THE LAST PART WAS MAD - just this 30 seconds alone carried the entire fucking episode

We are at the halfway mark - Part of me doesn’t want it to end at all but I need to see the birthday cake and domestic scenes ASAP!! Currently I’m just enjoying the ride and so glad we get to see Chris and Jake and Andy and Kenny and everyone of those other hot and excellent actors in this show. I’ve never done a GIF or subtitled in all my years on tumblr before History3 - life changing this is what this show is and I’m so happy we’re all doing this together! Let’s make it through the halfway mark together omgosh excited guys!!!!!

Shopping scene with Shao Fei + Hong Ye: Hong Ye is telling SF to walk faster they go into a department store and she keeps changing clothes OMG LOL THEY ARE SO CUTE TGT!!! She wears smth with ruffles and then asks SF how it looks and then he’s like ‘why do u look like a seaweed’ and she’s like ‘who’s a seaweed you’re a seaweed’ and then she dances LOL and then LOL HE FELL ASLEEP WHILE SHOPPING WITH HER AND LOST HER omg Shao Fei seriously

They’re playing a game on the escalator this is the funniest shit and OF COURSE she brings him to a lingerie shop and omg Shao Fei so poor thing just sits there and OMG YAS HONG YE SISTER-BROTHER RIVALRY and she buys him UNDERWEAR and she’s like “hang on a second, this is too big for you, you need a smaller one” LOL BURN

Carpark/shooting scene: They’re almost like friends or something, although later after we see the hong ye and bodyguard ah de scene you’ll realise why she was speaking to shao fei like that (because she knew smth was going to happen and she thought everything was going to go to plan but who knew they were coming with guns) and anw, then the bullets start going off and shao fei protects her with all of his body like OH MY GOD - And wow the angle of the shot and how it struck SF is totally wrong and omggg this scene was faster than I thought JESUS CHRIST - is it just me or did Shao Fei get hit on the wrong side? Either they missed a scene or the bullet came from elsewhere

and then we get the scene of tang yi storming into the hospital and he goes straight for hong ye first, hugs her as she cries etc. and then hot doctor is there and when hot doctor is NOT SMILING YOU KNOW SHIT IS ABOUT TO GO DOWN - anyway, the nurse tells hot doctor that the surgery has been prepped, and then hot doctor nods and says ‘let’s go’ - and that’s when tang yi REMEMBERS AND LOOKS UP - “is that for meng shao fei?” And his look of absolute regret is ridiculous

and hot doctor just somberly nods

Police chief STILL DOESNT KNOW THAT SHAO FEI HAS BEEN SHOT omg he’s going around doing his usual shit and everyone is clearing shit with him and fuck he misses shao fei so much I like that they finally show that shao fei is useful in the office and everyone is dependent on him and then suddenly Yu Qi turns up because she somehow got the call that shao fei is in the hospital

Oh goddddd Tang Yi’s face as he sits there AND LOL Dao yi (glasses guy) knows police chief quite well he called him Brother Bao, and tells him to calm down and they will take care of everything but POLICE CHIEF AINT HAVING NONE OF THAT BULLSHIT he pushes dao yi aside and this is one of the only times he can legit grab a mob boss by the neck and not get shot at after - police chief loves Shao Fei so much you can tell he totally lost it and Hong Ye genuinely feels bad and she’s saying sorry over and over to him as tang yi sits there catatonic - tang yi is totally quiet

also not sure if you guys caught it but the older guy in the investigative team, the one who always kind of says smth subtly bad about shao fei, he shot a look to bodyguard ah de when police chief was confronting tang yi in the hospital - they are totally up to something, corrupt police!!!!

The rest of the investigative team - LOL Zhao zi: “wow I’ve never seen police boss chief grab someone so much larger than him by the neck” - Yu Qi really likes Shao Fei, she’s crying by herself at the stairs and police chief is the one who’s standing by Shao fei’s door the moment he’s out of surgery and he scoffs “what ‘they’ll take care of everything’? the moment they heard shao fei was going to pull through they all left’- he tells zhao zi that they’ll start investigating who the fuck was behind the shooting and reminds them all to be careful

Captain Shi: “those who dare to touch any one from the investigative team, I’ll bring them all back to the police station!!!!”

OMG WE GET THE SCENE WHERE TANG YI IS HOTLY WALKING AND RIPPING OFF HIS JACKET AND OH JESUS CHRIST BRASS KNUCKLES?!!! Anw here’s the gem oh my god: Tang yi comes in where the culprit is already seated and he tells everyone to get the fuck out (OMG YOU KNOW HE MEANS BUSINESS)

Ah De is like ‘boss, this is a small thing, let me do it’ - and he’s so damn insistent on interrogating the culprit himself even though tang yi is literally ready to set fire on the bitch you know and i’m like AH DE THAT IS SO NOT SMART YOU WANNA DIE?!

and well, we all called it - tang yi hears that and he’s like wtf and he gets mad, hauls bodyguard ah de off his feet and slams him against the wall and yells: “SMALL THING?! HE TOUCHED MY PEOPLE, AND YOU CALL IT A SMALL THING?!”

and bodyguard is like fuckkkk: “yes i’m sorry boss, i said the wrong thing, i’ll leave now”

and then he goes out and hovers by the door while tang yi puts on his brass knuckles and starts punching the dude who is yelling a bit like... not realistically HAHAHAHA - and omg Jack hit it right on the nail, he asked Brother De why he looks so worried and ‘jokingly’ asks, “why, do u know the person inside?” And Brother De is so angry and defensive - jack totally knows what is up

Brother de and Hong Ye meet up and here we find out that they ordered the hit on shao fei in a sense to get rid of him - they wanted to show tang yi that shao fei can’t protect anyone and then chase him away, but they were supposed to come teach shao fei a lesson with like wooden sticks and not guns - hong ye was a bit stunned by that as well and she asked ah de like wtf did you really want to kill me?! and ah de is like confused also, he doesn’t really know how the plan went wrong?! and hong ye is like, whatever, i will cooperate with you only up to here, if tang yi manages to get any answers, it’s all on you (like not cool hong ye, tang yi would totes forgive you if you just admitted it i think)

anyway, switch to the balcony scene with tang yi and jack, where jack asks who it was that ordered the hit, and tang yi says: “chen wen hao”

okay so my theory is that maybe chen wen hao really has smth to do with this - he kind of derailed the plan and changed it to legitly wanting to kil hong ye and shao fei (more hong ye than shao fei more likely) - but right now they dont know it they just think that they’re safe and their story checks out

Okay so Hong Ye and Dao Yi - Gosh she’s kind of a brat but I get where she’s coming from. anyway she leaves brother de and then dao yi is waiting for her in the carpark - the man knows he way better than she knows herself, and i think he knows that she had something to do with the shooting, but he didn’t say anything except to hint that she better leave shao fei up to tang yi and stop trying to interfere. hong ye is adamant that shao fei is a different kind of person from them, and dao yi is like: “that’s for the boss to decide. the way he treats him... shao fei is different to him”

OH MY GOD THANK YOU SOMEONE SAYING IT AS IT IS FINALLY NO MORE SUBTLE LOOKS AND SMILES SOMEONE SAID IT

and anw, hong ye manages to make this entire thing about her and how dao yi doesn’t love her - sister, i really get you and dao yi really needs to get his shit together, but srsly, a man just got shot for you because you were unhappy with his presence - and gosh unrequited (actually requited) love, but i get her in this part

but seriously, i get that she want shao fei out of the way but they way she did it was totally wrong, does she not know that tang yi is soft for him and cares for him like he has no one else before? she was willing to hurt him to make a point, and then ah de is - gosh dude get a grip

AND OMGGGGGG TANG YI’S FACE AS HE IS BY SHAO FEI’S BEDSIDE - this is what heartbreak looks like guys, he looks like he’s saying goodbye and his fucking expression - wow Chris did a fucking good job he totally looks heartbroken and as if shao fei died or smth, he’s holding his hand and air-tracing his nose and he looks like he’s going to cry - HE REALLY LOVES HIM GUYS - the emotion was really right on point

(and lol the chinese audience - they were scolding tang yi during the first part of the ep because he didn’t seem to have much of a reaction to shao fei’s injury and then when the last part came everyone went BATSHIT CRAZY)

what the fuck is going to happen next episode? i ask, but i know already - tang yi is getting ready to say goodbye to shao fei and push him away because he realised how dangerous it is for shao fei to be around him BUT OUR FAVE CHARACTERS WILL FIND SOME WAY TO BE TOGETHER AGAIN NO WORRIES I DOUBT THEIR BREAKUP WILL LAST MORE THAN AN EP

#history 3: 圈套 #history3圈套 #history 3: trapped #history3: trap #history3 spoilers #summary

52 notes · View notes

neuxue · 6 years ago

Text

Wheel of Time liveblogging: The Gathering Storm ch 43

I get the argument I’ve been waiting for, and Egwene wins (in absentia) the battle she’s preparing for

Chapter 43: Sealed to the Flame

Egwene sat quietly in her tent, hands in her lap. She controlled her shock, her burning anger and her incredulity.

YES. THANK YOU. This is precisely the reaction I was hoping for and I’m so very glad we’re continuing almost exactly where we left off, because I want to watch this.

Now let just a little of that control go and break up with Gawyn, please.

Egwene had allowed no attendants besides Chesa this morning. She had even turned away Siuan, who had undoubtedly come to offer some kind of apology.

Less dramatic than throwing an inkwell at her, but really I’m just here for the ‘Egwene being furious at being “rescued” against her will’ and will be content with more or less any form it takes.

Egwene needed time to think, to prepare, to deal with her failure. And it was a failure. Yes, it had been forced on her by others, but those others were her followers and friends.

Ah, Egwene. This was not your fault. You did everything you could.

And as I was typing that it occurred to me…this is right after the chapter where Rand absolves himself of responsibility for what is happening in Arad Doman, tells himself he’s done everything he can and there’s nothing else he can do, and walks away. And so of course we immediately get Egwene doing almost the opposite. Taking a situation where she really has done just about everything she could, and still looking at it critically for places where she could have done better.

She was carried away via gateway, just like Rand, but unlike Rand she looks back.

Perhaps she had been too secretive. It was a danger—secrecy.

3.5 MILLION WORDS BUT WE FINALLY GOT THERE.

Okay, fine, other characters have occasionally expressed similar sentiments. Still. For the effective Amyrlin Seat of all people to even consider that there are dangers to secrecy, that secrecy could be a failure is…quite something. Round of applause for Egwene.

Egwene ran her fingers along the smooth, tightly woven pouch she wore tied to her belt. Inside was a long, thin item, retrieved secretly from the White Tower earlier in the morning.

Vora’s sa’angreal? Or…the Oath Rod? And by ‘earlier in the morning’ does she mean she went back into the Tower? I suppose the game is kind of up at this point in terms of her being a captive of any sort, so she could in theory come and go as she pleases…

Yes, Egwene had made mistakes. She could not lay all the blame on Siuan, Bryne, and Gawyn.

It’s fine; if you don’t, I will. Egwene’s probably in the right here but do I care? Not particularly. (Oh wait, that was Gawyn’s mistake. Damn it, now I’m conflicted. FINE, Egwene, be the voice of reason).

She had likely made other mistakes as well; she would need to look at her own action sin more detail later.

I like this, because it’s honest self-criticism and self-examination without self-loathing or self-flagellation. (‘Self’ no longer looks like a word). It’s a more difficult balance than it seems, sometimes, and this is such a calmly rational example. She has made mistakes, and she can accept that and know that she needs to learn from them, without dwelling needlessly on them and berating herself for them. She can’t change what has happened, after all, but she can try to learn from it and do better next time. What a weirdly healthy and productive way of dealing with things!

She’d been pulled from the White Tower on the brink of success. What was to be done?

That’s a difficult question, especially given the huge blind spot she has in terms of: what is happening in the Tower right now? Also, how close to success was she? Narratively speaking, it feels like she was PRETTY DAMN CLOSE, and also there was that whole paragraph of ‘surprise! Elaida’s out of the picture’ but Egwene doesn’t even know that. So will those in the Tower decide that she is Amyrlin in truth, or will they look for another solution? And what can she do to push that the right way, without fucking everything up completely? It’s such a fine balance, and there are so many unknowns, and anything she does risks disaster.

So, no pressure or anything, Egwene.

So she remained seated, arms on the hand rests, wearing a fine silken gown of green with yellow patterns on the bodice.

Green and Yellow, for battle and healing. Battle or healing? Either way, both represent the conflict with the Tower right now.

Yeah, she definitely can’t just go back and resume her old role—she knows full well that only worked because they thought she was actually a captive. And in a way, the realisation that she wasn’t, that she could have left anytime she wanted and spared herself all that pain, might be another thing for those still in the Tower to think over. How many would willingly subject themselves to that, all for the sake of the Tower? It could certainly add to her…legend, I suppose. Or it could undermine her. It just depends on who’s looking at it and how they want to spin things. So many unknowns…

She was realising more and more that being the Amyrlin wasn’t different. Life was a tempest, whether you were a milkmaid or a queen. The queens were simply better at projecting control in the middle of that storm. If Egwene looked like a statue unaffected by the winds, it was actually because she saw how to bend with those winds. That gave the illusion of control. No. It was not just an illusion.

Surrender to control. Accept that she is as subject to the whims of the Pattern as anyone, and instead of fighting that, use it. Power is an illusion of perception, so creat the image of control, of power, of calm, and you’re halfway there.

It’s not the first time she’s had to think along these lines, but it feels like a…closing bookend, in a sense, where the opening one was Moiraine telling her ‘because I remembered how to control saidar’ and Egwene being faced with that notion, and what it truly means, for the first time.

She had to be as logical as a White, as thoughtful as a Brown, as passionate as a Blue, as decisive as a Green, as merciful as a Yellow, as diplomatic as a Grey. And yes, as vengeful as a Red, when necessary.

Of all Ajahs and of none, in truth. It’s what the Tower as a whole needs to be; the Ajahs must work together to make the Tower an entity unto itself, rather than a collection of disparate fragments. And so, in Egwene, that unity and diversity is embodied. And it’s not just empty words; she understands what it means to be of all Ajahs and none, and the importance of it.

That left her with a difficult decision. She had a fresh army of fifty thousand troops, and the White Tower had suffered an incredible blow. The Aes Sedai would be exhausted, the Tower Guard broken and wounded.

Ah. That’s…I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that this is her conclusion, given the information she has and the position she’s in. Because she’s right; if she’s going to do this, she has a very small window of time, and she could maybe succeed with minimal casualties, if the Tower is weakened enough to surrender rather than fight.

But…she just protected the Tower in battle. To bring another battle against it feels…

She hoped that history would eventually forgive her.

Oh, Egwene.

(Forgive me, for calling this mercy as well).

It just feels like a mistake, though from where she’s standing it’s entirely reasonable, and maybe the best option. She can’t wait for the Aes Sedai in the Tower to call her back as Amyrlin, because she has absolutely no guarantees that they would do so. She can’t wait here, because then the Tower will regain its strength and an attack would only be worse. She’s tried the diplomatic route, such as it is. She doesn’t know Elaida is gone. What choice does that leave her?

And she hates it; she is not approaching this unfeeling. But what else can she do?

It still feels like the wrong choice.

Seriously, Gawyn? You slept outside her tent? Someone needs to teach this boy the difference between ‘romantic’ and ‘excessive’.

But I am ready for this confrontation. For this to be a confrontation, that is, because if it is ANYTHING ELSE, I will probably just lose my shit. And not in a good way.

It was not the time to be a lovesick girl. It was time to be Amyrlin.

I like the way she consistently recognises the separation, and can shift between those roles without…losing herself, I suppose. Being the Amyrlin doesn’t mean killing the girl entirely, it just means knowing when to set her aside. And, fair, these days that’s most of the time. But she still allows that girl to be a part of who she is.

“Gawyn,” she said, raising a hand, stopping him as he stepped toward her. “I haven’t begun to think about what to do with you. Other matters demand my attention.”

THIS IS WHAT I WANTED. Well, honestly, I was up for just about anything that involved a confrontation, but Egwene opening with this not-mad-just-disappointed-don’t-talk-to-me-right-now calm yet exasperated and so very this-is-not-my-priority-go-wait-in-the-corner, only-adult-in-the-situation is DELIGHTFUL.

“No,” Gawyn said, stepping up in front of her. “Egwene, we need to talk.”

“Later.”

“No, not later, burn it! I’ve waited months.”

Oh, poor you. You know who else has waited months? Egwene. To deal with the Tower. Not just waited, but has been actively working towards this. This has been her job, Gawyn, and she needs to deal with it right now because it’s sort of non-trivial in case you haven’t noticed, and your ego can take a damn number and wait. You are not the most important thing here. It’s time you recognised that there is more going on than the things affecting you.

But that’s Gawyn’s whole…thing, isn’t it? He self-deprecates like no other, but he still sees himself as the centre of this story. He is the perfect heroic archetype, the golden prince who knows exactly how his story is meant to go, who knows the script and still cannot understand why it’s not…working. Cannot understand what story he’s actually in, and hasn’t yet worked out how to look past that and see the truth of what’s actually happening, unclouded by the lens of his own perception that tells him to look at everything through the eyes of the Hero Of The Story. That was who he was raised to be, after all, until the Pattern decided to deal him a hand of ‘fuck you’.

I’ve said it before; it’s a fascinating thing to do with a character—to basically have him read out, say, Romeo’s lines while everyone around him is doing Twelfth Night—but right now, when it’s getting in the way of Egwene being awesome and making him into every stereotype of That Guy, I’m just fed up with it.

Telling her ‘no, you need to talk to me because I’ve been waiting’ when she’s about to go do her job is just. No. Don’t be that guy, Gawyn.

“I said that I hadn’t sorted through my feelings yet,” she said coolly, “and I meant it.”

He set his jaw. “I don’t believe that Aes Sedai calmness, Egwene.”

Oh man I’ve heard this conversation. Hell, I’ve had this conversation. LISTEN. TO. WHAT. SHE’S. TELLING. YOU. When she says she’s not sure, or that she needs to think about something, especially when she’s angry at you, it’s probably a terrible idea to just…say that you know better. That you know what she’s thinking better than she does.

“I’ve sacrificed—”

“You’ve sacrificed?” Egwene interrupted, letting a little anger show. “What about what I sacrificed to rebuild the White Tower? Sacrifices that you undermined by acting against my express wishes? Did Siuan not tell you that I had forbidden a rescue?”

“She did,” he said stiffly. “But we were worried about you!”

“Well, that worry was the sacrifice I demanded, Gawyn,” she said, exasperated.

YOU TELL HIM, EGWENE.

When I said I wanted to be a fly on the wall when Egwene wakes up, this is exactly what I meant.

Because someone needs to get it through Gawyn’s head that he is not the only agent in this story. That yes, he has made sacrifices and yes, he was worried, but that doesn’t give him any sort of priority over other people who have done the exact same. It doesn’t give him priority over Egwene’s responsibilities to the Tower and her role, and it sure as hell doesn’t give him authority to override her decisions.

Do you even know what she’s been through, Gawyn? What she’s accomplished? What she’s working for even now? Has it ever occurred to you to ask?

Or did you never think beyond what you’ve been through and what you’ve done in order to be with her. Because obviously only your actions and thoughts matter in that regard, right? Because once you’re together she’ll just…exist exactly as you want and everything will go according to your plans and you’re the only one who could possibly make it so and what business could she possibly have of her own outside of that?

Am I being a little unfair to Gawyn? Maybe. But wow does this push all of my buttons regarding a specific pattern of behaviour a lot of guys show with regards to their female love interests, both in fiction and in reality.

So watching Egwene tear him a new one over it is wonderfully cathartic, I must say.

“Don’t you see what a distrust you have shown me?”

YES. THIS. EXACTLY.

He decided to rescue her against her express orders because…well, of course he has to rescue her! Of course he knows better than she does! And there is absolutely no trust in that. Even if Egwene were wrong, even if she did need to be rescued—and that’s certainly a possibility; there’s no way of knowing what would happen if she were still in the Tower—going against her wishes like this, without even asking her or trying to find a way to communicate with her or persuade her or explain your view of the situation to see if it matches hers is a massive display of…not even distrust but of failing to even consider her competence. It’s patronising.

Anyway I just love watching Egwene articulate all of this. She’s not just angry; she’s very clear about why she’s angry. And she gets pretty quickly to the heart of it: that he didn’t trust her. Or consider that her opinion and her read on the situation should be trusted. He just came in with barely any knowledge of the situation and assumed, immediately, that he knew better than she did.

Gawyn didn’t look ashamed; he just looked perturbed.

Yeah, well, he should. I’ll give him some credit if he actually takes to heart what she’s saying, but that remains to be seen.

“You love me, Egwene,” he said stubbornly. “I can see it.”

*flings book across the room*

Guys? Friendly piece of advice. Telling a woman how she feels, while ignoring what she is telling you regarding how she feels? Not attractive.

Anyway Egwene is doing a rather excellent job here.

“Egwene the woman loves you,” she said. “But Egwene the Amyrlin is furious with you. Gawyn, if you’d be with me, you have to be with both the woman and the Amyrlin. I would expect you—man who was trained to be First Prince of the Sword—to understand that distinction.”

Gawyn looked away.

DRAG HIM.

That was beautiful. Calm, cool, entirely justified, and right on target.

She has to walk that line so carefully herself, between Egwene the woman and Egwene the Amyrlin, and she’s absolutely right that if he is to be with her, he has to understand and—perhaps more importantly—accept that. Accept that she has a role and a duty that exists entirely outside of him, no matter what he might want, and that she can’t toss it aside for him. Nor does she want to.

And…yeah, he should understand that, raised as he was to be First Prince of the Sword to a sister who would be Queen. He should, but he doesn’t, because he was also raised to be the hero of his story, and Egwene is…not playing the role he thought she would, and he’s confused.

And being a dick about it.

“You don’t believe it, do you?” she asked.

“What?”

“That I’m Amyrlin,” she said. “You don’t accept my title.”

“I’m trying to,” he said as he looked back at her.

Yeah sorry but that only gets you a very, very small amount of partial credit. I get that it’s a surprise, and he’s hardly the first to react with disbelief, but…even if he doesn’t fully believe it, and even if it’s a struggle to get his mind around it, he needs to not let that affect his trust in her.

The appropriate response would be something like ‘yeah it’s a surprise, and honestly kind of hard to believe—how did it happen? Is there anything I can help with?’

Even Mat looks better in comparison—he acted like a complete arse when he first heard that Egwene was Amyrlin, but what he did just before he left for The Worst Plotline Ebou Dar, bowing to her and calling her ‘Mother’ to make a point in front of the Aes Sedai who saw her as nothing more than a puppet, was far more the right thing to do. He still doubted, but outwardly he did what he could to support her, and to let her know he supported her.

“But bloody ashes, Egwene. When we parted you were just an Accepted, and that wasn’t so long ago. Now they’ve named you Amyrlin? I don’t know what to think.”

‘But Egwene, it doesn’t make sense to me with my incomplete knowledge of the situation, so you must be wrong’.

Oh, sorry Gawyn, am I putting words into your mouth? Telling you how you really feel? Wonder what that feels like.

“And you can’t see how your uncertainty undermines anything we could have together?”

FUCKING YES.

DO NOT LET HIM OFF EASY.

ASSUMING SOMEONE’S INCOMPETENCE IS NOT ATTRACTIVE.

Every bit of this conversation—no, that’s a lie, every bit of Egwene’s side of this conversation—is exactly what I was hoping it would be and more.

And finally he’s like okay fine I’ll try to change but you need to guide me because I can’t seem to work it out for myself and need someone to hold my hand every step of the way.

I’m paraphrasing, but he deserves it.

“Fine,” Egwene said, passing him. “I can’t think about that now. I have to go order people I care about to slaughter another group of people I care about.”

What a beautiful dismissal. What a beautiful assertion of priorities. Sorry, Gawyn, go wait in the corner with your confusion and your feelings because the grown-ups have some tough decisions to make about, you know, the fate of the world and stuff.

On another note entirely…it’s again a contrast in the making of those harsh decisions between Egwene and Rand. For her, the caring is inextricably tied to it. This is a hard decision and people will die and she has to make it anyway, knowing that.

Gawyn’s like ‘but won’t that make you sad’ and yeah, Gawyn, it will. Better that it would than that it wouldn’t, because we’ve seen what happens when the latter state of mind is reached. (I mean, it was one hell of a beautiful scene, but it wasn’t exactly uh. A good thing).

“I will do what must be done, Gawyn,” she said, meeting his eyes. “For the good of the Aes Sedai and the White Tower. Even if it is painful. Even if it tears me apart inside. I will do it if it needs to be done. Always.”

And she will accept that pain as she has accepted so much pain already, accept it and let it tear her apart inside and go on anyway. She doesn’t spend time hating herself for it, or trying to wall it off; there’s no point. And so she accepts what she must do, and the pain as part of it, because she believes in her reasons for doing it. Because she’s fighting for something. She’ll make these decisions, but she will weigh them against those costs and against that pain and she will not take the harshest route simply because it is the easiest.

But she will take it, if she has to. She has the capacity to be ruthless, and if she needs to, she will be. She will order death today, unless something happens to prevent it. Like Rand, she will do what she believes is necessary, even if there is a cost.

‘This was your fault’ is always a good way to start a scene. No futile arguments here, definitely not.

We’re with the Ajah heads—that much was obvious from the opening dialogue, really. Who else would sit in a circle discussing whom among them is to blame? Get it together, please.

I’m pretty sure we’re in Jesse Bilal’s POV but it’s a little hard to tell. Okay, yes, we are. And she’s not exactly singing this group’s praises. That at least is promising; maybe Egwene’s not the only one capable of learning from her mistakes.

Ferane Neheran—First Reasoner of the White—was a small, stout woman who, oddly for a White, often seemed more temper than logic. Today was one of those times: she sat scowling, her arms folded. She’d refused a cup of tea.

What is wrong with you?

(I’ll take that tea, if you’re not having it.)

(And I no longer trust Ferane.)

Jesse, Adelorna, Ferane, Suana, and Serancha. Pretty sure we knew most of those, but it’s good to have a solid list.

“There is little use in assigning blame.” Suana attempted to be soothing

And, more importantly, the rational adult in the room, it would seem.

Meanwhile Adelorna’s still spoiling for a fight. Save it for Tarmon Gai’don.

“and the Dragon Reborn still walks the earth unfettered.”

In more ways than you know.

At least now they’ve moved on to ‘our’ fault, rather than ‘your’ fault. Accepting responsibility is helpful. Trying to pass it off to the next person like a hot potato is less so.

The first [opportunity] had been the easiest to take hold of: send Sitters to the rebels to steer them and hasten a reconciliation. The most youthful of Sitters had been chosen, their replacements in the Tower intended to serve only a short time. The Ajah heads had been certain this ripple of a rebellion could be easily smoothed over.

And so Siuan’s strange ‘pattern’ has an explanation at last. That’s…not too far off what I was thinking, though I certainly didn’t put together the whole of it. It makes sense—or at least, it makes sense that they would at least try something like this.

They hadn’t taken it seriously enough. That had been their first mistake.

Yours, and so many others’.

The didn’t take it seriously enough, and they vastly overestimated their own ability to control their agents. And vastly underestimated Elaida’s capacity to fuck shit up.

“And then there were the rebels. Far more difficult to control than presumed.”

Thanks in very large part to Siuan, Leane, and Egwene. Without those three, the Ajah heads’ plan may well have worked.

We never should have let Elaida disband the Blue Ajah, Jesse thought. The Blues might have been willing to come back, had it not happened. But it was such a dishonour that they dug in. Light only knew how dangerous that was; the histories were filled with accounts of how dogged the Blues could be at getting their way, particularly when they were forced into a corner.

Or trapped in another dimension?

“I think it is time to admit that there is no hope to save our plans,” Suana said. “Are we agreed?”

“Agreed,” Adelorna said.

One by one, the sisters nodded their heads, and so did Jesse herself. Even in this room, it was difficult to admit fault. But it was time to cut their losses and begin rebuilding.

Jesse’s not understating it—that’s a hard thing for anyone to admit, much less leaders of a group known for pride and stubbornness. For them to agree to move past it, to focus on rebuilding rather than on clinging to a plan and to power they’ve lost, is a major step.

Now make the right decision, you five.

So far so good: they’re pretty much immediately unanimous in the decision to abandon Elaida to her fate.

“The Amyrlin is buried somewhere in a mass of Seanchan captives”

An experience both Amyrlin claimants now share.

Of course, this means the days of keeping Travelling from the Seanchan are over, but that always felt like an inevitability. Too many people know it at this point; eventually, something was going to go wrong. You can’t keep a secret with that many.

“Then we need a replacement,” Serancha said. “But who?”

Three guesses how this ends.

But this is what Egwene has been driving towards. Not Elaida’s fall so much as the Aes Sedai’s choice. Her battle wasn’t truly against Elaida; it was a fight to unite the Tower around her, to heal the cracks with it and give them a leader they could trust and rely on and look to. And for that to work, they have to choose her.

So in that sense, it doesn’t matter than Elaida is out of the picture so much as it matters that they choose Egwene. It is about the choice, not about the fight.

“What about Saerin Asnobar?” Jesse asked. “She has shown uncanny wisdom of late, and she is well liked.”

“Of course you’d choose a Brown,” Adelorna said.

And that, right there, is why Egwene is going to win this. Because the divisions between the Ajahs still run too deep for any sister who wears the shawl to gain support. No matter the Ajah, it would be seen as unfairness.

Maybe a Blue would have a chance, as the Blue was disbanded within the Tower and therefore wasn’t really able to become as much a part of the inter-Ajah enmity. But that would mean choosing one of the rebels, and choosing someone who none of them have seen or interacted with for almost a year, and people don’t work that way.

So of course they all start advocating members of their own Ajah, and defending their own Ajah’s virtues as the best for the situation, and you’re all missing the point. All of those things are needed. That’s why the Amyrlin is meant to be of all Ajahs and none; because no one virtue or goal is sufficient on its own, or better than the others. But they can’t look past the Ajah traits and stereotypes to accept that a woman chosen from one Ajah could indeed embody all.

“Are we just going to squabble as the Hall has been doing all morning? Each Ajah offering its own members, and the others summarily rejecting them?”

I mean…yes. That’s exactly what’s happening, and it doesn’t take the Foretelling to have predicted it.

Which only leaves one eligible candidate, really. Who has, coincidentally, spent the past weeks running a rather effective campaign.

Of course, they still don’t jump to the obvious conclusion, but first have a go at choosing one amongst themselves. Before rejecting that idea, too, as it would upset the delicate balance here.

Any day now, ladies.

“They’re so divided they can’t agree on what colour the sky is.”

Yeah, well, neither could the clouds in the Prologue, so at least they’re in keeping with the Pattern.

Suana really is the only adult in this room, and her patience is truly that of a saint. How many times has she had to say something along the lines of ‘okay, but we still need to deal with the actual issues here’?

Serancha shook her head. “I honestly can’t think of a single woman that a sufficient number of Sitters would support.”

“I can,” Adelorna said softly.

And so here we are. Finally. It seems inevitable…but the way it’s played out also feels very true to who the Aes Sedai are.

“She was mentioned in the Hall several times today. You know of whom I speak. She is young, and her circumstances are unusual, but everything is unusual at the moment.”

And more importantly, she is the one person among them all who has put more effort into uniting than dividing. The others have accepted that they must work together, but it is still a fragile acceptance, and as this conversation shows, difficult to maintain when things get complicated. It’s too easy to retreat behind the walls they’ve built around their Ajahs, too easy to cast blame and judgements. Too easy to fall apart. But Egwene has been working tirelessly to unite them despite that; Egwene, who never chose an Ajah, and who fought for a Tower even as it tried to reject her.

Who else could they choose?

The others still aren’t so sure, but they’re very quickly talking themselves into it. That’s what happens when there isn’t much choice. And when she has made quite the case for herself.

“You’ve heard the reports of her actions during the attack,” Adelorna said. “I can confirm that they are true. I was there with her for most of it.”

And called her Mother, as I recall.

“Surely some of what was said is exaggeration.”

Adelorna shook her head grimly. “No. It isn’t. It sounds incredible…but it…well, it happened. All of it.”

This is almost as good as the outsider POV realisations of what—or rather who—was happening during that battle. The part of me that reads fantasy for good old-fashioned wish-fulfilment loves these moments where characters realise, or point out, or are faced with, just how incredible another character is.

And this is what Egwene has worked for, and bled for. She deserves this, and they’re recognising it, and Gawyn should be taking notes.

“If the Sitters will not stand for someone of another Ajah, what of a woman who never picked an Ajah? A woman who has some experience—however unjustified—in holding the very position we are discussing?”

Never underestimate the value of previous job experience in a candidate for a leadership position. Ahem. I am absolutely not in any way speaking of a real-life political situation here, whatever gave you that idea?

As for the rest…it fits rather nicely with Egwene’s thoughts about the virtues of each of the Ajahs earlier in this chapter, and of how the Tower requires all of them; how she must be able to embody all of them.

But how had the young rebel gained such respect from Ferane and Adelorna?

Good old-fashioned sweat, blood, and tears, mostly.

Also some well-timed fireballs and a killer Heroic Silhouette.

“Didn’t you yourself say that we had to heal the Tower, no matter what the cost?” Adelorna asked. “Can you honestly think of a better way to bring the rebels ack to us?”

That is also a very, very good point. It goes a long way towards allowing the rebels to rejoin the Tower and still save face; this way, both sides capitulate to a certain extent. The Tower accepts Egwene as Amyrlin, and the rebels accept the Tower, and Egwene can take care of the rest.

“You aren’t foolish enough to assume this woman will be led by the nose, are you?”

Good. Because the last…everyone…who tried that learned the hard way that no, she will not.

And so it is done.

Now we just have to hope they get word to Egwene before she orders an attack on the Tower, because that would ruin everything. After all she’s done…

Over to Siuan, who is watching Sheriam enter an apparently secret meeting with Egwene. Interesting.

At least she and Bryne understand that Egwene is Not Entirely Pleased with them and why.

“Nobody likes being disobeyed, least of all the Amyrlin. I will pay for last night, Bryne. You’re right that it probably won’t be in a public way, but I worry that I’ve lost the girl’s trust.”

Siuan, you are bonded to the man—I think you can call him by his first name.

As for the rest…Siuan still thinks she made the right choice, but the difference between her and Gawyn is that she also accepts the consequences of it. She knows she has likely damaged the trust between herself and Egwene, and she knows why, and doesn’t go on about how unfair it is.

“And what of the other costs?” Bryne added.

She could feel his hesitation, his worry. She turned to him, smiling in amusement. “You’re a fool, Gareth Bryne.”

He frowned.

“Bonding you was never a cost,” She said.

*Shakes head* what are we going to do with you two. Just kiss, damn it.

And coming from me, that’s saying something.

“I think I actually understand you now, Siuan Sanche. You are a woman of honour. It’s just that nobody else’s requirements of you can ever be more harsh or more demanding than your own requirements of yourself. You owe such a self-imposed debt to your own sense of duty that I doubt any mortal being could pay it back.”

That’s…a high compliment, from Bryne. And kind of sweet, I suppose. Either way, it’s a good contrast to Gawyn’s conversation with Egwene, in that this one is based on actual mutual understanding rather than on ‘I know half the situation and so I will Tell You How You Feel’.

Siuan’s still not entirely here for it, though.

“Are you going to tell me that other demand, or are you going to make me wait?”

He studied her stone face thoughtfully. “Well, frankly, I’m planning to demand that you marry me.”

And that’s…well, not the weirdest marriage proposal in these books, because Mat and Tuon exist, but it’s an entertainingly odd one. And fitting, for the two of them. Their entire relationship is like that��kind of adorably exasperating.

“But only after you feel the world can care for itself. I won’t agree to it before then, Siuan. You’ve given your life to something. I’ll see that you survive through it; I hope that once you’re done, you’ll be willing to give your life to something else instead.”

Aw. He gets it. He knows what this cause means to her, and he’s not going to ask her to decide between it and him; he’ll stand by her through this and then they can deal with what comes after. It really is a lovely contrast to Gawyn at the moment, who is…intentionally or otherwise demanding almost the opposite.

I think what makes this relationship relatively tolerable to me is more or less exactly this—it doesn’t really interfere with their plotlines. I mean, okay, it kind of does in the sense that it’s what brought Bryne to the rebels in the first place, but for the most part the two of them do their jobs first, and each other second. (Actually, I don’t think they do do each other; last we heard, Siuan was thinking about how he never even tried to kiss her, but my point is…)

I hope they do live through this. Mostly I hope Siuan lives through this, because the woman deserves some happiness in her life, and deserves to get to have a life, and I still need her reunion with Moiraine.

He replaced his hand on her shoulder. Soft, not forceful. Willing to wait. He did understand her.

TAKE. NOTES. GAWYN.

All right, Egwene, let’s see what this secret meeting of yours is all about.

Sheriam had seemed troubled as she entered. Did she realise what Egwene knew? She couldn’t. If she had, she’d never have come to the meeting.

Ah, is that what she’s called all the Sitters here for? A secret meeting, to do away with a very large secret, perhaps?

After what Egwene had been through in the White Tower, this squabbling felt ridiculously petty.

No shit. It’s all about perspective, isn’t it? Even the battle against the Seanchan begins to look almost petty when weighed against the imminent Last Battle…

“You said that there were important revelations to make,” Varilin added. “Is this regarding the Seanchan attack?”

Somehow I don’t think so. After Egwene’s thoughts earlier this chapter about secrecy, and the dangers of keeping secrets…

So it was the Oath Rod she took from the Tower this morning. Which means…

Huh. Of course. First, it means Egwene finally takes the Three Oaths. Here, with all the rebel Sitters to stand witness. A final step, in some ways; they’ve long since had to get over any hangups regarding her status as Aes Sedai, but those in the Tower still don’t all see it that way, and even amongst the rebels it was something that set her apart. If she is to unify them, she must be one of them.

However she may feel, or may once have felt, about the Oaths themselves, the point isn’t in them so much as it is in the indication of unity and community. They have these literally bone-deep oaths in common, and it’s been part of the Aes Sedai identity for so long that to question them, especially at a time when the Tower is already falling apart, could mean breaking the Aes Sedai completely. She has to swear, and have them witness her swearing, to demonstrate her commitment to that unity, that identity. To reaffirm it, almost, because in so many other ways they have lost sight of who they are.

None of them said anything about her not having taken the test to gain the shawl. She would see to that another day.

That almost does seem absurd, given everything they’ve seen her do, but again it’s more symbolic than anything.

“And now that you’ve seen me use the Oath Rod and know that I cannot lie, I will tell you something. During my time in the White Tower, a sister came to me and confided that she was Black Ajah.”

Oh, wow, we really are going for full transparency here.

Then again, this is one of those cases where the truth is more shocking and compelling than any evasion or truncation she could present them with. And Egwene does have something of a tradition of shocking the Hall.

“It is shameful, but it is a truth that we—as the leaders of our people—must admit. Not in public; but among ourselves there is no avoiding it. I have seen firsthand what distrust and quiet politicking can do to a people. I will not see the same disease infect us here. We are of different Ajahs, but we are single in purpose. We need to know that we can trust one another implicitly, because there is very little else in this world that can be trusted.”

But what colour is that trust, Egwene? Surely not any of the Ajah colours.

It’s such an important statement, though; and even more important that she’s backing it up by example. So much of this series has been focused around the consequences of not trusting, of keeping secrets, of operating on only partial information. And on those rare occasions when characters have truly trusted one another, it has almost always been rewarded.

They will have to trust one another if they are to face the Last Battle united. They will have to learn to work together, learn to be united, because otherwise they play into the Shadow’s hands.

Egwene looked up. “I am not a Darkfriend,” she announced to the room. “And you know it cannot be a lie.”

She demands trust and transparency, and so she begins by showing herself to be worthy of it. By telling them of that secret, and swearing in a way they know must be true that she does not serve the Shadow. Maybe they never doubted, but as with so much, it’s the symbolic act that counts here. She asks nothing of them that she will not do herself, and she proves herself trustworthy even as she demands that trust of them.

And now she’s going to use the same trick Seaine and the others used. Which might work in this sealed tent, but how is she planning to do that with all of the Aes Sedai, without word getting out or some of them running—or just attacking? Careful, Egwene.

Sheriam embraced the Source.

Ah. Well, there’s one. Subtle, Sheriam.

“Are you Black Ajah, Sheriam?” “What? Of course not!” “Do you consort with the Forsaken?”

(I’d have phrased that one a little differently, just saying…)

“No!” Sheriam said, glancing to the sides. “Do you serve the Dark One?” “No!” “Have you been released from your oaths?” “No!” “Do you have red hair?” “Of course not, I never—” She froze.

Does that actually work? If so, this is why you listen before you agree, and read the fine print before you sign. It’s well played on Egwene’s part, certainly, though it seems like Sheriam had already implicated herself enough by acting exactly like a child who’s just been caught with a hand in the cookie jar for the other Sitters to have restrained her and demanded that she swear on the Oath Rod, just as Saerin and that lot did with Talene.

But that would be less dramatic, wouldn’t it?

Or maybe Sheriam’s real secret is that she actually dyes her hair that colour.

“Ah, then,” the woman said softly, eyes mournful. “Who was it, now, who came to you?”

That’s…strangely accepting. I would have expected more fight from Sheriam, but in a way I suppose this also fits. There’s nowhere for her to go now, after all. And she only ever joined as a way to get ahead; I think she’s been regretting aspects of that choice for a long time now.

“Verin Mathwin.”

“Well, well,” Sheriam said, settling back on her chair. “Never expected it of her, I’ll say. How did she get past the oaths to the Great Lord?”

“She drank poison,” Egwene said, heart twisting.

“Very clever.” The flame-haired woman nodded. “I could never bring myself to do such a thing. Never indeed…”

It’s a quiet sort of testament to Verin’s strength, that she alone could exploit that loophole. That even someone like Sheriam might, in her way, admire her for it. Verin found a way out.

And Egwene isn’t hiding that. She promised Verin she would make sure the others knew she was never truly Black Ajah, not in her loyalties. And so Egwene tells what she knows, and doesn’t hide what Verin was and what she did, and what she sacrificed for it. She makes sure they know Verin for the hero she was, that her name is not tainted by the Ajah she had to claim.

Nice try, Moria. I’m still kind of bummed about that one, I’ll admit. She was such a critical voice in the vote to reach out to the Black Tower, and an important supporter for Egwene.

Egwene is not even remotely here for Romanda or Lelaine trying to start shit right now. Just…don’t even try it, you two. Not today. Or ever, really, but now is just so very not the time.

But they both submit to her request to re-swear the oaths, which in a way is almost a sign of respect.

Huh, none besides Sheriam and Moria, it seems. I’m a little surprised.

“From now on, we continue as one. No more squabbling. No more fighting. We each have the best interests of the White Tower—and the world itself—at heart.”

Clever of her, to tie those things together this way. The beginning of a…cleansing of the Black Ajah, and the need for unity and trust. She makes this into something that binds them, into a symbol of that trust she so desperately needs them to find, makes this as much a shared part of their identity as the oaths themselves, and directs it at the Tower and the world, aims it at a purpose. She binds them with this, and it works. Because she’s not just asking them to trust each other; she’s showing them why they should—showing them what they share, and proving the reasons for that trust, by also showing them who the enemy really is and forcing them to share in facing that truth.

It's very, very well done.

Now if she can do the same in the Tower…Seaine and Saerin and their group have made a good start, but part of their problem was the need to do it in secret, because they weren’t sure where they stood with Elaida, and also it was dangerous as all hell.

It still is, but if Egwene can work out a way to force this into the open, to make it a binding not just of these Sitters here but of all the Aes Sedai, to make it a point of shared trust and unity, and force them to recognise and look upon their true enemies—not each other, but the Shadow and those who serve it—it could go a long way towards closing those rifts.

She saw something of this, in her Accepted test. She remembered something about a ‘Great Purge’. So much from that test has come true, if often in a different way than how she saw it…

“It will be difficult, as we will have to seize all of them as simultaneously as possible.”

Their greatest advantage, beyond surprise, was going to be the inherently distrusting nature of the Black Ajah.

I mean, it’s not just the Black Ajah who are inherently distrusting, but I like your optimism.

Then again this is Egwene; she will make the rest of them trust each other through sheer force of will if she has to. She’s already made a good start.

Ah, so she does have a plan for how to accomplish that simultaneous arrest. IT could work.

“Light, what a mess,” Romanda muttered.

You’re not alone, Romanda. That’s a common sentiment these days.

“And what of the White Tower?” Lelaine said.

“Once we have cleansed ourselves,” Egwene said, “then we can do what must be done to reunify the Aes Sedai.”

“You mean—”

“Yes, Lelaine,” Egwene said. “I mean to begin an assault on Tar Valon by this evening.”

That’s…not a lot of time, for the Tower to get word to her. If the Ajah heads can even convince the Hall in time.

Could Egwene not make it an assault on the Black Ajah specifically, instead? Turn up in the Tower with the Oath Rod and find Sitters she can trust and tell them what Verin told her, and get them to swear? Even as I’m typing this I suppose there are so many ways that could go wrong. But there are also so many ways a battle against the Tower could go wrong, so…

“Light preserve us,” Lelaine whispered. “And forgive us for what we are about to do.”

My thoughts exactly, Egwene added.

A perfect echo of her thoughts. And a warped echo of another plea for forgiveness… This is not right. This could so easily break everything she has tried to build, and right as it’s about to pay off…

Next (TGS ch 44) Previous (TGS ch 42)

#now would be a very good time to invent the telephone #Wheel of Time #neuxue liveblogs WoT #The Gathering Storm

42 notes · View notes