#oh my god im a four kinnie

[lightboundhellhound]

have i told yall my least favorite number is four. fuck things that appear in fours- holy shit i was asked if i avoid certain numbers on that ocd test and i said no but i forgot about the bitch 4 ,,,, wtf

[weirdlypersonalrpmemes]

sentence starters: random shit i’ve said and thought about saying, part 2. ⤿   texts edition! tw: death, guns, murder, religious references, some suggestive prompts

[ txt ] oh yep. that body pillow with a picture of me taped to it

[ txt ] are you!!!! proud of me!!!!!

[ txt ] doing hot girl shit (messaging my grandparents)

[ txt ] i want him/her/them to fall in love with me so i can fuck up his/her/their life a little out of misplaced spite

[ txt ] we’re stopping the dragonfuckers from having their way with the world

[ txt ] i love you with my entire heart but i swear to god this next breath will be your last

[ txt ] help i think ive accidentally fallen in love with someone i dont know because im lonely and i may or may not get over it by tomorrow

[ txt ] personality cancelled. i kin [name] now

[ txt ] bottom pride

[ txt ] DAMN who is SHE???

[ txt ] listen. important women are so important

[ txt ] you like [name]? wow gws

[ txt ] so im understanding that people like uh........ men who work out..... furrie..s.....

[ txt ] do you ever just get gaydar but for kinnies?

[ txt ] i specifically took out the tone indicator to cause unrest

[ txt ] found a piece of a hash brown under my left tit so yeah, life is worth living again.

[ txt ] pro gamer moments: waking up at 3am in a cold sweat wondering when your life went to shit

[ txt ] im feeling some typa way (stressed. tired)

[ txt ] [name] got dumped and ididnt feel like being emotionally available so i ghosted him/her/them for four days

[ txt ] you ask for help from he who pushed you into the depths to begin with?

[ txt ] we live each day to forget about naughty boss.

[ txt ] it makes me want to shoot everyone. with a gun.

[ txt ] on one hand i’d be like “watch anime with me” but on the other hand. really? would i infect you like that?

[ txt ] oh to be the organic goddess dressing she carefully measures out onto a spoon and lightly drizzles onto her kale and avocado salad

[ txt ] the things i do for my youtube subscribers, i stg

[ txt ] at WHAT point do you take off your shirt for a picture

[ txt ] i think if i were to put my gender in words, it would be manchild

[ txt ] im like no this isn’t that one app that has some book called “mean girls are back” and you can’t go to prom and you die ugly and unloved if you don’t pay $43.99 usd

[ txt ] how else are we going to establish the love story if stalking isn't a part of the agenda

[luminous-shifting-vibes]

actual fucking quotes from the shiftblr coffeehouse discord server

out of context of course, what do you take me for? a sane person?

"they made lightning mcqueen hot"

"inch resting"

"Nix: Cars (2006) several people are typing..."

"im evaporating"

"enjoy precipitation"

"tow mater is more attractive than lightning mcqueen/hj"

"lightning mcqueen looks like he would call me a slur"

"why did I come back to a discussion regarding the attractiveness of vehicles"

"lark is the braincell of shiftblr tbh"

"you all need some grass in your life"

"me over here simping for block men and now literal cars"

"didn't nick wilde commit fraud canonically"

"i have no strong opinions on whether or not nick wilde is attractive"

"I AM AROMANTIC AND I AM NOT IMMUNE TO NICK WILDE"

"I am bisexual and I. Am not into Nick Wilde based on a simple fact he looks like he will drink all my pepsi and call me names"

"What is shiftbkr but not a bunch of simps"

"cries in Bianca Monroe"

"listen i have a folder called gayass

it is mostly pictures of kyoka jiro and virgil sanders"

"Nick Wilde x Reader where he steals your car 📷 carjacker to lovers AU 📷"

"he says "mama i like to step on keyboard""

"MY MOM JUST WALKED IN AND I HAD TO TELL HER I WAS LOOKING AT LIGHTING MC QUEEN HUMAN FANART"

"crab walks away"

""Y/N..." Nick whispered into your ear. "Your car...is a Honda Civic, right?" You looked up at Nick with a baffled expression. "Nick, my beloved? Whatever are you talking about?" "Just asking..." He said as he let you out of his embrace. "Hey, wanna see a magic trick, babe?" Your eyes sparkled. "Really, Nick? Of course!" Nick smiled. "Ok, close your eyes!" You giggled and closed your eyes, waiting for Nick to tell you to open up. Instead, you heard the loud rumble of a car starting up, and you open your eyes. Nick has stolen your car, and he has driven off into the sunset..."

"did y'all know his name used to be canonically Montgomery--he changed it to lightning mcqueen to get rid of his past"

"That is my exit number"

"cars trauma arc"

"wait do y'all know about car jesus" "as if jesus wasn't a ford focus in the bible"

"oh yall do not want to know about the trauma in my cars dr lmao"

"Dewit tau style babey make Lightning McQueen outlive everyone and stalk their reincarnations"

"Do they baptize other cars in like gasoline then"

"there is a pope car in the cars universe which means car jesus died for cars sins"

"NOT THE BOOMER MEMES"

"-lays facedown on the floor while caramelldansen plays-"

"like im serious how many of you guys endorse me falling face down on my floor" (NOT THE SAME PERSON AS PREVIOUS QUOTE)

"I will be Tall and no one can stop me"

"is a soft floor?"

"stop I thought faceplant meant like a succulent in the shape of a face instead of falling onto your noggin for a solid 10 seconds"

"Touch some grass??? What about eating grass"

"what if for every employee of the month i just printed out really horrible boomer memes"

"what ab smoking grass /j"

"Can the grassdirt smoothie be a special in the cafe"

"PLEASE IM ROLLING ON THE FLOOR REWRITINH THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE WHIKE SPEEDRUNINT MINECRAFT"

"you have to get good dirt from like the middle of a pennsylvanian forest for it to taste good though"

"I ate a four leaf clover as a kid cause i thought it would make me lucky"

"guys how do i see the mee6 leaderboard"

"I used to think i was half dragon and I ate plants out of sidewalk cracks"

"i think i punched someone"

"my parents told me to stop doing that so I looked at them and ate a flower"

"I ate grass when I was 9 bc I read warrior cats and thought I was a medicine cat ....................."

"bees are just spicy flies"

"I had a mental breakdown when I was three cause I didn’t know how to turn off a phone"

"My mom drank a bee once"

"when I was a baby I kinned ink sans."

"bro who here find the yellow hat man from curious george fine as heck 📷📷📷"

"mY LUNGSSSSSS"

"no one topping Him"

"I like em big"

"I think Moto Moto has no game like move over hunky boy I could beat you 1v1 Roblox Arsenal 📷📷📷"

"If you didnt have a crush on springtrap, jeff the killer, or Underfell/Gaster/Error sans don't talk to me /j"

"LOOK THEY'RE BOTH DILFS WITH ABS THAT WOULD FIGHT GOD"

"ZORO IS BANNED"

"Guys please help I found my old fnaf fanart from when I was 8 I'm in literal tears"

"OH NO BOT MY FIFTH GRADE HAMILTON PHASE"

"The worst attraction ive ever had has to be Sombra Overwatch"

"My family is like "save all ur art so I can sell it when you're famous" I literally could not sell this if I tried"

"screaming puppet"

"I just remembered Ive drawn overwatch/hamilton crossover fanart"

"my hermit crabs ate each other again"

"we're cannibals ????"

"having me here is a curse you have inflicted on yourselves and I for one am glad for it <3" "scitters around like a crab in anticipation"

"CARB DAY"

"WE NEED TO HAVE A WATCH OARTY"

"hey y'all ill be right back i have to throw away a crab carcass"

"if I watch cars I'm going to start laughing in the middle of it nonstop just because the word cars is funny and also cars are funny like how do you move silly little metal box with rubber circles"

"Lark asleep post catboy pitbul"

"Mwista Wowldwide! Nya!" "hermit crab 2: electric boogaloo"

"Is that why your name is chaos"

"manifest the crab power!!"

"cool dex fact: i can't read 📷"

"sighs adds to worship these entities list"

"with a knife <3"

"yeah and if he betrays me I could probably throw him across the atlantic ocean"

"give me his eyes"

"my good citizen i am a- wait no im nonbinary nvm"

"it worked on a fish idk what to tell you"

"what is gender??? Is that a board game?? If so can I be apples to apples that one's my favorite"

"CHUTES AND LADDERS"

"anyways actually my gender is Candyland"

"Oh god romes the destroyer of friendships/j"

"i am a simple gay i see math i run in the opposite direction survival instincts 101"

"math my beloathed"

"algebra makes me want to rip open a bag of swedish fish and swallow them whole"

"cackles in they're au characters and this will be very fun"

"pog !!!! me too ksajgks one of my drs is a sanders sides au"

"Is that bipper"

"tumblr sexyman"

"Good because he’ll fuck u up if u hurt a child"

"I want a wing-suit"

"looks like a bean would poison someone"

"my hermit crabs are cannibals what can i say"

"sonic the hedgehog kinnie"

"get yourself a man who is capable of the most ungodly actions but won't do them because of their morality owo"

"tell him he can steal my wallet"

"eyes"

"idk about y'all but I need blueberry sweet tea to live"

"y'know the red souls from soul eater i really want to eat those"

"but like only respectable crimes like stealing from elon musk"

"You can go cultbashing with he!"

"He acts like a flamboyant gay man, but if a flamboyant gay man was straight."

"Simp Satan 📷"

"definitely arson"

"They look like they enjoy lemon squares and other lemon desserts"

"Satan is all-powerful but he spends most of his time building honeymoon locations because he is convinced that the protag loves him"

"bc shes the reincarnation of his dead wife or something i guess"

annd here's a quote from our very own dream (@shiftingwastaken) that sums this post up:

"shiftblr but context makes it worse"

[rubiatinctorum]

since im in my sixth term of university and thoroughly hating the constant essays i thought i should do a deep dive back through the titles i put on my google documents for these assignments because it's either that or do my midterm and fuck that (clauses in parentheses are not part of the title, but instead are commentary)

term one: - fuck this noise - hills like pregnancies (hemingway fuck off challenge!!!!) - lateness means nothing if you only care to pass - listen this is just confusing as fuck - suck on these fucking analyses - pray to your mighty savior dora (did i mention how hard spanish class was for me :/) -this is days late but oh well fuck that noise - one final kick to the can

term two: - even the essay speedrunner was afraid! -greaseriology (instead of sociology lmao) - the fukler meets the onceler (fukler being a corruption of folklore for some reason) - take it essay, take it essay, don't let the size of your folklore paper drive you crazy (don henley sue me challenge) - sociologheehee - orbees and crack (i hated oryx and crake and i still do) - annexation alice's imperial crusades (have you read alice's adventures in wonderland though. something to think about.)

term three (aka the term i become officially unhinged): - dr. jekyll and mr. hot take - sir gawank and the greeb knot - fuckert - fare sea well haha get it - henry jekyll you're a devil - shall i compare thee to a summer's gay - song kinnies extraordinaire (fun fact i sent it to the prof with this name still on it by mistake) - sportacus 1960

term four: - anthropocame, anthroposaw, anthropoconquered - here we go again - digital resource investigation miami - i am half sick of small onions said the lady of shallots - overdue = under-do - hot town cyclists in the city back of my roads getting... not bicycles (the loving spoonful also sue me challenge) term five: - american litty final ditty - bottom text - brooklyn rage - course passing juice - inscriptions 2 i cant read boogaloo - OCT 2 god reviow™ - sleepy hollow? more like creepy hollow am i right lads - tElL lAuRa i lOvE hEr - there's nothing that the rich love more than going downtown and slumming it with the poor (it was a paper abt slumming and i hated writing it so it gets a hamilton lyric title) - the importance of the importance of the importance of the importance of the importance of being earnest

term six (the current term): - bisclavret stan goes off: the discussion post - bottom BEXT (no relation to term five's bottom text) - mini essay? more like., fucking help me - the worst 7 pages he's ever seen - midt erm

[eviclair]

I don’t know if I’ve ever heard of your actual thoughts(tm) on khr, so what’s your constructive review on the series as a whole? Like some positives and negatives w/ the writing, characters, etc. If u don’t feel like answering, feel free to ignore this LOL.

 tl;dr because this is 800 words of nonsense. i think you should know i would not know a constructive review if it bit me in the ass.

my guy i have not done a full read of khr in maybe two years and i know that does not sound like a long time but i have the long-term memory of a fruit fly. please bear with me. luckily for both of us i liveblogged the last time i read so i at least have my own sparknotes jdflaksjddaf

first off! khr is a satire manga!!! i cannot stress this enough, i can and will fight you to the death about this!!! “oh but it gets serious later” it grows a PLOT, thats not the same thing. khr is stupid as hell and that is both on purpose and my favorite thing about it.

i fucking love shonen man!!! its all about FIGHTING and LOVING YOUR FRIENDS and HAVING EMOTIONS and. bro im a water sign. my mars is in gemini, there is nothing i can do about this, god made me and said “get that bitch some found family and also some incredible violence” and we all just have to live with that. 

khr is so much all of those things that i did not realize they were being made fun of until very long after the fact so my current opinions are very much not the ones i started with jaldkhjdfhd but man. once i clued in i both loved it so much more and became 100% incapable of interacting with fandom in any meaningful way L M A O

i just. the main conceit is that theyve weaponized the deus ex machina eleventh-hour shonen power up. the “my dead family came back to life to kill me” trope is used three separate times. the big bad student body president is a delinquent. theres an entire subset of above magic god powers thatre just

the tyl bazooka was just ripping on the Timeskip Arc until the Timeskip Arc actually happened?? like fuuta’s special thing is that he can communicate with the Meta Planet to divine Character Rankings, i dont know what to tell you!!! the truth is out there!!! 

like DO YOU EVEN REMEMBER that time tsuna experienced a villain’s flashback sequence FOR HIM because i fucking do, i think about it every day,

so in the sense of “please critique the writing”, i cant do that because im pretty sure 98% of all the tropey bullshit is by design. do i wish people like the kokuyo gang got more characterization outside of being ride-or-die villain sidekicks?? of course i do but thats my own damn fault for seeing cool side characters and losing all higher brain function. on the other hand, hibari being the person he is and having absolutely no backstory or motivation beyond “get out of my school” is really fucking funny and keeps me warm at night, so. win some, lose some.

(the 2% of the writing that isnt tropey bullshit that i CAN critique is whatever is happening with kyoko. Bad Female Cast is definitely a shonen trope but its a shitty one and i want it to die. within maybe four minutes of kyoko being introduced she tries to body a man and then thats just never spoken about again?? wheres that energy queen?!!! let kyoko say fuck!!!!)

((this applies to haru too in the sense that all she really does is make moon eyes at tsuna but the way in which she does so is honestly so fucking funny and unhinged that it comes back around to being great. like yeah yep yes ma’am thats 100% bonafide Girl Who Throws Skittles In A Puddle And Calls It Potion right there please may i have another))

If khr took itself even 4% more seriously it could be really deep and compelling and i think that frustrates a lot of people, but i think i like it better this way?? half the fun for me is reading in between the lines!! the subtext, however unintentional it may be!!

examples: yamamoto is one of my favorites just because theres SO FUCKING MUCH to unpack about him!! canon gives us a lot of information about him just by virtue of the fact that he’s a Main Character, but paradoxically he himself is never really the focus. he just Does Shit and you have to figure out why on your own and i LOVE DOING THAT.

i dont love mukuro because he’s a fleshed out and nuanced villain, i love him because he says shit like “i went to hell six times” and never expounds upon that or “i can definitely trust the information i got from this magic monocle called Demon Spade’s Super Evil Murder Eye or whatever the fuck” and then expresses surprise when daemon spade is an asshole. he goes and willfully fucks up the only job anyones ever given him (impersonate 80 year old leonardo lippi) because he Just Has to shapeshift into a young hot dude and hand deliver byakuran, the boss of the Flower Family, the Family that names all its members after Flowers, a bouquet that means “i am in disguise ;) cant catch me bitch ;)”

like WHAT THE FUCK!!

i dont know man. i just like puzzles and khr is a gift that keeps giving.

(sidenote that should’ve maybe just been the subject of the post but re:i cant shut the fuck up about anything ever, i love tsuna so much. so much. his personality!! his relationships!!! his growth!!! his growth!!!!! his growth!!!!!!! khr has its claws in me because i see tsuna do something cool or brave or even deeply stupid actually and my whole heart goes AAAAAAAAA bc thats him!!! thats my son!!!!! my baby boy whom ive raised since birth!!!!!! suit me up and call me a reborn kinnie, fuck!!!!!!!!!)

[ughgclden]

bee, love, don’t apologise, please, it’s okay, and first and foremost, are you alright?? i hope you’re taking care of yourself, love, but i understand, i don’t think there’s been a year since third grade that i haven’t gotten pneumonia in the winter. I hope you’re feeling alright!!

honestly, dead poets society is one of my only personality traits anymore, i find myself drawing parallels to it constantly, for no reason but i love thinking about it. i’ve watched it so many times at this point, it’s,,, concerning. those tests always take me way less time than they give me, and i used to feel really awkward, i remember i took a bio one once, four hours they gave me, 45 minutes in, i was finished, and the moderator didn’t believe me. i aced it too, like the silly little neil kinnie i am. i’ve gotten used to the ‘worse’ side of being a neil kinnie, and honestly, now that my mum isn’t as controlling about everything as she used to be, it’s easier to deal with. i remember once, i’d gotten an 89 in algebra, and she threatened to pull me out of the fall show. that was a neil perry moment if i ever had one lol. the biggest thing these days is just imposter syndrome, imposter syndrome like oh you’re not hispanic enough, but also, you’re not queer enough, nonbinary enough, things like that. It’s exacerbated some days, but i try.

i watched the it movies on my cousin’s hbo,,, i may or may not have used it without her permission since she forgot to log out of my computer, but that’s neither here nor there. i remember having such a hard time taking the first one seriously initially, because of all the new kids on the block jokes, having a mum who was obsessed with them made it hard, especially when i actually got them all- in truth, the only midnight premiere i’ve been able to make was the force awakens, and i had school the next day too. i’m definitely a richie kinnie, and i have the internalised homophobia (only towards myself though) to prove it /hj my waterbottle has both a sticker of neil on it and a sticker of the r + e carving on it. in case there was any doubt about me lmao. stan kin makes sense for you, honestly, i can see it, i can see it.

okay so listen- no really, i’d bought them with the intention of only drinking half of one that night and spreading them out like that, but then came 9:45pm, and i had a research paper (on womens’ pockets/lack thereof) due at 10am that i simply hadn’t even started, so i downed them all in an hour and got the paper turned in at 5:56 in the morning. but i scare you huh? /hj bee, you’re too sweet, in truth, i’m fairly inelegant, but i try, as for the comforting and cosy, i’ll take you at your word, since that is something only someone interacting with me could discern. i do try to be kind to others for the most part. mainly i think because i’m usually on the other end of mean people.

i’m just perceptive like that bee, i dunno what to tell you, something just tells me, you know? /j and thank you, i always feel a little silly talking about it, because most of the tattoos i want are dead poets society tattoos, i guess some part of me, within the part of me that feels so incredibly tied to it, feels as if if i were able to get a tattoo i’d owe it to the movie in some way, if that makes any sense. i’ve already begged a friend of mine to go with me to get my first once i get to new york, the question though, is what to get first. i’ve got time to make a decision (for once in my life) i just spend a lot of time thinking about it.

honestly, i have never known a school rule to make sense. banning ripped jeans? banning dyed hair? it’s almost as if if they don’t stifle everything natural about kids expressing themselves they dont feel like they’re doing anything. but i digress. the same-sex couple rules were. awful. 12 year old me had enough going on without having an administrator yell at my friend and i for hugging in the courtyard and not leaving until we were a foot apart, but hey.

okay, jumping over a fence to go to a mcdonalds? how coming of age indie movie manic pixie dream girl of you /hj

200k words, is that a challenge? also ahaha not at all like my italian uncle up there just opened a ‘pizzeria’ /hj but mob!star au? might be a project i should start… granted, i’m not as good a storyteller as you, but i can try.

when i was little, i wanted to revolutionise things, i guess. i even actually wrote out a campaign, i wonder if its still somewhere. thank you for believing in me, but these days, bee, i’m thinking less about changing the world, and more about making it the next few weeks, and then the ones after that. little star was aware of so much, but also so little. i wonder what they’d think of me now, honestly.

i did, in fact, teach archery, it was so fun but my arms got SO SORE, and the kid who challenged my archery skills seemed surprised when i actually,, hit the bullseyes. my inner susan was happy then. incidentally the experience is also why i made a playlist called “touchstarved and wanting to teach you to shoot a bow” which low-key slaps when i’m lonely. and bee omg i cannot believe you said im better than susan pevensie i will be thinking about this for the rest of my life thank you- and yes, yes it was named aslan, however did you guess? /j prince caspian<33333

i’ll let you know my results from the tournament, as soon as they come out, and i say this having just put on pjs after taking off my suit, and sitting in the room with my cat in my dear evan hansen hoodie, frantically refreshing the results page because i’m anxious and impatient.

i hope you have a good night, with fitful and restful sleep, i’m sorry this got to be so long, but you know me, i certainly can talk. i’m honestly shocked i even made it to finals, considering i was running off four hours of sleep, having gone to bed at three last night. whoops.

all my love, hugs, and a warm mug of tea,

yours,

star✨

p.s i said yes so that?? happened?? it honestly feels surreal but we’re not gonna be in the same place anymore come the end of this year, so that’ll be something to deal with

P.p.s might just start adding spanish or latin or russian phrases to these if i keep having to translate your cute french bee /lh /hj

star my love, i know you said don't apologise, but i think the word 'sorry' makes up about 60% of my vocabulary. i'm okay!! was just a bit icky, but luckily i've recovered now!!

that's so nice - and again, makes so much sense for you. i think you would work perfectly in welton, i know it. i love bringing the messages from that film into my own life, as silly as it may sound. i'm astonished, and so fucking jealous of you. i used to finish tests maybe half an hour early, but hours is so impressive??? fun fact i did finish my physics final in about 45 minutes and slept for the other hour <3 neil would b proud my love!!! oh my god - i'm so sorry that happened??? but that is also so neil kinnie??? it seems futile me saying this, but i assure you that you are hispanic enough, and queer enough, and non-binary enough. you are enough, period. more than enough even. imposter syndrome is the worst, and i'm so so sorry you're dealing with it.

she did that to herself, you just saw an opportunity /lh a midnight premiere of the force awakens sounds so cute though omg - i hope you had the absolute best time. the r + e carving actually broke me. as a die hard reddie shipper since 2017, seeing the movie make it basically canon?! had me a mess in the cinema.

you are ridiculously comforting and cosy, everything about you feels like a warm hug from a familiar face and i love it. and the way you write is so smooth, it makes me think of a quill smoothly gliding across parchment, the deep black ink unsmudged and pristine. that seems a little pretentious of me, but oh well.

i also want some dps tattoos!! i desperately want "and still we sleep" from todd's poem, and was also so so tempted to get an outline drawing of meeks + pitts dancing on the roof. i love that, and i can't wait until the day you get it, whichever one it may be. my one concern is becoming addicted to them and making my bank account suffer - at least my piercing obsession is a little easier to fund /hj

i've NEVER gotten that - they claim it's 'distracting' but how on earth would it be?? when i got to college, no one was distracted by my dyed hair, and i certainly wasn't distracted by other people's outfits or painted nails. you were yelled at. for hugging. a friend.. what the fuck is wrong with these people??

just call me ramona flowers star /j it was possibly the highlight of my school career, sans hiding in the back room of the music room to avoid a maths test

i bet you're an amazing storyteller, if these letters are anything to go by. it would be a new york times best seller, i know it

we all have to take things one step at a time, i think. that's the only way i really get through things if i'm honest. one day after another and the cycle repeats. i love wondering what young me would think of me now - i'd probably be intimidated of myself, but i like to think i'd be proud that i'm still here, pursuing something i love

that playlist. sounds nothing short of sheer perfection. i too am touch starved and want to teach someone to shoot a bow - even though i.. cannot shoot a bow... but i can wield a sword so, it's close enough.

i saw your message about the tournament results - im so fucking proud of you!!!! you deserve it so so much and i couldn't be happier for you. see, your words and ideas are changing the world, even if you don't realise it.

ps; that is so fun???? omg im so happy for you star, you deserve tis <33 i hope towards the end of this year whatever happens leaves you both happy, no matter how far the distance.

pps; omg no.. please don't do that.. aha that would be awful... definitely wouldn't make my heart race.. haha not at all

all of my love, star. pardon the pun, but you are out of this world ;) i'll leave you with one of my favourite quotes;

il n'y a qu'un bonheur dans la vie, c'est d'aimer et d'être aimé <3

[dangan-happy]

(Miss Sonia, can we, um, h*ld h*nds, please?)

(tw///long vent. it’s really long and rambley. i’m sorry.)

to anyone from v3, i’ve been having a lot of trouble with a certain... ex-friend of mine.

i was going through my discord servers just clearing all of the notifications out of all the random servers i’m in and... he’s been messaging a private server with just me and him in it. for months. he made a playlist for me (multiple, actually), he’s made drawings of us, and he’s just been telling me about his f*cking life while i’m dealing with the triggers and the trauma that was caused by him.

we’ve had a complicated friendship. at some point he got way too dependent on me for his basic needs, and whenever i confronted him about his dependency, he said “oh nooo i’m sorry i’m so clingy 😔😔😔 i’m an emo middle school boy wilbur soot kinnie and i’m depressed so you are obligated to be my parent who i will rely on to remind me to eat food, drink water, wake me up in the morning, etc! no i will not help you in return like a balanced relationship, i’m depressed, remember? uwu i’m so anxiety i have childhood trauma, i was bullied! so im gonna guilt you into staying by talking about how i have no other friends 24/7!” and i needed to step away for a bit. we broke off for about a month before we started talking again, but it never got better. the second time it was him who broke it off, telling me ✨he needed to change himself and become a better person✨ (which he’s said multiple times. you can probably guess how much he “changed”.) and i told him that, fair warning, i don’t have to forgive you, and i may never forgive you! so stop talking to me.

and so when i realized he’d been messaging me, i told him this time directly, with no sugar coating, to leave me alone and that i had him blocked for a reason. and you know that’d be all fun and dandy, but the reason i didn’t do that from day one is because he goes to my school now! meaning i have to see him this september! in person! and he might ask me where i’ve been, or try to win me back or something i don’t know, i just know if he’d been dedicated enough to message me through the past two months we haven’t talked, oh god who knows what he’ll do when the next school year starts! i have the option to switch schools, but frankly... i don’t want to! i’ve always seen myself graduating from this school, i’ve been here since i was like four years old! i don’t want to leave! but i’m so scared of having to confront him. i’m already hated enough at school, i don’t need another person spreading rumors or talking bad about me behind my back!! but i just... don’t know what to do. i feel like there’s no solution. i cant do much, and no matter what i choose, it doesn’t end well for me. i feel so hopeless and i just...need advice. and a hug maybe..? ugh sorry for the long rant. i don’t really talk to anyone about this so... atleast it’s nice to finally tell someone.

God DAMN.

This guy sounds super facken’ crummy! Ya’ did the right choice gettin’ rid of him in the first place! A private server, MULTIPLE playlists AND EVEN DRAWINGS?! Yeah, that.. that sounds hella’ fuckin’ weird dude. Friends makin’ shit for each other is normal from what I’ve been shoved into ma’ skull from the bastards here, but when ya’ didn’t know about any of it and SPECIFICALLY told him to fuck off before, that’s bad. Big bad.

He seems to be wantin’ to make ya’ his personal therapist or some bullshit like that, yeah yeah I get it, people have problems and whatnot and try to reach out to friends n’ shit BUT he was more FORCING than askin’ you to help him. Belittling' himself so ya’ would feel bad for him. We all got our problems, but we are not obligated to help anyone if we simply can’t. Forcin’ people to help you by manipulating and guilt-trippin’ is not a way to ask for help, at all! It's toxic as facken’ hell! Pleugh, some people get on my gears harder than the asshats I deal with everyday and night, that’s sayin’ somethin, alright?!

You’re right, you do NOT have to forgive the bastard. If he’s not gonna change and keep being a little facken’ bitch all the time, better to break it off for good. And.. school…. Yeah that makes things a lil’ uhh… complicated. As cliche as this advice fuckin’ is, try to ignore him at the best of your abilities. If he starts forcing interactions with ya’, ya’ should tell a teacher or another friend you do trust. If he asks some bull shit like “Why don’t wanna talk to me anymore ]:3”, tell him as clearly as ya’ did before, that he needs to fuck off and that you don’t wanna talk to him anymore. Plain and simple as that, no sugarcoats, no filters. You don’t gotta run away from him, it’s YOUR school, he’s the one trying to set you off for some fuckin’ reason, it’s more than reasonable to be scared by him. He’s facken’ C-R-E-E-P-Y!! Even if he tries to fuck over your reputation, you know that anythin’ he says is not true. If people start hating the person he’s spreading rumors about, ya’ need to remember that is not YOU. Rumors are just facken’ lies people just looovvveeee to spread around for a false sense of superiority. Let me run the numbers.. Yup, bullshit.

My best advice as said before, is trynna ignore his advances as much as you can. He just wants to set ya’ off and you can’t let ‘em. Tellin’ someone you trust like a family member, friend or whatever should help too, they could probably have bettah advice than me, a facken’ evil bear. That said, I GUESS you can get a hug, you’ve been through some shit. You need it. So bring it on you bastard.

Hey good news anon! I'm from v3, so you struck gold! Because I'm gonna be answering your ask. Just making sure we're clear on that! Ok, let's see what we got here. Ex friend, huh? Well that stuff's never fun. Clearing out discord is always a good thing, I honestly need to do that...Huh, ok. That's interesting. I'm guessing you didn't have notifications on for this server since you just noticed now. Yikes, there go the red flags. Like, the constant messaging you is a little weird and red flag-y, but damn, then I got to the part about the fact that you've been working through trauma that he caused. Alright, this just went from weird to lowkey concerning. Honestly, it's kinda creepy re-reading that paragraph with the context. Like he's making drawings of you?? And playlists? And just generally acting like literally nothing happened? Ew, I'm getting some strong creepy vibes. Yyyyeah, dependent and clingy are some great words for this guy. Like you haven't even been friends, and this is  what he's been doing?

Ok pause, being a kinnie isn't an excuse for actions. I hate that people use it like that (especially if they're kinning me! Like my existence didn't cause someone's actions, probably.) I can already tell that you were treated super unfairly. And like I'm not even done reading this ask and I already have a pretty strong feeling that cutting him off was the right idea. Oh god, he's a leech. Ok that sounded like a petty insult, but lemme back up a second and explain. I call people who cling to you and generally suck the life out of you with nothing in return leeches. It works out pretty well, so if I call him a leech again, that's what I mean. Wow, even reading this is exhausting. I can't imagine being caught in a position where you had to deal with this.

Good for you for advocating for space! You one hundred percent did the right thing. Honestly, I don't think going back was a great idea, but these things are hard so I totally don't blame you for that. I totally respect your use of sarcastic sparkles, you used them like a pro! Yeah, I'm sure he's "changed" a whole lot judging by what he's been doing in that server. Yeah! Throw down the law! You had every right to say what you did about the forgiveness, so like, internet double high five or something! Yeah, that insta-block was a good reaction too. You don't owe him anything, and honestly your life is way better without him. 

Ohhh, shit this is an irl friend? That adds a whole new layer to this. Yeah, don't make yourself change schools if you don't want to just because of him. You've moved your life around enough for him. If you're happy where you are, then I'd stay there regardless of him. I get it, confrontation is scary, but I think it's something that's gotta happen. You don't owe this guy anything. Honestly, if he tries to talk to you, just tell him that you don't want him near you, and other things along those lines. Be super clear and concise. Just throw the hammer down. Aw man, you already aren't having a great time at school huh? That just flat out sucks. I mean, I'd totally be your friend. I think you have a solid leg up on him though. I'd take screenshots of the server, so if he tries to spread rumors you can shut him down with proof of how batshit crazy he's been. Hey, it's not hopeless. You actually have a lot of options. The screenshots are a good place to start, but I'd also try to rationalize things. Does it really matter if this person starts spreading rumors about you? What's worse, him causing shit from afar, or him directly inserting himself back into your life? Yeah, there might not be a one hundred percent perfect outcome, but you have a lot more room to work than you think. Hey, don't apologize. We all gotta get this stuff out there some time. I'm glad talking to us made things a little bit better at least! You don't have to waste any more time on this guy. Just keep going as best you can. You still have a whole life to live, and this guy doesn't have to be a part of it. Yeah! I'll give you a hug!! Anything to make you feel better! And I mean, you could call him a leech, but I'm not responsible for what happens after that, kay?

-

Hey there anon, you mind if I try to help you out a little? Dealing with ex friends always sucks, trust me I've been there, but goddamn, you have a unique case, don't you? Wow, I cringed reading it. That's...that's just a lot. Playlists and messages are one thing, but drawings too? That's a whole lot of time and effort put into that, and I dunno, that really just rubs me the wrong way. Honestly, I gotta agree with the others. That's just flat out creepy, especially considering the impact he had on you. I'm just shaking my head as I read this, I think this person needs some serious help, and you sure as hell aren't the person to get it from. He needs professional help, and I'm sorry all his issues were pushed onto you. He has no right to just waltz on into your life after all the shit he did.

I think complicated friendship was an understatement. Honestly, I think friendship is a pretty strong word for what your relationship with him was. Friends don't do the things he did. One person being absolutely dependent on another is not a friendship at all. I think Kokichi really phrased it well with the word leech. I've been in that position more times than once, and one of the biggest problems I have is that I can never push people away too well, but you did that perfectly. It's real great to hear that you were able to get space, even if it was temporary the first time. And before I keep going, let me just say that his excuses for being clingy and dependent are disgusting. Yeah, his attempts to change so far haven't seemed to have been much at all, and you said things perfectly with the forgiveness statement. Honestly, it's a little hypocritical that he'd be the one to shove you away, and then do all of this.

Yeah, having him as an irl friend does add some new challenges, but I think you'll be able to handle it. I'm real sorry to hear that your school situation is like that. You don't deserve to have to go through all that either. However, I gotta agree with Kokichi. You have to weigh your options, and I think that keeping him away, even if he spreads rumors, is the best choice so he doesn't get a chance to clamp onto you again. If you like the school you're at now, then I'd stay. You don't have to give up your ideal future for one person, especially one like him, ok? There's a solution, and I think the screenshot thing isn't a bad way to go. However, you could also just keep on going and ignore him altogether. It's your life, and you have a right to live it how you want. I know that this can be considered a cheap tactic, but if he really doesn't leave you alone, I'd reach out to teachers or other adults who might have a little more influence.

Again, it's totally up to you. I can't tell you exactly what you should do, only give you ideas. And one more thing to remember is that this person needs some serious help. Nothing he does is your fault, and you're not obligated to help him. That's not a healthy path for either of you, and you don't ever have to go back to him. You seem like a real tough person, and I'm proud of you for that. Not everyone can advocate for their space like you can, and that's an amazing ability to have. Yeah, you don't gotta apologize at all. I'm glad you felt safe enough here to get all of that out in the open. Sure thing you can have a hug! You have some time before September, so you don't have to figure all this out any time soon. It's all gonna be ok, I know you can handle this.

[ughgclden]

good morning love! or afternoon, i suppose,

i hope you slept well, and your day so far has treated you kindly.

as for bits of information, my two favourite comfort movies are dead poets society (1989) (which you already knew but i like referencing it like that), the little prince, and pixar’s luca, actually. i know all of dead poets society word for word, and once i finished a five hour test in two, and simply,,, watched it in my mind for the remaining three. something about it makes me feel understood. in the same vein, while i love meeks, neil and i, we’re almost the same, and frankly, the almost is wavering some days. not to be emo or anything /hj

to give you an extra piece, i watched it chapters one and two in the same night starting at midnight one night, and i’m also a richie tozier kinnie, which i use to justify my button up collection

in truth, my coffee habit is slightly worrying, but i haven’t ventured to energy drinks, at least (or, not since the night i had four monsters in an hour in addition to my coffee) but thank you for saying that black coffee fits me, i’ve been told it makes me intimidating that i can drink it, but something about the bite is comforting, strangely. my order used to be a london fog tea, and on rainy days i still get one, it makes me calm.

you know bee i heard somewhere you like these, can’t remember where for the life of me though… /j i hope we both get our futures too, and any and everyone tattoo your poetic gold heart could desire. i’ve been thinking about getting a band around my wrist that looks like neil’s crown, and the one time i mentioned to my therapist she said it sounded like a good idea.

i push boundaries because so many of them are so goddamn arbitrary, like the rules my school used to impose about same sex couples. about jackets in gym class. what’s the reason, right?

bee in her rebellious phase is something i’d pay money to see actually /hj

honestly i would both read and write a mob!star au lmao (not like i have italian family in new england… not at all….)

i LOVE model un, honestly, an excuse to dress up, and feel like i’m making a difference, prepare for when i have the option to? unparalleled. the little kid in me who dreamed of running for office and changing the world is indulged in it.

i’m glad i can help with your worries, love, i’m always here to try and help, to remind you that you’re important and good and loved, and that no matter what, i’m so so so proud of you.

i actually taught archery at a summer camp last year because of my narnia phase, and when i was clearing out my room, and one of my oldest stuffed animals i have, is this big lion, and i’ll give you three guesses what his name was /j (my younger sister cut his mane when she was around six, i remember breaking over it. i’ve since gotten over it, for the most part) also,,, i know you did. not just say i was BETTER than Susan Pevensie omg /j the movies are so comfy, so so comfy, and love, oh my god, prince caspian is my favourite too!! i???? i used to have a book of dawn treader postcards, i don’t think i ever actually used any, but they were sO PRETTY

the book is one of my favourite possessions, and one year, i think year 3 or 4, i carried it everywhere, for comfort. something about the pevensies made me brave.

i mean… i suppose it does…… /hj

all my love, bee!! i hope you have the best day!!

star<3

p.s. turns out my friend was,,, not joking???? she asked me to be her partner yesterday while walking me to rehearsal

good (very late) afternoon star! i deeply apologise about the timing of this response; that meaning how incredibly late this is. my tendency to get ill in the colder months has taken its toll

i love all of those films - i can't believe i didn't mention dead poets society, which i too can quote word for word. but being able to watch the whole thing in your head is insanely incredible, as is finishing a five hour test in TWO HOURS !!! THATS SO FUCKING COOL !!!! i'm sending you all my love star, i'm sorry the neil kinnie also comes with the bad parts, and i'm here whenever you'd like, no matter the reason <33

that's SO GREAT!!!! i went to a midnight premier of chapter two where they played both chapters in one go - it was so so good. i then had to go straight to college but, i think it was worth it. a richie kinnie?! im in love w you even more /hj. im a stan kin myself, surprise surprise.

four monsters.. in one hour... you scare me star /lh black coffee certainly fits you, it's elegant but comforting and cosy, much like yourself.

oh my god, you noticed?! how?! /j that is such a lovely idea, and i bet it would look great. i actually love that, holy shit. as soon as i get some money and figure out which of my (many) tattoo ideas i would like to give the privilege of being my first, i'm booking an appointment straight away

so true!!! those rules sound so fucking stupid?? i swear schools just like to exorcise control for no reason at all other than to feel powerful - the rules imposed on same sex couples however sound so abhorrent ugh.

it was certainly interesting. a lot of skipping classes with notes we convinced our tutor to write for us - why he agreed, i have no idea. jumping over the fence to go to mcdonalds was certainly a highlight however.

mob!star au, 200k words, i can see it now. the italian family in new england.. it's all coming together

i know for a fine fact that you could really change the world, star. you have the drive, the eloquence, the intelligence. everything. and i have every faith in you.

you taught archery?!? im in love?!?! /hj i did used to go to archery lessons but it only lasted a year :( and omg,,, was it called aslan by any chance 😳😳😳 and YES as much as i love susan,, you reign supreme my love <3 PRINCE CASPIAN SUPREMACY YUP YUP!! and they sound so pretty already, i dont doubt they were beautiful

all my love, star. tu me fais tourner la tête <3

ps; thats incredible?!?! omg!?!? what did u say!!!