#oh look my portfolio is finally worth slightly more than I actually contributed again | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

strangesequitur · 9 months

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Adulthood is fun because sometimes you get a letter from your former shitty retail job telling you they're switching from a good, industry standard 401k provider to some stranger bitch financial institution you've never even heard of.

So you bite the bullet and roll your old 401k over into an IRA to keep your money with the devil you know, and then push some buttons to purchase shares in mutual funds with that money without knowing if ANYTHING you are doing is actually correct and the things you don't know if you're doing correctly involve multiple financial transactions of more than ten thousand dollars each.

There is nothing to prevent you from fucking it all up somehow and they let you do this at 11pm while eating cheez-its in bed.

#oh look my portfolio is finally worth slightly more than I actually contributed again #I hope Madeline Pendleton's book actually explains this shit when it drops later this month #I'm annoyed that my current job doesn't match 401ks even though the employee handbook says they do #in addition to cheez-it fueled retirement gambling you can also file your taxes online while drunk #this is not a life pro tip doing that is terrifying I didn't expect the wine to hit different that night

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