#oh look another poorly planned pinescone fic

[otgfmybeloved]

“I apologize for my dimwit friend,” Pacifica was telling the man when Dipper snapped back to reality. He had been attempting to leech some of that warmth back by simply looking at the man’s skin. It was not working. “I swear he meant to introduce himself.”

It was a moment before Dipper caught on. He cleared his throat guiltily. “Oh! Yes, hi, I’m Dip– Mason. It’s nice to meet you, um…?”

“Wirt,” the man said good-naturedly. The smile lines around his eyes and mouth were making Dipper feel things he swore he hadn’t felt since he was human. “It’s nice to meet you, too. And– sorry, but your name was– Dipmason?”

Dipper’s expression froze in a half-smile as Pacifica’s roaring laughter rolled over him. “Um, no sorry. Sorry, I’m Mason. Just Mason.”

“Oh!” Wirt said, his eyes widening. “Sorry, I don’t know how I–”

Pacifica cut him off simply by running a gloved finger along his jaw. Dipper watched in rapt excitement and horror as Wirt’s cheeks pinkened.

“You’re so funny,” Pacifica murmured.

Dipper when he is the biggest loser vampirefail to ever exist and has to compete with Pacifica, The Vampire of All Time, for Wirt’s affection (and life)