#oh its one of those low self esteem days pals

[somethingwitty-somethingsweet]

:)

[bluehero]

The Sergeant’s Soulmate Chapter 2

Pairing: Bucky X Y/N

Warnings: Swearing... but really just tooth rotting fluff (I’ve always wanted to say that)

A/N: So this is really happening guys... God help us all.

Word Count: 2,368

Chapter 1

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Her eyes fluttered open to the sun peeking through her blinds. One of the rays shone a line of light onto the floor illuminating Bucky’s lazily curled tie. She immediately felt the cold from the side of the bed the soldier had left, and her mind began to whir with insecurities. Did he think I was a drunk mess? He probably saw me in daylight and ran. How many women has he been with before? Before she could spiral any further, she hopped into the shower, threw on some clothes and heard a knock at the door. Shuri came bouncing in asking how she was liking her room as her eyes scanned around while placing 2 coffees on the ivory vanity. The tie. Shit. “Is that a tie?”. Damn it. Y/N realized she had to be at her lab for a meeting with her boss to plan her research project in 20 minutes, and in an effort to avoid the inevitable follow up question she grabbed the coffee and took a sip with eyes unable to meet Shuris’ own wide with amusement. “ Oh my god, was someone here last night?”. Y/N couldn’t help the blush spreading across her face remembering her uncharacteristically reckless behaviour. “Oh my god, how long has it been sin-“ Shuri began before being hit by a pillow thrown by a giggling Y/N. She avoided telling Shuri about Bucky in fear of what she would say and if she would disapprove. She knew that Shuri had been working with him and his mind - even asking Y/N for her professional opinion on psychological drugs once but never divulging too much out of respect and confidentiality. Before Shuri could get a name from Y/N they both had to get to work and promised to call each other when they could.

An entire week rolled by as she set up her lab and briefed her team on how they were to run their experiments while juggling all of her own. They all thought she was too young to be where she was and didn’t exactly hide those feelings but that only spurred her on to work harder and make those that cared for her, proud. But thoughts of her connection with Bucky kept swirling around her brain making it hard to concentrate. So most days, she worked late into the night trying to shift all her energy to focus on anything other than the visceral memories of that night like the way Bucky’s hands felt… the smooth and cool metal extinguishing the flames exuding from her body, contrasting with the soft and scorching skin of his human hand. From what she had read about Captain America’s best friend, she already felt like she had no place imposing on his life, not being able to fathom what it must have felt like to wake up in the future with anything and everything he once cared about left dead in the past. Then finding out you’d been a mindless assassin at Hydra’s mercy. It was just one night Y/N you idiot, he probably doesn’t even remember your name, get over it.

Every time his eyes would close as his head hit his pillow, he would see her smiling in the moonlight and the way her hair glittered in the low lighting of the hall while they danced. He thought he could get away with falling asleep with the images of her swirling around his brain. But they weren’t enough to overpower his own insecurities that would take over and scramble together nightmares of his past. So as soon as the dreams would turn to terror he’d be in the gym, going for a run in the darkness or counting stars by the lake near his hut despite often staying in the room given to him by the King at his headquarters – anything to push himself to a state of exhaustion that his body had no choice but to shut down. She’ll be gone in 2 weeks, she should forget me.

“Somethings up with you Buck” Steve muttered as he poured himself and Natasha coffee in the communal kitchen on the floor given to the Avengers by the King for their brief stay and their general business. “Tin mans always moody, Cap” Sam piped up from across the room with half a bagel in his mouth, Clint laughed as he stole the other half. “What’s her name?” Natasha purred with a raised eyebrow. “What makes you think it’s a girl Natasha?” Clint asked smiling, leaning back into the breakfast bar chair. “That’s his third coffee, black” she said as she sauntered around the table passing Bucky’s chair to reside by Steve. “Somebody’s giving him sleepless nights…”. “Anybody else got somethin’ to say?” Bucky grumbled, trying to hide that he felt slightly touched that the other avengers cared for him enough to probe into his growing personal life. He got up and left the room as Steve caught up with him out of earshot of the others. “I know the nightmares don’t go away Buck, but if there’s anything you wanna talk about…” Steve began in a quieter voice. “Its not- not that Steve” Bucky replied curtly. Realising his tone, Bucky softly comforted his friend that had concern etched across his face, “Don’t worry about me pal, I’ll be fine”. "Is it that scientist Buck?” Steve asked earnestly. Bucky rolled his eyes at his attempt to continue Natasha's line of questioning, "Stev-". "Is she kind?" Steve interjected. Bucky gave in, unable to lie to his best friend but also trying his hardest not to push him away anymore. “...Smart too” he said unable to stop his eyes from shining and half of his mouth curling upward into a bashful lopsided grin. “She can’t be that smart if she’s hanging around you.” He said pulling Bucky in for a hug. “She’s uh- she’s not really, I mean we uh-“ Bucky mumbled. “Have you seen her since the party?” Steve asked like they were kids again. Bucky let out a nervous laugh and replied “Uh, no but, well-” eyes looking anywhere other Steve. “So she doesn’t know how you feel huh?”. Bucky gave him the same look he did that night when Steve told him to talk to her. But his face was clouded with a slight fear now that something had been stirred up in his once frozen heart. I’m no good for her Steve, she’s kind, smart, funny and deserves safety... stability... She’s probably got men lining down the block for her. “She’s probably forgotten about me Steve it’s been a week- the sooner she does the better”. Bucky grumbled.

It was Friday. Y/N had broken a few conical flasks, dropped a bottle of dye, managed to corrupt her computers' files and had a nasty headache. Safe to say she wasn’t having the best day. Mentally, physically and emotionally she was exhausted after such an intense week and needed a break. Despite being intelligent and capable, she couldn't deny that she got overwhelmed quickly and it attacked her self esteem first, before burning through everything else. Whenever she felt it all pile up like that she only knew of one immediate relief -messaging Shuri. Normally separated by continents, Shuri was only a few floors up from Y/N's lab and she received the distress call, one text with one emoji. 😩. She sent Y/N a message back about not believing it had been an entire week since she’d arrived and had seen her last. She told Y/N to stop by her lab after work so they could get together, vent, gorge on ice cream and have a night of complete relaxation.

Finally leaving of her lab after being able to retrieve a few files, Y/N felt slightly better. But she still felt like putting on her headphones, blasting loud music and wallowing in that sad place she managed to crawl into now and again, while walking up to Shuri’s lab. So she turned up the volume and pressed play, forgetting she set her playlist on shuffle and had to suffer 5 agonizing seconds of My Funny Valentine before she could skip it and stop her senses from being yanked back to that night. But there she was, heart racing again and palms sweating, lost in thoughts of the way his shoulders protected her from the crowds of the party, and the way his hands would tighten around her waist, grounding her in the safety of his embrace. But these were short lived when she’d arrive at the bittersweet memory of her empty bed. The sound of Eminem filled her ears and turned her yearning into fake anger as she approached the lab. Feeling gangster, she opened the door slowly with her back with her eyes glued to the phone she was fiddling with, trying to close some apps. “Shuri lets fuck shit up-“ she said loudly over her music just before looking up and taking off her headphones.

Her body froze as her eyes landed on the tensed muscular arm taking up the image of Bucky’s side profile. Shit. He was laid back in a chair with Shuri just finished labelling a blood sample she’d taken when her pen ran out. “Y/N! Thank goodness you are here I may need your steady hands!” Shuri exclaimed trying not to burst out laughing at her friends words and obvious embarrassment. “Sergeant Barnes this is Y/N - one of the best scientists I know working on one of those fancy funded projects downstairs.” Shuri began shooting Y/N one of those teasing best friend smiles while Bucky couldn’t help his amused grin trying to bite back a laugh. “And Y/N this is Sergeant Barnes, The Winter Soldier himself, one of the avengers”. She gave him a red faced smile but before she could apologise for her outburst Shuri asked earnestly, “Y/N you think you could take a last blood sample from Barnes while I get another pen from the lab downstairs?”. Y/N couldn’t help but squeak out “Of course” as Shuri scurried out of the door after giving her a loving squeeze on the shoulder.

“I guess it was only a matter time before you got to my blood, doll” he said with a lopsided grin. “At least it’s been longer than a minute, Sergeant” she retorted unable to resist falling back into their natural rhythm as she washed her hands, gloved up and prepped the needle. Before he knew it, he was intoxicated by her perfume as she was by his side holding his elbow in place so lightly he could barely feel her fingertips. She raised the needle and when her eyes met his she let out a soft little “Hi”. She fell into his features and found her hand shaking a little. “You remembered all that huh” he muttered while watching her tired eyes try and concentrate. “S’hard to forget…” she whispered tiredly as she began to fiddle unnecessarily with the needle to hide her shaky hand. Believe me, I’ve tried. “You should try harder, doll” he said in spite of himself immediately realising she had taken it the wrong way when he saw her face fall slightly. “Y/N I didn’t me-“ he began, “It’s ok Bucky, I get it... things moved pretty quickly that night.” She muttered, trailing off at the end trying to brace herself for the rejection she convinced herself was inevitable. Please be gentle. “Doll I wish that night never ended” he whispered hesitantly unable to keep his head from suppressing his heart as it lurched at the thought of her feeling unwanted. “You- you... really, then wh- why did you leave?” She asked surprised not believing she had the courage to utter those words as her face filled with hope. “You uh, you wanted me to stay?” He asked hesitantly, while her hand slipped over his forearm ghosting her fingers down to wrap lightly around wrist. “That’s all I wanted” she whispered quietly as Bucky raised the hand she was still holding, to push a strand of hair from her face as he opened his palm slightly allowing her to rest her heavy head and letting her eyes half close in immediate comfort. “You look exhausted doll” Call me doll again. “I’m alright, just been working late and… well… trying to lead a bunch of people that don’t believe in me” she murmured leaning further into Bucky’s hand allowing her eyes to flutter shut not believing how easy it was to be honest with him. “Think you got the wrong avenger for that kinda advice” he drawled unable to stop himself from stroking her cheek with his thumb, feeling invincible after hearing he was wanted, by her. She let out a laugh at the thought of getting lessons in leadership from Captain America, “You got any advice for me, old man?” she teased as her eyes fluttered open slightly to see the playful glint in his uncharacteristically soft features. “Just, hold on to who you are, doll and never let’em see you fall” he muttered as his features darkened and jaw tensed, trying not to pull her into that dark part of his mind. She smiled at his unexpectedly profound words and unwrapped her fingers from his wrist to cover his hand still splayed across her cheek. “Thank you” she whispered heavy hearted, as her eyes beamed open. Shuri burst through the doors just as the pair dropped their hands. “So I had to fight your team just to borrow a pe-“ she began, “So much for your steady hands Y/N” she said laughing at the empty vial on the tray beside them. “Don’t worry it was just for backup anyway - I’ve think I’ve got enough, you ready to go?” she said grabbing her jacket. “Barnes I’ll see you Monday morning” she said pulling Y/N out of her daze by leading her towards the door. She gave him a mock salute before disappearing from the doorway that made Bucky flash a toothy grin not quite believing she was real. He rubbed the back of his neck and scuffed the toe of his boot on the edge of the chair unable to wipe the grin off his face. God help me.