#oh and like unfollow me if you want if you were following for omgcp....

[multsicorn]

pretending this is still a blog

1. I’m only online between 8pm and 10am anymore!  And not most of that time - I’m sleeping most of that time, of course - and also doing other things IRL - so I’m on the internet for maybe 2-4 hours a day, all told, in the evening and in the morning when I’m waking up.

I’ve been trying and failing and trying again to impose some sort of structure and limits on spending time on shitty websites I don’t enjoy basically as long as I’ve had the internet, and for the first time ever I am succeeding.... (it’s the end of week two, I’ve followed my schedule every day), so... THIS IS GREAT.  I am and feel 2000% more in control of my life.

2. Probably about 90% of that online time I am spending reading Yuri on Ice fic.  And watching vids, and reading discussion, but mostly fic.  (My favorite thing is ‘Victor and Yuuri work their shit out,’ my favorite fic so far is shysweetthing’s collected works, and especially “Call Everything on the Ice.”)  (Cause anyone cared.)

3. I kinda wanna write meta cause, well, I’m me, but I get the feeling everything’s already been said.  #a year late with no starbucks.  I might do it anyway?  Especially re: Yuuri’s anxiety, cause I have zillions feelings, and I keep doing it in my own head, but... eh.  Can’t do everything, so who knows.  (It fucks him up enough to make him break up with Victor, but doesn’t keep him from breaking a world record!  Both these things at the very same time!  Not calling people cause you think you disappointed them is literally the most relatable character flaw ever!  And then just everything that’s not about getting better, but about knowing and continuing to work to find more ways to deal with this thing that is a condition of life; it’s not infinite, and not going away.)

4. I am, anyway, definitely writing fic.  (I don’t stop writing fic for a week, it’s funny to me if no one else, I go straight from one fandom to the next not missing a beat.)  Haven’t been finishing any of it (obviously), but - hm.

[At this point I went on a now redacted several page long tangent.]

Because I decided several weeks ago now to stop trying to make myself just finish things, just post things, etc. - not that I’d been having success with that, clearly.  And just try to focus on enjoying the process of writing, cause I ‘wanted to write’ all these stories in theory but never wanted to really sit down and write... and that’s been an interesting qualified success!

But has also left me quite frustrated with feeling like I’m working on trying to improve things that I don’t know how to improve, while at the same time never getting a ‘chance’ to move on to other stories.

So!  I remembered that old tumblr post about making clay pots and just finishing something, even if it’s not any good, put it out there and make the next one - I was thinking of this post, but this one by ursualvernon might’ve got in there too - and, so, well, Imma try that experimentally.  Just finish the scene!  Don’t go back to it at all!  .. we’ll see how that experiment works.

5. I still have not read any of the Year Four Check Please comics after the first mini one.  It’s a pity, cause I have all the best places to talk about it, I made place(s) to complain if that’s what I wanna do, and, after all, reading a comic only takes a few minutes, but... I just don’t wanna read it.  That’s where my fannish involvement after x months mostly on anon ended up, with me feeling that way, and if there’s one thing dumber than not reading it, it’s feeling like I ~should.~  Fandoms are transient; it’s fine.

6. I do still wanna get around to reading/catching up with definitely @coyotesuspect‘s fic though, and some of the rest of the pimms and maybe Kent/OMC content that’s been produced in the past month or two.  But I wanna do a lot of things!  Most of which I can’t fit in; I guess who knows when or if.

7. Some other things I have been doing, while being Not On The Internet: writing ~2 hours a day, wow, go me.  Learning Russian, (hopefully it’ll take this time, but I’m working through proper college textbooks), reading books, cleaning my house, (a slow but steady process), taking walks, learning to cook new things.  Art Projects that I’ve been telling myself ‘maybe someday’ about for how-many-years, finally, the time is now.  (Even if the time’s only 45 minutes a day.  And one at a time, not all at once.  It is still amazing.)

8. What is becoming of this blog, who knows.  I’m gonna refill the queue with the same mix of random stuff, and pics of Yuuri Katsuki, cause <3.  And hope sometime in maybe not too long I join/fall in love with an ongoing fandom again?  Cause I do like liking things ;D.

9. But right now, I mostly check in and catch up for ~10 min once or twice a day.  It’s not bad, and I still love you all, I just mostly love you from elsewhere right now.  (She says.  But who knows.  Maybe I’ll be insufferably spammy after I post this ‘quiet now’ post!)