#oh and Alice's ruling on the Hawaiian pizza: 'eh not horrible but not for me'

[victorluvsalice]

Valicer Not-Incorrect Quotes, Food Edition

In honor of the “food” prompt for this month’s @polyamships Polyam Shipping Day:

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Alice: [looking at a collection of “freakshake” photos online] I really don’t understand these things. I mean, I’ve got nothing against a good milkshake, but -- look at this, this one has an entire slice of cheesecake on it. 

Victor: I know! You know I like sugar, but -- that seems really excessive.

Smiler: You know what I’ve always thought? That those are like the milkshake fancypants version of the Vermonster.

Alice: The what?

Smiler: A giant bucket sundae that you’re supposed to eat with your friends -- it’s from Ben & Jerry’s. Why else would you get a slice of cheescake on a milkshake if you weren’t supposed to give the cheesecake to someone else?

Victor: That’s -- probably the most sensible explanation for these things I’ve heard.

Alice: Pity that probably means it’s not true.

Smiler: Probably not, but it SHOULD be. Also, if we’re ever anywhere near a Ben & Jerry’s, we should get a Vermonster.

Alice: Well, that goes without saying.

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Smiler: [sneaking into the kitchen]

Smiler: [looking around as they grab a package of Jaffa Cakes out of the pantry]

Smiler: [grinning to themselves as they tear it open]

Victor: [immediately poking his head around the door] Can I have one too?

Smiler: How do you always know?!

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Smiler: [pouring some strawberry mojito mocktails they’ve whipped up for everyone] We got drinks!

Alice: [comes in and claims her glass, taking a swing] Mmmm -- delicious as always, Smiler.

Victor: [following soon after] Oh yes -- you really have a talent for this.

Smiler: [sipping their own drink] Well, talent and years of helping Mom with parties and working at coffee places.

Victor: Even still -- you really should be a bartender. You’d knock the socks off everyone with these.

Smiler: [laughs] Maybe, but I think most of them wouldn’t be impressed with the lack of alcohol.

Alice: Look, I have enough problems with Wonderland, I don’t need to add booze to the mix.

Victor: And you don’t need me trying to tell you my entire life story.

Smiler: But I like your entire life story!

Victor: That involves me talking more about my parents.

Smiler: I do not like your entire life story, finish your mocktail.

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[context: Victor and Alice are hanging out with Smiler’s other friends for a movie night]

Oblivion: [bringing in some boxes] All right, we have pizza!

Rita: Finally! Hand it over, Oblivion.

Oblivion: Yeah, hang on -- okay, this one is all pepperoni, nice and standard; this one is pepperoni and olives on one side, and mushrooms and olives on the other; this one is Meat Lover’s and sausage, peppers, and mushrooms; and this one is Hell On Pizza.

Smiler: [rolling their eyes as they pick up a slice of Hell On Pizza, otherwise known as Hawaiian] You could actually try some before knocking it, you know.

Thirteen: Everyone knows pineapple does not belong on pizza, Smiler.

Galactica: It’s a scientific fact.

Smiler: Scientists don’t know what they’re missing.

Rita: [grabbing a slice of pepperoni] Please just accept you have terrible taste in pizza, Smiler. It’ll be easier on us all.

Victor: [had been reaching for his Meat Lover’s -- but upon hearing all this admittedly good-natured teasing, he stops, considers -- and then picks up a slice of Hawaiian and takes a big bite]

Everyone Else: [regards him with surprise, even Smiler]

Victor: [after a contemplative chew and swallow] Actually, this isn’t bad. I don’t know if I’d want it every time, but --

Smiler: [practically tackles him and kisses him hard] Marry me. Now.

Oblivion: [mostly-faux horror, eyes wide] Oh no. [looks at Alice] Have they gotten to you too?

Alice: [taking a dazed Victor’s forgotten slice] We’re about to find out!

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