#oh also the guy who was on annual leave was the only one drinking milk so there's expired milk in the fridge

[fazcinatingblog]

the accountant at work was telling me today that he used to work at a place where they had a "business meeting" every friday and then eventually they said what it actually was and it was just a meeting where they talked footy

[dangerouslysmartslime]

My Little Pony The New Generation

Seems like the things that remembering of what happened in Generation 4 waws the olden times where the pony kinds were friends and didn’t use magic against each other. IE Generation 4 of the Friendship Pope. That the main character is a girl obsessed with the era of Generation. A lighthouse and Sunny will know, you stand up for what you believe in. Show everypony that we’re friends. That maybe today is that day! A father that loves his daughter with all his heart~! And the two colts that she was playing with, one of them she will see as an adult on her adventures as shown by the trailers and the other had the depressing note of wanting to be Sheriff, and everyone knows that Police Officers are reviled for keeping people in line, especially colored by their own bigotry, so insert the “Lois and Clark” Yikes. Sunny and her father write a letter to the unicorns and pegasi only to tell the story of Generation 4 to Sunny. A friend to fly around or float things, why can’t we be friends anymore? That is a great question, but we’ll figure it out together. And the drawings that she has as well as all the things she has of Generation 4 is so adorable!! Only to flash to when she’s an adult and the movie actually starts~! Sunny gets herself dressed with the same sort of pins I use on my hat. She gets ready her bag and she looks at pictures of her father in a way that mean it seems like he’s dead… And the movie goes into the first musical number. “Canter Logic” She goes on a ice cream run for a job, only for that colt who said he’s be a Sheriff to chase after her… And steal somepony’s milkshake and cookies… She gives a balloon to someone who wanted one, only for that one colt to continue being the worst pony in the movie so far in terms of douchbaggery. She is going and showing her enthusiasm for life while the colt continues to chase after her cleaning up all the kindness she wishes to do and come to University. A squad of critters like Fluttershy only he doesn’t actually like it. Annual presentation at Canterlot. Hey, come on! Sprout was actually just doing his job when Hitch was giving him orders. “Every year you sneak in and every year you try” As a friend not as a Sheriff, don’t? Someone litters and Sprout is continuing to be an asshole so I was right. So Sunny is mischevious only to find that this is a factory much like the memed on Rainbow Factory… Canter Logic is Phyllis Clovery, the mother of Sprout, and the actual biggest asshole. Oh wait, she actually is the main antagonist because she’s a bigot. Yep, markets her products for bigotry and wha… Ant-mind reading? And keeping eye on the sky doesn’t make sense… The earth pony balloon escape pack doesn’t work. Only for Sunny to try to protest it and she does it in a dumb way and her friend who is the Sheriff stops it by pulling the plug. “Aren’t you tired of being scared all the time? The truth is, we’re not in danger! We don’t need any of this Canter Logic junk!” Just imagine if you had a friend who could fly or do magic. That everything you hear is wrong when they could be friends and still could be! And “Phyllis is still a bigot.” To uphold it? Everypony includes Pegasi and Unicorns, “Then prove it” means she’s going to be go on an adventure. And the one friend that she has is an asshole to her because due to propaganda he says that it’s just an old filly story concocted by her father. She then looks to the sky and mourns her father once again, wishing he was here. Only for… Izzy Moonbow the Unocnr meets Sunny and all the bigots (IE everyone except Sunny) panics as the bigots… Really? That seems a little harsh. Well yeah, they’re bigots, what do you expect Izzy! Izzy plays it like a game of hopscotch only to get trapped by a trap because she was looking at Terminator Judgment Day. Hitch then lectures her. So, you’re named Sunny? Bye! Nice to meet you now! Hitch acts like he’s the only sane man, but in reality Izzy is just as enthusiastic as Sunny as being a silly dork. Nooo, I can’t make it float but I can open cans! Tada! No magic…  So the bigots keep being bigots and they flee. No magic? But we did have magic and that was many moons ago and everyone is racist because the magic leaves. Unicorn with no magic and everyone is a bigot. Earth ponies have a lot of bigoted stories while only 3 stories unicorns. What if they don’t! And then there’s the musical number 2. Neat… Two folks becoming friends who are looking out for each other like Sunny is friggin friendship pope with Pinkie Pie. So they get an apple to have a snack and continue trotting along to try to get to the land of Pegasi. Hitch is the “perfect guy” in terms of taking care of himself and Sprout is now the Interim Sheriff. Still think Phyllis is the villain. Only to find that yes, everyone is bigoted against each other because they think everyone else did something bad. And… Can Pegasi not fly? No, the butch pegasus is here “there’s no way we could, there’s no way we could!” The shield is.. Can you fly to the moon? Well I do like sneakers. And then modern Americana appears in Zephyr Heights… Royal bash for Queen Haven and Princess Pip the influencer. Of course… Pip Pip Hooray? Pegasi do have a Castle, and it even looks like they stole Canterlot and renamed it. And… Both of the Pegasi are royalty. Earth Pony and Unicorn in Zephyr Heights, and no, not an attack ya silly. And Hitch goes after them and… Sprout is here but people are revolting? Wait, no they aren’t. “We need a real Sheriff!” Only for him to get all fearmongerin. I see… Whispering danger danger.. Generation 1 is shown… “Follow me mindlessly!” Angry Mob ANGRY ANGRY. Influencer advertisments and… “We haven’t seen a single pony flying except the royal family. Only for a princess to.. Just call me Zip.Izzy Moonbow. Important about magic? How does your work? The unicorns lost theirs. No magic. “Well, that changes things. Her father’s journal, and that star is actually like Twilight Sparkle’s journal. “Only royals can fly because for some reason they have magic. Nicorn hair and Pegasi! Hitch is looking for them only to find that the Pegasi captured them. When unicorns and Earth Ponies visited Zephyr Heights and the Wonderbolts were seen in a picture. The truth is they can’t fly either but just faking by… Wires and good lighting… A “ridiculous lie.” To… Soar using a fan. A bright sparkle, says Izzy. Canterlot’s old Stained Glass. It’s seen right there and now each one is placed in order, fitting. The Crystals go together united. So if they put them back together magic would return… The unicorn crystal Bridlewood is had. The Queen never takes her crown off… Swap real crown with decoy. Stealthy and stealing the crown. Paying a guest a visit and Pip is told. No one can fly, it is just a stage show… Because of course, Pip is just an influencer using a stage show and of course aother song… While Sunny and Moonbow are doing the plot~… But the dog happens, where the small dog is like a guard dog. And Hitch is also finding them, then the recording staff is like “Prisoners have escaped!” And Hitch is put on stage… “What is happening. The Royals are revealed to not be able to fly either, and they accidentally drop the Crystal… “Arresting you and saving you.” The Queen’s daughter, oh the Sheriff just became detective. The models of the characters look so much like the toys, Pip and Hitch join the party! Meanwhile… Canter Logic creates war machines complete with Sprout sounding like Vader when he’s really just drinking a milkshake. “Just make it work, okay!” “My town mommy” And that he is “Now Emperor” From Defense to Offense. “All thanks to encouragement” Hitch and Pip whining about being in the party. Look, once everyone gets magic back they’ll be heroes! Crystal clear and he deodorant have his badge. Between you an d me, the badge was creating an unhealthy power dynamic. Fair point. And they start giving up at a bridge being broken, only for Izzy opening the entrance because she knows the way. Breaking open a tree using her horn. They make a fire only for Hitch to be a whiny man lighting a fire “come on, don’t be a hero dude, just come here by the fire.” And they’re good to be a team, just like the Mane 6 of Generation 4. Only for Izzy to look down that the idea of being together is the best thing to happen, that getting friends is better than just getting magic. From Sunny there was that friends in Maritime Bay. That someday they’d prove that all ponies are meant to be friends. That Hitch wants to do his part, “what do we have to lose, right!” Not far from all the SIGNS OF DEATH LIKE THIS IS THE EVERFREE FOREST. “The Villa Izzy~” And all the silly things that she made like Izzy’s friendship bracelets and a tea set… Only for Izzy to be sad for not having a tea party and… A glow up? Although they’re difference races they should unite like the ancient politics of the Friendship Pope~! Comes another song. And it was a fun song so I sang along. Unicorns are very superstitious as to have magic, feather, wing, and mayonnaises. No forbidden words like Mayonnaise. The Unicorn Crystal is owned by Alphabettle, and he can smell fear. “Tea” Hold, the milk, quite the game player I see, why, do you play? I don’t play I win?” Just Dance! Both ponies agree, best out of three! Only need to win one out three for Sunny. Round 3… Here that sunny, feel the Rhythm take you over! I’m feeling it, go Sunny! And she wins with some hype from Pip! Only for the horn to fall off! And a Unicorn! Which you knew already! No, stop… No, don’t. It’s time to run… No pony has magic, but we’re here to bring it back! It can sound unbelievable, but trying is best.  But nooo she needs the 2 out of 3. SHE NEEDS THE 2 out of 3!!! Ye, they don’t have to fight! Sprout makes a tank and he cackles menacingly. That they can be separated by gear and distrust, or there can be friendship and love between the races, like her father. Like her loving father. SO they unite and the reincarnation of the Friendship Pope. The reincarnation of the Friendship Pope has brought the Magic of Friendship to Equestria again.

[writerwrites]

I Would Climb To You

Pairing: Sam Wilson x Reader

Summary: You’ve been friends since middle school, shared a lot of firsts, even had a pact that if both of you weren’t married by a ‘respectable age’ you’d tie the knot. For the first time in years you’re both single on the annual Wilson Family Trip, but feeling like you need to find yourselves, hating dating apps, and not wanting to play the rebound game you two come up with a genius idea to have your needs met: friends with benefits... What could possibly go wrong?

Word Count: 4.7k

Warnings: Smut 18+, FWB!au, swearing, a little talk about the military/injuries

A/N: *THIS IS A ONE SHOT* This is my entry into the great @wxntersoldiers​​​ 6k AU challenge! PS. Jammies!

“Damn, I remember this. Never thought it would leave a scar.” Sam’s dark eyes looked over at you, his hand outreached to flick the faded palm sized scar that was a different shade of brown from the rest of your hip. “A Skip It, right?”

“Not just a Skip It,” The words came out through breathless laughter, “A Skip It challenge in Moon Shoes. We really should have known it wasn’t going to end well.”

Sam’s laugh, a missed sound in the last four months when your best friend was deployed, wrapped you up in familiar comfort. It was his first mission since you were honorably discharged and despite your swearing up and down that you didn’t miss the chaos of being a para-rescuer in the Air Force with that goofy asshole that had been your best friend since you moved to his hometown in seventh grade, you did. Moreover, you knew he knew it. That hug goodbye flashed in your memory briefly, Sam coming at you in camo goofy bear arms outstretched for a hug that, when given, didn’t have the smack to it that always made you unsteady on your feet. You’d reassured him you were fine, physically and emotionally, hugging him tightly back before poking him in the ribs and letting him get on with his farewells to his siblings. Despite the inaudible whispers, you knew he was telling them to check in on you. You also knew he didn’t need to say it, they’d taken you in, just like he had, many years ago. “Hey, where’d you go?” Sam’s voice pulled you out of your head and back to the poolside.

“Don’t look so concerned or someone’s gonna think you’re in love with me.” With a wave of your hand you tried to blow him off, but he didn’t bite, so you went to that line the two of you never crossed. “I was thinking about A.C. Slater and how I totally would have milked an injury in school if it would’ve given me a chance to hook up with a guy who could bench my bodyweight. If. You. Must. Know.”

When your head lulled to the side and a playful glare at Sam over your sunglasses, tongue sticking out, he scoffed. “You’re not that thick, I could bench you. It’s all about balancing the weight.”

“Oh, is this the move?” Laughing you hopped up and squeezed the hard muscles of his biceps, your dark curls dripping onto his bare chest. “I always wondered what you said to get a different girl to leave the bar with you every time we went out. I just assumed you did the whole ‘I’m a soldier’ card.”

Sam feigned offense and tickled his fingers at your waist, throwing you into a fit of laughter. Before you could protest he had one large hand on your inner thigh and the other on your ribs. Instinctually, you tightened your thighs around his hand, your hands ready to smack him on the top of his head as he just gripped you tighter, picking you up like you were a doll. “It might be the move.”

He groaned, you laughed and then he was laughing too. The consequence of loosening your muscles was your body falling onto his chest. “Don’t you dare groan, Wilson, or I’m going to let the boys know you dropped me.”

“Oh trust me, the fact that I dropped you poolside would not be the talk of the conversation.” With a scoff you asked what would be and he obliged you with an explanation you should’ve seen coming. “They always thought we were a thing, still do. They didn’t even ask if I was ‘going home’ for our leave. Instead, they asked what we were getting into.” Despite rolling your eyes, Sam went on. “I told ‘em that I was going to interview at the V.A. and that we were joining my family for a vacation- sun and sand, drinks poolside.”

By now you’d gotten off of him, your hip shoving his thigh to the side so that you could sit on his lounge chair and steal sips of his beer. “So, what did you tell them? Destination wedding or honking hula girl titties?”

“They asked for pictures of you in that bikini.”

“Fuck off.” You groaned, knowing that despite the love for your brothers in arms they were still sexist pigs at the best of times. “I hope you told them you think of me like a sister.”

“So I should’ve lied?” Sam snorted, snatching his beer back from your greedy lips. “If I was going to lie I would’ve said destination wedding to make them feel like assholes for not being invited.”

“So what, I’m a broken toy soldier now so I’m not your sister anymore?” You were hurt and Sam could hear it in your voice, but the sunglasses hid the glimmer of tears in your eyes.

In a huff, Sam watched you get up and reach to snatch his beer back, not particularly wanting to walk across the sunny poolside to get another. He pulled it away again, looking up at you. “You really want to do this right here, right now, on vacation, in front of some strangers’ kids playing Marco Polo.”

Stubborn, the both of you.

You were back in your room in the Wilson’s four bedroom and two bathroom villa faster than Sam could catch up with you and you didn’t care that you had left him with flip flops and a long walk to think about how much it hurt to have him push back about you being family after all these years. You’d sputtered away in the rented golf cart, middle finger flying high. Even now, using Paul and Darlene’s timeshare as a getaway for the kids still included you. You bit your lip and rummaged through your things, hoping a shower would stop you from taking an Uber back to the airport.

When you tapped on the bathroom door you shared with Sam’s sister, Sarah, you heard her holler back. “I’ll be out soon. Are you and Sam coming with Gideon and I to that hibachi place with the bar next door?”

“Sam might. I’m feeling jet lagged, so I think I’m going to sleep early today so that I don’t mess up the rest of our vacation.” You nibbled on your bottom lip until it was sore and puffy, rolling your towel over your arms both hoping she’d buy it and wondering she’d tell you how long ‘soon’ was. Before you got your answer Gideon walked out of the master and into his room next to yours, “Hey, Sam’s still at the pool if you want to text him and see if he’s going with you all.”

He was already taking out his phone, texting Sam, and without looking at you he said, “Just use the master bathroom. I promise the ‘boy’s bathroom is just as clean as yours and you know she’s going to be in there for ages.”

As Sarah shouted out some profanity at him, you mouthed a thank you and slipped into Sam’s room. Like your own, the bed was made and the only sign of life was the suitcase with a few items dangling out of its edges. A glance at the closet as you walked into the bathroom was another tell on your similarities and enlistment- all of the clothes neatly hung in the closet.

You couldn’t even be sure how long the hot water was running over you. As you rinsed off the sweat and sunblock, the door burst open and you swore. “What the f-.” Cut off by flying sandals you squawked again, “What the actual f-.”

Sam cut you off again, shutting the door and crossing his arms but turning toward the opposing wall for your modesty, not that the opaque shower curtain he had boomeranged his sandals around was giving you much cover. “When I said I don’t see you like a sister I didn’t mean that I don’t see you as a soldier, you earned every rank and medal working your ass twice as hard as any of us had to. I’m proud of you, so don’t think for a minute I’m going to let you see yourself as broken. I meant I don’t see you the same as Sarah- never have, never will.” Tears streamed down your cheeks and you were grateful for the water to cover the hurt Sam seemed hell bent on inflicting at the beginning of your vacation after you missed the hell out of him. “You are my best friend and you’re my family. Harlem’s a place I called home in a way, but when I thought about where I was going to live, I didn’t think about where. Harlem didn’t feel like home anymore without you. I realized home is where my person is. You’re my person.”

Your stomach lurched as you listened, an anxious flip. Feeling like you had to put a stop to the conversation he seemed to be trying to have you stuck your head out from around the curtain. “If you’re trying to tell me you’re in love with me you can cut that shit out right now, Sam Wilson. I know the first VHS you masturbated to and you puked on me at prom, when you got your first promotion, when you saw your first d-.”

“Stop. Stop, I’m not in love with you.” He waved his hand like the l-word was leaving a bad stench under his nose. “It doesn’t mean that I can think of you like a sister, either.”

Leaning back into the shower you shut off the water, hoping that it would freeze his junk off when it was turned back on. “Why? You never seemed to have a problem thinking about me that way in middle school, high school, basic training… When did it change?”

You stepped out in a towel, curls dripping everywhere as you looked at Sam, his frame still blocking your path to the door. “Oh I sure as shit did, even in middle school. You know the first VHS I got off to, but you don’t know the real person I thought about every time I was single? C’mon.”

Scoffing in disbelief you moved to the door. “Lying ass.”

“Oh, so you didn’t think of me once or twice either.” You refused to answer, eyes on the door behind him. It was a tell, he knew your silence was an omission. “When was the last time?” If you gave him an inch, you knew Sam Wilson was good for a mile. A glare, daggers straight up into his dark eyes. “That recently? Since I’ve been back?”

“Why does it matter?”

“It’s a vacation. We have a whole house to ourselves.” Don’t say it. Don’t ruin this. You chanted in your head. “With clear boundaries, as two consenting grown ass adults, why should we be the only people in this house not getting laid?”

Sam was sleeping on the other side of the hall but you’d told him at the pool that both of his siblings had brought people back from their night out and you now knew way too much about what they were into in the sheets. Your eyes fell to his full lips and you inadvertently licked your own. Against your better judgement and before you could bite your tongue you asked, “Clear boundaries?”

You watched his Adam’s apple bob and his tongue run across his lips, wondering if maybe he hadn’t expected you to be game. “All right, obviously we’d stop if one of us started seeing someone, be honest in and out of the bedroom- like always, and stop if feelings get in the mix, no cuddling or staying over naked. Anything else?”

“Grooming and contraception, always.” Sam nodded in agreement and started to pull his clothes off, stepping out of your way and heading toward the shower. Though your gaze followed him it fell to the tile when he slipped his thumbs under the hem of his boardshorts. “What about kissing… like on the mouth?”

“We’ve done it before.” He laughed, starting the shower before getting in and though your eyes had been on the clothes on the floor and his feet you slowly built up the confidence to really look at him.

With his back turned to you it was easy to see why he was more than capable of picking you up with ease. You’d only stollen a glance at his whole frame a few times; the notorious high school streak challenge, a skinny dipping haze in basic, and the unspeakable time you walked into his room after a bad breakup and he was… Well, shaking your head to erase the thought like an Etch A Sketch, you unabashedly stared at his statuesque frame climbing into the shower before climbing onto the bathroom counter. “Do high school dares and spin the bottle really count?”

“You kiss differently when it isn’t a game?” Sam stuck his head back out of the shower and looked you over, studying your expression as he covered himself in shower gel. Guilty, you’d gone all in to make an ex jealous and Sam knew it then and was calling your bluff now. “If you don’t want to we don’t have to.”

“They left, thought we had an argument to work out and said they’d stay out late to make sure we worked it out.” You could practically hear the smirk on his lips on the other side of the curtain and you felt the urge to climb in the shower and wallop him right on his perfect haunches if it wouldn’t solely prove him right.

There was a long silence, but you stayed perched there on the sink, listening to the water, picturing Sam under it, then feeling guilty about it. He wasn’t wrong, you’d thought about him occasionally, more out of him being the only completely decent guy you knew and recent break ups making you not want to think about the last guy you slept with. Getting off to the thought of Sam felt dirty, which made you squirm a little… because it wasn’t wrong, just personal. With your towel riding up over your thick thighs, the cool marble of the sink pressed into the curve of your ass, making you shiver as you rocked your hips a little trying to get more comfortable. Your legs swung back and forth and you looked across the counter for lotion to soothe the heat from the sun and hot shower. “Lotion?” The question was asked as you watched him step out, catching a glimpse at the front of him as he grabbed his towel and tucked it around his waist. Sam reached into the cabinet behind you and put the container shea butter, opening the lid and taking in the scent that was distinctly Sam. “What’s in it?” Musing aloud as you took a bit between your fingers and started to warm it up in your palms before massaging it into your skin.

His eyes drank up the movements as he toweled off, a bit to your dismay as you were enjoying the sight of water shimmering down the dark lines of his stomach. “I always put a few essential oils in there. I think this one I added black spruce and…” He trailed off, coming closer, nudging your knees apart with his hips like he needed the mirror and you were in his way, “birch, maybe.”

The nudge almost sent you falling into the sink and your shea butter covered hands wrapped around him as you let out a fleeting squeal and laugh. You scooted closer to the edge, wrapping your legs around his for leverage. “Well, I guess I’ve got your back.” Laughing you ran your hands up Sam’s damp back, massaging the lotion into his skin, hitting the knots and curves with intention. You couldn’t be sure when he stopped putting lotion on his arms or finished brushing his fingers over the fresh finally-on-leave stubble blossoming on his jaw but he had. His dark brown gaze was on you when you looked up at him and you became aware of your breath on his chest. A smirk drew across your lips, trying not to let yourself be shaken by the look in his eyes. “You good?”

Sam’s response was a grunted ‘mmhm’ as he picked the shea butter back up and started to caress the lotion into your thighs. You froze and it was his turn to ask, “You good?” A challenge, two could play this game.

There was a time you were quick to snap back with witty comments, but determined to abuse the door Sam had opened, you leaned forward the mere inch to his chest, still hot from the shower, and pressed your lips to his skin. He groaned and you smirked. But the playful back and forth torture continued, you massaging Sam’s back, moving lower with every circle, was met with Sam’s own caresses further up your thighs. His hands were under the hem of the towel before yours had reached his ass. Like turning on the green light at a race, your tongue slipped out of your mouth and brushed down his chest to his ribs, where you nipped at the defined muscle. That set him off and what had been quiet moans between the two of you was now a deep growl from Sam. With a casual “oops,” you were really telling him, checkmate.

But two can play that game, his eyes said as they looked straight into your soul. Sam’s fingers pulled open your towel and you bit your lip, letting him have his moment. Your gaze narrowed and you pulled his own off, your tongue running across your lips when his length sprung free. This wasn’t uncharted territory, you’d long since grew out of the uncomfortable in your skin complex that was debilitating and internalized by so many women of your complexion. The tips of your fingers pressed into the cut of muscle over his hips and Sam leaned forward only to groan as your hands curved away from his semi and down his thighs. Your nails scratched gently around the back of his thighs and teased him again by completely avoiding his toned glutes. Impatient with the teasing, Sam’s brushed the back of his fingers over your chest before palming the slope of your breasts. The way your nipples went hard under the slightest attention from the pad of his thumb made the man’s cock twitch in front of you.

If he was determined to keep pushing the line further, then you were determined to push it faster. Your soft hands wrapped around his muscle, stroking him tight and slow. His eyes closed and his mouth opened in a near-silent groan. No talking was needed, you could see the fire moving straight through him and you squirmed on the sink with delight, all too aware of how wet making him hard in your hand was making you wet. Proud of the littlest accomplishment of pleasure, a little victory in a lifetime long list of teasing, you explored the new territory, brushing your thumb in gentle small circles over the tip of his cock. The pad of your thumb came up wet with precum and you looked right at him as you brought your thumb to your lips and sucked the digit clean. Sam’s fingers dug harder into your thighs and you let him pull you not just to the edge of the sink but so that there was no longer space between the two of you.

A whimper passed your lips and your thumb left your mouth with a pop as his cock pressed against your pelvis and stomach; long, thick, and hard and Sam’s expression was just as proud and uncompromising. He rocked his hips and you squeezed your thighs tighter at his sides. There was a fleeting moment where his eyes softened, his mouth opened, and you knew he was going to ask if you were sure- as if there was some way to come back from giving your best friend a boner while you sat naked in his bathroom talking about thinking about just doing this. “I’d like to know if you’re worth the hype.”

“Oh really?” He laughed and smiled up at him. There was no other reason for a protest and, given how wound up the pair of you were from being in dry spells, there wasn’t a need or want for foreplay beyond the introductory touching you’d both fleetingly just engaged in. Pulses rampant, Sam pulled away just enough to line himself up to your entrance, catching a glimpse of your dripping pussy and nearly giving in to bury his face between your thick thighs. A low and slow, “Fuck,” passed Sam’s lips as he pushed himself into your tight passage.

Your giggle became a breathy gasp as he filled you. Swallowing at your surprisingly dry throat you buried your face in his arm and, as your heat stretched to accommodate him you bit gently into his bicep. Whimpering when he slowed further, he took the hint and kept going until he filed you to the hilt. Your dark eyes looked up at him and you ran your tongue up the vein on his arm where you’d left a little bite mark. Placing careful kisses up his arms and across his chest, you moved your hands to the edge of the bathroom’s countertop and bit your lip as you held on and you moved your legs up over his hips, locking at the ankles over his ass. Sam wasted no time, as if just getting to this point had been a marathon of torture. He held onto your waist and what started as a few long thrusts where he made sure you were okay, quickly turned into deep thrusts at a steady pace. “Yes, right there,” the words were a panted plea when he hit the right spot and like a machine he kept driving himself into you, right there, making the bathroom echo with the sound of your moaning and the obscene echo of his cock claiming you.

Tightening around him, Sam was soon groaning with you, both satisfied and wanting more of you. Untangling your legs, he put them over his shoulders. The combination of being completely under his control and the view of his muscles hard at work with the labor of the deep and frantic fuck made your toes curl. Reaching back you pressed a palm into the curve of the sink for more pressure and leverage. Your breasts with every thrust and his eyes moved from your lips to your chest. The way his tongue ran across his full lips, the way he bit his lip, all of it made the coil in your core impatient for release. When he focused on his own pleasure, and you had no leverage to even roll your hips, your mind went static and you begged, “Sam, please. Please, harder! More. I need you.”

To your surprise Sam pushed your legs off his shoulder and thrust hard and deep inside you so that you called out his name and scratched down his back. Then Sam pulled you up off of the sink. Quickly adapting, your legs wrapped tightly around him and you looped your arms around his neck. With Sam’s hands pawing at your thighs and ass, you using your own strength to grind, and him back in a deep rapid thrusts you knew you were going to fall over the edge. He watched you, both of you cursing loudly in the steamy bathroom, “I know you’re close. Look at me.”

Frazzled, you followed the command like a good soldier and it only made his hips rut into you more enthusiastically. Your skin burned against his and you hungrily pulled his mouth to yours and poured in proof that maybe the both of you hadn’t really poured everything into those silly spin the bottle snogs. You couldn’t pull away, the taste of his beer still on his lips and the familiar comforting scent of him enveloped you and you gave in to Sam’s control. Your lips fell from his and your head lulled back, curls sticking to the fresh sweat on your forehead and shoulders as your legs quaked to the point that he had to cling to your thighs as your orgasm quaked through your body. Your moaning quickly turned into bashful laughter, which you stifled by biting your lip as your muscles spasmed around him.

With Sam still inside you, your juices dripping down his muscle, you pulled yourself back against his chest and nipped at his jaw. His dark eyes had been staring at you, an expression you couldn’t decipher. “I didn’t even know I could cum that hard.” Whatever that expression had been on his face now melted back into the look of lust you’d seen painted on his face when he unraveled your towel. You held onto him more tightly as he moved to the wall and pinned you to it. You watched his muscles in the damp mirror as he fervently rutted himself into you. The tips of your fingers caressed the muscles down his back and scratched at as much of his toned ass as you could grab past your own thighs. “No one has ever felt this good inside me.”

Was it positive praise, did he just love a good compliment because he was a cocky bastard, or could he tell that the confession had slipped past your lips in earnest? Sam gently grabbed your jaw and looked at you before pressing his mouth to yours again, sucking at your bottom lip before biting it. The dedicated rhythm of his pumping into you became as starved as his lips, and you could have sworn the wall was going to bruise your back or that someone a block away would come knocking concerned from the noise you two were making. He knew you were close again, that jagged whimper that sputtered into his mouth in gasps as you started to tighten around him. Like a vice, you milked him and he gave into you. Sam’s cock throbbed against your walls and the satisfied feeling of him filling you up brought you closer to the edge. He pressed a soft, finished and fleeting kiss to your lips, closed to pulling out of you and setting you down, utterly exhausted. But you held your thighs tightly around him, reaching between the two of you and teasing your clit until you came again.

As your second orgasm washed over you, Sam had leaned back to watch the whole scene and only bent down to flick his tongue across your nipples which sent a little aftershock through your body. You gave his arm a little teasing smack as he set you down. With shaking legs you laughed as you walked gracelessly to the shower. “Sam, I know we made a pact Freshman year that if we weren’t married by forty we’d tie the knot, but I never thought I’d want to hold you to it.”

Sitting on the bench in the shower you caught your breath, still laughing as your legs continued to shake. “This is going to be one hell of a vacation.”

“Damn straight.” You winked, reaching over to turn the shower on and meeting Sam’s hand. “You getting in?”

He looked you over and leaned against the wall, the cool water blasting some reality into your sense before it warmed up, “Now I am.” You both laughed and he got in, taking over the shower heads full flow of water. “Now let me clean you up while I catch my breath.”

Biting your lip you nodded, watching his soap covered rough hands move with tenderness back up your thighs, teasing you he pulled down the shower head. “You wouldn’t dare.”

“Wouldn’t I? No one’s here but us,” He leaned down, lips brushing your ear, “You managed to walk into the shower, I clearly haven’t finished.”

Before you could protest the high pressure of the shower head was between your legs and your hands were clutching his biceps. Closing your eyes, you could only manage to helplessly say one word, maybe tomorrow you’d worry about it sounding like I love you, “Sam.”

[the-delta-42]

Shit be True

@nerdasaurus1200 I did it.

Marinette scowled as Chloe sauntered off. It was bad enough that she was behind on the final assignment and Lila was being a pain, but now Chloe had all but bragged about how she managed to get the deadline push forwards a week, meaning that she had to come up with a presentation by Friday, and it was Wednesday. Marinette hoped to set the she-demon on fire as she walked away.

Some people call it fate, when Sabrina all but rushed into the room with the annual Chloe coffee of the afternoon. Marinette paused, before a wide, and somewhat evil-looking, smile appeared on her face. She still had those Laxatives from London.

Perhaps the Queen will have some humility after this.

/*/

Alix sighed as Marinette gathered the girls in their class, as well as some more from other classes, in her room.

“Okay, everyone’s here.” Said Aurore, closing the hatch to Marinette’s room.

“Everyone’s familiar with the Satan incarnate known as Chloe Bourgeois, are they not?” Marinette asked, getting a slight scoff from Kagami.

“Who isn’t.” Said Kagami, eying the pink of the room.

“Well, you are all probably also aware of the deadline that was shunted forward a week.” Said Marinette, as the penny dropped.

“That conniving bitch!”

Everyone looked at Rose, who had three sets of hands over her mouth.

“Rose, sweetie,” Said Juleka, tenderly, “I think be talked about your potty mouth.”

Rose nodded, before Juleka, Mylene and Alya removed their hands.

“You have any other reason for us being here or can we leave?” Kagami asked, her arms folded.

Marinette reached into a draw and pulled out a medicine bag that Kagami recognised easily.

“Are those…?” Kagami asked, looking at the bag.

“Long story short, I gave Adrien a letter that had some jokes on it, but I mixed it up with my grandfather’s prescription and Adrien brought this back instead.” Said Marinette, holding the medication out to the group.

“Wait-wait-wait-wait-wait.” Said Alix, getting to her feet, “Are you suggesting that we crush up these tablets and use them to spike Chloe’s food and drink?”

“Pretty much.” Said Marinette, the smile appearing on her face again.

“That sounds great!” Said Alix, “although, lose the smile, you look like a psychopath.”

Marinette pouted, putting the bag down.

“I can already see a problem,” Said Mirelle, getting the groups attention, “we have no idea where Chloe is and when she’s going to be there.”

“That is where you’re wrong.” Said Marinette, pulling out the schedule and pointing to yellow sections, “I keep track of everything my classmates are doing, when they are doing it and who’s with them, just like how I know that Chloe, or rather her parents, is currently playing host to a series of guests and that the catering is being done by my parents and Alya’s mother.”

“We slip in, spike Chloe’s stuff and slip out.” Said Alya, joining Marinette in the evil smile group.

“So, the plan is to spike her food, give her the runs and try not to laugh.” Said Kagami, eyes narrowed, “I’m in.”

There were similar mutterings of helping, before Aurore spoke.

“What if we did it as a gradual thing and made it happen in public event,” Said Aurore, “like in front of the whole school when we have to present our projects.”

“Ooh,” Alya winced, “Social murder of the highest degree.”

“I like it.” Said Rose, getting a pat on the head from Juleka.

“Let’s hope she isn’t wearing white.” Said Alya, as she started to make her exit, “Now, if you excuse me, I have a presentation to do for Friday.”

There were similar mutterings as everyone left, Kagami gave Marinette a once over before she left as well.

/*/

Marinette did her best to look innocent as she located all of the dishes that Chloe used throughout the day. She had told her parents she was going to use the bathroom, before she snuck into the kitchens.

Marinette did find it odd that Chloe had dedicated bowls, plates, cups and lunch boxes for each day of the week, as well as for the different times of the day. Marinette sprinkled the crushed-up laxatives into some water, before she carefully brushed it onto the dishes for Wednesday, Thursday and Friday morning. Marinette allowed herself to look satisfied as she looked at the dishes that now had the laxatives drying on them. Marinette then took the time to another portion into the coffee, tea and milk that was in the kitchen. Phase one was now complete.

Marinette discreetly left the kitchen and returned to her parents’ side.

“It’s like a maze in here.” Said Marinette, “I’m pretty sure I ended up in a closet at one point.”

Thankfully, some of the other girls were present, Alya helping her mother, Kagami with her parents, Alix, who somehow managed to get in and Rose, who was the guest of Prince Ali. Marinette looked at Rose again, noticing that she looked distressed, coupled with the look of confusion and worry that was on Prince Ali’s face, Marinette had the sinking feeling that Rose had mentioned Lila.

Marinette looked at the others, and raised her little finger up, they nodded, understanding what Marinette meant.

/*/

The second phase was the difficult part, because it required Marinette to intercept Sabrina, somehow get the coffee and/or food off her, add the laxatives and get the items back to Sabrina, all without her noticing. Thankfully, it seemed that Alya and Mylene seemed to be ahead of her.

“Sabrina, thank god we found you,” Said Alya, feigning panic, “I can’t find any of the work for our group, Mylene can’t either!”

“What?!” Sabrina gasped, placing Chloe’s coffee and food on the table and striding over to the computer, allowing Marinette to dash over, lace the drink and food with the laxatives and dash away.

Marinette bumped into Kagami as she moved away from the food and drink, a light brush against Kagami’s wrist was enough to tell her that the second phase was complete.

Now all they had to do was wait.

/*/

Marinette sighed as she got off the stage, finishing her presentation. It wasn’t until yesterday afternoon that the classes were told that they would have to go up in front of the whole school and give their presentation, sure there were rumours, but nothing was confirmed until yesterday. The only upside, for some, was that all classes were cancelled.

Marinette settled into her seat as Chloe took centre stage, Marinette noted the Chloe was wearing white, Marinette didn’t let her mind stray any further. Chloe had looked uncomfortable for the entire morning, looking worried. Marinette looked around, spotting all of the members of the fellowship of murder Chloe Bourgeois.

Chloe was grasping the podium and looked as if she was muttering not now, before she took a deep breath in.

Before Chloe could even get a word out, she sneezed and what sounded like a wet fart also sounded. Marinette had to cover her mouth to prevent herself from laughing.

Chloe had the look of horrified dread, before she could only look down, before shuffling sideways out of the room and then running down the hall.

A moment of silence swept over the school, before someone at the back spoke.

“Did she just…?”

“Shit be true.” Came another voice, before laughter erupted. Marinette was vaguely aware of her falling off her chair and face planting onto the floor. Marinette was also vaguely aware of Kim walking out of the hall to go change his clothes after wetting himself.

Adrien was torn between laughing and being disappointed in Marinette. Although, perhaps this might evoke a change in Chloe, and not just in clothes.

“What a day to be wearing white.” Said a guy to Adrien’s left.

Adrien was disappointed that Lila was absent today, this would’ve been an interesting warning.

/*/

The teachers managed to get the entire year rounded up by the end of the day.

“We know it was one of you that spiked Ms. Bourgeois’ food,” Said One of the deputy heads, “if the culprit doesn’t step forwards now, the entire year will fail and be forced to retake the year.”

Marinette looked down, she should’ve thought about the consequences before she pulled this stunt. Marinette took a deep breath, before she took a step forward. The resulting sound of multiple people stepping forward made Marinette look up.

The entire group had stepped forwards, some people who weren’t even involved in the planning had stepped forward, eventually the entire had take a step forward, with the deputy head went red with rage, he stepped towards the year and glared at all of them.

“Fine,” he sneered, “I’ll make sure all of you repeat the year.”

“No.” Said Adrien, looking at the teacher.

“What?!” The teacher snapped.

“I said no,” Said Adrien, his voice cold, “I am not sure if you are aware, but my father is one of the funders of this school, but if he heard how everyone was punished because of an accident, I am certain he wouldn’t hesitate is retracting the funding and putting towards something more worthwhile.”

“The same can be said about my mother.” Said Kagami, levelling the teacher with her coldest glare, “I am certain she would take great exception to you planned ‘punishment’.”

The teacher met Kagami’s stare, before Marinette phone went off.

“You, answer, speaker.” Said the teacher, not looking away from Kagami.

Marinette took one look at the caller ID, before she did as the teacher said.

“Marinette, little rocker!” Jagged Stone’s voice echoed through the hall, “How’re things?”

“Things are good,” Said Marinette, “Forgive me for being blunt, but I take it this isn’t a social call.”

“Oh, yeah, right,” Said Jagged, “I’m gonna need a jacket made, a Marinette original, I might even pop by your school and give everyone a surprise.”

“I’m on speak, Jagged,” Said Marinette, “and I’m not sure if that’s possible, you coming to the school, someone had an accident and a teacher is trying to pin it on a student.”

There was a moment of silence, before Jagged said, “Oh, that is so uncool. What was the accident?”

“A student shit themselves before they could give a presentation.” Came a voice.

The phone was silent, before Penny’s voice filter out, “Marinette, what was said to Jagged? He’s currently choking on laughter.”

The phrase was repeated, before the phone went silent again. Marinette could vaguely hear the sound of both Jagged and Penny dying of laughter.

“S-sorry,” Gasped Jagged, “but I remember a similar experience, it was very humbling actually.”

The teacher looked as if he was about to pop a vein, he wanted to punish the culprit, but if Damocles found out that a Celebrity passed up visiting the school because of him, he could kiss his job goodbye.

“Fine.” The teacher grit out, stalking out of the room.

“I’ll take the visit up with Principle Damocles, sort out a time and place for the visit.” Said Marinette, “I’ll call you back later to discuss what you want done for the jacket.”

“Cool, rock on, little rocker.” Said Jagged, before hanging up.

“Well, that went well.” Said Alya, as Marinette put her phone away.

“Yeah.” Said Marinette, as an Akuma went past.

“Chloe or the teacher?” A random student asked.

Teacher was the most popular reply.

/*/

“I bet Marinette would wish death on people.” Said Lila, as she tried to spin a tale, not noticing that the Class didn’t seem enamoured with her. It had been a month since the incident, and Chloe seemed to have improved.

“Oh, no,” Said Marinette, her voice going level, detached and deathly calm, “I would never wish death upon someone. I’d just wish they had explosive diaharrea and they have to give a speech and they sneeze at the start.”

Lila slowly backed away, “Is that what you do to your enemies?”

“Only the ones that cross me.” Marinette replied.

There was a moment of silence, before Chloe slammed her hands on her desk and jumped to her feet.

“THAT WAS YOU?!”

[tonysttank]

safety | s.p. | part 2

a/n: hi everyone! Part 2 finally done. I do plan on updating this story at least once a week, possibly more if I am able to, so if you would like to be put on a taglist for this fic like and reblog this so I can add you and you wont miss a part J also this is currently set pre season 2, so keep that in mind.

Words: 1.7k

Warnings: brief mention of underage drinking, cussing

Read part 1 here: Part 1

Your name: submit What is this?

***

“love made the danger in you look like safety” –rupi kaur, milk and honey

  ***

Fangs, Sweet Pea, and Y/N went back into Fangs room to wait until the party started. Y/N carried in her overnight bag and set it next to the door. Sweet Pea eyed it suspiciously, wondering if Y/N and Fangs were more than just best friends, as they claimed to be. He definitely hoped not.

“So,” Y/N began, standing next to the door with her arms crossed as she looked at the two boys. “Tell me everything I need to know about the cliché town of Riverdale.” She said dramatically.

“Well, obviously you’re gonna be sticking with us and the rest of the Serpents.” Fangs told her, glancing at Sweet Pea. “We’ll take care of you and that way you won’t have anything to worry about, really.”

Sweet Pea nodded in agreeance with his friend. “The Southside stays pretty chill, unless there’s some shit going on between us and the Ghoulies.”

“The Ghoulies?” Y/N asked, a playful smile on her face.

“Yeah, that’s the rival gang here. They’re pretty nasty, and are deep into drug dealing so don’t get involved.” Fangs said, a look of distaste on his face.

“And what about school?” Y/N asked again, sitting on the bed with the two boys.

“Its trash,” Sweet Pea replied, rolling his eyes. “Don’t expect anything. The teachers don’t give a shit and neither do most of the students.” Y/N nodded in response, turning to look at him. She gave him a small smile, which he returned, and a blush crept onto her cheeks.

The three of them sat in Fangs’ bed talking, laughing, and telling stories. As they sat there happily Sweet Pea couldn’t help but steal a great number of glances at Y/N, her smile made him smile and feel warm inside. The way that this girl was making him feel after such an insanely short amount of time scared him, especially because he had no idea what she was thinking about him. He desperately hoped it was something good. Sweet Pea wasn’t the best with girls, despite what people may think. Sure, he flirted occasionally with girls at the Wyrm, and he definitely wasn’t a virgin, but he wasn’t the player everyone thought he was. Maybe it was because he was afraid of change and not the best when meeting new people, but he had definitely never had a girlfriend. As Sweet Pea looked at the gorgeous girl sitting in front of him with her legs crossed and her hand on Fangs’ shoulder as she laughed at something stupid he had just said, he felt a little hopeless. Y/N seemed perfect, and Sweet Pea definitely wasn’t. Not that it even mattered, they had only just met an hour ago, and for all he knew she could have a boyfriend back in Greendale.

Sweet Pea sighed, getting off the bed. “I’m gonna go to the bathroom.” He told Y/N and Fangs as he walked out of the room.

Fangs looked at Y/N with a knowing smile.

“What?” She asked, moving her head back because of the sly smile on his face.

“He likes you.” Fangs said simply and with a smirk.

“What do you mean?” Y/N asked, scrunching her eyebrows together, not understanding what he was implying.

“You didn’t see the way he looked at you in the living room when I introduced you guys?”

“Um, no?” Y/N laughed, her tone unsure.

“He fell in love with you right out there.”

“Fangs, what the fuck are you talking about? No, he didn’t. You’re just messing with me because you know I think he’s sexy as hell.” Y/N laughed.

“Okay, first of all, ew. Second of all, yes. I know SP better than anyone else.”

Y/N rolled her eyes. “Whatever, Fangs. I don’t believe you.”

“You’ll seeeeeeeee” Fangs said, poking her arm.

***

It was a few hours later and the annual Fogarty Christmas party was in full swing. Toni had arrived, and she and Y/N clicked immediately. Fangs had spent the majority of the party taking his friend around and introducing her to his friends and family that she hadn’t met yet. Eventually, though, he left her with his Dad, and Y/N and Paul caught up, talking mainly about her family’s upcoming move to the Southside.

On the other side of the room, Fangs, Sweet Pea, and Toni stood in a corner with Red Solo cups in their hand.

“So, you guys love her, right?” Fangs anxiously asked his friends what they thought about Y/N. He had been dying to know what they thought of her since she arrived, and now that the three of them were alone it was the perfect opportunity.

“Duh, Fangs. She’s like you, but just with a vagina.” Toni laughed, glancing over at her new friend across the room. “She’s gonna fit in just fine around here, I think.”

“Thank God,” Fangs began, a sigh of relief falling from his mouth. “I was so worried you guys wouldn’t like her, and if that happened I don’t know what I would do.”

“What do you think of her, Sweets?” Toni asked, craning her neck to look up at the tall, dark haired Serpent with her eyebrow raised.

He hesitated for a minute, not knowing if he should tell his best friends that he was already majorly crushing on Y/N or if he should keep it to himself. His hesitation brought forth a series of snickers from his two friends, who both failed in trying to mask them by taking a sip of the alcoholic drinks they harbored in their cups. Sweet Pea rolled his eyes, getting somewhat defensive at their teasing nature.

“It’s okay if you like her.” Toni said, a small smile on her lips as she reached out and touched Sweet Pea’s leather clad arm.

“Who ever said anything about liking her?” Sweet Pea snapped back at her, a look of annoyance gracing his face. “I just met her like a few hours ago, so I don’t know why the fuck you guys are coming at me like I’m about to drop on one knee and marry the girl.”

“Okay, dude,” Fangs said, holding his hands up in surrender. “We were just messing with you. No need to get all hostile.”

Sweet Pea rolled his eyes, obviously he would not be telling anyone about his building feelings for Y/N, as his friends were too immature to take him seriously and not embarrass him. “Whatever, I’m going outside for a smoke.” He said, and stomped away.

“Yikes,” Toni said to Fangs.

“I mean,” Fangs began in response, “Obviously he likes her, or he wouldn’t have just acted like that.”

“I know, but you know how he is, especially with girls and shit.” The pink haired girl replied with a shrug. Fangs was quiet, sipping on his drink thoughtfully. “You think they’d be good together?” Toni asked again after a moment of silence.

Fangs looked at her. “Honestly, I’m not sure. They could either be really bad for each other or really good.”

“I suppose only time will tell.” Toni said before downing the rest of her drink. “Wanna go chill in your room?” She asked him as she tossed her cup into the trash can nearby.

Fangs nodded and the two of them weaved through the crowd of people until they finally made it into Fangs’ room.

***

Y/N had been talking to Fangs’ dad for quite some time now, and even though she loved Paul, she desperately wanted to go hang out with her new friends. She had noticed Sweet Pea walk out the front door a little while ago and just assumed that Toni and Fangs would be with him, so after excusing herself from Paul, she went in search of the trio. As she stepped outside, she took a deep breath, her lungs thanking her for the fresh air. She turned and looked to her left, only to be met with a sulky looking Sweet Pea with a cigarette hanging from his lips. She approached him slowly, shoving her hands in her pockets.

“Hey, I was wondering where you guys all went.” She said, a happy tone in her voice.

He looked over at her, taking a long drag from the cigarette in his mouth. “What are you talking about?” He said gruffly.

Y/N was taken aback slightly at his tone, since he had been so sweet to her up until this point. “Oh,” She started sheepishly. “I just thought Fangs and Toni were with you.”

He shook his head, “Don’t know where they are.”

Y/N looked at him for a minute before responding, “Are you okay?”

He immediately looked up at her with narrowed eyes, surprised at her question. Based on the way he was looking at her, Y/N immediately regretted prying.

“Sorry, I-I didn’t mean to pry.” She said nervously, taking a step back. “I’ll leave you alone now.”

Before she could turn around to leave, Sweet Pea grabbed her hand. Y/N looked up at his dark brown eyes, waiting for him to say something.

“I’m not okay.” He said lowly, dropping his cigarette and squishing it with his boot.

“Why?” Y/N replied breathlessly, the intense and unreadable look he was giving her making her palms sweat.

Sweet Pea didn’t respond instantly, instead he stared at this gorgeous girl in front of him, completely mesmerized by her.

“Sweet Pea?” Y/N asked again, drawing him out of his daze.

“I’m not okay because I just met you, but you’re making me feel a type of way I’ve never felt before. It’s fucking terrifying, but I don’t want the feeling to go away.” He said barely above a whisper, his eyes not meeting hers.

Y/N was surprised, thinking back to what Fangs had told her earlier. She didn’t know what to say, so she just blurted out the first thing that came to her mind. “Why does the way I make you feel scare you?” She asked, taking a step closer to the tall boy, their bodies touching now.

“Because I’ve known you for less than 12 hours, and I already know that I would fucking die for you, Y/N.”

His words made her suck in a breath, and she stared deeply into his eyes, relishing in the intimate moment they were sharing. She didn’t know how to express the feelings she was now drowning in, so she did the only thing she felt was right in the moment.

She kissed him.

[kmp78]

FINLAND 1 - 0 - 0 🇫🇮

A QUICK COMPILATION OF ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW - AND WISH YOU NEVER DID.

1. You may call us Finland and Finns, but we call ourselves Suomi and suomalaiset.

2. Altho if you don´t mind, we would rather you did not call us anything ever. Actually if we could both pretend each other doesn´t even exist, that would be just great!

3. Yes we are a notoriously shy and reserved nation with a gigantic inferiority complex - especially when compared to our neighbor Sweden.

4. Who incidentally we loooooove beating in hockey.

5. Saimaannorppa aka Saimaa ringed seal can only be found in Finland and is highly endangered.

According to a count done in 2015, there are only about 320 individuals left, and therefore quite understandably whenever one is found dead in a fisherman´s net or by the hands of a poacher etc., it causes headlines and outrages.

6. 70% of Finland is made up of forests - that´s roughly the size of the entire area of the United Kingdom.

7. Finland was awarded the Summer Olympics for 1940, but then things got all sorts of fucked up thanks to Adolf & co., so those plans were scrapped even tho we had a brand-spanking new Olympic stadium and everything! Dammit!

Oh well, we were compensated in 1952 when we finally got the honor of hosting our only (so far) Olympic games.

8. Those 1952 Olympics were the first time Coca Cola was introduced to Finns.

9. No, we do not have polar bears.

10. We also don´t have KFC, Wendy´s or Dunkin´ Donuts.

11. Yes I am very upset about all those things mentioned above but especially about KFC.

12. Finland was the first country in Europe which gave women the right to vote (1906).

13. The Finnish language does not separate words such as “she” or “he”. We just use a gender-neutral “hän”, which means “that person”.

14. The national bird of Finland is the whooper swan.

15. Helsinki has the world´s most Northern metro system.

16. Savonlinna hosts their annual Opera Festival in a Medieval castle.

17. We are vindictive and petty as HELL. Just ask Silvio Berlusconi.

http://kmp78.tumblr.com/post/155861218049/finland-chronicles-part-14

18. A Finnish person will drink approximately 129 litres of milk a year.

19. Some years ago, the word for mother (”äiti”) was voted the most beautiful word in the Finnish language.

20. Moomins are, as some of you MAY REMEMBER FROM A SPECIFIC DEBACLE FROM EARLIER THIS YEAR, from Finland and were created by OUR Miss Tove Jansson.

21. Unlike many other countries which after gaining independence tore down all statues and other remnants of their history under foreign rule, in Finland we chose to keep ours up as reminders of our past.

For example, on our main square aka the Senate Square you will find Czar Alexander II standing proudly.

22. And speaking of statues, one of the landmarks of Helsinki is Havis Amanda.

It depicts a mermaid who decides to leave the sea and walk on... well, not water.

Each year on April 30th, she is “crowned” with a cap, to represent all those who have graduated from secondary school and earned their caps.

23. As of 2010, internet access has been a legal right in Finland.

24. Do you have one of those cupboard things over your kitchen sink, the kind where you place your dishes to dry?

That was invented by a Finnish woman called Maiju Gebhard in 1945.

25. The longest word in the Finnish language is “epäjärjestelmällistyttämä­ttömyydelläänsäkäänköhän”, which loosely translates to “not even by her lack of organization, do you suppose”.

26. Angry Birds are from here.

27. Finland is also the birth place of the most successful ski jump champions of all time, Matti Nykänen.

28. After his sports career came to an end, Matti has been a permanent fixture in the tabloids with his... issues... involving alcohol abuse, domestic abuse (he even served time in prison for attempting to kill one of his many ex-wives) and an assortment of careers including stripping and now singing. 

He is also responsible for one of our most beloved and useful quotes of all time: back in the 80s when he was still jumping from towers and competing in Canada, he got into some “situations” and was sent back home as punishment. When he arrived at the airport, a journo asked him “Matti, did you drink alcohol?”, to which Matti replied “Maybe I did drink, maybe I didn´t drink”.

All bases covered then!

The man is a fucking genius.

29. There are absolutely ZERO public payphones anywhere in Finland.

30. For a very short period of time back in, Finland had a female president AND a  female Prime Minister. 

Sadly that arrangement came to an abrupt end when the Prime Minister was forced to resign over a scandal involving some sort of Iraq documents which I´m still, a decade later, completely baffled by.

31. As those who come on this blog surely know by now, Yours Truly is a passionate berry picker - and being a berry nut in Finland is easy indeed since a) we have one of the cleanest natures in the world and b) all living things you find in nature, you can keep - within reason, of course.

Usually a good principle is to keep about 100 meters distance from the nearest house. Other than that, you´re good to go!

32. People in in Northern Finland aka Lapland area have a very specific unit of measurement called the “poronkusema” which could be loosely translated to “Reindeer´s piss”. Roughly it means the distance a reindeer can walk before needing to urinate. It´s quite a long distance...

33. Our current President Sauli Niinistö is a survivor of the tragic tsunami which took place in South-East Asia on Dec 26, 2004. Over 200 000 people (including almost 200 Finnish tourists) died in one of the worst natural disasters of our time - Mr. Niinistö and his sons saved their own lives by climbing up a telephone pole and staying there for several hours.

34. In Finland October 13th is National Failure Day which aims to encourage people to share their failures and learn from them rather than hide their heads in shame and pretend all is well.

35. The REAL Santa Claus lives up in Rovaniemi and you can visit his village all year long.

36. Sheldon gave us a good laugh and an ego boost.

37. We like eating Rudolf with lingonberries and mash.

38. On some years we get A LOT of snow, but on others we get practically none. Back in 1997, in Lapland the snow reached up to 190 cm.

Incidentally I am 155 cm.

39. In the Finnish language there is an alphabet called Å which isn´t actually a part of a single Finnish word in the entire Finnish language - it is simply a remnant from our many centuries spent under Swedish rule.

40. Unesco has reported that Finland´s tap water is the cleanest in the world.

41. A handy Finnish saying: “Early bird catches the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese”.

42. For some God forsaken reason, Finland and Estonia have the same national anthem.

43. Sadly accurate these days.

44. Sadly accurate these days.

45. Rosina Heikel (1842 - 1929) was Finland´s and in fact the Nordic countries 1st female doctor.

46. When something is a failure/a dud, the common term in the English language is “a lemon”. Over here, it´s “susi”. Susi also means wolf.

47. And susi should not be confused with sisu! 

48. In Lapland you can spend your vacation in an igloo.

49. Fines for speeding are determined by the offender´s income. Basically if you earn more, you have to pay more. The highest fines have been over 100 000 €. Stay poor, kids!

50. Pamela Anderson´s grandparents were from Finland.

51. Yes we like getting our drinks on, and most of us go abroad to Tallinn to get our drinks on for a lot less €s.

52. In Lapland, the Sun never rises from November to January.

53. In reverse, the Sun never sets from June to July. We call it “The Nightless night”.

54. Finland has exactly 1 Eurovision victory under its belt.

55. In 2018 Saara Aalto will be repping us.

Please vote for us. Please?

56. Nokia became famous for their mobile phones, but originally they manufactured rubber boots.

57. We don´t dub movies or TV shows.

58. We do however sometimes give them ridiculous and extremely SPOILER ALERT-y names. For example, “The Shawshank Redemption” was translated to “Rita Hayworth - Key to escape”.

I mean... C´MOOOOON!

59. Sometimes that´s all you can do.

60. Simo Häyhä aka “White Death” was one of the deadliest snipers of all time. During a 3 month stretch of the Winter War, he shot roughly 200 Russian soldiers before getting shot in the face himself. He survived and lived to be 96.

61. We don´t use the 1 and 2 cent coins. You CAN try paying with them as they of course are legal currency, but there are no guarantees you´ll get very far.

62. Feb 14th may be a day for lovers for the rest of the world, but we know it as “Friend´s Day”.

63. Tipping is not (thankfully) a part of the Finnish culture.

64. The guy longing for Sven in Titanic (the coat dude) was portrayed as a Swede, but was actually a Finn called Jari Kinnunen.

65. Karelian pies with egg butter are the best thing ever.

66. Märket island which is situated between Finland and Sweden had to have the border lines twisted a bit because the Finns who built that lighthouse, accidentally built it on the wrong side...

67. While often named as one of the 5 Scandinavian countries, Finland isn´t technically even a part of Scandinavia: we ARE however a part of the Nordic countries.

68. If you are invited to a Finnish sauna, you are expected to go nude.

69. Finnish armed forces are mandatory for men but voluntary for women.

70. Moomin mugs are peculiarly popular especially among Asian tourists. They can sometimes pay even thousands for rare ones.

71. We never had vikings, but there is one viking tale about a princess called Skjalv, daughter of the Finnish King Froste (those aren´t even Finnish names...), who was stolen as war loot to Sweden but ended up strangling her captor with a gold chain. 

72. Our 4th president was Kyösti Kallio, who was forced to resign from office after the Winter War on December 19th 1940. On that same day he was about to step onto a train to take him back home for retirement, when during his final official ceremony at Helsinki Railway Station, in front of his soldiers and while the orchestra played, he suffered a fatal heart attack and died right there in front of everyone. Legend says he collapsed into the arms of our greatest war hero and later president himself, Marshall C.G.E. Mannerheim (seen in the white hat next to President Kallio).

73. Marshall Mannerheim is the only person in Finnish history who has been rewarded that particular military honor. In fact, he is and forever will remain the only person who has the title “Finland´s Marshall”, an honor bestowed upon him for his services to his home country during Finland´s tumultuous early years of independence.

A few years ago he was voted by the Finns themselves as the most important Finnish person of all time.

74. In June 1942, Adolf Hitler came to Finland to pay his respects to Marshall Mannerheim on his 75th birthday. As a little “souvenir” for future generations, the sneaky Finns recorded a snippet of his and Mannerheim´s private conversation.

It is the only known recording of Hitler speaking with a calm, normal voice, as he was very particular about only being filmed while screaming and ranting his ideologies.

75. Roughly 3 million tourists visit Finland each year and I think at least 2 500 000 of them are always going exactly where I´m going too.

76. We like to make things hard for foreigners.

77. We don´t have any mountains.

78. But we have lakes. We have a shit ton of lakes. 187 888 lakes to be precise.

79. FYI

80. All our days end with -tai (Monday = maanantai, Tuesday = tiistai etc.), except for Wednesday. Wednesday is called keskiviikko.

81. We have a lot of free time.

82. J. R. R. Tolkien used the Finnish national epoch the Kalevala as inspiration for the languages in the Lord of the Rings saga.

83. The St. Louis Arch was designed by a Finn called Eero Saarinen.

84. Every summer we arrange what is called Kaljakellunta aka “Beer float” which pretty much just consists of taking a floatie and a case of beer and... well, that´s about it.

85. If you want to enhance your sauna experience, you can use a birch whisk.

86. The bubble chair was designed by a Finnish man called Eero Aarnio.

87. Thursdays are the “official” pea soup and pancakes day all over Finland.

88. Finns love queuing.

89. Life expectancy for men is 78 years and for women 84 years.

90. In Tornio you can play golf in two countries:

http://kmp78.tumblr.com/post/155901150914/finland-chronicles-part-15

91. Finns invented the so-called Molotov´s cocktail.

92. All people in Finland must pay a TV tax even if they do not they own a TV.

93.  We celebrate Christmas on the 24th of December.

94. Finns love salmiakki aka salty licorice.

I don´t, btw.

95. Finland is one of the few countries in Europe which has not banned sex with animals - and some actually take advantage of that loophole...

http://kmp78.tumblr.com/post/156161829244/finland-chronicles-part-21

http://kmp78.tumblr.com/post/156257574544/finland-chronicles-part-23

96. Armi Kuusela won the 1st ever Miss Universe pageant in 1952.

97. In 2006, Conan O´Brian did a sketch about looking like our then-president Tarja Halonen and it ballooned into a huge movement.

98. Weeeeell...

99. On every Independence day, the current president hosts a party at his residence for about 2 000 dignitaries, celebs, politicians etc. We riff raffers sit at home in our sweatpants and watch it on TV with some nachos and snarky comments.

100. MONTY PYTHON KNOWS. 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SUOMI, AND THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING. 

Despite you reeeeally getting on my nerves SO MUCH and SO OFTEN, I still love you. 💙 💙 💙

[bythebigcoolingtower]

I Wrote a Simpsons Script...

Over the last couple of months, when I’ve had time, I’ve tried to write something that was not only better than what’s currently being produced but could also find a place lower down the seasons. I don’t think I’ve been successful but I thought I’d share my endeavors for an important reason: It made me realize how hard coming up with an idea, writing and editing a script for a cartoon was. For some background, I write scripts for films part time and try to sell them, so far (obviously, because I wouldn't shut up about it if I had) I’ve not been able too (partly because it’s tough to sell scripts in England and partly because I don’t have the money/time/resources to make them independently) but I do have some experience in shaping a narrative, the structure of scripts and other techniques, so I’ve not walked into this blind. Whether it’s good or not is your opinion, seriously, feel free to criticize it, if you think it’s bad, tell me, I’m a grown man, I can take criticism. If you like it, that’s allowed too, but the main question is this: What season do you think it’d fit into?

Be warned, it’s 30 pages on Word so it’s a long read, it’s your choice, you don’t have to. For reference: Italics are description, bold is who’s talking, normal is dialogue, (Beside name is ‘Off Screen’, under name is the way the line is delivered).

(Disclaimer: I obviously don’t own the rights to the Simpsons, this is a non-profit idea and simply a writing exercise to keep me amused, so I believe it falls within fair use, please don’t sue! If you want me to take it down, I will.)  

OPENING CREDITS

COUCH GAG: The family sit on the couch, Maggie is a baby’s bottle, Lisa a plastic cup, Bart a glass, Marge a wine glass and Homer a beer mug. They are then filled with drink, Maggie with milk, Lisa with orange juice, Bart with Buzz cola, Marge with Wine and Homer with Duff.

EXT. CHARITY FUN FAIR – DAY

We move down from a clear blue sky past a sign, ‘CHARITY FUN FAIR: WHERE ONLY THE CHAIRTY IS OBLIGATORY’, down into the park which has been taken over by various things.

There’s a puppet show, some games and a stage. It all looks very cost effective, as if they wanted to bare minimum to maximize profits.

Walking around are the Simpson’s, looking a bit bored, except Marge who’s seems disappointed. Lisa holds a brochure about the fair.

MARGE

Fifteen dollars for cotton candy, what charity would charge such high prices?

Lisa consults the brochure.

LISA

‘Quimby retirement homes’.

(she reads more)

He wants a place in Tobago.

BART

I thought he already embezzled funds for that?

LISA

No that was for his golf club membership in Bermuda.

HOMER

(wistful)

I wish I could retire.

BART

What’s stopping you?

HOMER

Burns had us sign contracts in perpetuity in exchange for a second ice machine.

STAGE, CHARITY FUN FAIR – LATER

Quimby is on stage, along with a few others, and has a big smile on his face. Something sits under a sheet on a table beside him. He approaches the microphone to address the crowd, which includes the Simpsons.

QUIMBY

Thank you ladies and gentleman for your tremendous charity. I’m one step closer to getting a holiday home in Trinidad.

There’s scattered applause, murmurs. Quimby doesn’t care, carries on as an assistant walks over with a bucket.

QUIMBY

To show my appreciation I will now draw a winner from this bucket of parking tickets, that’s worth more than the prize in question, this-

Quimby unveils the prize, a toaster oven, has to be told by his assistant what it is.

QUIMBY

Toaster oven, I didn’t want as a gift.

No applause this time, just coughs and confused looks. Quimby draws a ticket.

QUIMBY

Marge Simpson.

The family react with little enthusiasm. Scattershot applause as they move up onto the stage.

QUIMBY

(to Lisa)

Congratulations, Marge.

He shakes Lisa’s hand, she can’t be bothered to tell him, it’s over quickly enough.

QUIMBY

(to his Assistant)

Bundle the cash, my flight leaves in an hour.

Quimby and his assistant leave, the stage is vacated by all but the Simpsons and a reporter, TOM, 20′s, The crowd disperses.

TOM

This is headline stuff, can I get a quote?

LISA

This is your headline? I thought you reported on real news, like your stories on the upcoming winter.

TOM

That was a Game of Thrones review.

LISA

Oh.

TOM

We haven’t printed a real news story since the town got high speed broadband. No one reads the paper anymore.

MARGE

Well, it would be nice to be named in the paper in a context other than: “we apologize for erroneously reporting the death of Homer Simpson”.

TOM

(to Homer)

Oh hey, I thought you looked familiar.

HOMER

Can you print a different picture of me this time? That old one makes me look fat, I’m portly.

TOM

Sure, we’ll send our new guy round later.

LISA

I thought Fred was your photographer?

TOM

He was until 7/11 poached him. They offered him something we couldn’t.

BART

Job satisfaction?

TOM

A wage.

(pause)

Oh and that.

INT. DINING ROOM, SIMPSON HOUSE – NIGHT

The family are sat around the table eating.

HOMER

This is great pasta honey.

MARGE

It’s Shepard’s pie.

HOMER

Do you want the compliment or not?

Moe enters, camera in hand.

MOE

Hey everyone.

HOMER

Hey Moe-

(sees camera)

Are you the Shoppers new photographer?

Moe looks around, stutters.

MOE

Uh... yeah... I sure am.

LISA

How did you get in?

Moe panics slightly.

MOE

Gather round, picture time.

There’s a knock on the door.

MARGE

I should get that.

Marge walks past Moe, who stands awkwardly at the top of the room, to the front door.

DOOR

Marge opens the door to CLIVE BREWER,  38, average looking, gentle.

CLIVE

I’m Clive Brewer, from the Shopper.

MARGE

If your-

Marge turns right to find Moe has gone, then left to see an open window at the back of the living room.

MARGE

Never mind. Please, come in.

DINING ROOM

Marge shuts the front door and walks Clive into the room, then sits back down.

CLIVE

Hi, it’s nice to meet you all. I thought it’d be good to have the toaster oven in the picture.

HOMER

The what?

CLIVE

The prize you won.

Nothing, the family don’t remember it.

CLIVE

Earlier today.

Nope.

CLIVE

It’s the reason I’m here.

HOMER

You should probably just take the picture.

CLIVE

Alright, big smiles.

The family bunch up, Clive takes the picture.

THE SPRINGFIELD SHOPPER

HEADLINE: LOCAL FAMILY FILLS PICTURE SPACE

SUB STORY: FRED PROMOTED TO ASSISTANT MANAGER

INT. GROCERY STORE – THE NEXT DAY (MORNING)

The family are out shopping, Marge reads the newspaper, very proud that they’re on the front.

MARGE

What a great picture, we’ll have to ask Clive for a copy, he’s so talented and nice.

HOMER

Pfft, he’s no nicer than me, Carl, Lenny or Moe.

MARGE

Last week you told me Moe throw a mug at you.

HOMER

(laughs)

Oh, honey, that was only because I hit Lenny in the head with a pool cue to stop him biting Carl after he’d bruised Lenny’s arm in Moe’s annual pain Olympics.

Marge stares at him, doesn’t like any of that.

EXT. SPRINGFIELD SHOPPER – LATER ON

The shopper is housed in a wide, one storey building, Marge’s station wagon is parked outside.

INT. FOYER, SPRINGFIELD SHOPPER – SAME TIME

Marge carries Maggie with her as she stands at the reception desk, a woman, FELICITY, walks over to her.

FELICITY

Hi, can I help?

MARGE

I was looking for Clive Brewer, the photographer?

FELICITY

He should be at his desk. We can look after your baby while you talk to him. We’re running a day care to add a little extra cash until our readership picks up.

MARGE

You are? I didn’t know that?

FELICITY

You didn’t? We advertise it all the time-

(pause)

Oh.

OFFICE – MOMENTS LATER

Marge enters what should be a loud bustling office, full of journalists and writers, but instead finds around twenty very unenthusiastic employees, mainly students, not doing much at all.

Clive stands out like a sore thumb, not least because he’s stationed by a window with the sun is beaming through it.

Marge walks over, Clive sees her, smiles.

CLIVE

Marge, hi, I assume you’re here because we referred to Homer as a “buffoon” in the article.

MARGE

Well, he is really more of an oaf but I was actually hoping I could get a copy of the picture you took. It’d be nice to have one were Homer isn’t giving the kids rabbit ears.

She takes out her phone, opens up the picture folder and shows Clive several photo’s as she’s described. The shadow on the wall behind the kids makes them look like characters from ‘Life in Hell’.

MARGE

I just don’t get why people find it funny.

Clive laughs. Stops when he really hears what Marge said.

CLIVE

Sure, I’ll print you off a copy.

Tom, walking past at the time, overhears the conversation.

TOM

The printer here doesn’t work.

CLIVE

It doesn’t?

TOM

No, wasn’t this explained when you were given the tour?

CLIVE

I was supposed to have had a tour?

Tom looks around.

TOM

(covering)

No.

He walks off. Clive sighs.

CLIVE

I guess I can’t print you off a copy.

Marge can see his disappointment, smiles trying to perk him up.

MARGE

Don’t worry, we have a printer a home, you can bring the picture there.

CLIVE

(trying)

Sounds like a plan.

EXT. PARK – THE SAME TIME

Bart, Lisa and an annoyed looking Homer walk around the park, it’s barely been cleaned since yesterday, or the days before that.

HOMER

How many days do I have to do this for?

LISA

Dr. Hibbert said you need to walk for at least an hour a day for the next three months.

HOMER

Three months! What’s the point?

LISA

(concerned)

Dad, he said in your condition you could die at any moment.

HOMER

(grumbling)

That can’t come soon enough.

Lisa gives him an off look, concerned but confused as to whether Homer actually understands.

BART

Why am I here?

LISA

You were supposed to be walking Santa’s Little Helper.

BART

Oh, yeah.

(pause)

I’m sure he’s getting plenty of fresh air.

CUT TO: The basement of the Simpson house, pitch black, SLH barking incessantly.

BACK TO: Homer and the kids walking, Lisa now concerned by the amount of rubbish about.

LISA

Did they even bother cleaning up from yesterday?

They pass a crumpled sign: 2017 CHARITY DRIVE. QUIMBY WANTS A PORSCHE.

LISA

Or last year?

HOMER

Lisa, fly tipping is a part of nature, ever since the caveman.

LISA

It’s destroying the natural environment of the animals.

BART

Looks like there adapting to it.

We pan across the rubbish, which the animals are using, including a family of raccoons operating the toaster oven.

LISA

Well, it’s not right, animals deserve to live with the same rights as us, nature deserves to flourish and not be cluttered by plastics that should be being recycled. I’m going to start a group to clean this place up.

Homer gets down to Lisa’s level, puts his hand on her shoulder to calm her.

HOMER

Lisa, is this the type of thing were you ask me to join and I keep saying no and you just keep asking and interrupting while I’m trying to drink beer and watch TV, until I eventually cave?

LISA

(shyly)

Yes.

HOMER

Then consider me in.

INT. KITCHEN, SIMPSON HOUSE – A LITTLE LATER

Marge carries Maggie into the kitchen, leading Clive through with her.

She puts Maggie in the high chair.

MARGE

Take a seat, I think the printer’s in the basement.

Clive takes a seat at the table, takes his bag off as he sits, from that he takes out his laptop and opens it on the table.

Marge walks to the basement door, opens it, SLH rushes out.

MARGE

Hmmm.

She disappears downstairs. Clive begins clicking through his laptop, trying to find the image.

He goes through various folders, opens one that he hadn’t meant too, it’s full of beautiful shots, landscapes of parks, woods and forests.

Clive opens one, a melancholic look upon his face. Maggie begins laughing.

Turning, Clive sees that it’s the picture Maggie is amused by.

CLIVE

You like it huh?

(pause)

Yeah, it’s alright.

Marge can be heard coming back up.

CLIVE

Let’s just keep it between us.

He backs out of the folder, Maggie stops laughing.

Marge re-enters, carrying a really old looking printer.

MARGE

Here we go. We only use it when Lisa wants to print out protest leaflets. Luckily she’s boycotting paper right now.

CLIVE

I’m sure it’ll work fine.

Marge puts it on the top, plugs it in, it comes on immediately. She hands Maggie the bottle she’s reaching for.

CLIVE

It’s connected. Here-

From his bag Clive takes a ream of paper, hands it to Marge.

MARGE

Do you always carry so much paper?

CLIVE

Oh, I took it from the office.

(pause)

I mean, there not actually paying me.

Marge shrugs, puts the paper in. Clive clicks on the picture, selects print, the process begins immediately.

He backs out of the folder, leaving him on the page with all the folders on.

Quickly the picture prints, Marge is very pleased with it.

MARGE

What a great shot. You really do have a talent.

Clive is non committal, modest.

CLIVE

Maybe.

MARGE

I’ve got the perfect frame for it too, hold there.

Marge leaves Clive sat with Maggie again, she sees the situation, ‘accidentally’ drops her bottle on the laptop, the printer starts up again.

Clive turns, looks panicked once he sees that it’s printing the pictures from earlier.

CLIVE

What are the odds?

One after another they print, Clive tries to grab them as quickly as he can, to hide them but can’t. Maggie laughs.

MARGE (O.S)

It fits perfectly.

Marge enters to see Clive stuffing a couple of the printed pictures into the toaster, she looks suspiciously at him, wondering what he’s up to.

At that moment the printer jams. The final fully printed picture flies out, lands at Marge’s feet.

Putting down the family portrait, she picks up the printed picture, a glorious shot of the early evening.

MARGE

Clive, did you take this.

Clive looks embarrassed, by both his actions and Marge seeing his work.

CLIVE

(nervous)

Yeah.

MARGE

It’s so expressive-

She moves around, fishes another from the oven.

MARGE

They all are. Why would you hide them?

CLIVE

I guess because they remind me of what I had, lost.

MARGE

Please, sit down, tell me.

Clive takes one of the pictures from the toaster, gives it to Maggie, then sits down.

INT. GYM, SCHOOL – 30 YEARS EARLIER

An eight year old Clive sits on a stall.

CLIVE (O.S)

My passion for photography came from my dad.

A photographer stands behind an old camera, readies the shot, beside him is Clive’s dad, DANIEL BREWER, 36, taking multiple pictures.

CLIVE (O.S)

He was always taking pictures of me, the whole family.

MONTAGE - OVER THE FOLLOWING YEARS

Daniel takes pictures of Clive in the bathroom, sleeping, at school, playing sports, as he has his first kiss, first date and even through the window of his first ‘adult sleep over’.

CLIVE (O.S)

I just started doing the same.

Clive takes pictures of Daniel in the bathroom, sleeping, at work, watching sports on TV, watching Clive play sports whilst Clive plays and while Daniel is taking pictures of Clive.

MARGE (O.S)

Are you two still close?

CLIVE (O.S)

We haven’t been close for a while.

EXT. TRAIN TRACKS – DAY, 20 YEARS AGO

Daniel stands in the middle of the tracks, camera ready.

CLIVE (O.S)

He was trying to take a picture of the front of a train.

A train can be heard approaching, Daniel takes his stance.

The train approaches from behind Daniel.

EXT. FUNERAL, CEMETERY – A COUPLE WEEKS LATER

Daniel’s headstone is a camera, his picture is a picture of him taking a picture of the picture taker, presumably Clive.

The family weeps in sadness, as does a now eighteen year old Clive. Still, he continues to take pictures.

CLIVE (O.S)

After that I vowed to take my time in my work and for a while that went well.

INT. HIGH END MAGAZINE COMPANY – TEN YEARS LATER

A happy Clive, now twenty eight, shows off the negatives of his work to his boss, MR. HARTFORD, 44.

He gets the thumbs up, which he takes a picture of.

CLIVE (O.S)

But it didn’t last, with smart phones, people wanted shots quicker and I just didn’t work fast enough.

EXT. TOWN SQUARE – TIME LAPSE, OVER 12 HOURS

Clive arrives in the empty town square to take a picture of a new sculpture, he takes his stance and waits.

Over the course of the next twelve hours, hundreds of photographers, selfie taking tourists and interested locals take pictures.

There’s also a protest about the statue, people with banners and plaques turn up, then the police arrive to stop them, there’s a conversation and then the police join in with the protesters.

Lastly a work crew turns up and removes the statue, Clive is alone again, finally takes the picture.

INT. KITCHEN, SIMPSON HOUSE – THIRTY MINUTES LATER

Marge has sat and listened, she and Clive have also drunk coffee in the interim. Maggie is asleep, holding the picture Clive gave her.

CLIVE

Eventually the work began to dry up, now I’m wherever here is, taking pictures for nothing.

MARGE

Clive, I’m so sorry.

He sits upset, but he’s been like this for a while so it’s almost normal to him.

CLIVE

It’s not the work or money I miss, it’s the feeling. That passion I used to have when I was an eight year old, like there was nothing more important.

(sigh)

I wish I could capture that again.

HALLWAY – AT THAT MOMENT

The door bursts open, an impassioned Lisa enters as SLH bolts out the house.

LISA

(loud, excitable)

Mom, get the printer, were making flyers!

EXT. PARK – TWO DAYS LATER (MORNING)

Lisa has organized an impressive line-up, along with the family, her and Bart’s school classes, Skinner, Willie and Grampa, Jasper and the old Jewish man. Each has a rubbish picker, bag and hi-vis jacket.

Skinner looks annoyed and anxious, walks over to Lisa, who’s reading through her to-do list.

SKINNER

Exactly how many more favors does the school owe you? I feel this is bordering on absurd, especially since you already hijacked the band to play for sick children at the hospital.

LISA

Your right, maybe I have been abusing my power.

Skinner relaxes, but Lisa isn’t done.

LISA

Although I’m quite sure the building shouldn’t be held together with driftwood and crazy glue.

All Skinner’s good thoughts have gone, he groans.

SKINNER

Young lady, I’d like to see you run a school on two hundred and seventy five dollars a month without resorting to crazy glue and criminality.

LATER ON THAT DAY

Everyone is picking rubbish up, rather un-enthusiastically, but slowly the park is looking a little better.

Sat under a tree, watching, is Clive he eats a toasted sandwich. Marge walks over to him.

MARGE

Clive-

(sees the sandwich)

Where’d you get that?

CLIVE

A raccoon gave it too me.

MARGE

Oh.

(pause)

Is any of this inspiring you?

CLIVE

It’s great to watch your daughter care so much about nature and boss around her principal but it feels like something’s missing, I can’t put my finger on it.

Lisa, seeing Marge and Clive talking, has come over.

LISA

Mr. Brewer, maybe joining in will inspire you, being involved with the experience.

Clive stands up, sandwich in hand.

CLIVE

Your right, it’d certainly be more helpful than me just sitting around. Hand me a stick.

In comes a stick, held by Homer, his bag and jacket in the other hand.

HOMER

Have mine.

Clive takes it, Homer runs off, drops the rest of his stuff.

LISA

Dad!

He walks back to Lisa.

HOMER

Lisa, honey, I wouldn’t leave unless it was very important.

LISA

But-

Homer snatches Clive’s sandwich-

HOMER

Yoink!

Then runs off.

CUT TO: Close up, Homer, moments later. He laughs to himself.

HOMER

Got away clean.

He looks around, finds he’s back in the park, gear on. He stares at his legs, accusingly.

HOMER

(to his legs)

I said go to Moe!

Homer looks back up, finds Moe stood there, in full gear.

HOMER

Moe!

(confused)

What are you doing here?

Moe laughs, looks away, remembering.

MOE

Well, you remember the other day, when I was in your house?

He looks back to Homer, who’s gone, his stuff on the floor.

Moe sighs, looks away, finds Homer stood the other side of him, chastising his legs, he looks up.

HOMER

Moe!

(confused)

What are you doing here?

TIME LAPSE – OVER THE NEXT FEW HOURS

Lisa, Clive and the rest pick up what rubbish they can, but it’s a losing battle.

First the other kids leave at three o’clock with the school day over, then the old folks at four being called back for bedtime, then Skinner and Willie leave.

Now with only Clive and the family they face other residents openly fly tipping as they clean up. For everything cleaned three more things are dropped.

It hits early evening, everyone bar Lisa is exhausted.

7:10PM

Maggie is asleep on Marge’s shoulder, even she is yawning.

MARGE

Lisa, I think we should stop for today, we need food and rest. We’ll come back tomorrow.

Lisa puts another can in the bag, knows that Marge is right but has a hard time accepting it.

LISA

(sadly)

But we aren’t even close to half way done and Clive-

She looks across the park, to the tree Clive was sat under earlier, where he is now, grabbing his stuff.

MARGE

It’ll be better tomorrow.

Lisa well’s up.

LISA

But if we don’t do the work today, there won’t be a tomorrow.

In goes another can, her bag splits, the rubbish falls out and she bursts into tears.

The family stand, as sad as Lisa but unable to help her.

From the tree Clive can hear Lisa, he turns and sees her, his eyes ache over her pain, he can feel his own, the rejection, the loss of his father, in the pit of his stomach.

Grabbing his camera, Clive steels up, he aims and takes a picture.

INT. OFFICE, SPRINGFIELD SHOPPER – LATER THAT NIGHT

ON THE COMPUTER SCREEN: The picture of Lisa crying, rubbish at her feet, family beside her. The headline reads: TOWN MUST CLEAN UP ACT.

Alone, Clive writes the story himself.

PRINTING ROOM – LATER

The paper runs through the machines, Clive snaps the process.

At the end of the process, the papers are bundled, Clive snaps it.

INT. BACK OF VAN – EARLY MORNING

Paperboys throw bundles of the paper onto the street for waiting sellers, Clive is in the van handing the papers to them and, of course, taking pictures as he does.

EXT. STREET – MORNING

A young paperboy rides his bike quickly, throwing papers to the doors.

Behind him Clive runs, struggling to keep up and take pictures at the same time.

INT. BEDROOM, CLIVE’S APARTMENT – A LITTLE LATER

Clive sleeps, exhausted, his finger on the resting on the button of his camera which faces him.

INT. LISA’S ROOM, SIMPSON HOUSE – 7:30AM

Marge is waking Lisa up, but Lisa is reluctant.

LISA

(sleepy)

Do I have to get up?

MARGE

No, honey but at least read the paper first.

This intrigues Lisa, she gets up fully and is handed the paper by Marge.

Her eyes light up seeing the headline and picture she reads the story below. The sub headline is: FRED FIRED. PAGES 3-12.

LISA

Do you think it made a difference?

MARGE

I wouldn’t have woke you up if it hadn’t.

EXT. PARK – 9AM

The whole town, inspired by the picture or perhaps feeling really guilty for making an eight year old cry, are out picking up rubbish.

Lisa watches over them, helping herself.

Clive enters the park, having just got back up, Lisa spots him immediately.

LISA

Oh Clive, thank you!

She gives Clive a hug, he half smiles, a little embarrassed.

CLIVE

Wow, I didn’t think it would have so much of an impact.

LISA

Then why did you do it?

CLIVE

Because I didn’t want you to give up, I wanted you to keep that passion, that fight that I lost.

LISA

Do you think you’ll rediscover yours?

CLIVE

Maybe in time, but right now I want to take pictures to show what can be achieved with a passionate spirit.

PICTURE MONTAGE – OVER THE REST OF THE DAY

We start with a picture of Lisa stood in front of a large group of helpers. Lisa working within that group.

Moe, Homer and the other barflies picking up cans and bottle’s of beer.

Skinner picking up bricks. Skinner putting the bricks in his car.

Homer picking up the toaster oven. The raccoons fighting Homer for the toaster oven. Marge, Bart and Maggie helping Homer take the toaster oven. The raccoons crying.

Jimbo, Kearney and Dolph putting together a bin. Then putting Milhouse in the bin.

Shots of people cleaning, the park changing and eventually being clean.

Finally the whole town together in a photograph, in the background is a plane.

5PM

The town talks as it begins to disperse, rolling past the park is a black car, Quimby’s. The window rolls down.

INT. BACK, QUIMBY’S CAR – CONTINUOUS

Quimby, very well tanned, takes off his sunglasses to look at the scene in the park.

QUIMBY

Someone find out what’s happening.

One of his bodyguards exits the car.

Through the window we watch the bodyguard, who is dressed top half in a suit and bottom half in shorts and sandals from the holiday, walk over to Carl and talk to him. He walks back to the car, leans in at the window.

BODYGUARD

Apparently the town came together to clean the park and Lenny’s having an ice cream party, can we go?

QUIMBY

No you moron, but this park thing, that we can exploit.

(thinks)

How much money do we have left from the holiday?

BODYGUARD

Around three hundred dollars sir.

QUIMBY

Perfect.

EXT. SPRINGFIELD MUSEUM OF ART – THE NEXT NIGHT

Lit up and looking good the museum has a stream of patrons entering it.

ENTRANCE – SAME TIME

A doorman stands selling tickets, beside him there’s a sign:

TONIGHT – CLIVE BREWER EXHIBITION (ADULTS: $30, KIDS $20)

TOMORROW – PICTURES FROM YESTERDAYS EXHIBIT.

INT. MAIN, SPRINGFIELD MUSEUM OF ART – SAME TIME

Everyone in town is about, looking at the various pictures on the wall, a photographer, FRED, takes pictures of them.

Lisa stands looking at one of the pictures holding a program from the evening, Clive walks over to her.

CLIVE

What do you think?

LISA

They’re so good, I’m really impressed.

CLIVE

I’m glad you like them. Honestly I’ve never had a crowd this big for my work before, where’s the money going to?

Lisa consults the program.

LISA

It’s going to pay off Mayor Quimby’s tax bill.

CLIVE

Well, I would complain and say something like “if only you could clean up the corruption in the mayors office like you did the park”, but he did pay me two hundred dollars for tonight.

MAN (O.S)

How would you like to make twice that a year?

Clive turns. His old boss Mr. Hartford is stood there.

CLIVE

Mr. Hartford? What are you doing here?

MR. HARTFORD (MAN)

We were in town to do a story on small town mayoral corruption, until Mayor Quimby paid me fifty dollars not too. Then we saw the sign, figured we’d see your work.

CLIVE

And?

MR. HARTFORD

It’s impressive, so how about coming back on staff?

CLIVE

Last time we spoke you said as long your daughter had a smart phone you wouldn’t need me?

MR. HARTFORD

(laughing)

Yes, what a four years it’s been.

(serious)

Unfortunately Stephanie has gone from a cute twelve year old to a sullen sixteen year old.

Across the room STEPHANIE, 16, is sat on the floor, headphones on, in her own world.

MR. HARTFORD

The only pictures she takes now are of herself looking unhappy. I need a true photographer, I need you Clive.

CLIVE

Okay, but not for four hundred pound a year.

MR. HARTFORD

How about four hundred pounds a day?

CLIVE

Deal.

He almost snaps Mr. Hartford’s hand off shake on it, which Hartford doesn’t quite understand.

MR. HARTFORD

(thinking)

Did I say a day or a month?

LISA

A day.

MR. HARTFORD

Darn it.

(sighs)

Nevermind, I probably fire you in a couple weeks anyway, I fire everyone eventually.

Mr. Hartford walks off.

MR. HARTFORD (O.S)

Stephanie, you’re fired!

LISA

I guess this means you’re leaving?

CLIVE

If it’s any consolation I probably would have left anyway, the paper hired Fred back.

Fred walks over at the same time.

LISA

Are the rumours true, Fred?

FRED

(staunch)

No comment.

He takes a picture of Lisa and Clive, then leaves.

CLIVE

Thank you, Lisa. You’ve given me a taste of the passion I had for photography and a chance to have another go at making it into a career.

LISA

Well, thank you for helping me clean the park.

CLIVE

I have something to give you.

From his pocket Clive takes a picture, an image of train tracks, hands it to Lisa.

CLIVE

This is the last picture my dad ever took. I want you to have it.

LISA

Clive, I can’t take this.

CLIVE

Why not? It’s just a copy.

LISA

Oh.

QUIMBY (O.S)

Yes, alright now.

Lisa, Clive, and the rest of the patrons turn to see Quimby at a hastily set up mic stand.

QUIMBY

I’d like to welcome everyone, from art lovers to lovers of free food-

Cut to Homer holding two bowls of food that was supposed to be for everyone.

QUIMBY (CONT’D)

To this celebration of our town and it’s ‘do it anyway’ spirit. And now, welcome the man who took the pictures you see here tonight, without permission, Clive Brewer.

Clive looks surprised, walks over to the mic, applauded.

CLIVE

Wow, what a reception, but your applause should be for Lisa, she’s the one who inspired all of this.

He waves Lisa over, drops the mic stand to her size and moves away from it. She gets even greater applause.

LISA

I believe strongly that this town can be truly great if we all work together and to better ourselves each and every day.

She looks across to where Clive was, he’s gone, she looks back at the crowd, all of whom are fully engaged by her words.

Taking a deep breathe she continues on.

EXT. SPRINGFIELD MUSEUM OF ART – SAME TIME

Clive watches Lisa through the window, smiles, takes a picture of her, then moves on.

CREDITS

We see Clive’s journey back to his job, then his work on the job.

We end on three pictures. The first of the front of a train. The second the back end of that same train and the third a picture taken of Clive by a nurse as he lays in a full body cast in a hospital. Big smile on his face.

END

[ailithnight]

AT LONG LAST! The long awaited, month and a half late I’m so sorry, Sequel to Gifts from the Dark Side! So, yeah. I meant to have this finished and posted on Christmas... I’m very sorry to all the people who have waited so long they probably don’t even remember the first fic. Or those who have changed their url’s since asking to be tagged. I don’t know why but I got through about 4/5 of this and just... lost the motivation. And I didn’t want to force an unsatisfying ending for it, so I just kind of shelved it until I could find it in my heart to come back and finish it. Which I FINALLY did! Yay! So without further ado, here it is. 

Title: Gift from the Light Sides Words: 5687 (Mercy, I really did that!) Content Warnings: Some Angst. Panic Attack. Crying. Lots of Crying. Sleepless night. Mild self-deprecation. I think that’s it, but message me if I should add something.

General Tagslist: @moose-squirrel05, @didsomeonesayprince, @readeatfightlove13

Gifts from the Dark Side Tagslist: @uwillbeefound, @jughead-is-canonically-aroace, @highpriestessofthexeoniancouncil, @its-raining-cats, @lightlady599, @leesacrakon, @milomeepit, @lenakszak, @five-hour-anxiety​, @nightmarejasmine​, @theamberrose97​, @lizziepopanime​, @llamaly​, @cinquefoilelove​, @nerdy-emo-royal-dad​, @bangthekobrakid​, @soiguessthisismyusername​, @samidaboss3​

Virgil was honestly shocked by how much could change in just one year. Less than that really. Half a year more like. It was astonishing, wonderful, and terrifying all at once. Virgil didn’t typically handle change all that well. He couldn’t help it. Change meant differences. Differences meant new things that could go wrong. And Virgil was driven by his own nature as Anxiety, to imagine each and every possible and impossible scenario. Which is what he was doing now. Though this time, not for Thomas.

What if they’re angry at me? All those years of lying, what if it makes them upset. What if they hate me. What if they hate themselves? Oh god, what if they feel guilty? What if I make them feel guilty? What if they’re mad at me for making them feel guilty. I can’t. I can’t do that to them. But I can’t do nothing. I have to do something. Something has to change. What do I do? Dammit! What am I supposed to do now!

Here Virgil was, pacing a small circle in his room, wrapping paper of half a dozen varieties strewn around his room, tape and tissue paper making home of his space. The question had been plaguing him all month and now, here it was, December 24th, and Virgil felt no closer to a decent answer. In all those years, dreaming of acceptance, Virgil had never believed it even remotely possible enough to imagine the real-world implications. It was a genie wish, now coming true, and Virgil was facing the unforeseen consequences.

There were several benefits to being semi-fictional. One of which was an expedited healing process. Things that for a normal person would take days to heal, would take only an hour or two for the sides. Weeks became a handful of days and months not more than a few weeks. But even at this reduced rate, it was still taking the sides months of work and effort to recover from the psychological damage the past 28 years had done. Virgil was struggling in his own way, slowly but surely finding his place among the others and rebuilding his own sense of self-worth. Forgiving them had been easy, forgetting… not so much. And for the other’s forgiving themselves was a challenge almost as hard as Virgil’s battle. Guilt and shame and an intense desire to right the wrongs were only logical after discovering you had mistreated someone for so many years. Virgil knew they were struggling to come to terms with their past actions. He had no desire to make it harder. Which is why as Christmas Day drew ever nearer, Virgil found himself pacing his room trying to figure out what to do.

Patton had been so shy when asking Virgil if he wanted to celebrate Christmas with them. He made a point of emphasizing that Virgil didn’t have to do anything that he didn’t want to or feel comfortable doing. Of course, Virgil wanted nothing more than to spend the holidays with his family. Upon expressing this, Patton’s whole demeanor had shifted, becoming once more the bubbly, excited character he typically was. “Oh wonderful! It’s going to be so much fun having all the Kiddos together. You can help us decorate and bake and we’ll leave cookies for Santa and I’m sure he’ll leave you a present too this year.” That had given Virgil pause.

“I-I-I d-don’t know Pat,” Virgil stammered out. “I mean, he never has before. And I’m not… really the one who… has changed… a lot.”

“Nonsense!” Roman had exclaimed from the stairs, helping Logan haul down a large storage container Virgil assumed held the Christmas stuff. The noise had evidently startled everyone as Virgil and Patton both jumped and Logan almost dropped the box. Patton and Virgil stood to help them. Once the box was safely on the floor, Logan spoke.

“Virgil, I suspect that since Thomas has now accepted that you are a good guy, given that this is his mind, it is likely you will land on the so called ‘nice list’ this year.”

“Yeah!” Patton giggled. “I’m sure Santa knows you’re a good guy now! He’ll probably leave extra stuff to make up for all the years he messed up.” Virgil gaze shifted between the three of them, so hopeful and happy. He couldn’t find the words to tell them the truth, to dash their hopes and layer on the guilt. So, he didn’t.

“Maybe.” He muttered, shifting uncomfortably. Thankfully, they seemed to understand the Virgil wanted to drop the subject. They cracked open the storage box and together made the mindscape commons festive.

Now it was late at night on Christmas Eve and Virgil had spent the whole day in his room bouncing between monitoring video progress, then reception; and wracking his brain for a solution to his current conundrum. The three typically wrapped presents were waiting in their annual spot beside Virgil’s door. This year, Logan was receiving a nebula painted inside of an eye, Roman a fancy new journal and fountain pen, and Patton was getting an old polaroid camera with film and paper. The gifts themselves were not the concern for Virgil, rather it was how they should be presented.

If I give them as Santa, then I also have to come up with more gifts from me. What else could I give them? I worked hard on those. And what about myself? I can’t give myself a gift from Santa. That’s just messed up on so many levels. Besides, I do want to tell them eventually. Just not yet. Not when we’re in the middle of all this other shit. Fuck, what do I do?

An alarm went off on Virgil’s phone and he glanced at it. Midnight. It’s Christmas. Shit, shit, shit, dammit, fuck. I’m running out of time. Virgil pocket the phone and walked over to his door. He opened it quietly, listening to hear if the others were up. When he could here three sets of soft snoring and no one stirring, Virgil picked up the three gifts and crept downstairs, as was his normal ritual. Last chance to change your mind. If I leave them, they’re from Santa. Virgil worked slower than usual, taking extra care to be absolutely silent. He sat back to appreciate his work, still internally debating. Seeing them there, just like every year, but in a whole new light given recent events, Virgil made his decision. I can’t take this away from them. Not now. Not in the middle of all this other change. Let this tradition remain. Resolute in his decision, Virgil stood. He ate the cookies, this year not feeling the desire to consume them all given that he had been able to enjoy them all month. In fact, it was almost difficult to eat just the normal two and a half. He chased the sweet down with half the milk, then finally retreated back upstairs. Now to figure out what to give them from me.

Taking a few notes from the video, Virgil worked through the remainder of the night, barely even aware of the passing hours until sunlight began streaming in through his windows and he could give a shy smile at his newly finished creations. It wasn’t much, but Virgil hoped the others wouldn’t mind, chalking it up to Virgil not really knowing what to get them. He had expanded on the card idea to give Patton a small book full of puns and compliments and a long list of reasons Virgil loved the dad character. For Logan, Virgil had used his vast Tumblr knowledge to compile an alphabetical list of slang terms and memes, including notes of which ones were already outdated and which ones were old and would likely become outdated soon. Roman had been tougher. What do you create for Creativity. In the end, Virgil had written an epic-like poem, telling the story of the dashing prince who saved his kingdom from a monster called Boredom with his horse Inspiration and his sword Imagination. Virgil was quite proud of the trinkets, especially considering the time crunch he was working on. He stood and stretched with a yawn. He summoned a few gift bags and grabbed some tissue paper from the mess of his room. I’ll have to clean this up before anyone walks in. Once the gifts were packaged and labeled, he took them on downstairs, firmly closing the door behind him. Once the presents were under the tree, Virgil released a face splitting yawn, the sleepless night weighing heavily on his body. However, Virgil could tell, too many anxious thoughts sparked and swirled in his mind for sleep to be feasible. So, rather than go back to his room and attempt to rest, he wandered into the kitchen and made some hot chocolate (coffee was never a great thing to give the embodiment of anxiety). With his warm drink in hand, Virgil curled up on the sofa and flipped on the tv, muting it so it wouldn’t wake the others. He flipped through channels until he found a familiar movie, A Christmas Carol, and watched the scenes flickered by in a trance-like state of almost dozing.

“Good Morning and Merry Christmas, Virgil!” Virgil was jerked from his blank minded staring by Patton’s cheery tone. He looked around, noticing how much lighter the room had grown as sunlight filtered in. Patton giggled as he came off the stairs and wrapped Virgil in a hug from behind. “Couldn’t sleep, could ya, Kiddo.” Virgil hummed a vague affirmation, too out of it to produce words just yet. Patton giggled again and grabbed Virgil’s mug, still half full but now cold. “Logan and Roman will probably be up soon. In the meantime, would you like to help me with breakfast?” Finally coming back into full consciousness, Virgil nodded.

“Sure Dad. Sounds fun.” Patton gave him a bright happy grin, which Virgil returned with his trademark, shy half smile. Once Patton let him go, Virgil stood and stretched, groaning as tired muscles clicked and popped back into place after no less than an hour and a half sitting hunched on the sofa. Patton was already pulling out pans and bowls when Virgil joined him. “What do you need?” Virgil asked, walking towards the fridge.

“Eggs, milk, bacon, butter, flour.” Virgil pulled the ingredients as Patton listed them off. Patton cheerily taught Virgil how to mix up pancake batter while the father figure managed the stove. Somewhere in the middle, Logan came down and began to brew a pot of coffee. Roman was the last to come down. He set the table. As the house filled with the sounds of life and merriment, Virgil’s smile slowly grew. This is the life. Only after breakfast was eaten did Patton stand, a bounce in his step, and announce, “Present time!” With light chuckles, everyone moved into the living room. Virgil felt nervous energy well up inside of him, but he pushed it down, focusing on the easy warmth of being with his family. First the stockings were distributed and Virgil noted the distinct lack of coal in his own. Then Patton sat by the tree.

“You do the honors, Padre.” Roman told Patton.

“Okay!” He grabbed a present at random, carefully avoiding the Santa presents, and read the tag. “To Logan from Roman.” Logan took the gift.

“Thank you, Patton.” He tore into the wrapping, exposing a pair of soft, unicorn slippers.

“To match your onesie.” Roman clarified. Logan chuckled.

“Thank you, Roman. They shall see much use.” Virgil felt warmth blossoming through him.

“Virgil, next one’s for you,” Patton spoke. “It’s from me.” The father grinned as Virgil gingerly accepted the gift.

“Thank you.” Virgil pulled off the wrapper to find a framed picture. Tears sprung to his eyes as he recognized the image. It was a selfie Patton had taken with Logan, Roman, Virgil, and Thomas in the background. After the whole ‘ducking out’ thing, they had gathered in Thomas’s apartment for a good feelings jam and movie night. It had been one of the best nights of Virgil’s life. In the picture, Virgil was wedged between Thomas and Logan with Roman to the side. Virgil and Roman both had red tints creeping on their cheeks and Thomas was doubled over with laughter. Logan looked bewildered. The memory magnified the warmth in Virgil’s chest ten-fold. He cleared his throat, trying to speak without too much emotion. “I love it. Thanks Dad.” Patton flashed a grin.

This continued on, Patton handing out presents and everyone opening theirs and sharing words of love and appreciation. Patton had gotten a scarf, hat, and mittens set from Roman covered in cats and dog; as well as a joke book from Logan. He has squealed when he opened Virgil’s gift and Virgil could feel his cheeks burning. Logan and Roman both also gushed over Virgil’s gits to them. From Patton, Logan received one of those Lego Architecture set to build famous buildings and things. In homage to Sherlock, Logan got a set for London. Roman got a scrapbook of playbills from all of Thomas’s past shows and from Logan, a book about improv and method acting. Virgil got a Nightmare Before Christmas puzzle book from Logan and a new makeup set from Roman. Finally, they were down to Virgil’s Santa presents. Virgil tried to hide his excitement, ignoring the shooting glances everyone sent at the stack under the tree.

Logan opened his first. The soft gasp the gift elicited almost made Virgil giggle with bubbly joy. “This is… incredible.” He held the painting up. “The detail is simply astounding. Thank you, Santa.” Virgil hid his smile with a sip of cocoa. Roman’s was next.

“Magnificent! Just what I’ve been needing lately! Thank you, Santa.” Finally, it was just Patton’s gift. Virgil noticed the way his fingers trembled as he pulled the box near. He opened the box and pulled out the camera, turning it over in his hands. Virgil saw the tears well up in his eyes. “I love it. Thank you, Santa.” The underneath of the tree was now empty. Virgil closed his eyes and leaned back in the couch with a contented sigh. Suddenly, “I’m so sorry, Virgil.” Virgil looked up where Patton was now standing above him. The father looked conflicted and lost. Virgil’s eyes darted to the other two who seemed to be in similarly confused states. “I thought for sure… I don’t understand why he would leave you out.” Patton was almost crying now.

“Pat, what are you talking about?”

“Santa.” The damn broke and Patton sobbed. Oh. Yeah. That. Virgil gave the father a soft smile, standing to give him a hug.

“It’s okay, Patton.”

“N-no, it isn’t. It’s not r-r-right.”

“How could Santa be so callous!” Roman sounded affronted.

“Virgil,” Logan spoke, calmer than the other two, “You should have received a present to. You deserve one as well.” Virgil pulled out of Patton���s arms. He tried to swallow past the lump in his throat and come up with some way to make it okay again.

“But it’s okay. I don’t need a present from Santa to know I’m not a bad guy. Besides, there’s nothing he could give me better than this.” Patton’s sob slowed.

“W-what do you mean, K-kiddo?” Virgil flashed a smile, a real genuine smile.

“All I ever wanted was to be accepted, to be a part of the family. I have that now. Nothing Santa could give would be better than that.”

“Do you mean it?” Roman asked, sounding choked. Virgil nodded.

“Absolutely.” Before he realized what was happening, Virgil was on the couch, wrapped in the biggest hug he had received to date. Warmth and happiness and love flared almost painfully inside of him. They sat just like that for a long while. After a bit, someone turned the volume back on, on the tv. They spent most of the day watching Christmas movies. At some point, Virgil’s sleepless night caught up with him, and he fell asleep wrapped in the embrace of his family.

 “You got him, Ro?”

“Yeah, I’m good, Patton.”

“He’ll sleep better in a bed.”

“I wonder if he slept at all last night.”

“It wouldn’t surprise me if the answer was no.”

“Shh. Guys, you’ll wake him.”

“Take him on upstairs, then, Roman.” Virgil snuggles into the soft, warm wall he was held against by two strong branches. The distant voices fell silent and a gentle swaying lulled him back into a deeper sleep.

 Roman couldn’t help but smile at the lanky emo currently nuzzling his chest. It was only 5pm, but Virgil had fallen asleep. Patton mentioned he had been up when he had come down that morning and Logan speculated he didn’t sleep well, if at all. They had decided he should be put in bed where he could rest comfortably and Roman, being the strongest of the group, had volunteered to take him. He climbed the stairs slowly, careful not to jostle Virgil too much. It probably wouldn’t be good for anyone to have the embodiment of Anxiety wake up in an unexpected place being carried by someone. It took 4 minutes, but finally, Roman made it to the second story. Virgil’s door proved a bit of a challenge, but Roman finally got it to swing open. The sight that greeted him inside was shocking to say the least.

First and foremost, Roman never would have expected a mess. The one time they had popped up with Thomas in Virgil’s realm (which would be found on the other side of the room outside of where the replica of Thomas’s bedroom door was), it had been immaculately organized. Of course, there had been spider webs everywhere, but otherwise, it had been clean. Logan had hypothesized that obsessive organization was a side effect of anxiety. Virgil had confirmed that if he couldn’t find what he needed when he needed it, he tended to freak out. But the mess alone was not what brought Roman to a stuttering halt in the doorway. It’s what the mess was made of. There was Christmas wrapping all over the place, despite the fact that Virgil had used bags. Most surprising of all was the three rolls in particular that stood out to Roman, the three designs he easily recognized. His eyes darted around the room, trying to make some semblance of sense out of the chaos. An idea tickled the back of his mind, but the implications were so horrible, Roman couldn’t bring himself to acknowledge it. After several moments, Virgil shifted in his arms, and Roman moved. He cleared a spot on Virgil’s bed and laid him in it, tucking the covers snugly around him. Virgil shifted again and mumbled something incoherent before sighing and relaxing. Once he was certain Virgil wasn’t going to wake up, he made his way swiftly back to the stairs, leaving the door open behind him. He came halfway down before calling for Logan and Patton’s attention.

“I think there is something you two should see.” Patton was on his feet instantly.

“Why, Roman? What’s wrong? Is Virgil okay?”

“I… I think so. Just, come on. Let me show you.” Logan gave him s skeptical look, but got up and followed nonetheless. Roman showed them to Virgil’s room, where they all peeked in.

“What are you talking about? He looks fi-” Patton’s comment came to a stilted halt as he took in the whole room. “Oh.” Logan adjusted his glasses, then cautiously walked in. He picked up the three familiar rolls, balancing them in his hands, a thoughtful look on his face. “Logan? What are you thinking?”

“I’m thinking…” Logan turned his gaze to their youngest counterpart, “I’m thinking we should discuss this downstairs.” With that, Logan snapped his fingers, the mess of the room organizing itself at his will. Logan kept hold of the three rolls and brought them out of the room with him, closing the door quietly as he left. “It would appear Santa is not who he seems.” With that, the three sides left Virgil to rest, and went downstairs for a long discussion of Christmas traditions.

 Virgil awoke feeling better rested than he had in a very long time. He came around slowly, blinking blearily to clear his sight of sleep. He expected to wake up in the living room, perhaps on the couch, with the others around him. But when his eyed finally focused, he was surprised to see the almost black blue that was his painted ceiling. He blinked a couple times. “When did I come up here?” He turned his head, expecting the absolute disarray that was his last memory of his room. He was met with confusion at the tidiness of his space, all the wrapping paper stacked neatly in a box by his desk. He wracked his brain, trying to remember cleaning up, until he noticed something. Or more specifically, something missing. Shock pierced his system and he sat up, slivers of fear immediately beginning to crawl up his spine and sit freezing cold on the back of his neck. “Where’s the wrapping paper?” He threw off the blanket and stood, stumbling slightly as his muscles woke up. He staggered over to the box and pawed through it, looking for the old, familiar wraps he has used for many Christmases past. It became increasingly apparent that the paper wasn’t there and Virgil became increasingly desperate to find it. He threw himself at his bed, checking underneath, but only finding his art supplies and canvases. He checked his closet next, only met with his clothes and a few shoeboxes of old photographs. The longer he looked but couldn’t find, the more panic welled up inside him. After 15 minutes of frantic searching, breathing became too difficult to continue. He sat at his desk chair, struggling to regulate his breathing. It wasn’t working and Virgil’s mind began to spiral away from him.

Oh god, what if they found them? What if they brought me to my room and they found the mess and the paper? What of they realized it was me all along? What if they hate me for lying to them all these years? What if they’re mad at themselves for not knowing sooner? What if Patton is upset that Santa isn’t real? Oh god, this is bad. This is bad, bad, bad. I should have cleaned up earlier. I should have dropped off the gifts and come back up to clean. Stupid. Lazy. Fuck-up. I fucked up. I fucked up. I fucked up.

Suddenly, Virgil felt a familiar tug in his gut. He tried to swat the sensation away. “Noooo. Not right now. I can’t. I’m… I …I… noooo,” He whined, but the sensation persisted until Virgil was pulled into the real world.

“Virgil, what’s wrong.” Virgil couldn’t focus on the speaker, too caught up in his own self-deprecating, panicking thoughts. “Virgil, hey, bud, look at me.” Virgil tried. It took a few minutes, but eventually he was able to meet Thomas’s gentle gaze. “There you are. Can I touch you?” Slowly, Virgil nodded. Thomas reached out, placing one hand on Virgil’s shoulder, grounding him further. The other hand grabbed one of Virgil’s guiding it to Thomas’s chest. “Can you breathe with me?” Thomas breathed deeply, in for four, hold for seven, out for eight. Virgil fought to match the steady rhythm, panicked thoughts fading to the background as Virgil focused on the simple task. After several minutes, Virgil felt like he could breathe on his own again.

“Are you back with us, Kiddo?” Virgil was only mildly surprised to hear Patton’s voice. If Thomas had summoned him, it made sense that he had summoned the other’s too. Virgil flicked his gaze to the father, but almost instantly dropped it again.

“Yeah. M’here.”

“Good. We’re glad.” Virgil flinched back from Roman’s boisterous tone. “Sorry.” Roman amended.

“S’okay.”

“Virgil?” It was Logan speaking now. The logical trait has knelt beside Virgil. “Would you mind telling us what caused this attack? Perhaps we could help.” Virgil couldn’t bring himself to look up and meet their gazes.

“It’s nothing. I just… couldn’t find what I was looking for.”

“Oh. Well, what was it. Maybe we can help.” Thomas was as chipper as ever, if slightly concerned. Virgil glanced briefly at him, then at Roman, Patton, and finally Logan. They were all watching him expectantly.

“It’s nothing important.” They frowned. A thoughtful look crossed Logan’s features.

“Would it perhaps be these?” Logan grabbed something from beside the stairs and three familiar rolls of paper came to rest in his hand. Virgil looked between him, the paper, and the others. Their expressions were unreadable. Virgil felt heat rise to his face and he hung his head.

“M’sorry.” They seemed to get a reaction. Patton came down with Logan, wrapping Virgil in a half hug.

“Whatever do you think you have to be sorry for?” Virgil thought for a moment, trying to put into words the weight on his mind.

“For not telling you sooner. For lying for all these years.”

“Well, why didn’t you say something before? Did you think we wouldn’t believe you?” Patton asked curiously.

“No. That’s not it. I mean, maybe once upon a time, but not now.” Virgil was hesitant.

“Then what?” He prodded gently.

“I didn’t want you to be upset.”

“We would never be upset with you for this.”

“Not… not just with me. Not anymore.”

“I may be alone, feelings are not really my thing, but I don’t understand what you mean, Virgil.” Logan seemed somewhat baffled.

“I didn’t want you to be upset with yourselves. For excluding me. And for jumping to conclusions. You’ve all been trying so hard, just like I have, to be better and I know sometimes you struggle to forgive yourselves even though I’ve already forgiven you and I just… I didn’t want to make it any harder. Especially not right now. It’s… it’s Christmas. Christmas is supposed to be happy.” Virgil couldn’t stop his babbling until the feelings had had their say. It was always something he’d struggled with. Once the words were finally out there, a heavy silence settled over the room.

Patton was the first to respond and Virgil found himself engulfed in the father’s arms. Virgil looked at him, confused by the odd mixture of deep sadness and joy that seemed to be fighting for dominance of his facial expression. “Oh, Kiddo. Virgil. It’s so sweet that you want to protect us from that we love you for it, we really do, but…” Patton trailed off, a small frown forming on his face. Logan picked up where he left off.

“But you can’t protect us from that. It’s illogical and it will not help in the long run.”

“Logan is right,” Roman interjected. “We messed up in a most grievous manner. We caused you pain for many years. There must be consequence for our actions. We must atone for our sins.” Virgil frowned. That’s exactly what he didn’t want.

“I don’t want atonement. I just want to move on. I want to leave the past behind so we can just be a family.”

“Virge.” Thomas piped up, taking on his normal role of mediator and leader for his sides. “The only way to move on from the past is to acknowledge it. We all must come to terms with our past mistakes. It’s the only way to truly heal. That’s the consequence Roman speaks of. The healing process, forgiving ourselves and each other and learning how to be better, it’s a messy process and its going to take time. But in the end, it will be so worth it. Because isn’t healing so much better than pretending not to be hurt?” Virgil listened intently to what Thomas had to say. He was trying to take to heart what he was saying. At the same time, his brain made a connection that had a small smirk pulling at his lips.

“You sound just like you do in the videos. Are you sure you don’t have a hidden camera set up somewhere?” The easy wit did wonders for the tension in the room. Thomas and Roman both chuckled, Patton giggled, and even Logan let out an amused snort.

“No. No filming today.” Something occurred to Virgil then.

“Then why did you summon us all?” Thomas just chuckled again.

“Actually,” Patton chirped, jumping up. “He didn’t Logan and Roman and me were already here.”

“I,” corrected Logan.

“Aye, aye, Captain.” Said Roman, rhythmically.

“What, is it National Talk Like A Pirate Day?” Asked Patton cheekily. Logan just sighed and shook his head. Virgil tried to hold back a chuckle, but failed and just barely managed to muffle it with his hoodie sleeve.

“Virgil.” Logan spoke seriously. Virgil swallowed nervously, something Logan didn’t miss. He made a point of softening his tone when he continued. “We were up here seeking help from Thomas. You see, with how thoughtful and generous you’ve been with your gifts for all these years, we thought it only fair you should receive something equally special from us. We required Thomas’s assistance in acquiring it.”

“Oh. Um. Y-you guys didn’t ha-ave to go through all that tr-rouble just for me.” Virgil stuttered out.

“They wanted to.” Thomas responded calmly. “I wanted to. We want to show you how much you mean to us, Virgil. We can’t make up for all those years we excluded and isolated you. But we can make dang sure you feel loved and included now.” Virgil ducked his head, hiding the soft pink spreading across his cheeks, which were on display since Virgil hadn’t put on his make-up yet.

“O-o-okay.” Virgil glanced up from under his bangs, catching the broad smile on each of there faces. Even Logan, Mr. Emotions are the bane of my existence, was sporting one. Patton had bounced over to the coffee table were a medium sized box wrapped in electric purple paper sat. He grabbed it and bounced back over, plopping down next to Virgil and sliding the box into his hands. Virgil noticed a card taped to the top.

“We hope you like it, Kiddo. It was Roman’s idea what to get.”

“Well, Logan picked out which one.” Roman replied sheepishly.

“Patton and Thomas made the card,” said Logan.

“It was a team effort!” Giggled Patton. “Open it up.” Virgil opened the card first. It was a home-made paper card, like the one he had received from Patton what felt like a lifetime ago now. On the front, they had drawn Logan, Thomas, Roman, and Patton with Virgil soaring above them on purple wings. It read: ‘For our Guardian Angle, who takes good care of us…’ Virgil opened the card. Inside, he had landed on the ground and the others had grouped around him in a hug. ‘Don’t be An-Jealous! We want to take care of you, too!’ Virgil made no effort to hide the smile on his face. He carefully slid the card back into its envelope. Then he turned to the box. He glanced up at them, looking for confirmation. The all gave him soft smiles and small nods. Virgil tore into the paper and opened the box. His mouth fell open when he looked inside. He glanced between his family and the box, unsure if this was even happening. “Well?” Patton pressed gently. Virgil’s hands fell into the box, pulling out the soft purple and yellow fabric. He began to unfold it, unsurprised when it took on a humanoid shape. The unfolding revealed pieces of orange fabric mixed in. Once it was fully unfolded, Virgil held in his hands a Spyro the Dragon onesie. Tears welled up in his eyes at the thoughtfulness that must have gone into this gift. He couldn’t even imagine what they’d had to do to get it here within the last 24 hours.

“It’s perfect, guys. Thank you. I love it. I love you.” It was weird saying it, after spending so long hiding those feelings. But even weird, it felt right.

“We love you to, Virgil.” They all chorused back. The tears spilled over, but Virgil found he didn’t mind. Not when Patton was there, gently wiping them away with his own tearful smile. They were all quiet as the cried out their individual feelings of overwhelming joy and love. After a while, Roman snapped his fingers, gaining their attentions. He beamed a broad smile, looking for all the world like he had just had the most brilliant idea in the whole world. Virgil was more than happy in that moment to believe that maybe he had.

“What does everyone say to a PJs and Movies Day with the whole family.” The others all responded with varying forms of yes. Roman looked at Virgil.

“Sounds good to me, Princey. But only if The Black Cauldron makes the list.” Patton bounced up with a giggle. He launched himself upstairs to get some extra pillows and blankets. Virgil stood too, coming off the stairs to stand with Roman by the TV. Logan moved off to the kitchen to prepare some snacks. Thomas went upstairs to help Patton and also to put on his pjs, the sides having snapped instantly into theirs.

“It can be first. But we are definitely watching a classic second. Cinderella.”

“I vote Aladdin third!” Thomas called down.

“Don’t forget Winnie The Pooh!” Patton responded from the top of the stairs.

“And Big Hero 6 if we may,” said Logan.

“Perfect!” Exclaimed Roman, “A day of favorites with all my favorites.” Virgil couldn’t keep the smile off his face. His new Spyro onesie was soft, warm, and comfortable. His family was all around him wearing their own onesies, save for Thomas (Virgil made a mental note to make sure Thomas got one, too at some point). It was the day after Christmas and for the first time in living memory Virgil felt like absolutely everything, down to the last minute detail, was perfect.

Part 2

[lanamemories]

lockwood nye | chatzy

SUMMARY: literally everyone kissed everyone. metaphorical blood was shed. lives were lost. no-one will ever be the same. jude ashed on gabe’s muffin and he ate it anyway. lana sucked imogen’s finger and caused all penises within a five mile radius to hoist their flagpole and sing the national anthem. jude and venus made out. twice. chloe grit her teeth at the anarchy and uttered the yikes that everyone else was thinking. magnolia and blake canoodled like an old married couple sat on the porch of a country ranch. a three way kiss stirred tensions. teddy and imogen locked lips and started a forest fire using the tension as kindling. hearts were broken. drinks were drank. ragrets were had. a lockwood new year’s eve for the ages.

magnolia: Maggie walked into the party, bright red cowboy hat on her head as she carried a similar blue one, popping it onto Gabe's head. "Happy Birthday Country Boy, I lurrve you!" She called out, before walking on in search of a drink with no further comment.

gabe: "Yeehaw," Gabe chimed in rather monotonously, tipping his hat to no one in particular as he watched Magnolia walk away.

blake: Anxiety making his chest feel tight, Blake's legs jiggled in rhythm with the music. He watched the party from a couch spot he'd snagged early in the night, his form well imprinted into the cushion now.

jude: "Booooooy!" Jude declared suddenly, pointing a finger repeatedly down at Blake's legs as they jiggled like noodle strands in front of a high power fan. "Look at them go."

blake: Blake tilted his head up at Jude, eyes narrowing slightly. "I didn't even notice. Ass," he mumbled into his red solo cup, clearing his throat as he placed the empty one down and reached over to grab the flask he'd been nursing all night, almost done too. "You look like a majestic creature...person from a period film. Fuck off."

magnolia: The girl finished making her rum and coke, heading back over to Gabe. "How does it feel to be an old man? Have you acquired a taste for lunchtime buffets yet?" She asked, poking his stomach like he was the Pillsbury Doughboy.

lana: Donning a star spangled pair of novelty glasses spelling out '2018' over both eyes, Lana practically pranced into the party like a fairy on acid, flashing Gabe a fiendish grin as she finally reached his side. "Gabriel! You're a stinky old man just like the rest of us sorry fools now. Anything to say on record?" she asked, pretending to hold up a tape recorder to his mouth.

arryn: She had already done a bit of pre-gaming before she went to the party, so when she arrived, she would instantly start having fun. Arryn entered through the door, bottle in hand. She took her time walking through the mass of attendees

gabe: Gabe jumped at the poke of his stomach, easily ticklish. He looked between Magnolia and Lana and tried to hold in his laughter. "Good evening, MTV, and welcome to my crib," he flashed his teeth at Lana's fake tape recorder. "I'm 21 now and quire frankly, I want to die slightly less than I did yesterday!"

arryn: and drank from the bottle as she drug along. Arryn finally made it to the one place she loved most, the booze table.

jude: "Quire frankly? Is that a relative of yours, perhaps?" Jude piped up after overhearing the conversation, flashing a politician's smile before redirecting his focus back to Blake. "You didn't even notice my ass? That's harsh, Blake. I polished it especially for this event."

magnolia: Maggie laughed as the unfamiliar girl held the tape recorder up to Gabe's face. "I'll leave you with your fans. Just wanted to wish you an official Happy Birthday," she told him, heading off in the direction to find more friends. She settled into the couch next to Blake, flashing a drunk grin at the two boys and tipping her hat. "Howdy, Cowboys!"

lana: "I don't know about you but I totally feel like that one gif of that woman screaming as she removes her wig. Like, that's just... the vibe for tonight, you know?" Lana nodded along, eyeing the dwindling contents of her cup before peering back at Gabe again. "You know it's, um... Aly! It's Aly's birthday tonight, too. Is this a joint bday bash?"

blake: "Is this event mandatory?" he called out to the party, not really expecting an answer. Blake sighed at Jude, shaking his head. "I'm glad you cleaned your ass, Jude. But that should be a regular thing," he said, glancing up just as Magnolia arrived. "Hey, nice outfit."

jude: "Don't be such a Negative Norman, Blake," Jude criticised halfheartedly, taking a swig from the beer in his cup before he raised it in a toast-like greeting over Maggie's arrival. "Alright, goblin? Gnash on the toes of any particularly lanky ghouls yet? I have my third eye on one named Margaret."

gabe: "Is it?" he raised his eyebrows at Lana. "I think she mentioned it was her birthday too but we aren't every close. Assumed she'd have her own party?" He shrugged. "The event is mandatory, you belligerent goblin," he called back at Gabe. "Invite me to you and Mags' wedding!"

magnolia: "Gentleman," she greeted them, raising her drink, her voice formal. "I had my eyes on a particularly thicc with two c's spector, be he ran off before I could astral project into his plane," she told Jude. Her cheeks grew bright red at Gabe's comment yelled across the room. "We're not getting married until ghouls have the right to wed too!" She called back lamely.

blake: Blake reached over the table to retrieve a chip from one of the food bowls, nipping off the end before deciding against eating and tossing it back on the table. Blake winced slightly as Gabe called out to him, sighing heavily. "Sorry about my friend, his mouth smells of feet because they're always in his mouth," he said to no one.

gabe: "I heard that!"

jude: "Shame. They're always scuttling these days. Ghouls just can't be trusted," Jude sighed so solemnly, it was as if he was recounting the death of an old friend. It was only at Gabe's comment that his playful demeanour wavered slightly, scoff parting his lips after a second long delay. "Stop it, Blake. You know Gabe has a thing for feet... He'll get hard a hundred miles and hour and poke a poor girl's eye out."

blake: Blake was in the middle of taking a swig from his vodka when he nearly spat the contents out, wiping a bit of the alcohol from his skin. "Jesus Chroist."

gabe: "Bold claim from someone who gave a girl thrush because he fingered her the wrong way," Gabe grinned at Jude. "Who do you think I am? Quentin Tarantino?"

lana: "Gabe! You have to be a gracious host. Just... Promise you'll offer her some chips and dip if she turns up. It's her birthday, I feel bad. She won't even get a celebratory spank from Frankie like I do every year. That's a crime," she sighed loudly, aimlessly dusting a bit of imaginary lint from Gabe's shoulder. "God. Tramp."

magnolia: Maggie flung her feet up on the arm of the couch, leaning her head back to drain the contents of her glass. She gasped as Blake spat out the contents of his glass. "Guys! Blake is so bored he would actually rather choke. Help the poor sweet summer child."

jude: "Fuck off, cretin! That was just a rumour," Jude refuted, reaching over and slapping at Gabe's ass like a parent might with a miscreant child. "Enough of that backchat, young man."

gabe: "You make it sound like we're a married couple and we're hosting our annual New Years dinner party. I'm not Gatsby," he sighed, pouring a mixture of alcohol into his red solo cup. "I'll find her and we can... pop bottles of champagne together like old men did in the 1950s. Here's to 2018, fuckers!"

blake: "We should..." he glanced over to Magnolia. "You're right, we should play a game or something."

jude: "He's wasting away," Jude solemnly announced, clapping a hand down onto Blake's shoulder with a furrowed brow. "Somebody should've had more breast milk as a baby... Brittle boned. Weak."

gabe: "Oh, daddy," he retaliated towards Jude. "Please, spank me harder. I'm the birthday boy, after all."

blake: "I'm gonna fucking punch him," Blake mumbled under his breath, mostly to himself. "What's your problem?" he asked, brows furrowed as he glanced over to Jude.

lana: Involuntary flush creeping up into her cheeks, Lana pressed the cool side of her cup against her throat, rolling it there absently in a fit of boredom. "Do you really have a foot kink, Gabe? Look into my eyes and tell the truth. Don't be a coward."

jude: Eyebrows knitting slightly, he offered Blake a bewildered expression, lowering his voice a notch. "What? The breast milk thing was a joke, man," came as he patted his shoulder a hint harder than necessary, moving his hand away after. "We're good."

magnolia: Maggie sat up, fingers nervously clutching the cup in her hand as her other hand drifted towards Blake's arm before she thought better of it. "Who wants a shot?" She declared, voice wavering.

gabe: "I don't have a fucking foot kink," Gabe pleaded, smile plastered on his face as he took another gulp from his cup. He kicked Lana with the side of his sneaker gently. "Why? Do you? Do YOU have something you'd like to tell me?"

blake: "I'll -- I'll take a shot," Blake said, cut off just before he could finish the sentence with the slap against his back. "Alright! We're good. Fantastic," he replied, not entirely believing it, but knowing he'd only get heated if he persisted.

lana: "Once I had a wet dream about one of the thumb men from Spy Kids," Lana sighed honestly, thumb smoothing along the rim of her red cup. "I won't even lie, it was pretty hot. I don't regret it. Also, me! I'll do a shot. I'm like a dehydrated camel in the outback. Rasping for mercy."

chloe: Chloe walked into the party, and immediately began the search for a drink or someone she knew— she wasn't terribly picky about the order. Not too far away was Gabe, the birthday boy, surrounded by a few more friendly faces. "Happy birthday!" she said as she arrived, ruffling Gabe's hair. "What'd I miss?"

magnolia: "Cool. Awesome," she said hurriedly, getting up off the couch and taking off towards the drink table with Blake in tow, meeting up with Lana along the way. She poured drinks for all of them, plus a few more for anyone else that wanted one. "Look me in the eyes when you clink or it's bad head for ten years!"

gabe: "That's... the most the disgusting thing I've heard all night besides Tripp admitting he's into bestiality," Gabe said, grabbing a handle of Smirnoff from the fridge. "And after that, I need a shot."

jude: Flopping down onto one of the adjacent couches, Jude popped open his tin of rolling papers and started thumbing through the contents, setting about fixing himself a joint. "Fuck. Anyone got any filters?"

gabe: "Chloe!" Gabe beamed, bringing the brunette into an awkward side-hug. "Thanks. You didn't miss much. Collectively? We're on our way to getting fucked up. Emotionally? I sense a tension in the air. Not like I haven't experienced that on any other of my birthdays though."

lana: "Whoa. I totally thought you said look me in the eyes when you twink for a second there. Mindfuck. I was spinning my head around like the Mr. Krabs meme looking for the nearest toyboy," Lana scoffed, plucking up the shot and reaching out to knock glasses before she tossed it back.

blake: Sighing and running his hand over the back of his neck, he glanced over the Jude and mouthed a simple 'What the fuck?' in his direction. "Yeah, I got some," he said, leaning forward to pry them out of his back pocket, tossing the pack onto the coffee table.

chloe: "Oh, excellent," she laughed, scooting into an empty seat. "I'm trying to look God in the eyes by the end of tonight. Fuck me up."

gabe: "You could look God in the eyes if you just got on your knees... and prayed. With a bible," Gabe stammered, in horror of the awkwardness that just ensued from his mouth. "Welcome to Bible study, we're all children of Jesus!" He looked over to Magnolia, who was downing shots already. "Kumbaya... my lord..."

magnolia: "God. I just had a flashback to that dude in the leather suit from American Horror Story," she told Lana. "Tonight I drink to forget Michael Scott bending Evan Peters over and spanking him on The Office."

jude: "Noice," Jude emphasised like his accent had suddenly warped into that of an Australian crocodile wrangler, reaching forwards to snatch up the filters and pry one from the rest. Plucking a rolling paper free, he slithered it onto Blake's lap in pitiful means of a half-assed apology.

venus: "I've arrived, Thots!" Venus shouted at the bustling crowd, particularly to the few faces she recognized immediately. Her fur coat and sparkly dress screamed New York socialite, and her brain was screaming for a drink. "What's all the hubbub, boys?"

blake: "I'm good, man. Already on enough," he said to Jude, laughing with the admittance. "Where did Maggie go with our shots, though? The real question."

lana: "DON'T mention spanking and Evan Peters in the same sentence. My frail heart can't take it. I was one of the abominable thots that wanted to take a ride on the Langdon express. It was a dark time," she exhaled mournfully, coughing slightly to escape the bitter taste of vodka in the back of her throat. "Gross. I feel like I just sucked on Satan's teat."

chloe: "Ah, so I guess you want a church girl that go to church.... and read her Biiiible," Chloe said, expression unchanging but her voice shifting to imitate the Vine. "We love Bible study!" she yelped, taking a shot.

jude: "Think she left with Lana or, uh... Dunno," Jude offered along with a shrug, licking a stripe along his paper before he smoothed it together. "Vanished into the abyss. Dicks out for Magambe."

magnolia: "He was a hunk-a-thon, I'll give you that," Maggie said, her voice suddenly warping into a Valley Girl accent. "Shit! I forgot that the gentlemen and I scheduled a very important business meeting. Gotta bring the materials," she told Lana, gathering up a few shots and bringing them back over to Blake and Jude. "Boys, i've brought the third quarter numbers."

gabe: "Don't-" Gabe stuttered as Chloe took the shot, wrinkling his nose at thought of consuming the mixture. "God, that was... the equivalent of isopropyl alcohol. I don't even know what mixture was in that Smirnoff bottle, but it wasn't Smirnoff. Please don't sue."

teddy.: Walking through the threshold into the BKE living room, Teddy managed to juggle three chocolate chip muffins in one hand and a red solo cup in the other. Mouth already half full, Teddy approached Jude and Blake with all the seriousness of a businessman looking to close a deal. "Have you guys been in the washroom lately? I found, like, twenty muffins there. Want one? I can grab more. They're so good. I hope they weren't meant for Gabe cause I already ate two."

imogen: Walking in, eyes red and squinted from the few joints she had enjoyed on the walk over, Imogen entered the party, in an unusual attired of plain black jeans and a hoodie. Entering the house, she immediately found her way towards the messy table of crumpled chips and began munching.

blake: Blake laughed, feeling a little more at ease now that Jude had seemed to calm down from whatever had peeved him off earlier. A sigh of relief escaped when Magnolia returned, sitting up straighter. "Thank god, I was about to zamboni the table." As Teddy approached, Blake relaxed even more, smile on his face. "Can't say I have, Who put muffins in the washroom?"

venus: "Whose birthday is it?" Venus asked towards no one in particular. She spotted a kind-looking girl on the couch and plopped down next to her. "I see Jude's up to his wild antics again. Lana, right?"

jude: "Anyone got a light?" Jude called out aimlessly, flailing his head around like a child long lost in a convenience store. "Blease... Halp... I'm just a little baby boy!" Discontinuing his absurd cries once Teddy arrived, Jude lazily flung a leg out, poking at his friend's shin in means of fond greeting. "Hello, my son. What the fuck is a muffin--" he stuttered into silence, wedging his joint in place. "A muffin doing in a washroom, anyway?"

gabe: "Why are there muffins in the washroom?" Gabe asked, snatching one from Teddy's hand. "I don't see a cake anywhere so I'm hoping this is for me. Anyone got a singular candle I can put on this?"

magnolia: Maggie handed Blake a shot, trying not to spill any of it, sitting on the arm of the couch. She knocked back the vodka, wincing as she did so. "Nope, I just got zamboni-ed. Petition to use zamboni more in every day conversation. Shit. I'm drunk."

teddy.: "No, Gabe!" Teddy protested, voice taking on the whiny tone of a two year old who doesn't get their way. "Those were for my less fortunate friends! We can't all have birthdays today, y'know."

imogen: Answering to the calls of a frantic Jude, Imogen pulled the tiny bic out of her jean pocket and held it out, walking towards them. "I'm no hero, I put on my pants one leg at a time like everyone else, only I remember to bring a lighter"

lana: "Hi!" Lana greeted as earnestly as a golden retriever introduced to a new owner, corners of her red lips tweaking. "Yeah, Lana. Venus, right? Or, I guess... Weenus, according to Jude. He's a mongrel, ignore him. I try to."

blake: Lowering down his vodka as Maggie did, he sighed in relief, though it burned his throat. "You alright?" he asked Magnolia in a mumbled, glancing over to her on the end of the sofa.

chloe: Chloe's face crumpled after downing the contents of her cup, mouth puckered in disgust. "Oh, man," she groaned. "That is diabolical. Who's trying to kill you on your birthday?"

jude: Plucking the Bic off Imogen, Jude offered a wise smile like Gatsby overlooking his crowd of party guests in means of thanks, sparking up and sucking in a long drag before reaching over to ash on Gabe's muffin. "Bone app the titty." Turning back to Imogen after, he patted the space besides him. "Sit. You've earned a place besides the king -- I'm not calling myself that, by the way. Blake said it was fitting earlier."

venus: "Or better yet... penis!" Venus flashed a ruby red smile, raising an eyebrow as her gaze followed towards Jude's presence. "Looks like someone's getting... laid?" She watched as a brunette stumbled upon Jude flickering a lighter. "Oh, god. Is she trying to set him on fire?"

gabe: Gabe giggled at Chloe's crumpled face as it matched his own, a good amount of the strange tonic already inside his system. "Some sadist who's never been to bartender school apparently," he replied, pulling out a bottle of Spite from the counter and pouring the contents into the remainder of the cup. "Here. A chaser will make it better. I mixed mine with a bunch of a juice and I'm more off the rails than a thirteen year old boy at 3 am off a Four Loko."

magnolia: She nodded her head, giving him a smile. "Peachy. Living my diddly darn best life,"she said, trying to shake off the nervous feeling that accompanied her at parties. "Your hair smells good tonight. Like shampoo or something," she stated, fingers combing through it before dropping them nervously.

lana: "God! He'll probably cry out a lyric from The Smiths when he climaxes. To DIE by YoUr SiDe," she wailed out unevenly, eyes rolling back into her head as she reached around like a blind person for dramatic effect. "Terrible. I hope Imogen's prepared. Also... Huh. You know what we should play? Truth or dare."

venus: "True!" Venus emphasized, pointing her finger at Lana as if she made a breakthrough discovery. "Last time I played that I got someone to streak outside in the dead of winter. I can make anyone a victim tonight."

blake: "Shampoo would likely be it," he said, quiet laugh parting his lips for only a moment. It was strange being here, outside of his room on the worst night of Blake's year. But the company was nice, as long as things stayed civil. "Lana. Yes. A game. Please," he said, reaching up to hook his pinky into Magnolia's to draw her hand back to his head.

imogen: A proud look beamed across Imogen's face as she plopped next to Jude. "You can be the king all you want, at the end of the day things did not end well for Macbeth" she replied, snatching the joint from his fingers and dangling it off her lip, inhaling the smoke smoothly.

jude: Catching a glimpse of Maggie and Blake from the corner of his eye, Jude reached up to itch far more furiously than necessary at his tear duct, eye squeaking in protest. "Whoa. Stuart Little, uh, crying for mercy, there. Wild," he chuckled under his breath, focusing on Imogen once more. "Macbeth was just like Chicken Little. Dumb and he's a coward. You can't just come over here... Reap my harvest," he gestured at his joint in her mouth, "and PISS on the rest of my metaphorical crops. I'm distraught."

venus: Venus made her way through the crowd, stumbling in the dimness as she tripped over someone's foot and half-landed on someone's lap. "Fuck! You absolute gremlins!" she called out towards no one in particular. She looked over and found herself resting on top of Judas' knee as her eyes lit up, giving him a peck between his hairline and his forehead. "Judas! You're like a blessing dressed as a grungy band member. How is the evening treating you? Have you killed Jesus yet?"

magnolia: She continued playing with his hair gently, nodding her head as someone mentioned truth or dare. "Yes! I'm gonna find out who everyone has a crush on tonight." She glimpsed Jude talking to a girl she didn't know out of the corner of her eye, whipping her haze away sharply.

gabe: "Lana, do you have a candle? Or a fucking joint so I can blow out something anyway? This crowd's got me stressed," Gabe stumbled over, nearly knocking over the petite girl. "I feel like Jude and Blake are gonna tussle."

jude: "Whoa! Fuckin' hell, all aboard, I guess," Jude strained out as he shuffled beneath Venus' flailing limbs to get comfortable, looking every bit like Patrick Star mid coma as his arms fanned out around her. Eventually, he settled for steadying her gently by the waist, offering Imogen a sheepish smile. "Full house. It's like a nineties sitcom."

lana: "A CANDLE?!" Lana quoted like he'd just garbled out a sentence in ancient Latin, eyes bugging out of her head like the meme of the fish in Spongebob holding a glass of juice. "Who do you think I am, Gabe? A Bed, Bath and Beyond store? Disgusting! I just spat."

blake: Lowering down the rest of his vodka, Blake tossed the flask on the table. "Jude! Truth or dare."

venus: Venus looked up, surprised at the sight of the other girl. "Oh, fuck, I'm such a tramp aren't I?" she turned her back towards Jude again, narrowing her eyes. "You've got your arms around my waist while this woman is trying to fuck you?" she nearly hissed. "Am I cockblocking or can I join?"

jude: "Hey, whoa," Jude blustered hastily, glancing between the pair of them with a face of vague distress. "I'm just a little boy..." he trailed off vaguely, hoping that excuse, enough, would suffice, before realising he probably had to say more for himself. "Everything's fine. Make love, not war. We're all human beings."

imogen: Imogen handed the joint back to Jude and laughed at Venus' comment. "No, I'm not- no worries. I'm too high for this right now anyway. I think I'm gonna grab something to drink" she replied. pushing herself off the couch and walking away from the couch.

gabe: "You're all for birthdays aren't you? What am else am I going to blow?" Gabe answered frantically. "Wait, don't answer that." He took nearly inhaled the muffin in his hands regardless, squinting at Lana as he swallowed. "Oh... these are? Edibles? Suddenly I'm exiting this plane of existence."

jude: "Oh, Christ. It's Armageddon," Jude mumbled solemnly into Venus' hair, accidentally getting a strand in his mouth and spluttering helplessly in the aftermath. "Fuckin' hell. Look what you did, Venus. She practically took off on all fours. Imogen!" he called lazily around Venus, flailing a rogue arm. "Bring back rations!"

magnolia: Maggie scooted closer towards Blake's side, brushing her hair out of her face as she leaned her head on his shoulder. "Judas! You were asked a question. Truth or dare?"

lana: Sucking in such a frantic gust of air at his statement that she nearly choked on it, she wildly flung a hand out to grab his shoulder for support, coughing into his shirt sleeve before composing herself. "Didn't Jude just ash on that earlier? Gross."

venus: Mouth agape, Venus pushed herself towards the end of the couch so only her legs rested on Jude's lap. "Oh, no! I totally fucked everything up for you! I'm sorry!" she pleaded, taking a gulp of her wine bottle. "So no threesome?" She glanced back at the rest of the room, realizing they were suddenly in the middle of a game. "Ah! It's time for the moment of truth!"

jude: "Hm ha hmhmhm ha?" Jude responded in reference to the iconic Yoda parody, wiping absently at a crumb that had somehow pinged and wound up on his eyelash before meeting Maggie's gaze. "What question? Oh... Uh. Dare, I guess. And don't worry, Weenus," came as he tapped sympathetically at her shins, nodding once over. "I forgive you."

gabe: "He WHAT?" Gabe blurted, catching Lana has she nearly fell into his arms. "What the fuck? I've eaten an edible that Judas ashed on. Incredible. I better see God right in his fucking face in the next twenty minutes."

lana: Slouching in Gabe's arms even after she'd steadied her composure, Lana peered up at him, neck retracted in on itself to impersonate a bleary eyed infant. "I look totally like baby Moses like this. It's kind of erotic, actually. If--... Wait, are dares starting?" she perked up from Gabe's limp hold, peering around like a meerkat.

blake: "I dare you..." he started, before gesturing toward Venus, "to make out with her." Considering she was easily accessible, he figured it was doable. "Then rate it from 1 to 10.

chloe: Chloe found her way back to the group, the front of her shirt soaked with an unidentifiable alcohol. "Someone just fuckin spilled their entire drink on me," she huffed to no one in particular, slipping into the circle to watch the game.

imogen: Mixing herself a concoction of whatever kind of liquor was on the table closest to her, Imogen smelled the red solo cup before wincing and taking a swig. Before returning to the couch, this time taking a seat on the arm of the sofa. Hearing the dare, the girl picked herself off the spot she had just settled in and went to sit next to chloe to avoid being in the splash zone.

gabe: "Daaaaares," Gabe murmured, more crossfaded than the time he was seventeen and inadvertently pissed on the neighbors lawn. He yanked on Lana's hand towards the circle in the living room. "Chloe! We're playing Saw Four! Mags over here is that Jigsaw fellow and she's gonna make us do tricks!"

chloe: "Amazing," Chloe replied, laughing at Gabe's inebriated state. "I want to see the tricks!"

jude: "Rate it? Jesus Christ," Jude huffed out along with a light laugh, rubbing at the scruff of his jaw before he shifted a glance towards Venus. "Well... alright, then," came along with a shrug, hand slipping easily to steady her thigh so that his other could catch her by the jaw and tug her promptly closer. It was a performance fit for a glimpse through a peep show that he put on, knuckles inadvertently bunching beneath the hem of Venus' skirt as he tasted the remnants of rum on her lips, nearly smiling against them at just how soft they felt. Pulling back and imitating an Italian chef kissing his fingers and throwing them outwards, Jude hastily retracted his hand from her leg. "Jesus. Sorry. Feral. I'd, uh... I'd rate it a sophisticated seven. Thanks and goodnight, New York."

magnolia: She picked up another one of the shots she had brought over earlier, choking it back as she watched Jude and Venus make out. "Great. Fucking showstopping, Pornhub will give you good ratings," Maggie said, forcing a laugh. "Who wants to go next?"

venus: Venus couldn't help but burst into laughter when she pulled back, her hair frizzier than an early morning fuck and her lipstick smudged. She wiped the side of her mouth to clean up. "No one asked me but it was a good six. Would've been a seven had he not nearly eaten my face!"

blake: Blake shifted somewhat uncomfortably at the display, nearly regretting his decision to dare him that immediately. Once Jude had finished with the kiss, he laughed, raising his brows. "Just a seven? Jesus," he said, clearing his throat. Glancing up to Magnolia, her reaction was rather transparent, but Blake said nothing. Instead, he chewed at his nail and squeezing Maggie's hand with the other. "Who's going next, then?"

jude: Clearing his throat casually, Jude held a hand out towards Imogen post kiss, wiggling his fingers like he was hinting she pass him a cookie. "Did you... Wait. You got my smoke?"

magnolia: "I'll go," she told everyone. "I'll do dare."

teddy: Slowly taking a sip of his drink while glancing between Magnolia, Jude, and Venus in turn, Teddy finally made eye contact with Jude over his cup, giving him an over exaggerated thumbs up and a wink, mouthing the word "Noice" at him like they were back in grade ten and Jude had just had his first kiss ever.

jude: Shooting Teddy a total of three winks back, he entered into a sort of Morse code battle via eye, throwing him the odd one every so often when the feeling struck. "Dare! Mags chose dare. Uh... Huh. Anyone got one?"

lana: "I dare Mag--... Maggie? Maglin," Lana announced before clearing her throat, cup raised to her mouth like a microphone, "to kiss the prettiest boy in the room."

imogen: "I thought I gave it back to you" Imogen replied to Jude, a look of paranoia on her face now as she, stupidly, checked her pockets. "Maybe you inhaled it" she offered, plopping down with a shrug.

jude: "Ah, tits. She's gone, boys!" Jude called out to no-one in particular, clasping at his cheeks like the screaming man from Edvard Munch's painting. "Fucking R.I.P. It's cool, I'll roll another, I guess."

gabe: "Judas," Gabe started with a deadpan voice. "Why did you ash on my weed muffin? On my twenty-first? The audacity. Do you know how blurry my vision is right now?"

teddy: Making his way over to Jude, Teddy clapped him on the shoulder before nudging Imogen to the side, "Scoot, Im, best friend coming through." He mumbled, throwing his legs over Imogen's once he'd sat. "That kiss is going into my spank bank for later tonight, just so you know."

imogen: Imogen reached into the pocket of her hoodie and pulled out a pink plastic cigarette case. Dipping her fingers into it, she retrieved a tightly rolled joint and leaned over to hand it to Jude. "Peace offering" she said, smiling also at Venus.

imogen: Throwing her hands over Teddy's shins, Imogen nodded. "Mine too"

jude: "Pranked! You've been pranked," Jude declared suddenly, whipping his joint into view right around the same time Imogen gave him a fresh one. "Oh, fuck. Overflowing. I'm drowning... So many. Too many men..."

venus: Hair strewn across the end of the couch, Venus' head shot up at the acknowledgement of another person. "Oh, you're a doll!" she gushed at Imogen, taking her joint gladly. "Though I'm not sure what you mean. Are we fighting? Baby, what have I done? I'll get on my knees and everything."

magnolia: Maggie looked like a deer caught in the headlights as Lana announced her dare. She finished off a sip of vodka that was left in her shot glass. "Shit. Okay, fine." She stood up, making her way over to Gabe who still had Lana in his arms. "Make way for Thomas the Train engine," she told Lana, extracting the boy from underneath her as she sat down on the couch. She pulled him in by his shirt for a kiss, hesitant at first with all the eyes on her, but her hands wandering up to tangle in his hair as the kiss deepened. "Wow," she said in the voice of the kid from Vine as they separated.

lana: "Begone, thot!" Lana exclaimed with a prominent wrinkle of her nose, swatting at the prying hands of a frat boy leering in from behind her around the circle. It was only then that she whipped around to clock Maggie, a quick hop seeing her clear the path. "It's like a hundred mile an hour moshpit in here. Cold and afraid... Hope diminishing."

teddy: "What the hell was the prank? Not your best work, Jude." Teddy mumbled, grabbing the joint Jude was currently brandishing. Lifting it to his mouth to take a drag, Teddy stopped halfway to the destination, mouth agape at the scene Maggie and Gabe put on for them, "HOOTY HOO!" He shouted, practically right in Jude's ear.

venus: Hands entangled in Maggie's hair, Gabe nearly fell backward as the girl was on top of him, lips locked. As she pulled back, his face was amused in bewilderment, considering he barely heard what the last dare was. "Happy birthday to me?" he mumbled, looking around like a puppy to the rest of the room. "That was... fun."

jude: "Shut your wretched little mouth, boy," Jude grit out like he was a medieval lord from Game of Thrones, jest clear in his tone before he clocked the make out across the circle. Lips pressed into a thin line as Teddy bellowed, Jude pushed his cheek away from his ear a little harder than necessary. "Oh. Sorry."

imogen: Imogen shook her head, "No need to get on your knees. My apologies. I shouldn't have been so hasty about the threesome" she replied, before her sight darted towards Magnolia and Gabe.

lana: Eyeing Gabe at the side of her like the human manifestation of a disgruntled moon emoji, Lana slurped rather obnoxiously from her cup, rattling the dwindling contents after to distract a niggling thought at the back of her brain. "Who's next! I'll go. I'm feeling spicy."

venus: Venus widened her eyes, flailing her legs as she straightened herself on the couch and nearly kicking Jude's face in the process. "Judas! Did you hear that? Immy wants a threesome!" She buried her hands in hair as if he was a new golden retriever. "God. Amazing."

teddy: "Ow! You fuckin' Thot. Was your first makeout not satisfactory enough?" Teddy whined, rubbing at his cheek like Jude had winded back and personally tried to hit Teddy as hard as he could.

blake: On a normal night, Blake would have likely been jealous, but only in a subtle way. However, tonight, he felt rather numb to most things and couldn't help but think the birthday boy was, in fact, deserving of a kiss. And he looked the part. Laughing softly, he raised one of the shot glasses. "To the birthday boy, you've been deflowered in front of us all."

magnolia: "Sorry for the ambush," she said with a small laugh, grabbing the cowboy hat that had fallen off her head and settling back into her position next to Blake, bringing her knees under her arms. "It's his birthday He deserves to be pretty."

blake: "He is pretty, I agree," Blake said, laughing softly as he nudged Magnolia. "Someone give Lana a truth or dare, she's weeping over there."

gabe: "Are you saying I'm not pretty on a normal basis?" Gabe replied in mock disgust. "These curls? Bounce naturally, for your information."

jude: "Who's Emmy?" Jude blinked in sheer confusion, only piecing together what she'd actually said moments later. "Oh, fuck. Oh... Fuck. What? What's... going on? He needs some milk..." he mumbled under his breath, faking a frantic massage at his own temples.

imogen: "Which is it Lana, truth or dare?" Imogen called out from the couch.

magnolia: "Lana I... Dare you to give a lap dance to the person of your choosing."

lana: Tossing back the last of her punch, Lana defiantly hopped up to her feet, going the extra mile of crushing up her cup and throwing it to the floor purely for the dramatics. "I feel like a great white shark looking for the fattest swimmer to chomp on. Kind of arousing, honestly," she stated coolly as she eyed the circle, eventually pausing in her slow stride around it once she reached Imogen. "You. You look kind of like a dusty little choir boy, I dig it," came as she slipped onto her lap without warning, thighs hitched up to delicately straddle her. Snatching up her hand, she ground her hips easily with the oncoming dips of bass, a brief kiss pressed against the tops of her knuckles before she boldly slipped a first finger into her mouth and sucked on it. Lips tweaking as she pulled her hand back with a pop, Lana leaned in and pressed a scarlet kiss to Imogen's forehead like a sinful baptism, rising up to her feet after a few more tortuous shifts. "Bone app the teet! She tasted kind of like beef jerky. 5/10, do not recommend."

chloe: "Oh my god, she said beef jerky," Chloe gasped, finding the whole thing unbelievably funny. "Who's next?"

venus: Venus raised her hand. "I've got a lying Pinocchio shooting straight out of my skirt, to say the least. Lana, please me, next!"

teddy: Chuckling as Lana sauntered over to Imogen, all humour vanished the moment Lana staddled Imogen, jaw dropping and red solo cup contorting in his tight grip the moment Lana slipped Imogen's finger into her mouth. "Christ. I have to go to church." He blurted out, placing the cup in between his legs and bursting into applause. "Phenom. An excellent show."

magnolia: "Oh my god," Maggie said in the slow drawl of the guy from the "and they were roommates" vine. She burst into laughter. "It's Jason Fucking Bourne! Look at her move. God I don't think anyone can top that."

blake: Blake was shocked by the turn of events, eyes wide as he watched with fake lack of interest. Staying silent as Blake had no desire to actually take a turn, he watched as Lana left with an insult. "Fuck... Man down," he mumbled under his breath.

lana: "Thank you," Lana nodded solemnly, imitating a small curtsy before she flopped back into the space besides Gabe once more. "I was thinking of Nigel the whole time. Thornberry, that is."

imogen: Sitting completely still, Imogen watched with amusement as Lana put on a show for her. "Fuck, there's no un-creepy way to receive a lap dance" she finally muttered, going along with the finger sucking and forehead kissing, bursting into a loud applause when she was finished.

teddy: "Nigel Thornberry? A hunk, to say the least." Teddy stated, sitting up slightly straighter and flashing Lana a thumbs up after she sat down. "Alright, sluts, my turn! Dare me."

gabe: Gabe clapped a thunder of applause. "Your best work, Jameson!" he called out. "Someone do a dare for me. I thought my face would be in a cake by now."

teddy: Taking the last gulp from his cup, Teddy threw the empty plastic at Gabe's head, pointing an accusing finger. "Wait your turn, cretin! We don't have to conform to society's ways because it's your birthday!"

lana: Letting out an unearthly shriek as the cup rebounded and landed on Lana's lap, she picked at it like you might a soggy piece of food while washing the dishes. "Abomination! Teddy is disqualified on grounds of treason."

teddy: "What?! No! You're all in cahoots! Gimme my cup back, I wanna toss it at someone else now."

magnolia: "Boo!" Magnolia shouted at Teddy, throwing one of her collection of red cups at the boy.

jude: "I," Jude started out of nowhere, having been stuck in silence for the past minute or so -- apparently he needed a moment to compose after witnessing Imogen's finger getting sucked. "I say... Gabe kisses someone. Some-ONES, actually. Plural. A threeway kiss."

imogen: "I didn't think college kids were all actually this horny, you guys know about the internet, right?" the brunette asked, sipping at the drink she was holding.

magnolia: "Blake, I'm terrified. Hold me. I feel as if I'm about to witness the Dan, Vanessa, Olivia threeway all over again," Maggie said nervously, chewing on one of her nails as she grasped at his hand dramatically.

jude: Jude whipped around to look at Imogen like she'd just harshly backhanded him. "Wow... tell us how you really feel, Imogen. Thottimus Prime. I want my friendship bracelet back."

gabe: "Let the games begin," he sighed, looking to his right. Lana was staring at him with big eyes, and he was too inebriated to make good judgement on the repercussions of what would happen if his lips met hers. Itching his way to kneel between Lana and Teddy, he pushed their heads together like a sandwich so their cheeks touched and inched towards the two of them. Meeting his mouth with Lana's, and then Teddy's, the three were in sync as if they were one entity as the rest of the room cheered them on.

blake: Blake was already drunk enough to give into any inhibitions, a laugh escaping him following Magnolia's words. Tugging her closer to him, he made a space for her between the arm of the couch and his lap, barely large enough to fit her but it worked in the moment. "Truth or dare is uncomfortable," he mumbled, vodka-scented breath brushing against the back of her neck.

imogen: "I'm just saying, if you want to kiss someone you should just kiss them- who needs a game to make a move" Imogen muttered towards Jude, before looking at the trio with a smile on her face. "Like Gabe."

lana: Expression painted like a kid on Christmas morning when Gabe glanced her way, Lana abandoned her absentminded fiddling with the crumpled cup on her lap completely. Fingers creeping up to hook inside the neckline of Gabe's shirt, she bundled the fabric up inside an earnest fist as she pressed a kiss to his lips, lingering there perhaps far longer than necessary before drawing back and only remembering last minute to give Teddy a quick one, too. Drawing back after, she thumbed at the corner of her lips with a sheepish smile. "Wrow! Spicy. I need a refill."

magnolia: "I'm terrified," she mumbled back, throwing her legs up over his lab and she scooted down into the small space on the couch. She normally wouldn't have been as brazen as this, but the shots were catching up with her. "Oh my god, I think she swallowed him! He's GAN!"

teddy: Bursting into laughter when Gabe smushed his face into Lana's, Teddy's laughter quickly died when he watched the two of them kiss. Jealousy beginning to eat at his stomach and turn it into a pit, Teddy barely reciprocated when both Gabe and Lana gave him a quick kiss after, awkwardly twiddling his thumbs. "Yeah, Maggie, we get it." He mumbled, standing up quickly. "Shots? I want shots. I need more alcohol. Someone come with me. Blake. Come with me."

blake: "Oh boy," was mumbled under Blake's breath, unsure if his legs would even work anymore. "I'll be... right back," he assured Maggie, lifting himself up from underneath her and following behind Teddy toward the drinks. "Teddy, it's just a game. Don't get worked up. Everyone's fucking...wasted." He almost started laughing, but thought better of it.

jude: "Hungy harna hingini dana squashed banana," Jude crooned out the infamous tree shaking Vine in an attempt to diffuse the tension, sucking on his joint quickly before he threw Teddy a concerned glance. Whipping out his phone, the most comforting thing he could think to do in a moment like this was send him a lone kissing emoji via text.

gabe: Watching Blake and Teddy slip away from the rest of them, Gabe peered over to Lana with a look of questioning. "Fuck. What?" he mouthed at her, nodding towards Teddy's back getting farther away from them.

jude: "Fuck!" he suddenly exclaimed, grasping at his chest. Quickly sending Teddy another text, he wrote: "bad choice. that was my lips on you. oh this sounds like a sext. sorry. love u" and locked his phone with a sigh.

lana: Eyeing Teddy as he hastily retreated, Lana shrank back against the sofa like a wilting flower. "God. Ground control to major Tom..." she trailed off into solemn silence, sheepishly trading a glance at Gabe before shrugging slightly. "I, um... don't know. It's fine," she lied with a soft nod, gnawing at her bottom lip after. "He probably just needs... a shit."

teddy: Pressing his lips together as Blake attempted to calm him down, Teddy scoffed, biting his lip and nodding. "Yeah. True. A real Enlarged Emotion there." He mumbled, opening up a vodka of tequila and moving to pour some into the new cup Maggie had given him before deciding the better of it and just taking a shot right from the bottle. "Jesus Christ," Teddy spat, checking his phone as it continued to vibrate again his leg before narrowing his eyes at his phone then up at Jude. "Thank you, Jude. Fucking weirdo." He called to the other from the kitchen.

gabe / venus: "Welp, the drama queen has gone to shit himself," Venus sighed, downing the rest of her wine. "Y'all were a thing, I take it?" She sat up properly. "Do me, next! I'll break the streak. Challenge me and my pathological lies."

chloe: Chloe winced at the palpable tension in the room and made eye contact with Lana from across the room, putting 2 and 2 together. Raising her eyebrows, she took another sip of her drink. "Yikes."

blake: "Ah man," Blake said, running his hands over his face as he clumsily poured himself another drink. Alcohol didn't mix well with his medication, making him rather uncoordinated. "Gabe is... not a threat to you and Lana, if that's what you're worried about. He's... they're not on the same like -- fuck... what was I even saying? Goddamn it."

lana: Placing a hand over her eyes like Lady Gaga pulling her hat down to evade the paparazzi, Lana sighed loudly enough to draw the attention of anyone within a five mile radius. "Listen. I'm a big, raging whore. Now let's move swiftly on."

magnolia: "Everybody please look away, there's nothing to see here," Maggie echoed, latching onto the celebrity bit, putting her cowboy hat on Lana's head. "No further comments, blease."

jude: Smiling to himself as if his work was done, Jude patted his phone as he slid it into his pocket, nodding soulfully before he sucked on his joint again. "Who's next? Oh, wait. Uh... Venus? You pick dare?"

venus: "Whatever, was gonna break the streak but I'd assume you'd find a loophole to get me to strip anyway," Venus yawned. "Dare. Hit me with your best."

teddy: "It's fine." Teddy said, sounding distinctly Not Fine. "It's cool. Sorry for dragging you away. Let's just..." Without saying anything else, Teddy swiftly moved back into the living room, plastering a giant smile onto his face as if that would convince everyone that he hadn't just had a toddler like temper tantrum. Sitting beside Jude, he plucked his friends joint out of his grasp and took a long pull, nudging him with his elbow. "Jude next time you hit me with an accidental sext can't you at least make it a bit more obvious?" He asked, giving the other a weary smile.

imogen: Finding a spot besides Teddy, Imogen rested her head on his shoulder, tucking her hand under his bicep. "If a thot's heart breaks and no ones around to hear it, then it doesn't really break or something helpful" she muttered to the other, in an effort to make Teddy feel somewhat comforted.

jude: Instantly narrowing her eyes after tugging her hands down, Lana flung her hand out in childish impulse, swatting at the edge of Imogen's thigh without thinking about it. "Oh! God... Um. Nasty... bug!" she added in a stammer, dusting at the area after before casually leaning back against Gabe's shoulder. "There was... a bug."

magnolia: "Wait, shit, is it the New Year yet?" Maggie asked to know one in particular.

teddy: Grinning at Imogen, Teddy rolled his eyes fondly as she jokingly tried to make him feel better, leaning over and kissing her on the top of her head. "Me? Heartbroken? Never. You've got me confused with an emotional thot, Immy!" Teddy proclaimed. Glancing over when Lana smacked at Imogen's thigh, he raised a questioning eyebrow at her excuse, "Really? I didn't see anything. Did you?" He mumbled bluntly, turning back to Imogen.

gabe: "There's a bug on me now," Gabe whispered at Lana, who was already leaning on him again. "Yes! My balls are dropping. I'm 21 now, after all. Time to count down, everyone!"

lana: "It was a beetle, if you must know. A muscly one with a dimple chin like John Travolta," Lana mumbled halfheartedly, eyebrows knitting slightly before she straightened in her place at the arrival of the countdown, throwing Gabe's hand mid air like an Olympic victor. "He's finally a man!"

imogen: Spitefully glaring over at Lana, Imogen waited for the countdown before leaning closer towards Teddy's lips, her hand resting on the side of his face as she pulled him in for a lingering kiss. Pulling away she gave the boy a playful smirk as her hand continued to caress his face. "New Years resolution is going to be to ask for permission before I kiss people, sorry"

venus: "THE BALL IS DROPPING!" Venus pulled Jude in for another kiss as the countdown went to zero on the television. Pulling away, her jaw dropped at the sight of Teddy and Imogen as she took in the sheer chaos of it all. "We've just been nuked, folks!"

jude: Dramatically pulling her over his lap like he was bowing her mid ballroom waltz, Jude cradled her head afterwards like you might a newborn baby, pad of his index crossing down her forehead like a holy blessing after. "Holy father, hallowed by thy name... Please exorcise the demons from this thot."

teddy: Blinking in confusion at Lana's description of the so called beetle on Imogen's leg, Teddy didn't even have a moment to realize Imogen was going to kiss him until the very moment it happened. Hardly thinking twice about it, he kissed Imogen back, grin on his face when she pulled back. "No one actually follows resolution's anyway." He pointed out, laughing slightly at the scenario, before leaning in and pressing another, more chaste kiss to her lips. "HAPPY NEW YEARS THOTS!"

venus: "Well, considering all the tension in the room right now," Venus offered. "How about we ring in 2018 with a Wet Hot American Orgy? Then no one's angry with each other!"

lana: Jaw hanging open all the way down to her knees, Lana straightened to press a quick kiss against Gabe's cheek for the sake of leaving him a parting birthday wish, quickly mumbled "Catch you later!" in his ear seeing her straighten to her feet after and storm off without a glance Teddy's way.

imogen: Imogen pushed herself off the couch and brushed off her pants, speaking a quick "Happy New Years. No Ragrets" to her peers before waltzing toward the door and exiting the party house.

[yuniesan]

Girl Meets Season 5 - Episode 14 - Girl Meets Childhood Memories

Synopsis: What can you expect when you’re finishing high school? For Riley her entire world will turn upside down and picking up the pieces will bring her and her friends closer together.

[Previous Episodes]

Episode 14 - Girl Meets Childhood Memories

It was the night before they left for their vacation and everyone was sleeping over at the Matthews house. The guys were all going to sleep in the living room, while the girls slept in Riley’s room. They were going to spend New Year’s at a ski resort, although not the same one from freshman year, because her mother told them no to that.

“So what should we do until we all fall asleep, because it’s still early right now,” Maya said as she sat down on the bay window. Josh sitting next to her while Riley sat on the other side with Lucas at her feet, his head on her lap while she ran her fingers through his hair.

“Oh I know,” Zay said standing up. “What about we each say what was our most embarrassing childhood memory, or better yet have someone else pick it for us.”

“Zay how would that work if the only person you’ve known from childhood is me,” Lucas said before he smiled. “Wait I take it back I want to tell you about Zay’s most embarrassing childhood moment.”

“Why did I have to open my big mouth,” Zay said before face planting onto Riley’s bed making her laugh.

“Okay so when Zay was six, his grandmother baked a batch of cookies for the annual fair that happens in town. She was going to sell them,” Lucas started.

“Oh is this why he only gets one cookie,” Riley said smiling down at Lucas.

“It’s a part of the reason,” Zay said interrupting them.

“No, it’s one hundred percent the reason, you see Zay over here loves his grandmother’s cookies so much that he gorged himself on them, and when I say gorged he dipped them in milk and ate fifty out of one of the boxes, and then promptly began to throw up on all of the other batches of cookies. His grandmother was livid and they had to take him to the hospital because he accidentally poured an entire bottle of vanilla extract into his milk but he had thought that the cookies were the reason for all of the flavor and kept eating them. They had to pump his stomach because he had eaten so much.”

“I thought I would hate the cookies after that but grandma made me another batch a few weeks later and started the one cookie tradition soon after that,” Zay said smiling. “I love my grandmother very very much.”

“We know, and we’re glad you have her in your life,” Riley said smiling. “Oh can I be next?”

“Go ahead, but who are you going to talk about?” Josh said but the smile on Riley’s face made him want to get up and leave.

“I actually have a story about the first time Maya and Josh met,” she said bouncing up and down.

“No,” Maya said looking at her.

“Yes,” Riley said before looking at everyone else. “The reason they both hate this story is because they had wanted to forget, but I remember it like it was yesterday, because Josh had been visiting while my grandparents went on a second honeymoon. Maya had been curious about what it meant, only to force Josh to marry her right then and there and reenact the honeymoon. Josh was ten at the time and Maya had just turned eight.”

“I remember this,” Farkle said from across the room. “I was in the park when the two of them were walking around hand in hand.”

“Yeah, except when we got home she had made him carry her over the threshold and Josh tripped making Maya fly into the cake my mom had just finished making.”

“Okay that’s enough,” Maya said trying to stop her from going on.

“And when Maya got up she asked Josh if he wanted to share some of the cake, and he said yes thinking she was going to hand him the plate, and she rubbed her face on him instead.”

“End of story,” Maya said looking at her with a death glare.

“Fine you party pooper,” Riley said pouting.

“You want to play it like that,” Maya said looking at Riley. “Fine, let me tell you guys about the first time Riley got her period.”

“Maya,” Riley yelled. “That’s private.”

“Doesn’t matter, it’s about the most embarrassing memory,” she said looking at Riley and daring her to say anything else about the day Maya and Josh had played a married couple.

“I want to know,” Smackle said interested in what was happening.

“Of course Smackle wants to know,” Riley said throwing her hands in the air.

“I’ll tell you,” Maya said a smile on her face telling Riley that the story was going to happen regardless of what she said.

“Fine Maya but remember, I’ll get you,” Riley said as attempted to threaten as best she could.

“I’ll be waiting,” Maya said before turning to the rest of the group. “So it was a month before the end of sixth grade, and Riley is at home hiding in the closet, she didn’t know what was happening and so she kept changing her clothes in an attempt to hide it because she hoped it would go away… she thought it was a cut.”

“Please Maya stop,” Riley said but Maya continued.

“Her mother comes into the room as I climb in through the bay window, asking why Riley has so much laundry in the basket when her clothes had just been washed and when her mother notices what’s going on she has to pull Riley out of the closet to explain it all… but the most embarrassing part isn’t hers but her father’s, you see once Matthews found out he tripped going down the stairs just to get her those tween pads they sell at the store and had to get like four stitches on his forehead because he freaked out that she was becoming a woman, but he also wanted to make sure that she was taken care of.”

“He had a concussion from that fall,” Riley said remembering it like it had just happened. “I got chocolate and ice cream after I freaked out from him falling, but he had to stay in the hospital that night and I had been so scared that I had killed him that I stayed with him.”

“That man is not cut out to have children,” Farkle said hiding a laugh. “At least not girls because he’s not this bad with Auggie.”

“That’s because once they have a second child families tend to be more centered,” Smackle says.

“Anyone else want to share something embarrassing?” Riley said looking at her friends.

“I have one, but it’s not embarrassing as it is about me saying thank you,” Zay said looking at his friends. “Thank you all for being my friends.”

“Aww,” Maya and Riley say at the same time.

“Wait I want to hear about Lucas as a kid,” Farkle said looking at them. “He’s too perfect I want something that will change that.”

“Farkle I’m not perfect and you know it,” Lucas said while Riley ran her fingers through his scalp.

“Yeah, don’t lie to us,” Smackle said looking him in the eye.

“Fine, okay the first time I rode a horse, it jumped and I landed in a pile of horse poop,” Lucas said trying to deflect.

“Oh I remember that, it was the day your Pappy Joe wanted to take us out for ice cream, except you landed in the poop, and broke your leg,” Zay said looking at him. “It was funny to me, but Pappy Joe was talking about something that day.”

“Yeah he was telling me about how important it was that I learn to control my temper,” Lucas said with a sad look on his face. “It didn’t stick very well now did it.”

“No,” Zay said looking sad. “We kind of let him down after that.”

“Maybe we can go for a visit,” Riley said smiling.

“I don’t know Riley the last time we went down to Texas,” Farkle started but Riley put her hand up to stop him.

“Texas can’t be a bad memory anymore, we have to make it a good memory too,” she said looking at her friends.

They all nodded, even Smackle, Cassie and Josh who didn’t really know everything that Texas stood for when it came to Riley and Lucas. She wanted to change those memories for them all, and make some new ones as well.

Later that night when everyone was asleep Riley snuck into the kitchen so get some water only to wake Lucas. He walked over to her smiling and gave her a hug.

“You don’t have to go to Texas if it makes you uncomfortable,” he said to her.

“It’s not… well it’s not uncomfortable anymore, and I want to see Pappy Joe again, maybe get to know him a little better,” she said to him giving him a quick kiss on the lips. “Maybe some happy memories with our friends is all we need.”

“Well let’s make some happy memories this weekend as well,” he said smiling.

“Walking in the snow together drinking hot cider,” she said smiling. “Making a snow man, and sledding down a hill.”

“All I need is you there,” he said smiling.

“That’s perfect.”

[deadlykittenkaywriting]

Cupcakes

written for @thebunkerofletters​ inktober challenge

PROMPT: Children RATING: Teen and up PAIRING/SHIP: Dean/Castiel - Destiel WARNINGS: Teacher Dean, Baker Castiel, Fluff, implied a/b/o dynamics, Omega Dean, Alpha Cas, mentions of miscarriages WORD COUNT: 1,366 SUMMARY:  A tradition that two friends started to engage the third graders of Dean's class turns into a new sort of tradition for them. Link:  Read below or Also on Ao3

November 2007

“Mr. Cas! Mr. Cas!” The children all chant excitedly as Castiel enters the third-grade class, arms full of nondescript white boxes. Behind him, Sam Winchester pushes a cart full of bags and tiny milk cartons.

“Alright gang, settle down!” Dean calls over the excited voices of his eight-year-old charges.  “Seats, please!”

As the children hurry to their assigned seats, he begins to set up the craft tables as Castiel places the boxes onto Dean's desk.

Castiel moves to help Dean cover the table with a protective cloth and smiles shyly when their hands touch. Once the table is ready, Dean and Cas work together as Sam tells a story to the children, keeping them occupied for the moment.

“Thanks for doing this, Cas,” Dean says softly as they each place a box on the table and begin to empty its contents.

Castiel shrugs. “It's not a problem, Dean. In fact, this is a tradition I rather like.”

“You'd make a great dad someday,” Dean says out of the blue, feeling his own face burn up.

Castiel freezes his motion of lifting the lid of the box and looks over at Dean before laughing. “We've had this discussion, Dean. For that to happen I would need to mate with someone and I'm not interested in anyone in that way.” It's a bold face lie, but one he will maintain until the day he dies.

Dean tries to swallow down the disappointment at Castiel's words and begins to unbox the fluffy cupcakes. The smell reminiscent of apple pie, but he knows that's not possible as they're made from a dense cake. Castiel had clearly outdone himself this year as each box could comfortably hold twenty-four of the confectionery treats and Castiel had brought three boxes.

“The third box if for you,” Castiel says simply when Dean points this out.

Dean moves away from the table, rescuing his brother from the onslaught of questions and allowing the younger man to help Castiel finish setting up.

“Alright gang,” Dean starts getting everyone's attention. “Today is our harvest party and with you guys leaving for the Thanksgiving holiday, I wanted to do something special for our art time.”

The kids chatter excitedly about this announcement and dart their attention from Dean to where Castiel and Sam now stand.

“Today for art, with the help of Heavenly Confections, we are going to decorate our own Harvest cupcakes.”

The kids cheer and Dean can't help but laugh at their enthusiasm. He can see the sad face of Hannah Wilson and he knows why. He looked over at Castiel who nods and makes his way to Hannah.

Dean deters the stares of her classmates by having them stand around the table to get their cupcake and choose their frosting, all the while watching Castiel.

Castiel makes his way to where little Hannah sits, frowning at her desk as her big blue eyes fill with tears. Dean had warned him that there was a child in his class this year who had a gluten allergy and her parents, Anna and Michael Wilson, had offered to keep her out today so that she wouldn't feel left out.

“Hi, Hannah,” Castiel say gently, squatting down to her level.

“Hi, Mister Cas,” she says sullenly, not looking at him.

“So Mister Dean told me that you need to have a special cupcake or you'll get sick. Is that right?” Dean hears Castiel ask and tries not to snort at Castiel's blunt nature with the child.

Hannah nods. “But no one ever remembers so I can never have one.”

Castiel reaches over and gently wipes away the tear that falls from her eye. “What if I let you in on a secret?”

Hannah looks at him expectantly, her eyes wider and wet.  

“Mister Dean has a food allergy too. One that many people would even think he had.”

“He does?” she tries to whisper back to Castiel, who nods.

“You know how when you eat gluten you get sick?” She nods again. “Mister Dean gets sick when he drinks milk.”

Hannah scrunches up her nose. “But I've seen him drink coffee. Momma always puts milk in Daddy's coffee.”

Castiel nods. “That's very possible but when you are lactose intolerant like Mister Dean, you use nondairy creamer. Otherwise, he would be sick.”

Hannah looks over at Dean watching him as he laughs with his brother and helps a student get their desired frosting on their own cupcake. “Oh,” she breathes out as if she just realized something. “That's why he never drinks milk with us!”

Castiel nods again. “Exactly. And those apple spice cupcakes,” he points to the table and waits for the expected reaction from the little girl who looked at him in wonder. “They are all gluten free which means you can have more than one.”

Dean looked over to see the wide smile on little Hannah's face before she launches herself onto Castiel. His heart swells when the man holds her to him and stands up, carrying the child to the table that her classmates are standing at.

Hannah gives him a kiss on the cheek as Castiel sets her down and let's go. “Thank you, Mister Cas.”

Castiel smiles warmly at her and tucks a stray strand of hair behind her ear. “My pleasure.”

Dean takes that moment to take a peek into the box that Castiel said was for him to find two pies and note. He smiles fondly at the pies, knowing that Castiel made those with him in mind if the Chevy cross cutout was any indication. He takes the note and reads the words written in Castiel elegant script.

His eyes dart over to Cas whose laughing as a student gets frosting on his beautiful face. Dean looks back at the note. Simple words, thanking him in the spirit of Thanksgiving for being his friend, the best friend he has and asking him if he'd be willing to see if there was more to them.

November 2017

“Mister Cas!” the students greet, all excited to see him, knowing that in the box holds the long anticipated and annual decorate your own cupcakes. Dean was so happy that he let Castiel and his cousin Gabe talk him into doing this every year. This year would be the first year that they not only did it for Autumn, but they would do it for Winter (Christmas), Spring (Easter) and Summer.

Castiel and Dean start the routine of setting up the tables while Sam reads to the kids to keep them busy. Now when they smooth out the protective cover and their hands brush, Dean's hand lingers over that of his husband's. Shy smiles are still given to each other, even after nine years of marriage.

Castiel goes to step away but stops when skinny little arms wrap around his waist. He looks down to see golden blonde curls. He smooths a hand over them, making the owner looks up at him with blue eyes like his own.

“Hey sweetheart,” he says softly.

“Hi, Daddy,” she says in a voice just as quiet as his.

“Did Mr. Kevin let you come visit?” Castiel asks, looking over at Dean who nods.

“Yeah. I have to bring him a cupcake though,” she says.

Castiel laughs and picks her up, placing the seven-year-old on his hip. “I think we can manage that.”

Dean comes close, waving the others over to grab their own cupcake to start decorating and Castiel can feel the warmth of Dean's hand on his lower back. He watches as Dean places a kiss on their daughter's head before returning his attention.

Castiel places a kiss onto his daughter's forehead and smiles. They went through hell to have Claire. Many times Dean thought he had failed his Alpha because of the miscarriages. And when Claire came early, it took every ounce of strength Castiel didn't know he had to take care of his Omega and his pup. But here they were, seven years later, laughing and decorating cupcakes as per their tradition.

And all because the elementary teacher walked into the bakery complaining that he needed a new way to engage his kids...

[readbookywooks]

14. I remain at the window long after the woods have swallowed up the last glimpse of my home. This time I don't have even the slightest hope of return. Before my first Games, I promised Prim I would do everything I could to win, and now I've sworn to myself to do all I can to keep Peeta alive. I will never reverse this journey again. I'd actually figured out what I wanted my last words to my loved ones to be. How best to close and lock the doors and leave them sad but safely behind. And now the Capitol has stolen that as well. "We'll write letters, Katniss," says Peeta from behind me. "It will be better, anyway. Give them a piece of us to hold on to. Haymitch will deliver them for us if ... they need to be delivered." I nod and go straight to my room. I sit on the bed, knowing I will never write those letters. They will be like the speech I tried to write to honor Rue and Thresh in District 11. Things seemed clear in my head and even when I talked before the crowd, but the words never came out of the pen right. Besides, they were meant to go with embraces and kisses and a stroke of Prim's hair, a caress of Gale's face, a squeeze of Madge's hand. They cannot be delivered with a wooden box containing my cold, stiff body. Too heartsick to cry, all I want is to curl up on the bed and sleep until we arrive in the Capitol tomorrow morning. But I have a mission. No, it's more than a mission. It's my dying wish. Keep Peeta alive. And as unlikely as it seems that I can achieve it in the face of the Capitol's anger, it's important that I be at the top of my game. This won't happen if I'm mourning for everyone I love back home. Let them go, I tell myself. Say good-bye and forget them. I do my best, thinking of them one by one, releasing them like birds from the protective cages inside me, locking the doors against their return. By the time Effie knocks on my door to call me to dinner, I'm empty. But the lightness isn't entirely unwelcome. The meal's subdued. So subdued, in fact, that there are long periods of silence relieved only by the removal of old dishes and presentation of new ones. A cold soup of pureed vegetables. Fish cakes with creamy lime paste. Those little birds filled with orange sauce, with wild rice and watercress. Chocolate custard dotted with cherries. Peeta and Effie make occasional attempts at conversation that quickly die out. "I love your new hair, Effie," Peeta says. "Thank you. I had it especially done to match Katniss's pin. I was thinking we might get you a golden ankle band and maybe find Haymitch a gold bracelet or something so we could all look like a team," says Effie. Evidently, Effie doesn't know that my mockingjay pin is now a symbol used by the rebels. At least in District 8. In the Capitol, the mockingjay is still a fun reminder of an especially exciting Hunger Games. What else could it be? Real rebels don't put a secret symbol on something as durable as jewelry. They put it on a wafer of bread that can be eaten in a second if necessary. "I think that's a great idea," says Peeta. "How about it, Haymitch?" "Yeah, whatever," says Haymitch. He's not drinking but I can tell he'd like to be. Effie had them take her own wine away when she saw the effort he was making, but he's in a miserable state. If he were the tribute, he would have owed Peeta nothing and could be as drunk as he liked. Now it's going to take all he's got to keep Peeta alive in an arena full of his old friends, and he'll probably fail. "Maybe we could get you a wig, too," I say in an attempt at lightness. He just shoots me a look that says to leave him alone, and we all eat our custard in silence. "Shall we watch the recap of the reapings?" says Effie, dabbing at the corners of her mouth with a white linen napkin. Peeta goes off to retrieve his notebook on the remaining living victors, and we gather in the compartment with the television to see who our competition will be in the arena. We are all in place as the anthem begins to play and the annual recap of the reaping ceremonies in the twelve districts begins. In the history of the Games, there have been seventy-five victors. Fifty-nine are still alive. I recognize many of their faces, either from seeing them as tributes or mentors at previous Games or from our recent viewing of the victors' tapes. Some are so old or wasted by illness, drugs, or drink that I can't place them. As one would expect, the pools of Career tributes from Districts 1, 2, and 4 are the largest. But every district has managed to scrape up at least one female and one male victor. The reapings go by quickly. Peeta studiously puts stars by the names of the chosen tributes in his notebook. Haymitch watches, his face devoid of emotion, as friends of his step up to take the stage. Effie makes hushed, distressed comments like "Oh, not Cecelia" or "Well, Chaff never could stay out of a fight," and sighs frequently. For my part, I try to make some mental record of the other tributes, but like last year, only a few really stick in my head. There's the classically beautiful brother and sister from District 1 who were victors in consecutive years when I was little. Brutus, a volunteer from District 2, who must be at least forty and apparently can't wait to get back in the arena. Finnick, the handsome bronze-haired guy from District 4 who was crowned ten years ago at the age of fourteen. A hysterical young woman with flowing brown hair is also called from 4, but she's quickly replaced by a volunteer, an eighty-year-old woman who needs a cane to walk to the stage. Then there's Johanna Mason, the only living female victor from 7, who won a few years back by pretending she was a weakling. The woman from 8 who Effie calls Cecelia, who looks about thirty, has to detach herself from the three kids who run up to cling to her. Chaff, a man from 11 who I know to be one of Haymitch's particular friends, is also in. I'm called. Then Haymitch. And Peeta volunteers. One of the announcers actually gets teary because it seems the odds will never be in our favor, we star-crossed lovers of District 12. Then she pulls herself together to say she bets that "these will be the best Games ever!" Haymitch leaves the compartment without a word, and Effie, after making a few unconnected comments about this tribute or that, bids us good night. I just sit there watching Peeta rip out the pages of the victors who were not picked. "Why don't you get some sleep?" he says. Because I can't handle the nightmares. Not without you, I think. They are sure to be dreadful tonight. But I can hardly ask Peeta to come sleep with me. We've barely touched since that night Gale was whipped. "What are you going to do?" I ask. "Just review my notes awhile. Get a clear picture of what we're up against. But I'll go over it with you in the morning. Go to bed, Katniss," he says. So I go to bed and, sure enough, within a few hours I awake from a nightmare where that old woman from District 4 transforms into a large rodent and gnaws on my face. I know I was screaming, but no one comes. Not Peeta, not even one of the Capitol attendants. I pull on a robe to try to calm the gooseflesh crawling over my body. Staying in my compartment is impossible, so I decide to go find someone to make me tea or hot chocolate or anything. Maybe Haymitch is still up. Surely he isn't asleep. I order warm milk, the most calming thing I can think of, from an attendant. Hearing voices from the television room, I go in and find Peeta. Beside him on the couch is the box Effie sent of tapes of the old Hunger Games. I recognize the episode in which Brutus became victor. Peeta rises and flips off the tape when he sees me. "Couldn't sleep?" "Not for long," I say. I pull the robe more securely around me as I remember the old woman transforming into the rodent. "Want to talk about it?" he asks. Sometimes that can help, but I just shake my head, feeling weak that people I haven't even fought yet already haunt me. When Peeta holds out his arms, I walk straight into them. It's the first time since they announced the Quarter Quell that he's offered me any sort of affection. He's been more like a very demanding trainer, always pushing, always insisting Haymitch and I run faster, eat more, know our enemy better. Lover? Forget about that. He abandoned any pretense of even being my friend. I wrap my arms tightly around his neck before he can order me to do push-ups or something. Instead he pulls me in close and buries his face in my hair. Warmth radiates from the spot where his lips just touch my neck, slowly spreading through the rest of me. It feels so good, so impossibly good, that I know I will not be the first to let go. And why should I? I have said good-bye to Gale. I'll never see him again, that's for certain. Nothing I do now can hurt him. He won't see it or he'll think I am acting for the cameras. That, at least, is one weight off my shoulders. The arrival of the Capitol attendant with the warm milk is what breaks us apart. He sets a tray with a steaming ceramic jug and two mugs on a table. "I brought an extra cup," he says. "Thanks," I say. "And I added a touch of honey to the milk. For sweetness. And just a pinch of spice," he adds. He looks at us like he wants to say more, then gives his head a slight shake and backs out of the room. "What's with him?" I say. "I think he feels bad for us," says Peeta. "Right," I say, pouring the milk. "I mean it. I don't think the people in the Capitol are going to be all that happy about our going back in," says Peeta. "Or the other victors. They get attached to their champions." "I'm guessing they'll get over it once the blood starts flowing," I say flatly. Really, if there's one thing I don't have time for, it's worrying about how the Quarter Quell will affect the mood in the Capitol. "So, you're watching all the tapes again?" "Not really. Just sort of skipping around to see people's different fighting techniques," says Peeta. "Who's next?" I ask. "You pick," says Peeta, holding out the box. The tapes are marked with the year of the Games and the name of the victor. I dig around and suddenly find one in my hand that we have not watched. The year of the Games is fifty. That would make it the second Quarter Quell. And the name of the victor is Haymitch Abernathy. "We never watched this one," I say. Peeta shakes his head. "No. I knew Haymitch didn't want to. The same way we didn't want to relive our own Games. And since we're all on the same team, I didn't think it mattered much." "Is the person who won in twenty-five in here?" I ask. "I don't think so. Whoever it was must be dead by now, and Effie only sent me victors we might have to face." Peeta weighs Haymitch's tape in his hand. "Why? You think we ought to watch it?" "It's the only Quell we have. We might pick up something valuable about how they work," I say. But I feel weird. It seems like some major invasion of Haymitch's privacy. I don't know why it should, since the whole thing was public. But it does. I have to admit I'm also extremely curious. "We don't have to tell Haymitch we saw it." "Okay," Peeta agrees. He puts in the tape and I curl up next to him on the couch with my milk, which is really delicious with the honey and spices, and lose myself in the Fiftieth Hunger Games. After the anthem, they show President Snow drawing the envelope for the second Quarter Quell. He looks younger but just as repellent. He reads from the square of paper in the same onerous voice he used for ours, informing Panem that in honor of the Quarter Quell, there will be twice the number of tributes. The editors smash cut right into the reapings, where name after name after name is called. By the time we get to District 12, I'm completely overwhelmed by the sheer number of kids going to certain death. There's a woman, not Effie, calling the names in 12, but she still begins with "Ladies first!" She calls out the name of a girl who's from the Seam, you can tell by the look of her, and then I hear the name "Maysilee Donner." "Oh!" I say. "She was my mother's friend." The camera finds her in the crowd, clinging to two other girls. All blond. All definitely merchants' kids. "I think that's your mother hugging her," says Peeta quietly. And he's right. As Maysilee Donner bravely disengages herself and heads for the stage, I catch a glimpse of my mother at my age, and no one has exaggerated her beauty. Holding her hand and weeping is another girl who looks just like Maysilee. But a lot like someone else I know, too. "Madge," I say. "That's her mother. She and Maysilee were twins or something," Peeta says. "My dad mentioned it once." I think of Madge's mother. Mayor Undersee's wife. Who spends half her life in bed immobilized with terrible pain, shutting out the world. I think of how I never realized that she and my mother shared this connection. Of Madge showing up in that snowstorm to bring the painkiller for Gale. Of my mockingjay pin and how it means something completely different now that I know that its former owner was Madge's aunt, Maysilee Donner, a tribute who was murdered in the arena. Haymitch's name is called last of all. It's more of a shock to see him than my mother. Young. Strong. Hard to admit, but he was something of a looker. His hair dark and curly, those gray Seam eyes bright and, even then, dangerous. "Oh. Peeta, you don't think he killed Maysilee, do you?" I burst out. I don't know why, but I can't stand the thought. "With forty-eight players? I'd say the odds are against it," says Peeta. The chariot rides - in which the District 12 kids are dressed in awful coal miners' outfits - and the interviews flash by. There's little time to focus on anyone. But since Haymitch is going to be the victor, we get to see one full exchange between him and Caesar Flickerman, who looks exactly as he always does in his twinkling midnight blue suit. Only his dark green hair, eyelids, and lips are different. "So, Haymitch, what do you think of the Games having one hundred percent more competitors than usual?" asks Caesar. Haymitch shrugs. "I don't see that it makes much difference. They'll still be one hundred percent as stupid as usual, so I figure my odds will be roughly the same." The audience bursts out laughing and Haymitch gives them a half smile. Snarky. Arrogant. Indifferent. "He didn't have to reach far for that, did he?" I say. Now it's the morning the Games begin. We watch from the point of view of one of the tributes as she rises up through the tube from the Launch Room and into the arena. I can't help but give a slight gasp. Disbelief is reflected on the faces of the players. Even Haymitch's eyebrows lift in pleasure, although they almost immediately knit themselves back into a scowl. It's the most breathtaking place imaginable. The golden Cornucopia sits in the middle of a green meadow with patches of gorgeous flowers. The sky is azure blue with puffy white clouds. Bright songbirds flutter overhead. By the way some of the tributes are sniffing, it must smell fantastic. An aerial shot shows that the meadow stretches for miles. Far in the distance, in one direction, there seems to be a woods, in the other, a snowcapped mountain. The beauty disorients many of the players, because when the gong sounds, most of them seem like they're trying to wake from a dream. Not Haymitch, though. He's at the Cornucopia, armed with weapons and a backpack of choice supplies. He heads for the woods before most of the others have stepped off their plates. Eighteen tributes are killed in the bloodbath that first day. Others begin to die off and it becomes clear that almost everything in this pretty place - the luscious fruit dangling from the bushes, the water in the crystalline streams, even the scent of the flowers when inhaled too directly - is deadly poisonous. Only the rainwater and the food provided at the Cornucopia are safe to consume. There's also a large, well-stocked Career pack of ten tributes scouring the mountain area for victims. Haymitch has his own troubles over in the woods, where the fluffy golden squirrels turn out to be carnivorous and attack in packs, and the butterfly stings bring agony if not death. But he persists in moving forward, always keeping the distant mountain at his back. Maysilee Donner turns out to be pretty resourceful herself, for a girl who leaves the Cornucopia with only a small backpack. Inside she finds a bowl, some dried beef, and a blowgun with two dozen darts. Making use of the readily available poisons, she soon turns the blowgun into a deadly weapon by dipping the darts in lethal substances and directing them into her opponents' flesh. Four days in, the picturesque mountain erupts in a volcano that wipes out another dozen players, including all but five of the Career pack. With the mountain spewing liquid fire, and the meadow offering no means of concealment, the remaining thirteen tributes - including Haymitch and Maysilee - have no choice but to confine themselves to the woods. Haymitch seems bent on continuing in the same direction, away from the now volcanic mountain, but a maze of tightly woven hedges forces him to circle back into the center of the woods, where he encounters three of the Careers and pulls his knife. They may be much bigger and stronger, but Haymitch has remarkable speed and has killed two when the third disarms him. That Career is about to slit his throat when a dart drops him to the ground. Maysilee Donner steps out of the woods. "We'd live longer with two of us." "Guess you just proved that," says Haymitch, rubbing his neck. "Allies?" Maysilee nods. And there they are, instantly drawn into one of those pacts you'd be hard-pressed to break if you ever expect to go home and face your district. Just like Peeta and me, they do better together. Get more rest, work out a system to salvage more rainwater, fight as a team, and share the food from the dead tributes' packs. But Haymitch is still determined to keep moving on. "Why?" Maysilee keeps asking, and he ignores her until she refuses to move any farther without an answer. "Because it has to end somewhere, right?" says Haymitch. "The arena can't go on forever." "What do you expect to find?" Maysilee asks. "I don't know. But maybe there's something we can use," he says. When they finally do make it through that impossible hedge, using a blowtorch from one of the dead Careers' packs, they find themselves on flat, dry earth that leads to a cliff. Far below, you can see jagged rocks. "That's all there is, Haymitch. Let's go back," says Maysilee. "No, I'm staying here," he says. "All right. There's only five of us left. May as well say good-bye now, anyway," she says. "I don't want it to come down to you and me." "Okay," he agrees. That's all. He doesn't offer to shake her hand or even look at her. And she walks away. Haymitch skirts along the edge of the cliff as if trying to figure something out. His foot dislodges a pebble and it falls into the abyss, apparently gone forever. But a minute later, as he sits to rest, the pebble shoots back up beside him. Haymitch stares at it, puzzled, and then his face takes on a strange intensity. He lobs a rock the size of his fist over the cliff and waits. When it flies back out and right into his hand, he starts laughing. That's when we hear Maysilee begin to scream. The alliance is over and she broke it off, so no one could blame him for ignoring her. But Haymitch runs for her, anyway. He arrives only in time to watch the last of a flock of candy pink birds, equipped with long, thin beaks, skewer her through the neck. He holds her hand while she dies, and all I can think of is Rue and how I was too late to save her, too. Later that day, another tribute is killed in combat and a third gets eaten by a pack of those fluffy squirrels, leaving Haymitch and a girl from District 1 to vie for the crown. She's bigger than he is and just as fast, and when the inevitable fight comes, it's bloody and awful and both have received what could well be fatal wounds, when Haymitch is finally disarmed. He staggers through the beautiful woods, holding his intestines in, while she stumbles after him, carrying the ax that should deliver his deathblow. Haymitch makes a beeline for his cliff and has just reached the edge when she throws the ax. He collapses on the ground and it flies into the abyss. Now weaponless as well, the girl just stands there, trying to staunch the flow of blood pouring from her empty eye socket. She's thinking perhaps that she can outlast Haymitch, who's starting to convulse on the ground. But what she doesn't know, and what he does, is that the ax will return. And when it flies back over the ledge, it buries itself in her head. The cannon sounds, her body is removed, and the trumpets blow to announce Haymitch's victory. Peeta clicks off the tape and we sit there in silence for a while. Finally Peeta says, "That force field at the bottom of the cliff, it was like the one on the roof of the Training Center. The one that throws you back if you try to jump off and commit suicide. Haymitch found a way to turn it into a weapon." "Not just against the other tributes, but the Capitol, too," I say. "You know they didn't expect that to happen. It wasn't meant to be part of the arena. They never planned on anyone using it as a weapon. It made them look stupid that he figured it out. I bet they had a good time trying to spin that one. Bet that's why I don't remember seeing it on television. It's almost as bad as us and the berries!" I can't help laughing, really laughing, for the first time in months. Peeta just shakes his head like I've lost my mind - and maybe I have, a little. "Almost, but not quite," says Haymitch from behind us. I whip around, afraid he's going to be angry over us watching his tape, but he just smirks and takes a swig from a bottle of wine. So much for sobriety. I guess I should be upset he's drinking again, but I'm preoccupied with another feeling. I've spent all these weeks getting to know who my competitors are, without even thinking about who my teammates are. Now a new kind of confidence is lighting up inside of me, because I think I finally know who Haymitch is. And I'm beginning to know who I am. And surely, two people who have caused the Capitol so much trouble can think of a way to get Peeta home alive.