#off topic when will i actually draw a detailed background? never thats when

[decepticannibal]

My lockprowl kid Stalk with @sug4r-melon s kid Shrike :33 as usual for my ocs, theyre hanging out on top of a building and being annoying together

[argumentl]

The Freedom of Expression Ep 21 - Gone with the Wind's relation to BLM.

K: Ok, this is Dir en grey's Kaoru, starting this episode of The Freedom of Expression. Joe san, Tasai san. Welcome. Well, um..you know, Dir en grey...we've cancelled our Pia Arena concerts.

J: Ahh, thats right.

K: Its a bit...

T: Its a shame.

K: Well..it is a shame..it was kind of a build up of different things. We did search for ways which we could make it happen. We went to the venue in person, and tried to come up with ideas about how it could work, incuding our staff in the discussion, but...in the end it was quite difficult.

J: Ahh, really?

K: I had thought if we started to be a bit active things might begin to change. I really wanted to get moving, but...well..there would be people who wouldn't be able to go...

J: Well, yes.

K: So when we thought about whether we should do it...hmm..yeh.

J: Well, we want to let everyone know that you went as far as going to the venue to try to figure out what to do, and it does not mean that the band will disappear..

K: Yes

J: And in this sense, its a matter of waiting for the right time.

K: Yeah.

J: Right?

K: When will that be though, right?

J: Ah, well, the number of infections in Tokyo is in a state of increase at the moment, in particular, the night time entertainment sector is being blamed, so it seems as if live houses, or so called places of entertainment may be facing tough times for a little while yet.

K: Well, the numbers...if you decreased the number of customers..there are some places starting to operate again in that way, right?

J: There are, yes.

K: But packed standing areas are probably still a bit far off.

J: Yeah. When I think of a Dir en grey live show...I think of Shinkiba etc, I mean, thats what comes up in my mind. One way to see that type of place is like the three C's woven together (Cramped and poorly ventilated, crowded with people, close contact setting).

K: Yeh.

J: So it is really painful not being able to do that. But while it may take a while until we can, in the meantime we can find different ways or hybrid ways of doing it.

K: Yeah, we have to keep looking in a foward direction. Well...but on the days that we ought to have been performing, the 24th and 25th of  this month, we are planning to stream the intended setlist live on Youtube, so if people can, I'd love them to watch that.

Kami: Um....um...

J: Ah, Kami is here.

Kami: Have you considered playing live wearing face guards or something?

K, J: Face guards?

K: No, we didn't consider that, hahaha

J, T, K: Hahaha

J: This wouldn't fit with Dir en grey.

K: No, we actually talked about it, jokingly. Like how about it?

*laughing*

J: No, if you actually did, it would be like you were making fun of it or something like that. Hahaha.

Kami: Have you thought about ventilating the venue during the show or something?

K: Hmm, yeh, we'd have to make an interval in the middle and doing something like that.

T: I see

J: Well, its difficult isn't it? You'd have to deal with a lot of things. But just like you want to do it, people want to see it too, we are all the same.

Kami: Watching a Dir en grey show with interval breaks would be quite hard, right?

K: Hm, yeah it would probably break the tension.

T: Yeah.

K: Kinda.

Kami: What do you think about doing that?

K: Doing that...well..

Kami: Raising the tension, they saying  Ok, ventilation time!

K: We'd have to make it kinda like smoothly seperated waves.

J: Like leading into something when there is a break?

K: Leading into something. For example, like something sanwiched between the different sections, like showing a piece of film or something.

J: Ahh, its difficult! The people making the rules, have probably never been to live cocerts, because they don't imagine this type of thing at all. We'll have to think about all these small details at the time of performing from now on.

K: Ok, well, today...Joe san, can you please go ahead.

J: Ok, I'd like to go ahead with today's news. This is the news of how Gone with the Wind relates to the Black Lives Matter movement.

With the ongoing anti-racism Black Lives Matter movement, the expanding movement fighting for the lives of black people to be valued, the American streaming service HBO Max who halted the broadcasting of the Hollywood movie Gone with the Wind, have decided to start streaming the movie again, this time with a disclaimer attached....I'm sure you all know it...a movie which is set during the era of the American civil war, in which the system of slavery existed. This was announced by the American entertainment site TMZ. The same service had stopped streaming the movie earlier this month, after Oscar winning screen writer, John Ridley had pointed out that it includes affirmative portrayals of the system of slavery. Ridley won an Oscar for his work on the movie 12 Years A Slave, which depicts the experiences of slaves who were brought to America during the 19th century. According to TMZ, Jaqueline Stewart, a professor know for her research into the history of black people in cinema, has prepared a video containg some historical background to accompany the movie, in which she asks why we need to appreciate this 1939 movie in its original form, and says how it is  important to discuss our interpretations of it. Furthermore, a video of a panel discussion about this movie which took place in April last year will also be shown at the same time. Gone with the Wind is a movie based on the story by Margret Mitchell, featuring top star of the time, Clark Gable, and English actress, Vivian Leigh.

Soo, Gone with the Wind...the news that streaming was stopped once, but has been restarted with a disclaimer attached. What do you think about this, Kaoru?

K: This type of stuff has been said for a long time, right?

J: Yes.

K: And there are a lot of movies like this aren't there?

J: There are. When looking back now, some parts seem problematic. Well, even so, its a difficult issue, but I don't really think there was any need to halt streaming it in the first place. When watching a movie with such a background as this, people will have various feelings about it, so I don't really...but of course including these extras..the American Black Lives Matter movement has grown huge in a way no one imagined, so in order to prevent adding fuel to the fire, these extra videos are being screened too. But, in the first place, I think its important for people to watch works like this, and think about it for themselves. If you are always telling people how it should be, the nuance or message contained in these movies might be lost. Its quite difficult.

T: Well, if it is lost, we'll end up forgetting how that generation used to see the world.

J: Yeah

K: But we won't lose it, right? Just from this..???1* So, well..it was a problem which couldn't be stopped at that time, it was a growing problem. You can sense that meaning, but its like, how you put it across.

J: Yeh, thats right. Well, this isn't about this movie, but for example, as for books, the publication of Hitler's Mein Kampf was halted for 70 years after the war in Germany. There was the idea that it would be bad to let people read Hilter's autobiography, after what he did. But a few years ago it started to be permitted to be published again, based on the idea that banning it also isn't a good idea. And people do actually want to read it, it is selling. So what do you do? Its a very difficult issue. If the works are by people who have done very bad things, like, a if they are written by a very bad person, should we ban it....Like some of Dir en grey's videos are also quite...when you majored, weren't some of them withdrawn or denied release?

K: With that ????2*

J: Ahh, I see. Some bits were ok, and some weren't? Well, with corona changing the world now, this problem will...

K: Well, this type of thing has an influence on a lot of stuff.

J: It does, yes.

K: Like Japanese anime.

T: Also, people are questioning this idea of 'whitening' beauty products.

J, K: Ahh, yeah.

T: That type of thing has come out recently. But even if you say 'whitening' in the context of beauty, what does it mean? Does it mean, white people are beautiful, or does it mean your skin is ???*3 That has become a talking point.

K: Now that you mention it, you are not allowed to tell someone they're short are you?

J: Right.

K: The same for if they are tall, right.

J: Yeah, if you worry too much, you'll end up trying to censor words. Especially with younger people, like sometimes  you have to express things in abbreviated forms, and if they jump on this and say, 'you can't say that!', then the amount of expressions we have will shrink. Well, it is difficult.

K: Well, I mean there are lots of ???*4 with that type of person.

J: Well, its difficult  to know where to draw the line with this type of thing. But with regards to Black Lives Matter, it doesn't appear to have a lot to do with this country, but Black Lives Matter has been closed in on the event where a policeman kneeled on the neck of a black man and killed him. However, if you look at the broader scene, one of the policemen standing by and watching is thought to be a man of Asian descent. And the store that reported the black man who died was run by middle eastern descended people, so its certainly not an issue unrelated to Asia. Its often said that its an issue of only whites against blacks, but actually there are clearly people of Asian descent involved in this situation. On a global scale, there are a lot of issues which you cant simply separate into white against black. So i think we should get our imaginations working a bit more, and think about all the parties involved. It might be a bit hard to imagine living in this country, but we need to realise these are not just other peoples' affairs.

T: Its really imoprtant to try to imagine yourself in someone else's situation, isn't it?

J: I think it is really important. ...Kami?

Kami: Yes yes yes. Were you talking about Gone with the Wind?

J: Ah, you want to return to the topic of Gone with the Wind?

Kami: No, I just thought this was about Gone with the Wind. I have no interest in the movie Gone with the Wind, just the title puts me off. I wasn't really listening this time.

K: He hates this type of movie, right?

J: Yes, he hates it, haha. You don't like this type of thing much?

K: What type of movies do you like?

Kami: Anything, even banned movies.

T: Kami sometimes...

J: He's like Chabudai gaeshi!

T: He appears at times like this.

K: Well, Kami probably likes action movies or that type of thing.

J: Oh you like that type of thing? You don't care  if streaming of Gone with the Wind is stopped?

Kami: Yeh, if a big fuss is made when its stopped, then people will wonder what its all about and try to watch it won't they?

T: Ahh, I see.

J: Ah, on the other hand, yeh.

Kami: I won't watch it though.

K: He's really pressing that point. He won't let us forget.

J: Ahh, so thats that. It doesn't meet Kami's expectations.

K: Okay, well, lets end here. Please subscribe. Thank you very much.

J, T: Thank you.

*1, 2, 3, 4 Couldn't figure out these bits.

[ilovetuds]

So I'd like to write my opinion towards the so waited last movie of the loved franchise How to Train your Dragon, the post will contain Spoilers so if you didn't watch it yet I recommend not reading this post. I was quite disappointed with the movie but there were also parts I really enjoyed, like I said at the beginning its my opinion and I just want to share the cons and pros of that animated movie (AGAIN IN MY PERSPECTIVE), I just felt like it had more potential than what we got and it left a lot of unsweared things about the plot of the whole dragon universe created by them and felt a little lazy.

CONS:

1- This one made me feel uncomfortable, the whole snoutloud and valka ( Hiccup's mother) kinda romance, he was clearly into her and fighting to get her attention. Common if that's not at least a little bit disturbing? It's like one of your friends start to hit on your mom, its just weird. In the end of the movie we are not sure if they will have something or not, she praises him and he gets all lovey dovey. (FOR THOR NO, PLEASE NO) 2- OKAY THIS ONE IS THE THING THAT I WAS PASEKAEOSAKOEA (really annoyed), for me the last villain, the so called 'Night Fury' killer, the one who everyone was afraid of and said he was some master of the hunt, he was pretty shallow and dumb. His character was not really detailed and his reason to kill all Night Furys was even worse. He tells Hiccup when he killed his first Night Fury his whole tribe cheered because of that, so he just decided he wanted to kill all of them, I mean that's a good reason for a villain, pride or whatever you want to call it but not for the "ultimate villain", it's just really weak and lazy plot. Maybe I should put topics here about him, I watched the whole series and read the books so I might get a little into them now:

a. He doesn't look scary at all! I mean common when we had villains like Drago who had a really cool concept, a tough looking guy who called himself Dragon God or Dargo Bloody Fist, and the guy is 50 old! The guy enslaved dragons, controlled na Alpha dragon and he even rode Toothless. He was a hell of a villain he was really a madman. Now let's talk about Krogan, if you watched the netflix series you know him. The man is fucking awesome and you can actually fear him, he has a hell of a dragon as a 'partner', has a cool scar and a tough face, he's brave and fiercefoul, you don't want to mess with that dude. He ran to every fight with his dragon or without, let's not forget he captured a titan dragon! And his plans were smart too, it was a character that had knowledge and was a really amazing. We shall not forget about Viggo Grimborn, for me one of the best character in the series, you never know if you can trust him or not, he is the Crime Lord his whole appearence on the series was amazing, you saw him grow as a character and he had a lot of good plans and traps agaisnt the raiders. And we shall not forget about Johann, the man used the vikings for years and never revealed his true intentions, he was a master mind really good villain and a big plot twist in the whole universe. I could mention some other small villains here and there but my point is, all of them were really smart and were challanging for the gang to beat, with the so called "Night Fury Killer" was really dumb and he felt not so special, he had no good plan or a good reason for you to like, hate or fear him, he was just there because they needed to show the guy almost wiped all the little toothless off the earth. His character was really dissapointing to me.

b. We wanted to see new dragons, and especially new 'bad dragons' and we got some cool scorpion like dragons, nothing super creative and new, because we had the Triple Stryke already, (which is na awesome dragon). He had to drug those dragons to obbey him, which doesnt explain how they would listen to just him it made no sense at all. They were strong yea, but they were also dumb. Toothless got rid of 5 or 6 of them so easily it felt stupid. Like no challange whatsoever. 

c. His poison darts were na idea we seen in the whole franchise a lot, so nothing new, I know it is a movie for kids but his darts could be deadly, like when he shot the dragon who charged after him, it would add a lot more to his character as evil and na asshole if he killed the dragon instead of putting it to sleep, just looked really overused to me. d. Overrall it was a really wasted character, the movie felt way too rushed and we didn't have time to see and develop anything for him. It was just a waste of animation and plot. 3- The light fury, I know a lot of people must be loving her concept, desing and etc etc, after all she is Toothless's mate, but her character at least for me wasn't much likeable. It seemed like she was just put there to end the story and to show the whole thing about growing up, because you will start to get distant of a lot of your friends and things change, because it is real life, that's true and we get it, but she as a character, she has no story, no explanation and we don't even get to know more about her. Again it felt really rushed. Don't get me wrong, I know it would be a lot of things to cover in a movie, but the whole franchise was always about giving and learning about dragons and how they react and their characteristics, so when we get nothing explained or the whole let's study this dragon or Fishleg's thirst for knowledge ( I do know he tried to draw her but he gave up too easily and didn't really seemed that interested) is dissapointing... It was finally someone Toothless could relate to and not be the end of his species, the way they should've dealt with it should've been different. There was more promo than plot. FISHLEGS DIDN’T EVEN CARE TO NAME HER, THATS HOW SPECIAL SHE WAS.

4- Hiccup's friends, his friends weren't really that important and funny, I get this whole movie is supposed to be more grown up, but we grew up with them, it felt like they were more like background characters than secondary. I think there were less dialogs and interactions between all of them, kinda sad.

5- Again the movie felt really rushed I don't think they covered things that were important for the end of the plot and focused on shallow and stupid things.

6- The hidden world, I wanted to learn and to see more of the hidden world, how it worked, the new species there, something, anything. Instead we just got a grumpy toothless going back to the new Berk with Hiccup and a stupid chase. I found something really strange too, with that many dragons, there should've been an Alpha, another dragon other than Toothless, but it's too convenient that we learn that Toothless is also Alpha in the Hidden World, and not just that suddenly all the dragons see him as a superior. AGAIN RUSHED and lazy, IT WAS THE FUCKING HIDDEN WORLD OF THE LEGENDS....

7- If you watched the trailer you watched the movie. I dont know whats going on with some trailers nowadays, but they are showing too much and basically you can tell everything that it's going to happen. I think it's really dumb and disrespectful to the watchers. 

8- I know maybe you guys don't care but I really wanted to buy a new Toothless toy to put as a display on my computer, but the toys that were created for this movie, were really terrible looking and bad quality. And the new toothless (The huge one) is just the same as the other one from 2014, disapointing. 

9- They said all the dragons disappeared and bla bla, but we seen that there were dragons in the sea, in some islands really far far away and hidden caves all around the world. Maybe the dragons near Berk were gone, near the vikings but not all the dragons in the world. 

10- Where in the hell is Heather? Just that lol Where is Heather. Her dragon is sound and safe and didn't go to the hidden world. Neither did her brother's. Again a big flaw in the plot.

PROS 1- Okay I really liked the cinematography of this movie, you can tell how much they invested in it and how much they evolved, the animations, landscapes the dragons, the reflection on Toothless eyes were breathtaking. Amazing.

2- Toothless and Hiccup friendship, it is beautiful till the end, we love their friendship and how they interact with each other, theres no complain. Maybe we hate to see them getting apart because we realize that its what we are going to experience in some point of our lives, I thought I'd always see my friends from school and my friends that I had for more than 19 years, but time and life get in the way, friends will still be friends but you will likely see them less, which somehow make us sad. 

3- Astrid and Hiccup marriage, it was touching and cute, I did feel like it was more for fan service but it's alright, it was cute and they deserved each other. 4- Astrid Growth, she had na amazing develop as a character and being always there to help Hiccup was really a big plus for her. 

5- 'Mini meatlug' IT WAS ADORABLE ENOUGH SAID.

6- Hiccup realizing he had potential and with or without Toothless he would be a great leader, that is a really special moment in the movie and it's touching too, learning to believe in yourself and being independent.

7- Hiccup mother's appeared a lot during the movie, she had no super special scene but it was nice to see her and her adorable dragon. 

8- The new 'elk dragon' I'm sorry I don't know his name in english yet and I just wanted to write this fast cuz I mainly don't really have anyone who's a fan to talk about and I'm excited! Anyways, he is just so cuteee! 

9- The riders armors, it was a really cool idea and cool looking I approve that.

10- Toothless Babies, I really thought they would look cuter lol but I guess that's alright and we can't complain we got to see a nightlight fury babies for the first time so cuteee! Okaaaay if you guys want to add more points to my list or disccus about some feeel free! I want to talk about the moviee lol

[dda-unit8]

Overview / Discussion / Final Evaluation

My animation is a nice head bopping, entertaining that ends in a realistic possibility. My main objective that I had from the beginning of the project was to have the character being looped in the city ( or should i say just being looped constantly / technically a GIF ). I was able to stick to that idea to the very end ( If someone plays the video on repeat.  Video start off with black intro is Immediately about smoking which fades into the character driving. At the end it fades back into black and could smoothly transition back into the beginning. The beginning of the animation shows a very quick bright yellow text about smoking. Because  it appears so fast I hope for the viewer to either replay the video or try and keep what the text said in their mind. Later on the character gets in an accident. I wanted the animation to not only be a interesting animation with a guy driving a car but also trying to portray a tiny story. It could be portray and shown on the BBC website for smoking and health for kids. It can also be an ad on you tube that can be shown. Because you tube is one of the top mainstream company's that kids, teens and young adults use, The ad could be seen more. 

When it comes to “ If I understood the specialist are of design my project was centered on “ I would say that I had a pretty big understanding on how Parallax animation worked. Before I even new what the name was for the type of animation, I had known what it was and how it worked. Because I showed interest in animation and how different types of animation works when I was younger, I feel like that has given me an advantage. For future referencing though, I would make sure that even the most unnecessary things that I might not think needs to be in a separate layer, go in a layer. 

When It had come to research, I figured I didn't do a bad job. I didn't just go on YouTube and look for ideas or stuff that Inspired me. I ended up taking my time and relaxing at home. Enjoying what i love, which is watching different animations. All different styles of animations. I even used myself when it came to how I wanted my character to be placed in the car. When it came to the sources that I used for references, I don think I used to much. In fact I would say I used a moderate amount of varied sources. With what I had researched I made sure that I could get the maximum output of it. For example, There was a lot of simple and short tutorials on you tube that would give me an easy way to do a smoke fx or a quick and easy explaining video of parallax animation. I didn't want that . I wanted to get as much knowledge and do the best I can do. I think next time I will actually go and travel to a different place like Birmingham or lecister to see and get better references. I will branch out more, use more fx, tools and create something even better.  

As far as problems, I came across actually deleting half of my progress when I started. I was pretty upset but I could not go back and change the past so all I could do was continue and work harder. I also had the problem of time management and not sleeping. That has always been a big problem for me and Im honestly trying to change that as each day goes past. I would tend to stay up from 24 - 48 hours. If i have learned anything it would be to take breaks a lot more.

What I was also shocked about is how I was keeping a steady pace in my work and not stressing to much over time. Until I had to go to work I was using my schedule and I never lost sight of the due date. I had always kept in my mind when it was due. I even had alerts on my phone to keep me updated. I tried to stay as focused as possible. Even when my idea slightly changed towards the middle / end I didn't want to panic and overthink. I had to focus and relax for a second. For this specific animation, there are indeed things I wish I could have added in if I had not had to start half way over. I would have loved to add ambient sound of highway traffic ( cars going past ) and the song thats playing in the background to sound like its from the radio. I would have also loved to add a night street light that passes every so often ( with starts and a moon in the sky ). But because I didn't add those things, does not mean that I cant create something better or add them later on. This summer I can practice not only my drawings but my animation. I could practice practice practice

I used more than what I had learned in class. 

When it came to the animation, I had to draw everything as a draft as what I envision and how I see it in my head. I had to then make the lines more fine. Add more detail. Add color. Sort out all the layers. Make sure the layers are stacked correctly. That was all in Photoshop. I had to add all the detail in Photoshop and that takes time. I then had to transfer what I made into after affects to ANIMATE it. That takes time. I could have done a simple animation like I had made before but I wanted to exceed that. I wanted to try and add different effects that I have not used before. I wanted to branch out myself and look at different techniques I can use and learn myself. I have attained new techniques and skills because of this animation. I can improve on the new skills and techniques i have learned by practicing this summer. Try and create fun projects, films, animations.

So yeah ... Looking at my animation now. I can see what more I wanted to add. I am proud ( comparing the previous animation I did ) of the animation that I have made. I am still learning but that is why practice makes perfect. I want to learn more effects in after effects and see all the possible effects I can use in animation or even film. I will branch out this summer and practice using the software myself, Practice more drawings on perspective, foreshortening, mecca, human anatomy and even simple shapes. One thing that I noticed was different about my drawing this time, is that i tried to draw less anime / manga related. I tried to focus on a realistic anatomy, head shape and where the eyes, ear, hairline etc would be. Doing so I also took the time in shading.

To ensure that I have a lower chance of making the same mistake again , I will make sure ( If possible ) not work so many days when I have a week of from college. I will try and priorities my time more.

looking at my blog from when I first started Unit 8 ( how well its structured ) it looks organised and labeled pretty decently. I made sure that the topics where relatable to what was being said. I made sure important things where in bold. I will be honest and say that I was lacking a little in screenshots of my progress in the animating side but I tried to remember each time. That doesn’t mean that my idea, experiments and creative process cant be explained and presented in a clear way. I specifically made sure that each section flows to the next and shows what was to come, what I did and how the week was. I do appreciate all the help that the teachers gave me and opinions that they had on my work.

One thing that I think would be cool is to do a collaboration and create something super cool. Yeah you have animators that do animations by themselves but  I can imagine what cool things I can make by doing collaborations and sharing ideas and skills with another person. In doing so Im sure I can create some interesting work. I could do short and narrated stories. I have already done a voice over for my first animation so it wouldn't be to difficult. Because I have gotten used to the software a little more than before, I feel more comfortable in creating different things. 

The cool thing about possibly doing a collaboration is the endless possibility of what we can create. If we wanted too, we could create a music video, short story, fight scene anything. With the skill that I have learned, I can also reach out to different company's and see if they would like to do a collaboration. This would then get me work experience. 

[dualitysdownfall]

no rebloggy

rambling about being tired and unmotivated

i kind of just wonder when WILL i want responsibilities because i cant fathom it for the foreseeable future. i just want time to rest, to breathe. which is what breaks are for, you ever heard of summer vacation? but they’re never long enough even when they’re long... by the time they’re over i’ll once again feel underprepared and overwhelmed. it happens every year.

i mean, at least eventually i will stop being in college? stop being a student, right? but what the fuck comes after that? my mom is going to want me to get a job... what the fuck kinda job can i get... and even if i got one that didnt suck ass, will i even want to get my ass out of bed to do it. cause me, right now, as i’m typing this, i don’t want to get out of bed and go to school tomorrow.

i think i’m just tired. i think i take longer than a summer to rebuild my desire to be doing something, and if i had the kind of time where i could get to that point and then not have to immediately be interrupted by the start of another semester, then maybe i could actually get any other project off the ground. but as it stands i’m... i guess this semester i’m not even necessarily that BUSY, just tired. almost all my classes are packed into two days out of the week, which is great in terms of sleep and transportation, but it kind of really does require all of those weekend days to recover from, so it’s not really an improvement so much as a different way to break even energy-wise.

i guess i don’t have to worry about that right now. i’m still IN college, so focus on that. once i’m out i can start trying to either forge a career path or just cobble together an income from assorted small online freelance shit idk. trouble is, how do taxes work on that? that’s a question for when there are more details. i dunno i’m rambling aimlessly now, adhd mode has activated. (thats a joke adhd mode is always active its called “having adhd”)

i guess the good news is my I.D. finally has my current name, which means the next step is updating my name with my bank, and once that’s done i could make a paypal or something like that. if i do that, then maybe this summer i’ll start taking like, little sketch commissions. nothing massive, no full-soft-shading-with-backgrounds type shit that takes me hours and hours even though i love how they turn out i always burn out of drawing after i do those. so like. just low stakes, the lineart doesnt have to be the cleanest, simple rough intentionally-imperfect cel shading like my recent stuff cause that shading is actually really fast and easy.

man. whenever i start worrying about this exact topic the answer always ends up being “deal with it later”. which is what people told me when i worried about  college when i was in highschool. so i’ll respond to that the same way i did then: eventually i’m gonna run out of time and need to actually, actively make a plan...

[yongjae37]

Butterfly

Description: a poem about my more special temporary tattoos tw: self loathing, cutting (mention), reference to suicide, self harm, suicide, verbal abuse. Read with caution

Have you ever heard 
 Of the butterfly project? 
In which every time you want to 
Cut yourself 
 You draw a butterfly 
On your skin 
Don’t cut till it disappears.
 Flutter flutter. Now, I’m not saying 
And maybe this is a faulty comparison
 But I 
My tattoos are special 
In a similar 
Less serious vein I hate myself
 I hate the color of my skin, 
But not my race that’s silly. 
I hate the moles that cover my hands 
The uneven patches 
 The splotches of red 
And white But there’s nothing wrong 
with me 
Not the healthiest, yes,
 But it’s self control 
I don’t think 
I ever want to not 
Hate 
Myself But the tattoos are special 
Because sometimes it’s unbearable
 Sometimes I imagine what it’d be like to scratch the skin off
 To peel it off 
Sometimes its just too
 Much to stare at my own skin It’s so 
Uglyplaindrywhatever I draw on my skin 
And cover the pain 


Cover the anger the hate the stress 
Change something ugly
 To something pretty For myself at least
 Till I can stand the sight Plain old skin again

Sometimes its just me 
 Being vain 
And wanting something 
 Close to beautiful 
 Whatever that means Sometimes its just me 
Tired and I need 
 Something Tell yourself you can fly 
Even if it’s just a lie You fake it till 
 You make it right? Sometimes its a twitch 
In my fingers 
In my hands I want to draw 
I want to draw 
I want to draw But I get it
 It’s not the most sightly thing I get that it can be ugly
Hideous or gross I get that’s it’s not healthy 
 That the ink could kill my skin 
That the burning sensation 
 Of a muji pen 
Is probably not the best
 Of signs But still the urge is there 
I want it there 
I want the urge gone
 Gone 
 Gone. Have you heard 
Of the butterfly project I suppose I’m doomed 
To want to create 
Pretty things Whatever that is Whenever it’s too much Too bad I never make 
Pretty things Drawings turn sour 
Figures turn ugly 
 Hideous Go away go away You draw a butterfly But sometimes I pretend 
 That it looks nice On your skin Don’t cut it until it disappears Flutter flutter ---- author’s note: I’m not actually suicidal. I’ve considered suicide maybe once or twice during my HS life. But I won’t go and kill myself I’m too rational and logical to do that. But I do self harm, sometime, in a way thats not permanent. I like to scratch my skin until its a blistering red, I like to bite my hand, arms, or burn my tongue on hot water.  It happens when the emotional pain in my brain is too great and I dont want to feel it anymore. its not often. Im salty so I'll mention that I don’t draw on my skin anymore I’ve been called a slut and a whore by my parents for doing it. I went home for thanksgiving last semester. I wore a large Keith tattoo that I spent weeks planning to the very last detail. Took me 6 hours to finish the inking with ink box. The tattoo was temporary. It lasts only 2 weeks so I didn’t think it’d be a problem. I knew my dad was against it but the tattoo would disappear and I wore long sleeves to cover it. Problem was, I already had the tattoo on for a week so I forgot it was there. I was in a really bad emotional state during that month. I was burnt out by everything grades, art, life. rock bottom. And I remember there was a thanksgiving party. we had a lot of guests over, but I just didn’t want to talk to them. I never talk to them. The people my parents invite never really want to talk with me. They care for me as much as they would care for a “younger daughter of their boss” So I holed up in my room and moped.  I dont remember where it started. After the guests left, obviously. but it was the same topic as it usually is. That I was failing math. that I was a bad student, that I needed to transfer from my already elitist school. That I was being horrible. That I was a bad host, and immature. I was crying and crying. And they told me that girls like me should be happy and smiling and I shouldn't be crying. My dad  gave me tissues and kept telling me that crying so much isn’t normal for my age.  Somewhere they turned it to my tattoo. My dad said he didn’t want to see that. That as a professor he wouldn't want to give me a good grade because I had a tattoo on. He said it was a mark of a bad student. My mom said she had held it in for so long. She hated that I had tattoos. Hated that I flaunted them in front of her guests. Said that only sluts and whores had that. Said only people who were really really really bad in life had them. Said that I was associated with them. Said she wouldn't leave the room until I had washed the tattoo off. I remember pleading that it would come off. Pleading that it was temporary. I remember saying that I hated myself and that I hated my skin. And I remember them both saying that I was crazy. That I wasn't normal. That I shouldn't feel like I had no love for myself.  I remember it being 2 am when they finally left, And I excused myself to the bath room. I cried to myself for a while. In the sanctuary of tiny bath room. Cried as I turned on the shower, making the temperature as hot as possible. I wanted to be burned.  I took a scrub, and scratched it harshly against my arm. I erased my Keith tattoo as violently and as aggressively as possible. I needed it to hurt and I wanted to leave a mark a scar anything. I wanted my parents to see how much it hurt. How much they had hurt me.  But I stopped and sank low to the shower floor. I wasn’t going to send a message to anyone. I was only hurting me. My parents wouldn’t see any of it. over the next few days I kept my arm hidden, I wore long sleeves and rubbed slow circles around my wrist. A memory of the tattoo that was there. I remember going back to university and some what recovered from the incident. My dad commented that I looked better and said “See you should come home more, you’ll be happier,” (internally I wanted to laugh or puke) In the background my mom said she didn’t want a hug from me, said that if I really loved her I would have transferred. I remember getting on the train to uni, and my mom said to me that I should go suicide if I didn’t transfer. 

I stayed strong for the 3 hour train ride to my dorm. But when my friends asked if I had a nice fall break, I crumbled. 

[markoftheleviathan]

miiikaelson replied to your post “It’s almost four in the morning, and I’m too busy drawing our...”

ref shots ain't bad at all and i'm impressed at your ability to draw from sight!! thats reaslly hard, and the perspective is super duper well done

also impressive the fact that you went to so much trouble to get an in-game reference. i dunno how much of a reference u used for emily but whether from sight or original its a fucking + and i cant wait to see the finished project

the wrinkles are nice, and so are the blood dripping and the little details above her mark (that i nearly missed!!) it all looks really nice and her face looks like HER face which is another hard thing. its nice.

ok, compliments done. im reblogging it to my art favorites and emily tag now. bc its so good and i cant wait.

wait compliments not done. the bodies make nice details bc they like direct TO emily and u got some design techniques with the behead guy. i had to take a lengthy design class. i now see design in everything. u did well.

First of all, you’re an absolute DEAR, and I adore you oh my god. I was going to reply to this last night but it was around 5am and I just ended up falling asleep whoopsies.

2) MAN THE PERSPECTIVE. DON’T EVEN GET ME S T A R T E D. It took me about an hour to set up the damn picture I wanted for the reference because I can draw Dunwall pretty decently without a reference but Karnaca’s got a really, really, really specific look whereas Dunwall is just sort of “London steampunk-ish.” And THEN it took another twenty minutes to take the damn photos because leading lines and balancing the foreground vs background, and negative space blah blah blah I’ve studied art basically my entire life, and a part of me wants to go “Fuck it” and ignore the basic principles of design, but it’s ingrained in me and I can’t. I’m getting off topic. PERSPECTIVE. RIGHT. I had to redraw the entire background around ten times because all of my ref pics were from drastically different positions and I was screaming trying to figure out where the focal points were but I think I kinda sort of got it in the end.

3) I’ve only drawn Emily about four times or so before so I have a decent understanding as to how her face looks (it helps that her moles happen to be in the same places my moles are, which is kind of freaky and creeps me out a bit) so those little details are pretty easy to figure out BUT, because I wanted to  get things perfectly right I used a couple dozen refs from different sources to figure out how I wanted Emily to look. (She looks so different in every single version that I wanted to find a middle ground.) And @ominousdeer ‘s dozens of photos of Em were amazing (I did use a direct ref of ominous’ for the pose because I couldn’t be bothered to sit down for four hours scouring the internet, or fiddling with sketches), as well as my eight billion screenshots of Em during the first cinematic trailer for her (the one from the E3 announcement) ‘cause I feel like that’s how Arkane wanted her to look if she was hyper realistic, and it’s also the only one where she decently looks biracial and goddammit, I want to preserve what few biracial characters there are because I sure as hell never found any characters that were biracial in the media when I was growing up that I saw myself in. 

4) The Mark!!! I didn’t give her a sword because the whole point of the piece is “blood on my hands” etc etc etc, making her crimes a little bit more personal, and in my original version of this, she was also weaponless (but her hands were covered in a LOT more blood), but narrative wise it didn’t make sense as to how she’d kill them 100% bare handed, and then I remembered that the Mark glows when it’s being used so tadaaaaa glowing, smoking Mark

5) Ahhh thank you! There was a lot of careful body placement when I was setting up my ref (which is HARD because you either fucking launch them across the entire map but they ragdoll which is nice for randomization of body placement, or you gently sit them down and they just rest in a sort of loose T-pose which is so unnatural looking and doesn’t at all make it seem like they’re dead.) I had to end up throwing bodies from down the alleyway and off of buildings (the scene is actually the Overseers’ offices where Mindy sends you to go get a body in Mission 2 of D2) so I cleared all the Overseers and threw them off the top of the building hoping it’d work... it wasn’t... fun. (Yes it totally was. Especially since I left the civilians alive so there was a lot of chaos.)