#off to romance garrus yet again!

[cat-shepard]

Anyone else starting yet another playthrough??

[kumeko]

A/N: For the @normandyzine! I really need to write some Garrus/Shep, it’s shameful I have none after romancing him for two games.

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Shepard was drunk. No, she was just tipsy. The tingling in her fingers hadn’t quite reached the rest of her body and her cheeks were merely warm. She could walk in a straight line, shoot in a straight line, and fight like nobody’s business. The only thing she couldn’t do was dance, but she’d never been able to do that in the first place.

She wished she was drunk, though. That would actually explain why she had just missed such an easy target. Biting her cheek as she lowered her rifle, Shepard glared at the beer bottle falling down into the Citadel’s pool. This was ridiculous; she’d made harder shots in her sleep. Hell, even drunk, she’d survived a battle or two. This was just downright embarrassing.

Judging by Wrex’s boisterous guffaw and Garrus’ barely concealed laughter, her companions knew it too. Shepard resisted the urge to turn around and glare at them. Instead, she checked her gun’s scope again, vainly hoping for a faulty component.

“I calibrated it myself,” Garrus called out from behind her, still chuckling. He sounded smug as fuck. “Don’t pretend it’s the gun’s fault.”

Joker snorted, mirth colouring his voice. Clearly, he’d drunk enough to think he was safe if he teased her. “Surely she wouldn’t do something so unprofessional.”

Clearly, she hadn’t ingrained fear into his bones yet.

Even in the night, there was no end to traffic in the Citadel. Vehicles zipped along above, their lights making a laser path through the open air. And despite all that noise, she could still hear the three buffoons behind her. Shepard spun on her heel and glared. “Want to say that again?”

“No, ma’am,” Joker immediately chimed. She couldn’t tell if he was mocking her or if he was serious. These days, he had been taking more liberties than usual and she missed the time when he’d actually taken her anger seriously.

“What happened to your aim while I was gone? You slacking off?” Wrex guffawed again, his foot stomping on the bridge hard. The citadel had been made to withstand a large variety of alien races, of all sizes, shapes, and strengths. Somehow, it still shuddered. There were few things that could withstand a Krogan.

“Shepard? Slacking off?” Garrus shook his head dismissively. “Can you imagine it?”

Joker shuddered. Forgetting her warning, he commented, “I don’t think she even knows the meaning of relaxing. Do you know how hard it was to convince her to give us a vacation?”

“I mean, to be fair, do we even have time for that?” Garrus admitted reluctantly, picking up another bottle from his duffel bag. The poor thing looked overstuffed; as ever, he was overprepared. Even for something as silly as this shooting contest.

“It’s not like it’d kill us,” Joker complained, crossing his arms. His gun was at his feet, too far to be useful should Shepard decide to do anything. Perhaps he hadn’t had enough near-death experiences to be prepared. She was more than willing to correct that.

Unfortunately, there was little she could do to stop the other two from talking. Garrus shook his head and corrected, “It would kill us. This is what, the third time we have to save the world in as many years? If we took the day off, who knows what could happen.”

“I’m right here,” Shepard bit out, annoyed by the back and forth.

Joker continued as though she hadn’t said anything. “There are other Spectres, right? I’m sure they’ll pick up the slack—hell, they probably need to, we’ve been doing their job for them.”

The universe was going to end in a few days. Maybe she should make sure their days end even before that. They were at the top of the Presidium. They were all drunk. A single push and she could claim it was an accident. She already had Grunt to replace Wrex’s firepower and Tali was shaping up to be an expert marksman.

As for Joker…well, Edi could fly well enough on her own.

“With that aim, she’ll kill you anyways,” Wrex taunted. The bastard knew exactly what he was doing with that smirk of his.

She might as well do it now while there were no witnesses. It couldn’t be that hard to assassinate a drunk Krogan. Shepard raised her gun, aiming at them. “Oi, peanut gallery. Shut up.” She pointed the gun at Wrex. “And I’m not slacking off. I’m just…tipsy.”

“Tipsy?” Wrex picked up his gun and waved it around. “I’ve had better shots while black-out drunk.”

“You’re always drunk,” Shepard dismissed, dropping her gun and stalking over to the equipment bag. “It’s a self defense mechanism. But since you’re so confident, you’re next.”

Garrus chortled as readied his arm. “You heard the lady.”

“When has she ever been a lady?” Wrex questioned. His gun looked like a toy in his big hands. In all honesty, this competition was heavily skewed against him. For all of Wrex’s battle prowess, he had never been one for shooting or aiming. Then again, with his strength, he never needed to.

“Just go already,” Shepard barked before turning her glare towards Joker. She felt surge of satisfaction when he flinched. “And don’t think I’ve forgotten about you.”

“Fuck,” Joker cursed, taking a step back, his crutch slipping slightly on the metal floor. He chuckled nervously. “That was a…self defense mechanism?”

“Don’t think Edi’ll save your ass,” Shepard warned, taking a threatening step forward. “You might be dating our ship but I’m still her commander.”

Garrus threw the bottle at the same time.

Wrex pulled the trigger, missing entirely. Even before the bottle crashed into the water, Wrex spun on his heel. He snapped his attention to Joker. “You’re dating the Normandy?”

“Edi’s not the Normandy!” Joker protested, holding up a hand and its crutch. His brow furrowed, his smile turning crooked as he tried to explain. “Or well, she is, but not just? She’s more than that now.”

“Oh, so you admit you’re dating a ship,” Garrus teased, his eyes crinkling. They’d been trying to get Joker to say it aloud for weeks now.

Meanwhile, Wrex looked like he had been hit with a bomb. “I always knew you were special, but…”

“It’s my fault.” Shepard sighed, rubbing her neck. She gazed out dramatically into the brightly lit Presidium. “I should have given him more vacation days.”

“Would that have helped?” Wrex questioned, his gun hanging limply by his side.

“You guys know I can hear this, right?” Joker asked, pouting.

“Probably not.” Shepard shrugged, ignoring him. Revenge was sweet. Smirking wickedly, she pointed at Wrex’s gun. “What was that last shot? Are you slacking off now that you’re a dad?”

“If only.” Wrex blanched, looking more exhausted and terrified than he had on any of their missions together. And considering they had saved the universe several times over, that was saying something. Shepard had heard from Eve just how obsessive the women had gotten after Mordin’s sacrifice; she could only imagine Wrex’s pain.

There were enough rumours about how Krogan sex was just like Krogan warfare: messy, bloody, and utterly destructive. Shepard had never wanted to confirm if that was true. Seeing Wrex was enough of an answer without getting nightmares.

She felt a tinge of sympathy and patted his back lightly. “Maybe you should have Grunt help.”

“You trying to kill me?” Wrex growled, shuddering.

“Fair point.” Shepard wasn’t sure what’d be worse: Grunt declaring war on everything that breathed, or a dozen little ones with his exact temperament. She jabbed her chin at Garrus. “You’re up.”

“I’ll throw.” If the gun looked like a toy in Wrex’s hands, the bottle looked like a doll’s toy.

“Don’t break it,” Joker warned. “Death Angel over there already has the advantage.”

“It’s Archangel,” Garrus corrected immediately, raising his gun. “And even if I had a hand behind my back and both eyes closed, I’d beat you.”

Joker’s shoulders slumped. He leaned on a crutch and tugged on his baseball cap with his other hand. “I know you’re joking, but somehow it feels like you could.”

“Who said I was joking?” Garrus teased, his eye pressed against the scope. Despite his response, he was clearly already focused and tuning out the conversation.

Wrex didn’t so much as grunt as he hurled the bottle, not even bothering to warn anyone. “Try that!”

There was a small bang and the glass shattered. Tiny pieces of glass rained down. Garrus lowered his gun and smirked. “And that’s how it’s done.”

Shepard scrunched her nose, annoyed. A smug Garrus was insufferable. “Show off.”

Wrex laughed, shaking his head. “Show off.”

Joker sighed, utterly used to this. “Show off.”

“I can feel the jealousy.” Garrus patted his gun affectionately. “Maybe if you took better care of your gear, you’d have better aim.”

“You haven’t changed a bit,” Wrex grunted, picking up another bottle. “The only thing that’s different about you is the rule bending. Who’s next?”

“Nah, he’s gotten cockier,” Shepard chimed in with a shit-eating grin as she watched Garrus.

“Is that even possible?” Joker held out his hand for a gun. “It’s my turn, right?”

“I can’t believe you actually want to compete with us.” Garrus handed over his weapon. He rifled through the bag and pulled out another bottle. “Maybe you should stick to what you’re good at.”

“Then’d he’d do nothing,” Shepard quipped, taking the pot-shot.

“Oh, fuck you.” Joker awkwardly held up his gun with one hand. It shook lightly as he tried to steady his aim. “I can shoot just fine.”

“You’re shakier than an earth worm.” Garrus winded up his arm and hurled the bottle.

Joker gritted his teeth and pulled the trigger. Still intact, the bottle arced through the air and fell into the pool with a soft splash. “Aww, come on.”

Shepard laughed. “Your aim’s as good as ever.”

Joker dropped his gun. “I’ll remember that the next time you’re telling me to fly fast between two ships.” He raised his nose and huffed. “Maybe I won’t do it.”

“And risk breaking your girlfriend?” Shepard snorted as she plucked two beer bottles from the cooler. She handed one over to him. “Promises, promises.”

Joker scowled as he accepted the drink. “Screw you.”

“Hey, don’t take my job,” Garrus sniped, taking a swig from his beer. “She barely has time for me.”

“You still have to tell me how this happened.” Wrex didn’t bother with small sips. He just downed the bottle in one go and grabbed a second. “I’m not sure which is more unbelievable, Shepard or Vakarian.”

“Maybe after we’re done.” Garrus tapped his bottle. “I’m not nearly drunk enough for love talk.”

Shepard shook her head. “Me neither.” She set down her bottle beside her and gazed out into the Citadel. Lights twinkled from the various shops lining the structure and she could hear the distant din of crowds wandering the streets.

“Guess this is it,” Joker finally said, breaking the silence. He leaned on his crutch as he stared at his bottle. “Didn’t think I’d spend my last day getting insulted.”

“Why not?” Shepard quipped, sitting down on the edge of the bridge. Planting a hand behind her, she leaned back and took another sip. “That’s everyday for you, right?”

“Ha. Ha.” Joker rolled his eyes. “Very funny. But seriously. Can’t think of anyone I’d rather be with.”

“Aside from EDI?” Garrus asked. Shepard knew there was a reason they got along so well.

Joker groaned. “You’re never going to shut up about that, are you?”

Wrex laughed. It echoed through the night air. “Why would we?”

“Right, right. My mistake,” Joker grumbled. He drank angrily before tossing his empty bottle off the bridge.

“Litterbug,” Garrus chided before sitting down next to Shepard. “But I get the feeling. I can’t think of anything better to do either. Well, maybe one thing…” He trailed off, smirking.

Shepard bumped shoulders with Garrus and rolled her eyes at his last comment. “You guys are getting real sentimental on me. Should I be worried?”

“Probably not.” Garrus bumped back. “Think we can win?”

“Is that even a question?” Wrex interrupted, snorting. “Not like you to doubt.”

“I’m not. Just…” Garrus scratched his jaw as he contemplated his words. “I don’t know. It feels different from all the other times, somehow.”

“Yeah, it’s kinda…bigger?” Joker lifted his baseball cap and fanned his head. “Harder? It’s just different.”

Shepard lowered her eyes, understanding. It did feel different. Like it was the accumulation of experiences, like she had been preparing for this fight for years. In a way, she had been—she just couldn’t have expected it when she’d first landed on Eden Prime, when she’d first glimpsed the unknown.

But she’d pulled a trigger back then, whether she knew it or not. The next fight was just the bullet finally leaving the chamber.

She’d have to make sure it struck true.

Shepard cleared her throat. She’d never been good at reassuring crap, but after all they’d been through, they were her friends more than they were just crewmates. If nothing else, she had to try. “The stakes are higher, but it’s the same thing we always do: bust in and beat up the baddies. We just have to win. We don’t really have a choice.”

She could feel them staring at her. Garrus broke the silence first. “Was that a pep talk?”

“A terrible one,” Joker chimed in, getting revenge.

Wrex roared, laughing, “Never change, Shepard.”

“Fuck off.” Shepard elbowed Garrus. “Next round. I’ll beat all of you.”

“We’ll see about that.” Garrus set his empty bottle on the side and stood up. He held out his hand as he asked quietly, “But seriously, are you ready?”

She smiled softly as she gripped his hand. “Not really, but that hasn’t stopped me yet.”

He chuckled. “True. You know, you never told me what was the one thing you really wanted to do.”

Shepard stared at him blankly before recalling their car ride earlier. She’d half-forgotten he’d even asked. “That…not sure, really. I know what I want to do after, though.”

Garrus cocked his head. “And that’s?”

“A vacation. A long one.” Shepard stretched her arms above her. “Think the universe can handle itself without me for a month?”

He laughed. “It won’t last half an hour.” Garrus wrapped an arm around her shoulder and squeeze. “But I do know a great place to hide away for a while.”

“Oh?” Shepard leaned against him. “I like the sound of that.”

[shadoedseptmbr]

Very delayed ask on the OC relationship meme!

33 and 38 :)

To what degree is your OC a self-insert, particularly in terms of their relationship? Do you sometimes use your character's relationship to explore your own feelings about a canon character or another OC?

Not at all, heh. Well. Maybe outside the fact that i'm on the bi/aro spectrum myself and so i tend to write characters that reflect that, in various ways. That's an interesting idea, though, using the character to explore another. Usually, i have a pretty set idea of how i feel about a character before i write them with my OC. Kaidan's my type, but like...Sebastian would drive me insane, no matter how adorable i found him. i'm more likely to draw contrasts in how one oc vs another would react. Aedan Hawke who found herself in the first serious romance of her life with Fenris next to Aeryn, who could see him as a companion to the brother she'd lost. Scout who found the way Garrus started to rebuild himself after a shaky beginning attractive vs Aedan Shepard who tends to treat him as a screw up little brother you've gotta sharp paw now and again to keep him straight and narrow.

What is your favourite depiction of romance (or sex if you prefer) that you have produced? Or if you haven't produced one yet, then what is your favourite example from another creator? Oh, i have a few. Clint and Darcy mouthing off and getting off until suddenly it's real. Aeryn and Sebastian shedding all the demons chasing them. shore leave with Kaidan and Aedan, golden moments before the dark swallows them. And a certain bit of window sex, full of trust falls that i wrote with potions.

thanks for asking!

[mephestopheles]

I'm 3 hours into me3, and the way Liara says commander is legit making me feel things. There's so much bittersweet longing in it? Am I reading too much into an inflection, oh totally. What is it about could have been relationships that just get to me so much?

I intentionally decided not to romance Liara in the first one. I avoided romance in the first game entirely, my Shep was focused on the mission and saving everyone. Then he died saving everyone at the beginning of 2. Time didn't pass for him, but the galaxy left him behind while he was an experiment for Cerberus. Seeing Tali again after running from the Lazarus project felt like a home coming. But each meeting of the old crew felt more bitter than sweet.

Tali couldn't leave her mission, and Shep didn't feel it was his place to ask her to. Garrus was perhaps the only one who was immediately ride or die. Given he was almost killed there it was a close goddamn thing.

*** side bar, originally I planned to romance Garrus as soon as I could, only to find out he's gender locked. This pissed me off so much, but I read further and saw that Tali was now available for mshep. Unintentionally, during my me1 playthrough, my go-to squad was Tali and Liara. I had them statted out so nicely. I could heal the mako in one use of omni-gel, and the two of them were amazing with weapons. I completely forgot about biotics 90% of the game.

I am still kind of bitter about Kaidan's reaction on Horizon. And now, I'm on the citadel in me3, Liara is with me, and feels so close to old times and yet so so far away. I need to find Tali but I'm not sure how that's going to play out. I hope it goes well.

The brainrot is so real though, I have discovered that I can get the legendary edition on steam and have it on the steam deck. So that will be happening.

[sol-consort]

Man FUCK that bitch ass fucking assassin motherfucker I hope he rots. Sorry he pissed me off to no end.

Also yeah FemShep’s VA is considered the better VA of the Shepards which makes sense MaleShep is voiced by Mark Meer who hadn’t done much voice work before, his biggest role being Cyric in Baldur’s Gate II, and FemShep was voiced by Jennifer Hale who had been at it for almost 20 years at the time. It wasn’t just Jennifer Hale either, Anderson being Keith David and Joker being Seth Green who had both been doing it over 20 years. I liked MaleShep’s voice though and never had a problem with it because it’s very main heroy and recognizable like I’d instantly know that it was Shepard if I heard it.

I knew that the series wouldn’t be exactly up with the times because it was 2007-2012 but Jesus I had no idea that FemShep gets harassed so much.

I didn’t get a reconcile scene on the Citadel since I didn’t romance anyone in ME1 I went into the series with Tali on my mind as my definitive romance.

I don’t think Thane praying for you instead himself is unique to his romance? Or at least I remember something similar happening maybe it was his son.

You can’t hit on EDI as MaleShep I’m pretty sure don’t remember that being an option however you can still hit on Joker as MaleShep I remember seeing that option and going “why would I say that?” Also I’m surprised you never mentioned the Joker segment of Mass Effect 2 where you sneak around the ship as Joker that section surprised the shit out of me.

Oh yeah a fun little fact, remember the show Once Upon a Time I’ve mentioned a couple times when talking about fairy tales? The actor who plays Kaiden was in that show and played the show’s version of Jiminy Cricket from Pinocchio. I don’t remember what happened to Cricket in the show though. He may have just stopped being relevant so they never brought him up again since the show just fucking loved doing that.

Is the hot assassin guy supposed to be unlikeable? I liked him so far, like ngl, plus he's pretty cool. Evil living weapons of destructions, my beloveds.

And yeah, i really like femshep, but it is pretty cool of them to give maleshep VA a chance for such a big character. Sure, it could've been better, but he probably did the best he could with the skills he had at the time, and it did appeal to some people!

And man I'm just lucky I actually enjoy these things ingames, like I am down to being a whore and flirting with everyone so it doesn't bother me when the npcs forcefully flirt with you bc you picked a woman. What bothers me is that the fact it's only bc you picked a woman, and just because I wanted it doesn't mean other people do and it might make them very uncomfortable. There are several mods to remove the sexual harassments femshep gets, I wish there was one to remove it for EDI tho.

We should all have a choice, is what I'm saying. It feels like femshep was made to appeal to straight guys who might play her as an outsider observer. Same with some lesbian characters, too, ngl- not all of them, but the game has its moments where it makes me realise oh this was put here for a straight dude to gawk at. Meanwhile, maleshep feels the proper self insert badass at times. Really hate that.

That's why I like picking NB options whenever they're present, you're free from expectations and the devs aren't sure what to make of you so they don't try to appeal to a certian demographic and just write your character as a character.

You did Tali romance? Hell yeah she is an amazing character and her relationship with Shepard feels phenomenal. Like a scientist princess and her knight in shining armour, amazing. Plus she is all adorable when she talks about engines and how we get to help her so many times.

Apparently her and Garrus end up together if you don't romance her, but I haven't seen it yet. She always felt close to Shepard, especially in the second game where she is the first friendly face you see.

I haven't met her yet in ME3, still doing side errands. I am very very broke and everything is very very expensive and I miss sugar daddy illusive man pls take me back, the alliance became more stingy than I remember or inflation is hitting hard.

Fuck I hat like 999999 something credits in the first game, why couldn't it tranfer over??

And Thane!! My heart! He even prays for you when he's not romanced??? That's it, he is legit the most precious character and no one else comapres. I would die for Thane, I would kill everyone on the Normady for Thane.

But I know Thane would forgive me If I picked Grunt over him bc my son which just makes Thane the most amazing man ever, DRELL ARE SUPERIOR I TELL YOU.

Also so far Drell worship Hanar (kinda) and Hanar worship protheons (kinda) and Javik likes humans(he is all current protheon population)

So by association! Drell and Humans are conncted, and no, I will not give up my tank of copium. Go buy your own. Idk what overdosing is, I have insomnia I forgot.

And aww we can't hit on EDI :( i would've treated her better than Joker.

Yeah I had the same reaction to the flirting with Joker line but just went for it because what's the worst that can happen? He says no and we laught it off.

Imagine if the worst was him retiring from being your pilot and you get soma rando driving the Normady around who now runs at half the speed and takes twice as much gas plus occasionally breaks down and you have to pay 100k credits for repairs.

Oh also then there is this one thing I am sure is exclusive to femshep.

You can sleep with Javik. The protheon. Yes.

But it's not a full romance :"(

He has four eyes I wonder if he has four-

I heard about once upon a time, the show. But never watched it.

I did however watch a random person talk about it in a video essay because I prefer that over watching shows.

This one.

It was fun, I'm not big on fairytales but I enjoyed hearing about it.

The Joker sneak section in ME2 didn't resonate with me much for some reason. It was nice but I didn't feel the pressure at all and with EDI constantly talking it got annoying and I just wanted it to be over.

His jokes were nice but the moment of trusting EDI didn't hit the same way it should've. It didn't feel endearing or earnest.

The sudden flip in their relationship afterwards was too jarring.

I prefer ME3 EDI and Joker dynamic over ME2. However I hate how EDI is becoming a "born sexy yesterday" character by the game when her core as a character is so profound and genuine. She wants to know her purpose, what it means to be alive and all the other characters mention about her is her body which is bleh.

Even some of her dialogues with Joker is just overplayed sex jokes. It's all of her amazing writing vanishes the moment it's not just her and Shepard in a conversation.

Kaidan's voice actor is great! He even stood out to me in the first game. You notice how much more convicnising and immersive his delivery was over the other characters, almost outshined ME1 femshep even.

It's like the dialogue and the way he delievers it fit perfectly. If I just read it, then I get a completely different impression.

The game doesn't have bad voice actors it just has very bad delivery from some characters. It's when someone keeps a constant tone and doesn't portray any emotions or adds any personalisation into the dialogue. It feels tone deaf a lot when what the character is speaking about is something intimiate, yet it sounds the same as asking about the weather.

Still, it is nostalgic in a way, this was extremely common in older games.

[ficbrish]

ME4: Aftermath Chapter 1

"Rubble" [AO3]

Rating: Explicit, 18+ only

Tags: Post-Reaper War, Destroy Ending (Mass Effect), Shepard Survives (Mass Effect), Biotic Shepard (Mass Effect), Colonist (Mass Effect), War Hero (Mass Effect), Sentinel (Mass Effect), Paragade (Mass Effect), Novel, Slow To Update, POV Alternating, Plot, Established Relationship, Queerplatonic Relationships, Eventual Relationships, Adventure & Romance, Fluff and Humor, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Found Family, Rebuilding, Reunions, Canon-Typical Violence, Dorks in Love, I Will Go Down With This Ship

[[TW/CW: Grief, alcohol]]

[All Chapters]

Major Kaidan Alenko was familiar, too familiar, with the feeling of cold steel in his hands, but nothing ever froze between his fingers like the plaque he gripped tightly now. It was engraved with the name of his favorite person.

The crew of the Normandy were all used to sad, difficult things. Some of them had even gone through Commander Shepard’s death before.

It would all be okay.

And yet…

They found themselves wishing they were back in recent time, still in the heat of the Reaper War; even with billions being harvested, because that's when seeing her was as simple as turning a corner. When Shepard was around.

It was a stupid, selfish thought.

The Major's team stood behind him, well, most of them... The holes that EDI and Shepard had left behind cratered into vast gulfs and filled with a mess of stinging, burning grief. It was a glue between them that broke them apart. They were anxious about Kaidan losing it again, and a part of himself was too. 

The time had come to add her name to the wall. They’d all agreed it would be good for him; to be the one who... It’s what she would’ve wanted.

To hold her one more time.

Sort of.

Kaidan breathed deeply and shakily as he stepped towards the memorial. All he needed to do was put her to rest above her Cap- her father’s name. Admiral David Anderson—that call had come once they got their comms restored. Anderson and Shepard confirmed dead.

“What does ‘confirmed’ mean? Do they have a body?” he’d asked, bearing down over Liara’s shoulder while gathering himself together after a particularly rough fit. She was plastered to the computer screen by her wall of monitors.

Liara had been more patient with him lately considering the circumstances, but she still shrugged his added weight off her back.

“She’s gone, Kaidan. I’m so sorry.”

“Did they find a body?”

“Kaidan…”

“Did they?!”

“It’s not going to be like the last time,“ Liara stated mechanically, still not meeting his face.

“You don’t know that,” he said, and repeated, “Did they find a body?”

“It wasn’t clear.”

It was enough to give him hope. Shepard was capable of anything.

He felt a bit silly standing there in front of that wall, another funeral with no body to mourn. It was Tali’s idea, people needed to say goodbye to EDI, Anderson, and… and Shepard. Now that the extranet was partially up and the Normandy was space-worthy, it was time to head out again. It was the perfect moment for closure.

But Kaidan wasn’t ready to say goodbye.

He hesitated a moment before encrusting her name on the tomb. His expression twisted up with the loss of her, and then—

Oh Goddess! Liara thought.

Kaidan turned around and announced to the crew, “She’s not dead! We’re going to find Shepard,” with a gleeful mania about him.

They all groaned.

Liara let out a half-choke, half-inhale. Then burst into tears and fell into Tali’s arms.

“I’m just so stressed out,” she said to reassure everyone, as if that were better.

Vega wasn't trying to be a dick when he asked, “And you all still think putting him in charge was a good idea?”

“Hey now,” Garrus warned, one hand resting on Tali’s shoulder as she comforted Liara.

“Why is everyone upset?” Kaidan asked, “This is great news!”

Garrus gave Liara a look that said, Go get Chakwas.

Liara understood. She nodded, wiped her eyes, and began to sidle out of their small crowd.

“Hey! No! You’re not going to get Dr. Chakwas. I’m fine,” Kaidan insisted.

The way the old crew could effectively communicate without words still impressed and intimidated everyone else. Traynor looked at the floor, shuffling her feet, and suggested, “I could try to strengthen the comms, you know, once we resupply and do some more minor repairs.”

“Now you’re encouraging him,” Vega reprimanded, crossing his arms.

“I think the Major is right,” Javik stated, glaring at Vega.

“Liara, you’re the one who found her last time, and now you have more resources than ever.”

“Exactly, Kaidan. I have more resources than ever and no news,” she snapped.

His face began to fall. 

A moment of silence followed that had nothing to do with respect for the dead.

After a while, Joker blankly said, “I’ll get the ship ready to go,” and hobbled over to the elevator. 

Traynor left for the bar. Vega and Javik followed her, arguing.

Tali put a hand on Kaidan’s arm, a gentle and pitying gesture.

“You have to be prepared for the worst,” she told him in a kind, but hard, voice.

Kaidan covered her hand with one of his, “I know.”

Garrus nodded at him, Kaidan nodded back. He watched Garrus lead Tali away. 

Liara remained.

“She was my best friend,” she stated.

“I know. You were hers.”

“And you just ruined her memorial service.”

He didn’t respond. 

“And now you’re sending the rest of us on a fruitless search—”

“How can you say that?”

“Joker saw the whole thing explode! This isn’t like the last time. Last time she was ejected into space, not incinerated.”

Kaidan was quiet for a while, then said, “I’m sorry I’ve made this so hard on everyone.”

He stepped heavily into the elevator, cradling that plaque in his hands like it was precious.

Humans were terrible at letting go.

*                       *                       *                       *                       *                       *

Gasp!

Dying hurt a lot more this time.

Cough—Cough! Gasp! Cough!

Everything was so dark. At least death in space had given her the stars. 

There were no stars here.

And a lot of pain.

Last time had been painful too, but only for a little while. This time it was constant, a steady wave of excruciating sensations that dulled together into a new feeling of normal. It was so bad it even woke her up.

Woke her up?

Shepard tried to open her eyes but couldn’t see. She tried to move.

But couldn’t do that either.

She was alone.

Then that blissful nothingness enveloped her once again. 

*                       *                       *                       *                       *                       *

The baby was screaming.

“I want everyone able on this search! Scrounge through the rubble until your hands bleed. We need her found, dead or alive.”

The furious voice boomed and filled the room, even over the wailing child. Wrex had not slept in days, and the baby was screaming in his ear. The war had nothing on its aftermath.

Wrex growled, “A body! You hear me? I want a body!”

The other Krogan feared and respected him too much to argue, but they all thought it was pointless. Days had already passed, and they'd found the body of the former Human councilor on the first. Fear and respect aside, there were females to fertilize and extractions to be made. Earth was less populated now, but the Humans would want it back. They needed terms, not a pile of ashes. They needed their leader to lead.

The baby was screaming.

Wrex threw the little monster in the air and caught it. A peaceful smile replaced the noise. He repeated the gesture again and again, grateful for the momentary quiet, and sunk into his thoughts.

“Have communications been able to reach beyond the Sol system yet?”

“No, sir. At least not from us. But people have been able to get news outside of the system via travelers,” answered one of the Human Alliance soldiers assigned to assist him.

Wrex grunted, which made the human nervous. The baby continued to giggle and squeal as she flew between gravity and her father’s arms. 

It had been almost a week, but Shepard could still be alive. That window was closing more every day, and it was dangerously close to being shut for good. Wrex couldn’t let that happen. If they brought back a body, it wouldn’t be one that had expired after the explosion.

“You saw it Wrex,” Bakara kept insisting when he'd come back at night, “With your own eyes. We all did.”

The sky had lit up.

They’d been losing, and they all knew it. 

Then the sky lit up, and the Citadel began to rain down into the atmosphere. Hell had come to take them all home.

Then—

A pulse of red energy swallowed the world, and the monsters went away.

The Reapers were all gone. 

Just like that, while the ruins of the Citadel still fell in brilliant streaks across the red-blue sky.

The Reapers were gone! The Genophage was cured!—He held his own child in his hands! And everyone was telling him to give up on the person who'd made it all happen. 

His own sister.

Wrex caught the baby one more time, then pounded his free fist on the desk.

“I’m going. Somebody get Bakara, or watch this baby.”

He handed the now-delighted child off to the nearest guard.

“Here, you’re her uncle now. Uncle…?”

“Quash Brax”

“Ugh,” Wrex sighed. “Okay, well, uh, have fun with Uncle Brax, kid.”

Then Wrex stormed out of the room.

Why did he always have to do every damn thing himself?

Except when Shepard was around. She never let him work alone.

“And somebody feed those fucking cats while I’m out!” Wrex roared as he barreled through the city’s ruins.

*                       *                       *                       *                       *                       *

Kaidan could still smell her on the bed, but he knew it was only a matter of time before that was gone too. He was lying on it now, looking up at the stars like they did in those last weeks together.

“I get the same feeling when I look at you, you know?” Kaidan had said then.

Shepard smiled and squeezed his hand, “I always wanted to show you this.”

It had been one of the first times they’d spent just lying there on their backs and watching the stars from her bed.

“If I wasn’t such an ass, you could’ve shown me sooner,” he responded.

She laughed at him the way she did when she thought he was being ridiculous.

“You weren’t being an ass, Kaidan. You were being realistic, and I needed that.”

“Heh, was still a bit of an ass, though.”

They could have had one more year together.

There was a knock, and the doors slid open.

“Sorry, automatic,” Liara shrugged apologetically.

Kaidan patted the spot on the bed next to him. Liara took his invitation and joined him. He held out an arm, and she sidled up to his side.

“You need to sleep,” she said, yawning and resting her heavy head on his chest.

“Yeah, well…”

“Yeah,” Liara agreed.

Kaidan sighed, “I’ve been getting on everyone’s nerves, haven’t I?”

“Especially mine,” she joked, and it made him smirk.

“Thank you for, for everything,” Kaidan said, feeling his face turn hot. Twice she had seen him completely surrender to loss. She’d witnessed his wailing. She'd held together while he fell apart; only once joining in his lament, that night as they flew away. 

“You were there for me after Benezia. And after Thessia… It’s what friends do.” Liara said.

He squeezed her shoulder, pressing her against him. Somehow, slowly, they’d become each other’s family.

“But with Benezia, I wasn’t hurting too,” he added, “And Thessia was devastating, but it wasn’t my planet.”

Liara shrugged, “I’ll be fine, Kaidan, “Do not worry about me.”

“Do you remember that last fight?”

Liara tensed up. Kaidan kept talking about everything she just wanted to forget.

“What about it?” she asked.

“I just really thought that was gonna be it. Shepard had that fear in her voice I’d never heard. We all did, and we all kept going—Well, they kept coming. And I kept losing sight of you and Shepard, but you were both right there. I know I won’t shut up about it, I’m sorry, but I never had any siblings and… I’ve just never felt as close to anyone as I have with you and her. I got through all that because we were a team. Now I’m getting through this, I think, I don’t know... But I’m only able to stay together because—”

“We’re a team,” Liara finished for him, and patted his hand. He nodded.

“I wouldn’t worry about it, Kaidan. Everyone’s been getting on everyone’s nerves,” she said kindly after a bit.

“I feel like we should do something about that, don’t you?”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know. Get everyone together in one room? Air it out? Do something fun together?”

“I have no energy for that," Liara sighed, "but it sounds necessary.”

“I just don’t want it all to fall apart like the last time she—,” he stopped.

“I know, me neither,” she agreed tiredly and yawned, “So Alenko, what do you have in mind?”

The two friends began planning how to null the Normandy’s growing chasm, their eyes lazily tracing the stars as they passed by above them.

*                       *                       *                       *                       *                       *

It was an awkwardly wide chasm. What had erupted into a stir-crazy, spiraling rash once they’d gotten back into space began with a restless itch inside them all from being trapped in the unknown on some random planet.

They’d landed on fucking Pragia. That haunted, overflowing jungle planet.

“I’ve been here before,” Tali said on their second stuck day, “It’s fucking Pragia.”

What Cerberus had done there to biotic children made Brain Camp look like a nurturing environment. Thankfully, they seemed to be nowhere near that facility, or what was left of it.

Ghosts weren’t a problem. The vegetation was.

“This is bullshit,” Vega complained, unloading a round of ammo into a patch of vines woven thickly around the Normandy. Kaidan had commanded them to work in groups; food, water, repairs, plants. Vega and Cortez were on vine duty again. They grew back with madness every few hours.

“I know,” Cortez agreed, panting. The humidity turned the suppression of their rifles' recoil into a real fight, “These vines are as aggressive as Turian Twinks during Pride.”

“Huh?”

Cortez sighed, “Nothing.”

The day they'd crash-landed was indescribable. It took only a few moments to turn everything hopeless. Months of scrounging to save the entire galaxy parred down to overwhelming seconds of FUBAR. It was agony, and then it was over.

Just like that.

Most of them were alive; some didn’t make it.

But most of them were alive. The galaxy was going to continue.

There wasn’t room for much else other than deep relief, but loss was so damn loud.

The second day was just as surreal but structured too. Kaidan had limped out of the Med-bay to address everyone. He looked rough, but spoke kindly and with consideration. They'd all agreed without words to put him in charge.

“I know you’re all eager to get back in the sky, but we have to do this right instead of fast,” Major Alenko told them.

Kaidan knew what it meant to be led by a monster—Vyrnnus, and a legend—Shepard. He was sure he could at least accomplish middle ground. It was the same thing he'd told himself when commanding his biotic squad.

He’d expected to hear opposition, but no one made a sound. They were all looking to him the way they’d looked to her.

“We have fuel, but not much,” Kaidan went on explaining, “Communications are still silent, so we don’t know what’s waiting for us up there. If we rush, and there’s no active fuel stations—Well… So, we have to wait until we know for sure.”

Everyone just looked at him, waiting for more. Kaidan didn’t know what else to give them other than blind hope.

“We’ve got this. We’re Shepard’s—We’re the crew of the Normandy.”

And, oh god, there it was: Pity.

“First things first,” Kaidan continued in a lighter tone, “We’ve gotta do something about those fucking vines before they trap us here forever.”

The windows had grown thick with them overnight.

“What about the engine?” Tali asked.

“That too,” Kaidan said, “It needs some repairs. Luckily, they’re minor. By the time we get in touch with anyone, we’ll probably be good to go.”

“What if there’s no one out there?” asked a faceless voice in the crowd.

People parted and revealed a member of the crew, Hiverson. They’d picked him up sometime towards the end. He'd only been there for the assault on the Cerberus base and battle for Earth. The Normandy wasn’t his sanctuary; home was far away. His face was pale brown, and afraid.

“They’re out there,” Kaidan said stubbornly.

Hiverson didn’t nod his head. The crowd, still strangers to him, swallowed up the staring crewman. His concern hung in the air.

They had to be out there.

“Any more questions?” the Major asked with a clap of his hands.

“No?” Kaidan repeated after more expectant staring, “Okay! Then let’s get into groups. Tali and Garrus, I want you on the engine with Joker. Help out Adams, Gabby, and Ken. Liara, you work with Traynor and try to get a signal. Vega, Javik, and Cortez, I want you to find a water source. Chakwas, come with me. Maybe we can find something edible to lessen the pressure on our stores. The rest of you, grab a gun and clear these vines before they cover every inch.”

Everyone took part, and everyone rotated roles—except for Tali and Garrus. It became apparent by the fourth day that they were only ever on repairs. Truth was, Kaidan was afraid to risk his dextro-amino friends on a world made for levo-amino life. They were cut off from the galaxy. If anything happened to them here… but he wouldn’t let it. The food and medicine remaining for them was another story though, and out of his control. The Normandy's dextro-supplies hadn't been restocked before the last battle.

They had to get out of here.

“Hey, L2!” Vega called out when he saw Kaidan coming back from the jungle, “How about you go get your pals to give us a break?”

It was Anderson who taught him that poking fun at command was a good thing. It built trust, and relieved tension. Annoying each other could be a beneficial type of play. Let them have fun and they’ll listen. Even after that whole incident when… with her visit. Just let it happen, Anderson had advised him. Be in charge, but be a person.

Vega could call him “L2” all he wanted. At least for now.

“Because my pals are already working on another very important task,” the Major answered.

“Yeah, but Adams has already been out here with Gabby and Ken.”

“Watch it, Meathead,” Cortez warned, “the Major might start to think you’re questioning his orders.”

“Question away,” Kaidan said, “There’s no reason to keep anyone in the dark concerning my decisions. Especially now. That being said, you want a break? I can take over.”

“That would be great!” Vega said, joyfully shoving his gun over to Kaidan and walking briskly towards the ship’s entrance. Traynor ran into him on her way out.

“So sorry!” she apologized as she continued her mad dash over to Kaidan and Cortez.

Traynor was out of breath when she reached them, but spoke anyway. “Major! Liara—go!" she panted, hands on her knees, "A message!”

Kaidan took off at a run, bumping into Vega on his way in.

Oh god, was the elevator always this slow?!

He bolted from its doors as they opened to the crew’s quarters, and flew over to Liara’s cabin.

“Do we have a connection?” he asked desperately, bursting inside.

Liara nodded.

“There’s a message,” she said. But something was wrong. There was no enthusiasm.

He joined her side to stare at the screen.

Reaper forces defeated. Citadel moved to Earth and destroyed. Council safe. Captain Anderson and Commander Shepard confirmed dead.

The message was signed by Admiral Hackett, broadcast out into the vastness of known space to anyone who could receive it.

“Comms are back online,” Liara stated dryly.

That’s when Kaidan lost it. He stopped breathing when he read those words, and it returned in violent shudders.

Liara shut the door, and a sound like a wounded animal crept along the Normandy’s walls. She spared him from being seen, but they’d all heard their commander break.

So, Tali thought it would be a good idea to have a memorial service.

*                       *                       *                       *                       *                       *

Could somebody turn the lights down, please? They’re too bright.

She saw white and red before she was aware of anything else. Snow and blood.

“Shepard?”

A voice like roasted gravel.

Her throat was dry-locked, so she couldn’t get the question out.

Is this death?

A rough, hot hand pressed her arm.

“Take it easy, now.”

She closed her eyes and opened them again.

The sight before her was so beautiful it brought tears to her eyes.

*                       *                       *                       *                       *                       *

Kaidan’s hope was infectious, a pathogen born out of refusal, not fact. Joker was doing his best to not let it grate on his nerves. 

Their fragile friendship had started to mend over the war but frayed again after the funeral. It was almost like the last time Shepard died, but with no one to blame. Over the past few days, they’d gone from brothers-in-loss to colleagues who tolerated each other.

Joker’s own hopes refused to shut up when Kaidan’s were so loud. It was cruel. They were never going to get them back, and they both needed to accept that.

Kaidan got in the way.

“What are you doing in here?” Her voice startled Joker from his thoughts.

She caught him over by the fried blue box again, with the body laid out respectfully underneath. She found him standing around here a lot lately.

“Jesus, Traynor. You scared me.”

“Sorry," she quipped, smirking shyly and looking at her feet, "I didn’t know I was scary.” 

“Yeah, well…”

Traynor nodded. Joker looked away.

Déjà vu, they’d done this before. A few times now. One would run into the other whenever they came by here.

Liara's smooth voice suddenly came over the loudspeaker, “Normandy crew to the bar. Port Observatory, toodle sweetie to the lounge!” Something in her tone was playful.

Then it was distant, small, and matter of fact. “The what? I don’t understand… I said tooth sweet. No, I’m not still—” rang her voice through every room.

“Oh, great. What are they doing on my intercom?” Joker asked frustratedly, masking his relief at the interruption. He let Traynor exit first.

He took one last look after she left, then tried to sneak his way back to the helm but was intercepted by Vega at the elevator.

“You’re coming with me, sad boy,” he said, grabbing him by the shoulders and spinning him around.

“Easy! It’s like you’re a yeti and you’re trying to maul me,” he chastised as Vega guided him, captive, towards the Port Observatory.

“Yeah, you’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

Joker rolled his eyes.

Everyone else seemed to spill into the room behind them.

Liara and Kaidan were already behind the bar, mixing drinks. The way they were smiling and joking was, frankly, a little scary. 

“Thank you all for coming,” Kaidan started, “My lovely blue friend and I realized something. In all the commotion and stress, we, ah, never really celebrated our victory.”

“We thought it would be good for us all to get together and share a drink,” Liara said.

“Or a few drinks, and clear the air,” Kaidan continued.

“Like a party?” Tali excitedly asked.

“Yes!” Kaidan said a little too loudly, pointing at her with the bottle in his hand, “Exactly like a party!”

“It’s like survivor’s guilt, but fun!” Liara added.

Kaidan entered something on his omni-tool and music started playing. A deep, electronic beat thrummed through the room.

Joker didn’t like the unhinged, unblinking look in both their eyes.

“I’m in!” Garrus exclaimed, and Tali stood on her toes to give him a high-five.

Cortez walked up to the bar and picked up two drinks, “¿Qué dices, Vega?”

“Wait!" Liara shouted, holding up two others, "Those are for Garrus and Tali, take these.”

They all crowded around the bar until each had a glass. Then they looked to Kaidan.

He nodded at the group and said, “To us, and to… to our girls. EDI and Essie.”

As one, they raised their glasses and drank deeply. It was going to be a long night, but at least there was alcohol.

Suddenly, Traynor threw her top off and stood there in her bra. Everyone turned to her, astounded.

“What?" she asked the room. "It was going to happen anyway. Might as well while I can still remember it.”

“No fair!” Tali whined, desperate to join in.

“If she’s doing it, I’m doing it,” Cortez announced, halfway free of his shirt already.

“That’s why I don’t mess with buttons," Vega undressed a lot faster than Cortez, "Takes too long.” His sleeveless undershirt flew to the other side of the room.

“Double no fair!”

Garrus draped his arms around Tali to comfort her.

Joker actually chuckled as he walked back over to the bar.

“I saw that,” Kaidan said, taking Joker’s glass to refill it.

“Yeah, well, fuck you,” he said with a weak smirk.

“Love you too, Joker.”

“You can’t use the L-word unless you’re really serious about us,” Joker quipped, grinning.

Dammit.

Joker was planning to sulk, but there was Kaidan getting in the way again.

*                       *                       *                       *                       *                       *

Shepard blinked. The pain was different now.

She was lying down on something soft.

It was still way too bright.

Before Shepard was aware of anything, her vision began to clear. Something large and alive was there with her, wherever she was. 

She closed her eyes and opened them again.

“Wrex?!”

“Shepard!”

“Wrex!”

“Shepard!” he shouted again, jumping up and clapping his hands against his head, “Grunt! Get in here!”

The younger Krogan slammed through the door, making it burst off its hinges. The surprised screams from the hospital staff could be heard through the walls.

“Shepard!

“Grunt!”

“Shepard!” Wrex called again.

“Wrex!” she cried out.

“Shepaaard!” Grunt grumbled.

“Grunt!”

It went on for a while like that, even after they started embracing and crying.

She'd made it! They'd made i—

“Oh, fuck! She passed out!” Wrex called out, “Nurse!”

“Nuuurse!” Grunt shouted, barreling out of the room. The door hit the floor with a loud smack.

*                       *                       *                       *                       *                       *

“Luckily she’s the fastest ship in the galaxy, but we’ve never been without relays before. All our ships were built with them in mind,” Joker explained, slurring very slightly.

Javik chuckled, “So were ours.”

“Presumably, so was everyone’s,” Liara added.

The three of them were sitting off to the side while everyone else was gathered around the poker table. These days, having been stuck and then coming back from nowhere, it was rarely without a crowd. Chakwas and Adams had even come over to join the game.

“I’ve got you now, Vakarian!” Vega exclaimed.

Liara could see Garrus glaring without even turning her head. Maybe it was the effect of her fourth drink, but she smirked.

“Is it harder without the robot?” Javik asked.

Joker sighed. His eyes moistened.

“Yeah, it’s been really hard. Thanks for asking.”

“I meant the navigation,” Javik corrected blankly.

Joker stared back.

Liara couldn’t help but laugh a little, and Joker joined in.

“What?” Javik asked.

Liara and Joker laughed a bit harder.

“You smug prick fuck!” Traynor shouted, startling them.

Kaidan had just won another round. “Your hatred only feeds me,” he chuckled proudly, gathering the pile of chips on the table into his arms.

Joker answered Javik’s original question, “Thanks to that firecracker over there, it hasn’t been as rough to navigate as it should be. She’s crazy, but she’s a genius.”

Liara took another sip and said, “That’s because all women are crazy to you, Joker. Non-Humans too!"

“What can I say?” he shrugged, “I’m a man, a Human man at that!”

Vega called over to them from the table, “What’s he saying over there about Human men? Joker giving us all a bad name?”

“Being fair,” Adams said, “Human men give us all a bad name every day.”

“Ouch! I happen to like Human men,” Cortez replied.

“Yeah, you do!” Vega said, holding up his hand for a high-five that Traynor met with a loud slap.

“Joker was just being a bigot, nothing new,” Liara informed the group.

They all groaned.

“I might have to meet you outside after school,” Tali warned, an obvious smirk in her masked expression.

“That’s right, everyone pick on the guy who can’t hit back without breaking something,” he said.

“Come on, Joker. What did you say this time?” Kaidan prodded.

Liara saw a certain expression darken Joker’s face. She turned to Kaidan and gave him a look from across the room that told him to back off. She saw him nod in acknowledgment.

“Joker thinks all non-Humans and women are crazy,” Javik stated.

“Might someone remind Mr. Moreau that his doctor is a woman?” Chakwas asked.

“I wasn’t serious,” Joker said defensively, “It’s in the name. Never listen to me.”

Liara smiled and leaned back in her seat. There hadn’t been banter on the Normandy like this since… 

And it was nice. 

It made her think of the party Shepard had on the Citadel, and suddenly she really missed Wrex. She hadn’t thought about him since they'd left Earth. Where was he now? She hoped he was okay.

The game finished with Tali sneaking up from behind and wiping everyone out. Unlike the party Shepard just had a few weeks ago, everyone decided to go to bed before they got through about a bottle each. They all cleared out after, leaving Liara and Kaidan behind to clean. The gathering had been their idea, plus biotics made the job easier and quicker.

“I’d say that was a success,” Kaidan stated, satisfied.

“I just hope it lasts for a while,” Liara added, floating the dirty glasses left lying around and placing them on the bar. Kaidan then cycled them through the automatic washer.

“Yeah," he agreed darkly, "I, uh, wouldn't want things to go back the way they just were." 

They continued in silence for a while, then he said, “I just wish she were here.”

Liara stopped what she was doing.

“I know,” she said.

“I’m sorry,” his voice was breaking, “I don’t want to drag us down.”

She sighed and put a hand on his shoulder.

“Kaidan, you’re okay. Just be sad if you’re sad.”

“You’re right. I’m sorry.”

“And stop apologizing,” she added. He looked up at her and smiled weakly. His eyes were red.

She wanted to comfort her friend. “We’re going to find her,” Liara said, taking his hand, “I promise.”

She didn’t know if she was lying, or if she actually believed it.

Fuck you, Kaidan. Liara thought, You were right.

It felt better to hope.

[Next Chapter]

[All Chapters]

[theseventhoffrostfall]

Thoughts on mass effect?

The idea of the setting, the base universe presented in, like, the codex, is a solid one that I could easily see being among one of my enduring favorites. That is not the universe that's actually portrayed.

And this time I'm not talking about the games themselves, like how your approaches to problems are all either brute intimidation or touchy-feely idealism with no meaningful way to accomplish anything as a rational person trying to mediate problems, or the obligatory "your squadmates are emotional wrecks so there can be an obligatory token character arc where you fix them"

I mean like you know how Turians are supposed to be duty-bound, stoic, professional and have a severe aversion to lying, mostly on account of their culture but partially because of their psychology and the physiological makeup of their brains? Yeah, every single Turian portrayed is just a human. Not just Garrus, who acts like a human and denigrates himself as a "bad Turian", all of them. Salarians are supposed to be analytical, intelligent and conniving, with little concept of romance or sexuality? Every Salarian is a human that talks fast.

The codexes go into great detail about the different styles of warfare among the various races, and while I'm aware that it's an action-RPG and not a grand scale Battlefield type game, every single race just throws disorganized gangs of infantry at you.

It's like someone was hired from outside the company to build up a universe that would pass muster in a grand strategy game where, though characters aren't a focus, differing factions are supposed to be fundamentally distinct, and then that universe was handed to Bioware's writers. Bioware's writers are not sci-fi writers; they're certainly not military or investigative or political sci-fi writers. They have no interest in writing about political intrigue or anything from a non-human perspective, or even from a professional, big-picture-thinking, realpolitik-accustomed, has-bigger-problems-than-family-drama-in-suburban-Canada human perspective. Everything interesting about the universe had to be baked out so they could write about every single character's father issues.

I know Mass Effect 2 is supposed to be the good one, it's certainly the one everyone sucks off, but that torpedoed half the concepts of the setting more than 3 did. The Terminus systems were supposed to be a wild stretch on the edge of space, with a host of races that barely acknowledged the Council's existence. What we saw in 2 was a bunch of scummy criminals and shitty colonies from the established races. It's less the wild west and more the wrong side of the tracks. Humanity's the fast-growing galactic newcomer in the first game, politically unified and generally having not a ton of contact with other races yet. Second game, not only are there somehow generations of humans living in the ass-ends of the Galaxy like Omega station, but decades prior a human had enough reputation and political pull to co-found a major mercenary group. Mercenary groups themselves being just thug gangs and drug runners and criminals with no mention of training, being mostly former legitimate military personnel, or indeed ever being hired on as contracted soldiery is another topic for another time.

The concept of "Spectres", while indeed also in the codices and the first game, is just fucking silly. It doesn't exist for the benefit of the universe, it exists because Bioware for some fuckoff reason is addicted to creating a special above the law faction of player characters to justify the player character acting like a player character, because writing better scenarios than the PC having ultimate agency and authority (theoretically, they're bad at portraying it) is almost as hard as writing a military officer as a professional who doesn't let whatever family issues he may or may not have effect his work. Again, the whole concept doesn't jibe with the rest of the universe, because how do you convince member-states, let alone barely-not-hostile Terminus powers to let unilaterally appointed, unvetted agents run around their territory with the explicit injunction that they're above the law and above any political consideration. The response when you show up to an active crime scene saying "I'm a Spectre, let me through on Council authority" shouldn't be "Oh my god, you're a spectre!? [You must be a great and wise hero/you must be an incredible badass, please don't hurt me!]", It should be "What? Who the fuck do you think you are? How about you tell this fucking gun barrel you're above its jurisdiction, and you can hightail it on back to your ship to kiss the Council's ass right after you kiss mine"

Also, I'm aware it's a petty point, but "all keyboards are holograms and the only ways to use technology are either wearing special gloves or surgically implanting microchips in your fingers, trust us this is better than an actual fucking keyboard" is completely idiotic. I like flashy sci-fi high-techness probably more than the next guy but at a certain point you're just throwing in nonsense to prove how high-tech the setting is without even thinking for a second what it would be like to live in this universe.

Last point, the fact that human genetic engineering is banned by the Council for vague reasons is retarded, for the same political reasons (the response should be "who the fuck are you to dictate internal affairs, let alone what we do with our own genome"). Same with the aversion to overt cybernetics. They just either didn't want to model people having biological or cybernetic modifications or cope with the fact that maybe the player would like some sickass laser arm cannons, or, unlikely, they didn't want to have to also write about the existential and similar issues relating to cybernetics, mind-machine interface and DNA modification

[vakarian-shepard]

26 and 37 from the shep asks!

(also i’m sorry, i haven’t had the chance to play mea yet 😅)

(it's okay lmao i havent touched it until now since 2017)

26. Does your Shepard have a romance? Who are they, and what drew Shep to them?

She romances Garrus! They just get along really well and he makes her feel really safe and grounded, especially after the whole 'dying' thing. He was the first familiar face aside from Joker and Chakwas that she saw, and he really knew her way better than either of them. He made her feel like she was a real person again, and he was great for keeping her grounded from the like... everything that could set her off into a spiral in those early days.

37. Got any bad habits?

Forgets to eat. Fights sleep until she is literally about to pass out.

fifty questions for commander shepard

[shizuu-chann]

Let’s spread some positive vibes by remembering what we love about the trilogy. Fill in and tag your friends. Feel free to add your own categories to this survey.

tagged by @togepies, thanks again for including me!

Tagging with zero pressure: @nicolasadrabbles and @iheartgarrus

I’ve been a fan since: technically Andromeda, but I only played Andromeda first bc the LE was coming out in a few months. I loved the Dragon Age series before that, and I figured I would probably like ME, but the old graphics were a major turn-off for me. When the LE was announced, I got really excited bc it was another BioWare series I could binge and adore, but it wasn't out yet. My friend had just finished Andromeda and convinced me to try it, and now it's probably my favorite game series ever~

Favorite game of the series:  ME2! While I love ME3 because the graphics are beautiful, and you get more substance out of romantic relationships (Garrus, specifically), ME2 has my favorite vibe. You're kind of a rogue agent, assembling a team of the most dangerous and skilled people in the galaxy, and they all become a sort of found family for Shepard after the Alliance and the Council hang you out to dry. Plus, I love the interface for the game; the orange menu screen is easy on my eyes, and I like the clicky selection noises <3

MaleShep or FemShep?: FemShep <3 I love her so much. Played MaleShep once, and I loved him, too, but it really feels like FemShep is THE Shep to me.

Earthborn, Colonist or Spacer?: Colonist

Paragon or Renegade? Paragon (close to ParaGade, but not quite)

Biotics or Tech? Tech, but biotics are really cool.

Favorite class: Infiltrator! I don't really love any class in ME1, but ME2/3 make Infiltrator the fucking best. Tactical cloak and sniper rifle, my beloveds. Vanguard is a close second.

Favorite companions: Garrus, Zaeed, Mordin, Tali, Wrex, Grunt, EDI~

Least favorite companions: Kaidan and Jacob. I have nothing against either of them personally, honest, and I think they're generally good characters. But Kaidan bores me, I find him wholly uninteresting, and Jacob is just repackaged Kaidan, imho.

My squad selection: ME1: this changes every playthrough, honestly. Often it's Garrus and someone else, most recently Ashley. Others it's Ashley and someone else, most often Wrex. ME2: Usually Zaeed and Garrus; those two are my go-tos and my faves. Current run is Garrus and Miranda, but I've taken Grunt a fair bit. ME3 is, surprise-surprise, most often Garrus and someone else, but I try to tailor squad selection to each mission so I can get the most interesting story dialogue.

Favorite in-game romance: Shepard and Garrus <3

Other pairings I like: I cannot pair my Shep with anyone else, so it's difficult, but I do appreciate others. I like FemShep with Tali, Liara, Ashley, Miranda, and Jack (bc I just think all the characters should be bi, lol).

Favorite NPC: I'm choosing multiple--Aria T'Loak, Joker, I adore Hackett, and Anderson.

Favorite antagonist: The Illusive Man in ME2. Sure, you're cooperating with him, but he's definitely an antagonist.

Favorite mission: ME1: If we're talking purely vanilla game, probably Feros. Otherwise, maybe the Bring Down the Sky DLC. ME2: Thane's recruitment or the Suicide Mission, if we're excluding loyalty missions. ME3: Grissom Academy.

Favorite loyalty mission: Oooh, tough. I really like most of them. It's a toss-up between two, but for different reasons: either Garrus's or Samara's.

Favorite DLC: ME1: To my knowledge, there was only one for ME1, besides pinnacle Station, but that couldn't be added to the LE. ME2: Lair of the Shadow Broker--LOVE the level designs. ME3: Super original and revolutionary: the Citadel, lol. That's the canon ending in my mind. OH! But I also love the Omega DLC! Hmm...

Control, Synthesis or Destroy?: Destroy, but I also change a bunch of that ending in my mind, too. Namely, that EDI and the geth live and the Citadel isn't destroyed.

Favorite weapon: N7 Valiant sniper rifle <333

Favorite place: Omega or Illium

A quote I like: The whole exchange during Priority: Rannoch right before Shepard takes on a Reaper on foot. There's so many, many of them from Joker. But, for the sake of choosing: "This is why I love hanging out with you guys! Why shoot something once when you can shoot it 46 more times!" --Urdnot Wrex, 2186

[adozentothedawn]

To be a bit more positive on here before I leave in four days and won't be able to play Andromeda again for three weeks. (Might play Dragon Age though cause my laptop can run that.)

Love Jaal! Best boy in the game. Also together with Vetra and occasionally Drack when he feels like it the only adult. I will never grow tired of him just being agressively adult about things and everyone just being thrown by it. Also the banter between him and the others are alyways great. I still think they did integrate the information exchange between Angara and Initiative well, but the things that are there are great, both in lore and in humour. I also just reached Kadara and his reactions are gold, he's just so annoyed by everything. He's usually so calm about most things but here he's just so grumpy. xD The things he's not calm about are also great! Hoh boy, BioWare actually dealing with the emotional fallout of certain situations? Consider me shocked and pleasantly surprised. Jaal dealing with the exaltation reveal is really well handled. Kudos on that! He is also very relatable just in general and his private moments on the Tempest are very nice.

Peebee! I didn't set out to romance her because I didn't really jive with her design, but I encountered her and immediately went '... Oh fuck, she's cute' and she is. Very cute. She also gave me the best courting gift ever, that VI is basically an upgraded version of my beloved assault turret, I am absolutely seduced. She is a delight to have around and I'm curious to see where her character arc goes.

Vetra! Oh Vetra, beloved of my life, horribly relatable wife, you and your sister will be the end of me. Mom of the group in the best way and I am okay with her taking her time to really get into the romance. I would also be really interested in like a short story with her and Garrus, cause I feel like they would play off of each other in fascinating ways. I think she would really make him uncomfortable with her points but he wouldn't be able to really say why. She is wonderful addition both just on her own and as a counterpoint to Garrus in the original trilogy.

Suvi! To be honest I just had Suvi saved in my brain as 'the human' and later 'the lesbian human' and didn't really expect much out of her, but she was the breaking point for me to get the poly mod. And yes it also is the accent. xD But also just her character, she's funny, she's interesting, she's charming and just a little bit awkward in a confident way. I also think (from what I've seen for now) that her religion deal got handled with a lot more care then Ashley's. I will also say though that I have yet to do my Ashley run (though I intend to) so that is only based of ME1, so take that opinion with a grain of salt. But where Ashley to me came across as 'space Christian cause haha religion in sci-fi am I right?' Suvi got a much more nuanced (though still distinctly monotheistic so you know) take on faith that I find interesting to explore. She also for now seems more interested in god as creator figure rather than a leader figure, which also helps. I am interested to see where they'll take it anyway.

Drack and Kesh! All the others before are people I am romancing on this run, but Drack and Kesh also deserve a spot. The Krogans are not necessarily always badly handled in the trilogy, in fact I like both Wrex and Grunt very much, but they are also very easy to fuck up and just make into the 'haha violence' people and neither Kesh nor Drack are that. Sure Dreck has a bit of that, but it's never the only thing. He also doesn't feel like a character who just enjoys violence just for its own sake. Even when he's out alone when you meet him, he is in the end fighting still for his people and for Kesh. And he also has nuanced opinions and is not an idiot. He thinks it was right for his people to leave but he also agrees with Kesh's decision to stay. And Kesh herself is also a very refreshing representation of a Krogan woman. I like Bekara, but she is a very distinctive form of character and her being the only Krogan woman in the whole trilogy does not help that. Kesh is not that character. She acknowledges the genophage and its effects, but she is very distinctly not here to make babies or dwell on the fact she can't. She's here to handle shit and get some work done to help everyone including her own people. And Drack supports that! Their relationship is very sweet and I really appreciate that it comes from two Krogans especially. Similarly I really like Drack and Vetra's bonding over being/having been a provider for a younger loved one.

Kandros. I just think he's neat. He's such a vibe honestly.

Infinite levels! Hell yeah! My bullshit completionist heart can grind and get literally every ability maxed!

The combat (kinda). See I don't really do the combat like the game wants me to. At this point what I do is collect as many power upgrades as I can, throw out my assault turret, throw out the remnant VI, cast a biotic shield, and then watch everything die. xD I'm having great fun with that honestly. I do wish I was able to equip more abilities though.

[swordsandshields99]

Chapters: 1/7 Fandom: Mass Effect Trilogy, Mass Effect - All Media Types Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Additional Tags: Friendship, Friendship/Love, Romance, Fluff and Smut @cactuarkitty - thanks! :)  Day 1 - Beach Day (Tried to give it a Citadel DLC vibe) Smut in Italics and sectioned, feel free to skip :)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Yo, Shepard, can we talk to you for a second?” Jack’s voice came across the comms. “Sure thing. Did someone break something?” Shepard tried to tease the biotic. “Not yet, but I can’t promise not to break the cheerleader's arm if she doesn’t stop tapping her fingers on the console in a condescending way.”

Shepard sighed and put down the armor she was cleaning. She made her way to the elevator. “Hey Edi, if anyone is actually about to kill each other, let me know.”

“Of course, Shepard. If I were to inform you each time Jack complained about Operative Lawson, I believe you wouldn’t have any free time.”

“True enough,” Shepard chuckled. The AI was really growing on her.

Shepard exited the lift and turned into the mess hall, and was surprised to see her entire ground crew sitting around the long table. She glanced at Garrus, but he gave nothing away, other than popping a mandible out to the side in a sarcastic half-grin. “What’s all this about?”

“Shepard, it seems the crew have been discussing our current course of action,” Miranda started.

“You mean, our current course of non-action?” Shepard cut in.

“Yes,” Miranda said slowly. “Garrus has been adamant that he has tried to persuade you not to return to the Alliance.”

“He has, and as I told him, I’ve made up my mind. It’s something I have to do.”

“You don’t have to do shit,” Jack countered.

“You could go to the Council, Shepard. You’re a spectre, with spectre authority. They’ll be just as displeased as the Alliance, but they can use that authority to ride out the storm. The Alliance is just going to lock you up. Or worse. You don’t deserve that.” By the time Tali finished, she was wringing her hands and bouncing slightly on her feet.

Shepard looked down, “Listen, I appreciate your concern. But if I don’t go and take the fall, the political fall out will be detrimental to the Alliance. I might be a Spectre, but everyone in the galaxy knows where I came from.”

There was a horribly awkward silence in the room.

“I promise, I won’t let it affect any of you. Your names will all stay out of the report, and I will be adamant about the fact that I went there alone.”

“I could give two shits about what other people think. I still think you should take me up on the piracy thing,” Jack said, crossing her arms and nearly pouting. Shepard nearly laughed at the stance. Jack looked back at her. “It’s a nice ship. Stealth drives and all. Perfect opportunity wasted.”

“She’s not wrong,” Kasumi said, appearing out of thin air next to Jack.

“FUCKING SHIT!” Jack said, “God damn it I hate it when you do that.”

Kasumi blew her a kiss as she disappeared.

“Siha, it appears you are not willing to change your mind,” Thane said as calmly as ever.

“I find it admirable,” Samara nodded her head.

“I think falling on your sword to protect the very people who put you in the situation, the same people who expect you to follow orders blindly and not take responsibility for their own actions, isn’t exactly admirable,” Garrus said darkly, still leaning back in his chair.

Shepard knew he was angry. She didn’t blame him. But she kept a cool mask of command on her face. “I’m not changing my mind.”

“Then we would ask for a few days dry-docked. For repairs,” Miranda said slowly.

“Repairs? I thought we were nearly done with repairs. You all have been working around the clock on the Normandy.”

“Yes, well, there’s a few things we could take a look at on the outer hull. It’d be safer on the ground. We thought perhaps, since we’re close, we could stop here.” Miranda pulled out a map and pointed to a spot on the planet below. “We’ve actually been planning this since we left the Bahak System.”

Shepard blew out a small stream of air.

“The crew needs a break, Shep,” Garrus said.

“And time to say goodbye,” Tali added.

“Fine,” Shepard said. “You have anything to add Joker?”

“Not since you ever so reasonably agreed, no. Setting a landing trajectory now. Ready EDI?”

“Ready, Jeff.”

--------------------------------------------------------------

Shepard was sitting at her desk, finishing the last of the reports she had. She’d always hated filling out reports. Now though, she thought she might end up missing even this. She wasn’t sure what the Alliance had planned for her. A trial? Jail time? A harsher sentence? She didn’t think they’d hand her over to the Batarians, but the thought was still there in the back of her mind. When she had mentioned it to Garrus, he said he’d be there breaking her out before she even reached a Batarian system. And she hadn’t argued.

Just as she thought of him, he walked through her cabin doors. “Done with those reports yet?” he drawled.

“This is the last one,” she said as she signed off and sent it. “Done.” She blew out a breath and stretched her arms above her head. She looked over at Garrus, and saw he was carrying a duffle bag, and was dressed in shorts and a Turian style t-shirt. She couldn’t help but chuckle, “I know you’re not on duty, but that’s a little informal. Aren’t you freezing?”

“I am freezing my ass off Shep, but I won’t be for long. Let’s go.”

“Onto the surface?”

“Yeah, where else? I’m not letting you spend your last shore leave in this cabin.”

“Hmmm,” she said suspiciously.

“Here,” he said as he threw the duffle at her. “Put these on.”

Shepard opened the bag and rose her eyebrows at him, “I can’t tell if this is practical, or if you just want me in a bikini.”

Garrus laughed, throwing his head forward and shaking it slightly. “Maybe it’s both?” He took out the sunscreen from her bag. “And don’t forget this.”

“Do you need some too?” she asked as she started spraying it on.

He shook his head. “The sun and radiation would have to be a hell of a lot stronger for me to need something like that. Palaven’s sun throws a lot more than this one.”

She nodded, “All right, all right Mr. Tough Guy, I got it.” She stripped off her civvies and threw on the bikini and sun dress. She put her hair in a braid that came over her shoulder. “All right, let’s do this.” She wouldn’t have planned a vacation. It wouldn’t have felt right. But her crew planning it, or needing it? That was a different story. And she was grateful.

They walked throughout the empty ship towards the cargo bay doors. “Where is everybody?” she asked.

“Already down there,” he said. “I think they were excited.”

Shepard stepped off the ship and was shocked. It was stunningly beautiful. It reminded her of when her parents had taken her to Jamaica once when she was young. “Wow,” she said softly. There was nothing within many kilometers of them. Not a soul in sight other than their ship and crew. “A private beach?”

Kasumi walked up to her with a small cooler, “Take your pick, Shep,” she said with a smile. There were beer and wine coolers. Shepard took one and thanked Kasumi. “The Dextro beers are all over by Tali,” Kasumi said before she skipped away.

"She’s even in a cloak on beach day,” Garrus rumbled, wiggling his brow plates at her.

Shepard laughed and walked towards Tali, “Go get a beer, big guy.”

“SHEEPPHHEEERRDD,” a loud voice boomed from a ways down the beach. Shepard looked down and saw Grunt splashing through the water with a small pistol, shooting at fish. “This is fun, heheh,” he said to himself as he picked up a fish he had somehow managed to shoot.

“Aww,” Zaeed said sarcastically before rolling his eyes. The man was sitting on a lounging chair with 5 beer cans on the sand around him. He laid back, closing his eyes before saying, “Good day Shepard. Good day.”

Joker was sitting next to the man with his eyes shut as well. “If I get a sunburn, I’m blaming you.”

Shepard threw her sunscreen at him. “If you get sunburned, you’ll worry EDI.”

“Har-har,” he said grumpily as he started spraying the sunscreen.

Thane was down the beach further, on the opposite end of Grunt Shepard noticed, showing Samara something that resembled Tai Chi. Actually, Shepard was pretty sure it was Tai Chi. She could still remember all the moves from when she took classes aboard her mother’s starship as a kid. She joined them silently, and allowed herself to meditate peacefully.

Once she’d had enough, she stopped, unsure of how much time had passed. Samara and Thane gave her small smiles as she walked away. She found Garrus was shooting blanks with a sniper rifle into the trees. Suddenly, Shepard saw the shimmer of failed shields and Kasumi’s cloak came down. “Damn!” the thief swore. “How in the hell did you know where I was that time?”

Garrus shrugged, “A gentlemen never tells.”

Tali swooped in from behind and jumped up to grab at his visor. “I’ll give you two guesses,” she said as she inspected it.  

“Hey!” Garrus said, in a more shocked tone than Shepard would have expected. “Give that back,” he said as he pushed down on the Quarians helmet, reaching up so the visor was far out of her reach.

“Alright Garrus, no visor,” Kasumi said as she disappeared.

Garrus held the visor in one hand and aimed with the other. It took 10 seconds before he placed his next shot, and Kasumi’s shields went down again. Kasumi grumbled and switched on her cloak again.

Garrus’ eyes went wide and he hunched over his weapon slightly. Shepard heard him make a small noise of satisfaction before pulling the trigger.

“Oh, you’re good, Archangel,” Kasumi purred as she sauntered up to him. “I can see why you’re into him, Shep,” Kasumi called over to her.

Shepard just waved back with a grin and kept walking down the beach. There was a slight bend and suddenly she could see Mordin by the water, bent over looking at something. As she approached, she realized he was poking around some kind of sea creature with a stick. She stood next to him quietly as he observed it. “At first, wasn’t looking forward to ‘beach day’,” he said with air quotes. “Looked forward to comradery of course, but can get that on ship, or in lab. Surprising results. Thoroughly enjoying discovering new marine wildlife.” She saw his eyes flick back towards the sand. “Perhaps will try hand at fossils and shells next.”

Shepard smiled. As Mordin continued searching the shallow waters, Shepard started searching for shells on the beach. When she found what she thought must be the most beautiful one on the beach, she walked back over to him and handed it out to him.

“Ah!” he exclaimed, turning towards her and taking the shell. “How interesting! Gastropoda, free of inhabitants. Periostracum still slightly spongy, not old. Whorl, apex, aperture all typical. Extremely symmetrical. Red and orange in color, unsure of internal structuring.”

Shepard waited patiently as he continued his analysis until he stopped suddenly. He looked down at her and took a deep breath. “Beautiful. Thank you, Shepard.” He put the shell in one of his lab coat pockets.

She rose a brow, “That’s rather sentimental for you, isn’t it doctor?”

He shook his head, “Sometimes, sentimentality - appropriate. No point to life without the enjoyment of it.”

Shepard smiled at him. “Some friends make that exceedingly easy to do so.”

Mordin seemed genuinely taken aback, but nodded enthusiastically. “Indeed, they do.”

Legion walked up behind them, “Shepard Commander, are you searching for marine wildlife? This unit believes it can be of assistance.”

“Doctor?” Shepard asked.

“Hmmm, could prove useful in cataloging findings. Legion, please assist in cataloging findings of new marine biology.”

“Nice, thanks Legion,” Shepard said with a smile.

The Geth’s brow plates rose and fell quickly, “This unit enjoys being useful.”

Shepard rose her brows at Mordin. Before their adventures, she doubted Legion would have used the word “enjoys” at all. “I’m glad,” she said back before turning around.

She let them continue their search in the waters as she made her way back to the group. She came around the bend, and saw Jack, Jacob, and Miranda teaching Garrus and Tali how to play Volleyball. “Shepard, we need another player!” Jacob yelled out.

“I’m in,” she said as she ditched the sun dress and dug her toes into the sand to run towards them. “I grew up on a ship, but I managed to learn how to play. They know the rules?” she asked, pointing towards Garrus and Tali.

“I think we’ve got it,” Tali said.

They played for nearly an hour before they tired themselves out. “Forgot you had about a ½ a meter in height on us Vakarian,” Jacob grumbled as he and Miranda walked off towards the drinks.

Garrus shrugged with a grin, “What can I say.”

“Want to cool off in the water?” Shepard asked.

Garrus looked out at the ocean apprehensively, “Uhh… yeaaah, I’m not so sure about that.”

“Look, we don’t have to go in too deep. Mordin found a nice quiet spot around the bend a ways, there are hardly any waves at all. Just go in to your waist and get cooled off with me.”

Garrus sighed heavily. “Fine.”

They walked till they were just past Mordin and Legion. “Alright if we swim here?” She asked him.

Mordin came up from his studies. “Of course, Shepard.” Then he rose his brow at Garrus. “Aware of Turian aversion to submersion in waters. Interesting. Found a cove 20 meters that way. Completely shallow and secluded from waves and wildlife. Should be more comfortable.”

Garrus looked at Shepard and she could tell he was about to say no to the whole thing. “Alright, thanks Mordin, c’mon scaredy cat. Let’s go to the cove.”

“Shepard, I have no idea what a scaredy cat is. Is it some kind of pet?”

She laughed and marched forwards.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

The cove was beautiful. There were trees above keeping it mostly in the shade, and the water was calm and shallow. Shepard waded in and it only went up to her chest. “C’mon Garrus, look, it’s not deep. It won’t go up to your cowl, for sure.” He looked at her with a look that said he’d rather jump in a varren pit. “I’ll make it worth your while?”

He rose a brow plate, and dipped his feet in. The water was warm at least, so he continued until he stood next to Shepard. She took a step into him so that they were touching and wrapped her arms around him. “Alright, it’s not so bad,” he said reluctantly.

She gazed at him with a look that could melt metal, and took a deep breath in, before slowly sinking below the water. “Shepard,” he said nervously, although he knew she couldn’t hear him.

Shepard held onto his hips to stay below the water with one hand, and started moving his shorts aside with the other. Garrus’ breath hitched. He couldn’t help the rush that went straight to his groin, and he also couldn’t help but still feel nervous in the water. Shepard pushed him back and he took a few steps backwards until his legs hit something when they were nearing the edge. A rock. She pushed him again and he stumbled awkwardly, sitting on the rock. She came up for air and kissed his mandible, sucking on the tips. Garrus groaned, digging his talons into her waist. She submerged again, and he held his breath, partially out of anticipation of what she might do next and partially out of nerves for her being under the water. He knew humans were better with that, but it was ingrained.

He suddenly felt a small tongue lick up the seams of his pelvic plates and he groaned again, digging his talons through her hair. He felt small fingers dig between the plates in his waist. She came up for air again, straddling his lap to kiss him. She ground her hips against his. She was weightless, floating above him, ghosting over his plates, until she pushed herself down into him and began grinding harder into him. “Shepard,” he growled as he nipped at her neck. She suddenly went back under water and nipped at his pubic plate quickly, and licked all the way up and down his seam slowly. He felt his seam part as he groaned loudly, bucking his hips into her as his erection began to grow, emerging from his seam. He felt her lick at it until it came all the way through, and she sucked his cock into her mouth as it grew.

“Fuck,” he said as he threw his head back and bucked his hips. She sucked hard, head bobbing up and down twice before she had to come up for air. She was panting hard and she straddled his lap again, slowly lowering herself onto him, until  his tip was hilted within her.

Shepard moaned loudly and rocked back and forth slightly with her hips. He felt her muscles contract around him a few times and he groaned. Shepard grinned at him before lifting up and moving back down. He could tell it was harder for her in the water, and he placed his hands on her hips and began lifting her up, and slamming her down onto him. It didn’t take long before they were both panting, and it just wasn’t enough. He put her legs around his waist and stood, walking to the back of the cove, he pressed her back against the stony wall and pushed himself into her with a grunt. Shepard squeezed her legs around his waist, one arm holding on around his back, the other wrapped around his neck with her hand massaging under his fringe.

She was so tight, and he hadn’t yet been fully inside her. He took his finger and massaged the nub he knew drove her wild. Shepard began moaning loudly. “God, yes Garrus, fuck,” she groaned. Slowly, with each thrust he pushed further and further inside of her until even the bulge of his base slipped inside of her with a pop. Shepard screamed at that and held on tighter. “Don’t stop,” she screamed, and he didn’t, couldn’t really. He felt her come hard, her walls squeezing him. “Garrus,” she panted. Garrus couldn’t speak, he was too far gone. He merely groaned against her neck as he continued pounding into her, faster and harder.

“Come inside me, Garrus,” she moaned, and he lost control. He came hard with a roar, continuing to pump inside her in erratic thrusts. His body completely enveloped hers against the stone. She was so small, wrapped up in his arms, and he curled around her, willing himself to stay standing. He felt her kiss his mandible lightly. “God, you’re sexy.”

He chuckled, kissing her forehead, “So are you.”

Shepard slipped down and swam in the water to cool off before they headed back. Garrus sat back on the rock and watched, enjoying the view and surprisingly, the cool water around his waist.

--------------------------------------------------

Shepard and Garrus walked back along the beach, hands brushing often. The sun was setting, and it was creating a beautiful glow around them. The whole team was sitting, watching the sunset when the pair joined them.

The group was quiet, reflective. Even Grunt, to Shepard’s surprise. He was growing up, after all. Shepard leaned against Garrus’ shoulder, and they sat there until the sun dipped below the horizon.

“Alright you bunch of pussys,” Zaeed said, elegantly as ever. “Round two.” He started throwing beer bottles at everyone.

“That’s more like it,” Jack huffed.

“Bonfire’s made!” Jacob said as he got the largest bonfire Shepard had ever seen lit using driftwood from the beach.

The team drank under the numerous stars. There were drinking games and songs, friendly wagers and shoot-the-bottle competitions. It was 3 in the morning before they packed up and headed inside. Shepard held Garrus’ hand to pull him back behind the crew and gave him one last kiss under the stars.

[annoyed-galaxy]

Shakarian First Date

Since Garrus took Shepard somewhere they weren't supposed to be and fucking fired snipers in said forbidden area, I thought the lock in romance scene would have been better if they got chased and thrown in jail for a bit. Just some small stuff cause I really need the cute healing right now. Before...yknow...I work on the ME3 fix-it fic.

Lyris made her way towards the C-Sec shuttles. Her hands were in her hoodie pockets as she approached Garrus. He was leaning casually against the railing and she smirked as he pushed himself off of it. “Shepard, glad you came,” he greeted, his mandibles stretching out into the turian smile she got so used to seeing.

“Heard you wanted to hang out,” she smiled back. “What’d you have in mind?”

“Something that doesn’t involve fighting Reapers,” he said.

She snorted and rolled her eyes. “Well, I don’t think they’ve conquered the bar yet.”

“I’ve already scoped it out. But then I thought...if this was my last day alive, I’d like to remember it,” he insisted.

Lyris raised an eyebrow, taking her hands out of her pockets and crossing her arms. “So?”

“So, I had an idea...” He turned towards the console to call a car. When the car landed, she hopped in the passenger side as Garrus took the controls. If he was taking her on a joy ride, she was not about to complain. She had always wanted to take a ride around the Citadel, but it was always under attack or she was busy getting shot at or well...Reapers.

“Alright, where we going? Is there a destination, or are we just doing a joy ride?” Lyris asked, once they were in the air.

“Somewhere we’re not supposed to,” he smirked, a mandible stretching out to one side.

Lyris leaned back in the seat and chuckled. “Now you’re talking.”

“Ever have that one thing you’ve always wanted to do before you died, Shepard?” Garrus asked.

Lyris smiled slyly. “I’ve woken up with a turian next to me.” Lyris looked over at Garrus, a smirk on her face.

“Still trying to make me blush?”

“Until it works,” she teased. Garrus rolled his eyes. “So what’s your one thing?”

“The whole time I worked at C-Sec, I’d stare at the top of the Presidium and say to myself: I want to go up there. But I never did. There were one-hundred and thirty seven regulations telling me I couldn’t,” he explained.

“So what? Did you get them changed?”

“No. Now I just don’t give a damn.”

Lyris smiled, enjoying this new carefree Garrus. He had changed a lot since she first met him. From C-Sec officer to vigilante to expert advisor on Reapers. She wondered if it was because of her. If she had any influence on him and his attitude. Hopefully she wasn’t too bad of an example.

The car rose higher into the air and then Garrus parked it onto one of the beams that stretched from side to side across the Presidium. He stepped out and Lyris followed. “Figured it’s time to something stupid just for the hell of it. Might be the last chance we ever get.”

Lyris looked down at the Presidium, watching the skycars above them drive by. The view was beautiful. So much green and blue in this one spot: grass, plants, water. It was peaceful, reminded her of Earth before the Reapers. Looking out at the Presidium made her forget that Reapers were attacking the galaxy. That she wasn’t in the middle of a war, trying to complete impossible tasks. Getting species that fought for centuries to work together. “It’s incredible,” she whispered.

Garrus turned to her, seeing her eyes sparkle with life and amazement. “I’d be lying if I said I didn’t hope it would inspire a certain...mood.” Lyris’s eyes met his and she could tell there was more to this.

“Something on your mind, then?” she asked, turning towards him.

His mandibles quivered, as if he was nervous. “It seemed like you needed time to...figure us out.” He stepped closer to her. “Are you ready to be a one-turian kind of woman?”

His voice was soft, as if he was unsure of himself, unsure if she really wanted him. He’s been with her since the beginning. Since Saren, the geth, Sovereign, on to the Collectors, and now with the Reapers. He was her most reliable squadmate, always watching over her back whenever she charged into battle with her biotics. He reminded her, painfully, of Gwen. Maybe that’s why she liked him so much. It was as if Gwen was a part of him. But at the same time, he was his own person.

When she died, it was as if the chains holding her in her past life had dissolved and when she was brought back to life, she was reborn, renewed. She let go of her parents’ death, of Gwen’s death, of all the people she had lost on Torfan. When she was surrounded by Cerberus strangers and felt threatened, Garrus had managed to find his way into her life. She had a friend with her then and she couldn’t afford to seclude herself away.

The feelings that formed for Garrus just...happened. She didn’t know who fell first, her or him. All she knew is that she wanted to be with Garrus until the end. She wouldn’t lose him. She was done losing people. She would take on the Reapers, as long as he was by her side.

“The only thing that made leaving Earth bearable was knowing that you were out there somewhere.” As she said the words, Garrus’s eyes lit up.

“I felt the same way. The worst part about the galaxy going to hell would’ve been never getting to see you again.” His voice had more confidence in it, as if hearing her say those words erased any uncertainties he had.

She stepped closer to him. “Well, here I am. Exactly where I want to be.” Lyris put her hands on his chest and looked up into his eyes. The next few words she said would put to rest her old life and allow her to truly move on. She would always love Gwen Tamashi, but she also knew Gwen would want her to move on. “I love you, Garrus Vakarian.” The words rang true as she said them. Her heart swelled as she waited for his response.

He seemed surprised, bringing a hand to his head and scratching it nervously. “Oh. Wow. The vids Joker gave me never got this far,” he laughed nervously. “There was the part about sleeping together, but this...I don’t know what to do...”

Lyris smirked and pulled him down for a kiss. “Who needs a vid when you’ve got me?” she chuckled as she pulled back, a smug look on her face.

A flash of confidence soared through his eyes. She felt his arms wrap around her and next thing she knew, she was halfway off her feet, laying in his arms. His mandibles quivered before he leaned in for a kiss. Kissing a turian was a different experience as he didn’t really have lips, but Lyris appreciated it regardless as she returned it. Honestly, she could have stayed like this forever, in his arms, his face nuzzled against hers. There were no Reapers here, no death, no politics, just peace and a lovely turian.

He pulled back, much to her dismay, and put her on her feet again. They stared at each other for a few more moments before Garrus turned to a box where a couple of sniper rifles were. “Now, before we head back, there is one thing we are going to settle once and for all.” He seemed at ease now, as if a great weight was lifted off his shoulders. Maybe it was since she cleared the air. It made her happy to see how relieved he was. He picked up one of the sniper rifles and turned back to her. “Not saying you don’t know how to handle a gun. Just saying some of us know how to make it dance.” He tossed the rifle to her. “So, let’s find out who’s the best shot.”

Really. Oh he really wanted to go there. Lyris snorted as she prepped the sniper. “There are a few people in the galaxy who’ve seen me in action, Garrus. They seemed impressed.” Garrus grabbed a bottle from the boxes as she said this.

He snorted. “Maybe, but I’ve actually seen you dance, Shepard...No comment.”

Lyris clicked her tongue and readied the sniper. “All right, Vakarian. You’re going down.” She was bringing this hotshot down. Nobody insults her dancing!

“Don’t worry, I loaded it with practice slugs for when you miss,” he said cheekily. Lyris rolled her eyes and took her stance. Did she use a sniper often? No. Did she at least know how to use one? Hell yes. She preferred her biotics and close combat rather than long range. But now was the time to defend her honor and make Garrus eat dirt.

He threw the bottle and as it soared through the air, Lyris aimed, held her breath and then fired, shattering the bottle and watching as the liquid within burst free and fell down. She tilted her head towards Garrus, smirk on her face. Eat it, she thought.

“That was an easy one. Let you build up your confidence.” He turned back to grab another bottle. “Long range, I wrote the book. Nobody alive can do this, not even Commander Shepard.” Lyris crossed her arms, raising her eyebrows at the challenge. He tossed the bottle to her. “Give me a tough one,” he challenged as he grabbed his own sniper.

Lyris stretched and swung her arms about for a bit, getting ready to throw the bottle as far as she could. She backed up and aimed, then she ran forward a bit and launched the bottle. As soon as it was out of her hand, Garrus shot the bottle down. “I said a tough one!” he sneered.

“Alright, you cocky hotshot, step aside,” Lyris picked up her rifle again. As he got ready to throw the bottle, Lyris’s focus sharpened and as soon as she saw the bottle in her view...

It shattered and the sound of her rifle echoed all around. She then looked at Garrus, a smug look on her face again. “Nobody alive, maybe, but technically I died,” she shrugged.

Garrus snorted. “Yeah, well, next time we’ll throw in a herd of rampaging Kilxen. That’s how you separate the rookies from the pros.”

Lyris laughed but was cut off by the sound of sirens. She and Garrus turned to see a C-Sec car with the sirens on heading their way. “Remember how you said we’re not supposed to be up here?” Lyris quipped, throwing the rifle down and heading to the car.

“Yeah maybe shooting a gun wasn’t a good idea,” he laughed as he joined her. “Hold on.” The car lurched and they started speeding away from the C-Sec car. The sirens blared louder and sped up, beginning to chase them.

“Garrus are you running from the cops?!” Lyris exclaimed, laughter in her voice.

“Like I said, I don’t give a damn!” Garrus sped up, the car lurching above traffic towards the fake morning sky. Lyris looked behind her and saw that another C-Sec car had joined its partner.

“I hope you’re as good of a getaway driver as you are a shot,” she teased. “We got another one.”

Garrus’s mandible twitched and his voice purred. “Hold on tight then.” The car began weaving through traffic, hoping to lose the C-Sec cars on their tail. Until one came up to their side. “Crap.” Garrus forced the car downwards, speeding towards the water that traveled through the Presidium.

“A car chase as a first date? My, my, Garrus you know how to make an impression,” Lyris joked.

Garrus opened his mouth, ready to say something, but was cut off when more C-Sec cars cut them off in front. Garrus stopped the car and was about to turn around, but their chasers behind them cut them off. They were surrounded. Garrus looked over at Lyris. “Let’s just hope Bailey is here.”

Lyris was laying on Garrus’s lap and he absentmindedly ran his hand through her hair. They were in a jail cell, the door locked, but neither really seemed to care. “Garrus, stick to shooting things, not driving,” Lyris chuckled.

“I’d say I’m still a better driver than you. Should I remind you of the trips in the Mako?” Garrus challenged tilting his head to the side.

“Excuse you, I was a damn good driver when it came to the Mako.”

“Yeah sure. Say that to the concussions I would get all the time you flipped it over. I’m honestly amazed we never blew up!”

Lyris rolled her eyes.

The door to the cell open and they turned to look who it was.

Joker was standing in the doorway, his arms crossed with Bailey behind him. “Was wondering when you two would finally go out on a date,” Joker chuckled. “Just didn’t expect you guys to get arrested.”

“Yeah who knew Commander Shepard and Garrus Vakarian were such troublemakers,” Bailey snorted. “You two are free to go.”

Lyris sat up and smiled at Joker. “They didn’t make you bail us out did they? Cause I could have just used my Spectre status.”

“No I actually told Commander Bailey to keep you guys locked up for a bit,” Joker laughed. “I just found it funny Commander Shepard, hero of the Citadel, getting in trouble for being in places she’s not supposed to be.”

“Hey, it was Garrus’s idea,” Lyris countered pointing back to the turian who stood up.

Joker laughed again as he moved out of the doorway. “Breaking the law as a first date, nice you two. Glad to see you finally made a move Garrus.”

Garrus’s mandibles twitched again, as if he was embarrassed while Joker led them out of the C-Sec offices. “We should totally do that again,” Lyris said, looking up at Garrus. He relaxed and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

“Definitely.”

[dgcatanisiri]

Tried to make a brief summary of the issues of Mass Effect Andromeda’s handling of queer men and how it relates to why we’re (broad use here) upset with the Legendary Edition failing to provide better representation than the originals, and it kinda turned in to what amounts to an open letter for BioWare.

So, what the heck, here it is.

A little personal background. I spent my high school life completely in the closet. After graduating, I had a new computer and the opportunity to play a new game. The game chosen was BioWare’s Jade Empire. Still a fairly recent release, and I was a big fan of Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic, also by BioWare. So, being a young gay man, still uncomfortable and uncertain of who I was, I was very excited when I got to play this game that would allow me to play a gay romance, a romance that featured two men. I burned through two playthroughs of the game within less than a week, enjoying that rush of acknowledgement that yes, gay guys could be the hero. It was a massive affirmation for me at the time, something that said that my sexuality was not going to prevent me from being the hero, which legitimately was a message that I felt like most media was giving me to that point, because gay men barely appeared in anything other than guest roles for an episode or two on a TV show, but certainly not in video games. That game, that experience... I’ve said for years that it had cemented me as a BioWare fan for life.

If I say that now, it is a statement with a few caveats.

The history of the failure of Mass Effect 1 and Mass Effect 2 to provide any male/male romances is well documented. I was excited, very eager to romance Kaidan Alenko in Mass Effect 3. But even then, I noticed that there were things that were lacking in the romance. It was noticeable, for instance, that the basic dialogue between male Shepard and female Shepard was unchanged, if either was starting a new romance with Kaidan. The thing that always felt... WRONG about that was that if I’d had the option to begin a romance with him in the first game, I would have. Yet there’s not even a bit of dialogue that even references that inability, no comment of “I didn’t think you were available,” or anything of the sort, nothing to say that, say, Shepard was interested in Kaidan at the time, but didn’t believe he’d be receptive, didn’t want to damage their friendship, something of the sort. There was even a cut in the romance scene, where female Shepard will sit in Kaidan’s lap before being lifted up and carried to the bed, but with male Shepard and Kaidan, just fades to black. And then in the Citadel DLC, while all the other pairings walked in to the casino arm in arm, male Shepard and Kaidan are leaving plenty of room between them. There’s also the absence of any cuddling as they return to the Normandy.

To say nothing of the lack of Steve Cortez during the story segments of Citadel – he is not part of the big team entrance to the apartment, just spontaneously appears in the lounge room. He doesn’t participate in the briefings, and he is not a casino date, despite being part of the assembled team. Cortez also suffers from the fact that his romance spends so much time on how he needs to move on from the death of his husband, Shepard can come across as predatory towards him, trying to push him out of his grief and his pants. Due to the lateness of his arrival in the story, in game three, as opposed to game one or two, there is significantly less time to establish him as a person – beyond his past as a pilot and the death of his husband, we gain almost no concept of his personality or personal history.

I bring all of this up to help set the stage of what was expected when Mass Effect Andromeda was nearing release. Mass Effect had been full of problems of representation of queer men specifically (not that they were perfect on the count of female/female relationships either, because there’s plenty to talk about there, but as I’m not a lesbian or bisexual woman, I don’t feel comfortable talking about their experiences for them). While there were flaws, Dragon Age, what is often considered Mass Effect’s sister franchise, HAD managed to provide male/male romances in every iteration of that franchise.

In fact, considering that Dragon Age’s most recent installment, Dragon Age Inquisition, had been put out with a lot of fanfare about the first gay male companion, who was considered rather popular in the fandom, and the game itself receiving the Game of the Year award that year, indicating that, if there was any risk in the business sense of providing representation of queer men, it was negligible at most in the bottom line of that game, the attitude of a lot of gay men in the lead up to Andromeda’s release was some variation of “okay, Mass Effect has been flawed, but BioWare’s learned from their past mistakes, and they’re coming off the heels of a hugely successful game that had a gay character whose gayness was front and center in his storyline... We can expect that things will be fine, and we don’t have to worry.” That was the dominant attitude I found in a lot of my queer-oriented spaces.

But we started getting uncomfortable as the developers remained cagey about romance options in Andromeda – there were Twitter responses to “we’re concerned about Mass Effect’s history of gay representation, we would like to know about the options” that came out as “we checked and yep! They’re there!” These responses came across as flippant and even tone-deaf – the reason that the question was being asked was because of prior failures to be included, and not simply a desire to get all the details before launch.

As the trailers started coming out, the questions continued from the fans, and the response from the developers... continued to be uncomfortable. When asked directly for a listing of romances prior to release, the response was that the developers wanted players to learn as they played, that “the fun is in experiencing it!” This was a specific response when it was learned that the romance options could be flirted with regardless of orientation, but they would shut it down. Despite the fact that the trailers DID include content from certain romances – specifically, the male Ryder/Cora and male Ryder/Peebee romances.

This was uncomfortable for a lot of queer players like myself because it spoke to a lack of consideration of what it is like to be queer. In many places, it is a serious question of safety to even put yourself out there to find a partner, to flirt with someone openly unless you are already certain that there is a chance for a positive response. There are places where a queer person flirting with the wrong person can get them harassed, assaulted, even killed for doing so. Even in the safety of a virtual construct of video games, these are honed instincts that queer people have developed. And no matter how many times we would say this to the developers, no one seemed to understand. Likewise, the fact that the trailers felt free to show off heterosexual romances, but not queer ones felt... questionable.

Then, finally, firm details started coming out, and... There were problems. Early data-mining said that there was an even split of romances between orientations. But there was a bit of discomfort around the reveal that the gay characters, Suvi and Gil, were limited to the ship, rather than being companions who would accompany Ryder on missions. There is a history of companions being given more involved storylines and involvement than secondary characters. It also didn’t help the disappointment from queer people who’d been eager for Cora or Liam as romances, who were firmly established as straight (Cora herself had a popular lesbian following).

That discomfort increased when it came out further that, ACTUALLY, Jaal would not be available for Male Ryder. This caused a lot of upset. Now it was a case where there was NO M/M squadmate romance option. This on top of the group of fans who were uncomfortable with the idea that, in a sci-fi series, gay men couldn’t romance an alien, while this had become a staple of the series, considering Liara, the character from a species described as equivalent to Star Trek green-skinned Orion girls, had been available for straight men and lesbian/bi women from ME1, and straight women got in on the act with Garrus and Thane in ME2, on top of straight men also getting Tali.

This got worse when the achievement listing for the game was released and there was an achievement for “romancing three different characters.” Meaning that it was absolutely impossible for a gay man to play the game and get this achievement without playing a sexuality other than his own.

This is why I led with my experience with Jade Empire, why it was so affirming to me. Because to hear all this, ten years later, to see what had been so affirming to me a decade prior be functionally dismissed, be shown to take a secondary position at best... It hurt.

And the game proper did not help that feeling at all.

So first we meet Gil Brodie. Engineer of the Tempest. One of the first things we learn about him is that he has a close friendship with a woman named Jill. And then he immediately tells us that one) she is a fertility specialist, and two) she “says [he’s] part of the problem” because he won’t have kids the natural way. This is immediately setting off red flags to me – I can think of plenty of my friendships where we give one another grief for various things, but I would never think of introducing any of them to someone else with that fact. So my reflexive thought in this situation is “what kind of a friend is this really?”

And then, as the game goes on... This is the only thing that Gil’s conversations involve, the prospect of having kids. We do not learn much more about him, just have him talking about considering the idea. The lock-in for his romance requires Ryder to meet Jill, who Gil again says that she will talk his ear off about his “civic duty” to reproduce, a fact that makes those earlier red flags wave higher and more furiously, because who DOES that to a total stranger? And this is passed off as being “charming.” This leads to the culmination of the romance, where Gil says that Jill has decided she wants to get pregnant and she wants Gil to be the dad.

There’s... A LOT going on here, so let me work through this. First, one of the few things Gil says as a bit of establishing his character is that he is impulsive, that he joined the Andromeda Initiative, the journey from the Milky Way galaxy to the Andromeda galaxy without really thinking through what it would mean, that it was a one-way journey with no way to back out once he’d gotten there. So this is already saying to me that this is not a person who really SHOULD be a parent, at least at this point in his life.

We also get a couple of emails from him in-game that paint him as putting in thirty-six hour workdays into the engines on the Tempest, that he cares about and puts a lot of time into those engines. So when I think about him as a father, I see him having to give up something he’s deeply passionate about to do it, because the Tempest is certainly no place to raise a child – they can’t exactly put a playpen in the cargo hold, for example.

This would be one of the first things that I would think of as a discussion element, but... it’s not there. All that we get is a couple of casual comments about how Gil should know that bringing a child into the world is a big thing, something that shouldn’t be done lightly. But this is framed as Ryder questioning Gil’s fitness to be a parent at all, rather than questioning if he’s thinking this through and having considered this enough to be ready to take on this responsibility, or if it’s even something that he even wants.

Because that’s the other big thing here – this is not Gil’s idea. This is not something that he makes clear is his desire. No, it’s Jill who has decided that she wants to get pregnant and use Gil’s sperm. For all that he matters in this whole thing, he might as well be a turkey baster. He’s basically an accessory in his own story, because he goes in to this with all the passion of a math equation: “The Andromeda Initiative is a colonization effort. Therefore, the idea is to have babies. Therefore, I should find some way to reproduce.” This isn’t him having a passion or desire to have kids, just it being “something you do.”

This is, genuinely, a failure to understand the character who was being written. Gil’s writing reeks of having been written by someone who does not know what they are talking about. There is an element to the gay experience that is not innate but learned. When we realize that having children is not a thing that will just happen, that if we want this to happen, it will require a lot of additional steps, there are many who will simply say “this isn’t for me, this is more work than I’m willing to put in to for this.”

Now, Gil could have been someone who had decided it was worth it, but that butts up against the idea of him being impulsive, that he doesn’t think things through. There is no time given to focusing on the reason he decides this is the right choice for him, to the point that many players felt that this was not Gil’s decision but something that Jill was pushing, that she expected him to jump on her command. Because we have so little of Gil, as a character and an individual, but plenty of him talking up her, this “friendship” feels toxic to many.

Just about everyone I have ever spoken with about Gil is deeply uncomfortable that literally, the only way that he will not have a child at this point is if a romanced Ryder stops him – if I am playing a game where I don’t romance him, I actively just stop interacting with him at a certain point so that this never comes up, because this does not come across as happy. It comes across as forcing a gay man into a heteronormative experience to satisfy some traditional idea of “man and woman, raising kids.”

And, as the cherry on top, if you do tell Gil that you’re not comfortable having kids – a very real thing, whether gay or straight – then, unlike other romances, Gil and Ryder do not share a kiss at the finale of the game. And, during the last conversations on Meridian, the only thing Gil even brings up is Jill being pregnant, whether or not it’s his child.

This is what “representation of gay men” amounted to in Mass Effect Andromeda. A homophobic story that was about a gay experience written by someone who is not a part of this community and does not know or understand the experience personally, going through the motions of development when really, all that is cared about is the end result. To say that most of the gay men I know who have played this game find this homophobic is to undersell the point.

It doesn’t help that, of all the Tempest romances, Gil also clocks in with the least amount of romance exclusive material – a few flirts, the romance lock in and scene, and being able to stop Gil from having kids. Other than that, his friendship and his romance are virtually identical.

Speaking of, the romance scene consists of a make out session that fades to black, before coming back in with Ryder and Gil, shot from about shoulders up, briefly wrapping up their conversation that preceded the fade to black. This is noteworthy when the heterosexual romances between Ryder and their human love interests, as well as Peebee and Jaal, the former having a similar body model to naked human women, just blue, and Jaal, who is naked at other points in the game, have much more involved romance scenes – Cora’s in specific received special attention.

All of this, individually, may have just been reflective of time crunch and other external pressures – we all understand the realities of game development, that for all the ambitions that go in, when the deadlines are nearing, something has to give. But taken collectively... The kindest question is to ask why all of the “give” happened in regards to the gay man?

The end result with Gil honestly feels like he was written in response to the bad faith arguments that had come up in the period after the name for the game was revealed and it was made clear that the game would follow a colonization effort. There were a contingent of people who said that “there shouldn’t be gay people coming along, a colonization effort needs to reproduce.” This is a bad faith argument from homophobes, trying to justify why they don’t want gay people in “their” games. In answering their question, the question they only “ask” in order to explain why they don’t want to have gay people in the game without saying that, it comes across as catering the gay content for a heterosexual audience. It should go without saying that this is a bad position to take.

So, that’s Gil. What about Reyes? Well, Reyes himself is bound to a single planet, which, again, points to a minimizing of how much content he will even get, since his content can only be accessed on this single planet. Likewise, Reyes, as a character, is someone who falls in to several old, tired tropes with regards to bisexual men – he is a shady, untrustworthy character, in this instance literally a criminal, meant to be evocative of the “dashing rogue” archetype. This is a characterization that has often been BioWare’s go-to with regards to bisexual men, because we see this archetype drawn on in Jade Empire’s Sky, Dragon Age Origins’ Zevran, Dragon Age 2’s Anders, and even elements exist in Dragon Age Inquisition’s Dorian (even if he is a gay man). It’s a well that BioWare has frequently tapped when it comes to a romance option for queer men, to the point that it starts to feel like BioWare in general believes that this IS what queer men are.

There’s also the questionable portrayal of Reyes that leads to a description of the trope “the depraved bisexual,” an explicitly bisexual character who uses sex and sexuality as a manipulative tool, that they treat others as simply there to be their toys. Over in Dragon Age Inquisition, one of the romance options was specifically NOT made bisexual in order to avoid this trope, but Reyes himself seems to be a candidate for that trope all the same.

All this, and, again, the romance options for gay men were unequal to those for everyone else. This prompted the campaign #MakeJaalBi – Jaal was, notably, the character initially assumed to be the bisexual male companion, and on release, his romance was heterosexual exclusive. But datamining revealed that there was code for him to be romanced by male Ryder. Indeed, on release, it was noteworthy that Jaal could not even be flirted with by male Ryder. Liam had a distinct turndown for male Ryder, a couple of them, depending on when Ryder flirts with him. Jaal had no such turndown.

And this worked. BioWare released the patch for Andromeda that gave Jaal a bisexual romance. However, this was the only change that Mass Effect Andromeda received in regards to the issues of the romances before support for the game ended. While it was seen as an improvement, it was also questioned why this was the only change, when... Well, I spent the better part of two pages outlining the problems of Gil’s portrayal.

(I feel I would be remiss to not mention there was also a character, Hainley Abrams, who would, upon interacting with her, proceed to deadname herself to Ryder, as if that is the only way to establish that a transgender person is trans. This was also changed in a patch after the trans community complained, and, in conjunction with the above, led more than a few people to wonder if the Andromeda script had been looked over by any queer sensitivity readers, given the earlier issues with Gil. This does go out of the scope of everything else in this discussion, but it is worth mentioning.)

When Mac Walters says players will talk about how Shepard is each of theirs, that every individual player approaches Shepard as being “their” Shepard, he isn’t wrong. He says the characters, and the relationships we have with the characters is the heart and soul of the series, he isn’t wrong. And yet... When I play the trilogy, my heart and soul are being torn apart, because I do not get to see myself in the trilogy. I am not there in this story, at least for two thirds of the way. And in that third that I am there, I feel like I am cared about less than my counterparts who are heterosexual.

The idea that “making” characters available for same sex romance changes them is like saying that there is some inherent difference in a person because of their sexualities. While it’s true that the experiences of queer people does offer different perspectives on matters, it does not fundamentally alter the person, the individual that we are. It does not change our heart and soul. Restoring the bisexuality of characters like Jack, Jacob, Ashley, Thane, or Tali is not changing who they are. Making Kaidan bisexual in ME3 did not change who he was, and restoring a romance between him and male Shepard in ME1 would not change him either.

Every game has some cut content surrounding queer content specifically, and a great deal of that content is specifically for gay players like myself. I said at the beginning that I once thought of myself as a BioWare fan for life, but that now comes with caveats. The caveats are pretty simple – while the games produced by BioWare once felt affirming, now they feel like they’re only grudgingly allowing me to be there. That if I must be there, I should just take the scraps I’m given and be content with that, rather than being treated as an equal.

I like to think that this is not the message that the people at BioWare wish to impart to their players. I like to believe BioWare’s statements of wanting to be an inclusive and welcoming environment for their players, regardless of gender, race, sexuality, orientation, whatever identity and label one chooses. But based on the experience of the last four games, of the Legendary Edition perpetuating the homophobia of over a decade ago... I have a hard time believing that.

BioWare games once made me feel like I was equal to the straight heroes across my media. Unfortunately, I don’t feel that way about their games anymore. Not when, after having the opportunity to restore the bisexuality of Kaidan – of multiple characters, really – in the Legendary Edition, I am still being told that offering representation for people like me is something that only comes grudgingly.

And if that’s what I see now... What does it say about what the future of the franchise will offer? If every game in this series involves fighting for content that, in particular, heterosexual players will see offered as the rule, what motivates me to want to continue to be invested and involved in this franchise?

[meggannn]

shepard/garrus?

oh boy, sorry for the late response! I always end up posting these things and then going to read/take a nap/play a game or something. anyway writing this up took two hours, i hope it is even slightly interesting to read. cut because this is looooooong

What made you ship it?

I think I was interested in this ship before I even played ME. I was just like “I know Shepard is a character and an alien named Garrus is a character, and people draw porn of them together.” because I think it’s reasonable to say it’s one of, if not the most, popular ship in the fandom, or at least in ME’s tumblr fandom? and the way people talked about it, I knew their tropes were #banter, #battle couple, #partnerships, and... and as we’ve learned from royai, I am a bit weak to those tropes (assuming I like both of the characters). the way people talked about them also from a “best friends” angle—which is sort of forced in-game in a way that seems strange to me now—was also a plus in its favor at the time. (if they get together, I do see their friendship/companionship, in whatever form, in some ways integral to their romance—unless you’re playing full far-right renegade who’s like a xenophobe and hate-fucking Garrus, I guess?—but Bioware also kind of shoehorned Garrus into that best-friend role and that’s a topic for another day.)

What are your favorite things about the ship?

(my friend will hit me if I say “partnerships” again) I’m gonna talk about the way I play my Shepard now, because so much is dependent on the unique Shepard. for Lydia’s journey over the series, I see a large part of her journey as basically a study of her (often self-inflicted) loneliness. and she never entirely breaks her habits of self-isolation, but the events of the series force her to be vulnerable in a way she would prefer not to be in front of a crew, or, y’know, ever. Garrus becomes an integral part of that story to help her break her out of these bad habits (all of the crew does, particularly also Ashley for my Shep), but to my eyes, the story of “Shepard and Garrus’s relationship” is also one of mutual respect, burden-sharing, and sanity and morality checks.

I don’t think of their “mentor” relationship in ME1 very often mostly because I don’t think it was done particularly well, but for all its faults, I do like how naturally the jump from “subordinate” in ME1 to “ally” in ME2 felt; once you meet Garrus on Omega you feel more on the same footing as two friends greeting each other because you’ve both recently been through trauma and the sight of a friendly face in a station full of hostiles is so unexpectedly welcome that it lets them both hope things will be okay for a minute. starting from that moment, Garrus becomes one of the few people who can see “under” her mask, I guess: partly because he’s one of the few combatants from the SR-1 who knows Shepard well and sees who she is both on the field and onboard the SR-2, with the ability to compare both to the times of “before you died”; partly because he has trauma response training and recognizes it in others even if he doesn’t in himself; partly because his loyal personality makes him sensitive to wonder how she’s dealing with being resurrected; and also partly because they’ve both gone through similar things. namely, getting your squad killed and blaming yourself for it, and it possibly being your fault (BioWare is inconsistent on what Shepard’s role was on Akuze, but in ME1 she has the chance to reply that she was responsible for getting them out safely, and failed).

necessity forces Shepard to adapt to things like being effectively forced to work for terrorists; being isolated from her support system; being resurrected and feeling like a stranger in her own body; later, getting decommissioned for making an incredibly difficult call to save the galaxy; watching your homeworld burn; being forced into a political role negotiating high stakes you don’t know how to play; being told you’re the spearhead of a galactic war; doing all of this without a full crew complement; the list goes on. those are all, on their own, incredibly isolating, traumatic experiences, and my Shepard’s not emotionally sane at the best of times. (emotionally stable, perhaps, only in the most literal of terms, at least on the surface. she’s like a rock when shit hits the fan. emotionally sane, no, for that reason and more.)

the tables have turned, and Garrus ends up becoming a large part of helping her regain agency in most if not all of those things: in ME2 he was a former crew member she trusted, and he was eager to work for her and be distracted from his failures on Omega. over in the battery, he is himself recovering from a major injury (like Shepard) and going through the aftermath of a bloodbath he feels responsible for (like Shepard), working on a crew that holds him at arm’s length, that he also... arguably... didn’t have much choice in joining (like Shepard—I’m assuming he wasn’t held hostage and joined voluntarily after waking up, but lbr this is unconfirmed). their reasons are different and varied, but they don’t realize until much later that they have found each other at the most opportune time, providing a sense of stability for each other, and also, frankly, sanity and morality checks.

in ME3, he steps into this role more fully because he’s become more disciplined, is doing work firmly in his wheelhouse, and paired up against Shepard struggling with their positions somewhat reversed from ME1: him more confident and her now completely out of her element, floundering with her place on a galactic scale. without Garrus—and Chakwas, and Joker, and Tali, and later the loyalty of the entire SR-2—the story of ME would be a tragedy, and it would end shortly in ME2; it’d be the story of how my Shepard slowly went insane being forced to fight boogeymen under a terrorist banner. Garrus isn’t, like, the keeper of her sanity, but their ability to check each other, and see themselves in the eyes of each other, provides stability and occasionally a bit of a wake-up call to both of them. when they’re both vulnerable, they both feel most seen, and most understood, by an alien that listens.

one angle of this ship that highly interests me at the moment, along with the above, is that while it’s not illegal for them to be together, it’s still... a really bad fucking idea lmao. (I could make the argument that it’s a bad idea for Shepard to be in any relationship with their crew but I think there are a few ships—Garrus, Tali, any Alliance crew at all—that realistically would be huge political clusterfucks.) so overcoming personal insecurity and fear of the unknown to acknowledge interest in each other, and the desire to become an item, getting roadblocked by a reality wake-up call with the fact that 1) she’s his boss, 2) Garrus comes from a society where station matters, like, sort of a lot and it even determines your job and how much legal power you have, 3) the potential political blowback (which would be ENORMOUS because lbr the hierarchy may not care about what turians do in off-hours but they WOULD care about the superior/subordinate thing, the human thing, the fact that they’re doing this while a war is going on. basically one of their best agents is on the Normandy to negotiate their interests and they’re basically at the whims of their relationship the whole time)... it’s a lot! all of that sort of makes it tragic, but I’m curious to see how they’d overcome it.

anyway, all of that is where I’m coming from when I think or write about this ship, but there’s a lot more I’m not mentioning here. there are a lot of juxtapositions that in my head that I’ve either added or extrapolated from canon that also interest me about this pairing. Garrus is a former cop, as is his father; Lydia is a poor kid who used to be in a gang out of necessity. Garrus is a turian with often traditionalist thinking; Shepard is a human who has much less sociopolitical power than him, even if she is his superior on the Normandy. both of them are roughly as old as the First Contact War, when their people were at each other’s throats not thirty years ago. Garrus idolizes Spectrehood while Lydia hates it, feeling it was forced on her. they can’t eat the same food. and yet despite all of that, and the fact that they need translators to communicate, they manage to understand each other when a lot of the world around them doesn’t.

god this is not even the full list of it. anyway I could go on but I’ll stop there lol.

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

oh jesus, so much. I’m a grouchy and picky shipper, be warned.

pining can always make my ships more interesting, and imo it’s a consistent part of any ship of Shepard’s, considering it’s wildly inappropriate and unprofessional for her to be fucking any subordinate, so I think more consideration could be given to shakarian in the “we shouldn’t be having a thing and oh also you’re an alien and I’m kind of scared of both your government and your body” angle! I hope to explore that a bit with a fic I’m writing (if I ever finish it, god).

I hate the flavor of fandom!shakarian where Shepard romanced Kaidan in ME1 then felt “betrayed” when he’s confused and hurt on Horizon, so she gets with Garrus as like... revenge? idk. and then Garrus usually develops this bias against Kaidan as a sort of author mouthpiece (which is inconsistent with his characterization cause Garrus is nothing but pleased to have Kaidan back on the SR-2 in ME3!) and takes up the anti-Kaidan crusade cause K ~questioned the commander~ (since when does Garrus fall over himself defending a superior from criticism?) like, idk. I think Garrus can be sensitive to the fact that that reuniting must’ve been painful for Shepard, but also be aware that it was also really painful for Kaidan because all of Kaidan’s complicated feelings about Shepard’s resurrection were, realistically, things Garrus should’ve felt too! this trope is very popular but just feels like manufactured drama for drama’s sake, idk, I’m also not big on love triangles so. I would much rather people just rescue Ashley on Virmire and avoid the whole thing rather than have previously-romanced Kaidan around in ME3 for the sole purpose of forcing him to watch Shepard/Garrus being happy together tbh.

I think full goody-goody paragon Shepard is too preachy to make a good partner for Garrus and full shoot-anyone-in-my-way renegade Shepard encourages and emboldens his worst tendencies (and Castis Vakarian is right to disapprove of them). most people end up playing some combination of both, or if they do settle in one camp or the other, usually there is some sense of realism where Shepard doesn’t play nice/naive or play mean all the time, so it’s rare I see either of those kinds of extreme Shepards depicted, but in general if there is a Shepard that is so far in one direction it seems illogical to me that they ever stay together.

I think wanting a mShep romance for Garrus is a pretty welcome idea in fandom, but adding onto that, I think Garrus should’ve been romanceable in ME3 for players who changed their minds on other romances or want to play slow-burn romances! we had it for Kaidan—and should’ve had it for Ash—so (pounds fist on desk) Garrus too imo!

I hate the canon get-together because Shepard walking into the battery and asking “do you want to fuck” feels very tailored to the players who want to romance Garrus, not to who Commander Shepard is, imo. it lacked all of the subtlety and depth of some other romances—until the scene of Garrus coming to her cabin with a wine bottle, at least, cause I do like that scene, but anyway, I dislike the actual get-together.

just in general, I’m a stick in the mud, so my favorite iteration of this ship is where Shepard is resolutely professional, and the challenge of it becomes him getting her to open up, not the other way around. like, I think on some level every iteration of Shepard is a bit of a lunatic/eccentric, because you have to be to do the things they do, but I like to see their flirting with less of her calling him “big guy” (not sure where that came from, is that in canon? I must’ve missed it, but personally I don’t like it) and more of Garrus making wisecracks in the canteen while he’s talking to Joker, but he’s looking at her out of the corner of his eyes and he really said his joke with the aim of making her laugh, and as she’s reading her datapad she hears him, and even when she wants to chuckle she stops himself and just smirks cause she doesn’t want to give him the satisfaction of a laugh, but he sees her lips twitch and feels his heart flutter. that. I want more of that.

oh lastly, I hate “Shepard takes Vakarian clan markings” in any iteration. there is no canon relation to turians being poc—in fact I’d argue they have sociopolitical privilege real-world bipoc do not—but the concept of social face markings, face tattoos, etc., is rooted in non-white cultures and with the fact that 1) turians had a literal civil war over the territories those markings represent, 2) we don’t even know if marriage is how markings are shared or if non-turians are ever invited to wear them in the first place, 3) most of the art of this trend, lbr, is of mostly white Shepards in wedding dresses and blue face paint... all that combined just makes me frown and scroll faster every time I see it. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a bipoc Shepard with Vakarian face markings in fic/art, and that to me is very telling (not because they should have them, but because bipoc fans who make bipoc Shepards usually recognize when a racially-coded trope is uhhhhh not so great to appropriate for someone not of that group).

[aricazorel]

"Are you jealous?" "No...Maybe." suggested by @russian-dumpling

pairing: Kaidan Alenko x Rebecca Shepard; set during ME1; word count: 1759

Noveria was cold. There was no doubt about that. It was a planet full of constant snowstorms. Nearly an ice planet.

Just like Hoth, Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko thought, unable to help the Star Wars reference. He glanced up at the thick transparent steel windows above that kept the raging winter storm out and the heat in. At least it was warmer than the Rebel Base…

“Hey, Alenko! You still with us?” Shepard’s voice called from beside him.

He glanced over at his CO noting that Ashley and Garrus had disappeared. “Don't you mean you, ma'am?”

“Oh for crying out loud! Don't ma’am me when we're alone,” she chided, a hand on her hip.

“We're still on the job, Commander.”

“Kaidan, is there a reason you're always so formal?”

“Habit it, ma'am, and it keeps me out of trouble.”

“Trouble? You, Alenko? Never.”

The Lieutenant snorted. “You don't know everything about me, Shepard.”

“Not yet,” the red head smirked with a wink.

***

While waiting to meet up with Gianna Parasini, Shepard unsurprisingly had elected to visit a few of the shops for tech and weapons mods. In truth it was the weapons mods that the Commander was really interested in. She only mentioned the tech mods to entice the Sentinel to tag along. In reality she didn't need to bribe him with anything other than herself.

He knew shortly after the Eden Prime mission that he was in trouble. Romantic entanglements with anyone he served with had always been a no no in his book. Falling for a superior officer was definitely not something he had ever seen himself doing. Yet there it was or rather she was standing outside yet another shop staring at the display in the window.

The Lieutenant was definitely in trouble.

He'd once told her he liked adventurous women. Kaidan would be lying to himself he didn't admit that Shepard fit that description to a tee. And that taste in the opposite sex is what would land him in trouble by the end of their current mission. Especially if the glances she was throwing over her shoulder towards him were any indication of things to come.

And there it was. The flirting grin she'd shoot him when she thought no one was looking. Of course Ashley had caught glimpses of it and teased the fire out of him about it. Despite his misgivings about the feelings he knew he was developing for his CO, Kaidan returned the smile as she motioned for him to join her at the display window. And of course he did.

As the Lieutenant walked over to her, Shepard motioned to a cluster of omni tool mods and one very specific omni tool. His eyes lit up as she casually mentioned, “I can open a line of credit with this store. You know. Get the license for the Normandy’s requisition officer so we can access their inventory anytime we want.”

“Really? Alenko asked excitedly as he looked from the Logic Arrest omni tool to Shepard.

With the amused look on her face he couldn't be sure if she were serious or not. Remembering himself he said, “I shouldn't ask you to use Alliance resources or your Specter status just to get me a new ‘tool.”

“But you didn't ask, Kaidan. I offered,” she corrected as she entered the shop. “Besides they have weapons mods too.”

Alenko cocked an eyebrow as he followed. She was his CO, a fellow officer, a friend. Yet he couldn't help but think she might harbor some feelings beyond all of that for him just as he did for her. Should he say anything? Should he let her make the first move? Should he see how things played out?

He sighed as he watched a salesman approach Shepherd with a broad grin. There were regs against fraternization. They were on a mission to stop a rogue Specter and his synthetic army. There was no place for romance, yet his feelings remained.

In an effort to distract himself, he focused his attention on the Logic Arrest Shepard had pointed out. In truth he did need a new omni tool, especially with the current mission. A part of him however couldn't shake the feeling that if he had said yes just a few minutes ago he'd already have a new ‘tool instead of looking at it in the display.

Kaidan let out a low growl. He should be able to focus on things without his thoughts circling back to Shepard. On a mission, in combat, doing his duties. Those instances were too problematic to allow that. The only acceptable exception was if Shepard was in danger.

But his down time? Sure she was nice to look at, athletic, red hair, nice smile, gorgeous eyes, great personality, honest, compassionate, amazing sense of humor, humble, firm. Anyone would be lucky to be the focus of her attention. Yet in the reflection of the display glass he saw her glancing at him as the salesman went on about various mods for her weapons the other man had were noticed Specter issue.

Apparently her status as a Specter had made the rounds rather quickly. Of course salesman wanted to land a large purchase from her then. Either way the Lieutenant could have sworn he saw the Commander wink at him in the reflection before she turned her attention back to the very friendly salesman.

“I can see the Specters have outfitted their newest agent with the latest weapons. Of course you can never go wrong with modifications,” the blond-haired man said smoothly. “Surely having the best mods on the market would help keep your lovely self safe.

“They certainly wouldn't hurt,” Shepard replied an even tone.

“Well, what is your primary weapon?” the man asked. “Maybe your favorite?”

“Those are two different things,” Shepard smirked with her arms folded across her chest.

“Really? For most customers those are one in the same,” the blond man muttered.

“I'm not most customers,” the Commander assured him confidently.

“I see,” the salesman muttered as he opened his ‘tool, showing the inventory available. “Perhaps something for your assault rifle first. We can't have our first human Specter being mowed down by rogue Geth. Protection is everything especially for a beautiful woman such as yourself.”

Kaidan rolled his eyes at the man's blatant attempt to flirt with the Commander in order to make a sale. Fundamentally the Lieutenant knew why the other man was doing it but that didn't deter the desire to tell the man off for disrespecting his CO. If he was totally honest with himself he had to admit that it wasn't just the man's lack of professionalism that bothered him.

He shifted, resisting the urge to go to Shepard’s aid. If she needed help, she would say so.

“I have plenty of protection already,” Shepard said as she gestured towards him. “My Lieutenant over there is an accomplished soldier and biotic. He's covered my six more times than I can count.”

Kaidan knew he was smirking as he caught her eye in the reflection once again. Whether she had intended to or not she had just padded his ego though he would never admit that. “Biotics will only get you so far,” the salesman muttered, his mood souring much to Alenko's delight.

“Oh but you haven't seen the Lieutenant train with his biotics,” Shepard mused with a big grin. “It's …quite the sight.”

Kaidan knew he was blushing as the salesman said, “I can provide you with top-of-the-line weapons mods. I'm afraid I am not licensed for biotic amps.”

Shepard made a noise of acknowledgement before she said, “You know what? I think I'll take that Logic Arrest in the window…and any mod you have for it.”

“Oh well, what about the weapons mods? Surely you need –“

“I already have the most advanced. Me being a Specter and all. But my Lieutenant needs the best omni tool available,” she insisted as she turned to Kaidan.

“I understand but you are his superior. Doesn't that mean –“

“If you can't sell me what I want, I am sure another shop can,” the Commander interrupted as she walked over to the Lieutenant.

“No. No. I can accommodate that,” the salesman said conceding that his sale to the first human Specter would not be as large as he originally thought.

Kaidan couldn't help the shit-eating grin as the salesman was forced to wait on him instead of Shepard.

***

Half an hour later Kaidan sat on the retaining wall of one of the many reflection pools near the shopping promenade as he fiddled with his new omni tool. They were waiting for Ashley and Garrus to rendezvous with them before taking the next step of their mission. For whatever reason, the Commander had spent her time watching him program his preferences into the new Logic Arrest.

He did his level best to ignore the attention until she said lightly, “Are you jealous?”

The Lieutenant paused in his motions as conflicting emotions demanded his answer one way or another. “No …maybe.”

She crossed her arms as she asked in surprise, “Really, Lieutenant? Of a weapons mod salesman?”

Kaidan knew he was blushing as he glanced at the nearby fountain. Was he that obvious? Was she going to give him a dressing down or just tease the crap out of him? Maybe even enlisting the help of Ashley and Joker?

“Hey, Kaidan?” Shepherds voice call to him as he felt a light pressure on his forearm from her hand. The use of his first caught his attention more than her touch.

He glanced back at her, seeing a tender smile. “I can promise you there is nothing to be jealous of. All my attention is on a certain L2 biotic. You might know him.”

Kaidan smiled as he replied, “Yes ma'am.”

Shepard opened her mouth to say something else when she heard Ashley and Garrus call out to them. She shrugged at him as she turned to greet them but not before she winked at the Lieutenant.

He watched as she walked over to their teammates as he finished setting up his tool. Any doubt he had about being more than comrades-in-arms or friends had evaporated. He was more certain than ever that things between them were more complicated than the mission parameters allowed.

But he didn't care. He was definitely in trouble, but he found himself not giving a damn about that either.

He liked adventurous women, and Shepard was definitely that. And so much more.

[alyssalenko]

Tagged by @swaps55 @lauraemoriarty @starsandskies @autodiscothings and @shretl. Thanks for thinking of me, darlings!

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all!). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favourite opening line. Then tag 10 of your favourite authors! 

I had a lot of fun with this one so thank you for tagging me! If there is an image in the work I included a snippet of that as well. The asterisk (*) by the title denotes that it is shameless smut--they don't call me the smut queen for nothing, lol--and the pattern I noticed, besides oodles of Mass Effect, is I seem to prefer starting off painting the scene with a descriptive sentence. My favorite opening line isn't actually pictured. It's from my oneshot 'Scheduled Maintenance' where I explore my favorite trope: Stuck in an Elevator.

Alyss was underneath the cab of the Mako, hoping she could fix it—the suspension on the vehicle was absolute shit; even when they were driving across a flat expanse of land the damn thing still jerked to the side, and bounced like they were driving down a gravel road during construction; she may have been an awful driver on purpose, but only part of that was her fault.

I will tag @obvidalous @pikapeppa @cartadwarfwithaheartofgold @charlatron @naromoreau @foofyschmoofer @thefrostyshepard @rpgwrites @ma-sulevin @randomlygeneratedstring @natsora @ooachilliaoo @seigephoenix @spaced0lphin @citadelsushi @soldiermom1973 @spaceprincealenko @guileandgall and @a-shakespearean-in-paris, but, as always, no obligations ❤

1. The Little Things*

Nathaniel found himself watching her yet again on their walk back to the Keep as she stopped to help another citizen down on their luck and handing them a few sovereigns from her coin pouch--their warden-commander had a bleeding heart and always tried to help those in need.

2. Glowstick*

Cool air licked Alyss' skin as her eyes fluttered open, the sheets beside her cold to the touch--odd, considering that Kaidan ran hotter than she did.

3. Office Seduction*

Shepard pulled her long jacket tighter around her body as she walked up the steps quietly and carefully, lest she ruin the surprise. 

4. Undisclosed Desires

The doors to the cockpit whooshed open behind Joker--Shepard always walked with purpose and came to talk to him after each mission, and by now, her footsteps were completely unmistakable.

5. A Fresh Start

"Avi, you came!"

6. Romancing the Shepard*

Candles lined a rose petal path leading further into the darkened apartment, soft jazz music floating the air.

6. On One Condition*

Joker sat frozen in his seat, the mortification setting in as her gaze flicked from him with his zipper open and cock in hand to the monitor in front of him where she and Kaidan were exploring each other the night before Ilos.

7. Reckless*

As the decontamination sequence ended and the airlock doors slid open in front of her, Kaidan stopped pacing and was to her in three strides, pushing a lock of black hair off her forehead with trembling fingers.

8. Hearts Laid Bare* (art by @hellenys)

Briar jumped as she felt gentle lips against the back of her neck, his whiskers teasing her and making her giggle.

9. Physical Therapy*

Aric pressed a trail of kisses down her sternum, Y'vonne writhing under his caress, her claws raking through the sheets.

10. Dance With Me*

A date—a real date.

11. Misuse of Biotics*

"I don't want to hurt you."

12. Rekindling the Fire*

Sloane held her hand out towards Foster, her bicolored eyes earnest and shining with hope.

13. You Wrapped up for Christmas*

Garrus glanced around the loft at his handiwork, grinning to himself at how it looked; he'd turned off the lights of the fish tank so it didn't compete with the soft glow from the twinkling strands of multicolored lights Joker had given him to string up.

14. Breathless* (art by @hazumonster)

Play it cool, Kallistrate.

15. Rhythm*

Watching her crew and friends dancing drunkenly, Alyss giggled as she ran her finger around the rim of her glass, leaning against Joker's shoulder, cheeks flushed pink from the alcohol; since he couldn't join in with his legs, Shepard had opted to sit with him so he didn't feel left out. 

16. A Perfect Moment* (art by @samus-hiatus/@twincovesgame)

Gentle hands pressed against his chest, pushing him back onto his narrow cot, throwing one leg over him and straddling him.

17. Unexpected

She’d woken early, a disturbance rumbling in her stomach--she didn't get sick; that wasn't something that happened and if it did, it was sparingly.

18. Halloween

Garrus crossed his arms over his carapace as he leaned against the wall by the closed bathroom door--Shepard was getting ready beyond the door, for the party she'd planned, going through a lot of fuss for a holiday that was one day a year.

19. Claimed* (this one is weird because chapter two came first--it was just supposed to be a oneshot--and then I wrote chapter one to give background)

The wolf took over, bones cracking and elongating; the process still painful every time—there wasn’t a way to get used to growing twice his size and ripping his skin apart as the fur grew underneath it.

20. Living Memory

After everything that had happened in the Temple of the Seven, life—every flawed morsel of it—seemed more precious to Sebille than ever before.