#off that list when i put out chapter 3 of Gods' Chosen
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toastytoaster22 · 4 days ago
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THIRTEEN DIGIMON WIPS?
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serenaoffaerun · 3 months ago
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Tenacity - Chapter 3 of the "Consequences" series
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It's finally here!! Thank you all for your patience. Because of the physical letter writing I drew for Tav and Gale's back-and-forth, this took much longer than I anticipated. Plus, the story just kind of...ran away with itself... This chapter comes in at a word count over 8,000 and I don't know how that happened LOL.
Big thanks again to @alpydk who started off this series with what was supposed to be a one-off angst story, and allowed me to write my own sequel chapters to finish the story my own way. (Alphydk's chapter 2 can be found here.) As my first long-form writing in over a decade, it's been a fun challenge to take two characters I love so much and get them out of a position I wouldn't have put them in in the first place. 💜
Without making you all endure any more of my "propensity towards verbosity," I present chapter 3: Tenacity (complete with hand-written letters!)
Summary: After agreeing to try to re-establish their friendship/relationship by writing letters back and forth, Tav and Gale set out on their journey of communicating, listening, and healing. You better believe they're both going to hold on for dear life.
Word Count: 8,289 (I'm not sorry.)
CW: References to depression, alcoholism
Tags: GalexTav, angst/fluff, pre-established (albeit rocky) relationship, future smut? (no spoilers...), brief mention of infertility (in a positive way??), depresso espresso, communication, healing, Tara's getting ALL the tuna.
[I'm sure I left some out, I'll come back and add to it once I get this on AO3 - coming soon!!]
Screenshot: Taken from my own gameplay. Please do not re-post as your own.
NOTE: For those who don't want to read Tav's mediocre (but improving) handwriting or Gale's flowy cursive, the text version is printed below each letter (including doodle descriptions!)
9/2 4:45PM Pacific - EDIT FOR MORE NOTES:
My underlines went away when I copy/pasta'd from GoogleDocs, and now I realize that you can't underline because of links, so they're bolded and italicized instead.
REGARDING BHAALSPAWN INFERTILITY - this is NOT canon to BG3/DnD/Forgotten Realms. I totally made this up to fit my literary needs. 😉
Alpydk's chapter 1: Consequences
Chapter 2: Acquiescence
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Tav assessed herself before she even opened her eyes. Between the wine and the crying, she was probably the most dehydrated person in all of Faerûn. The pounding headache she was used to. She'd made blackout curtains for a reason, after all. But the soul-wrenching nausea, that was new.
Being blissfully infertile, she knew there was no risk of pregnancy. One of her permanent "gifts" as Bhaal's former Chosen was the ability to be as promiscuous as she pleased without fear of pregnancy in order to weasel her way into the hearts, minds, and pants of any of her previous victims. Not that she'd needed that ability since the Nautiloid, or especially her subsequent severing from said god. But this was no ordinary nausea anyway. It was coming from somewhere much more complex.
Among the growing list of sensations Tav noticed from her downward-facing zombie position on the couch, she found two long-lost friends: the physical feeling of being simultaneously sated but also achingly empty in her core, and...hope. Surprisingly enough, she realized it was the latter that brought on the nausea.
Crippling anxiety, overwhelming depression, stabbing guilt, these are feelings she was familiar with and knew how to handle: with denial and alcohol. Just ball it up and shove it in the "future ulcer" pocket by the stomach and cover it up with a bottle of wine or two.
Hope, on the other hand, is a fickle bitch. It introduces the possibility of a better future. The idea that things could get better. Then comes the uncertainty.
‘Desirable things in life are never guaranteed,’ she told herself. ‘You can always lose them. Don't get TOO comfortable! You might still have to live the rest of your life without the man you truly believe is your soulmate.’
Tav had NEVER believed in the idea of a ‘soulmate’ before. That was even more laughable than ‘love at first sight.’ But she’d come to believe it now.
‘And you fucked it up, didn't you? You let yourself have the worst lapse in judgment, then you doubled down on it by screaming and being a hurtful wretch. You did this. You did this and you don’t deserve forgiveness, you don’t deserve mercy. No one else will ever fill the hole in your heart, so you’re going to die alone and unloved. That’s what you deserve.’  
The words from the voice in her head kept playing on a loop for the last six months and they wouldn’t shut up. Drowning them out with wine and sleep had become her modus operandi. There’d been nothing to look forward to, nothing to hope for. It was the way things were going to be, she’d accepted it. Especially in the last few months after Waterdeep. She couldn’t have her heart broken again if she didn’t expect anything.
But now, new words were taking up space in her brain. His words.
‘…there was a time that we’d also brought out the best in each other, once. I refuse to believe we can’t find our way back there again.’
‘Fuck.’ Those words had stolen her breath. Given her reason to think that there was a chance. That maybe he would give her the mercy she knew she didn’t deserve. Gale was just that kind of man.
If that were truly the case, though, why did he shut her out so quickly in the first place without getting to even talk about things. Why did he go straight to the biting comments and yelling instead of showing any kind of signs of forgiveness being a possibility.
‘Because you ripped out his heart that was already broken and threw it on the ground with all the remains of any self-confidence he had left after Mystra, you inconsiderate, unfaithful monster. It’s a wonder he’s still alive.’
These were the new conversations Tav now had running back and forth in her head and that’s where the source of the nausea was seated. In the unknown future where happiness still existed. Along the path that could go to life-long depression and loneliness or a blissful existence with the man who completed her, and she wouldn’t know which way she’d end up traveling until she got there. It was terrifying.
‘I refuse to believe we can’t find our way back there again.’
Face still mashed in the couch pillow, she balled up her fist and slammed it down into the cushion. Depression wasn’t going to win today. Or any other day, for that matter, at least not like it had been. She would not allow herself to be swept up in the waves of self-loathing and doubt to the point of being non-functional. Not anymore.
She took a deep breath and sat up, eyes still closed. There was a warmth on her face that she knew would be the late-morning sun coming in through the living room window. As she cracked her eyes open, she winced as the light seared into her brain and fired off pain signals. Slowly, she stood up, walked across the room, and felt around for the blackout curtains.
Medicine. Shower. Food. In that order.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Looking around the room later that day, Tav felt pretty proud of herself. Once she got herself cleaned, fed, and a bit more clear-headed, she opened the curtains again and opened all the windows. Her little depression hole needed a good airing out.
Starting with all the trash, she got rid of the wine bottles, the old food, even the bin filled with dirt and burned clothing. After washing off surfaces and sweeping floors, she put all the books back on the shelf, keeping a box full of scrolls and a quill pulled out on her desk. One sandwich and two sinks full of dishes later, it was nearing night time, but she had one more task ahead of her: the letter.
She’d been chewing over words in her head all day, but she still had no idea where to start. How do you even begin a letter like this? ‘Hi, Gale’? ‘Dear Gale,’? ‘Esteemed Professor Dekarios,’? If the greeting was this difficult, how would she even move on to the rest of the letter? She knew for damn sure that she wasn’t quite ready to be fully emotionally vulnerable, especially with him (even though he’s the only one she should ideally be emotionally vulnerable with…).
‘Welp, might as well just start,’ she said to herself as she sighed.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
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Hi Gale,  [in the top right hand corner was a little swirly doodle with some flowers and leaves. Next to it was written ‘I don’t have fancy paper, so I tried to do something cute?]
I’m having trouble starting this letter, so I figured maybe just admitting that is as good of a place as any. I don’t know what to say, I don’t know what you want to hear, I don’t know what will help or what will just hurt… Here’s what I do know:
-          I’m sorry. [there are tear stains on the paper here]
-          There’s no excuse for what I did.
-          I don’t even know if I know the reason for what I did.
-          I don’t feel like I deserve your patience, your forgiveness, your mercy, anything, really. Your anger is totally justifiable.
-          I don’t know who I was that night or in the months following.
Except, I do. I’d reverted back to the person abomination I walked away from. The hateful, murderous, evil, wretched thing I said I’d never be again. Yet, I can’t claim that I wasn’t in my right mind at the time either. I never lost consciousness. I was aware of the decisions I was making. I just don’t understand why I made them in the first place, other than I’d lost hope. I’d stopped trusting you. I’d assumed you were going to leave me and go back to Mystra or pursue godhood where you’d no longer be…you. [Next to this is a small sketch of a broken heart.]
Here's what else I know:
-          You didn’t deserve that.
-          I don’t deserve you.
[Below this was another item that was heavily crossed out, but you can make out the words ‘I still’.]
(this letter is a mess, I’m sorry. I’m just…flustered)
[On the right side of the paper, there was a list of four items outlined in a rectangle, above which was written ‘Good things’ – a question mark had followed this, but it was crossed out with an X. The four items are:]
-          I took a shower today.
-          I cleaned my house for the first time in weeks today.
-          I’m going to stop drinking for a while.
-          I’m exhausted and I’m going to bed.
It’s not ‘the letter of a lifetime,’ but it’s a start. I hope you’re well and that your students aren’t giving you too much of a hassle. Can’t be as bad as slaying a whole camp of goblins, right? [Here there was a small doodle of a goblin head, X’s for eyes and tongue sticking out, laying in a pool of blood next to a sword.]
I look forward to hearing from you. Take care of yourself, please.
-Tav
P.S. I’m working on my handwriting. I’m sorry if any of this is illegible. Not really a subject that was covered in “Bhaalspawn University.”
[At the bottom of the letter was drawn a curvy vine with leaves, flowers, and flower buds.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Gale swallowed thickly as he held the letter in his trembling hands.
‘She did it. She actually wrote, and it wasn’t full of anger and insults. It was a real, honest-to-the-gods attempt at talking.’
His eyes shimmered as he re-read two lines over and over again:
-          You didn’t deserve that.
-          I don’t deserve you.
His heart ached as he pondered the fact that she thought so little of herself. It made him remember his inner monologue after the debacle with Mystra and the orb. All Gale told himself for a year was that he’d made mistakes so huge that no one should have to ever bear the burden of his presence again. Anyone who showed any affection towards him, platonic or otherwise, was a fool who was wasting their time. They’d just end up being let down by this depressed shadow of a former Archmage. Knowing that Tav was the one now who truly felt she wasn’t deserving of forgiveness or mercy brought tears to his eyes.
He felt a bit lighter, however, at the implication that she even cared whether or not she was worthy of him. Not only cared, but was taking bolder steps forward. She’d apologized, she’d wished him well, she’s taking care of herself… Then it dawned on him that she’d gotten so low that a task as mundane as taking a shower was to be celebrated on a list of positive things.
Oh, did he remember that pit of despair well. He’d spent a year down at the bottom of it. Cut off from all outside contact, forgetting (or refusing) to eat, going days, even a week or more without bathing because he didn’t have anyone to see anyway. No point in expending the energy.
Now, however, Gale was at least teaching. That had kept him going. Even if he didn’t interact with many people outside of Blackstaff Academy, he was still getting dressed, going to a place with other people, and teaching Faerûn’s youth to harness and control the Weave.
But what of Tav? How often was she seeing others? It seems she had relocated after all. The return address is listed in Daggerford, a town not far south of Waterdeep full of retired adventurers, artisans, craftsmen, and farmers. A relatively quiet place compared to Baldur’s Gate, but still a city with plenty of opportunities. (And only a three-, maybe four-day travel from Gale. That would explain how easily she ended up in Waterdeep in the marketplace on that cold, rainy day…).
He remembered her telling everyone how much of a hero she’d been at the reunion party. What happened to her adventuring? Would she even be home enough for their letter-writing to be consistent? She’d made no mention of her activities, that was something he’d want to follow up on. As much as it would have previously brought him satisfaction to see her put in her place for everything she’d said, cut off from others and alone, now it just caused an ache in his chest.
The threads of his bitterness and rage had already begun unraveling. He’d been letting the truth sink in since the reunion: Tav had acted reckless and lashed out because she was scared. Scared of losing him. The thought of him abandoning her for Mystra or for godhood drove her to seek pleasure in someone else. Yet he hadn’t bothered to get to the root of the problem at the time. All he knew was that he had his heart broken. He had been betrayed. He had been ‘abandoned.’
He sighed heavily as the pangs of grief and remorse started to take hold. What a fool he’d been. A self-centered, arrogant, quick-tempered fool. But he shook those thoughts out of his head. This wasn’t the time to keep dwelling on what he had or hadn’t done in the past. Where the ball of anger had resided in his chest, just as roiling and hungry as the Netherese orb had been, he felt the tension had begun to break apart. There was still much healing to do, but now there was a little room for the patience and understanding he’d wished he’d displayed before.
He re-read the letter again, chuckling lightly at her doodles and scratches. Her handwriting had much improved, she gave herself too little credit. It was good to see she still had her silly sense of humor as well. She hadn’t been completely robbed of her beautiful qualities.
Draining the last sip of wine in his cup, he arose from his spot on the balcony and walked inside to sit at his desk. One thing nagged at him before he could start writing his response, though. Underneath the bottom list where she said she didn’t deserve him, she’d written something and then furiously scratched it out. He thought he might know what it said, but didn’t want to get carried away if he was wrong. Holding the letter carefully in front of the lit candle on his desk, he stared at the scratches, trying to piece together the words underneath. His breath caught when his eyes brought them together:
‘I still’
I still… Still what? I still hear the voice of the Dark Urge? I still won’t forgive you?
No. Given the context of what was said and the direction they were going, it had to mean only one thing. He would only allow himself to think it was one thing.
‘I still love you.’
Hoping with everything he had that it was true, he took another deep breath and pulled out a scroll from his desk drawer. It was his turn now.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
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Dear Tav, [In small writing to the right of the greeting, it says (my ‘fancy paper’ is at the academy) with a winking face doodle.]
Sometimes I think I’d prefer a good goblin massacre to a room full of hormonal teenage wizards learning to control a firebolt spell, but each day is a new adventure, after all! [After this sentence, Gale had doodled a flame, his head/hair with wisps of smoke, and in small writing with an arrow pointing to the drawings, (I tried).]
Thank you for your thoughts, and especially for your apology. I can’t in good conscience say that everything is forgotten, but I fully believe we are on the right path forward.
I would also like to apologize, because you deserve it. You are so much more deserving than you think you are of kindness, understanding and, yes, when I am able, forgiveness. I understand, likely better than anyone else you might know, how strongly self-loathing can take hold.
Which is why I want to tell you that I’m proud of you. I don’t know what you’ve been up to in recent months. I heard you telling the others about some adventuring opportunities, but I gather from your letter that self-care had gone by the wayside. I’m proud and happy to hear that you’re starting to focus on yourself. Yes, I agree with you: showering, cleaning, limiting alcohol intake, and even being tired enough to go to bed are all good things. I hope you continue being kind to yourself.
Admittedly, I’d fallen into a similar rut. While I get plenty of social interaction at the academy, my extra-curricular life has been…non-existent. I come home to my tower, I usually remember to eat, I grade papers, stay up entirely too late researching, and then attempt to get enough sleep to repeat that schedule ad nauseum. The cleanliness of my home, and myself, had been sorely neglected. But as you are focusing on self-improvement, I shall endeavor to do likewise.
Speaking of self-improvement, that’s where the letter-writing idea came from. Rather, through Tara’s efforts to help me during my year of isolation. She’d suggested I do some journalling to write out my thoughts and emotions regarding Mystra. Not only to get them to stop rolling around in my head, but to be able to articulate them. It did help, quite immeasurably, in fact. That’s why I’m so thankful you’ve agreed to this in the first place. I feel like it will serve us well. [A filled-in purple heart was drawn here.]
Actually, I can’t tell you how many letters I started writing to you in the last six months. I really did try. It just always felt…wrong, somehow. Like it wasn’t the right time, or my words weren’t sincere, or they’d fall on deaf ears. But I’m so glad we’re ‘talking’ now. I’ve missed you, Tav… [A filled-in but broken purple heart was drawn here.]
Tell me what you’ve been up to! Tell me your thoughts. Tell me any and everything you want to. I’ll be waiting to take it all in.
Yours,
Gale
[To the left on the bottom, Gale had drawn an open book with an ink pot and a quill. In the middle on the bottom, Tara had been drawn, wings outstretched, lying down, eyes closed, with a small note: (Tara’s sleeping on my desk and she’s adorable!). On the right under his signature, Gale drew a wand with sparkling stars and a curved line of weave making a flourish.]
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Dear Gale – [Here, she had drawn a wand with stars similar to the one he’d put by his name in his letter]
Thank you for saying that you’ve wanted to talk this whole time. That makes me feel so much better. I never put quill to parchment, but I started countless letters in my head. Like you said, it just never felt right. [After this, Tav drew a scroll, an ink pot, and a quill.]
This does feel like the right path at the right time, but to be honest, Gale…I’m scared. I’m scared to put everything on the table again. With how much I got we got hurt last time we allowed ourselves to be vulnerable with each other, I can’t go through that again. Nor do I want you to go through it again. [Tav had drawn two filled in broken hearts after this paragraph.]
It humbles me to think you feel I’m deserving of good things. Truly. I don’t feel like I am, so I suppose it’s good that someone in this world does. Your encouragement in taking care of myself is unexpected, but ultimately not surprising. That’s just who you are. I’m thankful to hear that you’re taking it upon yourself to improve as well. [Here, Tav had drawn some grapes and cheese on a plate, and to the right of it, a broom and dust pan.]
I fully understand, however, that you can’t forgive me, at least not yet. (I wouldn’t forgive me either.) Hopefully I can begin to earn it over time. I’m not going to sit here and defend my actions with trying to find solace in Mizora’s…experience. It wasn’t even fulfilling, if it makes you feel any better. (It won’t, I know you). It was just tricks of the mind and a devil’s words of promises for things I didn’t even desire. (Perhaps the ‘old me’ would have.) I regretted it immediately, yet it has marked me forever.
But I know that how it left me afterwards is not the point. The point is why I let myself go along with it in the first place. I’ve done a lot of thinking in the last months, especially since the reunion. Let me preface this by saying that I am not shifting the blame. I still made the decision to give in. However, after days and weeks of your near-obsession with the Crown of Karsus, I could see that look in your eyes. You couldn’t stop thinking about the power it could offer. Power that we know all too well would only corrupt you and change you. Then, your meeting with Mystra, introducing her back into your life with her deal to get rid of the orb for the crown… I could feel you slipping away from me.
[On the left side by the words Crown of Karsus, Tav had drawn the crown with a big ‘X’ through it. Near where Mystra is mentioned, she drew a scared ‘Mystra,’ identified as ‘witch bitch,’ being threatened by Tav with a dagger.’]
What I should have done was keep talking to you, seeking reassurance. I should have spat in Mizora’s face and told her to get the fuck out. [In this area, Tav drew herself spitting in Mizora’s face.] I should have sought solace in your embrace, in your words, in your love… But one thing I need you to understand: I was brought up my whole life to be let down. Every success came with a defeat. Every win came with a loss. Every gift came with a sacrifice. You were the most important gift I will ever have in this world or the next. I was positive I was going to lose it, so…I don’t know. I think maybe I wanted to push it from myself first before it was taken outside of my control? Mizora approaching me with her “offer”… She knew exactly what she was doing: giving me an “out” that she knew I would take because I was at my most vulnerable.
For all my accolades being a “Hero of Baldur’s Gate” and savior to many, I clearly didn’t have the strength to stand up to her temptations. I let her use the fact that I have major trust issues to weasel her way into my deepest fears and exploit them. I didn’t have a chance. It doesn’t excuse my actions, but I hope it at least explains them.
I’m running out of parchment. You asked what I’ve been up to. If it’s of any comfort, things are going well enough. I’m eating mostly regularly, I’m keeping up with the chores, and I’m even starting to finally organize some garden space in the yard. I’m trying to spend some time outside every day, and I’ve replaced the wine with various teas. They’re small steps, but they’re steps.
I don’t know if I’ve gotten us closer to any kind of resolution, but hopefully my words can fill in some of the gaps. I look forward to hearing your response.
Thank you, by the way, for giving me something to look forward to again.
I’ve missed you too. Very much so.
Humbly yours,
Tav
[At the bottom left of the page, she drew a cup of tea]
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
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Dearest Tav, [to the right of the greeting, it says in smaller writing (I apologize for the condition of this letter. It was rather difficult to write.) The letter is littered with smudges where tears had fallen and letter had been re-written over them.]
As I wrote my last letter and have been pondering your response, it weighs on me just how grave a mistake I also made. The blame for our downfall does not fully rest with you. (Let me finish…)
Feeling like you’re not worthy, like you made too big of a mistake to recover from; you know how familiar I am with those thoughts. Looking back, this means I should have been the one who was there for you the most. Yet I wasn’t. I was the furthest one away.
I agree with you that my anger was justified. I’d felt like I’d been told I wasn’t enough for you, which is exactly what I feared from the beginning. In my mind, you had openly told the entire world that Gale Dekarios, fallen Archmage of Waterdeep, scorned by Mystra herself, could not, in fact, make you or anyone else happy. You had to go find your pleasure elsewhere.
Where my mistake lies is in never stopping to think how much you had to have been hurting in order to find solace in Mizora in the first place. I don’t think I even gave you the chance to confirm you hadn’t been possessed, quite frankly. It’s no wonder your defenses went up immediately. My reaction, while potentially understandable, was absolutely awful.
I am so sorry that I never gave you a chance to talk things through before letting my hurt and rage take over. What I should have done was walk away and screamed into the void instead of at you before hearing any kind of explanation. I suppose I figured there would never be one good enough. Never did I think until recently that I could have possibly had something to do with you feeling pushed in that direction. I should have been more reassuring. I should have given you no reason to doubt my love for you and my dedication to you.
The possibilities that came with the crown had taken over my waking thoughts, and even infiltrated my dreams. Providing an eternal life without conflicts for both you and I sounded like the perfect solution, and I became hyper-focused. You had tried telling me that you were scared, that you didn’t want me to lose my humanity. I just still thought I was smarter and had this whole grand plan all figured out and you would realize it eventually.
[Before the next paragraph is drawn an infinity symbol, a heart nestled into the loops on either side.]
But I didn’t do enough to put your mind at ease. I didn’t help you understand that I wouldn’t have actually left had it come down to choosing between you and the crown. I never, never would have left you, Tav. As I shouted rather rudely before, I only ever truly wanted you. I assumed you knew that beyond a shadow of a doubt, so I didn’t spend any time reinforcing it. I let my focus drift too far. Then, I left you scared and alone afterwards with no chance to explain. I, the ex-Chosen and ex-lover of a goddess, from whom he should have learned humility after his hubris, the man to whom you showed so much kindness and understanding and support when anyone else would have run in the other direction, I couldn’t even show a fraction of that back to you.
Taviela, my heart, I am so, so incredibly sorry that I wasn’t there for you. When you pulled me from that portal and later heard my harrowing tale of foolishness and desperation, you stood by me. You took care of me and encouraged me, and I threw that back in your face at the first opportunity. It will be a long time before I can forgive myself for that. But I humbly, honestly, and hopefully ask if you could ever forgive me. I understand if you cannot, but know that I will spend the rest of my life proving myself to you.
Please keep telling me your thoughts, Tav. I want to hear them. I need to hear them.
Repentantly yours,
Gale
P.S. I’m far too emotional at the moment to do many little doodles, but yours warm my heart. Please keep doing them. [A filled in heart was drawn here. He had also drawn a simple version of the wand and stars under his name.]
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
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My Dearest Gale, [Across the top of the page was a wand, a wavy line of weave, and small stars.]
I’ve been staring at this parchment for at least an hour, but I haven’t been able to write anything until now. I’m sobbing at your words. Your insight about everything I put you through, the weight of what happened after all your hurts and insecurities from Mystra and the orb, the fear of being inadequate to me… That weight is almost too much to bear. I’ve berated myself for months now for hurting you, but the full impact never hit me until I read it in your words. I want to fall on my knees and cry at your feet and beg for mercy. But how could you possibly ever forgive me? I’m sorrier than you will ever know for allowing you causing you to feel that way again.
Also, to think that you are taking any of this upon yourself so strongly, I really don’t know what to say about that either. I still feel like this is all due to my deficiencies. My weaknesses. My fuck-ups. But I can understand where you’re coming from, wanting to take some responsibility. All I’ll say is that there is nothing to forgive anymore. I hold no more ill will towards you. We both acted like children throwing tantrums, but we were each already pushed to our limits and didn’t stop to think about, well, anything, really.  [Tav had drawn 5 filled in hearts here, along with writing (I don’t know what else to doodle here because I’m also emotional).]
It feels cheap to keep coming back to my upbringing, but it’s an unfortunate reality where I’m concerned. Everything was always a bitter fight of either words or daggers. There was no real “communication” to speak of. There were no “feelings” shared. It was all cruel lessons with harsh punishments. ‘Be a bitch, or get walked over’ was something I told myself a lot. I never truly learned to stop and step back and give things time to breathe. Putting myself in another person’s shoes is something I’ve forced myself to learn, especially during our adventures.
I have a confession to make. When I (literally) ran into you in Waterdeep a few months ago, it wasn’t just happenstance. I’d come there with a purpose. The downward spiral had begun weeks prior and I was nearing rock bottom. I came to look for you. To see if you were possibly even half as miserable as I was without you. I was certain you would be, and that it would give me a reason to approach you. We would be on common ground and might actually be able to talk. [On the right side of the page, Tav had drawn an open book sitting in a puddle of water in the rain. On the pages of the book it said ‘I’m sorry about the books.’]
But then I saw you. You were in the marketplace, smiling, making small talk with the merchants, even laughing with them. You looked full of life. You looked like you were doing just fine – without me. My heart dropped into my shoes and I’d considered just walking away, never letting you see I was even there. But something in me snapped. I apparently just had to get in a couple more digs before I walked away forever. That was childish and unacceptable and I’m sorry I put you in that position. (I don’t blame you one bit for the Hold Person spell, for the record. I deserved it.) [Tav had drawn the symbol for the Hold Person spell here, along with Tav approves.]
Please forgive me, but I’m emotionally spent. I think I’ll wrap this up to send in the morning, go sit on the back porch with a cup of tea, and just think for a while.
Still yours,
Tav
[Along the left side of the bottom of the page, Tav drew a small flower garden. On the right side, a cup of tea.]
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
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My Darling Taviela, [On the right side of the top of the page was carefully drawn an eternity symbol. Inside each side was a heart – a G written in the one on the left, a T written in the one on the right. Next to it, Gale wrote:] (I’ve been doodling this a lot lately.)
My heart aches for you, for us both. You’re right. There’s nothing to forgive anymore. We were both stretched so far beyond our limits, no wonder we broke down. We both have acted out of turn, we both have put ourselves through the wringer, and we both built impossibly high walls around ourselves. I’m happy to say that I believe we can push those walls down now. I want to move forward in whatever way we can, even if that ends up being as friends (though judging by your comments, it doesn’t sound like that will be the case, but please correct me if I’m reading the situation incorrectly).
I have a confession for you, in light of your revelations regarding our “run-in” in the marketplace. It was all an act to save face out in public. The laughter, the ‘life’ you say you saw in me, the light-hearted interactions – they were all a façade. I was miserable without you, however angry I was. After that interaction, it got even worse. I felt awful immediately, leaving you standing there shivering in the rain. [Gale had drawn a hand getting smacked by a ruler with words in a bubble outlined in sharp angles: BAD WIZARD!] I couldn’t believe that, even though there was some provocation, that I’d still reverted to such a childish response. I sank further into my depressive state. I almost didn’t come to the reunion with our companions either, actually. It felt like more of an effort to get myself put together than I was capable of. Fortunately, Tara snapped me out of it.
Speaking of Tara, I’ve been working on getting her to be more understanding. I’m sure you have noticed that her protectiveness of me overrides any kind of empathetic nature towards anyone who has caused me even a lick of hurt. But she’s come a long way in understanding both sides of our…predicament. I’ll keep at it, for both of our sakes. [A trail of small paw prints was drawn after this.]
I’m pleased to say that I’ve been keeping up with the cleaning, [on the right side of the page, Gale doodled a robed hand holding a sparking wand next to two balls of dust that look like rabbits. Underneath was written, (dust bunnies).] I feel like I finally have a handle on my students and my lesson-planning, and I’ve found joy in cooking meals again. Too much time is being spent grading sub-par assignments in the evenings, I’ll admit, but it comes with the territory. My heart has been all the lighter in the last couple of weeks, and it’s all thanks to you: your words, your patience, and willingness to work on…well, us.
What have you been up to lately? Any more adventuring opportunities coming your way? Are you doing any traveling? I wonder if there’s any chance our paths might cross in the near future.
I’ll admit, my mind has been wandering to thoughts of seeing you again. I miss the warmth of your embrace, the sparkle in your smile, the feeling of home when I look into your eyes – I feel like a part of me has been missing since our falling out.
I was actually thinking… What would you say to coming back to Waterdeep for a proper visit?
Take care of yourself, my darling [a filled-in heart was drawn here]
Gale (no fancy drawing in my name this time. Just me, missing you.) [above this, Gale had drawn a side profile of himself from the chest up, looking down, eyes closed, a tear falling from his eye.]
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The letters had been going back and forth at a regular, weekly pace. It was about six weeks after the reunion, which already seemed like forever ago. They had come so far, and his words made her realize that she missed him more than she knew was possible.
However, when Tav saw the last question in Gale’s letter, she froze. Her chest tightened and her breath quickened. She got dizzy, her hands shook, and her mind raced, tears threatening to overflow onto her cheeks. She was having a panic attack.
She threw the letter in her top desk drawer, slammed it shut, ran down the hall, and pulled the lever for her shower without bothering to warm the water first. Fully clothed, she stood underneath the cold deluge until her breathing slowed and she could process her thoughts.
The nausea was back. She sat on the floor on a towel and just let the water drip off her. Tucking her knees up to her chin, she stared at the wall and focused on her breathing. She wanted nothing more than for Gale to walk in the room right now, pick her up, and hold her in his lap, caressing her hair and whispering comforting words to her until she felt better. But as much as she wanted to feel his arms around her, to smell his scent, to run her fingers through his hair and more, she was absolutely terrified.
All she could think of as she started rocking back and forth was that she was going to end up hurting him again. She cried and cried until she resigned herself to lying down on the floor and crying herself to sleep, shivering in her damp clothes.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
A week went by and there was no response from Tav. Gale tried to brush it off, attempting to convince himself that perhaps she had gotten a chance to do some traveling, and was running behind sending her letter.
Nine days went by and his resolve started to falter. He replayed every word in his head that he’d written in his last letter. Was he moving ahead too fast? Did he assume too much? Did he push her too far? He ached to see her, to hear her voice, and to comfort her. But he could NOT let himself fuck things up again…
On the tenth day, he sent just a short message in hurried writing, requested for the utmost urgent delivery.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
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Tav,
I’m truly, deeply sorry if I’m pushing you too far. You don’t have to answer the last question. We can continue just writing if that’s what makes you comfortable. I’ll do whatever you need, but I cannot, I will not lose you again.
Please, talk to me, my love.
Gale [A filled in heart was drawn after his name.]
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Sleep never found him that night. He let his brain run through every worst-case scenario it could come up with. Tears were still crawling down his face every so often as he saw the faintest colors of the dawn coming to greet the eleventh day. Thank the gods he had the next couple of days off for Midsummer…
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
On the afternoon of the twelfth day, Tav’s response arrived. Gale didn’t even go back inside or shut the door. He ripped open the envelope and tried to steady his breathing as his shaky hands held her letter. He let himself take a deep breath and fall back against his door frame as he read:
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
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My precious Gale,
I am so very sorry for the delayed response and for making you worry. I don’t know what came over me, but when I saw you asking to see each other again…I panicked. I had a full-on panic attack, after which, I slept for days. I lost all track of what day it was or how much time had gone by. I kept picking up my quill and the words just wouldn’t come. I’m so sorry. Your words in the message I received today snapped me back out of it. Thank you for checking on me. [A filled-in heart was drawn here.]
Gale, I can’t bear the thought of hurting you again. I’m not saying that I don’t want to see you. Believe me, nothing would make me happier. My dreams of getting to be near you, to hold you again, to be held by you, they are my greatest source of comfort. But we haven’t spent any time together in person since the reunion, and we spent months before that acting like completely different people.
What if we can’t change, Gale? What if seeing each other brings out all the anger and spite again? I can’t forgive myself, even if you have. I don’t know what to say – I can’t lose you again either, I won’t survive it. And I fear that I will become upset by something and fall back into my old ways of dealing with arguments: with juvenile pettiness and venomous words. I’m so scared…
In fact, I’m going to deflect now so I don’t dissolve into another panic attack.
To answer your other questions – honestly, adventuring hasn’t happened in a while. I was being truthful at the reunion when I said I’d been adventuring and helping people. But coming back from Waterdeep is when I started to shut everyone out. My house descended into chaotic messes that I didn’t have the energy to clean, I stopped eating regularly, I was drinking at least a bottle of wine a day, and I slept all the time. I have enough money set aside that I can get away with not working for quite a while, but that won’t last forever.
The gardening is going well now though! I haven’t killed so much as a tomato plant! I’m growing flowers and selling bundles here and there. I’m also growing my own vegetables and some fruits, though I haven’t begun selling those yet. I’m getting the itch to start baking, however… I’ve found a great deal of fulfillment in creating (growing) some kind of life now instead of dwelling on the memories of taking it. [Along the left side of the page, she drew a tomato plant crawling up the side. Along the right, she drew a plate of danishes and a cup of tea.]
I’m so sorry again for worrying you. I just froze because I don’t want you to get hurt. I’ll get this sent to you as quickly as I can, but please tell me your thoughts. I’m hoping your insight can be of some comfort.
With all my heart,
Your Tav
[At the bottom of the letter, Tav drew the same symbol Gale had been doodling on everything he could: the eternity symbol with the hearts in the middle, one with a G, one with a T. Next to it, she wrote:] (I tried… Yours looks much nicer.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
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My sweet Taviela, [Their infinity symbol with hearts and their initials was on the top right.]
Thank you for explaining the reason for the delay. I completely understand, and I’m sorry to have caused you to panic. If I may offer some encouragement, however, perhaps I can help quiet your heart.
Neither of us are under anywhere near the amount of pressure and stress that we were at the time back in Baldur’s Gate. We are taking care of ourselves now as individuals, fully independent of others, and neither is a crutch for the other. This bodes well for quelling any fears of being too dependent on each other for our own good.
We’ve seen what damage can be done by careless words and actions, and we’ve walked back from that ledge – together. Now we’ll be more aware of the warning signs should we become frustrated with each other again. We’ve talked about what we can do to avoid arguments in the future, like walking away for a breather, should we need to. Lest you have any unrealistic expectations, please remember that we will become frustrated with each other and we will likely have some arguments. That’s only natural for any two beings that have a close relationship. But we have some experience now and wisdom gained. I truly believe that we can be better for each other. We can change. Together. [A filled in heart is drawn here along the left side of the page.]
If you are comfortable thinking about the possibility of visiting, I have a proposition for you. Some simple guidelines that will help keep us in check as we try spending time together again, under completely different circumstances.
-          I will get you set up in a lovely room at The Yawning Portal for one week. The bartender owes me a favor for clearing out some riffraff a few weeks ago. Then you can have a place you feel comfortable retreating to without feeling trapped in my tower, should you wish to get some space.
-          So as to not put too much pressure on either of us too quickly, we can have a date each day, but we don’t spend the entire day together (at least not every day). It may be midsummer, but I still have regular responsibilities with the academy that I need to see to. Besides, that will give us time to individually reflect on our time together and how we’re feeling.
-          At the end of the week, we can talk about how things have gone and what direction we should go at that point. We won’t pressure each other, and we’ll agree that we won’t be disappointed if one person needs more time than the other. Above all, we need to make sure our friendship stays in tact.
So, what do you say? Look! I even got Tara’s stamp of approval! [On the side of the page is an ink pawprint.] (Do you have any idea how much convincing it took to get her to put her paw in ink? I owe her tuna for weeks…)
I won’t pressure you, but if you’re amenable to this plan, we can do this as soon as you’d like – even next week. Having said all that, if you still want to take things slower and keep writing letters for now, I will fully support that decision and be delighted to keep doing so.
If you will allow me, however, I would like to make one last plea: I want to see you, Taviela. I need to see you. My heart aches for you and my arms feel so painfully empty without you in them. I long to curl my fingers into your hair, to hear your contended sighs, to be lit up inside by your laughter, and, when you’re ready, to make love to you and cover you in affectionate, healing kisses until every hurtful word we’ve ever exchanged is erased from memory itself.
I know you’re scared, my darling. But I believe in us. I believe things will be different this time around. I hope and pray to every god and goddess who will listen that you can find it in your heart to take the risk.
Come here to me, my love, and we can keep walking our way forward - together. [A filled in heart is drawn here.]
I eagerly await your reply, whatever it may be.
Yours always,
Gale [A doodle of a wand surrounded by stars is by his name.]
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Tav’s hands trembled. Gods, she missed him so much it physically hurt. Especially now that she knew how much he was missing her as well. Sitting at her desk, she re-read his last full paragraph with tears flooding her vision and heart filling her chest, not to mention a familiar heat between her thighs. She knew at that moment that her desire and her renewed trust in Gale Dekarios FINALLY outweighed her fears. She didn’t even need to think about her response. It was short and sweet:   
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
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Gale, my love, [Their eternity/hearts/initials symbol was drawn on the top right.]
I’ll set out tomorrow by horse from Daggerford and will arrive at the Yawning Portal on Sunday evening around dinner time. I sincerely hope your arms will be waiting for me, because I’ll be rushing into them the moment I see you. [A filled-in heart was drawn in.]
Just don’t be holding a stack of books this time… [ Tav had drawn a doodle of a winking face here.]
Yours always,
Tav
P.S. I doubt we’ll be waiting long for those healing kisses… I know we’re going to space out our time together, but stay with me the first night? Help me “settle in” to Waterdeep? [Tav sketched a set of lip prints in the bottom right.]
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Tears fell from Gale’s eyes, but happy ones this time. He could tell his cheeks were flushed too from her “P.S.”… He laughed at her jab about the books, then folded up the letter and brought it to his lips, kissing the edge she would have folded with her soft hands.
He had planning to do. 
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formula-fun · 2 months ago
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hi there, let me walk you throught the last few days of my life
saw a list of history recommendations here on tumblr last Friday, saw the series if I had words there and thought "well let's give it a shot!"
started reading Friday night, got obsessed with it, couldn't stop, finished max's part Sunday, a little after the race.
got sad it ended and then VERY happy when I remember about the other part!!
started reading Sunday afternoon, got obsessed with it, couldn't stop, finished charles' part five minutes ago
All of this to day, I AM IN LOVE WITH YOUR WORK 😭😭😭
like WTH IS SOO GOOD
the construction, the order of the events, seeing everything fall into place after reading both parts, max learning to grow older and softer, charles understanding his feelings and letting himself have nice things, their mom's, the packs, the I love yous, oh my GOD 😭😭
broke my heart when I reached the end because I could keep read more and more and more of those two maybe forever??
definitely interest in a sequel or spin off or any little crumb showing just a peek of them again
again, amazing work, absolutely brilliant all around (and I was always laughing at your notes hahaha)
sending love !!
😭😭😭😭😭😭 thank youuuuuu i literally cannot tell you how much i love this, hhh. I DO NOT HAVE WORDS
this fic is truly my child, i put so much time and attention into it and i love the way it turned out so much <33 ive never allowed myself to just take my time on something and keep scrapping it over and over until it was exactly how i wanted it, but i'm so glad i did! it makes me really happy that other people appreciate the care that went into it and appreciate the way everything falls into place. i promise it was HEADACHE inducing at times to write two different stories about the same event but it was also really really fun
and thank you abt notes ahhahsahs i do NOT put as much effort into my notes. i usually write my notes at the last second after editing for like 3 hrs straight and just roll on vibes, so im glad you enjoy that <33
dfkjdfksd i'm running low on crumbs but you can have this!! it's from a version of the final chapter in which jos DID tell the press about the miscarriage
Max wakes him up with a kiss at the base of his neck, and then one on his mouth that lingers sweetly. His hands are hesitant on Charles’ waist, his touch light and skittish, which Charles always hates. Charles tells him so, and Max lets out a husky laugh.
“You want more?” he asks, his tone still hesitant even when his eyes are dancing. It makes Charles roll his own eyes, and then roll him; pin him down into the mattress by his wrists and bite at his jaw.
“I want you to touch me like you mean it,” he mutters into his skin.
Max’s wrists flex beneath his grip, muscles coiled and ready to fight. His mouth is curved when Charles kisses it, but he bites Charles’ lip anyway.
“Mean what?” Max whispers against his mouth when they part.
That I’m yours, Charles thinks, but he doesn’t say it. He can’t say it. He can’t really admit to something like that, yet; can’t allow himself to, even if he already knows it’s halfway true. He wants to mean it when he says it, and Max—Max hasn’t chosen him yet.
“That you want me,” Charles says instead. He brushes his nose against Max’s jawline; against his pulse point; follows the line of his throat down to the spot where his mark would go and lets his breath dance over it. Max’s chest goes stone still beneath his own.
Charles ducks forward and brushes a chaste kiss there, as softly as he can. Max shivers beneath him, his eyelids fluttering shut. His tendons shift under Charles’ palms as his hands clench into loose fists.
“Do you—”
In a blink they’re rolling over, Max pressing him down, one hand at the small of his back and the other beneath his knee. Max kisses him hard.
“Like I couldn’t,” Max hisses against his mouth when they part. “What kind of question is that?”
Charles just quirks an eyebrow. “Show me,” he says simply.
For a while, he’s able to forget about it all.
Of course it only lasts as long for it takes the two of them to shower, get dressed and part ways; as soon as he arrives in the paddock he’s swarmed. It’s not the fans—they’re not allowed back here today—or even that people are yelling questions. People know not to try; not when paddock passes can get revoked and fines can be given.
They don’t do anything so stupid, but it doesn’t matter. The scrutiny is just as bad; two dozen cameras following his every move as if waiting for him to do something.
He breathes a sigh of relief as he ducks into the Ferrari hospitality. Andrea slips in after him, and he’s kind enough not to say anything about the way Charles is morosely stuffing biscuits from the coffee bar into his mouth.
“I called your pack off,” he tells Charles, making himself an espresso. He almost manages to look disinterested while he does it.
Charles just raises his eyebrows. “Did you?”
“Well, Pierre did. They didn’t really listen to me.” He dumps two sugars into his coffee, stirring a little aggressively, and then rolls his eyes at the look Charles is giving him. “Oh, leave me alone. It’s been a stressful morning. How are you doing?”
Charles shrugs. “We knew this was going to happen,” he points out.
“Yeah, I know. That wasn’t really my question.”
“I’m,” Charles starts, then looks down at his biscuit; the crescent bite taken out of it. “It’s fine. I don’t think it has fully hit me yet.”
Andrea purses his lips. He nods. “Fred said they’re not allowed to ask any questions about it in the presser. You’re with Pierre, Alex, Oscar and George, so even if someone tries something, you won’t be alone. It was the best we could do.”
“Max?” Charles asks, in spite of himself.
Andrea’s lips somehow purse even harder. “The FIA was strongly advised to give him a week off.”
“But not me.”
“You wouldn’t want a week off.”
Charles hums. That’s true.
“Besides,” Andrea adds in an undertone, “I know you will want to set an example that this is not to be discussed in the paddock. It’s not Fred’s decision, obviously, but…”
“But you don’t trust Max to be able to do the same,” Charles finishes for him.
“I trust him,” Andrea argues. “I trust him to say what we’re all thinking, which is that this is stupid and everyone should fuck off. I just also know that will only make things worse.”
Charles tilts his head, conceding the point. He breaks a crumb off his biscuit; pushes it past his lips.
“Is he alright?” Andrea asks after a beat, his voice quiet. “After last night?”
Andrea had been the one to check on them when they hadn’t reemerged from the bedroom suite, only to find them curled up on the bed, Max having finally passed out. Charles had kissed his forehead before slipping out to join the media strategy session; had pulled the duvet over him as he went. He’d called room service after everyone had finally left, coaxing Max into eating comfort food in bed with him, some meaningless travel show playing in the background, giving Max’s red-rimmed eyes somewhere to drift when they refused to meet Charles’ own.
“He’s fine,” Charles mutters, then scrubs at his hair. “Or he will be fine. I don’t know. He has this stupid idea that he has to be the strong one all the time. He doesn’t feel like he should need me when I am the one who everyone is talking about, and when he thinks it is all his fault.”
“Why does he think that?” Andrea asks.
“Because Jos was the only one who could have told them. Nobody else knew. And Max was the one who told Jos.”
Andrea chews that over, sipping his coffee.
“I don’t know why it matters,” Charles adds. “It is out now. It doesn’t matter how it got out.”
“You could always sue Jos,” Andrea muses. “Defamation or whatever.”
“It’s not worth it.”
“Isn’t it?”
Charles shrugs. Maybe it would give him some sense of satisfaction; probably not. “It would just give the media more to talk about,” he says. “It would make Max feel worse. I would gain nothing. It was going to come out eventually anyway,” he adds. “It was always a matter of time, wasn’t it?”
Andrea grimaces. “It’s hard to say,” he admits, “but these things tend to not stay secrets for long.”
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virgils-muse · 1 year ago
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Ranking All The Greco-Roman Retellings I’ve Read! For Fun! Please Don’t Kill Me For Not Putting TSOA At #1!!! With Little To No Explanation.
1.) A Thousand Ships - Natalie Haynes
This is literally one of my fav books ever all time. The fact that we get retellings from so many of the women’s perspectives in one book, and not just the captive women, but the goddesses, AND EVEN THE MUSE TOO? Superb. I’m obsessed. I’ve read it three times over, which says a lot because I’ve only ever chosen to reread one other book. My fav chapters are the Calliope chapters, the Thetis chapter (so upset there was only one), the Cassandra chapters, and the Hekabe chapters!
2.) Stone Blind - Natalie Haynes & Silence Of The Girls - Pat Barker
I’m rereading Silence Of The Girls as I type this actually. It’s couldn’t choose between the two.. they were both so incredible. Similar to A Thousand Ships, Stone Blind takes on MANY different perspectives, including Medusa ofc. My fav was the Unnamed Neried chapter, that and the Panopeia chapters. And Silence Of The Girls.. oh my gods it such a guy wrenching retelling from Briseis’s perspective, and what day to day life must’ve been like on the camp. Also? Actually Accurate Patrochilles, finally.
3.) Wake, Siren - Nina MacLaughlin
First off, Roman Mythos retelling? Already in love. It’s just.. so gut wrenching. Every chapter makes you wanna scream. In the best way possible. I just,, I can’t put it into words how this books made me feel. The Thetis chapter hit me the hardest, obvi. But the Arachne chapter? Oh my gods I wanted to cry.
4.) Circe - Madeleine Miller
It was good. It was actually quite good, very good, even. But where it wasn’t good, it was.. questionable. Can we as a society stop trying to constantly villainize all the deities? Like, and before you say “biased perspective!!! Unreliable narrator!!” Which, yes, I love narrators that have a thing against the deities and emphasize the worst of what they’ve done, but there are certain parts in there where I’m like.. hello? Specifically when Hermes was saying that the Gods want mortals to be miserable bc a miserable mortal will give you more offerings then a happy one,,,, which like???? Hello??? When was that EVER the case ever?? I liked the ending.
5.) The Song Of Achilles - Madeleine Miller
Yeah I have a vendetta against this book. If you wanna read it, go for it, but PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, read the Iliad first. And maybe Silence of The Girls first too. Were Patroclus and Achilles in love? And probably kissing it sloppy style? Yeah. BUT WE CAN’T ERASE THE FACT THAT THEY WERE SLEEPING WITH WAR CAPTIVE WOMEN. And also, to not only ignore that, but then make it seem like they were treating Briseis well???? When she was literally A WAR CAPTIVE??? Also, I will never, EVER, forgive this book for demonizing Thetis. They made her seem like some homophobic mom as if she didn’t do EVERYTHING FOR HER SON. Idk. I also hate that this book bought on a whole new generation of people who think Patroclus was Achilles gay little twink boy. Like.. are we forgetting they were literally out committing war crimes probably.
Anyways that’s my list rn!!!! I wanna read Jennifer Saint’s books next.
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2q5b · 9 months ago
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TETZAVEH
By Ezra
February 20th, 2024
We are deep in the second book of the Torah, the book called Shmot. That doesn’t mean Exodus. It means “names.”
Why is the book called the book of names? On the surface, it’s a reference to its opening sentence:
 וְאֵ֗לֶּה שְׁמוֹת֙ בְּנֵ֣י יִשְׂרָאֵ֔ל הַבָּאִ֖ים מִצְרָ֑יְמָה אֵ֣ת יַעֲקֹ֔ב אִ֥ישׁ וּבֵית֖וֹ בָּֽאוּ׃
And these are the names of the children of Israel who came into Egypt, with Yaakov; every man came with his household.
The names listed are the literal children of Israel, the twelve brothers whose names became the names of the tribes of Israel. Every man came with his household. No sisters are listed by name, though there were sisters. Wives, children, no names for them. Just these twelve brothers.
The theme of names hangs over the whole book, but only if you are paying attention. And so does the theme of siblings. Names and siblings are of course ideas that are linked: who gives a name? Usually a parent, a different name for each child.
These twelve brothers had a terrifyingly fraught relationship. Joseph’s brothers nearly killed him. They hated him, partly for the special garment their father had made for Joseph and only Joseph. They tore it off of him, stripped him naked, threw him into a pit and sold him to slave traders. The end result was that they all ended up in Egypt, where their descendents were slaves.
In the second chapter of Shmot, we meet a family that contains three young siblings. In that chapter, we only hear about two of them, and they do not yet have names, nor does their mother. A woman, she is called. A son. His sister. Living in slavery, it’s as if they’ve been dehumanized beyond nameworthiness. And when the nameless mother puts her nameless son in a basket on the river in hopes that he might escape the government child-killers, the nameless sister makes sure that he isn’t harmed.
וַתֵּתַצַּ֥ב אֲחֹת֖וֹ מֵרָחֹ֑ק לְדֵעָ֕ה מַה־יֵּעָשֶׂ֖ה לֽוֹ׃
And his sister stood far off, to know what would be done to him.
Cain kills Abel. Ishmael is driven out of Abraham and Sarah’s home in favor of Isaac. Jacob outwits Eisav and Eisav plots to kill him. Joseph’s brothers sell him to slave traders. But Miriam looks out for her brother. She saves his life.
Miriam, Aaron and Moses grow up to be a trio of siblings working in beautiful cooperation to rescue their people from Egypt and lead a social and spiritual revolution. In the midrash, Moses and Aaron do this dance of humility and mutual encouragement, each ceding leadership to the other. Aaron, the older brother, is not jealous when he finds out Moses has been chosen by God to bring their people out of Egypt. He collaborates with him, he helps him speak to Pharaoh. And then Moses reciprocates that support. Here’s a bit from the Midrash Tanchuma:
Moses said to [Aaron], “The Holy Blessed One has told me to ordain you as high priest.” Aaron said to him, “You have labored on the tabernacle; should I be made high priest?” He said to him, “By your life, even though you are being made high priest, it is as if I were being made [high priest]; for just as you were glad for me in my greatness, so I am glad for you in your greatness.” 
-Midrash Tanchuma, Shemini 3
Our parasha consists of commandments given by God to Moses about how his brother Aaron, and Aaron’s sons, are to be dressed while they perform priestly rituals. The clothing is so fabulous, and so meticulously described, it can almost seem like God is rubbing it in Moses’ face. Why, after all, is Moses not the high priest with a dynasty of heirs? Numerous midrashim frame Aaron’s anointment as priest as a punishment for Moses’ initial attempt to refuse God’s call to prophecy. You didn’t want the hard job, now you don’t get the fancy job.
But Moses not only steps aside from the highest position of ritual authority, he himself does every physical preparation for Aaron to occupy that position. Moses lovingly returns the favor of his older brother’s steadfast support up to this point. The tenderness and positivity is almost overwhelming. It’s as if Cain, instead of killing him, had knitted Abel a sweater. 
וְעָשִׂ֥יתָ בִגְדֵי־קֹ֖דֶשׁ לְאַהֲרֹ֣ן אָחִ֑יךָ לְכָב֖וֹד וּלְתִפְאָֽרֶת׃
You are to make garments of holiness for Aharon your brother, for glory and for splendor.
-Shmot 28:2
Do not overlook this moment. The exile in Egypt began with a garment torn off in a jealous act of brotherly violence. Now those brothers’ descendents have come out of Egypt, and their leader is asked to create and dress his brother in a beautiful garment, in love and humility, as an indispensable part of their service of God.
Something is being healed in this relationship, something about what siblings can be to one another. The garment Jacob made for Joseph is called a k’tonet passim, often translated as an “ornamented tunic.” And now Moses makes a k’tonet for Aaron to wear. And how is it ornamented?
וְלָ֣קַחְתָּ֔ אֶת־שְׁתֵּ֖י אַבְנֵי־שֹׁ֑הַם וּפִתַּחְתָּ֣ עֲלֵיהֶ֔ם שְׁמ֖וֹת בְּנֵ֥י יִשְׂרָאֵֽל׃
שִׁשָּׁה֙ מִשְּׁמֹתָ֔ם עַ֖ל הָאֶ֣בֶן הָאֶחָ֑ת וְאֶת־שְׁמ֞וֹת הַשִּׁשָּׁ֧ה הַנּוֹתָרִ֛ים עַל־הָאֶ֥בֶן הַשֵּׁנִ֖ית כְּתוֹלְדֹתָֽם׃
And you shall take two shoham stones, and engrave on them the names of the children of Israel:
six of their names on one stone, and the other six names on the other stone, according to their birth.
-Shmot 28:9-10
Here they are again: shmot b’nei yisrael. The brothers who nearly killed each other, now listed in perfect equality on an ornamented tunic, made by one brother, worn by the other.
It’s all so positive and warm and fuzzy. Brothers, at last, have learned to cooperate.
So here’s the feminist buzzkill: What about sisters? What about Miriam, the oldest sibling among the leaders? What about Dinah, the daughter of Israel, not listed with the sons on the holy breastplate? Where the hell are they?
There are a lot of answers one could give. But in my heart, there are two: one short, one long.
The short answer is easy, it’s baked into all of us who live in a patriarchy built on countless generations of patriarchal norms: they’re women. They’re not there because they never are. They’re supposed to be invisible. They do the dirty work, they cook and clean and they raise the babies. They don’t have their name on a plaque, they don’t serve in public office. Out of sight out of mind.
The long answer does not deny the short answer, which accurately describes the past and present. But the long answer dares to include the future.
When I am most able to believe in the Torah as a divine document is when I can see it as laying out paths for us that we have not yet fully walked. We say in the Torah service every Shabbat, “d’racheiha darchei noam, v’chol netivoteha shalom.” Her ways, the Torah’s ways, are ways of pleasantness, and all of her paths are peace. It can be a hard thing to say when you have just finished reading a portion of a text steeped in ancient habits of misogyny and violence. But the emphasis, in my mind, is on ways, paths. The most transformative ideas in the Torah are the ones that can point us in a direction, that lay out a pathway to be walked in our time and in the future we face.
The progression from Cain and Abel to Miriam, Aaron and Moses, by way of Joseph and his siblings, show us a pathway from violence to cooperation, from scarcity to abundance, from male infighting to feminine leadership. The walking of this pathway is nowhere near finished in the Torah as written. But it has begun. We have moved from a garment violently torn off of a sibling to one lovingly wrapped around a sibling. We have moved from brothers who kill each other to a sister who leads her people in song. We notice that Miriam’s name means, literally, rebellion, and we know that the feminist rebellion of our era is in her name.
Aaron’s breastplate bears shmot bnei yisrael, the names of the children of Israel. Those brothers had a sister named Dinah, whose name is not included. The gap where women have been erased in our Torah feels like an insult, but it can also be an invitation. We can take the loudest silences as opportunities to speak.
The name Dinah means justice, but conjugated in the feminine. In the space where her name should have been, the unwritten future calls to us. In that space, I see visions of priests of all genders with feminine justice emblazoned on our holy garments. 
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mostly-hannibal-memes · 3 years ago
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Hannibal Fic Recommendation List - Post Season 3
Post Season 3 fics
Back to Overview
Just What We Need by StratsWrites, whiskeyandspite “I brought you a gift,” he finally said, “I killed that man for you.” “No, Hannibal, you killed him for you. The only thing you did for me was make me the most likely suspect for your crimes. You’re good at that.” Post-fall, Will and Hannibal have a fight, and Will's not sure they can come back from it. Words: 8,348 Chapters: 1/1 Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
The Torment of Tantalus by InfiniteCrisis Set in Cuba after the fall. Hannibal isn’t touching Will. Will wants to know why, but is afraid to ask. Sexual and emotional tension and resolution; a comedy of errors told by the ocean and classical mythology."Everyone always spoke of the torment of Tantalus; no one ever stopped to consider what it was like for the tree." Words: 9,682 Chapters: 1/1 Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Weighing Incentives by Garden_Beast After their plunge off of the cliff, Will has begrudgingly agreed to run away with Hannibal to France. They spend two years together in a delicate equilibrium: Will acts as Hannibal's keeper, ensuring that he doesn't murder and cannibalize anyone, while Hannibal plays a long game of romance and seduction. This all goes to hell when Paris is confronted with a vicious new serial killer. Words: 124,886 Chapters: 25/? Rating: Explicit Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Softly sweetly by thecountessolivia After the fall, Will can't get it up. As far as Hannibal is concerned, this is not a problem. Words: 7,578 Chapters: 4/4 Rating: Explicit Warnings: Choose Not To Use Archive Warnings
the distance is quite simply much too far for me to row by softhan Hannibal is having a rough time recovering from his injuries post-fall, and retreats into himself to avoid confrontation with Will while he's still weak and ill. Having to play happy husbands hardly helps Words: 15,355 Chapters: 5/5 Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
rabbit hearted by bleakmidwinter When Hannibal makes an advance towards Will, the two find they can include sex in their relationship, after some atypical negotiation. Words: 18,540 Chapters: 1/1 Rating: Explicit Warnings: Choose Not To Use Archive Warnings
throne by YouAreMyDesign Hannibal's gaze sharpens, and he lets out an aggravated noise. "A surrogate," he repeats. "I believe you were the one who made it perfectly clear that I must sate my needs on my own. That I can do as I please, as long as it does not rely on your involvement." Words: 4,217 Chapters: 1/1 Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
dirty little secrets by pointedperception Hannibal gets off in a fancy restaurant, but it isn't because of the food. Words: 3,307 Chapters: 1/1 Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Dormire et Excitare by InfiniteCrisis To Sleep and To Wake: Will is nervous and having some reservations about him and Hannibal actually having sex for the first time. He decides to deal with this by drugging Hannibal and having sex with him while he is unconscious. Hannibal is remarkably unperturbed. Words: 18,697 Chapters: 2/2 Rating: Explicit Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
faces of god by Eremji (handsfullofdust) Fleeing from the closing net of the FBI, Hannibal Lecter finds his chosen retreat borders the territory of a vicious new serial killer preying on Oxford University professors. As he nurses Will and himself back to health, Hannibal works to help Will come to terms with the new layer of intimacy in their relationship and to negotiate Will's compulsion to deliver justice without putting them at risk for discovery.  He can't recall the fall, or which of them broke the choppy waves first, but he can remember Will's hand on the back of his neck, hot as a brand in contrast with the icy water that swallows them. The ocean has a hungry, cold vastness that unsettles even Hannibal, washing them against the rocks like flotsam – and with as little regard for their autonomy. Words: 27,869 Chapters: 1/1 Rating: Explicit Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Gift by rodabonor “What do you want?” “I want you to look at me.” “Even though it’s hard for me?” “I want you to look at me because it is hard for you.” Will and Hannibal get married and celebrate their engagement, wedding night and anniversary all at once. They spend the night pushing each other's buttons. Words: 3,742 Chapters: 1/1 Rating: Explicit Warnings: Choose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Peck by Devereauxs_Disease Will and Hannibal have settled into a routine in Croatia. When Hannibal gives Will a peck on the cheek one day, it knocks the empath for a loop. Is this brief affection a sign Hannibal wants more? Or is the encephalitis back? Only one way to find out... Words: 3362 Chapters: 1/1 Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Focus by Devereauxs_Disease When Hannibal pulls out a pair of reading glasses while on a train to Sweden, Will realizes that he apparently has a bit of a glasses kink. And maybe a submissive streak as well. Can Will get over his glasses obsession? And does Hannibal want him to? ORDev had feelings about Mads' glasses at the Cologne Film Festival. Words: 6,321 Chapters: 1/1 Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Uncharted Sea by louise_lux Set directly after the end of season three. Hannibal finally wakes from his injuries, and it becomes clear that he remembers nothing. Words: 8,234 Chapters: 1/1 Rating: Mature Warnings: Choose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Scent of a Woman by Devereauxs_Disease After the fall, Will assumed he and Hannibal would progress to a romantic relationship. So when Hannibal comes home smelling of fancy perfume, Will is... distressed. How do serial killers handle jealousy and romantic confessions? Not well, y'all... NOT WELL. Words: 4,860 Chapters: 1/1 Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Love, The Hardest Way by Phenobarbital It was an engagement ring, that was for sure, but that didn‘t mean it was for Will, right? But he knew it probably definitely- maybe –obviously- was. How else could one interpret a ring found hidden in the house of a long term couple? “Oh God…” Words: 57,501 Chapters: 6/6 Rating: Explicit Warnings: Choose Not To Use Archive Warnings
My Ripper by Angelic_Disaster Hannibal made the use of endearments look natural, almost easy.  Darling. Dearest. Mylimasis. Love. Cunning boy. Gorgeous creature. Mongoose. Beloved. Mano Meile. Hannibal called him all types of sweet names that never failed to make his cheeks flush, and Will... Well, Will called Hannibal 'Hannibal.'Tired of it, Will started to look for the perfect endearment. And if he teased Hannibal with the most riddiculous petnames that existed until he found it, well, that was a bonus. Words: 2760 Chapters: 1/1 Rating: General Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
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alfredolover119 · 4 years ago
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I looooove your zukka rec lists! I recently became Avatar-obsessed, never got a chance to watch it as a kid and only just got through it all! I was wondering if you'd consider doing a specifically angst rec list? I love fluffy zukka everything, but sometimes you just gotta have your heart ripped out of your chest and put back in after being thoroughly blended.
thank you! i relate heavily to “recently became Avatar-obsessed” haha. as for the angst list, i sure can try! warning: all of these have happy endings because im a crybaby who can’t read unhappy endings. also, p much all of the fics in the completed section were featured on my other lists but this is specifically the ANGSTY ones >:^)
angsty zukka wips
first, most obviously, feels like we only go backwards by @oldpotatoe
-currently at 102k with 19/27 chapters posted; rated teen
-the amnesia fic. the amnesia fic. the amnesia fic. you know. i haven’t actually read it yet because, as previously mentioned, i’m a crybaby and am waiting for it to finish up but, from my understanding, this fic will murder you in a dark alleyway with no remorse. if u like zukka angst, you’ve probably already read this, but just in case!
An injury leaves Sokka with amnesia. His last memory is of the failed invasion, of leaving his father behind in enemy territory on the Day of Black Sun. Of hopelessness. Rage. // But then he wakes up, and the war is over. Suddenly, he must come to terms with the fact that years have passed, and that he's somehow the Southern Water Tribe Ambassador to the Fire Nation. He is also supposedly friends with banished-Prince-turned-Fire-Lord Zuko, of all people. Close friends.
Yeah, nah.
and i’ll do anything you say (if you say it with your hands) by @goldrushzukka
-currently 38k with 6/8 chapters posted; rated mature
-holy shit. holy SHIT. modern au based on the “my cat likes my fuckbuddy and i am falling in love” trope(?). maybe it’s just because of how the last chapter ended, but oh my god. this one made me cry. made me want to commit violence. when it’s not angsty as hell, it’s pretty funny, but holy shit. ao3 user nebulastucky please.
It’s supposed to be a one night stand. Pick up some guy at a bar, barely remember his name and never learn anything real about him, send him packing in the morning with a thanks for the ride and a cup of coffee to-go. That’s how it’s supposed to go. // But then it’s the best sex Sokka has ever had, and he thinks he’ll hate himself if he never gets to have it again.
Violet Blossoms and Celestial Objects by @hollypunkers
-currently 15k with 2/? posted. rated teen.
-this is the sequel to blue (an angsty, zukka rewrite of book 2-- go read it if u havent!)! !! this is a book 3 rewrite. only two chapters in and mrs hollypunkers is really abusing the miscommunication tag, as zukka writers seem to enjoy doing. im excited to see how the world and story develops with the changes to the story! you should be too!! its very good! obviously spoilers for blue lmao
Having sided with the Avatar in Ba Sing Se, Zuko not only must navigate his new relationship with Sokka but returning to the Fire Nation as a banished enemy. His own journey of self discovery and personal growth must now coexist alongside the personal struggles of every other member of the Gaang as together they blaze a treacherous path toward an unsure victory against Zuko's own father and nation.
breakable heaven by @fruitysokka
-currently 71k with 9/11 chapters posted. rated teen
-swt ambassador zuko! soon to be chief sokka! fake dating ur best friend to get out of an arranged marriage! what could go wrong!!! i also haven’t read this one ((see: i’m a crybaby who is being hurt by too many zukka wips already)), but it has been hanging out in my marked for later for months. from what i understand, this fic has: angst.
With his twenty-first birthday looming just around the corner, the Southern Water Tribe Elders have decided that Sokka, next in line to be Chief, needs to get married. Sokka does not want that, but he does need to get them off his back until he can figure his way out of it. What better way to do that than to pretend to date his best friend (and newly minted Ambassador to the Southern Water Tribe) Zuko? // Seriously, this is a foolproof plan. Maybe one of Sokka's best. Absolutely nothing can go wrong.
angsty zukka fics (completed!)
(i’ll put these in wc order)
lighthouse beam by @incorrectzukka
-7k, rated g
-a modern college au!! zuko’s inner-monologue is very angsty in this fic. typical zuko. also per usual, theyre both fucking dorks. they sort themselves out in the end, but not before The Angst. zuko is semi-deaf in this fic and also he has a bit of internalized homophobia.
Sokka’s breathtakingly beautiful and he’s smart and makes other people laugh. Zuko has a half-burnt face and a deaf ear. It’s not rocket science. // Or, Zuko falls in love with the boy in his Philosophy class.
This Isn’t My Idea of Fun by @khaleeseas
-9k, explicit
-moon spirit/nwt prince!sokka, no war to be found here! admittedly this isnt THAT angsty but like. the angst IS present. zuko is still the prince. a lovely childhood friends (though they hated each other for a minute haha) to lovers story. 
If you asked Zuko, he and Azula saw far too much of Chief Hakoda of the Northern Water Tribe’s children growing up. It wasn’t until they were older, and Azula pointed out that - duh - their families were trying to set them all up, that he realized why. // He was told by his mother to be polite. These people were their friends and allies, and though their nations were as different as they came, harmony between nations was the most important thing. // It wasn’t his fault the Chief’s children were so annoying.
put your lips close to mine (as long as they don’t touch) by @celestialceci
-9k, teen
-modern au! zuko and sokka are college roommates. zuko goes to spend the summer with sokka. again,, not really that angsty but-- its there!! the detail and feeling of Home in this story make me happy. zuko is insecure as hell here too. if ur into that. 
Zuko hates his home. He likes college alright, but he likes Sokka even better, his assigned roommate turned best friend. Spending the summer with Sokka will be fun, a welcome change of pace he desperately wants. It probably won't awaken anything in him... right?
the thing about dancing by anodymalion
-9k, teen
-yes. this one right here officer. it makes my heart ache. also trans sokka! which is cool. but the zuko angst in this one. hurts me. not so much relationship angst as it is zuko learning he deserves happiness angst. i’m sure u know The Type.
The first time a attendant spills Zuko’s tea and doesn’t immediately fall to her knees, begging the Fire Lord’s forgiveness, it is not anger but a resounding warmth that fills his chest.
i could (never) give you peace by @zukkababey
-10k, mature
-OUCH. OUCH OUCH OUCH. boys please learn to communicate im begging u. also zuko.. zuko, dude. as the tags of the fic say, hes “really going through it” in this one. YOUCH. post-canon.
Zuko almost said it. He almost said the words I think I’m in love with you, but he choked them back down at the last second. // Zuko would never be able to be what Sokka wanted. They might have needed each other during the summer, when two boys with too much weight on their shoulders found comfort in each other in the only way they knew how. // But now Zuko was Fire Lord, and Sokka was leaving.
this love burns so yellow (becoming orange and in its time, exploding) by @meliebee 
-18k, teen, major character death 
-i lied. THIS is the one, officer. found family.. good mai and zuko and toph friendships.. . ozai escapes prison and tries to overthrow zuko. OBVIOUSLY angst ensues. poor boy. he Does heal in this but it gets worse before it gets better. angst angst angst angst.
Ten months after Zuko is crowned at seventeen, he faces his first coup.
Anything for You by beersforqueers
-23k, explicit
-istg. this is probably one of my favorite zukka fics. its PAINFUL. modern au where theyre broken up but sokka hasnt told his family yet so zuko goes home with him for kataang wedding. a bit smutty, but the plot oh my god ohgm y fuvk. made me cry the first time i read it. (see: crybaby!me) insert that one picture of the horse with the caption PAIN. 
In which Sokka and Zuko have broken up but Sokka hasn't told his family yet. So when Katara and Aang's wedding weekend rolls around and he doesn't want to break Gran-Gran's heart, he asks Zuko to pretend to be his boyfriend for one last weekend. // Things don't go as planned.
Moving Mountains by @thefangirlingdead
-64k, mature
-so. when i read this the first time it was in one sitting. soulmate au set within canon era / the comics, to an extent. soulmates can hear each others thoughts. i will happily say this is slowburn, jesus christ. champagne without the cham. 
Soulmates are chosen by the spirits and can hear each other’s thoughts. Sokka thinks it’s cheesy and dumb. Zuko thinks it’s poetic justice that he doesn’t have one because he doesn’t deserve it. Cruel irony is finding out that the prince of the Fire Nation (and the person currently hunting you) is your soulmate.
In the Soft Light by @voidcenturyscholar and @romancedawning
-83k, teen, graphic depictions of violence
-moon spirit!sokka living in the northern water tribe. zuko is sent to the northern water tribe as a cultural liaison. iroh is the fire lord but while he is away taking care of lu ten after his injury ozai steps up. i cannot express how many emotions this fic made me feel. background yuetara. i would almost say found family?? but. anyway. plenty of angst to spare here with a healthy dose of enemies to friends to lovers.
As the newly appointed cultural liaison to Northern Water Tribe, Zuko is the first Fire Nation Citizen to step foot inside the city's walls in nearly a century. He's determined to prove himself—to the Fire Lord and to his father—even if the Water Tribe's spirit-touched prince seems to want nothing to do with him.
That Midnight Sky by @zukkababey
-103k, teen
-now now now. tms... modern college au where sokka agrees to tutor zuko in physics because zuko has to maintain straight a’s and physics is just not doing it for him. so. thats cool but THEN azula moves in, randomly, with zuko. to hide the fact that sokka is tutoring zuko, they fake date! what could go wrong!! the mutual pining in here combined with the angst... wonderful, tasty. everyone read it rn. also SLOWBURN 
In Zuko’s strict family, needing a tutor is just about the worst thing you could do. Failing a class, however, is even worse. The only rational solution? Take up Aang on his offer to find him a physics tutor and have Sokka—beautiful, smart, handsome Sokka—tutor him in secret. // When Azula’s arrival threatens to reveal Zuko’s secret, it’s up to Sokka to convince her this definitely isn’t what it looks like. See, he’s actually… Zuko’s… boyfriend? // Hmm. There’s no way this could get complicated, right?
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pain-in-the-butler · 3 years ago
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The time has come once again
The Bloodbath
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“I’m simply one hell of a butler” says Sebastian as he starts cleaning as usual
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Okay so Agni’s taking no prisoners
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Work Nerd, Science Nerd, and Jock Nerd team up to form the Nerd Trifecta
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Team One Brain Cell joins up with Phipps, who is quite possibly their only chance for survival
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Ran-Mao remembers how Harcourt beat everyone in the unfortunately deleted round and said “Not in my backyard”
So far, everyone else has simply run away unscathed or grabbed a weapon they won’t use because the game doesn’t record weapons. Rip Tanaka
Day 1
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Ran-Mao bringing the canon energy by adding a second weapon to her arsenal
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Phipps somehow always turns into Team Dad during these, so I’m glad to see he’s finding time for his favorite hobbies
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Undertaker up to his usual Sneaky Antics
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It hasn’t even been twelve hours yet. Kind of impressive honestly
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Considering Harcourt lost his mace, I’ll just assume the attack Grell “escaped” from was the vicious stabbing of his trim little schoolboy fingernails
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Bad vibes
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It appears that Lau also brought his canon game
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Sebastian in the most recent chapters be like
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I’ve actually never had this event come up before and it has to happen between two of the more innocent characters in the series;;;; god Lizzie you deserve better even in the Hunger Games Simulator
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Where’s a Safety Nerd when you need one
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What’s better than this? Guys bein dudes
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This is probably what happened after Ciel left Weston
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Sebastian will take care of this for ya, huh bud
Other events:
Agni practices his archery
Wolfram goes fishing
Othello finds a cave
Soma goes ‘splorin
Edward goes huntin
Day 1′s Deaths: Tanaka, Sieglinde, Lizzie, and Macmillan. Someday one of the ladies will win
Night 1
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Butler slumber party in the woods, BYOYM (bring your own young master)
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It takes a lot of energy to be this blond
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I’m happy for her :)
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Yeah I’ll bet you probably do Lau
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A tonal shift so abrupt I got mental whiplash
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Can we go back to when Grell was looking at the sky pls
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Thought about science too hard. Got a concussion
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Thought about Ciel dying too hard. Got an infection
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Aww dad :( Hope you caught some fish tho
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Looks like Harcourt won’t be winning this one, gang
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I stg the hunger games simulator is misogynist because the ladies always DIE /j
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Ran-Mao is hopefully here to prove the previous statement wrong
Other events:
Bard gets a hatchet
Undertaker also passes out from exhaustion
R!Ciel goes to sleep in a tree
Day 2
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Oh you five are SO going in my burn book for this. It’s what Grell would’ve wanted
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Ahaha just like in the real manga... right guys (;
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Idk about you but I’m rooting for her
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I don’t think the simulator could’ve picked four people who were less likely to team up than this
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I would too if I saw my best friend was palling around with an opium dealer, a grim reaper with a lawn mower, and another grim reaper that the first grim reaper doesn’t like
Other events:
Othello chases Wolfram
That’s the only other event actually
That means today we lost O!Ciel, Mey-Rin, Harcourt, and Grell. ffs, I hope Ran-Mao kills all of you
Night 2
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I’ve missed you, rare pair simulator
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The “unknown sponsor” was Undertaker and the “fresh food” was O!Ciel
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Confirmed: Lau doesn’t get high off his own supply
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Once again a ceasefire between the strong hungry boys is formed
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Girl, you don’t have to do that
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“Did you kill Ciel?” Sebastian asks
“No that was William,” Othello says
Sebastian punches a tree so hard that it combusts. “God damn. Fuck” Sebastian says
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Wolfram just realized I put him in the Hunger Games simulator
Other events:
Phipps thinks about “Are you winning son”
Undertaker gazes at space
Ronald becomes Lost Ronald
Soma passes out
Bard gets some water
Day 3
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Damn Agni who haven’t you flirted with
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Finny sees that Bard has water and thinks Bard cooked it himself, so he wants no part of that (might be burnt)
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What did he even have that was worth stealing? A fish?
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Well I can tell you who isn’t creating that smoke: Lau
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“What’s worse than two young masters? No young masters. Now get over here and make a contract”
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Everything about this sentence is a fever dream
Other events:
Undertaker decides he wants a slingy shot too
Edward chases Dad I mean Phipps
Othello gets some ouchies from picking berries
Night 3
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When your young master dies, you just get an infection apparently
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damn Finny’s playing hardball
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I don’t think anything bad has actually happened to Bard yet. It’s just been a grand frolic the whole time
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I barely remember reading the first Hunger Games but Ran-Mao’s the Foxface of this journey: she deserves to win and I just know she’ll die in the stupidest way possible
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Sebastian’s like a cat that can’t reach the bird it wants to attack, so it attacks the nearest other thing instead. Poor Dad
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Two white-haired anime boys and a not-white-haired anime boy talk about who will die tomorrow. Anime doesn’t exist yet so the white-haired anime boys don’t know their hair color automatically spells their doom
Other events:
Edward starts a fire, which means he’s capable of smoking opium
Ronald gets some medical supplies
Othello gets a hatchet
R!Ciel thinks about winning
Lau gets an entire explosive, but he won’t be able to light it, so no it’s no big deal
Day 4
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In Soviet Hunger Games, white-haired anime boy kills you
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But why murder someone when you could just mess with them
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Other events:
Grey scares Bard
Finny goes hunting
Night 4
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Have you four even killed anyone yet
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The list of “people who didn’t start the manor fire and also don’t smoke opium” now consists of Lau and R!Ciel
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The mood is too light now. Someone needs to die and it better not be Ran-Mao
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At last, Father Phipps has chosen his son for this round
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Agni gushes about all the hot guys he’s simultaneously in love with, giving Ran-Mao a clearer idea of who’s still alive
Day 5
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Girl, it’s about time, go claim some trophies
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Finny’s easily got the longest kill streak and it’s a little unnerving
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Father Phipps finds a new secret fishing hole
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Othello doesn’t
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Lau continues to put in all the efforts of a kindergarten bully
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Oh no. He’s a yandere
Other events:
Sebastian fucks around and explores the arena
Bard fucks around and hunts for tributes
Undertaker fucks around and sleeps
R!Ciel fucks around and picks flowers
Night 5
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I’ve never met anyone who ships Sebastian/Undertaker but I know you’re out there
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Okay, maybe these four are even less likely to team up than Phipps, Ronald, Undertaker, and Lau
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Edward sees I’m making jokes about people who build fires and stays hidden
Day 6
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Canonically, that is the only way R!Ciel would win a fight, so
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I probably could have predicted this
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I hope these are the faces they made when it happened
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The “unknown sponsor” is R!Ciel and the “fresh food” is an ear that fell off his own head
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I’m not sure if I should be concerned or unsurprised that Bard’s Hunger Games life is more chill than his canon life
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the “unknown sponsor” was the fish and the “clean water” was “fish water”
Other events:
Ran-Mao gets her third weapon that she doesn’t want to use, which is a hatchet
Finny finds a river
Agni practices archery again, but he doesn’t kill anyone because he wants this to go on forever
Night 6
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Ran-Mao I beg you please. Release us from this purgatory of mediocrity
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And suddenly we’re back to canon Bard
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I guess not everything can be canon
Other events:
Both Agni and Phipps pass out from exhaustion. It’s 2:50 a.m. so I should really be taking a page from their book, but unfortunately everyone refuses to die
The Feast
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Finny has been a stone cold killer this entire match, so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that the girl I wanted to win would get eliminated by him, but it still hurts ✌️😔
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If you cheat on Othello, he will overpower you, killing you
Everyone else decided not to go to the Feast. Honestly, I don’t remember what the Feast is, but everyone who did go either murdered someone or got murdered, so I guess that was probably a good call
Day 7
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I’ve had enough of this dude
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Jesus Finny I can’t wait to see how many kills you got, I feel like you and Agni were the only two who took anyone down
Bard, Undertaker, Sebastian, and Phipps all hunt for other tributes but they’re useless and don’t kill anyone
Arena Event: Volcano Eruption
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In one fell swoop, we lose Sebastian, Undertaker, R!Ciel, and Finny, jeez. But... that means it comes down to.............
FATHER PHIPPS VS. BARD
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FATHER PHIPPS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Wow... Unlike his manga counterpart, this boy coasted the whole time and won... He basically went on vacation and he actually won... But then again, it’s Hunger Games Simulator and nothing is sacred
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Well I hope you learned a valuable lesson today. I hope you did at some point before you read my post, because you sure as hell learned nothing from this. Thank you for wasting precious minutes of your life with me 😏
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smol-and-grumpy · 4 years ago
Text
Legally Yours - Ch. 06
Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader
Summary: Dean Winchester tops the list of hottest entrepreneurs 2020 and yet, there’s still something he wants but can’t have because, in order to get that, he would have to settle down and get married. She agrees too quickly because she wants to secure a more comfortable life for her and her daughter. Will she be able to help Dean get what he wants without losing herself in the fake story they spin up to deceive his father and the world?
Chapter Warnings: The dinner is coming up and there’s a little flangst. Also, they are still two stubborn idiots.
WC: 3779
Beta’d by: @deanwanddamons​​​​​​ <3
Series Masterlist ~ SPN Masterlist
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It feels like she’s been sitting down for ages and she’s worried about Bobby and Liv. Sure enough, Sam sensed her worries and texted her that they are both being taken care of. So at least there’s that. 
Pamela made her slip into the sequin dress after her shower and the woman put some makeup on her face.
“Not too much, okay?” Y/N says, just making sure because she still wants to be herself after all.
The brown haired woman chuckles, “Don’t worry, babe, I’ll just turn up the volume a little, you’re fine the way you are. You have a cute face, don’t want to hide that below too much make up anyway,��
With careful strokes, Pamela shows her how she can apply it herself for her next outings and yeah, Y/N can’t say that she doesn’t like that. Because it seems hideous to always have a stylist at hand, no? She didn’t sign up for this crap.
When Pamela is done, she leaves with a contented smile on her face and Y/N walks over to the floor lengths mirror that’s attached to her closet to catch her own reflection. She wears heels, has to still get used to it because they are way higher than the ones she wears for work. Apparently being fake engaged to Dean Winchester comes with a sacrifice of her feet. 
Her eyes trail up her body from her shoes to her face and it’s weird because she thought that she’d probably not be able to recognize the women who will be staring back at her, but she does. Pamela was true to her word, she just really turned up the volume to Y/N’s boring self. 
Okay, now is the time to present herself, she guesses. Sam had said that they’re waiting in the study. She’s yet to find out where it is, though. 
Sticking her tongue out at her own reflection, she starts to chuckle. She’s living the life she never thought she’d get to experience and god, she hopes she won’t lose herself in it.
With a last look around her new room, she makes her way to Dean’s study.
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  Dean makes his way into his study after having rushed home after the meeting to take a shower. He had been sweating bullets since this morning and it was refreshing to say the least. It would have been better if his dick wasn’t half hard when he thought about Y/N. He didn’t rub himself off, didn’t let himself go there and jerk off to the image of a girl he paid to pretend to be his fake fiancée. He was afraid that it would uncover things he didn’t need in his life right now. 
So, when he pushes the door to his study open, his dick is still semi but Dean thinks it’ll go away soon. Especially when he thinks about the dinner with his dad because that meeting is what nightmares are made of.
Sam’s already waiting on the couch, nursing a drink. He probably had a rough day as well and Dean can’t blame him. He walks over to his mini bar, pours himself two fingers of whisky and sits down with a grunt across from Sam.
“Go on,” Dean says, “I know you have a lot to say,”
The other man just chuckles, “She’s cute and pretty, you didn’t mention that,”
“Is she?” Dean cocks an eyebrow and takes a sip from his drink, “You’re right, I didn’t.”
“You like her, don’t you?”
“Sam,” Dean snorts out the man’s name, “I don’t even know her. She was in the right place at the right time,”
“You were never a good liar. I could always see through you.”
Dean frowns, “What do you mean?”
The other man chuckles as he takes a sip and lets the liquid travel down his throat, “You could have chosen anyone for that. The execs in your meetings, the ones working just below you, yet, you picked her.”
“Are you trying to go anywhere with this?” Dean asks with clear irritation in his voice. 
“Wait for it,” Sam says before he takes another gulp of the brown liquid in his glass and Dean rolls his eyes. Sam grins before he goes on, “All our lives, you have never picked a girl, Dean. Mostly they offer themselves to you, even back at school, do you remember?”
Oh, yeah, he does remember. Sam’s not wrong, but still.
“They offer and present themselves to you or your father picks them for you to bring along to social events and most of the time, you’re a one date kinda guy. You never ever picked one on your own.”
“You say it like women are something you find in a field,”
“Am I wrong?” Sam raises an eyebrow to match Dean’s, “Fact is, you picked out Y/N, even though you could have waited. You could have talked things through with me, wait until Carmen gets back and we could have come up with a plan. You know that she isn’t in for you either, she’s signed a contract and was willing to sign that prenup.”
“I didn’t want to wait for Carmen to come back to me,” Dean’s voice is stern. He really didn’t, he didn’t want people to think he let it slide when she’s been cheating on him. How will it make him look? He’s not a fucking idiot.
“I’m just saying that you’re being hot headed doesn’t help us at all. And the fact is still there that you’ve picked her and that means something in my book,”
“What stupid books are you reading?”
Sam chuckles and ignores Dean’s remark, “Carmen boarded the next plane back, by the way,”
Dean takes a sip from his drink, thinks about Sam’s words, “You can tell her that she doesn’t need to show up. I’m not taking her back when I have Y/N,”
The other man’s grinning from ear to ear and Dean rolls his eyes a second time, “And no, I don’t really like her. I barely know her. I just find her interesting, is all. She’s different to all the women I’ve ever met.”
There’s a laugh coming out of Sam and Dean scoffs annoyingly. 
Just when Dean wants to open his mouth to tell Sam to shut the fuck up, there’s a knock at the door. 
They both turn their heads to see Y/N open the door to his study. Dean feels a rush of blood to his head. How long has she been standing outside? How much did she hear? But before he can think about being more embarrassed, another punch knocks him out when he sees her walking in with her beautiful dress. 
“Sorry,” She says, “Am I interrupting?”
Dean has to clear his throat before he’s able to speak, “No, you didn’t. Come in,”
She nods and walks further into the room. She looks absolutely stunning, a really stark contrast to the look when he met her. It’s not that she was ugly before, she wasn’t — isn’t. He can see that she only wears minimal makeup.
“How do I look?” She asks with a smile as she twists around in her dress and somehow Dean wishes that Sam wasn’t here to see her like this.
“You do clean up nicely,” It slips out of Dean. 
Clean up nicely? What the fuck did he just say? Who says that?
“You look beautiful, Y/N,” Sam chimes in to probably play off the stupidity that Dean just let slip out of his mouth and Dean sends him a grim look. 
But it doesn’t stop there because Sam ignores Dean’s look to wink at her. He’s a little irritated by it, to say the least. 
“So, Y/N,” Sam says, “Do you care to tell me how you two met?”
“Sam, aren’t you late for your appointment?” Dean interrupts.
Sam looks at him puzzled and it takes another two seconds until he catches on, “Oh, yeah. It was a pleasure to meet you, Y/N. I’m looking forward to working with you because you’re a delight,”
The tall man stands up and takes Y/N’s hand, places a kiss on the back of it before he leaves and Dean tries his best not to let the feeling of jealousy hit him. He doesn’t know why he should feel jealous anyway. There’s nothing to be jealous about. It’s a business deal. He should be used to it, right? Right.
“My father will arrive in thirty minutes,” Dean says drily, his throat restricting the longer she looks at him. 
“Is there anything I need to know before you feed me to him?”
Dean lets out a small snort, “I’m not feeding you to him. I’m there too and can help out. When I think of it, maybe it’ll be good if we could establish the story of how we met.”
“Oh, I know!” Y/N shrieks out and gets all excited. Dean thinks it’s really cute. “How about I got into the elevators so quick which made you spill the coffee you’re holding over your shoes and pants? Like, the story is really partially true and it would be less hard for me to make it sound trustworthy,”
“Go on,” Dean nods his head, and empties his glass before he sets it down on the table before him. 
Her long legs and the away she sits doesn’t help his state of mind. The dress has ridden up on the couch and Dean tries to look anywhere other than at that exposed flesh that he’d like to sink his teeth into.
“I was afraid that you’d be mad at me so I offered to buy you a coffee to make up for it, but you didn’t want that because you were late to a meeting. But I was persistent and waited in front of the door and asked you so many times if you wanted a coffee and to please let me make up for ruining your suit. And somehow you agreed, maybe just to shut me up. We went on a coffee date every day until we fell in love.”
After her story, she smiled satisfactorily. The smile of a winner if he ever did see one. One he shows too often after a done deal. 
“I don’t really have time for coffee dates,” Dean adds his two cents, knowing that it doesn’t sound quite nice but he just can’t help himself. That’s the way he is. The way people expect him to be.
There’s a little pout on her lips, and Dean’s not prepared for that because it looks too cute, “I mean do you have a better idea?”
“No,” Dean shakes his head, “I like it, I never said I didn’t,”
“Good, but I’ll let you come up with your proposal story, okay? I feel like I can’t pick my brain anymore than I already have. It has been a long day.”
“Right,” He stands up and pats his thighs, buttons up his suit jacket too because he thinks it hides his more than semi hard dick pretty well, “Wait here, I’ll be right back,”
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  Dean leaves the door open and Y/N can hear his heels clicking on the stone flooring until the sound is out of earshot. She wonders what he’s up to, feels a little nervous about it.
While Dean’s gone, she gets up from the couch and looks around the room. The study is spacious, like every room in this ridiculously big penthouse, she guesses. There’s a desk at the far wall, a bookshelf graces the other wall. It’s full of books. She wonders if Dean really reads. It doesn’t seem like he has the time to do so. She wonders if he relaxes at all because he seems so tense all the time. Maybe he only tenses up when he’s around her, at least she can’t help to feel this way.
There’s the group of sofas where she was sitting on but right by the floor to ceiling window is another sofa that looks out over the city. She wonders why that is because the sofa seems a bit out of place. 
Standing by the window, she’s looking out over the city, the people and cars seem so small from up here. She doesn’t dare to touch the glass though in fear that she’d leave handprints all over it. Dean probably won’t be happy about that.
She’s lost in thought, wondering over and over again if she had made the right choice. It was a spur of the moment thing. She does a lot of those, like the time she hooked up with Jimmy for the first time. They were at a frat party and she knew him from her communications class. She let him drive her home, even though he was definitely not fit enough to drive but her head was spinning and she might have had a couple of drags of a joint too many. They didn’t even make it into her apartment, fucked right in the backseat, not worrying about contraception. 
By the time she knew she was pregnant, it was too late to abort, and honestly, she wouldn’t know if she would have. It’s not the baby’s fault. She and Jimmy tried to make it work, even though he was always suspicious if the baby was really his. Jimmy’s parents were loaded and he had a bigger apartment close to campus, funded by his parents. She moved in there because his parents wanted it that way, not because he did. While Jimmy was still enrolled and finished his degree, she dropped out to care for their baby. He eventually graduated but stayed in college to pursue his Master's degree. 
When Liv was four, Y/N wanted to try her chance at the job market as well, but Jimmy was against it. His parents were too, apparently, because they said that she wouldn’t be able to give their grandchild a good future and they wouldn’t stand to have their name dragged into this. She fought tooth and nail to keep Liv and changed the child's name back to her own. And after a long fight, they eventually agreed that she would take Liv, and Jimmy was not to pay a single dime. 
Getting out of the abusive and loveless relationship was probably the best decision of her life up until that point. Jimmy drank a lot and was overall not happy. He would lash out at her and she didn’t know why she stayed. Maybe there was a shred of hope that she desperately tried to cling on to. 
So, when she moved out, she stayed with Bobby for a while until she found the job in Dean’s company, and then it went pretty quick. She and Olivia moved into their own apartment.
A year later, she heard the news that Jimmy’s parents went bankrupt and Jimmy was trying to hold himself above water after he developed a drinking problem. Apparently, Karma’s right there helping her. 
She’s so deep in her thoughts that she doesn’t notice Dean returning, only realizes it when a figure is standing behind her. Startled, she jumps a little as she turns around. 
“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you,” He mumbles as he steps closer to the window to stand next to her and they look out of the window together. It’s romantic, she thinks, with the backdrop of the city, especially at night.
Looking over to Dean again, she notices him holding a velvet box in his hand and smirks, “Is that a ring, loverboy?” 
Dean sends her a look accompanied by a little frown. Something that says, I have heard it but I won’t say anything because it’s stupid. Well, he might not be wrong.
“Sorry,” She breathes out, “I told you I tend to babble when I’m nervous,”
He sighs and lifts his eyebrow before he opens up the box and it is as if the air has been punched out of her lungs. 
“Wow,”
The ring is absolutely beautiful.
Dean smirks and clears his throat before he speaks, “It used to be my mother’s,”
It wasn’t like all the engagement rings Y/N’s seen that the rich and famous women are wearing nowadays. This one is modest, might even be boring and too normal compared to those. The ring has a bigger round diamond in the middle, with two smaller accompanying stones on its side. It’s a gold color ring too, not white gold like they usually are. It looks special and it looks like it has more sentimental value around it than monetary value. Maybe that’s also why she thinks it’s so precious.
“Dean, I can’t possibly wear this ring,” She says, but his hand already goes to her left one, grabbing it and holding it up to slip the ring on her finger.
He pauses to look at the ring, smiles as he sees how it fits. How did it fit anyway? How is that even possible? 
“I was right with the measurement,” Dean chuckles and she thinks that he wants to turn away, but he’s still standing here holding her hand, “I want you to wear it whenever you’re with me, okay?”
She can not do anything else but nod.
“I proposed to you on this rooftop, overlooking the city,” He says and it takes her a while to realize that he’s talking about his proposal story that he’s suggesting.
“Right,” She bites her lips and looks down to the ring briefly before she looks up to meet his eyes again. They are glistening a little, and there’s a hint of a smirk on his face. Right here by the window, his freckles are prominent on his face. 
Y/N’s distracted, feels the urge to count them.
“We were alone and we just had a meal. It was a warm summer night and we took our desserts on the terrace,”
She can picture it clearly and her heart starts to beat faster. 
“I didn’t prepare a speech,” Dean clears his throat, and adds, “And the things I said weren’t particularly romantic,”
“It didn’t matter, because I know that you feel more comfortable showing your actions rather than using your words,” She chimes in, “There’s no romance needed, no sappy words, because you already show me enough how much you love me,”
There’s a sparkle in his eyes after she said it. Somehow she thinks it’s fondness, but then something changes and he avoids her eyes. Instead, he looks down to the hand that’s still holding hers. His cheeks are tinted pink. It’s totally cute how embarrassed he gets. 
“So,” Dean swallows, “The contract says that we don’t touch each other more than necessary, especially not in private. But since my dad will be here, we will probably need to keep up the illusion, don’t you think?”
“Dean, the only one who seems to be uneasy and flinches at my touches is you,”
The pink in his cheeks rises up to his ears, “Yeah, I’ll try to change, okay?”
“I want you to feel comfortable. And please know that you touching me doesn’t bother me. I’m not disgusted or disturbed by it, okay?”
He nods, “I’m not—” He starts, but stops to exhale, and then he tries again, “I’m not disgusted by your touches, I just need to relax, I guess,”
“What would help you relax?” She asks and she means it. Maybe she can help. 
“It would help if I knew that I didn’t pay you,” He chuckles drily, “Dad will be here soon so let’s get this over with,” He pulls her along to the door and her grip tightens around his hand. 
She’s so fucking nervous.
“What if he hates me?” She whispers just before they reach the door and Dean turns around, places a hand where her shoulder meets her neck.
“My father wouldn’t like you even if it was real. He has high standards,”
“That’s fucking reassuring, thanks,” 
Dean chuckles, “It doesn’t matter what he thinks, okay?” He rubs along her arm with his other hand, “Can you pretend to love me for a while, Y/N?” 
“It depends,” She says with a shrug and his eyes widen. She smirks then to ease the situation because he obviously doesn’t get the joke. “Can you pretend that I’m the only thing that keeps you going? Pretend that I’m your first thought when you wake up and the last before you fall asleep, Dean? It’s more challenging for you with the array of women you’ve dated,”
He smiles crookedly, and there’s that glint in his eyes again, “Oh, sweetheart, I’m not worried about my end of the bargain,”
Her face feels hot all of a sudden but she frowns after she catches herself, “Of course you’re not because you have nothing to lose,”
The frown on Dean’s face matches hers from before, “What are you talking about?”
“Yeah well, if I screw this up, I will lose my job and a steady income but you?” She pokes at his chest with her index finger, “You, Mister, will probably get a lecture from your dad, but you’ll be back to dating super rich women and beautiful models, and you can go on with your life as if nothing happened.”
Dean chuckles and he looks kind of amused? Which is not fair at all when she’s all worked up.
He pushes both his hands into his pants pockets, balances back and forth on his heels before he leans down to be on her level, brings down the air with him and she can smell his cologne. It’s intoxicating. 
“Tell you what,” Dean smirks, “If this blows up because of me, if they should see through me or if anyone should question my feelings for you, I’ll buy you an apartment and I’ll help you secure a job. I have connections. Somewhere where no one knows that you were being engaged to me. But,” He darts his tongue out, licks over his lips and she bites down on her own because she knows exactly how they feel, “If you make a mistake and it blows up because of you, sweetheart,” He makes a pause and stands back straight.
“I have nothing you’d want,” She shakes her head.
“There’s something,” He shrugs and he says it so easily too. She can’t help but frown in confusion.
“What?”
“If it blows up because of you, Y/N. If you fail to convince the world how much you love me,” He grins, and the grin grows cocky, “You’ll marry me,”
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Ch. 07
Please share your thoughts with me, I’d love to hear your feedback.
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366 notes · View notes
tinyboxxtink · 4 years ago
Text
“Sharky” *Part 9*
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Okay it might end up only being 10 chapters, DEPENDING on what happens in the next chapter-- which guys, you’ll never see coming. Never in a million years. MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Also-- I don’t know if you care but the beginning scene/paragraph was written based on the scene in Grey’s Anatomy when Burke leaves Cristina at the altar and she has a panic attack/breakdown in her wedding dress. Just for reference, that’s what it’s supposed to look like. Don’t know who will understand that or not, but if you wanna YouTube it it’s very powerful. [To me.]
TAG LIST:
@wanniiieeee
@gibbs274
@word-scribbless
@dumauier
@chasingeverybreakingwave
@objection-argumentative
@aprildecker-blog​
Chapter List Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8
Part 10
-----
You made it halfway down the street before you felt your breathing increase, your body temperature rose by the second. In seconds you were hyperventilating, stuck in a damn leather trap of a dress. You were having a full on panic attack and you physically couldn’t breathe in the tight leather bodice. You had no idea what to do, you had literally never felt this panicked and scared and upset in your entire life. You tried desperately to rip off your sleeves at the very least, clawing at them while sobbing like a crazy person. But you were fighting a losing battle, and you felt yourself falling down to your feet. 
Your eyesight was blurry through tears but you managed to crawl into a nearby alley, still sobbing loudly and trying to breathe. You really thought you were going to pass out, and some creep would probably come and find your unconscious body in the alley and do sick stuff to it, and you’d be on the news at 11. 
You kept gasping for breath, now wrestling with the zipper on the back of your dress. You needed this OFF, and you needed it off NOW. You felt yourself losing consciousness, when a pair of hands caught you from behind. 
“What do you need?” The voice asked. You were certain this was a rapist, but why was he asking what you needed? 
“I...can’t….I can’t….” You sobbed, flailing your arms towards your back. You felt the hands unzip your dress just far enough that you could pull it off to rip your arms out of the sleeves and just hold it up over your breasts so you weren’t standing there half naked. Finally able to breathe you finally just sobbed while this person held you from behind, their head was pressed into your back and you could hear their words muffled but clear:
“I’m so sorry...I'm so sorry…” 
You finally looked down and realized the pair of hands that were holding you, and your panic went straight back to rage. You broke free from their grasp and spun around to see Rafael hunched over, clearly surprised by your sudden turnaround.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?!” You screamed at him, causing people walking by to look in concern.
“You were having a panic attack! You nearly collapsed in the street! What was I supposed to do just walk back into the party and leave you to die?” He said loudly so people would know he had been trying to help you, not rape you.
“YES!!!”
“Oh come on Y/N---” He tried to help you steady yourself on your heels, but you ripped them off and tossed them at him.
“No!!!” You screamed. “I told you to leave me alone, Rafael for fuck’s sake! Just go back and be with your girlfriend--” You started to walk away.
“I don’t want her, I want you!!!” He yelled, making you stop in your tracks.
“Well you sure have a hell of a way of showing it!” You turned back around and yelled angrily. 
“Look, Y/N...God, I don’t know how this got so fucked up…” He shook his head as he paced the alleyway. 
“Right because nothing is ever your fault,”  You scoffed with a roll of your eyes.
���I’m not saying that! I--” He sighed and stopped pacing to look at you. “Look, I was really low, and upset about you, and Liv and I were drinking, and--”
“So your solution to getting over me was to bond with the person who sabotaged us in the first place? Real sound logic there, counselor,” You said in a mocking tone.
“Look I get what she did was wrong, but she’s also been my best friend for a very long time, and I just-- I don’t know, I focused on that part,” He looked down. 
“How? How can you just sit there and make excuses for her--”
“I’m not making excuses for her, I fucked up okay? I was drunk, and sad, and I ignored my angry feelings at Liv and one thing led to another…” 
“Oh for Christ’s sake Barba really? One thing led to another? You PURPOSEFULLY slept with the ONE person you knew I’d never forgive you for!”
“That’s not true!!!” Rafael argued. “I’m not dismissing my behavior, but I swear to you it was NOT my intention to hurt you--” 
“Really? So what did you just think I’d never find out about you and her?”
“No I just-- look the next morning she was just so happy, and I was too much of a coward to tell her that I was just missing you and--”
“For fuck’s sake Barba are we in 10th grade? You ‘accidentally’ sleep with your best friend and then just date her because you can’t tell her the truth? And I’m just supposed to believe that?”
“It’s the truth!” He yelled. “I’m not proud of it, but it is the truth. I will go right back into that party and I will end it with her right now Y/N I swear it--”
“It doesn’t matter!” You cut him off. “I don’t care what you do, or don’t do with Olivia, Barba, I really don’t. Date her, fuck her, break her heart. Because you and I are off the table, permanently” You started to walk away again, but he grabbed your hand.
“No, come on Y/N there has to be a way we get past this, there has to be. I mean, look how upset you are. I know you still care about me--”
“OF COURSE I STILL CARE ABOUT YOU, IDIOT!!!” You screeched. “Yes, I’m having a fucking nervous breakdown over you because yes I do still lo--like you, but it’s irrelevant!” 
“But why…?” He asked in a soft voice.
“Do you really think that I can EVER look at you without seeing you and that bitch with her legs in the air?” You asked. “I mean, even right this second that’s ALL I can think about!” You started to cry again as you once again  tried walking away from him.
“Y/N, Please...please I am begging you…” He grabbed both of your hands this time and got down on his knees.
“This isn’t a negotiation, counselor. There’s nothing you can do, no penance you can give,” You sniffled. “It’s just...it is what it is,” 
“Please, Y/N....,” He clung to your waist like a child as he whimpered into your stomach.
You placed your hands over his back and looked to the sky, pleading to whoever was up there to make this stop. It was absolutely true, everything you said. Even though you could see that this whole situation was just a fucked up series of events and misunderstandings, you really couldn’t look at him without seeing her. You wanted to forgive him, you wanted to pick him up off his knees right now and just kiss him until the pain went away, but you couldn’t. 
“No,” You did your best to keep a stern tone as you pried him from your body. “I’m sorry,” You whispered as you put a hand to his cheek; you noticed he had started crying as well. 
It took everything you had to pick up your heels and walk out of that alleyway with your sleeves tied around your neck so it kept your dress over your breasts. 
------
After several minutes of trying to compose himself, Rafael finally walked back down the street and into the bar where his friends were waiting. 
 Rafa! Where the hell did you go?” Oliva cried.
“I went after Y/N,”  Rafael simply stated.
 “A-Are you serious? Why?” Olivia asked in disbelief. 
“You know why, Olivia” Rafael replied with a straight face.
“I cannot believe you--”
“Look, Liv. You are my absolute best friend in this entire world, I hope you know that,” He sighed. “But this has gone too far,” 
“Excuse me?” 
“Why did you do everything you did to Y/N, Liv?” Rafael crossed his arms. “ Is it because you’ve known how I’ve felt about her from the start?”
“I...Maybe…” Olivia looked at the ground as Rafael sighed deeply.
“Olivia I have tried so hard, SO hard to be there for you. To care about you, to love you. I have chosen you over and over again, but I won’t do it anymore. What you did was wrong, and you really hurt me,” He said sternly.
“How did I--”
“By hurting Y/N, Liv! By hurting us! Now, it’s so fucked up that I will NEVER be with her, and yeah that’s my fault and I have to deal with it now but--” He took a breath. “I need space, okay? I need to face what I’ve done to someone I cared about very much, and I need to do it on my own, and not with the person who helped me do it. I’m sorry,” 
He gave her a kiss on the cheek and walked out of the party, alone.
------
The next Monday you walked into work with your head held high, despite all the whispers and snickers as you passed by each desk. 
“Hey there, Cobra,” Your colleague Stacy waved. 
“Cobra?” You raised an eyebrow.
“Yeah, you know like a spitting cobra?” She smirked. 
“Oh lovely, is that my new nickname then?”
“Could be worse,” Stacy shrugged. “We could just call you ‘chum bucket’,” she added with a laugh.
“Pithy,” You chuckled mockingly. 
“Y/L/N,” Buchanan suddenly walked up to your conversation. “May I see you in my office?” 
“Um, Yeah sure…” You muttered uneasily as you followed him back to the office. You could hear Parker humming “The Death March” behind you. Vultures. You finally reached Buchanan’s office, he let you in first as he closed the door behind you.
“Sit, please,” He gestured to a chair. You obeyed as he went around and sat at his desk chair.
“So, I heard you had an interesting Halloween night…” He raised an eyebrow.
“Listen, sir I am so sorry--” You started to beg for forgiveness.
“Y/N, you are one of the best lawyers I have here,” He cut you off. “You’re a Great White among those Tiger Sharks,”
“Thank you…?” You scrunched your face.
“But you’ve been spiraling,” He sighed. “I mean, spitting on a sergeant in the middle of a bar full of NYPD, that’s…” He shook his head with a laugh of disbelief. “That’s ballsy. Do you know how many cops have called here today asking for your head on a stick?”
“I know sir and I--” You started to apologize but he put his hand up.
“But do you know what I love most about being a lawyer?” 
“What’s that?”
“I don’t work for the NYPD,” He smirked. 
“I’m sorry sir...what are you--”
“That took guts, Y/N. Putting ‘Saint’ Olivia Benson in her place like that,” He went on. “You know those schmucks at the NYPD think they are so high on the moral ground, but just look at what Barba did to you,” He came around and put a hand on your shoulder. “Lying and manipulating you like that, just for that self righteous Siren,” 
“Yeah…” You shifted uncomfortably in your chair. 
“And I would like to reward you for your courage,”  He smiled.
“Sir?” You were sure you heard him wrong.
“I know that those three idiots tried setting you up at that party to tank your career, but unfortunately for them-- it did the very opposite,” He gave you an evil smile. “I’d like to offer you the position of partner,” 
“R-Really?” You blinked in disbelief. 
“Yes really,” He chuckled. “Is that a yes?”
“Absolutely, John! Thank you!” You went to hug him but he put his hands up.
“Ah...just the thank you is fine, Y/N,”
“Right. Sorry,” You put your arms at your sides. You knew better than to show emotions at work. 
“Well then, let me show you to your new office... partner,” He smiled as he led you out of his office. You walked proudly behind him as you raised a high middle finger to the glaring looks of your co-workers.
 Maybe things were turning around….
 . 
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lala-ladybug · 4 years ago
Text
Healing Hands: Chapter 3
Happy finals week, ugh. As always, reblogs are appreciated!!
Jasonette Sword Art Online AU
Read here on AO3
Tag list: @iloontjeboontje
First | Previous | Next
Chapter 3: Well shit Babs, maybe I like ponies
Marinette sat on a rock and paddled her bare feet in the water. It was a beautiful day, the sun was warming the top of her loose, dark hair and the ocean in front of her stretched for miles and miles.
A noise disturbed her peaceful moment. A distant cry, probably a seagull.
She sighed and leaned back on her hands to breathe in the smell of--
Marinette choked. Why was there smoke in the air?
The cries grew louder as she looked back at the water before her. She started when she saw that they came from her friends, who were in the now-tumultuous water, trying to keep themselves afloat. They were only a few yards away, she could make it if she just--
A force around her waist tugged her hard as she leapt to her feet. Her face collided with the concrete beneath her-- the top of a building, she realized. If the water level was up this high, then....
From where she lay, she could see directly down into the water. It was no longer clear, but a deep crimson. There were dozens of figures scattered about, some still struggling and some motionless. She scrambled to get up as her eyes snapped to Alya’s hand disappearing below the waves.
That damn force jerked her to the other side of the building, farther from her friends.
“No!” Marinette cried out desperately. The force released her and she whirled to find her attacker.
A flash of red caught her eye, and--
Oh.
It was Ladybug.
Marinette shook her head, not understanding. If that was Ladybug, then.... No, it couldn’t be Ladybug, because she was Ladybug. She fumbled for her earrings, but felt nothing.
Ladybug stalked deliberately up to Marinette and pushed her to the ground. Marinette landed on her hands and knees, both of which were now shaking.
“Look at them,” it was her own voice that spat so harshly from Ladybug’s lips. “Look at them.” She grabbed Marinette’s hair from behind and forced her head up.
Marinette could now see Adrien, Kagami, Luka, and Chloe in the ocean in front of her. Their lifeless faces floated just below the surface, the bloodied water doing nothing to conceal their frozen expressions of terror.
Marinette sobbed and closed her eyes. Ladybug pulled sharply on her hair again, and looked into Marinette’s eyes.
“Look at them. Don’t you dare take your eyes off the mess you’ve made. You will never be able to save them all,” Ladybug’s eyes, her eyes, blazed with the vehemence of her words. She opened her mouth to speak again, but a loud beeping sound was all that came out.
Marinette gasped and sat up in her bed, the alarm sending her heartbeat into a frenzy. Tikki flew up next to her as she slumped over with a hand over her eyes.
It was just a dream.
Another Kwami must have turned off her alarm because the beeping had stopped, but Marinette could still hear the echoes of her friends’ dying breaths ringing in her ears.
“Marinette... are you okay?” Tikki placed a delicate paw on her chosen’s arm. “We heard you cry out while you were sleeping.”
The girl lifted her head and gave the little god a shaky smile. “It was just a dream.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” Tikki floated back down to where the other Kwami were piled on the side of the bed with similarly worried expressions on their faces.
Marinette exhaled a bracing sigh. “Okay.... It was Syren. Or-or Chat Blanc, I’m not really sure.” The Kwami exchanged a look at that. This was not the first time she’d had a nightmare about water. “But Ladybug was there, and she was attacking me.”
Tikki looked especially concerned about that new piece of information. She opened her mouth to say something when Marinette’s phone lit up with a call. The ringtone was Alya’s.
Marinette picked up, trying to control the shaking of her hands. “H-hey girl, what’s up?” Her tone was deceptively cheerful.
“Hey Mari! Just checking to see if you’re awake. Nino and I are ready, he even put on the goggles already!” Marinette instantly relaxed as she heard Alya’s excited voice bubbling out.
“Yeah dudette, they feel really weird. But comfy!” Nino must have leaned over to pitch in.
Marinette shook off the last vestiges of the nightmare with a giggle. “Yeah, it’s kind of tricky to get the headset to fit over your glasses, but you’ll get used to it!”
“Well if you’re not ready yet then you’d better hurry up, girl! The game launches in five minutes.”
Marinette scrambled to check the time. “Oh crap! I gotta go, see you guys soon!” She hung up and rushed to untangle herself from her blankets.
“Good thing you set three alarms, huh?” Tikki followed her down from the loft and watched her brush out her hair.
Marinette stuck her tongue out at the god of creation.
* * *
Red Hood stalked into the Batcave, nearly running Oracle over as she wheeled herself up to her station at the Batcomputer.
“Woah Jaybird, don’t let me get in your way there,” Babs glared at his retreating back. “Asshole,” she muttered to herself.
Jason hurled his helmet onto the floor of the bathroom and began shucking off his suit with far more force than necessary. He started a shower and looked over his new wounds in the mirror. He’d been stupid, so damn stupid, on patrol.
“Red Hood, report in,” Batman’s gravelly voice cut through on his comms. “Hood, you are not to engage alone. What is your location?”
But Jason couldn’t hear him. The only thing he could hear was blood rushing in his ears, but it wasn’t his blood. No, it was the blood of every monstrous, corrupt asshole in this city. And he wanted it to run on the streets.
The Joker had sent thugs out to a meet-up. Well, Red Hood could send them back in a casket. He crouched beside a gargoyle and watched for the arrival of the van he’d tailed. There were only two men. They left the vehicle and waited outside, lighting cigarettes. Too easy.
Red Hood swept down the building, guns never leaving their holsters. He wanted this to hurt. Them or him, he wasn’t sure. But he got his wish as he beat the two men to a pulp. He wasn’t sure how far he’d have gone if not for the arrival of the gang the Joker’s men were supposed to meet with.
They slashed his back with knives. Shallow wounds, easy to manage. By the time Red Hood turned to face them, the others had arrived-- Batman, Nightwing, Robin. And boy were they pissed.
Jason winced as the hot water hit the cuts on his back. He rolled his shoulders and just let the steam ground him. He didn’t kill again, even if every time that green-haired bastard got involved, he went off the rails.
He would get to choose his own path, not the one Bruce wanted for him, but damn well not the one Thalia wanted for him either. This story was his, he reminded himself while gingerly toweling off. Even if he couldn’t look his own reflection in the eye.
He gripped the countertop, staring down as he let his hair drip into the sink. No, he wasn’t feeling desperate enough to see if his eyes were green again.
Damnit, he had to apologize to Babs. He felt calmer now, but he’d been a real dick when he came in. Jason dressed quickly in sweatpants and an old shirt, then padded quietly back to where he knew his sister would be at the computers.
“Hey,” he said, knocking softly when he entered to announce his presence. Barbara didn’t respond for a moment. She was leaning forward in her chair, typing something into one monitor while listening to police chatter, then nodded to herself and sat back.
“Hey.” She raised an eyebrow at him. “Robin told me what happened on patrol.”
Jason scowled. “That little tattletale.”
Barbara offered him a reassuring smile. “That little tattletale is the only reason I didn’t hack into your bank account and order a damn pony.”
“Well shit Babs, maybe I like ponies,” Jason snarked back, but his heart wasn’t into it. “Listen... I’m sorry about earlier. If replacement talked to you already, you know what kind of mood I was in, but that’s no excuse.”
Babs turned her chair to face him and held out her hand. He stepped forward and took it, and she said, “We know you’re trying, Jay. Stuff like this? This is who you are. A year ago, you wouldn’t have been caught dead apologizing to me!” She cringed. “Ah, no offense.”
He chuckled. “None taken, it’s about time you started getting in on the undead jokes.” He patted her hand before walking away back to the main space of the cave. “But thank you, it means a lot.”
“Took the words right out of my mouth!” She raised her voice and turned back to face the computer.
Dick and Tim were already waiting in the cave. Tim was fiddling with some beds and what looked like opaque ski goggles. He always fidgeted when he was nervous.
“Hey replacement,” Jason shouted across the room. He noticed Dick bristle, but cut him off before he could get the patented older brother speech. “How much time ‘til the launch?”
Tim’s eyes lit up, and damn him for caring, but Jason just didn’t want them to be afraid of him.
* * *
Connor and Zatanna were washing dishes in the Cave’s kitchen after dinner. Connor heard the distant sound of someone arriving via zeta tube. He let Zatanna know as they finished drying their plates, then followed her to go greet their visitors.
Wally and Artemis staggered into the room, both weighed down by overflowing boxes of equipment.
“Oh thank god, please help me!” Artemis said, spotting Connor. He obliged and easily took the heavy box from her. She rubbed her arms and smiled gratefully as he held it aloft in one hand.
“It must be so handy having him around,” she sighed to Zatanna.
The magician giggled. “It certainly has its perks, but....” She lifted her hands and said clearly, “Flesruoy egnarra.” The contents of the boxes, some assorted cots, VR headsets, and computers, floated up and placed themselves into a neat formation. “A girl can get by by herself.” She gave Artemis a fistbump.
The zeta tube activated and they all looked up to watch it. The AI announced Wondergirl, and Cassie Sandsmark walked out. She looked up from her phone and waved. “Oh hey guys, whatcha doing?”
Wally zoomed around the set-up Zatanna had created. “We’re just setting up to play this new virtual reality game that’s coming out at midnight! What about you?”
“Oh, what a coincidence, I was just--”
Cassie was cut off by the zeta tube activating again. This time it was Bart, carrying Jaime bridal style, and running at full speed. He skidded to a halt, put a very ill-looking Jaime down, and ran a hand through his windswept hair.
“So totally crash! What’s poppin’?” He made finger guns at Connor, Zatanna, and Artemis.
Zatanna started explaining, “Well, like were just telling Cassie, there’s this new video game coming out at midnight and we--”
She was interrupted by the screech of a green pterodactyl swooping in from the zeta tube. It circled once around the high ceilings of the hollowed-out mountain, then landed and shrank into Beast Boy.
“Just a heads up, Arsenal’s right behind me and he’s a little angry-- oh what are you guys doing?”
Connor was getting frustrated now. “We’re trying to get set up for this new video game that’s launching in five minutes, so if you guys wouldn’t mind--”
A small explosion sounded from the door to the exterior of the island. Roy burst in amidst a cloud of dust.
“Hope I’m not late, I lost my phone.” He sounded like he was in a bad mood.
Bart whispered to Connor, “He means he destroyed his phone.”
Roy dusted off his pants, then looked to Wally and Artemis and asked, “The hell are you doing here?”
“AUGH,” Artemis had had enough. “We’re here to play the video game coming out at midnight! If you want to join us, fine, but if you don’t then get out.” She pointed to the zeta tubes.
Garfield tried to placate her. “Sheesh, it’s just a game! No need to get so worked up.”
Jaime gave him an incredulous look. “Weren’t you just throwing a tantrum yesterday about Bart kicking your ass halfway to Bialya in Smash?”
“...Noted.” Garfield answered.
“Well, looks like we’ve got plenty of hands to help get everyone set up. Let’s get to it!” Cassie expertly maneuvered the two teams away from setting off their more explosive members. They distributed headsets and assigned reclining positions without further delay.
* * *
Marinette put the headset on and laid down on her bed.
“Ready to go back?” Tikki asked her.
She gave the little god a grin. “Definitely.”
In the distance, the bells in Notre Dame chimed six times, but Marinette couldn’t hear them. Her mind had gone somewhere far, far away. Somewhere new.
43 notes · View notes
bullshittierlists · 3 years ago
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MAJOR SPOILERS FOR DANGANRONPA V3 (and probably the other games, too, just to be safe)
So, just as a heads up, I made this list a few months ago, I think in the middle of chapter 4. I was going to update it, but I realized that any feelings I had were just made stronger and the list was still relatively accurate. Here are my thoughts:
I see no god up here other than me
Kirumi Tojo - As you may know about me, I can typically tell who my favorite characters are going to be before I indulge myself in a series. This has especially rung true throughout Danganronpa, I was able to correctly guess Taka and Gundham as my respective favorites before actually seeing them in action. Let me tell you that Kirumi surprised me. I originally guessed K1-B0 as my favorite and while he’s still up there, he is nowhere near Kirumi. I realized she was my favorite the moment chapter 2 ended. Not only were her execution and plan wonderful and brilliantly done, her last-ditch plea to convince everyone to let her live sold her for me. Not only did this plea make sense, it almost worked and I kinda wish it would’ve. Her motive was almost completely selfless and she worked damn hard to escape. Her execution was the only time I cried during this game because I wanted so badly for her to escape, but I knew that all of her efforts were futile. I know her biggest criticism is that her plan from hiding Ryoma’s body was completely unnecessary, but I like to believe she was just nervous and overthought the whole thing. I mean, this had to go perfectly in order for her to save her country, of course she’s going to add a few too many steps.
Miu Iruma - Okay, I know this is going to sound fake, but I actually really love the dichotomy of her character. The way that she acts so self-righteous but is actually quite self-conscious really stood out to me. Of course she’s funny and hot, too, but I feel it’s important to really appreciate the way her character was written. It amazes me that she was written to be the least likable character in the entire series and still ended up being one of my favorites.
You’re the best
K1-B0 - Yes, I type out his name every time. As I already mentioned, he was my original guess for favorite character, but it obviously didn’t work out that way. He stayed in his position of first for a while, but I always knew it wasn’t meant to last, I just didn’t know which character would take his place. Even besides my doubts, I still love K1-B0, I just wish more could’ve been done with him in the earlier chapters. There are several opportunities for him to be a really funny character and have good interactions with Kokichi and Miu, but he just comes off as annoying. I feel like he only really started to be utilized after Miu died with Monotaro and I really enjoyed their dynamic, I just wish we could’ve had some of this side of K1-B0 before this point.
Kokichi Oma - This spot probably isn’t as subjective as I’d like it to be. Every time Kokichi was on screen, I would get visibly annoyed, but I knew I was in for a treat figuring out his deeper intents behind what he’s saying. The only reason I really like Kokichi at all is because he’s fun to analyze. It gets boring to analyze Nagito because his motivation is pretty much just a mix of “hope” and “he’s crazy.” Kokichi’s character trait of lying makes it so fun to individually analyze each of his lines to figure out whether he’s telling the truth and why or why not. Other than that, I guess he has some funny dialogue with Miu sometimes.
Gonta Gokuhara - I really don’t know. I know this is way too early to be unsure about characters, but I just know I couldn’t put him any lower, but I also couldn’t put him any higher. He’s just such a sweetheart, but that’s about where the substance ends. I adored every time he was on my screen, but everything that would’ve been fun to analyze about him just leads back to Kokichi. I still really enjoy his presence, though. I’d like a big Gonta hug.
Kaede Akamatsu - I’ll just say it, I think she would’ve made for a better protagonist. I’ll talk about this later, but Shuichi’s character development doesn’t really feel like it goes anywhere and the twist doesn’t feel worth it because of that. I think the twist should still have been incorporated, but with the roles reversed. Either way, we got what we got, and what we got was tears from Clair de Lune. But seriously, she really is a great pianist. I’ve been trying to learn the piece for ages and it’s still too complicated for me. I mean, it’s in 9/8 for God’s sake. Good for her, regardless.
Tenko Chabashira - Tenko’s a weird case. I didn’t actually care for her that much until quite literally a few lines before she died. Fun fact: I spoiled this entire series for myself before I ended up playing it and I’m still mad at myself. This meant that I was just waiting for all of the deaths to happen, especially Tenko’s. I was fully aware that every line could be her last during the seance, but I wasn’t aware that she would pull on my heart strings before she went. When she tells Himiko that she’ll do the seance in her place so she can talk to Angie, I literally almost started crying. Before this, Tenko was just kind of annoying, but not too bad, but this moment really solidified her spot for me. She really just wanted to help Himiko and I wish she had chosen a better target for her affections.
Hey, I think you’re pretty cool, I like you a lot
Shuichi Saihara - Time to elaborate on what I said for Kaede. I actually really enjoyed Shuichi’s character development throughout the first three chapters. Before coming to Hope’s Peak, he was afraid to hurt people with his detective skills. Kaede notices this and helps him through it, passing the reins to Kaito once she passes. Shuichi convicts Kaede and later Kirumi, much to everyone’s detriment, but they’re all okay with it (Nobody was really super sad about Korekiyo to begin with, lol). Then, starting in chapter 4, everyone just kinda flips on him. Shuichi + the rest of the gang - Kokichi all believe that Gonta is innocent and Shuichi tries to prove this. Instead of supporting him, everyone (especially Kaito) tries to... stop him??? from proving it??? They’re all just in agreement that it wasn’t Gonta, but don’t want to proceed with the investigation to figure out who it was instead. It’s really frustrating and made my overall experience much less enjoyable. This is bumped up a few notches in chapter 5 with Maki. I understand that she was part of the whole case, but that doesn’t make it any less annoying that she won’t let me prove Kaito was the victim. It just feels like the character development was all for nothing and every student feels like a human obstacle (except K1-B0, of course). Still relatable and emo, though.
Rantaro Amami - I would make the joke everyone expects, but I’m on my laptop and I don’t know how to get to the emoji keyboard.
Ryoma Hoshi - I genuinely don’t have anything to say about Ryoma. He’s my halfway point because I don’t have anything particularly for him and I don’t have anything particularly against him, either. Go off, funky little cat man.
Kaito Momota - He got on my nerves in chapter 4, but he was a genuinely sweet character that I really enjoyed talking to. Any time he would talk about the stars, I would swoon because he’s just such a natural romantic. Not really my type, though. Very average.
Monophanie - Legally you can’t ask me why the monokubs are where they are. She’s voiced by Natalie Hoover (Sonia) and I guess that’s my only reasoning.
Monotaro - I really just liked his interactions with K1-B0 in chapter 4. Other than that, I greatly disliked his and Monophanie’s presence in Gonta’s execution. 0/10 worst use for monokubs.
Monodam - A nice, non-distracting addition to Korekiyo’s execution. But he had so much potential and just threw it all away. Apparently I’m a basketball dad from a high school movie now.
I remember you
Angie Yonaga - Many times, I’ve found myself asking who I ship from the series and this love triangle comes to mind. Of Angie, Himiko, and Tenko... I only really like Tenko. I don’t hate Angie’s cult stuff as much as everyone else seems to, but she didn’t have nearly enough of a presence for me to latch onto outside of the cult stuff, which was funny, I will admit.
Maki Harukawa - I was so excited the whole game for her to get cool. I knew she was going to get cool, I just didn’t know when or how. But then, it was chapter 5 already and she hadn’t gotten cool in my eyes yet. I was really meh on her by that chapter anyway, but her being annoying really knocked her down a few pegs. She got a couple extra points for surprising me during the case, but not enough to bump her up any spots.
Himiko Yumeno - I was rooting for her to be crushed under the rock at the end. She was fine before chapter 3, but then they tried to develop her with the Akane treatment and it didn’t work for me at all. She just got on my nerves during the third trial and continued to contribute nothing throughout the rest of the game. During chapter 5 and 6, it’s like the writers just completely forgot that she was there. This would’ve been fine if they weren’t the last couple of chapters and she was one of about 6 people left alive. She had a role to play and didn’t play it in the slightest. The most she was utilized after chapter 3 was as Miu’s replacement post-chapter 5. Someone needed to fill the dirty jokes quota and I guess Himiko was chosen. #GiveTenkoABetterLoveInterest2021
Monosuke - The only thing I remember him doing throughout the entire game was distract me from Kirumi’s exectuion. Not a fan.
You are the worst. Literal scum. Leave this planet and never return
Korekiyo Shinguji - Okay, listen. He’s not that bad. His design is actually one of the best, in my opinion and I love his dedication to his craft. However, he just creeps me out whenever he’s on screen and I’d prefer not to be around him. It’s not even the sister thing, I honestly think that’s funny and a nice change of pace, but his overall demeanor is creepy. Not to mention he’s played by Todd Haberkorn and he’s been in one too many roles recently. Hopefully I’ll get over it, but as for now, that loses him points.
Tsumugi Shirogane - I know, not exactly an unpopular opinion. She’s just annoying and downright pisses me off a lot of the time with her “plain” shtick. I already knew she was going to be the mastermind, so most of the game was just me waiting for her to reveal it. I swear, I almost couldn’t take it every time she said something like, “What if there isn’t a mastermind?” “What?? There’s a mastermind????” Just stfu Tsumugi. You all are lucky I don’t have the energy to talk about 3-6 right now.
Monokid - Hate the tongue sprite, that’s literally the only reason he’s down here. He’s also kind of annoying, but made the best addition to an execution out of all of the monokubs. His death was one of the few things that surprised me in this game and it was a welcome twist. I was sick of him by this point, but was still incredibly shocked when he was pushed into the execution. Then, his severed head rolls out to all of the students looking on in shock at Kaede’s death. Masterful. Still hate the tongue sprite.
There we go. Definitely my least favorite cast out of the whole series, but it’s still fun to love on and hate on a lot of the characters, as per usual. There are just a few too many in the middle tier (metaphorically speaking) that are either uninteresting or just don’t get their time to shine. Maybe they’ll eventually grow on me more, but I doubt it.
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eleanorfenyxwrites · 3 years ago
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Hi y'all!
So I realized today that it's been about three months since I started cross-posting my stuff to ao3 (those of y'all who were here for After Each Midnight while it was still a wip will know that I've been writing for longer than that but anyway). With the latest fic I just posted, I now have 30 works published to ao3 within those three months! Which is wild to me!
Since that averages out to ten fics a month and I like round numbers, I decided to celebrate by listing my 10 favorite fics...of my own lol. Narcissistic? Maybe! But it's fun anyway!
This is a really long post as each rec includes a summary, an excerpt (or a few), and some personal notes/anecdotes about the writing process or what inspired me to write the fic, etc. so I'm putting it all under the break. If this doesn't sound like your cup of tea then of course please just skip over this one, but for anyone who wants to revisit some of my older works with me, or if you're curious about which fics I personally like the most, or if you want to talk about your favorite fics of mine in the replies or anything, then that's cool too! I just wanted to find a way to mark this down because it feels like something of an achievement ^_^
Thank you!
1. After Each Midnight Begins A New Day, (54,401 words, Rated E) Ship(s): 3zun, Wangxian Summary: When Lan Xichen wakes up the morning after the fifth anniversary of his life crumbling to rubble around him in Guanyin Temple, he's shocked to find both Nie Mingjue and Meng Yao in his bed, both whole and alive and...married to him?! (A time travel fix-it in which the time traveling and fixing of things has already been done by Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian, and Lan Xichen accidentally gets dragged along for the happily ever after.) Excerpt(s):
1. “Poor da-ge,” [Meng Yao] teases again, this time with a bit of an edge, and Lan Xichen cracks one eye open just enough to see him stripping first out of his shoes and socks, then his third layer of robes, then his second, until he’s dressed much as he had been the prior evening - in nothing but a black under-robe so sheer that it actually almost looks gray. It clings to all the petite, lithe curves of him and the sight makes Lan Xichen’s mouth practically water. “What if I want my turn with you now? What if I’m jealous that er-ge got to have you all to himself for hours , while your poor A-Yao had to go have a drink with Xian-didi just to pass the time.” “Oh gods you’re a beast too,” Nie Mingjue groans as Meng Yao slips on top of him gracefully to lean down and pepper kisses up and down his neck and shoulder. “Get off of me, foul creature. Go tempt our husband, I’m temporarily immune to your wiles.” “You’re never immune to my wiles, da-ge, and er-ge is meditating oh so diligently. He’s certainly not smiling and watching us through his lashes as if we’re not well aware of his tricks and what he likes to watch.” - 2. “It took years of practice, you with your painting and I with my answering, but when you were a teenager I finally decided on the best advice I could think to give you: Do not seek for every answer in this life all at once, Xichen,” he instructs with a smile as he returns to painting. “Let them come to you gently and in their season, and trust that all will be as it should in the end.” Lan Xichen takes another breath and returns to his painting with a slightly trembling hand - a trembling that ends up creating a lovely branch on the tree he is painting that, when he turns his head to look, is modeled almost exactly after the one growing in the garden behind the Gentian House, just beyond the window. “I don’t remember ever seeing this tree,” he whispers and Qingheng-Jun hums across from him in clear understanding. “And yet it flows from your brush all the same. Now we can all know that you have nothing to fear, your memories will also come to you in their season. Until then, allow yourself to rest, and remember that you have the support of your family whenever you need it.” “Yes, father,” he replies with a whisper and a tremulous smile, feeling lighter than he has in days. - 3. “I will go into seclusion.” The statement is a stone dropped into the gently rippling water of a spring-fed pool. The stone is jagged and pitted with all that the world has done to chip away at it, to make it rough and painful to the touch. It is sharp in his hands, heavy with all the hurts he still carries in his chest, all the grief he has no more room to hold. He feels lighter with it out of his grasp, the words settling into the ensuing silence with some bittersweet relief.
Notes: I know I've said it before but it bears repeating: this entire fic exists solely because of the smut scene in chapter 1. I thought of the smut first, and then the lead-in to it, and I intentionally left the end of chapter 1 ambiguous - it could have ended right there as an angsty one-shot with Lan Xichen believing that it was all a hallucination, and there's nothing really in the text to say that it's not because Lan Xichen is a very unreliable narrator in this fic. But then I wanted to write the backstory for the smut if, in fact, it wasn't a hallucination - and everything kind of...butterfly-effected out from there to become what it is now, along with all the extras in the series that's now roughly 120k long altogether and still not finished. Oops. Oh and also: this fic that started the ball rolling only exists because for some reason the servers for Omegle went down for months where I live, and prior to that I used to spend hours rp'ing. Without that creative outlet, I filled the vacuum with writing fic instead and now here we are. So if you're grateful for my fics then thank Omegle for sucking for a few months lol --//-- 2. Loving, Loud, Wild, and Theirs (7386 words, Rated T) Ship(s): Xuanli & Gen (kidfic), 3zun (briefly) - an extra for AEM Summary: A brief look at how in this kinder world, Jin Zixuan managed to find and legitimize his three siblings as well as a snapshot of the chaos of love and fun that is his family with his siblings, his beloved wife, and their seven children. Excerpt:
He had listened to [Madam Qin] and her handmaid, and he had believed them, and he had been unsurprised to find himself thinking quite uncharitably of his father following his promise to Madam Qin that he would do everything in his power to make it right, as much as he could. [Jin Zixuan and Meng Yao] return to Jinlintai the day after the next, once their business is concluded. He’s relieved when nothing needs his immediate attention as it means he’s free to retreat into his and Jiang Yanli’s quarters so he can tell her everything that’s weighing on his mind. “No more surprise siblings from now on,” he sighs into the comfort of Jiang Yanli's chest when he’s finished outlining what has happened and his plans to prepare a new suite of rooms in the family wing of the tower. For Qin Su. His sister. Jiang Yanli just laughs her tinkling laugh and kisses him, her hands gentle as she combs his hair back from his face with her fingertips. “You’ve got more siblings now than any of the rest of us,” she teases with a mischievous smile down at him that is a bit too reminiscent of, weirdly, both Wei Wuxian and Mo Xuanyu for comfort. “Two brothers, a sister, and of course we must keep Mianmian in her spot on the list. If you would like to count brothers-in-law as well you’ve also got A-Xian, A-Cheng, Huaisang, Wangji, Xichen, and Mingjue...” He groans and hides his face properly in the soft silk of her robes even as she laughs again over his head.
Notes: This fic is actually a request fill for someone and I had some trouble ending it because there's a lot more I want to write with this wild family, though I did eventually find what felt like a good place to cut it off with 3zun arriving in Jinlintai for the visit they leave for at the end of AEM. There is something of a follow-up floating around my wips that - if it ever gets written - is a direct sequel to AEM that continues where this extra leaves off, with 3zun getting to spend time with their hoard of niblings in Jinlintai. No promises about if/when that will get written though. --//-- 3. Performance Art (8106 words, Rated M) Ships: 3zun, Wangxian (briefly) Summary: A Modern AU inspired by the 'Hysterical Literature' performance art project. Lan Xichen, Nie Mingjue, and Meng Yao take turns doing their best to read aloud from chosen written works as they're filmed. The twist is that they're trying to do so as they're being pleasured with a vibrator controlled by one of their partners off-camera, each of their turns ending when the partner being filmed/played with has an orgasm. Excerpt(s):
1. “Engage people with what they expect; it is..- it…it is what they are able to discern and.. ngh.. confirms their projections. It settles.. ah settles them into predictable-“ He cuts off suddenly to set the book down flat and slap one hand down sharply on the tabletop. Meng Yao simply clicks another button and Nie Mingjue groans as his newly unoccupied hand twitches back to rest on the edge of the table closer to himself, as if about to drop down beneath it. Lan Xichen and Meng Yao both shift forward in their seats but Nie Mingjue catches himself before they have to intervene, returning his hand to the middle of the table and forcing a deep breath into his lungs so he can continue. “-Predictable patterns of..of response, occupying their minds while you w-wait for the ex- extra-“ he huffs out a sharp breath and curls his hand into a fist as he tilts forward and forces out the rest of the sentence in a rush. “Extraordinary moment — that whichtheycannotanticipate. FUCK!” - 2. It’s a few hours of quiet, peaceful work later when Lan Wangji shifts his weight in the way that means he wants Wei Wuxian’s actual attention and not his ‘ I’m sculpting so I’m periodically looking at you ’ sort of attention which he is, of course, quick to grant. He pauses in his muttering half to himself and half to Lan Wangji to say, “Hm? What’s up Zhanzhan?” “From Xiongzhang,” he says by way of explanation, holding his phone out for Wei Wuxian to squint at the screen. It takes him a moment to understand what he’s looking at, his eyes needing a second to adjust to the small black and white video that’s playing after having spent hours looking between Lan Zhan and the clay form taking shape under his hands. “What is this?” he asks as he leans in closer and squints a little harder. He blinks and his eyes go wide in the next moment as he realizes what’s happening on the screen as the woman’s tension climaxes ( literally ) - and then it’s just a hop, skip, and a jump to figure out just why he’d been asked to create an eerily similar setup in his own studio the previous afternoon for three men he might as well consider his sort-of brothers at this point. His next exhale is a wheeze as his ears go hot and Lan Wangji is instantly shrugging into a robe to stand from his lounging position and approach, concern written all over his features. “Wei Ying?”
Notes: I don't really have too much to say about this one except that it brought me so much joy and laughter to write and it honestly kind of surprises me that it's one of my less popular fics - it's nothing but a fun, sexy time! But I'm also terrible at guessing trends/what people will want to see so that might be on me haha. Oh! Also - a minor thing but something I'm very mildly proud of: the narrator voice is dependent on who's behind the camera! I wanted a way to make the person filming feel just as involved as the other two and I thought that was a fun way to do it since within the narrative it's technically going to be their perspective used for the video they're recording. Just to give y'all a little insight into my decision-making when it comes to my writing style for this one. --//-- 4. Anything For My Nie-Zongzhu (6411 words, Rated E) Ship: NieYao - pre-canon (just barely) Summary: Meng Yao is Nie Mingjue's trusted right hand, intelligent and valued by his Sect Leader, at least, who has learned lately to appreciate him a hell of a lot in private too - and for much more personal matters than the minutiae of running the Nie Sect. Seeing as Nie Mingjue trusts him so much, he finds it in himself to ask for something new - for Meng Yao to top him. [Technically an extra for AEM but can be read as a standalone] Excerpt:
“Am I to play into this boorish act you’re putting on tonight?” he teases instead as he steps closer until he’s near enough to feel the way the steam from the bath has turned the air sticky and humid. Nie Mingjue finally looks up at him and Meng Yao is internally crowing with triumph as he watches the lines of tension around his eyes and mouth fall away, his expression smoothing into quiet contentment. He did that. His presence alone is enough to help Nie Mingjue relax. It feels nearly as good as the day the man had angrily defended him to his own disciples and promoted him on the spot. “It’s not an act, I’m plenty boorish,” Nie Mingjue gruffs, returning his gaze to the letter, but this close Meng Yao can actually watch his eyes do nothing but try to glare a hole through the center of the page. “Of course you are, Zongzhu,” Meng Yao allows, his tone openly humoring - as is the smile tightening the corners of his mouth. “Therefore I can only suppose that you would prefer it if I returned to my walk and left you to continue your...correspondence in peace.”
Notes: Once again not really many notes on this one! I just love NieYao, I think their dynamic during Meng Yao's Nie Sect days has so much potential and I love exploring it every so often. --//--
5. Bite The Hands That Feed (1590 words, Rated E) Ship: XiYao Summary: After being forced out of the Nie Sect, Meng Yao has to come to grips with the hunger that's been chasing him his whole life, and he finds temporary satisfaction over and over in Lan Xichen, who is always so generous with his time and his body and is willing to help him feel less empty even just for a night. Excerpt:
He would never bite the hands that feed him, that stuff him full enough to make him believe for a moment that he’s no longer starving. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t inflict pains. He bites and he scratches and he plants himself in the bloody furrows until flowering moans reward his violent care, until pleasure bursts sun-warmed and sweet between them, berries ripe for the picking. He stains his mouth red with them, his fingers purple with the bruises he paints so delicately on his devotee’s body. If Meng Yao is being clawed to a slow torturous death from within, then it stands to reason that his other half will be ripped to shreds from without. He keeps his nails sharp and his teeth bared to tear into his flesh and drink sweetly of the vintage he offers - sweat, spend, blood, saliva when their mouths meet for crushing kisses. All of it is his to consume. He puts his mouth to the feast of Lan Xichen’s body and eats until the hunger pangs are satiated, drinks until he feels dizzy with it.
Notes: So I wrote this one when I was getting a little tired of the straight narration style of all my other fics and I wanted to try my hand at something looser, a little more prose-like but also a little darker than my usual fluff. I'm not sure how successful I was - this is actually one of my absolute least popular fics, number-wise! - but it's one of my favorites anyway. --//-- 6. A Figure, A Mouth (2788 words, Rated M) Ship: Wenzhou Summary: A quiet, intimate evening spent in the comfort of the Four Seasons Mountain Manor sometime between their arrival/fixing up of the place and the confrontation with Ye Baiyi. Excerpt:
After a while of warming each other up Wen Kexing urges him back up to push the bed under the window just as he’d said he would. Zhou Zishu takes the opportunity to blow out the candles before he rejoins Wen Kexing in their bed, the sudden darkness leaving them free to admire each other clothed in nothing but broad swathes of cool, sweet blue light bisected by deep black lattices of shadow from the trees out in the yard, the shadows from the contours of the wall and decorations around the window blocking and revealing them in turns. Lao Wen is, of course, as beautiful like this as he has been in every way Zhou Zishu has ever seen him, and he takes the time to savor it, to indulge in the decadence that Wen Kexing presents for each of his remaining senses. He’s a feast for the eyes, all hard muscle and skin glistening with glittering diamonds of sweat along his shoulders and the soft curve of his cheek. He’s a symphony for the ears, breathless desire and tender calls of his name that Zhou Zishu never lets go unanswered when they’re like this. By now Wen Kexing is an expert at drawing pleasure from him in every unlikely way there is to make sure that the effects of the nails don’t keep him from reaching his peak at least once, occasionally more in spite of his fading sense of touch.
Notes: Wenzhou makes me so soft and emotional, y'all. The next one on the list is also a Wenzhou fic and I just can't seem to stop writing them in fluffy/smutty situations because it's what they deserve. I really don't have anything more interesting to say about this fic, I just love them haha. --//-- 7. Tease Him Just Enough (2537 words, Rated M) Ship: Wenzhou Summary: A possible outcome if the conversation post-face reveal in episode 6 had gone differently - i.e. if Zhou Zishu had called Wen Kexing out on all his flirting and challenged him to do something about it - and then he does. Excerpt:
They don’t need words to communicate that at least right here in this particular moment there’s no one else they would rather have in their arms, pressed up against their bodies, no one else’s tongue who would find a new home in each other’s mouths or any other body their hands would rather explore. Wen Kexing has already known that they’re fated, but for the first time it feels like they’re agreeing to be so. Even if it’s just for a night. (Not that he thinks it will be just one night for them, but getting Zhou Xu to agree to anything remotely of the kind is like trying to drag a stray back-alley cat into a bath so he’ll take what he can get.)
Notes: My first fic for Word of Honor! The whole time I was watching the show (read: obsessively binge-watching) I was like 'Okay I like this show a lot but it's not nearly as compelling as The Untamed, idk if I'll be motivated to write anything for it'. Then I got to the end and I was like NEVERMIND YES I AM. I played myself. --//-- 8. You Need Tending (12,108 words, Rated T) Ship(s): Lan Wangji & Wei Wuxian, Lan Wangji & Lan Xichen, Lan Qiren & The Jades & Wei Wuxian (this is a kidfic so nothing romantic!) Summary: Wei Wuxian is alone and homeless on the streets of Yunmeng, unaware of the presence of his parents' old friend so nearby. Lan Wangji is a child grieving for the loss of his mother in silence, overwhelmed by the world his uncle keeps dragging him out into. It takes their paths crossing more than once for Lan Qiren to realize just who Wei Wuxian is and that he needs their help, but he gets there eventually. Excerpt:
He watches on as the man comes to a stop next to the boys and squats down to check over the one who had been lost and suddenly he remembers lying on the ground and looking up at a stern-faced man with gentle hands and a ribbon across his forehead. The man who had given him medicine and bandages after a small boy had defended him from dogs, and an older boy had talked to him so kindly and helped him to sit up off the dirt. Wei Ying gasps as the memory hits and he scrambles back down off the roof, landing on the packed dirt of the space between the buildings with an oof, excitement bubbling in his chest. Along with the memory comes a name and it flies from his lips as he scrambles up off the ground to push his way into the crowd again. “Master Lan!” he shouts, his tiny voice lost in the din of the market. He tries to shove closer but the little family is already walking away, their backs to him as he strains against the flow of people much bigger and stronger than him. “Master Lan!” he tries again, desperation lending extra strength and emotion to his cry. Wei Ying stops struggling as he watches the two boys in white walk away, the pair of them flanking Master Lan in his sky blue robes as they move through the market, radiating serenity in the midst of the chaos. His vision blurs and he scrubs his forearm against his eyes angrily to dry them, trying to keep the three of them in his sight for as long as he can just in case they turn around and spot him. Just in case they remember him and maybe want to tell him to come with them.
Notes: Baby Wei Ying T-T He just hits me right in the heart, and so does baby Lan Zhan! And baby Lan Xichen. All the babies. This fic was actually completely inspired by an utterly adorable fanart of Lan Xichen giving a grumpy baby A-Zhan a piggyback ride! I'd been wanting to write a kidfic type fix-it for a while and that art was the spark I needed to come up with something workable. (Edit: here’s my reblog of the art I’m talking about!) --//--
9. Familial Circumstances (5393 words, Rated G)
Ship(s): Lan Qiren & Original Characters, Lan Qiren & Jin Zixuan, Lan Qiren & Qin Su, Lan Qiren & Mo Xuanyu - An extra for AEM
Summary: Another kidfic extra for the horde of children in Jinlintai, this time as seen through the lens of their beloved Great Uncle Lan. It's a simple relationship-study-type look at how all the children love their Great Uncle and how much he loves and treasures them in return.
Excerpt:
An unusual stillness accompanies [Jin Ruhai's] playing. Jin Lu stops fidgeting with her fingers, the twins slip into the perfect stillness of those who are utterly aware of themselves at all times - a trait [Lan Qiren has] noticed in every skilled fighter he’s ever come across - and even Jin Ye relaxes, slumping further and further backwards until she’s slouched down against his stomach, legs dangling over his crossed shins.
The piece isn’t a terribly long one, nor as complex as the next score Lan Qiren intends to teach the boy, but Jin Ruhai’s mastery of it is impressive. Again, Lan Qiren is forcefully reminded of Lan Wangji, always most at peace when behind his instrument to play with and/or for the people he loves.
There’s silence in the room until the last note fades with a shiver into the air and Jin Ruhai pulls his hands back from the instrument. The stillness lasts for one more moment before it’s interrupted by Jin Lu sneezing suddenly and her siblings laugh as the quiet breaks.
“I had to hold that in the whole time !!” Jin Lu laughs as she rubs her sleeve under her nose, one eye screwed shut as she giggles. “I didn’t want to mess up A-Zhuang’s song, it’s so pretty!”
Notes: I'm definitely biased because they're all my oc's except for Jin Ling, but I genuinely love all of the Jin children in the AEM AU. If anyone is ever interested in knowing more about their individual personalities and the like please don't hesitate to ask me, I've actually put quite a bit of thought into all 6 of the kids I created wholecloth and I have a lot of feelings about Jin Ling getting the chaotic siblings and loving parents he was robbed of.
--//--
10. Opportunities To Practice (5710 words, Rated M) (*WIP)
Ship: Xuanli - An extra for AEM
Summary: Jin Zixuan is nervous for his..marital activities with Jiang Yanli - after all, who could he possibly ask for advice? His father? No thank you. Thankfully Jiang Yanli is sweet and patient and knows her husband well - he just needs a bit of time and he'll get it figured out.
Excerpt:
She shivers with an interesting combination of want and intense vulnerability as she stands there, feeling bare in spite of her remaining layer. It’s of a material so sheer as to be practically nonexistent, nothing more than a delicate veil of a red so pale it’s nearly pink that sits on her body like a second skin. Until it falls gently away at the knee to flutter around her ankles, it clings to every curve, every contour, and as she watches Jin Zixuan doesn’t even bother to hang the robe he had just removed on the screen. He lets it drop into a soft pool around her bare feet, his gaze roaming her newly exposed figure - she would perhaps feel strange about it did he not look so devoted , so in awe of seeing her practically naked in front of him.
Yanli gasps softly as he suddenly drops to his knees at her feet and oh - that’s heady. Her body, which she hasn’t really thought of too much in the past beyond the occasional irritation that it’s weaker than she would prefer, has put the man she loves on his knees. He’s looking up at her now, his eyes wide and his hands reverent as he raises them to rest on her thighs, thumbs caressing her too-warm skin through the barely-there robe that bunches up softly under the pressure of his grip.
“You’re right,” he finally breathes, sounding slightly strained. “I’d like this to stay on. If that’s - are you alright?”
“I am,” she reassures.
Notes: This last fic is technically a wip, the only one in the list! However! - it's going to be a collection of one-shots centered around Xuanli and their sexual exploits that lead to their seven children, and possibly also the ones that are just for fun (horny Yanli rights forever). It's not currently high on my list of priorities or anything and the one chapter that's up so far can stand on its own so it's a wip but it's not? I just love Xuanli so much and I want to explore their relationship in my happy fix-it AU whenever the mood strikes, and whenever that happens this is where those one-shots will go.
--//--
And that's it! My personal top 10 favorite fics of my own as of right now. I thought about doing my top 10 according to statistics like hit counts or kudos, but I genuinely love some of these unpopular fics and I wanted to give them some love and attention even if it's just for me. I know there's a lot here to sift through but if any of y'all enjoyed the list or any of the specific fics on it let me know! I liked taking this little pause to take a look at what I've actually been producing these last few months.
Thanks for reading!
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whatifxwereyou · 3 years ago
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Firestorm Part 13: Insecurity
Fandom: Mortal Kombat 2021 Liu Kang x Reader
Liu Kang chapter!! Fluff <3
A/N: I'm running late today, what day is it anymore even??
Start From the Beginning << Previous Chapter Next Chapter >> Chapter Index
By the time that Liu Kang was free it was the middle of the night. It had been a busy day. He longed for the day before when he’d done little more than rest with you. Instead, there had been mountains to catch up on. He would have given anything to be with you and Kung Lao in the city instead of being buried in books, archives, and unpleasant conversation. Sometimes he was tired of being responsible Liu Kang.
And the subject he’d been immersed in was too close to home especially after the last week. Somehow, he had managed to remain professional and objective. He’d even gotten a chance to sneak away so he could buy condoms which was not something he was particularly practiced in. It had wound up being the highlight of his day which spoke more to the quality of the rest of his day than anything else.
The halls of the temple were mostly abandoned. He considered going to see you so he could see how your day had gone. You’d been afraid to go into the city with Kung Lao but he was glad that you’d done it. He’d spoken with Kung Lao that morning about your hesitation and asked him to keep an eye on it.
Then reality had crashed on him after getting back to work.
If they didn’t find a solution soon then things would take a dark turn. It wouldn’t be a slow burn but a sudden crash. They’d spoken about you in a clinical sort of way. Would Y/N succumb to whoever was controlling your curse and become their puppet? Or would you simply… die? Either end was unacceptable. He shut out those conversations.
Raiden had suggested trying to buy time by suppressing your gift.
You’d suppressed it as a child and maybe with his magic you could do so again. But even those ideas had involved leaving you unconscious or frozen in time. Liu had spent hours upon hours researching and making lists of ways they could suppress your visions only to be told Raiden had gone to consult with elder gods. Liu Kang had little faith it would work. Even if it did, it was a temporary solution to a permanent problem. You had to get rid of the curse. It was the only thing that made sense.
Just around the corner Liu Kang found Kung Lao seated on a windowsill with a jug of wine next to him, staring into the starry night sky. That was more Liu Kang’s go to thing but Kung Lao had been known to do so on rare contemplative nights.
Liu couldn’t think about the starry night sky without thinking about that night he’d stolen his first kiss from you. You had shared in the comfort of the night sky. Liu leaned against the wall by the window, arms folded over his chest while he waited for Kung Lao to acknowledge him. Lao was quiet. A rare thing. Then he tapped the jug.
“Want a drink?” He didn’t sound like he’d been drinking for long.
“No thanks. It’s late.” Liu Kang would likely pass out from exhaustion if he had a drink and he wasn’t ready to do that yet even if he was sure to have another long day tomorrow.
“I know. That’s why I’m drinking.”
“Instead of sleeping?” Liu Kang watched as Kung Lao took a long drink from the jug in response. “Something on your mind?”
“Nope.”
That was a lie but a harmless one. If Kung Lao wanted to talk then he’d talk. Liu had known him long enough to know better. Pushing was a waste of breath. Liu wondered if maybe you had told Lao something about what had happened between you. He felt his stomach take a sudden dive- not at the idea of Lao finding out but because he hadn’t really had the guts to tell you how he felt. He’d spoken in vague niceties and had kicked himself while doing it. He wanted to drop to his knees and confess that you were the most important woman in his life but he’d stopped himself.
It was selfish.
Kung Lao deserved you.
Lao had spoken of the girl from his childhood for years on and off. When he had a bad day or felt sick, he brought you up and it made him smile. Liu Kang hadn’t realized it back then but Kung Lao had a special place in his heart for you. It was unfair of Liu to have fallen for you. But he’d also never meant to. He’d never felt that way about anyone before.
What was he supposed to do?
If it were up to him then he wasn’t sure what would happen.
Kung Lao was chosen by fate and given the name of Earth’s greatest champion. He was there to save them from Outworld. Kung Lao was a hero. What was Liu Kang? An orphan.
Kung Lao had been your best friend. You had a connection that he could never match.
Liu was just the monk who had taken care of you and showed you kindness.
He was undeserving of your affection.
But at the same time he wanted it. He craved it. Sharing the same air as you was the purest and most tantalizing form of torture he’d ever experienced and he was addicted to it. And he’d grown to care for you deeply. You had become a part of him. Losing you would be like losing a limb. He wasn’t sure if this was what love felt like but he didn’t shy away from the word either. It felt right.
Ultimately, he was glad the choice was yours to make. Not his. Not Kung Lao’s. It would be unfair of him to push you one way or the other. He trusted that you would follow your heart. Liu Kang only wanted you to be happy. He considered again that he was in love. He would have broken his own heart a thousand times to make you happy.
“How’s research?” Kung Lao interrupted his thoughts.
Thank the stars. He was tired and his brain was noisy.
“Stressful.” Liu Kang was looking forward to a change of pace. Even if it was more research in Korea it would at least be a different kind of research and it would at least be with his two favorite people. “The sooner we find out about her heritage the better. Hopefully it gives us some answers.”
“Raiden thinks we’re cutting it close?”
“He does.” Liu averted his eyes. He’d talked about the inevitability long enough that day.
“She knows, by the way.” Kung Lao shrugged and then swung his legs back into the hallway, jug in his lap. “Better than any of us do.” Liu turned to lean on his side. “I think she’s ready to go behind our backs and have Raiden lock her away until it’s over. I don’t know how to bring it up. Being encouraging is all I can think to do. She was… off today. Scared. You were right to be worried. I had to drag her the whole way.” Ah. That explained the liquor. Liu wasn’t sure what to say. “Sure you don’t want a drink?” Lao offered him the jug.
“No. I’m too stressed and tired. It’s a slippery slope. I don’t… want to think about it anymore. All I do all day long is think about it.” Liu Kang rubbed his temples, feeling a headache settling in.
“What, and I want to think about it?” Lao set the jug down next to him and rested his elbows on his knees. “This is killing me. It’s too serious.”
“Sometimes things have to be taken seriously, Kung Lao.”
“I know.” Kung Lao couldn’t seem to sit still. He tapped his fingers against the stone. “Here we were making bets over who she’d date and she’s worrying about whether or not she’s going to accidentally kill one of us.”
“We were selfish.” Liu sighed heavily. “Where is she?”
“Sleeping. It’s late.”
“Good. How was the trip?”
“It was fine. Chen’s a big cock block of a human being though.” Kung Lao rolled his eyes. Liu laughed. That answered whether or not you had mentioned anything. What was holding you back? It was unfair of him to speculate. They’d put you in a tough position. Your childhood love or him. And he couldn’t seem to keep himself together around you anymore without thinking with his dick so it wasn’t like you’d had a proper discussion about it. He laughed at himself and rubbed his temples again before loosening his jaw. He was clenching. “When are we going to Korea?”
“Not tomorrow but the day after. Maybe you could help her pack.”
“But I haven’t packed. And how long am I packing for?”
“Since when have you cared how long? Just pack what you usually pack.”
“But…”
“You should stop drinking and get some sleep. You’re exceptionally stupid when you drink.”
Kung Lao didn’t even laugh. He picked up the jug and jumped into the hall. “It wasn’t helping me feel better anyway. And being hungover sucks when I have work to do.” Kung Lao nodded down the hall. “I’m hungry. Food?”
“I’m exhausted, Lao.”
“Fine. I can’t sleep so… food.”
“Go.” Liu patted his brother on the arm and then walked down the hall toward his room without another word. He stopped at the end of the hall and considered going to see you instead. He would just check on you. Make sure that you were resting. Then he could rest in peace. He knew if he went there, he’d be unable to control himself and would likely end up crawling into your bed. He wanted to hold you. They were all trying to stay optimistic and avoid discussing the truth but Kung Lao was right.
You would rather lock yourself away and rot before you hurt anyone. You’d proven that by asking to be in isolation.
That had been enough to convince him.
He walked to your room and knocked lightly on the door. There was no answer so he let himself in. The lantern on your desk was burning dimly in the corner providing just enough light so he could see the shadows of the furniture. You were curled up in bed and looked exhausted and pale. He couldn’t remember if you had always been that pale but he also couldn’t help but think that you were beautiful.
Even looking as troubled as you did. Why would you look troubled in your sleep?
You deserved peace and rest.
He should leave.
Selfishly, he wanted to hold you.
Even more so after talking to Kung Lao. This day had been hell on his nerves. All he wanted was to make sure you were okay. To take care of you the way that he used to. Maybe he would be able to slip into your bed without waking you.
Screw it.
This was where he wanted to be so it was where he would stay. Slipping off his shoes, he tucked them neatly beneath the bed. Then he slipped off his shirt and draped it over the back of your desk chair. Trying not to disturb you, he lifted the blankets and climbed beneath them. Each movement felt like the loudest thing he had ever done in his life. But he managed to make it into bed and you remained asleep next to him. For a few minutes he watched you but the moment he’d laid down he knew it wasn’t enough.
He should have known better.
His usual control was out of his hands when he was near you. Pulling you into his arms would definitelywake you up. You weren’t a heavy sleeper and he knew that but also damnit, he wanted to hold you.
He had to hold you.
He slipped his arm around you and urged you closer to him and you leaned unconsciously into his touch but didn’t wake up. Then he adjusted himself onto his back and suddenly you stirred awake, stiffened up and recoiled as if frightened. Your breath was suddenly sharp and you stared at him with wide eyes. He leaned up on his elbows.
“Hey, hey, it’s okay. It’s just me, Y/N.” He soothed you, drenched in guilt that he’d woken you. “I didn’t mean to wake you… I…”
“Liu…?” You exclaimed in relief and then much to his surprise you buried yourself against his shoulder. You were trembling so he held you closer.
“Are you okay?” He tilted your chin up with his forefinger. You nodded but he could see behind your dark eyes that you were still frightened. He was sure his worry was written on his face. He’d been terrible at hiding it. You looked guilty, as if you realized he knew. “Well?”
“Nothing it’s… just…” You deflated and then pouted your lower lip. He couldn’t help but smile. You were so damn cute.
“Bad dream?” He guessed. “You looked pretty peaceful.”
“Yeah. They’re not rare these days. Fades pretty quickly after I wake up but… was scared, that’s all. I’m okay. Happy to see you.” You rubbed your tired eyes.
“Need to talk about it?”
“No. No, I’m fine. Is everything okay?” You leaned suddenly on your elbow and looked him over then back at the door. “Wait, hold on. When did you… when did you end up shirtless in my bed? Am I…? Having a different kind of dream now?” You pinched the bridge of your nose. He laughed and pulled you into his arms. You melted against him, like his arms were all you needed to be okay. You might have been the sweetest thing he’d ever seen. He ran his fingers through your hair and swore that you were bewitched by his touch. Without having considered doing it, his lips brushed down the bridge of your nose, over your cheek and then to your lips.
They were tender, ever-so-slightly swollen from all the kissing you’d done in days past.
You were powerless to him and not in a way where he had stripped you of that power but as if you couldn’t help but kiss him back. Being with you made his doubts and fears fade away. The guilt he’d earlier felt was the furthest thing from his mind. He was confident when he was with you. This was where he was meant to be. And he had almost no control over his hands. He’d wrapped his arms around you and leaned you back, resting almost on top of you. The warmth of your body was familiar but also foreign, your womanly curves pressed against him in the best way. He wasn’t sure he’d ever get used to it and that was a wonderful feeling. No matter how many times he held you it felt special.
You laid there kissing, tangled in each other. His lips trailed over your jaw and down your neck but he stopped himself. He had to find a little self-control. You’d been dead asleep and there he was waking you up, holding you, wanting you and you were looking to him like he was a drug you were addicted to. But you were smiling too.
“What was that for?” You sounded as dazed as you looked.
“Uh…” He laughed nervously and then buried his face against your shoulder. His lips barely brushed against the skin there and he could feel your skin warm beneath his touch. It made him quiver. Your fingers reached to tangle into his hair almost on instinct. Another thing he’d become addicted to. If your fingers were tangled in his hair for the rest of his days, he could die a happy man.
“What? What is it, Liu?” There was the slightest tug on his hair and he had to focus solely on his breathing.
“…I have a difficult time being this close to you and not kissing you or holding you or…” He lifted his head from your shoulder and looked at the little space between you and then back to your dark eyes. “I don’t think you’ve noticed that yet.”
“What?” You couldn’t have sounded more skeptical which surprised him. He thought it was obvious. Every single time you’d been close even since that first day it had taken all of his effort not to pull you even closer. Each time he tucked your hair behind your ear he’d wanted to kiss you. He’d fought it because of Kung Lao but in the end, he’d been unable to control himself. Your connection was beyond fighting. “Me? Seriously?”
“Yes, you.”
Your dainty fingers rested on his cheek. He closed his eyes and sunk into your touch. It sent shivers down his spine and he rested his fingers over yours, dwarfing your tiny hand in comparison. Then instead of speaking the way he expected you to, you kissed him. He wouldn’t deny you that kiss but he laughed against your lips when you made a sound of surprise as if you hadn’t realized that you’d done it. Maybe you were in the same boat with this attraction. That was a wonderful thought.
“Oh no… this is dangerous.” You muttered against his lips and each word that left your lips made his curl into a smile.
“Extremely dangerous.” It was only then that he’d realized how much better he felt. You had a way of lifting the weight from his shoulders. All other worry that had plagued him, even regarding you, were replaced with hope and light. He was unsure what this thing was between you, this draw, this romance, but he was addicted to it. He wasn’t sure he could go back to being without it. “…but I’ve never been the type to back away from danger.”
You giggled and leaned your head back, pushing your hair away from your face. No matter what happened he would find a way to save you. You hadn’t asked him to save you and he knew what you would say if he said it out loud. But he cared about you too much to watch you waste away. Even if you did as Kung Lao worried you would, he would chase you to the ends of the earth and find a way to bring you back.
“Is it okay for me to stay?”
You cleared your throat.
“Are you asking me if it’s okay if you keep these ridiculously strong arms around me all night long? Seriously, your biceps are bigger than my head.” You tapped his arm and he laughed then nodded to confirm that this was exactly what he was asking. “I wanted to make a joke and saw ‘ew, no, gross’ and then roll away before rolling back to you and saying of course but… I can’t even pretend that it’s not what I want.” He chuckled again and all the laughter made his stomach hurt. It felt good to laugh. “Laying on top of me to sleep is a little much though. Can we readjust?”
“Sure.” He hadn’t even realized just how on top of you he’d been until you’d pointed it out. This really was dangerous but like he said, he had never shied away from danger before. It was kind of nice to feel out of control of something and it was such a good and sexy thing to not have control over. He laid on his back and you curled up against him. Then he adjusted the pillows and urged his arm beneath you and pulled you to rest against his shoulder.
“Oh, me on top of you? That’s fine.” You laughed. He bit his lip as you hooked your leg right over his. That was very dangerous. Thank god that you’d chosen to be responsible today and get the things you needed to keep you from getting knocked-up because this was an inevitability. It wasn’t a question of if you would end up together again but when.
“…so uh… did you get what you needed today?”
“…did I rub against you the wrong way, Liu?” You teased and his face burned. He leaned his head back with a laugh. “Wow, you’re on fire. I’m never going to get to sleep with you making me this hot.”
“You’re definitely not getting to sleep anytime soon if you keep teasing me like that.”
“Wow.”
Your hot breath of laughter on his shoulder and neck forced him to try and focus again. A few deep breaths and he thought he was okay. “Really though, how was your trip? Lao said it was okay.”
“I was a nervous wreck through most of it. I’ve never been this nervous around people before. I’m scared I’m going to hurt someone.”
“That’s a real fear, Y/N.”
“Thank you for understanding that. I don’t think Lao quite gets it.”
“Oh, he gets it he’s just… Kung Lao.” Liu smiled down at you, brushing his thumb against your lower back. You were exhausted. He could feel the weight of you sinking against him which was great because he was exhausted and if you kept it up then you were going to exhaust each other and be sorry for it later. Closing his eyes, he felt you growing heavier with sleepiness. “Y/N?”
“Mmhmm?” You adjusted yourself against him as if trying to find the right spot to drift off.
“Thank you.”
You lifted your head from his shoulder. Your hair was wild and you were half-asleep. “For what?”
“I had a hard day and being with you has made it better.”
“I didn’t do anything, Liu.” You tried to fix your hair but it was impossible. It was mostly white now. The black was only at your ends. He loved it. “Do you need to talk about today?”
“No, no… I’ve gotten exactly what I needed.” He picked up your hand and placed a soft kiss on the back of it. “This isn’t working for me though. I’m a side sleeper.”
“You’re the one who pulled me on top of you.”
“I know. Everyone makes mistakes.” He readjusted onto his side and then pulled you so your back was resting against his chest. He slipped both of his arms around you, hands flat on your stomach. You laughed and buried your face against the pillow.
“That’s actually fine. Your arm was too big to lay on that way. I was uncomfortable.”
“Is it okay like this?” He adjusted it beneath you. You nodded.
“Perfect, big spoon.” You snuggled further back into him and he stiffened up and readjusted.
“Dangerous way to sleep though. You’re all… pressed against me…” He placed a lazy kiss on the back of your shoulder.
“I think we established that everything we do is a little dangerous so… is this par for the course or do I need to be less of a nesting spoon?”
“No, no… you’re perfect.” He closed his eyes and had every intention of saying more but exhaustion finally won. He fell asleep holding you.
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navyhyuck · 4 years ago
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week one | previous | masterlist | next
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𝐒𝐈𝐆𝐍𝐄𝐃, 𝐉𝐀𝐘.
↳ a love letter a week, and it has you wondering who’s your secret admirer. you have nine weeks, eight candidates, and one story to live. will you find out who your ‘jay’ is?
a/n :: hi hi hi fellas here’s the first part (technically, since the other one was an intro) <3 uhh a little fun fact! this project mentioned in this chapter was one that i actually had to complete last year (before corona lol) and i thankfully got a good grade on it even tho my teacher swore on all gods that it was very difficult,, he also let me put up nct posters in the classroom <3 enjoy :) [also, i may have missed some tags!!! if you aren’t here and you sent in an ask before, please do so again since it’s been some time since i last updated this!! ty mwah]
wc :: 2.2k
taglist: @childofthecycle @takoyakkun @the8luvr @staywrites @chocolattees @cherry-jaemin @cloudzume @babytoadz @cherrystay @sandaigdigan-reads @hoes4hoseok
couldn’t tag: @x-dawna-x
let me know if you’d like to be added to the taglist!
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There have been far too many unfortunate events unfolding in your day so far, starting off with the stupid guy that had parked just a little into your spot (that still had you thinking more than you had to do for any science test, and you were highly tempted to just smash the car instead) and then moving onto your English class where you were given a pop quiz on the third act of Romeo and Juliet, and then finally, the situation you’re in now.
It’s the last period of your day, which is supposed to be the most laid back in certain cases, but you’re slumped in your desk in the AP Chemistry lab room for a new assignment of partners. You’ve already attempted to convince Mrs. Choi to let you continue being partners with Chaeryeong, who was looking equally as gloomy from the opposite side of the room, but she had passively dismissed your request with something that went along the lines of ‘expanding our knowledge as a class.’ Not only did that sound like bullshit to you, it actually was, but you didn’t do anything more than stay put as she called out the assignments of partners.
“...Chaeryeong and Jisoo. Beomgyu and Yuna. Y/N and Jisung.”
You’re frozen at the sound of your partner’s name, slightly expecting your teacher to pair you up with one of the overachievers that usually sat in the back and talked shit about the ‘untalented’ kids, but you’re also pleasantly surprised. Turning your head, you meet the said boy’s eyes from a distance, shining into yours before a smile spreads across his face almost immediately. You return one back (probably forcibly from the shock you’re experiencing of the Han Jisung actually recognizing you and smiling at you) before whipping your head back to the front, gulping deeply.
Fuck.
“Now that we’ve split into pairs, there is a list of chemical compounds on this table. Come up with your partner and choose one wisely. After everyone’s chosen, I will tell you what your assignment is.” Mrs. Choi gestures vaguely with her hands, turning away as the rest of the students move around to find their partner. You stay planted in your seat, eyes barely staying open as you quietly continue to try and calm the beating of your heart. You’re sure that it’s not healthy, the erraticness overflowing to every single vein and artery in your body until you’re filled with the filling remembrance that your teacher just paired you up with the single most attractive boy in the school. Well—you purse your lips, thinking about that Hyunjin guy from yesterday—Jisung still causes more heart palpitations than some new guy could ever.
When you deem yourself safe enough to finally use your legs without thinking about falling, you stand up, meeting your partner halfway in the middle of the classroom. He doesn’t say anything at first, possibly because you’ve found a newfound interest in your dirty Converse, but he chuckles as a few seconds pass by, making you look up. “Hey there, thanks for looking at me. Wanna go choose a compound?”
You blanch at his choice of words, but you nod slowly. “Uh-huh, yeah. Sure.”
You learn later, alongside Jisung, that your assignment was to successfully convert your chemical compound into another, with exact proportions being massed properly. Just as you listen to Mrs. Choi going on and on about proper dilution, you slowly start blanking out into the space of ‘why did my dumbass decide to take this class’ and ‘this isn’t worth the pain that I’m receiving.’ Thankfully, Jisung has an equally shocked look at his face as the explanation continues, and you’re sure that there isn’t a way the two of you would be able to complete the assignment properly. There was no way; it was practically impossible.
“I just want to remind you guys that this is definitely possible! Students have succeeded well in the past years! You and your partner should be working together as efficiently as possible, which is why I mixed it up a little this time. There should not be any distractions, understood?” Mrs. Choi finishes, nodding as if someone had actually answered her rhetorical question. “Also, I’ll be grading you on how well you manage your time, so if there’s unnecessary chit-chat, that’ll be points deducted from your grade. No exceptions. Got it?”
You think maybe she’s referring to the time you and Chaeryoung accidentally fucked up the entire experimental process by forgetting to set a timer (it was because the two of you were preoccupied by a TikTok dance, though you would never admit it to anyone), or maybe the time that Jaehyun guy almost set half the chemistry lab on fire by not disposing of chemicals properly. You’d think the school would be a little more careful considering they’re letting teenage students handle dangerous chemicals, but thinking of the time that your teacher told you it was fine to handle acid without wearing gloves, it clearly was never a practice.
You and Jisung start to prepare, with you carefully reading through the reaction process several times and measuring out the chemicals as precisely as possible while Jisung handles the rest of the equipment, bringing over pipettes and scales. As the two of you continued working for the rest of the class period, only till the very end did you notice that you were, possibly for once, actually using all of your class time properly.
“Are you going to homecoming?” Jisung asks as you set down the beaker on the scale, startling you with a non-chemistry related question. If you were being honest, you hadn’t thought about it; homecoming wasn’t too big of a thing at your school to begin with, plus, there wasn’t even the cliche dance that everyone thought they’d get as kids. It was one of the first home games played by the football team (which was pretty shitty, for the record) and they crowned a homecoming king and queen every year. Honestly, it was usually a bore.
“I don’t know,” you say honestly, trying to keep your voice as steady as possible. Maybe constantly reminding yourself every two seconds that Han Jisung was speaking to you would help, but you couldn’t get over it. At least not today. “I haven’t really thought about it.” He hums thoughtfully, taking the beaker from you as you pass it along.
“Have you ever gone to a swim meet before?” His question sounds rather interrogative in nature, and he seems to notice, stumbling over his words for the first time. “Um—I mean, have you gone to any of our swim meets before? You see, I’m on the team and I feel like I’ve seen you before at one of them, and it’s fine if you have gone! I’m just curious.” He holds up his hands in defense as if he’d said something wrong, the chemical splashing around in the beaker as you widen your eyes.
“Fuck, be careful,” you retrieve the object from his hand, placing it down safely on the table to ensure you weren’t going to take after the setting-the-classroom-on-fire guy. Jisung watches as you do so, perhaps overanalyzing the fact that your gloved fingers brushed past his in that moment, now an apologetic look forming over his face. “Sorry, you were about to spill it on yourself.”
“No, it’s fine!” He replies, the volume of his voice attracting attention from the nearby classmates, including Chaeryoung, who gives you a small smirk. You return a pointed glare in her direction, trying to calm down as you realize you’re overheating from the situation at hand right now. “Shit, sorry, that was kind of loud.”
“It’s okay, Jisung,” his name tastes unfamiliar on your tongue, only having been used around Ryujin earlier. Ryujin, you remember, my best friend that’s practically in love with the boy standing in front of me. “I’ve been to your swim meets before, I mean—no offense but—who hasn’t? You guys are undoubtedly the best team in school, who wouldn’t want to watch?”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” he chuckles wryly, sounding a bit forced. You decide to ignore it and continue working on the project. Thankfully, your teacher gave the class a few days to work on it, or else it would be essentially impossible to finish. “Wait, aren’t you usually there with your friend? The one with the blue hair?”
You raise your eyebrows, somehow already feeling just a little more comfortable around him. He isn’t as stuck up as you expected, and he definitely doesn’t act like a cocky little shit either. Most importantly, he seems to be just as nervous as you. A small smile forms on your lips. “You mean Ryujin?”
“Ah, yeah! Her.”
“Ryujin and I usually go to watch swim meets together, or at least, she drags me around everywhere and that’s one of the places I’m forced to go.” You chuckle at the memory of her towing you towards the pool, swearing that she’ll buy you a hundred dollars worth of milkshakes for the next month if you keep her company. She never kept the promise, but you still remember the feeling of watching people competitively swim. More importantly, the seven most popular boys in the school at the time. “But I go voluntarily now. I think everyone has to have some sort of school spirit, right?”
You look up at him, your eyes sparkling under the fluorescent lights and you don’t notice, but Jisung gulps, avoiding your gaze after a split second. “Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Totally, definitely.”
The conversation awkwardly ends there, a little weird but better than having to continue talking about how many times you’ve seen him backstroke his way to a medal. You’re not sure if Jisung even knows how popular going to a swim meet is, because when you ask him, he answers with: “I thought all sports got the same audience.” They don’t, that’s confirmed, unless the dance team was performing as well.
The bell rings a few moments later, finally signalling the end of the day with a deep sigh from you. You clean up as quickly as you can, bidding your new partner (and maybe friend) a goodbye to the rest of the day. As you yank out your phone from your bag, going out into the hallway towards your locker, you spot Chaeryoung from the corner of your eye, brushing past you dramatically with a whisper of:
“You’re whipped already.”
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dear y/n love,
this is my second letter to you. hopefully, unless you didn’t receive the first one for some reason. but if this is the second one, hi! i hope you had a great day today and if you didn’t, i hope you feel better. i think you probably find this weird, the love letter sort of thing, it’s super cliche and everything so i’d get it if you decided to take this and, like, throw it out or something. but please don’t! please don’t throw it out, i’d be very upset. not that you’d know anyway, but :)
you’re also probably wondering, ‘why is this guy sending me stuff without telling me who he is?’ well, i’m glad to say that i have a purpose. it is, well, just to make you happy. life is hard, ya know, and i don’t think a lot of us would be able to get through everything without someone by their side. not that you don’t have anyone by your side! i’m sure you do, you have friends and family that support you as well, but since i unfortunately do not fall into either of those categories, i have to resort to written letters.
anyway, i’m ending this letter quickly considering my class is ending in hmm, like four minutes? i want to make enough time to get to your locker and give it to you, hopefully without you ever noticing, but if you did end up finding out who i am…just forget about that part. yeah, like my face and all? erase that memory from your pretty head. i’m so sorry, i just realized how much i just didn’t get to a point with this letter at all.
in a few days is the homecoming game, and i may or may not have a little surprise waiting for you there. if you’d like to come, that’s awesome, if not, that’s perfect as well. i know the last thing you’d do is trust someone you don’t know, and it might be a little hypocritical of me to say this, but trust me. in the least creepy way, i will say that yes, you do know me, maybe not as well as i know you. shitttt that sounds so creepy, i deeply apologize. i’m just your secret admirer, that’s it, not a stalker omg. now it sounds like i’m a stalker. okay, anyway.
please come to homecoming, i won’t reveal myself to you just yet (maybe not ever, but it depends) but i have something waiting for you. it’s NOT a death wish, cross my heart, for real.
signed, jay
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world-of-aus · 5 years ago
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Behind the Screen - (Part 4)
Pairing: Bucky x Reader
Word Count: 3,437
Warnings: 18+ here be smutty times
Author’s Note: So i thought i had put this to be queued yesterday but apparently i did it wrong, i apologize for the day delay.Hopefully the contents in this chapter will makeup for it! As always the tag-list for this series is open so if you’d like to be added just let me know! Thank you all so much for reading and enjoying my work, there’s nothing that means more to me!
Part 3 / SERIES MASTERLIST
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“Barnes,” you moaned, “I swear to god if you show me another fic, that is more than three parts I may just scratch my eyes out”
Bucky turned to look at you from where he was laying on his stomach computer screen illuminating his features, “I thought you liked doing this, do you not?” he questioned brow raised.
“of course, I love to do this, but not when you’re here, you’re literally reciting porn written about you to me as if it’s the daily news,” you deadpanned, “you have gone through two masterlists, two, you know this isn’t exactly what I thought you meant by catch up,” you muttered side eyeing him.
You saw Bucky’s lips twitch as a smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth, he pushed your laptop off to the side, his arm sliding around your bare waist, “oh,” he grinned, “and what is it that you thought I meant?” he questioned drawing your body closer to his.
“definitely not reading your best rated porn without plot one-shots about you,” you muttered, though there was a teasing underlying to your tone.
“is it because you can’t get off?” he teased, “rub one off to the thought of me,”
You rolled your eyes smacking his chest lightly, “If I wanted to get off I could very well do so if pleased, but why use my finger’s when I could use something else,”
A growl left Bucky’s lips as he pushed himself up onto his arms, his body sliding over yours, hips pressing yours into the sheets below you.
“Look at you doll, a needy little thing” He murmured his finger running over your cheek, eyes staring intently at yours. He leans down slowly his lips hovering above yours for a second before his teeth are nipping at your lower lip, his tongue smoothing over the bite. Your body is squirming under his ever so slightly, your lower half searching for his. The hand that isn't by your head slides down the length of` your body curving over your hips, his hand pushing you down. A groan slips past your lips, Bucky grins his lips molding to yours. Your hips are eager to feel him against you as you push against his left hand, his lips leave yours pulling a whine from you, “if you don’t stop moving, I’m going to stop,” he warns, your hips still. He’s chuckling low before his lips are leaning down once more to cover yours, your lips are moving fervently against one another, Bucky drawing the sweetest noises from you, he’s grown addicted to the little mewls he’s able to pull from you. He pulls away from your lips, head nudging yours to the side exposing your neck to him.
He wastes no time as he licks, sucks, and bites across the sensitive skin till his teeth find that sweet spot, the one that has a low moan falling from your lips, back arching, toes curling. He grins into your skin before continuing the ministration, the hand that holds down your hip is now sliding to the side, cooling down your heated skin. A loud gasp falls from your lips as his left hand roughly cups your mound, his index finger runs over your slit, the moans he’s drawing from you are scandalous, he thought the noises he was driving from you before were something, but these noises, oh these were delicious. You can feel his hard cock against your thigh, and that only makes your skin grow hotter, you need him inside you, you need to feel the thickness of it through your walls as you clench around him.
His finger finally slips into the heat of your folds, his finger dipping in slightly to your entrance before its trailing up circling your throbbing clit. Bucky drinks in the breathy moan that spills from your lips his tongue licking it from your mouth. He gives you a few rubs before his finger is trailing back down your slick, finger teasing your entrance before he’s pushing it into the knuckle working it inside of you. Your head pushes into the pillow beneath your head, soft moans falling from you lips. Bucky's working in a second finger when the sound of your phone vibrating startles you both, you look to your night stand eyes wide. Your tempted to let it go to voicemail, “answer it,” Bucky murmurs against the skin of your jaw.
A whine leaves your lips as you reach over the best that you can with Bucky still on you. You look at the vibrating device, Sam’s name staring back at you, “can’t I just let it go to voicemail,” you whine. Bucky shakes his head, “answer it” he murmurs fingers thrusting tentatively. You groan answering the call bringing the phone to your ear, “this better be good Wilson,”
Your breath is catching in your throat but it's not due to Sam’s infectious laugh in reply to your grumbling answer, oh no, rather its due to Bucky’s thumb currently circling your sensitive clit.
“You know for you being gone a week I thought you’d be happier to hear from me, I'm beginning to think you’ve been spending too much time with tin man,”
You bit your tongue to keep the moan from spilling out as Bucky thrusted his fingers within you, “You have no idea,” you grounded out glaring at Bucky.
He gave you his best Cheshire grin, his thumb gliding over your clit causing a gasp to fall from your lips, “Uh you okay y/n?” Sam questioned.
You coughed clearing your throat, “yeah I'm fine Sam, thought I saw something on the bathroom floor is all, so what has you calling me Wilson?” you questioned needing to hurry this call up.
“we’re all heading out to the bar tonight, in like ten maybe fifteen minutes tops if you’re up for it.”
You went to answer but Bucky beat you to it, “yeah we’re up for it,” he called out, your eyes widened in horror.
“Was that Barnes?” Sam questioned the laugh evident in his voice.
“Yeah he’s a little obsessed with me,” you ground out, smacking at his chest.
Sam barked out a laugh, “we’ll see you in fifteen Wilson, Barnes has to help me with something and then we’ll be down.” You didn’t wait for his reply as you hung up the call, flinging the phone to the side.
Your hips roll against his hand, a low laugh falling from Bucky’s lip as he continues to work his fingers into you, “can't believe you hung up on Wilson sweetheart,” he chuckled his teeth nipping at your jaw.
You aren’t able to give him the remark that sits on your tongue as he draws a low moan from you his fingers scissoring inside of you curling against that toe-curling spot.
“Fu- fuck bucky,” you moan hand curling around his wrist that's finger deep inside of you.
“you’re so wet doll, does it feel good, you like having my fingers fucking you like this?” he questioned breathily.
You nod your head not finding the words through the moans he’s drawing from you.
“Use your words angel, am I making you feel good?”
“Yes,” you moan, “ohh god yes please don’t stop,” you begged your body writhing beneath him as he brought you closer to that sweet release.
You could feel that sweet release building, your body teetering on the edge of a delicious orgasm.
You were so close, almost there, almost, a loud whine was leaving your lips as Bucky pulled his finger from you, his body sliding off yours.
“Bucky,” you moaned.
He chuckled lowly from where he stood at the side of your bed, “ten minutes till we’re supposed to meet the team downstairs doll,” he grinned putting on the clothes he had discarded hours ago.
You gaped at him as you watched him head towards the door, “I’ll see you downstairs sweetheart, you might want to get dressed don’t want to keep them waiting,” he grinned throwing you a wink before he was slipping out of your room.
Your head flew back into your pillow a loud groan leaving your lips at the unsatisfied ached between your legs.
“So you going to tell me what Tin man was helping you with before I called?” Sam grinned cheekily eyes twinkling in the low light of the bar. You rolled your eyes but smiled behind the glass of whiskey in your hand, “he was just checking up on me, pretty sure you heard the mission went south,” you murmured taking a sip from your glass
Sam nodded taking a sip himself, “yeah Steve briefed me on it, you okay?” He questioned.
You shrugged your shoulders, “as okay as anyone can be,” you smiled.
You and Sam kept up the small talk at the high top table the team had chosen, though the others had left you long ago for the darkened corner of the bar where the pool tables sat lined up.
“You wanna go shoot pool with the others?” Sam questioned throwing back the last of his drink, you mirrored his actions.
“Sure, I love watching Natasha slaughter Barnes and Rogers,” you grinned grabbing his extended hand as he pulled you towards the team. You got there just in time to see Natasha grinning cheekily, Steve throwing his head back in defeat a heavy sigh falling from his lips. “See,” you said smackin Sam’s chest, “we got here just in time to see them get their asses handed to them, though I don’t think Steve needs anymore,” you grinned throwing Steve a wink. A laugh fell from your lips at the sight of Steve’s cheeks taking on a pink hue, “Awe Steve,” you cooed.
“you know y/n you’re a lot of talk for someone who never play’s pool when we come out, pretty sure you could get your ass handed to you too,” Bucky spoke up from where he stood on the other side of the pool table, leaning on the pool stick.
“pick on someone your own size Barnes, don’t be a sore loser,” you teased.
“oh come on y/n, Bucky has a point you never play pool,” Steve added in his eyes glinting in amusement.
You groaned, “if I play one game will you guys stop picking on me?” you questioned arms crossed.
Bucky perked up, “i’ll show you the ropes doll,”
You shook your head a laugh falling from your lips, “I think I'd rather have Nat teach me,”
“I think Natasha's a little preoccupied with schooling Sam, so whaddya say doll?”
“as long as you show me the ropes,”
“oh don’t worry sweetheart,” he spoke voice dropping low as he came behind you, “I'll show you everything I know.
You’re wound tight and he’s not even touching you, at least not in the way you need him to. Your skin is glistening with sweat under the lowlight of the bar, he sidles up behind you, his voice ghosts over your ear, “your turn,” the word alone has shivers running down your spine, you’re not sure you want to go again.
With shaky hands you get into position, you can hear his tongue clicking behind you, his left hand runs down the back of your relaxed fit dress, pushing you down lower to the table, his right hand obstructed from the view of any onlookers climbs up your thigh till its nestled in the warmth of your legs, his hand cupping your mound, “you’ve got to master your stroke,” he instructs, his index finger stroking you through your dampened panties. You bite back a moan that climbs up your throat, “during your practice strokes,” he murmurs into your ear his index finger circling your aching clit, “your eyes should switch from the contact point on the cue ball to the point you’re aiming for on the object ball,”
Your hair catches on your damp forehead obscuring how your mouth drops open slightly in pleasure, your so close. He had been winding you up just like this every time it was your turn, it looked innocent to the eye of anyone who might look your way it was anything but innocent underneath. His fingers are working you over faster, you’re trying to focus on the task at hand but your mind can do nothing but focus on the immense pleasure he’s bringing you.
“Now,” he speaks up bringing you back from your pleasurable haze, “line up the pool tip,” he presses his clothed erection against your backside, grinding ever so slightly, “up with the cue ball, aim” he murmurs flicking your clit, “and hit, away,” just as you’re about to push over the edge he stops all movement, a pained gasp leaves your lips as he retracts his hands from you panties, rubbing your slick on your thigh.
“darn doll, you were so close,”
You turn on wobbly legs to glare at him, “I've had enough, I don’t want to play this stupid game” you ground out, “I'll be right back,” you mutter pulling away from the pool tables. You can hear him chuckle lowly behind you. You pass Natasha on your way to the restroom to hopefully freshen up your heated skin, “you alright y/n you look like you’ve just run a marathon,” she grins.
You groan but let a laugh slip past your lips, “Barnes is just really making it hard for me to get the hang of pool, he's working me up only to let me down at the last second,”
Natasha patted your shoulder, “you’ll get there, before long you’ll be handing his ass to him,” she teased pulling a grin from you, “we’re ready to call it a night, would you like us to wait for you?” she questioned.
“You guys can go ahead, I still need to get my tab after I freshen up,” you responded pushing back your sweat slicked hair.
“You sure?” she asked, “i can get one of the guys to wait for you,”
You shook your head, “it’s fine really Nat, you guys can go ahead, I shouldn’t be too far behind you guys.”
“only if you're sure,” she replied.
“positive,” you smiled.
You waved at her as you walked towards the restroom desperately needing to wet your heated skin, and maybe wipe away at the slick that had accumulated on your lace panties, it was beginning to grow uncomfortable.
You walked into the one stall restroom not bothering to lock the restroom door behind you as you wouldn’t be taking long. Staring into the grimy mirror you turned on the tap, running your fingers in the cool water. You ran your damp fingers over your face feeling instantly cooled, though it was doing nothing for the throbbing ache between your legs. Your patting your face down with a napkin when the door is swinging open, you turn toward it wide eyed to see Bucky walking in, “what the hell Bucky, I thought you left with the team,” you said your hand reaching up to feel your racing heart.
He didn’t reply as he gave you’re his back, a almost inaudible click resonated through the dingy restroom, “Uh buck, what are you,” you paused watching him closely, “what are you doing?”
He turned to face you then his eyes clouded over with lust, you’re barely able to get a word out before he’s closing the distance between the two of you, his lips crashing into yours roughly. It’s a battle of tongue and teeth as he pushes your back up against the wall closest to the sink. You grow dizzy of the feel of his tongue dancing with yours a loud breathy gasp falls from your lips as you both pull away for air, Bucky dropping to his knees. “Buck what-” he’s lifting up your dress, head darting between your legs to bite at your inner thighs. Your head falls back against the tiled wall, fingers webbing into his hair, “You think you’re the only one who’s tired of playing this little game, you think you’re the only one who’s been on edge?” he questions huskily looking up at you through his lashes where his head rests between your legs.
“Barnes what has gotten into you,” you moan when he hoists your leg over his shoulder his warm breath fanning over your dampened lace panties.
“I’ve read through a lot of teasing,” he murmurs running his tongue along your covered folds, “but I've yet to come across someone edging, teasing their partner till they’re falling apart at the seams,” he licks again pressing his tongue in deeper, “and doll,” he whispers eyes catching yours, “you’re bursting,”
Bucky makes quick work of pulling your panties to the side, exposing your slick wet folds to him. He doesn’t waste another second as he leans in burying his face between your legs. His tongue delves in licking, sucking, lapping at your sensitive core. Your head is thrown back in ecstasy, mouth dropped open in a moan as your finger pulls at his long brunette locks. His tongue is working you over trailing up your folds to seek out your clit, he flicks over it once, twice, before he zones in on it, sucking flicking the sweetened little bud.
“Fuck Bucky,” you moan, “please don’t stop, please don’t stop,” you cry.
As soon as those words spill from your mouth, he’s doing just that, a cry falls from your lips as he inches up your body. His lips are finding yours his tongue sliding into your mouth letting you taste yourself on him. Your shaky hands reach down to unbutton his jeans, but they’re not coming undone as quick as you’d like, “Fuck Buck please,” you whine into his mouth.
His hands are taking a hold of yours stalling all movements, he’s looking down at you, eyes hooded with lust, “you’ve made it this far baby, just a little bit longer,” he grinned giving your lips a sweet peck. He holds eye contact with you as he unzips his jeans, pulling himself from the tight confines of his jeans, he lifts your leg onto his hip, his cock splitting through your folds.
You hold your breath as you wait, his tip teasing your entrance, a broken moan falls from your lips as he bottoms out your arms wrap around his shoulders gripping him to you, it only takes a few thrust and your coming undone. Your mouth drops open in a loud moan as your orgasm take you by surprise, your back arches against the wall, bucky wraps his arms tightly around your waist his head burying in your chest as he continues to fuck you through your orgasm. Choked sobs are falling from your lips as your vision blurs, another orgasm washing over you from the pleasure you had been withheld from all evening.
Bucky is biting at the skin of your breast, low grunts falling from his lips and you can swear its music to your post orgasmic ears. You clench around him tightly bringing him to his own end, his warmth spurting deep inside of you.
Your fingers thread into his hair as you pull his lips to yours, swallowing the moans that fall from his lips as he shallowly thrusts into you. Your thighs are quivering in his hold, barely keeping you upright if it hadn’t been for him pinning you to the wall.
Bucky’s head falls to your neck, his breaths coming out labored, you can feel puffs of laughter against your skin. “what?” you questioned a hint of laughter in your own voice.
“this isn’t the way I planned on taking you after all that,” he grinned looking down at you, “didn’t see it going this way.”
“and how did you plan on taking me?” you questioned your cupping his cheek, thumb running over his bottom lip. He’s thinking over his next words, “just not like this," he whispered placing a kiss to your thumb.
For a moment you can feel the energy shift between the two of you, both of you are letting the vulnerable side of you come out, the one you were told not to let cloud this agreement, yet here it was.
You both stand there just staring at one another, your thigh slips from his hip, “you think your reader’s will be excited to read about this?” he questions, and just like that the bubble you were in bursts bringing you back to reality.
You open your mouth to reply but your cut off by loud knocks against the wooden door, “hey y/n, have you seen Barnes?”  
Part 5
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