#ofdarknesseyes

[knot-ee]

There was love in Toji's eyes. Megumi might have been a fool for seeing it or believing that was what he was actually seeing,but he knew that look. Afte rall, it was the same look Megumi was giving to his father. Two pairs of green eyes filled with so much that was unsaid and that could not be said. Did his father love him? Toji said a lot of things last night, promised a lot of things, and held him but he never outright said he loved his son. Megumi told himself he didn't need to hear it.

His father was stepping up and with THAT look his his eyes. It made Megumi's heart feel so painfully full and empty at the same time. Megumi did want MORE to make up for lost time and also because he doubted one or both of them would make it out of the fight with The King of Curses. Resigned to his fate Megumi's eyes began to fill with more than just love. There was pain and longing there too. He wanted to press himself against his father and feel him again.

Feel how a child felt being LOVED. Megumi shook his head. What Toji was saying only confused him more. Why did he call Satoru a brat like he knew him? And what was with Toji claiming he was supposed to be dead? He eyed his dad with so many emotions but decided to leave the hotel room with his father in tow. it was weird marching into battle. There was so much riding on their involvement but the world around them was oblivious. The world felt more surreal than usual. Curses were attacking Tokyo but the world as a whole was still ignorant. His green eyes looked at his father through his peripheral view as they made their way to the elevator and descended to the main floor.

“ Won't you tell me.. how you know Gojo and ... if you really want to do this. You know I don't need protecting. I survived this far without you. ” That sounded harsh. He sighed. “ Sorry. ”

Outside the hotel lobby, the streets were emptier than usual. People were either smart enough to be warded off by mysterious deaths. When he felt a spike in cursed energy, Megumi instinctively moved close to his father until their bodies were touching.

Yeah he didn’t know Megumi not completely. Sure he can still get a read on him like when he was little, that could just be fatherly instincts that never actually go away no matter how hard he tries. But he isn’t naive, it has been years since he spent any time with his son. He wasn’t the one to raise Megumi. Megumi wasn’t like him, he gave a shit about others. He isn’t sure if that is a good thing or not. On one hand, yeah great, his son wasn’t a piece of shit like him. On the other, it only meant it was more likely for Megumi to get hurt. Both mentally and physically or worse…

He leans against the door frame waiting for Megumi to be ready. Sighing at his words. He gets it. Gojo was much more his father than he ever would be. He doesn’t blame Megumi for caring about the man that was there for him. Who actually raised him, trained him, provided for him, and protected him. As much as he didn’t want to care it did make him feel something. Remorseful? Regretful? Almost as if he wished he stuck around. No use thinking like that though.

“I get it. I owe that brat too anyways.” He grumbles the last part to himself looking almost annoyed. Cursing under his breath even.

Megumi’s next words, his concern for him, shock him to the core. He shouldn’t be shocked, not really, not with the way Megumi has clearly shown to care for others, but still, it shocks him and makes him feel other things he isn’t used to. Those feelings are drowned out by the guilt that he doesn’t deserve anything from Megumi, not even his pity. Also, the way Megumi says his name… He doesn’t expect to be called dad or father or anything like that but even just hearing Megumi say his name did something to him… He buries that feeling deep inside for now.

His eyes are wide only for the briefest of moments before he chuckles softly and shakes his head. He ruffles Megumi’s hair before his hand caresses his face gently, lowering his voice slightly.

“I am supposed to be dead anyways, kid. Don’t sweat it. I’ll be fine.”

His green eyes set on Megumi his expression almost saying: You won’t lose me. Even though he can’t make any promises.

Toji reassures him anyway. And what was he supposed to do just let Megumi waltz out there on his own? He almost groans at himself when he realizes that his feelings and his actions are becoming very father-like. It was too damn late to be a dad he tries to tell himself. Whatever, he always did whatever he wanted didn’t he? The least Toji could do was admit to himself he wanted to do this. He wanted to be by Megumi’s side for as long as he could this time. Fuck it! He had nothing more to lose now. Everyone thought he was dead and if trouble does come for him he will ditch Megumi before it gets too dangerous.

For now, it seems like Megumi was the one in deep shit with all that is going on. He owes him after not killing him like he should have and he owes him after the beating he gave him. However, it makes him realize this kid of his still needs more training. What the hell has Gojo been teaching him anyway? More like codling him probably…

“If we are gonna get going let's go then. I want food on the way though.”

Toji almost demands as if he were the child here and is being dragged along on a trip with his dad.

[knot-ee]

On the other side of the door and the walls, there lied a murky shape. Shape only took form because of keen senses. Undulating and almost bubbling but there was nothing sinister about it, surprisingly. The curse was not Suguru's and it didn't release enough energy to call the wrath of his guard curses. It almost looked like a pea.. a fetus.. and there was no making out the existence of the assassin he madly hired, but he knew Toji was there. Where else would the monkey have gone to?

He had no doubts he would be curious and start sniffing around but maybe Suguru could smell him. So, the master of the domain waited with strange patience and when the door opened, curiously looked over a broad shoulder to scan the curse. How dare he not even ask for permission. On that note, WHY did the monkey have a curse? Another question to ponder. The killer named Toji was more mysterious than he initially gave him credit for... IF being mysterious was a good thing. He would inspect the curse later.

For the moment he lead Toji in silence though he sneered at the man's leering gaze and use of honorifics. if Suguru was actually mad and idiotic he would take the honorific with a prideful grin. It was better than all the alternatives, but he desired his followers to call him sama with reverence and not mockingly. Despite the disgust Suguru felt he went on to watch Toji. He really was expecting the human to eat like a toddler and was... pleasantly surprised. He was not a total slob. Did that earn any points? ....Perhaps. Suguru folded his hands into the sleeves of his yukata and just watched with intense purple eyes; his expression was blank however.

“ It is all for you. You were complaining of hunger pains, and I know money and food are ways to tame... a man. I do have a mission for you. Something to get you acquainted to the work I will be expecting. A taste, let's say. ”

He pressed his palm against the surface of the table and leaned in close; his long black hair slipping free to brush Suguru's cheekbones.

“ Find me after you're finished... if you can. I will be on this compound and hiding my cursed energy. ”

His tone was languid and venomous and it contrasted how quickly he moved away from the table on the turn of his heels. Without another word or look he disappeared out of the room. Suguru masked his residuals and his cursed energy, called away all his curses except those who guarded the compound, and swiftly made his way to his bedroom. A rectangular black box was picked up from the ground and he made his way out, leaping out the bedroom window to land silently like a cat.

At the back of the compound was a garden that was still in the works. He was converting the drab and the concrete into a traditional Japanese garden. There was a small four walled building and it housed a small locker room adjacent to an indoor hot tub. That was from the previous owner. Suguru sat on the lip of the tub and waited. The box at his feet.

Toji lay in bed with his eyes closed for some time. He hears Suguru close the door and leave. But even then he doesn’t open his eyes. He was more tired than he realized when a long yawn escaped him he decided maybe it was nap time. He turns over onto his side and surprisingly falls asleep pretty easily as if it had been quite some time since he laid in such a comfortable and large bed. It was almost impossible not to drift off.

Though as comfortable as his new bed was and as nice as his private bedroom was, Toji still had killer instincts even in his sleep. So it was no surprise when he suddenly woke up with a start. Though just by watching him one wouldn’t realize it as he just simply slowly opens his eyes and even more calmly sits up to look around. Ah yes, he was at the Prickly Princess’s Palace! And damn was it suddenly infested in curses. He can’t exactly sense curse energy the same way sorcerers can but he can still tell they are there from all his training and experience. Speaking of the disgusting creatures, his curse spirit worm was curled up at the end of the bed. He’ll never get used to it just appearing sometimes. Couldn’t get rid of the damn thing even if he wanted to. At least it was useful.

Getting up from bed he finally goes about exploring his new room. Opening every door, closet, dresser, and window to see. The bathroom was huge compared to what he was used to. Damn, he could get used to this. Going back to shitty little apartments after this is going to suck. He hopes he dies before he ends up like that again. He was opening the shower door to inspect the shower just as there was a knock at the door. He snorts in amusement as he hears Suguru’s voice.

“Alright, coming.”

He walks over and holds his arm out to the worm on the bed. It instantly wraps around him. Just in case he needs his weapons. As hospitable as his host has been, one can never be too careful. Opening the door he flashes Suguru a grin, his green eyes once again seem to be eating Suguru up. As if inspecting every part of him down to the depths of his soul.

“Lead the way, Geto-Sama.”

The sorcerer killer wiggles his brows at him and waits to be led. Just as before, while they walk he seems indifferent about his surroundings but he was taking it all in, memorizing the layout and making mental notes of areas to perhaps explore later. The closer they get to wherever it was that Suguru was leading him, The stronger the scent of food becomes, thank fucking heavens he was getting food and this wasn’t just some test of sorts where Suguru throws Toji into a put of curses to prove his worth. Though he still wouldn’t put it past the damn kid to do something like that. He wouldn’t be surprised one bit.

“Smells good.”

He almost wants to just follow his nose. His stomach growled but at last, they reached the place. Toji looks a little shocked for a mere second at the display of food. He raises an eyebrow and glances at Suguru.

“Are there others joining us? If not... I am going to pig out, Your Highness if you don’t mind.”

He picks a random seat and starts piling food onto a dish, grabbing several bowls of udon. He had to try them all. Soon his cheeks were stuffed with food, the sound of him practically moaning between slurps. Though he wasn’t particularly being messy or disgusting. He ate calmly and seemed to be savoring it all.

[knot-ee]

Megumi knew very little about his dad as if that much wasn't obvious already. The pull he felt was a connection since birth and a wanting, but that didn't mean he KNEW his father. The man could have been an animal abuser and a wanted criminal. Would Megumi's issues and love erase all of that? Toji took revenge for the murder of his mother, but was he the kind of man who fought and stood up for what was right? Megumi was. Part of him felt he had to, another part of him, a greater part of him, believed that was what his life was meant for.

Toji wasn't a sorcerer though. Likely he wasn't raised with those convictions, but he was making a lot of assumptions. All he had was assumptions and a creative mind. Thankfully his father wasn't just sitting by even though he certainly seemed to favor it. Once his father began changing out of his clothes, Megumi looked away and then waited before he's standing right in front of the man. Megumi had to tilt his head back to match those green eyes. So very much the same as they were different. Toji's eyes looked almost haunted.

“ I know I don't, but I still have to for me and for... ”

The man who replaced you. it went unsaid. Megumi's green eyes flickered with sadness, then determination.

“ This is what I've been training for most of my life. I'm willing to sacrifice myself if I have to but I don't want to lose... you. ”

Feeling vulnerable the boy dropped his head until his spiky hairs masked his eyes.

“ I know you're strong but I don't want to drag you into this and get you killed... Toji. ”

The laugh escapes him before he can even stop himself. No, Megumi was nothing like him, that was for sure. Or so he hopes. That was the last thing he wanted for Megumi to turn out a piece of shit like him. From what he’s seen so far though, he knows that is not the case. Megumi was better than him, far better than he’ll ever be. The thought makes him oddly proud as if he had any right to feel proud. All the good qualities that turned out in Megumi were definitely no thanks to him.

Toji's gaze remains on Megumi, his own eyes seeming to react to the spark in Megumi’s own green eyes. Good, he liked seeing emotion in his son, better than numbness which is how he had coped with things when he was Megumi’s age. Slowly he sits up as Megumi continues to let it out.

“Yeah, yeah.”

He sighs but the kid wasn’t wrong. Toji almost ran away several times now. He still could and that’s what Megumi was probably expecting from him. Why would he expect anything else? Despite Toji’s words and staying with him one night, he had yet to prove himself. Maybe Megumi had caught on to his dad’s way, running away first before he was hurt. Damn it, maybe he is a little like him after all.

Megumi was someone who cared deeply about others he can see that now, plus he has people that care about him, friends, and classmates. So it was only natural for him to want to know what is going on out there after the shit show that happened and only natural for him to want to make sure everyone he cared about was alright as well as let them know that he was alright. Toji doesn’t react to the explosions.

“It’s not your fault. None of what happened out there was your fault.”

Some of it might have been his fault. If Toji hadn’t attacked Megumi the first time, if he hadn’t brutally beaten him the second time, well maybe Megumi would be out there helping. However, something in his stomach twists at the thought. Fuck that, he didn’t want Megumi anywhere near those curse users and curses out there. As well as some stupid sorcerers that would only end up getting him hurt or worse.

When the second explosion is heard, Toji grunts as he finally gets up from the bed and searches for a proper outfit. He slips on some dark jeans and a plain shirt, then a light jacket. Making sure not to forget that fancy credit card he found in Megumi’s pocket. They’ll need that for sure.

“Alright, what's your plan then kid? We agreed I’d come with you so that is what is going to happen now whether you like it or not.”

Yeah, there is no way he’s letting Megumi just run off on his own just yet. Maybe once he’s fully healed again if he really wants him gone, he’ll disappear for good again. Once this whole mess is cleared up they find a way to release Gojo from the seal. Or…

“You don’t have to fight though, you don’t owe the sorcerer society, shit. But if that is what you want to do.”

Toji shrugs. They could just go off on their own, and start fresh. Maybe Megumi could finally be a normal kid and just live a normal life. He feels fucking ridiculous for even allowing such thoughts into his head. As if he was capable of giving Megumi a normal life, he wasn’t capable back then so why the fuck would he be capable now? There was also no way that Megumi would want that. He can feel a headache coming on, fuck now he remembers being a dad well it is something alright. He just hopes they get to stop somewhere for breakfast on the way to wherever the fuck Megumi wanted to go.

[knot-ee]

Almost like a scene from a cartoon, Megumi nearly jumped out of his skin when his father's gruff, sleep-addled voice cut through the silence. The boy's cheeks reddened quickly with guilt -- except, there was NOTHING to be a shamed about. He whirled around to face his father except only dark silhouettes were in his vision. The red on his cheeks transformed from guilt into anger as he marched towards the closest window and whipped the thick curtain aside. He needed to see his father clearly for this and needed his father to see him clearly. The sky wasn't even bathed in oranges and pinks; it was blue and bright. He narrowed his eyes when his vision was assaulted by the light but he adjusted quickly.

“ I'm not like YOU! ”

Megumi paused to calm himself down but his cheeks were still flushed red and there were sparks in his green eyes.

“ I don't leave people behind. I don't have my phone and I... just wanted to -- I don't know. Step outside to think, to see if Sukuna Ryoumen didn't decimate Japan while I was sleeping. ”

There was more than a hint of guilt there. It WAS guilt which had caused Megumi to leave his father's side though momentary -- and momentary he had intended it to be. In the case Megumi died fighting Sukuna, he wouldn't leave his father abandoned in some hotel like his father had done to him in a similar fashion. Megumi exhaled loudly; the anger dripping away from his heart and expression. He slowly walked over and sat on the very edge of the bed, now not looking at his father.

“ Even if I was missing an arm, I would still fight. I don't have a choice. I need to talk---. ”

The distant sound of an explosion cut him off. It was far away, just far to hear it without it being downright alarming. It was followed by another sound of exploding and crashing. The Culling Games had begun without Megumi knowing. The boy jumped out of the bed to look out the window and the there was black smoke billowing in the air.

It was such a weird fucking feeling, to sleep with someone. Sharing space so close when one is asleep, their most vulnerable state. Toji can’t remember the last time he had shared a bed with someone. Not even just because he’s been dead for how long now? Well, mostly that probably. But still, the only memories he had of sleeping with another person were of Megumi and Megumi’s mother. Perhaps there had been a few times when Tsumiki and Megumi slipped into bed with him. But most of the memories were filled with Megumi. That however was when Megumi was a baby and small. Now his son was grown, almost an adult. It was different now. So different to feel his body solid against his.

Toji was a very light sleeper despite seeming to be dead asleep, he felt it when Megumi would shift when he’d press impossibly closer. When he draped an arm and leg over him. It made his heart feel a certain way he wasn’t quite used to but even more disturbing it made his body feel a way he hadn’t felt in a long long time. Luckily each time he woke mostly from Megumi stirring, once he hugged his son close again, he would drift to sleep just as easily.

That is until Megumi gets up and out of bed. Hearing Megumi enter the bathroom, Toji sprawls out a bit more. His eyes still shut but his ears picked up on every little sound, waiting for Megumi’s return to be able to fall asleep again perhaps. Or was it time to get up? Maybe he’ll get up to wash up too once Megumi is done in the bathroom. He was feeling pretty hungry, which meant it was time to get up soon.

He hears Megumi exit the bathroom but his son does not return to bed. He watches in the dark as Megumi slips his shoes on and heads for the door. Toji wants to laugh, at the fact that he actually feels a little wounded that his son would try and sneak away from him while he is sleeping. Was this payback? Oh well, he deserved it. Plus it wasn’t like he didn’t see this coming. He knew Megumi would come to his senses and realize that Toji was good for nothing, that he was better off without his father. He was probably going to go and attempt to save the man who took care of him and didn’t abandon him. Oh well, this is how things should be. This is what he wanted, for Megumi to run far away from him and forget he exits.

Even if he knows this, somehow a selfish side of him doesn’t seem to want to let go just yet…

“So that’s how it is huh? Not even going to at least say bye to your old man before leaving?”

His smooth voice cut through the silence. Green eyes baring into Megumi as he slowly sits up. Toji knows he should let Megumi and he will if he really wants to but protective instincts won’t let him go easily. What else was he going to do if not protect Megumi? Just roam around waiting to die again? If he is going to die again then he wants it to be in Megumi’s hands or at least protect him.

“You’re not even in any condition to be fighting yet.”

Toji eyes him with almost a critical glare.

“You can do whatever you want kid but if you get yourself killed I’ll be pissed I wasted time nursing you back to health.”

It was as good as it got. Toji’s way of telling his son to be careful.

[knot-ee]

Truthfully it was warmer than Megumi usually slept at comfortably, but he WAS comfortable. Comfortable and safe in the arms of his fathers. Arms he had not been enveloped by for more than thirteen years yet it felt both familiar and like longing. Something he had been so intimately familiar with that it was almost like breathing yet had it been breath -- he would have died long, long ago. Children never forgot though. Toji's face had become a blur, forced like that because of pain, but children did not forget.

While awake Megumi would not remember how his father held him diligently every day, but the sleeping soul remembered. Megumi snuffled impossibly closer as if he was he was trying to become one with his dad. His knee bent and his leg swung over to get a better hold of his dad. Little beads of sweat doted his forehead, the back of his neck, and even down his back, but he didn't let go... not entirely. More than once Megumi woke up with a little start. Memories of Shibuya, Sukuna, and Mahoraga haunted him... made him feel guilty for having a decent night's rest.

The person who had taken care of him when his father left, Satoru Gojo, had also been bested and trapped. It was Toji's hold he longed for yet it had been Satoru who had been there for Megumi and his sister. It was the guilt, the impending doom, AND it was the strangeness of another person's warmth. He and Tsumiki had shared a futon when they were left alone, and after they moved they occasionally slept in the same bed. It had been a long time since then and even then it was different.

Toji's big arms were around him. His startled heart beat returned to normal and despite his guilt, he nuzzled his face closer. Just one night. Part of Megumi was sure this would never last. He was being too clingy though, wasn't he? He dropped his leg and stopped coiling his arm around his father's torso. He would have moved more but Toji had a firm hold on him and he didn't want to wake the man up. Like a baby, he just curled up against his dad.

It was far too long occupied in his thoughts before he fell asleep. Before he knew it, he had dreams his father was walking out the door. Dreams, rather nightmares, Satoru and Toji were arguing. Satoru was dead. Yuji was missing. He woke up comfortable of body but distraught of mind. It was morning but the light was shielded by the thick curtains. Only the faintest of traces of light hit the hit edges of the wall and ceiling let Megumi know what time it was. He moved his head to look at his father.

It was near pitch black but he thought he could make out his father's sleeping expression. He looked scary yet handsome. A full bladder knocked Megumi into action, and he so very slooowly extricated himself from his father. Part of the boy's face and his arm were numb from being so flush against another body and for such a long amount of time. He moved off the bed as carefully as he could and went to the bathroom where he emptied his bladder, washed his face, and brushed his teeth.

The walls were thick in such a nice hotel that the noise shouldn't have disturbed Toji. Megumi still great care not to disturb the man. He didn't know why. They had to move away from their fucked up family vacation. With no phone and no way to communicate with his classmates and senseis, Megumi really felt guilty and out of the loop; they were probably worried sick. He didn't know what he was doing but Megumi put on his boots and began tip toeing for the door when he heard the mattress creak.

There was no way he would have known that this is how they’d end up, in bed practically snuggling. Toji had some idea of how Megumi would react after he woke. He expected to be met with anger, hate, disgust even. But this… he wasn’t prepared for. He almost felt bad as if he was taking advantage of his son’s clear need for his attention and affection. Although he didn’t deserve this so soon, he almost felt greedy for it now that he’d gotten a taste. He wonders if Megumi was like this with Gojo, it wasn’t jealousy just curiosity he tells himself.

There’s no way he’s cut out to be a dad, he never was and still wasn’t now. He was still trying to wrap his mind around the fact that this was his child. That he somehow contributed to creating something so perfect. He can’t stop thinking about all the memories he spent so long trying to erase, trying to pretend didn’t happen. Those paternal instincts were still there even if he didn’t exactly express them as a normal father would perhaps. Toji somehow still knew what Megumi wanted and needed. Though of course, he thinks Megumi needs to stay far away from him, he’s already coming to terms with the fact that he nor Megumi is the type to always do the rational thing. When they really wanted something…

Even if Megumi didn’t outright say it, he knew. He knew that Megumi wanted to feel him close, wanted some sort of physical contact. He can’t help but smile softly when he feels his son slowly easing into his arms, relaxing and melting against him. He was like a prickly cat, so defensive and wary at first, but just a little love, and suddenly he is purring in his lap. Megumi is so fucking cute, he finds himself thinking as he looks down at his son. Continuing to stroke his hair and rub his back soothingly.

Then Toji almost has a fucking heart attack when he hears Megumi ever so softly say “Dad.” His heart almost fucking stopped! He tenses slightly but thankfully Megumi is already asleep. Toji inhales deeply through his nose and continues to rub their back. Trying to ignore the way one simple word from Megumi has filled with so much fucking warmth he didn’t know how to handle it. The coward he was wanted to push Megumi away and run for it. But looking down at Megumi’s peaceful face, one look and he finds himself hugging him closer. Pressing a soft kiss to the top of his head, he closes his eyes and just lets himself drown in the overwhelming feelings for a moment.

“I’m here, Gumi. Dad is here now.” He murmurs lowly to his sleeping son.

Fuck, he’s so damn screwed. How the hell did Megumi worm his way into his heart again so damn easily? After years of becoming a cold ruthless killer who didn’t care about anyone including his son, suddenly it was like all the hard work he put into not feeling, all of that just shattered. He felt so damn much, wanted things he never thought he’d want again in life. Most of all he wanted to make Megumi happy. To protect him and at least make him content. If the simple act of holding him made him happy then fuck it. What the hell did he have to lose now? He’s already died once. He will have to make sure he teaches Megumi not to expect much from him, he was still a piece of shit, but he could at least give him this, at this moment.

Toji doesn’t fall asleep right away, he watches Megumi sleeping peacefully, his hands occasionally pushing hair from his face or stroking it, or running down his back. He does this until finally, he feels sleep taking him. The man finally lets his eyes close and drifts off into a surprisingly peaceful slumber. Burying his nose in Megumi’s hair he hugs him close in his sleep. Father who was so much larger than his son, enveloped and held him protectively close as they slept. They snuggled warmly under the blankets, sharing one pillow with how close they were pressed against each other, as if both were clinging on afraid to let go, terrified the other would disappear.

[knot-ee]

The past 24 hours were ... bizarre, but bizarre wasn't the right word. It was a whirlwind. A natural disaster because it was about family and love and trauma. Ever since the powerful non-sorcerer nearly killed him who turned out to be his FATHER, his entire world was flipped upside down which really said something considering the attack on Shinjuku AND Satoru Gojo's capture. It made him feel guilty that the man who basically raised him wasn't his top priority but that would come. Tomorrow. Or the next day.

It was every day that curses threatened Japan but it wasn't every day he reunited with a parent he thought long dead after more than ten years. An adult needed plenty of time to process the fucking chaos and as a teenager, Megumi felt both lost and found. He really didn't know how to act except for what his gut told him to do... and what he saw in movies and manga. He knew there were plenty of fathers who were either strict and stern or very loving towards their sons; he was trying to figure out which was Toji after the whole abandonment thing.

Beside being ridiculously powerful and carrying a head full of secrets he acted more like an uncle or an older brother rough around the edges. It was obvious he didn't know how to be a father since he was one for such a little amount of time. He at least didn't kill Megumi or leave him wounded, so either fatherly instinct or pity kicked in. Toji was making progress, and Megumi's heart nearly shot out of his ass when his father teased him.

“ I'm not---. ”

Eyes opened and green met green. It was electric. Did other sons feel like this? Somehow he knew this was different. Green eyes like theirs were rare -- actually, there were no other green eyes; Megumi's eyes were the ones his father gave to him. It made him BRIEFLY wonder who, then, Toji inherited his eyes from? The next moment he was flush against his father basically on top of him. Megumi's entire skin flushed red and it wasn't from the shower; even his toes felt warm. As hot as he felt, his father's body felt hotter beneath him and not in a bad way.

Megumi always did enjoy being cozy, but a loose fitting hoodie did not compare to the warmth of being in his father's arms and touched by his father. His entire being felt full. Megumi was happy but his heart felt like it was exploding. Did Toji feel it? He could both feel and hear his father's heart beating. It did sound... odd but Megumi chalked it up to being nervous. Was this being nervous? Nervous but happy but excited but--- there was no way he was going to sleep.

Even as he thought that, he did calm down with each passing second and then learned to melt against his father's body. He was a puppy who never received love because his father's fingers through his hair felt amazing. The boy could have cooed. His arm was ontop of Toji's chest with his palm laying flat against his pec. His inner most memories remembered moments like these. When he was a baby, he slept most soundly while in his dad's arms.

Megumi's hand tensed then relaxed against his father's chest, and he nuzzled against his body without realizing it. It felt PERFECT. Megumi's eyes fell shut as he surrendered to his dad's warmth. He felt so good. Smelled so good. The sensation was carrying him to sleep and he whispered out without realizing it, just before drifting off.

“ Dad.... ”

Not realizing he was thinking similar thoughts to his son, Toji wonders if he may have agreed a little too quickly. Should he be joining his son in bed? He didn’t deserve it he kept thinking, Megumi’s yearning for a father, yearning for him, he could feel it and sense it. After all, he knew Megumi, he could still read his body language, his micro-expressions just like when he was a baby. But he didn’t deserve it, he didn’t deserve Megumi wanting him. This is what he had been afraid of. Megumi let his guard down, thinking Toji was anything but bad and awful. Yet somehow he can’t stop himself from getting comfortable in bed.

However, how much sleep he’ll get is another thing. Toji could feel Megumi’s mind racing, damn kid was so wired it was almost contagious. Didn’t feel something similar though? The instinct, urge, and need to care for Megumi, to make sure he was alright. Checking for a fever was an excuse for himself as much as it was for Megumi, he knew the kid was yearning for some sort of physical affection from him. Just like he used to when he was a child and wasn’t feeling good.

Pouty little face, rubbing his sleepy doe eyes as he demands Toji’s attention. And he gladly gave it to him. Megumi had been a baby that was too fucking cute not to adore and spoil. He was easy to spoil though, because all he ever really wanted was to be close to his dad. Toji didn’t mind it, he’d find ways to multitask and carry Megumi around. He’d let him lay on him, sit on him, cling to him. Toji never pushed Megumi away or denied him. “You’d think you were the one who gave birth to him.” His late wife had grumbled when one particular night their infant child wouldn’t stop crying until Toji rocked him to sleep.

A soft smile plays at the corner of his lips when he feels Megumi’s fingers graze his bicep. He lets out a soft breath and shifts a little closer to Megumi. With his eyes closed he imagines baby Megumi, sleeping beside him, his small little hand pressed against his arm, his chest, his face anywhere he could touch, and he would fall asleep like that, just making sure his father was right there. Toji hates the way it fucking hurts to think about it. Did Megumi go all these years unable to sleep well because his father was gone? He hopes not, he hopes Megumi didn’t think about him at all when he was gone. That seems to be wishful thinking though.

“Are you finally going to sleep or is that pretty little head of yours still racing with thoughts?”

Toji opened his eyes to look over at Megumi who had somehow also shifted closer. He chuckles softly and without saying anything else he gently runs a hand through Megumi’s hair again. His expression is now softer than it has ever been. Against his own best judgment, he gently pulled Megumi closer, until Megumi’s cheek was pressed against his chest. Pressing his own cheek to the top of his son’s head. He continues to stroke his hair, while his other hand runs soothingly up and down Megumi’s spine.

Despite what Megumi says about not using blankets, Toji makes sure that the blanket is draped over Megumi and covers him completely. This time when he closes his eyes, he feels more relaxed than ever. How is it that after all this time, after being dead for years, these instincts still came back like second nature? Like they were never gone. Fuck… his heart feels so damn full for a moment. He shouldn’t feel like this, shouldn’t feel so much. It was starting to become harder and harder to remain cold and indifferent.

[knot-ee]

Too little and too late did Megumi realize he may have jumped the gun -- whatever that meant. However the best way to really get to know a person and judge them for all their qualities was by getting to know those qualities first hand. He had already seen his father ruthless and vicious with his attacks, and he had seen his father smirking and falling back to jokes; the latter seemed his preference. He had to see what lied in between. He had already been forthright with information regarding Megumi's mother and had even held him.

Megumi wanted to see more of that. Hell, Megumi needed to see everything, good or bad. He needed to judge his father fairly to see if he DESERVED a place in his life, but things were getting heavily biased. Things were already complicated what with the desperate, desperate need to have family in his life, and then his father had to be generous and breathe the same air as him. He never had this. Well, he did when he was a baby, and he had loved his father dearly then.

He firmly believed that the brain stored all information, and memory was only a matter of how the information was processed. Megumi couldn't recollect any images but the feelings were there. He had loved his dad and his mom, but had always been a daddy's boy -- giggling when looking at his dad, snuggling up against his chest, and patting chubby hands on his face. There was nothing chubby about Megumi now... barely anything innocent either. He would not giggle, but he was starting to look at Toji with endearing eyes.

His eyes were like chipped gemstones but were softening in his father's presence. It was strange looking at a man who gave him life and who he took after. Their eyes were the same but still so different. Toji was handsome and rugged where Megumi was plain. Yes, his stomach was in small knots but more than that he felt warm and -- like he had a place in life. He did have a reason to be alive and that was to defeat Sukuna, but meeting his father made him feel like he was MORE than a weapon. His small ugly world got bigger.

“ I don't use blankets much. ”

Even if he said yes, would his father still join him? In bed. Together. Father and son. He watched his father's movements not quite realizing he was drinking in the man's appearance. Damp from the shower and smelling good. Of course they both smelled the same, but Megumi was convinced his father smelled different. Masculine and homey. His muscles tightened when Toji caused the mattress to dip; Megumi was nervous and for no reason. The boy didn't move though. He didn't turn away, though the blush returned in full force when Toji touched him. He did not turn away. He wanted this.

Megumi watched his dad as he got more comfortable and closed his eyes. He wanted to know about the scar and wanted to TOUCH the scar. He wanted to know how long it took Toji to get so fit and what his favorite thing was to do. Did he have free time? Did he have hobbies? Megumi inched just a bit closer and the heat radiating off Toji was like a moth being drawn to a flame. Megumi could have looked and looked until his eyes fell out of their sockets but eventually they shut. His body felt so exhausted but his heart was excited. He shifted the position of his hand and had his fingers grazing the bare skin of Toji's bicep. His eyes might have been closed, but he was memorizing everything about his dad; even the sound of his breathing was strangely wonderful.

Raising an eyebrow at Megumi’s remark, Toji laughs softly. He deserves to be kicked. Watching his son trying to make up his mind, hate him, or allow his curiosity to take over was amusing. Then again wasn’t Toji doing the same thing? It felt like such a constant push and pull, from both father and son. Toji was so convinced he could get up and leave at any point. Part of him still believes that was the best thing to do for Megumi and himself but the other part knows that’s no longer an option.

Megumi’s actions speak volumes and he knows that his will too. He’s honestly afraid of that. Fearful of showing some of his true emotions and Megumi getting the wrong idea, that he is a caring father. Toji will always be far from a good father. Even if his instincts sometimes make him act in a way that is more fatherly than he even thought he could be. Maybe he has been just as touch starved, just as lonely as Megumi. Maybe this yearning he didn’t even realize he had could only be sated by Megumi. There was no one else in the world that he cared about, even if he pretended not to care about Megumi, there was still no one else that made him feel anything like the way Megumi did.

“Are you a blanket hogger, though? I don’t mind a few kicks here and there. I sleep like a log.”

He slowly gets up from the chair and finally decides to join his son in bed. Toji wasn’t going to comment or mention it but he knows Megumi was struggling with his own emotions and feelings. He feels almost like a bastard for feeling smug about the fact that his son wanted him to join him in bed. That as grown up as Megumi was, deep down there might still be a little boy who needed his dad.

At the thought of Megumi needing him even now, Toji’s chest feels painfully tight. Shit… After all this time is it really wise to let Megumi in? To cozy up to him only for him to disappear again? Not like it would be by choice this time, but still. As much as he knows he should run far far away not only because he was a fucking coward but because he didn’t want to hurt Megumi anymore.

Yet, Toji still climbs into bed with Megumi. Getting under the sheets and blankets and not bothering about personal space, he takes up quite a bit of the bed. After a few moments, he leaned over to touch Megumi’s forehead with the back of his hand, checking to see if the fever from earlier had finally broken. Before he pulls his hand away he gently ruffles Megumi’s wet hair.

If his son wanted a little bit of affection then fuck it. He’s already gone this far. It’s the least he could do, especially if he wasn’t feeling good. He already told the kid he was staying by his side so as much as he still felt like running away, it was too late. He’s dug this grave of his and he would just have to lie in it. His selfish reasons only add to it. Letting out a yawn he finally shifts a bit and tries to find a comfortable position. He opts for facing Megumi slightly, his body relaxed so hopefully the tension in Megumi’s body eases up soon. He can practically feel the kid’s energy. He doesn’t blame him, he’s probably processing a lot. Toji felt wide awake now but still, he closed his eyes and lets his body further relax.

[knot-ee]

It was normal to blush. The body simply got warm and it formed in multiple ways. That was all. Megumi told himself, however there wasn't anything particularly normal about the young sorcerer. He never had a father and never had a reason to blush. Satoru had both annoyed and embarrassed him, but his father, his true father, made him feel all kinds of things. Maybe other kids had a nice enough relationship to joke around with their fathers and compliment them, but when it came to TOJI -- Megumi had to refuse he was good looking.

Again, it was a somewhat normal thing, but it felt as though Megumi was admitting he wanted to trace the man's lips and scars with his fingertips. Megumi, ashamed, slammed down on the mattress when his father continued to speak to him. It looked far more dramatic than just lying down, of course. What if he did bite though? Megumi shoved his entire face into the hotel pillow. All fluffy and clean, but it was no replacement for his father's warm chest. He was just needy. Touch starved. Heart broken. He was just a kid longing for family. Nothing more.

Toji showering and giving him space should have provided relief, but then then the teenager's mind was filled with that -- Toji showering. He was going to suffocate under the heat. Megumi just waved his hand idly without saying anything. He waited until he heard the water running before sitting upright like a fire was lit underneath his ass. He slapped himself twice, one at each cheek, and then rushed over to the clothes. He stripped out of his robe, hung it up over a chair, and dressed quickly. The plain t-shirt and shorts were slightly too big, but it was more comfortable that way.

Just went to show Toji underestimated his son's size. The water was shut off by the time Megumi finished, and he jumped into bed like a naughty child. His heart was beating wildly as he heard everything. Wet feet stamping against the tile floor, the door opening, Toji walking out and the returning to the bathroom. So what? It was just his father. He could roll over and watch... and then he did so. One glance at his father's ridiculously muscled and scarred chest had him regretting his actions. Was it envy or something else?

He turned around and shut his eyes. He waited, still with his heart beating wildly, but his father didn't return to the bed. He heard him moving around the room still, then the weight of the bed sheet being removed from the bed told him all he needed to know. He frowned despite knowing it was for the best. The two didn't know each other, yet it felt cold. Distant. Megumi sat up and the bed covers fell around his ankles.

“ The bed is more than big enough... I won't kick you... ”

That damn kid really had no right blushing like that and making Toji feel a burst of warmth within him. He just wasn’t used to this anymore. He can’t stop thinking about the past, can’t stop the memories flooding in. The way he felt his heart soar when baby Megumi first smiled at him, first laid his head against him, first hugged him, first called out to him. He knows that the Megumi he once knew is no more, at least not really. He could maybe read Megumi a bit even now but truly he had no idea what his son even liked. Sure he remembers what he didn’t and did like back then but it's been years. Megumi has grown into his own person and been exposed, experiences so many different and new things.

Though he can’t help but grin at the fact that Megumi was still grumpy as hell. He has to stop himself from chuckling at the revelation. Only more amused at Megumi’s scandalized reaction to being called pretty. Has no one ever told him that before? He raises an eyebrow, now his grin of amusement unable to be contained.

“I can’t? Why not? Fine, handsome? Gorgeous?” “No? Okay, you’re hideous.”

He lies and rolls his eyes. Did his son truly believe he wasn’t good-looking? Perhaps it is him going through his whole teenage angst years. It’s been so long so he can’t remember what it was like for him. Then again teenage Toji had been more preoccupied with just trying to survive. Damn, he really had no fucking clue what it means to be a dad. How to act like one or say the right thing. He wonders if Gojo is any better at this? He doesn’t dwell on the matter for too much longer since he dozes off.

His senses are still apparently just as good as before because despite being asleep, he wakes when he senses Megumi by the bed. He makes a noise of acknowledgement but that's all for a moment. When Megumi doesn’t make further movement to lie down he sighs and finally turns to face him.

“I don’t bite, kid. There’s plenty of room.”

He shifts over to give him space. But then ends up slowly sitting up anyway, standing and yawning. Could he even blame Megumi for still being on edge? It wasn’t like he didn’t notice the subtle flinching anytime Toji got too close or touched him. Megumi has far from forgiven him yet, and he had no right to invade his personal space, even if Megumi was being wishy-washy with it all. Acting like he didn’t trust Toji and wanted nothing to do with him, but also not willing to let him go. Fair… Toji will roll with it.

“I’m going to shower too anyways. You can have the bed.” “Oh yeah, I got some clothes.”

He points to a bag on the table. He had bought a few spare outfits for them both, not knowing what the plan would be after this. With that Toji finally goes into the bathroom, leaving Megumi to relax in bed alone if he wants to. Unlike Megumi, Toji takes a quick shower, rinsing off and wrapping the towel around his waist. He comes out dripping wet as he looks for the new clothes he bought. He rummaged in the bag before pulling out something black and going back into the bathroom to finish drying up. When Toji reappears he is roughly drying his hair with the towel before draping it over a chair. He’s in nothing but black shorts. He grabs an extra blanket at the foot of the bed and then goes to settle in the armchair he had been lounging in earlier.

[knot-ee]

Megumi Fushiguro was fifteen years old -- on the crux of the jujutsu battle of the century (and more), finally meeting the father he assumed was long dead, and hormonal. It was a crime for anyone to be burdened with so much, experiencing so much in such a short amount of time, and a teenager trying to keep a level head through out it all was a downright sin. Even for someone as rational and solemn as Megumi, he was struggling. Bad. Satoru Gojo knew his boundaries and, of course, chose when to abide by them or break through it.

His sister was the only other person who knew how to handle him through the bad and the good. Megumi naturally thought it was all bad. He was odd and while he didn't want to change who he was, he did realize people preferred not to deal with him. He as prickly as an urchin and his father who returned from death didn't know him. He didn't know him like his benefactor and his sister knew him.

There was something painful in that of course, but more than that in made the boy flustered. His father had remained half a world away for all he knew, so WHY did he have to say such things and touch him. From head to toe the boy felt his body temperature rise several degrees as his cheeks flushed dangerously hot. A sea urchin with a nasty rash. He whipped his head away having never reacted in such a way. He didn't even blush when one of his classmates showed him an x-rated photoshoot of an idol; actually, he hadn't even blinked but he did turn away with slight disgust.

“ .... You can't say that. ”

It was his father who was bringing out new sides of Megumi by crossing lines he didn't know were in place. He was more than glad Toji had turned away because he must have looked more ridiculous than he felt. Without another word for fear of making himself look more clownish, the teenager darted for the bathroom and shut the door with perhaps more force than necessary. He gripped the counter of the sink and looked at his red face; he felt even more embarrassed. He was a boy and not pretty. Even as a boy he wasn't handsome or particularly good looking, unlike his fa--- Megumi groaned, then fearing he was too loud, pushed off the counter for the massive floor to ceiling shower.

He turned the faucet to the cold setting then rushed to strip of his clothes. Oh yeah, his father had changed him. His entire body felt hot and weird. Clothes were dropped in a messy pile once they were ripped off his body without a care for his wounds. Under the powerful but freezing spray, Megumi shivered but stuck it out. It helped soothe the worst of his abrasions and wounds but it did little to wash away his embarrassment. Toji's broad chest, the way his scar quirked, his large hands pinching his cheeks. Damn it!

He squeezed out body wash into his palm and scrubbed himself until he thought he might actually bleed. Shoving thoughts of his father away he moved onto washing his body from toe to root, then applied a mixture of shampoo and conditioner to his hair. He watched the dirt and debris wash away in ugly swirls of grey. The faucet was turned off only when the water ran clear down his body, but he was reluctant to leave. He wrapped himself in soft and fluffy hotel towels and just stared at his bruised reflection. He looked like a mess which wasn't entirely new but it was weird that it was his father.

The teenager released a deep sigh and continued to towel dry himself especially his hair, which returned more to its spiky normalcy the more he dried it. Still, some heavy spikes hung down and just for a second.. he looked like his father. It made his heart lurch. He didn't want to wear the clothes he had been sleeping in while dirty.. especially his boxers, so he hung up the towels and slipped into a complimentary robe. It was soft and smelled clean, but would it be weird? He was too into his own head. With a resigned grimace Megumi brushed his teeth, then exited the bathroom like a toddler throwing a tantrum. He sat down on the bed with his back turned to his father and..... now what? Would they just fall asleep like it was nothing? Megumi didn't say anything, just fiddled with the ties of the bathrobe.

There was definitely no denying it. This kid was his son, it was still almost unsettling. After all these years, Toji would have thought that his son would seem like a stranger to him. Yet here they were and despite everything, Toji still saw the little baby who brightened his life even if it was momentarily all those years ago. His baby, he tries not to think but it fills his mind anyways. He reminds himself that to Megumi he is nothing but a stranger—the cold and cruel man who abandoned him and who almost killed him. He is actually glad that Megumi is distrustful and wary of him. Rather he be that than too trusting. Though he could tell Megumi was warming up to him at least a little, and then again so was he. After all, he was the one who wanted to leave again. The longer he stuck around the more he realized he may not be able to leave again.

At least Megumi still had some fight in him though. He could see the anger still simmering in those pretty eyes of his. Yeah, they were the same color as his but Megumi’s eyes were still far more pretty. Filled with so much emotion, he wonders if Megumi knows the power he has over people with those pretty eyes. Probably not… This amuses him, even though he knows his son’s anger should not amuse him. He deserves that anger, though and he will gladly let Megumi take it out on him. Might as well if he’s going to stick around. Toji can’t deny he’s curious as to why Megumi wants him to stick around. Was it really because he just wanted his dad in his life? Even if he knows his father is a good-for-nothing asshole? Or does he really think that there’s more to Toji? Sorry kid there isn’t… Fucking hell… Toji almost chokes when he notices the blush on Megumi’s face. What the hell was there to be blushing about? Why does he look so damn cute… He has to bite back the grin and the urge to pinch his cheek hard. How is it that his teenage son is still the damn cutest brat to exist? Maybe all parents feel this way but Toji is pretty sure his kid is the cutest. He doesn’t let go right away. Instead, his face is leaning in slightly a playful smirk playing about his lips as his eyes study Megumi. Finally, he releases him but not before his eyes widen slightly at what Megumi says.

“I mean I guess there’s no denying you’re my kid. But I’m not as emo nor nearly as pretty.”

He grins and pats the top of Megumi’s head before finally walking away. Grunting in response to him saying he should shower. He picks up the leftover pizza to put it away in the kitchen area of the suite. Going to rummage in the fridge for the drinks he bought. God, he needed a cigarette… He hasn’t smoked at all since being back alive he realized just now… Why didn’t he buy any at the store? Or at least some alcohol. This revelation shook him to the core. He had been so focused on Megumi that he had not once thought about what he wanted… Other than he kept avoiding the fact that he wanted to stay by Megumi’s side.

Damn it, he really was a mess. Maybe that’s what happens when you get a second shot at life if that's what this was. Do you get soft and try making up for the mistakes you made in life? Toji never thought he would be one to care to make up for anything but the more time he spent with Megumi, the more he realized that part of him did yearn for something he was not familiar with or perhaps just something he hadn’t felt in a long time. 

While Megumi goes to shower Toji takes the opportunity to lay in the bed and rest. He meant to just take a moment but he ends up falling asleep to the sound of the running water.

[knot-ee]

Father and son were easily distinguished in appearance and soon showed in the form of emotion and actions. Pensive, closed off, battling their emotions, and deep down wanting desperately to close the awkward gap between them. If the world didn't know better they might have thought Megumi was raised by Toji to learn all his mannerisms. What they had was in the blood. Even in another ten years and half a world apart, the son would be like his father. For a moment Megumi got a brief inkling of that.

For the first time since reuniting, he saw more than the similarities in their green eyes and black hair but his father, this absent man, took the wind out of those sails when he said GUMI. The nerve! As if his father had been an ACTUAL father. It twisted his stomach in knots but those knots felt loosened when the conversation returned to the serious, bigger picture which lied in front of them. For all either of them knew, this reunion would be just a reunion as either or both of them could die in the fight to come.

Very solemn train of thought was upended and a rush of heat hit Megumi straight in the face. He didn't know why. Was it the heat from the anger that was resurfacing? No, it felt different -- his father was being so brave and commanding. Megumi struggled to swallow when he was face-to-face with his father again and just as he thought about turning away ever so subtly, Toji's fingers were grabbing him. It startled him for half a second. He didn't really think his father would hit him again but he certainly wasn't expecting goofiness or fondness. Now he really felt hot all over.

“ Stop. ”

With his cheeks squished, he sounded muzzled; a wolfdog hybrid being domesticated with love he wasn't sure whether he hated or loved yet. It was similar to all the shenanigans Satoru had pulled with his overly affectionate hugs, hair ruffles, and cheek pinching, but it was different coming from Toji. His true father. Hands quickly went up to smack Toji's hands but it wasn't actually meant to harm his father... if such a thing was possible.

“ I always look like this. I look like--- you. ”

Only like a foolish teenager. Only one percent as good looking and masculine as Toji. Green eyes met green eyes and Megumi decided to maintain the steady eye contact. Part of him was curious to see if he kept pushing this relationship would it drive Toji away despite his claims of sticking around. One thing was saying, another thing was facing your son and realizing there was no turning back. His heart was racing faster and faster.

“ I should shower. I probably smell... bad. ”

For the first time it was Toji looking away. Unable to meet Megumi's gaze. Those big green eyes piercing straight into his soul. He knows the feeling. He remembers baby Megumi doing it to him often. But now it felt even sharper and more painful. He knows he deserves it but still he keeps his gaze towards the window. His expression hardened.

Toji could pretend all he wanted. That he didn't care, even if what he did was for Megumi's own good and even if he was a coward on the end. He can pretend but the truth was it hurt. It hurt having to leave Megumi behind. Knowing his little blessing would never understand, why his daddy that he clung to and loved so much would just leave. Toji had decided to rip his own heart out so long ago. But somehow it still fucking hurt even now. Like everything he tried to ignore and suppress was just slowly breaking free from the depths of which he pushed them down and locked them away. Maybe he needed Megumi keit as much as Megumi needed him. Selfish. He was still so fucking selfish!

He closes his eyes and says nothing. Inhaling slowly before he finally opens his eyes and turns to meet Megumi's gaze. And what he saw made his composure almost crack. He saw his Megumi looking heartbroken and distraught. So many years ago he would have picked Megumi up and hugged him to his chest. He would have rubbed his back and showered him in soft reassuring kisses. Because Megumi had always responded better to physical silent reassurance. Words meant nothing. Only actions. Megumi had to be shown that his father was here and not going anywhere. Is that what Megumi really wanted? He said so but that doesn't mean he needs that. He has to stop thinking like that. Megumi is old enough now. He sighs and rubs his own face in frustration

"Damn it, Gumi."

He stands up and walks towards the window. Staring out at nothing.

"If that's what you want. If you're going to fight. I'll fight with you." More like I'll protect you...

"But that doesn't mean we have to rush in without a fucking plan."

He finally turns towards Megumi but doesn't quite look at him yet as if hesitant. After a moment he finally turns fully towards him a new determined look in his eyes and he walks over to him. Crouching down to be at eye level.

"I already told you I wasn't going anywhere didn't I?"

He reached out to grab Megumi's face with one hand. Slightly squishing his cheeks together and grinning softly, it actually reaches his eyes and he looks at Megumi almost fondly.

"Wipe that gloomy look off your face, kid."

[knot-ee]

Better off. The man sure liked to say that a lot and Megumi couldn't figure out why. No, when he thought about it a little more, Megumi knew Toji was saying that to ease his guilt. It was easy to justify leaving your own blood behind if it's under the guise of giving him a better life. What was the worse that could have happened? He, Toji, and Tsumiki would continue to live poor? At least with an adult around, they would have had some semblance of an income.

Megumi wouldn't have been spoiled by Satoru Gojo and maybe not attended Tokyo's Jujutsu Tech, but he would have had his dad. Tsumiki would also have a better semblance of a life. Maybe with the chain of effects Tsumiki's mom would still be alive and Tsumiki wouldn't have fallen into her coma. So many possibilities but the only real thing was the present. Baby Megumi who doted on his father, who loved his father so much, should have tried harder maybe.

He had always been clingy and watchful. Of course Megumi didn't remember how he was as a toddler and baby; his memories only coming to him around the age of three with some spots of memories from earlier. He remembered his father's broad back and black hair, but the poor boy didn't remember how much he would hold onto his dad for all the reasons and none at all. A part of young Megumi was still alive because being held in his arms felt like he was home; he felt whole.

Yes, the teenager was touch starved but really he was regressing to his youth when sitting on his dad's lap was the highlight of his day. When he looked at his dad like Toji was the entire world; he WAS his entire world. Megumi only had Toji and Toji only had Megumi until it wasn't just the two of them. Then again, it had never really been just Toji and Megumi. He grunted softly and like a petulant toddler plopped down on the hotel bed. Fourteen years later and he was still looking at his father with those large judgemental green eyes. This time a cute face wasn't looking at Toji.

“ What would YOU have me do? Stay here on a little vacation until I'm all good? Stay here until the battle is decided? Should we run away. You know a thing or two about that. Runaway and leave everyone else to fight and die? ”

He hated being talkative and so, frankly, hormonal but it really was cathartic. Megumi only needed to punch his father until the man showed genuine regret. Megumi only needed to punch and kick and hug---

“ Are you going to fight with everyone? WITH ME? ”

Alright, Toji knows that was an idiot move. Of course the kid wasn't fucking fine! The list could go on and on about all the shit he's gone through, all the emotions he's struggling with. Toji could say he was sorry and try to explain that he gets it. He could open up about the horrific childhood he had and explain how things ended up this way. But he has no fucking right. He doesn't want Megumi's pity. Hell, the kid was already prone to hating himself and he didn't need to add to that.

When it comes down to it, Toji still had a choice. He made his choice and now they all had to live with the consequences of it. He doesn't let go of Megumi right away. His thumb rubbing against his inner wrist for a brief moment before he finally lets go, sensing Megumi's turmoil.

"I guess I don't know, sorry. Nothing is going to change the fact that I was a shitty dad. But I did think you guys were better off without me in the picture."

He finally says one honest thing at least but not that it does anything. If it weren't for how upset Megumi was he would have thought he was fucking adorable the way he pouts and is all moody shoving a slice of pizza into his mouth. He has to bite back a soft smile. Cute.

There it was. Toji wasn't surprised when Megumi says he has to leave. Though what surprises him the most is his own disappointment. He feels his heart sink slowly. What? Did he really expect for Megumi to want stay around him? Once he really got to see Toji wasn't shit, of course he'd want nothing to do with him. Isn't this what he wanted from the beginning anyway? Things were better this way. Though he wants to tell Megumi to sit this one out. Not to head straight into danger but he knows he can't tell the teenager what to do. So he just nods.

"Once you're all healed up."

There was no way he was going to just let him leave like that though. Plus it would give him just a little bit more time to enjoy his son's presence. Just a little more time is all he wanted he kept telling himself. After that he'll let Megumi live his life in peace.

"But don't say I didn't warn you about not getting involved."

Could Toji walk away now though? Could he just let his son walk into danger? A small voice tells him it's none of his business. His instincts tell him he will keep tabs and make sure he's alright. If he's not dead yet then he might as well do something until he gets sent back to the afterlife again. Even if Megumi doesn't have to know that he's still around. He's always been good at being a ghost, being unseen anyways. Megumi won't even know.

[knot-ee]

As much as Megumi internalized everything while lying to himself, there were others who kept the truth from him. Whether it was to protect him or prevent him from BREAKING was their motives and Megumi knew nothing about it. Tsumiki had been his ONE source of stability. His north star. The girl he made him the boy who he was because he never wanted to disappoint or break her heart... even though he knew he did it countless times. Maybe if he turned down both the Zen'ins (as if it was a choice) and Satoru Gojo to live as a pacifist things would have turned out differently.

There was no point wondering about the past. What was important was the present where Tsumiki lied sleeping and atrophied, and one of the adults responsible for their shitty childhood was sitting next to him. He was a teenager and not only that -- he was a jujustsu sorcerer who only knew that his fate was to fight or die. Longing, happy, sad, and now pissed off.

No, I'm NOT good. Could he say the truth so openly? The teenager bit his bottom lip. He wanted to punch his father and he wanted to punch himself. He was so filled with conflicting emotions that it created self loathing. How could he trust a man that he knew nothing about? Who caused the death of his mother? Megumi wasn't one to use sarcasm but he used it now.

“ What do you think? Do you even know how it was for ---!? ”

FOR US. Megumi hissed out a breath and closed his eyes tight. He breathed hard in and out until he calmed down. With eyes open he retreated back into his seat while holding the slice of pizza like an idiot. Once seated, and he fell down with a thump on the seat, he shoved the slice into his mouth. He would have looked stupid just holding it and in part he used it to shut himself up; Megumi was like an angry puppy stuffing his face while growling. Maybe it was time to go back to his friends and mentors. He had wanted his father to stay and never leave. In part he still wanted that but it was a dream on fire. It never would've worked. With the slice devoured, he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and looked at his father while glaring.

“ I should go soon. I need to help everyone and fight. ”

There's a sudden heaviness in the room and Toji can't help but sit up right to look at Megumi. Despite trying his best not to care he can almost feel the overwhelming emotions coming from his son. He has to bite back the instincts to go and comfort him. Reminding himself that he has no right to try and comfort him, not when he was the source of all his misery. If he hadn't left them both maybe Tsumiki wouldn't have fallen into a coma. If he hadn't left them both, Megumi wouldn't be beating himself up thinking he's unwanted and unworthy. But if he hadn't left them both, what if things ended up worse. What if they got hurt because of him? Toji wouldn't be able to handle that. So either way he was a coward and piece of shit father.

Toji relaxes against the chair again when Megumi confirms that Gojo had indeed took care of them. He obviously knew that already but still... He reminds himself again that Megumi was indeed better off having been raised by Satoru Gojo. The strongest sorcerer was the only one he could trust Megumi with. And he's damn lucky Gojo didn't hold grudges. Not that he had been that worried. He read that kid pretty well and who wouldn't fall for Megumi? Grumpy and moody as he was he had been an adorable child. And he's glad that Satoru didn't hold it against him and decided to take Megumi and Tsumiki in.

His gaze was randomly locked onto something in the distance of the room until Megumi asks him another question. Well fuck... He didn't think he should be the one to talk about this. Toji has hoped they Gojo would have explained things to some extent then again he can't blame him for not either. He didn't want to tell Megumi that it had been him to tell Satoru Gojo about him. That had basically asked him to save him if he felt like it. Or that his new daddy was the one that had killed his real dad. Finally he just shrugs.

"I did some snooping while you were asleep."

It wasn't a lie exactly. When Megumi gets up he sees the redness in his eyes. His Megumi still felt so much yet didn't like to express himself. Typical of the child who used to try not to cry anytime he fell or got hurt. Toji almost smiles to himself as he remembers.

Baby Megumi trying to be strong and independent. Sniffling as he stands and tries to ignore his bloody knee and palms. He fell on the concrete outside. It wasn't until Toji lifted him into his arms and asked if he was okay did he finally start crying and buried his snotty face into his dad's shoulder. Toji chuckled and rubbed his back. "It's okay, Gumi. I got you. We'll get you all cleaned up. Daddy will kiss it better." He kisses the top of his head as he takes him back inside to get cleaned up.

Megumi was right next to him now as he grabbed another slice of pizza. He's glad that he was trying to eat, he needed it and needed to rest up but he can tell Megumi's also going through it emotionally. Gently but firmly he grips Megumi's wrist to get his attention.

"Hey, you good?"

[knot-ee]

Just as his father was feeling too much, his son was letting everything sink in. Well, he had been letting it sink in for the past few hours, and those hours felt like eternity. He always suppressed and suppressed and shoved things down until he felt... numb. Tsumiki's mysterious illness had already hit him like wrecking ball when it occurred and when Satoru continued to insist they would find a way, he felt himself grow more hollow. He HAD to bury his emotions otherwise he couldn't go on doing anything much less be a jujutsu sorcerer.

His heart was always with his sister but he had to distract his mind; the darkness of falling into the abyss creeped into his periphery too often. It took actually verbalizing it and hearing his damned father's apology which threatened to shatter his entire world. He was BARELY hanging on. Tears were gathering quickly and the back of his throat felt itchy and uncomfortable. He had no right to apologize. He had no right to call him with such a casual nickname.

The kids' misery was all due to adults who just took off and abandoned children to their fate. It hadn't been absolutely disastrous if it wasn't for Satoru. And in a twisted sense, if it wasn't for Toji. The man who abandoned the children also assured their future. Megumi's face felt uncomfortably hot. He switched his sitting position so that he was more obscured from his father's view without completely turning his back towards him.

“ Yes... ”

The only thing he could say without completely losing it. He was so weak. So damned weak. He bit his tongue and took a deep breath. He had to gather his strength like he did countless times in the past. Crying didn't solve anything. Feeling sorry for yourself was not a man did, not what a sorcerer did. He shook his head and his face became stony even though his eyes were still red-rimmed. He got up to grab another slice of pizza but he only used it as a distraction. For that matter, how did Toji know so much about Satoru?

“ Wait.. How do you know Gojo took care of Tsumiki and I? ”

It's incredible that somehow Toji can still read Megumi. Sure he may not know him not the way Gojo does now but somehow he can almost read Megumi's thoughts. He's trying to piece everything together. Trying to figure out why Toji abandon him and what their life would have been like if he hadn't left. It hurts for Toji to think about it, especially with the way Megumi seems so deep in thought over it. Now that he knows that this whole time Megumi has probably been beating himself up over it. Meanwhile Toji had thought he was doing the kid a favor. Nothing good would have came from him staying.

He wants to tell Megumi that things were better this way. That his life would have been fucking awful if Toji had stuck around. Though he doubts it will make him feel better. To Megumi, Toji was a shitty dad who didn't care about him and decided to leave and not worry about him anymore. Finally he realizes that he hadn't been doing Megumi w favor. He did the same thing that was done to him. He made Megumi think he was worthless and unwanted. Toji closes his eyes for a second though his expression remains stoic.

Toji has never allowed him the moment to think of what ifs but now he couldn't stop the thoughts from flooding his mind. What if he stayed and raised Megumi and Tsumiki? What if he stayed and somehow made it work. What if he had been the one to raise Megumi, to keep him away from the sorcerer life or to help him train and hone his skills to become everything he wasn't. At least so he can protect himself and those he loves. What if he had been the one to be there when Megumi got hurt, the one to pick him and up kiss it better. The one to pick him up from school. The one who teased and embarrassed him in front to his friends. To just have been there!

Toji is honestly shocked to the core thinking about how that's all Megumi wanted. Despite having a better life with Gojo, all he wanted was him? He doesn't deserve that though. Yet now he realizes he wants it. Though he thinks Gojo did a better job than he ever could have. For the first time Toji feels jealous that he was not the one to have watched Megumi grow into this strong and gorgeous young man he was now. Plus as good as Gojo did or tried, clearly Toji had done too much emotional damage to Megumi by then.

Toji's eyes show a flicker of shock and then what possible looks like sadness as Megumi reveals what happened to Tsumiki. He watches his son, who clearly was affected deeply. Shit ... No wonder. Not only did Megumi lose his father in a way he lost the one person who he considered family. His sister ... To a curse no less? Damn it and part of him had always hoped Megumi and Tsumiki could live normal lives though he knew with Megumi's powers that probably wouldn't be possible.

"Damn, Gumi... I'm sorry about Tsumiki."

It comes out before he can stop himself. It wasn't like he knew. He was probably long dead by the time it happened but still remembering how close they had been and how good Tsumiki was to Megumi. Toji can't help but feel sad and regretful. For the first time in years Toji was feeling. He was feeling too much. After some silence he is unsure of how to comfort Megumi so he just sits there, leaning back in the chair and looking at the ceiling.

"Gojo took care of you guys though, right?"

He finally asks after a moment. He has no right knowing about Megumi's life after he wasn't in the picture anymore but still he couldn't help himself.

[knot-ee]

It's like the last 10+ years were erased and re-written. A world where curses weren't meant to be fought, meant to die at the claws of, and father and son led a normal life. Megumi didn't know what a normal life looked like much less what it would look like with his blood and flesh father. Would he have been a good father?? The neglect pointed that he would not have but in his imaginary world, Toji would have stuck around even if it meant all three of them were still sleeping on futons five years past their prime or eating rice that was technically expired.

Whatever Toji's past and demons had been with the Zen'ins, he was incredibly strong and capable (but he was merely judging that on strength alone) and life wouldn't have been too bad. He didn't want name brand shoes or the tablets the other kids had; Megumi wanted his dad even if it came with that shitty apartment and onigri meals. The three of them because even in this imaginary world, there was no bringing his mother back especially when he had no memories of her.

Megumi, Toji, and Tsumiki. Megumi had shamed himself by using his sister's name to get a response out of his father only for it to be thrown in his face. Then the fences were miraculously mended and he forgot all about her. It was disgusting. Just because Toji opened up his arms and a little of his heart suddenly, the boy had completely forgotten about his sister and how SHE also needed to forgive him. Megumi nearly choked on the last bit of onion from the pizza. The neighbors had asked the children a handful of times what happened to their parents and they had no good response.

Megumi didn't know if his mother and Toji were meant for each other but it sounds like Toji and Tsumiki's mother were. Both fucked up and abandoning their children. Megumi felt angry. He didn't care if he was thrown to the curb, but Tsumiki was precious -- too precious to be cast away like that. His deep frown transformed into a gloomy look. All the color drained from his face. He set aside the last piece of his slice and dropped his eyes; he didn't even realize he had been staring at his dad.

“ She..... ”

Megumi felt so damn guilty. Yuji, Satoru, Tsumiki, all the sorcerers who were fighting and giving their lives to fight Sukuna. He pressed his fist to his forehead and tightly shut his eyes.

“ She feel into a curse related coma years ago. No one has been able to figure it out. ”

Not even the great Satoru Gojo and that said a lot. Years and years Megumi carried that dread and that helplessness. Visiting his sister in the hospital whenever he could but nothing he did was enough.

He wasn’t paying enough attention he realized because when he finally looked at Megumi he saw the redness in his eyes, he had been crying, a nightmare probably. Toji stills, his heart suddenly feeling painfully tight. He keeps forgetting that his Megumi isn’t cold-hearted like him, he isn’t indifferent to feelings like him. Or at least he isn’t good at pretending to be like Toji was. Despite being quiet and to himself, Megumi had always felt a lot. Perhaps that's why he mostly kept to himself even as a child. He never really cried much or when he did it was always when he was alone, or he would quickly try to suck it up and hide his hurt.

Toji moves before he can think rationally. Wiping his hands on the napkin on his lap after he set his slice aside. He grabs Megumi’s face and gently thumbs at a few stray tears. Playing it off as if he’s inspecting Megumi’s healing wounds. He wants to reassure his son, to comfort him, to tell him he really isn’t going anywhere this time even if he isn’t sure how long he can stay. It's such an overwhelming instinct and it doesn’t feel wrong at all but he just isn’t used to it, not after all these years of pretending not to give a damn about anything. It feels strange and a little scary. To care so much…

Once he deems Megumi is fine, he slowly pulls away and goes back to his chair to finish his slice. Almost choking on his slice when Megumi not only says his name but then calls him ‘dad’. It does something to him, he thinks it's just those pesky paternal feelings probably but he can’t explain why his whole damn body gets hot and bothered. He wants to tell Megumi he doesn’t have to call him that. He doesn’t deserve it anyway. But he decides it's best not to address it. Better if he lets Megumi call him whatever the hell he wants to. 

“Yeah, sure thing.” 

He should probably apologize for beating the hell out of him right? Or are they past that? His mind is racing, he really has no fucking clue what he’s doing here. This is so much harder than any battle he’s ever faced. Once again the urge to run hits him but when he glances back at Megumi he is instantly reminded why he isn’t going anywhere. As Toji continues eating in silence, he very subtly sneaks glances at Megumi. Almost wanting to laugh at the way he looked so damn fucking adorable all shy nibbling at his pizza. He is too far, sitting too far… Toji can’t explain why he feels like he needs Megumi closer. Preferably on his lap. Wait! He stops his thoughts right there. Hell, he was definitely going back to hell. Even if he doesn’t remember being dead, surely that's where he was. 

Megumi’s next question has him deciding maybe he shouldn’t eat anymore because he might just choke at this rate. He finishes his slice before answering. 

“Yeah, I married Tsumiki’s mom but then she left me for some rich dude I think, good for her.” 

His brows furrowed as leans back in his chair trying to remember the fuzzy memories. He thinks he vaguely remembers coming home from a long mission and realizing Tsumiki and Megumi had been left alone for days. Toji had been furious but why the hell did he think some woman who didn���t love him nor her own damn child could be trusted with Megumi too? He remembers the look of relief on poor Tsumiki’s face when she saw him. Her mom had abandoned her but not him, that's what her eyes seemed to say and Toji wished she hadn’t looked at him like that because he truly was no better. Megumi only stared at him like he knew, like he saw right through Toji. He couldn’t take it. Once he brought them food, he went out for another mission, to get them more money. From then on he just sent some money to Tsumiki every so often. He knows it was cruel to expect a young girl to take care of his son. But he was a coward and a piece of shit, they were both better off without him.

“You mentioned Tsumiki earlier…” 

He is curious that's all he tells himself after all she did him a favor and looked after Megumi. She promised him she would and it seems she kept to her word. He had been the one to let her down even after all that…

[knot-ee]

One second later and he misses him. One minute later and he misses Toji. Misses his father. He doesn't know how much time exactly they spent. He did remember his father faintly so maybe it was at the age of three or four when his father just disappeared. He wondered all that time. He was bitter, not an ounce missed someone who abandoned and ruined and destroyed. But now Megumi knows how all of those feelings were actually longing.

It's pouring out of him now to the point it's hard to breathe. He's a sorcerer. Sukuna must be defeated and his sensei, who took care of him all these years, needed him. He was being a fool for family. A fool for.... LOVE. But it is love, isn't it? A love between a son and his father. Just that. He couldn't rationalize it because he never felt like it before; no one had given him the chance to feel. There was no doubting he loved his step-sister but the love he felt for her was different. Perhaps it was because she had been there for most of his life. Perhaps because it was a different kind of love. Megumi wanted to hug Toji until time melted away.

Wanted to feel him, be felt by him, wanted... GOD. His skin was tingling remembering the feel of his father's heart beat against his chest and his huge fingers moving through his hair. If he pressed his nose close enough he could smell his father on the hotel pillow. And he did. He buried his nose and ignored the smell of the hotel to try to smell his father. His heart felt heavy and light at the same time. He's so excited (and nervous) he can't shut his eyes.

He's a dog awaiting his master's arrival. I've slept enough. I've slept enough but then he's falling asleep. Falling into a nightmare. One where his father never returns AGAIN. Before he could cry or scream with rage Toji was back. The pain in his heart disappeared and he jumps up into a sitting position. He was hugging the pillow close and had tears in the corners of his eyes. The teenager shook his head, tried to wipe his eyes without drawing attention, and then stumbled out of bed.

He grabbed a slice for himself and ate eagerly, not even caring he looked like a mess or what he was looking down at his father. Smitten. His dad came back. Suddenly the pizza didn't look as appetizing as the man who was sitting so casually. So broadly built. Muscular and rough. He looked like a gangster only... he looked like Megumi and he was capable of tenderness. He was so handsome.

“ Thank you, Toji... Dad. ”

He nibbled away like a mouse until shyness for the best of him. He walked away to curl up on another seat although it was farther away in the large room. He ate his slice in no time but his stomach was in knots.

“ Did you... ever get married again? ”

For a moment he had been so close to leaning in, to closing the gap between them. Fuck! What was wrong with him?! His own son, his own flesh and blood and was he really about to kiss him? There was forbidden and dark yearning that was slowly coming to surface. Why was he so drawn to Megumi? He tells himself it is simply the fact that he's fascinated by how his son turned out. He's curious and he's coming to terms with the fact that he does care deeply about Megumi. Caring about someone, loving someone could be a complex thing. He's just confusing those paternal feelings for something else.

Part of him really wishes he just disappeared before Megumi realized who he was. That he could just keep pretending he didn't give a shit. He doesn't know how to be a father. He doesn't know what Megumi needs. He isn't good for Megumi at all. Yet he's never felt so intensely overwhelmed by his heart's desires. Toji had thought he didn't feel anymore. Not like this. Yet somehow Megumi just broke down all his walls. He doesn't even know what he himself wants from Megumi except he knows he wants to be close. Wants to protect him at least. He'll be selfish for a little while more he thinks.

Toji smirks when Megumi rolls his eyes and pokes his ribs. A low chuckle escaping him as he grabs Megumi's hand. Only releasing it when his son rolls off of him. Immediately missing the weight of him. He doesn't say anything though. Only watching Megumi with an unreadable expression. The want and need to just touch Megumi is almost too much but he refrains. He sits up and just stretches for a moment. Watching Megumi from the corner of his eye as he stands.

"Alright I'll be back with some food then. Get some rest."

He ruffles Megumi's hair gently, his fingers grazing his cheek as he pulls away and heads out the door, forcing himself not to look back to check on his son, or to reassure him.

As soon as he is outside the building he lets a long sigh.

"Fuck..."

He curses to himself and runs a hand through his hair.

About two hours later, Toji returns with large vegetarian pizza, some drinks, snacks and more first aid items Megumi might need. Everything of course bought with that fancy credit card he found in Megumi's wallet.

"Time to eat, kid."

He says in case Megumi was sleeping. He puts things away and brings the food to the bedside table. Pulling a chair over, he plops down and grabs a slice for himself. Groaning in delight when he takes a bite.

[knot-ee]

Had it not been for the age difference between them. Had it not been for Megumi's injuries directly responsible by Toji. Had it not been that they were father and son, a stranger could have thought they were on the brink of kissing. Megumi had barely even seen anything so romantic and cliche. Had never given much though regarding kissing but he felt it. That pull. That sensation. He wanted to lean in closer and closer until.. what? His stomach twisted in knots and his face felt twenty degrees hotter. Megumi was just confused. That was all.

He grew up without a father; this was just him not knowing how to act around a man he had grown up hating and casting aside. It didn't help that Toji seemed just as needy for touch. Did Toji have other children? Did he always want to raise Megumi? Toji's huff and insulted statement thankfully stole his attention. The boy rolled his eyes and veeeery lightly jabbed his dad in the ribs. And just like that Toji earned all his trust? Megumi did want nothing more than to feel his father beneath him. Feel that warmth.

The sensation of being alive and present, but he knew the current circumstances wouldn't allow it for long. He was scared to face tomorrow truthfully. He only then realized he was picking at the strings of his father's sweater and stopped himself. He felt that heat return to his face making him feel shy like he had never been before. Yeah, he did like using his father as a pillow for too many reasons. He ducked his head away with a huff, almost matching his father's, and rolled off of his dad's body.

“ Pizza is fine or Thai food. You can get it. I trust you. I don't eat meat though.. ”

Megumi was testing his father to see if he would return. Just as important he needed to clear his head. It felt too damn good to be around his father. All he wanted to do is touch Toji, look at him, hear his deep voice as he spoke.. He pretended to focused on the surprisingly soft material of the bed comforter; his fingers picked at the stitching.

Despite not being able to see him well with the way he's laying on his chest, Toji could almost feel the expression on Megumi's face. He finds himself grinning. Even with the heaviness of Megumi's questions. Though he didn't reveal much he knows his answers only probably created more questions in Megumi's mind. And he wasn't going to elaborate on anything unless Megumi asked more specifically. Deciding he wouldn't keep the truth from his son anymore but he also won't just volunteer any information easily. The less Megumi knew about well everything the better. Hopefully that would keep him away from the messy politics of the clan and the shitty stuff Toji had been involved in. Though he has a feeling it'll catch up to him eventually...

When Megumi looks up at him he's unprepared for the way his son looks at him. Those beautiful eyes... They were the same color as his but at the same time so different. There was warmth and kindness. He's always known his Megumi was full of love even if he was quiet and showed it in a different way. Toji is for a moment frozen in place, almost as if he wasn't breathing. Unable to stop himself his calloused hand comes up to cup Megumi's face. He was just so fucking gorgeous it was still so jarring to him. Toji knew he was good looking enough but somehow it still was hard to believe that he somehow created something so damn beautiful. Even in the state he was, Megumi was perfect. In Toji's eyes he always would be just like the moment he first laid eyes on him.

He's about to lean in closer their noses touching ever so slightly when Megumi places his hands on his chest. His touch surprisingly firm and warm for the state he was in. He snaps himself out of it and pulls back, remaining still for another moment. His gaze not giving anything away though. He doesn't let his expression show any of the emotions he's feeling. For one he isn't even sure exactly what he's feeling. An urge to hold and protect his son, sure. But there was something more there. Something he didn't want to unravel. Pulling his hand back but only to run it through Megumi's hair and gently force him back down against his chest.

"I already said I'm not going anywhere didn't I?" He huffs and then sighs dramatically.

"I guess wherever you go, I'll go for now. Though I don't think the sorcerers will be happy to see me. Also you're in no fucking condition to even get out of bed yet." Lazily he wraps an arm around Megumi rubbing his back in a soothing manner again.

"You still need to eat. What do you like? I'll go get it. Or if you like using me as a pillow that much, I guess I can order delivery." He teased and ruffled Megumi's hair.