#ofc he's gotta talk i mean... we gotta find out what the fuck is his deal

[enniewritesathing]

memory management (parallel 1)

⏮️Previous || (📚Previous Stories) || ▶️Beginning

Charles: "Please. Surely, you'll reconsider your course of action after what I have to say."

(The Werewolf growls. He can easily snap Charles' neck and be done with it... but that's far too kind of a punishment.) "I really doubt that, but you can try anyway."

(Charles watches as The Werewolf paces back and forth, never taking his eyes off of him. Another growl. He's on a timer of indeterminate length. He has to choose his words carefully... perhaps there could be a chance he can get out of here alive.)

"You don't want to do this. You're scared and you've... lashed out."

(Charles braces himself for a fraction of a second as The Werewolf shifts his weight too fast for his liking. He's safe, for now.) "This is all a cry for help, you know--"

The Werewolf: "Shut the hell up! You don't smell like the others."

(Charles blinks at the blunt question. It didn't work. He can't possibly have-- ah, yes, an oversight that he didn't account for. Lycans were known for their remarkable senses and Johnathan is no exception... there is very little that he can hide from him.)

(The Werewolf curls his lip.) "Your blood smells old and rotten. And your voice. Why do you have two tones in your words? I don't like your eyes, either. Everything about you is wrong."

(Charles laughs despite himself. Just like that, his plan is dead.)

"It seems that I won't be able to get anything past you; I am the proverbial and alleged mad scientist. Of course, I won't be normal; I've been unwell for years."

(The Werewolf points a clawed finger at Charles.) "That is not what I meant!"

(Charles sighs and looks at his hand.) "You're right. We've both been unwell for years and I've figured out something in the last ten minutes. Despite my efforts, everything I've done to get rid of you... stubborn beast. I thought I could break you to the point where the mere thought of escaping would never cross your mind again."

"Ha! Clever dog. Waiting for us to flush the toxins out of your body. Just enough for you overcome it. You were all but dead. You were dead. Or he is dead and your sheer hatred is what revived you? I'm not sure. Your heart stopped for a very long time and your healing abilities were pushed to the brink. Nothing short of a miracle, as much as I loathe the word.

Perhaps it is true that death works differently for occults..."

(The Werewolf narrows his eyes. ) "What are you saying?"

Charles: "I have a hypothesis, but I will need you to listen before you do anything else."

(The Werewolf huffs.) "Fine."

Charles: "Thank you. I told you, I've been unwell. I've lost count for how many years. Sickness... has always been a part of me since I was a child. Plagued me. There were times I wished for Death, but it never came. I reached adulthood; I was still fragile but I made what time I had count. In the meantime, I read arcane and obscure books and combined it with my accrued medical knowledge."

"Fortune smiled upon me one day as I was introduced to a rather charming... individual. Hm."

(Charles pauses. He can't remember their face. Has it really been that long? What would they think of him now?) "They entertained my proposals to cure myself. There were substantial risks involved, and honestly, had it been anyone else, I would've been committed. We found a way."

"I used their blood in very small dosages over the course of months."

"My sickness worsened as well. One night, I saw the Grim Reaper standing over me. I closed my eyes and waited for that cold hand to take me. It never came but morning did. The light in my room was brighter than I remembered; my eyes ached... but my body felt different. It was different. I didn't have that haze over me. I was light.

"I was cured; naturally, there's consequences the way I went about it."

"In that elation, I discovered that my skin and eyes became sensitive to the sun. Not like I liked it in any fashion. My poor appetite was nonexistent. I required little sleep now. To some, that is a loss, but for me?"

(He laughs.) "I got what I wanted. Those losses were very acceptable; I was alive for the first time; I cheated Death."

The Werewolf: "You call me a monster and yet you do that?"

(Charles looks up at The Werewolf with a smug grin.) "Oh, that's very rich coming from you, Johnathan. What you said made me realize something that I'm sure you'll appreciate -- the lengths someone will go through for some semblance of normalcy. Surely, that is a reasonable thought process?"

"The only thing they asked of me was to consider my new found path. How will I use my gift? Well, I became one of the top doctors of this region. I've worked on, that some might say, miracles. I researched on any and all occults, pouring over centuries of data -- whole, incomplete, and even proven myths and falsehoods. Why, I even found new, better treatments for ailments that have plagued mankind for centuries!

"Then there were the curious matters of werewolves. What I had was very insufficient -- elusive lot. It bothered me that there were hardly any medical knowledge on them. I became obsessive. Surely, they cannot be extinct!"

"One night, I got a call about a boy suspected of being a werewolf. His mother was terrified, on the brink of tears; she had lost one son exhibiting the same symptoms -- unexplained sickness, severe mood changes, an impossibly high fever without any clear cause yet it clears in a few days time... on this particular night, the moon was full."

"My initial tests confirmed it -- the boy's a werewolf. I worked backwards; his mother was latent. His deceased father was latent as well... but his twin brother was active right before he died. My theory told me that he was too young to handle the transformation."

"The stress of the beast awakening almost killed the boy, but why did it awaken early, I wondered? When he regained consciousness, I told him what happened. He was old enough to understand what was at stake but he was young enough to still have that certain innocence. One I didn't have."

"I told the boy that he had a monster inside of him, that it will eventually get stronger and take over when he gets older. That he will want to cause death and destruction like the werewolves before him. Why, he could even harmed his loved ones. Or worse. I realized that this little boy was in a similar position I was all those years ago. Just as I vowed to myself, I vowed to find a cure, by any means.

"But I had to bide my time as my intended methods were... harsh. It would've been frowned upon if I started too early. My plans were contingent on the boy following my simple order: resist. Resist until he couldn't bear it anymore. He was around seventeen when this started to happen; that's when we allowed you to take his place."

The Werewolf: "Is that supposed to make me feel better? You manipulated him and everyone else to get what you wanted! You couldn't bear to fail!"

(Charles laughs low.) "Oh, Johnathan. You poor, wretched child. I did no such thing."

"You're so naïve."

// Next ⏭️

[cestacruz]

Mmm Jeanne

[tomssexdoll]

HOI🖖👽 sooooOOOOOooo can you do a Tom kaulitz x fem! reader

Like were he says sumthing he didn’t mean like:example,he said something about ur past that’s a VERY touchy subject during an argument

Add fluff at the end pls🙏🙏🙏🥺

(IF UR NOT COMFORTABLE WITH THID ITS OK 👌🙂🙂🙂)

MK HOT STUFF GURLYS GOTTA GOOO😜😜😜😜 BOIIIIIIYUHHHH👋👋👋👋

hiii cutie ofc

I didn't mean it

PAIRINGS: Tom 2014 x Female reader CONTENT: ANGST + FLUFF SYPNOSIS: During an argument Tom brings up something really touchy from the past as an insult, you're heartbroken and hurt from his words, he instantly apologises and tries to make it up to you. A/N: AHHH WARNINGS: yelling, !!!!VERY GRAPHIC MENTIONS OF SUICIDE AND A SMALL MENTION OF RAPE!!!!!!!!

Me and Tom were yet again in an argument, I got upset at him because he's been neglecting me, staying out late, not even touching me or holding me, nothing.

I brought it up to him this morning and it just exploded into an argument, him being defensive as usual.

"I'm so sick of you being so fucking controlling y/n!" he grunted, storming up the stairs. I scoffed and followed him closely "don't walk away from me Tom! You always do this, always running away when confronted with the truth!" I yelled.

"Because you take things so seriously! I just wanted time alone is that so hard to ask for?" he sighed heavily.

I grunted, him clearly not getting the point, "it's not that I don't want you to have alone time it's just that you're basically avoiding me!" I followed him into the bedroom, he was trying to find something to do to disract himself.

"Listen to me!" I grabbed his arm and turned him to face me, my eyes staring deeply into his, rage washing over them. "There's nothing to talk about!" he pushed past me, going into the bathroom.

I kept on yelling at him, following him into it, he turned around, hand on the doorframe and yelled "no wonder why your friend killed himself, he couldn't fucking stand being around you and neither can I"

My heart shattered instantly, the memories of my best friend killing themselves, him being in my arms as he died.

LISTEN TO TV BY BILLIE EILISH PAST THIS POINT I SWEAR IT MAKES A HUGE DIFFERENCE

6 years ago my best friend Arnie died, he was a gentle soul. He was gay and was heavily bullied about it, drowned in the toilets, food thrown at him, followed home. Arnie had learned to have thick skin, not allowing that to get to him, he knew they were just miserable with their lives and I loved that about Arnie.

The last straw for Arnie was when he was raped at a house party in 2008, the last time I saw him happy was when we seperated, I was hooking up with a random boy and he wished me goodluck. When I finished and tried to find Arnie, he was sprawled across a bed, bleeding from his back side.

I rushed to his aid and discovered that he was raped. Arnie was different after that, didn't insult back, was super quiet, didn't hang out with me after school like we usualy did.

I tried to offer help but nothing worked. One day I went to his house, he wasn't answering my calls or texts and his parents were out of town for the week. I found it weird that the door was unlocked, I went inside and into his bedroom.

I wish I didn't see what he had done, everyday it replays in my mind. I have nightmares about it every few nights.

I walked into his bathroom, he was in the bathtub, wrists on the edge of the tub, cut so deeply. I stood there for a second, shocked, trying to take in what I saw. After 10 seconds I screamed, running to him and holding him tightly, examining his wounds. 7 deep cut wounds, he was bleeding so much, the bathroom tiles covered in them.

My knees smudged the blood around as I held him, sobbing uncontrollably. "No no no..arnie you're ok.." I whispered, stroking his hair gently. He looked at me briefly, the life draining from his eyes "i'm sorry...i love you.." he muttered before taking his last breath, dying in my arms.

I screamed for him, my vocal cords ready to burst. Some neighbours called the police from my screaming, they came in and rushed to the scene, practically ripping me off Arnie.

"No! No no no! He'll be ok!" I sobbed, trying to get back to him, "ARNIE!" I screamed, the female officer held me close, stroking my hair softly, "he's gone baby...i'm sorry.." she whispered softly, I looked up at her, a tear falling down her cheek.

I buried my face into her chest, her vest cold and hard on my face.

They carried his body out, I couldn't bare to look and just stood there frozen. Later on the police women gave me a note he wrote, it read:

Dear my beloved Y/N,

I'm so sorry you have to read this, I'm sorry for even doing this. I know it's stupid and I know i'm supposed to have thick skin but I can't do it anymore, after what he did to me I haven't been able to eat, sleep or do anything properly, it runs through my head all the time, that memory of what he did never leaves my memory. It's driving me crazy Y/N, I wanted to stay strong for you, I wanted us to grow up and see each other get married, have kids, go through breakups together, live our 20s to the fullest, party like theres no tomorrow but I can't do it anymore. I wanted to be your best friend forever, be friends until we die, but I guess my fate is early. You know I love you more than life itself, you showed me it's ok to be me. You helped and guided me through everything but it's time for me to go, I love you and I'll be watching over you. Keep being your weird self and never forget me

Your soulmate, Arnie.

My heart was shattered into a million pieces, I still have that note to this day, I can't leave the house without it near me.

I got a tattoo of the last line, in his handwriting, 'your soulmate, arnie'. (inspired by evieskiess book my one and only <3)

BACK TO PRESENT:

My eyes widened, heart breaking into a million pieces, the heartbreak from that night coming back. My body went stiff, frozen in place. Unable to say anything.

Toms face instantly softened, he rushed towards me and started to apologise profusely, "oh honey no..i'm so sorry, I was just mad and I wasn't thinking straight, you know I didn't mean it", I looked at him, a stray tear falling down my cheek.

"Don't touch me.." I whispered softly, pushing him off me and walking to the bed, sitting on it. I bursted out into tears, sobbing uncontrollably, the tears unable to stop. All the pain I had tried to forget coming back.

He rushed to my side and held me tightly, "no baby..I'm so sorry, I'm so so so sorry" his voice thick with emotion, I could tell he was telling the truth but I was just so shocked, so hurt by his harsh words.

"Why.." my voice broke slightly "why would you say such a thing.." I choked out a sob, covered my mouth with my hands, they were trembling violently.

"I don't know..it was an in the moment thing, I didn't mean it at all, I'm so sorry baby I will do anything to make it up to you I swear, I love you with all my heart" he started to cry, tears falling down his cheeks as he buried his face in my shoulder.

My heart ached at him crying, I really wanted to forgive him but my heart just couldn't. I stood up and sighed, "I'm sleeping on the couch.." he nodded, standing up and brushing stray hairs from my face, kissing my forehead softly.

"I love you baby..." he whispered before letting me go, I turned my head to look at him and sighed "i love you too.." before walking off to the living room.

I sat on the couch, staring into nothing, my heart heavy and my eyes red. I rolled up my sleeve and stared at the tattoo, grazing a finger over it. I grabbed the note from my pocket and held it against my chest, laying back onto the couch, slowly falling asleep.

A few hours later I was woken up by soft arms wrapping around my waist, holding me close. I turned around, placing the note in my pocket and looking up at Tom.

"I know you didn't mean it baby..but I'm still hurt" I mumbled, he nodded slowly "I know baby..I know..i'm so sorry" he rested his chin on my head, stroking my hair softly just like the female officer did. I felt comforted, safe in his arms, again, just like I felt with the female officer.

"Do you want to go back to bed schatz?" he said softly, I sniffled and nodded, getting up and holding his hand, walking towards our shared bedroom. I grabbed one of his shirts and put it on, slipping into bed.

He smiled softly and slipped behind me, pulling me closer and wrapping his strong arms around my frame, keeping me warm and safe. "I'll make it up to you..I swear" he sighed, kissing the top of my head lightly.

"I'll be home more, I'll take you to band practices, I'll take you out with me, I'll do anything for you baby, I'm sorry I neglected you, treated you so badly.." his voice shaky "I love you, you're my world, my beautiful wife, my light. I'll do anything it takes to change, anything at all" I slowly turned around again, looking up at him, looking into his eyes for any sign of deceit, but all that presented was sincerity. Pure honesty. His eyes soft and gentle, willing to do anything for me.

I tucked a stray stand behind his ear, kissing him softly. "I love you..thankyou for that.." I smiled softly.

"I've always wondered though, why do you always keep his note with you?" he tilted his head, genuinely curious. I chuckled softly, "I don't know, it's the only thing I have left of him, something to remember him by" I frowned, tears welling up in my eyes again, "it's a reminder to me that he loved me and to keep going without him" Tom winced at my pain, stroking my hair gently and nodding.

"I understand..I'll keep it safe for you always" he kissed me softly, I smiled "thankyou baby.." I muttered before falling asleep in his arms.

E/N: I sobbed so hard while writing this no joke

tags: @itsmealaiah @tomscumdump @tomkaulitzloverr @tomscumdoll @syylss @ge-billsgf @miyukafujii @charliesgoodboy @20doozers @ballhair @bkaulitzlover

[mothdustts]

A sorta rant about Sam from Stardew Valley and his 4 heart event cuz i cant sleep and hes my wee lil goober

So apparently sam is a pretty underrated bachelor mainly due to his behaviour and personality in heart events that can cause him to come off as “immature and too young” which yea it’s understandable. So this is coming off from a perspective of a almost 20 year old uni student who really find Sam rather interesting and relatable.

So seems like a lot of people tend to point out his 4 and 10 heart events (sometime 6 even) as to their reason on finding Sam like a bit distasteful. I wanna talk about his 4 heart event cuz the more i looked back onto it, the more it hits me and find him very relatable in terms of personal experiences. So lemme bring up his 4 hear event and give yall my personal lense of it.

The 4 heart event has Sam trying to get you a snack but dropped an egg by accident, which caught Jodi’s attention.

And of course Sam seemed distressed about it, and so is Jodi’s reaction as she got mad about something as minuscule as an egg crack on the kitchen floor. We as the player has to be the one to tell Jodi what happen (where you can either tell what actually happened or choose to lie and say you dropped the egg btw)

Pretty much the best option is to lie and say you did it, and Jodi forgives you and plays it cool ofc. Jodi gives off the same reaction when you tell the truth and said that Sam dropped by accident.

I’m guessing that’s because it’s YOU who’s telling her what happened rather than it coming from Sam, which of course Jodi would be a bit more forgiving so she would cause a scene in front of their guest. Had you not been there and its just a casual day in their household, it’s likely that Sam will get hella berated and scolded by Jodi over an egg.

It seems very subtle I guess but Sam not responding to Jodi’s question may be the cause of previous experience with causing minor accidents around the house and getting scolded by his Mom. He may also seem really scared to respond with the truth, fearing his mom’s reaction hence relies on you to do the talking.

And personally, this had happened to me a lot growing up, with my mom literally scolding the fuck outta me if I ever made a minor mess or an accident around the house, so it did impacted me growing up anf maturing into adulthood. I remember as a kid I had to lie a lot because i fear that she would shout at me or worse hit me and yikes that got a wee bit dark didnt it bruh.

Sam may have not mature out in that department and of course it would have to do with his upbringing, being raised by Jodi and having an absent father as well which i’d say makes him hard to be mentally matured.

So yea i guess that all i gotta say and since this is all just speculation and basically my interpretation of this heart event, do take it with a grain of salt.

I might make a revised version of this to make it more cohesive and shit, i mean like i literally am writing this at 3am so meow :3

Y’all are welcomed to reply or reblog to open up a discussion and id love to hear and chat with you about your thoughts and insight about this hehe :D

goodnight gois!!! especially to you Sam stans out there!!!

[1lenii]

Ma.. (TWIN AU)

Miles Morales/Milo G Morales x F!Reader

Which Miles? It’s up to preference it can b read for both! Ya can switch it around if wanted

Twin au, got the name Milo from another talented writer so if you see this hi sweetie<3

Somewhat headcannons/story, miles a self apologetic, (Y/N) doesn’t know what she feels until the end. Read and find out<3

⚠️CHEATING!! Violence(slapping), empty threats, they are aged up(for the drinking in one bit)

Notes: fill my inbox it 🏃🏽‍♀️ and check out my other works! Masterlist<3

****************************************************

* Miles didn’t mean to do it. It’s just.. happened you know?

* Did he regret it? Yes.

* Did he know you wouldn’t forgive him? Yes.

* That’s exactly why he couldn’t let you find out.

* It’s was a class party, someone spiked the drinks, that’s someone was ofc Edna

* Taking advantage of (Y/N) absence and Miles out of mindedness

* HE led her to a room @the party and one thing led to another

* This became a common reoccurrence ever since (Y/N) came back from her family trip

* All while Milo observed and watched from a far

****************************************************

(Y/N) was coming out of calculus to go to Miles double period of Spanish, which was now in the 2nd half.

Literally oblivious to the fact of what her soon to be ex lover had done.

Quietly coming into the classroom she walks over to her desk taking a seek and taking a peek at Miles who heads a gift on his desk with a note, while he was staring out the window.

“For this project, you’ll be doing groups of four, each of you will be studying a different country of Spanish origin, such a Spain, Mexico these are 2 of the many. Do not fail me young scholars. as for your groups it will be the person to your left and their front. You may start planning now.”

The teacher gave some long ass speech (Y/N) couldn’t be bothered to listen to

About to face Miles she went to go poke him “MILES!!!” A terrifying screech came from right in front of them. It’s was Edna…

Edna Stacy.

(cousin of Gwen Stacy cs I love her I don’t want her to b the bad guy, you feel me?)

“Oh hi..” miles mumbles facing away from her to finally face you, “Mami we need to talk”

Milo scoffs rolling his eyes, “now you wanna talk cheater” he mumbles only miles catching wind of what he said

Completely ignoring Edna as she sat on his desk, (Y/N) nodded hesitatingly turning her head back to her paper not saying a word, heart now racing with ‘talk about what’ with a little ‘oh great, her.’

Edna took this as an invitation to leaning closer to Miles, “you enjoyed my present pretty boy? You didn’t even open it”

“Excuse you? You do realize he has a girl right? That’s fucking dirty” (Y/N) glances at her

“Well clearly not if he—-“

“THATS enough, erm- can we finish this later at one of our dorms, class about to let out” Miles says clearing his throat

(Y/N) eyes him weirdly before eventually agreeing with him, sooner or later the bell rang signifying the end of the day.

“Milo won’t you be a dear and tell Miles ima come over later I gotta get the textbook for the project from the library, Oka?” (Y/N) says giving a closed eye smile to the much more seemingly emotionless twin

“Oh..? Matter a fact lemme come with you, ion wanna b with that brain dead idiot” Milo says while giving (Y/N) and side hug and arm to link around (platonic for now)

********************************************

‘He’s been so distant.. what’s up with him.’

*THUMP*

‘Ever since I came back’

*THUMP*

“Did you hear? I Hurd Miles got a lil sum from Edna at last weeks party” said some random kids from behind the shelf

*THUMP*

“Oh yea? But doesn’t he have a gf?”

*THUMP*

“Doesn’t seem it” the guy shrugs

*THUMP*

*THUMP*

*THUMP*

*THUMP*

Milo caught on tryna distract (Y/N), covering her ears, even training her eyes on him, but it wasn’t enough as she ran out of the library with Milo trailing behind

(Y/N) didn’t even remember when she dropped the textbook in the dorm complex, tears running down almost blurring her vision almost tripping up the stairs to twins floor.

“Ma wait” milo says I’m attempts to calm (Y/N) down

Her heart heaving and hurting from the pain of her legs as well the hurt from her lover.

“It isn’t true, we’ll go to miles confirm and it’s not gonna be true. Right? Right?”

Wrong.

Before (Y/N) could even open the door she heard gasps groans and slight moans

She enter the complex along with Milo who started at his twin in dissatisfied, the door was completely unlocked, (Y/N) stares. Eyes wide.. not from shock. No. From hurt and surprised.

“So that’s what they meant” (Y/N) mumbles

“Wait! Mami it isn’t. I mean- it’s is but I didn’t mean for it— it was Js- ma im sorry it was in the momen—“

“I don’t care Miles..” (Y/N) says drying her tear stained cheeks, clicking over to fall in front of him

“I genuinely don’t care Miles, this is the worst downgrade that could possibly happened”

Milo knowing it wasn’t the time tried to stifle a laugh

*SMACK*

The room fell silent as (Y/N) hand was in the air from the previous action

“If it was because you didn’t love me, or because it was a dare, I don’t care. Miles you’ve completely lost my trust and we’re done. After this project I don’t want you near me”

(Y/N) grabs Milo’s hand going up even more stares, as they eventually get to the roof, situated on the edge with the safety rail

“I’m.. my bad. I wanted to tell you but I didn’t wanna seem.. idk” Milo trails off

(Y/N) sighs leaning her head against his shoulder.

“It’s Oka.. you only did what you had to do to protect any feelings I had left.. so thank you”

*THUMP*

Milo’s face darkens into a shade of red which can only be seen by the flashing lights of the cars passing by.

With a content feel of the area and each others presence they are now staring at each other, tension getting thicker by the minute,

Till eventually their nose touch, bending at the contact of their Lips moving together in sync and in harmony.

(Y/N) had found it. The piece of the her aching heart

*THUMP*

****************************************************

Kinda fast paced but I think it’s cute, lmk what ya think<3

[netherfeildren]

FEAR OF GOD : Chapter II : Although a monster [Joel] could be charming in company

Series Masterlist

Pairing: Joel Miller x OFC

Content Warnings: Angst, possessive behavior, unprotected sex (there are no condoms in the apocalypse, only vibes), oral sex (f!receiving), squirting, brief non-graphic descriptions of medical procedures / illness,  brief discussion of avoiding meals (no reference to any sort of ED), stupid! Joel ™️

Summary: Joel gets a little stupid and a little jealous.

Rating: Explicit 18+

A/N: I wanted to mention that that I've altered the timeline a smidge to benefit my own whims. So the Joel we find here is about 50-51 and our reader is in her mid to late 20's (cw: age gap 🤓) Everything else in the timeline is the same up until Joel and Ellie return to Jackson.

Another thing, I hella make shit up in this chapter. I talk about a surgical device and there’s discussions of like mechanical/electrical engineering? which I know fuck all about. So if it reads as nonsense I sincerely apologize. There’s a fair bit of character/world building in this ch. so I hope you all can bear with me for a smidge. There is the gift of porn at the end though >:) 

Chapter title is from Anne Carson’s Autobiography of Red (my favorite book in the whole world which everyone should read). Art is Intimacy by Angelica Alzona

Word count: a whopping 9.6k (I'm so sorry 😭)

Read on AO3

CHAPTER II: Although a monster [Joel] could be charming in company

What it looked like?

Like fucking the forest for once birdless, beastless.

Like measuring the distance between all that’s lost

and everything else that, even now, waved at 

hard enough sometimes,

will sometimes wave back.

But it felt like swallowing the sea– 

being forced to, ships and all. 

Then a silence as vast as it was particular.

The like holding a mirror up to Apollo

and expecting his face there, when Apollo’s always been

faceless, obviously, being a god.

And the hand still holding the mirror up anyway.

And the face not showing.

-Carl Phillips, Star Map with Action Figures

“I mean, yeah, I’d fuckin’ like to think so. I’m not sure. She told me –”

“Ellie, you’re overthinking the hell out of it.”

“I am not,” she grumbles.

“You’re a dumbass,” you deadpan.

That riles her up. “Me?! You!”

“What’ve I done? It’s pretty obvious what’s happening here – Dina wants you to ask her out – you’re too chicken shit to step up.”

“Okay, genius. Y’don’t know what you’re talking about, first of all.” The sass on this girl, honestly. The two of you sit together at the picnic tables that’d been set out in the town center for the monthly barbecue. “You think you’re so damn smart. Well lemme just ask you this, what’s going on with Joel? You two’ve been weird as fuck lately.” That shuts you up quick.

“Don’t even start with that. The answer is nothing.”

She gives you that knowing look of hers, but let’s it go. Silently says: I know this hurts, so I won’t push. Out loud: “You started it, motherfucker.” You yank on her bangs, and she swats you away. “Maybe I should call you a fatherfucker instead,” she cackles. 

“Oh my god, I actually hate you.” You try and swat her back, yank on her bangs again. 

“What’re you two schemin’ about?” Joel’s voice comes from behind you.

“Speak’a the devil,” she says under her breath, starting to gather up her empty plate.“Nothing–” She shoots up, and brushes past, “Gotta go. We’ll talk later,” not even sparing him a glance. You look between the two of them wishing there was anything you could do to help them bridge this cold distance between them. She turns before walking off, gives you the finger behind his back. 

“Ellie, hold on a sec,” you call after her, but she’s off.

“It’s fine,” Joel says. “Leave it.”

“I’m sorry,” shielding your eyes from the bright sun, you look up into his serious face.

He shakes his head. “Nothin’ for you to be sorry about. Ain’t got nothin’ to do with you.” And that stings. Off-handedly as it’s said, it stings that he thinks their rift doesn’t affect you, make you hurt for the two of them.

How could he ever think that after everything he’d told you about Sarah –  a night that’d made you feel closer to him than ever before, while you two lay in bed, still damp and trembling – that you’d not worry about his relationship now with Ellie? Who you knew he loved like a daughter, even if he was incapable of saying it out loud. How could he think it had nothing to do with you now? After what he’d told you about himself in the aftermath of Sarah. That moment, his confession, could sustain you for a lifetime of this push and pull if necessary. With trust like that, what else mattered? Very little, you thought. 

“You get everything done you needed to?” he threads his fingers through the hair at the nape of your neck, and bends to press a soft kiss to your temple. 

You sigh, basking in this small tenderness he offers you after his casual hurt. “Yeah, we finished.” Sometimes you wonder if there’s something wrong with you, taking all this in stride. Luxuriating in his offerings of tenderness and vulnerability one second, swallowing the way he casually brushes you off another. Surely there must be something wrong with you. Especially because, when it comes down to it, you don’t really care as much as you think you should . 

“How’d it go?” You’d had to debride some areas from Mr. Schwartz’s diabetic foot this morning – super fun for the both of you . The foot was famous in Jackson. A great source of shrieks and giggles when the old man decided to pull it out in front of the kids as his so-called ‘party trick’. We all gotta bring something fun to the table, honey, he’d tell you when you tried to put on your false tone of admonishment with him. 

“Long – I had to take more than I’d initially thought I’d need to.”

“He alright?”

“Resting now… Just means it’ll be harder for him later on – take longer to recover, as best he can, in any case. And ideally, what he really needs is a boot – which we have – one… but it’s not in great condition. I don’t even know if it’ll fit him – or a wheelchair, and both of them are being used right now. So, seems my only other option is to order him into bed until I can figure something else out. And of course Connie’s all, this is on you, honey. I trust your judgment, honey. ” You deepen your tone and scrunch your brow trying to inflect Connie’s baritone. “As if that’s helpful.” 

He grips your chin, forcing you to take a breath, brushes his thumb across your bottom lip, and your eyes flutter shut, pressing a tiny kiss to the pad of his thumb. He hums a little, and you catch the flare of heat in his eyes. “You’ll worry yourself half to death, little bird. Take a breath.” You huff a small laugh. He was right about that, worry was heavy on your mind recently. About lots of different things. 

“I fixed you a plate,” you divert. 

“You didn’t have to do that, sweetheart. Thank you.” He swings his long leg over the bench to sit astride it, legs open to pull you between his thighs.

“S’alright. I was getting Connie’s anyway.” He digs in, and you card your fingers through his thick hair – overly long now, it brushes the collar of his shirt in the back, you’ll need to cut it for him soon – and watch the thick column of his throat ripple as he swallows. You press your thighs together – the sun is so strong today. You think it might be making you a little delirious. 

“You’re not eating.” It isn’t a question, posed more like an admonishment, paired with the severe crook of his brow. 

“Nah, I’m alright. Can’t have anything just yet after staring at that foot all morning,” you joke.

“You telling me you’re not as entertained by it as the kids are?” 

You roll your eyes at him. “Shocking, I know.”

He turns to give you an assessing glance now, “You sure you’re alright?”

“Just tired.” You lay your head in the cool, dark crook of his neck, breathe him in. “Birdie …” voice laced with concern – he tries to gently tug you back by your ponytail, but you burrow in further – press your lips to the pulsing vein in his neck. “I’m fine, Joel. Just tired, really.” He huffs. Grouchy man. 

“Hi, honey,” Connie shuffles up to the table. “Joel–” he nods, “You two alright ? That go a long time with Mr. Shwartz?” he asks. 

You’re grateful for the distraction from Joel’s fifth degree. “It was fine. Our handy dandy Bovie is so good.” You’d done your best recently to fashion an electrocautery device, like the ones they’d used before in surgery. The two of you had gathered the different parts over time and much voracious scavenging, to put the system together. “You’ve gotta try it next. We should be real proud of that.”

“You should be proud. You’ve got a nice mechanical mind in you, as well. You know, Joel, the body is just a machine of flesh and blood.” Connie turns his blue eyes, gone slightly milky now, on Joel, ready to impart his slice of wisdom – part lecture, part proud tirade for your benefit, as the younger man continues to work through his plate of barbecue. “She looks at the two the same way; it’s very impressive.” 

Joel finishes chewing: “Our girl is nothin’ if not impressive,” he says, giving you an impish little smirk. You pinch the inside of his thigh over the thick denim, not imparting nearly enough punishment as you’d like to. 

“Shut up,” you grouch at him. “Anyways, the lines were pretty sharp, the cauterization clean. A bit slow, though. I felt a bit held back – but not too bad, considering.”

“Considering…” Connie muses. He starts to eat as well, and the sight of the slick, sauce covered meat is slightly revolting. The sun is way too hot with the change of season into fall just on the cusp, and after staring at poor Mr. Schwartz’s mangled foot all day…  “I’m thinking with a little more juice it’ll be perfect. We just have to find a way to feed it more power without frying the whole system.”

“Yes…  it’s delicate,” he says slowly.”You should ask Noah for advice.” Joel is silent beside you, but you feel the tensing of his thigh beneath your palm at the mention of Noah’s name. “He’s always been very keen to help us in any way we need.”

“Oh, has he?” Joel drawls, in that monotone he loves to use when cutting people down. He can’t fucking stand Noah; it’s quite funny to you, actually. You nudge his knee with your own, still cradled between his spread legs, and drag your nails slowly up and down his thigh, only responding with a non-committal hum. He shifts his jaw in that way he’s wont to do when he’s especially aggravated, cocks his eyebrow at you. You give him a tiny little mocking tilt of your head. You’re sure he can see the laughter at his expense in your eyes. 

“Yes,” Connie continues, completely oblivious to the silent conversation going on between the two of you, “He’s very adept at anything electrical or mechanical. Although, you are, as well, Joel. Perhaps you could advise us too. Any help would be greatly appreciated.”

“I wouldn’t say that, but I can take a look. Offer what I can.” 

You change the subject: “Teddy’s been in again this week.” One of the single mother’s in Jackson, Susanna’s son, Teddy, had been continuously ill the past few months. Coming down with different, seemingly unrelated afflictions on and off. His mother was beside herself with worry, and you and Connie were reaching your limits on what you could do to help him. Much less actually provide a clear answer as to a diagnosis. 

“Yes, I spoke to his mother last night. Some sort of ague again, undoubtedly.”

You roll your eyes at him affectionately. Connie loved to condemn undiagnosable patients with ‘the ague’. “Connie, the ague is absolutely not a valid form of diagnosis,” you laugh. That launches him into a tirade about the conundrum the boys posed to the both of you these past few weeks. And ague is a perfectly valid explanation, honey. Neither of you are certain what’s causing his bouts of illness. Though you’re reluctantly leaning towards something that won’t pose anything good for any of you; you’re trying to remain optimistic, but the uncertainty is taking a toll on the both of you, as well as his mother. 

As Connie goes on, there’s a hazy buzz rumbling around in your brain. Your temples throb, and you press the tender spot into the hard mass of Joel’s shoulder. He’s finished eating now, and you nuzzle into him, breathe in the warm scent of his skin and sweat, grip the hard swell of his bicep – the thick muscle has the most inappropriate arousal pooling low in your belly, but your stomach churns at the same time, and the sun is so damn bright. Too many opposing sensations going on within you all at once, you’re sure you’re on the verge of sun poisoning – dramatic – and it’s making you needy. Infecting you with ideas of crawling into his lap and having him cradle you. He stiffens beneath your attentions suddenly. The soothing large palm he’d been dragging up and down your spine goes still, pausing with his fingertips tucked just below the waistband of your jeans – as if he’s just now realizing how openly affectionate the two of you are being – his muscles go rigid at your display, and then that’s it. He’s pulling away. 

Your gut twists again, your head is really spinning now – you straighten in your seat, scoot back and out of the cradle of his thighs, as far as the bench allows you. Always fucking pulling away. He’s stiff and uncomfortable, but at your retreat he clicks his tongue at you, frowns a little, and you want to snap at his subtle admonishment – you started it, what are you frowning at me for?

Connie is still going on about Teddy. “You sure you’re alright, dear?” he interrupts himself. “You look a bit peaky.”

“I’m fine.” You stand abruptly, “I’ve got to head back, actually.” Joel turns to reach for you, but you step back and away from his fingers. The heat is definitely making you grouchy, sick; you’re not acting yourself. “I promised Mr. Schwartz I’d be back to check on him within the hour.” You don’t want to look at Joel anymore – you’re used to his sudden bouts of tension – discomfort – but something is setting you on edge today. 

“You should eat something before you go, honey,” Connie says – looking up at you with concern.

“I had something before I came. I’m okay.” You turn to look at Joel now, as the lie passes your lips, a provocation held in your eyes and tone.

He frowns, “You said –” 

“I’ll see you two later.”

“Birdie –” But you’ve turned from him before he can continue, walking away quickly. Your head is spinning, gut cramping and turning over on itself. The sun feels like it’s two feet away from you, bearing down on the crown of your head, and you know you’re about to be sick. Always fucking pulling away, always. It embarrasses you a little that you still chafe at it, the back of your eyes pinching and saliva pooling heavy on your tongue. You know the way he is. 

You make it back to the clinic just in time to vomit behind the bushes on the side of the house. 

Jesus. 

-

Susanna brings Teddy into the clinic late in the evening. You’ve just finished writing up your operative note for the ‘famous foot’ (Mr. Schwartz’s words, not yours) when she flies in, frantic, with the listless child in her arms. She tells you he’d been lethargic and without an appetite all day, but she’d chalked it up to fatigue and melancholy from being ill and bedridden so often, recently. His fever had crept up out of nowhere, and now Teddy was almost unconscious, burning hot and delirious – words slurring, eyes glassy. 

It’d been hours since then. Teddy was now resting quietly with cool compresses and ice bags tucked under his arms and against his neck which seemed to be helping. Susanna had retired to the back of the house to rest for a bit, and you now sat between Mr. Schwartz and the boy, quietly reading over a text both you and Connie had already gone over multiple times – hoping to find anything that’d inspire an explanation. Most concerningly of all, you’d noticed a smattering of purple-yellowish, sickly looking bruises along Teddy’s spine. It pushed you in the direction your mind had previously taken concerning what could potentially be the cause of all of this. And even though it was the first you’d seen of any bruising on him, it didn’t reassure you at all. 

-

“Joel’s here,” Nancy, the nurse that worked with you and Connie, says quietly from the doorway. You stand from your bedside vigil, sighing. It’s late, and you don’t want to do this now. A little embarrassed from your earlier fit. A lot tired from the long day and throwing up and the heat. 

“Can you come out and get me in two minutes, please? Interrupt us.” 

She gives you an assessing look. “Sure.”

You walk out to the office to find him leaning against your cluttered desk, bulging arms crossed against his chest, straining the sleeves of his button down. There’s a far off look in his eyes, scowl marring his brow, but when he looks up at you all the tightness in his countenance seems to melt away at the sight of you. “You alright?” His gaze is assessing – sweeping up and down your frame, taking everything in like always. The man sees entirely too much. 

“I’m fine. I need to stay here tonight, though.” You jerk your thumb back towards the exam room. “They need me.”

“You said you were tired.”

“It passed – just the sun.” He looks at you like he doesn’t really believe you. 

“About earlier—”

“It’s fine, Joel.” You feel too tired, too strung out, to give him an out by pretending to ignore that he’d hurt you, pissed you off. Let it be what it was – you had a sick child to care for – couldn’t think about all the distance that would seemingly exist forever between the two of you, not right now, at least. 

“You lied about eating.”

Oh, now he wanted to be fucking honest. You roll your eyes at him, watch his jaw clench. “What?” Tone bratty and antagonistic, “No I didn’t – you misunderstood.”

“You told me you didn’t want to eat, and then you told Connie, not fifteen minutes later, that you’d already eaten.” 

“Well then I misspoke – that’s not what I meant.” You turn away from him towards the desk, busy your hands with the papers littered across its surface to avoid his eyes. You feel like fighting – like baring your teeth at him, and you hate it. You don’t want to fight with him, ever. You want, need, things to be okay between the two of you. “Why are we arguing about this? I have to get back.” The bite in your voice startles you for a second, and your hands pause their shuffling. Turning back to face him, wide eyed and shocked at the way you practically spit the words at him, but, fuck it, you decide to just go with it. 

He doesn’t let you, though – doesn’t take your bait. You watch the muscle in his jaw feather rapidly as he grinds his teeth, fists curled into knots at his sides like he’s trying to restrain himself from throttling you – and you think you’d kind of like him to do it. You’ve gotta be PMSing or something because where is all this sudden desire for violence coming from? You definitely need to sleep soon. 

He exhales a slow breath through his nose.  “Not try’na argue, baby… just figure out what’s wrong.” Your heart twists painfully, the back of your eyes pinching and hot, and you will not cry right now. His words make you even more angry because if he cares so much about such seemingly small things like this, why can’t he just let everything else fall into place between you as well?

Nancy pops her head through the open door, calling your name, “Need you when you’ve got a second.”

“Be right there, Nance.” You throw her a grateful look. 

Turning back to Joel you rub your forehead, trying to press the ache that’s taking root in your brain out with your fingertips. “Nothing… nothing’s wrong. I’m just…” you sigh, suddenly very sad, very tired. You take in his weathered face, his brow pulled down into a scowl anyone who knew him less would take for anger, but you see it for what it is: concern, discomfort, frustration at the tension that’s held constant between the two of you all day. The both of you pulling away and then yanking each other back. You can see he wants to move past this, avoid whatever fight is brewing – too much for him to handle. You know he hates it when you’re angry and annoyed with him, and doesn’t that have to mean something? Please, please it must mean something more. But you’re too tired for this now, your body overwrought from its brief bout of sickness earlier, from your long day. You’d like to go to bed with him and not wake up for a year. Lay on his chest and feel the movement of his breathing rock you to sleep, count the spaces between his ribs, make a home for yourself within them. A great jealousy for his heart, the organ itself, writhes in you, that it gets to live inside him. You’re feeling melancholy and exhausted and overly emotional . Sad that even when he’s the source of your turmoil, your hurt, he’s still the only one you want to go to for comfort. You clear your throat, “I’m fine, Joel. Really.” You try and give him a small smile. “I was in a mood earlier, but I’m okay now.”

“I need us to be okay, Birdie. I– I know…” he looks away, hisses through his teeth in frustration. “I know I don’t always act like it, but–”

You hold up a hand to stop him. You don’t want to, can’t, listen to him try and make excuses. Explain to you things you’ve always understood about what this thing is between the two of you. “We don’t need to do this. I promise everything’s fine. I need to get back.” You step forward to press a kiss to the underside of his jaw, to appease the both of you, but also if only because you can’t help but touch him when he’s near, hands snaking up his belly and chest to fist in the collar of his shirt. He hums low in his throat and grips the back of your neck, other hand low on your back to press you to him, and everything inside you goes liquid hot and wanting, just at the feel of him, the scent of him.

“Try and rest.” He breathes you in at the crown of your head, and you nod against his chest.

“I will. Don’t worry.” But you know he’ll do that anyways, and that alone is a comfort.

-

Connie meanders in about midnight, nocturnal creature that he is, to check on you all. You’d pulled the armchair from the office into the corner of the infirmary while you read in the corner. An all night vigil wasn’t exactly necessary – Teddy’s fever had broken about an hour ago, his vitals were stable, and Mr. Schwartz had been snoring the night away for hours. Nancy lived on the second floor of the house, and was always near and available if necessary, but you were peaceful here. Tucked away in your corner with your book and a throw draped over your folded knees. The anxiety you’d carried heavy in your belly all day had dissipated. Thoughts of Joel settled now, compared to the frenzied hysterical swarm they’d been all day. Sometimes this need for him scared you. That your mood, your physical self, could so easily be altered by him, by his own mood, his words, his touch. The tether he held you by was so strong, it felt unbreakable, permanent. It scared you to think what would become of you if one day he decided to break it.

Connie passes a hand over the boy’s forehead, murmuring to himself as he examines him, pops his stethoscope in to take a listen. His movements are slow and practiced, methodical. You’d always loved watching him work. You’ve passed so far into the realms of exhaustion, you’re a little delirious now, your mind and vision hazy, and you rest your head against the wingback and watch. “He’s settled now. Vitals are steady.” You hum in agreement.

He turns to look at you then, his gaze contemplative as he takes a seat on the bench along the end of the bed directly in front of you. His tired groan makes you smile a little, old man. The fondness for him squeezes your heart. He has something to say, you can tell. “I know your father was an exacting man,” he starts. You nod, still quiet. You know that now is a time for listening. “I think of him often. I know I never met him, but he wanders into my mind quite frequently. I think of the things you’ve told me about him, about your mother and sister–” When you’d first become close, it’d been hard for you to speak of your family, of Beth and her death, but eventually you’d forced yourself to. For no other reason than that the thought of you being the only person left in the world that remembered their names, that knew their stories, wrought a grief in you so profound, it was impossible to keep it all inside. You were scared if you didn’t share, if you carried all that alone, you’d lose yourself in their memories forever. “I think that after all that, after living their deaths in such a gruesome way, it could have been very easy for you to lose yourself in all that. Do you agree?” Another small tilt of your chin. The precision with which he’d always read you, understood you, was the greatest comfort in the world. That sometimes it wasn’t even necessary to tell him out loud what it was you were feeling or needed for him to pick up on it. 

“But you didn’t.”

“I didn’t,” you finally say.

“No…” his eyes take on the thoughtful look he gets, the one that makes you wish you could read his mind sometimes, read the wonderings of that brilliant mind like one of your textbooks. “Instead, you became a splendid and thoughtful physician. A seemingly impossible thing, no? Now, with the state of the world for you to have pieced together a vocation such as this…” his milky blue eyes glint with humor, pride, “Well, it’s all very impressive, my dear.”

“Thank you,” you acknowledge. 

“And even more impressive, considering the fact, that had you been given a choice in the matter, you would never have chosen this for yourself… had the world been different, normal.” And there it is again, that keen sense of knowing.

“Yes.” There is nothing more to say. It is, after all, your most painful, most honest, most shameful truth. Painful, not in the sense that you carried any regret now, when you cared for your patients, when you put the knowledge your father and Connie had given you into practice. But painful in the sense that it chafed at your skin, that desire for other . That small seed that had the great potential of growth within you, to spread like ivy around a house, and squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, until all you were left with were thoughts of what could have been. 

“But like I said… your father was an exacting man, and this is what he chose for you. And then, perhaps, even I played a part in that same theft of choice from you.” You try to interrupt him then, to vehemently deny it, but he continues unheeded. “You got here and you seemed to be a sort of benediction to me. A vessel for all the knowledge I could impart on you. A shepherd I could leave this flock to.” He slips his glasses off the bridge of his nose and wipes them slowly with the hem of his sweater. “I know you’ll take good care of them when I’m no longer here. That they could not have ended up in better, more caring hands.” You hate when he talks about his dying, fills you with a premonitory dread you don’t know how you’ll cope with when it becomes actuality. “But alas, you did what was set upon you, took it all in stride.” He pauses, as if contemplating what he’s about to say next, and you know the point of all this has arrived. You even know where it is he’s going with this. 

“I say all this, my dear, not to dredge up old painful memories, or reminders of what could have been… But because I would not like to see your choices taken from you once again.” And there it is. He levels his gaze at you, quiet for several moments, and it’s like he is here in the room with you now, his presence, his unsaid name heavy and poignant.

“Joel’s a good man, honey, but he’s a hurt man. Hurt in a way I don’t think even you could cure.” 

Your instinct to defend him is immediate. “He’s not— he’s not a hurt man.” You shake your head, brow furrowed, “He’s been hurt before, but it doesn’t define him, Connie. It’s not the sole contributor to who he is.” And that’s true, you know it is. Believe it to your very core. You, who knows Joel better than few others, you know the pains of his past don’t define him.  Perhaps before, they did. A pain so acute it molded him into a creature focused only on survival, or perhaps, he let it get the better of him at times. But he is so much more than all that. Has the strength and the will to set it aside when he so chooses to. Ellie being the perfect example of that. 

Choices, choices, those were the things that defined a person.

“Isn’t it? You can’t live off the potential you see in someone forever.”

“I hate it when you say that.” You sit up, let your feet drop to the floor, and lean forward to stress your point. “What are we all, if not vessels of untapped potential? We’re all just walking around with the possibility of something more inside of us. Of course, of course I value the potential I see in him! I know he has the possibility of so, so much inside of him – that’s what makes me… That’s why I –” You cut yourself off before you can make that confession, a choked sound leaving your throat. You look out the nearby window at the dark street, press your thumb hard into the center of your forehead, will the tension and frustration out of the skin and bone. 

“I know… I know,” he says gently, offering you his hands, palms up – a sign of concession. “But it’s not enough to hang all your hopes and dreams on just that. I want more for you than just that . I want you to have choices. To be able to have what you truly want, what you truly need. I would not like to know that something unfulfilling has been forced upon you once again by the circumstances of this world.” And he says it so sadly, with a look of such tenderness in his eyes, it makes embarrassment burn hot and red in your cheeks. The back of your eyes pinch. What must they all think of me when they see us together? The part that perhaps does, or should, make you the most embarrassed, is that you don’t really care at all. Not in any substantial way that would make a real difference, make you act differently. “I’m not unfulfilled, Connie. I love what we do here,” you say softly.

“I know that, I know. But still…I just–”

You rest your aching head in your cupped palms, bent elbows propped on your knees. You’re so fucking tired. “Connie, please, I know…” you whisper. “Just, please, no more tonight… I’m exhausted. You can tell me all this another time – tomorrow. Just no more tonight.”

“Alright, alright, dear. I’m sorry. I don’t mean to give you grief.” He stands, comes towards you to rest a gentle palm on your shoulder.

“I know… and you’re not… It’s me.”

“I only want good things for you, darling girl.” You press your hand over his on your shoulder, give a short nod. 

“Go home – you need rest. Nancy will stay with them.”

“I can sit for a few more hours. Teddy likes to know I’m here.”

“No, no,” his voice takes on that stern fatherly tone he likes to whip you into shape with sometimes. “Enough for tonight. They’ll both be fine. You’ll see them tomorrow.”

You scrunch your nose at him, “Bossy.” But you stand to go, draping the blanket over the back of the chair. He pulls you in for a hug then, envelops you in the comfort and steadiness he’s always offered you, from the very start. He always smells faintly of peppermint and mothballs and old paper. “It’ll all work itself out, my dear. You’ll find a way. You always do. I’m not worried about that.”

-

Joel watches you leave the clinic from his spot in the shadows across the road. He’s been posted here, obstinate and pissed off with himself, for hours. Especially because he’s certain this must be a new low for him, sulking in the dark, watching for you like a creep. But he just wanted to be close to you. He knows you lied to put him off earlier. Your conversation had left him unsatisfied, restless. He knows you’re pulling away because he’s pulling away. Because he’s putting you off, and he tells himself he’ll give you space, tells himself that’s what’s best, but knows it’s a lie as he thinks it. 

The thing is, despite his obstinance, Joel was not a man who lacked self awareness. He was, in fact, very good at recognizing a thing within himself, and yet still able to make a conscious decision to feign ignorance towards it to the outside world. This set up worked well for him – sometimes … on occasion… But this was different, and he knew it. Feigning ignorance would not work between the two of you for much longer. You were getting tired and sad and frustrated with him and he could see it and hated himself for being the cause of it. And if he was being honest with himself, which in this moment, he was trying to be, he was getting tired of it too, tired of himself. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been in this position with a woman. On the verge of … something. Something he couldn’t confess, even to himself, yet. But to allow himself that, to allow himself the simple act of even admitting what he knew was the truth of his feelings for you – there was a part of him, a very broken part that had not been used in a long, long time, that couldn’t even imagine it. To allow himself that sort of vulnerability. To allow himself the truth of there existing another person in this world, in what this world had become, a partner – a woman he cared for, needed . It was too vulnerable, too precious a thing to allow himself. Perhaps before, perhaps in a world not overrun by death and disease and violence – by loss. 

But what did that even look like anymore? A world bereft of monstrousness? Wiped clean of the beasts that had overtaken it, human or infected. Could Joel even remember such a thing – even imagine it, if only in his dreams? He couldn’t even discern which of the two was worse anymore. Part of him knew it didn’t really matter. Not in the end. It was all conjecture when it came down to losing your life – losing the person you loved. Whether it was fungus or a bullet – dead was dead.

Sometimes he didn't even feel like a person anymore. Just this thing that existed at the periphery of the world. In the moments when he pushed you away, when he turned from the loving look in your face, forced himself to brush off your words and your affection, to hold you at arms length – to protect the vulnerable, scarred mass of his heart – those were the moments in which he was most like a creature, least like a man. 

He thought of a world where he felt safe enough to go to the woman he loved, his Birdie, hold you in his arms and say: here is everything I have for you, I’m begging you, please take it . 

Such a world didn’t exist in Joel’s mind. Couldn’t fit. He’d been stripped of the ability. To have something so vulnerable and new. A type of fragile he’d not held since his twelve year old daughter lay bleeding and broken in his arms, and have the ability to say I am strong enough to endure the possible loss of this. I need you this badly. So badly I am willing to risk even my own heart. 

It looked like trying to swallow the sea. 

He follows you home in the darkness. 

-

“You get that fixed alright?” Joel’s voice barks from the mouth of the garage. You startle, your knee slamming into the underside of the workbench. Deciding to follow through on Connie’s suggestion from yesterday, you’d come to see Noah, knocking on his door bright and early this morning, Bovie clutched in your hands. He’d been more than happy to give it a look for you. The two of you had been sitting here for about an hour now, and in that time you’d seen Joel’s form stalk by at least three times, from out of the corner of your eye. Absurd man that he was, you knew he’d been psyching himself up to barge in here and interrupt the two of you. Seemed he’d brought his attitude with him.

“Jesus, man–” Noah’s hand grips your smarting knee, rubbing it gently, “We didn’t hear you come up.” Joel’s left eye twitches at the we, his gaze zeroed in on the hand on your knee, his teeth bared in the perpetuation of a ridiculous growl as he takes a threatening step forward. You lift your brows at him – all your fire and fight from yesterday put to rest now after some much needed sleep. He cocks his brow back at you, shifts his jaw side to side in annoyance.

“Absorbed in your work?” he drawls sardonically.

“We’ve made some good progress actually! Come see,” Noah says, completely missing Joel’s mocking tone, the poor thing. He gives your knee another gentle pat, and you think you might just see steam come out of Joel’s ears. He steps up behind you, chest pressed close to your back and passes a hand over your hair, presses a kiss to the crown of your head. This fucking guy. Now he feels like getting handsy. You scrunch your nose at him, turning back to face Noah and the Bovie, your shoulder pressing into Joel’s belly. Noah takes in your positions, the possessive hand now curled around your neck – looks back down at the knee he’d just grabbed and then back to Joel’s broad intimidating form and scowling face. You see a slow swallow move through his throat. As he starts to explain the changes the two of you had made to the electrocautery generator, you consider the differences between the two of them. The contrast is stark. Noah isn’t small by any means, average height, a nice build – but there’s something about Joel. Some sort of warning in the air around him, in the space he takes up in a room, that makes him larger than life – something that says don’t fuck with me or mine. Heat pools low in your belly and you press your thighs together tightly. Fucked up, you’re fucked up – you try to brush his hand off your neck – suddenly feeling overwhelmed, your skin overly sensitized. “Quit –” he says low in your ear and you almost whimper. He’s jealous, and it’s turning you on. There’s definitely something wrong with you. 

You try to shake him off again,“ Let go.”

“No.” His voice is steel. Noah is heedlessly going on about the Bovie, about how it only took a slight rewiring from the generator into the hand-piece without overwhelming the system; giving it the little bump of power it was missing. Joel’s thumb brushes a slow, warning path up and down your neck. Down, down, to the top notch of your vertebrae, slowly kneading the fine muscles surrounding the prominence of your bone and then up and pushing into the base of your skull. His hands are warm and dry – the rough calluses abrading your sensitive skin. You feel the flush in your cheeks traveling down over your chest, the tips of your breasts tightening to painful points. You see Joel’s eyes flicker down, taking you in, and he gives a contemplative hum low in his throat.

“I’m so glad you let me help,” Noah says with a warm smile. He’s sweet and so genuine and as you take him in, how completely unaware he is of the silent struggle going on between you and Joel right in front of him, you’re struck by how easy loving a man like that would be. And how unfulfilling for a woman like you. What is it about some people, that they can’t appreciate a good thing unless it hurts a little?

“Connie and I are real grateful that you could help. You let us know if there’s anything we can do for you.” Joel gives him a short nod as you leave.

And then, soft and threatening into the shell of your ear as the two of you walk away from the nice, sweet, uncomplicated boy: we’re goin’ home, and I’m gonna lick that cunt until you’re cryin’, little bird. 

Your steps speed up, trying to outrun the clutch of his hands on your skin, trying to escape – even if just a little. 

You never stood a chance of that. 

-

He follows, menacingly on your heels, as you dart into your house. A rabbit trying to outrun the big bad wolf. You make for the stairs and you feel the tips of his fingers ghost lightly in the ends of your long hair, one foot on the first step, but then his finger is catching in your belt loop, yanking you hard into his chest. Your back thumps against him with a small oof and then his hands are skating along your curves, big palms squeezing your breasts, pinching your nipples through the cotton of your t-shirt.. 

“Bad Birdie, try’na run from me.” He nuzzles, gentle, gentle into the nape of your neck, the line of your hair, presses his mouth to the top notch of your spine. You feel his hot, wet tongue slide over the jut of your vertebrae, small peppered kisses to your nape and your entire body flushes hot – arousal pulling low and tight in your belly. Your clit throbs in time with his panting breath in your ear. His soft mouth is totally at odds with the tension he’s holding himself with right now, the harsh way he presses his fingers into the skin of your hips. 

You can feel the thick length of him pressing into your ass; he’s hard as stone and throbbing – turned on by the chase. You moan, deep and wanton, slick pooling in your panties, ready for him now , just at the feel of his hands on you. “You want it, baby?”

“Y– yes,” you stutter, pressing yourself harder into him. 

“Want me to fuck that needy little cunt?”

His voice is so deep you feel it vibrate through his chest and into your back, down, down your body all the way to the tips of your toes. “Please, Joel,” you whimper. You try to turn in his arms, but he clicks his tongue at you, wrapping his arms more tightly around your waist, half dragging, half carrying you up the stairs to your bedroom.

“I always give my Birdie what she needs, don’t I?”

-

“Settle now. Stay still so I can eat you how I like.” He hitches his hands higher up the backs of your thighs, beneath your knees – spreads you further apart, up and back to press into your breasts, making more space for the broad valley of his naked shoulders. He’d gotten you naked and into bed, quick as a viper. His desperation, evident in the wild look in his eyes. He was unsettled, either by the tension between the two of you yesterday or you around another man, but he was trying to prove some unspoken point to the two of you in the ferocity of his grip on your skin.

He settles his face deep into your sex now and eats. “Who’s all this wet for, huh? Were you thinkin’ about me while that boy tried to get in your good graces?”

“It’s too much. Please, please, please,” you sob. Tears making a slow, steady journey back into your hairline, dripping into your ears. You yank hard on his hair, try to direct his movements. You can’t tell if you’re trying to push him away or pull him closer. 

“Want me to stop?” He laps at your clit.

“I– I dont– I don’t know–” It felt like he’d been at this for hours. “I–”

“It’s okay.” Soft, whispered kisses to the puffy lips of your sex, your slippery inner thighs. You’re so wet, and you’d have burns from his beard and bruises from his teeth tomorrow. “I know, I know you’re just a little bird,” his teeth sharp and mean to the softest part of you, then the broad flat of his tongue to soothe – a sharp, quick suck to your swollen clit. His volley between rough and tender on your vulnerable sex setting you further on edge than anything else he was doing. “But you can take it for me.You can be so, so good for me. My good girl.”

Your cunt pulls tight – throbs like a wound. Hurts in a way you’re desperate for. You love him, you love him, you love him. Goddamn the things he does to you, makes you feel. You need him so much and he gives it all to you exactly in the way that’s the most perfect, just for you. You feel fucking delirious, on the brink of insanity. 

He pushes two thick fingers into you, cunt spasming and clinging. He scissors the digits inside of you, stretches your hole. The squelch is lewd and obscene and messy. You can feel your cheeks burning red and hot, and you throw an arm over your eyes as you feel your slick leak down between your ass to pool on the sheets beneath you – hiding yourself from your own obscenity. 

“Pussy s’fuckin’ good, baby. Tastes like candy.” He pulls out his fingers, slaps your cunt, twice, quick and sharp. The sound you let out shames you, high pitched and whining. “Fuckin’ red ‘nd gaping for me. God, Birdie –” he moans so deep it makes your heart race, brings his mouth back to you – licks a broad stripe from hole to clit with the flat of his tongue. His mouth latches to the aching swollen bud and sucks. “You need me so much dont you? Fuckin’ come in my mouth – wanna taste it.” And he’s right, he’s right, you do, you need him so much. In that instant, you feel so grateful that he knows it.  

Your back arches, everything liquid within you pooling low in your pelvis, pulling tight, and it feels like the world is about to end around you; a catastrophe even greater than anything the cordyceps could have ever wrought. This is what he brings out of you with his mouth and his fingers and his words, and you gush onto his face. He almost fucking whines at the splash of your orgasm on his tongue – slurping down everything you have to give him, you feel your wetness cover his face and beard. This is what you give to each other. 

He gentles his fingers and tongue. Letting your orgasm coast along into echoes and throbs. You try to push him away with your foot on the thick mass of his shoulder, on the brink of overstimulation, but quick as a viper, he circles his entire large palm around the fine bones of your ankle and squeezes. Quit – presses a tiny kiss to the protrusion of your bone there.

“ Mine,” he growls. “Mine, no one touches you but me–” His hands open you wider for him, fileting you for his eyes only. You feel hot and flush, your skin tight, to the point of bursting, like an overripe plum in the sun. Skin fragile and thin, insides viscous, ready to spill your flesh for him, blood burning hot as it churns in your veins. “Not fuckin’ done yet, Birdie. Not done with this perfect pussy.” Tears make a slow path down your temples, your fingers tangled in his hair, wanting to hurt– just a little. Like the delicious hurt of holding him within yourself. The way it feels like an old aching bruise inside of you when he stuffs you full of his cock. And then he’s up, up, up – quick as a whip – his fingers shoving into the tangle of your hair at the nape of your neck, captured in a tight fist like prey in a snare, and he’s shoving your own taste deep into you with his tongue. The kiss, open and savage – he’s fucking your mouth like he was just fucking your pussy. Your heart pushes against the bones of your chest, and you desperately clutch at his shoulders for some sort of countenance. He unmoors you . You have been unmoored by this man. And you want – need – more. 

He kneels between your open legs, thick thighs anchoring you wider and fists his cock, the head gleaming and painfully red. He pulls your thighs over his own thicker ones, and presses the fat tip hard to your sensitive clit, making you jolt and whimper pathetically. “Cock drunk, that’s what you are.” All you can do is nod dumbly, eyes glassy and wet. His voice is so deep. He drags the head down to your entrance, presses just a little, only the fat tip held inside you. He fucks you short and shallow like that, his hips moving in tiny, slow jerks. 

“Please,” you sigh, your eyes fluttering shut at the subtle pressure, at the promise of what’s about to come, “Please, Joel.”

“Please what? Please what?” he mocks, just a little mean, and then he’s surging inside in one brutal thrust. Fucking into you without warning and he’s huge — almost too much to take, even after your orgasms. “Fucking tight,” he grits out. He hoists you up, arms wrapped around your waist and starts fucking up and into you, hard. Not giving you a moment to adjust. Letting go of the restraint he’d held while he ate you out. Cock battering into something deep and sensitive inside you, all you can do is take it. Let him have you as he pleases. 

-

He can feel your slick pooling at the base of his cock and sliding down his balls. He wraps his hand around the fine bones of your jaw, “Who’s pussy is this?” he growls over the wet slap, “Wanna hear it out loud.”

Yours, yours, yours. 

Your face is flushed and sweaty, cheeks red as an apple, eyes glazed, dark, wet lashes clumped together. The fucked out look in your eyes doing more for him than anything else. This is what he does to you, only him . He picks up the pace of his hips, fucks you harder, harder and your tits bounce against his chest. He slaps one of them gently, appreciating the soft jiggle it gives, the small gasp you let out. His other hand snakes low on your tummy and presses down into your pelvis so he can feel the battering of his cock inside of your cunt and shit he’s gonna come soon. Gonna come with his hand feeling himself fuck you from the outside. “Too much, too much, Joel ,” you whine. “Oh god, I– I’m gonna–” You’re soaked, sweat and slick sliding between your two bodies, and clutching him hot and tight as a fist. He can’t get deep enough, can’t give it to you hard enough. He never wants to stop, will never be able to stop. 

“You’re taking my cock so good, so fucking good. Jesus fuck, I can’t, I can’t–” He slates his mouth over your open panting one, licks into the sweet, red gleam of you. Your arms wrap around his neck, and he drags his teeth along your full bottom lip, lets it go with a little wet pop. You moan, head falling back on your neck, beyond words. He bends his head, hand wrapped around the fullness of your tit to bring it to his mouth, bites gently down on the tight, aching bud, laves his tongue around it and sucks it into his mouth. Then he’s pushing you back, letting you fall and bounce onto the mattress, legs splayed. When he pulls out abruptly you whimper – he can’t let himself come yet, not yet, just a little more – and he leaves a hot trail of open mouth kisses down your neck, over your shoulder, sucking the peak of your breast into his mouth again, over the swell of your belly, until he’s between your thighs again and bends his head to devour your slick. His tongue licking deep inside where his cock just was. He’s frantic. There’s no reason to the sense of urgency he feels, the urgency he’s taking you with right now. It’s something subconscious – something primal telling him to mark you, lay his claim. 

He can’t stop taking and taking, always taking.

He pulls up again from between your legs, the abruptness of his movements confusing you, leaving you to deliriously allow him to do with you what he will. “Taste us,” he says as he licks into your mouth, fucking his aching cock back into your spent cunt, so fucking tight always. “One more, baby. Gimme one more, lemme feel you milk me.” And like his own personal little marionette on a string, you do. Pussy fluttering and then pulling tight, a little furl of a knot, squeezing his own orgasm out of him. He feels his balls pull up tight and he’s painting you inside, teeth latched tightly to the delicate muscle that connects your neck and shoulder. The sound from your throat is high and keening, supplicant. He licks the hurt he’s just left. Grinds his spitting cock deep, right into the mouth of your womb. 

Mine, mine, fucking mine. It is a mantra of reassurance for the both of you. 

-

He cradles you in his embrace afterwards, his body wrapped around you as if he were a vine grown from your very heart. He sighs, the sound deep from his chest, and you want to tell yourself you can hear a yearning desperate enough to match your own in the cadence of it. His head drops to your shoulder, nuzzles the vulnerable space beneath your jaw, now riddled with his bites and bruises. You know you’ll enjoy inspecting them in the mirror tomorrow, feeling the warm pull of your belly at the reminder. And the moment is so achingly tender, even more intimate in a way, than your sex. The feel of him surrounding you, soft and quiet. Your eyes feel hot, pinching threateningly. 

“I have to go,” he murmurs, spent cock still buried inside of you. He presses kisses to your hair, your lips, over your closed eyelids. He can’t stop, God, he’s tried – is trying – but he can’t go, can’t part from you. Fighting is so fucking hard when you’ve got no will behind it. When what you’re trying to fight against is the thing you’ve wanted more than anything else in your whole life, and the only thing standing in your way is yourself, your own inadequacy. Perhaps he could endure the agony, the filth of life, the loss, the loss, the loss, with you held in his arms like this. 

His patrol shift started almost an hour ago. The guys were going to ream the hell out of him, he’d been here with you for hours, and still, still he couldn’t stop, couldn’t pull himself away. His lack of will, lack of restraint, of self control – his body and heart’s inability to do what his mind told him to, makes him so angry. At himself, and maybe – not at you, never you – but perhaps, at what you represented. All he wanted but couldn’t let himself have in full. He needed to go. He had responsibilities. He had truths to confess to himself. 

He was in love with you. He was. He was.

Joel was an obstinate man, but he did not lack self awareness. Now was the moment for this truth, if only confessed to himself. So, angry, and in love with you, and tremendously sorry, he turns away. Pulls out of your tight wet clutch with a wince, your breathy gasp making his cock twitch slightly, even so soon after he’s just come. You roll over, burrow into the pillows, and he grips the swell of your ass, pulls you apart to feast on the sight of his come leaking out of you. Obscene. Wet and messy and swollen, marked by his spend. He wants to bend for a taste but knows if he does, he won’t stop, will be likely to start all over again. “I gotta go, Birdie. M’already late.” He bends to nip a gentle bite to your ass cheek, one small last taste, then the press of a kiss. He hopes you can feel all he cannot say with that touch. The soft sound of acquiescence you hum as you burrow further into the sheets has his teeth clenching as he reaches for his clothes, heart turning over in his chest. He’s sure every sound out of you has a direct connection to his cock at this point. 

He won’t shower, won’t wash your drying come from his body. He’ll take you with him, wear you on his skin. Anyways, what did it matter, really, when he already wore you on his heart, his soul? What was one more conquering of his self? Perhaps this was, ultimately, what swallowing the sea looked like.

Chapter III

Netherfeildren Masterlist

[harley-sunday]

Feels Like Home [07]

Summary: When an unexpected three-week break between Monza and Singapore finds Daniel back on his farm in Perth he’s desperate to use this time to clear his mind, figure out his future in Formula One, and find his way back. He didn’t expect a new neighbour, a sassy two-year old, and three alpacas would make him realise that sometimes, what you’re looking for is right in front of you.

Pairing: Daniel Ricciardo x reader (unnamed OFC)

Warnings: Language

Word count: 5.2k

AN: The cliffhanger in the last part might have been a bit mean, I agree. BUT. We needed a little drama, babes. It ain’t all fun and games over on the farm. Anyway, hope this makes up for it :) If not, you know where to find me ♥

Masterlist

Granddad knows something is wrong the second you walk back inside and the door slams shut behind you and he points to the couch immediately, "Sit." He waits until you do before he continues, his voice more gentle this time, "Start talking."

There’s no use pretending everything’s fine and so you do as you’re told. You tell him about Blake and the NDA he wants you to sign, but before you get to tell him how upset it's made you, Granddad interrupts you with a chuckle that you feel is terribly out of place and earns him one of your better scowls.

"Sweetheart," he starts, giving the bottom of your foot a soft kick to get you to listen, "we all signed one."

"What?"

"When Danny first moved in he and Blake did a little tour of the neighbourhood and made all of us sign one of those forms. Me, Mrs Mackenzie, Kevin Holmes- Anyone really."

Huh. That's- Something you definitely wished you knew sooner.

"To be honest, I thought you'd already signed one," Granddad says with a kind smile. "You two have been hanging out so much I figured he'd already given you one. That's why I never mentioned it."

Letting your bottom lip roll between your teeth, the anger from before slowly ebbing away, you start to feel as though maybe you overreacted the tiniest bit. You're still mad Blake sprung it on you like this but yeah, ok, it kind of makes sense that he wants you to sign one. Fuck.

It's then you hear a car door slam shut and see Daniel drive off, a trail of dust following his car. All of a sudden it feels as if the air is being sucked from your lungs because he’s leaving tomorrow and what if- You look up at Granddad, "I messed up, didn't I?"

"Nah," Granddad shakes his head. "You got put on the spot and you know as well as I do us Lintons don't like that. He doesn't leave until tomorrow right?" 

You nod.

"See. There you go. Plenty of time to make this right, sweetheart." Granddad leans back in his chair then as if it really is that simple.

Maybe it is.

Ellie walks over to you from where she was playing with her wooden train and holds up her arms to you. When you pull her onto your lap she gently pats your cheek, "Momma sad?"

You shake your head and quickly reassure her, "Momma's ok." You let your chin rest on the top of her head and let out a heavy sigh, "Momma just needs to figure out how to fix things."

"Come with?"

"Yeah." You can't help but laugh. "Yeah bub, I guess you can come with."

***

"I just wish you would have told me." Daniel sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose as he paces around his living room. "You put me in a right spot, mate."

"I know," Blake agrees quietly. "Do you want me to call her or go over there to see if-"

"Nah, I'll- I'll figure something out," Daniel tells him, waving his hand around. "I just hope she'll understand."

"She will." He can hear Blake take a deep breath, "Just tell her I was being a right cunt and went rogue."

Daniel can't help but chuckle, "Will do." It’s then the intercom rings and he doesn't want to get his hopes up but he can feel his heart skip a beat because who else could it be? "I gotta go, mate. I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?"

"I really am sorry, Dan," Blake tells him. "I owe you one."

Daniel laughs, knowing full well it's usually the other way around, "I'll add it to the list, mate."

As soon as he ends the call he pushes the button in his intercom and waits for the camera to come on and confirm who he hopes is his visitor. He feels a wave of relief wash over him when he sees her now familiar face come into view, "Hi." 

“Hi,” she looks into the camera but before she can say anything else he's already opened the gate and he sees her let out a deep breath before she gets back into her car and heads down the driveway.

He waits for her outside, using one of the meditation exercises Michael always makes him do to help calm his nerves as he tries to figure out what to say to her. All too soon and yet not quick enough her car comes into view and he takes a few deep breaths in a futile attempt to prepare himself for whatever comes next. 

When she pulls up he has to stop himself from rushing over and waits until she’s out of the car before he greets her with a quiet, “Hey.”

“Hi,” she replies, a small, hesitant smile tugging on the corner of her lips. Instead of walking towards him she rounds the car and opens the back door and he’s a little confused but then he hears an excited, “Danny!” coming from the other side of the car and sees Ellie beaming at him.

“Hello Miss Ellie.” Daniel starts to hold out his hands to take her but then realises she might not want him to and so he drops them. To say he’s a little surprised when she hands him Ellie anyway would be an understatement, and somewhere deep inside he hopes that this means things are on the mend for them but he doesn’t want to think it out loud. Doesn’t want to jinx it. 

“Danny home,” Ellie says, patting his cheek with her hand.

Daniel can’t help but laugh, “Yeah. Danny home, sweetheart.” He looks at her then and nods to the house, “Why don’t we go inside?” He leads them to the kitchen, where he sits Ellie down on the countertop, one hand keeping her in place while he reaches for two mugs with the other. “Coffee?”

He hears her clear her throat, “I think we should talk first.”

Shit. She sounds serious but of course he agrees, “Yep. Ok.” 

***

“I overreacted,” you blurt out, wanting to make sure he knows you’re not here to blame him for anything. You hesitate but then put your hand on his arm anyway, “I’m sorry.” 

Daniel furrows his brows and doesn’t say anything and-

“Granddad told me you have everyone sign an NDA and, I mean, it makes sense- You wouldn’t want to have to worry about anyone running to the press or your competitors with inside information, right?” You’re rambling, you know you are but now that you’ve started it’s hard to stop because you need him to understand, “It was a little unexpected, that’s all. It felt like we were about two merge to companies instead of us dating and-”

“Are we?”

“Are we what?” You feign innocence because as soon as you mentioned dating you realised you put a label on something that might not even exist yet. You should have kept it casual, should have just said something about you being friends because now there’s this weight behind it that you’re not sure Daniel wants to carry. You’re a single mum with a kid. He’s a Formula One race car driver. There is no way this could be as serious as you’re making it out to be. 

You’re too lost in thoughts to notice he’s taken a step closer and so when he puts his fingers under your chin to make you look up at him you let out a surprised, “Oh.”

There’s a hint of a smile playing on his face when he asks, “Are we dating?” 

You bite your lip and shrug, trying to play it cool, because you might as well go all in now, “You did take me on a date.”

“I did,” Daniel says, his voice low. 

Next to him Ellie coos and it pulls both of you out of whatever moment you were having. You can’t help but laugh when you see your daughter looking from you to Daniel and back and so you pick her up, “Why don’t we put you on the couch with my phone for a couple of minutes, huh?” You look up at Daniel, “I’ll be right back.” 

“Yep.”

Once Ellie’s seated you find an episode of The Koala Brothers online and press play as you put your phone on her lap. To buy you and Daniel even more time you hand her a fruit pouch, “Here you go, bub.” You tilt her chin up and point to the kitchen, “Momma and Danny are right there ok? We can still see you.”

Ellie nods absentmindedly, not wanting to miss another second of the adventures of Frank and Buster.

You make your way back to the kitchen, where Daniel’s exactly where you left him. You take a deep breath, trying to ignore the herd of butterflies that’s stomping around in your stomach, “Where were we?”

Daniel, bless him, plays his part, “I just confirmed I took you on a date.”

“Right,”

“And after that I was going to apologise.”

You look up at him with furrowed brows, “What? Why?”

“Because I should have talked to you about this-” he says as he runs a hand through his hair, letting it rest at the base of his neck then. “I didn’t know Blake would ambush you like this but that doesn’t mean I couldn’t have at least warned you it was going to happen at some point.” 

“A little heads up would have been nice,” you agree, “but I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did. I should have just talked to you about it instead of making rash decisions. I feel like such an idiot-”

“Hey. No,” Daniel shakes his head and reaches out to you. “Don’t say that.”

“I just-” You try to smile, deciding to jump straight to the most important question of all, “Are we good?”

“We’re good,” Daniel replies without hesitation. He holds out both his arms to you then and pulls you in for a hug, “All good.” 

You wrap your arms around him and pull him close, “Good.” 

“There is something else I want to talk to you about,” he says as he lets go of you not much later. Daniel takes a step back and leans against the counter and when he takes a deep breath you’re a little worried he’s going to say something you’re not going to like but once again he surprises you, “I hate that I have to leave tomorrow. These past two weeks- Hanging out with you, and Ellie, and Oscar- It was amazing and I’m going to miss you guys like crazy but-” Another deep breath, “I was hoping we could see each other again? After the season is over?”

“I’d like that,” you reply, ignoring the way your heart seems to skip a few beats.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” you agree with a nod.

Daniel smiles, “Good. Because I like you. A lot.” 

Oh.

“I know it’s not fair to ask you to wait two months but-”

“I’ll wait.” It comes out barely above a whisper and so you try again, a little louder and more confident this time, “I’ll wait.” 

Daniel’s entire face lights up at your promise, “You will?” 

“Yeah, I uh-” You take a deep breath and look up at him, a smile tugging on the corners of your lips, “I really like you too.” 

Daniel pushes himself off the counter and takes a step forward, closing the distance between you. He looks from your eyes to your mouth and back, silently asking for permission that you give him by tilting your head back.

You wrap your arms around his neck and stand up on your toes so you can meet him halfway, his lips ghosting over yours then, making you smile into the kiss when he deepens it. There are no fireworks, no orchestra that plays the right song at the right time, but still it feels as though you’re in a movie and you’re being swept off your feet. 

Daniel has put his hands on your lower back and runs his tongue in between your lips as he pulls you closer. When you part your mouth his tongue slips inside and then you taste him and God, you never want this to stop. You can feel yourself getting lost in the kiss, liking the way he makes you work for it, always teasing and a push and pull between you that feels so-

“Momma!”

Both you and Daniel pull back at the same time, panting a little, and you’re sure your embarrassed grin matches the one Daniel’s wearing. You clear your throat, keeping your eyes locked on Daniel’s, “Yes, bub?”

“Momma, done,” Ellie says and there’s really no arguing with that, is there?

“I’m not sure if she means the episode or us,” you laugh quietly, raising your eyebrows at Daniel. You watch Ellie as she slides down the couch and wobbles over to the kitchen, scooping her up in your arms when she’s within reach and blowing a raspberry on her cheek, “Hello little monster.”

Ellie giggles and squirms in your arms, “Momma, no.”

“Momma, yes,” Daniel says then, blowing a raspberry on her other cheek. “Gotcha!”

You and Daniel continue your coordinated attack, making Ellie giggle even louder. When after a minute or so you pull back Ellie looks at you with bright eyes, “Momma, stay here?” 

***

They spend the rest of the afternoon in his garden, Ellie running around and chasing birds and butterflies, while she and Daniel watch the little girl from where they’re sitting on the top step on his back porch, enjoying a cup of coffee and some Michael-approved snacks Daniel found in the fridge. He remembers something then and stands up rather abruptly, making her look up at him with furrowed brows, “Shit. Sorry, I just- I forgot I had something for you guys.” He turns around and heads towards the gate that leads to the courtyard, “Wait here, ok?”

He doesn’t wait for a reply but instead makes his way to where he parked his truck and opens the door, grabbing two packages from the passenger’s seat. He wrapped them himself this morning and so what if he used some leftover Christmas paper? It’s the thought that counts, right? Daniel hurries back to the garden and finds them exactly where he left them two minutes ago, except this time Ellie has sat down in the grass, admiring a bumblebee that’s flying around her.

“Ellie?” He motions for the little girl to come over, “I’ve got something for you, kiddo.” 

It takes some time for Ellie to get up and make her way over, Daniel holding out his hand to her when she reaches the stairs, helping her climb up and sit down in between them. 

“I wanted to give you this yesterday but then I forgot and-” He hands Ellie the smaller of the two packages first, “Here you go.”

“Thank,” Ellie says as she tears into the paper, scrunching her nose in delight when she sees what it is.

“That’s a pretty sweater, bub.”

“It’s from the latest merch release,” Daniel explains as he hands her the larger package, “I got one for you too. Maybe-” He clears his throat, feeling a little embarrassed all of a sudden. “I figured maybe you could wear it when you watch a race? I know Oscar still wears that Red Bull shirt I gave him years ago but I didn’t really wanted you in McLaren merch so I-”

“Thank you,” she says as she helps Ellie put on her sweater, pointing out the lemons on the front as she tugs the fabric down. She unwraps her own package then, smiling when she holds up her sweater and admires the print, “Did you know I love peaches or was that just a lucky guess?”  

“Lucky guess,” he admits with a grin, a happy feeling spreading inside his chest because of all the lucky guesses he’s made so far, this might be the one he’s most proud of. 

He watches her as she stands up and puts it on before she spreads her arms and spins around, “I love it. Thank you.”

“No worries,” he replies with a shrug even though seeing her wearing his merch makes him feel all sorts of things. “It’s nice knowing you got people back home rooting for you.”

She sits back down, a little closer this time, pulling Ellie into her lap, “I can’t believe you have to leave tomorrow.”

“Yeah,” he agrees quietly. He nudges her shoulder with his, tries to keep his tone light, “I’ll be back before you know it.”

Ellie snuggles into her then and lets out a yawn.

“We should probably head back,” she says but doesn’t move.

“Yeah.” Daniel wishes he could stop time, just stay here, right in this exact moment. He offers the next best thing, “Do you want me to come with you?”

“Oh, no, that’s ok,” she says as she looks up at him. “You’ve got an early flight tomorrow.”

He starts to protest, “It’s not that early-”

“Daniel,” she says, her free hand on his knee, “we’re going to have to say goodbye eventually anyway.”

He lets out a heavy sigh, “I know.” 

She gives him a small smile as she strokes Ellie’s hair, “You’re gonna say goodbye to Danny, bub?”

Ellie looks up at Daniel with a sleepy smile but shakes her head. 

“I have to leave tomorrow,” Daniel explains, holding out his hands to the little girl who climbs onto his lap without hesitating and he pushes the fleeting thought that she might not remember him when he comes back all the way to the back of his mind and presses a kiss to the top of her head instead, “I’ll be back soon, ok?”

“Come with?”

Daniel chuckles softly, “Nah, sweetheart. You can’t come with this time.” 

“Danny come home.” It’s not even a question, Ellie looking up at him with a determined look on her face, as if she wants to let him know that if she can’t come with him, he’s going to have to come home with her.

“I will,” Daniel promises, hugging Ellie tight. “Soon.” 

***

You watch as Daniel leans into the car and kisses Ellie’s forehead. When he whispers a quiet, “See you soon, sweetheart,” you feel your throat tightening and you have to bite your lip to keep the tears at bay. 

Daniel steps back and turns to you then, a sad smile playing on his lips. He holds out his arms and pulls you closer when you step into his embrace, “I’m going to miss you, neighbour.”

“Yeah,” you agree quietly. Wrapping your arms around him you try to blink away the tears that have started to form in your eyes but fail miserably. When you pull back you let your hands rest on his chest and look up at him, “Please be safe.”

“Always,” he says. He kisses the top of your head, “Take care of the girls for me? And Oscar. And Ellie?”

She nods, “Always.”

“Take care of yourself too,” Daniel adds, raising his eyebrows. 

“Yep.”

“Good.” He cups your face then, using his thumb to wipe away a tear that’s inching its way down your cheek, “I’ll be back before you know it. And it’s not like I’m disappearing off of the face of the earth, right? We can call and text and-”

You nod, not trusting your voice right now. When he dips his head and captures your mouth in a kiss you close your eyes and try to savour the moment. Sixty three days, you try to tell yourself. 

Sixty three days until he’s home again.

***

For the first time in maybe forever, Daniel doesn’t want to go back to racing, doesn’t to leave Perth, and it’s- It’s a weird feeling, something he doesn’t quite know how to deal with, doesn’t quite know how to put into words and so he’s in a bit of a mood all throughout their travels on Tuesday. By the time they touchdown in Singapore, he’s over it and he doesn’t really say much during their transfer to the hotel, puts his headphones on instead, trying to ignore the looks Michael and Blake throw him. He feigns a headache and opt outs of dinner that evening, allowing himself to wallow in some self pity instead.

There’s a team briefing early Wednesday morning and Daniel tries to pay attention, really he does, but he finds his mind drifting, wondering how she’s doing and if the girl’s are alright and- Lando kicks his feet under the table then and when Daniel looks up he finds the entire room looking at him, no doubt waiting for an answer to a question he hasn’t heard. Lando, bless him, saves the day and pretends the question was directed towards him and answers for the both of them. 

As soon as the briefing ends, Lando catches up with him. “You alright, mate?” 

“Yeah, just a little tired,” Daniel lies.

“You came in from Perth, mate,” Lando counters with a grin, clapping Daniel’s back, “it’s not like you’re jetlagged, right?” 

Daniel shrugs but doesn’t say anything. 

“You’ll be alright,” Lando says, veering off to his side of the garage. “I’ll see you later, yeah?”

“Yep,” Daniel gives his teammate a quick wave and heads over to his team. 

The rest of the day drags on, more meetings, more data to look at, more promises by Tom that this time they might even finish inside the points. Blake rescues him somewhere around six, ushering Daniel back to the hotel with relative ease. Their meeting with Christian isn’t until later that night but Daniel still needs to freshen up and he knows Blake wants to go over some final details before they leave.

When Daniel steps out of the shower not much later, a towel wrapped loosely around his waist while he uses another one to dry his hair, and checks his phone he’s surprised to see there’s a message from her. He opens as he walks out of the bathroom and sees it’s a picture of her and Ellie, wearing the sweaters he gave them last Sunday, telling him good luck for tonight. 

“You’re grinning like an absolute idiot, mate,” Blake teases from where he’s sitting on the couch. “You good?”

“Why are you still here?” Daniel counters without looking up from his phone. 

“We have to leave in twenty minutes, mate.” 

“And?”

“And-” Blake grins and shrugs, “-someone has to make sure you actually get ready and not stare at your phone for another half hour, like some goddamn teenager who’s experiencing his first crush.” He stands up and holds out his hand,  “Give me that.”

Daniel lets out a dramatic sigh but then hands over his phone anyway, knowing Blake has a point.

“Thank you,” Blake tells him with a grin as he sits down again. He nods towards the bathroom, “You’ve got eighteen minutes to get ready, mate. Get going.” 

***

“Momma, help,” Ellie says, holding out her now dirty hands. You’re outside in the vegetable garden to plant some lettuce and green beans, or at least, that’s what you’re doing. Ellie apparently decided it would be more fun to try and dig for gold with her bare hands.

“Come here, you monster,” you tell her, making her clap her hands together to get the worst of it off before you wipe them clean on your sweater. “There you go.”

“Thank.” 

Your phone rings then and when you pull it out of your back pocket and see it’s a video call from Daniel, you can’t help but smile and motion for Ellie to come closer, “It’s Danny, bub.” You sit down on the edge of one of the raised planters and take the call just as you pull Ellie onto your lap, “Hey you.”

“Hi,” Daniel beams back. “Hi Miss Ellie.”

“Danny,” Ellie exclaims, smiling widely.

“How are you doing, ladies?” Daniel seems to be in his hotel room and for a moment you wonder why he isn’t at the track but then you remember it’s still only nine-thirty or so.

“We’re good, right bub?” 

Ellie nods enthusiastically, “‘m going potty!”

You can’t help but laugh, even more so when you see Daniel’s confused face, and so you explain, “Yesterday she told me she doesn’t want to wear diapers anymore so we’re trying to be a big girl and go to the toilet, huh bub?” Ellie nods and you throw Daniel a wink, “I think Isabella not wearing one might have heavily influenced her.”

“That’s good though, right?” Daniel looks at Ellie, “You’ve got this, sweetheart.” 

You smile at him, “How are you?”

“Yeah, good.” He sits up a little, “We leave in ten minutes or so, but I figured I could give you a call first.” 

“How was your meeting yesterday?” 

Daniel narrows his eyes at you but there’s still a hint of a smile somewhere, “Did you send that NDA to Blake yet?”

You let out a laugh, “I did.” 

“Good.” His usual grin is back then, “No, yeah, we’re working on it. They’re doing some final tweaks to the contract on their end and uh- Yeah, we should be ready to sign before the end of the season.”

“So you’re going back?”

Daniel nods slowly, his smile growing even wider, “I am.” 

***

He gets his best result of the season in Singapore, a fifth place that no one was expecting, least of all him. 

Some journos say it’s because he’s finally getting used to the car, while other 'experts' think it’s because a weight has been lifted off of his shoulders now that he’s in the final stages of his McLaren contract but none of them are right. It isn’t because of the car or leaving McLaren or- It’s because he finally knows what his future holds.

He’s going home.

***

“Ellie, wake up, bub,” you gently stroke your daughter’s cheek so as not to scare her as she wakes up from her nap. When she opens her eyes you smile at her, “Hi sleepyhead. It’s time to go watch Danny race, remember?” 

“Danny,” Ellie sighs, pushing herself up and holding out her arms so you can pick her up. 

You last spoke to Daniel on the phone on Tuesday, when he called after landing in Suzuka, but you have been texting pretty much every single day and so you know Suzuka holds both some good and bad memories for him. The Japanese Grand Prix is one of the last races you can watch without having to get up in the middle of the night because of the time difference and so you promised him you’d watch the race together with Granddad and Ellie. 

“You want to wear Danny’s sweater?”

Ellie nods, “Danny go car racing.”

“Yep,” you tell her as you help her into the sweater. “Danny’s going to go super fast, bub.”

Granddad’s already got the TV on by the time you make it downstairs and you hand over Ellie to him so you can warm up her bottle and slice an apple for her. You make it back just when the formation lap starts and so you point out Daniel’s car to Ellie, “There’s Danny.” 

“You remember what number Danny has?” Granddad asks your daughter, laughing then when she  proudly holds up five fingers but says, “Three.” 

“That’s right,” Granddad says, kissing the top of her head. “Clever girl.” 

You take a quick selfie of the three of you and send it to Daniel, because even though he won’t see it until after the race you want him to know you were cheering for him. 

***

Somehow they settle into a rhythm quite easily after Suzuka where they text each other daily and Daniel makes sure to video call at least once a week, usually on Tuesdays when, except for workouts with Michael, he doesn’t have much else planned.

After Suzuka he goes on to Austin, where he has a week off and finds himself hanging out with some of his Stateside mates, who somehow all comment on how much more relaxed he seems. He lets them believe it’s because he’s four races away from leaving McLaren but both Blake and Michael give him a look that tells him they know better.

Austin proves to be a disaster and he even finishes one place lower than where he started. There’s a message from her, after the race, telling him they’re still rooting for him, a picture of her and Ellie attached that makes him realise there are more important things in life than winning a race. 

Daniel’s in Mexico City when he gets a message from her early Thursday morning and not at all at a time she should be awake and so for a moment he’s worried something has happened but then he opens the picture and sees two fluffy newborn alpacas huddled close to their mothers and he hits the call button without thinking twice.

She answers on the first ring, “Hey.”

He’s a little taken aback by how exhausted she sounds but he guesses a double alpaca birth does that to a person, “Hey. Congratulations!” He can’t help but tease her, “So, are you a grandmother now or-”

“Daniel Ricciardo,” she bites back but he can hear the smile in her voice, “take that back.”

He laughs, “I kid, I kid. How are the ladies doing?”

“They’re good. Betsy’s a little unsure of what it means to be a mother but I’m sure she’ll be fine.”

He nods even though she can’t see him, “Who else gave birth? Babs?”

“Yep.” He hears her tell one of the girls to move before she comes back to him, “Blanche shouldn’t be too far behind either.”

“And how are you?”

She scoffs, “Tired. It’s been non stop for the past three days but-”

“How’s Oscar doing?”

She must know what he really wants to ask because she tells him, “He’s good. Walking is much easier now but he’s still a bit unsteady on his feet, you know? And he gets tired rather quickly so I’d rather have him watch Ellie than help me deliver some alpacas.”

Daniel hears what she’s saying but still, “Yeah, but-”

“I know, ok? I know, but it is what it is.” She clears her throat, “The laundry can wait another day or two and so what if the windows aren’t clean? Like I said, Blanche shouldn’t be too far behind and they should be fine on their own after a couple of days anyway so-”

“Gotcha,” he says. He can feel she’s getting annoyed and he doesn’t want her to feel like she needs to defend herself and so he quickly adds, “Well, if you need any help coming up with a name for one of them, let me know. I got a few nice ones up my sleeve.”

“Such as?”

“Reginald if it’s a boy,” he deadpans and he relishes in the laugh it draws from her, “and Mildred if it’s a girl.” 

“Right,” she draws out, still laughing. 

“What?” Daniel feigns innocence, “I think they’re great.” He doesn’t, not really, but at least he’s made her laugh and that’s all that matters. “I should probably let you get back to the girls, huh?”

“I was just about to head home actually.”

“Good, go get some sleep.” He lowers his voice then, “I’ll talk to you soon, ok? You got this.” 

She sighs, “Yeah.”

Once the call is disconnected he turns his phone in his hands over and over again, trying to figure out if there’s anything he can do to help her. 

Maybe there is. 

[clementine-kesh]

It's such a struggle to be a Phlox fucker, I'm not even kidding. It's not the lack of hot Phlox appreciation or the other people thinking it's a bit or even the hypocrisy of Quark and Garak being treated as sex symbols (I mean yes they're hot too but you know what I mean) while Phlox is just treated as some funny guy. All of that sucks but it's not what's hardest for me. No, it's the shipping.

I have been trying really hard to find someone to consistently pair him up with in my mind - I have already given up on finding a ship there's actually considerable content for, if you go to Phlox' ao3 tag and go to filter by relationship literally none of the options even involve him which is fucked up if you ask me - but there's always some kind of snag.

(Note from future me when I was finishing writing the rest of this message: I don't touch on every possibility, only ones I think could evolve into any kind of relationship rather than a quick one off shag (thinking of Trip here) so there's not even that many but I wrote way too much, especially on candidate #3)

The first I saw suggested was Archer which, fair enough I guess, but at that point I had not yet met Shran or knew about Shrancher and now that I do it's not like I stopped with the Phlox x Archer but it's just no longer a priority. And yes, you can totally make Archer having two alien boyfriends work, especially since both Denobulans and Andorians are poly by default, but while I haven't seen Shran and Phlox interact yet (and thus could be totally off) I just don't feel like they'd vibe enough to even hang out casually tbh. Again, I do still ship this but pretty low key.

The next option I wanna talk about is T'Pol and I think that at least initially, she's the most "realistic" option and if the show had been twice as long they probably would've been at least teased at some point (in part ofc since it was the 00s and so heterosexuality was the only option but y'know) and the whole "only two non-human crew members" thing adds something that vibes with me, too, but there's just no way you could ever make them work in the long run because Vulcans are just PAINFULLY monogamous and I simply don't think she's willing to break with that. Phlox would off-handedly mention one of his wives and T'Pol would be absolutely seething. This is not a long term ship.

Then possibly my favourite so far is Tobin Dax. Technically it's only beta canon that Tobin was around during Ent (in the alpha timeline Lela died in 2226 (thus presumably when Tobin was joined) which is over 60 years after the end of Ent and there's no alpha info on what he was doing before but in the beta timeline Tobin was definitely already joined by the 2160s and probably quite a bit before) so unless you wanna go with unjoined Tobin (whom we have zero alpha info and as far as I can tell little to no beta info on) you gotta go beta timeline which I know so little about that it's hard for me to daydream about. But at least Phlox and Tobin are said to have met in beta canon tho I don't know if there's scenes of their interactions. I can probably forget about any non me made content too since beta Tobin is already "commonly" (considering it's all beta) shipped with Iloja of Prim who, fun fact, is actually given as Jadzia's favourite Cardassian writer in alpha canon. Anyway, point is I just don't know enough about (beta) Tobin or beta canon in general to generate anything here.

(And I would consider other Dax hosts as well but unless you count the (alpha timeline) three years between Lela's joining and Ent ending there's not much opportunity for this without time travel. I should mention two things here, one: I don't think Lela is one of the Daxes that I'd ship with Phlox and two: I am not strictly opposed to time travel for the sole purpose of PhloxDax and I can defo imagine him with Jadzia, Curzon, maybe Torias and possibly Emony, but it's an extra level of complication that I frankly can't be bothered with if I'm the only one doing it.)

(Also, just for completeness' sake: in the beta timeline we know Phlox was alive at least until the 2260s which would put him parallel with Dax until at least Audrid tho it's very feasible he made it until after her death in 2284, the two subsequent hosts (who as you know didn't make it long) and Curzon's 2285 (again, beta timeline, it's '86 in alpha) joining. There's different lifespans given for Denobulans (about 300y in beta tho, according to memory beta) but even by the shortest I found (which said 170 to 280) it's very much possible since Phlox was born in the 2080s (beta)/generally sometime late 21st century (alpha). But that's just additional info.)

In summary, I may have to read Uncertain Logic (last Rise of the Federation novel to feature Tobin and the one that, based on my research, is most likely to show him interact with Phlox) but it would be difficult as I can no longer read long texts after getting off my ADD meds (which mess with my antidepressants) and thus literally haven't finished even half of a book in about a decade. As I said, the struggle is real. I swear to you I don't set out with the intention of writing a dissertation in your askbox each time, it just happens. I'm sorry.

Oh, also, if you have more suggestions (or better yet: content) for Phlox ships I'd be very eager to listen! Thank you so much for your time!

-Levi

i respect the grindset so much more people should be phloxfuckers tbh. he’s got that jovial mad scientist vibe and is in an open marriage with his three wives like?? the best phlox ship i have for you is ages ago i made a post that included a joke about neelix using a temporal anomaly to moonlight as the chef on the nx-01 and beginning a torrid love affair with phlox which i still stand by. it happened to me. also i know next to nothing about beta canon but conceptually the idea of pairing phlox with one of the dax hosts is very fun

[keep-the-wolves-close]

Steady Heart

Chapter 5: Diggin’ a Hole

• Pairing: Slow-burn Kayce Dutton × OFC Stella Daniels

• Rating: M? (Still figuring out the rating system) (might eventually be M anyhow)

• Warnings: brief mention of suicide, language, I think this chapter is pretty tame?

• Word count: 3,798ish

I would love to give credits to @dameronscopilot for being a sounding board for me during this whole process, giving outsider insight, being a cheerleader, and allowing me to screech at her about things that have happened during the writing process. seriously couldn't have gotten this far.

Author's note: I hope everyone is enjoying so far! I hope you love this chapter as well! 💛🤓

Stella pulled up to the barn by the bunkhouse. When she shut off the car, she and Jimmy sat in silence and stared out the windshield. The day had hit hard, in more ways than one.

Stella breathed out a whispered, “fuck,” and rubbed her face.

Jimmy nodded, numb, still staring out the windshield. He looked over to Stella. “You gonna be okay?”

She thought carefully. “Yeah, I think so. I gotta go clear my head. Probably gonna go for a ride.”

“Yeah, I think I’m gonna shower before closing everyone up for the night.” Jimmy opened the door and slid a leg out before Stella’s voice stopped him.

“Jimmy I’m sorry.”

His brows pulled together. “For what?”

Stella shrugged and gestured in the direction of Kayce’s. “For all of that.”

“What do ya mean?”

“If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t have had to experience that.”

Jimmy relaxed back into the passenger seat, one leg still against the SUV door. He twisted to face her better. “Stella, c’mon. You couldn’t have known something like that was gonna happen. It’s not your fault.”

“Yeah,” Stella sighed. “I guess so.”

“You good?”

“I will be.” As Jimmy stepped out of the car, she remembered Rip was probably going to give him hell. “I’ll take care of Rip for you too. Don’t worry.”

“Thank you.” He smiled and let the door fall shut.

Stella let her head rest against the seat and zoned out on the pasture in front of her. She felt for Monica. She had lost so much in such a short amount of time. Stella couldn’t even begin to imagine the kind of heartbreak Monica felt right now. There should have been something someone could have done before it came to this. ‘Thinking about the what ifs and maybes isn’t helping, and won’t help.’

She must have sat there for longer than she thought when she focused back in and saw her brother walk by with his horse Blue Jeans. Hurrying into movement, she hopped out of the car. Ryan heard the flurry noise and he slowed his gait.

“Hey brub.” Stella greeted him.

He pulled his brows together. Something wasn’t right. She only called him that when she was feeling small. “Hey Stellee. What’s up?”

She gave BJ a soft pat on his rump to let him know she was there as she walked behind him. “Hey BJ,” she whispered. Placing herself in front of Ryan, she leaned into his chest, asking for a hug. To which Ryan automatically wrapped her up with his free arm.

“Woah woah, what’s going on? Are you okay?” Stella heard the panic in his voice.

A muffled reply came from her. “Yeah I’m okay. It was just a really long day.” She stroked BJ along his shoulder, finding solace in the simple act.

“You wanna talk about it?”

After a few minutes of thought, Stella straightened herself and pulled out of Ryan’s hold. “Let me go get Abigail and then we can go to the river.” She looked at BJ, “as long as he’s up for it.”

“Of course he is. Let me come help you.”

Ryan followed his little sister into the barn and watched her closely. She moved in calm, but silent motion. Her quietness bothered him. He handed her things as she reached for them. They worked like a fine oiled machine. A nice assembly line of tacking up her mare.

The aforementioned mare nuzzled at her owner occasionally, trying to elicit a response. Stella whispered to her, “hold on girl.” Ryan would almost say it looked like Stella was going to cry. Once the last piece of the puzzle was placed, Stella didn’t even wait for Ryan. She just knew he would follow.

The sibling duo made a quick pit stop to grab the other horse and prepared to set off toward the lower part of the river. “I’m gonna let her leg it out.” Stepping into her saddle, she let the bay roan take off.

The woman and her horse slowed to a walk when the river came into view. Stella heard Ryan and Blue Jeans coming up behind them. Ryan stopped BJ next to his sister and observed the thousand yard stare.

“Stella, what happened? Where’d you even go earlier?”

“I went to Kayce’s and I took Jimmy thinking Kayce and I could teach him something that would help him here.”

Ryan held off asking again because he could feel that the flood gates were about to burst.

“Well everything was going great. Jimmy was learning something, and we were all having a great time.” Stella’s heart fluttered in her chest, making it hard to catch her breath. “Then we heard a gunshot—,” she cut herself off and took a stuttering breath in. “It was Monica’s sister-in-law.”

“Wait, she?”

Stella confirmed with a solemn nod.

“Oh my god.”

“I didn’t see much because Monica took over, but I saw enough.” She leaned forward. “I wish I had words, but I don’t. I’m sorry for Monica, I’m sorry for Samantha’s kids.” Stella shook her head. “I just don’t know what I want to say.”

“And that’s okay. You don’t have to have something to say all the time.”

“I just wish there was something any of us could have done.”

“I know what you mean.”

In the silence that fell over Stella and her brother, she thought about the situation with John. There were so many things she was unsure of. Is she fired, is she staying, is she demoted? The anxiety crept up on her. It’s cold, bony hands gripping her shoulders and weaving their way to her neck.

Ryan watched Stella tense up again. He knew she was always safe here, but as of late it seemed that she was losing that comfort. “What else is going on?”

His voice broke her out of her thoughts of the situation. Stella had tried to avoid telling Ryan anything about it. She had a choice in front of her. She could lie and say it’s nothing, or she could spill the beans completely.

If she lied, Ryan would know. That was one thing she could never get away with by herself. Kayce always helped convince him, or anyone they were trying to pull the wool over on.

If she fessed up, he would most likely go on a tear to find John and argue with him. Stella didn’t want to put his livelihood and job in jeopardy alongside her. It was her stupid mistake and he shouldn’t have to take the fall with her.

“You gotta promise me you won’t go on a rampage after this.”

Ryan stiffened in his saddle. He focused his gaze directly on Stella. “I make no promises, but I’ll do my best. Go on.”

Stella took the plunge and let it all fall out. “So I overheard a conversation I shouldn’t have, and when I went to sneak away, which I now realize I should have just waited it out, Mr. Dutton saw me and now my job and time here is in the balance.” The silence that enveloped them had Stella twitching in her saddle. She could almost hear the impending explosion. “Ryan, please don’t. Don’t risk yourself trying to defend me.”

His glare locked her in place. He looked furious. Stella braced herself for the onslaught of her brother's wrath. “How dare you ask me that, Stella?”

“Ryan come on now, we both can’t afford to lose our jobs.”

“It’s not about that!”

“Then what is it about?!” She screamed back at him.

“John should know better! You’ve never had any problem with secrecy! He should know you better than that!”

“Well Ryan, I don’t know when he’s gonna decide, and I don’t have the power to make him change his mind or sway his decision.”

“Kayce would! Have you told him?”

“He’s got enough going on. I’m not dragging him into this. He would go to a whole different level of blood rage.”

“You can’t just lay down and submit. Even if he is your boss, say something damnit!” If there was one thing John hated in his employees, it was when they gave up.

Stella rolled her eyes. Ryan was right, but John’s words, you’re on thin ice little girl, ran through her head over and over. “Alright, fine,” she grumbled. “What would I even say?”

“The truth.”

“Wow, don’t you think I already did that?”

“If you would let me finish my thought,” Ryan raised his brows at her. “Tell him the truth, but we all know he can be a bully sometimes. So be a bully back.”

John just finished talking to Jamie in the house. He needed to find Rip. There were questions he needed answered about Stella. He hoped he could find the answers with his foreman. Thinking since it was late, he would try the foreman’s lodge first.

On his way down the hill in the dark, he heard hooves as they barreled away from the barn. John caught a quick glimpse of Stella and Ryan headed off to the river.

He rapped on the lodge's door which brought Rip front and center. “Sir? Is everything alright?” He stepped out onto the small porch.

“It might be, but I have a few questions.” John stopped and reflected. Rip remained wordless, waiting for John to continue. “Tell me about Stella.”

“What do you wanna know, sir?” Rip frowned. John knew Stella just as well as anyone else on the ranch.

John contemplated. “I know she’s been here a while. Hell, grown up here, really. She’s a hard worker. My son loves her. The men love her.”

Rip nodded. “Yes sir, I would agree. I’d trust her with my life. Without a doubt.”

“But can we trust her with sensitive information?”

“I believe we could. I’ve never heard anything come up otherwise. And I can’t swear to what she’s overheard in the past or not. If she’s even paid attention to it.”

“Oh, she’s paid attention to it.” John declared.

“She’s been here this long with her brother, and nothing has made her run. She’s protected all of us like a grizzly when she’s had to. Even the resident dipshit. What did she hear?”

“She heard Jamie and I talking about Kayce being identified and what to do with Lee so they couldn’t identify Kayce.”

“Oh, that kind of information.”

“Yeah. The burying kind.” John confirmed. “Does that change your mind?”

“No, sir. I could talk to her for you?”

“No. I feel like I should handle this.” John turned and left Rip standing there. He paused for a moment to mention something he’d forgotten, “oh she tried to fight Fred by the way.”

“Fuck.” Rip cursed to himself in a hushed tone. “I thought I heard some of the men talking about her landing a hit. I’ll take care of that, sir.” He would have to talk with Stella, hopefully before John got to her. Rip knew they could trust her not to say anything, but John was a hard man to convince. Even with Rip’s blessing.

John continued on his way past the round pen and into the barn. He went to go sit with Tank and remembered Stella and Ryan were gone. John opened the stallion’s stall. He placed himself at the back corner.

He sat there for about 10 minutes before he started hearing noise at the front end of the barn. He caught Stella faintly talking to her brother. He couldn’t make out what she was saying. The tone was glum from what he could tell. Her voice floated closer as she stood her mare outside the stall next to him. Ryan’s voice sounded a bit further to the left.

Tank moved to the open window and chuffed at her. Stella reached out to pet his nose from afar. “Hey buddy. You did a great job today. I hope those boys have been treating you right.” The stud brushed against her hand. She glanced at her brother over her shoulder. “Y’all been treating him right?”

Ryan laughed. “Yes, Stellee. Not many of us can touch him for long anyway.”

Stella went back to breaking down Abigail. She mumbled softly to her. “You did great today too, babe. I’m sorry I’ve been making myself scarce. I just don’t need another run in like yesterday. I don’t want us to get kicked outta here. I don’t know what I would do if that happened.” She brushed Abigail’s side softly.

Ryan interjected softly. “Hey, it’s gonna be okay.”

“How can you promise that?”

“I can’t, but I know our boss well enough. You stick to your guns, and everything will work itself out.” Ryan suggested.

“Fuck Ry, I should have known better.” Stella huffed. Abigail chuffed at her and gave her arm a hard shove with her nose, sensing her girl’s anxiety.

The siblings became aware of noise behind the large mare in front of her. Letting her shoulders drop, Stella prayed with every fiber of her being that it wasn’t John. She peeked over top of Abigail’s withers, which at 16.3 hands, was just high enough that she could just barely see over at five foot seven if she went up on her toes a bit. When she saw that it was Jimmy just coming in to close everyone up for the night, she sighed in relief. She fixed her glasses and readjusted the backwards ball cap she had on.

“Hey Jimmy.”

“Oh hey, Stella. Ryan.” When Ryan didn’t say anything, Jimmy went about closing up stall windows at the far end. “You doin’ okay, Stell?”

“Yeah I’m okay. I think. We just got back from a ride around. Had to clear my head.” She paused for a moment. “You comin’ in to shut everyone up for the night?”

“Yeah. The usual low man stuff. I had to clear my head too.”

Stella ignored the scoff from her brother. “Nah I don’t consider it low man. Being in here was some of the least stressful time I had. Out there?” Stella pointed out the barn door. “Well as you saw today… you gotta be worried about not only yourself, but everyone, and every move you make.” She continued to brush out Abigail.

Jimmy laughed. “You’ve got a point there. Can I help you out?”

Stella glanced at him over top of Abigail again and then at her brother. She debated for a minute, but decided he was harmless and it would also help her get out of here quicker.

She smiled at him. “Sure. Why not?”

They made quick work of getting the mare ready for the night. Making sure she was properly cooled off and locked up safe in her stall. With Ryan finishing his horse and lending a hand, it went even faster.

“I’m sorry the guys are hazing you so bad. It’ll get better here soon. I think you’re doing great for someone who had no previous experience.” Stella encouraged him. “And having me and maybe Kayce, if I can convince him, you’ll be great in no time.”

Ryan watched the exchange and felt the need to break up the love fest. “When did this become Stella’s School for Dipshits?”

Stella smacked Ryan’s arm, hard. “How about you shut the fuck up or else you’ll be enrolled in Stella’s School for Dumbasses Who Need to Eat Knuckles?”

“Okay okay, my bad. I’m sure you learned a lot from them both today, Jimmy. I wanna see it in action out there.” Jimmy assessed whether or not Ryan was serious. When the genuine look remained on the man’s face, he gave him a small smile.

His gaze moved back to Stella. “Thank you for standing up for me to Fred by the way. He’s batshit crazy and that wasn’t a great idea, but I appreciate it. I don’t know if I’m cut out for this though.”

“Of course, Jimmy. As for being cut out for this? None of us really are. It gets cut into us.” Ryan emphatically nodded.

“What do you mean?”

“Usually, by one way or another, we pick up on the little stuff we’re not good at. Trial and error. Learning the ropes isn’t easy. It certainly doesn’t happen overnight, either. Give it time, Jimmy. Lloyd has faith in you. So I do too.” She patted his shoulder. “Goodnight Jimmy. Thanks for the help.” She and Ryan began to wander off to the door.

“Sorry, Mr. Dutton, should I, um…,” Stella heard Jimmy utter those words and wanted to die right there. He had been in the barn the whole time. She gave a wide eyed look to her brother and picked up the pace. She could hear the men talking faintly behind her.

“You never knew your grandmother, did you?”

“No, she, uh…,” he paused and then continued, “she died when my mother was young.”

“I remember.”

That jog to the outside felt like it took forever. She let out a breath she didn’t realize she had been holding while she looked over her shoulder making sure her brother was behind her. Stella’s eyes were closed as she brought her head back forward. She opened them a second too late and ran face to chest into Rip.

She let out a little startled gasp. “Jesus, Rip!”

“Woah! You okay?” He grabbed her shoulders to steady her, but also made his eyes level with hers.

Stella nodded. “Yeah I’m fine. You just scared the shit out of me.”

Rip greeted Ryan with a nod, but continued questioning Stella. “What happened to having him back by the afternoon?”

“Something heavy came up at Kayce’s after he and I were working with him. Trying to teach him things to help him here.” Stella’s tone was soft, and she looked to the ground. She didn’t have the heart to go into the details again.

Rip saw the sensitivity and quickly changed the subject. “Ryan, you go on to the house. I have to talk to your sister for a minute.”

Ryan made eye contact with his sister, pleading with her to remain calm. Trying to convince her that everything was going to work out. He gave her a quick one armed hug before making his way to the bunkhouse.

Rip waited until he was sure Ryan was out of ear shot. “So what’s this I hear about you trying to fight Fred? Did you forget the rules?”

Stella clenched her jaw. “Oh come the fuck on. He’s a big headed bully bitch. He deserves every punch thrown at him, and you know it.”

John heard their slightly raised voices from inside the barn. He got up from his place in Tank’s stall and went to stand by the door.

Rip started, “I do, but—,” Stella interrupted.

“—and you also know as well as I do that he’s not branded. So it really shouldn’t matter.”

Rip sighed. “That’s not the point Stella.”

“Then what is it?!” She screamed at him. She was tired of people saying that to her today.

“Just because you’re miss Stella-belle, and we all love you dearly, doesn’t mean you get to break the rules and not get reprimanded for it.”

“Rip, I’m not gonna fight you. I also only technically hit him once. Enough to make my point.” Stella defended.

“Listen, I gotta bar you from the bunkhouse for a while. One hit or not.”

“What?!”

“You and Fred obviously don’t get along. He knows what buttons of yours to push. I don’t need your anger to get the better of you.”

Her head dropped back with a frustrated groan. “Okay, okay fine. I’m already walking on eggshells as it is.”

“Why?”

“When did you start asking so many questions?” Stella didn’t mind him showing concern, but she wasn’t really in the mood for another interrogation.

Rip made himself eye level with her, holding onto her shoulders. “When people started askin’ me fuckin’ questions about you.” He let go of her, but stayed eye level with her.

Stella smacked her lips. John must have spoken to Rip already. “Touché, you’ve got me there.”

“No, not “touché”. Why is he askin’ me if you can be trusted or not?”

“Let me start off with, hindsight is 20/20. Instead of doing the smart thing and announcing my presence by walking out into the barn hall, I decided to sneak out the window. Which I understand now, looks very suspicious. My first initial thought was to ignore it. I didn’t see anything, I didn’t hear anything. Just like with everything in this place.”

She started to pace. “But then, keeping up with my mindset of, I didn’t see or hear anything, I decided it was a great idea to then lie to John when I didn’t know he had seen me leave.”

Rip rubbed his eyes with his finger tips in disbelief. “Jesus fuckin’ Christ, Stella. Why did you see a giant pile of dog shit and think it was a good idea to step in it?!”

Stella sucked her lips inward and rubbed them together. She was in a huge pile of it, she knew that very well. She fixed her glasses and released her lips with a pop.

“In my defense, I didn’t step in it on purpose. Should I have just waited until everyone left the barn, and continued on with the ignore it mindset? Yeah. But I didn’t. And now that misstep is potentially gonna royally fuck me over.” She took a deep breath. John leaned closer to the door and made eye contact with Rip through the door. Stella’s tone got soft. Solemn.

“This place, all of the people here? Other than my own house, this is the only place that feels like home. The only ranch Ryan and I have been to that felt like that.” She slid her glasses back up her nose. “If you think I would do something like run my mouth to someone about some shit I don’t even know the context for? Risking the safety of said people and place? You guys don’t know me at all then.” She shook her head and looked to the ground.

Stella sighed. “Can I go to my house now?” Rip nodded.

As Stella walked away she heard him say to her, “we’ll get this figured out Stella. I promise.”

After Rip gave her that heavy promise, he saw the door to the barn open. John stood there and looked in the direction Stella had gone to her car. “Has she given up?” He asked his foreman.

“Not quite. She’s definitely beating herself up about it though.”

“Have her come around noon tomorrow. I think it’s safe to say she’s learned her lesson.” John started to walk away.

[bronzetomatoes]

Sorry I would like a second opinion on a personal issue from people who had no involvement in the situation so. Sorta long post ahead

Ermm so there's this girl in my band class. And like at our school that means we've all been in the same class with the same 20-some people for both band and English for 2-3 years now, so we're a pretty close group as far as full high school classes go. But yeah there's this girl I've sorta known in passing the past couple years

When we got to school for the new year in September, this girl (gonna call her Alice, not her real name) had just come out as trans, started growing her hair out, was very skittish and socially awkward. Last year she had a friend group, this year none of them seemed to be talking to her. After chatting with us for a day in October, she asked if she could start hanging out with us at school more often. We all sorta went �� ofc you can

We really did not have anything in common, but we could tell she needed friends and like. It's fine, ofc, and our band teacher spoke to us privately about how great it was to see Alice have friends + the impact she could see it having on Alice.

After like a month or two, the early awkwardness and stilted conversations had... not gone away. But like I thought That's okay, being socially awkward isn't a crime, not everyone is good w that shit. We still very much did not have Any common interests, and honestly? We didn't even seem to enjoy each other's company that much, she just sorta hung around us bc she needed friends. We didn't find each other funny either, which sorry if that seems stupid but like thats kind of a big deal for me and my friends

One thing I started to notice was that she seemed... overly familiar? Like she started laying on pretty thick with flirting and sexual jokes in a way that kind of just fell flat. I kinda pinned it as social awkwardness + not taking hints, but my friends and I had known each other for YEARS before we started that shit, not. 3 months. And like it wouldn't have been a problem if Alice would like, stop when we asked her to.

On the one hand, I feel like some of my friends were a little harsh in the way they started icing her out, but on the other hand I had been fighting off a Bad Gut Feeling for months at that point and didn't much feel like going to bat for Alice? But anyway

I missed a lot of lunch hours for extracurriculars, which is when most of this shit goes down, so apparently Alice had kept on full sending it w the heavy flirting and sexual comments. Literally asked one of the more reserved guys if he was circumcised out of fucking no where. Asked one guy out, found out he had a gf, immediately moved onto another guy. Asked someone if his friend was single, guy said "no, but I don't think he's looking for anything rn," Alice replied "lmk if he gets better," kept making weird ass fucking jokes (including an incest joke about her REAL LIFE LITTLE BROTHER) until it was just like. This shit has gotta stop

And THEN. Alice's old friends told us that the reason they all fucking dropped her was bc she a) wouldn't quit it w invasive questions abt their sex lives (non-existent) (we're in high school band get real), b) went to someone's house to hang out and READ THEIR DIARY. And c) wrote. self-insert porn about herself and one of their friends and then showed it to them. ANYWAYYYYY we had had ENOUGHH but I feel really bad bc she really and truly got dropped by like 20 people all at once. And like some of us had a free period together so it was like we had been chatting for an hour a day from October to February and we all kinda just dropped her. But on the other hand what the actual fuck

And the thing is, we did give her a chance to apologize. We explained everything that had been making us uncomfortable and asked her to stop, and rather than, idk, deciding to stop hitting on all our friends, she tried to explain why she should be allowed to do it 😭😭 and like at that point I couldn't keep giving her the benefit of the doubt. It ain't misreading social cues if you're being told directly and you refuse to change your behaviour

This all went down like a couple weeks ago but I had to get it off my chest. Don't blame the band teacher or anything her heart is always in the right place but WOO BOY was it misguided 💀

[enniewritesathing]

discussion post #2 (i think?)

This may have been a small update but More Things happened and we gotta talk about it. (Or, I'm gonna talk about it.) More like a ramble, really.

Thoughts? Comments? Concerns? Speculation? Let's talk about it. 🤔

Behind the Scenes stuff:

first off, I wouldn't have the ability to even remotely do ANY of this part without @anothersimsstory's CC conversions and I'm glad I had the foresight of downloading it when I did. (they didn't delete their shit or anything but you know how it is sometimes) and the monitor by Theraven (I don't think they have a tumblr? they have a forum tho), and the EKG leads by @jellypawss. It really pays to make niche CC!!

I had to make swatches for the monitor since it is an important visual thing... but it was wholly contingent on me finding something that's close to actual vital signs and I looked everywhere but they were all stock images and obviously didn't work for what I needed. I then had to search high and low for for it, but I found it. For real!! I had to use TWO laptops (one for settings and the other for the actual monitor) and I screenshotted it, slapped it into paint to save it, make it a swatch, rinse/repeat for I think 15? idk how many

you may think, Ennie, that's a bit much, and I say, my attention to detail game is insane when it doesn't need to be but dammit, the visuals have to make sense from a glance. That and the offchance of someone who knows read the monitor would point something out about it. That said! I tried parcing out what EtCo2 is but all I got from it is was "high number bad".

seriously, I spent... a Stupid amount of time setting that up. 🅱️lease clap for me -- I can safely say that I don't think anyone else would go that far.

I told myself after finishing The Incident I was not gonna be doing 5/6 rigs all in one shot again. (🤡)

The lighting situation drove me up the damn wall and after a point, I just said fuck it. What I didn't anticipate was the stark contrast of John and The Werewolf talking and the memory in terms of setting. It's really cool, I think.

I fretted over this part the whole time because I didn't know what order I wanted and what I was going for, but I think I escalated it properly.

For The Werewolf's veins, I had to do the ol' S4S shuffle, but they are a combination of 3, maybe 4 and ofc had to make outfits for the progression, which is why he's still rocking the half-sleeve look (and from an age/timeline stand point makes him 21/22ish). You know what, let's look at them again!

it's a good look

Speaking of... I had to make a lot of The Werewolf solo poses and I found out that uh, it's all in the brows; they can completely change the meaning. It's bad enough with the angles and the general body language. (Or maybe not? Eh.)

Another visual thing -- The Big Scene... that one, I had going back and forth with it until I decided going all white for The Werewolf's eyes (or lack of pupils). It was far more striking and way scarier than the 'blank' eyes I tend to go with.

seriously, I contemplated on tagging it as a jump scare.

Oh! and the shaking of 3 pics, that was spur of the moment because I really kept going back into the post and something was just missing. I have a (cracked) PhotoMosh and I played with the setting a bit and bingo.

It is probably my favorite post so far. I had to settle with the fact that it's not gonna be the one to be spread around. Or any of it really.

Story Stuff:

There's so many crumbs in this! So. Many. There's even a loaf of bread or two. If you tell me what you're picking up on and you're on some kind of track, you get a cookie (🍪). (I'm serious, btw)

John's clearly shook. This may be the first time we've really seen him like this. And The Werewolf is nonchalant... (I will admit John looks very pretty when he's like this lol)

...or is he? I think there are more cracks in the dam than you'd think. A while back in a post that's somewhere on this blog, but John has a tendency to play with his hands when he's anxious.

Another thing that I just noticed is that they didn't really look at each other; I wonder what that's all about?

I've said it once and I'll say it again; even though they share the same body, John and The Werewolf look very different from one another, and I think that's neat.

Jordan being real about taking advantage of the fact that they're getting paid $$$ and they'd be dumb to not take up the offer.

I had to remember that Brian did not know John was a werewolf at this point in time, or even begin to really put 2+2 together. I call it a bit of genre blindness, helped by the fact that this didn't happen all the time. He just rolled with it. Also, wow he looks very young without his tats; ofc this was the college years and he was beginning to fill out/eating good.

Mark is the smartest dude in the whole story. He said, nope, nuh uh, I'm OUT. IYKYK.

There were so many pics I wanted to take of Daniel punching The Werewolf right in the solar plexus (or thereabouts it might've been slightly lower than that). As they say in the FGC, he failed to block that overhead.

I'm glad I decided to leave in the fact that The Werewolf couldn't see too well.

The Werewolf blew his vocal cords out screaming. He said that shit with his soul. Rarely do I go with the funky text with him since that's his "big scary werewolf" voice (that and he rarely speaks like that). My man said "I'll make you suffer my pain." Beautiful. Can't wait to see how that plays out.

That said, The Werewolf did work himself up to the point of nearly killing himself on accident. But as Charles predicted, his body hit the emergency button and shut that shit down.

I spent the most time worried about this part because it needed to get the point across without it being so... cheesy?

also, I have to say? The Werewolf is a Swearwolf. *rimshot*

The Fucking Around part has ended... The Finding Out part is really going to be fun to watch. (I mean, you can already do this if you haven't but now you have way more context.)

There's something about The Werewolf that's becoming apparent (to us). He's still holding back on his actual feelings. Not only that... he hasn't gotten to John himself and I think that's where it's really gonna go down. John knows this; he's not naive to think that he didn't have a role in all of this too. Something to think about.

Charles is a flat out Nasty Man (very derogatory) and yet, I kinda enjoy writing it.

I do love how he is formal with names, "dear ____" and referring to John's formal name Johnathan.

which I always forget this mfer is named Johnathan. Nobody calls him that.

[thelunarbar]

Back to my rewatching(was waiting for DVDs to show up bc I got tired of watching it in my phone)

Ah the classic forgot where I parked the car thing. We’ve all been there

Why was his first thought to run over the cars??? I mean ig it took less time and maybe he wanted the noise but it seems very unnecessary

Distractions i.e. Allison

Liar. and point proven literally ten seconds later. God I hate him he’s so annoying

Oh good more cringey teenage make outs 🤮 and it never ends wtf

Ha cockblocked

I refuse to believe she wouldn’t need Kate to spell Gevaudon(probably misspelled that which I think proves my point quite well)

Tyler posey is not a great actor

Seriously enough with the super dim lighting already 😭

Love the sitting in the dark waiting for Scott thing that Derek does

Liar. Why do people lie so much in this show??? Just be freaking honest with people. And if they aren’t lying they’re being vague and cryptic Oi with the poodles already

Scott has no right being annoyed at stiles for being upset with him

Stiles is me. I am stiles. We are one. Wanna use the silent treatment but someone has to tell my friends they’re dumbasses

I feel like she wouldn’t have been able to find a book on some random French fairytale that easily but maybe that’s just me

Eyyyyy Star Wars reference love it

This feels so like smth teenage boys would do so props to the writers for that. Ofc normal boys would tie up their friend and chuck lacrosse balls at them for fun with no ulterior motive but still

This is so gross why did they have to show him retching like that???

I’m used to being special and now I’m not is literally Jackson’s whole argument for why he’s an ass to Scott and like buddy grow up the world doesn’t revolve around you

Why is Allison not commenting on the fact that he kinda looks like he’s dying rn?

I love stiles rolling his eyes when Allison says maybe she can bring Scott’s grade up 😂 I’m with stiles on that

Coach is probably my favorite character

Ik stiles intelligence gets talked about quite a bit but imo it can always be talked about more

Ofc then he does smth dumb like scratch up so dudes truck and then makes the guy think it was Scott that did it and gets him beat up by like four grown men sooooooo still a teenage boy

I mean at least chem teacher stopped the beating up of Scott but I still hate him

I fucking love Derek’s car

How did he afford it tho??? And like where does he park it when he goes to his house bc it’s never there when he is

Don’t we find out deaton has known the hales for a long time? Why are he and Derek acting like they’ve never met before? Maybe I’m misremembering

Wow and moving right on to tying him up

I feel like they totally change what/who deaton is to the plot later on bc none of this makes sense with what I remember happening later on

Ahhhh love stiles jeep too

See I remember the going to the school and Scott howling through the PA system but I did not remember deaton being tied up in the back of Derek’s car

Scott’s first attempt at howling is horrifying and hilarious at the same time

And Derek’s “you’ve gotta be kidding me”

And then stiles “like a cat being choked to death Scott”

Sour wolf

Gross. I really didn’t need to see all the blood pouring from Derek’s mouth

Also is that what Peter looks like as the alpha always or does that change later bc he doesn’t look how I remember? My memory of this show isn’t great tho

[watchitnowulala]

soundtracking a laguna game/movie let's go!

i love music and i love laguna from ff8. i listen to tons of songs and think of moments from the game they could possibly fit. this 'soundtrack' is not feasible, exhaustive, has no overarching theme (aside from me listening to each song) and very much not realistic! i just love talking about music and ff8 so why not have both?

i digress though....

specific songs i'd pick from ff8 itself-

the man with the machine gun -> ofc!!! would be the recurring motif throughout the game, would probably play in the opening scene. can see it being played as soon as he pushes adel into the sorceress chamber.

any location themes -> laguna essentially embarks on a massive world tour to find ellone. there's no point in me trying to find specific songs for each location when we already have the amazing tracks composed by nobuo uematsu.

fragments of memories -> how can i not include this beautiful but haunting song from the third dream sequence. obviously there would be greater elaboration on his time in winhill, and what better song to represent that than the literal song that plays. personally, i wouldn't play it for long, maybe just when ellone is introduced. then, on his mission to find her he pulls out a photo with him, elle and raine and this song plays. idk.

and last but not fucking least we got eyes on me -> ofc!!!!! this song is canonically about my man right here, there is no way this would not be in any sort of material regarding laguna. i can definitely see different arrangements for the two different relationships he has, just to separate them.

songs i would personally include (in chronological order)

tubthumping - chumbawamba -> WEIRD START BUT YOU HAVE TO BEAR WITH ME. i can not not include this absolute piss up anthem. would probably play at the start with him, kiros and ward getting absolutely wasted in dollet or deling city. (also typing out that name and making it look cute gave me whiplash lmfao)

we've only just begun either the carpenters or the grant lee buffalo version (both are great!) -> laguna and raine's wedding! (after eyes on me plays of course!) i imagine it a small affair: ellone, kiros, ward and some winhill villagers who don't completely detest laguna. can see it playing in the background of their reception maybe?

a kiss for luck and we're on our way

the ballad of el goodo - big star -> plays when laguna embarks on his journey to find ellone. i don't have a big analysis on this one, just listen to the song. your life will be better for it.

and there ain't no one going to turn me around.

wide open road - the triffids -> a bit out of left field but as an aussie i gotta include this song. winhill is isolated, this song so beautifully encapsulates this. raine is alone and pregnant, her daughter and husband are gone. it just encapsulates the harrowing yet haunting isolation, and the emotions that run with it. idk i just take any opportunity to talk about this song lmao.

how do you think it feels? / sleeping by yourself?

once in a lifetime - talking heads -> montage time! i have sorely neglected esthar so far and laguna's reign as president of the nation. i chose this song because of its meaning. laguna has had an absolutely insane life, like dude was the main character in multiple different stories. this song is upbeat, quirky and most of all deals with life itself and how we're essentially on autopilot all the time (david byrne's words not mine!) very much a laguna song.

letting the days go by/water flowing underground

father and son - cat (yusuf) stevens -> tbh i'm not that into this song, but it seems like a no brainer for his relationship with squall. reconnecting with his son would be difficult, heart wrenching and emotionally taxing for both parties.

there's so much you have to know

sennen- ride -> laguna visiting raine's grave as an adult. sennen is about a small town in england which, knowing what we know about the winhill (a small town with a very english design) fits super well! i do love ride dearly and their sound, which in this song specifically sounds both hopeful, dreamy yet tinged with melancholy.

and all they see's a strange shaped stone / they'll never invade her now.

sunsets - powderfinger -> stop trying to make ff8 aussie okay okay, hear me out on this. sunsets = end of day, right? sunsets is a laid back sounding ballad, about regret, loss and ultimately moving on from it. it would be a very fitting credits song in my opinion.

slow burn watching the world turn/in my arms

anyway i'm finished now. my fingers are very sore from speed typing this shit all out lmfao. hope you all liked it :)

edit: fixed a typo

[le-scenariste]

This has been on my mind since S2 and Sharon's "truth will set you free" line but with this season, it's becoming even more evident...

MANTRA by Bring Me The Horizon is basically Richmond

Before the truth will set you free, it'll piss you off

Sharon to Ted back in S2. Very obvious there BUT the next line

Before you find a place to be, you gotta lose the plot

We heard the commentators mention Richmond having "lost the plot" in their anger towards Nathan having ripped up the BELIEVE sign. But it can also just as easily be Ted in the way he seems distant from his team. He's not really coaching this season. Says things here and there but it's nothing compared to the constant optimism he had previously.

Or Colin, who is constantly feeling like an outsider even with his great teammates and bestie Isaac. He still hasn't really found his place either. With the way the coaches took him out of the starting lineup and how that seemed to have hit him hard. He's hiding a part of him to protect himself because he's not sure he's safe.

And it could even be Jamie the first two seasons. He was the one scoring the goals but he didn't actually have a place in Richmond. He was a bully. And although having him sent back to Man City just as Ted was getting through to him probably hurt...it did help him appreciate Richmond more. He had to "lose the plot" there to find his place as one of Richmond's forwards.

I'm not vibrating like I oughta be I need a purpose, I can't keep surfing Through this existential misery

Ted this season, again, seeming detached and out of it. He's found out his ex wife has been seeing her ex therapist. The one he felt was teaming up on him with his wife during their sessions. And then being told he's a mess by Sassy so casually. As if that isn't a sensitive topic you can just throw out there just cuz you two fucked.

When we were first introduced to Ted back in S1, we saw that his marriage was not working. But he still seemed so positive and optimistic. I mean, Rebecca and Trent Crimm Independent couldn't help but end up liking him. Whenever the team was feeling down, he'd find a way to motivate them. And now it's just "don't worry, y'all are doing great 🙂👍"

Or Keeley. She's also usually quite optimistic and happy. She says so herself this episode. But now she's needing to schedule times for her to cry because she's so overwhelmed. And she's still in pain over the breakup although she tries not to think too hard about it.

But if I choose my words carefully Think I could fool you that I'm the guru Wait, how do you spell epiphany?

This is Zava. I don't think I need to go too deep into this but..."I am an empty vessel filled with gold. I am your rock, mold me." He spews this flowery inspirational bullshit and that's why not only fans adore him because of his skills, but his teammates too. Even though, eventually, they'll start to see through him. (And Jamie did right from the start)

And I know this doesn't make a lot of sense But do you really wanna think all by yourself now?

The importance of allowing others to help you. This is the start of the bridge and it's basically Ted's speech to the team after Zava's left. But here, it's emphasising the importance of support. Roy offering to train Jamie when he hears his concerns regarding Zava is an example of that. Sort of. But even though the show talks about teamwork and support, ofc not asking for it is what's causing some problems.

Ted hiding his feelings with his optimism and enthusiasm, Colin only really having his bf to talk to about queer shit (Trent will come in clutch surely), Rebecca spiralling and kind of starting to believe the words of some rando so on and so forth etc. etc.

All I'm asking for's a little bit of faith You know it's easy to believe

Again, Ted's speech to the team post-Zava. It was easy to believe in Zava. The way he praised those around him. But only so they would pay attention to him. Make him feel like the god he thinks he is. But he's not there any more. Which means, if they want to change, they need that belief regardless if there's some insanely famous and talented player on their team. Because that's not what makes a good team anyways. Belief is the foundation of this team and the foundation of the Lasso Way. (Even if Ted does not always truly believe in himself)

And here's this last line that's very brief but very much one character in particular.

Cause all you ever do is chant the same old mantra

"I am a strong and capable man." Over and over and over. It's implied that Colin doesn't fully believe himself when he says that. Because then he wouldn't need to remind himself. And if he had an elder queer (come on Trent) to talk to, maybe he'd feel even just a little bit more at ease. And it's not entirely the same as talking with Michael. His bf said it himself, he doesn't know football so probably doesn't understand the social environment within that area. So all Colin has is his mantra.

There are a few other lines I didn't put in because, tbh, couldn't really think of anything there. Or there just wasn't much to say. But with the ones I did mention ? Goddamn. So much. Anyways, thank you for coming to my TEDTalk

[minimeowsom]

14 BL Men i would allow to steal my heart on the 14th of Feburary.

Happy Valentine

My first and longest Relationship of four years ended just two Weeks ago. and what do we do to get over men? we stan more men. So this post is me Fangirling BL Characters.

Note: i thought about if i wanted this to be actors or Characters, but in the end i dont know anything about the actors, so that would be purely phisical wich is kinda boring, so this will be abour Charakters more then actors ( but lets be honest sometimes the actor just plays into it, i am biased after all. With that being said: LETS GO.

Not on this list but very VERY cute:

I love Porchay, Tinn and Gun, and i know the actors are all 18 now, but when they where Filming they were all minors, so are thier caracters. It dosent matter to me that i am not much older. Tinn , Gun and Porchay go in the cute folder and stay there.

14. Hia YI (Cutie Pie)

I knew i would end up with one of the Hia-Squad Guys on this list. in thhe end it is Hia Yi, I personally find him a bit more atractive then Lian but it also breaks my heart how gultiy he still feels for Diaos accident. I think he cares so much that sometimes he doset know how to act what makes him distant, wich is the reason he only manages spot 14 on this list.

13. Leo (dont say no)

So first of: i was todays days old when i found out Leo und Fiat are a support ship in Tarntype but anyway ... i like leo, he is lovabale, cute, supportive and can man-handle you if wanted. What puts him a bit down for me is how just accepting he is sometimes, like have your own willpower if you just do what i say , i feel like i am taking advantage of him.

12. Price (Sky in your Mind)

I think i am kind of simmalr to Prince, we would get along, ofc i am not an aristocratic heir, but i am studying to be a teacher, i love being around kids and i have a more gentle personaltiy, this is also the reason he is not higher, i dont think we an really chalange each other to grow. but he is probably the most cute canditate on this list. and he will always be.

11. Kinn (KinnPorsche)

And here my bias beginns.... Kinn is probably the worst boyfriend on this list if you ... you know not wanna die. But he is my Bad Boy, the one who would burn the world for you, would kill for you, and still would be kind to you and you only. He is gonna leave his mafia Life behind for you (like he wanted to for Porsche) and GOD i am sorry but Mile is so fucking atractive its unfair.

10. Sky (Love in the Air)

If i wanna have sky on this list i gotta kind of disrigade his Trauma, cause i know i would not be able to take care of it at this point of my life, i dont know if i could handle it, like Pai can for example. But if we talk about his looks: i mean sky is very pretty and i find him very cute in casual cloth. His Personality also seems very entertaing to be around, he can be fun,cute, sassy and seems highly intelegint so you can have a good conversation with him. Sjy biggest "downside" is how he sometimes just forgets to communicate with people that care about him, wich could become pretty anoying i imagainen.

9. Akk (The Eclipse)

I will say this is the point where it just into who is my typ the most (maybe with one exeption), but that being said i love the eclipse and you will find Akks other half even higher on this list (just because he is more my type xD ) but akk is someone so incredibly sweet, he of course hase the brainwashing problem that has to be dealt with but as we can see as soon as his views get challenged he shows how much he cares, you can also see this side of him earlier with his friends, so i think Akk is just gonna get goofier with time.

8. Win (Between us)

I don’t really know why i need Win on this list, but everytime the WinTeam, Into you, edit comes into my YouTube autoplay i just fall in love with him again. Of course it has to do with the fact that bourn is a very handsaome guy, but also how deeply he cares, not only for Team but for his siblings, and friends. He ofcourse has his own problems, than again who doesn’t. Also i can’t explain why but i find swimming extremely attractive. Don’t judge me.

7. Sound (My School President)

So sound is just cute, i would like someone to court me so respectfully aggressiv like he is courting Win, sound seems distant at first when he joins the music club, but warms up to them and turns out to be kind of a goofball himself, he cares for them and even try’s (to no success) to hide his wrist injuries so to not worry them. I think by now my type kind of shows himself: i am really into men who can man-handle me but in a very respectful way if you know what i mean, and i feel like sounds just fits so perfectly on that description.

6. Gaipa (Moonlight Chicken)

So Gaipa is kind of cheating myself, because as already mentioned with Akk , Akks second half will be a bit later on this list, and big surprise if i like Aye , Gaipa is really not that far away, after all to no one’s surprise they look the same. But i could have done this with multiple people on this list so why Kaipa? I just think the way Gaipa showed his love for Jim is so lovely to me. His food is his love language and i feel like he is getting absolutely robbed by Jim, He knows Gaipa likes him and just ignores him.He is kind, thoughtful and so desperately in love with Jim that i can’t do anything but feel sad for him being stuck in between where he is. When he loves you he gives you his all. I am interested to see how his story will progress and maybe he will be even higher by the end of Moonlight Chicken.

5. Pat (Bad Buddy)

So when i tried to decide if i want Pat or Pran higher on this list i had a rough time, I think my problem is that their characters shine in their Relationship with each other the most. So i think separating them takes away a lot of it. But we are not here for deep analysis we are here for my Valentines Shitpost. And i think Pat is fun entertaing and very Handsome, maybe to me even a bit more Handsome then Pran to me. But i think he would clash why harder in many regards. I would like to keep it lowkey and i need my life to be organised so i think Pat and i could have fun but we would clash and challenge each other a lot.

4.Pran (Bad Buddy)

As mentioned it was a close race for fourth between Pat and Pran and eventho i personally find Pat a bit more Handsome i think personality wise i would match better with Pran. I like his artsy side a lot, and my god i don’t know why i didn’t say that when talking about Sound earlier but my god Men that can play gituar and sing me to sleep just double their attractiveness. I also like how organised he likes to be and his a bit more (at least compared to Pat) slow and gentle personality. Pat is an all in lover wich i can respect but i have a bit more respect for Pran, he loved Pat for so long without knowing how to convey his Feelings or if they even ever had a chance, that man truly loves and if he does he does so for a long time.

Before my Top 3 : so those three i shuffled around like 5 times while making this list and i still feel like the list changes every other minute. But i love them all so much and god if one of them wants to become real and date me , hit me up

3. Parpai (Love in the Air)

Okay so to start this of: i think Fort ( or parpai, take it as you want) is incredibly attractive. I started watching BL cause i saw a picture of him in the Viki Preview of Love in the Air. That is also one of the reasons Parpai is so high on this list, he just holds a special place in my heart. But also if you ignore his first not so respectful aggressiv courting at the beginning you get a very green flag. He cares and communicates so much, he makes sure his partner knows he is there for him and he sugar baby’s him (that is not needed tho) also something i said in my love in the air review is that before i saw Fort i never understood what it means when people say someone has gentle eyes but god damit i can see it with Fort. Everytime he looks at anything really he just seems like he could calm my worst moods pretty easy, if you wanted more what i like about Parpai i could write down Skys notebook here but you can just watch Ep.12 again and you will know. Parpai will be always one of my favourite characters.

2. Kim (KinnPorsche)

Kim is just as Kinn ealier Probably not a really good Option when looking for someone to date. His family just is a major Problem. He knows that too, just look at his broken Love for Porschay. But he is in anyway the Softer version of Kim. Yes he is in a very Dangerous Family but he is way less involved, He would also Kill and Burn the world for you but i feel like Kinn would burn it down first and then look for you and Kim would look first. And i said it before and i will say it again: MY GOD i love my sining guitar Players. The softness with wich Kim looks at Porchay makes my Butterflies have a dance party every time. Breaking my Character only Rule here the most i also gotta say that Jeff Satur is to me one of the most Attractive People out there. And if he is actually like he is portrait in Interviews and lives i would be super down to date someone like him. I fell so hard when he said his pet peeve are bully’s. It sounds so standard but most people have why more trivial things as pet peeves and bully’s i think is an incredibly sweet answer. Also the way and the patience with wich he takes care of the so much younger Barcode shows how lovable he is. BUT going back to Kim even tho dating Kim would never be free of danger i think he would do EVERYTHING to keep you out of it. because he loves you.

1. Aye (The Eclipse)

We had Khao on this list ealier where i didn’t say it but i think it is pretty clear that i think he is super Pretty and Handsome. He wouldn’t make the list twice if i didn’t think so. But why is does Aye win the Gold Medal and Kaipa doesn’t? First of i Personally think no one on this list full files Respectfully Man-Handling you the way Aye does. He is just so sweet, playful but sure of his beliefs and ideals, he is also willing to compromise to make his partner comfortable without letting them do the wrong thing. I can write a long list of words here what i like about Aye: Handsome, Funny, Kind, caring, Smart, Wilful, Loveable, committed. But i don’t feel like i do him justice, I can’t discribe what makes me love him so much. If you haven’t seen the Eclipse. Go watch it. Its really good. And Fall in love with Aye like i have. I also want to add that i think Khao does a great job acting, he is a very skilled emotional actor and makes you feel like you wanna cry when he is said but also makes you happy with him, wich makes Aye feel so alive.

Anna Out ^-^

[justgojoshoe]

A surprise Beach encounter Bakugou x Fem reader

oral sex, P in V, praise

MDNI

You were living near the beach. The beach had some life guards walking and working because there were a lot of incidents at said beach. Nothing like sharks or anything just people who couldn’t swim deciding it’s a good idea to learn in the ocean. You decided it’d be nice to go down to the beach. You enjoyed the sun it was delicious feeling. You heard struggling and you look to find a girl who needed help with carts as there’s a shopping center near by so you decide to help and thought it was a good idea to grab three. She herself only had 1. The tricky part is the carts can’t get wet due to the paint. Next thing you the tide sweeps in and you quickly start to slightly panic. You can’t let the carts get wet due to the type of Material. So you back up to a wall of the building behind you. The water is approaching quite quickly. Next thing you know this delectable looking stranger appears. He’s tall blonde and muscular. He looked a bit younger then the rest of the workers but you couldn’t care less. he grabs a couple carts from you. Pulling you out of your trance he just smirks at you and you were completely mesmerized so you started talking to him he finds you humorous as you crack jokes and he chuckles. “ Thank you seriously uh.. uhummm” you blush “ my name is bakugou. Bakugou katsuki.” His crimson eyes meet yours. You sucked into the beautiful fire behind his eyes that you yelp slightly when he grabs your hand to shake it and chuckles. “ I’ve been trying to get your attention! What’s your name?” You smile “ my name is “Y/n, sorry I spaced out. I swear it’s uncommon” he chuckles in disbelief “ really? Cause to me you do it quite a lot.” You blush in embarrassment and let him lead the way. “ HELP LIFE GUARD IS THAT PERSON DROWING?!”

Then we see his man, his hand is broken and he’s drowning so he rushes in and is trying to help him but he’s too heavy. You notice his struggle and let your instincts take the lead. So you take off your pants that were covering your swimsuit and run faster then ever and jump in and save his this man. You both drag him out. “ Call the ambulance. I know CPR” you place your hands on his chest in a cross motion and use your whole body to push down multiple times. You lower your ear to check his breathing before you plug his nose and try to supply him with oxygen via mouth to mouth. Not much longer and he starts breathing. You take him to the ambulance and he’s on his way to the hospital.

“ thank you” bakugou said quietly. You look over and he isn’t scared just staring at you adoringly. From that point on you and Katsuki have this thing where I go down to the beach and flirt. As the days go on you kinda start dating by kinda I mean it was never said you just knew. Your friend came to meet This god of a man you couldn’t stop talking about and you’ll never forget it. They meet “ Hi (insert friend name/ F/n) I’m katsuki bakugou. Y/ns boyfriend” as he utters the last 2 words you and katsuki mirror each other and become redder than a cherry. “ Fuck you’re hot, I’m F/n!” She laughs. You and bakugou look at each other in disbelief. “ BAKUGOU COME HERE!” His name is called. “ Ah sorry I’ve gotta cut this short see you later darling bye… F/n” before he leaves he kinda side eyes her.

“he’s looking at you like your a god everyone needs a man like that” your friend hates men especially ones your dating (you usually have terrible taste in this scenario. No harm meant) so this is a surprise. Later that day you had gone shopping and gotten this sexy red swimsuit

(this is the swim suit that came to my mind, feel free to use another image!)

You two are currently upstairs changing, “ I’m done so I’m going down F/n!” “she’s like ”okay! I’m coming too so you don’t do stupid shit” she says half jokingly “okay” you laugh so y’all go down and Bakugo is working. So what do you do? Ofc temp/ tease him. So you Walk in front of him and strip off your coverup to your bathing suit. Your F/n is In the water giving me updates on how he’s staring cuz y’all planned this. She mouths ‘he can’t take his eyes off he’s like a predator.. in a hot way’ and winks. You turn red in embarrassment but that forms into a look of mischief as she mouths again are “ they let him off duty cuz he’s distracted by you” So before he could do anything you dove in but in a sexual manner. You arched your back slightly and pushed your butt out. You swam to the far edge of the pool out looking the ocean (cuz now we in a pool by the ocean?) and you feel him. he’s right behind you. You start to panic like oh shit what now. He traps you with his body to the edge of the pool. Hands on either side of your body and he looks absolutely primal and you’re more than just living for it. When he looks to see you blushing and looking a little startled he holds you to his body and you mess around swimming in each other’s embrace. But your pussy was like throbbing from earlier so you decided to have a little fun so you wrap your legs around his waist and grind on him slowly and sensually.He leans down to lick your ear and whispers “you can’t do that to daddy” his voice was so husky and manly and full of desire. “What do you mean? ”you feign innocence and you look over to F/n and she gives the go get that dick face and winks. You get out of the water via the steps as he trails behind, so no one sees his hard on. His arms are around your shoulders and neck as his cock digs into your ass. He leads you to his room and lays you down. “ you sure?” You nod and then he slowly pulls your bottoms off and spreads your legs and looks at you for confirmation once more. When you give it to him he does down and licked sucked and nipped at your clit like his life depended on it. You can’t help but moan as he puts his fingers in your mouth so naturally you suck on them before he pulls them out with a pop. Then slowly starts fingering you while he makes out with your pussy and before you know it you feel that cool snap with no warning and you just gush all over his face.

he licks his lips as if it was some delectable nectar. He slowly lines up his cock and thrusts in and waits so you get used to it. ‘Go please more” he doesn’t need another invitation. So he thrusts with every ounce of strength he has and pounds into you over and over his tight hold on your hips turning his hands and your hips Whig with pressure. Yep it’ll leave a mark. He’s close you can tell he’s twitching through the plastic and your clenching you come. “ UGH BAKUGOU” “ just a bit longer I’m close. “ he chases his high and you come again before him and when the coil finally snaps he just.. we’ll collapses on top of you. “ your heavy” uou groan and he chuckles. “ I’m glad you’re mine” he smiles kissing your face. “ me too” looking at him through your eyelashes “ I love you bakugou” he blushes and you feel something hard inside. “ I’ll show you just how much I love you.

———-/

In honor of 250 likes Im sharing this story that had been rotting in my drafts 😂 it was a dream I had a few months ago ofc I altered it a bit!

With much love,

Your local Unnie xoxo