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abyssalpriest · 1 year ago

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3/12/23

Recounting tonight's meditation with Lev. NSFW.

Meditating. I'm stuck on things, unable to move on from them by myself. I'm vicious, aggressive, energy is running through me but my own mental blockages are preventing moving forward with things I need to accomplish - that I feel the visceral need to accomplish. My future self is waiting and I just, for some reason, cannot reach it.

I've spent a while today speaking to the Void Mother, Kali Ma, in her tree-esque, winding, voiceless voice self... And then I realised some time later that I had - as I'm sure she and the Void in general directed like a river's winding waters - begun talking to a version of my future self taking "whatever mask I need to get the message across", including appearing like her.

I'm fighting extensive chains I am putting on myself. I'm struggling against trauma; I'm forced to remember my ex partner was my first teacher this life in a literal sense, the unbalanced power he wielded like a sword over my head was too immense for a teenage me to handle. I am... I am scared of what I'm going to produce in the future. I don't want to... I'm not sure. I don't know what to say, or do, or want, or how to get what I'd want...

Lev sat me down though, brought me to meditate rather insistently. He laid me down in my bed, told me he was going to be assertive and tell me what to do and be rather physical with me, if it was OK with me, and that I needed to communicate with him if it was too much. He was holding me down on the bed in a myriad of his thick tendrils that seem to come from nowhere, but are unmistakenly of his flesh, and I realised I could see them vividly but they weren't in the Astral. Seems they - and therefore he - were in the Void. It isn't uncommon for me to see these, he tends to out one over my head to calm me down, but I don't think I've seen this many.

He told me to take my other form, not the one that mirrors my human body but the one that is a more thorough and intricate symbolic manifestation of my energy. Oh, fertility spirit issues: from the absolute millisecond I changed and before I even remembered I was having sexual issues, I felt it, the gravitational heaviness, the same feeling involved when I'm in a human form with breasts creating milk but... Elsewhere... This isn't just a crude fact though. It goes deeper than that.

I remembered. It's so strange, I don't work with past lives, but generally theoretical past lives for the sake of a meditation don't feel so clear, so out of symbolism, so out of my imagination, so ready to show me what is going on, so I suspect this is indeed past life memories. I was remembering being in front of some sort of locus for Shiva, possibly not even under that name and avatar as it feels like this is a time or place to which "Shiva" is a novel name for (Him); I'm dressed in loose but dense fabric, in a courtyard or... Something open to plants in the distance.

I remember being in contact with Shiva, I remember knowing him. Sexual energies in the outskirts of all our encounters like the wilderness is on the outskirts of Rudra's presence - which is to say hypnotically fractalising, spiralling, in everything and nothing and everything. I remember practicing with it, it's as much a tool unjudged as a car is a tool for the average modern human. I remember bliss, I remember sexuality of the dualist-nondualism, the recognition of (Shiva) as an autonomous mirror reflection, wrapped around me like a serpent, fleeting like a fairy, as human in shape as a reflection in rippling water, as solid and unchanging as tree leaves... I was meditating, storing sexual energy. I knew him as One: both One as in "the Auspicious One" , and One as in Singularity... And One as in a concept or philosophy, and One as in a shadow in relation to a person, and One as in Omkara, and One as in nothing but a possibility...

I knew him, I knew him... Complexly, the serpent and its myriad scales (and scales are eyes, and eyes are mirrors, and colours), I knew his presence in a way that is much more complex than I remember him now, much more in flow. He was the one who made the giant footsteps within which I would step and make my own footsteps, my brow was thoroughly marked with the third eye in his image - his eye - my brow his seat, my chest his home, my mouth and voice his expression and perpetuation... Even if I didn't speak, because silence is both fertile earth to grow words and the complete destruction of words. It gives me something to work towards though, this rememberence of knowing him more thoroughly... Admittedly though, again, I am tired. I feel like an old beast in a new shell, cramped and forced into new bones. I'm begging to be born, my limbs are numb and I feel like I can't wake them up... But I suppose to know they're numb is to be embodying them and conscious in them, I'm on the right track.

Anyway. I was sexually frustrated while meditating with him, less in the way of day-to-day sex and more in the way my energy was boiling away, the ties I had been re-igniting to old fertility names and pains and sexuality have certainly been re-ignited, or are waking up; no, these are energies that beg for action even if non-sexual, they worm their way into physicality and rage... He told me then, though I cut down the conversation in retelling since the back and forth that led us there is inconsequential, to imagine a situation. To fantasise, but specifically he was drawing me down a path to a specific outlet I didn't foresee.

"Imagine," he prompted firmly and mostly through imagery he gave me, "Devi. Imagine her. Imagine her wanting you more than anything else." Looking back his energy and voice are like a lulling, magnetic force albeit gentle, and I didn't see it because I was seeing what he wanted me to see. He was prompting and shaping together a fantasy of a lustful Devi - lust in the way of want, of personal power, of self-commanding action to get what one wants. A face of hers that is there to do one thing and one thing only - for she wants one thing and one thing only - to... This is unclear in retrospect, but was thoroughly clear in the moment. I'm sure that was by design. She existed to want to fulfil me, that's the gist.

He puppeted the scene. He drew me through to what culminated in sexual magic but certainly didn't appear to start that way, the details of which he knew and I do not know. He technically, through creating and sustaining the meditative scenario, became in a way Devi or at least the cinema within which this movie about her played, where I acted as him, he acted as him - we played a synonymous role - but he was the one behind the scenes creating the roles and the interplay and... It went like this, the key, the crux of the magic: Give to her with climax and she will take that energy, that coding, that permission, and create with it reality as I want it. There was no programming in conscious mind, I was pulled by him and the magnetic scene to let go, surrender, that's what he told me to do. Be overcome, give, and give and let go, and let go and trust... Give. I did. It's hers to take now. I know he digests it, pulls the wheels of transformation into motion as he holds its seed in his mouth.

It was only a while after this that it clicked, the memory of being a Shaivist working with sexual energies with Shiva, and the fact that I completely forgot that working with imagined lovers is a known thing - I purposely didn't pay much attention when i found that out because I thought it wasn't my business, and not for me, that I wouldn't reach the point I was allowed to play with that. I think I forgot that Shiva - the dualist-nondualist Being both to be and the being, the teacher and the taught and the lesson, the infinite and the finite - chooses who plays with what toys of his and how.... This isn't the first time I've been taught this, and certainly not the first time I've been taught this by him.

#~abyssal murmurs #Of course I also realised that like. I don't know why the fuck of all names Shiva is the one I'm most delicate with irt mentioning #I work w Lev as him. Or. Him as Leviathan. Anyway. Because I'm like... Really.... The wannabe shaivist is concerned about....#saying that shiva has more than one face/mask/avatar lmfao come on #But anyway yeah so I'm guessing this is. UH. I've been saying lately I want to start moving towards working w him as Shiva so I'll take this #as a blessing. OFC I technically want to Know him under every name of his bc reasons but anyway to Work with him...#I'm still moving pretty solidly towards Shaivism I doubt anything will get in my way irt that being my official on paper religion #On paper and very much in practice I just say on paper because like. I will always have many different practices that aren't hindu #but I want to let Shaivism be the leader here and be the majority and be my personal human identity #Diary //

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diamondcitydarlin · 6 months ago

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Just fair warning- I said on my personal post about this that I wasn't going to talk about Neil Gaiman anymore, but as it's becoming clear that him and his publishers and anyone else who makes money off of him is circling the wagons and trying to bury these allegations, as well as some fans still defending and trying to 'rationalize' this information, I feel like, actually, we need to keep talking about him (as much as I cannot stand him and feel physically disgusted now when I so much as see his face somewhere). Specifically, the fact that he's a liar, master manipulator and should not, under any circumstances, be given access to his fans like he has in the past. At the very least. (And if you need to blacklist his name or even unfollow me so as to not be triggered, I completely understand, but I will always try to tag these posts accordingly and I think it's crucial right now that the truth be put where people can see)

This post specifically is in response to those 'rationalizations' I've seen, some that have gone as far as to blame the young fans/groupies that hooked up with him for being 'golddiggers' or just making a mountain out of a molehill for something they now regret. It's not that simple, yall. (And, again, this requires some amount of completely ignoring the story about him extorting his tenant for sex under threat of eviction of her and her three young children, I'm not sure how you 'rationalize' that under the best of circumstances)

So let's be clear here. What we know is that NG has routinely, for possibly an upwards of 30 years, pulled sexual 'partners' from his fan groups, most of whom are 18-22 year old young women (though possibly younger, accounts are coming forward of 16 year olds having allegedly been inappropriately touched/flirted/propositioned by him, which ig is the age of consent in the UK but still?? 16 year olds!!). This wasn't one or two times in the course of three decades, this was a constant pattern of behavior for him and for a very insidious reason.

This isn't to try to infantilize those fans or young women/young people in general or try to suggest that they couldn't have consented to sex with an older person or famous person. In fact, the onus isn't on them at all. This is about an older guy with a lot of fame, power and wealth choosing to sleep with people that he had already conditioned to idolize him and using that power imbalance to coerce them into doing things they didn't want to.

Regardless of one's age or gender identity, it can be difficult to impossible to say 'no' to someone like that. After all, you've been 'chosen' by the chosen one, you're special and not like everyone else, and if you don't do what the popular person everyone trusts is telling you to do you could end up ostracized. Alienated. Or worse. And you know what? Gaiman knew that! He knew it when he was crafting his 'approachable dad' persona on tumblr. He knew it when he was cultivating a fandom of personality. He knew it when he was having huge meetups to try to ensnare more victims. I hate to even think it, but I'm starting to believe he knew it when he was writing children's books too.

It's been talked about again and again in separate issues, but needless to say something not being strictly illegal does not make it inherently, morally okay. It does not erase the fact that this man has been essentially grooming his fandom to feel safe meeting/speaking with him so he can coerce those he can snare into sexual acts they're not comfortable with. That is predator behavior, whether strictly 'illegal' in the eyes of a court or not (but ofc I think he should be criminally punished even if I'm not naive enough to think he actually will be, because this IS rape and rape should be criminally punished)

I'm not personally advocating for anyone to give up being in his related fandoms, but what I am personally advocating for is that people don't forget who he is and what he's capable of, especially when he tries to crawl back to where he was (I'm almost certain he will eventually, as I've said).

Again, at the very least, we need to use what little influence we do have to keep him from infiltrating fan spaces again. He should not be on tumblr yukking it up with young people, he should not be at public appearances hitting on teenagers, he should not be given the unrestricted access to fans that he's 'enjoyed' for the past 30+ years because he is not a safe person. While I wish there was more in the way of restorative justice that could be done, I think at very, very least we should do what we can to limit his proximity to people he could hurt in the future. Make sure no one forgets, because sweeping this under the rug means Gaiman gets to hurt more people.

Lastly, no one is the wrong for having been manipulated by him. Let's make that very clear. What we're NOT gonna do is blame ourselves, each other, the victims, etc, for evil acts that Gaiman chose to do himself, time and time and time again. It doesn't help the situation and it certainly doesn't protect future potential victims. We were all duped because we're human and we attach and a lot of us want to believe there are good people out there, particularly those who make art that means so much to us.

And there are. But let's also use this a teaching/learning tool about how much faith we place in famous people in the future, regardless of how 'approachable' and 'safe' they might seem. Let's remember to have a healthy suspicion of creators/famous people that are oddly immersed in fandom spaces- yes, even the ones you still currently like that seem fine, as difficult as that may seem.

At the end of the day, we don't know them or what they're capable of doing or what they might be plotting to do to us. Support victims. Amplify their voices. Don't forget.

#neil gaiman #tw neil gaiman #tw sa #tw victim blaming #neil gaiman allegations #ya actually im not gonna shut up about this #bc that's exactly what he wants #fuck off into the sun forever

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stealerofthe2ndbraincell · 6 months ago

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There's an aspect of Original!Elias Bouchard that makes me so sad to think about in a weird kind of "meta" way.

And that's the fact that he has to be labelled as the "OG" not as Elias.

Technically speaking Elias has been dead for years. It's Jonah that's taken over - literally having his eyes removed and replacing them with his own and living as him (he even seemingly keeps his "old fashioned haircut" on Elias' hair).

And yet we as the audience don't often call that form of Jonah "JONAH". Instead it's Elias, cause he's been Elias for 4 series at this point.

"Elias started the apocalypse", "Elias beat that old man to death with a metal pipe" when it was never really Elias in the first place.

He's been so robbed of his own identity that not even death can spare him; all of Jonah's actions in his body are recognised as him.

(Btw this isn't me saying you can't call Jonah!Elias straight up Elias, I do that regularly ofc. I'm just being emo rn lol)

#I'm tired out of my mind so i hope this makes sense lol #og!elias was such a dick but he does make me very sad #any legacy or reputation he could have had positive or negative is taken away by force and tarnished by Jonah #og!elias #og!elias bouchard #elias bouchard #original elias bouchard #jonah magnus #the magnus archives #tma #tma spoilers #?#idk at what point that tag can be dropped lol

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hana-no-seiiki · 1 year ago

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cat villain reader my beloved. I'm so obsessed with it already. Please tell us more.

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA THEY ASKED FOR IT SO YOU CANT BLAME ME NOW F-

@sophiethewitch1 hi here’s your daily schizophrenic voice giving you even more mental illness

another short one cause im still lazy asf

I feel like a broken record just playing different flavors of the same oc/reader on my blog with the batfam i swear

tim is the only batfam member who figured out your identity prior to your own snooping

mostly because bruce’s identity was already aired out to your by selina and damian being his blood born son + appearing out of nowhere was a given.

as such it provided a lot of interesting scenarios

such as that one week where you were extremely active in your heists. like more so than the usual which was already a lot.

of course, you always tried to keep a sense of mystery as your cat villain self so asking you as robin wouldn’t have worked

so tim decided to approach you in class ( you were his senior or maybe even a young, fresh out of uni prof) and ask you why you seemed so…different or frantic lately

“oh. am i?” tim narrowed his eyes. it was so you to answer with another question, even as a civilian.

“sorry, i’m just really excited about this new limited edition robin figure of the new guy in the suit and—“

you proceeded to go on a ramble about your headcannons of the dude, saying how different and/or similar he was to robins of the past and ofc how much you admired him

this leads to his eventual downward spiral into depravation and horny

oh and unrelated to the boys, my headcannons for reader’s powers are as follows (mostly inspired from cat related cartoon characters)

invisibility/teleportation (from kitty chesire)

and cataclysm (from chat noir)

okay back to the boys

you and jason definitely had the biggest enemies to lovers arc out of everyone

like next to dick and damian, jason and you definitely hated each other’s guts

at that time you were dating dick and wanted him to stay as robin. pretty much in denial and anger, which led to you lashing out on jason.

at that time you still had hope for batman’s parenting skills and wanted jason to not take the opportunity he was given for granted

eventually you two found a lot in common and after a lot of deliberating and losing your mind with thoughts of “what ifs” and “but what about”s you broke it off with dick to pursue him

only to find out that jason was killed

people that knew you say you moved on pretty quickly. as if he was no more than a passing thought in your pretty little head.

but people like selina knew that out of everyone on this planet, the incident broke you the most

turning you into this near-empty husk, an imitation of what you were like

only filled with fear and anxiety

you would hurt people more, be more reckless

and boy do these men like playing savior to the fallen like you.

EXTRA:

i absolutely believe that as soon as you found out red hood was jason you two boned. like literally on whatever street/alleyway/battle you guys were in

emotions were high

and you two definitely cried the whole time im not sorry-

also you two always quote pride and prejudice lines at eachother

went from rabid dog that bit you several times to your goodest boy fr fr

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atrophiedemotion · 7 months ago

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ivantill cafeteria scene analysis

keep in mind that this is fully just my personal opinion and interpretation of the scene okay cool

the cafeteria scene from round 6 has always been really interesting to me, and i've seen a lot of people take it different ways, so i just wanted to walk through my view of it because it's such a telling scene about their dynamic more recently than as kids

the scene starts with a shot of till during the round that looks to be from ivan's pov, showing us what he's seeing in the moment, and flashes back to one of ivan's memories from anakt.

considering the almost identical expressions till is wearing in both shots, it seems to be ivan thinking back to a time he saw till look the way he does in round 6- miserable, hopeless, defeated. like he's given up.

we then see ivan noticing till's apparent resignation and shitty mood (because of course he notices, it's his personal watching till time after all), then getting up to go bother him. i say 'bother him', and it definitely looks like that's what he's doing, but i don't think that's ivan's goal. i think ivan's goal is to comfort, or at least distract till.

despite their juvenile fights, we've never seen ivan actually want to cause till true harm. his lyrics in both black sorrow and cure are caring and reverent, making it apparent that ivan really does just love and care for him and just wants to be able to do things for till. this is furthered ofc by the whole post-club scene where ivan looks absolutely devastated seeing the state till is in.

i always reference back to my mirroring post bc it explains the way i imagine ivan's train of thought, and it applies here again. ivan does not know how to comfort till in a conventional way (probably for a few reasons; till is different from the other students, both in the way he acts and displays his emotions, and in ivan's opinion of him. till is special to ivan, he usually drops his mask around him so meaningless platitudes wouldn't be right) but he does know how to get till's attention on him and out of his own head.

all this being said- what ivan does next:

he swipes his hand across the cut on till's cheek. yeah, i know, definitely not what most people would consider 'comforting their friend' but that's what makes sense to ivan. 'how could i possibly distract him if he seems to ignore me most of the time?' (for now looking past the fact that till actually seems comfortable in ivan's quiet company, ivan's too single-focused to realize that)

and, well, i mean. he's right. till gets visibly disgruntled. he doesn't exactly look pissed as much as he looks caught the hell off guard, but it grabs his attention.

ivan, on the other hand, looks almost fond to me. i don't know, i just don't really think he looks smug even though i'm assuming that might be the general consensus. he almost seems a bit soft. to me, it looks like he's adoringly thinking, 'it worked. there, no time to be sad anymore, huh?' he probably is proud of himself for it, but not really in a selfish way.

till, of course, sees that it's ivan who's messing with him, and turns away.

i've also talked about this but at this age it really does seem like till's mindset when it comes to ivan is something along the lines of, 'oh, it's just ivan. he's fucking weird, that's just how he is' and more or less shrugs it off. he's used to ivan's "quirks" it seems.

this, till looking at ivan only to immediately look away, won't do. he only caught his attention for a few seconds, so i assume ivan's next logical move is to do something that will get an even bigger reaction. (ivan is a logical thinker, after all, at least in my perception of him)

so he. ya know. does that. which really seems like a great way to get himself punched, right? which honestly is also probably his plan. have till explode in anger, forget whatever happened for him to be injured in the first place, and ivan gets his undivided attention for a period of time. a win-win.

and you might be saying "oh, but couldn't ivan have just been doing that selfishly? we know his main goal is to get till to look at him." to which i say, yeah fair. i don't think this was done completely selflessly (i don't think anything ivan does is fully selfless but that's perhaps for another day) at all, he could've gone at it a different unconventional way if it was. but i think he probably sees it as mutually beneficial.

yes, it does seem like a way to show ivan wanting to keep till's eyes and attention on him. an example of how he seeks out till's attention no matter what, but the preceding shot of a hopeless till reminds ivan of this particular interaction for a reason.

there had to have been a motive behind what he did and why he did it then, and what we have to go off of for that is the first three shots. till wearing the same misery on two different occasions and ivan noticing. with that information, it's really not a stretch that this could be ivan's fucked up version of comfort.

#ivantill #alnst ivan #alnst till #alien stage #screaming into the abyss this pathetic homosexual will not leave my mind #i want to give him a dbt workbook or like. a human interaction guide idfk /lh #alien stage ivan #alien stage till #alien stage round 6 #alnst meta #cast's analyses

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factcheckingmclennon · 6 months ago

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john giving paul a bracelet: fact or fiction?

a lot of mclennon fics feature this silver ID bracelet of paul being given to him by john

so did john give paul a metal bracelet with his name on it?

this one is completely just a theory which lands it in

not too crazy much to get into source wise w this one because it's solidly theory/headcanon territory but i'll explain anyway for anyone that doesn't know The Bracelet Lore!

this one comes at me from @life-under-calico-skies :

Hello! First of all; THANK YOU for your blog! Omg! It was much needed! My question is; did John really give THE bracelet to Paul? It makes sense bc of the timing and when Paul wears it or not - so I WANT to believe it so bad. But I don't think I ever saw ONE reliable source saying that he once gave him a bracelet (or any other jewel, for that matter)

first of all thank YOU! i'm glad you enjoy the blog <3

but you're totally right- there's nothing other than the timing/when paul wears it and as near as i can tell, there's no source on it whatsoever, just people tinhatting. so we can't necessarily say it's Untrue, but it's a bit like speculating that they started a sexual relationship in hamburg or that x song was written about y... there's not much in the way of proving one way or another, unless paul comes out and says something different

with that SAID if someone says "john gave paul a bracelet" THAT'S definitely misinformation (intentional or not ofc). it's not fact. it's just a theory & i think somewhere that got a bit lost in translation? but anyway i'll break down what you mean by the timeline so others know wtf we're talking about here lmao

the theory

paul has/had a silver identity bracelet with his name on it. the theory goes that john gave it to him in paris or on paul's 21st bday & paul wore it on and off throughout his life

there's not much to back this up but there's also not much against it? so if you want to believe it that's fully your prerogative. me personally, i think it's a nice thought/headcanon and don't really Believe one way or the other, i just like the idea of it for like fics and shit

so the timeline...

this is the source for the Main pic people use to show the inscription. these pictures were presumably take in late 1963 and published in october of the same year

which also means this one could be earlier as it's also from '63 and the Only place i can find it is on a 1993 trading card saying it was from a "1963 publicity shoot" but i can't find any other photos from the shoot or which shoot it was to tell you what month that was lmao

there's also this photo from his 21st birthday party with it, which is Probably the earliest of these two:

which I honestly think is the Most likely time he would've received it, whether from jane or john or whoever else.

and as for the Rest of the timeline i'm pulling from a now deleted post by @ swaying-daisies who seems to have deactivated or changed urls but here's the post anyway. you can see him still wearing it in the 70s, although he stopped wearing it around 1967 for a while it seems

and then you can see it again in anthology:

as for where he got it all he's ever said was this:

"Dear Paul, I waited for three hours in line to see A Hard Day's Night and I thought it was just marv. What wrist do you wear your gold ID bracelet on and where did you get it?" Patricia Parrish BARSTOW, CALIF. "Dear Pat, Glad you enjoyed the film. We've almost finished work on our second movie now- and it's in color this time. Hope everyone enjoys it. I'm left-handed, so it is much easier to wear my watch on my right wrist. Therefore, the bracelet is on my left wrist. Where did I get it? Let's just say it has close sentimental value."

i've seen people say that there's pictures of him from Before 1963 with the bracelet on, but i can't find them.

so the options come down to: it was a gift from jane, it was a gift from john, it was a gift from his mother, or it was a gift from one of his other relatives

a couple of reasons people doubt the jane aspect is that he continued to wear it into the 70s & then ofc people claim that he had it before he met her. i can't find any evidence of him having the bracelet before jane, so i take that with a grain of salt. i'd think for me personally the only thing discounting it from being from jane is the fact the he still wore it during anthology. if it were just the 70s, that might be hand-waved away because it can still take a bit to get rid of everything an ex gave you. but by anthology, he definitely would've been over it.

people also point to him being cagey and saying "let's just say it has close sentimental value" as a reason it's Not from jane, but honestly i don't find that very compelling because at the time of this letter he was still like. out as being with jane, but it was peak beatlemania when they were supposed to be appearing single & approachable. so if it was from jane, i don't think he'd say that here either.

the oooonly other point against it being from jane is simply that i've seen people assert they "know for a fact" that it's from jane because people had matching sweetheart bracelets back then- but she's never seen wearing one. but that's just against them having matching ones, i really don't know if she gave it to him or not.

i don't see any reason that it wouldn't be from a family member that's not his mom, though. if it were his mom, there definitely would've been photos of him wearing it long before 1963. so For Me it comes down to john or another family member. jane is also still a strong possibility to me, although like i said the anthology bit throws a wrench in that for me, unless that's a different bracelet completely. or who knows, maybe he got attached to it outside of her- i've definitely kept things from exes long after i give a shit about them if i'm being honest.

another piece people like to throw in is that in both of the photos of him wearing it after his and john's split, he's wearing it on his right wrist rather than his left, like a widower would if it were a ring. not convincing to me honestly, but it's a part of The Whole Theory/Headcanon bit

others also speculate it could be from ringo! ringo had a similar one and I wouldn't be too surprised if paul liked his so he got him one for his 21st. definitely An option to consider!

also, if anyone knows the exact date on that teeth brushing photo that would be lovely. or if anyone happens to have a photo of him with the bracelet from Before he met jane.

but yeah tl;dr: it's theory, if anyone says it's for sure fact they are misinformed or just really want to believe it. no one knows who gave paul that bracelet and i doubt we'll ever know, so have fun.

#mclennon #checked: neutral #type: factcheck #sorry i went a bit dead yall i'll get to other ones soon !#but yeah basically dont trust any post saying it's for SURE from john #but you can have fun theorizing and headcanoning bc we have no clue where he actually got the damn thing #so your guess is as good as mine unless there's any crazy revelations out there no one's found

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pinayelf · 18 days ago

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Davrin's Vallaslin

This is definitely not the first post about speculation on Davrin's vallaslin and I'm probably not the only person who has the same ideas but I wanted to write it down anyway.

Dav's vallaslin could either be June's or Ghilan'nain's and here's some good arguments for either:

Davrin's vallaslin is unique to him, Rook can't have it through the CC and there aren't other Dalish characters with it. The vallaslins in DAtV are the same as far as I know to the ones in DAI, probably to make it simple since you put your quizzie in. So this plays into the idea that clans have different designs from another - though ofc there will be similarities to the same gods.

June

The lines in Davrin's vallaslin is similar to the June vallaslin from DAI.

June was seen as the God of Craft, and whether or not Davrin sees himself as one - he's a skilled craftsman. He sketches and sculpts detailed figures with great accuracy. According to the art book his armor was designed with the idea that he customized it himself, so it represents him being a Warden, while also being utilitarian with his monster hunting job. Davrin is good with his hands (lol) and if this was something he's been good at since he was young, I see him choosing June.

Though being a craftsman isn't something he ended up dedicating his life to, he still carries it with him.

Ghilan'nain

While the lines in Davrin's vallaslin is more similar to June's, the shape and placement is nearly identical to the Ghilan'nain vallaslin from DAI.

It also features a lot of the shapes in Ghilan'nain's form - the horns, her pauldrons, the swooping lines reminiscent of her tentacles.

Eldrin said Davrin used to sing to the Halla when he was a kid. Despite his no-nonsense, dog eat world view of things now as an adult, it's obvious Davrin has always had a soft heart for animals. Despite swearing he's just Assan's (and the other griffons' bodyguard), he knows how to calm them, knows them all by name and cares deeply for them. He agrees with Taash when they say animals are better than people (disagree and not a big fan of the line myself lol but regardless).

Davrin's skill in training griffons, his expertise in hunting beasts and monsters possibly stemmed from his love of Halla as a kid. I even want to say his love for Halla jumpstarted his interests in animals, beasts and creatures. So it wouldn't be far off that he'd choose to dedicate his vallaslin to Ghilan'nain.

And that would be so narratively delicious - Davrin, with a dedication of Ghilan'nain permanently etched on his face, must kill her.

So who is the vallaslin?

Until a dev confirms, I think both options are good bets.

I'm leaning towards Ghilan'nain - because it's confirmed in canon lore that he's always loved Halla and animals, and narratively it's the best fit.

#character: davrin #davrin #datv #veilguard #dragon age veilguard #ghilan'nain

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foundtherightwords · 1 month ago

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Fallen Empires - Chapter 9

Pairing: Geta x OFC

Summary: Having done the unthinkable to secure his throne, Emperor Geta rules with ruthlessness and paranoia. Now, after escaping an assassination attempt, a badly injured Geta is saved by Daphne, a young widow, who takes him back to her remote village without knowing his true identity. As Daphne nurses the former emperor back to health, attraction blooms between them, and Geta discovers a soft side he didn't know he possessed. But can their love survive his thirst for revenge and his desire to reclaim power?

Chapter warnings: none

Chapter word count: 3.2k

Prologue + Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Chapter 5 - Chapter 6 - Chapter 7 - Chapter 8

Chapter 9

The next morning, Daphne came back from her chores to find Romulus sitting at the table, all dressed up in his old cloak and belt, with his dagger in its sheath dangling from his belt. She looked at him askance, still stung from the previous night. It had started out so well—when she returned from the village, she could tell he'd been waiting for her, and she'd wanted to tease him a little, to see if he had truly missed her. Perhaps she'd gone too far. But then he had made her blood boil, and this time not in a good way. First, he'd had the audacity to order her about in the bedroom—though she didn't particularly object to the act he'd proposed, it was his tone that insulted her. And then, after she'd overlooked that first offense and stirred from her sleep to help him out of his nightmare, he'd kicked her out of the room. Her room! Ingrate fool! She could tolerate some male arrogance, but she had her limit.

"Going somewhere?" she asked coldly.

He avoided her eyes. "Yes. I think it's time I rejoin my legion." His voice was polite but flat.

Daphne's heart stumbled, as if his words had just grazed it like a knife. The day before, down in the village, she'd heard about a big battle going on in the Parthian city of Nisibis, not far from the border. Everybody had been talking about it, saying it would decide the war. She had sat with her mother and Mikkos, praying for Attikos and other men from the village, who were no doubt fighting in it at this very moment. Upon returning to the hut, it had been on the tip of her tongue to tell Romulus about the battle, but she'd stopped herself. She was afraid that if she'd told him, he would've left immediately to join his fellow soldiers. As angry as she was with him, she didn't want him to go. Not yet.

Had he heard something after all? But that was impossible. How could he have, stuck up here with no one for company except the goats? So why did he want to leave? Was it because of what had happened between them? Did he regret sleeping with her? Was he married after all and now regretting his infidelity? Or perhaps he simply didn't want to stay with a woman who had threatened to kill him. She hadn't really meant it, of course she hadn't. It was only because he'd made her so mad... Oh, why had she let her temper get the better of her?

She put the jug of fresh goat's milk down on the table and turned to the larder, bringing out bread and cheese and olive, moving slowly so she would have time to compose herself. "You wish to go to Edessa?" she said.

"Yes."

She didn't want to tell him that the army was no longer in Edessa. "But you're not—"

"I know I'm not well enough!" he snapped, reverting to his old irascible self. Then he took a breath, and continued in the same flat voice as before, like he was trying to distance himself from her. "You mentioned that there's a town a couple of days from here," he said, "where I can get passage to Edessa."

"You mean Adala?"

He nodded. "Adala, yes."

She finished setting out breakfast. "And when do you wish to leave?"

"As soon as I can. I'm well enough for a two days' walk, surely?"

"Yes." She found herself mimicking his tone and grimaced in annoyance.

He got to his feet. "Right. Prepare some food for me then." His old commanding voice was back, and she glared at him. He must have realized how he sounded, for he corrected himself, "I mean, if you could spare some food and point me in the right direction, I'll get out of your hair. I've imposed upon your hospitality for long enough." He'd never spoken to her so courteously, so coldly. She wished he would shout and whine and complain as he had before. It would be a hundred times preferable to this polite stranger.

But there was no point in clinging to him any longer. He was never going to stay. This was bound to happen sooner or later. It would be better if he left now, before she became too used to his presence.

She sighed, thinking of the long summer days ahead, when she would be alone again. Despite the heat, she would sit outside with Midas and the goats, just to feel the presence of some living things other than herself, or go into the garden and put her ears to the beehives, listening to their gentle buzzing, just to hear something other than her own thoughts rattling inside her head. She would miss him, miss this strange, infuriating man...

Then an idea occurred to her.

"Perhaps I should go with you," she said slowly. Her mind was telling her this was not a good idea. Better to cut off the wounded limb and make a clean break, than to draw out the agony. But her heart was saying otherwise. "I have to visit the apothecary in Adala anyway," she explained, "to trade for a few things and restock my shelves."

Romulus looked at her, considering the option. She thought she could see the conflict in her heart reflected in his face, as the desire to spend more time together waged war with the fear of a prolonged goodbye. "Very well," eventually he said, in that same stiffly polite tone. "I would welcome your company."

"Then give me some time to pack," she said, trying not to sound too excited. "And you don't want to travel under this sun. It's better if we leave in the evening. It will be cooler then, and you can stay hidden."

It was clear that he had not thought about the danger of being discovered. He nodded and took off his belt and his cloak.

For the rest of the day, Daphne busied herself going through the various jars and bottles and packets of herbs, taking stock of how much she had, what she could use to barter, what was running low. She had to admit that labeling the jars had been a big help. It helped, too, to have Romulus's assistance as he wrote down her inventory on the wax tablet. For a while, the easy companionship between them felt like the old days again, and Daphne managed not to think too much about the imminent departure. She also remembered to bring Amalthea and her kids to Ione, who was most eager to watch the animals while Daphne was away.

They descended the hill as a waxing moon rose over the rock cliffs. With Midas's bridle in her hand, Daphne led them around the village instead of through it. She knew that on a cool, moonlit night like this, the villagers would be out in droves, sitting on their doorsteps, the women weaving, the men fixing their tools, all sharing drinks and gossip, and this detour was the only way to avoid detection. Once out of the village, they followed the stream as it wound its way through the valley to meet the Balikh. The water was low and sluggish this time of year, but the soft murmur of the current was enough to mask the sound of their footsteps.

"You all right?" she asked Romulus, when they were deep in the valley. "Would you like to ride Midas? Or should we stop for a rest?" She had heard him wheezing behind her for a while, but didn't want to stop before they were far enough from the village.

"I'm fine" was all he said. She looked back at him. His face was gray in the pale light of the moon, his dark eyes were enormous, and he was breathing heavily.

"No, you're not fine," she said, putting Midas to a halt and moving some of the saddlebags of herbs aside. "Get on."

Romulus glanced at the donkey and made a face. "No."

Daphne sighed, exasperated. Such ridiculous creatures, men. "I'm sorry I don't have a war elephant for you," she said. "Get on. I'll not have you collapse on me again."

He looked at Midas once more, before apparently deciding that his comfort was worth more than his dignity, and climbed on the saddle. Daphne suppressed a triumphant grin as she took up the bridle and walked on.

They walked through the night, under the silver moon. After it set, they pushed on for a while longer, until the sky brightened into a pinkish gray and a strip of gold appeared on the eastern horizon. The sun rose rapidly, spreading light and heat across the valley. Eventually, when the heat became too much, Daphne drew them to a stop under a bank of willow trees by the stream and made camp. Romulus looked up and down the bank warily, but after she assured him that they would be perfectly safe, he sat down next to her, with his back against a willow. They ate some of the bread and cheese Daphne had brought along. Then, shielded from the hot sun by the sweeping willow branches above and cooled by the gentle flowing of the stream beside them, they slept.

The sun had dipped behind the hills again, but it was still light, by the time Daphne woke. Romulus was no longer lying near the willow tree across from her, and she bolted up, afraid that he might have slipped away while she slept. But no, he was still there, sitting a little further down the bank. He was trying to shave with his dagger and making a mess of it.

"Need a hand?" Daphne said.

He jumped. "Hades!" he cursed as the dagger clattered to the ground. "Are you trying to kill me?!"

"No, but you may cut your own throat if you try to shave with that meat cleaver." She pulled her own little knife from her belt and sharpened it with a stone from the riverbank, before handing it to him. "Here, try this."

He took the knife from her and tried again. One scrape, and he threw it to the ground as well. "I've never done this before," he said, sounding both frustrated and embarrassed. "There were always barbers..." He glanced at Daphne. "Can you do it?"

Daphne hesitated. "But I've never shaved anyone before," she said. "Well, I did, once. My husband. The morning he left to join the army." It had been the last time she saw him.

Romulus shrugged. "It's not hard. I'm sure you can do a better job than I."

"You trust me?"

She only meant to ask if he trusted her not to make a mess of his face, but a hesitant look came into his eyes, and Daphne remembered that she'd threatened to kill him just the night before. Of course he wouldn't trust her.

She handed him the knife. "It's best that you do it," she said.

The look in his eyes changed inscrutably as he looked from the knife to her and back again. Then, reaching out his hand, he pushed the knife back toward her and raised his chin expectantly.

Crouching down in front of Romulus, Daphne started to scrape the knife across his jaw. A small whimper escaped his throat. She jumped back, holding the knife aloft. "That hurt?"

"It's fine." He cleared his throat. "But usually the barber would put some kind of oil in my beard first, to soften it."

"Why didn't you say so?"

Daphne dug through her supplies and found a jar of almond oil, which she rubbed into his beard. The pulse just below his jaw beat wildly under her hand, and when she happened to lift her eyes to his face, the look he gave her made her own heart thump along with his. How she longed to kiss him there, on his jaw, to feel that pulse and his warm, smooth skin beneath her lips... But he would probably push her away again, and she was not willing to repeat that exercise in humiliation. She put the knife back to his beard. He was right. With the oil, the knife glided over the hair much more smoothly and easily.

"Is that better?" she asked. Romulus nodded once and sat still, as if afraid any movement would cause her hand to slip. "Relax," she said. "I won't nick you. I promise."

"I'd rather you promise not to gut me like a fish," he said.

She glared at him, but his tone was light, and something like a wry smile was lifting the corner of his mouth. She felt her cheeks grow hot. "Don't test me," she warned, trying to put on her sternest face.

His teasing smile grew, and for a moment he looked once more like the man who had taught her to read, the one who had helped her after her father's disastrous visit, the one who had held her hand when she told him about her husband. "I wouldn't dream of it," he said.

His breathing calmed after that, yet her own remained ragged as if she'd just made an uphill climb, and she couldn't help noticing the heat between them. She forced herself to concentrate. Scrape, scrape, scrape. The hair fell away under the blade, slowly. They were breathing the same air, their bodies feeling the same heat, separated only by two thin layers of linen. She wanted to hit him and then kiss him, and then hit him again, for making her feel this way. But she did nothing, only reminding herself that he would soon be gone. Scrape, scrape, scrape.

Once his jaw was clean, Daphne moved on to his mouth, trying not to notice the feel of his lips between her fingers. Then she leaned back to survey her handiwork.

"How do I look?" he asked.

"Very well."

In truth, her shaving was rough, and there were uneven patches here and there along his jaw where she hadn't gotten all the hair. But, freed from his scowl, and with his curls getting longer and falling over his forehead, the face that emerged from under the beard was sweeter, almost boyishly handsome. She cleaned the oil off with the end of her stole and flicked away the little hairs that stuck to his skin, her fingers lingering over his now-smooth cheeks. He tilted his head, pressing his face into her hand, his dark eyes gazing into hers. Daphne's heart jumped. She knew that look. He'd looked at her the same way the other night—had it only been two days ago?

It was on her lips to ask him to stay, to keep this touch, this fire between them just for a little while, just a little longer... Her thumb brushed across his mouth, and he jolted away as if her finger had been a poisoned arrow.

"We best get a move on," he said, getting to his feet.

The plea for him to stay died in her throat. With a sigh, she stood up as well and began packing their things.

They continued in silence, with only the moon as their constant companion. The next day, they left the valley and the stream behind as the path rose toward a plateau. The willows became shrubs, then the shrubs became tuffs of tired brown grass, before getting swallowed up altogether by the tired brown sand of the plateau. Adala lay on that plateau, a handful of mud-brick houses lining narrow, winding streets, all congregating around a small marketplace. Having neither pastures nor arable land, it made its living as a trading post, where merchant caravans stopped for a change of horses before heading to larger towns, and where farmers and shepherds from surrounding villages brought in their goods to barter and exchange. It was the one place Daphne had learned without her grandmother's guidance—the old woman had never left their village and had seen no need for it, but Daphne had understood early on that she could not make a living if she stayed in their village all her life. Besides, she liked the hustle and bustle of the town, though only in small doses.

They pushed on, not stopping to rest, and came into Adala in the early afternoon. Romulus had jumped off Midas's back as soon as the town came into view. Now he stalked next to her, his head low, the hood of his cloak pulled up to cover his face, and his hand gripping the dagger tightly.

"Stop worrying," Daphne said. "No harm will come to you here."

"You can't be sure of that," he mumbled, his eyes darting left and right. It wasn't a market day, so the town wasn't particularly busy, but that only made the two of them stand out more. Eyes were turning their way, with curiosity that would soon turn into suspicion, Daphne knew.

"If you're trying to appear suspicious and draw attention to yourself, then you're doing an excellent job," she said drily.

He straightened up and pushed the hood off, looking slightly abashed. After that, he walked more normally, though he still kept a hand on the hilt of the dagger.

They walked past the marketplace under the shadow of a temple of Zeus and turned into a side street. Unlike the rest of the sleepy town, it was crowded here, as the townspeople flocked to The Lynx's Head for their drinks, snacks, and daily gossip. Part tavern, part inn, part gambling den, it was the true center of Adala, much more than the marketplace and the temple ever were.

Daphne stopped a little further down the lane and nodded at the tavern. "There you are," she said. "Go inside and ask Eukleis at the bar if she knows of anyone going to Edessa. You'll get passage in no time."

Romulus glanced at the crowd gathering outside The Lynx's Head, looking uncertain, but said nothing. He still said nothing when Daphne handed him a little pack containing a change of clothes, a wineskin, some food, and a small vial of poppy juice, in case his wounds still bothered him.

"Well," she concluded. Her voice shook a little, and she cleared her throat, trying to sound cheerful. "I must hurry before the apothecary closes for the day. I guess this is goodbye."

Romulus opened his mouth, but no words came. He kept gazing at her, with a beseeching look in his eyes that she hadn't seen before. She waited. Ten, fifteen, twenty heartbeats passed. He still didn't say anything. His hand moved at his side, but he didn't reach out for her.

"May the gods watch over you on your journey," Daphne said. Then she pulled her stole over her head and led Midas away.

"Daphne?" Romulus called after her.

She spun back so quickly that she hated herself for it. "Yes?" she said, hope flickering painfully in her heart.

"Thank you," he said quietly. "And may the gods watch over you as well," he added, almost as an afterthought.

There was a pang in her chest that might have been heartache, or it might have been mere disappointment. She nodded at him and walked down the street without another look back.

Chapter 10

Taglist: @sheneedsrocknroll92, @justnobodynothingmore, @barcelonaloverf1life, @myotakureprieve, @flawssy-227, @itsrainingbisexualfrogs, @deliciousfestsalad (if you want to be tagged or removed, let me know!)

#joseph quinn #joseph quinn fic #gladiator 2 #emperor geta #gladiator 2 fic #emperor geta fic #geta #emperor geta x ofc #geta x ofc

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sayyourprayers · 3 months ago

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Mike not apologising is NOT Will's fault. No matter how many mental gymnastics moves you perform. Neither is Will calling El a stupid girl WRONG, when followed by an overgrown deathcap mushroom screaming homophobic rhetoric in Will's face. Stupid girl is as offhanded a comment as "girls have cooties". It was said to MIKE about him being with a girl (any really) over his friends (his best friend) (after all the shit that happened in S2 and apparently has been happening all summer) (enough for others - Lucas - also coupled - noticing and making a remark) Use BODMAS to solve.

Will does have flaws. Not kissing Mileven's ass isn't one of them. He is NOT a people pleaser. (Like at all, where in the show do we see that?) The word you're looking for is selfless. I think you even looked at it. Two VERY different things. And not causing more harm than good. Is El putting herself in danger causing more harm than good? Or is it necessary? And then others come up to say hey - you really don't have to go that far. There's a few steps between not doing anything and killing yourself. (Referring to closegate)

Let's also not forget his kidnapper/assailant is STILL inside him in a way. He feels him and doesn't just see him when he decides to look. There's no on/off switch. At least it's not in his control.

A mop misreading the status of his friendship with him isn't him setting up the relationship dynamics as such. Sounds like victim blaming. Looks like victim blaming. Would probably answer to being called victim blaming. A paisa for my thought : who builds the dynamic of a relationship? The one wielding some extra power (no matter the fact that the person isn't evil) or the one that's the pushover? Does Will get mistreated cuz he allows himself to be mistreated or because people mistreat him? Seeing as him standing up for himself is seeing as blowing up - and him expressing himself without blowing up is dismissed callously (d&d).

A perpetrator does not need time to heal btw. If I slap someone, I don't need time or opportunity to heal myself before apologising to the person I slapped. S/he's the one hurt. I'm the one that hurt them. Lucas understands this. He even apologises successfully and Will accepts it while not making a show of it. (All the scenes that follow - including firecracker stuff) Mike on the other hand never apologises and the peace they have is tentative in the aftermath of all that transpired at hawkins mall. It's not resolved just pushed back (as seen with Mike's reaction to Will giving away his D&D stuff and Will having to clarify that he will ofc play with the party - something that would never have been doubted has season 3 events not transpired cuz of Mike and then Lucas)

Freeze response is a flaw when he can't save someone ELse from getting bullied? (Victim blaming's identical twin called some more victim blaming) If the result of the response makes it a flaw or not, so far it's been a mixed bag on the show with all kinds of responses then. Freeze/Flight/Fight responses are not flaws. They're close to involuntary responses and calling them a flaw would imply premeditation on Will's part. That's just completely WRONG. No need to elaborate anything there at all.

Character traits aren't just a SWOT analysis. They are what they are and a character functions according to those. This pretty much gives final boss gunslinger Will is where his flaws will be addressed. His canonical bravery against his supernatural assailant means nothing if he isn't pummeling people to the ground, being a noisy whiny asshole or helping his sister-friend not get bullied?

What is the need and basis for this flawnalysis (analysis of flaws or flawed analysis, both work) when it's isolated from what came before and after the coconut tree of life? His freeze response is exactly that - a RESPONSE cultivated as a result of continued experience of bullying and abuse from a very young age. Whether it be on his person or something he witnessed closely around him. How is it a flaw if that is what saves him and keeps the situation from escalating? So far he's the one that's not punched someone and gotten arrested or near arrested for it, disintegrated, caused the death of unwitting people (he is one of them actually). Should that happen for him to erase that flaw?

Will internalising his feelings and then blowing up when things get right upto here is absolutely what can be considered a flaw/ negative character trait. It causes him pain and also creates discord even if temporary. It is NOT a flaw when he's keeping SOME things close to his heart though. Again, all of his responses aren't because of his flaws but some are because of things that happened previously on Stranger Things.

I absolutely look at this resurgence in finding Will's flaws an exercise taken up to find evidence for what's been ordained as truth instead of finding the said flaws in search of textual truth. A way to prop other characters or devalue Will's idk. Overlooking the tone of the show and how heavy handed the characters' designated roles in the story are to instead bestow a seriousness and prestige to the show that it does not at all, at any point in time, seek or strive for, renders the entire analysis (omg it's coming) FLAWED.

#syp #will byers #byler #stranger things #not proofread

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