#of course the girl who grew up with a shitty dad who lacked guidance and support would never want another child to go through that!!!

[gaylactic-fire]

TOTK made a lot of stupid decisions but actually Zelda becoming a teacher was the most galaxy brained idea ever and I (almost) forgive the writing team for that decision alone.

[awkwardsha]

Suzanne aka Lola “The Session”

                                           By: Shawnice Renee

                 Dr. Lee sat at his desk skimming through his files for his next patient that’s coming in. he had a disturbed look on his face, not due to the files but towards something different. So lost in deep thought when the telephone rung he jumped a little and knocked over his coffee.

“Shit! Got dammit!” Dr. Lee was now caught in-between cleaning up spilled coffee and answering his telephone. After a few rings he finally picks up the phone.

“Dr. Lee’s office, Dr. Lee speaking.”

“Terry?” On the phone it sounded like a loud irritated voice. Dr. Lee immediately threw his head back in annoyance.

“Sina, and what reason do am I receiving a call from you today?” Dr. Lee asked with lack of enthusiasm.

“Why didn’t you tell the judge about your secret account?” Sina asked.

               Dr. Lee and Sina have been going through a bitter divorce. After 10 years of being married. Sina decided she wanted her life back. She complained how all she do is sit home cook, clean, and chase after their daughter. She also complained how the sex wasn’t good anymore and he works too much. Dr. Lee chalks it up to her asking for a life she truly didn’t want. So now they’re going through this divorce battle and she’s money hungry, throwing accusations of a secret account.

               He didn’t have the patience to deal with his future ex-wife shenanigans.

“Sina what the hell are you talking about? There is no secret account for the last time!”

“Yes, you have one ad I’m going to find out. Best believe Terry I’m going for every penny I can get.” She snapped back.

“Why do you have to have to be like this? We did at one point love each other, when did this become about money?”

               Dr. Lee was not only stressed out but in disbelief that the woman he once thought he would spend the rest of his life with, has now become an enemy. Sina carried on the phone trying to get Dr. Lee to fess up. When Suzanne walked in saving him from furthering the bad argument that was occurring. Right then he found a valid reason to hang up on his future ex-wife. Fighting to get a word out his voice grew louder.

“Look Sina- would you just let me-…listen I have a client we’ll finish this with the lawyers present next time!” Click.

               Suzanne could see she had just walked into something real personal. She slowly walked to sit down on the couch as she patiently waited for him to acknowledge her. Dr. Lee fixed his tie and cleared his thoughts, he felt he needed a moment before he started his next session. Then finally a flustered Dr. Lee spoke. “Hey Suzanne, I apologize for what you just witnessed.” He said as he grabbed a pen and pad. Being completely understanding, Suzanne shrugged it off like it was nothing.

“Dr. Lee we all have our fucked-up problems.” she responded back

“Ok then! Let’s get started, shall we? Where did we last leave off?” Dr. Lee immediately flew back into his zone.

“We left off with my shitty ass father.”

“Oh, right your father… can you remember the last time you spoke to him?

               Suzanne rolled her eyes and put her back. It’s been some time since she spoke with her father and with her that time hasn’t been missed.

“It’s been a while…” Suzanne responded. She never had much to say when it came to her father. Dr. Lee wasn’t already in a good mood. He was hoping that maybe she might want to cooperate with him today. But he knew this was a touchy subject and it would be quite a task.

He then proceeded, “You guys are estranged from one another. Did ya’ll have a close relationship?”

“No, he spent most of my life in jail and then when he was released he chose to be around his other kids.”

“He has other kids?”

“Yes, I have one brother and three sisters.,”

               Dr. Lee began writing stuff down in his pad the more Suzanne talked. He started to ask more questions. “And do you feel hurt? About your father’s rejection?”

               Then Suzanne answered with a stone-cold look on her face, “No.’

Dr. Lee was writing in his pad when he stopped to look at Suzanne. He grew a curious look his face as his eyes tipped over his glasses. “Why?” he asked.

               Then Suzanne answered, “My father has been missing most of my life. There isn’t necessarily a…it just isn’t a need for me to be upset. Look I’m paying $200 per session, I really don’t want to spend it discussing him.”

“Well I’m going to be honest and let you know he would’ve been brought up eventually.” He reminded her.

               Dr. Lee and Suzanne have been doing well in their sessions together. They both felt Suzanne was coming a long way with opening up. Unfortunately, discussing her father is something totally different for her.

“I know I just don’t like talking about him. It’s just a waste of words and breath.” Suzanne paused as Dr. Lee stared at her. Her father wasn’t the most supportive, loving father. She resented him for a lot of things she felt she finally came to peace with. Bringing this all up again will warrant unwanted emotions she isn’t willing to deal with again. But something just sparked her to speak.

“My dad is a very selfish man… We never had a relationship when I was a child. As I grew older though, we tried.”

“Do you care to share a story that backs up your claims? Only if you feel comfortable.” He didn’t want to force her into opening up. He wanted Suzanne to feel comfortable about what she chose to share.

“Umm I guess I could…” The room became quiet as Suzanne thought about what she wanted to say. It’s been so long she had to dig deep into her memory bank. Suddenly, one story popped up which made her continue. “I have one”

               Dr. Lee put the pen down and removed his glasses to signal she had his undivided attention.

“All right Miss. Dandridge I’m listening”

“It was the first time we met, well as an adult at least. He was already released from jail and he thought it’d be nice for him and I to go out for dinner…”

               Suzanne stopped for a second to chuckle as she began to put everything back into retrospect.

“…That night he made me feel like a little girl all over again. I remember ransacking my closet trying to find the perfect outfit. It was weird I found myself trying on all these conservative dresses I only wear for interviews and church…and yes Dr. Lee I went to church for like a hot minute.”

“Really? Why’d you stop going to church?”

“Long story…”

“Oh, ok then, so did you wear those clothes because in his eyes you wanted to appear still as daddy’s little girl?”

“Yeah I guess so…I mean it was an exciting moment for me. At 21, I finally got to reunite with my daddy. My mom, I could tell she was hesitant but wouldn’t come in between us trying to meet. I arrive at the restaurant trying to see if I could spot him but of course he was late, 30 minutes late to be exact.

“What was going through your head as you were waiting for him?” Dr. Lee asked.

“Just nervous stuff you know? Practicing what I would say. Would he be happy to see me? Does he think I’m beautiful? Will he like me? What traits do I get from him? My brain was running non-stop. Then boom he walks toward my table. He approached the table…and he said Suzette?” Suzanne shook her head in ultimate disgust.

“Suzette?” Dr. Lee said confused.

“He mispronounced my name. My name is Suzanne.”

“He didn’t know you name?

“I was so mortified but I just ignored him and continued. Besides I wanted to talk to him for guidance because at the time I was in that bad relationship with Rodney. Remember I told you about Rodney?” Suzanne asked in a matter of fact tone.

“Yes, I remember.” He quickly responded.

“Yeah well around that time, Rodney had hit me and I thought he came out in the nick of time.”

“Because you thought he’d be there to protect you?”

“Right, but I was sadly mistaken” Right then a bit of sadness reached Suzanne’s face.

“I’m assuming you spoke to him about the Rodney situation. What did he say about it?”

“Yeah I spoke to him about Rodney. Told him he slapped me up and everything. You know what that asshole said to me? ‘What did you do to him?’ “

               In that moment, Suzanne shown vulnerability over the whole situation again. It was as if he did it to her yesterday. That’s how fresh the wound is. Different patients visit every day, every month, every year. They each have their own story to tell. Their own past traumas to overcome. Without a doubt, Suzanne must be the most captivating to Dr. Lee. Still quite figure out what it is, though it’s something.

“Your father blamed you for getting abused by Rodney? That had to be…mind-blowing. How did you respond?” Asked Dr. Lee as he started writing again.

“At first I was stuck, now I’ll admit the motherfucker had me tongue-tied. You know how you’re carrying a conversation with someone, then they just say something that threw your whole train of thought off? I told him that I didn’t do anything.”

“Did your mom ever mention abuse from him when they were together?”

“My mom barely spoke of my dad. I didn’t ask, she didn’t tell.”

“I had asked you what stuck out in your head about your father. What made this stick out?”

               Suzanne spoke without hesitation.

“That was the day a piece of me died. I was looking for my hero and I found a villain. I always had dreams of meeting my father. How we would hug and cry as we embrace each other for the first time. Then he would promise to never leave my side again. In exchange, I got a man who suggested I should never provoke my man to hit me. This same man who didn’t know my birthday or my name!”

               Clearly seeing Suzanne was upset and Dr. Lee had a long day himself. He decided to discount her bill and cut the session short. Suzanne on the other hand wasn’t done yet.

“Daddies are supposed to be the first man a woman or rather a little girl loves. He’s supposed to be the main protector of her. Guide her into the cruel world and teach her to look out for the predators of his own kind. He…!” Suzanne couldn’t hold back her tears anymore. Dr. Lee grabbed the Kleenex box and handed it to her as she spoke her emotions for the first time in a while.

“He was supposed to be my father. Now I’m this fucked up person partially because of him. I fuck men that hold money, status, and power because men taught me that is all they are. I’ve opened my legs to multiple men to fill this missing void…this feeling of validity. Somehow some way they’ve treated me like shit because I wasn’t taught what type of man to look out for. Do you have any kids Dr. Lee?”

“I have a daughter.”

“How old?”

“4”

“Do you tell her she’s beautiful? Make her feel safe?”

“All the time.”

“Good. Because maybe she won’t grow to be fucked up in the head like me. She has a good daddy to teach her to have high standards.”

               Hearing Suzanne speak to Dr. Lee about being a good father had him thinking about his current situation. Roles reversed and he found himself opening up to Suzanne.

“Sometimes, I don’t know if I’m being a good father.”

“Oh please! Do you see her every day?”

“I go home to her every night”

‘Do you tuck her in at night? Tell her you love her? Spend birthdays, holidays…?”

“There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for my girl” He proudly proclaimed.

“…Then you’re a great father Dr. Lee.

               Appearing to cry himself he removed his glasses from his face. Quickly he wiped away his tears, embarrassed that a client got him to cry. He proceeded with his plans to cut the session short. Already made up in his mind he was going to take the rest of the day off. Suzanne completely understood and decided she was heading to the spa afterwards. They both shook hands until their next meeting and Suzanne left the office. These two have more in common than they thought. God works in mysterious ways because these sessions will bring them together more ways than one…

  �yj��