#of course ruined in the sense that his figure is so permanently changed

[pregtboy]

the masculine urge to ruin a trans boy's body with so many babies, to turn him into the absolute pinnacle of fertility and make him love every second of it

[sakumasmut]

anon I have no idea if you’re still out there (this request is over a year old) but this is for you

Enstars x Reader NSFW Month 2024 Day 28

Tatsumi Kazehaya x Fem!Reader

tags/warnings: vaginal sex, breeding, choking, praise, aftercare

ao3

“T-Tatsun…”

“Yes, dear?”

His pace is gentle, the hand that isn’t supporting his weaker side caressing the skin along your inner thighs. Through your shaky breaths you can hear the soft squelch each time he slides in and out of you, more and more of your wetness coating his length. Violet eyes meet yours, but when you open your mouth to speak only a moan comes out.

“Y-You, ah, feel amazing.”

“As do you,” he smiles, “you’re doing so well.”

You didn’t think you were doing much work other than laying down, but his voice was soothing and your brain didn’t want to argue about the specifics when it was busy being filled with pleasure. As if he could sense your doubts, he moves his hand down to your ass, giving it a firm squeeze.

“Do you know why you’re so wonderful?”

Without waiting for your response, he moves it again, this time over your crotch, sliding a finger in between where your cunt and his dick meet to stimulate the reddish nub poking out. You croon as he brushes against your clit, legs wrapping around his waist to pull him closer.

“Because you’re yourself. And you’ve chosen to love me.”

“W-What, ah, what do you mean?” You struggle to speak while he’s simultaneously pleasuring you. “Anyone would, mmph, love you.”

“Haha, maybe you’re right, but only you love me enough to let me do this. To make love to you until you swell with life.”

You blush at that, feeling your walls tighten around his unprotected cock, as if trying to get it to pump you full of the seed he wants to see change your body and your lives permanently. Tatsumi hums happily as he feels you do so, rocking his hips back and forth.

“T-That’s not fair, Tatsun!” You whine, embarrassed. “I love you for more than that!”

He chuckles, looking down at you again.

“Then can you tell me?”

“Well, there’s a lot. You’re so kind to everyone, and—mmph, easy to talk to. I feel like I can tell you anything.”

Considering you were having this conversation while he was balls deep inside you, you figured he at least knew that by now.

“I’m glad you feel secure with me, dear.” He whispers. “I hope that you’ll tell me anything that’s on your mind.”

“I-I want you to…”

Your mind goes to something you actually have been thinking of, but wouldn’t dare to bring up before this, voice trailing off. A bit too late though, since Tatsumi slows down when he notices. You’d whine about the loss of friction if you weren't deep in thought.

“Is there something you’re thinking about?”

“T-there is, but…forget it. I don’t know if you’d do it.”

He looks at you curiously, his silence encouraging you to continue.

“If there’s anything I can do for you, I’ll try.”

“Well, I want to try something new. I-In bed.”

“Ah, a new position?”

“No, it’s more, um, extreme.”

“What is it, then?”

“Iwantyoutochokeme.”

You shut your eyes as you blurt it out, not wanting to see his face as he judges you. He stills completely inside you, and that’s when you gulp and open your eyes to see how he took the suggestion. He isn’t exactly frowning, but there’s a look of uncertainty as he opens his mouth to speak.

“Are you sure that’s something you want?”

“N-Nevermind.” You stammer. “Just forget it!”

Tatsumi doesn’t do anything for a few seconds, and you fear that you’ve ruined the mood before he silently nods and begins to move again. You half wish you had kept your mouth shut since it ruined the tempo he had set, and you were already so close to your orgasm. This time though, his hands move upwards, tracing your shoulders until they reach the crook of your neck, and the excitement that fills your mind erases any regrets.

“/Name/, you trust me, right?”

“Yes, of course.”

His hand extends over your neck, thumb on one side and four fingers on the other. He gently squeezes it, the action uncertain, unfamiliar.

“Do you trust me with your life?”

“Y-Yes…”

His grip on the sides of your neck gets stronger. Your eyes widen. You had so much faith in him, even though in this position he could easily cut off your air flow…

Your mouth opens, whether it’s supposed to be a cry of alarm or a moan doesn’t matter, because the only thing that comes out is some sort of sputtering for air as he squeezes hard. Your heart races. His thrusts quicken. You aren’t sure what to do. Everything in your body tightens, from your lungs to your pussy around his cock. Your vision starts to blur, tears forming. Seconds pass. You wonder if you’ll pass out. You wonder what would happen if he didn’t let go.

But Tatsumi does let go, and when you gasp for air you feel the coil inside you snap just as fast, bringing you to the most pleasurable climax you’ve ever experienced. A few thrusts later you hear him grunt, and you feel him push himself deep to spill his seed inside you. It only lasted a few seconds, but your head is still spinning and heart pounding. Tatsumi is quiet except for heavy breathing through his nose, lifting your chin up with a finger to inspect your neck.

“I’m sorry if I was too rough, does it hurt?”

“No, I’m fine.” Your voice comes out a bit hoarse.

Tatsumi slips out of you, sitting up on the edge of the bed to grab a water bottle from the bedside table. He lets you take a few good gulps of it before drinking some himself. He seems more affected by the choking than you are, a guilty expression on his face.

“Hey, I’m sorry if I pushed you to do that. I didn’t want to force you.”

“No, it’s my fault.” Tatsumi shook his head. “I wanted to fulfill your desire, but I didn't think about it carefully enough. I could have risked hurting you, or more…” His hand presses against your belly, still warm from his release.

“But I’m fine! You didn’t hurt me, I swear.”

“I’m glad you trust me, /name/. I just wish I could trust myself.”

You hug him tightly, and after a few seconds he returns it, burying his face into the crook of the neck he was suffocating just minutes ago.

“You did wonderful. Thank you for indulging me.” You whisper, kissing the closest spot of skin to your lips, which ends up being somewhere on his upper chest. He returns the gesture with a peck of his own.

Tatsumi Kazehaya isn’t one to take lives. He’d much rather create it with you, inside you, one orgasm at a time.

[llondonfog]

Hello, I would like to make a request if possible. I'm translating through a translator, so I'm sorry if something is not too clear. I hope that the request meets your criteria and does not cross the line. You can change it as you feel more comfortable or completely ignore it. So the essence of the request is that Silver dies in childhood because of Mellius. Perhaps he will find out about the origin of the child or just an accident. But Silver is dead and Lilia is going crazy. Mellius himself is plunged into a sense of guilt. And in their grief, they decide to bring him back to life. Whether it's an attempt to revive it or replace it. It doesn't really matter. Just distraught from the loss, they begin to live in the illusion that Silver is alive. But Silver himself is just an empty shell acting on orders and possibly imitating the behavior of the original. Most of all, I am interested in the reaction of the other characters to this. Sorry, it's a little hard for me to put the whole idea together. I would like to see how they live after the tragedy in complete denial and reassurance that everything is fine, continuing to live as before. But perhaps it breaks down when they try to destroy this illusion. As I wrote earlier, you have every right to ignore my request or change it as you wish. The main thing is that the essence of the idea remains. I also wanted to ask if it is possible to make multiple requests? Of course, taking into account not to spam and not to burden you. Anyway, I'm glad I was able to get this idea out of my head. Thanks for attention.

drabble fic posted here! <3

first, thank you so much for taking the time to share this incredible request, i absolutely LOVED writing it and i hope the spirit of what you wished to see was conveyed!! <3 please don't hesitate to ever jump into my inbox with ideas or twst thoughts that you'd like to share! it may take me some time to get to it, and i'll make it known if it just isn't something i can't get to at this time :)

as far as the direction i went with for your request, i was fully OBSESSED thinking about the mundane, agonizing horror of silver dying by a simple and natural accident— a slip on the wet rocks of the creek in front of their cottage home, losing his grip on a mountainside during a bout of rock-climbing, etc. something so blameless that it would RUIN lilia because it was such an ordinary accident that he couldn't prevent.

i really wanted mal to be the one to bring silver back to life out of a desperate bid to heal lilia's near overblot levels of grief, but also out of this childish way (because he's still a child himself!!) to save lilia's wish to so desperately know if he could love a human— plus of course, mal is obviously fond of silver at this point too and is similarly grief-stricken and absolutely NOT thinking clearly when he tries to resurrect the child.

something that i wanted to be key is that whatever mal brought back, it is NOT silver. silver is permanently dead, and whatever spirit is inhabiting his body is one that mal sees as a complete abomination. lilia, too deep in his grief, latches onto the child regardless even if he has moments of clarity when he can't look at the new 'silver' or be around him for some time. so both mal and lilia know the truth, but nine year old sebek has been pretty much kept in the dark so far with only a few play dates to start seeing a weird behavioral difference in silver and the others.

(but the illusion can't last— this silver can never grow past the age in which the body died, and the spell has to be reapplied after so many weeks or else the corpse starts, well . . . becoming a rotting corpse again. also i'm kind of insane over the idea that the spirit inside silver is malicious and has bewitched lilia into trying to kill himself to reunite with his dead son so that it can take his magic and now mal has to figure out how to undo the awful that he did BUT I MIGHT BE GOING TOO FAR DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE NOW LOL)

[primal-con]

I wanna see men in homoerotic situations wearing slutty clothes 🥺👉👈

How could I say no to that face... well, alright, you've twisted my arm

Fairy tale AU! aka I watched Enchanted as a kid and it permanently altered my brain chemistry

I've only really figured out a handful of characters but the beauty of this thing is it can fit as many characters as I can imagine, so basically it's an infinite plot bunny and I love it <33 (also if anyone has pitches for other characters/ideas please please please send them 👀👀)

The initial idea was just dragon!Rodimus because obviously, but it grew from there. He’s the prince of a ruined kingdom who was cursed as a child to transform into a dragon each morning and change back each night a la Beauty and the Beast or Shrek if you have taste

Then there’s Ratchet as a piss poor damsel in distress and Drift as a knight (really he’s a ninja, but what is a ninja if not a non-western knight who can do sick flips?) who embarks on a quest to save Ratchet but kinda just ends up in a polycule because Rodimus is bad at being a dragon and Ratchet is bad at sitting back and letting other people solve his problems!

The central plot of the AU though, the thing that most of the other stuff revolves around is, of course, Orion Pax and Megatronus trying to overthrow a corrupt king. Because they have an MO and also I’m very weak for their relationship dynamic during that era of their lives. Orion is actually the lost prince Optimus who disappeared as a newborn, but since he was raised by Alpha Trion rather than the corrupt king and grew up some regular kid in a library, he’s way too aware of all the ways in which the crown sucks ass so he wants no part in all this “Prince Optimus” bullshit. And Megatronus is a gladiator and totally not treasonous poet wanted by the crown whose help he enlists in overthrowing his father. Hijinks ensue etc etc

And again, I can map as many characters as I want into this!! Infinite possibilities at my fingertips and all of them deeply driven by the sense of craving something you cannot possibly have because the barriers of society disallow it. And also men shirtless, that’s equally as important as the first thing. I love fairy tale settings so fucking much <33

Also I made a playlist :D I created this AU two days ago you guys I think I might have a slight problem-

[sleepy-aletheas]

I will raise another point to this: this is the perfect example of Alhaitham's whole problem solving strategy for reaching a peaceful life.

The people are scared that all their expertise is no longer needed from them personally. They are replaceable by the Akasha and they cannot thrive in their craft as they used to years ago because of it.

Kaveh, the everlasting altruist, is giving them a temporary solution, be it a job for a person that is not specified to need permanent or long lasting contracts, or money, which again, probably would cover only a short time of maybe a couple months.

Alhaitham downright fumbled his delivery on his idea, by implying that they should just give up and go somewhere else. Which is a character flaw he has to learn to smooth over. But he did have a point in the sense of finding opportunity where there is any. Instead of being stuck in the same place that won't be prosperous now or will be too competitive to really help anyone, change the scenery; gain a new craft; go to a different place that does have the demand for these things and manpower, but the market is not so saturated yet. Of course, the drawback is that for many most likely it's not possible, or easy to uproot their lives to chase their comfort zone. But it could be a chance for a steady pay, a security of a stable income that they obviously fear of losing.

Both of them have the same end goal in sight and mind, to help people have satisfying lives that can sustain them.

Kaveh jumps the gun too fast and tries to remedy a deeply rooted ever-expanding problem that reaches into all facets of Sumeru.

Alhaitham tries to propose broadening the people's horizons of opportunity and possibility, and not condemn themselves into misery by sticking to something that doesn't work, walking past the implications he most likely didn't even think he would make.

Again, them and their mirroring. They have the same goals, but go from completely different views, and cause neither leans closer to try and look where the other is coming from, the misunderstandings just keep stacking up.

But I think Alhaitham figured out the pattern of them having the same end results. It doesn't matter who is right or wrong. If the road is smooth or rough, which one is dangerous or better walked together; it still leads to a conflict resolution both of them approve of. He just doesn't think self-sacrifice when there are better, safer solutions is necessary.

But both are stubborn, prideful, and cannot speak their mind without having established a neutral base of speech that doesn't instantly ruin any possible dialogue. There is too much of a history, of their own personal problems and emotional conflict, that trying to understand each other has to be a two-way street.

Alhaitham cannot make Kaveh understand the need of a cool head in a conflict if Kaveh refuses to listen to him, just because of his calm demeanor.

And Kaveh cannot make Alhaitham take a sentimental look at the problems if Alhaitham only sees high strung emotional motives as causalities of problems.

Kaveh takes Alhaitham's opinions as dismissal and distain; that he doesn't care about anyone or anything, because he doesn't steep in anyone else's sentimentalities.

Alhaitham just thinks it doesn't matter how one feels about something, he wants solutions that can be followed through aside from "I just feel like this".

Both are right and wrong. Right that to solve many problems, one needs to have short and long term solutions and plans. Wrong, cause they deem the emotional or clinical point of view as a limiting and ineffective way of solving problems, when a person needs both to do anything.

They may be geniuses, but damn, they're stupid when together (affectionate).

This is an analysis of Kaveh and Alhaitham’s argument posted on the Port Ormos bulletin board!! Because it is crazy actually!!

I think this exchange of theirs out of the three posted throughout Sumeru is particularly interesting, and this is due Alhaitham openly expressing that Kaveh does not understand what Alhaitham is really trying to say to him: “I have never denied what you meant, but you don’t understand what I am saying to you at all.”

This exchange is relevant in various ways in exploring the motif of communication. As according to their usual rapport, the two disagree over their differing philosophies, as in sensibility versus rationality, however, Alhaitham’s particular concerns in Kaveh spending his money on “nonsense” highlights the underlying reason for this exchange. From this comment, the argument is recontextualised through Alhaitham’s intention for getting involved, as Kaveh prompts the workmen to take his money in order to help them out.

When Alhaitham states that this is a meaningless action due to the inevitability of people rising or falling on their own accord, rather than solely critiquing Kaveh’s “impulsiv[e]” altruism, as Kaveh interprets, Alhaitham is directly contradicting his own comment – as he is interfering on Kaveh’s decisions.

As concern is evidently the intention behind his interference, Kaveh cannot perceive this, and instead attempts to critique Alhaitham’s perspective in return, although Alhaitham states: “Make no mistake. I have never denied what you meant…” This response asserts that Alhaitham does not deny, but rather agrees with, Kaveh’s statement of “mutual assistance, fairness, and righteous anger” driving the world.

In lieu of this, rather than continuing the argument, Alhaitham claims that there is no point to it, as Kaveh does not understand what he is saying, as in, Kaveh does not understand that his intentions in interfering are out of concern. He follows this up, regardless, by criticising Kaveh’s handling of his budget, as, evidently, Kaveh has offered to give his own money to these workmen, and refuses to pay for Kaveh’s drinks for that month.

For Alhaitham, Kaveh’s lack of self-prioritisation leads him to impulsive altruistic acts which serve to jeopardise his own position, particularly regarding money. If Kaveh can afford to give away money, he can afford to pay his own tabs, is the takeaway from this exchange. Although, similarly to the exchange between them posted in Puspa’s Café, this applies to one particular month, insinuating that Alhaitham will continue to pay for next month’s tabs of his own accord.

The main argument, as well as the disagreement over the speaker of Kaveh’s quote, serves as a humorous exchange, but as a motif for communication it acquires a new meaning. The two hold perspectives which contrast the other which puts them on unequal footing, demonstrated within the argument over the speaker of Kaveh’s quote. Although it is not disclosed who is actually in the right, both are convinced of their respective viewpoint. There is an element missing here, a potential solution to this problem, and it lies within the idea of “correctness” established within A Parade of Providence.

The omission of there being an objective, correct answer to this particular debate serves as a parallel to their conflicting viewpoints, with the basis of their exchange being to “prove” to the other their “correctness” – here, it is in regard to Kaveh.

However, “correctness” being the basis of their exchange, and thus, relationship, is challenged with Alhaitham shutting down the initial debate due to Kaveh’s misunderstanding of his meaning. Correctness, then, and its importance, is called into question within this exchange, with Kaveh being the one to chase it; his last message being that he would “prove” himself to be right.

At the core of this bulletin board exchange is the idea that Alhaitham harbours an alternative ‘meaning’ than the one that Kaveh assigns to him: “… you don’t understand what I’m saying to you at all.” This is a meaning which Kaveh cannot perceive due to his current understanding of Alhaitham. This represents the standing of their current relationship, where Kaveh believes Alhaitham holds him in disdain, although this belief is incongruous with Alhaitham’s actions which show his care for Kaveh.

In these instances of communication through the Bulletin Boards, it is interesting to note that Kaveh is revealed to have been drunk and “scribbling” on these notice boards, and hopes that Alhaitham does not know.

Although this is a humorous detail, it adds another layer to the unreliability of their method of communication, as Kaveh has no recollection of these exchanges with Alhaitham, and therefore could not have properly interpreted Alhaitham due to an altered state of mind. It is uncertain whether Alhaitham is aware of Kaveh’s being drunk whilst responding to him, or whether he is believed to have been lucid, which creates another element of unreliability in their exchanges.

Alhaitham understands Kaveh’s thinking and the reasons for why he acts as he does, but he cannot articulate his concern in a way that Kaveh will understand, both out of Kaveh’s incapability of receiving goodwill, but also due to his logical manner of expression. Kaveh perceives Alhaitham’s concealed expressions of concern as personal gripes and criticisms of his beliefs, and therefore believes that their relationship is based on the scholarly principle of proving the validity of one’s philosophies.

The Port Ormos Bulletin Board reinforces the core essence of their relationship: Alhaitham is invested in a personal regard, whereas Kaveh cannot see this due to his perception of Alhaitham and Alhaitham’s inability to communicate in a way Kaveh would understand.

[writingbymoonlight]

heartbreak

ft.: timeskip akaashi x reader

cw: angst, mentions of a break-up, heartbreak, pining

word count: ~950 words

Whenever Akaashi pictured himself holding you tightly in his arms, he imagined that he would feel like the luckiest and happiest man on the planet. 

Unfortunately, that isn’t the case right now.

He is sitting beside you on your sofa, his arms firmly wrapped around your shaking frame as you heavily sob into his chest. Because of how you’re positioned, he cannot see your face, yet he can feel your tears gradually soaking his cotton shirt, but he doesn’t care or complain. Akaashi simply allows you to continue to cry as he rubs soothing circles on your upper back.

After a few minutes, your sobs recede, and you pull back from the embrace to look at your friend with puffy, red eyes.

“I’m sorry for ruining your evening,” you hoarsely murmur as you attempt to give Akaashi a vague smile.

Instantly, Akaashi shakes his head and takes one of your hands into his. “You didn’t ruin my evening, Y/N. I’m here to listen whenever you need someone to talk to.”

“It’s just…” you commence to say before you start sniffling again. Quickly, Akaashi reaches for the tissue box resting on top of the coffee table and hands it to you. You take a tissue to blow your nose then resume speaking, your voice barely above a whisper, “People have been telling me it’s been two months since we broke up and I should think about moving on and forgetting him, but…it’s hard. I still love him. It’s not like I can wake up one morning and decide to erase him from my memories. Does that make sense?”

Although it stings to hear you declare your love for someone else, Akaashi nods along.

When Akaashi met you, you were already in a relationship with your now ex-boyfriend: you two had been dating since university and your love for one another was evident. Whenever you were with him, you looked at him with so much adoration and vice versa. You seemed like a couple from a romance movie that was destined to grow old together. 

Everything abruptly changed, though, when your former partner had received a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to work at his dream job in Europe. He was excited at this prospect, and he asked you to move abroad with him, but you were hesitant. You didn’t want to move to a different country and be away from everything you know and love indefinitely. At the same time, you also didn’t want to hold your boyfriend back either from doing something he was so clearly enthusiastic about. This ultimately resulted in a mutual, yet heart wrenching, break up.

And today is the day your ex officially left Japan permanently and this knowledge absolutely crushed you. You honestly hadn’t anticipated being overwhelmed by a tidal wave of devastation, which is why you called Akaashi and asked him to come over.

“Of course it makes sense,” Akaashi gently assures you. “Ending a relationship doesn’t mean forgetting what you had. And what you had with him was truly special. You should be allowed to take all the time you need to process and heal.”

Akaashi would be lying if he said that the words coming out of his mouth didn’t feel like a knife repeatedly stabbing his heart. A miniscule sick, twisted part of him considers that maybe he should be happy that you're no longer in a relationship. However, he pushes aside and squanders these cruel thoughts. He could never take glee from your misery. 

Ever since you began working in his department, Akaashi felt an attraction towards you. But after he learned you were already dating someone, he tried his best to repress his feelings. He figured that if he pretended his feelings for you didn’t exist, perhaps one day they would magically disappear.

But as you and Akaashi went from being just co-workers to becoming extremely close friends, those feelings didn’t vanish. Instead, they grew intensely. If Akaashi’s initial crush on you was like the spark of a campfire, his feelings for you now burned with the intensity of the sun. And he is very much conscious of the fact that these feelings are not fleeting.

Akaashi is madly in love with you, but he knows he cannot tell you, even though you are technically single. 

He is aware that your heart has been completely shattered. It would take a while for you to pick up the pieces and for you to return to some semblance of normalcy. Him confessing to you would only add to your state of confusion. And that’s the last thing he wants to do. 

“Thank you for being so understanding,” you sigh, leaning your head against his shoulder.

The blue-eyed man takes this chance to throw a comforting arm around your shoulders before responding, “I’ll always be there for you, Y/N.”

You glance up at him and are met with a warm gaze that lets you know that everything will eventually be alright. And you feel yourself smile a genuine smile for the first time in weeks. It’s the type of smile that would make Akaashi go weak at the knees if he was standing.

“I’m really lucky to have you as a friend, Keiji,” you remark as you take your index finger and thumb and adjust his glasses, so they rest securely on the bridge of his nose. This small gesture produces a tiny lopsided grin from the dark-haired editor and temporarily alleviates his aching heart.

If a supportive friend is all you need right now, Akaashi is content to be that friend. He’ll gladly ignore his own heartbreak to help you through yours.

[hockey-x-imagines]

Made to Last || Tyler Seguin Pt. 20

A/N: I’m baaaccckkk!! After writing and rewriting this part, I’ve come to a crossroads. I can either keep this a Tyler Seguin fic or switch to Jamie Benn. I’m leaning more towards switching it up, mainly because I’m fed up with Tyler in this story. Let me know what you think! Sorry it’s so short, that’s mainly because I wasn’t sure which direction to go in. Feedback is always welcome. 

Song Inspo: Made to Last by Issues 

Paring: Tyler x Reader

P.O.V: Reader

Word Count: 714

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

His words hurt more than you can describe. Does he really think that little of you? It's times like this you really wish you could go back in time and never have met him in the first place. As you sit and stare at the door, you try to comprehend what just happened, but you can't. Your brain fails to understand how the man sitting in the living room could be the loving caring Tyler you once knew. How did all the ups and downs lead to him accusing you of cheating on him? How could he look you in the face after telling him you're carrying his child and ask if it was his? Footsteps down the hall have you racing to lock the door.  As if he could hear the lock, his footsteps stop and turn the other way before fading off. You don't know what to do, so you do the only thing that makes even a little sense to you. Call Jamie.

Y/N? What's going on?

Well for starters, I'm pregnant.

Really? Congratulations! You guys must be excited.

Jamie please stop. Your voice breaks and tears start to run down your cheeks yet again. You're so done with crying.

Y/N what happened?

Tyler asked me if the baby was his. This was after he accused me of cheating at the stupid fucking charity event when he was the one with someone else on his arm. When did he become like this? Is this really who he is now? Jamie I so fucking tired.

Wait, wait, wait, what the hell did he say? The tone in Jamie's voice immediately changed.

He asked me if the baby was his. At this point, you're full on ugly crying. I don't know what to do or how to move on from this. I just sold my cabin, I really don't have a place to go permanently.  Please tell me what to do.

Y/N I don't really know what to say to help. You're more than welcome to come stay with me until you figure out what to do next.

I can't ask you to do that. I don't want to ruin your relationship with Tyler.

Trust me, you're not. He's doing that just fine by himself.

Jamie, please don't let me be the reason your friendship with Tyler falls apart.

Y/N listen to me right now. It doesn't matter if it's you or someone else, I can't be friends with someone who treats people the way he's been treating you. Granted, it doesn't help that I love you.

Woah wait, what?

Shit. I didn't mean for that to come out. Please don't get freaked out. Can we maybe have this conversation face to face, please?  

Uh yeah, I guess so. Let me finish packing and I'll be over.  

Mindlessly you continued to pack your things while your thoughts ran wild in your head. Once everything you had was either packed or put in one place so you could easily come get it later, you took a deep breath and tried to prepare yourself to face Tyler again. What you weren't prepared for was to see Nessa straddling him. Of fucking course, she would be.

Ever so quietly you exited the house, after all you wouldn't want to disturb them. Once you made it to your car, you expected the tears to start up again, but they didn't. Maybe you were finally emotionally drained, or maybe you were finally past the point of caring about what or who he did.

Pulling up outside Jamie's house you take a moment to compose yourself. You really aren't sure if you're ready for the conversation that's about to take place. Never in your wildest dreams had you ever thought Jamie had or would have feelings for you. At the same time, it almost made sense. Not a lot of sense, because he had tried to get you and Tyler back together. At the same time, he had always been there and had always offered a shoulder to cry on and what not. Never once had Jamie made you cry. To be fair, he didn't say he was in love with you, maybe he just meant he loves you like a sister. Maybe you were just making something out of nothing.

[nolpat0]

love isn't enough | s. crosby

summary: they've decided to take a break to reevaluate their relationship but when she finally returns his text, things have changed

wc: 1,633

warnings: lots of angst ofc

The rough pad of Sidney's thumb brushes over the soft, smooth skin of her calf, a distracted, subconscious habit of affection he developed over the years he's known her. His coffee-hued eyes watch the flickering images of the daily news play across the large-screened TV, a crease forming between his dark brows as he drinks in the information humming in the background. Subconsciously, the flat of his palm presses harder into the unblemished flesh of her legs, prompting her watchful gaze to linger on his illuminated side profile in silent question. He's lost in the depths of his thoughts; his mind rolling around a specific worry. She wonders in hidden curiosity what's prompted the far-away look etched onto his strong features, and what it might be.

"Sidney?" she calls softly, her tone dulcet and calming, the edge of her fingers cascading over the broad flat of his shoulders, catching his attention.

His cinnamon-colored eyes burn into hers with a strange intensity that she's unused to. The edges of her chapped lips twitch as her mind snags on the intensity burning in his irises and what it means. Sidney's pink lips part, as if he's trying to form the words on his tongue and actually breath them to life. She can sense the wheels turning behind the gleam of his eyes, and it sets her nerves on edge, the soft material of his shirt sliding against her thighs as she props herself up, as if physically preparing for whatever he's about to confess.

"Is this it?" he breathes the words out slowly as if testing the way the syllables battle against the hum of the forgotten TV. The taught muscles of her shoulders drop in relaxation as her delicate, sleepy features twitch in a flicker of confusion.

"Is what it?" Sidney watches with a heavy expression as the edges of her lips curl into a confused, genuine smile that she usually gives him whenever his low, heavy-accented mumbles reach her.

Swallowing the sudden lump formed in his throat, Sidney steels himself, the tightening flicker in his strong jaw sending a new wave of apprehension through her tensed, upright body. The soft tips of her fingers fall from the thick material of his gray t-shirt and he feels the absence of her warmth-filled touch like an ache that's settled into the marrow of his bones. But he forces the sharp-edged words from his tight throat.

"Us. Are we gonna pretend that something isn't wrong here?" as soon as the words hit the air, Sidney knows they sound wrong; a cruel twist to the intended soft lilt of guilt. He's trying to plead with her, beg her to understand they want different things and the divergence is increasingly clear in every one of their late, star-lit, wine-fueled conversations. Sidney wants her to understand what he's saying, but the syllables rearranged themselves, sketching him the antagonist. The shock and waver of her easy expression rip through the soft tissue of his heart and burrows deep.

"I can't pretend if I don't know what's wrong, Sidney."

Her words are soft, a raw tenderness that almost has him flinching back, knowing he doesn't deserve the helpless look smoothing over her features or her permissive tone. She's giving him a chance to go back and restart his confession.

So he slides his hands against the smooth skin of her thighs, rough palms brushing against the worn fabric of his t-shirt that's draped over her figure until the curve of his fingers fits over hers. His dark eyes bore into hers, the quiver of his brows telling her how much he's hating the conversation.

"We want different things," he says firmly, his full lips drawn in a tight line. "Eventually," a whisper of a loose breath through teeth as he pulls together every loose, weakened string of himself and yanking them together so he can give her the graciousness of a soft, mutual goodbye. ".. we would've grown apart. Maybe we just need to step back and evaluate what we want in life outside of each other, and then see if we can do those things together."

She takes in the serious, unrelenting tone of his firmly confident words, and understands this is what he must've whispered to himself over and over, selecting and choosing words to hand to her; to let her down easy. Before she gives in to the request, she allows her silver-lined eyes to drink in the curve of his full lips, the gleam of his caramel-hued eyes, the unruly angles of his midnight locks, and the sharp lines of his strong features. She quietly places each memorization in a specific category in her mind; saving the last, unblemished memory of her Sidney.

"Do you want that, Sidney?"

Another sharp whistle of his breath sounds as his chest contracts painfully, the arrow of her permissiveness twisting deeper, searing apart nerves and blood vessels. It's a necessary wound- for survival- but he wonders if it'll scar permanently and leave a sour taste between his molars and tongue. But he hates the ceaseless, aching feeling, the sorrowfully understanding look she's wearing, and the fact he has to do this.

"It'll only be a step back," he quickly assures, fingers tightening against the joints of hers, suddenly fearful that he won't know how to sleep between the cold sheets without the press of her cheek against his bare chest or her scent lingering in the gray bedding. Or that he'll find himself lost in the rows of the grocery store without the messy scrawl of her hand on brightly colored sticky notes clasped in his fist. The breath in his lungs is stolen at the future now clearly outlined; devoid of her silvery laughter and the wink of her smiling eyes.

"Step back?" she retracts slowly, the bones of her fingers sliding from his as she physically recoils at the words, brow creased in concern. "What does that even mean, Sid?"

"Just a few weeks- not even," his words curl into a panicked octave of heartache, the tips of his lashes beaded with unshed, salty tears.

"Weeks?"

Sidney hears the hopelessness laced in her disbelieving tone, and his breath hitches, now returned with a bruising weight as he feels the situation spin wildly out of his control. He watches the emotions flit across her face, the understanding ruining the last ruins of composure she has, releasing the tears she's fighting in minuscule rivers down her flushed cheeks.

"If you think it's best," she whispers, the subdued decibels yanking savagely at the carefully replaced strings of himself, threatening to break. Her silver-lined eyes slide to meet his, hardened and determined. "Maybe it'll be good."

Sidney nods quickly, his thumbs returning to their habitual place on the tops of her thighs, a comforting motion that they understand is a final goodbye. His soft lips press against the crown of her head, a proclamation of his love whispered in her hair, too quiet for her ears to pick up as he pulls away.

"Two weeks, okay?" he promises, the gravel lilt to his voice tenderly soft.

"Two weeks."

———

The unforgivingly promised timeline of their reunion expires sourly, the date pushed back in an anxiously guilty voicemail left on her phone in the early morning of the Sunday, explaining how even though Sidney detested the eerie silence that seeped into his apartment without her off-key humming, he needed to know she wasn't conforming to his futuristic dreams for the sake of not losing him. So she settled into the itchy, unfamiliar fabric of her couch, stretching out her legs, frowning at the absence of Sidney's fingertips, and packed her emotions in a flimsy cardboard box and hid it in the back of her closet in her mind, sending the dark-haired man a simple text allowing him his request and agreeing that maybe she did need to find out her own wishes.

———

He pressed the screen of his phone to the couch, red-rimmed eyes staring in an empty reverie at the blank screen, the familiar press of heartbreak on his sternum knotted his shoulders and ached in his rough palms. In these moments, he craved her presence; aching for her mid-night kisses against his temple when she woke up, or the scuff of her feet against the hard-wood as she moved down the hall, the tilt of her head as she sang along to the music she played when they cooked. In these moments, when he felt as if the very bones of his ribs were caving in and piercing his shattered heart, he wanted the press of her palm in his or the comfort of her words. But now, Sidney can't feel the warmth buzzing in his hands from her touch or the slide of her skin against his and he feels lost, disoriented without the steadiness of her unconditional love. He wonders what moment over the tedious course of two months was the one where he lost her.

His dark eyes flicker to the flipped-over phone laying on the couch's soft surface, the burn against his cornea's too much for him to fight, and he allows the salty flow of his tears to bring him to his knees. A shaky, broken breath surpasses his chapped lips as his lashes brush his cheek, guarding himself against the text of betrayal lingering on his phone. He tries to rid his mind of the memorized line of text, but the words cling to him, refusing to let him slip away from his misery.

You were right, Sidney. We don't want the same things, and sometimes, even love isn't enough.

Sidney desperately wished it wasn't true, and that they both ended up being right, but he couldn't run from the truth. Sometimes, love really wasn't enough.

[lemonade-if]

Sooooooo ik I keep talking about my MC and all, BUT I figured out some stuff for him that actually makes sense for his character, and I wanted to share! Of course most of this will probably have to be in the realm of headcanon, as of right now I'm not sure how much of this will be able to translate in game, but I figured you'd find it interesting anyway

This kinda talks a bit more about his insecurities and motivations as character so it could probably get a liiiiitttttle dark, but not too much, still ill leave it under the cut since it's a bit of a ramble anyway

Kaoru Tachibana is a very sentimental, selfless, and kind individual, he doesn't really know how to communicate with his peers or anyone for that matter, but nevertheless he's willing to stick out his neck for strangers typically for the sole purpose of helping them out. That being said, he still doesn't let people get too close to him, out of fear of either ruining the relationship or their life if he's feeling particularly paranoid, he's wholeheartedly believes he is nothing more than a parasite, and this stems from how he took his parents failing marriage.

Kaoru views himself as the reason his family fell apart, he knows that of his parents didn't have a baby then maybe they still would've been happy with their lives, instead of having to sacrifice everything for him. He came to this conclusion at a young age and decided the best way to help them was to try and fix their relationship, or at least, try and be a perfect son. Being the perfect son would often change in definition according to what school he got transfered too, one day he'd be a grade A student, next day he'd be one of the popular kids, and the next he'd be a star athlete, he threw his entire self into this and it often lead him to be utterly exhausted everyday of his life.

All the while he'd be trying to set his parents up together, sometimes in a parent trap kind of way, others just kinda acting as a wingman, or sometimes just trying to be a shoulder they can lean on. This was probably the last time he spent so much time with his parents, and the last time he'd try and talk to them. Because all of these efforts will have eventually failed, because they announce their getting a divorce.

He doesn't take it well.

See, what this means to Kaoru, is that everything he did accumulated to nothing, he realized that in his attempts to hold the standards he held in what it meant to be 'perfect', in the face of inevitable failure he realized he didn't know anything about himself. He didn't even know his favorite color, He can't even remember the last time he had a genuine relationship with friends, the only thing he does for himself is when the arguing and stress becomes too much, he sneaks out of the house to go and indulge in his art, which he refuses to tell his parents he is an artist.

Kaoru is going to this new 'permanent' school not knowing who he is, not knowing how to make genuine long lasting bonds with people, and more or less broken from the inevitable failure that was his life. So in an attempt to find whatever scraps of him are left, he decide to take on a persona that resembled the last time he felt true to himself, when he was a wild child so to speak.

He then isolated himself from his parents and sneaks out a lot more often now, doesn't really try in his classes anymore, and definitely tries to make himself more or less unapproachable by the student body. Which leaves us with the Kaoru we know today! A weird, loner, art kid who isn't afraid to antagonize people, and isn't afraid to take the fall for people.

Now, ik the way I probably explained things made it seem like a bigger thing than it was, a teenage boy who took his parents divorce WAY too hard and became a delinquent isn't really special or anything, and even with high marks in his past school career he isn't op or anything. But that is how Kaoru views the whole thing and his little amount of GOOD coping mechanisms don't really help that. Which is to say he isn't being over dramatic or anything, this is pretty rough shit for a kid to go through, and he is valid in what he feels I think.

Regardless, I hope this was a interesting read! It's at least my take of the story premise and I'm pretty excited to see how this will go! Even if some of what I talked about may have to change as time goes on but that's also pretty cool too

[strange-lace]

I've been meaning to write something in response to the spider Wukong design that @winterpower98 and @ninja-knox-ur-sox-off have drawn for my Spider Monkie AU! Also features my ship with this AU of Wukong/Spider Queen/Macaque. So here you go!

But content warning for body horror and brief descriptions of blood! Also has brief spoilers for the season 2 finale.

It felt almost like the end of era to Spider Queen when she and the others ventured back down to their old home to start cleaning things out without the threat of the Lady Bone Demon looming over them all. It was one thing for her to start living on Flower Fruit Mountain with the idea in mind that it is a temporary arrangement but this made it feel all the more permanent to her. The idea of never having to live in the ruins, the constant reminders of her fallen reign, and instead live surrounded by greenery, sunlight, and fresh air…

Well, it made the scars, angry and red from where her skin met the scalding liquid of the brazier, not as difficult to look at.

It was enjoyable in a sense, going through her things for moving. Old spell books, faded robes, half finished blueprints. Having Wukong and Macaque there certainly helped, the two monkeys providing their own brand of commentary that never failed to get a chuckle or exasperated groan from her.

Though that changed once they inevitably had to start clearing out the lab.

Syntax, understandably, chose to start transporting things back to the mountain at that moment, Goliath and Huntsman making the decision to go with him. The former because he was concerned about leaving Syntax alone with how shaken he looked and the latter… well even now, Spider Queen couldn’t quite understand those two’s dynamic. They certainly weren’t as antagonistic towards each other like they used to but that didn’t leave them bickering any less than before.

Even though Spider Queen had long since adjusted to the constant gnawing of guilt, it definitely felt like a jab to the gut to see Syntax as he hurried to leave and be back above ground. Far away from the lab and the memories that came with it.

He was in such a hurry that he had not noticed the screwdriver which he had left on the ground.

A gentle prod from Macaque snapped her out of it.

“Hey, c’mon, let’s get through this old junk quick before someone else gets any ideas, okay?”

She could still hear his screams when the experiments were at their worst. How he was barely coherent afterwards, looking so small and vulnerable as she did her best to make sure he was comfortable. How the pain persisted despite the experiments being a “success” and the burning hatred in the Monkey King’s eyes as he glared her down with Macaque in his arms.

“Right, yes, of course,” she mumbled. Macaque was about to say more before all four of his eyes went wide at the sight of something behind her. Spider Queen turned as quickly as she could with her mechanical spider legs and nearly had a heart attack at the sight of Wukong picking up an unused glass tank of her venom that was twice his size.

“Wukong, for all that is heavenly, be careful with that!”

“I got it, I got it! Don’t worry, I’ve carried heavier things than this,” he said as if that actually made either of them feel any better.

To his credit, he kept his balance and grip on the tank well enough that Spider Queen and Macaque felt like they could breathe.

Until he stepped on the same screwdriver that Syntax had accidentally left behind in his rush to leave.

And try as he might, Wukong couldn’t right his balance in time.

Spider Queen swore the world had gone into slow motion in that moment.

The Monkey King landed flat on his back, eyes going wide in horror at the sight of the tank right on top of him. Before he could even move, the tank landed on his body with the glass casing shattering on impact. Without thinking, Spider Queen grabbed Macaque and leaped until they were on the ceiling, far from the reach of the spider venom as it spilled all over Wukong and the lab floor with nothing to contain it anymore.

For a brief moment, they were both silent in horror as Wukong remained motionless before jolting upwards, coughing up a storm.

“Oh gross, I think it got in my mouth!” He sputtered in outrage and Spider Queen let out a sigh of relief. He was still cognizant and not a mindless slave, that was a good sign that the venom didn’t work that way without the spider robots. Perhaps it had become less potent, simply left down here without anyone to maintain it?

That didn’t stop her from insisting that she or Syntax look him over for any possible side effects back on Flower Fruit Mountain, despite the Monkey King’s protests that he was fine. Though, eventually, he caved in.

And to her great relief, there didn’t seem to be any.

“See, what did I tell you? Everything’s fine and I’m fine. You don’t gotta worry about me, that energy is better spent somewhere else.” His eyes wandered towards Macaque as he said that. The monkey demon in question was trying and failing to hide the pain on his face as he rubbed at his back. Spider Queen conceded on that as it looked like she was going to have to brew another muscle relaxer for Macaque and just her luck, they just ran out of the last batch.

“Fine, then help me expend that energy by helping me get the herbs for Macaque’s medicine,” she grumbled, running a hand through her choppy hair. It was still strange, having her hair cut so short to what was a pixie cut, but it was… a welcome change. It also being that way MK did for her while she was recovering and extremely uncomfortable with her hair touching her burn scars helped but… no need to say it out loud.

Wukong followed her lead without any complaint, yet stopped for a second when he felt a weird twinge in his sides. The call of Spider Queen snapped him out of it and rushed to follow her. Yet in the back of Wukong’s mind, he couldn’t help but wonder if that wasn’t just a random pain in his sides.

Almost felt like…

Like something was squirming underneath his skin.

‘Eh, it’s probably nothing to worry about.’ He thought to himself, reaching behind him to scratch at a sudden itch on the back of his neck.

Days passed like normal after that, the permanent move to Flower Fruit Mountain a success, much to his monkeys' chagrin. They were just beginning to warm up to Goliath and were able to be around the others without Wukong having to stop them from pelting the spider demons in fruit. Typically by reminding them that, like it or not, they were also MK’s family and asking them if they wanted to make MK upset by throwing fruit at his mother and “uncles”. That usually did the trick.

Good thing too since Wukong was starting to notice he was feeling… off.

The twinging at his sides had only seemed to worsen in the following days, the sensation escalating from only happening once every two days to it happening three times a day. And while they didn’t become painful, each time it felt like there was more… force behind them every time they happened.

The ignored voice in the back of his head compared it to something almost trying to poke its way free.

Eventually, these “episodes” were enough to stop Wukong from whatever he was doing to try and catch his breath once his sides calmed down. He figured it was only a matter of time until one of his partners confronted him about it. This time being Macaque.

It helped that he had caught Wukong during another one of his “episodes”, this one enough to make him stumble his footsteps and make Macaque rush to catch him before the Monkey King fell ungracefully to the floor.

“Alright Wukong, what’s going on with you?”

A part of Wukong wanted to insist that it was nothing but a passing thing. But passing sensations don’t last this long.

Something was wrong.

“Remember when I dropped that vat of Queenie’s spider venom on me and she didn’t find anything wrong with me?” Horrifying realization came to Macaque’s face at that question, all four of his eyes immediately looking over Wukong for anything out of the ordinary.

“I don’t like where this is going Peaches.”

“Well… a bit ago I started feeling something odd in my sides. Like somebody was poking me. It didn’t really hurt so I thought it was no big deal and would go away on its own, y’know? It… it hasn’t gone away. In fact it’s been happening more often and getting stronger.” As he spoke, Wukong lightly rubbed at his sides, not looking directly at Macaque out of guilt.

“Peaches, I love you, but why didn’t you say something sooner?”

“I thought I could handle it on my own! And we have more important things to worry about than me, like you and Queenie, y’know the people who aren’t indestructible and-” He was cut off by a light smack behind the head from Macaque, the demon looking exasperated and frustrated more than anything else.

“You idiot, just because you’re indestructible doesn’t mean that you should have kept this from SQ and me. God, you sound like the kid. We have no idea how the venom could impact your systems compared to me and now who knows what we’ll find. C’mon, we’re having Queen look at you again, no arguments.”

Wukong couldn’t find it in himself to protest. Only hope that it was merely them all being paranoid and stressed.

Those hopes promptly went out the window when Spider Queen had him take off his shirt.

On each side of his torso underneath his arms were two pairs of lumps, each the size of his palm and seemed to almost twitch when she had cautiously prodded at them to feel for bone. He was worried for a moment that everyone was going to see the peaches he had just eaten as nausea squirmed within his stomach.

“This is not good, pretty sure these same exact kind of bumps developed too when we…” Spider Queen trailed off, eyes lingering on Macaque who didn’t need to say anything to show that he understood what she meant. “But this doesn’t make any sense, it took weeks for them to develop at this stage and yet it’s been little more than a week, barely two.” She looked extremely frazzled, trying to make sense of this. Syntax didn’t look any better himself, lime green hair a tousled mess compared to its usual put-together appearance.

“It could be a case of biology, my queen. Wukong’s biology is… incomprehensible to put it politely. With all the methods put into extending his immortality and Macaque’s own biology, it would be pointless to try and compare them and their reactions to the venom. And with how fast these limbs seem to be developing in comparison, it may have already been too late to use the antivenom the moment his skin made contact and he ingested the venom,” he rambled yet Wukong didn’t miss the look of sympathy sent his way at that final statement.

Wukong felt numbness, not sure how to process knowing it was too late for him from the get go.

The sensation of something squirming hitting him again and knowing that it was new limbs developing right under his ribs only made his nausea worse.

He barely noticed Macaque gently pulling him into a hug until his face was buried in coarse purple fur, four arms holding him while the monkey demon nuzzled his cheek.

“Hey, look on the bright side, Peaches. It’s looking like you won’t be growing any new eyes like me. Can’t get any worse than that, right?” Wukong could only give him a small, fond smile that could not even begin to communicate his exhaustion, fear, but relief that Macaque was at least trying to comfort him. For a brief moment, he felt a bit calmer and wasn’t bathed in dread about what was inevitably about to come.

That temporary peace was shattered the moment Wukong felt a stabbing sensation in his sides.

A pain which only seemed to intensify by the second.

He had to leave. Now.

“I-I’m so-sorry, I have to-” Wukong cut himself with a scream of pain as it spiked for a brief moment to a level that his mind was only white hot agony. He stumbled out of Macaque’s embrace and ran off, no clear destination in mind except that he needed to be away.

He could faintly hear Macaque and Spider Queen calling for him to come back, yet he didn’t listen.

The trees blurred as he ran past them and he stumbled into the first temple, nearly tripping on the stone steps and slamming the door behind him. In his blind, pain-filled panic he was able to pile the dusty and old furniture in front of the door to keep anybody out before the pain left him to fall to his knees. Wukong struggled to breath, his lungs feeling like they were on fire.

He couldn’t breathe. He felt like he couldn’t breathe.

Wukong could only open his mouth in a silent scream of pain, writhing on the floor in a poor attempt to alleviate his suffering. White hot pain ran down his spine as it felt like someone was pulling at it like taffy, skin stretching and organs rearranging underneath his flesh. He gasped in air once the unbearable heat seemed to recede only to let out a groan as it traveled down to his legs. Wukong swore that he could hear the bones in his legs creaking as they grew and thickened, muscles following their lead to fortify them as if ready to carry a great weight.

He sighed, feeling like he could breathe again while noticing that his clothes didn’t feel right anymore.

The brief moment of peace was shattered as Wukong was overtaken by pure agony as he felt something trying to push through his sides.

This time, he couldn’t hold in the screech that bellowed from his lungs.

Spider Queen and Macaque, desperately searching for Wukong, nearly jumped out of their skin as a roar of distress echoed through the forests of Flower Fruit Mountain. They two shared a silent look before running off in the direction of the sound’s origin, his ears leading the way as they twitched to and fro to track their idiot partner down.

“It came from here, I can hear him inside,” Macaque said yet the grim look on his face told her that that wasn’t all. The door didn’t budge when she attempted to pull it open, something heavy on the other side. Rapidly losing patience knowing that Wukong was on the other side and already in the throes of the transformation, Spider Queen felt she could be forgiven about what she needed to do next.

She stepped back before charging at the doors, her shoulder taking the brunt of force.

The fact that she caused the makeshift barricade on the other side to go flying across the temple was of no concern to her. The sight of Wukong curled up in a fetal position on the floor was.

“Peaches!” “Peachykins!”

They were both at his side in an instant, Macaque gently taking the Monkey King off the floor. Immediately he could feel something had changed. Wukong was taller, heavier in his arms.

Gods if that didn’t bring back memories he’d much rather bury.

“You shouldn’t… you two shouldn’t be here,” Wukong wheezed, voice raspy for obvious reasons.

“Quiet you, if you think for a second that we were going to let you deal with this alone, then it seems that venom messed with your brain too. I wasn’t alone for this, so neither should you.” Spider Queen nodded in agreement, running his fingers through his fur in her best attempt to offer him comfort.

Wukong whimpered as the heat and pressure against his sides seemed to grow and grow. Faintly in the back of his head, he could feel that wasn’t the only thing changing. Peach fur darkened as it grew thicker and longer into what was practically a mane. His claws became longer and sharper. For a moment, his entire world was bathed in green instead of gold before his vision returned to normal.

He should feel horrified, to feel himself changing, shifting without any sort of control or way to stop it in front of his partners to add salt to the wound. Feel helpless, powerless, weak.

Yet all that remained on the forefront of his mind was the pain.

“You’re doing amazing Wukong, I promise it’ll be over soon.”

“You just need to hold on a bit longer.”

Just when the pressure and heat had become borderline unbearable and Wukong was on the cusp of passing out, he could just barely hear the sound of ripping past the pounding in his ears.

Cloth ripping as well as something else. Something wet.

Macaque and Spider Queen were knocked back by the force of something punching its way out of the Monkey King's sides, their backs meeting the opposing sides of the room.

Wukong could feel blood dripping down his sides and his entire being ached, not too different from when he had been freed from under the mountain after 500 years. And yet all he could feel was sweet relief, body already working over time to heal his wounds and stop the bleeding. Letting himself a moment to breathe, he cautiously pulled himself up into a sitting position.

Or at least tried, as he fumbled back to the floor the moment he saw just how much his body changed.

Evidently even his “biology” felt the need to one up Macaque as Wukong tested his four new arms. He couldn’t help but mourn the fate of his clothes as it was obvious they were a lost cause, his shirt nothing but scraps of cloth barely able to contain his broader chest and orange stained with red. His pants, while not torn, were now much too short to cover his legs entirely. He could feel that his phoenix feather headdress had managed to get tangled up the much thicker fur which trailed from his head.

Cautiously, he began to move his new appendages. His limbs were clumsy but he slowly began to get the hang of it, belatedly noticing that the fur of his new arms got progressively paler. The second pair more closer resembled his old fur color while the third pair was pure white, all the colors converging around his sides. Or at least it looked like that, since the fur of his sides was sticky and caked with dried blood which stained it a dark red.

Groans of pain pulled him back to focus to see Spider Queen and Macaque pulling themselves off the floor, nursing bumps on the back of their heads from colliding with the walls.

“You… two alright?” His voice was still scratchy and now he had exhaustion weighing on his eyelids.

“Bit of a bump but we’ll live. Shouldn't have been so close honestly. What about you Peachykins?” Spider Queen asked, offering her hand to help him up while trying not to stare at the dried blood crusting his fur. Without hesitation, Wukong took her hand and let himself be lifted back on to his feet. He winced, muscles aching both old and new ones and started to try stretching out the new kinks in his spine.

Spider Queen meanwhile blushed at the fact that she had to crane her neck to meet his eyes now, doing her best to not stare at his muscled and bare chest. Macaque was no better as his eyes looked over Wukong's form, though he had the benefit of fur to hide his flushed cheeks. Their eyes met and they both came to a similar conclusion.

They were doomed.

"Feels weird and I ache all over but…" Wukong gave them both a slow grin once he noticed that he had to look down to see them both, "I think I could get used to this. Got a feeling you guys don't have a problem with it either, am I right?"

Oh they were so doomed.

[what-is-love-babey-dont-hurt-me]

This has been sitting in my drafted posts for a while. I don’t remember writing it but I’m posting it. Mini fic. Patton-centric angst, tw’s in tags.

.

The Sides had come to an understanding that because living in nostalgia is not good for Thomas, Patton should not be in his room that often.

Of course, when he realized that it was hurting Thomas he changed his behavior. He packed his most necessary items and left. However in reality, visiting your own room twice a week on average is not the most practical way to live. Especially when you are an imaginary figure who is confined to that room and a neutral ground. He needed a place to sleep. The other sides were happy to help him, especially because it meant Thomas would be happier as a result.

At first it was nice! He got to see the other Sides more often and usually they would let him stay in their rooms. These sleepovers let him help and bond with everyone and for a while he was happy. On nights where nobody could take him in, there was always a welcoming nest of pillows and blankets waiting on the futon in the living room. He would often wake up to the smell of the coffee machine brewing and the pleasant, loving chatter from the other sides.

It didn’t last forever, of course.

With the wedding came Patton ruining his relationship with almost every side. They are rightfully angry at him, they hate him, and he knows he deserves it. He shares their loathing. He knows he doesn’t deserve to ask the other Sides for a place to sleep at night. They deserve space from a manipulator and monster. He also knows that just because there is nowhere to go does not mean he can return to staying in his room constantly. He can’t hurt Thomas any more than he already has.

For the first few nights he stayed on the futon, but it wasn’t a permanent solution. Even though he was a fool and an idiot, Patton could read the room well enough to know nobody was happy to see him when they woke up anymore. It didn’t take much to make up his mind. Janus said that Patton needed to give Thomas some room to breathe after all. He took that mountain of comfort items from the living room and set up a new space in the last room he could think of.

The bathroom in the community area of the mindscape was very rarely ever used. The last time he had been there was when Virgil had been known as Anxiety and a particularly nasty anxiety attack left him hiding. Patton went after the kiddo and helped him return to reality. The space was dim, small, and smelled of mildew. The space had a lock. It made sense the frightened kiddo took sanctuary in there, and now it was his turn. The only change were the blankets and pillows in the tub, which Patton slept in.

Nobody knocked on the door. Why use the dinghy bathroom that reflects what Thomas has in his apartment when they could just imagine a luxury bathroom in their own room at will? The other sides had no reason to be confined to the Common Area like Patton was.

So there Patton sat in the old bathroom. His new life now consists of looking forward to those rare moments where Patton was allowed to stay in his actual room. Sometimes Thomas visited family or just saw an old movie and he would eagerly follow those memories like a shark who smells blood in the water. He never liked how dull the bathroom is. It’s silent, too humid, and the stray memory of finding spiders in the bathtub keeps him from sleeping too well at night. On the nights he does sleep, Patton wakes up with aches and pains. It could be a consequence of getting older, but he knows sleeping in a tub that he can’t even fully stretch in does not help his neck, shoulders, back, and hips.

What he actually does consists of laying down in hope to ease the pain, monitoring Thomas, attempting to loose himself on the internet, listening through the thin walls to be sure nobody is in the kitchen when he sneaks food, and wondering if Logan was lying to him when he said that things can get better. It gets boring. He feels like he’s living the same day over and over again on the days he even feels alive. Even though he keeps an eye on Thomas, he rarely gives his input as Morality anymore. He needed to give his whole some space. Knowing that Thomas is doing fine gives him more ease then anything else. That knowledge keeps him holding his tongue and him from ducking out.

Patton wishes he didn’t feel like a outsider inside a mind he was a part of. He wishes he didn’t feel like a monster or failure even on his best days. He wishes that maybe one day he will be worth of forgiveness and affection, that maybe he can call himself a dad again. He wishes he was allowed to rot away in his room surrounded by memories and stuffed animals instead of alone in a bathroom.

Patton however stays quiet, watching through Thomas’ eyes in hope for another scrap of happiness. These days it really is the only thing he lives for.

[cheri-translates]

[CN] Season 2 Summary (Volume 4: Ch 10 - 13)

🍒 Warning: Detailed spoilers from S2 🍒

Along with the update on 3 June 2021, the CN server released a “Plot Review” which contains bullet-point summaries of S2 :>

Volume 3 Summary: here

You receive a name list of people involved in the Evol assassinations, and realise that quite a number of them were participants in the Hunter Game. After considering the significance of this list, you decide to discuss the matter with Victor

With Victor’s prompting, you do a cost-benefit analysis and find that disclosing the document brings greater benefits than disadvantages. However, doing this will make LFG a target of the true mastermind behind the assassination incidents

“After all, he isn’t the only one with a trump card.”

As expected, disclosing the list results in heated debate from various segments of society

While leaving Souvenir one day, the brake of Victor’s car fails to work because someone tampered with it

The two of you have no choice but to speed around the city. Despite it being an incredibly dangerous situation, he remains composed, successfully resolving the issue before him. It’s the first time you realise how skilled Victor is in driving 

After the incident, you track down the person who tampered with Victor’s car, and find that he has been assassinated

Likely sensing your feelings, Victor invites you to the park after work. When you head to the park as arranged, you see his figure from afar as he waits for you

You deliberately send him a text, telling him that you’re still at work. He believes it at first, but reacts soon after. He scans his surroundings, then meets your eyes amongst the crowd

“Childish.”

While taking a stroll in the park, the both of you stop before a tree. A long time ago, Victor had coursed through time and entered the future in order to prove that the future could be changed. Back then, you had engraved your wish. This time, the same words are your source of determination. Next to you, Victor smiles and changes “May everyone be safe and healthy” to “Everyone will be safe and healthy”

When he takes you to the riverside, Victor finally tells you the true reason why he asked you to meet him. He’s currently acquiring businesses related to the “Small Syringes”. He needs this information to be publicly disclosed in order to lure the forces that are lying low to the surface voluntarily. Even though you’re worried, you choose to trust his decision. You volunteer to release this news as it can drum up a large volume of public opinion

Victor looks at you, his expression proud and gentle

"Here’s to a pleasant collaboration.”

After the news is made public, the reputation of LFG suffers a drastic decline as expected

On the surface, your interactions with LFG have lessened. At the entrance of LFG, Victor walks forward amid the remarks and hostility by passers-by. You want to defend him, but reason tells you to stay where you are, and not act impulsively

As your eyes gradually redden, you receive a message from him-

“The weather is pretty nice today.”

Victor’s plan progresses steadily. What you’ve done has also allowed the reputation of Black Swan to rise

Even though the two of you are walking in different directions, you are certain that you’re standing in the turbulent undercurrents together

The director of the hospital whom you once interviewed has discovered a reason for the pathological changes in Evolvers, and has invited you over to talk about it. Unfortunately, a group of Evolver gangsters has suddenly taken the hospital hostage

The STF rushes to the scene quickly. When you hear Gavin’s voice, your heart feels much more at ease

The main plotter, Yang Ping, has held normal civilians as hostages, and requests for a series of provisions to be made for Evolvers, so that Evolvers can have more “benefits”

Struck with an idea, you remain on the scene to assist Gavin at any moment. When he sees you, Gavin understands your intentions despite being worried

The STF receives an order from the higher ups to disregard the lives of the hostages, and go straight to quashing the situation. Gavin openly defies orders, choosing to safeguard the lives of everyone as a priority, and to negotiate with the gangsters

“I’ll take responsibility for all the consequences.”

During the confrontation with Yang Ping, Gavin uncovers Yang Ping’s true motive: to force the STF into harming someone in order to shatter the balance between civilians and Evolvers

Catching Gavin’s hint, you pretend that the negotiation went sour and that Yang Ping had injured you, turning the tides in your favour. After all, you’re simply an Evolver used as a chip in the negotiation. Yang Ping’s claim of “doing things with Evolvers in mind” no longer holds any weight

Because of this, the STF agents are given an opportunity to suppress the gangsters

Everything appears to be wrapped up smoothly, but the director is suddenly shot by a sniper. Yang Ping is also shot

Late at night, you spot Gavin standing below your house, braving the rain

Gavin seems to be experiencing complex emotions. To you, perhaps he was unable to fire every bullet for justice

Sensing that Gavin isn’t simply referring to the incident at the hospital, you tell him that you believe in his judgement

“I’ll find the truth behind this incident.”

Gavin also gives you an incredibly resolute response

A few days later, Gavin seems to have made up his mind. He tells you that he’s investigating an incident called “New Year’s Day Change”, and he needs your help

You agree immediately

Gavin has already contacted a key informant: an old ex-policeman. Because the forces behind the incident are incredibly complicated, he needs you to cooperate with him in putting on an act

“Miss Nox isn’t showing due respect by dampening one’s spirits the moment she enters.”

He needs those people who have been paying close attention to this incident to have a mistaken impression that he’s still searching for the old ex-policeman. In order to protect you, he needs you to leave his side

Gavin will be the target of scrutiny, while the eyes on you will slacken. You’ll use this opportunity to become the mode of communication between Gavin and his informants, safely assisting Gavin in advancing in his investigations

As the final step of this plan, Gavin pushes you off the top of a building

He appears determined in breaking off relations, while you're hesitant and powerless. But the both of you are clear that the plan is going as smoothly as imagined

“I’m the greatest danger.”

You know that Gavin is walking down his path resolutely. And you will naturally want to become the person standing beside him, walking down the same path

Through a report done by a member of Black Swan, you discover that the pathological changes in Evolvers are related to their Evol. You also realise that Helios seems to be investigating this matter

At the same time, Savin tells you that something has happened to Kiro, and he’s in the hospital. You immediately rush over, but you’re told that Kiro doesn’t want to see anybody

Across the door, you tell Kiro that you wish to see him. After a strange silence, he speaks slowly

“Thank you. You can go back.”

Behind the door, only Kiro knows the reason why he’s behaving strangely - due to a sonic bomb, he has lost his hearing

Kiro avoids you for many days, until he organises an exclusive “live concert” for you one evening. The next day, he’s finally willing to meet you. When you see that Kiro doesn't seem to have changed much, you relax a little, despite having many doubts

But in the evening, you receive a statement from him which says he’s “retiring from public life permanently”, and he vanishes

Knowing full well just how much he loves the stage, you decide to keep the matter hidden, attempting to look for him

Unexpectedly, you bump into Helios at the Black Swan building

“The person you’re looking for isn’t here.”

His cold attitude makes you understand that Kiro has turned himself into Helios. He’s hiding from you, and also himself

To have a better understanding of his actions, you look through the clues pertaining to him. When you investigate the Hunter Game again, a stone tablet with the symbol “8″ appears multiple times

In order to carry out a concrete investigation, you return to the forest where you had once participated in the Hunter Game, and search for that stone tablet

The moment you touch it, thorns and thistles grow on the stone tablet, cutting your hand and absorbing your blood. Before you can react, the ground underneath your feet opens. Just as you’re about to fall into the abyss, Helios saves you

Despite being faced with his icy attitude, you attempt to form a partnership with him to explore this place

In the dark, rays of light fluctuate into a message that neither of you can comprehend. 19, an artificial intelligence which remains here, enables you to understand that this place is a historical ruins left behind by the previous civilisation - “Lighthouse”

19 tells the both of you that their world was once as flourishing as it is right now, but it was destroyed. They left the “Lighthouse” behind in hopes of assisting the both of you in preventing the fated destruction

You and Helios also hear about the songs from that generation. Cultures and languages may not be the same, but music can cross barriers

When one song ends, Helios sings that melody in his own way, letting it echo in this time and space

"All of you still exist.”

After leaving the Lighthouse, you tell him that you’re going to continue with the investigations, and use your own method to tell Helios that you’re willing to face him, and would like to carrying out this operation with him. You hope that this time, he can walk towards you voluntarily

After returning, you receive a call from an unknown number

“It’s me.”

In order to investigate the Hunter Game further, you once again participate in the game as a punter

You do your best to search for the stone tablet in this game, but accidentally get targeted by two players. Just as you plan to fight with them, Shaw, whom you haven’t seen in several days, appears from behind you

The both of you cooperate, settling the score with the other two

“Tch. Not even one of you can fight.”

You tell him about the “Lighthouse”. Shaw, who has been researching on the historical ruins, guesses that the venue of the Hunter Game could be deliberately designed to be near the ruins. By using large amounts of Evol energy fluctuations, it could unseal the ruins

While the discussion has signs of a positive outcome, the two of you are still embroiled in the game

Shaw’s conspicuous ranking and high-key thunder and lightning have attracted numerous opponents to him. But with your cooperation, the enemies fail in succession

The metal chain around his neck notifies him that he has advanced into the next round, but he loses consciousness in your arms due to a fever

The youth who usually hangs around Joker appears before you. You use psychological tactics to goad him into sending Shaw to the hospital. On the other hand, you’re taken away by him for breaking the rules of the game repeatedly

When Shaw regains consciousness, he’s unable to contact you. He returns to the antique store, only to see that it has been swallowed up by an abnormal black flame

“Get lost!”

In spite of the firefighters’ obstructions, Shaw makes repeated trips into the shop, “rescuing” the calligraphy and paintings

By the time the fire is extinguished, the antique shop is already half scorched, as though it’s a warning

Based on the youth’s memories, you discover that Joker has once visited the former site of the BS research centre. In order to find out why, you hurry over

You inadvertently find that there’s someone in the archive room. Just as you're feeling tense, your phone suddenly rings - at 2.03pm, an unknown number calls you

The sound exposes you. Taking out a gun, you attempt to warn the person in the building

“I surrender.”

That person turns out to be Lucien, and he's holding a floppy disk in his hand

Lucien explains what he’s doing here, and even demonstrates how you can use the data in the floppy disk

A series of numbers flash on the screen before it turns dark

Having considered that this process of reading data is highly confidential, Lucien notes how they might have been watched earlier, and that it’s better to leave

However, you suddenly feel dizzy. In the next second, you find yourself in the corridor. The door to the archive room is shut tight, and you can’t see Lucien anyway

Even though you’ve clearly set your phone to silent mode, it rings again. The screen shows that it’s 2.03pm. It’s a missed call from an unknown number

Returning to the archive room, it’s as though Lucien didn’t meet you earlier

You surmise that you’re experiencing this for the second time, and Lucien believes you without hesitation, speculating that you might have been in a time loop

Just as he says, whenever a certain amount of time passes, everything returns to 2.03pm

Unexpectedly, but as a matter of course, Lucien believes you every single time. He analyses the situation with you, helping you escape from the time loop

After a few more time loops, Lucien figures out a way to escape

“This time, let me accompany you in jumping out of this looping time.”

Time requires an object of reference. You're at the centre of the time loop circle, and the compass drawing the circle is your phone

Because this phone is special, it doesn’t vanish when you leave it with Lucien. At the same time, in order to measure time, your phone reappears in your hand

Since one object cannot exist in two places at the same time, this results in a contradiction that causes time and space to collapse

The next day, you and Lucien meet along the corridor, and agree to go on a stroll outside

Even though many things are unclear, the radiance of spring before you makes everything seem as though they are going in a beautiful direction. You can’t help but mention the promise you once made with Lucien to fly kites

“Spring may not necessarily arrive at a fixed time.”

In a teasing manner, Lucien says that he isn’t late. You also think that perhaps many things can start afresh

All of a sudden, you feel a severe pain in your chest-

“Now, spring has just begun.”

The words Lucien just said have yet to disperse

At this moment, he’s holding your collapsed form. The only colour in his monochrome world is gradually fading

Volume 5 (Ch 14 - 17): here

More S2 content: here

A detailed translation of Gavin’s part is available here!

[captainpikeachu]

I kept wondering why Booker and Copley’s “plan” seem like such a mess that don’t really make much coherent thought-out sense, and I think I figured out why. Because they had no thought out plan at all and just made shit up as it went along.

Now obviously before the film even started, Copley clearly reached out to Booker and they were in on it together to get the team to Sudan for the mission that ended in the killbox.

That original plan was likely get video of the team’s abilities as “proof” and then get samples from the killbox site. It was a naive idealistic plan.

The rest of the team wasn’t suppose to get involved really. Because right after they survive the killbox, when Andy is saying they have to go find Copley, this is Booker’s response.

He is trying to subtly dissuade Andy from going down the path of looking for Copley, probably because the idea is they all go back, maybe go separate ways and hide until this all blows over. This way it’s simple, and no one else needs to be involved anymore than necessary.

But as I said, it was a naive plan, because of course Andy doesn’t let it go. 

And then they get dreams about Nile and Andy plans to go find her, Booker is the first to speak against it, he’d rather they go after the Copley angle than drag Nile into it because again, the plan wasn’t to put everyone at risk. And his agitation in all of this scene shows a bit of his fear that the plan is unraveling because nothing is going according to his “plan”.

Now, you might ask, couldn’t Copley and Booker have anticipated that Merrick was an evil no good bastard? Well, no, not really. Because at this point, Merrick is still just another pharma CEO whose products are actually helping people. There’s nothing for Copley to assume he’s some sadistic evil jailer type of a person. His work, and Doctor Kozak’s work are actually helping people. We see Merrick talking about this at the presentation, we see Copley react to it. Someone could be a businessman and not be an evil sadistic cruel monster.

And there is really nothing illogical to what Merrick is asking either.

Of course if they want to do research, they are going to need those things. It would not raise any alarm bells for Copley. And as Merrick even stated, the video evidence is not hard proof, and it doesn’t tell Doctor Kozak the “how” all of this works and what is causing it.

And if anything, it seems that the plan wasn’t even necessarily to bring anyone in, but rather get samples from the killbox site. Obviously they did not anticipate the amount of unexpected carnage. They weren’t ready for how fast the team healed and how fast they took out everyone. The reality is that there was no thought-out mastermind plan, it was just really adapting and changing the plan to suit the moment. Make it up as you go along.

I mean, Copley literally scoffs when Merrick says he needs all of the team. And even then he’s like, maybe just one.

Copley isn’t even sure at this point that he can be guaranteed to get Booker. He THINKS he could but even he’s not sure. So clearly the plan was never for Booker to end up in a lab either. The plan wasn’t for any of them to end up in any labs. Copley’s even like, “they are extremely resistant to capture”, he’s not even got any heart in that plan working out after the killbox, but Merrick is insistent, and again, if the team is immortal, then they can’t die so I’m sure Copley’s reasoning is that nobody is dying from this, nobody is really getting hurt if they capture the team. 

Now when Andy calls Booker after picking up Nile, Booker says he’s got no leads on Copley. I’m not sure when between this scene and the attack on the safehouse that Booker and Copley may have spoken, and I’m also honestly not sure what the whole plan was for that attack. Because it seems like the soldiers sent in didn’t know about Booker to also take him, yet the dialogue also doesn’t make it seem like Copley had meant for Booker to be left behind either.

Copley doesn’t chide the soldiers or tell them to go pick up Booker too. I don’t know if Copley thought just get the other three and wait for Booker to piece himself back together before calling Booker to join the rest? Really, this whole attack is honestly not that well planned out. Because why didn’t Copley attack when everyone was inside the room? Why did they go in when Andy and Nile were outside and likely to escape? And why didn’t Booker have a signal for Copley if he was in on all this?

Wouldn’t a guarantee plan be attack while everyone is inside or everyone is asleep? I mean, was that the original plan, to attack when they were all asleep and Nile kinda ruined that by waking everyone up? But even if so, if they didn’t know everyone was going to be awake, shouldn’t Booker and Copley have some communication device where Booker can signal Copley and tell him when to attack so that Andy isn’t outside when it happens and thus giving her the chance to escape in the first place if they wanted her? This all seems to attest that none of this plan was really thought out. And the moment Andy got loose and they saw the carnage she was leaving behind, Copley just NOPES THE FUCK OUT.

So when Booker is telling Andy how he doesn’t know how many soldiers and what happened, honestly I don’t think he was even lying because this whole “plan” seems to lack any kind of decent communication between Booker and Copley at all????

It’s not until Merrick meets Nicky and Joe and he stabs Joe that Copley starts to have some alarm bells, and he says to Merrick that this is about science, not profits or sadism. But at this point, the plan is already in motion, and Copley probably could justify his actions that they’ll take a few samples, the immortals will heal and go free, and everyone benefits. It’s not entirely unreasonable when they’ve already spent so much effort getting them there. He could still make excuses.

EDIT: had to fix the sequence of events that I got incorrect in the original post

Now Copley’s next time talking to Merrick is either hours or days later, I’m not sure because Copley has a new coat but Merrick is still wearing the same one from the previous scene. This is where they have the conversation about proprietary data and we learn that Merrick plans to keep the team basically forever.

Copley even questions that idea but Merrick is like, okay if this takes decades, what does it matter to immortals who’ve been alive for thousands of years. It’s the blink of an eye. Again, Copley here likely justifies this by the benefit of the greater good. Nobody is permanently dying, a few decades locked up but it could still save a lot of lives. He’s busy digging into that “greater good and saving lives” idea.

Now I wasn’t sure when Copley had time to reach out to Booker to form the plan to lure Andy and Nile to Copley’s place. Everyone was together for most of that so it’s not like Booker could slip away to make a phone call, unless their discussions were through messages on the computer? But then we know that Nile and Andy were outside discussing things in the morning, so Booker could have waited until Nile left and he was alone and then contacted Copley about what’s going on and Copley could have given him the location at that time.

I’m not sure what Copley said to Booker, or how much time they even had to be able to talk about what’s going on, but we know that Copley now knows that Merrick wants to keep the team at least for a good chunk of time. However, I’m not sure what he actually told Booker. Maybe he didn’t say anything about being locked up forever because he didn’t want to risk Booker calling off the plan due to that change. I mean, Booker at this point also hasn’t told Copley about Nile at all so it’s entirely possible that both Copley and Booker held back things they didn’t tell the other. So Booker likely still thinks that this is gonna be okay, it’s just get some samples, it’s not a permanent thing.

When Booker finally admits what’s going on to Andy, he simply thinks Merrick could find a way to end their immortality. There is nothing here to indicate that he somehow planned for them to be locked up forever like lab rats. Even the way Booker talks, he just thinks when Merrick finds out a way, then he and Andy could just choose to take the drug and end it. He still thinks ending the immortality is a choice, not trying to force it on anyone to permanently end it.

This is shown through his panic when he realizes that Andy is not immortal anymore and that she could die, not by her choice but by him shooting her. It makes it rather clear that he didn’t intend for anyone to die, he just wanted to give them all a choice of death if they wanted it.

The moment it became a possibility that death not by choice could happen, Booker was ready to take Andy and run. Fuck the plans. 

And if Merrick’s people didn’t come in at that moment, they’d have gone. Hell, even Copley was gonna help Booker to get Andy out. He also, like Booker, is not planning for anyone to die. The whole point was that these are immortal people who can’t die, so they could take the risk of this procedure. But not to torment on people who can now actually die.

Booker truly realizes the mess he’s gotten them all involved in when Merrick clearly doesn’t care that Andy is injured and still plans to take her. He realizes then that all this time he thought they had somewhat of a choice, but they really didn’t, Merrick couldn’t care less about what they think. And I think he’s fighting so hard to get to Andy because he doesn’t want any of them to be stuck in a cage. This is not what he wanted. And Andy’s possible murder is not what Copley wanted either. Unfortunately Copley only realizes that before it is way too late and he gets knocked out because Merrick doesn’t really need him anymore.

So at the end of the day, Booker and Copley’s plans were a confusing mess because they never really masterminded some really thought-out manipulating plan. They were really just adapting and changing and making shit up as they went along. Booker was caught up with finding a way to die, and Copley was so caught up in finding a way to help everyone live, that neither of them even realize that they were the lambs being led to the slaughter. They both were way too naive and way too idealistic about the outcome.

Seriously, they made the Ned-Stark-mistake, they thought everyone else was playing by the same honorable ethical rules that they themselves followed. And in the end, they both got stabbed in the back by Merrick and played for fools. The road to hell is paved with good intentions indeed.

[soldrawss]

I’m literally begging. I need more of your human aus. They’re so wholesome!!!!

I am always up for more BBM AU so! Here’s a mini-story I wrote when Zach asked if Raph has any underlying ptsd or fears about being alone!

Raph was fine till he was about 7. He doesn't remember his mom, and he barely remembers dad, and Mikey would sooner have a heart attack than leave Raph ALONE alone, so Raph didn't really grow up with the fear of being alone cause he's never really experienced it. He’s always had Mikey. He’s always had Leo and Donnie. It’s never occurred to him that that could ever change. That he could ever not have his big brothers there by his side.  But it's during one, late-night when everything kinda just lets loose to the idea that Raph COULD be separated from the rest of them, and really it all goes downhill from there. It's the night Leo came home with a black eye and bruised jaw. Leo said he just got into an accident, to not ‘worry about it, bud. I’m gucci’, and since Donnie didn't say anything about it and Mikey got to stay home for the night to be with them, Raph didn’t worry about it. Cause if his brothers said it was all OK, then it was, because it always had been before, and Raph figured it always would be like that, cause big brothers just had that power to make everything better. They’d never lied to Raph before. This was no different. But then he wakes up that night because he has to go to the bathroom, and he slides himself out from under Mikey's arm. (they had fallen asleep on the couch to a Lou Jitsu marathon, which was rare, cause they never watched dad’s old movies cause it made Mikey sad sometimes to remember dad. But he was in a reminiscent mood, so they threw a couple on and wow, Raph was kinda star-eyed and soft gasps, cause dad was kinda AWESOME) And Mikeys snoring gently, so tired his body is like a dead weight on top of Raph, and Raph's arm is a little numb from where Mikey was drooling on it. And as he's walking through the dark hallway, knowing the layout by heart so he didn’t bother risking turning on the lights in case he woke up Mikey, he tiptoes on sock-clad feet, until he notices a light coming from Dee and Leo’s room. And there are soft voices coming from the barely cracked door, and Raph is super never one to snoop, but theirs a curiosity bubbling in him and he can't help but detour from the bathroom ever so slightly, because he DOES have to go to the bathroom, but a few seconds of listening in won't kill him, and his big brothers NEVER let him in on their secret conversations. So Raph leans in, his ear pressed as close to the crack as he dared- "It was stupid, that's what! Do you know how much trouble you could have been in? You could have been expelled, Leo! It could have gone on your permanent record!" And oh... that was Donnie's voice... and he sounded... well, he sounded mad... but more than that... he sounded... scared. "Well, it didn't. And you worry too much. Nothing was gonna happen. It wasn't like I got into a fight with the principal’s kid! They didn't do more than a slap on the wrist and a few weeks detention." And Leo.... Leo got into a fight? Raph didn't know that. Why didn't they tell Raph that? Why did they... lie to Raph?

Raph pressed himself closer to the door. The bathroom long-forgotten behind him.

"And that's the thing! YOU don't worry at all! God, you're so self-absorbed! Do you really not get how bad this could have been?" "Look, I said I was sorry about getting involved, but I'm not sorry for slugging Tatsu in the nose. They BROKE your glasses Dee, you can't expect me to NOT to get mad about that." "This isn't about that stupid fight with some bullies, Leo-" "Then what is it about Donnie?! Because you've been riding my backside about it all night, but haven't said a word why! Why are you still so mad at me about this?" "I'm not MAD at you, I'm-" "You’re what then? Is this about what they said? About Mikey and me? You’re mad because I stepped in and threw a punch before you could? You’re mad because I made you the victum here? Look, I know that you hate it when I meddle in your business and try to fight your fights for you but I’m-” "I’M SCARED YOU COULD HAVE BEEN TAKEN AWAY, YOU ASS HOLE!" And Leo seemed to be just as surprised as Raph felt. They had been talking in pretty quiet voices up until Donnie practically screamed that last part, and it sent an electric shock through Raph's whole system. And Raph couldn't see their facial expressions, he didn't dare move an inch closer to the door to peek inside, but he could tell from the hitch in Donnie's voice. Donnie was crying now. "You could have been.... You could STILL be.." Donnie sniffed, and Raph felt his own eyes sting in proxy. "Tatsu's dad didn't this time, but he could have very well made an issue out of this. He could have brought this to the attention of the school board. And then the school board would have had to call Draxum, or worse, Bishop, and you KNOW child services don't need a reason to separate us! Bishop will take one look at your black eye and blame everything on Mikey and then they'll take us AWAY Leo! Don't you get that?" And that... what did that mean? What was Donnie talking about? Take us away? Take us away where? Who was Bishop? What was child services? Raph's mind was spinning, like car wheels on ice with no traction to go anywhere. His feet felt planted to the floor, sunk right there into the carpet. "Wait.. wait what?... Bishop? He's still a thing? I thought he got switched out for that other agent?” "Just because he doesn’t do house visits anymore doesn’t mean he still isn’t our case holder. He can still ruin our lives just as easily from his cubicle," And Donnie didn't sound like he was crying anymore, but there was still a raw roughness to his voice that Raph was whole years not accustomed too. "Raph's a baby. Heck, WE'RE still considered babies in the eyes of the law. It won't take a whole lot for them to take even the slightest infraction to deem Mikey unqualified. And then what would happen? We could probably manage to stay together cause people are kinder on not separating twins, but what about Raph? They'll take Raph for sure and ship him off to the other side of the country and there'd be nothing we could do to stop it and-" And Raph stopped listening after that. because... Because... What? Raph could be sent away? There are people out there that could take Raph away from Leo and Donnie? Away from Mikey? And that easily? And why? Because Mikey wasn't good enough? That... That didn't make any sense? Mikey was the best! There was no one better than Mikey in the whole world! How could there be people who didn't see that? And didn't they know that Raph couldn't go anywhere without Mikey? It didn't make any sense. None of it. But there was a pounding boom in Raph's chest that made it hard to breathe. His head spun, like he was just gone 4 rounds on the merry-go-around on the pier, and Raph couldn't THINK straight. He ran back towards the living room, he didn't care if he made any noise. He didn't care about anything really, at that moment. All he cared about was... Mikey. Still asleep and drooling on the couch from where Raph left him, and Raph practically jumped on top of his chest and clung onto his big brother for dear life, pressing his tear stained face into the front of Mikey's shirt. "Ouuufff! Hey- Hey Raph. You ok?" Mikey says in a startled slur, eyes blinking rapidly to tear away from sleep. His arms wrapped around Raph instinctually, like his body new what to do before his mind could catch up, and it felt like the most natural security blanket in the world to Raph. He cried harder into Mikey's chest. "Hey shhhhhh-shhhhhhhhh, buddy, it's ok. Breathe." Mikey was sitting up now, sleep all but forgotten as he stared down at the 7-year-old attached to his front, rubbing slow and gentle circles into Raph's back. "Raphie it's ok. You're ok sweetheart. You're safe and sound right here. Was it a nightmare? Did you have a bad dream?" And it sure felt like it. The world was spinning rapidly in a downward spiral of breathtaking hurt, just like a lot of Raph's nightmares. Except the monsters were real. They were real and practically right outside Raph's door and they could take Raph away any SECOND and Raph couldn't respond to Mikey. He wouldn't respond days, even weeks, later, when Mikey askes about it. All he can do is cry. Cry like his heart is breaking in half, and cling onto the safest and only lifeline in the world that he knows.

Thus spiraling Raph into a "clingy" stage, where he's terrified to be left alone for too long. Terrified to be separated in the grocery store, INSISTING Mikey hold his hand the entire time. Terrified to go to school and be away from his brothers for too long. Terrified to even SLEEP alone in his bed. And it's so wild to Mikey, because at first, it was kinda cute how a little bad dream made his baby brother all clingy to his side, and Mikey kinda enjoyed the endless attention. 

But then it started getting a bit too close to real, actual hysteria and paranoia that Raph was dealing with, and it took a mental breakdown on Raph's part, after Mikey had been a little late picking him up from school one day, because Leo and Donnie both had extracurriculars, and usually Raph just hangs out in the playground and waits for Mikey to come. But this time, he's crying his eyes out, pale and breathless and endlessly fussy with his teachers by the time Mikey arrives, and he clings unto Mikey, like he'd never see Mikey again, and Mikey HAS to have a talk with him, because what on earth could scare his brother as bad as THIS? And when Raph finally tells him, Mikey doesn't know what to do but hold him to his chest as tight as he can and whisper pretty half-truths to Raph to make him feel better. Because Mikey couldn't blindly let himself believe the "Of course! Nothing will ever take you away from me Raph, it's all ok! You have nothing to worry about! Your big brother will make sure all of you are all safe and ok! I promise kiddo. No one is taking anyone away. I won't let that happen." How could he? This was a very real fear. It was Mikey's Biggest fear on the daily. But he couldn't let Raph feel like this. To carry this fear and burden. That was too much for a 7-year-old. Mikey didn't even realize Leo and Donnie were aware of their situation to that degree. 

And it puts seeded pits of fear in his chest, taking root in his heart and feeding into something dark and cold and fearful. But Mikey does his best to push it down. Push it away. Out of sight of Raph and Leo and Donnie. And he smiles and laughs and presses kisses to Raph's temple and carries his baby brother piggyback all the way home, because he'll carry whatever weight his brothers are dealing with. Take on any fears. as long as they don't have to face them alone. As long as Mikey can still protect them, for as long and as hard as he can, then when the day comes that Bishop DOES show up at their door, he'll be ready for him.

[celestialices]

QUEST!

Greek Mythology x Haikyuu 

Haikyuu!Ensemble x Reader

Summary: You were just a perfectly normal student at The University of Tokyo, when suddenly a bunch of 'normal boys', as they call themselves, appeared in your life and started to squeeze themselves into your life. Always saying something like "You're a goddess, we need to take you back to Olympus" (you brushed it off, saying that it was just a silly compliment) and even absurd sentences such as "You got Medusa's eyes" and "You're really Medusa's daughter!"

You really want a peaceful school year, but the universe beg to differ.

007: UNANTICIPATED ENCOUNTERS

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Your family is like a heap of stones, remove one and the entire structure will crumble. Living with your sympathetic mother and doting brother is a dream come true. Along with your only known relatives, Kyoutani Household and Inouka Family, completes the household.  It’s small; however, there’s nothing else that could compete over this haven of yours.  Moreover, your mother’s friend coming in the picture constantly every 6 months to take care of your family ever since you came into this world is another section of your stable life. He has been doting over you and acted as the father figure of your little family. His visits would always complete your year.  Speaking of your acting paternal, he just arrived two days ago and will probably stay over for another five days. It’s amazing how his visits remain unchanging though, always the same month and the same days. It was unvarying, maybe that’s where you grasp some of the mannerism you have currently.  Your surroundings has always been permanent. A little changes here and there would arise, but never big ones. That’s why it scares you if something ever happens; owing to the fact that this life you have is already part of you. It has always been you, your mother and Yuki. You’re already comfortable with this, possessing the same old life you had when you were born.  A knock on your door snapped you out of your trance, your name was followed shortly after. “Are you almost ready?” Recognizing the voice, you stood up pronto, so swift that it almost ruined your balance.  Shaking your head to dismiss the dizziness off, you picked up your school bag and opened the door. “Good morning, Heiji-san.” You greeted with a smile.  He ruffled your hair. One of his tendencies whenever he visits. It’s like messing up your hair before you leave for school is a must. “Good morning. Breakfast is prepared, your friend is also there already.” He announced.  Friend. He’s probably talking about Hirugami Sachiro, your infamous childhood friend. It’s like a tradition nowadays, he regularly comes over for breakfast, reasoning that your mother cooks the best meals. When the truth is he just dreadfully hates seeing to his older sister and her boyfriend being ‘lovey-dovey.’  You didn’t noticed that Heiji had already dragged you downstairs, startled when you overheard your mother and Hirugami having a chat. It happens so often now, being lost in your own thoughts. You approached them, kissing your mother’s cheek and saying your greetings before nodding at Hirugami.  “Let’s eat!” Yuki yelled out, provoking the four of you to come to the dining room. You immediately started to consume the served meal after everyone sat down, since praying wasn’t really necessary. Your mother never pushed beliefs into the both of you, your opinions and own faith will be yours to decide on. Freedom is a fundamental for her ‘How-To-Be-A-Perfect-Mother-101.’ “How about you invite your other friend sometimes?” Your mother, Shibayama Yumie, asked you. “Korai-kun, was it?” Her memory impresses you from time to time; but then again, you only have a few friends. Countable by one hand, howbeit they’re all as good as one’s word. “Hmm, I’ll tell him to come by for breakfast sometimes, mom.” You answered blissfully. Breakfasts are the most important meal of the day, and eating with the whole family are euphoric. Especially with your two best friends and Heiji, aka three of the most important people of your life? That’s like dreaming with one's eyes open.  “It’ll be nice to meet your friends.” Heiji said. “And also, invite your relatives. It’s just proper to celebrate our lady’s coming-of-age at once.”  Oh, right. You just turned 18 a few days ago, but throwing a party isn’t really  obligatory. But because your mother kept pressing you about it, you just excused that Heiji should be there, as he is an important factor in your life after all.  “We can party this weekend, a day before Heiji-san leaves.” Yuki suggested.  “That’ll be splendid.” Heiji replied while nodding his head. He smiled at Yuki before turning to you, “Request all of your friends to come, okay? It’s a must for me to meet all your acquaintances.”  Chuckling at his desire, you just bobbed your head as a sign of agreement. As if you’ll invite a lot of people.  “Are you two done?” Yumie asked, looking at you and Hirugami. “You better leave now, or else you’ll be late for school.”  “Right, right.” Hirugami stood up from his seat, gathering all his belongings after chugging a glass of water. “Thank you for the toothsome breakfast, Yumie-san! I’ll look forward to more of your cooking.”  Hirugami is.. shameless. What’s missing is him calling your mother ‘mom’ too. Who knows, it’ll probably happen sooner or later.  “We’ll be going now!” You both said simultaneously before exiting the house.  Walking with Hirugami to school is one of the thousands habits you’ve picked up as well since your friendship with him started. Your mother asking for him to “protect” you was the sole reason of it, along with freedom, safety has always been a big deal for her. It is her top priority for you and your brother, it’s honestly admirable. And of course, living in the same neighborhood with the Hirugami family made it a piece of cake.  Anyhow, it’s reassuring. As someone who’s not entirely fond of changes, having  your fixed routine, that you unconsciously formed while growing up, occur like the usual brings a sense of comfort to you. 

”So, about that guy from last night.” Hirugami began the conversation after minutes of silently walking. Ever since bumping into the mysterious man yesterday and witnessing his unexpected reaction, your friends have been getting on your nerves with their constant queries. ”Shut up.” You cut him off pronto. Seriously, was blowing up your notifications up until midnight not enough? “For the last time, I don’t know him, Sachiro.” With an exasperated sigh, you fastened your pace, showing your obvious annoyance.  “I won’t tease you anymore, wait up!” Hirugami catched up while bursting with laughter. Him making fun of you was not new, but it doesn’t mean it isn’t irksome. “I just thought you finally found a partner after being single for so long.”  You immediately sent a glare to your friend after he said those words. “Hirugami Sachiro, I will end you.” You threatened with your most serious face, but nevertheless, he just laughed. Sometimes, the urge to choke him until he runs out of breath will pop up.  “Fine, fine. I’ll shut up.” With one last chuckle coming out his mouth, he finally piped down. Not a moment after when his phone started ringing, making you look up to him. “It’s Korai.” He announced, answering the phone call straight away.  You just stared at him while he talked to Hoshiumi, disappointed that you can’t hear what Hoshiumi’s saying on the other line. And your companion is insensitive enough to not put him on speaker.  After a few minutes, he ended the call and peeked at you forthwith. “He’s waiting for us by the gates.”  “Okay.” It didn’t take long after you reached the gates, already seeing Hoshiumi’s unique white hair from afar. His eyes perked up when you and Hirugami locked eyes with him, smiled when you waved at him.  After exchanging greetings with Hoshiumi, the three of you started to walk on your respective classrooms. “Oh, right. I heard a rumor.” Hoshiumi suddenly declared.  “What rumor?” Hirugami asked. What even kind of rumors for Hoshiumi to give a damn about it?  “Transferees.”  “Transferees? In the middle of the second semester?” You questioned. 

“Yeah. Two of them are in one of your classes, apparently.” Hoshiumi informed. “Hirugami and I share some of the classes with the other two.”  Who could that be? Who in their right mind would transfer in a middle of a semester? You halted, realizing that you already reached your class. “Oh, I’m here. See you later.”  “Library.” Hirugami gave you a heads up. The library is one of the places in school where you three meet up to fill up the free time before eating lunch. It’s amazing how your schedules go along with each other. You merely nodded in return before entering your homeroom.  You sat in your corresponding seat without interruptions, taking out your phone since no one will talk to you anyways. Plugging your earphones in after bringing out your book, you separated yourself from the world.  Music is another element of your life. It makes you forget the real situation in hand, transports you into a state which is not your own. Under the influence of music, it seems like you feel what you never felt before, it makes you understand what you don’t understand, to have powers which you can’t have. Music is powerful, it inspires. It gives you a glimpse of an impossible world.  A few songs played before you heard the bell rang, bringing you back to reality. It saddened you, but music will never leave your side no matter what. Your professor entered after a few minutes, two boys after her.  “Good morning. An addition of two students will be joining us this semester. Namely, Sakusa Kiyoomi,” The one wearing a mask and has curly hair bowed his head. “And Komori Motoya.” The man who has light-colored hair and thick, round eyebrows waved.  The class erupted into whispers, some of them waving back at the seemingly cheerful boy. “Please take care of us!” Komori uttered and inclined his head. “You two can seat behind Shibayama.” You flinched at the sudden call, but raised your hand nonetheless. You forgot that there are two vacant seats behind you, not that it mattered anyway.  As the two were seated, your professor instantly started her discussion. And as the good student you are, you quietly listened and took your notes.  After three boring hours, the bell finally rang, signalling the end of class. You stood up from your seat as soon as the professor left, not letting anyone approach you like the asocial you are.  You started walking towards the library while scrolling through your phone, confident that you won’t bump into someone. Well, surely a person with common sense would avoid you, will they not?  Wrong. You’re absolutely wrong.  You sighed before glancing at the person you bumped into. You’ve been bumping into people a lot these days, is this your new profound curse? “Sorry.” You hid your astonishment after locking eyes with him.  A student with dark-brown hair and grayish-yellow fox-like eyes who looks like he’s eventually on his way to murder someone. You bowed at him and immediately left.  It’s the first time you saw his face in the university, so he’s either a transferee or someone who doesn’t like going out in the grounds. Despite being introverted, you’re proud to say you know all the faces in your university. You stood in front the library’s door to let out another deep sigh. Backing away when the door suddenly opened from your side. “Oh, my apologies. That was rude of me.” He uttered, motioning for you to enter first.  You peeked at him, and saw that his gunmetal blue eyes staring at you. “Ah, thank you.” Offering him a smile before entering the library, completely unaware of his change of expression.  Plopping yourself down beside Hoshiumi, you started to read the book you picked up before approaching them. Unconsciously, you let out another groan, thinking back at today’s events.  Interacting with people is truly draining. 

A/N:  And there goes the second-years from the representative team 👀 Oh, and I just want to say that I may use she/her pronouns/fem!reader but please keep in mind that this is a safe space for everyone :). If it’s confusing, reader is from Shibayama family (consisting of a mother and younger brother). Family relatives [ Kyoutani, Inouka (comprising of a mother + son) ] and her mother’s friend (Heiji-san, standing up as her father figure) visits them from time to time. In conclusion, her family has very few members. Happy Holidays, everyone! May 2021 give us good memories. Always remember to stay safe! And as usual, thank you for tuning in! <3 

[kiara-carrera]

permanent ink

note: this is set the day after this drabble i did, but also set in that quick little sad montage in s2e1 when jj gives himself a stick and poke. this is probably gonna be reworked once i actually get to season 2 just for any context issues i run into later on, but the bulk of this is canon for them, my tiny lil babies. none of this is really season 2 spoilers tbfh, but also just know this is set in s2e1. also v unedited.

pairing: leah thompson x jj maybank

cruel summer, season two

When Leah woke up, it was to the sounds of chickens clucking somewhere in the distance and to the dull throbbing of her side against an uncomfortable surface. Even before she could adjust to being awake, even before her eyes could flutter open to assess her surroundings, there was no doubt in her mind that she was at the Chateau, on John’s uncomfortable ass pullout couch.

And then there was that pang in her chest at the thought of even just his name. None of this was right. None of it made sense. It seemed as if everyone around her had just accepted the fact that the Phantom had gone down and wrecked, that John B and Sarah had been lost to the sea. That they weren’t just gone for a bit of time, but forever. 

And yet something in her just wouldn’t let the information click, wouldn’t let the all too apparent truth win the battle with the denial warring through her mind. Grief was something that Leah was slowly realizing she wasn’t capable of stomaching, her brain reverting back to the denial stage like a broken record.

It didn’t make sense. The truth was too much to handle, too much to rationalize. To Leah, it didn’t make sense that the same fate that had befell the father had occurred again for the son, like some sick and twisted tragedy. These were the things that existed only the the thoughts that she shoved down and down, deep where she hoped they would never resurface.

They always did.

She let a groan escape her, an annoyed and frustrated little noise, as she rolled onto her back, eyes still squeezed shut as she considered praying to a god she didn’t believe in to let sleep take her. If not for refuge from all thoughts of John Booker Routledge for another moment, but to get away from the sounds of those fucking chickens.

“Sleeping Beauty finally awakes,” someone said from beside her, a snarky yet somewhat joking tone laced into the words.

Her eyes snapped open as she flailed a bit against the couch, heart jolting in her chest. She managed to sit up a bit before her eyes landed on the source of the voice. A somewhat amused JJ was sitting across the room, legs crossed and his foot in his lap, a pencil dangling precariously from his fingers. 

Memories of the night before slowly came crawling through her mind, sitting on the dock, silent tears streaming down her face under JJ’s arm. They’d sat there until at least two am, mostly in silence while passing a beer between them. She wasn’t sure what had happened after they came back in the house, laying back on John B’s couch the last thing she could remember before she must have fell asleep.

“Jesus Christ, JJ,” Leah breathed out, hand running over her face, her heart galloping in her chest. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

JJ snorted. “Geez, good morning to you too, sunshine.”

“Fuck off,” she groaned, letting herself flop back onto the couch. She could hear him laughing as she pulled the pillow out from under her head to shove it over her face — it was way too fucking early to be dealing with this.

Look, she wasn’t saying that being around her best friend was awkward, because it wasn’t. At least, she was doing her best to make sure it wasn’t. But there was always that little nudge at the back of her mind, always trying to get her to work through whatever the fuck she was feeling, because it sure as hell wasn’t normal friendship shit.

She spent an inordinate amount of time trying to convince herself that nothing had changed, another round of denial in her life, but really, what was she going to do? Have feelings for JJ? Her best friend? And do what with that, exactly? Dig herself into a friendship ruining hole? Tell him? Hope he’d, in some fucking weird twist of fate, feel the same? The same JJ who’d never had an actual relationship and flirted with basically anyone, including her, even though with her it was always jokey?

Yeah, fuck that.

But that didn’t make this any less awkward in her mind. Last night had been a bit easier, despite the influx of grieving, but she’d been able to ignore that and just be with JJ without wanting to completely bury herself in a hole and never come out.

And there was also the fact that she told him she’d go to Yucátan with him, that she’d pretty much go anywhere with him, regardless of anything. Yeah, that wasn’t something they were skirting around lately. Well, she figured they’d be if she had completely just left that conversation in the back of her mind. 

And it was clear he’d more than likely taken it as a friendly yeah, I’m totally down for just fucking leaving my entire life to go somewhere with you thing considering he hadn’t brought it up once. Which was kind of shocking because while some people tended to write him off as an idiot, he was oddly perceptive when he needed to be. And yet somehow he hadn’t noticed her speech leaned more on the side of weird, cringey, cliche teen rom-com movie bullshit rather than friendship.

God, she hated her brain.

Leah let out another groan, deciding to take initiative to not be a complete fucking weirdo around JJ because fuck, they all needed to stick together now more than ever, and so she promptly chucked the pillow off of her.

Normal, she could do that. And then she truly focused on him as she turned onto her side again, picking up on how he’d fallen silent. The pencil was now held tightly between his fingers, a crease between his eyebrows that was born of pure concentration as he poked at the skin of his lower calf with the needle he’d fastened to the writing utensil.

Oh, great, he’d set up an impromptu tattoo parlor while she was sleeping, that wasn’t concerning at all. And — was he wearing fucking overalls?

Christ, of course he looked good in overalls. Just fucking spectacular. 

“Stare any harder and I’m gonna start charging you by the minute, Lee Lee.”

Leah’s eyes snapped up to meet his once again amused expression, not having noticed how her gaze had seemingly just zoned out at the sight of him. She could feel heat coursing up the back of her neck at the embarrassment at being caught, not even caring at the use of that god awful nickname 

“Nice overalls,” she told him, sarcasm all over her tone. Inside, she was cringing. Nice job, Leah, draw attention to another thing you don’t want to think about, fucking brilliant job, she thought to herself, but her mouth was already going again before she could just, y’know, shut the fuck up. “Is there a barn raising I don’t know about?”

JJ narrowed his eyes at her, playfully brandishing his pencil at her. “For all you know these overalls could have gotten me the best handy of my life once.”

She couldn’t help the laugh that escaped her, rolling her eyes at his cocky grin. “Please, no one gets laid wearing overalls. And what the fuck are you even doing right now?”

“Stick and poke,” JJ said matter-of-factly, raising his eyebrows before promptly sticking himself again as if to prove his point. He barely so much as hissed at the stab of needle, tugging his teeth between his lips for a moment as he focused back in on his work. “Kie showed me how to do it.”

“Please tell me you at least sterilized the needle.”

Not even looking up from his leg, he gestured the pencil in the direction of the table beside him. “What do you think the lighter is for?”

Sure enough, his light was discarded beside him. That didn’t do much to make her feel better, though, and she raised an eyebrow at him. “Considering it’s you? Anything from smoking a J to arson, probably.”

“Haha, real funny, Lee,” he deadpanned, rolling his eyes as he continued to stab at his skin. JJ was silent for a moment before asking, “Want one when I’m done?”

If you had told her she’d be waking up to her best friend wearing overalls and offering to give her a tattoo in John B’s living room, she probably would have just stayed asleep. She wasn’t really sure how to tell him she didn’t exactly trust him to stab her multiple times with a questionable looking needle ... and dear God, she didn’t even want to consider what he was possibly using as ink. So she opted to go for the slightly less scathing remark.

Leah sat up a bit, supporting herself on her elbows. “Do you have another needle?”

“Uh...” JJ paused, glancing around the table. “That’s a negative.”

“Then at the risk of getting an infection, I’m gonna pass.”

“I could just do the lighter thing again,” he offered.

Leah sighed, running a hand through her hair as she sat up fully, legs swinging to hang off the edge of the couch. “J, I’m gonna be honest, I don’t even know if I trust that you sterilized it right the first time.”

“Ye of little faith,” JJ cried out in offense, once again brandishing his pencil at her. He jokingly narrowed his eyes at her. “You’re wounding me here, Lee. Total lack of respect.”

“I’m sure your big ass ego will get over it,” Leah retorted, shaking her head at him with a laugh.

They lapsed into silence again, JJ continuing to prick his calf with a steady hand and an oddly intense air of concentration. Leah reverted back to just watching him quietly, resting her elbows on her knees and dropping her head into her waiting hands. This was probably the most still she’d ever seen him as long as she’d known him, bar when he was passed out asleep.

Compared to last night, the JJ she was seeing now was doing a pretty bang up job at holding it together. Or, at least, pretending that he was. They hadn’t said a whole ton last night, but Leah knew as well as she knew the sky was blue that JJ wasn’t doing okay. 

The open (and most likely empty) can of beer on the table beside him only solidified that thought.

She wanted to comment that giving yourself a tattoo after drinking was very much not recommended, a know-it-all tone ready to join the factoid on her tongue, but she wasn’t sure how many buttons she’d be able to push before it’d turn into an actual argument.

And fuck, if there was one person she didn’t want to be on the outs with any time soon, it was him.

So instead, she kept her mouth shut, letting her eyes trail across his furrowed brow and the tongue poking out from between his lips in thought. From where she sat, she couldn’t see what he was etching into his skin and while she wasn’t really supporting the impromptu DIY tat, the suspense was starting gnaw at her insides.

Before she even realized what she was doing, she was up and crossing the room. JJ didn’t even bother looking up as she approached him, his attention only being hooked when Leah pushed a few of the things on the table aside before boosting herself up to sit on it.

He looked between her and the table a few times, before a laugh escaped him. “Sure, just make yourself at home, why don’t ya? You’re lucky I’m done,” he told her, setting his pencil on a bit of the table not occupied by her.

She shrugged, taking the opportunity to look down at his skin. Turning her head to the side so that she was actually viewing the tattoo the right way, she couldn’t help but feel a tug in her chest once it clicked for her.

P4L was scribbled into the skin in JJ’s all too familiar handwriting, thin and somewhat crooked lines formed into a tiny brand of Pogue status. More than that, it was a sign of friendship, of family. In a world of haves and have nots, they had each other. 

A soft smile pulled at her lips, corners turning upward as she looked at it with an equally soft gaze. “It looks good.”

JJ flashed a weak smile. He cleared his throat and the words he spoke were joking, a clear shift for the conversation to go somewhere less somber, less intense. “You jealous you’re not a true Pogue, Lee?”

Leah’s brow knitted together in confusion. “Excuse me?”

“No tattoo, fake Pogue.”

“I don’t remember that in the Pogue friendship rulebook.”

“Just added it,” JJ shot back, a smug little look in his eyes.

She couldn’t help but snort. “Great, I’ll be sure to tell Pope about the new mandate so he can promptly shit his pants at the thought of getting a tattoo with a needle duct taped to a pencil.”

“Nah, Pope’s got guts,” JJ countered but all it took was one raised eyebrow from Leah for his statement to fold like a cheap suit. “Okay, yeah, he’d freak.”

“Ya think?” Leah asked with a laugh, her eyes bright with amusement. She took another glance at his new tattoo. “It really does look good, though. If I actually trusted you to permanently alter my body with a needle, I might’ve reconsidered.”

She expected JJ to scoff and go on another rant of how she was insulting his honor or something, but all she was met with was JJ staring intently at her, lost in thought as he mulled something over. That creeping feeling filled her chest as he looked her over and she had about nine thousand guesses for what could possibly be going through his head as she grew a bit nervous under his gaze.

None of those things were JJ going, “Got an idea,” while reaching around her for something on the table.

She watched on in quiet confusion as he retrieved a Sharpie from behind her, waving it around a bit like he’d just won a prize. There was a devilish grin on his lips as his eyes trailed over her before zeroing in on her arm. JJ didn’t bother with niceties as he pulled her arm from her lap, tugging it towards him and flipping it palm side up.

“What are you ... ?” Leah asked, trailing off as she let him all but manhandle her arm.

“Shh, genius at work,” he told her, pointing yet another writing utensil at her in a mock threat. He took her wrist in his hand, using the other one to push up the array of beaded and string bracelets crowding her arm. 

Pulling the Sharpie’s cap off with his teeth and spitting it out to the side, JJ’s brow furrowed in concentration as he put the marker to her skin, leaving black ink in his wake. Leah already knew what he’d be writing, but still she found herself watching intently as his chicken scratch scribbled across her skin, as if he’d suddenly depart from being sentimental and draw a dick on her arm or something.

He pulled back after a moment, gently rubbing his thumb just under his masterpiece, and he grinned at her, the first real smile she’d seen from him in days. It reached his eyes, the blue of them clear and bright and just ... happy. He looked happy, even if this exchange would only last for another few moments, and it made Leah’s heart do a funny little flip in her chest.

At the risk of making eye contact with her best friend for longer than necessary, the kind of extended look that would risk awkwardness and things Leah was far too sober to think about, she averted her gaze.

Written in what honestly looked like some of JJ’s best handwriting, P4L inked her skin, a small and semi permanent declaration of her Pogue status. A tiny laugh escaped her, a smile tugging at the corner of her lips as she looked it over.

“There, now we match,” JJ told her. 

She looked back up, eyes locking with his. Dimples showing, JJ was still giving her that smile, that goddamn smile that only ever worked to make hers grow wider. The same smile that had, as of late, made her feel slightly dizzy, like her once perfectly structured world had gone just a hair off-kilter and metamorphosed into something else. And it wasn’t helped by the fact that, though there was no reason for it, he was still holding onto her wrist, callused fingers hot against her skin.

Her heart did that funny little flip again, just once more with feeling. Leah out a breath, nodding just a bit. “Yeah, I guess we do.”