#of course i had to consider those who probably don't enjoy jazz as much as i do! like how easy is it to listen to and so on

[nexility-sims]

🎶 for Julián?

OC DETAILS  /   accepting !

oh hell yeah finally kdfjdf thank you for asking, i had a lot to say !

🎶 MUSICAL NOTES — what type of music does your oc like? do they listen to music very often?

music is julian's main interest, which is unsurprising considering he comes from a musical family ! his mother and father are professional musicians (his mom is kind of a joan baez/stevie nicks/ann wilson figure, and his dad is a carlos santana-esque guitarist). since they were not around much during his childhood, music was a way to connect with them—both when they were around and in their absence. his formal occupation is working for the crown, and he spends a not-insignificant chunk of his free time partying, but listening and playing music is a big part of his life. he had a little cousin band with his brother, damian, and german when they were all teenagers. i don't think they play much together anymore, but julian has enough musician friends that it doesn't matter much (including, of course, their bancroft cousin). if you want him to have more then let me know, open call, give him more friends and such djfdf

the kernel of inspiration for julian as a character came from the fact that i like incubus and have always thought brandon boyd circa the early 2000s was hot. so, anyway, i associate julian with the alternative rock genre, with acoustic guitars, with vulnerable songwriting. he likes folk music, which is the genre his parents got their start in. but, he really is someone who appreciates every genre, from those to hip hop to electronica to jazz and blues and everything else. he goes abroad a lot for fun and leisure, and part of those trips are definitely attending concerts and open mics and things like that, to enjoy the local music scenes and popular venues.

julian collects records and guitars, and he will probably inherit all of his parents' someday. he has a good singing voice, picked up instruments easily as a child, and plays multiple well; that’s just as fun for him, practicing with different ones, as stringing together lyrics or listening to music. i don’t think he really likes using headphones or earbuds if he can play songs from a speaker instead. i assume he has a publicly available spotify account or whatever with just hundreds of playlists. he's never released any music of his own, but there are lots of videos circulating around of him performing, usually with friends or on his son's social media. his house is full of music anytime he’s home, and his son—though more inclined to visual art—shares his love of listening to it.

[cat-denied]

👻🎁✨ :)

👻 What is your wildest headcanon?

My wildest headcanon? That's a hard one. I don't really do a lot of headcanoning! Mostly I just turn stuff into actual fanfic rather than just headcanoning it, and so I keep a layer of separation between the canon and my fic, if that makes sense. I guess I have a lot of headcanons of Fire Emblem characters being lesbians in canon even while not strictly defined as such (like Minerva and Palla in fe11), but those are usually pretty common ones.

Here's a couple of headcanons for you:

Nico Minoru (of Marvel's Runaways and others) realized she was bisexual while on the team of A-FORCE (2016), i.e. while surrounded by gorgeous and powerful women. Because come on. (Context: in the original Runaways series from the early 2000s, Nico was portrayed as straight: in the new Runaways series from 2018, she had since realized her bisexuality.)

In Fire Emblem: Genealogy of the Holy War, only characters who are lovers and characters with the Thief class can exchange gold. I think this is because the Thief (Dew in the first gen, Patty or Daisy in the second) characters happen to be people who deeply love all their friends.

I also headcanon...pretty much everyone as trans and/or gay. If I like them (especially for Fire Emblem, where characters often have very little character at all) they get the "YOU ARE GAY NOW" seal of approval.

Oh, here's a real wild one! Wolf (from Fire Emblem 11) is a trans woman! This is because YOU saw her and went "she's a girl" and I went "okay" and rolled with it. This may come up in my fanfic sometime, who can say

Putting the rest of this behind a read more because it got long.

🎁 Have a piece of a WIP you want to share?

I do! Here's a section from the first chapter of a Minerva/Palla haunted house AU I've been working on in the background.

The room is soaked in dust. At one point in time it had probably been a bedroom, and indeed a bed frame rots grayly in the corner. Rather than any mattress, however, it’s covered in boxes: boxes which have sprawled out to take over the rest of the room like an invasive species of plant. The walls are bare. The edge of the room’s one window can just be made out, the rest of it totally obscured by still more boxes. They stack five feet high easily, and though Palla is tall enough to circumnavigate the undergrowth they form with ease, and Catria at least tall enough to manage, Est can barely see over the box in front of her, and she complains loudly at this. Catria argues lightly back, and Palla smiles under her breath as she makes her way around, simply looking. 

None of the boxes are labeled: the lower ones have more the look of trunks, and Palla idly wonders when cardboard had been invented, whether this was someone else’s reshuffling of the Macedons’ remaining possessions after their departure. She cracks open the nearest top box to find stacks of books: unlabeled volumes in that old style you would see on the shelves of houses that had become museums. Carefully opening one, then another, to their title pages, she sees that they are books of strategy: for warfare and diplomacy. Interesting. 

I just love the Whitewings and Macedon and all that jazz! Also I should write more of this, I was having a load of fun with it.

✨️ Out of the comments you’ve received on your fics, what are two or three of your favorites?

! I love to receive any comments because it tells me that people enjoyed my work enough to tell me about it, and when you write for fandoms that are as relatively obscure as I do (in terms of fanworks), every little bit counts for a lot! The exception to the obscure fandoms of course is the Goncharov fic I wrote, which became hugely popular and now I'm considering writing a second chapter or sequel, just because of the absolutely hogwild response.

Here's a coupla specifics:

"Always happy to see the Nagi tag get a little bigger, and you have a fascinating version of her here! I thought your interpretation of the setting was brilliant and you really brought out the nuances of the characters you portrayed just before such a climactic final battle." from Oricalle on my fic Meetings, Manifestations, and Manaketes. (I have a lot of fun naming my fics.) They left this comment after I read through some of their works and left some comments, which made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Every comment on my Goncharov fic for being brilliantly in on the joke, but especially this one from tinuviel_tinuviel:

because not only did they call me out by name (blushes), but when I read and commented on one of their Locked Tomb fics, they called me out on it:

and yeah thats me now i guess. ao3 user road_trip_girl from goncharov fandom. whatup

Also, getting a comment from summer_society whose Robin/Nancy fics I consume like fresh water was an amazing time, seriously.

And finally, this comment from JajaLala on the same fic, because it made me go "! you know who i am!!!" I guess I'm really not used to fanfic sites, where you can be a fan of someone's work and then have them turn around and look at your work, and like it! It's a great feeling. (Also, I just realized we're tumblr mutuals, so, uh. Hi!)

Thanks for asking!

[ronsenburg]

Since you mentioned you were looking for drabble requests, if you haven't moved on from AA already, could I request something where Apollo or Klavier is struggling against pride/feeling that his problem isn't a big deal/some kind of internal roadblock to seek comfort from the other? Maybe they lost a case they don't think they should have lost, or it's the anniversary of something sad, or they just feel crappy physically or emotionally. Any reason is fine. Thanks for considering my request ^^

vorher:

It’s nearly six pm by the time Franziska finds him, tucked into a chair in the corner of some pretentious and probably ephemeral bar downtown.

It isn’t one of his usual haunts, but the staff seem to know who he is well enough, anyway. Though he is just barely twenty-three and his tab has been approaching the four figure mark for the past hour and a half, no one has bothered to card him or attempt cutting him off yet. Of course, that may have had more to do with the sizable tips slid to whatever staff member is closest in proximity rather than his rather notorious celebrity status, but Klavier’s ego has been rapidly ceasing to care about such things in recent months. What matters to him at this very moment is less the thrill of universal adoration and more the ability to nurse his wounded pride in pseudo-solitude with a vastly overpriced drink.

That solitude is shattered, however, by the arrival of Prosecutor Franziska Von Karma. The sound of her heels clicking firmly against the highly lacquered floors crescendos over whatever smooth jazz cover they’re piping through the hidden speakers as she makes her way directly over to him.

“Are you finished with your tantrum yet?” she asks, removing her dark sunglasses and placing them onto the surface of the bar beside him without any sort of invitation.

It takes a moment for the words to process; Klavier has spent so long playing the role of the ostentatious expat that his alcohol muddled brain can barely grasp the crisp and nearly foreign sounding syllables of her German.

By then, she has already removed her long leather gloves and cape, handing them off to an employee that floats near her elbow like a well trained dog on a leash. When she slides into the chair beside him and signals for the bartender, the scotch she orders for herself is nearly as expensive as Klavier’s own. If he weren’t so chagrined by her sudden interruption, he would likely be impressed.

“Since when is enjoying a drink after work considered a tantrum?” Klavier returns, finally, and also in German. He attempts to fire off one of his charming smiles as he speaks, but the words feel so clumsy and out of practice on his lips that the gesture falls short and sounds far more like the kind of sulk that directly proves the point she has made.

Franziska raises a perfectly arched eyebrow in reaction, though whether it is a response meant specifically for his faltering pronunciations or juvenile tone, Klavier can’t be at all sure. “Since someone recently made a complete fool of himself in a court of law.”

The words strike out like the lash of a whip; Klavier winces despite himself. Franziska is only two years older than him, but when she glances away with an air of disinterested disdain to take a sip from the tumbler placed in front of her, the gap seems far wider.

“You heard?”

“I saw,” she replies, glancing over to him again just long enough to offer a small, disparaging smirk. “It was quite the performance. Do people actually pay you money to see such foolishness on stage?”

The shame he’d been attempting to shove away for the past five hours flares up just below the surface of his thoughts then, hot and bright enough that he suddenly feels sick to his stomach.

“You are just as charming as they say, Fraulein,” Klavier smiles; the sarcasm tastes false and bitter on his tongue.

In truth, he had made a fool of himself.

Klavier has always prided himself on being meticulous in his pursuit of the truth, in perfectly balancing the demands of both his prosecutorial career and his life as a musician. And, most of the time, he’d succeeded so brilliantly that it had blinded him to the subtly advancing and yet still discreet signs that he might have been slipping.

There had been issues with the band’s latest album.

With the ink long since dried on the studio’s contract and their chosen title already heavily marketed, the pressure to produce something of value had been mounting. Every song he’d written since then had seemed increasingly vapid, words that fit a theme but lacked any sort of meaning, chords that sounded deliberately catchy but were devoid of anything new and surprising. They were going through the motions, but those motions were long since stale. There was nothing of the artistic fire that had skyrocketed them to success in their early years and that alone drained any last bit of excitement he might have derived from the process.

It was driving a neat wedge through the center of the band; Daryan called him a diva, so used to having things his own way that he fell to pieces at the idea of ever being told what to do. Take the money, release an album that was shallow but on brand. They could always switch it up next time when time was on their side. You’re the lawyer, he'd mocked, you should know exactly how much of our asses are on the line here.

Their arguments on the subject had become more and more frequent as the days passed, spilling from band practice to crime scenes and, finally, to the kitchen of Klavier’s apartment. This time, it was Daryan who had packed what few belongings he’d scattered throughout Klavier’s various shelves and drawers into an old duffle bag and left, slamming the door shut behind him with finality as he’d gone.

As Klavier’s luck would dictate, Daryan had been the lead detective on this last case. While they were both professional enough not to ignore each other completely during the proceedings, the type of communication necessary for a successful indictment had been… difficult, to say the least.

And so he’d been distracted in his investigation, enough that he’d overlooked a piece of evidence so decisive in the opposition’s favor that when it had been presented, he’d been left gaping in uncharacteristic surprise from his place at the bench.

Yes, he’d been slipping, unable to see the progression of his descent until he had been standing firmly at the bottom of a tall slope.

He was only lucky, he supposed, that this was not a murder trial.

Back at the bar, Klavier rolls his eyes softly, more an aversion of his gaze than a gesture for dramatic display. Franziska doesn’t seem to be paying him enough attention to notice such things, anyway.

“Well, you can consider me scolded. Your work is done.”

“And yet, that’s not why I’m here,” Franziska returns. Ignoring the eyebrow he raises toward her in obvious question, she instead tilts the tumbler back, swallowing the last centimeter of the amber drink. “I would not waste my time and energy searching the city to scold a fool who seems to be doing an admirable job of berating himself. No, despite your recent failures, there are people in this city who seem to care about your well being. It would be a shame if you were to drown in a pool of your own vomit.”

He cannot help his rather obvious flinch at her words, no matter how quickly he endeavors to mask it. “How very touching, ja? I was expecting more anger.”

Franziska pauses in the midst of extracting a matte black card from the small handbag she carries. When her steel grey eyes meet his, Klavier suddenly understands the fear the von Karma name had once inspired in courtrooms across the world.

“Oh, I am angry,” she smiles, wagging her finger in such a way that it is clear she is mocking him. “You allowed a criminal to walk free today. But he is guilty, I am certain of that. And now he will be cocky.”

Klavier is so stunned by her words that he barely registers that she has slid her card across the surface of the wooden bar, let alone has the presence of mind to argue.

“There will be more evidence to find and new charges to file,” she continues, unperturbed by his gaping. “I will assume that next time you will have your priorities in the correct order.”

With that, she stands and turns to the attendant who is still waiting nearby, ready to help her back into the dark, cashmere folds of her cloak. When the complex ritual of donning her long gloves and sunglasses is complete, she turns once again to face him.

“I will be driving you home. You may choose, now, whether you would like to accompany me willingly or if you will require Detective Gumshoe’s escort. You have until I reach the door to decide.”

It feels as though a whirlwind has swept through the room, appearing out of nowhere to disrupt his wallowing completely before disappearing as suddenly as she had come. Klavier is not stupid enough to doubt Franziska’s words, despite the fact that he is twenty-three and more than a bit inebriated. He wavers only slightly as he finds his own feet and follows her out onto the sun soaked sidewalk beyond the bar.

If she is smiling when she looks back towards him, it is the small, private smirk of victory. Klavier finds that he is too preoccupied with the act of placing one foot in front of the other along the uneven slabs of concrete to care. He stumbles gracelessly into the backseat of the car Franziska indicates, through a door held open by a man that Klavier can only assume is the Detective she had mentioned inside.

“Huh,” he comments before closing the door. “Somehow I thought you’d be taller, pal.”

A sharp stab of pain somewhere behind his left temple resonates brightly in response.

This is something he will certainly regret tomorrow.

nachher:

“Okay, spill,” Apollo demands, crossing his arms in a visible display of stubborn obstination that, at any other time, Klavier might find endlessly adorable.

Tonight, however, he has reached a new level of exhaustion, one that leaves him blinking back at Apollo in baffled surprise as he attempts to pivot his thoughts from their previous trajectory in order to make sense of the other’s sudden words. “Spill was?”

As his words indicate, the intended course adjustment doesn’t go very well at all.

“Whatever’s going on with you,” Apollo replies, huffing out a sigh of what sounds nearly like frustration. “You’ve been working late, you don’t eat, you haven’t been sleeping. Something’s up; I think you should tell me what it is.”

Though Apollo’s words and posture are combative, it is all for show. There is an uncertainty in his eyes and concern exposed in the way he bites at the inside of his lip in silence, waiting for Klavier to speak. The fact that Klavier has learned to recognize this expression through repeatedly causing it is a painful enough thing to shoulder; to admit to the reason behind his behavior when it will only bring them both all the more strife, however, would be far worse. Not because he doubts the limits of Apollo’s strength; it is his own resilience that is threatened by the thought of divulging the extent of his insecurities.

Klavier runs a hand through the strands of hair that have escaped the hasty braid he had tied earlier that evening and attempts an apologetic smile. “Ach, Liebling, there is nothing to tell. It is just work.”

“You’re lying.”

It is stated as a fact, nothing more. But while there is nothing accusatory in Apollo’s tone and his face is perfectly even as he says it, Klavier still feels the words as though they are the sting of an attack.

“Ja?” he responds. “And you promised there would be no bracelet inside the house, did you not?”

What he intends is for the words to sound facetious, a nod to the same kind of fond banter they had indulged in long before the intimacy of a romantic relationship. But Klavier is lying; it is not an offense often committed between them and certainly not one he has reveled in or perpetuated out of malice, now. Still, to be seen through so shifted his smile without meaning to. Klavier can feel it teetering on the edge of a sneer that feels both unfamiliar and familiar all at once.

What follows, then, is a long pause.

A lifted arm, a proffered bare wrist, is Apollo’s only response.

That gesture feels more devastating than the aftermath of an actual, physical fight. Klavier can feel the air exit his lungs in a sharp hiss of remorse, his posture on the plush sofa of their study crumbling as he leans forward to place his head into his waiting hands.

“That was uncalled for,” Klavier begins, though his voice is muffled by the skin of his palms pressed firmly against his speaking mouth. “I am sorry, Schatz, I—“

But his words are interrupted by the sudden creak of sofa springs, the cushions on either side of Klavier dipping under the newly applied weight of Apollo’s knees. There is the feeling of Apollo’s warm fingers wrapping around the skin of his wrists, gently pulling his hands away from his face.

“I know you, Klavier,” Apollo says softly; his voice is so uncharacteristically gentle that the words sound less like a statement and more the sweetest declaration of love. Maybe they are. After all, Klavier has been loved before. But being actually, truly known? He glances up into Apollo’s brown eyes, warm with determination and affection. “I don’t need the bracelet to see when you’re upset. If you don’t want to talk about it right now, I understand, but you don’t have to go around pretending everything is okay when it isn’t.”

“Bold words for someone who insists upon always being fine, ja?” Klavier murmurs, another half hearted attempt at humor that falls flat in what little space exists between them. 

Apollo still lifts the edge of his lips in a small, humored smile of concession. “In court, maybe. But not with you. We all need to be vulnerable, sometimes.”

The breath that Klavier exhales wavers under the strain of unspoken emotions, his eyes fluttering closed just as Apollo leans forward to place a featherlight kiss against the center of his forehead, against his cheekbone, against the corner of his downturned mouth. 

“You can trust me, Klavier,” he concludes. “I’ll always be here, whenever you’re ready, okay?” 

Klavier finds he does not have the words to respond, then, even as the sound of fabric rustling against fabric fills the air and the hands holding Klavier’s wrists retreat. Their absence is felt immediately in the lack of warmth as Apollo slides back off the couch and onto his feet. 

“Apollo?”

Apollo’s footsteps stall halfway through the door.

Klavier still finds he needs to clear his throat before he can continue to speak, swallowing back the sentiments that have collected there that he is otherwise unable to express. “Could you stay? Bitte. Just for a moment.”

This is a weakness Klavier should not afford himself. It is selfish to ask Apollo to comfort him when Klavier cannot even bring himself to explain precisely why he requires it. But Apollo’s eyes are soft when they find Klavier’s gaze once again, inexplicably fully of acceptance and, beyond that, what Klavier knows is love.

“Yeah,” he nods, “of course.”

Apollo stays far longer than a moment, his fingers combing through the strands of Klavier’s loose hair under the fading light that filters in though the slightly open window. They don’t speak, but the steady rhythm of Apollo’s breath in the otherwise silent room, the gentle pressure of his fingers, is enough to distract him from the tumultuous cascade of his own thoughts.

[autumn-foxfire]

God, I love your blog so much because you get to express in words what I can't, does that makes sense? Anyways, seeing all those asks about Dabihawks made me think about something that tends to get ignored in a lot of fanfics: following the idea of Dabi being Touya, meeting his family again and being with them after a long time, it's the fact that his family, after being horrified about him being a criminal/terrorist for like, seconds, they inmediately accept him again? And this is something that annoys me a lot even if I end up swallowing those feelings because I like the writing or the fanfic in general. There's just some ideas like that one, that I just... can't. There's no relationship building in that. Dabi, along with the LOV, attacked Shouto's class, attacked, even if they weren't planning to kill anyone. And they kidnapped Bakugou too. It doesn't really matters if it wasn't his intention or his idea on the first place, or even if he didn't wanted to do it, he still did it and, sometimes, it's really hard to let go of that.

And people ignore that moment or make him forgive Touya because he's his brother, with no struggle at all. I know Shouto is a kind soul and all that jazz, but it's not really that easy to talk to a family member (barely, he probably doesn't remember him that much), and just stop associating certain actions, terrible ones, with them. Shouto struggled with Endeavor to do that. Fuyumi would probably still be horrified and even scared, but ignoring what's happening for the sake of keeping the family together or inevitably focusing on herself depending of other's reactions (like Natsuo's or Shouto's), Natsuo would be split between the person he knew and the criminal he saw on TV, Rei would probably relapse, even if she wants to see him because she's his mom, but she would feel guilty, and Endeavor (they don't tend to include him but I'll do it anyway), would feel really guilty about it too. Even better, He would probably feel guilty about it all his life. That's great angst material.

Dabi ends up being the only one who feels bad about what he did (either sometimes or all the time) and his family only... comforts him, without having any problem about that. Acting as if he had never being a criminal. Or as if he only used to be just a petty robber. Acting as if they just barely cared about what happened in the past. They can't let go of Endeavor that easily, why would it be that easy with Dabi?

And God, I would understand if only one person in the family reacted like that. But a family of five? Everyone is different. You can't expect people to act as if nothing happened. Of course it happens, but like, with Todoroki's, where everyone deal with trauma in very different ways despite having the same experiences? I don't really buy it...

It just makes me thing so much about a couple, where one of them cheated on the other and the other one just accepts him, despite seeing the moment where he was cheated (the reactions of would be different if one of them just confessed and asks for forgivement, but in this case, since the Todoroki's family knows about a lot of Dabi's crimes so it makes more sense for the couple to see how he was cheated).

I love reading fics that talk about healing. People can get better. People can do better, and Dabi can be a great example of that along with Endeavor. But I think we should try not to reduce feelings to something so vain, so simple, in a family, because it's always way more complex than that.

T-T Thank you so much!!! I’m so glad you enjoy my blog (and my responses to anons XD)

My god, I feel you there though. 

Dabi’s crimes always tend to be swept under the rug by his family and it’s both annoying and unrealistic. Firstly, Dabi put his family through an immense amount of pain by faking his death. I don’t know if people realise how traumatic it is to lose a family member, especially one so young, in such a violent way. You feel the pain of it for years (and never really get over it), you’ll have to attend therapy or something called berevement counselling just to help you deal with their death and every year, without any fail, you’ll most like become depressed around the time of month of their passing.

*While I am speaking from experience here and projecting slightly, I’m also just pointing out what I’ve observed my family go through dealing with a similar loss. It’s really a horrible thing to experience and has probably left us more mentally ill then we were before*

So sure, the family would experience relief that Dabi, Touya was actually alive, but that relief won’t last for long before the family are consumed by their grief, anger, guilt and all the negative emotions they’ve had to deal with since learning his passing. It’s going to be a traumatic experience (or at least it should be) and yet most act like they’d just be happy he’s alive?!

Secondly, that’s not even taking into account Dabi’s crimes and the emotions they would experience over them! Dabi isn’t just a petty criminal, he’s a serial killer who not only tried to kill their father (who they have a complicated relationship with but clearly don’t want dead), he’s also put the lives of many innocent people in danger or even indirectly been responsible for killing them (i.e. the Machia march) as well as putting his own baby brother in danger too. He truly didn’t care that the training camp he was attacking would have his brother and his friends there, he didn’t care if any of them died (the nomu was obviously given orders to kill) and he didn’t care about hurting his own brother either when he got in his way. He even taunted Shouto for his failure too (which was beyond messed up considering Shouto was being a hero and trying to protect his friend).

Dabi has committed many, many selfish crimes that none of his family should just brush off because they’re happy he’s alive. Yes, they’ll be happy, but Dabi has caused them all, especially Shouto, a lot of trauma through his actions (I know he couldn’t control the trauma they experienced at his death as such, so I’m not blaming him for that, what I am blaming him for is willingly causing this trauma for what currently looks like selfish goals).

I don’t know why people are so dismissive of Dabi’s crimes, to be honest. He’s committed many atrocities that he needs to pay for. Is he capable of change? Well anyone can be if they put their mind too it and while Dabi should be held accountable for what he’s done, if he’s truly willing to change in the future, then he should also be allowed to heal.

But his family will also need to heal from his choices too and I wish the fandom would explore that more instead of just sweeping it under the rug.

[trainthief]

Hey I was wondering if you'd ever consider doing like a top 20 fav classical music albums or composers list or something. Obviously if that just sounds stressful disregard this but I know you are like, into classical music & I grew up with my parents playing it & recently got, like, into the classical station but aside from like 3 artists I like I don't know where to start & I like your blog and would be interested in hearing about like, your taste

Sorry for responding to this so late, I’ve had a real week and I wanted to make sure I had time to put some thought into answering this ask. I’d definitely love to help, I always like recc’ing classical stuff to people! The idea of 20 absolute all time favorites is a difficult one for me because I love so much stuff and it’s really difficult to compare like… Caroline Shaw’s modern experimental chorale stuff to Bach’s Brandenburg Concertos. Anyway, instead I will give you some full length pieces in different styles that I think are great for new listeners, and explain a little about what each one is doing and what I love about it, and some more pieces I recommend if you enjoy what you’re hearing. Hopefully that will help! 

In no particular order: 

Appalachian Spring by Copland: Let’s just get this one out of the way up front. If you’ve been following me for any amount of time at all, you know I’m deeply in love with Copland. He essentially invented the American compositional style by adding jazz elements to the established practices, which caused an absolute uproar at the beginning of his career as people then considered it an unholy mix of high and low culture. He doubled down on this concept when he wrote “Fanfare For The Common Man” which essentially stands as a celebration of the working class and those who couldn’t afford to see the symphony anyway. He was, I should also note, both gay and Jewish. A real icon. Anyhow, although I love so much of his work and could go on forever, I consider listening to Appalachian Spring in its entirety a spiritual experience, no exaggeration. Take it on a hike, listen to it while you look at the trees and think about whatever crosses your mind, and by the time the Coda hits you… well I personally can’t tell you what experience to have, but I feel for a second like I can see and be seen. Anyway, aside from that, just good music, very pretty. If you’d like similar music that incorporated jazz effectively into classical work, I’d of course recommend another favorite of mine: Rhapsody in Blue by Gershwin. 

Russian Easter Festival by Rimsky-Korsakov: As a general rule of thumb, Russian composers are ALWAYS good for some drama. This piece in particular is great because it’s not only fanfare and excitement, there’s a touch of pastoral calmness that I really love (more on that as a concept later) at the beginning, but we still get plenty of wildness. There’s a frantic octave part the violins play around minute 5 that always makes me want to scream. If you like this, I’d also recommend checking out Rimsky-Korsakov’s Capriccio Espagnol. The man knows how to write sexy. 

Romance in D by Berkey: I recommend this partially because it’s a lesser known and very beautiful piece, and also because it’s a good lead-in to a whole subset of classical called Furniture Music. Essentially called that - originally by the composer Satie - because it’s nice to put on in the background. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still fun to listen to, and from a compositional and performance standpoint it can still be very impressive. But it’s just good and calming and you could certainly sip tea to it in the restaurant area of a ritzy 1920’s hotel while you read a novel and ignore your rich husband asking if you’d like any marmalade. A good example of the same effect is the soundtrack to Phantom Thread. It’s also good for studying. If you like that conceptually, I’ve got a whole playlist here. 

Pictures at an Exhibition by Mussorgsky: A really excellent intro to classical and one of my favorite works, AND like the last one, also a lead-in to an informal format. Pictures was written with the idea that each song was a separate painting that the listener could imagine they were looking at in a museum. For that reason, each one has a different style and personality, and feels very descriptive and exciting. A collection of small related pieces is called a suite, but I haven’t yet been able to find a technical name for that specific kind of storytelling structure within a suite. It’s not uncommon though, and in that same vein I’d also recommend The Planets by Holst (about the planets, as you might assume), and Carnival of the Animals by Saint Saens (about… yeah you get it). 

Spem in Alium by Tallis: We’re taking a wild left turn now and veering into the Christian choral tradition dating back to the 1500s. Like anyone else who isn’t even a Christian, there’s a few things about Catholicism that I’m obsessed with. Namely the hymns and the stained glass. Focusing only on the hymns, Tallis is one of the best examples of polyphonic hymnal work. Polyphonic, essentially, means that the different voices in the piece are moving around each other and will frequently change their notes in a way that will compliment - but is not necessarily in line with - the direction of the piece as a whole. It makes more sense if you just listen. The style, however, was developed in an attempt to capture the idea of the stars and planets circling each other in their own independent orbits, because at the time people had just started to turn their gaze to the sky for answers about their own lives. Aside from that very cool background, I just find the really human side of the choir format in particular paired with the elevation of music being this untouchable but powerful thing paired with the holiness of the concept paired with how awesome the acoustics of a chapel can be…. It’s just a lot. If you like this I’d also recommend Miserere Mei by Allegri, Ave Maris Stella by Dufay, and O Magnum Mysterium by Lauridsen 

Peter Grimes by Britten: Classical music is so rooted in every musical tradition, and visa versa, that it’s almost impossible to separate it conceptually from a lot of genres. Technically, “classical” refers to a period of time more than it does a genre anyway, but let’s not get pretentious about it. While we’re pushing the boundaries of what can and can’t be included in this list, let’s talk Opera, and specifically Peter Grimes. When asked to describe it, Britten said it was “a subject very close to my heart—the struggle of the individual against the masses. The more vicious the society, the more vicious the individual.” More specifically the struggle was an allegory for gay oppression, and ironically Britten wrote the lead role with his lifelong partner Peter Pears - an opera singer - in mind. To give a taste without giving too much away, the Prologue establishes that Grimes, a fisherman, is being questioned over the death of his apprentice. The townspeople are all convinced before the questioning even begins that he must have done it, but the coroner decides the death was accidental. Grimes is let free and advised not to get another apprentice, but he of course ignores this…. If the vocal side of opera doesn’t do it for you, there are 4 Sea Interludes from this work that are really great independently. If you want even more opera with even more drama, I’d recommend looking at Tosca or Turandot both by Pucccini. If you think classic opera is too high brow and you want something a little sillier, try Mozart’s Magic Flute. If you want something more new age and weird, try listening to Two Boys by Muhly or selections from Einstein on the Beach by Glass (but probably not all 5 hours, Knee Play 5 and Spaceship would be my top 2). 

Symphony No. 6 “Pastoral” by Beethoven: I mentioned earlier when describing the Russian Easter Festival that I love a piece with pastoral calmness. Getting back to that point, I haven’t ever seen one word that’s commonly used to describe this particular sense in a piece, but I personally call it a Pastoral after Beethoven’s 6th. In general, the symphony is one of my favorites as a composer and listener, especially given that it’s really just about taking a walk in nature which is one of only 3 themes music should have anyway in my opinion. A good amount of my music is written with this feeling in mind. Aside from all that context, the first movement in particular is very nice, passionate but not sensational, and is just about being excited to be outside. Nothing wrong with that. This subset of music is probably the most informal of all the ones I’ve listed so far, but if you’d like more “Pastorals,” or pieces that have a nice calm passion to them, I’d also highly recommend Enigma Variations: Nimrod by Elgar, Fantasia on a Theme of Tallis by Vaughan Williams, Once Upon A Time In America by Morricone, Musica Celestis by Kernis, and of course again Appalachian Spring by Copland. (I would also be legally sent to jail if I didn’t mention that while we’re on the subject of Beethoven, his 9th Symphony is generally considered one of the greatest achievements in classical music). 

Rite of Spring by Stravinsky: A lot of these pieces have been good jumping off points into different musical concepts, but with this one I’m sticking my description to the initial piece itself. I got the chance to email with a composer I admire and he at one point described composition not in the sense of writing something “smart”, but in writing something “detailed”. The Rite of Spring is a really great example of detailed composition. It’s extremely experimental with its time changes - essentially the way that you should be counting your notes as a musician constantly changes and always into a pattern that’s difficult to keep track of - and also with its chord structure. The music itself can be jarring and odd to listen to but the composition wasn’t random and when studied shows an obsessive elbows-deep involvement in the work that I really admire. It might not surprise you to hear, however, that at the initial performance the audience was so furious that the lighting technician had to continually flash the lights to confuse them, out of fear of a riot. If you’d like something a bit more fun to listen to by the same composer, however, Firebird is a good one. And if you’d like another great piece that was completely booed off the stage at its premier, I’d recommend Grand Pianola by Adams. 

Romeo and Juliet by Prokofiev: While we’re in the general vicinity of ballet, I should get into that deeper. Ballets can have some of the most fun music to listen to because the timing is required to be so much more specific. Romeo and Juliet is a lot of fun, particularly the “Montagues and Capulets” and “Masks” sections. Another great ballet is, of course, The Nutcracker by Tchaikovsky. I’d also recommend Don Quixote by Minkus, and Rodeo by Copland…. I know I know 

Violin Concerto in D by Tchaikovsky: I said Russians bring the drama, and it’s doubly so when it’s a gay Russian. This piece is a classic example of the solo concerto format, which is a staple of classical as a whole. The setup is a single player on whatever instrument the piece is written for accompanied by an orchestra, and is usually a showcase of technical skill by the soloist. This one in particular is basically THE turning point in a violinist’s studies and just about every violinist learns it as soon as they’re capable of taking it on. Personally I still vividly remember when my teacher finally gave it to me, it’s a very specific sense of accomplishment. Similar examples of the solo concerto format on different instruments would be Piano Concerto in F by Rachmaninoff, and Oboe Concerto in C by Mozart, both of which I absolutely love. 

The Revd Mustard His Installation Prelude by Muhly: I’ve gone on forever so I’m trying to be quick. Nico Muhly is one of my favorite modern composers and Revd Mustard combines his classic ecstatic and constantly moving style with an organ, which I’m a sucker for. Contemporary classical in his style can be difficult to listen to because it’s gotten very experimental and as a result, very complicated. But if you don’t go into it with the expectation that you’re going to hear a structured and logical Mozart-like piece and you instead surrender your opinion until the whole thing has come together for you, it can be really interesting at the very least. As a side note, Nico has collaborated with Sufjan, Bjork, Jonsi, Teitur…. lots of people. You’ve certainly heard him before even if you didn’t know it. For more classical from the last few decades I’d recommend Partita for 8 Singers by Shaw, Tissue No. 7 by Glass, Different Trains by Reich, the Red Violin Concerto by Corigliano (especially because I just saw it live a few days ago and am still reeling), Perpetuum Mobile by Penguin Cafe Orchestra, and Cantus in Memoriam Benjamin Britten by Part. Each of which is vastly different, stylistically speaking, but all of which I really love. And for more organ listen to one of my favorite pieces of all time, Symphony 3 by Saint Saens. 

Ok, you know what? I’m cutting myself off because I’ve gone on forever. If you haven’t been put off of asking me questions entirely by now, please feel free if you want even more recommendations in a specific style, or want to know more about something you enjoy. Clearly I love talking about this. Hope that helped!

[fumbliesthots]

31 Dec 2021

It's raining outside, I've got my cup of coffee, turned on some Ella Fitzgerald, and lit the candle on my desk. The cozy mood is set. Let's do this.

Huiling sent us a very comprehensive template on Notion on the kinds of things you can possibly write a year-end review on, but just looking at the template makes it feel like homework and I could not bring myself to get started. So maybe I'll just freeform it, let's jazz this!

So speaking of jazz, I wonder if it's a sign of getting old. It seems like my taste for it have grown this year, says my Spotify year end review post thing – that and tv/film soundtracks. I've always had a healthy amount of jazz in my ears in previous years but this year I seem to have consumed even more of it.

I could probably attribute my choice of music to more time spent reading this year, not just audiobooks during my morning runs/walks, but also actual ebooks and physical books. I needed some soothing mood background music while I walk on the threadmill at 3km/h, with my eyes fixed on the book or ipad set in front of me.

Here are some of my fave reads this year (in no particular order)

Flow - Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

The Brain - David Eagleman

Boundaries - Henry Cloud

Think Again - Adam Grant

Orbiting the Giant Hairball - Gordon MacKenzie

The Art of Gathering - Priya Parker

I realised most of these are behavioural, neuropsychology-related books, or books that teaches me something about how humans interact with each other, and why we act the way we do. I find this sort of subject endlessly fascinating, because there are always so many a-ha moments relating to my own experience. But I am learning to be careful about spotting bias in the authors' perspectives as well. Being published in a book doesn't always equate to the objective "truth" in every context.

I like applying some of these new found theories into my daily life and work situations to conduct my own social experiments and observations. I think that's why I enjoy my work so much – there is a sort of thrill to test some theory i've just read in a book or heard in a podcast. Sometimes they go to some degrees off from my expectations, but that's how learning and experience happens.

Looking back on the things I did at work this year, I realised how brave I have become. Instead of just accepting what the higher ups are saying and doing, I find myself increasingly questioning why, and whether that's the best way to do things, and what the potential repercussions that those decisions may lead to are.

My manager was eyeing on the global XD lead position since last year, and we all expected he would get the job. He even started preparing us for the conversation of succession of his role, once he moves up.

I knew I was one of the top of mind on his list for the manager role, and tried to seriously consider it. But from all angles I knew it was not the right role for me. So I had to find ways to reject this proposal, by instead coming up with a different proposal of legitimising my role as designOps globally instead – which I felt in my gut was a more important priority for this organisation since no one else was taking care of it right at the moment.

After months of delay from the top, we eventually got news that boss was not going to be the new lead, instead, the manager from Prague got it. But by now, I knew this still doesn't change things in terms of what this org needs, regardless of who took that position up. So I went to talk to this new big boss about how having this role could help the org (of course, with a bit of patient planning, corroborating with key people, and timing the right moment).

And that's a kinda bold of me, isn't it? Is this a political move? I think so, a little bit. And perhaps "politics" is not such a bad word when its intention is to bring about positive change. But doing things for your own agenda without caring how it might affect others is when things will get ugly. I've come to realise that people don't always start off with "evil" intentions – different agendas occur because people have different ways of look at things based on their own experience and perspectives, and thus they form beliefs that their way is truly the best way forward. And on the other extreme, people can be so fearful of offending others, that they do not want to make any bold decisions or take ownership, instead, just let the proverbial fish rot in the drawer slowly. It's a safer, more conservative choice for yourself, but it's also a potential tragedy of the commons.

But gee... I'm also aware of how "workaholic" I've been this year, or ever since COVID started. I'm working longer hours but I don't feel stressed – just optimally challenged and treating work (and surrounding activities like reading, watching talks and tutorials, listening to podcasts) like a fun game. But I could see how from an outside perspective I might be viewed as someone with "no life". In fact I feel ashamed sometimes for thinking about work too much – it's almost like an addiction just like any other hobby like gaming or gambling. If I were to think about it from an addiction perspective, addiction becomes harmful when one starts neglecting other aspects of their life, and detrimental to their relationships. I'll try to be more mindful of that in 2022, making sure I won't accidentally fall into the traps of actual work addiction.

Last year in my reflection post, I mentioned 2 things for 2021:

1. Be more intentional in the things I do.

2. Be more generous with my time with my parents.

Intentionality in this case is more like a mindset. I think I did try to plan and prepare for things with more specific agendas and outcomes in mind. Sometimes to the point of overthinking/ over-planning (to the point that I have dreams or nightmares about crucial meetings/events). But this intentionality has proved to be quite helpful than harmful so far, so I intend to keep it up.

Towards the last quarter of the year I've also spent a lot more time with my mom, taking my Fridays off to go to the parks and beaches to do some rubbish-picking together. And on this last week of the year, I organised a DIY 4D3N silent meditation retreat in a hotel room for my parents. I think they were surprised how much they actually enjoyed it, although reluctant to go when I told them about it at first. I think what I learned from this experiment is, when you show that you put in the care wholeheartedly, even if it's an outrageous idea, people will more likely appreciate your effort and reciprocate.

My theme for 2022 will be Balance. No over-committing myself at work, no matter how much fun I might be having. Maybe find other activities that can help me develop as a fuller human being, whatever that means. Yes, I will take some time to investigate into that.

[alexiela73]

Hello! I've been reading up some of your OW writings and I love how you characterize everyone! If you don't mind, may I ask any writings (headcanons, short story, whichever you prefer) for Soldier: 76/Reaper/Genji with S/O who loves old jazz, like from 1920's to 1960's-ish? (I'm talking about classics like Ella Fitzgerald and Julie London, lots of impromptus and lots of scat-singing. I absolutely adore them and listen to them all day, singing them whenever I'm alone XD) Thank you!!

thank you very much. And I’m just going to do hc’s, hope that’s okay >.

Soldier 76:

The man is a little old fashion to begin with

Y’know, old habits die hard

No one has ever thought to ask if he has a preference in music or anything like that

In all honesty, there are still a lot of things you wish you knew about your boyfriend

As much as you’d managed to get him to open up to you, a huge feat considering his many years in hiding before, there was still so much to learn about this man you loved

One day though, Soldier paused when he came home to pick up some papers

He could hear music playing in the kitchen. Immediately he went and peeked in

There you were, this old but familiar tune in the background, singing as you twirled around with a broom, unnoticed. Right now you were singing ‘Dream a little dream of me’ by Ella Fitzgerald.

A smile tugged at his lips as he watched you, unnoticed as you continued, your voice soft and off key but he thought it was lovely all the same

As the words ‘Say ‘nighty-night’ and kiss me’ played, Soldier cut in and surprised you when he turned and caught you in a soft kiss. Dropping the broom in surprise, you were surprised as you found your body pressed to his, a hand on your waist and he began to lead you in a dance.

What was even more shocking then this was when he started singing along softly, voice gruff in your ear but the two of you swayed

“I didn’t know you liked this kind of music,” you said in surprised delight, resting your head on his shoulder, smiling as you felt the chuckle deep in his throat

“I should have danced with you like this a long time ago,” he murmured, eyes closed. 

Now, whenever the two of you felt like dancing he’d put on this song, like the first time he was ever gifted with the chance to dance with you

Reaper:

Reaper absolutely hates to be disturbed when he’s doing his paperwork

While usually you would go and sit with him, this was the only time he ever asked you stay away

Not even Sombra dared to enter his office during this time

Except this time, you needed some help from him badly

You had an assignment due, which sounded ridiculous. Like it was school or something. But it was due and you needed it extended another day

And who better to ask then your top of the rank boyfriend? 

So despite the obvious taboo it was to bother him in this obviously crucial time, you knocked gently

When there was no answer, you wondered if you were wrong and he wasn’t there. Knocking once more, you tried to be patient

Your patience lasted about five seconds

Stepping in, you were about to call his name when you realized that he wasn’t facing the desk. His hood was down and he had his head resting on the back of his chair

It took you a moment as you slowly started stepping toward him to realize that… he had earbuds in. Your big bad edge-lord was listening to music during work

You hadn’t pegged him for that kind of guy. It wasn’t a bad thing, he just didn’t seem like the type to enjoy things like music

Creeping closer, you leaned in and could barely make out a rather familiar tune. Leaning closer yet again, your hand slipped and you fell against his shoulder

Reaper jumped, and you saw his hand go for one of hit shotguns- till he saw you, and a growl ripped from his lips. But you weren’t afraid

“What are you doing?” he snarls. “I told you not to-wait, don’t touch those-!” Reaper wrestled with you for his earbuds, but your determination outweighed his strength, and you managed to wiggle away a bit, putting one to your ear

Freezing, you turned to stare at him. “Is this ‘Sway’ by Julie London?” you asked in awe.

Immediately Reaper ripped the headphones from whatever device he’d been using. “No. There was no music,” he snapped. 

Eyes bright with happiness, you ignored his defensive tone and threw yourself on him. “I didn’t know you liked old jazz! Oh, I can’t help loving you even more now!’ you said, pressing kisses all over his scarred face.

Reaper looked taken aback and didn’t know how to respond. “Can we listen to it together? I need to work on my assignment but I want to spend time with you and I can be quiet!” you whined, pouting at him.

Looking ready to refuse, Reaper took one last look at his face and loathed himself for the weakness you gave him. “Fine,” he muttered, and you squealed, kissing him again before pulling up a chair and plugging in the earbuds again.

Surprisingly, you managed to keep yourself quiet, and with each time you asked to do this, Reaper started to grumble less and less

Genji:

Has no real taste in music

I mean, don’t get me wrong

The good news is that he recognizes bad music

Do you know how many old western songs McCree tried to make him listen to in Overwatch? He was almost ready to ask for cybernetic ears just so he could turn the world on mute when McCree sang in his off-key voice at the top of his lungs during training

Or those moments when D.va has this loud, hard rock playing during missions, thinking it helps make the situation more badass

Not even Tracer’s upbeat pop and alternative rock really called to him

In the end, music played little to his life

Of course, you weren’t going to let this slide. This had started as a simple ‘wanting to know you’ question before you two started dating

Now that the two of you were serious, you wanted to find out if there was any kind of music or even one song that called to Genji

So now and then you’d play something and inconspicuously ask if he liked it

It usually ended with a ‘meh’ or a ‘I guess’ and that…was not going to satisfy the thirst for knowledge you had. You needed to know. Surely he had something.

So one day during breakfast you sat him down and started playing all types of music. At first, Genji didn’t mind the experiment

Then he hoped that pretending to like one would cease the harassment by musical standards

Except you were no fool. You know he was lying

You didn’t give up though, until you had no choice but to go on a mission.

When you got back, you sat down on the roof, exhausted

You had no idea where Genji was, but you were starting to suspect this idea was probably a bad one. Genji had looked a bit annoyed when you’d last seen him, probably because all morning you had forced him to go without the quiet he usually liked to help him prepare for the day ahead

Turning on some old jazz, your own personal favorite among music genres, you sat there staring at the sky enjoying the view

You didn’t know how long it was before you heard a thump, and looked over to see Genji sitting next to you. He stared off into the sunset, looking thoughtful. His mask was off, a rare but beautiful sight

“Look, Genji, I’m sorry-” you started to say.

“I like this,” he said after a moment, looking at you. “This music….its nice. Its a little softer sounding then the other voices…. does that make sense?” he asked, wondering if he did

You wondered if he was making it up, but you’d know if he was lying

Who would have thought he’d like Ella Fitzgerald, you thought with a smile and you leaned your head on his shoulder

The two of you sat there, listening to music for the rest of the evening