#of course giving flowers would be his love language amirite

[my-name-is-apollo]

Anyway, didn't find the vase painting I was looking for, but I did find one where Apollo is offering a flower to Hermes :D

(Hermes is behind the horses btw, just letting you know cause it took me a whole 10 seconds to figure that out)

[flydotnet]

Tears of Venus

VRAINS Rarepair Weeks 2018-2019 - Day 10: Soulmate AU/Hanahaki

Summary: The first time she heard about the disease of unrequited love was when she was browsing the Internet for some stories to read while waiting for a pirated movie to download on her laptop. It seemed to just be a legend, a trope used by fanfiction writers and mangakas to have some tension, death stakes and angst for their characters’ relations. It was a way to add weight to a situation that, otherwise, may not have had it. This trope, because of its widespread character, was referred to “Hanahaki”. It was merely something to make people’s imaginations work and to break hearts in anticipation and suspense. It was all fiction even if, would she pay attention to probably false witness accounts, some said it was an actual thing, albeit very rare, and whose only cure really was reciprocated love. Ah, as if.

(Or: Ema doesn't believe in urban legends, and it bites her back)

Fandom: Yu-Gi-Oh! VRAINS Ships: Hireshipping (Ema/Akira), background platonic Ema & Aoi

Wordcount: 4.5K words

Notes: Realizing I'm writing these characters borderline OOC hurt more than it should have. (but hey at least it'll still be more accurate than most DSS-centric depictions of Yusaku and Ryoken amirite)

Y'all saw it coming, I saw it coming, everyone saw it coming, and I'm really proud of bring 4.5K words of Hire Hanahaki angst-H/C-whatever onto the table. This story is a weird mix but it was a blast to write, holy shit, I love angst and I love Hanahaki. But like I'm probably the one who proposed it in the first place for the event's prompt list so... Yeah. That has to be the longest oneshot I've ever written in one sitting.

Also, you'll quickly find out why this fic has a name that has nothing to do with flowers... at first glance.

Event hosted by @vrainsrarepairweeks

AO3 version available here.

The first time she heard about the disease of unrequited love was when she was browsing the Internet for some stories to read while waiting for a pirated movie to download on her laptop. It seemed to just be a legend, a trope used by fanfiction writers and mangakas to have some tension, death stakes and angst for their characters’ relations. It was a way to add weight to a situation that, otherwise, may not have had it.

This trope, because of its widespread character, was referred to “Hanahaki”. It was merely something to make people’s imaginations work and to break hearts in anticipation and suspense. It was all fiction even if, would she pay attention to probably false witness accounts, some said it was an actual thing, albeit very rare, and whose only cure really was reciprocated love.

Ah, as if.

 It’s when scrolling through the Internet again that Ema remembers about Hanahaki. She has heard rumours about someone in Den City being afflicted by the curse of flowers growing in their lungs because their beloved doesn’t love them back. It has this sensationalist character to it that makes people instantly intrigued: of course that’d reach her ears and that only sceptical and boring people would ignore it.

Thinking of overly-rational people who tend to see things the boring, practical and down-to-Earth way, she wonders what Akira would think about that. Aoi would be at least intrigued, considering her favourite Monsters are partially based on flowers (Lilybell, Holly Angel, Narkissus, Bella Madonna, Nightshade…), but her brother would most certainly dismiss it as yet another irrational legend. Oh well, it’s funnier to imagine his dismissive reactions to it rather than Aoi’s developing teenage curiosity.

 As such, she can’t help herself but mention these in a meeting they have for a new mission he’s giving her for, admittedly, a generous sum of money. If they were near her birthday, she’d see it as a gift: as it stands, it’s probably to be sure she doesn’t go to see if she can extort even more money from businessmen with little hacking knowledge (as it stands, Akira does have some and used to be better than her at it: his knowledge just caught all the dust around the place as soon as he could stop hacking to survive, or so she thinks at least). To be honest, when it comes to their personal relationship, she’s better off getting a bit less money but ensure she can tease her hirer about his awkward side.

“Have you heard about the person in the city who has flowers in their lungs?” she asks him as she thinks back to that story going across Link VRAINS and other social media outlets.

He doesn’t reply immediately, but when he does, it’s just as she expected him to do: “Hanahaki isn’t real, Ema. It���s just rumours going around.”

“I figured you’d respond that. You’re predictable, you know?”

He reddens at the insult before they part ways to go on their merry day and tasks.

 Still, it’s quite the heavy tip for what’s that job is worth. It’s simply making sure an AI chip doesn’t go rogue again in his boss’s back. It’s not risky, it’s not the worst he’s asked her to do, and yet he’s paying her extensively. Did he get a rise in his salary or something? Or is it Aoi’s way to thank her yet again for all her services? In both cases, it’s unnecessary and, for once, she doesn’t feel like accepting this big sum. Well, why does she find it so weird? Maybe Akira just overestimated what the job was worth because of all the “doing that in the back of the big boss of a gigantic company” gig.

When she gets paid for it, merely twenty-four hours later, the payment has even more of a tip joined to it, along with what seems to be a virtual present. Okay, that’s it, Akira is really overestimating his missions’ worth and wanting her to stay here. Fine. He better not make such a fuss about it anymore: that’s embarrassing to see him dig his grave even deeper all by himself. She accepts the tip anyway, thinks of what perfume or makeup set she could by herself with it because the ones she has already start to grow old, and settles on something glittery for once.

 The rumours precise themselves in the following days. The city now knows who the poor, poor sickie is: a man, presumably old enough to feel love but still young enough to worry himself over romance of all things. That’s all there is to it, but at least people have a precise noun or pronoun to use on that guy. Ema stays alert of it: it’s amusing to see all that speculation for something that has so many chances to turn out to be yet another urban legend spread through the streets and posts on social media. She never expected manga to have such an important cultural impact.

She starts to talk about it with Aoi over the net, the teenage girl being interested in what this is all about. Ema runs her through all she knows about it, from the little things she once read online to what is currently the consensus on today’s legends. A question then comes from Aoi who hesitates between believing in it for its Romanesque nature and doubting it because her brother taught her to be doubtful of everything she hears (even his opinions, but she has forgotten to do that for the most part), an interrogation that should have never interested Ema as much as it did: “Do we know what type of flowers it is? I’ve heard depending on the species that it can be a hint with flower symbolism”.

 Frankly, Ema doesn’t know anything about flower language or symbolism because she simply never buys flowers for anyone. The only times she does are when visiting her late father’s grave: she simply does like her mother does every time and put there a bouquet of forget-me-nots. Kengo has a slightly other idea of what to put on there, but she hasn’t taken the time to research it either. They have never discussed it yet: she gives him the time to recover from the idea that they are, indeed, brother and sister and should probably stick together even if he always wants to work alone.

The rumours come to her again when Aoi brings these up herself in their little conversation. According to a few, differing versions, this affected person has yellow carnation, anemones or daffodils growing inside their lungs. Quick searches on the Internet confirm Ema in her idea that this is all an urban legend spread among teenagers and people in need of sensationalism: really, flowers symbolizing unreciprocated love, deadly illness or rejection? Come on, this is too cliché to be real, too much like a poorly-written shojo manga to be happening in her plane of reality. She tells Aoi about that, how artificial it all sounds, how everything is way too much of a coincidence, but the girl still believes this may be happening near her while not giving much details aside from that.

 She takes another mission offer from Akira in a green-grassed parc in the city where cherry blossoms punctuate the floor and sky. He seems to not do so hot: if she isn’t mistaken, he’s usually not this pale and doesn’t have such dark rings under his eyes. Considering the recent crises at SOL Technologies which are, undeniably, partially caused by her doings, it wouldn’t be surprising for him to work overtime. He always manages to find a way to run himself to the ground anyway as if he was a fatigue addict. God, she’s glad she didn’t turn out to become a workaholic like him.

He coughs here and there, and that’s when he can’t keep it inside anymore, as he explains to her what it consists in this time. It’s eerily similar to last time, with too much money at the key again, and yet another element that shouldn’t be here: the way he slips in compliments on her capacity and resourcefulness, on how he’s grateful for her to always accept his mission offers. (That last part is wrong: she explicitly remembers turning down one or two offers in the past, and once of them recently on top of it). A sudden excess of gratitude coming from a man who never speaks about himself and his feelings simply gives off a wrong vibe on her? Does he want to seduce her or something? Because that won’t work. As it stands, Ghost Girl doesn’t do romance.

 The noise of the ever-going, omnipresent rumours soon inform her of even more details she isn’t asking for. The sick man is in his twenties, working for a company and, as they say, never revealed being infected with the disease to anyone. There is no clear evidence to support these claims, albeit she slowly starts to think about how this description fits Akira more and more. On the other hand, there are a ton of other men in their twenties working for big companies in this city who wouldn’t want anyone to know they’re coughing up flowers of everything a human being could cough out. That’s just unbelievable because of how ridiculous and impossible it sounds.  

There is still one picture that doesn’t live her mind. When she was leaving their meeting spot, she swore she could see him bent in half with a hand against a tree, coughing she guessed loudly. While this doesn’t exactly correlate to the rumour in its very details, the coincidence of this urban legend going around and a sudden striking coughing fit like that is still numbing at her mind from time to time during the day. Maybe she should wait for more information about the rumour’s sick man to confirm if this has any chance to be the case.

Well, she’s starting to believe it herself, and she finally understands for the first time was Aoi was willing to consider the possibility of the “Hanahaki Case of Den City” as it’s called to be real. The irony never stops.

 Soon enough, before she ever expected it to in fact, she learns of a new aspect of the rumour: the man affected by the case of Hanahaki works for SOL Technologies. Is linked to it a witness account by a secretary of the man who swore she had seen him cough more and more often, along with finding a tissue filled with wet and sometimes bloodied flower petals in his paper bin. That is one coincidence too much: that description would match Akira’s to the point she is certain he’s the basis for it. Maybe that secretary is the original source of the rumour’s more precise details. She has to be for such tiny precisions and descriptions anyway.

It starts to somewhat link inside her mind. He did look ill when they last saw each other, with how pale his skin was and how bad his coughing sounded at times. The more logical explanation – the one he’d take, in fact – is that he simply caught a bad chest infection somewhere, and it has around ninety percent chances to be the case. But then… He wouldn’t be afraid to not being able to thank her enough would it just be an infection like that, wouldn’t it? He sounded like he was going to go soon and never see her again. With how big her latest pay checks from him have been, she doubts it’s because he wants them to part ways.

 She gets a text message from “SOL Zaizen” on her phone right as she is about to ask Aoi if she has witnessed anything wrong with her brother. As soon as she opens it, she notices something has to be seriously wrong.

No matter what the offer is this time, she is going in-person to meet him and “discuss” the “matters”.

 When she arrives there, Ema gets her breathing stolen. Her footsteps are slow despite how much her mind is racing: he looks even worse than the last time, with a mask on the lower part of his face and deeper dark rings, a sickly red barely visible under the white of the mask, and her heart starts racing because he just seems to be doing terribly. She, however, cannot bring herself to run. How did he even get out of his house in that condition? The world may never know, after all.

“What the hell happened to you?!” is what manages to exit her throat as she walks up to him back against the wall.

“It’s complicated, really… I’ve also got a confession to make: I didn’t want to see you for an offer,” he replies with coughs interrupting his words every ten seconds or so, she isn’t sure, but it’s intense and almost frightening to see.

 Ema crosses her arms and waits in anxious anticipation for whatever he has to tell her.

“I’m… not sure of how I should go off about it,” he tells her in full honesty, hand in front of his mouth and the other arm around his chest, “so please excuse my abruptness.”

“You haven’t responded to my question, but go on, I guess.”

“I… I’m not sure how long I’ll last for, so… can you promise me to keep an eye on Aoi and Hayami for me?”

“Hayami is your secretary, right…? Wait, what the fuck are you going on about?!”

Akira gives her an excuse of a smile in return. There really is something wrong with this man.

“A… terminal illness of sorts, let’s put it that way… Which brings to something else I wanted to tell you…”

She cannot tell if his face actually is redder by the minute or if it’s just her noticing how ill he truly is.

“I… I may very well be in love with you, Ema…”

 Her world stops and shatters before her eyes. There isn’t a lot of people who truly matter to her in this little sphere of hers: her mother, her late father, her half-brother Kengo, Aoi, perhaps Playmaker for saving her life… and Akira. They have grown closer with the years and it’s only now that she realizes how much he does matter to her and how terribly she is receiving this. A terminal illness, so suddenly, for a man who isn’t even thirty yet? This is… this is awful.

And he’s revealing right here and now why he was being generous these past few days. He knew he was going to die and, perhaps, wanted to please her one last time. She can barely handle the first part of the news: the second is finishing her off. She wants to cry, to deny this as lies, but she knows better than this from Akira: he has never been as dramatic as her, down-to-Earth. For him to tell her all of this, it has to be true and urgent.

Her breathing gets caught in her throat and she cannot find the strength to answer.

 Ema externally freezes despite the storm taking place in her skull. Time has stopped and everyone else has disappeared from her consciousness as she helplessly stares, unable to move even a finger, at the man whose breathing suddenly gets worse and whose chest seems to squeeze before her widened eyes.

“I…” She attempts to respond. “I don’t know what to say…” She admits to him and herself all the same.

“It’s fine… I expected this to be sudden and shocking…”

Before he can finish speaking, another coughing fit takes a hold of him to the point of forcing him to uncover the bottom part of his face as to spit something.

 Everything shatters when Ema gets to see what’s coming out of his mouth or, to be exact, his lungs.

Flower petals.

Hanahaki is real.

An entire flower tainted in dark reds and smelling like spring and iron.

The Hanahaki Case of Den City isn’t just a legend, and he is the one they were speaking about.

 And it’s all because of her.

 She swallows a sob back as he puts back his mask and looks at her, eyes glassy and almost unfocused, tempted to look away in shame. This is tragically real, tragically close to home. Fuck this! Fuck this so much, from Hell and back!

“I… I’m sorry for this, very much so, Ema,” he tells her as he goes from supporting himself with an arm against the wall to doing so with his back leaning against it instead.

She timidly picks up the entire flower and tries to identify it.

“It’s an anemone,” he attempts to state very calmly, as if to ease her back into what she’s used to, but it’s all a failed façade.

Ema then remembers what she read online and what Aoi told her before: anemones are a symbol of death, illness and forsaken love depending on cultures. She can distinguish a faint blue hue to the one she has in her hand.

“I have to go,” he suddenly tells her in a faint and groggy voice, starting to lose his capacity to speak, “please take care, Ema…”

“I promise I’ll watch over Aoi for you, then,” she tries to look stoic when she just wants to cry. “Please… take care too, Akira,” she continues and ends her sentence as her legs finally move and take her away from the scene.

Another timid, sad smile.

 Her mind blanks during her trip back home on her bike, but as soon as she reaches her flat, all her tears fall from her eyes and trail on her cheeks. She pathetically lets her helmet go, takes off her shoes and lets herself fall onto her bed. She is causing another person’s death without ever meaning to, and one she cares about on top of it. Fuck. Akira deserved better than that kind of cruel and unusual death.

But there is nothing she can do about it, isn’t there? It’s uncurable and terminal unless feelings are returned, and there’s where it stings. She doesn’t love him the way he loves her: she has prevented herself from falling in love with anyone as to protect herself from heartbreak and ex-partner drama. She cannot respond back and that’s what is killing him.

This is all her fault, all her goddamn fault!

 She’s surprisingly dramatic and heartbroken about it, for someone who has already lost her father to an illness. She remembers being torn and extremely saddened for a few days following his demise, crying after him even, but she cannot for the life of her figure out why this is also such a tragedy with Akira. They’re friends, at best. Shady friends making unwritten contracts behind everyone’s backs, but friends and that’s it.

That’s surprisingly hurtful to hear herself think.

 She needs to calm down and think the situation through. Panicking and choking on her sobs isn’t going to make anything better. She gets up and paces in her flat, trying to piece together every fragment of her feelings she can decipher as to paint a global picture of her part of the situation. It’s a giant mess she’s facing with all the disdain she can have towards herself for never cleaning it up before today. Clean your room, they said.

There is no denial that she does care for Akira enough not to want to seem him go so early. Wait, early? That means she wants to spend more time with him, just like friends do. So, they’re friends, that’s for sure. Comparing to her other friends, she finds herself thinking more of what she felt towards now ex-partners… In a way, when she was surprised to hear him confess his love to her, a part of herself seemed to have rejoiced, or rather, to have been relived. That doesn’t make sense with all the sorrow she feels! Why would she be happy to be the reason why he’s dying young after spending so long trying to survive in the streets with a six-year-old under his wing?!

…Oh.

 Ema smashes her fist into a wall she finally, finally understands everything. Of course, of course that had to turn out to be denial all along! If she was so broken, so glitched out when learning of his upcoming death and how she was its cause, it was because she had, all along, wanted to be the cause of this. Well, not that way, but she was hiding her feelings to herself to avoid heartbreak again. If nobody could love her because she was shady and prone to backstabbing, when why should she allow herself to fall in love with others?

And then came in Akira, and everything fell apart because that illness, eventually, means nothing. It has no place to be because she has just learnt how things truly were: he’s in love with her, and she’s in love with him, and it’s all going to go down the sewer if she doesn’t do something soon. She has the power to change the tide, to prevent his early death. She needs to act, quickly.

She gets out her phone and gives him a last meeting time.

 The meeting happens the day right after, and she can guess by how he didn’t have any issue to respond “yes” to her pleas that he has been given an illness break by SOL Technologies (hah, surprising). To be fair, if Ema had made sure her motorcycle was all charged up, it was to ensure she could make it quickly to the hospital or the Zaizen flat in case everything would fall apart. As it turns out, she sees a familiar room and an even more familiar face come out of it.

Instead of waiting next to the tree where he asked her for the first time to do a mission for him and where he told her he loved her, she runs up to him in a worried hurry. Despite his bittersweet smile and his ever-so polite “Hello, Ema”, she feels how fragile he is in her arms, how she feels like she’s handling a crystal statue who matters so much to her, a statue she has fragilized by her own hands without meaning to. She has, after all, never truly wanted to destroy people, merely play with them and maybe be a bit mischievous. She wanted to be Aphrodite, to play with men and their desires and their capacity to spend money on her, not Death and her scythe reminding people of how feelings can suck.

But she’s no goddess.

Won over by the one naïve about love guy she’s met, that’s what she is.

 They sit down on a bench, his head on her shoulder because she’s afraid he won’t stand on his own in his spot of the bench if he doesn’t have some support, his unnatural body heat piercing through her clothes. That’s ironic to say the least. Despite how simplistic it seems to say three words to someone, she’s still hesitant and doesn’t know how Akira, the always-stiff man with zero skill in romance, has managed to pull this off. Her pride vanished the moment she knew she was killing him from the inside: she has nothing keeping her away from it, except maybe her guilt that doesn’t waver.

“How many days do you have left?” she asks instead, out of concern and morbid curiosity as to tell herself that, maybe, later, she’ll be able to be cocky about how narrow she saved someone from his death.

“They told me a week at most, probably less” he replies with his voice even weaker than yesterday’s, a petal exiting his lips. “I didn’t expect you to call me again so soon… My doctor will be mad to learn that I’ve come outside to meet up with you… Haha…”

Why does he everything he say or do break her heart, these days?

 Ema looks down, her sins facing her directly in the face.

“Akira, I’m not sure how I should tell you this knowing what’s going on with you,” she continues as earnest she could be. Her pride really ran away on her.

“It’s fine… I’m glad I didn’t scare you away yesterday… You seemed so shaken…”

“You’re not allowed to worry for me when you’re about to die, you… fool.”

Insulting the dying isn’t very cool either, Ema, you should know that.

“What I mean is that I have to tell you something too personal for it to be said on the network. It’d break its meaning.”

He sighs. She can just feel how weak his breathing has become over the past weeks through this single exhale and how barely audible it is. Declaring her love to a shadow hurts.

“It’s fine if you can’t do it anything about it… Just protect Aoi for me…”

“That’s where you’re wrong.”

 Despite his heavily weakened condition, she can still see how surprised he is to hear her say that. He should know better than anyone else that Ghost Girl can do anything. She excuses it for today, forever even, and holds her hand in his.

“I wish I could have been more dramatic than this, like I usually am, but this is an urgent matter and I won’t let you slip away from me so easily when it’d be easy to win against the illness,” she starts rambling almost as a way to shield herself from her own words.

Funny enough how curing his Hanahaki case seems so easy all of a sudden. She glances at him to see his eyes desperately trying to focus on her.

“I love you too, Akira.”

 There is a single, then a couple tears exiting his eyes as she finishes to tell that, and he somehow finds the strength to grip her hand as he coughs out what she guesses to be the last anemone to ever reside in his lungs without rotting away. She doesn’t know how the flowers in his lungs are going to fade away, but that’s not what matters for now.

She enlaces him from his side and pulls her against her own body, feeling the fever disappear in moments, breathing starting to sound normal again. He looks exhausted from fighting the illness, she is herself tired from crying and panicking, the smothering anxiety and fear of death soon to come taking their toll on them both.

“Could you… stay over for the night?” He asks her as he’s falling asleep. “The driver must still be here…”

“My pleasure,” she answers. “Let’s get there before I have to carry you like my bride to bed.”

 As she carries him on her shoulder again, they leave behind a trail of pale blue petals smelling like copper and iron. The last one people will ever see, she hopes. The last ones she’ll see for sure.

End Notes

Writing about Akira almost dying is my new specialty.

[floofsta-x]

I Stan Monsta X, Part One of a Series

A rather detailed and insightful guide as to why a music major in college might listen to Monsta X 24/7 instead of classical or Jazz, like she “should”, and justifiably defends it

Under the cut, one shall find the detailed transcriptions, points of awe, and cold, hard facts (not to mention gushing, but that’s uh not important) as to why Monsta X keeps my brain engaged and ears happy.

All logic and transcriptions presented in this are mine! I henceforth give monbebe permission to use these in their own defense! (Like we’d ever need to produce musical reasons to stan our seven beautiful, handsome boys though, amirite?)

Without further ado!

In this post: An Introduction to me, plus reasons why I love the rap line

♪ #00: Introduction

Hello everyone, my name is Bryony, and I am a twenty year old girl from the midwest USA, Colorado and Nebraska to be more exact. Really, I’m just another young woman trying to make her way through school and one day, hold a steady paying job and make something of her life.

I decided quite early on that when I graduated High School and went on to post-secondary (college or university), I would pursue a degree in music. I’ve always absolutely adored making others happy via the performing arts; I stood on stage with elite children’s choirs in elementary school, and later started doing local theater productions and joined my small town’s Master Chorale. I only found my true love, however, when I entered fifth grade and picked up a clarinet for the first time. It wasn’t long before I was fully involved in musical activities all around, playing in band and singing in choir. I even learned saxophone so I could start playing Jazz. To boot, I was good at it. The pinnacle of my high school career was being selected to Colorado All-State Band and Colorado All-State Choir in the same year, and attending both.

However, what I thought I knew in high school came nowhere near what awaited me in college. I chose my undergraduate school because of the stellar teaching and strong faculty mentor and leadership at a particularly low cost, and I am confident that this was the correct move. I have been loving it, as much as before, but also found myself constantly challenged. I have been slowly engraining and applying my new understanding of music theory, structure, and harmony.

As a music major, I have been finding that even in my arbitrary, everyday listening, I actively seek out the elements that intrigue me in the genres I love. This includes one of my biggest, Korean Pop. Ever since becoming a full time lover and fan of it last November, questions have been floating around in my head, musings related to if the music itself, meaning notes, rhythms, harmony, melody, etc. of these beloved groups plays a major part in their popularity. Also, how the music industry over in South Korea affects the basic elements, and what gives each group their distinctive sound.

I’m not the type to have a favorite K-Pop group just because, and also, not just on the basis of the members or popularity. Yes, I giggle over the boys and their antics just like any other crazy kpop stan, and I’m always pressing for more recognition for my under-appreciated faves, but that is only a small part. I focus on the music itself a lot. I’ve never called myself an analyst, but as I said before, when you’re immersed in music like I am, you start to pick apart what you listen to.

I’ve explored the discography of many, many groups. All of them thus far have intrigued me, and I love them to a greater or lesser extent. This includes smaller groups like Boys Republic, 24K, BOYFRIEND, and Cross Gene, as well as ones with bigger fanbases like Super Junior, BTS (Bangtan Boys), EXO, and VIXX. However, there is one group whose music gets stuck in my head more than the rest, one group whose discography is stellar in every way.

That group is Monsta X.

They may be my bias group, but they weren’t my first exposure. Before I even was truly interested in K-Pop, I listened to BIGBANG. Also, I heard a few of EXO and BTS’s songs via my little sister. Today, I still often listen to them, but I keep going back to Starship’s premier hip-hop group. Time and again, Monsta X has proven themselves a cut above the rest.

I want to take a series of posts like this to talk about why, musically, this is. My intention is not to put any other groups down; I love them for different, individual reasons. Instead, I want to lay out things I’ve come to love and appreciate about the seven talented young men whom STARSHIP chose above the rest, in the brutal survival show NO.MERCY. These boys have, over the last two years, fused into the close-knit and hardworking group we know them as today. 

Son Hyunwoo | Shownu, Leader, dancer, vocalist, variety show king.

Shin Hoseok | Wonho, Sound engineer, composer, dancer, vocalist, visual.

Yoo Kihyun, Lead vocalist, savage squid, honorary mom.

Lee Minhyuk, Face of the group, vocalist, visual.

Chae Hyungwon, Model, vocalist, dancer, visual, actor.

Lee Jooheon, Rapper, marvelous singing voice, well-connected, cute off stage but fierce on it.

and finally, Im Changkyun | I.M, maknae, rapper, latecomer to No.Mercy but now loved by all.

These seven have captured my heart. So has their music. And without further ado and beating around the bush, here’s why.

♪ #01: The Rap Line

Ok, so I would like to start in a way that, if you know me, is no surprise. See, I am Jooheon biased (he’s also my ultimate, I will admit this quite unashamedly), and I adore his rap game. One of the few things I am not good at is rap, and I think that because I can’t identify, I admire him so much more.

It’s clear that Jooheon has an intense love for what he does. This plays directly into his famous ‘frightening on stage, adorable off of it’ personality. Performing really changes him. Jooheon is so heavily pushed and heaped responsibility upon, a fact that pains me every day. Any person with less of a love for the music, I imagine, would break under the strain. I can see no other motivation for him to continue than his passion for performing and making others happy with his raps. (He’s stated as much, in that last No.Exit broadcast we never mention because Matthew.)

I.M too, the younger one in the rapper line, has an obvious passion for it as well. Just the fact that he’s stayed on and become as beloved as he is among his hyungs is testament to that. He is just as talented a rapper as Jooheon is; I’ll even go out on a limb here and say that he might have more untapped potential.

I have been absolutely loving trying to work out the rhythms they use between the two of them in Monsta X’s tracks. Let’s break one down, how does that sound? We’ll analyze some of their best raps in the last two years. I’m going to start out intensely, at the beginning of MX’s latest title track, 아름다워 (Beautiful).

Of course Blue is Jooheon and Green is IM. Click here for a larger version. (I’ve also posted this as a separate post, I got a little impatient, admittedly, lmao.) It may have some errors, I believe at the very end of each’s phrases–depending on length of syllables, the eighth notes might not be quite on-dot, “straight”.

Now at first this doesn’t seem complicated, right? It’s just a whole bunch of eighth notes and some variations on sixteenths; admittedly, rhythm isn’t all that impressive written out on a staff.

But let’s consider some other factors here:

That the tempo is 150bpm. This is very quick, In classical terms, it’s called Presto or Vivace.

These boys are sometimes fitting SIX OR SEVEN SYLLABLES into a time span of ONE SECOND. (Here’s how I figured this out, in short: bpm=beats per minute. there are 60 seconds in a minute. 150/60=2.5. So, two and a half beats [a half note + an eighth note] is equivalent to one second.)

That they’re doing it clearly enough to be understood, the rhythm is pleasant to the ear, and a trained musician like myself can follow it. 

They wrote these lyrics themselves, and (I’m sure) painstakingly planned out where every syllable would be placed before stepping foot in the recording studio.

And then afterwards, they memorize and remember their raps for live performances.

This is, to me, what is truly impressive about that jumble of notes and colors up there. Any trained Kpop rapper is fully capable of it, but Jooheon and IM have taken this art to the next level. 

Last, but not least, their raps are coordinated not only in feel and sound, but also in lyric. Here are the English translations:

[Jooheon]

Why is it you? I’m going crazy What is this? I think I’ve fallen for you All day, in my head Round and round it goes A question mark, every day I know you have thorns But I want you, red rose

[I.M]

Because of the thorns A beautiful rose can bloom Dark red flowers, it means I love you Even if I bleed everywhere, I wanna know you Cause I think about you errday I’m already addicted to you

Jooheon sets up the opening idea that this song is about being madly in love, crazily in love–and then hits upon the idea of the object of his affections being like a rose.

Changkyun then takes Jooheon’s last two lines and runs away with them, connecting rose with red with blood and going back to the crazy idea–addiction, we consider addicts mentally ill. 

I regret not being able to get a feel for the lyrics in the original language–this to me is part of the problem of being an international fan, no matter how hard I try to learn the language, both spoken and written, I will probably never be able to think entirely in Korean. I will always be trying to connect back to English, my primary language.

Then there’s the second break, which goes something like this:

(full resolution.) It’s only eight measures, but just look at that relentless rhythm. Any normal person would trip over their own tongue; I know I do. The sheer clarity of everything at this incredible speed is breathtaking.

The lyrics line up too:

[I.M]

Two fingers thumbs up You make me say words of awe, You take away my right mind I think I’ll go crazy When I smell your scent

[Jooheon]

It spreads, it grows I’m addicted I’m prickled, hurt It’s between love and pain You’re so awesome

If I hadn’t separated their lines, I could believe that they were written by the same person; again, we have the concurring themes of deep, “crazy” love, and the rose (Changkyun’s ‘scent’ and Jooheon’s ‘prickled’).

It seems hard to believe that two years ago there was hostility between these two. Monbebe know the story–the show that made them a group, No.Mercy, was very high stakes. In a spur-of-the-moment decision, after a round of especially tough elimination, Starship Entertainment authority decided to throw I.M into the show and among the trainees. He was new, unfamiliar, and to boot, the youngest of them all. This situation was not good for anyone. However Changkyun was clearly destined to be there, and he had a good heart and persevered. 

Anything could have gone wrong–but once the two boys started talking to each other and got their initial feelings out of the way, magic happened. Now Changkyun and Jooheon are best friends, to the point that they’re not afraid to play off each other in the recording studio and in the planning stages of a song, working as a rapper line instead of just two talented rappers.

They’re also growing as artists and musicians, something that becomes very clear when one listens to Changkyun’s rapping at debut / during No.Mercy compared to now. It’s obvious that he’s put a lot of himself into it, and has promised to continue to do so. I am truly excited to see more from him in the future.

The close lyric coordination is a fairly recent development, but the fast rapping isn’t! I’m going to continue really intensely with another very impressive track, 네게만 집착해, Stuck (Focus on You), from The Clan Pt. 1.

(full resolution.) Alright, trust me guys when I say that transcribing this took absolutely FOREVER. I literally went on Youtube, tried it at full speed, and gave up after like five bars. So I slowed it down by a quarter. Still gave up. So I went down to half speed and finally felt comfortable there. Now that I have it all written out it makes sense, but at first I was floundering for rhythm. I will admit that I’m not very experienced yet, so some trouble was because of that. However also this part goes by so fast! Even after something like 45-50 times listening to Changkyun’s part on slow speed, I had to physically direct and place downbeats (the first beat of every measure) to piece everything together. Anyways,

If you thought that the rhythm before was relentless? Well feast your eyes on this one. (Also! Listen to Changkyun’s huge catch-breath in the last couple bars, on the quarter rest!) Stuck is right around the same speed as Beautiful, perhaps a little slower, but the subdivisions that Jooheon and IM use are smaller. Good God, they are both fitting ten syllables into a scant second at the beginning of their breaks, using running sixteenth notes and also, in Jooheon’s case, triplets. Honestly, I believe that triplets are not used enough in rap. The MX rap line actually break into them a lot; that’s one of the things that I love about them.

This section provides a nice contrast to the almost laid-back feel of the chorus. Also I think that Jooheon and Changkyun’s quick rapping is a great amplifier to Hyungwon’s part in the verse before, which is really half sung, half rapped. 

I never really realized exactly how fast this was until the other day, I was listening to a YouTube compilation of favorite parts from Kpop boy band songs. The video was a good fifteen to twenty minutes long, and Stuck was right in the middle. They had picked the rap part (who wouldn’t, honestly?) and it caught me off-guard. Compared to Stuck, everything before and after seemed so slow. For the rest of the night, I paid close attention to the rapping in things I watched. Nothing was as quick. Certain things might have had beats close to 145, but no one used sixteenth note subdivision, with the exception of TOP’s Doom Dada (a legendary rap track, honestly) and a few of G-Dragon’s singles.

Why are some of the words underlined in red? Well my lovely reader, those are combination syllables, meaning that Jooheon or IM have combined two separate syllabic sounds from two different words into one. Choral music often does this in order to make a pre-existing text fit a rhythm. It's not just because, or at random, though. The audience must still be able to understand, and the choice must make sense in the context of the rhythm and lyrics. Combination syllables tend to work better on longer notes, or nestled between longer notes. 

That said, I find it interesting that Jooheon tends to use the former technique. The first time that he twists syllables together, his chosen rhythm ties across the barline. This is a common occurrence, even in the music I sing in English, and if one considers that the fundamental sounds of language are common between many people and cultures, it makes perfect sense. The second time (the quarter note) he carries over the t in the last triplet. So it’s more like he’s saying ‘teois’ than anything else.

This is actually also common choral practice. It’s bad form to change to a consonant (or change vowel shape) in the middle of a note, so we often delay it until the next one. It’s generally more clear that way. So if one’s supposed to sing ‘bitten’ on two notes, for example, we prefer ‘bi-tten’ over ‘bit-ten’. (This happens quite a few times during the duration of this rap. I got some of them, but others (like what I just mentioned) I didn’t quite catch.)

Changkyun, on the other hand, likes to combine on the sixteenths. His ‘yoeop’ could almost be transcribed as two notes. ‘eoan’, by contrast is very quick. I have to purposefully listen for it.

I often wonder what the creation process is like with Jooheon and Changkyun. Do they write something and fit all the words in their allotted time? Or do they construct a rhythm from the beat and write lyrics over it? If I had a little while with these two (which would be heaven on Earth, honestly) I would have so many questions to ask! As a classical musician, this genuinely intrigues me. 

That said, the stage is a whole different ballgame than the recording booth. Of course, during promotions and performances and things like that, the boys are doing music that they’ve rehearsed hundreds of times, poured their entire heart and soul into, and they know like the back of their hand. I wouldn’t be surprised if one or both the boys rap lyrics to Beautiful, Ready or Not, or Hero in their sleep, lmao. But when it comes to special performances, to be able to do them in a classy way is quite hard. 

And at this, too, Jooheon and I.M succeed with flying colors.

How about we take their collaboration with Soyou and Hyolyn of SISTAR from last year’s MBC Music Festival? 섹시한 남자 (Sexy Guy), wasn’t it? Their rap break right after Soyou’s slow intro is pretty impressive to me. 

Since I don’t have reliable romanizations and I don’t trust myself to do my own, I’ll just present the rhythm as I hear it. 

(full resolution.) As always, Jooheon is blue, I.M is green. There’s a blue-green color too, I’m not sure how well you’ll be able to see it but that is the two of them together. Notice that this isn’t any less amazing than the raps they do over recording. Every time I listen to one of these one-shots (which they are!), I’m truly impressed at the level of detail in every word, every sound that comes out of their mouth. 

This time, it’s Changkyun doing the triplets! And Jooheon has a thirty-secondth note in his part. If you notice the tempo, we’re a little slower here than in Beautiful and Stuck, so it gives him room to do that. Still, it’s very impressive. Most classical musicians would balk at the thirty-secondth.

I don’t believe that they’ve performed this rap since the 31st of December (last year, 2016). They must have planned it out beforehand, however, considering what I said before, that Jooheon and I.M have phrases together, especially the last four syllables at the end. I wonder how many hours they spent on it. 

Things get even more crazy when one starts to think about how they also had to learn and perfect choreography along with the backup dancers, Hyolyn, and Soyou. They really must know how to squeeze every last drop of productivity out of a day. I am, admittedly, envious. 

Alright! Well, I could honestly go on all day. Transcribing raps is one of the most entertaining things I’ve ever done (even if I do have to listen to Jooheon and Changkyun at half speed for an hour or more) and it really gives me heart eyes for my boys. I think that you’ve had about enough of my rambling though, right? 

I really hope that you enjoyed this. If there’s something you would like to add, correct, or request of me (as I start doing transpositions of entire MX songs ahhhh) don’t be afraid to drop into my ask box! Really, I’m down to gush over things like this anytime. My love of music runs so deep and I am really excited to connect it back to another one of my passions, Monsta X (and also kpop in general). 

Until next time! 

–Bryony ( @floofta-x )

Next: The wonderful that is the Monsta X Vocal Line (and not-so-vocal but vocal nonetheless line)

[kkochmal-redux-blog]

sending all of the symbols

[ ooc ];; …….WELL ALRIGHT THEN

under a readmore bc it could get long lol

🌸 = my roleplay petpeeve

I had to unfollow a few (like 2?) people in the past for this but I’m not one to judge too harshly for someone’s writing style or how they go about their characters because rping is supposed to be for fun! Like do whatever the fuck you want I’m not gonna get in a tizzy about it. But I’ve seen people who’s blogs are so hard to follow like with characters that are barely developed and aren’t really considered at all. Like it’s one thing if a muse is still under development like someone’s writing style will shine through that so I don’t mind if there’s not a lot there yet bc it makes me excited to watch someone develop it you know?

but I’ve followed people with that same hope and nothing changes and it’s the same bland writing or it’s mostly smut with only a few minimal pieces of writing that read at a lower reading level like super simplistic to where it’s boring to read and there’s no personal voice behind it. Like and i mean I’ve followed people for months and seen nothing change. Like if it’s a smut blog sure by all means go sin away. I’m certainly one to talk since my muse’s fc comes from a very smutty manwha. But like there’s an etiquette about that sort of thing and I often didn’t follow these blogs for the smut. Especially when I’m very careful not to talk about Ophelia’s own gross kinks too openly. :^/ Underage followers or not. (That’s why I have a separate nsfw blog for.)

I’m starting to ramble and it may not make a lot of sense but point is… I don’t want to judge someone’s writing style too harshly or how they run their blog but often if I see a blog being run in a way that feels uninspired and isn’t even pretty to look at? I’m less likely to want to interact with you. Like if it’s not pretty then at least let me see your personal voice and your muse! And a majority of people I follow are wonderful about that! But I have seen muses that remind me too much of my super early days of rping and that’s not a period of my life I want to relive. So I mostly just leave them alone to their own devices. 

🌹 = my opinion on your character

Okay I gotta be honest with you… I got excited seeing that Vulcan is 29 aka older than Ophelia. So many of the muses I follow are like early 20s or 18/19 which is all fine and dandy but most of the time I’m like “oh man Ophelia is just…. going to want to lowkey adopt you I’m so sorry.” So you know it’s refreshing.

THAT ASIDE– From what I’ve seen so far, I’m interested to see where you take his character? I was a little sad that he doesn’t have a backstory yet but I felt like you got a decent enough grasp on his personality that it will come naturally at some point so I’m excited to see how that turns out! He’s got some funny moments and I always love that in a muse :^) Your writing is pretty lovely so no worries from me here, I’m mostly just excited to see what sort of shit him and Ophelia get into :^) 

🌻 = a character I wish to write with

Literally???? Everyone I follow??? like fuck ok but some people that do come to mind are always @ofishbowl​ @callejxro​ @princelylight​ @viiibau​ && @treurspel​ ALSO I would love.. to interact with characters from Harvest Moon/Stardew Valley if such blogs exist, more fire emblem characters, more Mystic Messenger characters, and I mean the list goes on. (AND YOU TOO OF COURSE!!) 

🍀 = a ship I wish to write

Lol any ship where Ophelia doesn’t feel afraid of commitment :’^)

But one ship I would love to write is one that’s centered around flower language like Ophelia gives this flowers as a way of welcoming someone into her inn and it becomes a weird sort of pen pal situation where she is given flowers back in return and they all have a sort of meaning behind them and yea 

🌼 = a song I identify with your character

HM??? Off the bat I think of this song: Zombies - Childish Gambino 

don’t ask me why though..

🌷 = a song I identify with my character

Lie - Park Jimin (BTS) :’^) 

🌱 = a plot I want to write with you

HMMMMM Maybe a situation where they are both in a country/city that is completely foreign to the both of them and they end up finding each other and decide to haphazardly stick by each other and try to figure their way around? But you know end up not…. succeeding very well lol but it’s still an adventure!

🌲 = if I ship our characters together

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ we just don’t know yet 

🌴 = a favorite canon character in my fandom

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ N/A unless u know you mean in the canon I created for Ophelia in which case…. I’m biased in saying Ophelia. 

🌵 = a disliked canon character in my fandom

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Still N/A 

🌾 = my opinion on OCs

Fuck me up with the ocs I love ocs I always want to see more ocs 

I mean if you think about it, every character is an oc and the only difference is whether or not they are published amirite?

🍁 = my opinion on multimuse blogs

Ahh I think it’s hard to make sure if a multimuse blog doesn’t get too messy and I think it is all determined on how on top the person behind it is of their tagging and system in general. I don’t mind them at all although being that I’m a stereotypical libra™ it doesn’t bode well for my indecisive-ness lol. But yea I don’t mind them at all, it’s only when there’s a lot of muses that I get a little anxious but only from a ‘who…. do I want to interact with first tho :^0′ standpoint. 

🍄 = my opinion on crossovers

yes fuck me up with those crossovers :^0 

🎄 = my opinion on AUs

ESPECIALLY FUCK ME UP WITH SOME AUS AWW YEA I love coming up with aus holy shit like i will never not talk about aus with anyone. I think Ophelia will probs be prone to those too bc while I considered her storyline to be open enough for anyone to interact with, being an innowner can be… a little boring as a starting point sometimes? So I like to spice it up a bit :^0

💐 = my favorite part about the fandom

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ can i even call fandomless ocs a fandom? Isn’t that an oxymoron?

🌿 = my least favorite part about the fandom

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ if there’s one thing about being a fandomless oc that I don’t like, it’s that it’s hard to get yourself out there sometimes. Like I have a decent amount of active followers at this point in my life but not really a lot of interactions? Like mostly my fault ngl (being that…. i get busy and distracted a lot…. and also i’m lazy…. and being discouraged sometimes isn’t fun…)  but you know I will admit, it’s easier being part of a fandom in theory at least or at least knowing what fandoms you want to be part of as an oc since it’s easier to find people to follow that way outside of scourging through tags.

But then again fandoms I enjoy aren’t exactly super bustling fandoms so I’m screwed either way ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

edit: let me emphasize that when I mean a lot of interactions I mean I do not feel personally overwhelmed by how many drafts I owe or asks in my askbox. That’s a good time for me when I can’t keep up with shit I’m writing for :^)