#of course I'll still be able to draw fanarts and make speculations and enjoy the story

[yuseirra]

I've been REALLY careful about making assumptions about hikaai before 154 happened you know? I couldn't even phrase what Ai had towards him as "love" with conviction since what happened between them is really serious and it tackles what could happen in real-life. I see many news about domestic violence lately and it makes me SO NERVOUS!!;; I know I have to separate fiction from reality and I get that but there are things I don't really want to misinterpret and depict in a rosy light, it's always better to understand what's going on to get a proper standpoint on things

but if I'm the author, I'd definitely not write the story like this if Hikaru actually IS utterly responsible for what he claims he's done. He can personally repent for his sins and suffer all he wants, but before that, he needs to get held accountable and get proper punishment within the story. (He might later.. but so far, it's been handled pretty lightly compared to the severity of the incident)

but we see Ai actually having wanted to stay in the relationship in that chapter. She goes as far as to say she wanted to live with him, forever, and she was scared she'd hurt him but couldn't give up on their children because she wanted to raise their kids and share HIS burden together, that's very loving of her. I think he'd probably have treated her pretty well for someone like her to open up and wish to care for him that deeply. Ai is loving, but she thought she's full of lies and she doesn't think so highly of herself. She was always a bit distant and held her true self back. However, she actively went out of her way to try and help Hikaru when he was with her, and she's still concerned about him. It's the one relationship she really wanted to keep but couldn't. In that particular chapter we find that everything she did was for his sake, not hers, and I don't think such a relationship could have happened without some sort of mutual affection. And his reaction towards seeing all that? He takes it in, remains speechless, and he vows to do something for her.

That's what's sold this ship for me because if I were the writer of this story, I would not try to frame an abuser/perpetrator/someone who's instigated a crime this way. What's said to have happened shouldn't be dismissed that way but it did; and if I, a mere reader feels so, I feel the author would have put more thought into it while coining the scenes. Something's probably left undiscussed and there could be more to it than catches the eye.

The only thing I can really tell at this point is that they really did love and care about each other, but it didn't really come across while they were both alive and he still loves her?

and with the songs being like :

"Ah, I was finally able to say it These words are definitely not a lie I love you"<I think this is not only directed towards the twins but to Ai's fans AND Hikaru

"If all my desires came true, oh, how I wish I could attain that I want to see you I wish upon the stars"

"Without you, I cannot live anymore I would sacrifice anything for you I can’t get enough of your love What should I use to fill in what’s missing?

Keep your eyes on me, my dearest fatale!"

it's just so intense!!;;

I really want the guy who Ai's chosen to love that much live up to it. It'd make sense if the story's that way because what would the story accomplish by trying to depict a guy who played a active part in her death as someone who's "loved" her? You can't call something that love, it's selfish. But they're both trying to "give away" and make sacrifices for each other. I believe that IS what love is in its essence. Love is all about giving, and the songs for this series does have that sort of spirit(despite it being really desperate and a bit blindly at doing so) And Ai's life was all about loving, forming a true and genuine sort of relationship, it'd feel so wrong if the one she says was the first person she really wanted to love's backstabbed her like that. I have a feeling she'd be able to send her love towards her fans and her lover and get a meaningful type of love as her closure, may it be years after she's gone away, she'll get that eventually. That'd be a nice way to wrap up her story.

So I'm waiting out a little, if Hikaru is really guilty about what's happened to Ai.. then I want the story to revisit and handle that aspect properly because it's something that can really hurt people and it did also for the characters in the story,

If it isn't.. it makes way more sense for me of seeing Ai care so much for this character. That whole sequence is so loving... wouldn't it be kind of cruel on Ai if the writer decided to make her sympathize so dearly with someone who caused her to get murdered like that? It's not a really good example to show, either, what's needed here is not just forgiveness and love but some firmness about wrongdoing. The message HAD to end with her mentioning her wish to help him along with the children she had with him, it didn't HAVE to be there, but the writer put that in as the last bit. That's something that's been lingering in my mind for awhile. It's probably a device.

I can still appreciate the characters and the story, but I would really like it if the writers do end up tackling it in the way I anticipate..