#of course I had to do the mourn watch this is an ankh save game

[ndostairlyrium]

*giggling incontrollably* Hi, meet Ellie <3

[goauldendelicious]

okay so, safe in the knowledge that few people I know irl follow this blog and that y’all ain’t gonna snitch, here’s the thing: Chloe Price has killed me this week, and it’s only fair. I really enjoyed Life is Strange when it came out. The Oregon setting, the small-town-with-secrets vibe, the lack of time-pressure (lol) for having to make decisions... it’s all my jam. But in hindsight playing it episodically meant I never fully INVESTED. A lot of real world bidness happened in between me playing each episode. The immediacy of the story faded a little, dimmed a little, each time. So I really liked, but didn’t really love. Until I hit the last act of Polarised, Episode 5. #spoilers btw And that final nightmare walk through past memories really brought home to me why I’d liked the game so much, and why - if I’d played it without months-gaps - I would have loved it. Because of Chloe Godsdamn Price. As Max I’m walking past all these memories I have of my time reuniting with Chloe, the tensions of the past five years of absence slowly eroding, the in-jokes, the new frustrations, the dancing, the tears (oh, gods the tears)... And it slowly dawns on me, that while I’ve been spending time carefully deliberating all of Max’s decisions, whether she should rewind to fix every little detail, whether it’s acceptable to re-do conversations so people like you more, or just to find The Killer (FUCK YOU, JEFFERSON AND PRESCOTT although this really requires its own unpacking that doesn’t belong here...) that something more fundamental has been seeping in, and I’ve noticed only the crest of it: an emotional iceberg. Namely that Chloe Price - oh-so-perfectly voiced by Ashly Burch - is the heart of this game. Not Max, not Rachel Amber, not the abstraction of “time-travel”... But Chloe. And so as that dark lighthouse looms closer, I realise (undoubtedly quite late) where this path leads, and why. And I fucking HATE IT, because I know what choice I have to make. I have to sacrifice Chloe Price. Sure enough, stood under the shattered lighthouse, limned by lightning flashes, the Storm rolling ever closer, Chloe tells me to go back one last time and Not Save Her. She tells me to save her mom. She tells me to save Arcadia Bay, this home shit home she was so desperate to leave. And most importantly she tells me to make those fuckers pay for what they did to Rachel. And after I return to my computer from the floor where I’ve been curled up sobbing because I’m a grown-ass adult who can’t handle this fucking shit, I do it, I do as she says. Because I’d done the same in episode four’s alternate universe when she’d asked. Because as much stick as Arcadia Bay gets, its residents are not all total dicks deserving devastating wind-based murder. Because being responsible for the deaths of hundreds (if not more) on the grounds that I love this dear friend would kinda destroy the moral high ground over Jefferson (especially since he’d probably NOT be killed, being currently hogtied in his own godsdamn hellbunker...) Because in this universe where Rachel Amber’s doe-spirit has guided us towards her resting place, I can’t NOT believe Chloe could be reunited with her. Because of SO MANY REASONS. Because it’s the godsdamn only choice to make. Chloe and Max kiss, the past set back on its original course, Foals’ Spanish Sahara winds up, and I return to sobbing on the floor, hating myself) (as an aside, after watching the bae>bay, ending, I begin to feel *slightly* better, because...it seems really off and way too cheery considering what’s just happened, especially when Chloe smiles at Max as they drive past the ruins of the diner Joyce is lying dead in, like wtf?) Skip ahead to my playthrough of Before the Storm. I’ve avoided playing it for months since it’s actual release because I know what effect it’s going to have on me. But I decide it’s time. So I clear a nice sobbing-patch on the floor and begin... And it’s perfect. Chloe is the same, but earlier (and yes, no Ashly Burch voicing, but she helped write Chloe’s script and you can absolutely feel her there, and Rhianna DeVries did a wonderful job embodying her). It’s a beautiful game, and a heartwarming one, and a heartBREAKING one, and everything I hoped it would be. And throughout, I intermittently go to my weeping-place because I remember what’s coming, where this all leads. I’m not angered by this. Unlike many players and reviewers, I don’t see the final choice I made in the original game as invalidating any of the events that preceded it, which extends to the events of Before the Storm. Life is Strange is not a game to be WON. You’re never awarded points, gain levels, ranked on a leaderboard. Rather, it’s a game that asks what is most important to you, what you care about, about great power and responsibility, and lightly nudges you towards thinking before you speak and act harshly. It’s a game where Chloe Price’s world falls apart, through next to no fault of her own. It’s a game where a wanna pirate loses her father, best friend, and spark of hope for the world. And when that spark is rekindled, some fucktographer and his broken protege snuff it out again. Chloe is filled with anger and pain and cynicism and confusion in the original game. The opportunity in Before the Storm to see her in happier times with Rachel Amber and with Max (in the Farewell bonus episode) is blessing and curse. The painful imagery of her as storm-sprite Ariel in The Tempest. The first donning of William’s clothes. Her first kiss with Rachel. The blue hair. I rejoiced with her, and mourned her loss ever-more. And so I have once again returned to replay the original game. Not with the intention of changing any choices, not even the Final Choice. But because Chloe deserves to have those five days where she remembers that she is not completely alone, that her pirate companion loves her dearly, and that Jefferson is going to fucking PAY. They are not pointless days; there the best we could expect in this shitty situation, and by the gods we made the most of them. When the butterfly reunites with the doe, I trust they’ll both know this. You know those “what’s you’re favourite x,y,z?” questions, and some it’s really hard to give an honest answer to? Ice-cream flavours are notorious for this effect. Well id never had that problem with “who is your favourite fictional character?”: even before the questions over, I’m thinking “His Grace, His Excellency, The Duke of Ankh, Blackboard Monitor, Vetinari’s Terrier; Commander Sir Samuel Vimes” (see Terry Pratchett’s Discworld series). But now... now my heart is torn between him and my faithful chauffeur and companion, my sidekick, my Scary Punk Ghost: Chloe Price. 🦋💙