#oen time i fucking tried to talk to her all she said was “this worked one me and uh actually i was way worse than you so take them”
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sneak-a-cat · 1 year ago
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#ignore this i will be ranting in the tags :)#for like the past year or so i have been really struggling with pms stuff and only once have i gone onto the pill to try and stave it off#needless to say that went utterly shit and for about a month i was a sad hormonal mess properly barely able to get out of bed stuff#and i've been told to try a new one now#which is fucking scary because i didn't like who i was when i was on the last one and i know it changes my mood#on top of all that it was right when my exams were so i was really fucking scared#i tried to talk about this with my mum but she fucking sucked at emotional support so that was great#and now i'm on it and its not made me sad so much as affected me in weird ways#worst part is that since i'm in it rn i can't properly tell whats different about me#i dont like it#i hate being on drugs that change my mood#i don't feel like myself#i know somethign has changed and dont like it i dont i want it to stop#but i cant ebcause once your on the fucking pill you only stop at the end of the month#and my mum would be fucking dissapointed as shit in me for stopping#how the fuck do i tell her "hey yknow how you have been trying to look for a sollution to my crap pms stuff?#yeah well i want you to fuckingg stop trying to get me on different drugs that fuck with my hormones i don't fucking like those#turns out i am massively freaked out when i can't tell if i am not acting like myself due to stress or due to mystery fucking drug#oen time i fucking tried to talk to her all she said was “this worked one me and uh actually i was way worse than you so take them”#fucking wonderful#bloody so glad it worked for you do you not understand how bleedin terrifying this is to me?#i would rather have unpredictable periods where i am a proper dick while on them than not know who i am anymore#but fuck it all she doesn't seem to fucking get that#worst thing abotu this is its making me wonder how i would react to adhd meds that i've been trying to get for years#i have been aware that some people don't like themselves on them#but god fuck it i just want some of my brain to function well#please#christ sorry obviously this is public and you can read what you want#but uh if your reading this dont worry i just find it helps to write and post it
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abbatoirablaze · 3 years ago
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White Wolf's Shadow, Chapter 11
Word Count:  3.5k
Warnings:  violence, death, mentions of blood, assassination, general murder for hire/revolutions in different countries.  Kind of angsty.
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1.5 years ago
Ender knew that it was a dangerous game. He wasn’t supposed to be in here without Steve, let alone on the computers.
He’d remembered the first few times that he’d managed to sneak in to look at her. It was like he was drawn to her, needing to see her at any cost.
It pissed Steve off beyond believe.
The last time he caught Ender, he’d gotten so upset. He still hadn’t forgiven him.
“You shouldn’t be in here.” Ender’s eyes widened as Steve stood at the door to the room. His jaw was clenched tight. Ender’s mouth went to oen to look for an excuse, before abruptly closing it when he saw Steve’s brow raise, “Ender we’ve talked about this before.”
“I-I just wanted to see her, Steve.”
“Dad,” he reminded Ender. His nostrils flared, and Ender could sense the spike in Steve’s scent, acknowledging that Steve was angry with him, “Ender…we’ve t-“
“I know,” Ender grumbled, looking away from Steve. His eyes flickered to his mother in the cryo chamber, “you don’t want me to be in here alone.”
“I don’t want you to be in here at all,” he reminded him firmly, crossing his arms over his chest, “what if you were to accidently hit some buttons that hurt her.”
“Mom’s not going anywhere…” Ender replied shortly, “I don’t touch anything anyways, Steve.”
“Stop being disrespectful, Ender.”
“Jeez, I’m not.” He growled quickly. Steve walked over and stood in front of him, “relax, would you?”
“Get up. We’re leaving.”
“You can’t tell me what to do!”
“Yes I can!” Steve argued, “I’m your father.”
“NO YOU AREN’T!” Ender yelled, “YOU’RE NOT MY DA-“
But he was cut off when Steve backhanded him, sending the younger boy to the floor, “Why? Because I’m not Buck, suddenly I’m not your dad? I’ve helped raise you for most of your life, Ender…who the fuck else would do that, huh? Not fucking Bucky.”
The younger boy refused to look away from Steve, tears falling down his cheeks, “I’m staying with Aunt Shuri…”
“En-“
“No,” Ender said quickly, the pheromones in his scent quickly becoming potent enough to make Steve feel nauseated, “stay away from me, Steve.”
As his eyes shifted to the door once more, he took a deep breath, then he worked furiously on the data pad that Shuri had given him in an attempt to pull up the footage from Bolivia. His eyes snapped to the cryo chamber, where his mother slept and he felt sad.
After they’d caught her, they were unable to de-program her, so they put her on ice until they could find a way.
Ender bit his bottom lip as he stared at his mom.
Her hair was a mess, and she’d been dirty, but Nat did let Ender know that they’d been in a warzone, so they weren’t exactly going for prettiest frozen body.
He sniffled, and then he went back to work, trying to get the videos to pull up.
He was so focused that he didn’t even notice Bucky come into the room.
“I know your mother taught you to hack a server better than that.”
He jumped and his scent spiked ever so slightly as his eyes shot to his father. Bucky’s joke had fallen flat, and the two were left in a Mexican standoff staring contest. The younger boy glared at his biological father, “Mom says you have a staring problem.”
“Funny, she said the same thing when you were born.”
“I guess I got it from my dad,” he shrugged with a straight face. Bucky went to smile, but when he realized Ender didn’t react, it fell to a nervous frown. Ender turned his attention back to the data pad, “Steve and grandma won’t tell me what happened in Bolivia…”
“Well Steve wasn’t in Bolivia, so he wouldn’t know.”
“And he doesn’t want me to know, either.”
“Maybe he’s trying to protect you from something you shouldn’t know.”
“No,” Ender grumbled, “he’s pissed off that mom is even back.”
“Don’t say that.”
“It’s true,” Ender snapped, eyes watching Bucky carefully, “he’s pissed that you’re back too.”
“Steve’s always tried to protect you,” Bucky reminded him. Ender’s jaw clenched and Bucky took a more serious stance as he watched his son’s body language change into a defensive position, “did something happen while I was away?”
“My mom is sitting in a cryo chamber because she was brainwashed by the very same people who brainwashed my dad,” Ender growled, speaking to him as though he weren’t his father, “if there’s any pattern, I ought to learn it now, because both of my parents were brainwashed in entirely different centuries by the same evil organization.”
Bucky shrugged, not wanting to push Ender on the matter, but the way he ignored the question made him think that there may have been additional reasons on why Shuri had let him stay with her that weren’t due to the budding friendship he’d had with her nephew.
“That’s a fair point.”
Ender turned back, glaring at his father, “no shit.”
“You may look like me, but you act like your mother,” Bucky huffed, walking further into the room. He sat down on the bench and pressed a few keys on the main computer, before bringing up the cameras from the people on the Bolivia mission, “you know that? You really do act like her in every sense of the word.”
“Funny,” Ender scoffed, “she said I always acted like you too. A staring problem. An attitude problem. Always looking too serious for my own good.”
“Doubtful you act like me,” he shrugged, trying to make light of the situation, “I’m a pretty shit human being.”
“Well at least we can both agree on that,” Ender replied, sitting next to Bucky as he noticed that he’d pulled up the mission for him. Bucky kept typing information in, pulling up the feed to when they first spotted Theta, while Ender examined his father. The bruises on his face and the cut on his lip had already healed, and while he noticed the slightest wheeze from Bucky, he assumed that the punctured lung must almost be healed as well, “did mom do all of that to you?”
Bucky nodded, not looking over to his son, “Yeah. She kicked my ass…guess that means I’m getting too old for my own good.”
“She’s a pretty good fighter!”
“The best,” Bucky sighed, thinking about her. He looked towards the chamber and he felt a pang in his stomach, “I’m not even mad that she almost killed me…if your grandma didn’t knock her out when she did, she probably would have finished me off.”
“Mom wouldn’t have killed you.”
“When you’re under their control, you can’t really stop on your own,” Bucky told him. He looked at Ender, “I’m serious…your mom would have killed me if Nat didn’t get to us in time.”
“Are you gonna show me what happened?” he asked, suddenly feeling uncomfortable, “or are you looking for a pity party because mom ripped you a new one?”
Bucky nodded, “if you want to…it’s something you need to see…like you said. If the patterns tell you anything, HYDRA may very well come for you next. You’re the first super soldier child, and a Theta like your mother. Which means you’ll be more powerful than both of us. And yes, you’re only nine and a half, but you’ve already presented, and you did so earlier than your mother did. You’re definitely going to be stronger.”
“Won’t Steve get mad that you’re showing me this?”
“Steve’s not your dad,” he growled, suddenly feeling territorial over the situation, “I am…and if I say you can see it, then you can see it…you’re right. And you need to see it if you want to. Your mother and I can’t protect you from everything in the world. And Steve sure as hell can’t either, even if he’s America’s golden boy.”
“Audio and video rendered,” the computer chirped, breaking the two from yet another staring contest. The screen was split so that it showed four different cameras. One from Bucky, one from Nat, one from Clint, and one from Yelena, “video playback ready to commence.”
When Ender didn’t respond, Bucky sighed realizing that he just talked shit on his best friend, and the man that had helped raise his son when he wasn’t able to be there for him, “I-I don’t mean it like that.”
“Yes you did,” Ender commented, “but I understand. You are my biological dad. Regardless of how long Steve’s been with mom. You and mom made me. Not him.”
“I know you hate me, but I had to go after your mom. I know you’re too young to understand any of mine and her’s relationship bu-“
“I don’t hate you,” Ender corrected him. Bucky’s head shot to his son and his brow furrowed as he went to explain, “I was mad at you for a long time because you left me and mom…but I don’t hate you. If I hated you I wouldn’t have adopted some of the notes of your scent into mine.”
Bucky nodded, “well that’s good to know.”
“Hey Bucky?”
“Yeah?”
“Did it hurt when mom kicked your ass?”
Bucky bit back the comment he wanted to make to his son, as Ender bit back a smile, “you think you’re funny…don’t you?”
“Hilarious.”
“God you are so much like her.”
Ender smiled, looking over at the chamber, “I want to be as brave as she is…I-I know that a lot of what she did back at home was to make sure I was safe with her…s-she gave up a lot to make sure I was okay.”
“I know,” Bucky smiled softly, “and she’s a badass.”
“Mom?” he laughed, as though it were a funny joke, “mom’s not badass.”
“Just you watch…you’ll see how much of a badass your mom is,” Bucky commented as he pressed play, “maybe you won’t judge me so much when you see her take down a whole army damn near by herself.”
Another explosion went off around the team of four as they tried desparately to get to the president’s chambers. Gunfire was a common background noise as they kept their v-formation. Another bomb going off lit up the city outside the window as the building continued to shake.
And there she was at the end of the hall, taking down Bolivian militants that blocked her path. The only thing between them and here were about a dozen HYDRA agents.
“BUCK!”
“I see her,” he called. Nat created an opening, allowing Bucky to move forward, as HYDRA agents stormed them, “THETA!”
She stabbed a militant in the neck, and retracted the blade quickly, spinning it in her hands as she turned her attention towards them. There seemed to be the briefest moment where she seemed to recognize her, before her eyes went dark again.
“Mom saw you.”
Bucky nodded, swallowing as he looked at his son quickly, “you saw that?”
“I studied you and mom…when you were under their control,” Ender nodded, pausing the video and re-winding it. He stilled the frame as her knife spun downwards. Her position went from offensive to dismissive, and the knife angled away from them, “there. See. She sees you and the grip changes.”
Bucky nodded, not wanting to admit that in the moment that small detail had slipped his gaze. As he played the video again, he suddenly understood why her attention immediately went to Clint. She’d thrown the knife and it grazed his shoulder
“Fuck, I’m hit,” he growled, falling back. Yelena and Nat looked to him, but nonetheless continued fighting the agents in front of him. Bucky looked back to see the blood pouring from the wound, “she caught me right above the tendon. I think it’s torn.”
“Shit,” Yelena cursed, looking to Nat, “I’m taking him out. You two continue on towards theta. We can’t afford to lose her.”
Nat nodded, and she continued to clear the path for Bucky. Yelena and Clint disappeared through the hallways behind them, and Bucky saw her disappear down another hallway.
Pushing his way past the remaining agents, he saw her just as she entered through a door near the end.
He ran as fast as his legs would carry him, ignoring yet another bomb going off, which made the building shake even more as the area back from where he came from began to disintegrate.
“BUCKY!”
“I’m good,” he called, “find another way around. I’m going on.”
He didn’t wait for a response as he found the door he saw her walk through. Just as he passed the threshold, he saw her pull the trigger on the president of Bolivia. He fell to the ground, a neat bullet hole in the center of his forehead. She held the gun limply in her hand, as though she was trying to recall the next steps of whatever plan that she’d been given. When Bucky walked further into the room, she turned without surprise, seeing him in the room’s center.
“Theta!”
She stared at him through hollow eyes and dropped the gun, “I don’t need that to kill you, Barnes.”
Bucky sighed.
Ender looked to his dad, pausing the video, “she really was going to kill you, wasn’t she? Bu-But I thought she loved you.”
“Ender…she was under their control. She didn’t want to kill me…well she might have…again, terrible person, but I know that at one point in time she loved me. But love doesn’t save you from being brainwashed, Ender. She was given an objective that she had to follow,” Bucky explained, “I don’t have to show you the rest if you don’t want to kn-“
“No!” Ender exclaimed, cutting Bucky off as he unpaused the video.
“You don’t have to do this,” Bucky tried to reason. He held his hands up defensively to show that he didn’t have a weapon readily pointed at her, “Theta…”
“Reasoning with me won’t work,” she growled, grabbing yet another knife from her thigh and spinning it into her hand as she charged at him. He quickly dodged the first attack, grabbing her arm and spinning her around, so that he was wrapped around her. Bucky breathed in heavily, unable to ignore her scent. He shuddered, and she took the opportunity to kick at his knee, taking him down, then shoving her elbow back, catching him in the jaw, and then finally spinning, letting her knife kiss right above his brow, “this is almost too easy.”
Bucky was only stunned for a second as he grabbed her knife and tossed it away, before backhanding her as he withdrew from the knife grab. He pulled his gun on her, but she quickly kicked it away, earning another backhand from Bucky.  As her head whipped back, he launched forward, tackling her to the ground. He was quick to pin her beneath his body, his hands forcing her to look into his eyes. He ripped the mask from your face out of anger.
“THETA I NEED YOU TO FOCUS!” he yelled, hoping that their old tricks to get her to stop having an anxiety attack would work enough to get her mind to overpower the training. He hastily pressed his lips to hers in a bruising kiss, and she froze. She stopped fighting his arms and kissed him back. He kept her pinned beneath his body but allowed her arms to be free. Her hands quickly grasped for his face, and they tangled into his hair as she kissed him back. Wet kisses continued along his jaw as he did the same to her, “Theta…focus on my voice…I need you to list what you can smell.”
He grabbed her head, forcing it into the crook of his neck as she continued kissing his neck.
Ender smiled.
And for once it was one that he almost didn’t understand.
He should not have been happy to see Bucky and his mom in such an intimate moment. But it felt like every dream he’d had when he was little and idolized him.  When he used to run around the house in his ratty old shirt.
Before Steve.
He felt like they were going to get back together, and they could be a family.
And then he gasped as Bucky played the video again.
She had used him.
Bucky fell back as she pulled the small blade from under his ribs. Flipping the two of you over, her eyes were dark.
Empty.
Bucky gasped at her in shock as she held another blade up, “I smell blood, Barnes…blood and desperation. Do you know what that makes a man do?”
Bucky tried to gasp for air and reach out to her. But she pushed his hand away as she held the blade between the two of their bodies, crawling on top of him.
“Theta,” he whispered softly, trying to reach out again, “it-it’s okay…I love you…an-and I forgive you. It’s okay.  Look at me, Theta...it's okay...”
He looked like a man that knew he was going to die. But he also knew what it was like to remember missions long after being woken up, only to regret everything and consider removing yourself from the equation.
“Mistakes...when men are desperate, they make mistakes.  But it calls for something more...,” she smiled happily, “in this case it calls for a dead white wolf, Barnes!”
“It’s okay baby,” he wheezed, one hand reaching up to touch her face.  His blood made a mark on her cheek as he cradled it.  He saw something behind her eyes.  The smile disappeared, and a tear run down her face.  Like she was there, but unable to control what was going to happen next, “I-I love you. I love you, Theta...it's okay...it's okay..."
"Kill me, Bucky," a small voice begged.  Bucky shook his head, not believing what he was hearing.   The knife was perched between her fingers, cradled in her palm, but her eyes told a different story, "I-I can't stop...kill me James...please."
"I can't do that baby," Bucky cried.  He watched how her arm trembled, "I'm so sorry baby...I can't kill you...w-when you get out...tell Ender I love him, okay?"
"I'm so sorry James," she whispered, "I-i love you."
Bucky closed his eyes and accepted his fate.
But as she reached up to plunge the knife back into him finally losing the battle to the brainwashing tactics that were instilled in her, Nat used the butt of her handgun, catching her at the base of her skull. The knife clattered to the dusty floor as her body tumbled off of his. Bucky opened his eyes, shocked that he was still alive. Until he saw Nat.
Even through his injuries Bucky reached for her.
“Buck are you okay?”
“S-god, please say she’s alive Nat.”
“Knocked her out,” Nat said quickly, helping raise him off the ground. He hissed and clutched at his ribs, wheezing, “she caught you, didn’t she?”
“Doesn't matter," he groaned, "but she punctured my lung."
"It does matter, Buck...we gotta go."
"Not without her," he groaned through baited breaths, struggling to pick her up on his own with the injuries he had, “gotta get her out of here…bri-bring her home.”
Ender continued to listen to Nat and Bucky arguing as he stared at his father. Bucky wanted to help carry her back to the safehouse, even though he had his own extensive list of injuries. He had to keep his hands on her, as though letting go would suddenly force him to wake up and realize that they were nowhere near close to capturing her.
Bucky sniffled, looking at him through teary eyes, “w-we can stop watching now. It’s jus-“
“You were gonna let her kill you.”
“If that is what it came down to,” he nodded, “yeah…”
“Why?”
“Ender, I know you don’t think I care about you or your mother, but I do,” he said softly, standing up from his spot at the computer. He closed down the video archive and walked over to her chamber, “I would never be able to hurt her…I-I already did so much of that when I thought I was protecting the two of you…I-if I it was my time, well…I’ve already come to terms with that.”
"Your last words to mom were about me."
"Of course...you're my pup, Ender."
Ender nodded, looking at his father, suddenly feeling as though there was finally some common place where they could connect on.
He loved you.
He loved you enough to die for you.
And he loved him.
Enough to say so in what he thought was going to be his last words.
"Hey?"
"Yeah, En?"
"We're gonna get mom back."
"I know, bud," he sighed softly, "I'm never going to give up on her."
"Me either, dad..."
Chapter 12
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peachvik · 5 years ago
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Review / Review by: Heathers
There is a god because he sees that seeing this dule mass my existence !!!
I'm going to criticize the paramunt studios series for the success of movies and brothay
The good:
The idea that veronica and the rest of the gang are in modern life I like and I am one of the people who say that they make changes in an adaptation: for example with the remaik of it (that) that changed some things is fine. I am here dehydrated mind
I liked that they made references in the scenarios and in some objects: for example in the first chapter in the first season with the pathways to the clubs of croket that has the respective colors of the original heathers and in some dialogues there are phrases of the musical and of the movie
Now it has the bad:
The dialogues are things that I did not like much because the writers are worth the relasions of the characters who are veronica and the rest, and try to make the film with today's adolescents: the dialogues make them pareser adoleceentes crazies that are too stupid (it is not cosi in the original versions are stupid) but this is vastly bad
in the movie and the musical the boys are ordinary adolescents who are desgrasiadamente are going through the bad of adolescence and too many emosional problems, I'm sure many of us can be fond of some character and we do not give a shit if they are crazy they cause a lot of sympathy
Here not !!!!!: in some ezens they hate each other, then they want to make friends again and then they hate each other again after they get together again and then fuck each other again they hate each other again
Characters:
Veronica Sawyer:
"-I think I'm a good person I think we can all be a good person ..-"
In the original movie is one as she says a good person only that takes bad decisions is the one that has the guts to take the reins of the situations that surrounds it and is the one that sees the positive side and the reality of what susede at school
In the series: she is much more bitch and bad than heather chandler, she is revengeful she has the need to be saying that she is half Jewish, she is so old and so plastic, in a few moments she can be the best person in high school and in another is a bitch who is willing to use her friends, she is worth the consequences of her actions, she taught her own boyfriend in a psychiatric hospital and I only play him as a toy to others who are selfish, I am one of the people who they think that thinking about moments that thinking about oneself but also worrying about others is fine, they tried to do that here and it did not go well
-that is not love that my OTP did to my batates !!! they could easily be (and I am referring to the musical and the movie) the bonnie and clyde of the universe of heathers-
Heather Chandler:
Many of us who vomited the trailer of the series when we saw the new looks of the hethers knew that it would be to know a completely different chandler ... but we gave him the benefit of the doubt and we crossed our fingers but never thought that they would do it so
In the film she is bad because she wants to be bad her parents tire her because they love her and she approves that the people you love her to get what she wants no matter who has to trample to keep getting the power
In the series they watered it: they see this heather chandler is all the opposite from her aspect we knew she was going to be very different, but I never thought it would be so bad, here she is the one that likes to humiliate many of the people of those who are in the school as for example ruin their lives in social networks and that's all just says rudeness and suffers paack to social networks apart my nome like the cliche of the popular girl who catches the attention because in his house his parents do not lend attention that is what they try to do here fuck ...
Heather Duke:
In the movie and in the musical she is one of the characters that I like the most, I like how she happens to a girl who was conceited and badly educated but at the same time caousa a lot of sympathy and how that sympathy transforms into a copy of heather chandler but more exaggerated and without being
In the series I do not have much to say about that is man .. ready I said it is a man in the series who damn in his healthy juicory wanted to do that .. but I'm not deviating from the subject: in the series heather duke ( I'm not going to tell him or her why I'm confused) try to highlight the idea that now a gay man can be popular and live a life with a boy in high school without anyone bothering him! that did not work because they make it look as if gays wallow with Any-uiera having penis and also acts very diva what senti Super forsado as has their interaction with heather chandler since alrato are fighting a while are friends otravez and then They are enemegas and so again and again what can you say about this character that I like
Heather Mc.melaria
This is one of the characters that hurt me the most serious since literal semuero gets into the second chapter .... in the pelucula and in the musical she is the most adorable and almost pure character there is a love of perona and in the series they kill it that I can not say anything about McMaria in the series because there is nothing to say ...
Betty finn (or as I like to call martha dumtrack attempt)
For regret betty finn is a character from the original movie because I saw her for a long time and I almost do not remember or just the imbentarin for this series
She is just the typical cliche of cojones is the persnaje that tries to be better than the protagonist imitating it in the way and fails miserably (fuck has the phrase of heather duke in me grirl) and is apart the reappearance of martha dumtrack only that dire she
Now a character that hurt me too much
J.D
He is the character that hurt me the most and I will tell you because In the series they do it to be a slob-dependent idiot veronica is like a Christian gray but in high school but he is the submissive falls again and again in the deceptions of Veronica and Esena that you have with your mother I think because almost nothing had sense oen that chapter was earning ... what about the murder at school was all a slobber they did not even give us a reason to make it happen .. and the death they give Alfinal is a stupid mother who could pass me all the holy day cursing her
In the musical (I'll talk more about the musical)
They show us a way of seeing from which they may have their problems and that may be something crazy but is someone who wants some of life and gosar the 17 with Veronica even said he would give his life for her in the final act where shows hope is something that broke my fucking heart ... may have problems of anger but it is not alvego that you hear is understood because it is almost any if you had to live what happened JD would understand and that's why it caused a lot of sympathy
if you want to see an adaptation of heather s made well see the chapter of riverdale is much better than this
My qualification fianl for heathers the series is a:
2.3
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funkzpiel · 6 years ago
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how about some drunk crossovers -- i'm thinking the adventure zone: suffering game? do with that what your wine will
Graves wiped a trail of blood from his cheek and glared at the man responsible for getting them in this mess – Grindelwald. 
“You stupid son of a bitch,” he wheezed softly, utterly spent. Across the room and leaning heavily against the wall, Grindelwald sneered at him. Of them, he quite nearly looked the worst. Older. Much older. In this “game” they had all been conned into he had spun the wheel and lost 20 years of his life; and it shwoed. It showed in the wrinkles around his eyes and the thinning of his hair. He looked tired. He was missing a hand, something he still had cradled to his chest.
“You were hardly invited.”
“I wasn’t just going to let you get your hands on the Elder Wand,” Graves spat.
“How do you even know it’s here to begin with?” Theseus snarled, oen hand craddling a rather mangled looking arm from the creatures they had to fight when the other travelers betrayed them – a dark bruise beneath one eye – his hair dull and lacking the fiery red of his namesake.
Grindelwald scowled, his mouth a dark and twisted thing. “I saw it.”
Graves snorted.
He himself was doing remarkable well, considering. He had lost hearing in only one ear, the feeling in two fingers, and just a gash on his cheek from running to Theseus’ aid in the firght. 
But Tina and Newt…
Tina was curled around him now in fact, the man’s head nestled in her lap. Eyes closed, unconscious. His freckles were gone, his fingers were broken. He was bleeding heavily from his side. 
And Tina – her hair was dull and lifeless. She had lost some of her beauty in a spin, her brows a little more shapeless, her nose a bit more crooked, her figure a little less flattering. Nothing drastic, but different all the same.
The Game had taken from them all, all for the sake of the final prize - The Elder Wand.
“How much longer?” Tina moaned, hands shaking as she tried to keep calm in the face of Newt’s shortening breath. 
“Shit, I don’t–”
“Shut up, they’re coming back!”
“What a lovely show that was my dears!” One of their hosts said as they glided into the room, the Wheel an large and towering omen behind them. “Absolutely entertaining! Although you’re on the fast trakc to losing if you don’t start putting yourselves first; that othr team threw you to the dogs!”
“Quite right, Lydia, quite right. But you’ll have your chance to leanr later. For now, another round of sacrifice! And take heart – you’re near the endgame now, so this round will be particularly…costly,” Edward said with a dramatic flcik of his hair. Beside him, Lydia laughed, the soundlike church chimes for a funeral pyre.
“Who’s first?”
With a growl and a stagger, Grindelwald stepped forward. A Seer with a distinct distaste for the unknown, no more apparent than now by his inability to wait for the inevitable.
They watched as he spun the wheel, the elves chortling and narrating gleefully as it twirled. With a clattered that slowed and slowed, it finally stopped on sword. And for a moment, Graves hoped it meant what he thought it did.
It didn’t.
“Hmm now this is bland at first sight, but a goodie. We’ll be taking a win from you, some time in the future,” Edward purred when Grindelwald layed them with an expectant look.
“Yes!” Lydia sang, “A moment in your future, a battle you should have won, you’ll now lose!”
“I wonder which,” Edward asked with false innocence. “Do you agree to this sacrirfice?”
Graves hoped it’d be his arrest. Grindelwald must have seen it in his face, too, because he leveled Graves with a deathly glare as he agreed. His body flkickered for just a momnet, then that was it.
“Alright, who’s next/!”
Theseus stood up.
“I’m spinning twice,” He announced. “Once for myself, once for my brtoher.”
“Ah ~but –”
“He can hardly spin for himself,” Theseus said with a snap. “He’s not even awake to suffer whatever it is, so what does it matter?”
The two elves looked at one another with a look Graves couldn’t quite catch and nodded.
“Fair enough.”
“Spin, brother dearest.”
An eye and a body.
“Hmmm… since you’re such a dear and taking both, we’ll grant you this: you need only sacrifice the sight of one eye. As for your body, well… let’s just say you aren’t as spry as you used to be. For this, we’ll be taking some of your reflexes. Do you agree?”
“Theseus–”
“I do,” he said quickly. There was no pain, Graves could tell that much – no sacrifice hurt here – but he could see it in the way Theseus was suddenly blinking rapidly that he had gone blind suddenly ni one eye; his vision there one second, gone the next. He looked Graves’ way and indeed his left eye had gone cloudy and grey.
“Excellent! Another sacrifice closer to the enx t room, well done! Who’s next?”
“I will,” Graves said before Tina could step up, hoping once again he might find soem flaw or loophole to spare them all.
He didn’t.
The spinner clacked with ever panel passed. Thock. Thock. Thock… Thock…Thock… Thock.
An image of a heart.
Graves’ stomach curdled at the possibilities and on either side of the spinner, the elves grinned. Smoke leaked from the edges of his pursed lips.
“This… You are not a lucky man, are you, Mr. Graves?”
Graves glanced at Grindelwald with a scowl.
“Not recently.”
“The heart is a rather tricky thing, director,” Lydia said, her voice awed and somber, as though this were some rare treat. “And at this point in the game, it’s going to cost you.”
“Indeed,” Edward agreed. “A lot. For this sacrifice, Mr. Graves, we ask you this: would you sacrifice being with your soulmate?”
Graves blinked, floored because… this was it? This… fairy tale? He snorted.
“There’s no such thing.”
“I’m not talking about the children’s stories, darling,” Exward purred. “Everyone has a soulmate, but that doesn’t mean we get to meet them or be with them. There’s someone for everyone. I take it you haven’t met them yet, based off your disbelief. Maybe you’ll never meet them and this price will be moot. I guess… think of it this way? If you don’t believe in it, what does it hurt to let it go?”
“Oh interesting, yes. It’s not really a costly burden at all!” Lydia said with a pleased clap. “What do you say, dear?”
“You won’t even know they’re gone,” Edward said. “No matter what, nothing will make you remember them. And if you haven’t met them, you won’t even see them. You’ll exist and they’ll exist, but the string of fate that binds you will be severed. Forever.”
“Mr. Graves,” Tina whispered.
“It’s not real,” Graves said sternly, and he had never believed it to be real. And even if he did, he had no room in his life for love. Not when his life was so dangerous and his time so absorbed by work and his job so risky. It wouldn’t be fair. He has never allowed himself to love and he never would.
And this would cement the promise, if soulmates were real, which they weren’t. A child’s tale to make the world look shiny and exciting. But it wasn’t. It was dull and it was dangerous and it was cruel. 
There was no such thing as soulmates.
“I agree,” Graves said and nothing happened. He smirked.
“Done!” Edward said with a clap. Now, Ms. Goldstein, would you be so kind?”
“Here,” said a voice, rough and unfamiliar. “I’ll hold him.”
Graves blinked and turned just in time to see a stranger take Newt’s crumpled body into his arms, allowing Tina to go to the wheel. She paused at the sight of plain bafflement on Graves’ face.
“Mr… Graves…?” She asked.
“Who are you?” Graves barked at the man, hand already at his wand even though weapons were useless in this room. “Is this some new part of the game? Just throwing random people into our team?” 
He threw a glare at the elves, only to feel even more irritated by the sheer amazement and glee on their faces.
“Oh this is rich!”
“Did he not know?”
“Closeted probably, those law types always are.”
“How unfortunate.”
“Director,” Grindelwald suddenly said, surprisingly calm and intent in the way he was addressing his enemy. “Do you know that man?”
“Val…?” The stranger whispered, his skin ashy white.
And that was weird because only one—– no one called him that, actually. Ever. Not once. No one dared. No one.
“Director,” he corrected the man, thrown off by the man’s disregard for formalities. “And no. Who is this? Was he from the other room?”
“It’s… it’s me, Val. Theseus.”
“…I’m sorry. Do you know me? The name isn’t ringing a bell.”
Theseus let out a broken little sound, something that made Percival uneasy and uncomfortable.
“Jesus,” he gasped, holding Newt a little tighter. “Oh fuck. You… We… I thought… oh fuck!”
“What is going on?!”
“Oh no,” Tina moaned softly, wrecked.
“Please, Val. You have to remember me. Try! Please, try to remember me!”
Graves looked at him hard and long, but the longer he stared, the more and more his face seemed distant to him. He’d seen him on the street maybe? Or in training? A meeting? He just… didn’t look familiar. Not even a little.
“I’m… I’m sorry,” Graves said, at a loss for words in the face of such utter agony when he himself felt nothing. 
Theseus bowed his head down to Newt and shook and shook, his breath sharp and hollow. He whispered something, but the words fell on deaf ears and a deaf heart.
For Graves there was no such thing as soulmates, and there never would be. 
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juun-the-aira-mun · 7 years ago
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600 Follower Giveaway and Follower Forever!
Listen up, everyone!
It has been three long, long years since I started my journey on tumblr and I have gone an incredible way from the beginning. When I started I didn’t expect to even get a doozen followers and now look at where the blog has come to (even though it is still as deserted as back then most of the time).
SO now I want to say “Thank you, everyone.” Some people have helped me outside of this blog, in a certain sense in reallife, others have given me a lot of fun with the roleplays I have. There are a lot of followers I really owe a lot to in one way or another. And while I can’t say thank you to everyone, I can still direct certain people further below.
To that I am going to make a Giveaway that is directed at OCs in the community moreover than the people who play canon characters. While this sounds harsh on said people, I want to give OCs a bit of love or try to at least. I know how hard the community can be on them and how little some of them get no matter what so I think this gievaway will be justified. More about this will be posted relatively soon, hopefully during this very week even.
So, now to the specific thanks that I will direct at people around. Some might be a bit surprising as the people might never have interacted with me, others will very well be no surprise at all. I just will tag everyone I think I should make a note on! And while I usually see these things swamped with tags at all followers, I think I will pass on that for now!
@thecatofdarkness Hey sis :3 I mean, really, my shipping partner, my sister in soul or mind or whatever you want to call it, the one I often have to say “Donchu dare” to in all sorts of variations. If I were to not put you here first, I think I should be leaving this blog right now. I am allways happy with whatever you do for our muses, for me and whatever you message me with to tell me. I adore Ren and our conversations and am more than happy that a thread of a cheeky teasing cat evolved in a more than complicated and incredible detailed relationship. You listen to me rambling and groaning and are there when I need someone to talk to. Really, I can’t thank you enough. So thank you. Just thank you for being there.
@shukuchiisms Tales of Ice, flametales, do you remember these names? And how luna was a Skyrim muse way back? Or a fluffball that you would cuddle before the blog reset that turned her into a bloodsoaked monster that now has to deal with a Shadowlady that annoys the heck out of her and at the same time makes her melt? Holy hell, we never really got to any roleplays. All of our msues history is entirely set up in IM alone and yet it all makes sense. I love your character, I love talking to you and I allways grumble that we barely talk with each other anymore. I really, REALLY hope you come back to your bloga s an active member of the community and as the goofey idiot you sometimes are that gets bitten by his muse who definitly did not try to kill you with that. Thank you for sticking around with me.
You two were the ones who kept me in the blog. If you hadn’t been there, I would probably have abandoned the blog for real 2 years ago. Thank you. A round of applaus.
@crystals-angel Hello owo Remember me .3.? Yes, we barely talk. Yes, we had both our differences and our nice conversations. And yes, we basically talk apart from each other a good 40% of the time. But you are still a person I am happy to not have missed back when I found your blog. It is already so clouded as to how that happened that I am almost sure that it was just a random blog recommondation that caught my eye but what came of it is still incredible valuable for me. I was sad when you ahd deleted your blog back then and I was happy when I found you on skype and you reopened your blog. Your muses are diverse, Fawniss is a total goof that can sometimes just be described as adorable and at other times is just badass. I am happy for our interactions. And I really hope that we can talk more and interact more in the future.
@thecelestialchibi1 Muhahaha, I bet you weren’t even expecting me to tag you here :3c Or maybe you were. Knowing you, you weren’t and since you don’t roleplay anymore or use tumblr it wouldn’t really surprise me xD But you are still here. You are one of these people who I could just take and shake for half a minute while giving you a lecture about why you are awesome and you shouldn’t hate yourself or dislike yourself or ... whatever there is else you could think about yourself that is negative. You are an awesome person and I hope to see you again around in the future. For now there will be more patting and pouting in Discord though!
@castdeath Well, this one is actually surprising. I feel like we parted in a more negative way than I would like, but I am convinced that we can work through that ... somehow. I hope we can set these differences aside. We only did one single play so far but that one was very much important to me. I don’t get to play Aira in her AU that much. And I only that oen time got the chance to actually play her out the way she is. I hope we can return to being friends. I really do. (I also hope you are fine by now. Fucking storm sucking out all joy of the stuff we had going just from the time it forced you away).
@properbalance Boop :3 While the origin between us will remain a mystery, I have come to like you and come to like talking to you a lot. You are very hard to get a hold of though, one day ypou will be there, the next you will be gone for half a year to never be seen again. Just to pop up out of nowhere. I hope we will find the ways to do things in the future. But for now I will gladly focus on the idioticiy that we are doing anyways and will look forward to whatever idioticy we can brew up from thing air from now on xD
@staardusts You are probably the one who just jumped onto this list the most recent. You are the only Soraka-mun who ever had taken the time to show interest in my muse, the only one who bothered enough to actually think would could go on. And to add to that you are so incredibly nice as a person that I simply love talking to you in private. I hope things brighten up for you and I hope that we can continue and build up something special!
@littledesertsparrow I mean ... you and your muse are both adorable in their own ways. So far I had nothing but fun talking with you. Well, disregarding the one thing with my clinginess. Sorry for that once more, I am trying my best to change it currently. Your Taliyah is very unique and I think you play her in a one time way that noone else would be able to achieve. Even though I still don’t know how you managed to start shipping Darius and Taliyah. Then again, I managed shipping Elise and Quinn >.> Don’t ask how. I really, really hope we can make some things happen in the future between our muses and maybe between each other as a person as so far I just had a blast talking to you and sending things in for you to answer. And yes, I know this wording is weird. I am not good at social interactions :3
@rinidinger We abrely ever talked BUT you are one of the reasons I even started this entire blog xD I still have the old things I tried to make for an Ingame Model for Rin somewhere on my PC. Even though we did indeed never interact and there were only a handful of conevrsation, it is very easy for me tos ay thank you for your character and what you did for the community. You and two other blogs alone inspired me to start roleplaying here. And I made lots of friends due to that!
@asknasus-thecuratorofthesands Youuuu are probably dead. I think. I am not sure. But your blog is dead for sure. Thank you for the memories and the time our muses shared. They have helped develop my muse a lot and I am more than grateful for you to accept me just jumping in your inbox as if our muses knew each other and just going with it unlike other people who I did it back then with long before IM were even a thing and plotting was new to me. You helped my character to develop and it pulled it through the earliest stages of the blogs development. Thank you, kind sir. You helped me a lot.
@lillium-the-scout I ... think I should put you in this list as well. I have no clue what happened back then. I don’t know what the entire drama was that you were involved witha nd I honestly care little for it. I am not even sure that the mun I am tagging here is the same mun who played with Aira back in the early months’ of the blog. But for the chance that it was, disregarding every rumour and every bad reputation: Thank you for back then. You were one of the first roleplay partners I had. Even though in hindsight the entire starting ship was a terrible idea. I stilll want to thank you for the experience.
@askspiderqueen  I have to thank you for the single interaction we had with our muses. It might not make a lot of sense but it showed me a lot of things about hwo I paly my character and what she does. I really, REALLY want to interact and talk to you more, but I fear our muses just won’t work out. Elise being pissed and Aira having no real reason to ever visit the Spiderqueen. maybe I will find a way in the future. For now I thank you.A nd silently hope you might eba ctive again. Because your character is a lot of fun to read.
@noxian-rose We literally never roleplayed and we barely talked because I am shy as hell and SCARED like hell to approach you. But your character is amazing in the way you play her. I have been watchng your rolepalys in the past with excitement and am allways happy to see you on my dash. It pulled me back into roleplaying a while back. Thank you for that. Maybe things will come by in the future.
@shorthammertime And at last the mun I literally allways feel like I upset them when they suddenly stop to reply. I think of all the people on this list, you made me laugh most. Your muses are incredible, your love for them is noticeable and you yourself are just a fun person to talk with. I still hope that we might roleplay someday with each other. When I can’t tell. But I can at least hope.
Honorable mentions: These are a few people that I wanted to mention because they give me life in their roleplays or because I roleplayed or roleplay with them. Because I enjoyed our conversations or anything otherwise similar. Thank all of you for what you have given me. I will cherish it. Promise.
@ladyem-s-grimoire @verum-exsolutus @lustful-heavens @sexydeceiver @the-demacian-pariah @grabthelantern @maiden-soraka @the-everchild @ask-xayah-therebel @seliniakocharitos @sacredtempest
Thank all of you so much. Let’s hope that the future stays bright.
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avoresmith · 7 years ago
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bungou stray dogs
okay, let me tell you about my current primary fandom which approximately .1% of my followers have any awareness of despite it having a...? okayish? popularity. it’s bigger in japan than here.
So you know Fate/Stay Night and in general the trending fondness for taking the stories of real life dead people, taking half a dozen bullet points from their wikipedia page and then making them in an anime character who has exactly four tiny things in common with the actual person? And then you do that like ad nauseam until everyone is trying to kill each other while the fans all want them fucking?
Okay that’s Bungou Stray Dogs but with (usually) dead literary authors from the last century-ish.
It’s dead author AU super powered detective/mafia fanfic from a lit nerd. 
AV, you say, that sounds amazing, but probably not good.
And you are damn fucking right.
So okay as an example of how this works, here is HP Lovecraft:
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He turns into a tentacle monster.
And here is John Steinbeck:
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He grows vines out of his body.
And here is F. Scott Fitzgerald:
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His super power is being rich.
Simple, right? Take some dead dudes whose work you had to read in highschool, make them a pretty anime boy, give them a stupid power. Flawless.
I started with people my followers are more likely to have heard of but the primary characters are all inspired by Japanese authors, which to me actually made it much more interesting because it allowed me to enjoy them as characters first and foremost, and once I was at my saturation point of having too many shits to give about a manga that really doesn’t have the depth or complexity to hold all of my feelings, then I could go read the works that inspired the characters which... I will talk about on it’s own later but uh. I am enjoying it. And slightly resent being enriched by quality media when that is obviously not what I am about.
AV, you seem to be hinting that BSD isn’t qual--
NO. IT’S BAD.
I maintain a strong policy around here of admitting when we love things that aren’t good, in part because I think it’s a big weight off oen’s shoulders and mostly because I like complaining. For some people, loving bad things is a source of shame and discouragement. But I am like the dog who squeaks the toy enthusiastically and then pulls all the stuffing out.
So, should you read Bungou Stray Dogs?
Yes, absolutely, if for no reason other than so I will be a bit less alone in the world. It’s a fun romp has a lot of interesting character outlines without much substance which of course means fun making it up yourself. Look 95% of you got here via Overwatch let’s not pretend you don’t enjoy media that is basically just action figures sometimes. 
Under the cut I am going to rAMBLE A BIT about whatever I feel like because this is my blog and I don’t have to organized or concise. Spoilers ahead if you care about such things. (It’s not worth caring about, the spoilers are the only reason I tried this canon out at all).
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I guess I should start with Dazai Osamu, despite not actually being the main character (and the frequency he appears in the manga tapers off a lot after the first few volumes) he is by faaaar the most popular character. I honestly attribute this to the fact that the work he is (mostly) inspired by, Dazai Osamu’s No Longer Human, is an actually fantastic, super intricate and well crafted character perspective piece. 
At his core he is a pretty recognizable trope: the cute prankster who is secretly really capable and smart and smiles and jokes to hide his dark past. He has a Suicide Shtick which people find (justifiably) Problematic, but the slapstick of it also mostly disappears after the early canon and you’re left with someone who very genuinely struggles to find a reason to live and treats all of his own emotions as Joke thus ensuring that no one takes him seriously and he has no actual friends in canon. Dazai does not get a character arc so much as a gradual character reveal, perhaps one day he will actually get to evolve within the current story but I kind of doubt it. Despite his popularity the canon isn’t very interested in having his current relationships pick at him or help him, and what we mostly see is a reveal of how far he has come from where he used to be, rather than engagement with who he is now to who he has the ability to become.
I do think this works okay, it’s part of the tragedy of such a character; that even when people are 100% aware he is full of shit no one is actually capable of engaging with that in direct enough way to impact him. It’s not say his relationships with the other protagonists are not important, but I think a lot about how much he has gotten himself into a life where he is around good people and doing good things yet is absolutely aloof.
Then again, writing engaging relationships isssn’t one of BSD’s strong points, so maybe his position within the protagonist team isn’t meant to be as melancholy as I take it.
Anyway, he’s garbage and he knows it and goes in the trash and I love him.
(Even if you don’t read BSD, you should read No Longer Human, which is fucking amazing)
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Then there is Nakahara Chuuya.
Oh, Chuuya.
Chuuya is the character I am most invested in at the moment which is why I am writing a fanfic about him. However, his function in the manga is basically to be Dazai’s jilted ex, and BOY does he play that role to a T. I’m not going to try to tell you that he is an important character with a lot of nuanced canon cuz uh. He ain’t. But look do you like blackrom? Do you like boys who have an obvious complex history full of feelings and misunderstanding and who are fundamentally both sort of trying to do right by each other but are so goddDAMN bad at communication and understanding each other that eventually just start making petty bickering their primary dialog because it’s all they are consistently good at?
Do you like it when when two people who can’t stand each other still can effortlessly fall back on their old trust based dynamic?
Do you like it when they have like 10 inches in height difference and the short one can stomp the tall one?
Yeah you do everyone loves that shit that’s why it’s the most popular ship in the canon despite Chuuya not actually having anything going on outside of being Dazai’s bitter ex.
Oh he has cool gravity powers there’s that.
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This is Kyouka!
She is the only girl who has any narrative importance, but while her introduction is sort of, so bad it sets my teeth on edge (hOW MANY PEOPLE HAS SHE KILLED? 35? YOU DON’T SAY? maybe a feW MORE TIMES FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK) she has a real great character arc and uh. Frankly probably should’ve been the protagonist? I have like, a whole rant to write about how there is no reason she can’t be and how the actual protagonist is functionally irrelevant for most of the manga but anyWAY. As it is I really enjoy her character growth and she has a lot of agency and is great. also cute AF which don’t hurt.
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AV I thought you said Kyouka was the only important female cha-- YEAP but here is Yosano anyway. Because you are a good person and deserve to know Yosano exists.
She has a little more canon than Chuuya but without as much advantage of having a compelling relationship with another character. It’s unfortunate because she is gREAT but is sidelined badly. Anyway her power is that she can heal any injury but only if you’re at least halfway dead so she is always happy to help people get a bit closer to death.
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Akutagawa is another character who probably should’ve been the protagonist and has a pretty good character arc. He is Dazai’s former student and is a little obsessed with earning Dazai’s attention and approval. (Dazai life is basically being a cat type surrounded by dogs who just want maybe a single pat on the head and instead getting startled and clawing them in the nose anyway--) 
Akutagawa is eXTREMELY EXTRA and very edgy and he’s the best I love him. He has a coat that is a dEMON and he uses it to stab people and CUT SPACE ITSELF!!! he is also smol and frail and coughs into his hands all the time probably because he has TB. But he is ready to fight and only knows one trick and that trick is murder.
His character growth is marked and consistent without sacrificing the character he starts off as, and despite his supposed singleminded fixation on Dazai you actually see him having more actual relationships with people than you do of most of the other characters. (The implication not so much being no one else has real relationships just not a lot of characters get enough focus to see it).
Also when you are in BSD you get to learn fun things like how the real life Dazai was actually a huge fanboy of real life Akutagawa and obsessed over him a little bit, so the relationship in BSD is sort of an inversion of that.
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Kunikida is Dazai’s beautiful and tight assed current partner. He is a pURE BOY IDEALIST who keeps his Ideal Life carefully written down in his notebook and is absolutely unforgiving about any attempt to deter him from basically achieving a perfect existence, right down to being exactly on time for work and meticulously keeping a list of The Ideal Romantic Partner so he can rate potential candidates. Dazai, of course, fucks with his schedule as much as possible because that’s what he deserves.
Despite his genuinely pure and good intentions, Kunikida is definitely an aggressive asshole who has no sympathy for criminals and will throw you on the ground if you fuck with his schedule.
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Among BSD’s maNy unfortunate no good very bad writerly decisions is that someone allowed Asagiri to indulge in his fetish for male characters with a sherlockian genius. So even tho we can’t get more than one female character who is actually consistently plot relevant we have at last FOUR genius men who are. FOUR!!!11! Four.
That’s not counting spinoff novels and the guy who is implied to be the brains behind the entire plot of the manga.
It makes me very angry.
BUT
This is Edogawa Ranpo and he is, despite all of this, great. He is the mOST GENIUSY GENIUS, as opposed to the OTHER lower key geniuses who can only do things like basically run the mafia at age 16 adn sldia;sdcnlsds--
OKAY BUT RANPO IS GREAT. He is a 26 yo egotistical/incredibly insecure fussy birb who is haunted by how much he notices about the world that no one else does and basically needs to a constant stream of asspats but also he REALLY LOVES, ASSPATS. Somehow he manages to come off as endearing? I guess because while he is a super genius he is genuinely bad at like. basically all mundane life tasks. I don’t know why I love Ranpo but I do, he’s good. 
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AV, I notice you haven’t mentioned the protag--
BECAUSE HE’S BAD.
he’s just soooooo boring and takes up soooooooo much space that could go to the rest of the cast
/sighs gently
The protagonist is Atsushi. He actually has a character design I really enjoy and that is about the only positive thing I have to say about him for the first uh. 35? Chapters?
BSD’s greatest suffering as a manga was that it wanted an everyman protagonist to frame all of these more dynamic and interesting characters but due to slating him with all of the Generic Heroic Traits the result is a Typical Heroic Kid who doesn’t... ?? Really have any flaws??? but is also too naive to help anyone with THEIR flaws so?? he sort of neither impacts others nor is impacted himself in any meaningful way outside of doing the Appropriate Hero Things At The Appropriate Hero Time.
I guess you could say he like, learns people? Like him? But while he has no self worth due to being abused all of his life this also doesn’t really impact anything beyond the flavor of the shounen things he shouts while being heroic. 
Hilariously, everything that is wrong with Atsushi as an MC is underscored really well by Kyouka, the more interesting character with an almost identical insecurity and motivation to Atsushi, who has her character arc at a comparative sprint compared to him, despite having far fewer appearances. Almost every scene Kyouka is in, even when they are badly written, shows her dealing with her shitty situation; sometimes this means confronting it and sometimes it means running away from it, but despite being a subtle and quiet character she is constantly aware of her immediate wants and acting in accordance with them. She is impacted by the people around her and is constantly learning and growing, at times defying or disappointing them, at other times living up to expectations. 
Comparatively, Atsushi is around all the time but usually sidelined to witness other people actually seeking what they want, and then you know, at some point he turns into a tiger to defend someone else/prevent someone else from getting what they want. Ostensibly his motivation is that he wants to feel like his life has value, and it starts playing with the fact that he has an abuser whose memory haunts him that he needs to overcome. But ‘character literally always does the right thing, is loved and respected by everyone around him, and what haunts him has no negative effect outside of he says he feels bad sometimes’ issss a hard story to write and sell in a compelling manner. And I can promise you BSD isn’t clever enough to pull it off. He’s just another bland McEveryBoy, here to only have a strong opinion when it comes to doing the right thing, and uniquely gifted with a combination of unstoppable physical power and complete disregard for self that makes for dramatic fight scenes with murderers.
He’s not the worst MC ever? I like his character design, he is cute or funny at times, he’s inoffensive unless you are offended by mediocre trope laden main characters, which I am. But if I have learned anything from arguing with my roommate about media every day for two years, it is that the frequency with which you must endure a particular trope deeply impacts how tired you get of it.  I am exhausted to tears of Generically Heroic Nubile Teen Anime Boys. The fact that Atsushi’s character flaws are ill defined, that his powers always manage to save him, that his purity inexplicably inspires cute girls with no self worth to love him, etc, are all just various bland frostings on a cake I have consumed so many times I don’t even want to look at it again. I do think he’s a pretty lackluster example of the trope, but hell, Chuuya is a pretty lackluster example of the jilted ex partner but I fucking love that cake and will die in it. Generically good boy MC’s? Ehn, not worth the calories.
I will say he improves a lot once he actually starts to have a character arc. I like his dynamic with Akutagawa later in the manga a lot. That’s still the ONLY time I care about him but he does have some good stuff there. Otherwise I just sort of accept dealing with him so that I can enjoy the rest of the canon.
Which you should ALSO do. Please read Bungou Stray Dogs i’m dying and in hell.
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