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rqgnarok · 11 months ago

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leave a light on - nolan price

prequel for love you better now, but can be read individually

fandom: law & order, law & order special victims unit

wc: 4,735

warnings: canon presence of injuries, blood, violence, weapons, and hospitals. female reader.

summary: nolan's wife gets shot. he tries and fails to deal with that.

author's note below! masterlist / ko-fi / ao3

Nolan misses Liv’s call thrice before he calls for a recess.

The first two he’s stuck cross-examining a witness and doesn’t realize she’s trying to reach him until the third time she calls. He can’t answer– Judge MacNamara is lenient but not enough for Nolan to take a call in the middle of the day– but it goes to voicemail and his screen lights up with Liv’s other calls, constant and insistent.

He immediately knows it’s bad. And he immediately knows it’s about you.

His chest constricts with his panic, breath catching and refusing to enter his lungs as his brain catches up to the situation. The courtroom is suddenly too small and suffocating, his tie a noose around his neck.

It takes McNamara calling his name several times and the DA snidely wondering if the defense needs a minute for Nolan to somewhat snap out of it, pressing on Liv’s contact before the judge finishes adjourning for the day.

“Nolan,” she says, shaky.

Not Price, which is what he’d expect from his wife’s coworker. They’re all friends, sure, but during work hours they fall into the habit of keeping each other at arm’s length. Not right now, for some reason, and Nolan is tiptoeing the line between fine and about to crumble on the courthouse steps from a knock-out panic attack.

“What happened?” Because something must’ve happened. You have one of the most dangerous jobs out there, life-endangering experiences being the norm and coming home not-dead being a good day. But if Liv is calling– if Liv is calling and you aren’t…

Nolan has been psyching himself up for this day since you first told him about joining the police academy. He’s still somehow not ready.

He will never be ready for this.

Olivia hesitates for a second too long and Nolan’s fear gets the best of him. “Olivia. What happened?”

Her voice cracks when she says your name. Nolan grips his briefcase so tightly on the way to the hospital that his hand goes numb, nails digging into the skin of his palm until it’s red and tender.

The knot of anxiety in his belly doesn’t unclench despite the quick, easy ride to Bellevue. New York traffic seems to be doing him a favor, but it isn’t the physical distance he’s worried about. That one he’s able to cross but there’s nothing he can do if his wife is… if you…

Nolan finds himself amidst a sea of NYPD blue as soon as he steps into the reception, talking over each other as they watch over one of their injured own. None of them are familiar faces and his vision tunnels, the sound of his heartbeat in his ears drowning out doctors, officers, and detectives.

Suddenly, the sea of people parts. Olivia is in his line of sight and it gives Nolan something to focus on rather than the never-ending possibilities of what he’s facing here. She looks disheveled, shirt askew and vest still halfway on; hair out of place and expression haunted, but no blood. There’s no blood on her and it's an important distinction for Nolan to make when she seizes his free hand in hers.

“Nolan,” she says, and her voice sounds like static, just like it did on the phone. It isn’t the line but Nolan’s brain filled with noise, like cotton in his ears. “Nolan, are you okay?”

“What happened?” he asks now in person. Liv hadn’t explained, not really. She only told him that you were hurt and they were taking you to Bellevue. You should come too, she’d said, and should had sounded more like need, which did nothing to soothe Nolan’s raising hackles.

His breath stutters. Nolan knows what happened but can’t comprehend it. He’s still holding onto his fucking briefcase and his hands won’t stop shaking.

Liv only blinks at him, mouth open and no words coming out. “Liv. What happened?”

“We were chasing a suspect via foot,” and Nick’s there, too, by Liv’s side, like an apparition Nolan’s broken mind has conjured. His brows are furrowed, jaw tense. “We caught him mid-rape and separated to cover more ground. No one had mentioned a gun during their disclosures, he wasn’t supposed to be armed.”

“She caught up to him first,” Liv continues, shaking her head. “He– Shots went off but we didn’t know�� he must’ve known we were onto him. Got his hands on a gun after the first wave of assaults.”

Nolan bites the inside of his cheek. He tastes blood, thinks of his wife. Stops.

“She was alone for two minutes tops,” Nolan wonders if Liv thinks she’s being reassuring. “She’d been shot, we called a bus right away.”

“Where?” Nolan asks tightly.

Liv stares, uncomprehending. Nick answers, “What?”

“Where, where in her body was she shot, how–” he struggles for a full breath and only comes out half successful. “How bad is it?”

Silence.

“Did you– did you not see her?” he wonders, biting. Nolan turns back and forth between his wife’s coworkers, losing his patience. “Were you there, was she– Jesus, Liv, how bad is it?”

“The bullet hit her chest,” Nick says, and Nolan loses all fiery, defensive passion right then and there. His own heart stops for a second, or at least that’s what it feels like when his chest is engulfed by a pressing ache that numbs him all over.

“They took her straight to surgery,” Amaro continues when Nolan finds no answer to that. “Liv rode with her in the ambulance but there wasn’t– it’s in their hands now. They’re taking care of her, pal, okay?” He reaches to touch Nolan’s shoulder, shake him a little. “She’s getting help.”

Where was the help when she was alone chasing a fucking criminal, where the hell were you, huh he wants to say; wants to shout and curse and make a scene, but the words get stuck in his throat and in the next blink he finds himself seated in the waiting room, still surrounded by cops.

God, Nolan thinks, pressing his fingers to his tightly closed lids. When in all your years together could he have seen this coming? The pretty girl in a law course elective that outsmarted half of the senior class still in his life decades later, bleeding out a couple rooms over and threatening to take his heart with her six feet under.

He remembers running into you after that final exam outside the lecture hall. He’d been catching his breath on a bench when suddenly you were there too, smiling as you crouched against the opposite wall, elbows on your knees. You’d nodded. “How’d you do?”

Nolan had stuttered back, flustered in your presence, “I’m, uh, not flushing out yet, I hope.”

“You don’t sound too sure.”

“Ask me after I’ve slept some 12 hours,” he’d sighed, messing nervously with his hair. “Things usually seem less dire by then.”

“Would some coffee do the trick?” and Nolan hadn’t known it then, but you’d been nervous too. After all, you’d offered him what would be the first day of the rest of your lives together. No easy feat, but you’d seen something in him that deemed him worthy of you.

“Coffee can work,” Nolan, young and eager, had said slowly. He couldn’t stop grinning, high with lack of sleep and your attention on him. “You’re buying?”

“It’s only fair,” you’d shrugged, but there was something giddy about your expression that still appears in your features these days, bright and young. “You look like you’re about to drop dead.”

“And I still seem like worthy company?”

“I think we can pull a few good hours out of you yet,” a few hours, a few years; Nolan will be as sleepless as he was then on his wedding day out of pure excitement. You’ll have spent the night before the ceremony talking on the phone while in separate rooms since your friends were sentimental little fucks and wouldn’t let him even kiss you goodbye before the big day.

He’d described the few hours apart as agony in his vows, had made the crowd laugh and you cry with the sentiment, and now he wishes he hadn’t. He shouldn’t have said a damned thing, shouldn’t have manifested any sort of agony into your lives because now the illusion cuts off sharply and he’s back in the waiting room, a nurse calling your name while he fiddles with his wedding ring, staring blankly into the hallway.

Liv’s still there for some reason, as are some other officers and Amaro, while the others hunt down the man who landed you here. Munch had snapped at the Captain when he told him he couldn’t stay. Fin had to lead Amanda out by the shoulders, too stricken to walk out herself.

Liv and Amaro stand but it takes Nolan a few moments to return to himself. She tells them, gently, that you’re out of surgery. “She lost a lot of blood, but only some of the bullet’s fragments hit her heart. It was touch and go but the doctor was able to extract all of them.”

Nolan’s lungs open up and he breathes his first full breath since Liv called. He must make a sound, because the attention in the room shifts to him, suffocating and inquisitive. His vision blurs for a second, heartbeat pumping in his ears.

“She’s extremely lucky,” she continues, looking right at Nolan, like it's supposed be comforting. Like that’s what luck means, almost-but-not-quite bleeding out while your heart had to be stitched up back together. “Most people with injuries like this don’t even make it past the ambulance.”

Nolan closes his eyes in anguish. He presses his closed fists against his forehead, elbows on his knees, back hunched. It’s almost like he’s trying to disappear into himself, but the image of an ambulance opening its doors to his flatlining wife refuses to leave him.

“There’s still a long way to go,” she continues, softer, realizing she’s hit a nerve. She turns to Liv and Nick, who are paying rapt attention even as Nick walks close to him to put a hand on Nolan’s shoulder, firm and steady. “She won’t wake up anytime soon. Her body needs rest and to recuperate from the most acute injuries. And the doctor would like to talk about next steps once she does.”

Next steps, Nolan thinks. The only next steps he’s aware of are those that lead to your room. Olivia and Amaro trail behind him and the nurse like a couple of guard dogs, standing alert for any sign of Nolan backing out or collapsing into his grief.

He just might. He feels queasy, nauseous with exhaustion and worry. But then he sees you, and nothing else matters.

“Sweetheart,” he says, devastated, walking to your bed. “Oh, honey.”

Despite his eagerness to touch you, Nolan flails when you’re finally within arms reach. You look asleep for one blissful, hopeful moment, but then Nolan blinks and the light settles; the ashiness of your skin, the uncomfortable placing of your body, the blank expression devoid of dreams or nightmares or consciousness.

He’d usually be embarrassed to have witnesses to such a personal display of affection, but not even Liv and Nick standing at the door can stop Nolan from carefully cupping your face in his hands and kissing the apple of your cheek, lingering and gentle. He’s afraid of touching the rest of you, of jostling you too badly. But the steady noise of your heart rate monitor is a constant, loud reminder that you won’t fall apart that easily.

Liv and Nick linger behind him, talking quietly amongst themselves in sharp whispers. It might or might not be an argument. Nolan would kick them out if he could gather the energy to care.

Benson eventually takes a few apprehensive steps into the room, seemingly having lost whatever fight she and her partner were having.

“We’re on our way out,” she murmurs. “There’s a lead on our guy and Cragen’s calling us all back to the precinct. But if there’s anything…”

She trails off. Nolan doesn’t answer, studies instead the bridge of your nose and the shape of your brows, tries to count your eyelashes and catalog the bruises on your face. Liv sighs defeatedly and reaches for him.

“Whatever you need,” Liv says firmly with a hand on his arm. Still, her steady presence is undermined by the way she keeps looking at you like you’re already in a coffin. For that, Nolan wants her out, can’t stand her even if she rode with you to the hospital and kept you semi-conscious until the doctors took you off her hands. “We’re here for you, alright? All of us, Nolan. I’m serious.”

“Thanks,” he says, monotone, voice rough and cracked from swallowing down his panic and tears. He clears his throat but it does little to help. “Thank you, Liv. For everything.”

Her lips tighten in an unpleased line, but she nods and leaves the room with one last pat to his arm. He’s being ungrateful, he knows. Liv’s the one who found you, who held your hand in the ambulance before they drove you off to surgery. Nolan owes Benson his life.

The thought alone makes him so nauseous he has to clench his eyes shut, breathing shallowly. God, what would he have done? What will he do, if something happens to you? You aren’t out of the woods yet and if something goes wrong, if your body decides to cave in, if the wound gets infected, if there’s something they didn’t catch, if, if, if, if–

He lifts his head and catches his wife’s face, lax and motionless. Once again, the panic settles. He hasn’t gotten the chance to let it unfold the way it needs to.

“I finally got you on your own,” Nolan says, soft, careful not to disturb the semblance of peace in the room.You don’t answer, no matter how badly Nolan wants you to. “You’re very popular. A tough one to find these days, you know.”

You weren’t even supposed to be in today. Cragen had called mere hours after you’d gone to bed and Nolan had done his best to stay up while you got ready to go. You’d kneeled next to his side of the bed and Nolan had leaned in to kiss you without thought, an automatic notion he wishes he’d paid more attention to now.

I’ll call you when I can, you’d nudged your nose against his temple before pressing a kiss there. Nolan had already been half asleep at that point. I love you.

Love you, Nolan mumbled, eyes closed, jutting his chin forward blindly. One more.

He continues as if you had replied. “You’ve got half of the NYPD out there waiting on you. The nurses are rioting, but I don’t think anyone’ll leave until you wake up.”

Nolan’s voice loses the battle, it breaks right at the end of his sentence and so does his composure, eyes burning with tears that for some goddamned reason just won’t fall.

“Please,” he begs to the sky, to God, to no one. “Please, please, please. Wake up.”

He presses his forehead to his wife’s limp hand maybe a little too harshly. Even if your skin is cold and your grip nonexistent, the touch has him sobbing dryly.

An hour ago you were in surgery, out of reach and sight even if you were already getting help.

Three hours ago you were bleeding out in some alleyway in Queens, struggling for your radio to call for help.

Twelve hours ago you were kissing him goodbye, smiling against his mouth despite the dark nature of the case because Nolan kept pulling you in for one more kiss.

One more, one more, one more, his pleads now. Wake up and give me one more, sweetheart, come on.

“Please, honey,” he whispers, wet and nasal with emotion. “I’m not ready for this. I’m not ready yet, I didn’t– I don’t–”

The words don’t come. Nolan chokes, holds your hand in his own. Breathes, breathes, and breathes.

Days keep piling up. You don’t wake up and Nolan doesn’t cry. God knows why, but he can’t, his body on automatic while he solely focuses on your condition. The nurses know him by name and he makes record time to the apartment and back for showers and quick naps, some food for the little appetite he has.

He doesn’t even think to be offended when he’s placed on indefinite leave at work. Nolan can’t bring himself to care, he would’ve stacked up every sick day and vacation time available to stay at your side as much as he could anyway.

The squad offers to stand guard almost daily, which Nolan appreciates, but his object permanence has gone to shit. Whenever he doesn’t have eyes on you his panic rises again like a tidal wave, never quite crashing but dwindling when he sits in that Godawful chair next to your bed. His hand settles your ankle or arm or somewhere he can easily look for your pulse, weak but steady, and it keeps him wearily calm.

It’s desperate, he knows, and more than a little pathetic, but Nolan feels like he’s allowed. Until you wake up to tell him he’s been worrying over nothing he will do as he pleases.

He talks to you. Liv and Amaro have caught him more than once speaking quietly into the lull of the hospital room, holding your hand and drawing soothing motions with his thumb against your skin.

Mom drove into the steps again. The ones in the driveway? They were already loose from last time and now she has Dad driving through every Home Depot in North Carolina to find the right tile to replace them.

Jill sends her best. Last time I saw her she was talking my ear off about her kid’s college fund. Apparently her husband lost half of it during Tuesday night with the boys, whatever that means.

Munch says he owes you 20 bucks from the Giants game from two weeks ago? Which is weird, because you haven’t watched a full game since, like, ‘08. Not like you’re missing anything, but still, your accuracy to outsmart Munch in his own line of work is pretty outstanding.

It helps, though barely. Whenever he ventures over what you’ll do once you’re awake the illusion breaks and so does Nolan’s composure. He trails off, feeling foolish, the weight of his delusion pressing against his chest.

“It’s not silly,” Munch tells him during one of his visits, the book he’s been reading to you resting on his lap. “You’re talking to your wife. If I’d done more of that back in my day then maybe I’d still be married.”

“Which time?” Nolan asks, his lips tingling with the almost want to smile.

Munch points at him, managing a smirk himself. “Exactly.”

He’s so sure it calms Nolan more than you’d expect. So far he’s the only other person who talks about you like you’re still alive and thus, the only one who doesn’t make an indomable rage wash over Nolan whenever they’re in the same room.

He’s the one with him when you wake. You do so in a panic, waking Nolan up from his uncomfortable nap next to your bed. It’s a sudden flail after another as your heart rate monitor goes crazy and you don’t answer any call of your name, terrified and in pain.

It’s awful. Nolan doesn’t think he’ll ever forget how you almost tear your stitches mid panic while doctors and nurses gather around and kick him out with quick accuracy. There’s nothing he can do to help and he knows it, but he’s never supposed to be in a position in which he can’t help you.

He’s doomed to watch from a glass window, helpless, as you suffer without anyone to reach out to.

She woke up but had to be sedated, a nurse tells him after, it’s normal for patients to be unaware of their surroundings after waking up from long periods of unconsciousness. We still haven’t been able to determine neurological damage, so we’ll have to wait until it wears off.

“Kid, kid, hey,” Munch says, alarmed after coming back from the cafeteria with two coffees and finding Nolan sitting outside your room, crying into his knees. “What’s wrong, what happened? I was gone fifteen minutes–”

Nolan tries to explain but the words get caught up in his throat, his grief taking over his sense of logic. She woke up, he meant to say. She woke up and she didn’t know where she was and I stood by like an idiot watching her suffer.

After he’s talked down from a panic attack he says, a mere croak. “She woke up. They don’t know–” his breath hitches “–but she woke up.”

Munch sighs, visibly relieved as he squats next to Nolan, cupping the back of his neck. “Good. That’s good, hey– Nolan. That’s good, okay? That’s one step closer to getting her back. This is good.”

He repeats those words to himself like a mantra. This is good, this is good, this is good, and doesn’t dare to close his eyes for something other than blinking until you’re conscious. It’s hours later, deep into the night when you open your eyes again, groggy and disoriented, blinking into the dark hospital room.

“Honey,” he says, quiet and so, so relieved. You don’t appear to hear him and a flash of fear seizes his heart. He presses the button and calls for a nurse, edging closer to the bed. Nolan says your name, filled with trepidation. “Hey, honey, you with me?”

Arduously slowly, you follow the sound of his voice. You blink at him, gulping and saying, dry as the Sahara. “Nole.”

It’s the most glorious thing he’s ever heard. The smile that pulls at his mouth feels odd on his face, like he’s forgotten how to show joy. How to feel it. He goes to touch your face, hands shaky and reverent. “Yeah. Yeah, sweetheart, it’s me.”

He offers you a drink and grips your hand all through the nurse’s examination, which you pass with flying colors. While she’s tinkering with your IV, you ask him, “Bellevue?”

“Yeah,” he says grimly, thumb rubbing soothing motions against your skin, trying to infuse some warmth.

“Shot?” you wonder next.

Nolan hesitates. “You don’t remember?”

“Guessin’,” you slur, tired, blinks getting longer each time you close your eyes.

The nurse pipes up then with the same explanations she’s given Nolan the past few weeks: the bullet to your heart, the long-lasting surgery, the even longer coma. You nod in all the right places but your head rests against the pillow and your expression is vacant, like you’ll forget all about it by the next time you wake up.

“Anyone… else?” you ask.

“No,” Nolan responds, watching some tension fall off your frame when he confirms this. He wishes he felt the same, though a selfish part of him would’ve preferred it to be someone else in this hospital bed instead of you; Liv or Amaro, Rollins or even Fin. It’s true, even if the thought is followed by guilt. “No, everyone’s fine, honey. Working their asses off and worried out of their minds, but okay. It’s just you.”

You hum and then promptly fall back asleep, breaths settling into an even rhythm. It’s then that his eyes water and his tears fall on the scratchy hospital sheets where you lay. Oh, Nolan thinks, almost surprised by them. So this is what it takes.

The next time he looks up, hours later, is because you’re reaching to touch his face, tender and shaky. He snaps to attention like a soldier called to the front lines, but there’s no trouble chasing after you, no bad thing happening for once. You’re both okay, safe in your hospital room while nurses and doctors and visitors keep passing by just outside the door.

“You haven’t slept,” you croak out as you drop your hand from where you’d been gently pressing at the bags under Nolan’s eyes, tired from that simple movement. Your chest rises and falls with breaths that are a little too labored, but your eyes are fixed on your husband, worried. “Nole.”

It almost makes him smile: how you worry about other people while you lie with a hole in your heart on a hospital bed. Nolan would laugh if he were sure the sound wouldn’t dwindle into sobbing. There’s nothing funny about this. Nothing.

“‘m alright,” he promises, croaky and wet from previous cries. You’re still a little too out of it, but your face contorts in weak disbelief. You don’t believe him for a moment. He amends: “I will be. And so will you. You’re gonna be okay, honey.”

happy new year!!! i wanted to start the year giving you a little something after being so absent the last couple of months and i've had this piece in my drafts for ages! it was originally waaay longer but i thought i'd end it on a happy note and maybe make a part two if anyone's interested?

anyway! i hope you guys enjoy what has become one of my favorite pairings to write and i hope you had a good time last night and a great 2024! thank you for reading!

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x-bluefire-heart-x · 7 months ago

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Forever and Always

So first I owe an apology to @autumntheblogger who requested a sequel to Our Family. It has taken me a while to write this and be happy with it. But it is finally here and I really hope it was worth the wait.

I recommend reading Our Family first, which is linked below but you don't have to.

Warnings: None. Just good old fluff.

Masterlist

Prompt List

Our Family

You smiled softly as Rafael whined low in his throat as you slowly moved out from under his arm that was wrapped tightly around your waist. You wiggled out of bed looking back at him as you sat up, his forehead was wrinkled as he reached out to you in his sleep. You huffed out a laugh putting your pillow in his reach before leaning over and pressing a kiss to the furrow in his eyebrows. It was a similar event every time you got up before him, it was rather adorable, although a little bit amusing at the same time.

You swapped your shirt for the one of his that was sitting at the end of the bed as always before you padded down the hallway, checking in on Noah before continuing to the kitchen. Rafael had had a long night, a difficulty in a case causing him to stay later than he normally did these days, so you wanted to cook him a nice breakfast before he had to head into the office.

You were half way through cooking waffles and some egg and bacon when you felt a pair of arms wrap around your waist and lips on the back on your neck before Rafael buried his head in the crook of your neck.

“You could have slept a little longer babe,” you whispered.

“Hmm, I could have, but you weren’t there,” Rafael whispered pressing kisses up and down your neck. “There is no point sleeping in if you aren’t with you.”

“Sook,” you teased.

“You are so mean to me, Carino,” Rafael whined, you could feel him pouting. “Don’t make me tell Liv on you.”

“Ooh, bringing out the big guns huh?” you asked lightly running your fingers along his forearm. “You know she would be on my side right?”

“Fine, I’ll tell Finn,”

“Also on my side,” you turned your head enough to kiss him on the temple before you pulled out of his arms to plate up the rest of the food. “Could you get our son?”

“I can go get our son,” Rafael grinned sneaking in one last kiss before going to get Noah. It didn’t matter how much time had passed since you had told him that Noah was his son as much as he was yours, he would always get so happy to refer to Noah as “his” or “our” son. You shook your head a little as you brought the plates to the table, being sure to grab Noah’s sippy cup with his juice and Rafael’s cup of coffee. You could hear him coming back down the hall, humming softly to Noah.

“So, what is the plan today?” he asked, getting Noah settled.

“Hm, gotta drop Noah off at day care, then I have a meeting with a client that’s probably going to take all day,” you sighed, already feeling the headache that this day will induce.

“Wait, is this that guy that keeps changing his mind?” Rafael asked raising an eyebrow.

“Yes, after we agree, he calls and then says he doesn’t want it that way anymore, it is doing my head in,”

“Next time he tries, tell him your boyfriend is a lawyer,” Rafael grinned. “A verbal agreement is a legally binding contract.”

“Mhm, my boss will love it if I subtly imply that I will sue one of our top paying clients,” you roll your eyes.

“Well, the option is there,” he placed a kiss on your forehead as he stood up. “Thanks for breakfast I gotta get into the office.”

“Have a good day!” you were too focused on helping Noah eat to see the look on Rafael’s face. His hand went into the pocket of his pants and stayed there as he headed out the door, looking back once to the scene at the kitchen table before closing the door.

---

Rafael stood outside the station one hand in his pocket fiddling with the box that he had been carrying around for months, since you had told him that he was Noah’s father. He had been standing there for a lot longer than he ever wanted to admit.

“Counsellor?” Rafael jumped at the sound of Nick’s voice behind him. “Are you going in?”

“Yes, need to speak with Liv about the new case you lot have dumped on me,” Rafael cleared his throat attempting to cover up how nervous he was.

“We haven’t given you a new case,” Nick raised his eyebrow as he followed Rafael inside. “And you’re jumpier than normal, it’s too early for you to have had enough caffeine to make you like this considering your tolerance.”

“I hate detectives,” Rafael muttered.

“You’re nervous,” it was not a question as Nick’s eyes traced the movement of Rafael’s in his pocket. “Congrats.”

“Not a word…I haven’t even told Liv yet,” Rafael pointed his finger at Nick. “And I want to ask for Liv’s blessing…and Finns.”

“My lips are sealed,” Nick promised as they entered the bull pin.

“Why is one of my detectives telling you that his lips are sealed?” Liv questioned, her eyes narrowing as she catalogued every movement Rafael made before her eyes zeroed in on his hand still in his pocket. “My office. Finn, join us.” Her tone left no room for argument.

“Good luck,” Amanda winked as both men followed Olivia into her office. Rafael felt his heart pick up speed, he knew Liv would notice straight away, but he had not considered her tone to be that specific one, it was her Lieutenant voice. And the way Finn walked ahead of him was the same way he walked into the interrogation room.

Olivia closed the door behind the two of them before she walked around her desk, Finn taking his spot right beside her as they both stared Rafael down. It was rare for him to be on the receiving end of those looks, at the same time. He now knew how a suspect felt when Liv and Finn would team up. Rafael felt sweat start to build on his forehead as he took a deep breath.

“I am aware that the both of you already know what I want to ask,”

“Well, you aren’t very subtle Counsellor,” Finn mused. “You’re more wired than I have ever seen you.”

“Have I mentioned lately how I hate detectives?” Rafael asked trying to buy himself some more time. He had originally had it all planned out but he found himself struggling to remember everything he had practiced.

“Quit stalling Rafa,” Liv teased, which helped Rafael relax a little. “I wanna hear what you have to say.”

“I wanted to ask for your blessing to ask y/n to marry me,” Rafael forced out. “I love her with my entire heart and soul. I could not imagine my life without her. Or without Noah, the two of them have changed my life for the better. I mean I have a life now, before I wasn’t really living but y/n and Noah brought light and love to my life. They helped me to live again.”

Olivia’s lips twitched as she struggled to keep her face neutral, she didn’t want to break too early but her eyes gave away everything. They brightened with happiness with every new word that left Rafael’s mouth. She knew the two of them would be a forever thing from the moment they started seeing each other but to hear how much her sister had impacted Rafael’s life was another thing entirely, especially when she already knew how much he had impacted her life as well. Finn on the other hand had no issue with holding strong. He needed to rib the ADA a little.

“Not our permission?” Finn raised an eyebrow. “Isn’t that normally what people ask for? Not blessing?”

“My carino is her own person and I don’t believe she would appreciate if I asked for someone else’s permission to marry her as if she was property,” Rafael pointed out. “But to have the blessing of her sister, who raised her and your blessing Finn, who has been such an important person in her life. That would mean a lot to me, to know that the two of you trust her heart to me.”

“Well,” Liv said her voice a little heavy and if Rafael peered a little closer he could have sworn that he saw some tears forming.

“I got questions,” Finn demanded, still not giving in but his demeanour had softened. Rafael fought so hard to not roll his eyes but Olivia did not.

“Of course you do, one would forget that I was the one who raised her,” Liv muttered.

“Alright, Finn,” Rafael sighed before squaring his shoulders. “What questions?”

“When are you planning to pop the question?”

“This Saturday, it’s the anniversary of when we met,”

“I am trying very hard to restrain myself right now,” Olivia muttered as she stood up and walked around to stand in-front of Rafael, she pulled him into a tight hug which he returned in kind. “I whole heartedly give you my blessing to marry my sister. I know you will continue to make her happy and that you will continue to be an amazing father to Noah.”

Finn kept his arms crossed as he moved to stand in-front of Rafael, his eyes narrowed. He stared Rafael down but Rafael did not waver as he held the detective’s stare. He had never wavered before and he definitely wasn’t about to start now. But the stare down didn’t last long before Finn’s tough shell broke, his lips pulling back into a smile as he threw his arms out wide.

“Well, that’s all I wanted to know,” Finn grinned. “Was just pulling your leg, there was no way I wasn’t giving you my blessing to marry Little Benson, she would have throttled me.”

“Good to know that is the main reason,” Rafael muttered shaking his head.

“I mean of course I think you’re good for her as well,” Finn shrugged. “But she’s a Benson.”

“Little unsure if I should feel complimented or insulted by what that implies,” Olivia narrowed her eyes at Finn before deciding it wasn’t worth it. “I want all the details. Now.”

“Of course you do,” Rafael had resigned himself to this the moment he bought the ring.

“I was thinking, this Saturday I could take little Noah for an aunty/nephew sleep over, it’s been a while,” Liv stated as the two of you were getting your nails done. It was a little earlier than normal but Liv had insisted on changing your appointments to Friday instead of the Saturday two weeks from now. And Liv had insisted on choosing your nails, and for you to choose hers. You narrowed her eyes at your sister, tilting her head to the side before you looked at the calendar on the wall and saw the date.

“He’s proposing,” you didn’t even ask, you just stated.

“…damnnit,” Liv cursed. “I really thought I could have gotten this past you.”

“You might be the detective but I was raised by you,” you shrugged. “Plus, these nails are like fancy nails. Not to mention you and Amanda taking me shopping yesterday and insisting that I try on really pretty dresses and to get the one that is almost the exact shade of Rafael’s eyes. And tomorrow is the anniversary of when we first met.”

“I now understand why Rafael always says he hates detectives,” Olivia laughed shaking her head. “I didn’t realise you had picked so much up from me.”

“Yeah well,” you just shrugged again. “You were always my hero Liv, of course I wanted to be able to do what you do. Plus you did drill into me to be observant and then Finn even started teaching me recon shit.”

“Part of me wants to offer you a job but the other part of me definitely wants you to stay as far away from police work as possible,”

“As if I would take it anyway,” you rolled your eyes. “No offense but I like my job too much and I get paid really well. Plus I don’t get shot at so.”

“Yeah, yeah alright,” Liv grinned. “So, I get Noah on Saturday, and Sunday until lunch, then his dad gets him while, you and I go out for dinner and you tell me everything.”

“Liv, I don’t think you’re going to want to know everything,” you giggled, your heart fluttering in excitement. You may have been nonchalant when you stated what this was all about but truthfully you were nervous. Even knowing what Rafael had planned you had no idea how he was going to do it.

“You are a terror,” Liv rolled her eyes.

“Little sister’s prerogative,” you shrugged. “But yes, I agree, you can have Noah up until Sunday lunch, which we will all have together, and then you and I will have a dinner in? I doubt I will be up for going out.”

The two amazing women who always did yours and Liv’s nails both giggled at that.

“I remember when my husband proposed to me,” the one doing Liv’s nails sighed. “We didn’t leave our room for days.”

“Liv showed me the dress you will be wearing,” your technician grinned. “These nails will go beautifully with it.”

Liv had chosen a golden base for your nails, that simmered gently, with a pale green swirling pattern overlaying it. The pale green was almost a perfect match for your dress and Rafael’s eyes. You smiled softly holding your left hand up in-front of you, imagining the ring that will be sitting on your ring finger tomorrow night.

“Have you seen the ring?” you asked.

“I have,” Liv nodded. “It’s gorgeous and very you. Rafael did a good job choosing it. And that is all you get from me.”

You pouted a little but knew you would rather have that as a surprise. Since you technically ruined the surprise that he was proposing to you in the first place.

---

“Come on! We want to see,” Amanda sang as she held Noah on her hip, with Oliva beside her.

You stood in-front of the mirror in Olivia’s bedroom, brushing down the front of your dress. Amanda had volunteered to help do your make-up when Liv mentioned that you had worked out what was happening tonight, and she had done an amazing job. It was a beautiful subtle look that managed to empathise your cheekbones and bring focus to your eyes. Olivia had curled your hair and pinned the sides up, so nothing obscured your face.

“Alright, alright! I swear you are more excited than I am,” you laughed walking into the lounge room, blushing at the looks on the two women’s faces. “Is it too much? Will he know that I know?”

“You look beautiful,” Liv whispered her eyes tearing up a little.

“I don’t think he will care,” Amanda smiled. “Not when he sees you. What do you think little man?”

Noah cooed clapping his hands and reaching out for you. You allowed him to latch onto one of your fingers as your stepped forward to place a soft kiss against his chubby little cheek.

“I hope you have fun with your aunties tonight,” you smiled.

“Oh, don’t you worry,” Liv wrapped an arm around your waist holding you to her side. “Manda, Noah and I will have lot’s of fun tonight.”

“Though not as much fun as you,” Amanda wiggled her eyebrows. “He’ll be here any minute.”

You giggled, holding in the small squeal that wanted to escape when a knock sounded on the door.

“Make that any second,” Liv squeezed you before going to let the man of the hour in.

“Breathe,” Amanda whispered kissing you on the cheek as Rafael walked into view and you felt your air in your lungs leave you in a rush. He was wearing your favourite suit, which thankfully complimented your dress perfectly.

“Carino,” Rafael breathed. “You take my breathe from me.”

“Well, you two need to get going,” Liv started pushing the two of you towards the door when you failed to say anything in response. You couldn’t, you found for once you had no words. This was the man you were going to spend the rest of your life with and tonight was the start of the next chapter of it.

---

“Rafael, this place is beautiful,” you whispered as the hostess led you to your table. Which was in a quiet corner, lit candles decorated it, and a bottle of expansive red wine was breathing next to a vase filled with peonies and lilac. Your favourite flowers.

“Tonight is a special night,” Rafael pressed a kiss to your temple as he helped you into your chair.

“The anniversary of our first date?” you asked tilting your head to the side as he poured glasses of wine.

“Exactly,” Rafael grinned, you could see the nerves that he hid behind that smile. You reached across the table and grabbed his hand squeezing it once, as a gentle smile pulled at your lips.

“You always spoil me Rafi,” you pulled your hand away to focus on the menu in-front of you. “You look especially handsome tonight. Amanda had to remind me to breathe.”

“Turn about is fair play,” Rafael teased. “Everyday I must remind myself to breathe, when I wake up with you in my arms, when you smile at me I feel the world stop.”

You felt your heart squeeze as your stomach fluttered before it stopped, contentment settling over your body as Rafael pulled a box out of his pocket.

“I was going to wait until dessert but I found I can’t,” Rafael chuckled, as he slid the box to the middle of the table. “Carino, everyday that we have been together has made my life better, happier and brighter. The day you told me you loved me I knew that I would know no better happiness, until you told me I was Noah’s father. You have given me a home, a family. I know that your love has made me a better man and I promise you that everyday I will be sure to be deserving of your love, of your heart and of our son. You are my heart, my soul and the very breathe in my lungs. I wish to wake with you in my arms every day. Carino, my love, will you marry me?”

Rafael opened the box as you tried to stop the tears that fell down your cheeks. Nestled in blue fabric was the most beautiful ring you had ever seen. It was also far from a traditional engagement ring but it showed that Rafael knew you. For you never wanted a traditional ring. It was a black band twisted around itself, with lines of silver and gold entwined along it. Three gems sat in the band, the middle one held above the others by the twisting of the band, wrapping securely by the gold and silver. It took you a moment to realise what the gems represented, and when you did your heart ached with love. They were your birthstones, Noah’s, Rafael’s and yours.

“Rafi,” you breathed holding out your left hand for Rafael, he lifted the ring from the box holding it just over your ring finger before he slowly slid it down. “Yes, always.”

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pinkrangersarah · 1 year ago

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today's hot take

#with my favorite era #law and order #law and order svu #l&o svu #olivia benson #amanda rollins #nick amaro #sonny carisi #odafin tutuola #fin tutuola

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luizd3ad · 6 months ago

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So I started watching SVU and all I have to say is.. John Munch 😮‍💨 I got an idea for a soulmate au for him and I just ah I needed to share

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sunglance · 7 months ago

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why does this squad pic look like they're saying "hey we saw you from across the room and we'll be prosecuting due to your vibe"

#law and order svu #olivia benson #rafael barba #amanda rollins #nick amaro #odafin tutuola #like i don't know if i'm about to be invited to a sixway or taken straight to jail

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bensonnstabler · 2 years ago

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Well I'm flattered by the comparison.

law and order svu season 24 episode 14, "dutch tears"

#please for the love of god ignore the colouring #i forgot to save the fucking ps files and it crashed before i could edit them as a set #i am an absolute noob at ps #this took way too long #law and order svu #svu #svu spoilers #fin tutuola #odafin tutuola #terry bruno #john munch #ice t #kevin kane #richard belzer #i miss their partnership so much #bsgifs

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safficranger · 7 months ago

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Don’t look at me in that tone of voice

#john munch #odafin tutuola #fin tutuola #svu #law and order svu

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passionwillow · 10 days ago

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POV: Dating Elliot Stabler

#svu #svuedit #law and order svu #elliot stable x reader #elliot stabler #elliot stabler x plussized!reader #olivia benson #john munch #donald cragen #alex cabot #odafin tutuola

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thirtysomethingloser92 · 6 months ago

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Cover-Up

A 5000 word Peter Stone/Reader for anonymous requester.

It was the small kisses that traced up your shoulder and up the side of your neck, the large hand on your opposite arm that brought you out of your own thoughts; the familiar and comforting smell of expensive cologne and plain soap, the warmth of the bare chested body behind you as you pulled your shoes on over your foot.

“You’ve had that look on your face all night,”

The voice rumbled in your ear, sending goosebumps up your body, but still you continued to finish getting dressed, standing up and staring at the blue eyed man who was now leaning on his arm and looking up at you. “You know why. I’m sick of having to constantly sneak around like teenagers. I feel like you’re ashamed of me-“ You began before you were abruptly cut off. “No. I’m not ashamed of you, and you damn well know that. If we declare our relationship then everything is under scrutiny. Every case, every interaction; it’s something we need to really think about before doing this,” The man stated simply, now sitting at the edge of the bed with the blanket pooling around his waist; “Give it a few more weeks, and we can do it. Okay. Just a few more weeks to get some things in order,” You could feel the frustration in your chest, “Yeah I know, it’s what you said last night as well. And the week before that, and the week before that. You can kinda see why I’m a bit hesitant to believe you this time around,” A look of defeat suddenly crossed his face and he let out a small sigh, “Yeah I get it,” He placed his face in his hands and looked down. Your jaw cracked a few times before letting out a small sigh, “Peter,” You took a deep breath in and swallowed deeply, your heart pounding in your chest, “I love you, and I’m sorry that I keep bringing this us but I don’t want to be your secret anymore. If you don’t feel the same back that’s absolutely more then fine, we can go back to being colleagues and that’s that; but I can’t keep doing this anymore if you have zero intention of letting this go any further,” You picked up your backpack by his bedroom door. “Are you going straight home?” He asked, looking over at you, his shoulders deflating somewhat. You shook your head, “Liv called me in, a john and stabbed a sex worker so Finn and I are going to head to the crime scene,” A moment of silence fell between you both, “Stay safe,” He stated simply, looking back down at his hands. “Yep,” A small, simple, easy reply. Detatching yourself before he made you detatch from him. You could see it in the way he suddenly withdrew from you. You knew what was happening before he even had to say it. You were pushing the idea of declaring your relationship to his boss and he was shutting it down. You told him you loved him and he once again was shutting down.

As you stepped out of Peter's apartment, a wave of emotions crashed over you. Love, frustration, and a sense of defeat battled within, leaving you feeling sick with anxiety. The cool night air did little to soothe your thoughts as you made your way to meet Finn and Olivia.

<><>

The drive to the crime scene was silent, the tension palpable between you and Finn. He shot you a concerned glance every now and then, but you brushed it off with a forced smile, not wanting to burden him with your personal struggles. He had been your partner since day one, becoming both your mentor and a close friend. The care you had for the older man was like that of a daughter to a father, a person who you could always talk to when you needed them, but tonight you couldn’t bring yourself to truly talk to him. How were you even meant to begin with talking about your relationship issues when you couldn’t even tell him you were in a relationship?

Arriving at the scene, you and Finn began your investigation, focusing on gathering evidence and interviewing witnesses. Despite your best efforts to keep your mind on the case, thoughts of Peter kept creeping back, clouding your judgment.

As the night wore on, you found yourself growing more distant, lost in a whirlwind of emotions. Finn, sensing your distraction, gently nudged you, concern etched on his face.

"Hey, you okay?" he asked softly, his voice pulling you out of your reverie.

You managed a weak smile, nodding. "Yeah, just... got a lot on my mind."

Finn studied you for a moment before nodding understandingly. "Well, you know I'm here if you need to talk, right?"

You nodded gratefully, grateful for his support. "Thanks, Finn. I appreciate it."

Finn nodded before adding, “You know, if it’s about a guy, I can do that too? I worry about you sometimes kid,” You chuckled softly at Finn's comment, grateful for his attempt to lighten the mood. "Thanks, Finn. It means a lot to me."

He gave you a knowing look, his expression softening with understanding. "I may not always understand what's going on in that head of yours, but I know when something's bothering you."

You sighed, feeling the weight of your secret relationship pressing down on you. "It's... complicated, Finn. Really complicated."

Finn nodded, his eyes filled with empathy. "Love usually is. But you don't have to go through it alone, you know. Whatever it is, I'm here for you."

His words touched your heart, and you felt a lump form in your throat. "Thank you, Finn. I mean it."

He reached over and gave your shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "Anytime, kid. Anytime."

The night took an unexpected turn when you and Finn received a call about a suspect spotted in a nearby alley. Rushing to the scene, adrenaline pumped through your veins as you prepared to confront the potential threat.

As you and Finn approached the alley, you saw the silhouette of a man lurking in the shadows. Without hesitation, you called out for him to freeze, but before you could react, he lunged at you with surprising speed and ferocity.

Pain exploded through your body as his fists connected with your face and chest, sending you crashing to the ground. He straddled your waist as you lay on the ground, a sharp, blinding white pain seared throughout your entire body, blooming from your stomach. Through the haze of agony, you heard Finn shouting for backup as one, two, three gunshots echoed through the ally, but you were too focused on trying to breathe through the pain. Suddenly, a loud groan left your throat as the heaviest weight you’ve ever felt sat on top of your wound. You knew it was Finn putting pressure on it but you also knew it was the most painful feeling you’ve ever had. His voice was a steady anchor amidst the chaos, reassuring you that help was on the way and that you would be okay.

As paramedics rushed to your side, you felt a sense of relief wash over you, knowing that you were no longer alone in your pain. Finn stayed by your side throughout the ordeal, offering words of encouragement and support as you were loaded into the ambulance and whisked away to the hospital. <><> Peter Stone sat at his desk, poring over case files with a furrowed brow. The dim light of his office cast long shadows across the room, matching the weight of his thoughts. His mind was consumed with the recent conversation he'd had with you, the woman he loved, yet couldn't fully claim. Was he shocked when you said those three simple words to him? Of course he was. He never really knew what it was like to love a woman and he wasn’t even sure if what he felt towards you was actually love. But when you said it, the way you said it, the way is stomach twisted and turned, the way his heart skipped a beat and almost froze completely. He knew he loved you just as much. The earlier argument was one you had both had so many times over the time you had been together, it was one that he kept promising to rectify but every time he went to do something about it something in the back of his head made him freeze. He was scared. He was scared not just of declaring your relationship, but of loving you. Had be been with women before? Of course he had. Had he been in relationship before?

Yes. But there was nothing like this. No one had ever made him feel safe and calm after a long day the way you did. Nothing made him smile more then when you would knock on his door in the same clothes he had seen you in the precinct wearing earlier, knowing you had come straight there to him after work. The way you would sit on his couch with your feet on his coffee table, the smell of your body wash in his shower; every little thing you did either annoyed him or made him adore you; And he loved you so much.

Just as he was lost in thought, his phone rang, jolting him back to reality. The time said it was just past 11:30pm, he had made his way back to the office just after you left. His brain no longer allowing him the pleasure of sleep he usually got when you had been with him. With a gnawing sense of unease, he picked up the receiver, his heart pounding in his chest.

"Stone," he answered, his voice betraying none of the turmoil within.

"Peter, it's Liv," came Olivia Benson's voice on the other end. "We've had an incident. It's [Y/N]. She's been seriously injured."

The world seemed to tilt on its axis as Peter processed Olivia's words. His mind raced, a thousand scenarios playing out in his head, each one more terrifying than the last. His brain finally settling on the one that terrified him the most. That you weren’t going to be okay.

"What happened?" he demanded, his voice taut with worry.

"She was attacked while on duty," Olivia explained, her voice steady despite the gravity of the situation. "She's in surgery now, but it's bad, Peter. Shes lost a lot of blood. We're doing everything we can."

Peter's chest tightened with fear, his thoughts immediately turning to you and the danger you faced every day in the line of duty. And as Olivia continued to speak, outlining the extent of your injuries and the uncertainty of your condition, Peter felt a surge of guilt wash over him.

Guilt for keeping your relationship a secret, for not being there to protect you when you needed him most. Guilt for letting his own fears and insecurities stand in the way of declaring his love for you openly.

As he listened to Olivia's words, Peter made a silent vow to himself. If you pulled through this, he would no longer hide his feelings for you. He would shout them from the rooftops if he had to, damn the consequences.

Because in that moment, with the possibility of losing you looming large in his mind, Peter knew one thing for certain: he couldn't bear to live in a world where you weren't by his side. And if it took a brush with death to make him realize it, then so be it.

With a determined nod, Peter thanked Olivia for the update before hanging up the phone. Rising from his desk, he made his way out of the office, his thoughts consumed by one thing and one thing only: you.

<><> Peter’s footsteps echoed through the sterile halls of the hospital as he made his way to the waiting area where Olivia and Finn were already seated, their faces etched with worry. As he approached, their eyes met his, filled with a mixture of concern and anticipation. His stomach was in knots the entire was there, every red light, every corner seemed to add what felt like hours to his drive. His brain swirled in dangerous thoughts. What if you died before he got there? What if he never got to see you again? He felt sick with anticipation on the way there and seeing your colleagues faces and Finn’s severely blood stained shirt only made it worse.

"Peter," Olivia said, rising from her seat to greet him. "Any news?"

Peter shook his head, his voice barely above a whisper. "Not yet. She's still in surgery according to the nurse I asked on the way in."

Finn stood up, his expression grave. "Damn. Any idea how she's doing?"

Peter swallowed hard, the lump in his throat growing larger with each passing moment. "Not yet. The doctors haven't said anything."

Silence hung heavy in the air as they all took their seats, the tension thick between them. Peter could feel the weight of their worry pressing down on him, suffocating him with its intensity.

Minutes stretched into hours as they waited anxiously for any word on your condition. Cheap coffee only seemed to make the bile in his throat rise higher, almost forcing him to vomit while his stomach twist and turned while the clock ticked ominously in the background. His eyes watched Olivia pace briefly as she made calls to your Chief and who he assumed were your family members. Every now and again he felt Finn’s eyes on him, as if he was watching him carefully, curiously. Wondering why the ADA would be so concerned with you being here. Peter could almost sense the moment that Finn finally figured it out. The other man sat back in his chair, placed a hand on his back and said simply, “She’s going to be fine. She’s done more stupid things then this,”. The hospital bustled around them, a flurry of activity and noise that seemed to fade into the background as they focused on the one thing that mattered most: you.

Finally, a doctor emerged from the operating room, his expression somber as he approached them. Peter's heart leaped into his throat, his pulse racing with anticipation; the look on the doctors face made his heart expect the worst. It felt like it was about to beat straight out of his chest.

"Are you here for [Y/N]?" the doctor asked, his voice gentle yet tinged with sadness.

Peter nodded, his voice barely a whisper. "Yes. How is she?"

The doctor sighed, his gaze sympathetic. "She's stable, but it was touch and go for a while there. She suffered multiple injuries, including severe internal bleeding and a punctured lung. We were able to stabilize her, but she's not out of the woods yet."

Relief washed over Peter in a wave as he absorbed the doctor's words. You were alive. You were going to make it. As the doctor explained the extent of your injuries and the treatment you would require, Peter felt a hand on his shoulder. Turning, he saw Olivia standing beside him, her eyes filled with concern.

"Peter, can I talk to you for a moment?" she asked softly, gesturing for him to follow her.

Nodding, Peter followed Olivia to a quiet corner of the waiting area, away from prying eyes and ears. Once they were alone, Olivia fixed him with a searching gaze.

"Peter, I need to ask you something," she began, her voice serious. "Is there something going on between you and [Y/N]? I’ve been wanting to ask this for a few weeks now, but I couldn’t be sure. But now…"

Peter's heart skipped a beat at her question, his mind racing as he tried to formulate a response. He couldn't lie to Olivia, not about something like this.

"Yes," he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. "We're... involved." It felt like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. Telling someone felt like a brick from the wall that was stopping your relationship from moving forward had been moved. He almost wanted to laugh, of course you would be right about that.

Olivia's eyes widened in surprise, but she quickly regained her composure. "I had a feeling. The way you two interact, the tension between you..."

Peter nodded, guilt gnawing at his insides. "We've been trying to keep it under wraps, especially with everything going on at work. But tonight... we had a fight. I pushed her away, and now..."

Olivia placed a comforting hand on Peter's arm, her expression sympathetic. "Peter, you can't blame yourself for what happened. You didn't know this was going to happen."

Peter shook his head, his voice choked with emotion. "She was pissed with me when she left tonight, I know she was,”

Olivia squeezed his arm reassuringly. "You'll have plenty of time to make it up to her once she's out of surgery. Right now, we need to focus on supporting her and making sure she pulls through this."

Peter nodded, a sense of determination settling over him. "You're right. I won't let her down again."

<><> “Peter, Peter wake up,” His eyes shot open upon hearing Olivia’s voice. For a brief moment he wasn’t sitting in the most uncomfortable chair he’s ever sat in his entire life trying to get even an hours worth of sleep. The brunette woman gave him a gentle smile, “The doctor said that she’s stable enough that you can go see her now. I thought it would be best if you go sit with her, just make sure you keep us updated okay?” She gave his thigh a squeeze as she stood up to her full height, Peter following soon after. He rubbed a hand over his face, waking himself up a bit more; “Wha-what room is she in?” “ICU 7,” Olivia gave him a somber look, “I’ll bring her some stuff that you can give to her from her apartment,” Peter waited for a moment as Olivia walked past him before calling out her name. Waiting until she turned around he gave her the first small smile he could muster, “Thank you,” “You both deserve happiness. And if I can give you even a small bit of that, I will. I’ll be back in a few hours,” Olivia nodded before turning around and walking back down the corridor. Leaving Peter with shaking hands, unsure of what he was about to face. ICU 7’s door was plain. There was absolutely nothing significant at all about it. Peter would almost say it was too clean. His hand couldn’t bring himself to open the door, he wanted to. He needed to see her but his was almost scared to see what was on the other side. With a heavy heart, Peter Stone entered the hospital room where you lay unconscious, hooked up to various monitors and IV lines. The tube down your throat with the machine on the right breathing for you gave him a solid reminder that you were just that close to losing your life. Almost 12 hours ago you were under him, your lips pressed to his as your nails scratched down his back, and now you looked just a shell of yourself. You were pale, almost white. It made him almost want to cry, this wasn’t you. There was no sparkle there. It was almost like he was waiting for you to suddenly open your eyes to make a comment about him being over dramatic. The steady beep of the machines provided a somber backdrop to the scene, punctuating the silence that filled the room. He took in a deep breath, the smell of antiseptic assaulting his nostrils.

Pulling up a chair beside your bed, Peter took a moment to gather his thoughts, his gaze fixed on your still form. You looked so fragile lying there, a stark contrast to the strong and vibrant person he knew you to be.

"Hey," he whispered, reaching out to take your hand in his. "It's me, Peter. I'm here."

He was waiting, almost anticipating a response. But your hand just remained limp and the machine continued to pump air into your lungs. Peter felt a pang of guilt twist in his chest. He should have been there for you, to prevent this from happening. Maybe if you didn’t argue there could have been a chance he could have convinced you to play hooky like he was planning, But instead, he had let his fears and insecurities get in the way, pushing you away when you needed him most.

"I'm so sorry, [Y/N]," he murmured, his voice thick with emotion. "I should have told you how I feel. I should have fought for us, instead of letting my own doubts hold me back."

Taking a deep breath, Peter continued, his words tumbling out in a rush of emotion. "I love you, [Y/N]. I've loved you from the moment I met you, and I've been an idiot for not saying it sooner. You mean everything to me, and I can't bear the thought of losing you."

Tears welled in Peter's eyes as he spoke, his heart laid bare before you in the quiet of the hospital room. He knew you couldn't hear him, couldn't respond to his confession, but he needed to say the words out loud, if only to ease the burden of his guilt.

"I promise, when you wake up, I'll be here," he vowed, his voice barely a whisper. "I'll be here for you, [Y/N], for as long as you'll have me. And I'll do whatever it takes to make things right between us."

With a heavy heart, Peter leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead, his lips lingering against your skin for a moment longer. Then, with a sigh, he settled back into his chair, his hand still clasped tightly in yours. <><>

Days had passed since Peter's confession at your bedside. Each moment felt like an eternity as he waited anxiously for any sign of improvement in your condition. The hospital staff worked tirelessly to stabilize you, but the road to recovery was slow and uncertain. They allowed him to shower there, his laptop constantly by his side as he tried tiredlessly to catch up on the ever-building unanswered emails. It was a nice distraction to the heartbreaking scene in front of him. His phone would ring occasionally from the team at SVU asking for updates- Olivia passing them on to your family who were unable to catch a flight to get to you.

Then, finally, a glimmer of hope emerged as you began to show signs of improvement. The doctor discussed removing the tube from your mouth and throat, explaining that it was a procedure he wouldn’t want to be around to watch. It was an internal battle he was fighting before a friendly nurse, one who had been bringing him late night snacks from the nurses station, placed a hand on his arm and reassured him that you’ll be in good hands and it’s nothing they haven’t done a hundred times before. She was giving him a chance to go freshen up before seeing you. It felt like hours, the drive to his apartment, the shower, the re dressing, getting your favourite food from the takeaway place down the road, before making his way back to the hospital. One part of him wanted to bring you back flowers, but the other part of him heard you mocking him for being over-romantic and reminded him that you didn’t always like romance.

Yet, Peter was there, as he had promised, seated beside your bed with a laptop open in front of him, but his attention was wholly focused on you. When he noticed the subtle change in your demeanor, his heart skipped a beat, and he set aside his work, all his attention now on you.

"Hey there," he said softly, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "Welcome back."

Your vision was blurry, your mind still foggy from the effects of the medication, but his voice was a lifeline in the darkness. Slowly, you blinked away the haze, trying to focus on his face.

"Peter?" you murmured, your voice raspy from disuse. You winced slightly, every bone and muscle crying out in pain as you slightly moved.

"Yeah, it's me," he replied, reaching out to take your hand in his. "How are you feeling?" You tried to speak, but the rawness of your throat made you grimace in pain. It felt like you had tonsilitis all over again.

"It's okay," he reassured you, his voice calm and soothing. "You're in the hospital, but you're going to be okay. The doctors had to intubate you to help you breathe, but you're getting better. Do you need anything? I have food, water, what do you need,” You pointed to the water bottle sitting on the table next to him, something which he grabbed and unlidded quickly. It was like you hadn’t drank anything in years, the whole bottle was almost finished before you pulled it away. Peter watched with bated breath as you took small sips of water, relief flooding through him as you finally seemed to find some comfort. He couldn't help but marvel at the resilience you displayed, even in the face of such adversity.

"Better?" he asked softly, his eyes filled with concern as he watched you carefully.

You nodded weakly, your voice barely above a whisper. "Thank you."

Peter smiled, a warm, genuine expression that reached his eyes. "Of course. Anything for you."

As you settled back against the pillows, Peter reached for the container of food he had brought, offering it to you with a gentle hand. "I got your favorite," he said, a hint of uncertainty in his voice. "I hope you're hungry. The doctor said you need to take it easy but I know you’d probably be hungry,”

You managed a small smile, gratitude shining in your eyes as you accepted the offering. "Thank you, Peter. You didn't have to do all this."

He shook his head, his expression earnest. "I wanted to. I wanted to make sure you had everything you needed when you woke up."

The two of you fell into a comfortable silence as you ate, the only sound filling the room the quiet hum of the machines monitoring your vitals. It was a small moment of normalcy in the midst of chaos, a reminder of the bond you shared and the love that bound you together.

As you finished your meal, Peter reached for your hand once more, his touch gentle and reassuring. "I'm so glad you're awake, [Y/N]," he said softly, his voice filled with emotion. "I've missed you."

“I’ve been here,” You pointed out, a small, weak smile crossing your face. Peter paused eating, a shadow crossing his face, “It’s not the same. It wasn’t the same. I’ve had a gun pointed at me and I was less scared then what I was when I got that phone call from Liv,” You looked down, your appetite suddenly gone and the air in the hospital room becoming thick, “I didn’t go out intending to be stabbed,” “We had an argument that night about the same thing we always do. And that was all I could think about. Was that you weren’t going to make it and you thought that I didn’t love you,” You pulled shrugged a shoulder, “And do you?” Peter's heart clenched at your question, the weight of it hanging heavy in the air between you. He took a deep breath, his gaze searching yours as he gathered his thoughts. The idea of him waking up to you every morning, being able to hold your hand in public, to kiss you. The idea of being able to tell you that he loved you every day and every night meant more to him then you would ever fully be able to comprehend.

"Yes," he replied, his voice steady despite the turmoil raging within him. "I love you. More than I can put into words."

You met his gaze, uncertainty flickering in your eyes. "But why didn't you say anything before? Why keep it a secret?"

Peter sighed, his shoulders sagging with the weight of his guilt. "I was scared. Scared of what it would mean for us, for our jobs. Scared of losing you if things didn't work out." You opened your mouth to retaliate but he held up a hand to cut you off.

"But that's no excuse," he continued, his voice tinged with regret. "I should have been brave enough to tell you how I feel, to fight for us instead of letting my fears hold me back. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that I let my own insecurities get in the way of our happiness"

Tears welled in your eyes as you listened to Peter's confession, his words echoing the doubts and fears that had plagued you both in the weeks leading up to your hospitalization. But beneath the pain and regret, there was a glimmer of hope, a flicker of possibility that maybe, just maybe, you could find a way to move forward together.

Reaching out, you took Peter's hand in yours, the warmth of his touch grounding you in the present moment. "I forgive you, Peter," you said softly, your voice barely above a whisper. "We've both made mistakes, but that doesn't change how I feel about you."

Peter's gaze softened, his heart swelling with love and gratitude. "I don't deserve you."

You shook your head, a small smile gracing your lips. "We’re idiots but we deserve each other, Peter. And whatever happens next, we'll face it together."

In that moment, as you sat together in the quiet of the hospital room, surrounded by the steady beep of the monitors and the hum of the machines, you knew that no matter what challenges lay ahead, as long as you had each other, you could weather any storm. And with a renewed sense of hope and determination, you leaned in to press a gentle kiss to Peter's lips, sealing your love and commitment to each other once and for all.

#peter stone x reader #Peter Stone #Law and Order SVU #Olivia Benson #Finn tutuola #odafin tutuola #Reader Insert

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