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x-bluefire-heart-x · 7 months ago

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You're Drunk

Alrighty this chapter of Dating App pretty much wrote itself! I really enjoyed writing it so I hope you all enjoy reading it. There is a several week timeskip and this is also where the timeline fuckery happens. Pease ignore everything about why Carisi is around so early cause I kinda of forgot that I wanted to rewrite some scenes from the earlier seasons before Carisi is in it, but like...I love Carisi and I have other plans so.....Timey Whimey wibbley wobbley stuff begins.

Also pretty sure this is my longest chapter think it is like 6000 words.

Let me know if there is anything in particular you would like to see in this series. Like an episode of the show with her put in it or just something random. Also let me know if you want to be added to the tag list for this.

Warnings: Drinking, talk of sex, sexual implications, teasing, drunk conversations. I think that is it, if I missed something let me know.

Master List

Prompt List

Chapter List: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 9, 10

Tag list: @pear-1206

“That is the fourth time you have checked your phone in the past two hours,” Lily pouted as she placed drinks on the table, Shannon and Courtney trailing behind her each carrying a cocktail and a shot. The four of you had made plans to go out for drinks the next time your schedules all aligned. Shannon and Courtney desperately wanted all the details on you and Rafael. The last time you able to catch up it hadn’t been the time to discuss such details. You friends were gossips but they thankfully understood that there was a time and place for such conversations, like drinking at a bar.

“I know, I’m sorry,” you quickly shoved your phone back into your pocket. “Rafael had a tough day in court, Liv said the team was taking him out for drinks since we already had these plans.”

“Aw, and you’re worried about him,” Shannon cooed, she was a little further gone than the rest of the group, she was smaller and had a lower tolerance. “When do we get to meet him?”

“Soon, I promise,” you smiled. “I just-”

“Wanna keep all that deliciousness for yourself?” Courtney asked wiggling her eyebrows.

“Did she tell you two about how he got on his knees to take off her shoes?” Lily grinned. The other two both gasped, nearly shouting no as they turned to you expectantly.

“Lily!” you groaned, giggling a little. You were going to tell them. Just after a few more drinks.

“Take your shot and tell us!” Shannon bounced. “Come on.” You all picked up the mystery shot Lily had brought over, you thought it would be best to never know what was in the things she brought. A little like the cocktails Lily made when you all last got drunk together and you ended up downloading the dating app. You shook your head and knocked back the shot coughing a little when the strong burst of alcohol hit your throat.

“Alright, geeze,” you nodded, sipping your cocktail. The other three leaned in close, even Lily who you had told before, there were benefits to working with your best friend. You kept the details limited, not telling them everything but you painted the scene perfectly. You all finished your drinks and ordered another during the time it took for you to fill in your friends on not only your first time but near about everything that happened since.

“Damn girl!” Shannon sighed, pushing her long red hair over a shoulder. “You lucked out with this man. I don’t think my first time ended in spectacular orgasms.”

“I mean, mine did but that was just because I was with a woman for my first time,” Courtney grinned. “And when I finally slept with a man, I was assertive in what pleased me but still wasn’t great.”

“Yeah, it took maybe my third boyfriend before I started being able to orgasm with a man,” Lily agreed.

“Oh,” you tilted your head biting your lip. “I’m never letting him go then. I mean orgasms are great by myself but with Rafi, they’re something else.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Shannon playfully shoved you. “Keep bragging.”

“As if you three can talk,” you wagged your finger at them. “I had to hear all about your sexual exploits. I’m totally bragging about how he made me orgasms several times before he fucked me.”

The four of you burst into a fit of giggles before you all cheered and took another round of shots and moved onto other topics of conversation throughout the night. It had been a few hours since the night started, more rounds of shots had happened and bowls of fries, pizzas and other table snacks had been consumed to at least attempt to soak up some of the drinks. Your phone buzzed against the table, the screen lighting up with a picture of Rafael that you had taken when he wasn’t looking. His contact’s name visible for the world to see ‘Sexy Lawyer’, you hadn’t changed it since he put his number in it.

“Ooh, it’s mister magical fingers!” Courtney oohed as you picked it up.

“Hush,” you waved for your friends to be silent. “Hey babe.”

“…Chica,” Rafael sounded a little confused before he chuckled a little. “Are you still with your friends?”

“Ask him if he has any single friends that are as good in bed as he is,” Shannon tugged on your arm.

“Shh!” Lily whispered. “You’ll make her turn on her librarian voice. It’s scary.”

“I’ll take that as a yes,” Rafael’s amused voice called your attention again.

“Yep, are you? Ooh!” your attention taken again. “Is Liv there? And Amanda? Do they wanna come and join us girls?”

“No invite for me? I see how it is,” Rafael feigned offense.

“We’re having girl talk and a girl’s night,” you waved your hand around. “I’ll make it up to you.”

“Oh Chica,” Rafael’s soothing voice cooed through the phone at you. “You’re drunk, aren’t you?”

“Duh, we’ve been drinking for…a few hours by now,” you rolled your eyes.

“Wait, the whole team can come!” Lily interrupted. “That way you can meet the rest of his friends, we can meet him and his friends. Win-win.”

“Ooh yes!” Shannon agreed, with Courtney nodding beside her. You could hear Rafael chuckling in the background, it was slightly muffled and you could hear other voices, one that sounded a little like Liv.

“Rafi,” you whined, pouting a little when he didn’t respond straight away. “Rafi…are you coming?” You forgot you hadn’t actually asked if he and the team wanted to join you and your friends but after Lily’s suggestion it sounded perfect and all you wanted was to cuddle with Rafael. Your friends sniggered, taking your words in a much different context to what you had meant them to be.

“Now I’m invited, am I?” Rafael’s voice finally answered you. “I don’t know, you didn’t seem keen at first.”

“Rafi, don’t tease,” you continued to pout. “Will you please come and join us? Liv and the team as well?”

“Ask nicely, Chica,” Rafael was enjoying this far too much. He didn’t realise that when you were drunk you had very little filter.

“Oh please, please, Rafi,” you lowered your voice only slightly, your tone slipping into the tone you used when begging Rafael to let you cum. “Please come and join me. I miss you. I need you. To be here. With me, with your arms wrapped around me.”

Your three friends stared at you, mouths open and eyes wide in shock. They had never heard you speak with such a tone before or say such things before, especially in public.

“Baby,” Rafael groaned. “You can not speak to me like that when I am near my friends.”

“But you said to ask nicely,” you pointed out. “I’ll keep doing it unless you say you’re all coming.” There was some commotion on his side of the phone before you could hear him speaking in Spanish.

“Hey, it’s Liv,” Liv’s voice replaced the Spanish, her tone definitely amused.

“Liv!” you cheered perking right up at the sound of her voice. In the several weeks since you had meet her, the two of you had met up for coffee and Liv had been over for dinner a few more times when schedules aligned. During this time the two of you had bonded quickly, and you really enjoyed being around the older woman.

“We’re all heading your way, you’re still at the same bar?” Liv assured you. “And thank you for giving me so much more material for teasing Rafa with.”

“Yep, we haven’t moved except to get more drinks,” you assured her. “And you are most welcome.”

You both ended the call, well, you’re pretty sure Rafael wanted to speak to you more but Liv hung up the phone before he could get it back. You grinned at your friends.

“They’re on their way,” you nodded to the cheers of your friends.

“Oh my, he is even better in person,” Lily murmured causing everyone to turn towards the entrance of the bar just in time to see Rafael and five other people walk in. You perked up, almost bouncing in your seat as you waved your hand to get their attention.

“Rafi, Liv!” you called drawing their attention to your table ignoring the other patrons giving you looks. All that mattered was that Rafael made eye contact with you and sent you that impossibly soft smile of his, as his entire face softened and his whole body seemed to relax. Liv was right beside him and was able to see the complete change in him as he saw you and she laughed lightly at how excited you were to see him as well. Nearly bouncing in your seat as you grinned at him.

“She is adorable,” Amanda whispered.

“Just wait until you see them together,” Liv whispered back. “Cutest bloody couple ever.”

“Does this mean we will get to try her food now?” Finn asked.

“Of course that’s your concern,” Nick rolled his eyes.

“Man, I got my priorities right,” Finn shrugged. “The food Liv and Rafael bring into the office smells divine.”

Rafael moved right to your side, sliding his arm around your waist and pressing a kiss to your temple as you wrapped your arms around his shoulders, almost falling but Rafael kept you on the seat by pressing himself as close to you as possible. Since you and your friends were sitting on stools you were roughly the same height as Rafael which made it easier to snuggle into him and press kisses along his neck before pulling away to make grabby hands at Liv.

“Liv, hi!” you smiled as she came around to your other side to hug you.

“Hey, there, you all been drinking water tonight yeah?” she asked looking over you and your friends.

“Of course,” Courtney was making near heart eyes at Liv and you couldn’t blame her, that woman was gorgeous.

“Guys this is Rafael, and this is Olivia,” you introduced the only two people you could. “Everyone, this is Lily, Courtney and Shannon.” You then turned pointedly to Rafael, who just narrowed his eyes at you in slight confusion. “Rafi, introductions.” You pouted lightly removing your arms from around Liv to wrap them around your man again, trying your best to look up at him from under your lashes.

“Alright, alright Chica,” he chuckled gently stroking your cheek. “This is Nick, Amanda, Carisi and Finn. This is Lily, and her friends.”

You smiled at him pressing a kiss to his cheek before turned to look at the other members of his friend group who were all sitting around the table, Liv next to you closest to Shannon, Nick and Amanda sitting in the two free seats next to Lily, Finn sitting at the other end of the table and Carisi sitting on the free seat next to Courtney. And Rafael was happy standing next to you with his arm wrapped around your waist.

“We need drinks,” Lily said. “Finn, help a girl out.” Finn just shrugged and followed the woman to the bar. You couldn’t help but smile at your bossy friend as she led Finn to the bar smiling up at him.

“Be careful with what Lily brings back,” Courtney warned. “She always buys potent cocktails.”

“But yummy!” Shannon assured.

“I’ll get us some water,” Liv laughed. “I daresay we’re all gonna need them. And maybe some more food.”

“Ooh, yes more food!” you nodded. “I’m definitely hungry again.”

“We’ve had like two pizzas and two bowls of fries and a bowl of wings,” Courtney quickly listed off on her hands. “How are you still hungry?”

“Don’t know but I am,” you pouted. “So…more food?”

“Noted, when you get drunk you get hungry,” Rafael smiled. “I’ll come with you, to help carry the glasses. I’ll be back, love.”

You narrowed your eyes briefly but at the promise of them ordering more food you released your hold on him.

“Come back quickly, please,” you begged. Rafael just chuckled kissing your cheek, checking the table number before following after Liv who immediately started talking about how adorable you were when drunk. You looked back to the table. “It’s so nice to finally meet all of you. Including Finn.”

“Same here,” Carisis smiled.

“Hmm, we had been all curious about the woman who was able to get Barba to smile,” Amanda added. “He only tends to smile when he is about to demolish the defence and that is a completely different smile.”

“Ah, yes I know which smile you are talking about,” you giggled. “I rather like it.” Though the reason for that smile was probably a little different when you saw it, the others were a little confused by the sudden red that coated your cheeks and went down to your throat.

Amanda, Nick and Carisi all shared a look at that information, filing it away like good detectives to tease the Counsellor with later. Although in the first five seconds of seeing you and Rafael interact, they had a large number of things they could tease him about. Including what seemed to be an uncontrollable desire to always be in contact with you, and the never-before-seen softness to his features.

“So, any of you single?” Shannon asked giggly.

“Shannon,” you groaned. “Do try to be a little subtle sweetie.”

“What like you were?” she challenged raising an eyebrow. “Begging Rafael to “come”.”

“Oh, shush, that’s completely different,”

“It’s really not,”

“Is so,”

“Girls,” Lily interrupted returning with Finn who was looking incredibly confused by the current back and forth. “Really?”

The detectives were trying so hard to restrain themselves from laughing but it was a challenge that is for sure. Amanda leaned towards Finn to fill him in, causing him to bark out a laugh before trying but failing to cover it with a cough. Lily and Finn quickly handed out a round of shots and placed two jugs of some cocktail in the middle of the table and passed around glasses.

“Finn, I was just saying it is good to finally meet all of you!” you drew the attention back to the fact that you hadn’t met any of the detectives but Liv yet and tried to subtly inform Shannon and the others that you didn’t need them to make things awkward by hitting on them within five seconds. “I have heard quite a bit about you all, from Rafi.”

“He talks about us?” Nick asked, scoffing lightly. “I bet it’s mostly complaining.”

“Well, a little but mostly not,” you shrugged.

“Seriously?” Carisi needed to be sure he heard you correctly.

“Well, yeah, I doubt he holds back with his complaints at work,” you nodded, causing the others to laugh at how right you are.

“Good to see everyone is getting along,” Liv interrupted, returning with a bottle of water and some glasses, Rafael right behind her with another bottle of water and more glasses. “Definitely a good idea to get two bottles of water.”

“I think everyone may regret their choices in the morning,” Rafael quipped.

“I won’t!” you called making grabby hands at Rafael the moment he was in your sight. He smiled indulgently at you as he moved back to your side, his arm finding its way back around your waist, rolling his eyes a little as you sighed happily as you snuggled into to him.

“Oh, you probably will,” Liv said eying the shots that sat in-front of everyone. “Do I want to know what this is?”

“Nope,” Lily grinned picking hers up. “Now come on everyone, bottoms up.”

You and your friends eagerly picked them up, the detectives and Rafael however eyed it a little suspiciously, even Finn, who hadn’t quite heard what Lily had ordered. You turned your pleading eyes to Rafael, nodding towards the shot. He sighed, deeply, already regretting this decision as he picked up his shot. Grinning in triumph you turned to Liv, giving her the same look. Rafael watched in interest as his best friend tried very hard to ignore you, but he was able to watch as Liv’s eyes kept shifting to you and then away before her face scrunched up and she also reached for the shot glass. She shot Rafael a look, but he only raised an eyebrow.

“Now you know what I mean,” he told her.

“What?” you asked looking between the two.

“Well, who would have thought anyone would be able to get Liv to do anything,” Finn grinned. The rest of the detectives nodding in agreement, stunned over what they had just witnessed. The girls shared a look of confusion but their drunk minds quickly forgot about the odd moment.

“Come on,” Courtney begged, her hand lightly grabbed Carisi’s arm before looking towards Nick and Amanda.

“Alright fine,” Carisi laughed picking up the glass looking to the others pleading with his eyes to join him.

“I will make it an order,” Liv added turning on her Sergeant voice. The other three all resigned themselves to whatever was in the shot glasses as they picked them up.

“Bottoms up!” Shannon, Courtney, Lily and you all cheered, tapping the glasses on the table before throwing them back. The detectives and Rafael hesitated one second before copying them.

“Oh, god what is that?” Carisi asked face screwing up as the alcohol hit his tongue.

“I don’t think I want to know,” Nick coughed, reaching for the water that Liv had poured for everyone.

“Sook,” Lily giggled teasingly.

“Can I have some water?” you whispered to Rafael your hand playing with the tie he was wearing.

“Of course, Carino,” Rafael reached for his glass of water handing it to you with a kiss to your temple not noticing the phone in Amanda’s hand that was angled towards the couple. Liv raised an eyebrow at the blonde who merely shrugged, already sending the image to Liv and to Rafael. She figured the couple didn’t have a lot of candid photos of them. Smiling happily at Rafael, you handed him back the glass turning your attention back to the table.

“What are in the jugs?” Amanda asked a little wearily as she reached for one.

“I ordered those,” Finn assured her.

“Somehow I’m not overly assured by that,” she muttered but poured herself a glass regardless and sniffed at it. “Oh, is this just margheritas?”

“Yeah, they didn’t have a lot of options for jugs,” Finn shrugged.

“Good choice!” Shannon eagerly reached for the other jug to pour herself a glass. “Can I pour one for anyone else?”

Courtney pushed her glass towards Shannon with her fingers nodding as she did. “Obviously, I haven’t got work tomorrow.”

“Lucky,” Lily muttered but poured herself one anyway.

“Lily, do I have work tomorrow?” you asked turning to your best friend your brows furrowed as you tried to remember your schedule. Lily squinted at you, mouth opening a little as she tried to remember as well.

“No, sweetheart you do not,” Rafael answered instead. “You have tomorrow and the following day off to recover from tonight.”

“Aw, he knows her schedule!” Amanda cooed leaning into to Nick.

“Of course I do,” Rafael said drily. “Why would I not?”

“Good point,” Amanda muttered sipping on her drink.

“Ooh! What food did you order?” you asked turning to Liv, one hand leaving the grip it had on Rafael’s suspenders to tug on the end of Liv’s blazer.

“We got more chips and some wings,” Liv informed you grabbing hold of hand and squeezing it gently, finding it difficult to stop the coo that wanted to escape. She found you adorable when she met you the first time, but apparently drunk you put that adorableness to shame.

“Yummy!” you wiggled in excitement at the prospect of food before a frown took over your face as you looked between Rafael and Liv.

“What’s wrong?” Nick caught sight of your frown first.

“Carino?” Rafael quickly turned to you, his free hand coming up to tilt your chin towards him.

“I want to cuddle with you but I don’t want to let go of Liv’s hand,” you whispered, shaking the hand that Liv still had hold of, tightening it in case Liv tried to let go of your hand.

“Darling, how drunk are you right now?” Rafael asked with a fond look, his thumb stroking your pouting lips.

“Hm…a lot drunker than I was when I downloaded the dating app we met on,” you answered honestly. “Like way more, that shot definitely threw me over the edge.”

“I thought so,” he chuckled. “Want some more water?”

“Yes…but that means I have to let go of either you or Liv,” you pondered looking between Liv and him, lips pursed as you tried to make a decision. “Oh, I know, you can help me!” you grinned, ecstatic that you had solved the problem.

“Surely, he won’t, right?” Finn asked. He was slightly regretting joining but at the sometime not, he was getting a lot of material to tease not only Rafael but also Olivia. Plus, your friends weren’t too bad and he had been wanting to meet you.

“I don’t know, Barba seems very different with her,” Carisi answered shrugging his shoulders.

“Very different,” Finn agreed.

“I-,” Rafael was about to say no, but upon looking at you he once again found he could not say no to you. “Alright, fine.”

“No, way,” Nick muttered as Rafael did exactly that.

“I’ve known her for years,” Lily whispered to Nick. “Trust me, she is adorable and once someone gets to know her it is very hard to say no to her. If you were in his place, you would do the same thing.”

“I doubt it,” Nick turned to Lily raising an eyebrow in doubt.

“Oh, you poor deluded man,” Lily flicked his arm. “We’ll see, it even worked on Olivia, who is not dating her. One day you will have that look directed at you and you will eat your own words.”

The waiter came with the food interrupting anyone from being able to comment further on the fact that Rafael Barba, the man who didn’t relent even with victims, relented under a single look. Rafael set the glass down, pouring more into it, as he wanted to get you to drink as much water as possible otherwise tomorrow morning will be horrible for you. Though…he was a little curious how you would be with a hangover.

“Yay, food!” you cheered letting go of both Liv and Rafael.

“Thought you didn’t want to let go of us?” Liv asked waving her now free hand. Your eyes narrowed as you watched her hand, sure that you were meant to be doing something with it.

“Don’t confuse my poor Chica,” Rafael scolded. “Her poor brain probably can’t handle too much at once.”

“I must have missed the part where my boyfriend suddenly became a comedian,” you muttered crossing your arms. “Stay at your day job.”

“Now see, I was waiting for this,” Finn grinned folding his arms.

The rest of the table who were watching this like it was their dinner entertainment, tried not to nod in agreement with Finn. They dished out the food onto the plates that were placed on the table along with the food. Those who were nearly done with their margherita’s pouring themselves another glass. The detectives hadn’t had too much to drink before they joined you and your friends, so they still were no were near the level you four where at so they were able to hold in their amusement. Your friends however, were getting even further along where unable to hide theirs, the giggling muffled a little by their hands.

“For my girlfriend to insult me?”

“For Rafi to be mean?”

The two of you asked at the same time turning your eyes onto Finn who seemed a little shocked by the response.

“Creepy,” Shannon whispered.

“Extremely,” Carisi agreed. “They’ve only been going out what like two or three months? And they’re already in sync like that?”

“Actually, it’s closer to four months,” you shot at them before going back to the food that Rafael had put on a plate in-front of you. “Being precise with timelines is important, as a detective you should know that.”

“Oh, I see it now,” Amanda said around a mouthful of chicken wings.

“We all see it,” Nick agreed. Pouring another glass of the margherita, noticing that the two jugs were getting empty fast. He glanced at his watch, a little surprised by the amount of time that had passed.

“What do they see?” you leaned towards Liv confused.

“Why you and Rafi get along so well,” Liv whispered back.

“Oh, you mean apart from the fact that the man is gorgeous, charming, sarcastic and incredibly intelligent?” you tilted your head to side. “Oh, and good in bed.” There was a round of near choking around the table as they heard your comment, being drunk you thought you were whispering but you in fact were not.

“Alright, you are definitely cut off,” Rafael pushed the glass of the cocktail away from you. “Eat some more food.”

“Don’t be pushy,” you whined. “And give me my margherita back.”

“Eat some more food and drink some more water and then I will,” he commanded pushing your plate towards you before picking up his own margherita. You leaned towards him wrapping your arms around his neck so your mouth was right next to his ear.

“Or, give me back my margherita and when we go home, I’ll get on my knees and suck your cock the minute we get through the door,” you whispered seductively. “And then, I’ll strip naked for you, put on your vest and ride you.” You moved away a little to allow him to turn his head to look at you.

You felt Rafael’s hand on your waist tighten and you had the pleasure of seeing the red creep up his neck as his eyes started to burn. He swallowed, the knuckles on his other hand turned white as he gripped his drink. He was very grateful that you still had enough thought to whisper that in his ear rather than saying it loud enough for the rest of the table to hear.

“Chica,” he warned eyes taking in your cheeky grin. “That’s out of line.”

“Hm, we’re not in a court of law my dear,” you giggled. “So, counsellor, do you accept the terms?”

“No,” Rafael stated, smirking as your mouth dropped open in surprise.

“Really?” you were shocked. “But…I want my margherita.”

“Then drink some water and eat,” Rafael raised his eyebrow at the water he pushed towards you. “And you will.”

“Fine,” you huffed pulling your arms from his neck. “Then I won’t suck your dick.”

“…please tell me I wasn’t the only one who heard that?” Finn muttered.

“We all heard it,” Liv muttered eyes wide and looking away.

“You are naughty!” Shannon giggled leaning as far as she could to swat at your arm. “Is that what you whispered to him?”

You nodded holding the glass of water eyeing it suspiciously, cheeks puffed out as you sulked. Olivia lifted her drink out of the way of Shannon’s flailing limb, trying very hard to restrain herself as she watched the marid of expressions that passed over Rafael’s face. Shock, horror and that last one was a little unclear, but oddly enough she could still make out the fondness that he has for you in his eyes as he watched you giggle at your friend but still sulk over not getting your margherita.

“This has got to be one of the most entertaining nights I’ve had in the longest of times,” Amanda giggled. “And Barba the look on your face was priceless.”

“I hate all of you,” he answered, drowning the last of his margherita before grabbing your glass and drinking that as well.

“Hey!” you squeaked. “That’s mine.”

“You hadn’t finished your water or your food,” he groused.

“You’re not getting sex,” you glared at him.

“We’ll see,” he smirked at you, slowly licking his lips, your lips parted as you felt warmth slowly build, you had to squeeze you legs together as your eyes glazed over.

“Is he?” Nick asked, not even wanting to finish that sentence.

“That is the sign for me to go,” Finn decided standing up, a look of near horror on his face. His eyes squinted as he looked between Rafael and you. “It was good to meet all of you. Maybe next time a little less alcohol.”

“Agreed,” everyone agreed.

“I think I’ll also call it a night,” Amanda smiled. “I should go and walk Frannie before it gets too much later. Are you girls fine to get home?”

“Aw, that is so sweet!” Lily leaned into Amanda smiling up at her. “I’ll be fine, I’ve gotten home when I have been way more drunk.”

“If you’re sure?” Amanda asked.

“Mhm, though I can’t say the same thing for Courtney or Shannon,” Lily nodded towards the two other girls who were leaning against each other and giggling.

“True,” Amanda agreed, eyeing them both.

“I’ll help with them,” Lily patted her arm. “Shannon lives on the way to mine so I can take her in an uber with me. Courtney however, lives in the opposite direction.”

“I can take her,” Amanda offered.

“Ooh I get to ride with the pretty detective?” Courtney asked bouncing in her seat. “It’s my lucky day.”

“I wanna ride with the pretty detective,” Shannon muttered.

“You ride with me,” Lily pointed at her. “And you better say you’re lucky with that.”

“Duh,” Shannon rolled her eyes. “But I get to ride with a pretty librarian all the time.”

“I am both offended and fine with that,” Lily shrugged as she quickly drowned the rest of her margherita. “Is anyone else heading my way? Can take two more in my uber.”

“I’ll take you up on that,” Finn nodded.

“Carisi, you coming with?” Amanda asked, a particular look in her eye as she looked at the Italian.

“Sure, that okay with you Courtney?” Carisi asked, not wanting to tag along if she wasn’t okay with it.

“Two pretty detectives?” Courtney asked. “Getting better and better.”

“I think that’s a yes,” Nick muttered. “I’ll be fine on my own. Liv, you good getting home?”

“I’ll be fine, I live in the opposite direction of all of you,” Liv smiled. Everyone turned to Rafael and you, both currently still arguing over him drinking your drink. “I think they’ll be fine.”

“Yeah, I don’t think it’ll be a good idea to share a ride with them,” Nick grinned. “It might get a little awkward.”

“Hey, lovebirds,” Carisi teased. “You two ready to go home?”

“Not with him,” you muttered, turning your pleading eyes to Liv.

“Oh, no,” Liv laughed reaching out to squeeze your cheek. “You are going with Rafi. Maybe you can tease him to feel bad about drinking your alcohol.”

“Ooh, could idea!” you nodded, trying to climb off your seat. “Come on bub.”

“I’ll never forgive this betrayal, Liv,” Rafael promised as he kept hold of your waist keeping you from stumbling. “She’s really good at teasing. It should be a crime.”

“Oops,” Liv grinned. “Come on.”

The group made it’s way out of the bar, Liv, Lily and Amanda helping Shannon and Courtney. They were surprising stable, only a little unsteady after sitting down for so long and drinking as much as they had. Nick, Carisi and Finn were all at the back keeping an eye on everyone else, they didn’t even realise that they had done it until Liv glanced over her shoulder and raised an eyebrow as the group waited for their Ubers together.

“What?” Nick asked crossing his arms. “You know me, you can’t even pretend to be surprised by this.”

“Alright, that’s actually fair,” Liv rolled her eyes.

“Rafi, the world is spinning,” you whined, looking up at Rafael, your hands were once again holding onto his suspenders.

“Aw, my poor Chica,” Rafael cooed lightly brushing the hair out of your eyes before pulling out his phone to order an Uber, his other hand still held you tightly against his side. “Let’s get you home, my apartment or yours?”

“Yours, please,” you grinned up at him, all annoyance over him stealing your drink gone. “I sleep better at yours now.” You nuzzled your face back into his neck, sighing happily as his scent surrounded you.

Rafael felt his heart melt at that, the two of you rarely slept away from the other these days. The first time you had been in his bed when he got back from a late night in the office it had been surreal, he had to stop for a moment and appreciate that fact that you wanted to be there when he got back. It had happened after he got an emergency call, the two of you had been having dinner at his and you were prepared to head back to your apartment when he left but he offered for you to stay at his without even really thinking about it, all he knew was that he wanted to come back to his apartment with you still there.

“Looks like our ride is here,” Amanda motioned towards the car that just pulled up pulling everyone out of their conversations. Carisi moved forward ready to help with Courtney. “Tonight, has been…entertaining and enlightening.”

“All of this has been off the record,” Rafael warned looking pointedly at all the detectives.

“Sure, counsellor,” Carisi agreed, a boyish grin on his face. “Next time we need a warrant and you don’t want to do it I’ll just call y/n up and she can get you to do it.”

“Nope, that is an abuse of my power,” you claimed not lifting your head from Rafael’s neck. “Only use it when absolutely necessary.”

“Noted,” Finn said.

“Alright, Shannon, Finn our ride is also here,” Lily waved towards another car that pulled up. “It was lovely to meet all of you, should do this again sometime.”

“That would be nice,” Liv agreed.

“Thirded!” you called. “I loved meeting the rest of Rafi’s friends!”

“And we definitely enjoyed meeting you,” Nick assured you, chuckling a little.

A round of goodbyes followed as everyone managed to get into their Ubers with minimal issues. Assuring everyone that they would message when each member got home safe and sound. The more sober members of the group thoroughly entertained by the drunker members attempt to converse with the drivers before getting sleepy.

“Alright, Carino, here we are,” Rafael huffed as he gently set you down on his bed, hands hovering just in case you started to sway a bit too much but when you stayed upright, he moved around his room, gathering some clothes for you to sleep in. A little selfishly he grabbed one of his shirts for you, along with a pair of your panties that you kept here. “Alright, let’s get you changed, that make up off and some more water into you.”

“Rafi,” you looked at him biting your lip as your hands struggled to undo the buttons on your top. “Let’s have sex.”

“I thought you said no sex for me because I was mean,” Rafael laughed, grabbing the make up removal wipes you kept on the dresser. He warmed at the thought that there were daily items you used all around his apartment.

“Oh yeah,” you mumbled before shrugging. “Really that’s punishing me as well and I don’t deserve that. I deserve your talented fingers, tongue and cock.”

“Lord help me,” he muttered rubbing his forehead as his cock twitched in interest. He had tried so hard to keep it down at the bar after you whispered to him but here in the privacy of his own apartment it was becoming a hassle. “Baby, you are really drunk, so that is a no on the sex.”

“Maybe but I wanna,” you promised him. “I fully, whole heartedly consent to you railing me. Besides you’re already getting me undressed.”

“To get you into something to sleep in because you are drunk,” Rafael explained patiently. This was the first time he had ever seen you drunk and it was both amusing and difficult as he tried to get you changed. “Come on arms up, there we go.”

Thankfully, in your drunken state you eagerly followed his directions as he changed you and gently wiped off the make up you were wearing. Being sure to get every last spec of it. He wasn’t about to try and get you through your entire skin care routine but he figured you could do that in the morning or he could help you if you were hungover. Who was he kidding? You were going to be so hungover.

“Sex?” you asked one last time as he got you to drink some more water, leaving a bottle on the bedside table before he quickly got changed and slid into bed beside you, tugging you close.

“You’re drunk,”

“…yeah…” yawning you wiggled into a more comfortable position of sleeping mostly on Rafael’s chest. “Night bub…” soft snores followed after that as you drifted off into a drunken sleep.

“Tomorrow morning is going to be something,” Rafael muttered pressing a kiss to the top of your head, wrapping his arms around you as he listened to you breathing, letting that lull him to sleep.

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rqgnarok · 1 year ago

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leave a light on - nolan price

prequel for love you better now, but can be read individually

fandom: law & order, law & order special victims unit

wc: 4,735

warnings: canon presence of injuries, blood, violence, weapons, and hospitals. female reader.

summary: nolan's wife gets shot. he tries and fails to deal with that.

author's note below! masterlist / ko-fi / ao3

Nolan misses Liv’s call thrice before he calls for a recess.

The first two he’s stuck cross-examining a witness and doesn’t realize she’s trying to reach him until the third time she calls. He can’t answer– Judge MacNamara is lenient but not enough for Nolan to take a call in the middle of the day– but it goes to voicemail and his screen lights up with Liv’s other calls, constant and insistent.

He immediately knows it’s bad. And he immediately knows it’s about you.

His chest constricts with his panic, breath catching and refusing to enter his lungs as his brain catches up to the situation. The courtroom is suddenly too small and suffocating, his tie a noose around his neck.

It takes McNamara calling his name several times and the DA snidely wondering if the defense needs a minute for Nolan to somewhat snap out of it, pressing on Liv’s contact before the judge finishes adjourning for the day.

“Nolan,” she says, shaky.

Not Price, which is what he’d expect from his wife’s coworker. They’re all friends, sure, but during work hours they fall into the habit of keeping each other at arm’s length. Not right now, for some reason, and Nolan is tiptoeing the line between fine and about to crumble on the courthouse steps from a knock-out panic attack.

“What happened?” Because something must’ve happened. You have one of the most dangerous jobs out there, life-endangering experiences being the norm and coming home not-dead being a good day. But if Liv is calling– if Liv is calling and you aren’t…

Nolan has been psyching himself up for this day since you first told him about joining the police academy. He’s still somehow not ready.

He will never be ready for this.

Olivia hesitates for a second too long and Nolan’s fear gets the best of him. “Olivia. What happened?”

Her voice cracks when she says your name. Nolan grips his briefcase so tightly on the way to the hospital that his hand goes numb, nails digging into the skin of his palm until it’s red and tender.

The knot of anxiety in his belly doesn’t unclench despite the quick, easy ride to Bellevue. New York traffic seems to be doing him a favor, but it isn’t the physical distance he’s worried about. That one he’s able to cross but there’s nothing he can do if his wife is… if you…

Nolan finds himself amidst a sea of NYPD blue as soon as he steps into the reception, talking over each other as they watch over one of their injured own. None of them are familiar faces and his vision tunnels, the sound of his heartbeat in his ears drowning out doctors, officers, and detectives.

Suddenly, the sea of people parts. Olivia is in his line of sight and it gives Nolan something to focus on rather than the never-ending possibilities of what he’s facing here. She looks disheveled, shirt askew and vest still halfway on; hair out of place and expression haunted, but no blood. There’s no blood on her and it's an important distinction for Nolan to make when she seizes his free hand in hers.

“Nolan,” she says, and her voice sounds like static, just like it did on the phone. It isn’t the line but Nolan’s brain filled with noise, like cotton in his ears. “Nolan, are you okay?”

“What happened?” he asks now in person. Liv hadn’t explained, not really. She only told him that you were hurt and they were taking you to Bellevue. You should come too, she’d said, and should had sounded more like need, which did nothing to soothe Nolan’s raising hackles.

His breath stutters. Nolan knows what happened but can’t comprehend it. He’s still holding onto his fucking briefcase and his hands won’t stop shaking.

Liv only blinks at him, mouth open and no words coming out. “Liv. What happened?”

“We were chasing a suspect via foot,” and Nick’s there, too, by Liv’s side, like an apparition Nolan’s broken mind has conjured. His brows are furrowed, jaw tense. “We caught him mid-rape and separated to cover more ground. No one had mentioned a gun during their disclosures, he wasn’t supposed to be armed.”

“She caught up to him first,” Liv continues, shaking her head. “He– Shots went off but we didn’t know– he must’ve known we were onto him. Got his hands on a gun after the first wave of assaults.”

Nolan bites the inside of his cheek. He tastes blood, thinks of his wife. Stops.

“She was alone for two minutes tops,” Nolan wonders if Liv thinks she’s being reassuring. “She’d been shot, we called a bus right away.”

“Where?” Nolan asks tightly.

Liv stares, uncomprehending. Nick answers, “What?”

“Where, where in her body was she shot, how–” he struggles for a full breath and only comes out half successful. “How bad is it?”

Silence.

“Did you– did you not see her?” he wonders, biting. Nolan turns back and forth between his wife’s coworkers, losing his patience. “Were you there, was she– Jesus, Liv, how bad is it?”

“The bullet hit her chest,” Nick says, and Nolan loses all fiery, defensive passion right then and there. His own heart stops for a second, or at least that’s what it feels like when his chest is engulfed by a pressing ache that numbs him all over.

“They took her straight to surgery,” Amaro continues when Nolan finds no answer to that. “Liv rode with her in the ambulance but there wasn’t– it’s in their hands now. They’re taking care of her, pal, okay?” He reaches to touch Nolan’s shoulder, shake him a little. “She’s getting help.”

Where was the help when she was alone chasing a fucking criminal, where the hell were you, huh he wants to say; wants to shout and curse and make a scene, but the words get stuck in his throat and in the next blink he finds himself seated in the waiting room, still surrounded by cops.

God, Nolan thinks, pressing his fingers to his tightly closed lids. When in all your years together could he have seen this coming? The pretty girl in a law course elective that outsmarted half of the senior class still in his life decades later, bleeding out a couple rooms over and threatening to take his heart with her six feet under.

He remembers running into you after that final exam outside the lecture hall. He’d been catching his breath on a bench when suddenly you were there too, smiling as you crouched against the opposite wall, elbows on your knees. You’d nodded. “How’d you do?”

Nolan had stuttered back, flustered in your presence, “I’m, uh, not flushing out yet, I hope.”

“You don’t sound too sure.”

“Ask me after I’ve slept some 12 hours,” he’d sighed, messing nervously with his hair. “Things usually seem less dire by then.”

“Would some coffee do the trick?” and Nolan hadn’t known it then, but you’d been nervous too. After all, you’d offered him what would be the first day of the rest of your lives together. No easy feat, but you’d seen something in him that deemed him worthy of you.

“Coffee can work,” Nolan, young and eager, had said slowly. He couldn’t stop grinning, high with lack of sleep and your attention on him. “You’re buying?”

“It’s only fair,” you’d shrugged, but there was something giddy about your expression that still appears in your features these days, bright and young. “You look like you’re about to drop dead.”

“And I still seem like worthy company?”

“I think we can pull a few good hours out of you yet,” a few hours, a few years; Nolan will be as sleepless as he was then on his wedding day out of pure excitement. You’ll have spent the night before the ceremony talking on the phone while in separate rooms since your friends were sentimental little fucks and wouldn’t let him even kiss you goodbye before the big day.

He’d described the few hours apart as agony in his vows, had made the crowd laugh and you cry with the sentiment, and now he wishes he hadn’t. He shouldn’t have said a damned thing, shouldn’t have manifested any sort of agony into your lives because now the illusion cuts off sharply and he’s back in the waiting room, a nurse calling your name while he fiddles with his wedding ring, staring blankly into the hallway.

Liv’s still there for some reason, as are some other officers and Amaro, while the others hunt down the man who landed you here. Munch had snapped at the Captain when he told him he couldn’t stay. Fin had to lead Amanda out by the shoulders, too stricken to walk out herself.

Liv and Amaro stand but it takes Nolan a few moments to return to himself. She tells them, gently, that you’re out of surgery. “She lost a lot of blood, but only some of the bullet’s fragments hit her heart. It was touch and go but the doctor was able to extract all of them.”

Nolan’s lungs open up and he breathes his first full breath since Liv called. He must make a sound, because the attention in the room shifts to him, suffocating and inquisitive. His vision blurs for a second, heartbeat pumping in his ears.

“She’s extremely lucky,” she continues, looking right at Nolan, like it's supposed be comforting. Like that’s what luck means, almost-but-not-quite bleeding out while your heart had to be stitched up back together. “Most people with injuries like this don’t even make it past the ambulance.”

Nolan closes his eyes in anguish. He presses his closed fists against his forehead, elbows on his knees, back hunched. It’s almost like he’s trying to disappear into himself, but the image of an ambulance opening its doors to his flatlining wife refuses to leave him.

“There’s still a long way to go,” she continues, softer, realizing she’s hit a nerve. She turns to Liv and Nick, who are paying rapt attention even as Nick walks close to him to put a hand on Nolan’s shoulder, firm and steady. “She won’t wake up anytime soon. Her body needs rest and to recuperate from the most acute injuries. And the doctor would like to talk about next steps once she does.”

Next steps, Nolan thinks. The only next steps he’s aware of are those that lead to your room. Olivia and Amaro trail behind him and the nurse like a couple of guard dogs, standing alert for any sign of Nolan backing out or collapsing into his grief.

He just might. He feels queasy, nauseous with exhaustion and worry. But then he sees you, and nothing else matters.

“Sweetheart,” he says, devastated, walking to your bed. “Oh, honey.”

Despite his eagerness to touch you, Nolan flails when you’re finally within arms reach. You look asleep for one blissful, hopeful moment, but then Nolan blinks and the light settles; the ashiness of your skin, the uncomfortable placing of your body, the blank expression devoid of dreams or nightmares or consciousness.

He’d usually be embarrassed to have witnesses to such a personal display of affection, but not even Liv and Nick standing at the door can stop Nolan from carefully cupping your face in his hands and kissing the apple of your cheek, lingering and gentle. He’s afraid of touching the rest of you, of jostling you too badly. But the steady noise of your heart rate monitor is a constant, loud reminder that you won’t fall apart that easily.

Liv and Nick linger behind him, talking quietly amongst themselves in sharp whispers. It might or might not be an argument. Nolan would kick them out if he could gather the energy to care.

Benson eventually takes a few apprehensive steps into the room, seemingly having lost whatever fight she and her partner were having.

“We’re on our way out,” she murmurs. “There’s a lead on our guy and Cragen’s calling us all back to the precinct. But if there’s anything…”

She trails off. Nolan doesn’t answer, studies instead the bridge of your nose and the shape of your brows, tries to count your eyelashes and catalog the bruises on your face. Liv sighs defeatedly and reaches for him.

“Whatever you need,” Liv says firmly with a hand on his arm. Still, her steady presence is undermined by the way she keeps looking at you like you’re already in a coffin. For that, Nolan wants her out, can’t stand her even if she rode with you to the hospital and kept you semi-conscious until the doctors took you off her hands. “We’re here for you, alright? All of us, Nolan. I’m serious.”

“Thanks,” he says, monotone, voice rough and cracked from swallowing down his panic and tears. He clears his throat but it does little to help. “Thank you, Liv. For everything.”

Her lips tighten in an unpleased line, but she nods and leaves the room with one last pat to his arm. He’s being ungrateful, he knows. Liv’s the one who found you, who held your hand in the ambulance before they drove you off to surgery. Nolan owes Benson his life.

The thought alone makes him so nauseous he has to clench his eyes shut, breathing shallowly. God, what would he have done? What will he do, if something happens to you? You aren’t out of the woods yet and if something goes wrong, if your body decides to cave in, if the wound gets infected, if there’s something they didn’t catch, if, if, if, if–

He lifts his head and catches his wife’s face, lax and motionless. Once again, the panic settles. He hasn’t gotten the chance to let it unfold the way it needs to.

“I finally got you on your own,” Nolan says, soft, careful not to disturb the semblance of peace in the room.You don’t answer, no matter how badly Nolan wants you to. “You’re very popular. A tough one to find these days, you know.”

You weren’t even supposed to be in today. Cragen had called mere hours after you’d gone to bed and Nolan had done his best to stay up while you got ready to go. You’d kneeled next to his side of the bed and Nolan had leaned in to kiss you without thought, an automatic notion he wishes he’d paid more attention to now.

I’ll call you when I can, you’d nudged your nose against his temple before pressing a kiss there. Nolan had already been half asleep at that point. I love you.

Love you, Nolan mumbled, eyes closed, jutting his chin forward blindly. One more.

He continues as if you had replied. “You’ve got half of the NYPD out there waiting on you. The nurses are rioting, but I don’t think anyone’ll leave until you wake up.”

Nolan’s voice loses the battle, it breaks right at the end of his sentence and so does his composure, eyes burning with tears that for some goddamned reason just won’t fall.

“Please,” he begs to the sky, to God, to no one. “Please, please, please. Wake up.”

He presses his forehead to his wife’s limp hand maybe a little too harshly. Even if your skin is cold and your grip nonexistent, the touch has him sobbing dryly.

An hour ago you were in surgery, out of reach and sight even if you were already getting help.

Three hours ago you were bleeding out in some alleyway in Queens, struggling for your radio to call for help.

Twelve hours ago you were kissing him goodbye, smiling against his mouth despite the dark nature of the case because Nolan kept pulling you in for one more kiss.

One more, one more, one more, his pleads now. Wake up and give me one more, sweetheart, come on.

“Please, honey,” he whispers, wet and nasal with emotion. “I’m not ready for this. I’m not ready yet, I didn’t– I don’t–”

The words don’t come. Nolan chokes, holds your hand in his own. Breathes, breathes, and breathes.

Days keep piling up. You don’t wake up and Nolan doesn’t cry. God knows why, but he can’t, his body on automatic while he solely focuses on your condition. The nurses know him by name and he makes record time to the apartment and back for showers and quick naps, some food for the little appetite he has.

He doesn’t even think to be offended when he’s placed on indefinite leave at work. Nolan can’t bring himself to care, he would’ve stacked up every sick day and vacation time available to stay at your side as much as he could anyway.

The squad offers to stand guard almost daily, which Nolan appreciates, but his object permanence has gone to shit. Whenever he doesn’t have eyes on you his panic rises again like a tidal wave, never quite crashing but dwindling when he sits in that Godawful chair next to your bed. His hand settles your ankle or arm or somewhere he can easily look for your pulse, weak but steady, and it keeps him wearily calm.

It’s desperate, he knows, and more than a little pathetic, but Nolan feels like he’s allowed. Until you wake up to tell him he’s been worrying over nothing he will do as he pleases.

He talks to you. Liv and Amaro have caught him more than once speaking quietly into the lull of the hospital room, holding your hand and drawing soothing motions with his thumb against your skin.

Mom drove into the steps again. The ones in the driveway? They were already loose from last time and now she has Dad driving through every Home Depot in North Carolina to find the right tile to replace them.

Jill sends her best. Last time I saw her she was talking my ear off about her kid’s college fund. Apparently her husband lost half of it during Tuesday night with the boys, whatever that means.

Munch says he owes you 20 bucks from the Giants game from two weeks ago? Which is weird, because you haven’t watched a full game since, like, ‘08. Not like you’re missing anything, but still, your accuracy to outsmart Munch in his own line of work is pretty outstanding.

It helps, though barely. Whenever he ventures over what you’ll do once you’re awake the illusion breaks and so does Nolan’s composure. He trails off, feeling foolish, the weight of his delusion pressing against his chest.

“It’s not silly,” Munch tells him during one of his visits, the book he’s been reading to you resting on his lap. “You’re talking to your wife. If I’d done more of that back in my day then maybe I’d still be married.”

“Which time?” Nolan asks, his lips tingling with the almost want to smile.

Munch points at him, managing a smirk himself. “Exactly.”

He’s so sure it calms Nolan more than you’d expect. So far he’s the only other person who talks about you like you’re still alive and thus, the only one who doesn’t make an indomable rage wash over Nolan whenever they’re in the same room.

He’s the one with him when you wake. You do so in a panic, waking Nolan up from his uncomfortable nap next to your bed. It’s a sudden flail after another as your heart rate monitor goes crazy and you don’t answer any call of your name, terrified and in pain.

It’s awful. Nolan doesn’t think he’ll ever forget how you almost tear your stitches mid panic while doctors and nurses gather around and kick him out with quick accuracy. There’s nothing he can do to help and he knows it, but he’s never supposed to be in a position in which he can’t help you.

He’s doomed to watch from a glass window, helpless, as you suffer without anyone to reach out to.

She woke up but had to be sedated, a nurse tells him after, it’s normal for patients to be unaware of their surroundings after waking up from long periods of unconsciousness. We still haven’t been able to determine neurological damage, so we’ll have to wait until it wears off.

“Kid, kid, hey,” Munch says, alarmed after coming back from the cafeteria with two coffees and finding Nolan sitting outside your room, crying into his knees. “What’s wrong, what happened? I was gone fifteen minutes–”

Nolan tries to explain but the words get caught up in his throat, his grief taking over his sense of logic. She woke up, he meant to say. She woke up and she didn’t know where she was and I stood by like an idiot watching her suffer.

After he’s talked down from a panic attack he says, a mere croak. “She woke up. They don’t know–” his breath hitches “–but she woke up.”

Munch sighs, visibly relieved as he squats next to Nolan, cupping the back of his neck. “Good. That’s good, hey– Nolan. That’s good, okay? That’s one step closer to getting her back. This is good.”

He repeats those words to himself like a mantra. This is good, this is good, this is good, and doesn’t dare to close his eyes for something other than blinking until you’re conscious. It’s hours later, deep into the night when you open your eyes again, groggy and disoriented, blinking into the dark hospital room.

“Honey,” he says, quiet and so, so relieved. You don’t appear to hear him and a flash of fear seizes his heart. He presses the button and calls for a nurse, edging closer to the bed. Nolan says your name, filled with trepidation. “Hey, honey, you with me?”

Arduously slowly, you follow the sound of his voice. You blink at him, gulping and saying, dry as the Sahara. “Nole.”

It’s the most glorious thing he’s ever heard. The smile that pulls at his mouth feels odd on his face, like he’s forgotten how to show joy. How to feel it. He goes to touch your face, hands shaky and reverent. “Yeah. Yeah, sweetheart, it’s me.”

He offers you a drink and grips your hand all through the nurse’s examination, which you pass with flying colors. While she’s tinkering with your IV, you ask him, “Bellevue?”

“Yeah,” he says grimly, thumb rubbing soothing motions against your skin, trying to infuse some warmth.

“Shot?” you wonder next.

Nolan hesitates. “You don’t remember?”

“Guessin’,” you slur, tired, blinks getting longer each time you close your eyes.

The nurse pipes up then with the same explanations she’s given Nolan the past few weeks: the bullet to your heart, the long-lasting surgery, the even longer coma. You nod in all the right places but your head rests against the pillow and your expression is vacant, like you’ll forget all about it by the next time you wake up.

“Anyone… else?” you ask.

“No,” Nolan responds, watching some tension fall off your frame when he confirms this. He wishes he felt the same, though a selfish part of him would’ve preferred it to be someone else in this hospital bed instead of you; Liv or Amaro, Rollins or even Fin. It’s true, even if the thought is followed by guilt. “No, everyone’s fine, honey. Working their asses off and worried out of their minds, but okay. It’s just you.”

You hum and then promptly fall back asleep, breaths settling into an even rhythm. It’s then that his eyes water and his tears fall on the scratchy hospital sheets where you lay. Oh, Nolan thinks, almost surprised by them. So this is what it takes.

The next time he looks up, hours later, is because you’re reaching to touch his face, tender and shaky. He snaps to attention like a soldier called to the front lines, but there’s no trouble chasing after you, no bad thing happening for once. You’re both okay, safe in your hospital room while nurses and doctors and visitors keep passing by just outside the door.

“You haven’t slept,” you croak out as you drop your hand from where you’d been gently pressing at the bags under Nolan’s eyes, tired from that simple movement. Your chest rises and falls with breaths that are a little too labored, but your eyes are fixed on your husband, worried. “Nole.”

It almost makes him smile: how you worry about other people while you lie with a hole in your heart on a hospital bed. Nolan would laugh if he were sure the sound wouldn’t dwindle into sobbing. There’s nothing funny about this. Nothing.

“‘m alright,” he promises, croaky and wet from previous cries. You’re still a little too out of it, but your face contorts in weak disbelief. You don’t believe him for a moment. He amends: “I will be. And so will you. You’re gonna be okay, honey.”

happy new year!!! i wanted to start the year giving you a little something after being so absent the last couple of months and i've had this piece in my drafts for ages! it was originally waaay longer but i thought i'd end it on a happy note and maybe make a part two if anyone's interested?

anyway! i hope you guys enjoy what has become one of my favorite pairings to write and i hope you had a good time last night and a great 2024! thank you for reading!

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mister-warmth · 28 days ago

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#applies to either one in either order #my blorbos and their swagged out suits great suits 10/10 suits #munchfin #john munch #odafin tutuola

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safficranger · 9 months ago

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Don’t look at me in that tone of voice

#john munch #odafin tutuola #fin tutuola #svu #law and order svu

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theartofcollapse · 1 month ago

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Hi! Is okay to request a fic for female reader x Casey in which reader and Casey have been flirting on and off for weeks now, but every time it seems it’s going to get serious, Casey backs off (because she’s secretly scared of ruining whatever friendship reader and her have going on), but when the squad gathers for drinks after work and a woman in a deep plunging neckline flirts with reader by the bar and reader seems to enjoy the attention, Casey realizes that maybe she’s been acting like a jerk the whole time?

Second Thoughts - Casey Novak

a/n: i hope it turned out the way you wanted :) my dms are open, feel free to request anything you would like to read. summary: read above pairing: Casey Novak x female reader warnings: none word count: 1.1K

masterlist

It wasn’t unusual for the squad to gather at O’Malley’s after a particularly gruelling week of cases. Tonight, the bar was buzzing with energy, the kind that came with the first night off in a while. You sat at the end of the squad’s usual booth, having a drink and half listening to Fin’s retelling of an old case, but your attention kept drifting to Casey Novak.

She was sitting across from you, her fiery red hair catching the dim lights of the bar, her green eyes scanning the room like she was deliberately avoiding meeting yours. Every so often, her gaze flickered to you, and when your eyes met, a faint blush crept up her cheeks before she quickly turned away.

It had been weeks of this. Weeks of subtle, teasing flirtation that danced just on the edge of something more. You couldn’t pinpoint exactly when it started. Maybe it was the time you’d brought her coffee during a late night prep session in her office, and she’d smiled, saying something like, “You’re a lifesaver, Y/N. I might actually owe you my soul after this.”

“Maybe just dinner,” you’d teased, grinning at her.

“I don’t agree to dinner with just anyone,” she’d quipped back, her tone light but her eyes lingering on yours just a second too long.

Or maybe it was the time you’d sparred over a case in front of the squad, the tension building with each exchange. You’d walked out together afterward, still debating, and she’d nudged your shoulder playfully.

“You always like making my job harder, don’t you?” she’d said, her smirk softening into something more vulnerable.

“Only because you make it so much fun to watch you argue,” you’d replied.

Moments like those kept piling up. Every time she smiled at you across the courtroom or laughed at one of your jokes, it felt like you were getting closer to something real. But then, like clockwork, she’d pull away, an excuse, a nervous laugh, a hasty retreat. It was maddening.

You weren’t stupid, you knew fear when you saw it. But how long could this back and forth last before you gave up entirely?

Tonight wasn’t much different. Casey seemed tight, barely touching her drink as she occasionally glanced in your direction. Her lips pressed into a thin line whenever someone else at the table made you laugh, but she didn’t say a word about it.

“Another round, Y/N?” Olivia’s voice broke through your thoughts.

“Sure,” you said, standing. “I’ll go, grab it.”

A few murmurs of appreciation followed as you offered to grab refills for the rest of the table as well.

You made your way to the bar, weaving through the clusters of people until you found a spot. As you waited for the bartender, a woman slid into the space next to you.

“Long day?” she asked, her voice low and smooth.

You glanced at her, taking in her dark eyes and the plunging neckline of her dress. She was stunning, and the way she looked at you made her intentions very, very clear.

“Something like that,” you replied, smiling politely.

She leaned closer, her hand lightly brushing yours on the counter. “You look like you could use a distraction.”

You chuckled softly, unsure but not entirely opposed to the attention. “Maybe.”

From the corner of the room, Casey watched the exchange unfold. Her drink sat untouched in front of her, the ice slowly melting as her grip tightened around the glass. She watched the woman lean into you, her laugh spilling effortlessly into the space between you. Casey’s heart twisted painfully. She couldn’t hear the words being exchanged, but she didn’t need to. It was all in the way you smiled back, the way you didn’t pull away.

A sharp pang of jealousy stabbed through her chest. What was she even doing? For weeks now, she had convinced herself that keeping things platonic was the right call. You were too important to her. What if she ruined everything? But standing there, watching someone else flirt with you, Casey realized she wasn’t protecting your friendship. She was sabotaging something that could have been so much more. She’d been a coward. Worse than that, she’d been selfish, keeping you close, but never letting you in.

“Everything okay, Casey?” Olivia’s voice startled her.

Casey blinked, realizing Olivia had been watching her.

“I’m fine,” Casey said, but the words felt hollow. She set her drink down and stood abruptly, her chair scraping against the floor.

“Casey…” Olivia started, but Casey didn’t hear the rest. She was already weaving through the crowd, heading straight for the bar, her heels clicking against the floor.

When she reached you, the woman beside you shot her a curious glance, but Casey ignored her completely.

“Y/N,” Casey said, her tone firm.

You turned, startled. “Casey?”

“We need to talk,” she said, her green eyes boring into yours.

The woman beside you raised an eyebrow, clearly unimpressed. “Friend of yours?”

Casey didn’t even spare her a glance. “More than that,” she said simply.

Your breath hitched, her words settling over you.

“Casey, what…”

“Not here,” she interrupted, her voice softening. “Please.”

You hesitated, glancing at the woman beside you, who shrugged and stepped back with a roll of her eyes.

“Okay,” you said finally, following Casey as she led you to a quieter corner near the back of the bar.

For a moment, neither of you spoke. Casey’s hands fidgeted at her sides, and you could see the struggle on her face as she tried to find the right words.

“I’ve been an idiot,” she said finally, her voice low.

“Casey…”

“No, let me finish,” she interrupted, her green eyes locking onto yours. “I’ve been scared. Scared of losing you, scared of screwing this up. But tonight, seeing you with her…” She trailed off, her jaw tightening. “I realized I’ve been acting like a jerk. I’ve been keeping you at arm’s length because I was afraid, but I can’t do that anymore. I can’t lose you, Y/N. Not as a friend, and definitely not to someone else.”

Your heart pounded in your chest, her words sinking in.

You stepped closer. “Casey, I’ve been waiting for you to say something,” you admitted, your voice trembling slightly. “I’ve been waiting because I feel the same way. But… are you sure you’re serious about this? About us?”

Relief washed over her face, and for the first time in weeks, she smiled, really smiled. “More serious than I’ve ever been about anything.”

Your lips formed into a small smirk, stepping a bit closer to Casey again. “Then you should prove it.”

Casey didn’t hesitate. She laughed a little, then stepped forward, cupping your face with trembling hands as she closed the distance between you and kissed you. Soft at first, testing the waters, then deeper as you kissed her back.

When she pulled away, her forehead resting against yours, she whispered, “Dinner. Tomorrow night. Just us.”

You grinned. “I’ll be there.”

And this time, there was no backing down.

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pinkrangersarah · 1 year ago

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today's hot take

#with my favorite era #law and order #law and order svu #l&o svu #olivia benson #amanda rollins #nick amaro #sonny carisi #odafin tutuola #fin tutuola

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thirtysomethingloser92 · 8 months ago

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Cover-Up

A 5000 word Peter Stone/Reader for anonymous requester.

It was the small kisses that traced up your shoulder and up the side of your neck, the large hand on your opposite arm that brought you out of your own thoughts; the familiar and comforting smell of expensive cologne and plain soap, the warmth of the bare chested body behind you as you pulled your shoes on over your foot.

“You’ve had that look on your face all night,”

The voice rumbled in your ear, sending goosebumps up your body, but still you continued to finish getting dressed, standing up and staring at the blue eyed man who was now leaning on his arm and looking up at you. “You know why. I’m sick of having to constantly sneak around like teenagers. I feel like you’re ashamed of me-“ You began before you were abruptly cut off. “No. I’m not ashamed of you, and you damn well know that. If we declare our relationship then everything is under scrutiny. Every case, every interaction; it’s something we need to really think about before doing this,” The man stated simply, now sitting at the edge of the bed with the blanket pooling around his waist; “Give it a few more weeks, and we can do it. Okay. Just a few more weeks to get some things in order,” You could feel the frustration in your chest, “Yeah I know, it’s what you said last night as well. And the week before that, and the week before that. You can kinda see why I’m a bit hesitant to believe you this time around,” A look of defeat suddenly crossed his face and he let out a small sigh, “Yeah I get it,” He placed his face in his hands and looked down. Your jaw cracked a few times before letting out a small sigh, “Peter,” You took a deep breath in and swallowed deeply, your heart pounding in your chest, “I love you, and I’m sorry that I keep bringing this us but I don’t want to be your secret anymore. If you don’t feel the same back that’s absolutely more then fine, we can go back to being colleagues and that’s that; but I can’t keep doing this anymore if you have zero intention of letting this go any further,” You picked up your backpack by his bedroom door. “Are you going straight home?” He asked, looking over at you, his shoulders deflating somewhat. You shook your head, “Liv called me in, a john and stabbed a sex worker so Finn and I are going to head to the crime scene,” A moment of silence fell between you both, “Stay safe,” He stated simply, looking back down at his hands. “Yep,” A small, simple, easy reply. Detatching yourself before he made you detatch from him. You could see it in the way he suddenly withdrew from you. You knew what was happening before he even had to say it. You were pushing the idea of declaring your relationship to his boss and he was shutting it down. You told him you loved him and he once again was shutting down.

As you stepped out of Peter's apartment, a wave of emotions crashed over you. Love, frustration, and a sense of defeat battled within, leaving you feeling sick with anxiety. The cool night air did little to soothe your thoughts as you made your way to meet Finn and Olivia.

<><>

The drive to the crime scene was silent, the tension palpable between you and Finn. He shot you a concerned glance every now and then, but you brushed it off with a forced smile, not wanting to burden him with your personal struggles. He had been your partner since day one, becoming both your mentor and a close friend. The care you had for the older man was like that of a daughter to a father, a person who you could always talk to when you needed them, but tonight you couldn’t bring yourself to truly talk to him. How were you even meant to begin with talking about your relationship issues when you couldn’t even tell him you were in a relationship?

Arriving at the scene, you and Finn began your investigation, focusing on gathering evidence and interviewing witnesses. Despite your best efforts to keep your mind on the case, thoughts of Peter kept creeping back, clouding your judgment.

As the night wore on, you found yourself growing more distant, lost in a whirlwind of emotions. Finn, sensing your distraction, gently nudged you, concern etched on his face.

"Hey, you okay?" he asked softly, his voice pulling you out of your reverie.

You managed a weak smile, nodding. "Yeah, just... got a lot on my mind."

Finn studied you for a moment before nodding understandingly. "Well, you know I'm here if you need to talk, right?"

You nodded gratefully, grateful for his support. "Thanks, Finn. I appreciate it."

Finn nodded before adding, “You know, if it’s about a guy, I can do that too? I worry about you sometimes kid,” You chuckled softly at Finn's comment, grateful for his attempt to lighten the mood. "Thanks, Finn. It means a lot to me."

He gave you a knowing look, his expression softening with understanding. "I may not always understand what's going on in that head of yours, but I know when something's bothering you."

You sighed, feeling the weight of your secret relationship pressing down on you. "It's... complicated, Finn. Really complicated."

Finn nodded, his eyes filled with empathy. "Love usually is. But you don't have to go through it alone, you know. Whatever it is, I'm here for you."

His words touched your heart, and you felt a lump form in your throat. "Thank you, Finn. I mean it."

He reached over and gave your shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "Anytime, kid. Anytime."

The night took an unexpected turn when you and Finn received a call about a suspect spotted in a nearby alley. Rushing to the scene, adrenaline pumped through your veins as you prepared to confront the potential threat.

As you and Finn approached the alley, you saw the silhouette of a man lurking in the shadows. Without hesitation, you called out for him to freeze, but before you could react, he lunged at you with surprising speed and ferocity.

Pain exploded through your body as his fists connected with your face and chest, sending you crashing to the ground. He straddled your waist as you lay on the ground, a sharp, blinding white pain seared throughout your entire body, blooming from your stomach. Through the haze of agony, you heard Finn shouting for backup as one, two, three gunshots echoed through the ally, but you were too focused on trying to breathe through the pain. Suddenly, a loud groan left your throat as the heaviest weight you’ve ever felt sat on top of your wound. You knew it was Finn putting pressure on it but you also knew it was the most painful feeling you’ve ever had. His voice was a steady anchor amidst the chaos, reassuring you that help was on the way and that you would be okay.

As paramedics rushed to your side, you felt a sense of relief wash over you, knowing that you were no longer alone in your pain. Finn stayed by your side throughout the ordeal, offering words of encouragement and support as you were loaded into the ambulance and whisked away to the hospital. <><> Peter Stone sat at his desk, poring over case files with a furrowed brow. The dim light of his office cast long shadows across the room, matching the weight of his thoughts. His mind was consumed with the recent conversation he'd had with you, the woman he loved, yet couldn't fully claim. Was he shocked when you said those three simple words to him? Of course he was. He never really knew what it was like to love a woman and he wasn’t even sure if what he felt towards you was actually love. But when you said it, the way you said it, the way is stomach twisted and turned, the way his heart skipped a beat and almost froze completely. He knew he loved you just as much. The earlier argument was one you had both had so many times over the time you had been together, it was one that he kept promising to rectify but every time he went to do something about it something in the back of his head made him freeze. He was scared. He was scared not just of declaring your relationship, but of loving you. Had be been with women before? Of course he had. Had he been in relationship before?

Yes. But there was nothing like this. No one had ever made him feel safe and calm after a long day the way you did. Nothing made him smile more then when you would knock on his door in the same clothes he had seen you in the precinct wearing earlier, knowing you had come straight there to him after work. The way you would sit on his couch with your feet on his coffee table, the smell of your body wash in his shower; every little thing you did either annoyed him or made him adore you; And he loved you so much.

Just as he was lost in thought, his phone rang, jolting him back to reality. The time said it was just past 11:30pm, he had made his way back to the office just after you left. His brain no longer allowing him the pleasure of sleep he usually got when you had been with him. With a gnawing sense of unease, he picked up the receiver, his heart pounding in his chest.

"Stone," he answered, his voice betraying none of the turmoil within.

"Peter, it's Liv," came Olivia Benson's voice on the other end. "We've had an incident. It's [Y/N]. She's been seriously injured."

The world seemed to tilt on its axis as Peter processed Olivia's words. His mind raced, a thousand scenarios playing out in his head, each one more terrifying than the last. His brain finally settling on the one that terrified him the most. That you weren’t going to be okay.

"What happened?" he demanded, his voice taut with worry.

"She was attacked while on duty," Olivia explained, her voice steady despite the gravity of the situation. "She's in surgery now, but it's bad, Peter. Shes lost a lot of blood. We're doing everything we can."

Peter's chest tightened with fear, his thoughts immediately turning to you and the danger you faced every day in the line of duty. And as Olivia continued to speak, outlining the extent of your injuries and the uncertainty of your condition, Peter felt a surge of guilt wash over him.

Guilt for keeping your relationship a secret, for not being there to protect you when you needed him most. Guilt for letting his own fears and insecurities stand in the way of declaring his love for you openly.

As he listened to Olivia's words, Peter made a silent vow to himself. If you pulled through this, he would no longer hide his feelings for you. He would shout them from the rooftops if he had to, damn the consequences.

Because in that moment, with the possibility of losing you looming large in his mind, Peter knew one thing for certain: he couldn't bear to live in a world where you weren't by his side. And if it took a brush with death to make him realize it, then so be it.

With a determined nod, Peter thanked Olivia for the update before hanging up the phone. Rising from his desk, he made his way out of the office, his thoughts consumed by one thing and one thing only: you.

<><> Peter’s footsteps echoed through the sterile halls of the hospital as he made his way to the waiting area where Olivia and Finn were already seated, their faces etched with worry. As he approached, their eyes met his, filled with a mixture of concern and anticipation. His stomach was in knots the entire was there, every red light, every corner seemed to add what felt like hours to his drive. His brain swirled in dangerous thoughts. What if you died before he got there? What if he never got to see you again? He felt sick with anticipation on the way there and seeing your colleagues faces and Finn’s severely blood stained shirt only made it worse.

"Peter," Olivia said, rising from her seat to greet him. "Any news?"

Peter shook his head, his voice barely above a whisper. "Not yet. She's still in surgery according to the nurse I asked on the way in."

Finn stood up, his expression grave. "Damn. Any idea how she's doing?"

Peter swallowed hard, the lump in his throat growing larger with each passing moment. "Not yet. The doctors haven't said anything."

Silence hung heavy in the air as they all took their seats, the tension thick between them. Peter could feel the weight of their worry pressing down on him, suffocating him with its intensity.

Minutes stretched into hours as they waited anxiously for any word on your condition. Cheap coffee only seemed to make the bile in his throat rise higher, almost forcing him to vomit while his stomach twist and turned while the clock ticked ominously in the background. His eyes watched Olivia pace briefly as she made calls to your Chief and who he assumed were your family members. Every now and again he felt Finn’s eyes on him, as if he was watching him carefully, curiously. Wondering why the ADA would be so concerned with you being here. Peter could almost sense the moment that Finn finally figured it out. The other man sat back in his chair, placed a hand on his back and said simply, “She’s going to be fine. She’s done more stupid things then this,”. The hospital bustled around them, a flurry of activity and noise that seemed to fade into the background as they focused on the one thing that mattered most: you.

Finally, a doctor emerged from the operating room, his expression somber as he approached them. Peter's heart leaped into his throat, his pulse racing with anticipation; the look on the doctors face made his heart expect the worst. It felt like it was about to beat straight out of his chest.

"Are you here for [Y/N]?" the doctor asked, his voice gentle yet tinged with sadness.

Peter nodded, his voice barely a whisper. "Yes. How is she?"

The doctor sighed, his gaze sympathetic. "She's stable, but it was touch and go for a while there. She suffered multiple injuries, including severe internal bleeding and a punctured lung. We were able to stabilize her, but she's not out of the woods yet."

Relief washed over Peter in a wave as he absorbed the doctor's words. You were alive. You were going to make it. As the doctor explained the extent of your injuries and the treatment you would require, Peter felt a hand on his shoulder. Turning, he saw Olivia standing beside him, her eyes filled with concern.

"Peter, can I talk to you for a moment?" she asked softly, gesturing for him to follow her.

Nodding, Peter followed Olivia to a quiet corner of the waiting area, away from prying eyes and ears. Once they were alone, Olivia fixed him with a searching gaze.

"Peter, I need to ask you something," she began, her voice serious. "Is there something going on between you and [Y/N]? I’ve been wanting to ask this for a few weeks now, but I couldn’t be sure. But now…"

Peter's heart skipped a beat at her question, his mind racing as he tried to formulate a response. He couldn't lie to Olivia, not about something like this.

"Yes," he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. "We're... involved." It felt like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. Telling someone felt like a brick from the wall that was stopping your relationship from moving forward had been moved. He almost wanted to laugh, of course you would be right about that.

Olivia's eyes widened in surprise, but she quickly regained her composure. "I had a feeling. The way you two interact, the tension between you..."

Peter nodded, guilt gnawing at his insides. "We've been trying to keep it under wraps, especially with everything going on at work. But tonight... we had a fight. I pushed her away, and now..."

Olivia placed a comforting hand on Peter's arm, her expression sympathetic. "Peter, you can't blame yourself for what happened. You didn't know this was going to happen."

Peter shook his head, his voice choked with emotion. "She was pissed with me when she left tonight, I know she was,”

Olivia squeezed his arm reassuringly. "You'll have plenty of time to make it up to her once she's out of surgery. Right now, we need to focus on supporting her and making sure she pulls through this."

Peter nodded, a sense of determination settling over him. "You're right. I won't let her down again."

<><> “Peter, Peter wake up,” His eyes shot open upon hearing Olivia’s voice. For a brief moment he wasn’t sitting in the most uncomfortable chair he’s ever sat in his entire life trying to get even an hours worth of sleep. The brunette woman gave him a gentle smile, “The doctor said that she’s stable enough that you can go see her now. I thought it would be best if you go sit with her, just make sure you keep us updated okay?” She gave his thigh a squeeze as she stood up to her full height, Peter following soon after. He rubbed a hand over his face, waking himself up a bit more; “Wha-what room is she in?” “ICU 7,” Olivia gave him a somber look, “I’ll bring her some stuff that you can give to her from her apartment,” Peter waited for a moment as Olivia walked past him before calling out her name. Waiting until she turned around he gave her the first small smile he could muster, “Thank you,” “You both deserve happiness. And if I can give you even a small bit of that, I will. I’ll be back in a few hours,” Olivia nodded before turning around and walking back down the corridor. Leaving Peter with shaking hands, unsure of what he was about to face. ICU 7’s door was plain. There was absolutely nothing significant at all about it. Peter would almost say it was too clean. His hand couldn’t bring himself to open the door, he wanted to. He needed to see her but his was almost scared to see what was on the other side. With a heavy heart, Peter Stone entered the hospital room where you lay unconscious, hooked up to various monitors and IV lines. The tube down your throat with the machine on the right breathing for you gave him a solid reminder that you were just that close to losing your life. Almost 12 hours ago you were under him, your lips pressed to his as your nails scratched down his back, and now you looked just a shell of yourself. You were pale, almost white. It made him almost want to cry, this wasn’t you. There was no sparkle there. It was almost like he was waiting for you to suddenly open your eyes to make a comment about him being over dramatic. The steady beep of the machines provided a somber backdrop to the scene, punctuating the silence that filled the room. He took in a deep breath, the smell of antiseptic assaulting his nostrils.

Pulling up a chair beside your bed, Peter took a moment to gather his thoughts, his gaze fixed on your still form. You looked so fragile lying there, a stark contrast to the strong and vibrant person he knew you to be.

"Hey," he whispered, reaching out to take your hand in his. "It's me, Peter. I'm here."

He was waiting, almost anticipating a response. But your hand just remained limp and the machine continued to pump air into your lungs. Peter felt a pang of guilt twist in his chest. He should have been there for you, to prevent this from happening. Maybe if you didn’t argue there could have been a chance he could have convinced you to play hooky like he was planning, But instead, he had let his fears and insecurities get in the way, pushing you away when you needed him most.

"I'm so sorry, [Y/N]," he murmured, his voice thick with emotion. "I should have told you how I feel. I should have fought for us, instead of letting my own doubts hold me back."

Taking a deep breath, Peter continued, his words tumbling out in a rush of emotion. "I love you, [Y/N]. I've loved you from the moment I met you, and I've been an idiot for not saying it sooner. You mean everything to me, and I can't bear the thought of losing you."

Tears welled in Peter's eyes as he spoke, his heart laid bare before you in the quiet of the hospital room. He knew you couldn't hear him, couldn't respond to his confession, but he needed to say the words out loud, if only to ease the burden of his guilt.

"I promise, when you wake up, I'll be here," he vowed, his voice barely a whisper. "I'll be here for you, [Y/N], for as long as you'll have me. And I'll do whatever it takes to make things right between us."

With a heavy heart, Peter leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead, his lips lingering against your skin for a moment longer. Then, with a sigh, he settled back into his chair, his hand still clasped tightly in yours. <><>

Days had passed since Peter's confession at your bedside. Each moment felt like an eternity as he waited anxiously for any sign of improvement in your condition. The hospital staff worked tirelessly to stabilize you, but the road to recovery was slow and uncertain. They allowed him to shower there, his laptop constantly by his side as he tried tiredlessly to catch up on the ever-building unanswered emails. It was a nice distraction to the heartbreaking scene in front of him. His phone would ring occasionally from the team at SVU asking for updates- Olivia passing them on to your family who were unable to catch a flight to get to you.

Then, finally, a glimmer of hope emerged as you began to show signs of improvement. The doctor discussed removing the tube from your mouth and throat, explaining that it was a procedure he wouldn’t want to be around to watch. It was an internal battle he was fighting before a friendly nurse, one who had been bringing him late night snacks from the nurses station, placed a hand on his arm and reassured him that you’ll be in good hands and it’s nothing they haven’t done a hundred times before. She was giving him a chance to go freshen up before seeing you. It felt like hours, the drive to his apartment, the shower, the re dressing, getting your favourite food from the takeaway place down the road, before making his way back to the hospital. One part of him wanted to bring you back flowers, but the other part of him heard you mocking him for being over-romantic and reminded him that you didn’t always like romance.

Yet, Peter was there, as he had promised, seated beside your bed with a laptop open in front of him, but his attention was wholly focused on you. When he noticed the subtle change in your demeanor, his heart skipped a beat, and he set aside his work, all his attention now on you.

"Hey there," he said softly, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "Welcome back."

Your vision was blurry, your mind still foggy from the effects of the medication, but his voice was a lifeline in the darkness. Slowly, you blinked away the haze, trying to focus on his face.

"Peter?" you murmured, your voice raspy from disuse. You winced slightly, every bone and muscle crying out in pain as you slightly moved.

"Yeah, it's me," he replied, reaching out to take your hand in his. "How are you feeling?" You tried to speak, but the rawness of your throat made you grimace in pain. It felt like you had tonsilitis all over again.

"It's okay," he reassured you, his voice calm and soothing. "You're in the hospital, but you're going to be okay. The doctors had to intubate you to help you breathe, but you're getting better. Do you need anything? I have food, water, what do you need,” You pointed to the water bottle sitting on the table next to him, something which he grabbed and unlidded quickly. It was like you hadn’t drank anything in years, the whole bottle was almost finished before you pulled it away. Peter watched with bated breath as you took small sips of water, relief flooding through him as you finally seemed to find some comfort. He couldn't help but marvel at the resilience you displayed, even in the face of such adversity.

"Better?" he asked softly, his eyes filled with concern as he watched you carefully.

You nodded weakly, your voice barely above a whisper. "Thank you."

Peter smiled, a warm, genuine expression that reached his eyes. "Of course. Anything for you."

As you settled back against the pillows, Peter reached for the container of food he had brought, offering it to you with a gentle hand. "I got your favorite," he said, a hint of uncertainty in his voice. "I hope you're hungry. The doctor said you need to take it easy but I know you’d probably be hungry,”

You managed a small smile, gratitude shining in your eyes as you accepted the offering. "Thank you, Peter. You didn't have to do all this."

He shook his head, his expression earnest. "I wanted to. I wanted to make sure you had everything you needed when you woke up."

The two of you fell into a comfortable silence as you ate, the only sound filling the room the quiet hum of the machines monitoring your vitals. It was a small moment of normalcy in the midst of chaos, a reminder of the bond you shared and the love that bound you together.

As you finished your meal, Peter reached for your hand once more, his touch gentle and reassuring. "I'm so glad you're awake, [Y/N]," he said softly, his voice filled with emotion. "I've missed you."

“I’ve been here,” You pointed out, a small, weak smile crossing your face. Peter paused eating, a shadow crossing his face, “It’s not the same. It wasn’t the same. I’ve had a gun pointed at me and I was less scared then what I was when I got that phone call from Liv,” You looked down, your appetite suddenly gone and the air in the hospital room becoming thick, “I didn’t go out intending to be stabbed,” “We had an argument that night about the same thing we always do. And that was all I could think about. Was that you weren’t going to make it and you thought that I didn’t love you,” You pulled shrugged a shoulder, “And do you?” Peter's heart clenched at your question, the weight of it hanging heavy in the air between you. He took a deep breath, his gaze searching yours as he gathered his thoughts. The idea of him waking up to you every morning, being able to hold your hand in public, to kiss you. The idea of being able to tell you that he loved you every day and every night meant more to him then you would ever fully be able to comprehend.

"Yes," he replied, his voice steady despite the turmoil raging within him. "I love you. More than I can put into words."

You met his gaze, uncertainty flickering in your eyes. "But why didn't you say anything before? Why keep it a secret?"

Peter sighed, his shoulders sagging with the weight of his guilt. "I was scared. Scared of what it would mean for us, for our jobs. Scared of losing you if things didn't work out." You opened your mouth to retaliate but he held up a hand to cut you off.

"But that's no excuse," he continued, his voice tinged with regret. "I should have been brave enough to tell you how I feel, to fight for us instead of letting my fears hold me back. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that I let my own insecurities get in the way of our happiness"

Tears welled in your eyes as you listened to Peter's confession, his words echoing the doubts and fears that had plagued you both in the weeks leading up to your hospitalization. But beneath the pain and regret, there was a glimmer of hope, a flicker of possibility that maybe, just maybe, you could find a way to move forward together.

Reaching out, you took Peter's hand in yours, the warmth of his touch grounding you in the present moment. "I forgive you, Peter," you said softly, your voice barely above a whisper. "We've both made mistakes, but that doesn't change how I feel about you."

Peter's gaze softened, his heart swelling with love and gratitude. "I don't deserve you."

You shook your head, a small smile gracing your lips. "We’re idiots but we deserve each other, Peter. And whatever happens next, we'll face it together."

In that moment, as you sat together in the quiet of the hospital room, surrounded by the steady beep of the monitors and the hum of the machines, you knew that no matter what challenges lay ahead, as long as you had each other, you could weather any storm. And with a renewed sense of hope and determination, you leaned in to press a gentle kiss to Peter's lips, sealing your love and commitment to each other once and for all.

#peter stone x reader #Peter Stone #Law and Order SVU #Olivia Benson #Finn tutuola #odafin tutuola #Reader Insert

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