#october 2022 me was spitting facts in the lonely pages of my diary

[sixstringpansy]

there are two wolves inside you. one of them wants to dress up like a basic bitch, because you were always scared you weren't "cool enough" to act like a popular kid in high school, despite wanting to participate, and despite liking many of the things the popular kids were interested in. the other wants to go full punk/scene/emo, because it was your dream when you were younger, and you thought it was the coolest, even before you were in high school, even before you had an inkling of what you were like as a person.

neither wolf wins, because you know that dressing/acting "alt" is no longer "alternative" or "punk" at all-- it's mainstream, and that defeats the purpose of being punk. the purpose is to stand out, to showcase your individuality, to show that who you are can't be defined by the boxes of society. So, no, I don't want to dress basic, and I don't want to dress alt. I want to dress like me, whatever that looks like. And I want to do things that I like, and listen to music that I love, and be kind to people, without ever stopping to consider what labels I fit into. I think that's what it means to be punk.

I want to dress how I want to, every single day. I want to dress in one style half the time, and have a completely different aesthetic the next day, and not worry about it. To not care about it at all.

It seems like you always have to commit to things like this. You've gotta be punk or goth 24/7, and if you're goth once a week and you dress up like a normal basic person the next day, you're not really goth. Well, fuck that. That's not the point. That was never the point. And somewhere along the way, things got lost in translation.

It was always about "being yourself," and that's never changed. But, everybody took that to mean "pick a style and stick with it." But I'm not one thing, I'm not one style.

By not giving a damn about that stupid label, by refusing to pick one aesthetic, by refusing to fit into the box-- I'm being true to myself. And that's punk.

The punk kids have forgotten that. Punk isn't a style. It never was. It's a mindset. And when the rebellion becomes just another subset of society, you have to rebel against the rebellion.