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an-ishgardian-tale · 2 months

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A Cup of Tea

"And so we meet again Baroness" The voice startled Viviane more than anything, she knew it well but she was not in the frozen lands of Ishgard this time, no she was in her bakery in the Lavender Beds but so was he. "Father Ashax?" she said from the back room, wiping the flour off of her forehead with the back of her hand which was also flour-covered from the hours she had been putting into restocking the bakery shelves after a busy day.

"Why yes I do believe that be my name." He replied, his voice closer now, close enough that it drew her from her quiet spot mixing batter out into the light of the bakery itself, where she found the man without his customary robes, instead dressed in a suit of deep blue, silver cufflinks adorning each wrist with the symbol of the Clergy of the Holy See. "You always come to my work when we talk, so I thought it would be a nice change if I was to come to yours. Could an old and humble man have one of these croissants and a cup of Ishgardian Tea?"

A soft smile appeared on Viviane's face as she dusted off her hands, her first order of business was to head to the door where she hung the closed sign, pulled down the shade, and locked the door handle so that, they would not be disturbed. Then back to the displays she went to get croissants and tea for the both of them every now and then looking over towards her visitor, a thought taking her of how he looked like a Grandfather without his robes, and a realization she had never asked him if he had children or grandchildren following behind it.

"Have you thought any more of our last conversation Viviane?" The kindly Priest asked as he found a seat at one of the oaken tables she had for visitors, and slowly he lowered himself into the overly comfortable chair letting out a sigh of relief as he settled into it.

"I have of course." She started, placing various types of her trademark croissants on a plate, then gathering her assortment of jams and jellies, all of which were fresh and made by her earlier in the week adding butter and honey to the condiment choices just in case.

"Did anything profound come from your reflection?" He had such a way about him, sometimes she despised how gifted he was at getting her to speak, and other times she admired the fact that he could. It was a rare thing for her to speak of her past with anyone, but he knew exactly what to say to bring her to the point she confessed her deepest thoughts.

"If I ever have Children." Her voice cracked on the words, for years she had thought herself unfit for Motherhood but as she grew in age it became easier for her to consider at least adoption, a starting point that only three turns ago would have left her laughing and rather rudely at that. "I will never tell them that they are to be seen and not heard." a rather profound crinkle appeared in her nose, as she crossed the short distance from counter to table to deliver the first two plates to where he sat, then she turned about and returned to collect the teapot, still speaking as she moved.

"While it is understandable that Children should not be invited into adult discussion, My Mother, and her constant "Viviane, you should be seen and not heard. Did me not a bit of good. Not only did it teach me that my voice was not important and that I should be quiet in the presence of those more learned or astute than I. It taught me that being meanspirited and angry was how to get attention" Stopping at the counter again she picked up two mugs, each white with tiny blue flowers painted on them, the very edge of the rim decorated with a thin strip of gold, and she placed them on a tray she gathered up from the stack by the register. "That phrase has never sat well with me." The good Father hummed, lifting a chocolate drizzled croissant from the plate in front of him, and bringing it closer to his face so he could inhale the scent of it. "I have had many seek my counseling who were also told this when they were children. In my opinion, children should be heard and not seen, does that sound better to you Viviane?"

Mulling over the words as she placed a teabag in each cup, and poured the piping hot water over them to steep, Viviane eventually came to a place where she found her head nodding in agreement with the question. "They do sound better, more welcoming. I feel, that it would encourage them to speak up about their emotions or their issues, and without fear." The Elezen turned then to grab a lemon and reach for a small container of sugar to place on the tea tray she could feel the Priest's eyes on her

"Aye, that it would but what do you think of it Baroness, if it had been used with you, would things have been different for you?" there was a hint of mirth in his voice, there always was when he asked the more difficult questions, especially if he knew they were getting close to a breakthrough like there were here today.

"I dare say, I would have felt more valued. It was a struggle for me. I could never tell my Mother when she hurt my feelings and I could not express to my Father I had a bad day. Everything had to be right as rain or I would find myself in my bedroom with the door locked for yet another night, and Halone help me if I told my Sister before she passed away anything that could be seen as negative. She would run off to my parents and tattle on me, each and every time. Which usually just extended my stay in solitary confinement." Picking up the tray, Viviane moved towards the table, once again setting it down in the middle and then taking her seat across from the Priest, where she found herself smiling at the older man; her ears flicking lightly.

"Tell me then, Baroness, why do you lose your temper as an adult, what causes it? You say you feel ashamed when you do, yet, you say it just comes out without thought." Taking a bite from the croissant in his hand finally, Father Ashax's eyes closed, the taste of the pastry flooding his senses and the appreciation for it showing in his features.

"It is this desire to make the other person happy. I was taught my opinion didn't matter, and thus I kept it to myself. The problem with that is, I know I am no longer a child and the longer I keep my thoughts contained the more angry I become until finally I reach this point where I am infuriated by my own denial. I have a voice, I know well I do, but there are those times I fear that if I use it the person will be upset with me.." Her head lowered then as she gathered her cup of tea towards her, plucking the soggy bag from within, and setting it on the side of the saucer to cool.

"Mm, you are quite gifted in the Culinary Arts, Baroness." The older Elezen reached for his cup and mimicked her actions almost perfectly, right to setting the teabag on his saucer to let it cool. "With that said, I must then know, do you believe yourself lying when you do this people-pleasing you speak of?"

"Goodness no I do not lie, Father Ashax. You know well from the tales of my childhood that my Mother was pathological when it came to the art of being a liar. I prefer to tell the truth to everyone." It was an accurate statement. She was known to be bold in her words, yet there was this sadness, that just barley touched the corner of her eyes.

"I, have to disagree with that Baroness." he smiled in return as she fixed her eyes on his face, accepting the scowl that he found there, he knew this would not be an easy discussion when he started it. "You see there is someone you are lying to, and that is, yourself. You tell yourself that it is more important to make the other person happy than it is, to express when you are hurt, disagree, or have any other emotion besides what they are feeling. It is not your fault that you are this way, but it becomes your fault when you do not work to change it knowing that it was instilled in you."

Viviane could feel the warmth in her face, her fingers had even curled around the teacup, by the time he stopped speaking, and her foot tapped on the wooden floorboards in an annoyed cadence. Yet, the words resonated strongly with her, and a soft sigh escaped her lips before she spoke. "It was not until my thirties that I began to live Father. No, Mother to tell me I was a terrible child and no ex-husband to micromanage my every step or breath. By then I just wanted to live in peace, and if peace meant not telling someone what I was feeling when the feeling arose. That was fine by me. I did not recognize that it was just those younger years packed into a different box that drove my decision. Not until you pointed it out to me at least."

Dribbing honey into his teacup the Priest's head nodded once more, the smile lines that formed every time his lips curved appeared once more, making him seem almost impish in nature. "So it would seem then the next time someone asks you a question, you will have to answer it like you would answer me, truthfully and without worrying if they will still like you when you are done speaking. It is a valid fear, Baroness, one many of us understand, but it is easier to get it out right away than wait until it becomes the detonator on a very uncomfortable bomb. Look at yourself right now, yes, you are showing signs of discomfort with the questions that I have asked. You have bristled a bit, but your emotions are controlled and your wisdom is present in this conversation."

Into her own tea she put a dollop of honey, and then a splash of cream from the small pitcher she had brought to the table, her brows had furrowed to the point that the spot between them had almost disappeared. He was right, she admitted it to herself first, which gave her pause in the process. All of the fights she had ever had with Clement in their entire time of knowing each other were in fact at times when she could have prevented them by simply saying how she felt first instead of dancing around her own truth and having it come out later in a fiery display of emotion. "I am causing my own troubles, are I not, Father?" she asked quietly, it was one of those moments that tears began to form, and the urge to cry came right behind it, a rare thing for her. "I create this strife myself by not allowing myself to say I am not okay."

"We all create this strife, Baroness, in one way or another. It is quite alright to fight with those we care about, it is healthy to disagree, but instead of fighting because you suppressed your emotions, would it not be better to debate about something you hold in passion? We all wake up eventually and realize it is alright to be angry about the Dragonsong War, for example, but it is not okay to yell at a loved one because you could not simply say, that hurt my feelings, as the first words out of your mouth." His watery green eyes caught her brightly shining sapphires then and he nodded his head "I was like you once you know, afraid to tell anyone anything but the good word of Halone, I feared for my life under the Holy See. Many of us did. You will appreciate the freedom it brings when you no longer lie to yourself."

#oc: viviane #viviane stories #to heal a wound #npc: Father Ashax #cw: cptsd symptoms #cw: healing trauma #ffxiv rp #oc stories

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